《老友记》Friends【中英对照】【5.16连载105L】_派派后花园

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等级: 内阁元老

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http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 80楼发表于: 2014-03-23 0

413 The One With Rachel’s Crush

[Scene: A Theatre, Chandler and Ross are there to watch the premiere of Kathy’s play.]
Chandler: Okay, she is the star of the play. And she is my girlfriend! I get to have sex with the star of the play!
Ross: People can hear you.
Chandler: I know!!
(The play starts.)
Chandler: Wow! She looks great. Doesn’t she?
Ross: Yeah.
(Onstage there’s a knock on the door and Kathy opens it. We don’t see what’s going on, only hear it.)
Kathy's Co-Star: Hi!
Kathy: Hi!
Ross: That is one good looking man!
Chandler: Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?!
Kathy's Co-Star: Sooo, you’ve been doing this long?
Kathy: No, you’re my first. Put the money on the table.
(Ross and Chandler have stunned looks on their faces as Kathy and her co-star start making out.)
Kathy's Co-Star: Oh, yeah! Ooh, that’s nice. (They start making out harder.)
Ross: Dude!
Kathy's Co-Star: Is that an expensive blouse?
Kathy: If you want it to be.
(Kathy’s co-star rips her blouse off and buttons go flying into the audience, and one hits Ross. Chandler’s mouth is on the floor.)
Ross: Here’s your girlfriend’s button. (Holding the button.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is still unpacking after the move, and Phoebe is their also.]
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Mon, do you still have your like old blouses and dresses from high school?
Monica: Yeah, I think I have some around here somewhere. Why?
Phoebe: Well, it’s just that maternity clothes are so expensive.
(Rachel enters)
Monica: Hey, Rach! I made a pile of your stuff over on this side of the room. If you could just…(Rachel grunts and throws her purse at it)…throw your purses at it.
Rachel: Bloomingdale’s eliminated my department. (Phoebe gasps)
Monica: Oh my God, are you out of a job?
Rachel: No, but they stuck me in personal shopping. Which is just a huge step down!
Phoebe: Personal shopping? What is that? Like where you walk around with snooty rich people and tell them what to buy?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: That sounds great!
Joey: (entering) Hey! (Goes to the fridge.)
Monica: Umm, excuse me, we switched apartments. You can’t eat are food anymore, that-that gravy train had ended.
Joey: (Holding a turkey leg) There’s gravy?
Monica: If you have the big apartment you have to deal with people coming over all the time. That fridge has got to be stocked, okay, that’s your department now. (She takes back the turkey leg)
(Joey climbs up on the counter and starts looking at the top of the cabinets.)
Monica: What are you doing?
Joey: I think I left a donut up here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are entering after the play. Phoebe and Joey are already there.]
Ross: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: Ooh! How was Kathy’s play?
Ross: Well, Kathy gets half-naked and simulates sex with a real good lookin’ guy.
Chandler: Yeah, it’s like someone literally wrote down my worst nightmare and then charged me $32 to see it!
Phoebe: That’s a good idea for a business!
Chandler: I’m totally screwed. Okay, they are gonna be hot and heavy on stage every night, and then they’re gonna go to their cast parties and he’s gonna try to undermine me. Y'know it’ll be like, "So where’s your boyfriend, what’s-his-name, Chester?" And she’ll go, "No-no-no, it’s Chandler." And he’ll go, "Whatever. Ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Joey: (to Ross) That-that is a good trick.
Chandler: All right, look, look, what am I gonna do?
Joey: Chandler, look they’re actors. They’re there to do a job, just ‘cause they work together, doesn’t mean they’re gonna get together. I mean just ‘cause it happened with Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen with them.
Ross: Oh-oh, Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger.
Joey: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: Hey, Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood.
Ross: They’re not a couple!
Phoebe: Oh-okay, I get the game now.
Joey: Okay look, look, let me ask you a question, when they were doing it on stage, was it like really hot?
Ross: Oh yeah!
Joey: Well okay, so then you’re fine. The rule is when two actors are actually doing it off-stage all the sexual tension between them is gone. Okay? So as long as it’s hot onstage you got nothing to worry about. It’s when the heat goes away, that’s when you’re in trouble.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: Look, you guys have been to every play I’ve ever been in, have I ever had chemistry on stage?
Ross: No.
Joey: Noooo!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the gang minus Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast. Ross and Chandler are sitting at the foosball table and eating.]
Chandler: So uh, man, are you gonna go to the play with me tonight?
Ross: Y’know what, I don’t know how comfortable I am going to see how hot the sex is between some guy and your girlfriend.
Chandler: Yeah, I know but…
Ross: Oh no-no-no, I’m there.
Monica: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey Mon! Want some pancakes?
Monica: You made pancakes?
Joey: Yep! Grab a plate.
Monica: Okay. (She does so and starts to walk towards Joey to receive her pancakes.)
Joey: No-no, stay right there. (Monica stops and Joey flips her a pancake, which flies over her head and lands in the living room.) Gettin’ closer.
Chandler: Okay, okay, but don’t worry, because we also have cereals, muffins, waffles, and, jams, jellies, and marmalades. Which I’m fairly certain are the same thing.
Joey: Listen also we’re uh, we’re watching the game here Saturday night, if people want to come over.
Ross: Oh yeah!
Monica: Oh, I was thinking about having people over for the game.
Joey: Oh yeah, who’s playing?
Monica: The players.
Ross: Somebody seems to be missing being the hostess.
Monica: (laughs) Please, it’s a relief is what it is, is what it is.
Joey: All right Pheebs, stick out your plate!
Phoebe: Oh. (Joey flips the pancake and Phoebe catches it and throws it on her plate.)
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel’s new job.]
Rachel: (on the phone) Monica, I’m quitting! I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn’t even buy it! (Pause) I’m telling you I’m quitting! That’s it! I’m talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you get this message. (Hangs up as her boss, Mr. Waltham, walks in.) Oh! Mr. Waltham, I ah really need to talk to you.
Mr. Waltham: In a moment, please, I’m in the middle of a task. And you have a customer.
(It’s a really good-looking man, Joshua, that Rachel has an instant crush on. Well actually it’s Tate Donovan, so it’s not like she’s really testing her acting skills.)
Rachel: Hi!
Joshua: Hi, I’m Joshua.
Rachel: Hi, I’m Rachel Green. What can I do for you Joshua?
Joshua: Well, I need a whole new wardrobe. My wife, well my ex-wife…
Rachel: Oh, I’m so sorry.
(He walks over to look and some clothes and Rachel quickly turns around and adjusts her bra, trying to show off her assets.)
Joshua: Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with two things. This suit and what turned out to be a skirt.
Rachel: Well, at least that’s a great suit.
Joshua: Yeah, but it wasn’t much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt. (Rachel laughs) So I need everything down to underwear, so if you’re willing, I’m all yours.
Rachel: Okay.
Mr. Waltham: Rachel, you needed to speak to me?
Rachel: No-no, that wasn’t me! (To Joshua) Well, we should get started. Let me show you my underwear. (Joshua turns at that) The selection of underwear we carry.
(He walks out and Rachel stares at his butt as he leaves. He makes a wrong turn.)
Rachel: Oh-oh, sorry, it’s this way, it’s this way. (Motions to the correct way.)
Joshua: It’s this way? Sorry. (He walks past her and she again admires his butt.)
[Scene: Kathy’s play, Ross and Chandler are waiting for her in the lobby after the play.]
Chandler: I’m right! Right? There was like no chemistry between them. Before they had heat, and now there’s no heat! Now you know what this means, Joey told us what this means!
Ross: All right, let’s not jump to any conclusions. All right? There was some sexual chemistry between them.
Chandler: Come on, it was like cousins having sex up there!
Ross: Here she comes. Don’t say a word, okay? Just be cool, don’t be…y'know you.
Kathy: Hey you guys!
Ross: Hey!
Kathy: Hi! (Kisses Chandler) Thank you so much for coming again. Did you like it tonight?
Ross: Oh, absolutely! (Chandler mumbles something.)
Kathy: Wasn’t Nick funny when he couldn’t get his match lit?
(Chandler laughs without opening his mouth.)
Kathy: It’s a good play, isn’t it?
(Chandler mumbles something, and Ross tells him to "Come on.")
Chandler: Oh, I loved the play. You were great, and Nick ditto. Clearly you’re having sex with him.
Ross: Okay, I… (Walks away.)
Kathy: Clearly, I’m having sex with him?
Chandler: Oh come on, it was so obvious! There was no chemistry between you two!
Kathy: Okay, so let me just get this straight. You’re accusing me of cheating on you, and insulting my performance?
Chandler: Y’know, I-I could see how this could happen, y'know you’re up there every night, you’re naked, touching, kissing.
Kathy: Acting! Chandler, this is my job! I’m-I’m playing a part in a play! How can you not trust me?!
Chandler: Well, you can understand, given how we started.
Kathy: Oh, wow. I can’t believe you’re throwing that in my face.
Chandler: Well, that is what happened, and I don’t even see you denying this!
Kathy: I’ll tell you what, Chandler, why don’t you call me when you grow up!
Chandler: Yeah, well, don’t expect that to happen anytime soon!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Phoebe, and Ross are there eating pizza as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over today, and I got to dress him up all day!
Phoebe: Rachel has a new doll.
Rachel: Oh, I wish he was a doll, then I could get a Rachel doll and bump them together and make kissy noises. Oh! And he has the most beautiful name, I never realised it, Joshua! Josh-u-a! Joshua! Josh.
Ross: Uh, hello!
Rachel: Hi-e!!
Phoebe: Ooh, what do I smell?
Joey: I don’t know, it smells good.
(He goes over and opens the door to reveal Monica holding a plate of cookies and a fan to blow the smell across the hall.)
Monica: Fresh cookies! Hot from the oven!
Phoebe: Ooh! (They all go over to her apartment)
Monica: Please, have some!
Ross: Oh, yumm!
Monica: Yeah, I’ve just been fiddling around in here making delicious treats for everyone.
Joey: (Holding a magazine) Wow! The new Playboy!
Monica: Yeah, it’s just something I picked up.
Ross: Cookies and porn, you’re the best mom ever!!
(Rachel laughs hysterically for no reason.)
Phoebe: What? What?
Rachel: Well, it was just something Josh said about v-necks, but you had to be there.
Ross: Yeah, how does Jason look in a v-neck?
Rachel: It’s Joshua.
Ross: Oh, whatever. (Laughs and gives Joey the thumbs up heading back to his apartment. Joey follows him)
Monica: Wait! Wait! This isn’t take-out!
Phoebe: (getting up) Well, I hate to eat and run, but…
Monica: No, wait, please don’t go! I’ve got porn for you too!
Phoebe: Yeah, I don’t need it.
Monica: People are supposed to wanna hang out here!
Rachel: Why? Honey, what is the big deal?
Monica: I’m the hostess! Not those guys! I’m always the hostess! I mean, I was always the hostess, I mean even when I was little, I mean the girls brought their dollies to my tea party, I-I served the best air.
Phoebe: Well, why did you make like a whole big thing out of y'know, everyone has to hang out in the big apartment?
Monica: ‘Cause they took our apartment, I wanted to punish them. But I’m-I’m done now. They’ve suffered enough.
Phoebe: If you wanted to punish them, you should’ve just made them hang out here!
Rachel: Yeah, that’s true.
Monica: All right then, when I’m done with this place, it’s gonna be ten times better than that place!
Phoebe: Oh, are we gonna trash that place?
(Chandler comes back, obviously drunk, and trips over the steps.)
Chandler: Steps! (He opens the door to his apartment to Ross and Joey looking at the new Playboy) Slut! (Ross and Joey quickly hide the Playboy behind their backs. Chandler wonders into the girl’s apartment.) You will all be very happy to hear that Kathy is sleeping with that guy!
All: What?!
Ross: So you were right?
Chandler: I confronted her, and she didn’t deny it! (Pause) I don’t live here! (Goes back into his apartment and they all follow him.)
Ross: Chandler!
Rachel: Chandler, what did she say?
Phoebe: Wait a minute.
Joey: Come here.
Monica: Are you sure?
Chandler: Well, I may be drunk, but I know what she said! Then I went over to Beefsteak Julie’s…
Rachel: Beefsteak Charlie’s?
Chandler: Yes! See you and I have always been like—(motions that they think the same.)
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Monica is lugging one of those floor polishing machines through the hallway. Rachel comes up the steps and stops when she sees Monica.]
Rachel: Whoops. (Starts to go into Chandler and Joey’s.) Oh, hey, do you need help with that?
Monica: Nah, I got it.
Rachel: Ooh, I just feel bad, I never vacuum. (She goes into Chandler and Joey’s.)
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
Rachel: Hi!
All: Hey!
Rachel: So I was with Joshua for an hour today, and he has not asked me out. It’s just so frustrating!
Phoebe: Why don’t you ask him out?
Joey: Oh, yeah, totally! That’s such a turn-on!
Rachel: Really? It doesn’t seem desperate?
Joey: Oh-ooh, that’s the turn-on.
Phoebe: He just got a divorce right?
Rachel: Hmm-mmm.
Phoebe: So he’s probably really nervous around women, y'know? Maybe, you just have to make the first move.
Rachel: Yeah but, I’ve never asked a guy out before.
Phoebe: (shocked) You’ve never asked a guy out?!!
Rachel: No. Have you?
Phoebe: Thousands of times!! That doesn’t make me sound too good does it?
Rachel: I don’t even know how I would go about it.
Joey: Oh-oh-oh-oh, how I do it is, I look a woman up and down and say, "Hey, how you doin’?"
Phoebe: Oh, please!
Joey: (to Phoebe) Hey, how you doin’?
(Phoebe looks at him, and then giggles and looks away.)
Rachel: You know what, I’m gonna do that, I’m gonna call him up, and I’m gonna ask him out. I can do that. Ask him out. (Practising) How you doin’? (Calls him) Hi! Joshua? It’s Rachel Green from Bloomingdale’s. (Listens) Yeah, umm, I was wondering if you umm, if you umm, left your wallet at the store today? Well, we found a wallet, and we—(Listens) the license? Well, that is a good idea! Uh, well, let’s see here this says this license belongs to a uh, uh, belongs to a mister uh, Pheebs, and umm, yeah, so sorry to bother you at home. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye. (Hangs up) (to Phoebe) You’ve done that a thousand times?
Phoebe: I’ve never done that.
Rachel: Ohh, God, I just got so nervous that he would say no.
Joey: Well, you gotta give him something that he can’t say no too. Like uh, Knicks tickets! Invite the guy to a Knicks game, you’re guaranteed he’ll say yes!
Rachel: Really?! You think that will work?
Joey: Absolutely! And if it doesn’t, can I get the extra ticket?
(We hear a noise coming from Monica and Rachel’s apartment.)
Joey: What the heck is that?
(They go open the door and reveal Monica being spun around on the floor polisher and getting the cord wrapped around her legs.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are watching a movie as Chandler comes in from his bedroom.]
Chandler: Did she call?
Phoebe: No, sorry.
Chandler: All right, maybe I should call her.
Joey: No! Forget her, man! You don’t need her, you don’t need that!
Ross: He’s right, what she did was unforgivable.
Chandler: Well, yeah, but y'know, what-what if I was wrong?
Ross: How might you be wrong?
Chandler: Well y'know, what if she didn’t actually sleep with the guy?
Joey: Dude, tell me she actually told you this.
Chandler: She did not have to tell me, I saw the play, and there was no heat. Back me up here, Ross!
Ross: That’s all you’re basing this on?
Chandler: That’s not backing me up! Look, you said with the off-stage and the heat, and the onstage and the oy heat.
Joey: Whoa-whoa, that-that was just a theory! There’s a lot of theories that didn’t pan out. The lone gunman. Communism. Geometry.
Chandler: Oh my God!!
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel’s new job, she is waiting for Joshua and practising how to ask him out.]
Rachel: Would you like to go to a basketball game with me? (Tries again.) You know, its funny, basketball, because I happen to have tickets too… (Tries again.) Umm, who likes the Knicks—(Joshua comes in from the dressing room.)
Joshua: What do you think?
Rachel: Oh! Well, as a single woman, who is available, I think you look great!
Joshua: Huh. (She starts brushing the lint off and checking him out in the mirror.) Yeah?
Rachel: Yep. Oh, yeah, look you great. (She puts her arm in his and checks how they would look as a couple.) Oh yeah. Yeah, this looks great. (Pause) Umm, so you like it?
Joshua: I do. I do. I love it. In fact, I think I’m gonna wear it home.
Rachel: Great.
Joshua: All right, thank you so much for all your help.
Rachel: Sure.
Joshua: Well, I guess this is uh, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Yeah-eah-ha!
Joshua: Thanks. (He starts to leave) Maybe I’ll see in the spring, with the uh, y’know, for the uh, bathing suits.
Rachel: Oh well, you don’t want to do that now?!
Joshua: Ah, that’s okay, thanks.
Rachel: Okay.
Joshua: Anyway, hopefully, I’ll see you around sometime. (He goes out the door.)
Rachel: Basketball!
Joshua: (coming back in) I’m sorry.
Rachel: I uh, I have two tickets to the Knicks game tonight if you’re interested, just as a thank you for this week.
Joshua: Wow! That would be great.
Rachel: Really?
Joshua: Yeah, that would be fantastic! My-my nephew is crazy about the Knicks! This is fantastic, thank you so much Rachel. (He takes the tickets and leaves as Mr. Waltham returns.)
Mr. Waltham: Good morning.
Joshua: Hi!
(Mr. Waltham admires Joshua’s butt as he leaves.)
[Scene: Kathy’s apartment, Chandler is knocking on the door.]
Kathy: (opening the door) Hey.
Chandler: Hey. I just, I just wanted to come over to-to say that I’m sorry. Y’know? I know I acted like the biggest idiot in the world, and I can completely understand why you were so upset.
Kathy: Oh wow. I really wish you’d call me.
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I-I wish I had too, but y’know I-I think this is a good thing. Y'know? ‘Cause we’ve had our first fight, and now we can move on. Y’know, I know for me—(Notices a pair of men’s pants on the chair.) Nick’s pants?
Kathy: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah. Well, I think our second fight is going to be a big one!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is debriefing Rachel on her rejection earlier that day and telling her what she should’ve done. Ross and Phoebe are watching.]
Joey: Okay, for next time, what do you say?
Rachel: I have an extra ticket. An extra ticket. Not, two tickets, I have an extra ticket.
Ross: So the first time you ask a guy out, he-he turns you down?
Rachel: He didn’t turn me down! He’s at the game isn’t he? I got the date, I’m just not on it!
Monica: (entering) Okay, it’s ready. Come on.
Joey: What’s ready?
Monica: Just come.
(They all go over to her apartment.)
Ross: Oh my God!
Rachel: Wow! Monica!
Phoebe: Great!
Ross: This is beautiful!
(She has cleaned it, completely redecorated it, removed the carpet, and polished the floor.)
Phoebe: Oh did you—what did you—did you work for two days straight?
Monica: Pretty much. (to Joey) So, what do you, what do you think of the floor?
Joey: I don’t know, it looks the same.
Monica: You used to have carpet.
Joey: Oh yeah!
Monica: So I made snacks. Please, just hang out okay? I’m just gonna rest my eyes just a little bit.
Ross: Look, Mon, do you want us to uh, come back later?
Monica: Oh no-no-no, stay, stay, stay, just keep talking. I’m always the hostess.
(Chandler returns.)
Ross: Hey!
Joey: How’d it go?
Chandler: Well, she wasn’t sleeping with him.
Phoebe: Oh good!
Chandler: She is now.
Ross: What are you saying?
Chandler: I’m saying that she… is a devil woman! Y’know I mean you think you know someone and then they turn around and they sleep with Nick! Nick, with his rock hard pecs, and his giant man-nipples! I hate him, I hate her! Well, I don’t hate her, I love her. This is all my fault really.
Phoebe: How? How is your fault?
Chandler: Because, I-I should’ve called! Y’know if I had just called her after our big, stupid fight, she never would’ve gone out with Nick, and they would’ve ended up in bed together. I threw her at his man nipples!
Rachel: Honey, this is not your fault, just because you guys had a fight, it does not justify her sleeping with someone.
Ross: Well, if-if she thought they were on a break…
(They all turn and glare at him.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel is sitting at her desk as Mr. Waltham comes in.]
Mr. Waltham: Rachel, one of your customers seems to have left his billfold. A Joshua Bergen.
Rachel: Really?
Mr. Waltham: Will you call him?
Rachel: Yes! I will! Absolutely! (She takes out his license and her license and holds them face to face with each other. She then proceeds to act like Dark Helmut in Spaceballs, and mimic a conversation between the two of them.) Hello, Rachel. Hi, Joshua. I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes, I just wanted to see you again. Oh, I’m glad. Rachel, I’d like to say something to you. Yes? How you doin’?
END

413 瑞秋坠入情网

她是主角是我的女朋友
我跟这部戏的女主角上床了
人家会听到的我知道!
她看来很棒，对吧?
那是个好看的男人
只有我看到吗你能看到他外套里吗?
那，你做这很久吗?
不，你是我的第一个把钱放在桌子上
那很好
花花公子!
那上衣很贵吗?假如你希望它是的话
那是你女朋友的纽扣
你还留着中学时的旧衣服?
我想有几件的。怎么了?
孕妇衣服很贵的
丽珍，我有一大堆你的东西假如你只要
出示你的钱包
盛开的溪谷在我的房子里消失了
你有没有了工作了?
他们把我塞到零售部那可不容易
那是什么?
那里你周围满是有钱人然后台诉他们该买些什么
那听来不错!
我们调换部门。你不能抡我们的东西。轻易发大财之工作没有了
那是轻易发大财的?
在那个大部门里你跟过来的人们交住
冰箱要进货了现在那是你们的房子了
你在做什么?我把饼围留这里了
凯西的戏怎样了?
凯西半棵了，还跟一个好看的家伙假装做爱
那就想有人给我写下我最糟的歪梦
然后收我32元去看
那是不错的生意头脑
我受不了了他们会大受欢迎的
然后去参加他们的舞会他会设法破坏我的
他会这样说“你的男友切斯特呢
她会说“那是昌德他又说“管他呢!
那是个不错的诡计
好了，看
他们是演员他们只是在工作
那并不代表他们在一起了
苏珊萨伦顿和提姆罗宾会这样
去不代表他们也会这样
还有爱里奥拜文和金巴辛格
汤告鲁斯和妮可哥呈也是
枚尔比森和克林依司武也是
他们都不是一对的
现在我知道了
当他们在台上做真的很热吗?
那你就没事了
通常是当两值演员在台上真的这样做一
那就没有性压力了
只要台上很热你就不用担心了
当热气没有了你就麻烦了
你有去看我的戏我在台上做过化学实验
今晚要跟我一起去看戏吗?
我不知道我会多舒服去看他们之间的性爱有多高温
我知道
不，我在那里
要班能吗?你做了班能
那碟子
就站在那里
靠近点
别担心
我们还有谷类食品松饼，华夫饼干，还有
酱料，果冻和果酱我确定都是同样的东西
我们星期六要看比赛假如人们会来的话
我希望有人来
谁参加?
运动员
看来有人当不了女主人了
那是个安慰
菲比，你的碟子
我不行了
我刚帮助一位者太大系皮带但她没有买
我不行了
我现在就要跟老板谈谈
是的，我要
当你收到消息时打电话给我
沃尔瑟姆福先生我要跟你谈谈
等等。我正忙
你有客人
我叫约书亚
丽珍格林
我需要一件新衣服我的妻子，我的前妻
很抱歉
她烃了我所有的衣服
我穿着这西装离开它几乎变成了裙子
起码这是套不错的西装
穿着裙子拿去干洗可一点不好玩
我需要包括内衣的一切你愿意的话，我一切听从你
你要跟我谈吗?
不，那不是我
我们开始吧我给你看我的内衣
我们的内衣选择
抱歉
这边这边?抱歉
是吧?他们之间没有化学反应
之前他们有热量现在没有了
你知道那代表什么祖尔告诉我们的
我们别作任何定论有某些性爱化学
就像是表亲在做爱
她来了，什么也别说要冷酷点，别表现出来
谢谢你们又来了
你喜欢么?当纪
尼克跟不上的时候很有趣吧?
那是部不错的戏，对吧?
我喜欢你们很棒
还有尼克
很明显，你在跟他做爱
很明显，我在跟他做爱?
那非常明显你们之间没有化学反应
你在指控我骗人?还是在侮辱我的表演?
我能看到这怎样发生你们每晚都在上面，亲吻
是表演。昌德，那是我的工作
我在表演你怎么不相信我
你能明白我们怎么开始的
我不能相信你给脸色我看
甚至看不到你在解释
我告诉你你长大了再来拢我
别指望那会很快发生!
我有了世上最好的工作!
最注目的家伙来了我要整天替他装扮!
丽珍有新的美男子了
但愿如此。我给丽珍拢了美男子然后让他们在一起
然后造出这亲吻的声音
他有最美的名字我从不知道!约书亚
我闻起来怎样?
我不知道。闻起来不错
新鲜的甜饼!从炉子里新鲜出来
来尝尝吧
我一直在到处瞎搞为了做美味的食物
新的花花公子
我刚想到什么
甜饼还是色，I青描写你是最好的妈妈!
什么?
约书亚说了有关v领的东西你该到那里
约书亚穿着V领?
那是约书亚无论如何
等等。那不是抵充!
讨厌吃饱了要跑请别走!
我也给你拿了色，I青描写
我不需要
人们都想在那里
为什么?那有怎样?
我是服务员
不是那些人我一直都是个服务员
我小的时候女孩们带着他们的新娃娃到我的舞会
我提供最好的气氛
在那房子里怎么让大家烦恼?
他们抡了我们的房子我要你惩罚他们
我做了我们也受够了
你该把他们关在外面
对
这里比那里好10倍
我们要把他们的地方变垃圾吗?
楼梯!
”颐妇!
你们都高兴凯西跟那家伙睡吗?
什么?你们对了?
我跟她对质
我不住在这里!
等等，你确定吗?
我也许喂醉了我知道她做的什么
然后我去了牛排楚里
牛排查里?
你和我总是——
你要帮助吗?我知道
我感觉很糟我从没如此空虚过
我今天和约书亚一起一小时了他还没约我出去
真让人灰心
这可真刺激
真的?也不是令人绝望的?
那才刺激
他刚离婚他也许宫，I、e女人
要踏出你的第一步
我从没约过别人的你从没约过别人?
你呢?
很多次了!
这一点也不好，对吧?
我甚至不知道该怎样去做
我要做的是我从头到尾看一个女人，然后说
“嘿，你在做什么?”
哩，求你!
你要怎样做?
我要那样做!我要打电话约他
我能行的
是丽珍格林盛开的溪谷的那个
我在想你是否——
今天留下了你的钱包?
我们找到了一个钱包我们——
那驾驶证?哩，那是不错的主意
哎，我看看这驾驶证是居于——
居于菲比先生的
抱歉打扰了你
你做了1000次了?我从没做过
我只是担心他不答应
你该让他无法拒绝
请他去扭结比赛保证他会答应
真的?当然，不是的话，我能去吗
那饲草架是什么?
她来电了?
不，抱歉
也许该打电话给她的
忘了她吧，伙计你不需要她的
他是对的她做的无法原谅
哎，对，但你要知道假如我错了呢?
你怎么会错的?
假如她并没有跟他睡呢?
告诉我这是她跟你说的
她没有我看了那部戏。那没有热量
支持我那是你的根据
那不是对我的支持!
看，你说的舞台后面那热量
那只是推测还有很多推测没出炉
孤独的熗手，共产主义几何学
哩，天!
你要参加篮球比赛
那真有趣，篮球因为我刚好有门票
谁喜欢扭结带?
你认为呢?
哎，作为一个单身的女人有空闲的时间
我认为你看来不错
哩，对，你很不错
是这看来不错
你喜欢?
对，我喜欢事实上，我想我在家里穿的
很好谢谢你的帮助
哎，我想是的
诅I谢
会再看到你穿浴袍
你不是现在想那样吧?
那很好
有的时候我会看到你在周国
篮球!
抱歉?
我有两张纽带比赛的门票
为了这个星期谢谢你
那会很精彩!
真的?那会很棒!
我外甥很喜欢纽带队!
那很棒真谢谢你，丽珍
早!
我只想来跟他说我很抱歉
我像是世上最笨的家伙
我完全明白你为什么这么伤心
希望你给我打电话了
对，我知道我也希望我有
我想这是好事
我们有了第一个晚上现在我们有进展了
我知道的，但
尼克的裤子?
我想我们的第二次将很伟大!
下一次，你会怎样说?我有一张多余的门票
“张多余的门票而不是两张
你第一次约人就被拒绝了?
他不是拒绝我他参加比赛了
我有约会
好，准备好了
来吧
什么准备好了?
来
哩，天!
这真美!
你作了两天了?
至少如此
你对地面有和看法?
我不知道一样
你本来有地毯的
我做小吃了
来，别动
我要稍微休息一下眼睛
你要我们晚点回来吗?
不，不，留下继续谈吧
我一直都是个服务员
那是怎样的?
她没有跟他睡好!
现在她是的
你在说什么?我在说她是个恶女人
你认识一个人然后他们回来跟尼克睡了
尼克和他的大脑肌庞大的男人乳头
我讨厌他也讨厌她
我不讨厌她。我爱她这都是我的错
怎样?怎么是你的错?
我该给她打电话的
假如我打了她就不会跟尼克出去了
他们不会在床上停下来的我担心她对那男人乳头!
这不是你的错
你的斗争不是
哎，假如她想他们分手了
你的客人留下了皮央约书亚伯格
你会给电话他吗?对，当然
你好，丽珍
晦，约书亚
我故意留下我的钱包真的?
我只是想再见到你
哩，我很高兴
丽珍，我有话要跟你说
你好吗?

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 81楼发表于: 2014-04-02 0

414 The One With Joey’s Dirty Day

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is getting ready for a fishing trip and Phoebe is asking him about the fishing lures. Ross is playing with the rod, and Monica is pretty much just watching the on goings.]
Phoebe: (holding a lure) So now, what is this now?
Joey: Guggly worm.
Phoebe: (laughs and picks up another lure) And this?
Joey: Glow-pop giggly jammer.
Phoebe: (laughs harder) You make it so funny.
Monica: (not wanting to be left out, picks up something) Hey umm, what’s this?
Joey: (examining it) Ohh, a hunk of sandwich from last year. (Monica drops the sandwich)
Ross: (pretend fishing in the living room) Ohh, Geller’s got one hooked! Ohh! Looks like a big one! Yeah, ohh! Ohh! (Swinging the rod back and forth) It’s the classic struggle between man and—(swings the rod and knocks over a lamp.) Someone knocked over a lamp.
Joey: (going over and picking up the rod) That’s all right. Hey you guys, you know what’s going to be great about the fishing trip this year? When my dad gets me out in the middle of the lake and gives me that, "Joey, what are you doing with your life?" stuff. I can say, "Well, I’m doing a movie with Charlton Heston dad. What are you doing with your life?"
All: Great!
(Chandler enters from his bedroom, all depressed and wearing sweat pants, with the chick and duck in tow.)
Chandler: You don’t have to stop having fun just because I’m here. Kathy didn’t cheat on all of you. (To Joey) Well, except you. (They hug and Chandler goes into the bathroom with the chick and duck following him.)
Monica: Hey, Joey, I don’t think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean it’s only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week?
Joey: Look, there’s nothing I can do for him right now, he’s still in his sweat pants, that’s still Phase One. Y'know? I’ll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two.
Monica: What’s Phase Two?
Joey: Gettin’ drunk and going to a strip club.
Rachel: How does going to a strip club help him better?
Ross: Because there are naked ladies there.
Joey: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women.
Ross: There are naked ladies there too.
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: (opening the bathroom door and kicking out the chick and duck) Would you give me one minute!! Please.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel is still dressing Joshua. He is trying on a pair of pants.]
Joshua: So, these will match the jacket you picked out for me last week?
Rachel: Um-hmm. (Joshua turns to look in the mirror and leaves Rachel staring at his ass.) There we go. There it is.
Joshua: (turning around) Oh! You know what I need?
Rachel: Yeah!
Joshua: Gloves. Brown, leather dress gloves.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Uhh, well let’s see. (Grabs his hand.) You’re about—well uh, this one is large. And this one—(Grabs the other hand.)
Joshua: Also large?
Rachel: Yeah! Okay, two larges coming right up!
Joshua: Okay.
Mr. Waltham: (entering) Rachel! Could I have a moment?
Rachel: Yes.
Mr. Waltham: I-I was wondering, my niece you see is in from London—well Shropshire really but y’know—well she’s about your age I say. Anyway I have tickets for the opera, Die Fledermaus, and I was wondering if you’d like to keep her company this evening?
Rachel: Sure. You got it. Great!
Mr. Waltham: Oh, good.
Rachel: Me, Fledermaus, great. I really—(motions to Joshua.)
Mr. Waltham: Ohh! Yes of course, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much.
Joshua: So…(Holds out his hands as to say, "Where are my gloves?")
Rachel: So? (She puts her hands in his, totally forgetting about the gloves, and hoping for something more intimate.)
Joshua: Gloves?
Rachel: Ohh! Right! Right, sorry, I’ll be right back!
Joshua: Uhh, actually y’know what, I kinda—I have to take off.
Rachel: Oh.
Joshua: But, I was curious; do you have any plans for tonight?
Rachel: No! Nothing!
Joshua: I invested in this night-club and it’s opening tonight, would you like to come?
Rachel: Yeah! That would be great!
Joshua: You’re into hardcore S&M right?
Rachel: (shocked) Well, I-I guess—I…
Joshua: Kidding! (Rachel is relived) I’m gonna get there early, but I’m going to put you on the V.I.P list, okay? Look for me.
Rachel: Yeah, great, you betcha!
Mr. Waltham: (entering) I almost forget the tickets, didn’t I?
Rachel: What?
Mr. Waltham: For you and Emily, tonight, Die Fledermaus.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, right.
Mr. Waltham: I think you’ll like it, it has two out of the three tenors.
Rachel: Oh yay!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is in his sweats flinging playing cards into a pot.]
Chandler: Y’know, I can’t believe Kathy did this too me. I really, thought that she was the one. I tell you what, from now on I’m never getting out of this chair, ever! Okay? From now on, this chair is the one! You wanna what else is the one? My sweat pants!
Ross: Come on, man! Just-just take the sweats off. Okay? Just take ‘em off and we’ll have some fun.
Joey: (entering) Hey-hey!
Ross: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Catch any big fish? (Phoebe, Ross, and Monica all go over to him.)
Joey: Oh my God, you guys have no idea.
All: (they all recoil from the smell emanating from him) Oh! God! Wow!
Monica: You stink!
Ross: Are you kidding?!
Joey: Yeah, three days on the lake without a shower. Plus! I fell in that big tub of worms at the bait stand! Hey, how-how’s he doing?
Ross: He hasn’t gotten out of that chair in two days.
Joey: (goes over to Chandler) Hey buddy! How’s it going?
(Chandler imitates retching and gets out of the chair.)
Joey: (To the rest of the gang) Hey, see that? He just needed his pal to come home. All right, uh, I’ve got to go memorise my lines. (Starts to go his bedroom) Me and Charlton Heston bright and early tomorrow morning! Yeah-yeah!
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Uh-oh, what’s the matter?
Rachel: Ohh, it’s Joshua invited me to this fancy club opening tonight. But, I already told Mr. Waltham that I would take his niece to this dumb old opera. So… What are you gonna do?
Monica: I don’t know sweetie.
Rachel: No! Help me!
Monica: I can’t! I have to work!
Rachel: Phoebe?
Phoebe: I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.
Rachel: Ugh!
Phoebe: Unless! She wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.
Rachel: Ohh, gosh. You guys, come on, this is—I have to meet Joshua! This is my one chance for him to see the fun Rachel. Y’know the "Wouldn’t it be great if she was my wife" Rachel. Ohh, all right! Are Joey and Chandler back?
Monica: No, Chandler’s still in Phase One, and Joey’s that thing you smell.
Rachel: Ohh! (Realises that Ross is in the room.) Hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: So….
Ross: No.
Rachel: Ohhhh, come on!!!
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Monica: I think she’s here.
Rachel: No! Wait! Wait-wait! Ross, please!
Ross: You want me to take some girl I’ve never met to the opera so you can go to a club and flirt with some guy, hmm, that-that is a toughie.
Monica: (looking out the peephole) Ohh, she’s looking down the hall. Oh! She looked right at me! Oh wait, you can’t see people through that little hole, can you? (Goes back to the door.) Hello!
Woman: Hello! (Monica screams)
Rachel: I’ll be right there! (to Ross) Okay, Ross, please come on! I thought we have moved on! I thought we’ve gotten to a place where we could be happy for each other! I mean was that just me?
Ross: All right, I’ll do it.
Rachel: Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! (Monica opens the door.) Emily?
Emily: Yes.
Rachel: I’m Rachel Green.
Emily: Thank goodness.
Rachel: There’s been a teeny-teeny change in plans. It turns out that I’m not free tonight. So…
Emily: Really?! Well, that’s just lovely, isn’t it? I must’ve missed your call, even though I didn’t leave the flat all day.
Rachel: Oh well, no I…
Emily: Oh, no-no-no, that’s not rude! It’s perfectly in keeping with a trip that I’ve already been run down by one of your wiener carts, and been strip-searched at John F. Kennedy Airport, apparently to you people, I look like someone who’s got a balloon full of cocaine stuffed up their bum.
Monica: I-I-I think you look great.
Emily: Good night, it was very nice to meet you all. (Storms out.)
(Pause)
Rachel: I’ll get her.
Ross: Please hurry.
Phoebe: Don’t you just love the way they talk?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next morning, Monica and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: Ohh!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: It kicked! I think the baby kicked!
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Oh no wait, oh no, the elastic on my underwear busted.
Joey: (running from his bedroom) Oh my God! I overslept! I was supposed to be on the set a half an hour ago! I gotta get out of here!
Monica: Oh wait, Joey, you can’t go like that! You stink!
Joey: Look, I know I feel asleep before I could shower and now I don’t have time! They’re just ten blocks away, if I run, I can make it.
Monica: Yeah. Run ten blocks, that’ll help the smell.
(He opens the door to reveal Rachel.)
Rachel: Hey—whoa, slow down. (Gets a whiff of him) No, keep moving. (Joey runs off.) Wow!
Monica: So? How did it go with Joshua last night?
Rachel: Well, I didn’t see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Why?
Rachel: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep.
Phoebe: Ohh! So, did you get to meet her?
Rachel: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "I’m Rachel Greep! I’m Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in.
Monica: So you hit her in the face?
Rachel: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I can’t believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me.
Phoebe: (going over to comfort her) Aww, Pheebs.
Rachel: Honey, that’s you’re name.
Phoebe: That’s short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other!
(Chandler enters from his bedroom.)
Monica: Hey! You’re wearing pants!
Chandler: That’s right! Where are the guys? I’m ready to get drunk and see some strippers.
Monica: It’s 9:30 in the morning!
Chandler: They got a breakfast buffet.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hello. (Listens) Oh, hey Ross!
Chandler: Ooh, let me talk to him!
Monica: Oh-oh, my God!
Chandler: Well, can I just…
Monica: (to Chandler) Shh!! (On phone) Wait, what?
Chandler: She’s shhing me! It’s my phone and she’s shhing me!
Phoebe: Shhh!! Please! What’s he saying?
Monica: He’s with Emily at a Bed and Breakfast in Vermont!
Phoebe: What? Oh my God!
Rachel: What? Who the hell is Emily—(realises) noooo!!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, scene continued from earlier.]
Rachel: They’re in Vermont!! How could this happen?! (She waves her arms franticly and hits Chandler.)
Chandler: Ow!
Rachel: How—how did end up in Vermont with that awful witch?! (She hits Chandler again.)
Chandler: Maybe, she doesn’t hit him all the time.
[cut to Ross in Vermont, talking on the phone.]
Ross: When we first met her, she was soaking, her feet were wet! Who wouldn’t be miserable? I’m telling you when I got her into a dry pair of shoes, she was a totally different person.
Emily: (rushing in) Ross! Come quickly! There’s a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard!
Ross: I’ve gotta go, there’s a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard! (He hangs up and runs out.)
[cut back to Chandler and Joey’s.]
Monica: He had to go, there’s a deer just outside eating fruit from the orchard.
Rachel: I don’t get this! She was horrible! (She hits Chandler, yet again.)
Chandler: Okay, I’m going to go stand over there. (Points and moves into the living room.)
Monica: Why do you care so much anyway?
Rachel: I don’t care! All right, y’know what I’m just upset that I’m getting nowhere with Joshua that—y’know what still, you do not meet someone and go flitting off to Vermont!
Monica: Well, when you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.
Rachel: Oh, y’know, would you just for once, not remember every…little…thing!! (Storms out.)
Chandler: So y’know, uh, when’s he getting back?
Monica: A couple of days.
Chandler: Y’know, I knew something like this was going to happen. (He starts to take off his pants, revealing that he is still wearing his sweat pants.)
Monica: What are you doing?! Chandler! You can’t just go back a phase!
Chandler: Yes you can. You’re thinking about time, you can’t go back in time.
Phoebe: Well, look, why don’t you just, why don’t you do your Phase Two strip club thing with us.
Monica: Yeah, come on, we can be guys!
Chandler: (laughs) No you can’t.
Phoebe: Come on! Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys!
Chandler: You don’t want to be guys, you’d be all hairy and wouldn’t live as long. (Starts to go to his bedroom)
Phoebe: Y’know you, you just stop being such a wuss and get those off and you come with us and watch naked girls dance around!!
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to cry)
Phoebe: I’m sorry. (Goes and hugs him)
[Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is just arriving for his scene.]
Joey: (rushing in) Hey! Joey Tribbiani! I’m here! I’m here!
The A.D: Calm down, we got time, we’re running a little late.
(Just then, Charlton Heston walks out of his dressing room and starts eating a liquorice whip.)
Joey: Look at that, Charlton Heston eating a liquorice whip!
The A.D: Yeah, we loves ‘em. I’ve never seen him with—(He gets a whiff of Joey and starts smelling around.)
Joey: (trying to act like he’s not the one that stinks.) Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad?
The A.D: You.
Joey: Y’know, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is?
The A.D: You?
Joey: No-no, it’s uh, it’s Heston.
The A.D: What?
Joey: Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice.
The A.D: There’s no way he smells, he’s the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room.
Joey: Really, a shower huh? And uh, which-which room might that be?
The A.D: The one with "Heston" on it.
Joey: Interesting.
[Scene: A strip club, the girls are there with Chandler, who isn’t enjoying himself.]
Monica: (coming back to the stage and sitting next to Chandler) Okay, I’ve got some Ones, you wanna put them in her panties?
Chandler: No thanks, Mom!
(A man sits down next to Phoebe and lights up a cigarette.)
Phoebe: Oh, no umm, hi, that-that, you have to put that out, ‘cause I’m pregnant.
The Cigarette Smoking Guy: (No, not the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files.) Well, maybe you and your baby should go to another strip club.
Phoebe: Ha-ha, it’s not my baby, ha-ha-ha! (He leaves.)
(The dancer finishes and everyone claps.)
Monica: Very good, (getting up and sliding a One into the dancer’s hot pants) so good.
Phoebe: (doing the same) I really, really enjoyed it. Very exotic.
Rachel: (joining them) Well, I just checked our messages and Joshua didn’t call. I mean you’d think he’d be worried about me not showing up at his club. Ugh, you know what makes it so much worse, Ross is all happy in Vermont!
Phoebe: Come on! Look where you are!!
Monica: (to the waitress) When you get a sec, another round of daiquiris.
Phoebe: Remember, a virgin for me please.
Monica: Oh! And don’t let me leave without getting the name of that carpet guy.
Chandler: Ahh, come on! Y’know what—y’know what, I think I’m just gonna go home and call Kathy.
Phoebe: Well, if you think it will help.
Chandler: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours I’m gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, I’m gonna get so drunk, I’m gonna wanna call Janice
Phoebe: You should! How is she?
Chandler: Ohhh!!
Monica: I think somebody needs another lap dance. (Motions for one.)
[Scene: Silvercup studios, Joey is taking a shower in Charlton Heston’s dressing room. Heston enters the room, Joey panics, and walks over to the shower and confronts Joey about the use of his shower.]
Charlton Heston: Hello! Who’s in there? (He opens to curtain to reveal a naked and wet Joey.)
Joey: How ya doin’?
Charlton Heston: Who in the hell are you?
Joey: I guess you wouldn’t believe me if I said I was Kurt Douglas, huh?
Charlton Heston: Put some pants on kid so I can kick your butt.
Joey: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, I’m an actor, Joey Tribbiani, I’m doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink.
Charlton Heston: (shocked) You’re in this picture?
Joey: Yeah-yeah, I’m one of the cops that won’t work with you ‘cause you a lose cannon. Anyway, look, I’m really sorry, but I stink!
Charlton Heston: Joey, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Charlton Heston: (tosses him a towel, motions for him to get out of the shower and sits down on the couch) Every actor at one time or another—opp! (Joey tries to sit down next to him and Heston makes him sit somewhere else.) Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford won’t even watch himself.
Joey: Oh no-no-no, you don’t understand…
Charlton Heston: Listen to me!
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah.
Charlton Heston: I don’t know one actor worth his salt that didn’t say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?!
Joey: Yes sir! Yes sir, I’m-I’m—(he starts to leave)
Charlton Heston: Wait a minute! Take your pants.
Joey: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are returning from the strip club.]
Monica: So, we did okay at the strip club, right?
Chandler: Oh yeah, that was great. Thanks to you, the hottest cocktail waitress there is quitting to teach the third grade!
Rachel: (entering) I can’t believe it! He still hasn’t called.
Phoebe: Who, Josh?
Rachel: It’s Joshua.
Monica: What, he doesn’t like Josh?
Rachel: No, I don’t.
Chandler: All right, well I’m gonna put my sweats back on.
Phoebe: Oh no! Wait! Wait! Okay, y’know what, you were right, you were right. We really weren’t great at being guys, but you know why? Because we’re girls.
Chandler: Yeah?
Phoebe: And do you know what girls are really good at?
Chandler: Stripping!
Phoebe: No, listening! Sit! Y’know, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk.
Rachel: Yeah, come on! What’s going in on in there? (Pats his chest.)
Monica: Yeah. And y’know, if you wanna cry, that’s okay too.
Chandler: Okay, look, I’m gonna have to ask you all to leave.
Monica: Come on! Chandler!
Chandler: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn’t picture myself with any of them. (Sits back in disgust.)
Monica: They really were pretty, weren’t they? (Rachel and Phoebe both agree)
Phoebe: Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one.
Monica: Oh, Candy! She was so spunky!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Y’know, I think if I were going to be with a woman. (Chandler is intrigued.) It’d, it’d be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite.
Rachel: See, I don’t know, for me it would have to Chantal.
Monica: Oh, Chantal!
Rachel: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh…
Chandler: (jumping up) Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three!
Monica: Really?!
Chandler: I am totally picturing you with all those women!
Monica: That’s-that’s not Phase Three.
Chandler: Well, I’m there too!
Rachel: Well, are we all together? Like in a group?
Chandler: Stop it! You’re killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four!
Phoebe: Oh! What is that? What is that?
Chandler: Where I don’t want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, minus Ross. Chandler is trying to cheer Joey up about missing Phase Two.]
Chandler: Come on, let me see that smile.
Joey: I don’t wanna.
Chandler: Please?
Joey: I wanted to go to the strip club!
Chandler: I know, I know, but you’re gonna have plenty of chances. There are literally thousands of women out there just waiting to screw me over.
Joey: Yeah, all right. (Ross enters.)
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey—ooh so, how was Vermont?
Ross: Emily is…incredible. I mean there-there are no words to describe it, I mean the whole weekend was like a dream. (Sees Rachel coming back from the bathroom.) Oh! And you! Rach!
Rachel: Oh, hey!
Ross: Hey! You were so right!
Rachel: What?
Ross: Uh, what you said, about us being in a place where we could finally be happy for each other.
Rachel: Oh, hmm.
Ross: I mean, I, I-I admit I-I wasn’t quite there. Y’know, I mean the thought of you and that-that Josh guy…
Rachel: Joshua.
Ross: Joshua…guy at that club, dancing and having a good time, the thought of it kinda…y’know.
Rachel: Yeah, I…
Ross: But now! I’m there! I’m totally there! I’m-I’m finally where you are!
Rachel: Oh, thank goodness!
Ross: Yeah, and-and thank you for Emily.
Rachel: Oh, no problem. I’m so glad I could help. Happy for you. (She playfully punches him.)
Ross: Happy for you. (He punches her back.)
Rachel: No, happy for you! (Hits him harder.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is there and is getting ready to direct a bunch of strippers, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe on what to do in the upcoming orgy of lesbian lust. Yes, it’s a dream sequence, this isn’t cable.]
Chandler: All right ladies, here’s what we’re gonna do. (Points to a stripper.) You are gonna take off my clothes. (To another two strippers) You two, go get the oils. (To another stripper) And you just constantly scream at the top of your voice, "Chandler’s the king! Chandler’s the king!"
Phoebe: I-I wanna be with her, (points to the stripper next to her) I like her.
Chandler: Oh, that’s fine! Go with your instincts, go with your instincts.
Monica: Wait, now, what am I doing again?
Chandler: Come on! Would you please pay attention, I could wake up at any moment!
The Cigarette Guy: Hi, I’m Joshua, I’m here to pick up Rachel.
Rachel: No-no-no, that’ not Joshua.
Chandler: What do you want from me, I’ve never met the guy. So anyway, Rachel, I’m sorry you can’t stay, (Rachel is upset about leaving the orgy with the cigarette guy.) but the rest of us have a lot of work to do. (The cigarette guy starts rubbing Chandler’s back.) What are you doing? (The guy just nods) All right, listen, I’ve got to wake up!
END

414 乔伊臭臭的一天

好吧，这是什么？
咯咯叫的虫子。
那这个呢？
呵呵傻笑的萤火虫。
你太搞笑了。
嗨，这个是什么？
哦，去年剩下来的三明治。
哦，Geller有鱼上钩了，看起来不小呀!
Yeah，哦！哦！这场争斗，是典型的，人和......
有人把台灯撞到了。
无所谓了。嗨，你们知道今年钓鱼好在那儿么？
当老爸把我从湖中心救出来，问我：
“Joey，你这辈子要怎么办呀？”的时候，我可以说：
“我正和Charlton Heston拍电影呢，你这辈子呢？”
说得好！
你们没必要因为我来，就不继续开心了，
Kathy并没有欺骗你们啊！
好吧，除了你！
嗨，Joey，我觉得你不该让Chandler一个人。
你想，他和Kathy分手才2天呀。
也许你可以下周去钓鱼？
可是，现在我什么忙都帮不上。
他还是伤心欲绝，这才是第一阶段呢。
等到第二阶段的时候我就回来了，
我永远也不会错过第二阶段的。
第二阶段是什么？
喝的烂醉，然后去看脱衣舞。
看脱衣舞对他能有什么帮助？
那里有好多裸体mm呀。
Oh!  而且还可以帮他到达第三阶段，
幻想自己和别的女人在一起。
当然是没穿衣服的那种。
Yeah。
就让我清静一下，好么！？
那，这些和上周你给我选的夹克配吗？
Um-hmm，很好嘛，就是它了。
Oh!  你知道还缺什么嘛？
手套，棕色的毛手套。
Oh，好吧，让我瞧瞧你的手，尺寸多大？
嗯，这只很大么，这个呢？
也很大？
Yeah!  好吧，两只大的马上就来！
好的。
Rachel!  你现在有空么？
什么事？
你瞧，我侄女刚从伦敦过来。说来唐突，不过，
她正好和你一般大，我这里碰巧有歌剧《蝙蝠》的票，
不知道你今晚能不能陪她去看呢？
当然可以了，没问题！算我一个！
《蝙蝠》，太好了！不过我得 ......
Ohh!  好的。谢谢你，谢谢你，太感谢你了！
好了么？
什么？
手套？
Ohh!  对了，对了，我马上回来。
Uhh，其实我得走了。
Oh。
不过，不知道你今晚有空么？
有，当然有了！
我投资了一家夜总会，它今晚开业，你想去看看么？
当然了!  那太好了！
你S&M的狂热分子吧？
其实，我......
开玩笑的！我会早些到，
然后把你列到V。I。P名单上，记得找我！
Yeah，好啊，那当然了！
那晚上见了。
我差点儿忘了给你票，是吧？
什么？
你和Emily，今晚《蝙蝠》的票。
Oh，是的。
你们肯定会喜欢的，“三高”之二都有出场。
哦，是么？
真不敢相信，Kathy会这么对我。
我把她当作是自己今生的唯一伴侣。
好吧，算了，从现在开始，
我再也不会离开这张椅子了！
从现在开始，这椅子就是我的唯一！
你们知道还有什么也是么？我的运动裤。
别这样，老兄！把裤子脱下来好么？
快脱吧，我们来乐一乐！
Hey-hey!
Hi!  Hey!
抓到大鱼了么？
哦，天呀，你们肯定不信。
Oh!  天呀！你好臭呀！
你这是怎么了？
整整三天，待在湖上没洗过澡，
而且，还摔倒放诱饵的盆子里去了。
嗨，他怎么样了？
他已经两天没离开过那张椅子了。
嗨，哥们，怎么了？
嗨，看见了么!  他在等兄弟我回来呢。
好了，我要去记我的台词了。
我和Charlton Heston 明儿一大清早！
Yeah-yeah!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey， Monica!
Uh-oh，怎么了？
Ohh，Joshua 邀请我今晚去一家刚开业的高级夜总会。
可我答应了Waltham先生，带他侄女去看什么破歌剧。
唉，我能怎么办呢？
我也不知道，亲爱的。
不！帮帮我！
不行啊！我要工作！
Phoebe?
我倒是愿意，不过我晚上有妊娠反应。
除非！她想整晚都过不安生。
Ohh，天哪，你们......我必须去见Joshua，
这是让他看到我令人开心一面的唯一机会。
也许，他会想：“要是Rachel是我老婆该多好呀！”
Ohh，算了！ Joey 和 Chandler还没回来么？
没有，Chandler还在他的第一阶段，
Joey身上的味道你总该闻见了吧？
Ohh!   Ohh!
Hi!
Hi!
那你呢......
不行。
Ohhhh，帮帮忙！
可能是她来了。
别！等等！等等！Ross，求求你了！
你想让我带个素未谋面的女孩去看歌剧，
而你，却可以去夜总会和别的男人调情，Hmm，
这确实有点儿难决断。
Ohh，她在四处张望。 Oh! 她正在看我！
等等，这洞从外面看不进来，是吧？
Hello!
Hello!
我马上就出来！
Ross，求求你，帮帮忙吧！
我们之间的事，都过去了，
现在因该为了对方的幸福而感到高兴才是。
难道只是我这样想么？
好吧，我答应你。
谢谢！Emily?
我是！
我是Rachel Green。
谢天谢地。
原本的计划有点儿小小的变化，
我今晚突然有事，所以......
是么？那真是太巧了，不是么？
我肯定错过你的电话了，尽管我一整天都没离开过半步。
Oh 不，其实我。。。。。
不不不，你还算好啦！
我这一路上，差点儿被你们运灌肠的大车撞倒，
还在约翰 F。肯尼迪机场被人脱衣服搜身，
对你们这里的人来说，
我就像是过街老鼠一样，人人喊打。
我-我-我觉得你还好呀。
再见！真是高兴，能认识你们。
我去追她。
那还不去？
她们说话的方式真好玩。
Ohh!
怎么了？
踢我了，孩子踢我了！
噢，上帝呀！
Oh 不，等等，糟糕，我内裤的松紧断了。
天哪，我睡过头了！
半小时前就要到场的，我该走了！
等等，Joey，你不能这样就出去吧？臭死了！
没办法啊，我还没洗澡就睡着了，现在也没时间了。
布景地只有10个街区远，我跑着去，或许还能赶上。
那是，跑10个街区，你的臭味就没了。
嘿！你，慢点。
算了，快跑！ Wow!
昨晚和Joshua玩得怎样呀？
唉，我根本就没见到Joshua，
不过，我倒是给了个女的脸上一拳。
什么？
为什么？
昨晚糟糕透了，倾盆大雨，当我到的时候，
名单上没有Rachel Green，只有Rachel Greep。
Ohh!  那你见到她了么？
没有，根本就没有Rachel Greep，
可是有个女的听到了，她大声嚷嚷到：
“我就是Rachel Greep! 我就是Rachel Greep!”
然后他们就让她进去了。
然后你就朝她脸上打了一拳？
没有，她已经进去了，
可是我后面那个肥娘们想偷我的伞，被我一拳揍在脸上。
Ohhh!  真不敢相信，我只是想在下班后见见Joshua。
他可以和我走得更近，然后开始喜欢上我。
噢， Pheebs。。
亲爱的，那是你的名字。
那是Phoebe的简称么？
我一直以为我们用它来称呼彼此。
嘿！你穿上外裤了？
是的，男人们都到哪里去了？
我已经做好喝醉的准备，去看脱衣舞。
可现在是早上9：30呀！
他们那里有自助早餐的。
你好，Oh，你好Ross!
Ooh，让我和他讲话！
Oh-oh，天呀！    能不能让我。。。。。
嘘！等会儿，什么？
她嘘我，这是我的电话，她还嘘我！
嘘！别说话！他说什么？
他和Emily在佛莫特州的一个旅馆。
什么？哦，天哪！
什么？Emily是谁？不。。。。。
他们在佛莫特! 怎么会这样？
嗷！
怎么会？他怎么会在佛莫特和那个妖精胡搞？
也许，她没有一直打他。
我们初次见她的时候，她浑身湿透了，
脚也是湿的，谁能比她更可怜？
可当我给她换了双鞋之后，
她完全变了个人。
Ross!  快来看！外面有支鹿在吃果园里的水果呢。
我要挂了，外面有支鹿在吃果园里的水果。
他挂了，说：“外面有支鹿在吃果园里的水果。”
真想不通!  她那么讨厌！
好吧，我站到那边去。
你这么在意干嘛？
我才不在意呢。我只是有点儿心烦，
因为我和Joshua还什么都不是。
不过，这也太过分了。
刚认识，就和别人飞到佛莫特去鬼混。
可是，你刚认识Barry的时候，还不是飞到Vail去了。
Oh，你能不能，就偶尔一次，
不记得这些琐。。。屑。。。小事？
你知道他什么时候回来么？
几天后吧。
我就料到会有这种事情发生的。
你干嘛？Chandler，你不能再退回到第一阶段！
我当然可以，你说的是时间，你不能让时光倒流。
你为什么不，不继续你的第二阶段，
和我们一起去看脱衣舞表演呢？
是呀，来吧，我们可以扮男的。
不，你们不行。
怎么了，不就是扮男的嘛，
也许我们本来就想当男的呢！
你们不会想当男的，男人浑身都是毛，而且活不长。
你，你别再唧唧歪歪了，
脱掉它，然后我们一起去看裸女跳舞。
好吧。
对不起。
嗨！ Joey Tribbiani!  我来了！我来了！
镇定一下，还有时间，我们开始地迟了一些。
瞧哪儿，Charlton Heston 在吃甘草梗。
恩，他很喜欢吃的，我从没见过他......
哇！这儿怎么了？什么味道这么难闻？
你呀！
我明白你为什么这么想，
不过，你知道实际上我怎么想的吗？
不是你么？
不 - 不是，其实上是，是Heston。
什么？
就是他身上的，闻起来像是去钓了三天的鱼，
然后又吃了那么多甘草梗。
不可能是他呀，他刚从更衣室里洗了澡出来。
是么？洗过澡了？嗯，是哪个房间来着？
门上写着“Heston”的那间。
是么......
嗨，我这里有些一美元的纸币，
你想把它们放到她的三角裤里么？
不用了，谢谢，老妈！
Oh，别，那个，你得把烟掐掉，因为我怀孕了。
那你和你的孩子该到别的脱衣舞夜总会去了。
呵-呵，这不是我的孩子，呵-呵-呵！
很好，很好。
我很喜欢，表演的非常棒。
我刚查了留言，Joshua没打电话过来。
难道我没去他的夜总会，他一点儿都不担心么？
哦，更糟的是，Ross 却还在佛莫特逍遥快活！
别烦了，看看你们现在在那里！
麻烦给我们每人一杯鸡尾酒。
别忘了，我还要个处男。
Oh!   走之前别忘了告诉我地毯旁边那个帅哥的名字。
哦，算了吧，我这就回家给Kathy打电话。
如果你觉得会有帮助的话。
不，我只是试试。几小时后我就会烂醉如泥，
也许会给Kathy打电话，你们可一定要阻止我呀。
然后，如果我醉的一塌糊涂了，
说不定还会打电话给Janice的。
你确实该打了！她现在怎么样？
Ohhh!!
我想有人肯定会觉得表演还不够过瘾。
Hello！谁在里面？
你好！
你到底是谁？
如果我说是Kurt Douglas，你肯定不信，是吧？
穿上裤子，我要踢你屁股。
别-别-别，等一下，你瞧，我是个演员。
Joey Tribbiani，我今天和你配戏，可我太臭了......
你也有戏？
是，戏里你的倔脾气得罪了所有警察，我演警察甲
对不起，实在对不起，我太臭了。
Joey，是吧？
是的。
每个演员总有时候会 ......噢！
会觉得自己很臭，就算是Lawrence Oliver也一样，
Bob Redford甚至都不敢正眼瞧自个儿。
噢，不-不-不，你没明白我......
听我说！
好的，好的。
我就不相信任何一个称职的演员，
在他整个事业期里就从没说过：“天哪，我太臭了！”
我刚在外面演了一场戏，还不是弄得一团糟。
可是，最重要的是你要记住的，
不管你觉得自己有多臭，
永远也别闯到我的更衣室来，用我的淋浴！
你听明白了么？
是的，是的，我这就。。。。。
慢着，拿上你的裤子。
好的，好的。
我们在脱衣舞夜总会表现得不错吧？
Oh 是的，很好，谢谢你们！
那里最性感的鸡尾酒女招待都想辞职去教三年级了。
真不敢相信，他还没打电话过来。
谁？Josh?
是Joshua。。
他不喜欢被人开玩笑么?
不，是我不喜欢!
好吧，我去穿回我的运动服。
Oh  别！等一下，好吧，你是对的，我们扮不好男人，
可你知道为什么吗？因为我们是女人。
Yeah?
那你知道女人最擅长什么吗？
跳脱衣舞！
不，是倾听！坐下来！
也许只要你说出来，就会很有帮助的。
是呀，说吧，你心里都在想些什么？
当然了，如果你想哭的话，也没问题的。
好了，也许我该让你们都离开一会儿。
别这样，Chandler!
哦，算了吧，我们努力过了，第三阶段注定无法实现。
那些脱衣女郎都野性十足，
可我就是无法幻想自己和她们中的任何一个。
她们真的很漂亮，不是么？
Oh!  哪个？
Yeah，我最喜欢那个救火笼驾驶员。
Oh，Candy!  她火花四射！
Yeah。
如果，我们想和女人在一起的话，
那，那一定要找像Michelle一样的，
她简直太，太姣美了。
是么？我到没这么想，如果是我，我会选Chantal。
Oh，Chantal!
哦，上帝呀！
她的皮肤好光滑呀！
当我把一美元塞到她G带里面，手轻擦过她大腿的时候。。。。。
第三阶段！我终于到了第三阶段！
是么？
我现在满脑子想的都是你们和那些女人们在一起！
可，那不是第三阶段啊。
不过，我也在里面！
哦，我们都在一起吗，像个团体似的？
别说了！你们杀掉我吧！
我想我就要到达第四阶段了！
Oh!  那是什么？那是什么呢？
我什么关系都不想要！
只想和那些脱衣女郎还有我的朋友们做爱！
别这样，让我看看你的笑脸。
我高兴不起来。
试一下！
我想去脱衣舞夜总会！
我知道，你有的是机会，我可以毫不夸张地说，
外面有成千上万的女人等着和我胡搞呢。
是的，好吧。
嗨
嗨，你在佛蒙特过得如何？
Emily 简直是。。。。。难以置信，
我是说好得无法形容，整个周末就像一场梦。
Oh!  还有你，Rach!
Oh，嗨!
嗨!  你说得太对了！
什么？
你说的，我们因该为彼此的幸福而高兴才是。
我是说，我，我得承认开始并没有这样想。
因为一想到你和那个叫Josh的小子。。。。
Joshua。
叫Joshua的小子在夜总会，
跳舞乐逍遥，那种感觉有点儿。。。。你懂么？
是的，我。。。
可是现在！我完全想通了！我现在和你想法一样！
噢，谢天谢地！
还要，谢谢你让我认识Emily。
Oh，没什么，我很高兴我能帮上忙，也为你高兴！
为你高兴！
不！为你高兴！
好吧，女士们，我们马上将要做的是。。。
你来脱掉我的衣服，
你们两个去把涂油拿来。
你们只要用最大的声音不停地叫：
“Chandler吾王！Chandler吾王！”
我，我想和她在一起，我喜欢她。
Oh，好吧！按本能自由选择，自由选择。
等一会儿，我要干什么来着？
拜托！你能不能专心一点儿，我随时都有可能梦醒！
Hi，我是Joshua，我来接Rachel。
不-不-不，他不是Joshua。
我又没见过他，管他的呢，Rachel，
不好意思你得走了，我们其他的人还有好多要干呢！

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 82楼发表于: 2014-04-02 0

415 The One With All The Rugby

[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares me.).]
Chandler: Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And you said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Rachel: Chandler, there’s a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)
Chandler: That’s a mailman! That’s our mailman! (Waves to the mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?
Rachel: Chandler, don’t worry! This doesn’t make you any less of a guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) That does! (Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Chandler: Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?
Rachel: Hmm.
Woman: OH…MY…GAWD!! (Yep, you guessed it. It’s Janice.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]
Monica: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?
Joey: Ohh, Nothing.
Monica: Didn’t it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Monica: They wouldn’t have put it there if it didn’t do something! How can you not care?
Joey: Like this. (Shrugs)
Rachel: Well, here’s another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that silver knob on the toilet does?
Joey: Sure! It flushes it.
Rachel: Okay, good. Now that since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?
Chandler: (entering, with Janice in tow) Hello!
Joey: Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)
Rachel: Guess who we ran into today?!
Monica: Janice?!
Chandler: Isn’t this amazing?
Monica: How have you been?
Janice: Oh well, I’m divorced.
Phoebe: Ohhh, wow.
Janice: Yeah, I’m riding the alimony pony. (Does the now famous laugh.)
Joey: And there it is.
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you, sweetie, I’ll see you tonight.
Chandler: Okay. Bye.
Janice: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Janice: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Janice: Bye.
Chandler: B-bye!
Janice: Bye-bye.
Chandler: Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After it’s closed) I can’t stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)
Phoebe: What?! I thought you were crazy about her!
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personality—Well, they’re all back! Y’know? And she’s picked up like nine new ones!
Joey: So what are you doing bringing her here?! There’s people here!
Chandler: Don’t worry about it. I’m taking care of it tonight. (Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)
Rachel: You are not. You have never been able to break up with her.
Chandler: (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I don’t have to break up with her this time. We’re not involved! I’m going to do a pre-emptive strike! I’m going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the fridge.)
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around and then back at Joey.) I’m tellin’ ya!
[Scene: A street, Ross and Emily are walking home from a date.]
Emily: I can’t believe you really walk alone here! I mean, you hear such stories about New York.
Ross: No, it’s really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
(At that moment two very large men start screaming and running towards Emily and picking her up.)
Ross: Help! Help!! Help! Help!!
Emily: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. (Introducing them) Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
Devon: Hey, mate.
Liam: How are ya man?
Ross: Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!
Emily: So how are you? I’ve been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but umm, well, I’ve been rather busy.
Devon: Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?
Emily: Oh my God. I think you’re right.
Liam: (puts his arm around her) Well, actually the last time you and I saw each other was that morning.
Emily: Oh, Liam. (Ross laughs and takes her back.)
Ross: Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or something—or should I call it (In an English accent) football?
Devon: We were playing rugby.
Liam: In fact we’re playing a game at the park tomorrow. You’re welcome to play too if you want.
Emily: (laughs) Ross play rugby? I don’t think so.
Ross: What’s ah, what’s so funny about that?
Emily: Well I mean, you’re American to start with. You don’t even have rugby here.
Ross: Well, we didn’t have freedom here until 1776, either so…
Devon: So good then! We’ll see you at Riverside Park at 2:00! Cheers!
Liam: Cheers!
Ross: Cheers!
(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee. The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup, spilling its contents.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]
Janice: Oh boy, I just love to sing!
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was that they paid to hear the actor sing Old Man River.
Janice: Oh, look at us! Who would’ve thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails. (Does the laugh)
Chandler: (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. I’m just getting out of a very serious relationship…
Janice: I know! And I’m just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about meant to be!
Chandler: Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: I hear ya. (Pause) But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Janice: Oh no! Where to? (Gasps) Too Paris?
Chandler: No! No! Not, Paris.
Janice:Too London? No-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?
Chandler: Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen. That’s right, yes, I’m being transferred to Yemen!
Janice: When?
Chandler: I don’t know exactly.
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Chandler: But I do know that it’s some time tomorrow.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are plugging in a bunch of electronics.]
Monica: Done?
Phoebe: Yep!
Rachel: (entering, with Joey) Hey!
Joey: Hey! What’s up?
Monica: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them don’t work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Joey: (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Rachel: Y’know, you-you also could’ve used uh, lamps and then followed the light.
Monica: Yeah, well, I’m using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises it’s Joey.)
Rachel: It’s coming from Joey!
Phoebe: Oh my God, that’s so freaky! Turn him off!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. I’m watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I don’t know what the big deal is. I’m man enough to play this sport.
Joey: Dude, you’re not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Janice: (entering) Hey there Ross!
Ross: (shocked) Hey!
Phoebe: (whispering to Ross) Janice.
Chandler: Y’know uh, you didn’t really have to help me pack.
Janice: Ohh, well when you said all you were going to be doing between now and the time you leave is packing, you didn’t really leave me much choice. Did you?
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Joey: Hey-hey, what’s going on?
Chandler: Oh, I’m packing. Y’know I’m-I’m packing ‘cause I’m moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Joey: Thanks for telling me!
(Janice runs into the bedroom.)
Chandler: I’m only going to pretend I’m moving to Yemen, it’s the only way I can get rid off her.
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.
Janice: (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, I’m gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. It’s a real space saver.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I do that ‘cause it makes me look taller.
Janice: Okay, Chandler, come on!
Chandler: (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey: Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I can’t believe you said you’d play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Rachel: Please, Ross, you-you got hurt playing badminton with my dad.
Ross: That’s ‘cause-‘cause you’re mom’s dog kept-kept looking at me.
Joey: (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here. That’s called a scrum, okay? It’s kinda like a huddle.
Ross: And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
Joey: Ross! (Laughs) They’re gonna kill you!
Phoebe: Well, why are you doing this anyway?
Ross: Well, you should’ve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, he’s like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe: You’re kidding! And he plays rugby?! That’s so funny. (Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So I’m gonna show her how tough I really am!
Rachel: (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You’re right, you are a tough guy. You’re the toughest palaeontologist I know.
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! It’s not like he’s…Chandler!
Chandler: (from his bedroom) Thanks!
Ross: Look, don’t worry about me. Okay? I’ll just stay real energetic and stay away from the ball. I’ll uh, I’ll be that guy right out of the circle. (He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)
All: Oh!
Rachel: Oh, well maybe there was a dog lookin’ at him.
(Ross turns and wants to attack Rachel, but Joey stops him.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came to support Ross.]
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy (Points). And that one—Dude! They’re all huge!
Ross: They don’t look any bigger than me!
Joey: Well, maybe that’s because you’re closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Emily: I’m just going to say hi to the lads. All right?
Ross: All right.
Emily: Okay. (Goes to say hi to the lads.)
(A player comes over and picks up a ball in front of Phoebe.)
Phoebe: (to the player) Hi.
(The player stands up and smiles. Showing that he has no front teeth.)
Phoebe: Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.
(The referee blows the whistle and the players gather to start the game.)
Ross: Okay, I know what I have to do. I’ve got to go Red Ross. (Joey and Phoebe don’t know what he’s talking about.) Y’know, Red Ross!
Joey: I totally don’t know what you’re talking about.
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross!!
Joey: No.
Ross: You’ll see.
[Cut to Emily, Devon, and Liam]
Emily: Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, it’s his first time.
Liam: You don’t say! (We see Ross who is hopping about with the ball and spikes it in his face.)
Emily: (to Ross) Good luck, babe.
(The scrum forms and the game is underway.)
Liam: Ross! Ross! Come on! Get in here! (Ross gets pumped up.) Ross! Come on!
(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the scrum.)
Liam: Ross, come on! Get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in!
(Ross, urged on by his team-mates, jumps on top of the scrum and falls headfirst into the middle, leaving his feet sticking straight up.)
Ross: JOEY!!!!!!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica is going over some plans as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: You…are…not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?
Monica: He asked you out?!
Rachel: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.
Monica: Saucy!
Rachel: (refers to the table) What are these?
Monica: Electrical plans for the building.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?
Monica: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Rachel: Wow! If only more people knew.
[Scene: The airport, the Yemen Express counter, Chandler is still trying to get rid of Janice.]
Chandler: Y’know you, really didn’t have to take me to the airport.
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. Y’know? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends don’t really seem to care too much that you’re leaving.
Chandler: Well, we’re really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this is uh, good-bye then.
Janice: On no! No! It’s not good-bye, I’m not leaving until you get on that plane.
Chandler: Okay. Then I guess it’s just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.
Ticket Counter Attendant: One ticket to Yemen?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
Ticket Counter Attendant: I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand.
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
Ticket Counter Attendant: Are you travelling with a child?
Chandler: No. All right, y’know what, she’s (Points to Janice) gonna think that I’m handing you a credit card, but what I’m really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we don’t take library cards.
Janice: What’s the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?
Chandler: (to the ticket agent) American Express?
[Scene: The rugby game, Ross is getting killed.]
Emily: I can’t believe they’re doing that to him! I told them to go easy on him!
Phoebe: No offence but, y’know sometimes it’s hard to understand you, y’know with the accent, so…
(The whistle blows.)
Emily: That’s just halftime, there’s more of this.
(Ross limps over all covered in mud.)
Ross: Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Emily: Right.
Ross: (to Emily) Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle of water?
Emily: Okay.
Ross: Thanks. (When she’s gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think I’m dying. I really do.
Phoebe: Oh, poor baby.
Ross: (to Phoebe) Tell my son that I love him. (Emily returns with the water.) Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!
Emily: Ross, they are killing you out there!
Ross: (whines "No.") That’s not true!
Phoebe: She’s right! You have to stop!
Ross: What? No! No, I’m not stopping. I’m Red Ross!
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, you’re gonna be Dead Ross!
Ross: I don’t care! I am not quitting! I insist on finishing this game!
Emily: All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help you.
Ross: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
Emily: No. That’s not what I’m saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.
Ross: I like that.
Emily: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.
Ross: Huh?
Emily: One swift kick and he’ll back off.
Ross: All right, bad ankle, got it!
Emily: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesn’t wear a cup.
Ross: Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!
Emily: And uh, Liam, Liam’s got bad knees. You hit him right and he’ll go down like a lamp.
Ross: But-but, Liam’s on my team.
Emily: I don’t care! You just get him!
Ross: I’m gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in! (Squeals like a madman.)
Joey: The Red Ross! Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica is reading a book as Rachel returns.]
Rachel: Hey!
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: (noticing a bunch of pictures around the door that weren’t there originally.) What-what are-what are these?
Monica: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought they’d brighten up the place. They do don’t you think?
(Rachel rips one of the wall and finds a huge hole underneath.)
Monica: No-no-no, no!
(Rachel rips off another one, revealing another hole. Rachel then moves onto a third one, but this one doesn’t have a hole underneath it.)
Monica: I know that there’s no hole there, I just really liked that picture.
(Rachel looks at it and then throws it away. She then removes a fourth one, revealing a third hole.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Look at this!
Monica: Okay, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Rachel: I don’t care! The wires have come loose in your head!
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Rachel: And did you?!
Monica: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there, I thought it went downstairs.
(Rachel removes a paper on the floor which is covering a hole and gasps.)
Monica: But it didn’t. Say hello to Mrs. Chatracus.
Rachel: Oh my God.
Mrs. Chatracus: Hello darling.
Rachel: Hello, Mrs. Chatracus.
[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are carrying Ross.]
Phoebe: Now, are you sure you don’t want to go see a doctor?
Ross: Oh no! That-that’ll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This is a great day! Y’know what? I’m buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, it’s in my pocket.
Joey: Yeah, sure.
Ross: No, not you. (Emily gets it.)
Joey: Uhh, look, your eye’s still popping out a little, I’m gonna go get some ice.
Phoebe: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice! (They go and get the coffee and the ice leaving Ross and Emily alone.)
Emily: You were amazing out there.
Ross: Oh, I kinda was, wasn’t I?
Emily: Oh my God!
Ross: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I haven’t done that since I was four and I washed my dad’s Porsche with rocks.
Emily: You really enjoyed yourself didn’t you?
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody nose—I mean I-I’m not proud of it but, I really am. And it’s all because of you, wonderful, amazing you.
Emily: I think you’ve got concussion.
Ross: No, no, I’m serious. Thank you.
Emily: You’re welcome. (She hugs him tightly and he winces.) I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?
Ross: It’s worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Y’know what, you know what? It’s not.
[Scene: The airport, the flight to Yemen is being called.]
Ticket Counter Attendant: (on the P.A.) This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Janice: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. I’ll wait for you. Do you even know how long you’re going to be gone?
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Janice: Oh. Well, I’ll right you everyday. (Reading the address) 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
Chandler: Okay, good-bye. Good-bye.
(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice, but she sees him.)
Janice: Chandler?
Chandler: No!
Janice: Chandler!
Chandler: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!
Janice: No! No! I wanna see you take-off.
Chandler: Well, I then guess I’m going to Yemen! I’m going to Yemen! (To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica has finally given up on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off aimlessly.]
Monica: All right. The super couldn’t figure out what it did. A $200 an hour electrician couldn’t figure out what it did. I’ve had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Rachel: Thank God.
Monica: I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
[Cut to Chandler and Joey’s, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]
Phoebe: See? I’m doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops working.) I lost it.
END

415 橄榄球

喔～真不敢相信我居然跑来修指甲!
你还说这会很有意思的!
你看，弄成这个样子？
还有, 你说这儿也有男人来的，可我怎么一个都没看见。
钱德勒, 那边不是有个男的么？
那只是个送信的，给我们送信的就是他啊!
嗨，你好。
钱德勒, 别担心!
这并不会让你看起来不像个男人的。
这样就会了!
我坐着什么了？
我可不敢去想这个女的是抓哪儿，而弄断自己指甲的？
呵呵, 你知道从前谁有和这一样的指甲吗?- 嗯.
哦...我的...天呐!!
乔伊，我问你！它让我快疯掉了。
这个开关到底是干嘛的？
哦,不干嘛呀。
面对一个不知道有什么用的开关，
难道你一点儿都不在意么？？
我知道啊! 它什么作用也不起。
如果没什么作用，他们就不会把它放在这儿了。
你怎么能够一点儿都不在乎呢？
那又怎样？
乔伊，我也想问问你。
嗯，厕所里面那个银色水龙头是干嘛的？
废话! 是冲厕所的。
好吧，既然你知道，那你到我们那边去的时候，
你能不能试着用用它？
-你们好!- 嗨! 啊!!
猜猜我们今天碰见谁了?!
詹尼丝?!
太奇妙了！
你最近怎么样呀?
嗯，我离婚了......
哦, 喔.
哈哈!
我得了一笔不小的离婚赡养费。
得，又是这套。
我过来就是打个招呼。嗨! 还有你，亲爱的, 晚上见.
好的. 再见.- Bye.
Bye.- Bye.
B-bye!- Bye-bye.
再见.
我受不了这个女人了!
什么?!
我还以为你真的爱上她了呢!
是吗? 好吧。
但是，她所有的那些我们相爱之前的就有的
惹人厌的小毛病
比如她的声音，她的笑，还有她的性格……
这些,现在一个不落的都回来了!
还有其他九个新毛病!
那你把她带到这儿来干嘛?
这里还有人咧！
别担心，今晚我就能把她搞定。
你才搞不定呢。你从来都没成功和她分手过。
这次我根本不用和她分手,我们一点关系都没有！
我要先发制人!
把这段感情扼杀在摇篮里！
我屁股都快冻僵了。
试试把屁股伸到冷冻区20分钟。
只是一个建议！
我真不敢相信你敢一个人走。
我是说那些有关纽约的传闻。
其实没那么糟的。我一个人的时候也感觉很安全啊。
救命啊! 救命啊!! 救命啊! 救命啊!!
别，别，罗斯，这两个是我的老朋友。
Liam, Devon,这是罗斯。
你好，兄弟。
喔，哦，我装得很像吧？？
救命啊～救命啊～
最近怎么样啊？刚到我就想给你们打电话来着，
但是，一直比较忙了。
你想想，那次U2演唱会之后我们就没见过了。
噢，是呀，就是。
实际上我们自从那个早上之后就再没见过面。
Oh, Liam.
Oh, Liam。你们在玩足球吗，或者该叫它足-球。
我们玩橄榄球。
我们明天碰巧要在公园里打一场比赛。
假如你愿意的话，可以一起来玩玩。
罗斯玩橄榄球？
呵呵，我不敢想象。
这有什么好笑的？。
我是说，你是美国人，你们这里没有橄榄球。
喔，我们这里在1776年以前，还没有自由呢。
好，说定了！
明天两点在河边公园见，干杯！
干杯！
干杯！
喔，亲爱的，我太喜欢唱歌了。
是的，我知道，但这也是人们抱怨的原因之一，
他们付钱是来听男演员演唱“老人河”的。
哦！瞧瞧我们这对，谁又能想到
丘比特光临了14街的美甲店呢？
好吧，我们得谈谈。
我刚结束一段认真的感情
我知道，我还不是刚从婚姻中摆脱出来。
这一切都是天意。
没错！
可是，我觉得这发生得太快了。
得了，哪儿快了。
勇敢面对吧，这次我决不会让你跑掉啦。
我知道……
但是，不幸的是，公司要派我出国。
是么？
去哪，是巴黎么？？
不不。不是巴黎。
伦敦？不不，罗马？
维也纳？哦——巴塞罗那？！
好了，你能不能停一会儿别说了？
也门！恩，是的，我被派到也门去了。
什么时候？
我现在还不大清楚。
哦……我会一直陪伴着钱德勒宾
直到你出发的那个时刻。
可我知道是明天的什么时候。
好了么？
恩!
嗨!
嗨!在搞什么？
开关的事情都快把我逼疯了。
于是我把它关掉，仔细检查每一个插座。
现在发现有四个插座不能用。
也就是说，这四个插座中有一个肯定是受那个开关控制的。
于是，我把每个插座都插上能发声的东西，所以当我打开那个开关的时候，
顺着声音，我就能知道是控制哪个插座的了。
看谁先失聪！
其实啊，你也可以用灯呀，
然后顺着亮找。
是啊，可以呀。
只不过我用声音。
Ok。好吧！
大家都准备好了吗？
开始了——！
就是它，我听到了！它在哪儿？。
是乔伊弄的。
噢，上帝呀，太可怕了！
快把他关掉。
嗨，能看看新闻吗？
好像下雨了。
哦，稍微等一会。
我在看ESPN台的橄榄球比赛。
这有什么大不了的，我还不是可以玩。
算了吧，你连看比赛的胆量都没有。
嗨，这不是罗斯么。
嗨......
詹尼丝。
其实，你真的不用帮我收拾行李的。
你自己说离开前有好多东西要收拾，除了帮你收拾行李，
我还有别的选择么？
我以为会有很多东西，其实没多少。
嗨，怎么回事呀？
收拾行李呀，为明天去也门作准备。
谢谢你现在才告诉我！
我只是假装要去也门。
这是摆脱她的唯一办法。
喔——好主意！
“也门”？听起来的确象一个国家的名字。
钱德勒，进来。
我教你怎么把内裤塞到鞋子里，这样节省空间一些。
耶，我也是这么做的。
这样能让我显得高一些。
OK.钱德勒，过来一下！
OK。乔伊，咱俩换换吧。
不！
瞧瞧这个，罗斯，真不敢相信你会去玩橄榄球。
这也太野蛮了。
我自己有数，行吗？
算了吧，罗斯。
你和我老爸玩羽毛球都能受伤。
那……那因为你老妈的那条狗一直……一直盯着我看。
好吧，罗斯，看看看看，看这儿。
这叫“并列争球”，一堆人挤作一团抢球。
不就是个球么，有什么好抢的。
罗斯……
他们会要了你的命的。
哦，你为什么非得玩这个？
你真应该见见以前和她约会的那个人。
他长得就像个橄榄球似的。
是么？那他也玩橄榄球么？太搞笑了。
喔，我总算明白你意思了。
你不知道，她认为我去打橄榄球，是瞎胡闹。
我就是要让她看看我有多勇猛。
不好意思，sorry，你是对的。
你是个很勇猛的人，是我认识的最凶悍的古生物学家。
好啦，别开玩笑了。罗斯能照顾好自己的。
他又不是……钱德勒。
多谢夸奖！
好了，别为我担心了？
我会积极跑动，离球越远越好。
我会……我会……
象那个人一样站在圈外。
哦！
哦，也许旁边正好有只狗在盯着他。
罗斯罗斯罗斯罗斯，记得离那个家伙远点
还有那个，那个和那……天哪，他们好壮了!
他们看起来也比我壮不了多少。
也许是因为你离自己太近了。
所以自己看起来要高大一些。
我过去和他们打个招呼，好吗？
好的。
嗨
喔～他挺招人喜欢的。
好了，我知道应该怎么做。
我要变成“红脸罗斯”，不记得“红脸罗斯”了？！
我完全不明白你在讲什么。
好吧，你还记得那次我们排队买
《与狼共舞》的电影票的时候么？
有个人插在我们前面，我生气了，
冲他大嚷，脸都变红了。“红脸罗斯”啊！！
不记得了。
你马上就会记得了。
Liam,帮个忙，告诉伙计们。
对罗斯客气一些，他第一次玩这个。
完全看不出来呀。
祝你好运，亲爱的。
罗斯！罗斯！快来，到这儿来！
来啊！
罗斯，快来啊！挤到人堆里来。
罗斯，快进来！
乔伊！！！！！！
你……肯定不会相信的！
乔施今天到我这儿来了，猜猜发生了什么事？
他约你出去？
没有。我让他看了一些扣链样本，
顺便摸了摸他的脉搏！
聪明！
这些是什么？
这栋大楼的电路图。
好吧，好吧，你是不是疯了？？
我知道那个开关肯定有用。
因此我到城管去拿到了这个。
只需要付上25美元，然后等上三个小时。
喔！还好知道的人不多？
其实，你真的没必要送我到机场。
喔，别这样，每分每秒都是宝贵的。
总得有人在另一辆出租车上帮你看这剩下的行李吧！
还有，你那些朋友好像根本不在乎你离开似的。
喔，其实我们关系不是很好。
好的，我们，就此告别吧。再见。
不不，还不到说告别的时候。
我会一直陪到你上飞机为止。
好吧。那你就在这儿等等吧。
嗨，我想要一张去也门的假票。
一张——去也门的机票？
不不，不不不，我只需要一张假票。
对不起先生，我不懂您的意思。
好吧，假如一个小孩要拿票玩
你会给他什么样的票？
您带着个小孩么？
没有！好吧，她以为我会给你一张信用卡。
其实我给你的是图书卡。
先生，去也门的票价是2100美元。
而且我们不收图书卡。
怎么啦？出什么事情了？
你得留下来？
运通卡？
我不敢相信他们竟然这样对罗斯。
我跟他们说过对罗斯客气些的。
你不要介意，不过，
你有时候说话口音太重，让人很难听懂。
才半场休息,还有的他受呢。
我的表现如何呀？很不错吧？
这比赛太有意思了。
没错。
嗨，帮个忙，帮我拿瓶水过来。
好的。
谢谢。
我—我，都快死掉了。
真的。
喔，可怜的家伙。
记得告诉我的儿子，我爱他。
太好了！我还要玩得更爽一些。
罗斯，他们会杀了你的。
不会的。
她是对的。你别上场了。
什么？不，我一定要上场。
我现在是“红脸罗斯”
算了吧，你再上去就是“死尸罗斯”了。
那我不管，反正我不能退场！
我一定要打完全场！
好吧，如果你坚持这样的话，至少得让我帮帮你。
不，老天！这不是女人待的地方。
那些家伙什么事情都抢。
我不是这个意思，我知道一些事情能让你给他们点颜色看看。
那太好了！
真的吗？
听清楚了, Devon脚踝很弱
Huh?
你轻轻一踢，他就不敢上前了。
好，踢脚踝，记下了！
还有那个留胡子的家伙，他屁股受过伤
还有那边的戴维，我听说他没戴护膝。
喔！我清楚了，一个屁股受过伤，一个没有护膝。好！
还有，Liam膝盖有伤。
你一踢上去，他会象台灯一样倒在地上。。
不过，Liam是我们队的。
—我不管！你只管对付他们
—我这就上去对付他们！
好，我又要回去了！
“红脸罗斯”！耶！
嗨
这……这……这些是什么？
喔，就是我画的一些画，把它们挂了起来。
让房间显得亮一些，不是么？你不觉得吗？
别别别！
我知道那里没有洞。我只是很喜欢那张画。
天啊！瞧这儿！
可是，那开关后面有线。
它肯定连着什么东西。
我不管！这些线让你脑子短路了。
我只是觉得，假如顺着这些线查一查，
就知道它是干嘛的了。
那你弄明白了吗？
还没有。线走到那层夹板后面就消失了。
我在哪儿想了一会儿，觉得线肯定往楼下走了。
但它没有。
和Chatracus夫人打个招呼吧。
天啊
你好，亲爱的~
你好～Chatracus夫人。
你确定不需要去看医生吗？
不用！没这个必要。我现在很好。
我真得很好，今天我太棒了！
而且……我要请所有人喝咖啡。
帮我取一下钱包，在我口袋里。
好的。
没叫你。
你的眼睛还有些肿，我去拿冰块。
喔，冰块。我太想要冰块了。
你表现的太令人惊奇了。
喔,我的确表现很好,不是么？
老天！
我把一个是我两倍个头的人弄哭了。
我上次发飙还是在四岁的时候，帮老爸洗车，
用石头招呼他的保时捷
你的确玩得很开心，是吗？
那当然了？你想想看，我打倒三个壮汉，
还打破了一个家伙的鼻子。
我是说我并不是为此而骄傲……
好吧，我是的。
所有这些都是因为你，完美无瑕的你。
你不会得了脑震荡吧？。
不，我是认真的。谢谢你。
不用谢。
哦，对不起，弄疼你了吧？
这点儿伤痛算什么？
哦，要不，还是算了吧。
飞往也门的664号航班即将起飞，
这是最后一次登机广播。
好吧，我想我得走了。
我的宾——心肝。
我会一直等着你的。
你知道要去多久吗？
这个么，可能得等到我们
发现代替燃料的新能源。
噢，好吧，我会每天给你写信的。
也门——也门路15号
好的，再见，再见。
钱德勒？
认错人了！
钱德勒！
詹尼丝！原来你在这，你在这。
我还没和你吻别呢。
你说你看见我一上飞机就走的！
不！不！我要看着你起飞。
我想我真得走了。
我要去也门了。
到了也门之后，我能和你待在一起吗？
算了吧，那个临时演员不知道它是干嘛的，
每小时两百美元的电工也拿它没办法。
我一连遭受七次重大的打击。
我正式放弃了。
感谢上帝。
我想乔伊是对的，这个开关的确没有什么用。
看见了吧，我在控制它，我能控制电视。
超能力消失了。

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 83楼发表于: 2014-04-02 0

416 The One With The Fake Party

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is stressing out about something.]
Monica: What is it hon?
Phoebe: I-I can’t find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! I’m telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake—ooh! Cake! (Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.
Monica: Aww, honey I’m sorry.
Phoebe: God! Ooh! What is that smell? It’s coming from the bathroom. Ooh! (She goes to the bathroom.)
Chandler: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Joey: Yeah?
Phoebe: It’s me. It’s Phoebe. Listen there’s something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?
(Joey sticks his head out of the shower curtain.)
Joey: Is it the shampoo? It’s guava.
Phoebe: (she smells his head) No!
Joey: Oh! Wait-wait! (Reaches inside the shower.) Is it my bologna sandwich?
Phoebe: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can’t believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I can’t eat meat!
Joey: Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe it’s a pickle?!
(Phoebe grimaces at the smell.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]
Chandler: What are you writing?
Rachel: Well, Joshua’s coming in tomorrow and since I don’t have the guts to ask him out, I’m going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.
Chandler: Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of style—what did you throw away?
(Ross and Emily enter.)
Chandler: Hi guys!
All: Hey!
Joey: Hey, what have you guys been up too?
Ross: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.
Chandler: Without me?!
Emily: My uncle dragged us there. But, it actually it turned out to be really interesting.
Ross: Yeah.
Emily: They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that! (Shows them a doorknob she has.)
Monica: I don’t know how museums work in England but, here, you’re not supposed to take stuff.
Emily: I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there. (Chandler is shocked.) It’s a joke. (They all laugh.)
Ross: Bye. (They kiss.)
Emily: Right, I’ve got to be off, I’ll see ya. Buh-bye then. (She leaves.)
Joey: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.
Ross: Oh yeah, she’s-she’s amazing. And-and she’s so much fun. And! Y’know what? When I’m with her, I’m fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) She’s leaving in two days, I don’t have to do it.
Monica: Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.
Ross: Yeah, she’s got to go back to London. But you know what? I’ve been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and that’s it. Y’know.
Joey: Hey that’s what all my relationships are like.
Chandler: Yes, but in Ross’s case, they both know in two weeks that’s it.
(Phoebe enters.)
Ross: Pheebs!
All: Hey!
Ross: (starts rubbing her belly) Hello! Hello!
Phoebe: (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, y’know? And I got nauseous.
Chandler: Maybe that’s because soy-burgers suck!
Phoebe: Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.
Joey: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.
Phoebe: That’s sweat. You throw up all morning, you’ll have that glow too.
[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]
Joshua: (coming in from a changing room) Okay!
Rachel: Oh, here’s that trench-coat that you wanted.
Joshua: Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, it’s comfortable.
Rachel: Yeah?
Joshua: Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing. (He goes to put his hands in his pockets.)
Rachel: (stopping him) Oh no-no, no-no, they don’t want you to put your hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.
Joshua: Why not?!
Rachel: Well, that’s because of a lot of…(She imitates someone picking their nose and placing the treasure found in the pockets.)
Joshua: Y’know, they ruin it for everybody.
Rachel: I know!
Joshua: Y’know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.
Rachel: Oh?
Joshua: Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.
Rachel: Well, congratulations, so do you love her?
Joshua: No, no, no, she’s nice but, y’know, it just it made me realize that I’m just not, I’m just not ready to be dating, y’know?
Rachel: Huh. Well, uh, that’s uh, that’s interesting. (She goes over and retrieves her note.)
Joshua: (noticing her) Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?
Rachel: Oh, it’s just an anti-theft device.
Joshua: Then uh, what’s-what’s this? (Shows her the real anti-theft device.)
Rachel: You need that, you need that too ‘cause obviously, a thief could just tear this up. (Rips up the note.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the Magna-Doodle as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Joey: Yeah, what’ going on?
Rachel: We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But it’s actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said he’s not ready to date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)
Ross: Well, as much as I’d like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I aren’t going to be here. All right? I mean, she’s going to come by first to say good-bye, and then I’ve got a whole special evening planned. So I’m sorry, no party.
Joey: Awwww!
Emily: (entering) Hello?
Rachel: Surprise!!!
Chandler and Joey: Surprise!!
Emily: No one’s ever thrown me a surprise party before!
Rachel: Well, it was all Ross’s idea.
Emily: You’re so sweet! And I’m so surprised!
Ross: You really didn’t know?
[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes over to talk to her.]
Chandler: Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to the living room.)
Rachel: Uhh, because I’m trying to play hard to get. Oh, quick he’s looking over here, say something funny.
Chandler: Like what?
(Rachel laughs hysterically.)
Joey: What-what-what is so funny?
Chandler: I said, "Like what?"
Joey: Now that’s a thinker.
Rachel: Okay, y’know what, y’know what? This playing hard to get thing is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!
Joshua: Hi!
Rachel: Care for a cherry?
Joshua: Oh, no thanks.
Rachel: No? Y’know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my tongue.
(She tries to demonstrate this unique ability, but only succeeds in choking on it.)
Joshua: You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)
Ross: (interrupting Monica and Emily) So we should probably get going soon.
Emily: Oh, but the party’s only just getting started!
Ross: Yeah, but we-we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks in 15 minutes and then y’know, then The Plaza for dinner.
Emily: So why did you plan a party at the same time?
Ross: No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very short. It’s usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, I’m so surprised—good-bye!"
Emily: But Ross, I’m such having a great time! Your sister has just been telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea parties.
Ross: Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monica’s knee really hardly and Monica winces in pain.)
[Cut to Joey and Phoebe in the kitchen. Phoebe is watching Joey make a sandwich.]
Phoebe: Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?
Joey: A little salami.
Phoebe: Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?
Joey: Pastrami.
Phoebe: Oooh, yeah. You’re a genius.
(Rachel enters, she has changed clothes.)
Rachel: Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?
Joey: Yeah. (He goes over to her.)
Rachel: Up!
Monica: You changed?
Rachel: Yeah, I did. I needed my lucky dress.
Monica: And lucky means, more cleavage?
Chandler: Does for me.
(Joey starts wiping lint off of her back, but goes at little too far and Rachel just glares at him. He stops, gives her the ‘okay’ symbol and walks away.)
Rachel: Ohh, God! Look at him, he’s so cute. I wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?
Joey: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.
Rachel: What?
Joey: There was a seen in Footloose...
Chandler: Flashdance.
Joey: Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl…
Chandler: She was a welder.
Joey: What? Were you like in the movie, or… Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.
Monica: Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.
Rachel: It’s not Christmas!
Monica: Or Spin the Bottle?
Rachel: He’s not 11!
Emily: (with her coat on, she’s leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for this. It was really so thoughtful of you.
Rachel: What? You’re leaving?!
Ross: Yes, we have something we have to get to.
Joshua: Uhh, yeah, I think I’m going to take-off too.
Rachel: No! You guys can’t leave yet! You have to stay, we-we got the whole big thing planned!
Ross: What big thing?
[Cut to later, the whole group is seated on the floor and Rachel is explaining the rules of Spin the Bottle.]
Rachel: (spinning the bottle) So, Spin the Bottle works like this: I spin the bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunther’s face and decides not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?
Emily: I’ll go.
All: Yay!
(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)
Joey: Welcome to America. (They both kiss.)
(Joey spins the bottle and it lands on Emily.)
Monica: Two in a row! You’ve got to use your tongues now! (They kiss again.)
Rachel: Yay! Emily!
(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)
Chandler: What are the odds? What are the odds?
(They both move to kiss again.)
Ross: (stopping them) Okay, that-that’s enough! Y’know, let’s, let’s let someone else play.
Joey: If you didn’t want to play, why did you come to the party?
Rachel: Okay, my turn!!
(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on….wait for it….Joshua. (You thought I was going to say Ross, didn’t you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her cleavage.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!
All: Ohh!
Rachel: It’s okay! It’s okay! It kicked once, it’ll kick again!
All: Oh my God!
(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from kissing Joshua.)
Rachel: All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting.
(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down, Rachel pretends she’s knocking a bug off his leg.)
Rachel: Just a bug.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]
Phoebe: Y’know it doesn’t matter how much I’m craving it. Y’know why I’m never gonna eat meat? Because it’s murder, cold blooded murder.
Chandler: Okay.
(He takes a bite out of the sandwich and as he does so, Phoebe attacks the other end and starts devouring the sandwich.)
Chandler: There’s a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the sandwich to Phoebe.)
Joey: Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!
Phoebe: I can’t help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.
Joey: All right look, y’know how-y’know how when you’re dating someone and you don’t want to cheat on them, unless it’s with someone really hot?
Phoebe: Yeah, totally!
Joey: All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If you’re going to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!
[Cut to later, Phoebe is finishing off her steak.]
Joey: Feel better now?
Phoebe: Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I’m gonna eat like, y’know millions of cows.
Joey: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Well, I eat a lot of meat right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Joey: Well, suppose until the baby’s born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-you’d just be eating my animals.
Phoebe: Joey, I can’t believe you would do that for me.
Joey: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There’s no meat in beer, right?
[Cut to Ross and Emily standing by the foosball table.]
Ross: Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked for our check right away.
(Rachel enters, she has changed once again. This time into her high school cheerleading uniform.)
Emily: But, we can’t go now. It looks like Rachel’s gonna put on a skit.
Monica: Oh my God! Have you lost your mind?
Rachel: No-n-n-n-no! I am finally thinking clearly. My lucky dress wasn’t working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.
Monica: Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can’t let—(pause), actually I kinda want to see what happens.
Joshua: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Joshua: Nice uh, costume.
Rachel: Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American good-bye cheer. So okay! (Runs into the living room) Ready! Okay! Gimme an ‘E!’
All: E!
Rachel: Gimme an ‘M!’
All: M!
Rachel: Gimme an ‘I!’
All: I!
Rachel: Gimme an ‘L!’
All: L!
Rachel: Gimme a ‘Y!’
All: Y!
Rachel: What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) Emil—Whoa!! (She falls in Chandler’s room.) Okay! So that’s me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunther’s the only one that claps.)
(Joey and Monica rush over to her.)
Joey and Monica: Are you all right?
Rachel: I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m just losing a tooth, it’s no big deal. I have a dentist! Y’know. I’m gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me. (She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do now?
Monica: I think you’re done.
Joey: Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)
Joshua: Umm, that was really great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.
Joey: (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.
Rachel: All right, come on, let’s go get your coat.
Joshua: Okay.
(They both go to Chandler’s bedroom to get his coat.)
[Cut to Gunther and Emily.]
Gunther: Rachel is my girlfriend.
[Cut to Chandler’s bedroom.]
Joshua: So, this was uh, really fun.
Rachel: Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Y’know, this bra… Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Y’know, this used to be my bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a lot of memories. If these walls could talk, y’know what they’d say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isn’t co-operating.)
Joshua: Need uh, need a little hand there.
Rachel: Oh no-no-no! No, I got this all under control.
Joshua: You really don’t seem like you do. That’s…
(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives up.)
Rachel: Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not how this is supposed to happen.
Joshua: Well, what was supposed to happen?
Rachel: Can you not look at me when I say this? (He turns around) I thought that if I could get you here, I could seduce you.
Joshua: Huh. Oh, boy! (Sits down next to her.) Uhh, I-I don’t wear suits to work, and I bought six of them from you.
Rachel: Well, I’m sorry, I thought you needed them!
Joshua: No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted to see you.
Rachel: Why?!
Joshua: Because I-I like you.
Rachel: You like me?
Joshua: Yeah! I mean you’re-you’re beautiful and smart and sophisticated—a lot of this isn’t based on tonight.
Rachel: Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I can’t believe this, all this time, I liked you and you liked me!
Joshua: But…
Rachel: Oh no-no-no don’t say but! No-no, but’s never good! Let’s just leave it at, you like me and I like you.
Joshua: Okay uh, however…
Rachel: Oh, now see that’s a fancy but.
Joshua: My marriage like just ended, and I’m really not ready to get into anything yet.
Rachel: But….
Joshua: I’m sorry, I, I just need a little time.
Rachel: Okay.
[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of the guys apartment.]
Rachel: Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshua’s gone so you and Emily are free to go.
Ross: That’s okay. She’s still in there enjoying her fake party and uh, it’s too late to do any of the things I had planned, so…
Rachel: Oh, Ross, I’m sorry. I completely ruined your evening.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself.
Ross: Helps a little.
Rachel: Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?
Ross: Yeah, have a seat.
Rachel: I’m so sorry.
Ross: That’s okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just didn’t want it to end this way, y’know?
Rachel: Well, maybe you didn’t want it to end?
Ross: What do you mean?
Rachel: You seem to really like her.
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y’know no commitment.
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica’s photo albums, I mean you don’t do that if you’re just in it for two weeks.
Ross: You think?
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you’re sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
Ross: Hey, you’re right.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Thanks. (He starts to go inside and stops.) What photo album was it?
Rachel: I don’t know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.
Ross: Oh my God! Those weren’t albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach! (He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)
Rachel: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Rachel: You’re a pathetic loser, right?
Chandler: Oh-ho, yeah!
Rachel: Sit!
(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)
Joshua: Hi. (He has just returned.)
Rachel: Oh my gosh, Joshua!
Joshua: All those things I said about not being ready…
Rachel: They’re not true?
Joshua: No, they’re-they’re all true.
Rachel: Oh.
Joshua: But…
Rachel: Oh! Oh, I love that but.
(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them on.)
Rachel: You wanna go inside and have some coffee?
Joshua: Yeah.
Rachel: Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next day. Phoebe is busy making a sandwich.]
Joey: Oooh, what you got there?
Phoebe: Pastrami.
Joey: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y’know what goes good with that?
Phoebe: Hm-mm, corn beef.
Joey: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that’s much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?
Phoebe: Okay.
Joey: (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?
Phoebe: Six months.
Joey: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?
Phoebe: Not if I get there first.
END

416 假派对

怎么了亲爱的?
我找不到想吃的东西!
所有东西都让我恶心!
我告诉你, 怀孕可不像吃蛋糕那么简单!
ooh! 蛋糕! 不.
Aww, honey 很抱歉.
God! Ooh! 什么味?
从洗澡间里出来的. Ooh!
Wow! 怀孕确实带给你奇怪的欲望.
谁呀?
是我. 是Phoebe.
这有我想吃的东西,
什-什么这么香?
是香波吗? 是番石榴味的.
不!
Oh! 等等! 是我的腊肠三文治?
对对.我真不能相信!这孩子要腊肠!
可能他想让我吃肉? 我不能吃肉!
Oh, 等等! 可能是我的泡菜?!
写什么呢?
Joshua明天来，因为我没胆儿约他,
- 所以我打算卖他件衣服，
然后把这纸条放在口袋里.
Oh 是吗?
Joshua,给我打电话吧,
你这样的男人永远不过时?
你仍掉的写了什么?
Hi 伙计们!
Hey!
Hey, 你们干什么去了?
Oh, 我们去Cupert-Hewitt博物馆
看了个Victorian门把手收藏展.
没带-我?!
我叔叔非拉我们去的.
但是, 事实上还真挺有趣的.
是的.
它们非常华美, 我是说看那!
我不了解英国博物馆怎么工作,
但在这, 你不能拿东西.
我uh, 我在礼品店搞到的.
那保安很松...开个玩笑.
Bye.
我得走了, 回见. Bye-bye then.
Bye-bye
Wow!看起来你们处的很愉快.
Oh 是啊, 她-她让人惊讶. 她还很有趣.
还有! 你知道吗?
我和她在一起时, 我也有趣了!
我甚至参加了直升机驾驶班.
她两天后就走了,我其实不用这样.
Oh 不, 两天, 你一定很失落.
是, 她要回伦敦.
但你知道吗? 我一开始就有准备.
我们都清楚只有两周,仅此而已.
Hey 我所有的交往都是这样.
对, 但在Ross这事里,
他们'全'都清楚只有两周仅此而已.
Pheebs!
Hey!
Hello! Hello!
Yes! 我知道! 我知道! Yeah!
这孩子就喜欢肉.中午我试着骗骗他,
我做了个豆汉堡就为了让
他以为是肉的,然后我又恶心了.
可能是因为豆汉堡太烂了!
怀孕对你的胃可是个折磨.
Hey,但至少你有那么棒的,
怀孕妇女的红光满面.
真好听. 你吐一个早上,
你也会一样红光满面.
Okay!
Oh, 这是你想要的风衣.
Oh 太好了! Wow! 很舒服.
是吗?
Man, 穿这个我就真能上街当暴露狂了.
Oh 不-不,他们不让你在
离开店之前把手插到兜里.
为什么?!
Well, 因为我们有很多...
你知道,他们毁了所有人.
我知道!
你知道,我昨天穿那件羊毛衫约会了.
Oh?
是,是我第一次约会uh,自从离婚.
恭喜, 那你爱她吗?
不,她很好但,却让我意识到我还没,
没到该约会的时候.
Huh.这 uh,这很有趣.
Hey-whoa-hey-hey, 那是什么?
Oh, 就是个防盗装置.
那uh, 这是什么?
你需要它,你也需要它，
因为很明显,贼会把它撕掉.
Oops.听着, 我们今晚得搞个聚会! 实际上,
我们得在五分钟后开始,
所以大家都要取消别的计划.
你说什么?
是呀, 怎么了？
我们得给Emily搞个告别晚会.
但实际上是为Joshua.
他说他还不能约会,所以如过我想
在工作之余见他我就得请他
参加个聚会,现在我创造了个
绝好的机会来勾引他!
同样也有机会让我见到Josh，
然后警告他,
Emily和我不能呆在这.好吗? 她会先来这
说再见, 我今晚还有个完整的计划.
所以对不起, 没有晚会.
Hello?
惊喜!!
以前从没有人给我办惊喜晚会!
这都是Ross的主意.
你真好! 我真的很惊喜!
你真的不知道?
为什么你在这边而Joshua却在那边?
Uhh, 因为我想玩欲擒故纵.
Oh, 快点他看过来了, 说点好笑的.
比如?
什-什么这么好笑?
我说, "比如?"
这个得多想想.
Okay,你知道吗? 欲擒故纵不好使.
Umm, 给我那些樱桃.
Okay. Okay.
Hi!
要樱桃吗
Oh, 不谢谢.
不?
你知道吗,
我能只用舌头就把它打个节.
你没事吧? 你怎么样?
我们差不多该走了.
Oh,但才刚开始呀!
是,但我们15分钟后要去'四季'喝酒,
然后再到'广场'餐厅吃饭.
那你为什么在同一时间办聚会?
不,不,umm,事实上美国的惊喜晚会很短.
一般就是, "惊喜!"然后,
Oh my God,真是个惊喜? 再见!
但Ross,我玩的很高兴! 你妹妹刚讲了
你曾穿得像个小老太太,
举办'虚拟世界'晚会.（小孩的游戏）
Monica她说这个了是吗?
Ooh,那你还要往上面放什么?
一些腊肠.
Ooh yeah! 那umm, 腊肠上面呢?
熏牛肉.
Oooh, yeah. 你是个天才.
Oh, 谁能帮我拉一下吗?
Yeah.
往上!
你换衣服?
是, 我换了. 我需要我的幸运裙.
幸运意思是, 更暴露?
对我管用.
Ohh, God!看他呀,这么可爱.
我真想过去, 抓着他, 然后亲他!
我怎么才能又亲他
又不让他知道我喜欢他?
Oh! Hey!我知道你怎么能办到,
把胸罩拿下来.
什么?
在'自由自在'里有一幕...
辣舞.
对,对, 是那个uh, 管道工女孩...
她是个焊接工.
你在那电影里吗, 还是...
她丛衬衫里摘掉了胸罩
然后从袖子里拉出来.
非常性感, 还很有品位.
或者如果你想亲他,
你可以用槲寄生树.
（圣诞节传统，在槲寄生下接吻）
现在不是圣诞节!
转瓶子?
他不是11岁!
非常感谢你们. 你们想的真周到.
什么? 你们要走?!
是, 我们还有些别的事.
Uhh, 我想我也得走了.
别! 你们不能走! 你们得留下,
我们还有个大节目!
什么大节目?
这么转瓶子. 我转, 它指向Gunther,
那我就要吻Gunther.
好了. 谁先来?
我来.
Yay!
欢迎来美国.
连续两次! 你们得用舌头了!
Yay! Emily!
这概率！有这样概率吗！
Okay, 够了!我们, 我们让别人玩玩.
你要是不想玩,
为什么还来参加聚会?
Okay, 该我了!!
Oh! my godness!
Oh my God!! 孩子踢我了!
Ohh!
没事! 他踢了一次, 还会有第二次!
Oh my God!
好吧, 大家要记住刚才坐的位置.
有个虫子.
我多渴望它都没用.
你知道我为什么不吃肉?
因为这是谋杀, 冷血的谋杀.
Okay.
有个Phoebe在我的三文治上!
Phoebe, 你在干什么?!
我忍不住.我需要肉. 孩子要肉.
好吧, 你知道你和别人交往时不能
欺骗她们,但除非遇见特惹火的?
是, 明白!
好吧. Okay.
这也是一回事. 如果你想犯错误,
就用正确的做法!
好点吗?
是啊, 但要有多大代价?
六个月,一天三顿肉,
我会吃掉, 成百万头牛.
Hey, 要是这样呢,
我做些事帮你扯平, 肉方面的.
什么?
我总是吃肉对吗?
对.
假设到孩子出世前我戒掉肉.
就没有额外的动物会死,
你就相当于吃我的动物.
Joey,我不能相信你会为我这样.
当然能! 我能做素食者.
啤酒里没有肉, 对吧?
Okay, 我们不要开胃菜还能赶上预定时间
还有马上让他们结帐.
但,我们现在不能走.
Rachel好象要表演了.
Oh my God! 你疯了吗?
没--有! 我总算想明白了.
我的幸运裙没发挥效果,
但大学四年里, 这宝贝从没失手过.
Rachel-Rachel-Rachel 我不能, 我不能让，
实际上我想看看会发生什么.
Hey!
Hi!
不错的uh, 演出服.
Ohh,我想给Emily一个超级美国式
告别表演. So okay!
准备! Okay! 给我个'E!'
E!
给我个'M!'
M!
给我个'I!'
I!
给我个'L!'
L!
给我个'Y!'
Y!
你拼出什么? Emily!! Emily? Whoa!!
Okay! 我这拉拉队长怎么样! Ta-dum!
你没事吧?
我没事!就是有颗牙要掉了, 小事儿.
我有牙医! 我得敷点冰块. 失陪.
我做得怎么样? 我做得怎么样?
我认为你成功了.
Okay, 该摘胸罩了.
Umm,表演的很棒, 但我真得走了.
摘掉胸罩.
好吧,过来, 我们去拿衣服.
Okay.
Rachel 是我女朋友.
今天uh, 很有趣.
Oh, yeah! 真的很有趣.
你知道, 这胸罩... 真的, 很烦人.
这曾是我的睡房.
有很多回忆, 很多回忆.
如果这些墙能说话, 你知道
它们会说什么? 想听点回忆?
需要帮忙吗.
Oh 不!不,我应付的了.
看起来你可不像能应付的了. 这...
算了! 本来不应该这样的.
应该怎么样?
我说的时候你能不看我吗?
我以为我把你带到这,我就能勾引你.
Huh. Oh, boy! Uhh, 我不穿西服工作,
可我却从你那买了六套.
对不起, 我以为你需要!
不, 我意思是我不断地来,
是因为我想见你.
为什么?!
因为我喜欢你.
你喜欢我?
是! 你很美，聪明又精明.这些并不是
从你今晚的表现上看出来的.
但你喜欢我! Oh my God,我不敢相信,
一直以来, 我喜欢你你也喜欢我!
但是...
Oh 不不，别说这个!
不,但是就没好事! 我们就回到,
我喜欢你你也喜欢我.
Okay uh, 然而...
Oh, 这回是华丽的但是.
我的婚姻刚结束,
我还没到再交往的时候.
但是....
对不起, 我需要时间.
Okay.
Ohh, 你在这. 我刚才在找你.
Joshua走了，你和Emily自由了.
没关系. 她还在享受这个假晚会呢
也没时间执行我的计划了, 所以...
Oh, Ross, 对不起. 我把你的晚上都毁了.
是呀.
如果这让你好受,
我今晚整个是个傻瓜.
有点用.
这台阶上有悲哀的
失败者坐的地方吗?
有, 坐吧.
我真对不起.
没关系,反正只是两周的事,
我只是不想以这种方式结束.
也许你不想结束?
什么意思?
看起来你很喜欢她.
是, 真的是.
但我能做什么, 我们都认同
这只是两周的事, 没有责任.
Ross,那姑娘用整晚和你的朋友聊天,
问所有关于你的事,
还看Monica的相册, 我意思是
你不会为了两周的交往而做这些.
你这么想?
是的
到她上飞机前你还有14个小时,
而你却和一个28岁的
肥嘴唇拉拉队长坐在走廊里.
Hey,你是对的.
是的.
谢谢.
哪本相册?
不知道, 是你和一群白化病孩子.
Oh my God! 他们不是白化病,
那是计算机夏令营! Rach!
Hey.
Hey.
你是个悲哀的失败者, 对吗?
Oh-ho,当然!
坐!
Hi.
Oh my gosh, Joshua!
我说过的所有关于,时候未到的话...
是假的?
不, 都是真的.
Oh.
但是...
Oh! Oh, 我爱这个但是.
你想进去喝点咖啡吗?
Yeah.
Okay.
从未失手.
Oooh, 那是什么?
熏牛肉.
Oh-ho-ho, yeah!
Hey!你知道再放点什么才好?
Hm-mm, 野牛排.
Ooh, 我想说大腊肠,但这个更好.
再加点熏火鸡怎么样?
Okay.
Oh mama! Uh 孩子什么时候出生?
六个月后.
Ugh. Hey!如果牛是自然死亡,
我就可以吃，是吗?
如果不是我先吃掉的话.

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 84楼发表于: 2014-04-02 0

417 The One With The Free Porn

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV, and we hear Mr. Treeger in the bathroom.]
Mr. Treeger: Ohhh, man!!
Joey: (coming in from his bedroom) What is that?
Chandler: Treeger’s snaking the shower drain.
Mr. Treeger: What in the name of hell?
Joey: Maybe he found you flip-flop.
(Joey sits down and changes the channel, and we see two people making out.)
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Whoa! Is this porn? What did I do? I must’ve hit something on the remote.
Chandler: Do we pay for this?
Joey: No, we didn’t even pay our cable bill—maybe this is how they punish us.
Chandler: Maybe we shouldn’t pay our phone bill—free phone sex.
Joey: Maybe we shouldn’t pay our gas bill? (Stops and thinks about what he just said.)
Mr. Treeger: (coming in from the bathroom) Whoa, hey, that lady’s all kinds of naked.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just, came on!
Mr. Treeger: Yeah, it happened to me once. I was just flipping through the channels and bam! It was like finding money.
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it!
Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV, I never got it back again. And I’m sad. (Exits.)
Joey: (to Chandler) Why would he turn off the TV? (Chandler shrugs.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that morning. The porn is still on, there are three women getting ready to shave the chest of some guy. Joey and Chandler are wondering why that guy is letting them shave his chest, and Monica and Rachel are eating breakfast at the foosball table.]
Rachel: All right, y’know what, come on, do we really have to watch this while we eat? (She makes a move for the remote.)
Joey and Chandler: (stopping her) Oh no-no-no-no!
Chandler: We don’t know what could make this go away.
Joey: Yeah, so no one touches the remote. And no one touches the TV!
Chandler: And no one touches the air around the TV!
Joey: Imagine a protective porn bubble if you will, okay?
Monica: Well at least, I’m going to mute it.
Joey and Chandler: Oh no-no-no! (Monica mutes the TV and they tentatively look behind them)
Chandler: We still have porn.
Joey: Hey.
Phoebe: (entering, carrying her massage table) Hi!
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: Honey, what are you doing? That’s too heavy.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: Give it here. (She takes the table.) Oh, God. (And gives it to Monica right away.)
Monica: Okay.
Phoebe: Ohh, I’m getting too pregnant for this, lugging around a stupid massage table. Y’know, I have to find a job where I carrying a smaller table. (She goes over and stands in front of the TV.)
Chandler: Or a job where you don’t have to carry a table.
Phoebe: You mean like a doctor?
Joey: Pheebs! You’re blocking the porn! Look out!
Phoebe: Ohh! (She moves.) Oh my. Oh, that reminds me, I have to see my OB-GYN today.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Ross: Hi.
Monica: Hi.
Ross: So uh, Emily just went to the airport.
Monica: Oh. Why didn’t you take her?
Ross: Eh, her-her uncle already had planned on doing it. And y’know, we-we said our good-byes this morning, so…
Monica: You must feel horrible. Hey! The guys have free porn!
Ross: (Thinks about it.) Nah.
Monica: Hey, cheer up! You’re gonna see her again, right?
Ross: Well I, that’s the thing, I don’t know! I mean, whenever I brought it up with her she said, (In a British accent.) "This is so fantastic! Why do we have to talk about the future? Let’s just enjoy…"
Monica: (interrupting him) No-no-no, don’t-don’t do the accent. You’ve got to see her again.
Ross: And why do you care so much?
Monica: Because! You could get to live out my fantasy!
Ross: You had fantasies about Emily?
Monica: No! Y’know, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall in madly love, and spend the rest of your lives together.
Ross: Is that why in junior high you were the only one that hung out with that Ukrainian kid?
Monica: Yeah that, plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything!
Ross: Ahh.
Monica: Do you love her?
Ross: We said it was only going to be two weeks, y’know?
Monica: You love her!
Ross: What-what is love really?
Monica: Ohhh, I knew you loved her! Then you need to go to the airport and tell her. You’re probably just gonna catch her just as she’s about to go to the gate. You’re gonna call out her name and say, "I love you!" And she’s gonna say, "I love you, too!" And you guys are going to have the most amazing kiss, everyone at the gate will applaud.
Ross: I am a good kisser.
Monica: Then you two can, can sneak into the cockpit, and things will start to heat up, and then a stewardess comes in… (Ross looks at her.) I’ve been watching too much porn.
[Scene: Beth Israel Medical Center, Phoebe is at her OB-GYN doing an ultrasound, Rachel is with her. We here the baby’s heartbeat.]
Rachel: Is that the heartbeat?
The Doctor: That’s it.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Rachel: Oh wow! This is so cool.
(The heartbeat changes, and we hear a different one.)
The Doctor: Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?
Phoebe: Why don’t take care of this one, and should I get pregnant again, I’ll hold onto your card, okay?
The Doctor: No, I’m getting three separate heartbeats.
Phoebe: Three? You guys were worried I wouldn’t even have one!
The Doctor: Doctors are wrong all the time.
Phoebe: Well, yeah.
Rachel: Well, so, are-are you sure that there are three?!
The Doctor: Definitely. (Points out each head on the ultrasound.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!! So I-I mean so in a few months I’m going to have three full grown babies just walkin’ around inside me?! Oh! Oh! And it’s gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!
The Doctor: Actually, giving birth to three babies isn’t that different from giving birth to one.
Phoebe: What do you know?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there, waiting to tell Frank and Alice the news.]
Alice: (entering) Oh-oh, Phoebe!
Phoebe: Ooh! Hi!
Alice: Hi! (She runs over and hugs Phoebe’s stomach.) So, how did it go at the doctors?
Phoebe: Oh well, okay, hey, y’know how when you’re umm, you’re walking down the street and you see three people in a row, and you say, "Oh, that’s nice?"
Frank: Yes.
Phoebe: Okay, yeah well, good news, you’re going to have three babies.
Alice: Three babies?
Frank: I finally got my band!
Alice: We’re gonna have a big family, I’ve always wanted a big family!
Phoebe: Oh God, I’m so glad you guys are happy, I was so afraid you were going to be all freaked.
Frank: Why would we be freaked?
Phoebe: No, no maybe ‘cause it’s harder to raise them, and the added expense, and…
Frank: (They’re less than happy now) Oh.
Alice: Right.
Phoebe: No, back to happy. Back to happy!
Alice: No-no-no, no, it’s going to be fine. Because umm, because I teach Home Ec, and uh, I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long. Y’know it’ll-it’ll be like my very own little sweatshop.
Frank: Yeah, I’ve been thinking ever since you said we were having triplets, the best thing for me to do is to drop out of college and get a job.
Alice: No, Frank.
Phoebe: No you can’t quit college! No! You’re in college? Really?
Frank: Yeah, refrigerator college.
Alice: Yeah.
Frank: Yeah, y’know when we found out we were going to have a baby, y’know I figured y’know like I should y’know have like a career—and I love refrigerators!
Phoebe: You can’t give up on your dream.
Frank: No, it’s okay. We’re-we’re gonna have three kids! And that’s-that’s a different kind of dream. Three kids and no money.
[Scene: The airport, Emily is getting ready to board her flight to London.]
Ticket Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the boarding call for Flight 009.
Ross: Emily! (Runs up.)
Emily: Oh my God! What are you doing here? (They hug)
Ross: I just, I had to see you one more time before you took-off.
Emily: You are so sweet. (They kiss.)
Ross: That’s, that’s, that’s a big candy bar. (She’s holding one of those huge Toblerone bars.) I had the most amazing time with you.
Emily: Me too.
Ticket Agent: This is the final boarding call for Flight 009.
Emily: Well, that’ me. (They kiss again.) Here, have this. (She gives him the candy bar.) I’m only allowed one piece of carryon anyway. (She starts towards the jetway.)
Ross: (stops her) Wait uh, listen. I-I, I have to tell you something. Umm, I’ve been thinking, I’m just gonna come out and say it. Okay? I-I-I ah, I-I think I love you.
Emily: Oh. (She’s shocked and hugs him.) Thank you. (She boards the plane.)
Ross: That’s no problem.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Rachel is singing some kind of song.]
Rachel: What’s that song? It has been in my head all day long.
Chandler: It’s the theme from Good Will Humping.
Rachel: Y’know who doesn’t even like dirty movies? My new boyfriend Joshua.
Joey: Yeah right.
Rachel: No, he told me. He prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.
Chandler: Oh-oh, yeah, and did he also say that ah, some of the dialogue was corny and that he actually found it was funny and not sexy?
Rachel: Yes!
Joey: Yeah, he likes porn.
(Rachel starts to leave.)
Monica: Where ya going?
Rachel: I’m going to find out if he really thinks supermodels are too skinny. (As she exits, Phoebe enters.) Hey, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: How did it go with Frank and Alice?
Phoebe: Well, Frank has to quit college because his super fertile sister is having three babies! I need to make a lot of money really fast, and I had an idea that I want to talk to you (Points to Chandler) about, ‘cause you work for a big company. Okay, insider trading, what information is there that you can give me.
Chandler: They don’t really talk to us about that kind of stuff. I can get you some free white out though.
(Ross enters.)
Monica: Ohh! Did you do what I said? Did-did-did you tell her?
Ross: I did.
Monica: And well, what did she say?
Ross: Thank you.
Monica: Oh, you’re totally welcome! What’d she say?
Ross: She said, "Thank you." I said, "I love you." And she said, "Thank you."
Chandler: Whoa-whoa, wait a minute, did you say, you love her?
Joey: Yeah, what were you trying to get her to do?!
Ross: What do I do now?
Joey: You play hard to get.
Ross: She already lives in London.
Joey: Then you go to Tokyo.
Chandler: All right look, forget it, forget it. You told her you love her, it’s over.
Monica: It is not over! You’re over!
Chandler: What?
Monica: You know!
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) Good one.
Monica: It is not over because she is going to call you and tell you she loves you. And the reason why she couldn’t, is because her feelings were so strong, it scared her. Now you go home and wait for her call, she could be calling you from the plane! Come on now go! Go! (Tries to push Ross out the door.)
Ross: Okay! Okay! But if she doesn’t call, it is definitely over! No, wait. Wait. Unless, eventually, I call her, y’know just to she what’s going on, and, and she says she’ll call me back, but then she doesn’t. Then it’s over.
(Joey holds his fist up, and Chandler gives him two thumbs up.)
Joey: Way to be strong, man!
(Ross leaves, and after the door closes, Joey gives him the loser sign.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Joey enter having just woken up.]
Rachel: Hey!
Chandler: Hi! Listen, can we watch cartoons on your television? We need a porn break. We spent the last two hours watching In & Out & In, Again.
Rachel: Well, so, why don’t you just turn it off?
Chandler: Because then we would be the guys who turned off free porn.
Phoebe: (entering carrying a case) Ooh, good, you’re hear! Okay.
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hi!
Rachel: Well, what-what ‘cha got there?
Phoebe: Oh this, well I’m glad you asked. (She opens the case and removes a knife and an soda can.) Now, don’t you hate it when you have to cut a tin can with an ordinary steak knife? (She efficiently cuts it in half.) Ahh! Now, I know what you’re thinking…
Chandler: Pregnant Woman Slays Four?
Monica: Phoebe, they didn’t make you pay for those knives, did they?
Phoebe: No!
Monica: Are you sure?
Phoebe: No!
Rachel: Honey, you’re not gonna make enough money to help Frank and Alice just by selling knives.
Phoebe: No-no, I know that, but I just have to make enough money for the second part of my plan.
Chandler: What’s the second part of your plan?
Phoebe: My Saturn dealership.
[Scene: Ross’s bedroom, he has fallen asleep waiting for Emily to call. He is awaken by the phone.]
Ross: (Answers the phone.) Hello?
Emily: Ross.
Ross: Emily, hi! Uh, how-how was you flight?
Emily: It was dreadful. I felt terrible about how I acted when you said those wonderful things.
Ross: No, no, that-that, that’s all right. Umm, I’m just glad you called.
Emily: Ross umm, there’s something that I’ve got to tell you, there’s-there’s someone else.
Ross: Does that mean the same thing in England as it does in America?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is relating his recent conversation with Emily to the gang.]
Ross: She doesn’t know which one of us she wants, me or this Colin guy.
Monica: This isn’t how it’s supposed to go, there can’t be another guy.
Ross: Well…
Monica: Of course there’s another guy!! This is even more perfect! Now you have to prove your love!
Ross: I’m not proving anything. Okay, I’m done listening to you. If I hadn’t let you talk me into going to the airport in the first place, I never would’ve put my fist through the wall!
Chandler: You put your fist through the wall?
Ross: No, I missed and hit the door. But, it opened really hard!
Monica: You have to go to London!
Ross: What?
Monica: Yeah, you have to go fight for her!
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, that makes sense. Yeah. ‘Cause you already told her you love her and she didn’t say it back, then she called you and told you that there’s another guy, so yeah, go to London that’ll scare her!
Monica: When Rachel was with Paulo, what did you do?
Ross: I made fun of his accent.
Monica: You sat back and let him have her, you didn’t fight at all. Am I right? Do you want the same thing to happen with Emily?
Ross: No.
Monica: All right then, go fight for her! Go to London! I mean, that could be you and Emily! (Points to the TV.) That, but-but nicer. Just, go to London!
Ross: Really?
Monica: Come on! Surprise her! Show up at her doorstep! Don’t let her go without a fight!
Ross: All right. All right, I’m gonna do it!
Monica: All right.
Ross: I’m gonna, I’m gonna go to London and I’m going to fight for her.
Monica: Okay, good luck!
(Ross starts to leave.)
Joey: Ross! Ross! If you’re going to the airport, could you pick me up another one of those Toblerone bars? (Chandler nods his head no.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are sitting and talking as Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Ooh-Ooh! I did it! I did it! I figured out a way to make money! I’m gonna open up my own massage place and Frank’s gonna help me! And! We can work it around his schedule so he doesn’t have to quit school!
Monica: That’s sounds great, but how are you going to afford it?
Rachel: Well, we were walking down the street and we saw that van that you guys used for catering and we realised…
Phoebe: I’m telling it! I’m telling it!
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay. You know how people need transportation, but they also need massages to help them relax so I just figured we could combine the two, okay, I give the massages and Frank drives! I can fix up the van, bolt the table in the back, and you know what I’ve got?
Chandler: A place where no one will ever get out alive?
Phoebe: No! Think about it, it’s a taxi that people take when they need to relax, it’s…
Rachel: (interrupting) Relaxi-Taxi!
Phoebe: The name was my favourite part!
Rachel: Well, well I can up with it!
Phoebe: YOU DID NOT!!!! Oh! No! You came up with Relaxi Cab! That’s not good.
Rachel: Well, I…
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hello.
Ross: (on phone) Hey.
Monica: Oh my God! Ross, are you in England? Was Emily surprised?
[Cut to Ross in one of those British phone booths.]
Ross: No, because she hasn’t come home yet. And she hasn’t been home all night! She’s obviously staying with that other guy, and I’m the stupid moron who spent the whole night outside her apartment!
Monica: All right. When is, when is the next flight out?
Ross: About four hours.
Monica: Okay, just stay there a couple more hours and if she doesn’t show up by then, then just come on home.
Phoebe: Hey, tell him about Relaxi-Taxi, and-and ask him if he thinks that’s better than Relaxi Cab.
Rachel: Okay, it’s not Relaxi Cab. It’s Relaxicab, like taxicab.
Phoebe: Oh, that is better.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same night. There is a knock on the door and Chandler answers it to reveal Emily standing behind it.]
Chandler: Are we in London?
Monica: What are you doing here? You can’t be here!
Emily: I’ve uh, I’ve come to talk to Ross.
(She sets her bag down on the foosball table and Joey sees the Toblerone bar sticking out of it and gazes longingly at it.)
Emily: What?
Joey: (pause) Nothing. No, nothing.
Emily: I was going to call him, but…
Monica: Oh, you came to tell him you love him! I knew it! (Points at Chandler) I was right! (Points to Emily) I’m right, right?
Emily: I’d really rather talk to him.
Monica: Oh.
Emily: I uh, I’ve been to his apartment and he wasn’t there, and uh. I need to talk to him, so do you have any idea where he is?
[Cut to London, we sit Ross sitting outside Emily’s apartment. We hear Emily’s phone ring with amazing clarity. Apparently, sound travels quite easily through the walls of British buildings. Anyhoo, Ross looks around for the ringing phone and in the meantime Emily’s answering machine picks up and once again with amazing clarity we hear Emily say…]
Emily: Ross, are you there? Ross, I don’t know if you can hear this but… (Ross has moved to the window, apparently so that he can hear better.) I’m gonna talk anyway, uh, I’m in the States with you sister and your friends and it’s all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that, and to tell you—Yes, Joey you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it! Uh, I came here to tell you that I love you.
Ross: (yelling, thinking Emily can hear him through the answering machine all the way to New York.) I love you too! I’m, I’m gonna call you right now from the phone booth! (Realises) You can’t hear me. (Goes to make his call.)
Emily: I wish I could know if you’d heard any of that. I suppose I’ve either just told you I love you or given my neighbours a good laugh. Mrs. Newman if you’re listening, bugger off this in none of your business. I suppose there’s not much chance you did heard that, and there’s the call waiting so, I should go. Oh well. (Answers the call waiting.) Hello.
Ross: Hi.
Emily: Ross, I love you!
Ross: Ohh! Thank you.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey is still watching the porn as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: I was just at the bank, and there was this really hot teller, and she didn’t ask me to go do it with her in the vault.
Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza delivery guy come over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves!
Chandler: What, no, "Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge?"
Joey: Noo! Nothing!
Chandler: Y’know what, we have to turn off the porn.
Joey: I think you’re right.
(Goes over and picks up the remote.)
Chandler: All right, ready?
Joey: One.
Chandler: Two.
Both: Three.
(Chandler turns off the porn and sets the remote down.)
Joey: That’s kinda nice.
Chandler: Yeah, that’s kinda a relief.
Joey: Yeah.
(Pause.)
Chandler: You wanna see if we still have it?
Joey: Yeah.
(Chandler turns on the TV and…)
Chandler: FREE PORN!!!
Joey: Yeah!!
Chandler: We have free porn here!!!
END

417 免费成人电影

谁在那?
Treeger在通洗澡间的下水道.
这是什么鬼东西?
可能他找到了你的flip-flop拖鞋.
Hey!
Whoa! 这是黄片吗? 我怎么弄的?
我一定是按了哪个键.
我们要花钱吗?
不, 我们还没交有线的钱呢，
可能他们是为这事惩罚我们.
也许我们不该交电话费
免费色情电话.
也许我们不该交煤气费了?
Whoa, hey, 那女的真是一丝不挂.
是, Joey在遥控器上按了一下,然后就来啦!
我也遇到过一次. 我就是在搜索频道
然后bam! 就像找到钱一样.
像找到了钱，还有裸体的人在上面!
然后我错误地关掉了电视,
我再也没找回来它. 我很伤心.
他为什么会关电视?
拜托, 我们吃东西的时候也得看它吗?
Oh 别别别!
我们不知道怎么让它消失.
对,所以谁也不许碰遥控器.还有电视!
也不许碰电视周围的空气!
就想象有个黄片防护罩在那, okay?
那至少,我要消音.
Oh 别别别!
我们还有黄片看.
Hey.
-Hi!
亲爱的,你在干什么? 这太重了.
Yeah.
给我吧. Oh, God. Okay.
Ohh, 我快不行了,不能再拖着按摩床到
处走. 我得找个拿小点床的工作.
或者不用床的工作.
你是说像做医生?
Pheebs!你挡住黄片了!小心点!
Ohh!Oh my. Oh, 这提醒我,
我今天得去看B超.
Hi.
uh, Emily去飞机场了.
Oh.你怎么不送她去?
Eh, 她-她叔叔已经预定了.
而且我们说好就在早上告别, 所以
你一定很难受. Hey! 他们那有免费黄片看!
不了.
Hey, 高兴点! 你会再见到她的,对吗?
是这样,我不知道! 每次我跟她说起
这事她就说, "这样很棒! 我们
为什么要谈将来? 就享受现在多好"
不,别用这口音. 你得再见她一次.
你为什么这么在乎?
因为! 你能得到我幻想的生活!
你幻想和Emily?
不! 我的幻想! 认识国外的人,
疯狂的相爱, 共渡余生.
这就是为什么，在高二时只有
你和那个乌克兰的小孩交朋友是吗?
是的, 还有他妈妈总是
把酸奶油抹在吃的上!
你爱她吗?
我们说好就是两周的事, y'know?
你爱她!
什么才是爱?
Ohhh,我就知道你爱她! 那你就得去机场
告诉她. 你会在她登机前一刻叫住她.
你大声喊, "我爱你!"然后她会说,
我也爱你! 你们会有美妙的一吻,
所有人都会喝彩.
我接吻很棒.
然后你们, 钻进驾驶仓, 热血澎湃,
然后空姐进来了，我看黄片看多了.
那是心跳吗?
没错.
Oh my God!
Oh wow! 太棒了.
我们提到过多胞胎的可能性吗?
为什么不就先管这个,
我要是想再怀孕,
我会留住你名片的, okay?
不, 我发现了三个不同的心跳.
三个?你们还担心我一个都怀不上!
医生们总是错的.
Well, yeah.
那么, 你确定有三个?!
确定.
几个月后就会有三个孩子在我肚子
里转悠?! Oh! Oh! 然后他们就像
急流涌进的木船一样冲出来!
实际上, 生三个跟生一个差不多.
你知道什么?!
Oh-oh, Phoebe!
Ooh! Hi!
Hi! 看医生看得怎么样?
你知道你umm,你走在街上看见
三个人并排走, 你会说, "Oh, 真好?"
是的.
Okay,好消息, 你们有了三个孩子.
三个?
我总算能组乐队了!
我们会有个大家庭,
我一直想要个大家庭!
Oh God,你们很愿意我太高兴了,
我一直担心会把你们吓坏了.
我们为什么要害怕?
No,可能因为养他们会很难, 加倍的费用,
Oh. 对.
不, 回到高兴的样子. 回到高兴的样子!
不是,不会有事的.因为umm,我教经济持家,uh,
我能让30个孩子一年到头做小孩的衣服.
就像我自己有个小汗衫店一样.
对, 你一说我们有三个孩子我就在想,
我最好离开大学找个工作.
不, Frank.
你不能退学! 不! 你在上大学? 真的?
是, 冰箱大学.
是的.
当我们知道要有孩子了, 我觉得
我该有个职业，而且我喜欢冰箱!
你不能放弃梦想.
不, 没关系. 我们有三个孩子!
这是另一种梦想. 三个孩子，没钱.
Emily!
Oh my God! 你来干什么?
我就是, 我得在你走前再见你一面.
你真好.
这, 这个巧克力够大的.
和你一起我度过了最美妙的时光.
我也是.
是我的. 拿着这个.
我只能拿一只行李登机.
等等uh, 我得告诉你件事. Umm, 我在考虑,
我就是想出来就说了. Okay? 我ah, 我想我爱你.
Oh. 谢谢.
没问题.
这是什么歌? 在我脑袋里转悠一天了.
是'Good Will Humping'（作爱高手）的主题歌.
（有个电影叫'good will hunting',心灵捕手）
你知道谁不喜欢看黄片?
我的新男朋友Joshua.
可不是嘛.
不, 他说了.
他更喜欢留点东西去想象.
Oh-oh, 对, 他还说了ah, 有些粗野的对话，
他会觉得好笑而不是性感?
对!
对, 他喜欢黄片.
你去哪?
我得去弄清楚他是不是
真的认为名模都枯瘦如柴.
Hey, Pheebs!
Hey!
Frank和Alice反应如何?
Frank不得不退学，因为他超级
多产的姐姐怀上三个孩子!
我得马上赚一大笔钱,
而且我有了个主意, 我得跟你谈谈,
因为你在大公司工作.
Okay, 内情交易, 你能给我什么情报.
他们不会告诉我们这种东西.
但我能给你些免费的涂改液.
Ohh! 你照我说的做了吗? 你告诉她了吗?
是的.
她说什么了?
谢谢.
Oh, 不用客气! 她说什么了?
她说, "谢谢." 我说, "我爱你." 她却说, "谢谢."
Whoa-whoa, 等一下, 你说了, 你爱她?
你想让她怎么做?!
我现在怎么办?
玩欲擒故纵，疏远她.
她已经在伦敦了.
那你就去东京.
好吧, 算了.
你告诉她你爱她, 就已经完了.
没完! 你才完了呢!
什么?
你知道!
Okay. 说的好.
还没完，因为她会给你电话，告诉你
她爱你. 而她先前不说的原因是,
是她感情太强烈了, 她害怕. 你现在回家
等她电话, 她很可能在飞机上就打电话!
快点现在就走! 走!
但是如果她没打, 就真的完了! 不, 等等.
除非, 最后, 我给她打, 问问她怎么样了,
然后她说她会打回来,但她没有.
这样就真的完了.
够坚强, man!
Hey!
Hi! 我们能在你这看会卡通吗?
需要休息一下. 我们已经
看了两个小时的进进出出了.
那, 你们为什么不关了它?
因为那样我就会成为
关掉免费黄片的家伙.
Ooh, 好, 你们都在! Okay.
Hey!
Hi!
你那是什么?
Oh这个, 很高兴你问我.
难道你不讨厌用普通，
切肉刀去切易拉罐吗?
Ahh!现在, 我知道你们在想什么
“孕妇杀了四个人”?
（他指报纸的标题）
Phoebe,他们没让你买这些刀吧?
没有!
你确定?
不!
亲爱的,你不能光靠卖刀来
帮助Frank和Alice赚足够的钱.
不, 我知道, 但我需要
本钱执行我第二步计划.
你的第二步计划是什么?
做“土星”轿车的代理.
Hello?
Ross.
Emily, hi! Uh,旅途愉快吗?
糟透了. 你说了如此美妙的话，
而我却那么回应，我觉得难受极了.
不, 没关系. Umm,我很高兴你给我电话.
Ross umm,我得告诉你件事,
有-有另外一个人.
这句话在英国的意思
和在美国的一样吗?
她不知道该选谁,
我还是叫Colin的家伙.
不应该是这样的, 不应该有别人.
Well
当然得有别人!! 这更完美了!
现在你要证明你的爱!
我什么也不证明. Okay, 我不听你的了.
如果我没先听你的跑到机场去,
我就不会让拳头砸在墙上!
你把拳头砸在墙上了?
不, 我没打着，砸在门上了.
但砸的那门晃的可狠了!
你得去伦敦!
什么?
是的, 你要去为她而战!
Oh 对, 当然,太有道理了. 因为你已经
说了你爱她而她却没回应, 然后她
打电话说还有别人,
对, 去伦敦吧，吓死她!
当Rachel和Paulo在一起时, 你做了什么?
我取笑他的口音.
你退缩了，让他拥有她, 你根本
没竞争过. 我对吗? 你想让
这种事在和Emily这次再发生吗?
不.
那好, 去为她而战! 去伦敦!
我是说, 这可能就是你和Emily!
这样, 但-但更好.
快, 去伦敦吧!
真的?
去吧! 给她个惊喜! 出现在她门前!
别没竞争过就放弃她!
好的. 好的, 我去!
好.
我要去, 我要去伦敦为她而战.
Okay, 祝你好运!
Ross! Ross! 你要是去机场,
你能给我带点那种巧克力吗?
Hey!
Ooh-Ooh!我想到了! 我想到怎么弄钱了!
我要开自己的按摩店，Frank来帮我! 然后!
我们按他的时间表工作，
这样他就不用退学!
听起来很好, 那你用什么做本钱呢?
Well,我们在街上看见那辆你们用作
承包宴席的货车，我们就想到
让我说! 让我说!
Okay. 你知道人们需要交通工具, 但同时
又需要按摩来放松，所以我要合二为一, okay,
我按摩而Frank开车!我可以收拾一下那货车,
在后面安个床, 你们知道我的想法了?
谁也不能活着出来的地方?
不是! 想想, 是人们想放松时
要的出租车, 是
放松-出租!
名字是最精彩的!
Well, 是我想出来的!
不是你!!!! Oh! 不! 你想的是放松的士!
一点也不好听.
Well, 我
Hello.
Hey.
Oh my God! Ross,你在英国? Emily吃惊了吗?
没有, 因为她还没回家. 她一晚都
不在家! 很显然她跟那个人在一起,
而我则是一晚上站在她家门口的白痴!
好吧. 下个航班是什么时候?
四个小时后.
Okay, 再等几个小时，
如果她还没回来, 就回家吧.
Hey, 告诉他‘放松-出租’的事,
问问他是不是比‘放松的士’好听.
Okay, 不是放松的士.
是放松车, 就像出租车.
Oh, 这个更好.
我们在伦敦吗?
你在这干吗? 你不能在这!
我uh, 我想和Ross谈谈.
什么?
没什么. 不, 没什么.
我打电话给他, 但是
Oh, 你来告诉他你爱他! 我就知道!
我是对的! 我是对的, 对吗?
我更想跟他谈谈.
我uh, 我去他公寓他不在, uh.
我要跟他谈谈, 你们知道他在哪吗?
Ross, 你在那吗? Ross, 我不知道你能否听见
我还是得说, uh,我在美国和你妹妹和
朋友在一起，我和Colin完了. 我来这告诉你,
-好的, Joey 你把巧克力都拿走吧, 就拿吧!
Uh, 我来这告诉你我爱你.
我也爱你! 我现在就给你打电话，
去电话亭! 你听不见我.
我多希望我能知道你听见了.
我想我要么是刚告诉你我爱你，
要么就是让邻居看了笑话. Newman夫人，
如果你在听, 一边去这没你的事. 我想
你没多大机会听见这些, 有电话进来了,
我得走了. Oh well.  Hello.
Hi.
Ross, 我爱你!
Ohh! 谢谢.
Hey.
Hey.
我刚才在银行, 那有个性感的出纳,
但她没要我和她去金库做.
这事我也遇上了! 送馅饼的姑娘来了,
给了我馅饼, 拿了钱, 然后就走了!
什么, 不, "漂亮的公寓, 睡房也一定很大?"
不! 什么也没发生!
你知道吗,我们得关掉黄片了.
我想你是对的.
好吧,准备好了?
一.  二.  三.
这也不错.
是啊, 还感觉轻松了.
是啊.
想知道我们是否还能看?
是.
免费黄片!!!
对!!  我们这有免费黄片!!!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 85楼发表于: 2014-04-02 0

418 The One With Rachel’s New Dress

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Chandler: Hey! Wow, it is true what they say, pregnant bellies look like a drum.
Phoebe: (not amused) Ha-ha. (She sits down on the couch.) No, it’s just I’m so pregnant that I—my guitar doesn’t fit anymore. So I thought ‘til I’m not, I’m just gonna play all my songs on this drum. It sounds really cool!
Chandler: All right.
Phoebe: Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Joey: Wow, Pheebs! That sounds great!
Phoebe: I know! I know, and I’ve only been playing for like an hour!
Alice: (entering) Phoebe! Phoebe! Hi! Hi!
Phoebe: Hey! What are you doing here?
Alice: Umm, actually, I came down to ask you a big favour.
Phoebe: Oh, well, don’t tell me you want to keep more of your stuff in my uterus.
Alice: (laughs) No. No. No. (Sits down.) Okay, now, see, I wanna name the girl baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank JR. JR.
Chandler: Wouldn’t that be Frank the III?
Alice: Don’t get me started. (To Phoebe) Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.
Phoebe: Wow! That’s so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar.
Alice: You think about it. (Leaves)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Ross’s apartment, he and Emily are getting ready to go to the airport.]
Emily: I left a bra drying on the shower rod, you don’t think your son will think it’s yours and be horribly traumatised?
Ross: Hey, if mommy can have a wife, daddy can have a bra.
Emily: (checks the clock) Ohh, it’s time to go.
Ross: Oh, no-no-no, see, that-that clock’s a little fast, uh, we have 17 minutes. Huh, what can we do in 17 minutes? Twice?
Emily: Well that’s ambitious.
(They kiss but are interrupted by a knock on the door.)
Ross: Hey, uh, you can ignore that.
Emily: That’s Carol with your son!
Ross: Uhh, believe me when he’s older, he’ll understand.
Carol: (knocking on the door) Ross!
Ross: I’ll be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol, Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is Carol and Susan.
Susan: Hey, it’s so nice to finally meet you!
Emily: Me too!
Carol: Ohh, y’know, Susan’s gonna be shooting a commercial in London next week.
Susan: Oh yeah, I’m so excited, I’ve never been there.
Emily: Oh, well, I’ll show you around.
Susan: That would be great! Also, uh, I was hoping to catch a show so if you can make any suggestions…
Emily: Oh, there’s tonnes of terrific stuff—I’ll go with you!
Susan: Ahh!
(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)
Ross: Look at you two, bonding, making us late for the airport so…
Emily: Are you all right?
Susan: Oh, he’s fine. He’s fine. It’s just that us getting along is difficult for him, because he doesn’t like me.
Ross: Oh come on! That’s-that’s… true.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hi!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?
Phoebe: Ugh! No! This is so hard! I went through this whole book (Holds up a book) and found nothing! I want a name that’s really like, y’know strong and confident, y’know? Like-like Exxon.
Chandler: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.
Joey: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?
Phoebe: No, I’m-I’m not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."
Joey: Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joey’s your pal. Joey’s your buddy. "Where is everybody?" "Well, they’re hanging out with Joey."
Chandler: Hey, y’know what, if you’re gonna do that, if you’re gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesn’t think so.) Oh, come on! Chandler’s funny, sophisticated, and he’s very loveable, once you get to know him.
Joey: Oh well, hey, Joey’s loveable too! But the thing about Joey is, if you need him, he’ll be there.
Chandler: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, he’ll be there. And he’ll bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that you’re really hot.
Joey: What do ya say? What do ya say?
Phoebe: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I don’t—maybe I’ll just name him The Hulk.
Joey: I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it! That’s what I wanted to name my kid!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is getting ready for a date with Joshua.]
Rachel: Hey, Mon, if you were hoping to sleep with Joshua the first time tonight, which one of these would you want to be wearing. (She’s holding two frilly, lace nighties.)
Monica: Y’know what? It really creeps me out choosing other people’s sex clothes.
Rachel: Sorry. I’m so exited! I’ve been waiting for this for months! I got my hair coloured! I got new sheets! I’m making him a very fancy meal.
Monica: Um-hmm.
Rachel: What am I making him by the way?
Monica: Well, you’re making him a frieze salad with goat cheese and pine nuts, wild nuts, wild rice, roast asparagus, and salmon au croup.
Rachel: I thought I was making him filet mignon?
Monica: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it, then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.
Rachel: Wow, I really get crabby when I cook.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: So uh, Emily called last night…
Chandler: And now you’re giving me the message!
Ross: Turns out them Emily is just crazy about Susan. Yeah, they’re going to the theatre together! They’re going to dinner! They’re going horseback riding!
Phoebe: God, Susan is so fun!
Ross: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."
Chandler: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?
Ross: Hey, they’re going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching! Y’know they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playful—didn’t you see Personal Best?
Joey: No, but I’m gonna!
Chandler: Hi! Hi! You’re crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.
Ross: How do you know? I mean we thought Carol was straight before I married her!
Phoebe: Yeah, I definitely. I don’t like the name Ross.
Ross: What a weird way to kick me when I’m down.
Phoebe: No! No! I-I meant for the baby!
Ross: Oh. What’s wrong with Ross?
Phoebe: Well, it’s just y’know that something like this would never to like The Hulk, y’know…
Ross: Actually that-that’s not true, in The Incredible Hulk uh, No. 72, Dr. Bruce Banner found… (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Y’know, ugh, nevermind, my girlfriend’s a lesbian. (Leaves.)
Phoebe: So, I decided I’m definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.
Joey: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.
Chandler: Raymond Chandler.
Joey: Someone you didn’t make up!
Chandler: Okay, there are no famous Joey’s. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.
Joey: Yeah, that guy really hurt us.
Phoebe: Well, how about a compromise then, okay? What if it’s like y’know, Chanoey?
Chandler: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, he’ll never be President. There’s never gonna be a President Joey.
Joey: All right look man, I didn’t want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! It’s not even a name; it’s barely even a word. Okay? It’s kinda like chandelier, but it’s not! All right? It’s a stupid, stupid non-name!
Chandler: Wow, you’re, you’re right. I have a horrible, horrible name.
Joey: I’m sorry man, I didn’t—I’m-I’m sorry. I’m sorry. (Goes over and comforts him.)
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: So I guess it’s Joey then!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with Joshua.]
Joshua: This is so nice. Thank you for doing this.
Rachel: Ohh, please! Cooking soothes me. (They kiss.) Ahh. So, dig in!
Joshua: Great! Oh, it all looks sooo good!
Rachel: (taking a bite) Hmmm!
Joshua: Oh my God!
Rachel: Oh I know, my God, this is so—this rice is so—I am so good.
Joshua: Behind you?
Rachel: (sees the chick and the duck) Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. They used to live here; sometimes they migrate back over.
Joshua: (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way they can not be here. It’s just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!
Rachel: Yeah, sure, okay. Okay.
(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joey’s door.)
Joey: (answering the door.) Hey, how did you do that?! Come on in. (He brings them inside.)
[Cut back to Rachel’s date.]
Rachel: All gone! So, farm birds, huh?
Joshua: Yeah, it’s-it’s my only weird thing, I swear. And I-I-I would’ve told you about it, but I didn’t know they would be here.
Rachel: Oh.
Joshua: So, all right.
(They both sit back down.)
Rachel: Okay. So, can I serve you a little of—What? What? What? (She sees that Joshua isn’t relaxed.)
Joshua: Nothing I uh, it’s just that I know that they’re still out there.
Rachel: But, they’re across the hall! I mean that’s two doors away, it would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.
Joshua: Okay, that’s-that’s not funny. Uhh.
Rachel: Okay, y’know, would you feel better if we went someplace else? I mean we could pack all this stuff up and y’know go to your apartment.
Joshua: Oh, they’re working on this week, it’s a total mess. But uh, I’m staying at my parents’ house, we could go there.
Rachel: Your parents’?
Joshua: Yeah, they’re out of town.
Rachel: Ohh.
Joshua: Yeah-yeah, it’s this huge place, and-and it’s got this gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?
Rachel: Yeah that works.
(He moves to kiss her, but stops when he hears the duck.)
Joshua: They-they-they can smell fear.
[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]
Ross: (opening the door.) Hey!
Carol: Hey! How’s Ben?
Ross: Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "No." So, he’s sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a dustpan.)
Carol: Hey, Ben! Hey!
Ross: So umm, any word from Susan?
Carol: Ooh, yeah! She said she’s having sooo much fun with Emily.
Ross: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, by the by, did it uh, did it ever occur to you that, I don’t know, maybe they might be having a little too much fun?
Carol: What’s too much fun?
Ross: Y’know, the kind of fun, you and Susan had when we were married.
Carol: Oh my God, you are so paranoid!
Ross: Am I?!
Carol: Yes!
Ross: Am I?!
Carol: I can’t speak for Emily, but Susan is in a loving, committed relationship.
Ross: Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment, Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Y’know? Say-say they’re coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks, they’re laughing, y’know, someone innocently touches someone else… There’s electricity, it’s new. It’s exciting. Are you telling me there isn’t even the slightest possibility of something happening?
Carol: Maybe.
Ross: OH MY GOD!! I didn’t really believe it until you just said it!!
[Scene: Joshua’s parents’ apartment, Rachel and Joshua are entering.]
Joshua: …and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to God, that duck pushed me!
Rachel: Wow! This place is fabulous!
Joshua: Yeah, yeah, let me show you around. This is the uh, downstairs living room.
Rachel: Whoa-whoa, there’s two living rooms? God, growing up here, this place must’ve been a real babe magnet.
Joshua: Yeah, well, it would’ve been, but uh, my parents just moved here.
Rachel: Ohh, you should know, this place is a real babe magnet. Wanna make out?
(They kiss.)
Joshua: Hey, here’s an idea. Why don’t uh, I put the food in the fridge and we can eat it later?
Rachel: That sounds like a plan. Umm, is there a place I can go freshen up?
Joshua: Oh yeah, yeah uh, it’s down the hall and uh, second door to your left.
Rachel: Ah.
(She goes down the hall. Joshua goes to put the food away when his parents walk in.)
Mrs. Burgin: Oh, hi, darling!
Joshua: Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?
Mrs. Burgin: Oh, well we cut the trip short.
Mr. Burgin: France sucks!
Joshua: Umm, this may be a little weird, but I-I-I got a date here.
Mrs. Burgin: Oh, say no more!
Mr. Burgin: We’ll just grab some food and take it with us right upstairs, and we’ll be right out of you hair.
Joshua: Oh, that-that would be great. So you didn’t even get to Italy?
Mr. Burgin: Yep, sucks!
(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise. So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)
Rachel: Hi you!
Joshua: Oh my God!
Rachel: I know, I can do more than cook.
(Just then, his parents enter. Rachel gasps.)
Mr. Burgin: I like her. She sees smart.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Joshua’s parents’ apartment, continued from earlier.]
Joshua: Uhh, Rachel, my parents…
Rachel: Ohh! It’s so nice to meet you. (She goes over and shakes their hands.) Hello.
Mr. Burgin: Hi.
Rachel: Hello.
Mrs. Burgin: Hello. Well, Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.
Rachel: What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is not—that’s-that’s not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see and-and, this is a real dress actually. It’s-it’s, they’re-they’re wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people respond, and then I report back to my superiors at Bloomingdale’s, so… And obviously in uh, in-in this case, (She grabs a pen and paper) I am going to report back, "USA not ready."
Mrs. Burgin: Maybe in L.A?
Rachel: Yes!
Joshua: There you go.
Mr. Burgin: So, have you kids eaten yet?
Rachel: Well, we were going to do that after—I mean umm, next.
Mr. Burgin: Well, we’re starving, why don’t we all go get something to eat?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, well… Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin’ around the house.
Mr. Burgin: So… We go eat.
Rachel: Yes.
Mr. Burgin: You’ll wear that. We’ll be eating, and of course, you’ll be wearing that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new name in Phoebe’s book of names.]
Joey: Dude, I am sorry about what I said!
Chandler: No, no, you’re right, it is a ridiculous name!
Joey: It’s not that bad.
Chandler: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So, you’re just Bing?
Chandler: I have no name.
Phoebe: All right, so, what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull of Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Umm, Gene.
Chandler: It’s Clint. It’s Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)
Joey: See you later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It’s Clint! Clint!
Joey: What’s up with Gene?
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe and Monica of her date.]
Monica: So, you wore your nightie to dinner?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: Oh, no!
Rachel: No, it’s all right. I got nice boobs. (Phoebe and Monica nod there heads in agreement.)
Ross: (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she and Susan are going to a poetry reading together!
Rachel: So?
Ross: So! Poetry? Susan’s gay! They’re being gay together!
Monica: Emily’s straight.
Ross: Oh, wake up!
Phoebe: Wow, Carol really messed you up!
Ross: Excuse me?
Phoebe: Yeah, she turned you into this-this-this untrusting, crazy, jealous, sycophant. (They all look at her.) All right, so I don’t know what sycophant means, but the rest is right.
Ross: Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I am not a crazy, jealous person.
Rachel: Huh.
Ross: What?
Rachel: She’s totally right! When we were together, you got all freaked out about Mark and there was nothing going on.
Monica: This totally makes sense!
Ross: It does not!
Monica: Oh, sure it does! In high school, you weren’t jealous at all even though all your girlfriends were cheating on you!
Phoebe: All right, all right, so up until ‘92-93 he was very trusting, then ’94 hit, Carol left him and bamn! Paranoid city!
Rachel: Absolutely! Absolutely!
Monica: This is so much fun!
Ross: This is not fun!
Monica: Look, all we’re trying to say is, don’t let what happened with Carol ruin what you got with Emily.
Phoebe: Yeah. The ’92 Ross wouldn’t.
Ross: Well, I still think I was right about that whole Mark thing.
Rachel: What—yeah—what, y’know what? I hope Emily is a lesbian.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]
Phoebe: Drum roll.
Chandler: (entering) Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?
Joey: Nah, you’re not tall enough to be a Mark, but you might make a good Barney.
Chandler: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.
Phoebe: You’re actually going through with this?
Chandler: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, it’s probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women… So, as of 4 o’clock tomorrow, I’m either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.
Phoebe: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In fact—yes, (To Joey) I’m, I’m sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, I’m-I’m, I’m gonna, I’m gonna name the baby Chandler.
Chandler: (pleased) Really?!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!
Chandler: Okay. Thanks.
Phoebe: Okay!
Chandler: You wanna hug it out?
Phoebe: Yeah!
(They both hug.)
Phoebe: Yay!
Chandler: Yay!
Phoebe: Yay—oh—yay! Okay, I gotta go tell Frank and Alice! Right now!
Chandler: Okay!
Phoebe: Ooh, uh… (She grabs her coat and runs out.)
Chandler: Bye, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Okay, bye!
(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and…)
Chandler: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Joey: Ohh! (Realises it was all a trick to get Phoebe to name the baby Chandler.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: the airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]
Ross: Nice luggage.
Carol: I was gonna say…
(Susan and Emily get off.)
Susan: Hey!
(They both run and hug they’re respective partners.)
Ross: Hi!
Emily: Hey! I missed you.
Ross: Oh, I missed you too.
Susan: (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.
Emily: Oh, so did I.
(They hug and give each other a little peck on the cheek.)
Ross: (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)
END

418 瑞秋的新装

他们说的是真的
怀孕的腹部像个大鼓
我的肚子大得连吉他也拿不了了
那我要用这鼓来伴唱了
那听来很不错!
听，听
听，听
他们给你吃什么了?
那听来不错?
我知道!我只弹了一小时
你们在这里做什么?我来让你帮我更大的忙
别告诉我你要在我子宫里放更多的东西
好了。有
我给女孩起名荣斯利
佛兰克想叫男孩——
佛兰克，杰
那不是佛兰克爱尔吗?
别帮我开始
无论如何因为有三个孩子
我们起了其中的两个
我们非常荣幸假如你给另外的那个孩子起名
那太好了!
美洲狮
”医”医考虑吧
我在那里留下一个胸罩干洗了
你儿子会以为那是你的精神会受损伤的?
妈妈能有妻子妈妈能有胸罩
是时候走了
看，那钟有点快的
我们还有17分钟
我们17分钟能做什么
两次?
哎，那很有雄心
你可以别理它的
那是你的儿子
相信我，他长大点的话他就会明白了
我就在那里
是卡罗尔和苏珊
最后能跟你见面真好我也是
下星期苏珊就到伦敦了我从没到过那里
我可以带你到处去太好了!
我也希望能碰上表演有何建议?
那里有很多恐’防的事，I青
我会跟你一起去的
看你们两个粘在一起
让我们迟到机场了
你没事吧?
看来那对他来说听难的
因为他不喜欢我
因为他不喜欢我
是真的
我们还没有结孩子起名吗?
不，那并不难!
我看遍了那本书也拢不到
我要真正强壮和自信的名字
你知道?就像是——
益生!
那瓦尔迪兹孩子当然有效
你要个强壮的名字笨船怎么样?
我不确定那能不能但我喜欢那“THE77开头的名字
你要个好的名字用祖尔吧
祖尔是你的好朋友，你的伙伴
大家都到哪去了?他们跟祖尔出去了!
假如你要给他起名祖尔你给起昌德
昌德很有趣，久经世故还很可爱
当你认识他
祖尔也很可爱
但用了祖尔，你需要他的话他就在那里
昌德也会在那里的他也许会稍微迟到
但他都会在那里的他会给你冰冻的苏打水
假如你在很热的时候需要他
怎样?
我喜欢那用我爱人名字的主意
祖尔和昌德都是很好的名字
好，我不
也许我叫他废船吧
我不该提起的我想给我的孩子起名
假如你想和约书亚睡吗你会姚哪个?
我来帮人家挑选性感的衣服
抱歉我很兴奋
我等好几个月了我染发了
我买了新鞋子我在给他做美味的晚餐
看我给他做什么?
发缨沙拉，还有芝士松子
抄冰，烤芦笋还有鲑鱼烤碎面包块
我以为自己在给他做小肉片
你决定了做鲑鱼是因为还有剩一点
那你认识到你是掠子的话你就不再煮东西了
那你就必须做著名的烤马铃薯和减肥克乐了
我煮东西的时候真的很暴躁
那爱米丽昨天打电话来了
现在你要给我按摩?
变成了爱米丽爱上苏珊
她们要一起看电影
“起去吃饭
她们还一起骑马!
天，苏珊真有趣!
看，那真相似
半年前我跟卡罗尔分开
我所听到的是“我的女朋友苏珊是那么聪明
我的朋友苏珊是那么有趣那么好
你认为爱米丽和苏珊之间会有什么?
嘿，他们还要一起健身呢!
两个女人
在拉拉扯扯!
他们去蒸桑那，那更好玩没看过“个人最佳”吗?
不，我要!
晦!你疯了
爱米丽是直的
你怎么知道?我们也以为卡罗尔是直的
对，当然我不喜欢洛斯的名字
这简直是落井下石!
不，我说孩子的名字
洛斯有什么不好?
就像笨船一样永不会发生的
那不是真的
那“难以置信的笨船”72号布鲁斯班乐医生发现了——
你知道
算了，我的女朋友是同姓恋
我一定会在祖尔和昌德里选一个的
你要选祖尔!
著名的人士叫昌德
雷蒙德昌德
不是你虚构的人物
没有著名的祖尔除了——
祖尔布塔福科
对，那家伙真让我们伤心
至协怎样?
昌奴尔?
祖尔?想想吧他永远当不了总统的
会有总统祖尔的
我可不希望培养出来
昌德是我所听过最笨的名字!
那不是个名字!那几乎不是个词
就像是装饰灯但不是的!
那是笨蛋，笨蛋，不是名字!
你是对的我有个可，I、e的名字
抱歉，伙计很抱歉
那我猜要祖尔了
真好谢谢你做的
求你!帮我减轻痛楚
那掘土!
看来都很好
哩，天
我知道我的天，那太好了
我很好!
在你后面
他们一直都住在这里有时也会迁徒
有方法让他们不能在这里吗?
农场乌真的让我反复无常!
农场乌真的让我反复无常!
你走!
嘿!你怎能那样?
都走了
那农场乌呢?
我发誓那只是反常的事，I青
我该已经告诉过你了我不知道它们会在这里的
我能给你
什么?
什么也没有
只是我知道它们还在外面
他们要穿过那大堂还有两扇门隔着
要来这里需要很长的路程
那可一点不幽默
假如我们换个地方的话会让你好受点吗?
我们可以把这些东西都拿走到你家去
正在装修
我住在父目的家里我们到那里
他们出城了
那是个很大的地方还有很美的风景
会很浪漫的
你说什么
他们能感到那恐’嗅
本怎样了?
我问他想不想吃他说不
我问他想不想睡他说不
我问他想做什么他说不
所以他在打扫
苏珊有口信吗?
她说她跟爱米丽一起很愉快
还有，那的确在你身上发生过
也许她们在做更愉快的事?
什么是更愉快?
那是在我们结婚是你和苏珊有的
喂，我的天
我?
我?
苏珊在恋爱段忠实的关系
卡罗尔
只要想想
苏珊遇上某人他们非常适合
她们从电影院回来喂了饮料就结束了
她们在笑
某人纯洁地碰了另一个人
有了化学反应
是新的很刺激
你在说这不是最大的可能
有是发生?
也许哩，天!
我真的不相信直到你刚说了!
其余的都不相信我但我发誓那鸭子推了我
这地方难以置信的!
这是楼下的起居室
有两个起居室?
在这里长大这地方一定是孩子很喜欢的
是的但我父昂刚搬来的
你该知道这里孩子会很喜欢的
如何进展?
干吗不把东西放进冰箱里?
我们能待会才吃?
看来有计划的
有地方能让我换衣服吗?
就在大厅左边第二个门
晦，亲爱的你在这里做什么?
我们的旅程缩短了法国的浪漫!
这也许有点奇怪但我在这里有约
别再说了
我们拿食物，到楼上然后
那很好那你们不去意大利了
对
晦，你!
哩，天!
我知道我不止能煮东西的
我喜欢她
丽珍，我的父昂
见到你们真好
约书亚，那500元是食品的
什么，这个?哩，不那不是这样的
好，我在时装界里工作
这是真正的衣服，事实上
他们在米兰都这样穿的
我工作的一部分就是穿着这衣服看人们的反映
然后我就向我盛开的溪谷的上司报告
很明显，这次
我要报告回去
“美国还没接受”
也许在LA可以的
也许在LA可以的
吃东西了吗?
我们之后正要
我们都吃东西吧
别浪费了房子周围的东西
那我们去吃东西吧
你会穿着它
我们会去吃东西然后当然，你还会穿着它
抱歉我所说的
不，你是对的那是很糟的名字
其实也错的
对
从现在开始，我没有名字了
你就叫丙?
我没有名字
那我们该叫你什么?
好，临时地，你叫我
克林顿
你是不可能拉出克林顿的
那该用怎样的名字?
基因
是克林顿
是克林顿!
再见了，基因
是克林顿!
基因怎么了?
你穿睡衣吃晚餐?
最棒的部分是那服务员把水都倒在我背上
我跳起来
那没关系
我刚收到爱米丽的口信
她和苏珊要一起写首诗
那?
诗?
苏珊是同性恋的
她们要搞同性恋了
爱米丽是直的
哩，醒醒吧!
卡罗尔的确让你陷入困境
抱歉?
她让你陷入了不信任，疯狂还有妒忌——
拍马屁!
那我不知道“拍马屁”的意思但那是对的
你们在说什么?我不是个疯狂，妒忌的人
她是对的
我们在一起的时候你因为马克而伤心，其实什么也没有
这有道理
不是的!
在中学里你根本不妒忌的
即使你所有的女朋友出卖了你
到了92年，93年他也还很信任别人
到了94年，卡罗尔离开了他可怜的城市!
全对!
这真有趣!
这一点也不有趣!
我们要说的是——
别让在卡罗尔身上的事发生在爱米丽身上
92年的洛斯就不会
我还认为在马克那事里我是对的
哎，你知道吗?我希望爱米丽是同性恋
击鼓
好
救命!
我是马克还是约翰?
你可不够马克高
但你也许能是个好的巴尼
看，我是认真的
明天3点30分我要到法院去
你准备参加吗?
生中这名字一直阻止了我
所以孩子选中了我而我总是栽在女人手里
那明天，我会是马克约翰或者是约翰马克森
你因为自己而有问题不是你的名字!
这都够了!昌德是个好名字
事实上
抱歉，我知道你要我结孩子起名为祖尔
我要给他起名昌德
我要给他起名昌德
但你也必须继续用这名字
但你也必须继续用这名字
要拥抱吗?
我现在就告诉佛兰克和爱丽斯!
再见，菲比!
很好的皮箱
我也想你
谢谢，我过得很快乐我也是
别用舌头

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 86楼发表于: 2014-04-03 0

419 The One With All The Haste

[Scene: Rachel’s bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.]
The Singing Man: (singing, duh) Morning’s here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning’s here! The morning’s here!
Rachel: HEY!! Do you have to do that? It’s Saturday!
The Singing Man: Oh come on! Morning’s here! (Starts singing) Morning’s here! The morning is here! Sunshine is here!
(Rachel slams shut her window and storms into the living room, where Joey and Monica are eating breakfast.)
Rachel: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy!
Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Morning’s here! Morning is here—
Rachel: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.
Monica: Hey, I have all the space I need. Just do what I did.
Rachel: Monica, you don’t even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!
Monica: Y’know what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!
Rachel: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
Monica: Okay.
Joey: See, this is a great apartment.
Monica: Shut up! This place is a hole!
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Ross’s bedroom; Ross and Emily are making out. Ross as a new feature.]
Emily: Oh, blimey, I still can’t believe you’ve got an earring!
(Yep, it’s a little gold loop.)
Ross: Huh? I know, I know. Who am I? David Bowe? (Shakes his head around, pretending like he’s jamming.)
Emily: He does that?!
Ross: Uh, I don’t know, whatever.
Emily: I think it makes you look really dangerous.
Ross: Oh, I know. Y’know what, I never would’ve gotten this if it weren’t for you. No really, when I’m with you I’m-I’m like this whole other guy, I love that guy! I mean, I love you too, a lot, but that guy! I-I love that guy!
Emily: I love both of you!
Ross: Yeah?
(They kiss.)
Emily: I wish I didn’t have to go.
Ross: Then don’t. Stay here. Just don’t go so soon to London, just one more day.
Emily: Ohh, Ross, please!
Ross: One more day, seriously/
Emily: Don’t do this to me, again. You’d know I’d stay here in a minute, but I’d really miss so much work, they’ll fire me.
Ross: So, then you can stay as long as you want.
Emily: I wish I could.
Ross: Oh no. Don’t, don’t, don’t start packing. Come on! (She puts some clothes into her bag, and Ross throws them out.)
Emily: I don’t think you understand packing. Look, I just don’t want to leave it to the last minute. Last time I left in such a rush, I left my knickers here.
Ross: Yeah, I know, I uh, I tried them on.
Emily: You didn’t!
Ross: No. No, I didn’t. I didn’t want to be that guy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]
Phoebe: (entering, wearing Santa pants) Hello!
Chandler: Ho! Ho! Ho!
Phoebe: Excuse me.
Chandler: Your pants!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! You like ‘em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooo comfortable!
Joey: Uhh, Pheebs, those are uh, those are Santa pants.
Phoebe: What?
Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe still doesn’t get it.) Santa Claus’s pants.
Phoebe: Nuh-uh! They’re maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Monica: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: So—Hey, Pheebs! So, how are the elves?
Phoebe: I don’t know! How are the-the-the-the, y’know—You’re clothes aren’t funny.
Monica: Hey, guys, what-what should I wear to a Knicks game?
Chandler: Uhh, a T-shirt that says, "I don’t belong here."
Joey: You have Knicks tickets?
Rachel: Yeah, my mom got my dad’s season tickets in the divorce, so she just gave them to me.
Monica: Yeah, apparently, they’re pretty good seats.
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: (examining the tickets) Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor!
Rachel: Do you guys want these?
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: Yeah we do!
Rachel: Ohh, well you got ‘em.
Both: All right!
Rachel: Just give us our apartment back!
Phoebe: Boy! I didn’t see that coming!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Rachel: Oh, come on! We know what these are worth.
Monica: Yeah, what, do you think we’re stupid?
Joey: You’re not stupid. You’re meaner than I thought.
Monica: What do you say?
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, I’m not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats!
Rachel: You’re bachelor pad?!
Monica: Have you even had a girl up here?
Chandler: No. But uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time.
Joey: Yeah, you do!
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]
Joey: Come on!
Chandler: (ignoring him) Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please?
Gunther: Good one.
Joey: Come on, season tickets! Season tickets, do you know what that means?
Chandler: Forget it! Okay, I’m not giving up the apartment.
Joey: Oh come—look, when I was a kid my dad’s company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasn’t in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!
Ross: (entering) Hey, guys! (They both notice his new little friend)
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Oh my God!
Joey: We don’t make enough fun of you already?
Ross: Oh yeah, Emily convinced me to do it.
Chandler: You do know that Wham broke up?
Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and that’s what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?
Joey: Oh-no, don’t try and talk all normal with that thing in your ear.
Chandler: Where is Emily?
Ross: Ugh, she’s saying good-bye to her uncle.
Chandler: Man, didn’t she like just get here?
Ross: Yeah!! Yeah!
Chandler: Easy tiger.
Ross: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, it’s-it’s so great. But at the same time I’m thinking, "Well, I’m gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off."
Chandler: So what are you going to do?
Ross: Nothing! There’s nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-she’d have to uh, move here. She should move here!
Joey: What?
Ross: I could ask her to live with me!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Ross: I mean, why not! I mean, I mean why not?!
Chandler: Because you’ve only known her for six weeks! Okay, I’ve got a carton of milk in my fridge I’ve had a longer relationship with!
Ross: Look guys, when I’m with her it’s-it’s-it’s like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, y’know?
Chandler: And I love the milk! But, I’m not gonna some British girl to move in with me! (Realizes that made no sense.) Joey, you say things now.
Joey: All right look, Ross, he’s right. Emily’s great, she’s great! But this way too soon, you’re only gonna scare her!
Ross: I don’t want to do that.
Joey: No! You don’t want to wreck it, you don’t want to go to fast!
Ross: Yeah, no, you’re right, I know, you’re right, I’m not, I’m not gonna do it. All right, thanks guys. (Gets up to leave.)
Chandler: Okay, no problem, just remember to wake us up before you go-go.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]
Phoebe: That’s too hard. Too hard!
Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets!
Rachel: Or I’ll give them to my new boyfriend, Joshua.
Chandler: No thank you.
Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, let’s trade! The timing’s perfect, I just clogged the toilet!
Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we can’t leave in the small apartment after we’ve lived here! Didn’t you ever read Flowers for Algernon?
Joey: Yes! Didn’t you ever read Sports Illustrated?! No! I didn’t read yours! But come on, we can go to the game tonight!
Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.
Joey: It’s the Knicks!
Chandler: Screw the Knicks!
Joey: Whoa!
Chandler: I didn’t mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.
Joey: Huh.
Chandler: And the Knicks rule all.
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule all!
Phoebe: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?
Chandler: No. No. We’re not gonna do that, y’know why? Because its not an even trade.
Rachel: All right, okay, look, what if you could keep the apartment and get the tickets?
Joey: Done!
Rachel: Let me finish.
Joey: Oh.
Rachel: I’m talking about a bet, winner takes all.
Joey: Ooh, we could end up with nothing.
Phoebe: Or you could end up with everything.
Joey: Ooh, I like that.
Monica: All right, so what do you say?
Chandler: No!
Monica: Oh, just do it!!
Chandler: Op, op, I’m convinced!
Joey: Come on man, you know I’d do it for you! Because, you’re my best friend.
Chandler: All right, but you can’t use that again for a whole year. I’m in.
Joey: All right!
Phoebe: Ooh, this is so exciting! Ooh, God, what are you going to bet?
Rachel: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because she’s the only who’s impartial, and she’s so pretty.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, ooh, ooh—oh, I have a game!
Joey: Okay!
Chandler: Okay!
Phoebe: This is great!
Joey: What’s the game?! What’s the game?!
Phoebe: Oh, well, it doesn’t have a name—oh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesn’t have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees?
Monica: They’re green?
Phoebe: Good! Good! Five points!
(They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.)
Phoebe: All right, Joey, same question.
(He looks to Chandler, who doesn’t have a clue.)
Joey: Uhh, they’re tall.
Phoebe: Ooh, three points. Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy.
(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didn’t come up with the answer.)
Monica: That’s not even a game!
Rachel: What? Shut up! We’re winning!
Monica: You wanna finish this right now? All right, we get a deck of cards, high card wins. What do you say?
Chandler: Fine, let’s do it.
Phoebe: Oh, I have cards!
Joey: Oh.
Monica: Oh, good.
Phoebe: Yeah! Here! (She grabs a deck out of her purse) Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.
Chandler: Okay, you guys uh, you guys pick first
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: Okay. (She picks a card.) Four.
Chandler: That’s a low one!
Joey: Yeah! Okay. (Joey picks a card.) Phoebe, you look, I can’t.
Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)
Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!
(Both Joey and Chandler and Monica and Rachel jump up and down for joy.)
Chandler: Why are you screaming and hugging?
Monica: Because we won our apartment back!
Joey: What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace!
Monica: No! Ace is low! Ace, two, three, four!
(They all look to Phoebe to settle this.)
Phoebe: I don’t know. Ooh! Ooh! Look it! (She fans out the trick deck.) Ah-ha!
Rachel: All right, cut, let’s pick again, pick again.
Joey: Okay.
Rachel: Come on apartment! Come on apartment! (Picks a card.) Oh! I know queen is high!
Joey: Uh-huh, not as high as…(picks a card) It worked! King!
Chandler: Yeah baby!
Monica: But, we pick again! We pick again!
Joey: Why?!
Monica: I don’t know!
Chandler: Tickets please! (Rachel hands over the tickets) That’s courtside baby!
Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!
Chandler: No they didn’t!
[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Emily has packed as Ross returns.]
Ross: Hey!
Emily: I packed while you were gone. I left some knickers under your pillow.
Ross: (laughs) Move in with me.
Emily: What?!
Ross: Don’t be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say it’s too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be.
Emily: Ohh, no. Ugh. Oh, leaving London, my whole family lives there.
Ross: I know.
Emily: My job!
Ross: Well, so, you-you’ll get a job here! I mean, I’m always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!
Emily: Yeah, but it-it-it’s my whole life—you come to England.
Ross: No, I can’t. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I can’t leave him. Isn’t—you don’t think there’s any way?
Emily: Ohh, I don’t think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future –and-and-and we were getting married or something.
Ross: What?
Emily: Oh no, no, right I shouldn’t have said married. Uh, please don’t go freaky on me. I didn’t mean it. Well, I didn’t say it; I take it back!
Ross: No, no, don’t. Why don’t we?
Emily: Why don’t we what?
Ross: Get married.
Emily: You are mad!
Ross: No! No! I’m not! It’s-it’s-it’s perfect! I mean it’s better than you just-just moving here, ‘cause it’s us together forever, and that’s-that’s what I want.
Emily: We’ve only known each other for six weeks!
Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, who’s-who’s to say? Does that me we-we can’t do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesn’t it?
Emily: My parents are going to be really mad.
Ross: Is that—are you saying yes? Is that yes?
Emily: Yes.
(They kiss and hug.)
Emily: Yes!
Ross: Yes! We’re getting married?!
Emily: Oh my God!
Ross: Yes!
Emily: We’re getting married!
Ross: Come here, come here. Uh, (He takes the earring out.) ow! Emily, will you marry me?
Emily: Yes.
(He tries to put it on her finger.)
Emily: Ohh, it’s a bit small.
Ross: Damn! I thought that was going to be romantic as hell!
Emily: It was.
(They kiss.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]
Chandler: Those were like the best seats ever.
Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Y’know, kinda like a peace offering.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that’s very nice. Plus, y’know they were free and they’re too small.
(He knocks on the girls’ door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesn’t even realise it.)
Chandler: Oh. Oh, God! (He starts running around like a chicken with his head cut off.)
Joey: Hey, want a beer? (Hands him a beer and sits down in one of the chairs.) (Jumping up.) WHOA!!!!
Chandler: I KNOW!!!
(They both sprint to what used to be their apartment.)
Chandler: Open up! Open up! Open up!
(A very angry Monica opens the door with the security chain still on.)
Monica: We’ll discuss it, in the morning! (Slams the door shut.)
Chandler: What the hell is going on?!
(It’s Rachel’s turn to open the door.)
Rachel: We took our apartment back!! (Slams the door shut.)
Phoebe: (opening the door) I had nothing to do with it. (Closes the door.) (Opens the door.) Okay, it was my idea, but I don’t feel good about it.
(She goes to close the door, but Chandler puts his foot it in.)
Chandler: We are switching back, right now!
Monica: No, we’re not! We’re not leaving!
Chandler: Well, you’re gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we’re switching it back! There’s nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?
Joey: I don’t know.
Chandler: What?
Joey: I don’t want to move again!
Chandler: I don’t care, this is our apartment! And they stole—you stole it—our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I’m getting back right now!
(They open the door.)
Rachel: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can’t offer anything to us!
Rachel: Let us keep the apartment and…
Monica: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.
[Time lapse. The guys are entering their apartment.]
Chandler: Totally worth it!
Joey: That was one good minute!
Chandler: Good night.
Joey: Good night.
(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)
[Cut to the girls apartment.]
Monica: Men are such idiots.
Rachel: Yeah! Can you believe that something that stupid actually got us our apartment back?
Phoebe: That’s so funny to think if you’d just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all.
Monica: Yeah, let-let-let’s pretend that’s not true.
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay, scarf’s done. (It’s not really a scarf, it’s just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)
Ross: Come on! Come on. Come on.
Chandler: Okay!
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Hey!
Monica: What-what’s going on?
Joey: Ross has some big thing to tell everyone.
Ross: Uhh, okay, it’s uh, Emily and I, we decided to uh, to get married.
(The gang is stunned.)
Phoebe: What? Oh, are you pregnant too?!
Emily: Umm, no.
Monica: When, when did—how, how did you…
Ross: We, we just decided to uh, to go for it.
Emily: I mean, we know it’s a bit hasty but, uh, it just feels so right, so…
(Rachel slowly walks in from her bedroom. She is stunned speechless.)
Ross: (turning around.) Umm, uh, I was just telling the guys…
Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachel’s reaction.) I think it’s great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, I’m so happy for you!
(Seeing Rachel’s apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)
Chandler: Oh, well, that’s great!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah!
Monica: (to Ross) I can’t believe you’re getting married!
Ross: Yeah. (They hug again.)
Joey: Monica and Rachel made out. (Giggles like a schoolboy and Monica glares at him.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Joey’s bedroom, he is awoken by the singing guy.]
The Singing Man: (singing) Morning’s here! The morning’s here!
(Joey joins him.)
Both: Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning’s here!
The Singing Man: Hey! You’re back!
Joey: Hey! (Singing) Get into gear!
The Singing Man: (singing) Breakfast is near!
Both: The dark of night has disappeared!!
The Singing Man: I’ll see you tomorrow morning!
Joey: (happily) Okay!
END

419 忙中出错

（唱）早晨到了，阳光美，天空蓝，早晨到了，早晨到了
嗨，你非要这样做吗？
今天是星期六
噢，别这样！早晨到了
（唱）早晨到了，早晨到了，阳光美
我讨厌这套房子！
我讨厌这墙上的颜色！
我讨厌这个地方闻起来有种鸟的味道
我讨厌那个唱歌的家伙
你在开玩笑吧？我喜欢那家伙。
（唱）早晨到了，早晨到了－
闭嘴！我要杀了你。
我讨厌我的房间这么小
嗨，象我这样，
空间够用就好。
莫妮卡，你连床都没有，
你睡在地板上的球里
你知道什么？我真厌烦你的抱怨。
我一直在努力使我们住得更好。
对不起。对不起。
好吧。
看，这房子多好啊。
闭嘴！这地方就是个洞。
哎呀, 我不敢相信你居然戴了耳环
我知道，我知道，我是谁？大卫.邦威？
他也戴耳环吗？
我不知道，管他呢
我觉得你戴耳环看起来象个危险人物
我知道。
你要知道，我戴这个都是因为你
不确切。当我和你在一起时，
我就象变成另一个人，我喜欢那个家伙。
我是指，我更爱你，但那家伙，我爱那家伙
我爱你们两个
是吗？
真希望我不用走就好了
那就别走。留下来。
别那么快就回伦敦，再多呆一天
罗斯，求你了，再多留一天，真的
别那样。我也想再多留一分钟，
但我搁下了很多工作没做，他们会解雇我的
那么，你就可以想待多久就待多久
要真是那样就好了
不，不要，
不要收拾。不要
我不是现在走。我只是不想临走时再收拾。
上次，我走的很匆忙，结果把我的短裤留在这了.
是，我知道。
我，我试着穿了一下
你，不会吧？
不，不。我没有。
我不想成为那家伙
嗨！
哈！哈！哈！
什么？
你的裤子！
噢，是呀！你们喜欢吗？
我只是，我去了二手商品市场，
买了一大堆孕妇装。这些真的非－常－舒服
菲比，那是，那是圣诞裤
什么？
圣诞裤，圣诞老人的裤子
不！这些是孕妇穿的。
这里还有一张婴儿名单
看，这些是好名字，这些是坏名字。
哦－
嗨！
嗨！
嗨，菲比。那，小顽皮怎么样了？
我不知道。
那，那，那，你的衣服很可笑。
嗨，小子们。我应该穿什么去看尼克斯队的比赛？
T恤说：“我不属于这里”
你有尼克斯队比赛的票？
是，我妈在和我爸离婚的时候
拿了他这个赛季的票，然后就给我了
很显然，座位很好。
我的上帝！就在场地的右侧
你们想要吗？
想！我们想！
好吧，给你们。
太好了
把我们的房子还给我们
小子们，这事跟我无关
你是认真的？
我们知道这值多少？
你们觉得我们很傻吗？
不傻。你们比我们想像的要狡猾。
怎么说？
忘了它。
我不会因为几张篮球票而放弃我的单身住处。
你这是单身住处？
有女孩住过这吗？
没有，但是，乔伊有过。
我只是通常在早上和她们说话。
是，没错
来吧
巩特尔，请给我两杯契诺
点的不错。
赛季门票！赛季门票
你知道那意味着什么？
别提它了。我不会放弃我的房间的。
你看，当我是个孩子的时候
我爸爸公司每年只有销售冠军才能得到赛季门票。
我爸爸从来没有得到过。当然他不在销售部门。
但是我从来没有忘记过
兄弟们！
嗨！
我的上帝！
我们开你的玩笑还不够吗？
艾米丽赞成我这样
你不知道这要打了一个洞？
我喜欢，艾米丽喜欢
那就值。你们怎么样？
不，不要试图觉得你耳朵上的东西很正常
艾米丽在哪？
她在和她的叔叔告别
小子，她不喜欢住这吗？
是！是！
放松点，老虎
我真的很讨厌这样！
每次从机场接她，那感觉真好
但是这个时候我在想
“几天以后我又要回到这里，送她走”
那你打算怎么办呢？
不知道。也没办法。
她住那，我住这，她最好能搬来，她应该搬来
什么？
我应该能要求她和我住一起
你说真的吗？
为什么不？我说，为什么不？
因为你们只认识了六个星期
我和我冰箱里的牛奶相处的时间也比你们长
听着，当我和她在一起的时候
她发掘了我最好的一面
我的意思是，我爱她
我爱牛奶！
但我不会让某个英国女孩搬来和我住
乔伊，现在你说
罗斯，他是对的。艾米丽很好。
她很好。但是这样太快了，你只会吓着她
我不想那样
你不想搞砸了，不想太快
是的，我知道，你们是对的。
我不这么做。好了，多谢你们
没关系。在你们跳戈戈舞之前，别忘了叫醒我们
那太难了。太难了
好了，得到门票的最后机会
否则我就给我的新男友Joshua.
不用了，谢谢
等等，等等，我们谈谈。
时机正好，我刚刚把厕所给堵了
我和你一样想得到门票
但是我们回来以后不能住在一套小公寓里
你没有读过“阿尔杰农之花”吗？
是啊，你没有读过体育杂志吗？
我是没有读过你那本书，但我们今晚能去看比赛
唯一可以考虑的是
她们能否给出别的什么超过门票价值？
那是尼克斯队！
管他什么尼克斯！
哇噢！
我不是这个意思。
我只是想说我们的公寓价值远远超出门票
哼！
尼克斯决定一切。
是，尼克斯决定一切。
怎么样？你们换吗？
不，不，我们不换。
你们知道为什么吗？
因为那根本不是交易。
好吧。那你们保留公寓
票也归你们，如何？
成交！
让我说完
我说的是打赌，是赢家才行
我们一无所获
你们也可以满载而归
我喜欢你这么说
那好，怎么说？
不
噢，不行
我，我，我坚持
来吧，我来替你，因为你是我的好朋友
好吧，但你一年之内
不能再利用这种关系了。我加入
好啊
真是让人兴奋啊！
噢，天，你们赌什么？
好吧，我们让菲比决定
因为她是唯一中立派，并且很漂亮
好吧，噢，噢，我有个游戏
好啊！
好啊！
太好了！
什么游戏？什么游戏？
哦，这，没有名字
好，就叫菲比球。
不，它没有名字
莫妮卡，你最喜欢树的什么？
绿色？
好，好，五分
好了，乔伊，同样问题。
它们很高？
三分。都是好答案，但是我们要的是‘枝繁叶茂’
这根本不是游戏
什么？闭嘴。我们赢了
你想现在停止吗？
那好，我们现在拿一副牌，
大的赢，你们说呢？
好吧
哦，我有牌
哦，好
这，噢，不，这是骗人用的
这里，对，好了
好，你们先选
四
是张小牌
菲比，你看，我不能看
你怎么会认为我能？
好吧，好吧，A
你们为什么也尖叫拥抱？
因为我们赢回了我们的公寓
什么，A是大牌！J,Q,K,A
不，A是小牌！A,2,3,4
我不知道。
看这个，啊哈！
打住，我们重选，重选
好
来吧，公寓，来吧，公寓
我知道，Q是大牌
不，不会比...成了，K
宝贝！
我们重来，重来
为什么
我不知道
票！那是场边的位置，宝贝
好游戏，好游戏。
她们为什么生气？她们拿回了公寓
不，她们没有
中文字幕版权归《六人行》网站和翻译者Jean所有
http://www.topcmm.com/friends
嗨！
我在你不在的时候收拾好了
我在枕头下面留了一些短裤
搬来和我一起住？
什么？
不要害怕。我知道这听上去很疯狂
人们会说这太快了
但是想想，这样会多好
不，哦！我不知道
离开伦敦，我的家人都在那
我知道
我的工作
那么，你在这也能找到工作
我常听说那些外国人来美国
得到了工作
你也可以
是，但那，那是我的生活
你去英国
不行，我想去，我真的想。但我的儿子在这里
我不能离开他。你觉得没有其他办法了吗？
我不这么认为。我是说如果有个将来的结果
比如结婚或别的什么，事情就会不一样了。
什么？
不，不，我不应该说结婚。别把我看成怪物
我不是这个意思。我什么也没说，我收回。
不，不，我们为什么不呢？
什么？
结婚
你疯了
不，我没疯。这很完美。我的意思是这比你搬进来住更好
因为我们俩可以永远在一起，我，我也正这么想
我们才认识了六个星期
我知道，那又怎么样？谁会说？
我们不能结婚吗？你瞧，我和卡萝认识了四年才结婚
最终我还是受到伤害，和一个怀孕的同性恋离婚
这，这使我们有意义
我们的第一次约会就在佛蒙特州渡过了整个周末
昨天晚上，我穿了耳洞，是我！
这感觉很对，不是吗？
我父母真的会疯了
这是不是意味着你同意了？你同意了？
是的
是的
是的，我们结婚？！
噢，我的上帝！
是的
我们要结婚了
到这来，到这来。噢呜！艾米丽，你愿意嫁给我吗？
我愿意！
哦，这有点小
该死！我原本想这会很浪漫
这的确是
那是我们曾有过最好的座位
是的。
我们应该把这些T恤给那帮女孩吗？就算讲和
很好。再说它们也是免费的而且太小了
噢，上帝！
想喝啤酒吗？哇噢！！！
我知道了！
开门！开门！开门！
我们明天再说
到底怎么回事？
我们把我们的公寓拿回来了
这跟我没关系，我什么也没做
这是我的主意，但是我觉得并不怎么好
我们换回来，就现在！
不，我们不换。我们不走。
好吧，你们还可以再多待一会儿，因为你们都有工作
你们一上班，我们就把它换回来。
没有什么能阻止我们，对不对，乔？
我不知道
什么？
我不想再搬了
我不管，这是我们的公寓
她们偷了－你们偷了我们的公寓
我们很公平的赢了那套公寓，两次！
我现在就要拿回来，我现在就要拿回来
好吧。我们猜到了你们可能会这样
所以我们有一个事后补救。
不，不，不，没有补救。你们什么也补偿不了。
让我们住这套公寓，并且...
作为答谢，瑞秋和我接吻一分钟
简直太值了！
那一分钟太棒了！
晚安
晚安
男人就这么傻
是呀！你能相信我们这样就把公寓给拿回来了？
想想如果在上次赌牌后你们就这么做
那根本就没有人会想搬家了。太可笑了！
那，那，那我们都假装什么都没发生
好吧
好了，围巾织完了。
来，来。
好！
嗨
嗨
怎么回事？
罗斯要告诉大家一件大事
啊，好吧。是，艾米丽和我，我们决定，结婚！
什么？噢，你也怀孕了？
没有
什么时候，你们怎么...
我们，我们就是决定，要这么做
我们知道这很匆忙，但是，觉得这么做是对的，所以...
我只是来告诉大家...
是，我，我听见了。这太棒了。我为你们感到高兴
这太好了
是啊，是啊
我真不敢相信你们要结婚了
是啊
莫妮卡和瑞秋好上了.
（唱）早晨到了，阳光美，天空蓝，早晨到了，早晨到了
嗨，你回来了！
嗨，开始唱！
早餐要来了
深夜的黑暗消失了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 87楼发表于: 2014-04-03 0

420 The One With All the Wedding Dresses

[Scene: Joey’s bedroom, he is asleep and snoring loudly. Chandler enters wondering who left their engine running.]
Chandler: Are you kidding me?! Joey. Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey! Joey!!
Joey: (joining in, in his sleep) Joey. Joey. Joey. Joey! Joey!!
(Chandler acts disgusted, but is happy that Joey has stopped snoring. However, just as he is about to leave, Joey starts snoring again. So to get him to stop, he slams the door shut, waking Joey.)
Chandler: Oh. Oh, did-did-did I wake you?
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting another cup of coffee.]
Chandler: Gunther, can I get another cup of coffee, please? (Gunther starts to pour him another cup.) So uh, what do you do when you’re not working here?
Gunther: You don’t need to fill these silences.
Chandler: Oh, okay, thanks. (He goes back to the couch and rejoins Monica, Joey, and Phoebe.)
Monica: Chandler, that’s like your fourth cup of coffee!
Chandler: Well, I am drinking lots of cups of coffee because I’m exhausted! Because Joey started snoring!
Monica: He’s in a different room! He’s really that loud?
Joey: (proudly) Oh, you should here me.
Chandler: It’s not something to be proud of, okay? You have to go to a sleep clinic!
Joey: Look, I told ya, I’m not going to any clinic! I don’t have a problem, you’re the one with the problem! You should go to a "Quit being a baby and leave me alone" clinic!
Chandler: They don’t have those.
Joey: Yeah, they do! Quit being a baby and leave me alone! There, you’ve just had your first class!
Monica: Y’know I used to go out with this guy that was a really light sleeper, and whenever I started to snore, he would just roll me over…
Joey: Ohhh, yeah!
Monica: He would just roll me over and I would stop snoring.
Chandler: Next time you snore, I’m rolling ya over!
Joey: I gotta do what I gotta do, you gotta do what you gotta do, you just do it.
Ross: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey, all right!
Phoebe: Hey!
(Joey starts humming Here Come the Bride.)
Phoebe: Oh, the Olympics.
Monica: Have you guys picked a date yet?
Ross: Oh no, not yet.
Phoebe: I still cannot believe you’re engaged! (Ross looks at her) Just ‘cause its happening so fast; not ‘cause you’re such a loser.
Ross: Oh. Thanks. Uh, has anyone seen Rach?
Monica: Ugh, she’s upstairs not doing the dishes! And I tell ya something! I’m not doing them this time! I don’t care if those dishes sit in the sink until they’re all covered with—I’ll do them when I get home!
Ross: Yeah—oh! Hey listen umm, Emily found this wedding dress in London…
Phoebe: Already?!
Ross: Yeah, but it didn’t fit. Well, luckily there’s a store here that has one left in her size, but I’m the groom, I’m not supposed to see the dress…
Monica: I’ll pick it up for you!
Ross: Thank you.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Oh, she’s got you running errands, y’know, picking up wedding dresses… (Laughs and makes like Indiana Jones and his whip) Wah-pah!
Ross: What’s wah-pah?
Chandler: Y’know, whipped! Wah-pah!
Joey: That’s not whipped! Whipped is wh-tcssh!
Chandler: That’s what I did. Wah-pah!
Joey: You can’t do anything!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is not doing the dishes. She hears someone coming up the stairs and quickly puts down her magazine and pretends like she’s actually doing the dishes.]
Rachel: Hey, Mon, I was just doing the dishes!
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Oh! It’s you. (She stops doing the dishes.) Hi.
Ross: Hey, do uh, do you have a minute?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah, I was just about to take a break anyways, so…
Ross: So listen uh, I know you and I haven’t really had a chance to talk since uh, Emily and I decided to get married, and uh, I was just wondering how you were.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: I know if you were getting married I’d feel, kinda….. y’know.
Rachel: Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, well it definitely took me by surprise, but I’m okay.
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: All right, I just wanted to check.
Rachel: Oh, that’s sweet.
(He goes over to hug her.)
Ross: You’re great. And I-I know someday this will happen for you too. You just hang in there.
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Uhh, hang in there?
Ross: Oh, no, I didn’t mean, uh…
Rachel: I mean maybe you didn’t hear about a serious relationship called me and Joshua?
Ross: Oh, I thought you guys had just been on like four dates, I didn’t realise that had become anything, yet.
Rachel: Oh, no-no-no, no-no-no, it has become, it has—yeah. Oh no, those were four great dates.
Ross: Oh. Yeah?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I mean, the connection, I mean y’know, emotionally, mentally, physically…
Ross: Wow, that’s-that’s-that’s incredible.
Rachel: I know isn’t it? It’s like I’m right there with Joshua.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Rachel: You are right there with Emily. And it’s y’know, it’s kinda like…. it’s a tie! Well, I gotta get, I gotta get back to the dishes.
Ross: I gotta get to work.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Fine.
Ross: Hey, y’know, y’know what would make me really happy?
Rachel: Oh yeah, no, what’s that?
Ross: If like the four of us could all y’know, hang out together. Uh, in fact Emily’s coming into town this weekend, why don’t you say we all have dinner? Say, Sunday night?
Rachel: That would be great!
Ross: Yeah, all right, it’s a date. (He leaves)
Rachel: (to the closed door) Hang in there. You hang in there. (Gives him the raspberry.)
Ross: (coming back in) Did you say something?
Rachel: No, just singing. (Does a little song.)
[Scene: Beatrice Bridal Shop, Monica and Phoebe are there to pick up Emily’s dress.]
Monica: Oh my God! Ohh! Look at this one! It’s so beautiful!
Phoebe: Yeah, but y’know, about have of these are gonna end up getting divorced.
The Saleslady: May I help you ladies?
Monica: Oh, yes, umm, I’m here to pick up a dress that you have on hold.
The Saleslady: Yes, what’s the name, please?
Monica: Emily Waltham.
The Saleslady: Yes! I have it right here. (Phoebe and Monica both gasp at the dress.) Would you like to try it on Ms. Waltham?
Monica: (laughs) Okay.
[Time lapse. Monica is wearing the dress and starring at herself in the mirror.]
Phoebe: You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.
Monica: I am, aren’t I?
The Saleslady: Ms. Waltham?
Monica: Yes?
The Saleslady: We’re closing.
Monica: All right. (Goes to take off the dress.)
The Saleslady: And could I get my ring back?
(She disgustedly takes the ring off and gives it back.)
[Scene: Joey’s bedroom, he’s snoring again and Chandler is there to roll him over.]
Chandler: All right buddy, time to roll over. (Rolls him over, and discovers a surprise) (Looking down) No-no! (Covers his eyes) No, no-n-n-n-no!! You are going to a clinic! You’re going to a clinic, and a pyjama store!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing the dishes.]
Monica: Does she use the cups? Yes! I believe she does. Does she use the plates? Yes! I believe she does. (Looks at the wedding dress and stops.)
[Time lapse, Monica is now wearing the dress while doing the dishes and is making like she is thanking her guests for coming to her wedding. Paging Dr. Crane. Dr. Fraiser Crane!]
Monica: Oh. Thank you. Ohhh, thank you very much. Oh, thank you for coming. (There’s a knock on the door.) Uh, just a second!
Phoebe: No-no, let me in!
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Monica: Can you just hold on for one minute?
Phoebe: No, you have to let me in right now!!
Monica: Are you alone?
Phoebe: Yes!
Monica: All right.
(She goes over and lets Phoebe bounce in wearing her own wedding dress.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is complaining about going to the clinic.]
Joey: This sucks! I didn’t know I had to stay up all night before I went to this stupid sleep clinic! I’m so tired!
Chandler: It’s 6:00.
Joey: Yeah, well…
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Chandler: Hey, I hear that you and Joshua are going out to dinner with Ross and Emily, and I think that’s, I think that’s really cool.
Joey: Yeah, Rach, I think you’re handling that really well.
Rachel: Handling it? What do you mean, handling it? There’s nothing to handle. Now, maybe I would have a problem with this if it wasn’t for me and Joshua. Y’know, they’re not gonna get married anyway!
Chandler: What?
Rachel: Come on! They rushed into this thing so fast it’s ridiculous! I mean, they’re gonna be engaged for like what? A year? And somewhere along the way, one of them is gonna realise what they’ve done and they’re call the whole thing off. I’m telling ya, you’re gonna be dancing at my wedding before you’re dancing at there’s.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I don’t dance at weddings.
Rachel: Why not?
Chandler: Because weddings are a great place to meet women, and when I dance, I look like this… (Starts to dancing really, really, really badly. Ross enters behind him and he stops.)
Ross: Hey man.
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: So, what are you guys doing four weeks from today?
Chandler: Nothing.
Rachel: Nothing.
Joey: I am… (Looks in his date book.) free!
Ross: Great! Because Emily and I are getting married in a month!
Joey and Chandler: What?!
Ross: Yep!
Rachel: In a month?
Ross: Yeah!
Rachel: You mean, you mean 30 days?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: From now?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Well, that’s great.
Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place that her parents got married, but it’s going to be torn down, so… I mean, I-I know it’s crazy, but everything up ‘til now has been so crazy, and I don’t know, this just feels right. Y’know?
Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! That’s the day after I stop menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isn’t mine.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is waiting impatiently for Joshua.]
Joshua: (entering) Hey, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi!
Joshua: What’s up? You’re voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
Rachel: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him) See you.
Joshua: Great!
Rachel: Yeah! (She sits down) Sit!
Joshua: (sitting) You okay?
Rachel: I’m more than okay, I am really, really happy! Wanna know why?
Joshua: Do I?
Rachel: ‘Cause I am really happy about us. I think we are, I think we are so on the right track! Y’know? I mean, I think we are working, I think we are clicking. Y’know?
Joshua: Yeah, sure-sure, yeah, we’re-we’re-we’re-we’re-we’re clicking.
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, y’know if-if there was just like one little area where I—that I think we need—we would need to work on; I-I would think it was we’re just not crazy enough!
Joshua: I-I gotta say, I-I-I-I’m not too sure I agree with that.
Rachel: Well, yeah, right, y’know what? Yeah, you’re right, I mean, we no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively)……I mean, I mean like craaaazy! Y’know? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound y’know, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got married?
Joshua: What?! (Gunther is listening in.)
Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, it’s-it’s so, it’s so totally like, "Whoa! Can we do this?" Y’know, I mean, but I mean it just feels right! Don’t you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, don’t you think?
Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, you’re a real special lady, but my divorce isn’t final yet and, and, and we’ve been on four days, so I’m thinking "No, but thanks."
Gunther: YOU IDIOT!!!!!
[Scene: The Sleep Clinic, Joey is having trouble staying awake.]
Sleep Clinic Worker: Your name, please?
Joey: Joey Tribbiani.
Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for your sleep study. (Joey doesn’t answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
Chandler: (answering for him) Yes he did.
Sleep Clinic Worker: Alll right, we’ll call you in a few minutes.
(As she leaves, a beautiful woman enters and sits down across from the boys.)
Chandler: (waking Joey) Hey, check out that girl! She is really hot!
Joey: (sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you doin’?
(Chandler wakes him up, again.)
Joey: What?!
Chandler: You’re coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.) I’m Chandler.
Woman: I’m Marjorie.
Chandler: Hi.
Marjorie: Hi.
Chandler: You mind if I…
Marjorie: No, please.
(He sits down next to her.)
Chandler: So uh, what are you in for?
Marjorie: I talk in my sleep.
Chandler: What a coincidence, I listen in my sleep.
Joey: (asleep) So why don’t you give me your number?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual wedding.]
Monica: Okay, ready?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay.
(She turns around and throws the bouquet to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: (catching it) I got it! Mine! (They both hug)
Monica: Congratulations!
Phoebe: Thank you!
Monica: Okay! My turn! My turn!
Phoebe: Okay! (Gets into position) Okay, ready?
Monica: (cocking her head from side to side in some pre-bouquet-catching ritual) Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe turns and throws it on the couch.)
Monica: (upset) That was a terrible throw!!
Phoebe: I’m not gonna right to you! That’s not real!
Monica: Look at me! My big concern is what’s real?! (Finally realises) Oh my God. We’re really sad, aren’t we?
Phoebe: Yeah, I think we are.
Monica: This isn’t even my dress.
Phoebe: Well, at least you didn’t rent yours from a store called, "It’s Not Too Late."
Monica: I’m changing out of this.
Phoebe: Me too.
Monica: In like a half-hour?
Phoebe: Me too.
Monica: Okay, throw it straight this time.
Phoebe: Okay.
(She throws it straight, and Monica makes a big deal about catching it.)
Monica: I’m getting married next!!
Phoebe: Yay!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal clothes.]
Phoebe: I hate my regular clothes now! Y’know? I look down and-and I know that this isn’t gonna be the most special day of my life.
Monica: Yeah. I mean it was kinda fun for a while, but didn’t you start feeling silly?
Phoebe: I guess.
(Monica crosses her legs and is still wearing the garter belt.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: Oh God.
Phoebe: Oh, you’re such a cheater!
Chandler: (entering) Hello! Little ones.
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: So, is Joey gonna stop snoring?
Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (They’re stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
Phoebe: Oh, how’d that happen?
Chandler: Because I’m cooler.
Monica: No, seriously.
Chandler: Well she’s, she’s the kinda girl—Joey was unconscious.
(Joey enters, wearing a mouth guard like boxers wear.)
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Hey you guys! What’s happening?
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: What is that?
Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and it’s gonna help me not to snore.
Monica: Well, are you asleep right now, Joe? ‘Cause I don’t think you have to wear it unless you are!
Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I don’t have too! It tastes good. (Puts it back in.)
Chandler: Plus, you look cool.
(Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua…
Phoebe: Oh, how did it go?
Rachel: Well, I did my best to convince him that I’m not some crazy girl who is dying to get married—I’m just going through a hard time.
Phoebe: What did he say?
Rachel: Well uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I feel blue.
Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that he’s gonna call you again.
Rachel: Yeah, maybe, but I don’t think I even care. I don’t think he’s the one I’m sad about. Y’know, I know that I said that I am totally okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I don’t think I’m handling it all that well.
Phoebe: Yeah, maybe.
Rachel: And I-I am just trying to figure out why.
Phoebe: Any luck?
Rachel: Well, yeah, y’know how Ross and I were on again, off again, on again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on again.
Monica: Again. Y’know what? I think we all did.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emily’s wedding dress into Rachel’s room.)
Ross: So, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, okay? How about, Ernie’s at 9 o’clock?
Rachel: Yeah, well, you uh, better make it for three.
Ross: Oh, see I-I don’t know if we’re gonna be hungry at three.
Rachel: Three people. Joshua’s not gonna be there.
Ross: What happened?
Rachel: Uh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.
Ross: Noo. Why?
Rachel: Well, apparently he scares easy.
Ross: Oh, Rachel, I’m-I’m sorry.
Rachel: It’s okay. Sometimes, things don’t work out the way you’d thought they would.
Ross: Come here.
(They hug.)
Rachel: (breaking the hug) Oh, hey, don’t you have to go pick up Emily?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: You okay?
Rachel: Yeah! I got my girls.
(He leaves.)
Rachel: Ugh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebe’s lap.)
Phoebe: (looks at Monica) Hey, y’know what might cheer you up?
Rachel: What?
[Time lapse, all three girls are now wearing wedding dresses, eating popcorn, drinking beer, and watching TV.]
Rachel: Y’know, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.
Monica: Oh, I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. (Pause) Maybe someday, there will be.
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Monica: Oh God! He’s gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big date!
Rachel: Oh, okay! (She goes to answer the door.)
Monica: No-no, Rachel, don’t get it! He can’t see us!
Phoebe: No, yeah! The groom cannot see the bride!
Rachel: I’m not gonna marry Chandler!
Phoebe: Not after this!
Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that it’s Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the door.)
Joshua: I gotta go.
Rachel: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that oughta do it.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler’s bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden, Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. There’s a short pause until she starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of Chandler’s door, and starts to complain about the noise.]
Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Dude! I am trying to sleep! (Shrugs to say, "What’s up with that?")
END

420 婚纱

有没有搞错?! Joey. Joey! …
Oh. Oh, 我-我-我吵醒你了?
Gunther,再给我一杯咖啡, 好吗?
uh, 你不工作时都干什么?
你用不着没话找话.
Oh, okay, thanks.
Chandler, 这是你第四杯了!
我喝这么多是因为我太累了!
因为Joey开始打鼾了!
他不是在另一个房间吗! 有那么吵吗?
Oh, 你都应该能听见.
没什么值得骄傲的, okay?
你得去做睡眠诊所治疗!
我说, 我不去做什么治疗!
我没问题, 你才有毛病!
你应该去个"别像小孩子，别管我"诊所!
没有这样的诊室.
有,有! 别像小孩子，别管我!
看, 你刚上了第一课!
我曾跟一个男的约会,他的觉很轻，
只要我一打呼噜, 他就把我翻过来
Ohhh, yeah!
他把我翻过来，我就不打呼噜了.
下次你再打, 我就翻你!
我要做我要做的, 你要做你要做的,
你就做你的吧.
Hey guys!
Hey, all right!
Hey!
Oh, 奥运会的曲子.
你们选好日子了吗?
Oh 没, 还没.
我还是不能相信你要结婚了!
因为事情来得太快了;
不是因为你是个失败者.
Oh. 谢谢. Uh, 谁见到Rach?
她在楼上没在洗盘子! 我告诉你!
我这次可不洗了! 我才不在乎留那些
盘子在水池里，直到上面都落满
-我回家就洗它们!
Yeah-oh! 听着, Emily再伦敦看上了件礼服
已经?!
是, 但是不合身.
幸运的是，这儿有家店里有合适的,
但我是新郎, 不能看见礼服
我会帮你去拿的!
谢谢.
Okay.
Oh, 她开始差遣你跑腿儿了, y'know, 去拿礼服， Wah-pah!
什么是wah-pah?
你知道, 甩鞭子! Wah-pah!
那不是甩鞭子! 应该是wh-tcssh!
我就是这么做的. Wah-pah!
你什么都不会!
Hey, Mon, 我正在洗盘子!
Hey!
Oh! 是你.
Hi.
Hey, 你uh, 你有时间吗?
有, 有, 反正我要休息一会,
是这样 uh, 我知道我们还没有机会谈谈，
自从uh, Emily和我决定结婚,
uh, 我想知道，你还好吧.
Oh.
如果你要结婚的话,
我会觉得有点.. 你知道.
是. 没错, 的确很意外, 但我没事.
真的?
是的.
好吧, 我就是问问.
Oh, 你太好了.
你很棒. 我知道你总会有这一天的.
加油，挺住.
Uhh, 加油?
Oh, 不, 我不是说, uh
你大概还没听说一场真恋情
正在进行吧，就是我和Joshua的?
Oh, 我以为你们就约会过四次,
没想到已经有进展了.
Oh, 是的, 有了, 已经-是的.
Oh 四次美妙的约会.
Oh. 是吗?
Oh, 是的. 而且, 还有默契, 你知道,
激情上的, 精神上的, 身体上的
Wow, 真是难以置信.
不是吗? 我和Joshua那么合拍.
Uh-huh.
你和Emily也是. 就像, 有点像. 打个平手!
好吧，我得, 我得去洗碗了.
我去工作了.
Oh 是吗? 好的.
Hey, 你知道啥事会另人愉快吗?
Oh 不, 是什么?
如过我们四个能, 在一起相处.
Uh, 实际上Emily周末就来了, 我们
为什么不一起吃晚饭? 周日晚上好吗?
那太好了!
是啊, 好吧, 定下来了.
加油. 你加油吧.
你说什么了?
没, 就是唱歌.
Oh my God! Ohh! 看这个! 太美了!
是, 但你知道,
她们中有一半最后得离婚.
我能帮忙吗?
Oh, 是的, umm, 我来取定好的礼服.
好的, 请问什么名字?
Emily Waltham.
是的! 就在这. 你想试穿一下吗Waltham夫人?
好的.
你是我见过最美的新娘.
我是的, 不是吗?
Waltham夫人?
什么?
我们打佯了.
好吧.
我能拿回我的戒指吗?
好吧，老兄, 该翻身了.
不-不! 不, 不-不!!
你去定医院了!
你得去医院, 还有睡衣店!
她用杯子吗? 是的! 我相信她用.
她用盘子吗? 是的! 我相信她用.
Oh. 谢谢. Ohhh, 非常感谢. Oh, 谢谢你能来.
Uh, 等一下!
不-不, 让我进去!
Phoebe?
对!
你能等一小下吗?
不行, 你得让我立刻进去!!
你一个人吗?
是的!
好吧.
这太糟了! 我不知道去上那蠢诊所
看病之前还得熬通宵! 我困死了!
现在6:00.
那又怎样,
Hi!
Hey, 我听说你和Joshua要跟Ross和Emily共进晚餐,
我认为这, 这很酷.
是的, Rach, 我觉得你控制得很好.
控制? 什么意思, 控制?
没什么好控制的.
如果我不是和Joshua在交往，
也许我会接受不了这事.
不过反正他们也接不成婚!
什么?
得了! 他们这么草率，简直太荒谬了!
我是说, 他们订婚会持续多久? 一年?
在这期间, 他们会意识到自己做的
蠢事，然后他们会取消整个计划.
我告诉你们, 你们会在他们
婚礼之前，在我的婚礼上跳舞.
只是, 我从不在婚礼上跳舞.
为什么?
因为婚礼是遇见姑娘的好地方,
而我跳舞时, 我就像这样
Hey man.
Hey!
你们四周后的今天有什么安排吗?
没有.
没.
我有空!
太好了! 因为Emily和我一个月后结婚!
什么?!
是的!
一个月后?
是!
你是说, 是说30天?
是.
从现在算?
对.
太棒了.
Emily一直想在她父母结婚的
漂亮地方举行婚礼,
但那地方马上要拆了, 所以
我是说,我知道这很疯狂,
但一直以来所有事都很疯狂,
我不知道, 就是感觉该这样.
Hey! 那天我正好月经完事!
这不是我的.
Hey, Rachel.
Hi!
什么事? 电话里你声音神经兮兮的.
Ohh, 没什么, 我就是想见你.
见你抱你. 见你.
好啊!
是啊! 坐!
你没事吧?
我再好不过了, 我真的,
真的高兴! 想知道原因?
我应该吗?
'因为我真为我们俩高兴.
我认为我们, 我们相处的真好!
我意思是, 我认为
我们处的来, 我们合拍.
是, 当然, 是, 我们-我们很合拍.
对对, 如果有一小点，我觉得
我们还得再欠缺一些;
我要说我们还不够疯狂!
我-我得说,
我-我不确定我同意这点.
好吧, 你知道吗? 你对,
我是说, 我们这样也很开心.
但是如果, 我是说像疯--狂!
好吧. 这个, 这个听起来, 有点umm, 匆忙,
但是uh, 先听听看.
Umm. Ugh. 我们结婚怎么样?
什么?!
Oh, 我知道, 这-这太, 就像,
Whoa! 我们能吗? 我是说, 就是感觉该这样
你不觉得? 是这样吗!
就是感觉该这样, 你说呢?
Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, 你是个很特别的女士,
但我还没完成离婚,
而且我们才约会了四次,
所以我想 "不了, 但是谢谢."
你个白痴!!!!!
名字, please?
Joey Tribbiani.
Um-hmm, 你为这次睡眠治疗熬了一夜吗. Uh, 先生?
是的.
好吧, 我们几分钟后叫你.
Hey, 看那个女孩! 她很惹火!
是, 是的. Wow! 你好吗'?
干吗?!
你在跟整屋人搭讪!
我叫Chandler.
我是Marjorie.
Hi.
你介意我-
不, 请吧.
So uh, 你来看什么?
我睡觉时说话.
多巧啊, 我睡觉时聆听.
那给我你的电话好吗?
Okay, 准备好了?
是的.
Okay.我接到了! 我的!
恭喜!
谢谢!
Okay! 该我了! 该我了!
Okay! Okay, ready?
是的.
Okay.
扔的也太没水准了!!
我不会直接扔给你! 那不真实!
看看我! 我这么介意是真实吗?!
Oh my God. 我们真悲哀, 是不是?
是, 我想是的.
这都不是我的礼服.
至少你不是从个叫,
还不算太晚. 的店里租来的。
我要脱掉它了.
我也是.
要不在过半个点?
我也是.
Okay, 这次仍的直点儿.
Okay.
我下一个结婚!!
Yay!
我现在讨厌普通的衣服!
我低头一看就知道今天
不是我生命中最特殊的一天.
是啊. 我意思是刚开始还挺好玩,
但你没开始觉得很傻吗?
我也这么想.
Oh my God!
Oh God.
Oh, 你这个骗子!
Hello! 小朋友们.
Hey! Hey!
So, Joey不再打鼾了?
是的! 还有! 有个靓妞同意跟我约会.
Joey 也想约她, 但uh, 她选我.
Oh, 怎么可能呢?
因为我更酷.
不, 说真的.
她, 她是一种--Joey意识不清.
Hey 伙计们! 过得好吗?
Oh my God!
那是什么?
Oh, 睡眠治疗时给我的, 帮助我不打鼾.
那你现在在睡觉吗, Joe?
'因为我觉得，你不睡觉时不用带它!
我知道我不用! 但这味道挺好.
还有, 你看起来很酷.
我刚打电话给Joshua
Oh, 怎么样?
我尽力说服他我不是想结婚想得
要死的女孩-我就是处在非常时期.
他怎么说?
uh, 他的录音电话表示很理解.
Ugh. 我很郁闷.
Ohh, sweetie! Hey, 我打赌他一定会给你电话.
Yeah, 可能吧, 但我想我不都在乎这个.
我想他不是我为之伤心的那个.
我知道我说过，对于Ross结婚，我没问题,
但结果是, 我觉得我还接受不了.
是啊, 有可能.
我还在努力寻找原因.
找到了?
是啊, 你知道Ross和我总是和了分，
分了和，然后又分? 我想我就是以为，
总会在什么时候, 我们又会和好.
又会的.
知道吗? 我想我们都这么认为.
Hey!
我为咱们周日的晚餐定好位子了, okay?
你看行吗, 9点整Ernie餐馆?
你uh, 最好还是定三个.
Oh, 我想我们三点钟还不会饿.
三个人. Joshua不会去了.
怎么了?
Uh, 我想, 我想他和我分手了.
不. 为什么?
很显然，他禁不起吓.
Oh, Rachel, 我很难过.
没关系. 有时候, 往往会事与愿违.
过来.
Oh, hey, 你不该去接Emily了吗?
对.
你没事吧?
没事! 我有姐妹们陪我.
Ugh.
Hey, 你知道什么会让你振作?
什么?
你们知道, 我得说, 这让我心情好多了.
Oh, 我希望有种工作能让我成天穿着它.
可能什么时候, 就会有了.
Oh God! 是Chandler, 他是来为他的约会借蜡烛!
不-不, Rachel, 别开门! 不能让他看见我们!
对! 新郎不能见新娘!
我又不嫁Chandler!
见到了当然就嫁不了了!
Okay, 伙计们, 放松点.
我愿意.
我得走了.
Oh, 等等, Joshua! Joshua! 吓跑他很正常.
老兄! 我还要睡觉呢!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 88楼发表于: 2014-04-03 0

421 The One With The Invitation

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking.]
Chandler: Y’know what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has happened.
Joey: I know. Ross is getting married.
Chandler: Phoebe is, making people.
Joey: Everybody’s doing stuff!
Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something. Okay? Something huge!
Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
Chandler: No-no, not something stupid, something huge.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing everyday! We could totally do that!
Chandler: Why not?! I mean it’s just, it’s just climbing! It’s just, it’s just steep!
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: We’re going to Everest! Okay, it would be nice to leave an ass print on Everest!
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: What-what’s up?
Joey: We’re gonna climb Mt. Everest!
Chandler: Yeah baby!
Phoebe: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and y’know you can die. And, you would die!
Chandler: (dejected) Yeah, well…
Joey: We could get that Everest video though.
Chandler: Yeah, we could do that without y’know risking our lives at all!
Joey: And while we’re down at the video store, you know what else we could rent? Die Hard! (Chandler’s excited.) Oh, y’know what? I just remembered, that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
Chandler: (dejected) Oh, well…
Phoebe: So you guys’ll stay here and hang out with me?
Chandler: Yeeeeahhhh.
Joey: Yeah. Yeah.
Chandler: But I’ll tell you something. One of these days we’re get off of our buts and rent Die Hard again!
Joey: Yeah we are!
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Ross’s apartment, he and Emily are addressing their invitations.]
Emily: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and he’s so cheap, he’d never fly to London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her some envelopes.)
Emily: Yeah, they’re fine.
Ross: Yeah?
Emily: If anyone asks, we’ll just say Ben addressed them. (Looking through the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then?
Ross: Sure. Why not?
Emily: Really?
Ross: Yeah?
Emily: I don’t think I’d be comfortable with any of my old lovers there.
Ross: Wait-wait-wait, do you, do you think, maybe we shouldn’t invite her?
Emily: Oh, no-no, y’know I absolutely adore Rachel it’s just that, well it might be a awkward for you. But it’s absolutely your decision. (Gets up.) More tea?
Ross: Yeah sure.
Emily: Earl Grey?
Ross: Huh? Yeah, fine, invite whoever you want.
[And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and Rachel, from Ross’s point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is complaining about Carol.]
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(ENTER RACHEL IN A WET WEDDING DRESS. SHE STARTS TO SEARCH AROUND THE ROOM)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (EXTENDS HIS HAND HOPEFULLY)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
[cut to later]
Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (TO RACHEL) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(THEY GO TO HUG BUT ROSS' UMBRELLA OPENS. HE SITS, DEFEATED AGAIN)
[cut to later]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.]
Ross: You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
[The next clip is from The One With The Blackout.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking about passion.]
Ross: See, I see.... big passion in your future.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: I do.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
[Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
Joey: It's never gonna happen.
[cut to later]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
Ross: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel: OK.
Ross: OK. Umm, for a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! [looking at something behind Ross]
Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross] Look at it!
Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
[Scene: Inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
[The next clip is from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent.]
[Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.]
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
[She thinks it over, and then walks away.]
Rachel: [to Ross] Yes! Did you see that?
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Rachel: I could not have done this without you.
[Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.]
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? [Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.] I'm fine, I'm fine.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
[Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross and Rachel.]
Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.
Rachel: [hurt] What?
Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
[cut to later]
Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
[cut to later]
Rachel: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
Ross: Fine.
Rachel: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.
Ross: Good.
Rachel: Good. [Ross leaves]
[cut to later]
[Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.]
[cut to later]
[She opens the door and they kiss.]
[The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A Break.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing.]
Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I’m doing something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I’m doing something that I’m actually good at. I mean. if you don’t get that...
Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I’m happy for ya, but I’m tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I don’t know what to do anymore.
Rachel: Well neither do I!
Ross: Is this about Mark?
Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God.
Ross: Okay, it’s not, it’s not.
Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross, no, you’re, you’re, you’re making this too hard.
Ross: Oh I’m, I’m making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to do.
Rachel: I don’t know, I don’t know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take a break.
Ross: Okay, okay, fine, you’re right. Let’s ah, let’s take a break, (goes to the door) let’s cool off, okay, let’s get some frozen yogart, or something.. (opens the door)
Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
(Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After]
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door.]
Chloe: Do I know why we’re rushing?
Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night? (He’s frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe) Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
Chloe: That’s so great for you guys!
Ross: Yeah!
[cut to later]
Chloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend.
Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind the door) Rachel!!!!
Rachel: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.
Ross: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
Rachel: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
Ross: Yes, you can, very much.
(Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
[cut to later]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
Ross: No!!
Rachel: Just get out! Now!!
Ross: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.
Rachel: Okay! All right! How was she?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Chandler: Uh-oh.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: What?
Rachel: Was she good?
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Don’t answer that.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let’s talk about it!! How was she?
Ross: She was...
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Awful! Horrible!
Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
Joey: She was nothing compared to you.
[Cut to Living Room]
Ross: She, she was different.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom]
Joey: Ewwwww!
Chandler: Uh-oh.
[Cut to Living Room]
Rachel: Good different?
Ross: Nobody likes change.
(Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
Ross: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much you’ve grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out. It was all, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Ooh, I just wish we hadn’t lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little perspective...

Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
[Cut back to the present.]
[Scene: A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips.]
[The One With The Fake Party]
[Scene: The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him.]
Rachel: You seem to really like her.
Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y’know no commitment.
Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends, asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica’s photo albums, I mean you don’t do that if you’re just in it for two weeks.
Ross: You think?
Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and you’re sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
Ross: Hey, you’re right.
Rachel: Yeah.
[Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally, he makes up his mind and mails it.]
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are opening their invitations.]
Monica: Ohh, this is soo amazing! I can’t believe my brother’s getting married! And in London! It’s so romantic!
Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! You’re at the wedding, you have to cry, "Handkerchief?" "No-no, I got my invitation."
Phoebe: Oooh look! Isn’t this adorable, Ross let Ben address mine!
Chandler: (entering) Hello!
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Ross’s wedding?
Chandler: (sarcastic) Noo.
Joey: Don’t worry man, I get to bring a guest. We’ll show him.
Phoebe: I’m so jealous you’re all going! I can’t believe I never knew that you can’t fly in your third trimester!
Chandler: I didn’t know that.
Monica: I never knew that either.
Joey: I knew that! (They all look at him) I sooo didn’t know that, but you should see your faces.
Rachel: (entering) Hey guys! What’s up?
Joey: Heyyy. (They all try and hide their invitations.)
Monica: We’re hanging out.
(Rachel starts going through her mail, and come across her invitation.)
Rachel: What’s this? Is this Ross’s wedding invitation?
Chandler: See, maybe that’s the one we should’ve actually hidden.
Rachel: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you don’t have to do that! I’m happy for him! I am! I really—I’m-I’m happ—I’ll work on it.
Monica: I’m sorry honey.
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Rach, you’re gonna come though aren’t you?
Rachel: Oh, honey, I don’t know. I…
Chandler: This isn’t one of those uh, y’know "If she doesn’t come, we-we don’t, we don’t come?" Right? Because I already bought my ticket…
Monica: You know what would be real weird? Is if you weren’t there. Just say you’ll think about it, okay?
Rachel: No, I’ll think about it. Yeah.
[And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachel’s point of view.]
[The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill the beans.]
Rachel: Who's this from?
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Rachel: Oh... [opens it]... [sees it is a pin] Oh my God. He remembered.
Phoebe: Remembered what?
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
[Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel.]
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: [stuttering incoherently] F-hah.... flennin....
Rachel: Oh.... my God.
[The next clip is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend.]
[Scene: The airport, Ross is about to walk off of the plane with Julie.]
Rachel: (seeing Ross come off the plane with another woman.) Oh my God.
[cut to later]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick- you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
[cut to later]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to hang up on Julie.]
Ross: Oh, that is so sweet.(listens) No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up either.
Rachel: She didn't hang up either...
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y-- (Rachel grabs the phone and hangs it up for him.)
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.]
[Scene, A Restaurant, Rachel is on her date, drunk, and is leaving that answering machine message.]
Rachel: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
[cut to later]
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
Ross: Rach, I got a message from you.
[Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
Ross: You're over me?
Rachel: Ohhhhhhhh God. [climbs off his back]
Ross: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?
Rachel: Ohh, ohh.
Ross: When, when were you... under me?
Rachel: Well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
[cut to later in the same scene]
Ross: OK, I need to lie down.
[The next clip is from The One With The List.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get with Rachel.]
Joey: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Really. It's always been you, Rach.
Rachel: Oh, god.
[Ross and Rachel hug.]
Chandler and Joey: Ohhh.
[The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.]
[Scene: The Auditorium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know.]
Ross: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
[They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.]
Rachel: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
[The next clip is from The One The Morning After.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans.]
Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn’t say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
Gunther: I’m sorry. Was I not supposed to?
(Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
[The next clip is from The One At The Beach.]
[Scene: The beachhouse, Ross and Rachel are argueing about the breakup.]
Ross: Y'know, hey! You’re the one who ended it, remember?
Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
Ross: You still love me?
Rachel: Noo.
[cut to later]
Ross: What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I don’t know.
Ross: What?!
Rachel: I just, I feel, I-I just...
(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
[The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are finally breaking up for good, or is it?]
Rachel: Y'know I can’t believe I even thought about getting back together again! We are so over!!
Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind it)
[cut to later]
Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it’s not that common! It doesn’t happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!
[cut back to the present.]
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is deciding on whether or not to go to the wedding.]
[cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching the Prom Video and Rachel is about to make her entrance on the video. The italics are portions of the prom video.]
MRS. GELLER: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look pretty. Jack... [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
Rachel: Oh my God.
Monica: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
All: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.
MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
[cut to later]
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off.
MR. GELLER: It is off. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
Joey: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
[cut to later]
RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.
MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
[cut to later]
Ross: Y'know what? I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
All: No, no, no.
Ross: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go.
MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome.
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em.
ROSS: [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining... no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
Monica: I can't believe you did that.
Ross: Yeah, well.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
Phoebe: See, he's her lobster.
[Cut back to the present, Rachel has made her decision.]
Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. You’re really not going?
Rachel: Yeah. It’s just gonna be too hard. Y’know? I mean, it’s Ross. How can I watch him get married? Y’know it’s just, it’s for the best, y’know it is, it’s… Y’know, plus, somebody’s got to stay here with Phoebe! Y’know she’s gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
Monica: You don’t have a car. And your license expired.
Rachel: I know. (Starts to cry) Yeah, see, there’s so much to do and I have so little time to do it in.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do whilst in London.]
Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that there’s a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the book.) "It’s almost as good as being there."
Joey: It’s better! You can’t go to a museum in your underwear!
Chandler: Well, You could, but... probably just the one time.
Joey: I bet we could get videos of all the sites, get a VCR in our hotel room... we'd never even have to go outside!
Chandler: If we do that, we gotta get Die Hard.
Joey: Oh-ho! I bet the British version is gooooood!
END

421 邀请

你感觉得到吗？突然间发生了这么多事
我知道，罗斯要结婚了。
菲比正在创造新生命。
每个人好像都有事情做。
可我们却只是坐在这儿！如果我死了，
恐怕人们只有从椅子上的屁股印里知道我做了些什么！
所以，我们要找点事做，一些有意义的事情！
我们可以攀登珠穆朗玛峰。
不，我们要做有意义的事情，不是愚蠢的事情。
不，不，不，我们当然可以做，
我看一个广告说每天都有人做这样的事情。
为什么不？我们就做这个，不过是些峭壁罢了！
Yeah! /  我们去攀登珠穆朗玛峰，并且在上面坐出我们的屁股印！
Hey! /  Hey!
发生了什么？
我们准备去攀登珠穆朗玛峰 /  是的！
真的吗？Yeah, 但你知道吗？
这要花费6万美元和面临生命危险。你会死在那里！
Yeah, 那么。
那我们去看攀登珠穆朗玛峰的录影带吧。
Yeah, 而且我们那样做的话就不会冒生命危险了。
当我们去租这个录影带的时候，
你知道我们还可以租到什么？虎胆龙威！
Oh, 我想起来了，珠穆朗玛峰的录影带只能邮件订阅。
Oh, wellˇ
所以你们决定待在这儿陪我。
Yeeeeahhhh. /  Yeah. Yeah.
但我要告诉你，总有一天我们要做些大事，
还要再看一遍虎胆龙威！
是的，我们一定会。
你是怎么想的，我们要不要邀请你的内森叔叔？
oh!没有人喜欢内森叔叔, 他永远都不会有钱到伦敦参加婚礼的。
所以我们。。。邀请他。看我这些写的怎么样？
Yeah, 不错。/ 是吗？
如果有人问是谁写的，我们就说是本写的。Oh! 你邀请瑞秋了？
当然。有什么问题？
邀请瑞秋？/  怎么？
我认为婚礼的时候如果你以前的女朋友也在场，
会有些不合适吧。
等一下。你认为我们不应该邀请瑞秋？
不，我也非常喜欢瑞秋，只是我觉得那会使你有些尴尬。
但这是你的决定，我没有意见。再来杯茶吗？
是的，再来一杯。 / 你还好吗？
Huh? 我没事, 随便你倒吧。
我不想一个人生活，我想。。。想快点再结婚。
那。。。我想要一百万美元。
瑞秋？！
Oh，莫尼卡是你！
Okay,各位，这是瑞秋，另一位在林肯中学生存下来的人。
这是我的朋友，钱德勒，菲比，乔伊，
你还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？
当然记得，你好。
你也许不知道，在中学的时候，我曾经非常的对你着迷。
我知道。
你知道！我以为你仅仅当我是莫尼卡令人讨厌的哥哥。
我也是这样认为的。
Oh.抛开别的不谈，如果我约你出去，
你不会感到意外吧？
Yeah, 也许。。。。。。
Okay... 也许我会的。。。。。。
我相信有更好的爱情等着你。
真的吗？/  当然。
罗斯，你太好了。
想都不要想!
我有一个问题，事实上并不是一个大问题。
OK. 已经很长时间了，我想。。。
Ohhh!!!!  / 是的，是的，就是那个。
看看那只可爱的小猫。
什么？
歌词：I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
听着，女士，如要你想要这个手推车，你就连我一起推着吧！
你看到了吗？
你真难以置信！女士们，先生们，全新的瑞秋诞生了。
没有你的我是办不到的。
我要看看烘干机里还有没有衣服？我很好，我很好。
你甚至没有权利告诉我你喜欢我。
什么？ / 因为我和茱丽相处的很好。
没有这感觉之前我也过的很好。
你认为看到你和茱丽在一起我心里好受吗？
问题是我现在不能接受你了，太晚了，
我现在和茱丽在一起，我们很快乐。
那好，继续你快乐的爱情吧
Fine. /  我也不需要你的怜悯。
好。
你有没有意识到，这是我这一生第一份重要的工作。
这也是我这一生第一份我自己喜欢的工作，
如果你不明白的话。。。
不，我明白。我有过这样的经历，我也为你高兴，
但我厌倦了你的工作疏远我们的关系。
我不知道怎么做好？
你要我怎么样！
这一切和马克有关吗？
难以置信。 /   那么就是和他无关了。
我们不能一次次的因为这个吵架，罗斯你太过分了!
我过分？你要我怎么做才不过分!
我不知道，也许。。。也许我应该分手。
好，这样才对，和马克分手，我们都冷静下来，让事态平静。。。
不，是我们分手。
我们为什么要这么急？
你还记得昨晚我告诉你我女朋友的事吗？
现在情况有了改变，也许她愿意和我和好了。我找到了。
这太好了！
Yeah!  / 希望你和你女朋友和好。
谢谢你。嗨，嗨，瑞秋！！！！
嗨，你看到我给你留的信了？
是的，你非常的准时。
你现在怎么样想，我们可以和好吗？
当然，我们和好了。
Ahhhh!!
我要你离开这里！
不，我不会走，我要和你谈谈。
既然你要谈，那么她是个怎么的女孩？
Uh-oh. /   什么？
她比我好吗？
不要回答这个。
你说你要和我谈谈，
我们就从这个谈起，她是个怎么的女孩？
她。。。。。。
糟糕透了。/  糟糕透了。
她不好，她没法和你比。
她和你不同。
比我好？
我不喜欢这样比较。
什么！ Okay, okay, okay, okay.
。。。当你承认那些事是你不对，
就证明你不会再犯同样的错误了。
但我妈妈从不这样想，
她总是说：只要犯了一次，就会再犯第二次。
真希望我们没有浪费这四个月，
但如果这些时间能让你认识到自己的错误的话。。。
那是因为我们分手了！！！！！！
你看起来真的喜欢她。
也许我真的喜欢她，但我们事先说好只做两个星期的朋友，
没人会为这段感情负责。
罗斯，她整晚都在向你的朋友打听你的事情。
看你和莫尼卡的影集，
你还认为这仅仅是因为你们这段两个星期的感情？
你认为？
还有14个小时爱米莉就要到机场了，
可你却还在这儿和一个28岁，肿着嘴唇的拉拉队长浪费时间。
也许你是对的。/  Yeah.
难以置信！我的哥哥就要结婚了，
而且是在伦敦，太浪漫了！
想得真周到！还有纸巾，婚礼的时候莫尼卡一定要哭的。
手帕? "不，这是我的请帖。."
看，真可爱，我这封是本写的。
Hello! /  Hey! / Hey!
Hey! Hey, 你收到罗斯婚礼的请帖了吗？
没有。
别着急，我可以带一个同伴，我带你去好了。
我真嫉妒你们可以去参加婚礼！
我不相信他们说怀孕六个月就不能做飞机了。
我不清楚这个。/ 我也不清楚。
我知道！我当然不会知道了，看你吃惊的。
你们在做什么呢？
Heyyy. /  我们什么也没做。
这是什么？是罗斯婚礼的请帖。
也许那个才是我们要藏起来的。
不，你们不必那么做，我真的为他们高兴，我没事的。
我了解你的处境。 /  Yeah.
瑞秋，你要去参加婚礼吗？
我还没有打算好要不要去。
难道这是一次集体活动？只要我们中一个不去，
我们就都不去了？我已经买好飞机票了。
你如果真的去的话会很尴尬的，好好考虑一下。
我会好好考虑的。
这是谁送的？
罗斯。
Oh...  Oh my God. 他还记得。
记得什么？
几个月前，我们路过古董店的时候，我看到这枚别针。
我说我小的时候我奶奶有一个这样的别针，
我很喜欢。没想到他记在心里了。
这枚别针很漂亮，一定花了他不少钱。
我真不相信他这么大方。
罗斯当然会，
他还给他的同性恋女友买过一个昂贵的水晶鸭子。
你说什么？
F-hah.... flennin..../   Oh.... my God.
Oh my God.
罗斯和我曾经是校友。
但我们之前从没用见过面，
当我到了中国，你猜谁负责挖掘工作？
茱莉！茱莉！太奇妙了。
那感觉就好像踢断你的腿，拧断你的脖子？
你太好了。不不，你先挂电话。好，一，二，三。
你还没有挂电话。 /   她还没有挂电话。
不，不，还是你先挂电话。你先挂。
罗斯。是我瑞秋，我只想说现在一切顺利。
我和你完了，完了，或者像别人说的那样，我们结束了。
瑞秋，你的电话。
Oh my God. 罗斯，挂上电话，不，不要接电话。不要接电话。
我们分手了？ / Ohhhhhhhh God.
Wha... 你和我分手了？分手？
Ohh, ohh. /   那我们是什么时候开始的？
基本上，不久以前，我对你有点感觉。。。
我快要站不住了。
他和茱莉分手了，快点拥抱一下，你们可以在一起了。
这是真的吗？
是真的，其实我一直都是喜欢你的。
Oh, god. / Ohhh.
我很抱歉我今天晚上还要在这里工作。
没关系，你值得等，不只是今晚。
Ah, oh God. Oh, 你没事吧。
什么，没事，你刚才是压在果汁盒子上了。
阿甘！告诉我你没有对瑞秋说我和那复印店女孩的事。
我很抱歉，难道我不该说？
是你先说要分手的，记得吗？
是的，但是因为我当时生你的气，不是因为我们没有感情了。
你还爱我？ /   不。
你是什么意思？你想我们再和好吗？
不！也许。我不知道该怎么做？
什么？！/   我只是，只是。。。
我不能相信我曾经还想我们可以和好如初！
我们现在真的完了。
那太好了！
你要知道，这次我们真的完了，
不是每个人都可以有我这样女朋友的，你损失大了。
我就知道！！！
瑞秋就要出来了，看她今天多漂亮！
Oh my God.
你还记得吗？这是我们准备去参加毕业舞会。
Oh. /   我们没有必要看这么老的录影带。
不，我们喜欢看。
给莫尼卡拍几个镜头，莫尼卡呢？
你怎么把镜头放大了？
闭嘴，你不知道镜头前人会显得比平时重10磅。
那么当时有几个镜头对着你呢？
爸爸，快关上摄影机。
我已经关上了，对吗,罗斯？
那时的罗斯真帅啊，
我不能一个人去参加毕业舞会的，我的舞伴来不了了。
要是你不去的话，我也不去了。
我有个好建议，你可以和瑞秋一起去参加毕业舞会。
好了，我们已经看够多了，现在关掉吧。
不，不要关。./  OK, 你们看，我可不要看。
来吧，孩子，快去。/  Ahh, 你看起来太帅了。
快去吧。
我准备好了。
瑞秋，准备好了吗？你的白马王子来了。
再见。
亲爱的，怎么关掉这个摄影机。
我真不敢相信你竟然那么做了。
Yeah, 是的。
看，他就是她的那只龙虾。
Nooooo. 你真的不准备去了？
Yeah.这太难了，要知道，
这是罗斯的婚礼，我怎么能看得下去。
也许这样最好，而且，我们也得有人留下来照顾菲比。
她现在已经怀孕六个月了，
它需要有人帮她穿鞋，有人把她送的医院生孩子。
你没有汽车，而且你的执照也被吊销了。
我知道，只是必须有人做的，而且我也有时间做。
看这个，伦敦有家出租店可以借到所有关于博物馆的录影带。
上面说"比你亲自去博物馆还要真实"
太好了，要知道你不可能只穿着内衣去博物馆的。
的确如此，但事实上，有一次你这么做的。
我们可以把录像带全借来，
在旅馆的房间就可以参观全伦敦的博物馆。
而且我们还可顺便看一遍虎胆龙威！
Oh-ho! 听说英国版本的虎胆龙威更好看。

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 89楼发表于: 2014-04-03 0

422 The One With The Worst Best Man Ever

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]
Phoebe: (angrily) That’s like the tenth time I’ve peed since I’ve been here!
Monica: That’s also like the tenth time you told us.
Phoebe: Yeah, oh I’m sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, it’s a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! I’m so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, ‘cause—Oh! I’m pregnant!
Ross: Pheebs, did…you want a cookie?
Phoebe: (starting to cry) Thank you so much.
Rachel: So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming?
Phoebe: I haven’t really had any yet.
(Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Ross: All right, here’s the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans on giving Emily)
Chandler: (shocked) Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
Ross: So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?
Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning bachelor parties, don’t you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?
Chandler: Oh, it’s awkward. It’s awkward. It’s awkward.
Ross: I sort’ve already asked Chandler.
Joey: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!
Ross: Joey, I figured you’d understand. I mean, I-I’ve known him a lot longer.
Joey: Come on Ross! Look, I-I don’t have any brothers; I’ll never get to be a best man!
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: (pause) I’ll never get to be a best man!
Ross: (to Chandler) Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you—yeah, of course you get to be my best man.
Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you just said I could!
Chandler: I’m not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for science fiction writers!
Joey: I can’t believe you’re not picking me.
Ross: Hey, how can it not be me?!HeyHey!
Chandler: I’m not even… I’m not even…
Ross: Fine, y’know what, that’s it. From now on, Joey, I want you to be my best man.
Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: (to her babies) Stop it!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking.
Monica: I thought that was a good thing.
Phoebe: It’s not kicking me, it’s kicking one of the other babies. Oh (looks down her dress)! Don’t make me come in there!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Joey: Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?
Monica: Yeah, there’s one right under the cabinet.
Joey: (grabs it) Thanks.
Monica: Why do you need it?
Joey: Oh, we’re having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the door.)
Rachel: Whoa! Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us?
Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)
Phoebe: Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!! (Joey walks back in, scared.)
Rachel: Hormones!
Monica: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you’re having a party and we’re not invited?
Joey: Oh, it’s Ross’s bachelor party.
Monica: Sooo?
Joey: Are you bachelors?
Monica: Nooo!
Joey: Are you strippers?
Rachel: Nooo!
Joey: Then you’re not invited. (Starts for the door again.)
Rachel: All right fine! You’re not invited to the party we’re gonna have either.
Joey: Oh-whoa, what party?
Rachel: Well umm…
Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe!
Joey: Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I don’t want to do! Later! (Finally, he makes his exit.)
Phoebe: I can’t believe I’m gonna have a party! This is so great! (Really excited) A party! (Really, really excited) Yay!! (Suddenly, she starts crying and Rachel moves to comfort her.) I don’t know why.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are talking over party plans.]
Joey: This is what I’ve got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a lot of liquor.
Ross: Great. Great.
Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I’ve got you, me, and Chandler and I’m gonna invite Gunther ‘cause, well, we’ve been talking about this pretty loud.
Gunther: I’ll be there.
Joey: All right—oh! Listen, I know this is your party, but I’d really like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what, let’s not invite any of the anthropologists, only the dinosaur dudes!
Joey: Okay! We’ll need a six-pack of Zima.
Chandler: (entering) Hey guys, what are you doing?
Ross: Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.
Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
Ross: Yeah, see, I don’t think it’s gonna that difficult considering this one won’t be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
Chandler: Oh, I’m Ross. I’m Ross. I’m too good for the Hut; I’m too good for the Hut.
Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
Joey: You got it.
Ross: Okay, see ya later.
Chandler: See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.) Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.
Joey: Well, there’s gonna be strippers there. He didn’t say anything about no strippers.
Chandler: He just said, "No strippers."
Joey: Oh, I chose not to hear that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is returning from shopping and Rachel is there.]
Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?
Rachel: Little village people.
Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (It’s a little pink and white dress for the girl baby.)
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet!
Monica: I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!
Rachel: Huh. Except, Phoebe’s not gonna be the one that gets to dress them.
Monica: Because she’s not gonna get to keep the babies.
Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!
Monica: Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after she’s done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila.
Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she’s always wanted!
Monica: Oh, she’s gonna love that!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe’s baby shower, she is holding those leather pants, and isn’t happy about it.]
Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me feel better to give me stuff that I can’t use for another two months?! This sucks! All right, what’s my next present?!
All: I don’t have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their gifts behind their backs.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross’s bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the party.]
Ross: Hey listen man, about the stripper…
Joey: Yeah?
Ross: Good call!
Chandler: (banging a spoon against his beer bottle) Okay, a little announcement, a little announcement. I’ve decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!
Gunther: What’s my last name?
Chandler: Central Perk?
Gunther: (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.)
Joey: Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don’t-don’t forget your shirt. (He gives Gunther his shirt and Gunther leaves.)
Ross: Hey-hey, what are those?
Joey: Oh, little party favours, check it out! (It’s a shirt that reads, "Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998")
Ross: Wow! Yeah!
Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him what’s on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani, with a huge picture of him.)
Chandler: (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the stripper) so is the position of the bride.
The Stripper: Great!
Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great. And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
Joey: Oh, hey, don’t forget your shirt.
Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)
Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, party’s over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice lady. There you go. Back to your parent’s basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out! Here you go. All right.
The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
Joey: Yeah!
The Stripper: Wow, I didn’t know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Joey: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck complies.)
The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw one hell of a party.
Joey: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin’ ya. And listen if any of my friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday…
The Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.
Joey: Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around.
The Stripper: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah. I’ll let you play with my duck.
[Scene: Joey’s bedroom, it’s the middle of the night, he’s waking up and discovers he’s alone in bed.]
Joey: Hey, (realises he doesn’t know her name.) stripper! (He notices that the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees it’s empty and starts to panic.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it’s continued from earlier. Joey is now waking Chandler and telling him the news.]
Joey: (running and banging on Chandler’s door) The stripper stole the ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper stole the ring!
Chandler: (opening the door) What?
Joey: The ring is gone!
Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this—Ah-ha-ha!! You lost the ring! You’re the worst best man ever!
Joey: Dude, this isn’t funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night, everything’s cool! I wake up this morning, the stripper’s gone and the ring is gone!
Chandler: You slept with the stripper?
Joey: Of course!! (Shrugs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
Phoebe: Hi, guys.
Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebe’s way.)
Monica: Hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: I-I wanted to apologise if I—y’know seemed a tad edgy yesterday at my shower. Y’know it’s just the hormones, y’know.
Rachel: No we…
Monica: Hormones.
Rachel: …hormones, yeah.
Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet. (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
Monica: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That’s great. So how-how are things going?
Phoebe: Good. Y’know—no-no, okay, it’s-it feels like everything’s been about me lately, so what’s happening with you?
Rachel: Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to Ross’s wedding.
Phoebe: Oh!
Rachel: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that…
Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
Rachel: Well, h-how is this like that?
Phoebe: Well, let’s see, it’s not. Really, like that. Because, you see that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y’know a bunch of y’know high school crap that nobody really gives y’know…
Rachel: (starting to cry) I’m-I’m sorry, I just thought that…
Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is trying to figure out what to do.]
Joey: Ugh! I don’t know what I’m going to do! I called the company that sent and th-they don’t care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this isn’t an emergency, then what is?
Ross: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey…
Ross: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And the guys from work had a blast. Y’know, one of them had never been to a bachelor party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so…
Joey: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, that’s nice!
Ross: Yeah, right!
Joey: I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for myself, I might want to get one of those…
Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little squeeze.)
Ross: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride who has worn it has had a long and happy life.
Chandler: So you might say, it’s a magic ring.
Joey: (laughs, softly) Yeah, the stripper stole it.
Ross: My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?! H-how?! How could this all happen?!
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why don’t you be my best man."
Ross: (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-I’m gonna call the cops!
Joey: Dude, I screwed up, you don’t have to turn me in!
Ross: Not on you! On the stripper!
Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said they’re gonna look into it right after they solved all the murders.
Ross: Okay, well, we’ll call the company that sent her!
Joey: I did that too! They wouldn’t give me her real name or her number. They said, "If I bothered them again they’d call the police." I said, "If you talk to the police, you tell them I’m missing a ring!"
Ross: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That there’s nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!
Joey: Look Ross, I am so-so sorry. I-I-I…
Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun, but we’ve got a ring to find!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are cautiously serving Phoebe some tea.]
Monica: Here’s your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a step back.)
Phoebe: (sips it) It’s so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of relief.) Oh, thanks.
Rachel: Good.
Monica: I’m so glad you liked it.
Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)
Monica: What?!
Rachel: What?! She made the tea! (Points to Monica.)
Phoebe: Oh! No, I-I think I just had a contraction.
Rachel: You what?
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that was definitely one.
Monica: Wait, you can’t have the baby here! I mean I haven’t sterilised it since the guys moved out!
Rachel: Okay. It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. Y’know what? It’s okay. I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets!
Phoebe: No. It’s all right; it’s probably false labour. They said that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.
Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book!
Rachel: Okay! (Runs and grabs a book and hands it to Monica.) Okay! Here!
Monica: The Bible?!
Rachel: I don’t know!
[Scene: Chandler’s office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]
Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk. And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won’t recognise you because, well, why would she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I’ll be uh, Mr. Wong.
Ross: Diverse.
(There’s a knock on the door.)
The Stripper: Did anybody call for security?
Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all turn there backs on her.)
The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.) Hey, Joey?
Ross: Where’s my ring? My dead grandmother’s wedding ring? Where is it? Where is it?
Chandler: Way to be cool, man.
The Stripper: What’s he talking about?
Joey: There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone!
The Stripper: Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?
The Guys: Yeah!
Ross: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!
The Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I don’t need to steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys make that?
Chandler: Marry me. (Both Ross and Chandler hit him.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do, since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
Joey: I don’t get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didn’t take it, and I didn’t take it; and you (Chandler) didn’t take it, then who did? (The duck quacks.) Shh! We’re trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the same moment and stare at Joey, who doesn’t get it. After a short pause, with the duck still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is recovering from her false labour.]
Rachel: I still don’t get how you know when it’s false labour.
Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies?
Monica: How do you feel?
Phoebe: Okay, I guess. I mean… I don’t know, it’s just, I guess I know it’s going to be over soon.
Rachel: Well, isn’t that a good thing? You said you were sick of this.
Phoebe: I know. It’s just y’know usually when you’re, when you’re done with the pregnant thing, y’know, then you get to do the mom thing. I’m gonna be y’know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
Monica: Some moms do that.
Phoebe: Okay that’s even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself into, it’s just that now that they’re in me it’s like, it’s like I know them y’know, I mean-I mean, it’s just not gonna be easy when these little babies have to go away.
Monica: Aww, sweetie, but it’s not like you’re not gonna have anything. You’re gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that’s even better.
Phoebe: Yeah, okay.
Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, you’re not gonna be the one worrying about saving for college, or yelling at them when they’re bad, y’know, or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won’t calm down. Y’know?
Monica: I mean, you’re the one they’re gonna come to when they wanna run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.
Rachel: And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe!
Phoebe: Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool!
Monica: Yeah.
Rachel: And y’know what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you.
Phoebe: They are gonna love me.
Rachel: Oh!
Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Again.
Monica: Oh, sweetie! (They all hug.)
Phoebe: You’re the best. Thanks. Oh!
Monica and Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: Just kidding. Ahh!
Rachel: What?!
Monica: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Got cha again, you guys are so easy.
[Scene: The Animal Hospital, the guys have taken the duck in to remove the ring. Joey is pacing around like an expectant father.]
Joey: If anything should happen to him…
Ross: Joey! The vet said it’s a simple procedure.
Joey: So! Things can go wrong! You don’t know! What if he doesn’t make it?!
Chandler: He will, Joe.
Joey: Yeah, but what if he doesn’t? He’s such a good duck.
(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys’ memories of the duck. The first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then it’s Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler reading to him in bed, and him watching Baywatch when all they had was the canoe and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then it’s Chandler shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls’ apartment, Joey revealing their disco cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them, and it’s concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping it’s wings. And the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)
Joey: I’m so worried about him, y’know?
The Doctor: (coming in from surgery) Somebody lose a ring?
Ross: Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it, and then does a double-take realising where it’s been.)
Joey: H-h-h-how’s the duck?
The Doctor: He’s doing just fine, he’s resting now, but you can see him in a little bit.
Joey: Ohh, great! Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this.
Ross: No, that’s all right.
Joey: No, it’s not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let you down!
Chandler: Hey, come on, it’s not your fault.
Joey: Yeah, it is! You wouldn’t have lost the ring, right? Y’know what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.
Chandler: No, you should.
Joey: Now, don’t argue with me…
Ross: Hey! Hey! Hey! I get to choose my best man, and I want both you guys.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: Really?
Ross: Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are my… I mean, I’m lucky to have just one good… (They all start getting emotional.)
Chandler: Thanks man.
Joey: (starting to cry) I gotta go check something over here. (He walks away so that they can’t see him cry.)
Chandler: What a baby.
Ross: Total wuss!
(They both turn and wipe their eyes.)
CLOSING CREDITS
[There was no closing scene, only a preview of the wedding.]
END

422 史上最不称职伴郎

我第10次在这里撒尿了
也是第10次你告诉我们了
抱歉，那一定很难听进去了
那更容易跟孩子在你膀脏上玩“出臭味”
我怀孕后感到很不适!
我唯一的乐趣是一杯咖啡
无咖啡因的因为我怀孕了!
你要甜饼吗?
非常感谢!
亲爱的，那些不翅膀怎样了?
我还没有
这是戒指
对!干次，好
单身汉舞会有何主意?
在戒指和单身汉舞之前—
你该决定谁当你的伴郎
哩，那很笨拙
我叫昌德了
他在你的第一个婚札做了
我知道你明白的我认识他更久点
我没有别的兄弟我永远也当不了伴郎了
我结婚的时候你可以当我的伴郎
我永远也当不了伴郎了
等等
你两次当我的伴郎那我就不能当你的?
当然，你当我的伴郎
那我呢?
我不会结婚的!
那是科学小说作家的问题
居然不是我
怎能不是我?
我甚至
你知道吗?对了
从现在起祖尔当我的伴郎
替你丢脸
够了
其中一个孩子在踢我
那是好事
那不是踢我在踢另一个孩子
别让我进去那里!
你有大碗吗?
在柜子里有个
你要来干吗?
我们明晚有舞会
准备请我们吗?
不，晚点吧!
把你的屁股拿回来，替班尼!
激素
你们怎么开舞会都不请我们?
是洛斯的单身汉舞会
你们是单身汉吗?
是洁洁吗?
那你们就不被邀请了
那你们也不被邀请到我们的舞会了
什么舞会?
菲比的婴儿洗札
婴儿洗札?我可没兴趣
我居然要开舞会了
那太好7
我不知道为什么
这是我为舞会准备的酒水
多喂点
按照请贴上说我有你，我，还有昌德
我会请巩特尔因为我们说得很大声
我会去的
我知道是你的舞会
但我想控制博物馆里的人数
不要请任何人类学家只有恐龙花花公子
我们需要六包司马的产品
嘿，你们在做什么?
跟我的伴郎商量我的单身汉舞会
希望是最后一次
这次不会的所以不会很难
在比萨哈的基础上
我是洛斯，我是洛斯我很在行
我要接本切听来都不错
让它保持
没有洁洁或是一切
你对了
再贝
计划你的成熟舞会很快乐呢
会有洁洁的他没说过没有的
他只是说“不要洁洁”
我选择没有听过
看我拿到了什么!
他们为小孩子做的!
j、乡村人物
看这个这是我的最爱
真可爱
菲比会喜欢穿上的
除非她不能穿
她不能留着孩子的
天，我们在开最伤心的舞会!
除非我们送她怀孕以后能用的东西
例如普通的咖啡龙舌兰酒!
还有她一直想要的皮裤!
她会喜欢的!
这是什么?
你认为这让我感觉好点吗?
送我两个月后才能用的东西?
真荒唐!
我的下一份札物呢?
我们没有了
听着，有关那洁洁
叫得好!
叫得好!
我决定了伴郎是我的好朋友巩特尔
我的名字是什么?
中心打扮?
感谢你没有跟丽珍结婚
嘿，巩特尔!别忘了你的衬衫
那是什么?
舞会的小东西
只想大家都知道我伴郎的位置还是空缺的
还有新娘
很好
很狡猾，伙计
你的脖子上有寒战
我只是想跟大家说谢谢那很好!
星期一早上见了
谢谢，祖尔别忘了你的衬衫
嘿，博物馆同事舞会结束了
跟那女士道别
回到你父目的地下室好
孩子们，来来了
看那乌是你的?
他们让你养鸡和鸭当宠物吗?
我还对那鸭子作了良好的训练
盯着那墙!
别动
变白色
你看来很在行
我今玩很高兴
你们给我这鬼舞会
见到你真好
我的朋友会结婚或是生日，或者是星期
对，那很好
那，我猜，晚安
除非你要留下来
我能让你跟我的鸭子玩
洁洁工!
洁洁工把戒指愉走了!
昌德，起来!洁洁工把戒指愉走了!
什么?戒指不见了!
给我一分钟醒来
你丢了戒指你是最糟的伴郎!
这不幽默我去睡了，一切都冷静下来
我醒来，那洁洁工走了戒指也不见了!
你跟她睡了?当然!
我要道歉假如我在昨天的洗札有点急噪
只是荷尔蒙激素的关系
不，我们一荷尔蒙激素
我想跟你们说谢谢那很温，I青
你们做得很好
怎样了?很好
所有对我来说都有点晚了那你是怎么了?
我们只是在说我不去洛斯的婚札了
那只是太难了过去的一切
这让我想起了我住在大街上的时光
那家伙说我跟他睡的话他给我买吃的
那是怎样的?
好，让我看看那不是真的那样
因为那是个真正的问题
你的只是中学时候的一堆废话
没有人真的有!
很抱歉我只是想一
那水有用了
我给那公司打电话叫她来了但他们不在意
我打了911，他们向我喊这是紧急救援中心!
再次谢谢你们的舞会
他们其中的一个从没参加过单身汉舞会
另一个甚至没参加过舞会
然后那结婚戒指
伙计，那很好
我也许能留下其中一个孩子
哪里?
我祖昂第一次来到这国家
那戒指还有她后面的衣服是她的所有了
那戒指对你来说是不能取代的了
它在我们家传了好几代了
所有拥有它的新娘都很长寿而且有快乐的生活
那你该叫它为魔法指环了
对，那洁洁工把它愉走了
我的戒指?我的结婚戒指?
洁洁工把我的结婚戒愉走了?
那怎么会发生的?
那都从你说“祖尔，你当我的伴郎”开始
我要报誓
我都晕头转向了但你不必把我拉下水的
不是你，是那洁洁工
我做了
他们说等他们抓到了所有杀人犯再去调查
我们致电送她来的公司我也做了
他们说假如我在骚扰的话他们会报管的
我说“你跟警察说，你跟他们说我丢了戒指”
那我们什么也做不了?
那怎么会发生的?
看，洛斯，我很抱歉
我们干吗不只是给电话她
用假名叫她来我的办公室?
那听来很有趣但我们要拢戒指
你的荼，菲比
真好
诅I谢
好很高兴你喜欢
什么?
她煮那荼的
我想我刚签了约
什么?天!
我刚感到一个了
那当然是
你不能在这里生小孩的
在那男孩们搬走后我还没给房子消毒
没关系的我去煮热水，再把纸撕碎
那有可能是错的
那再后来会出现这种现象的去拿书
去拿书!
圣经?我不知道
好。这很好
你在那桌子后拿的
她进来了她不会知道的，因为
哎，她怎么会?
然后你说了洛斯和我
你是根萨先生我是王先生
不同的
谁叫保安了?
你很酷呢
谁是巩特尔森特泊克?
我的戒指在哪里?我过世祖目的结婚戒指
冷静点，伙计
什么?
那盒子里有只戒指你走后，它就不见了
你以为我会愉东西?
省省你的时间坦白吧
你们是谁，哈代?
我根本不需要愉一只戒指我每星期赚1600元
你们有谁能?
嫁给我吧
它整晚都在我房间里的她没有愉
我也没有你也没有，那是谁?
我们正在想
我不知道，那是错误的分娩反应
你们看到孩子了吗?
你感觉如何?
还好
我不知道
我知道那快要结束了所以
那不是好事吗?
你说你因此而很难受的我知道
通常当你怀孕要结束了
你会做妈妈该做的事
但我只会穿着皮裤坐在那里喂着龙舌兰酒
有的妈妈也会这样
那更可悲
看，我知道自己会怎样
只是现在他们在我里面
就像我认识他们
让他们离开我可真不容易
我知道，亲爱的
但不代表你什么也没有
你会有侄女和侄子那更好
不，真的
你不用为了要进大学存钱而担心
或者是在他们不乖的时候骂他们
还是当他们不冷静的时候给他们淋利他林
你能躲到一旁跟他们说性
你是很酷的菲比阿姨
很酷的菲比阿姨
我很酷
你还知道吗?他们会很爱你的
他们会很爱我
谢谢你们，再次地
哩，亲爱的
什么?
只是开玩笑
哩，我的天!
有抓弄到你们了你们真容易受骗!
假如他有什么意外——
兽医说那是很简单的手术
可不能出错假如他不行了怎么办?
他可以的，祖尔
但假如他不呢?
他是只好鸭子
我很担心他!
谁丢了戒指?
哩，我的天!谢谢你!太谢谢你了!
那鸭子怎样了?
很好你们很快就能见到他了
太好了
谢谢你那么酷
不，不客气
你让我当你的伴郎我却让你失望
那不是你的错那是的
你就不会丢掉的
洛斯，你是对的他该是你的伴郎
不，你该的
我要选我的伴郎
我两个都要
我两个都要
你们两个都该跟我一起
你们俩是我的
我幸运是因为有一个好的
谢谢，伙计
我去看点东西
什么!都疯了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 90楼发表于: 2014-04-03 0

423/424 The One With Ross’s Wedding Parts I and II
423 The One With Ross’s Wedding Parts I

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to London and Monica comes running in.]
Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
Chandler: Six-hour trip to London. That’s a lot of Monica.
[Cut to the girls’ apartment, Monica is putting things into her purse as Phoebe and Rachel watch.]
Monica: Passport, check! (As she puts away each item, she says check.) Camera, check! Traveller’s cheques, check!
Rachel: Who are you saying "check" too?
Monica: Myself. Y’know for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Hey! Are you ready yet?
Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
Ross: Oh! Got ‘em right here, (Pats his coat pocket) check!
[Cut to the guys’ apartment.]
Joey: It’s all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls’ apartment.)
Chandler: You got your passport?
Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You don’t want to lose that.
(Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesn’t know why, it takes him a little bit to figure it out.)
Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
Chandler: There it is.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, Monica is telling Phoebe where everything is.]
Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, it’s in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator…
Phoebe: Okay, okay, but Rachel’s gonna be here too, can’t I just ask her this stuff?
Monica: Yeah, okay, give that a try!
Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Let’s do it!
Joey: Woo-hoo!!
Ross: Yeah, cheerie-o!
Joey: London baby!
Chandler: Okay, ‘cause that’s not gonna get annoying.
Joey: (louder) London baby!!
Chandler: Hey, y’know what? I was wrong.
Ross: Well, we’re all here! I guess we should get going!
Phoebe: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your wedding, but I don’t—can’t get up.
Ross: Oh, I’ll-I’ll come hug you.
Phoebe: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?
Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
Phoebe: Oh, have a great wedding!
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too!
Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, it’s on the counter in your apartment.
Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebe’s book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
Ross: (to Rachel) So, we’re off.
Rachel: Have fun!
Ross: Thanks! (They hug.) Ugh, I can’t believe you’re not gonna be there!
Rachel: Oh, I know.
Ross: So-so come! Why don’t you come?
Rachel: What?!
Ross: To London! Come to London. Please? It’ll mean so much to me.
Rachel: Yeah, well, I gotta work, I’m sorry.
Ross: Why-why can’t you take a couple of days off?
Rachel: Because, I can’t! Ross, I told you, no. I can’t.
Ross: This is my wedding.
Monica: All right, y’know what? We really are late! Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!!
Ross: Fine. You’ll-you’ll watch it on video when we get back.
Chandler: (entering, with Phoebe’s book.) Here you go Phoebe! Here you go Phobo! Phewbedo! Phaybobo.
Phoebe: (laughs) Thank you.
(Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
Phoebe: Thank you. (She pats him on his head.)
Ross: All right, let’s go! Bye, Pheebs!
Joey: Bye, Pheebs!
(They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says "bye." In the hall, Joey says…)
Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
Phoebe: Oh, do you need a hug? You don’t have to bring me anything!
(And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show moves it’s entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
[Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
Joey: Come on! Do something!
Chandler: I am, I’m ignoring you.
Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his "pop-up" map of London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
Joey: It’s London, baby! All right, the hotel’s here. (Points to the map.) Wait. No, we wanna go… No. I know. (Sets the map down.) I’m gonna have to go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, we’re not gonna have to walk this way the entire time are we?
Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
[Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Themes, Ross, Emily, and Monica are walking to where they’re gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the caterer.]
Emily: …and that was all before 10 o’clock. The caterer rang and said it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say there aren’t any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. We’re not gonna be…
Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
Emily: Well, up yours too!
Ross: What?! No! No! That’s-that’s time-out!
Emily: Sorry.
Ross: Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything’s gonna be great, okay? Come on. Come on.
Monica: Chicken Kiev?
Ross: Um-hmm! Doesn’t that sound delicious at the last minute?
Monica: Yeah, y’know, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldn’t have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.) So, I can’t wait to see this place you’re getting married!
Ross: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily’s parents got married here.
Emily: I still can’t believe they’re tearing it down. It really is the most lovely building you’ll ever see. I mean it’s over… (She stops suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
Monica: It’s nice.
Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
[Cut to inside.]
Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are we going to do?
Ross: It’s all right! Everything’s gonna be all right.
Emily: How’s it gonna be all right?!
Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what happened.
Ross: What? What?
Monica: They torn it down a few days early.
[Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of London and are approaching the Abbey.]
Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I’ve ever seen. Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
Chandler: I think it’s great. It’s great. Y’know, they’re thinking of changing the name of this place.
Joey: Really? To what?
Chandler: To Put the Camera Away!!!
Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the Abbey.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel enters.]
Phoebe: Oh. Oh.
Rachel: Oh, honey! Don’t get up! What do you need?
Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.
Rachel: Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything.
Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
Rachel: Okay, that is all you.
Phoebe: So-so, what do you want for lunch?
Rachel: Oh, I don’t know. I guess we have to eat.
Phoebe: Yeah, I do. What’s the matter?
Rachel: I’m just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldn’t have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
Phoebe: Eh, don’t be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was getting married…
Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
Phoebe: Yeah!
Rachel: I’m not in love with Ross!
Phoebe: Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither.
Rachel: Phoebe, I’m going to Ross’s wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I’m still in love with him! I mean, hey, y’know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y’know? Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don’t mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn’t mean that-that I’m still in love with him. Y’know? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him—Ohh! Oh my God! Oh my—why didn’t you tell me?!!
Phoebe: We thought you knew!
Rachel: We?!
Phoebe: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!
Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesn’t know anything.
Rachel: Oh, I can not believe you didn’t tell me!
Phoebe: Well, because we thought you knew!! It’s so obvious! God, that would be like telling Monica, "Hey, you like things clean."
[Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
Joey: Hey!
The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? We’ve got uh, scarves, tulip post cards...
Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the front of it.) Yeah. That’s the stuff. What do you think?
Chandler: Well, I don’t have to buy that, "I’m with stupid" T-shirt anymore.
Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
Chandler: All right, look, you’re not really gonna buy that are you? Don’t you think you’ve embarrassed me enough for one day?
Joey: Oh, I embarrass you?
Chandler: How can I answer that when I’m pretending I don’t know you?
The Vendor: He’s just jealous. You’ll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
Chandler: Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them?
The Vendor: (looks around) They’re all tourists.
Chandler: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, y’know, you’re gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If you’re gonna make me choose between you and the hat? I choose the hat.
The Vendor: Good choice.
Joey: Thanks.
Chandler: Okay, wait. All right, that’s it, okay, I’m out of here. I am not going to be embarrassed anymore! (He trips over a box, falls into a flower stand and walks away trying to be cool.)
[Scene: The hotel, Ross’s room, Emily is entering.]
Emily: Hello?
Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think we’ll be able to find a new place for the wedding.
Emily: We don’t have to.
Ross: Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place?
Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.
Ross: She said what?
Emily: She said, "If I’m not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it."
Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent on this wedding? Do you my sister’s teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on backwards.) This isn’t right.
Emily: I realize that people are going to be disappointed. But, I’m sure they’ll come back when we can do it right.
Ross: I can’t ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out his pants)
Emily: Don’t you point your pants at me! (She throws them on the floor.) We have no choice! Anywhere that’s half-decent would’ve be booked months ago, Ross don’t you understand? This is our wedding I’m talking about.
Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when we’re getting married.
Emily: So what are you saying? It’s now or never?
Ross: No. I’m saying it’s now. (He starts putting on his pants, backwards again.)
Emily: Or?
Ross: There’s no ‘or’ in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
Emily: It’s not the pants. It’s you that is backwards. And if, and if you don’t understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn’t get married at all! (She storms out.)
Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No, wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please—(He catches something important in the zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch of shopping bags.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: (depressed) Hi.
Phoebe: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?
Rachel: Manhattan does not have enough stores.
Phoebe: Well, I think I can help you get over him.
Rachel: You can?
Phoebe: Yeah. I just need you to bring me some photos of Ross.
Rachel: Um-hmm.
Phoebe: And a small piece of chocolate.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: And a glass of tepid water. (She gathers up all of these things.)
Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didn’t feel like getting up. Okay, I’m gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And you’re going to remember all of the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
Rachel: I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out.
Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I love Ross, I think he’s such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that you’re with Ross okay and imagine that you’re kissing him. And you’re-you’re running your hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross it’s some kind of grease, it’s—uck! Hah?
Rachel: I don’t know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and y’know it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.
Phoebe: Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Umm, let’s try some uh, aversion therapy.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay?
Rachel: All right.
Phoebe: So uh, now look at the picture…
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: All right, and umm… (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the head.)
Rachel: Ow!
Phoebe: Okay, how do you feel now?
Rachel: Well, I like you less!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey’s hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns, still wearing his hat.]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
Chandler: No-no-no, y’know what? I really shouldn’t have said that you were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasn’t cool. And if it makes you feel any better, I’ve had a really lousy day.
Joey: Me too.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Noo!! I’ve had the best day ever! Dude, check this out!
Monica: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Sh-shh-shh! (He motions for her to watch something he has taped.)
[Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous English-type person.]
Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
Fergie: (Yep, Sarah, the Duchess of York) Okay, so umm, what’s your friend’s name?
Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
Fergie: Hi Chandler! (Waves)
Chandler: That’s… That’s was…
Monica: Oh my God!
Joey: That’s Fergie baby!!
Fergie: Joey says you don’t really like his hat, but I think it’s kinda dashing.
Chandler: How did you? How? How?
Joey: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right? So, I’m in my map and-and…(Ross enters) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily.
Monica: (laughs) Yes, I did! And you are welcome!
Ross: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!
Monica: Umm…
Chandler: I’m gonna go to the bathroom.
Joey: Wait up! (They both run to the bathroom.)
Ross: Hey-hey, since you’re the ‘fix-it’ lady, here’s a pickle, what do you do when the bride says she doesn’t want to have the wedding at all?
Monica: She said that?!
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Why?!
Ross: I don’t know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
Monica: Oh my God. You’re even dumber than I am!
Ross: Excuse me?
Monica: Ross, how long have you been planning this wedding?
Ross: I don’t know. A month?
Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. That’s what we did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
Ross: I had no idea. And that-that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were just doing the flying nun.
Monica: Sometimes we were.
Ross: Come on. You gotta help me figure out what to do. Okay?
Monica: Okay.
Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
Chandler: That was pretty intense huh?
Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didn’t think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
Chandler: (glares at him) I hope he did!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone rings and Phoebe answers it.]
Phoebe: Hello.
Joey: (on phone) Hey, Pheebs! It’s Joey!
Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the—that looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say ‘hi!’ but then I figured, he doesn’t care if he looks like you.
Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the chick and the duck are doing?
Phoebe: Ohh, they’re having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasn’t been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
Joey: Kinda, but I’ve just been having way too much fun.
Phoebe: So you’re not homesick yet?
Joey: No, I don’t think so.
Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
Joey: Who’s seven?
Phoebe: Y’know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies…
Joey: Ahh, the babies miss me?
(There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebe’s door.)
Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guy’s here!
Joey: What? You ordered pizza without me?!
Phoebe: Yeah. But y’know we were thinking about you, y’know we ordered the Joey Special.
Joey: Two pizzas?!
Phoebe: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.
Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!
(Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, he’s happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
[Scene: Ross and Emily’s planned wedding place, Monica is dragging Emily in.]
Emily: Monica, why have you brought me here of all places?!
Monica: You’ll see.
Emily: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.
(At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
Emily: Oh God.
Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and y’know fewer bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles…
Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and… (Points to Ross) You go.
Ross: But-but, if you don’t love this, we’ll do it in any other place at any other time. Really, it’s fine, whatever you want.
Emily: It’s perfect.
Ross: And, I don’t know, if it starts to rain…
Emily: Well then we’ll get wet. (They kiss.)
Monica: Ohh. And I don’t even have a date.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.]
Rachel: Pheebs?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Rachel: Do you remember where the duck food is?
Phoebe: Yeah, it’s in the guys’ apartment under the sink. Why?
Rachel: (enters with a bag packed) Because I’m going to London.
Phoebe: What?! What do you mean you’re going to London?
Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you don’t have those babies until I get back. (Kisses her stomach.)
Phoebe: I—Rachel, you can’t go! Ross loves Emily!
Rachel: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision.
Phoebe: That’s not why you’re going! You’re going because you hope he’s gonna say, "Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy."
Rachel: Ohh—Do you think he will?!
Phoebe: No! Because he’s in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go, you’re just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y’know, it’s too late! You missed you’re chance! I’m sorry, I know this must be really hard, it’s over.
Rachel: Y’know what? No. It’s not over until someone says, "I do." (Exits)
Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesn’t stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. I’m carrying a litter.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Moving Shot towards The Waltham House. A phone is ringing.]
Housekeeper: The Waltham Residence.
Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emily’s Parents’ house.
Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses oneself on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if it’s not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and it’s not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.
Phoebe: No no no, I’ll be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are?
Housekeeper: I’m afraid, I’m not at liberty to divulge that information.
Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you don’t give me that number then I’m going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
Housekeeper: Hangs up.
Phoebe: Hello, Hello. Ohh, OHH, she knew I could kick her ass.
[Scene: Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross and Emily are standing in the reception area. Monica arrives with her parents.]
Monica: Hey.
Ross: (Ross hugs his mom and dad)Hi. Mom. Dad.
Mrs. Geller: Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the tube.
Mr. Geller: (embarrassed) Judy, the kids..
Mrs. Geller: Jack, that’s what they call the subway.
Mr. Geller: Ohh, I thought that you....
Ross and Monica: Dad, dad. We got it!! We Got It!!!
Emily: Ohh, here comes my dad and stepmum. Mister and Misses Geller, this is Steven and Andrea Waltham.
Mr. Waltham: (Shaking everyone's hand.) Hello. Hello. How do you do? How do you do? Very nice to meet you. (Looking over at his wife.) Darling it’s the Gellers. (She pays no attention she’s talking on a cellular phone.) (Louder) Darling, it’s the Gellers. (She’s still not responding.) She’s very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married her.
Mrs. Waltham: (Looking evilly at her husband) Sorry, what?
Mr. Waltham: It’s the Gellers!
Mrs. Waltham: Where?
Mr. Waltham: Well there’s one (pointing towards Jack) and there’s another (pointing towards Judy).
Mrs. Waltham: Lovely to meet you.
Mr. Waltham: Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding. (He hand a multipage bill to Jack.)
Mr. Geller: Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, we’re happy to do it.
Mrs. Geller: We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only wedding we get to throw (patting Monica on the shoulder.).
Monica: Ha ha, a joke that’s funny in all countries.
(Ross quickly directs the families to their tables.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey.)
Joey: What’s in it?
Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly at the food.)
Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)That’s not food...No, I don’t, no...(Taps Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I miss the coffee house. I can’t even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Chandler: Joey, it’s been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England. (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
[Camera pans to the Geller family table. Ross, Rachel, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there.]
Mr. Geller: (Looking at ht wedding bill.) What the hell!!!
Ross: what’s up, Dad?
Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. it’s insane.
Mrs. Geller: How could it be so much? The receptions at their house.
Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first floor. New guest bath, landscaping. I’m paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets up.) I’m going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I don’t want anything to upset Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
Mr. Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
Mrs. Geller: Ooh, Jack....(He looks over to her) Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be. (They embrace and kiss passionately.)
Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And I’m going to go get drunk. (Gets up to get a drink.)
[Scene: An airport in New York.]
Rachel: (Running to the ticket counter) Ooh, ooh, ooh,ooh,ooh. (Slightly out of breath) Hi.
Ticket Agent: (Cheerfully.) Hello.
Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) There’s one leaving in thirty minutes.
Rachel: Ohh, good.
Ticket Agent: And I do have one seat left.
Rachel: Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
Rachel: (looking through her wallet.) Ohh, I just don’t think I have enough left on my credit card.
Ticket Agent: Well you can split it with another credit card.
Rachel: Ohh, okay, how about five. (She hands her all the credit cards.) Ohh, thank you.
Ticket Agent: I’m just going to need to see your passport.
Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I don’t have it, but I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
Ticket Agent: (Slides the twenty back and tosses her credit card onto the counter.)
[Scene: The Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross is at the Walthams’ table discussing the bill.]
Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Mr. Waltham: Ahh, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.
Ross: I go back there with lawn ornaments, he’s going to laugh in my face.
Mrs. Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. (Ross looks frustrated. She begins to scream at her husband.) Will you say something, Steven?! Please!!!
Mr. Waltham: Don’t take that tone with me. (She looks evilly at him.) All-all right you can. (He looks over at Ross and Shrugs.)
[Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
Rachel: (Running to her room.) Hi, Pheebs.
Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
Rachel: (Running back out the door with her passport.) Bye, Pheebs.
Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!! Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
Chandler: I’d like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will. (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
Mrs. Waltham: Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Phoebe: Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or Ross’s sister Monica.
Mrs. Waltham: Who is this?
Phoebe: Oh, I’m Phoebe Buffay. I’m one of Ross’s best friends.
Mrs. Waltham: Well, if you’re on e of Ross’s best friends, why aren’t you here?
Phoebe: Yeah, um, I can’t fly. I’m having my brother’s babies.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh, am I on the radio?
Phoebe: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? It’s very very important.
Mrs. Waltham: No, I’m bored with you now. I’m going to cut you off. (She hangs up.)
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay, I’m going to have to kick her ass too.
Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And I’m sure we’re all very excited that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He sits down.)
Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now I’m not good with the jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
(One of the bridesmaids, Felicity, puts her arm around Joey.)
Felicity: (Putting her arm around Joey.) Are you going home? I was hoping to get to know you better.
Joey: (Putting his arm around her.) I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.
[Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
Chandler: Out loud?
Monica: Well I didn’t want everyone to think I was stupid.
Chandler: So how are you doing?
Monica: My mother’s driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. I’m happy. (A drunken man approaches.) I’m not going to let anything spoil that.
Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
Monica: Well, thanks, we like him.
Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the shoulder.)
(Ross and Emily’s parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are discussing the wedding bill.)
Mr. Geller: There’s no way in hell, I’m paying for it.
Ross: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding.
Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, I’m not paying for your wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it weren’t for us, cheap little man. (Emily’s stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
(Chandler’s trying to console Monica.)
Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? There’s no way, you look like Ross’s mother.
Monica: Then why would he say it?
Chandler: Because he’s crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my very moving performance in Titanic.
Monica: Oh, my mother’s right. I’m never going to get married.
Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldn’t want you?
Monica: Ohh, Please?! I’m a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
[Scene: The airport. Rachel runs up to the ticket counter.]
Rachel: Hi, I’m back. Listen, I need to...
Ticket Agent: Hello.
Rachel: Hello. I need to get on the 11 o'clock flight.
Ticket Agent: Oh I’m afraid that plane has already pulled away from the gate.
Rachel: Okay, you know what/ You’re going to have to call that plane and tell them to swing around and come and pick me up.
Ticket Agent: I can’t do that.
Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, we’ll just tell them that there was like a problem with like the "engine".
Ticket Agent: I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to step aside, Miss.
Rachel: Look, If I don’t get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
Ticket Agent: I can’t imagine why.
Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Ross bursts into the room.]
Ross: (Screaming) I’m getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!!
Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
Ross: I’m getting married, to..day!!
Chandler: Yeah you are!!
Ross: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together talking. There’s an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from of them.]
Chandler: Well I’ve-I’ve never done that with you before.
Monica: (In am uneasy voice.) Nope. (She chuckles uneasily.)
Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
Monica: Yep, yep...You?
Chandler: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You?(Looking over at her. She looks back.) We did you.
Monica: Well...I’d better get going.
Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
Chandler: I don’t want to look.
[Scene: The Virgin Atlantic flight to London that Rachel is on.]
Rachel: Ohhh.(she rhythmically taps her hands on the magazine on her lap.)
Passenger: Ahh, ahh, excuse me.
Rachel: Yeah?
Passenger: If you’re planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
Rachel: Oh. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs happily.) It’s just, I’m ahh, I’m kinda excited. I’m, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
[Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
Joey: Hello?
Phoebe: (Angrily.) Hey, were the hell have you been?!
Joey: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...
Phoebe: I don’t want to hear about her!!
Joey: Ahh Pheebs, you know you’re still my number one girl.
Phoebe: No! No, we have an emergency. Okay? Rachel’s coming to London.
Joey: Ohh great!!!
Phoebe: No it’s not great. No, she’s coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
Joey: (Confused.) But, he loves Emily?
Phoebe: I KNOW THAT!!! You have to stop her!! She’s going to ruin the wedding!!
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: All right, so, okay...
Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
Phoebe: Okay, so I’m done my part, okay. It’s your responsibility now, okay. The burden is off me, right?
Joey: Right!
Phoebe: So tell me about this girl?
(The guys hotel room. Joey’s there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: Have you seen Monica?
Chandler: (Very defensive.) I’m not seeing Monica.
Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Look we’ve got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel’s coming to tell Ross she loves him!!
Chandler: Oh my god!
Joey: I know! That’s why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?
Chandler: No!! Okay!! What’s with the third degree?! Why don’t you just shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
[Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on her left is still wearing his headphones.]
Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn’t come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! I’m sorry, can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
Passenger: You say you love this man, yet you’re about to ruin the happiest day of his life. I’m afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is a...terrible, terrible plan.
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Passenger: But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this.
Rachel: (Sighing) Well I-I think your wrong.
Passenger: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesn’t know what to say. He puts his headphones back on.)
[Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica enter together.]
Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! It’s like a fairyland.
Mrs. Waltham: I know, it’s horrible isn’t it?
Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.
Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel. I’ll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know sometimes I don’t even like Chandler.
Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
(Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
Chandler: Oh yea, your right. It’s the second one.
Ross: (Very Nervous)Really?
[Scene: Joey’s in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the rehearsal dinner come in.)
Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
Joey: Hey, Felicity.
Felicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.
Joey: Yeah.
Felicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.
Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
Joey: Oh, yeah.
(Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
Mrs. Geller: There’s nothing to discuss. We’re not paying for your wine cellar.
Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet the middle of your ass.
Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
Emily: What-what’s going on?!
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control.
Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! That’s it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day! >From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) That’s right!!
Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
Emily: What was all that about?
Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in her wedding dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that she’s in her gown.) Oh! You were not meant to see me before the wedding. It’s bad luck.
Ross: You know what, I think we’ve had all the bad luck we’re going to have. (He hugs her.)
(The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and sees Rachel standing there.)
Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the cheek.) Your here. I can’t believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. She’s almost in tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.) Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
[Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Phoebe: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It’s Phoebe again.
Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is going to be the last time I promise.
Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joey’s chest.) Joey there’s a girl on the phone for you.
Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to escort her down the aisle.)
Phoebe: Did you stop Rachel?
Joey: No, but it’s okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
Phoebe: So nothing got ruined?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh that’s so great! Ohh, so what’s going on now?
Joey: Ah, I’m-I’m walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her place.) I’m about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her "Hey." And now I’m at the front with Ross. It’s Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...I’d better go.
Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. (Joey looks at Ross and holds the phone above Ross’s shoulder.)
(Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
Chandler: What we did last night was....
Monica: Stupid.
Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
Monica: What were we thinking?
Chandler: I’m coming over tonight though, right?
Monica: Oh yeah. Definitely.
(They quickly take their places and Here Comes the Bride Begins to play. Everyone seated looks back. Emily is being escorted up the aisle by her father. She kisses him on the cheek and takes her place by Ross’s side.)
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...
Emily: I, Emily...
Minster: Take thee Ross...
Emily: Take thee Ross...
Minster: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Emily: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.
Minster: Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?
(Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were looking at her as the picture fades to black.)
CLOSING CREDITS
THE END

423 罗斯的婚礼（第一集）424 罗斯的婚礼（第二集）

伙计们，快点！
飞机航班还有四个小时就要起飞了！
打的还要时间！路上还有可能会堵车！
飞机还有可能提前起飞！
回头到了伦敦，通关还要排队呢！快快快！
飞去伦敦要六个小时
有MONICA在，一路上有得我们受的。
护照，检查完毕，
照相机，检查完毕，
旅行支票，检查完毕！
你跟谁报告呢?
我自己。
就是为了打包的时候避免忘记东西。
对啦，做对了一件事，就检查一下。
我妈就是这样
我倒是从来没有觉得这很怪。
哼，我妈还曾经把头放进烤箱里呢
实际上她只这么干过一次，
这倒是挺怪的。
嗨！
嗨，你都准备好了吗？
没问题！你拿到机票了？
哦，对了，拿到了，瞧，检查完毕！
去伦敦喽！出发！
你拿了护照了吗？
哦，在我衣柜的第三个抽屉里，怎么可能忘记呢？
哦！！
这就对了。
好了，如果要用吸尘器
就在壁橱里左手边
嗯，垃圾袋在冰箱旁边
行了行了，RACHEL不是在这儿吗？
我问她不就行了？
哦，行啊，回头你试试？
好啦好啦，快走吧！
-是啊，太高兴了！
去伦敦喽！
行了，还不够吵吗？
去伦敦喽！！
说实话，刚才算我说错。
行了，大家都在了吧，我想我们该走了！
欧，真想过去拥抱你一下，
祝你婚礼的时候一切顺利，可是我爬不起来。
没关系，我过来拥抱你好了。
太好了，哦对了，能不能把那报纸带过来？
好。
婚礼一切顺利！
谢谢。
嗨，钱德，我也想拥抱你！
太棒了！
哦对了，你也得帮我把我的书带过来，在你们公寓的吧台上。
好吧。
那么我们走了。
玩得开心点！
谢谢，不敢相信你居然不和我们一起去！
我能理解。
算了，一起去吧！干嘛不去？
什么？
一起去伦敦，求你了？就算是为了我。
没办法，我要上班的呀，真对不起。
为什么不能请几天假呢？
因为我不能请假，罗斯，跟你说了我不能去。
这是我的婚礼啊！
行了，知道吗？我们已经晚了，快走！快走！快走！
那好吧，等我们回来的时候你看录像带吧。
来了小菲比！来了懒菲比！臭菲比！乖菲比！
谢谢你。
好了，走喽！
再见，菲比！
去伦敦喽！
要来拥抱一下吗？
不用给我带任何东西的。
嗨，钱德，做点什么吧！
来吧，干点什么！
我正当你不存在。
那好，拿着！你来拍我吧！
好了，第一站，西敏寺大教堂。
哈，这是什么？
这不就是伦敦吗！
好吧，旅馆，在这儿。
等等，不对，我们要往。。。不对，这么办吧。
我得站到地图上去。
噢？有没有一个缩小的我在上面？踩死他！
知道了，走吧。
我说，我们不会这样走一整天吧？
嘘！瞧，你又让我迷失了方向！
那时候还不到十点，厨师跑过来告诉我
要用基辅鸡肉代替龙嵩叶鸡肉。
然后花店又说没有郁金香了，对了，
椒花都生了蛀虫，我们就没法。。。
喔喔喔！埃米莉，亲爱的
啊？去你的！
什么？
哦，你不是那意思？
哦不不不，这是暂停的意思！
抱歉。
亲爱的，放松，一切都会好的，好吗？
行了，行了。
基辅鸡肉？
是啊，听起来最后一定很美味不是吗？
我是说，也许鲑鱼一类的东西比鸡肉看起来档次更高一点。
而且你还不用担心会感染沙门氏菌。
不过，选鲑鱼的话，也许我们还得担心‘鸡门氏菌’
我迫不及待想看你们结婚的地方了！
是啊，是啊，没错，这地方可漂亮了，
埃米莉的父母就在这里结的婚。
我还是不敢相信他们居然要拆掉它，
那绝对是最漂亮的建筑，我是说自从。。。。。
噢，天哪！
漂亮
哦哦。。
天哪。
怎么会这样？我们怎么办？
别担心，一切都会搞定的。
怎么搞定？
我也不知道。
我和那个拿铲子的人聊过了，他告诉了我怎么回事。
怎么了，怎么了？
他们提前了几天拆迁。
这就是了，西敏寺大教堂！
太简单了，我见过的最好的教堂。
嗨。好了，你觉得这教堂怎么样？钱德？
我觉得不错，非常好，你知道吗，
他们正在考虑要把这地方的名字改掉。
是吗？改成什么？
改成“拿开照相机”！！！
老兄，你可以叫“西敏寺神经病”
哟，别起来，你要什么我给你拿。
哦，没什么。
没关系，我留在这里就是为了照顾你！
你要什么？随便什么都行。
好吧，我要换鞋。
那你还是自己来吧。
午饭吃什么？
我不知道，我们非得吃吗？
是啊，我得吃。怎么了？
我只是觉得我和罗斯最后说的话差劲到了极点。
我不应该骗他说我要上班的。
他看起来对我可火大了。
别对自己太苛刻，如果我还爱着的
某个人也结婚了的话。。。。
还爱着？
是啊！
我现在不爱罗斯！
哦，对，不爱，不爱，很好。
我也是。
菲比，之所以不去罗斯的婚礼是因为
他是我的前男友，我在那里会浑身不舒服。
不是因为我还爱着他！
我是说，我喜欢罗斯更甚于别的男朋友，
很明显我对罗斯有那种感觉，可是那种感觉不是爱啊！
我是说，我还对他有爱慕的感觉。
这就对了！
可是那只是余情未了，这不意味着我现在还爱着他啊！
你知道吗？我有时侯觉得他很性感，
可那是因为我还爱着他。。。。哎呀！
我的天啊，你们怎么不早告诉我？
我们以为你知道！
你们？！
是啊，我们都知道，大家老是在聊你们！
你们都知道？罗斯知道吗？
哦，不，他什么也不知道。
真不敢相信你居然不告诉我！
那是因为我们以为你自己知道！太明显了！
就象你告诉MONICA，“嘿，你爱清洁。”
嗨
哟，到市场逛逛来啦？我们有..
嗯...领带,郁金香的明信片...
瞧这个怎么样?
哈,这正是我想要的,你觉得呢?
我可不想在让人觉得我穿着一件上面
写着"我和个傻瓜在一起"的T桖了.
反正我喜欢,就这件了.
我说,你不会真的要买吧?你不觉得你
一天之中让我尴尬的次数够多的了吗?
哦,我让你尴尬了?
我现在装着不认识你,怎么跟你说话?
他不过是嫉妒罢了,你是我见过的伦敦人里面戴着最合适的.
是吗? 那为什么周围没有一个人戴这个玩艺?
他们都是些游客.
那好吧,如果你坚持在公共场合戴这东西,
那今天下午你就一个人去玩吧.
哦是吗?
如果让我在你和帽子之间挑选一个,我选帽子.
选得好.
谢谢.
行了,到此为止,我要走了,我可不想在让你使我尴尬了.
有人吗?
嗨,我刚和你爸谈过,知道吗?
他看上去可以帮我们找一个新的地方举行婚礼.
不用了.
什么?难道你找了个地方?
没有,不过我刚才和MONICA聊过了,
那时我因为那教堂要拆掉而很不爽.
然后她建议我们应该把婚礼稍微推迟一点.
她建议什么?
她说,"如果我不想在一个仓促之间找到的
地方结婚,那么我们应该推迟举行婚礼."
推迟?
埃米莉,你不觉得莫尼卡没有意识到我们的父母
已经为这婚礼投入了很多吗?
你不觉得我妹妹她那个奇小无比的脑子根本就没有意识到
大家已经花了时间和金钱飞行数千英里到了这里吗?
这可不行.
我知道大家会感到失望的.
不过我相信等我们一切就绪了,他们还是会回来的.
我可不能和大家说这事,你愿意去说吗?
别用你的裤子指着我!
我们没办法才这样的! 我们一个月前预定
的可不是那幢拆了一半的房子,
罗斯你不明白吗?我是在说我们的婚礼!!
反正我认为推迟不是个好主意,无论如何我们就得现在结婚.
好吧,你说吧,现在结婚或者再也不结婚?
不,我是说现在结婚.
或者?
没有"或者",这裤子到底怎么了?
不是裤子的问题,是你自己穿反了.
如果你意识不到这婚礼对我来说
有多重要的话,那也许我们不该结婚!!
等等,埃米莉,不,等等,别走,埃米莉,求你了?
嗨
出去采购让你感觉好些了吗?
曼哈顿的店还不够多.
嗯,也许我能帮你忘记他.
你行吗?
没问题,你只需要拿点罗斯的照片给我.
恩
还有一小片巧克力.
好.
还有一小杯温水.
哦,我知道了，是不是把这些东西和墓地里
的泥土一起放到一个包里然后
挂到一棵面向北边的树上?
除非你也打嗝.
照片是你用的，水和巧克力是给我用的，我只是不想爬起来.
好了，我现在要你看着罗斯的照片,
行吗? 然后你就想他所有的坏处.
行吗?只要想他的缺点.
当然行,我们俩还在一起的时候我就常干这个.
那好，对了，在我们开始之前,
我必须说其实我觉得他不坏,我很喜欢他.
好了，现在开始吧,闭上眼睛.
想象你和罗斯在一起.
然后想象你正在吻他.
然后你的手抚遍他的全身.
然后你用手梳理他的头发....但是...
哎呀....满手都是油,太差劲了不是吗?
我不知道,我从来没有为他的头发烦恼过.
我倒是更烦他头发老是悉里索落的响.
那好吧,这比我想象的更难.
好吧,让我们试试"厌恶疗法"
好吧.
好吧,开始.
现在看着照片.
好了.
然后,嗯...
哎呀!
好了,现在感觉如何?
我开始不喜欢你了!
嗨.
对了,对不起.
真的,我不该说你让我尴尬,我只是说那不够酷.
如果能让你感觉好些的话,我今天过得可没意思了.
我也是.
是吗?
当然不是,这是我最兴奋的一天! 伙计看看这个!
嗨!
嘘!
好了,和我的朋友打个招呼,告诉他你喜欢这顶帽子.
好的,对了,你朋友叫什么?
哦,他叫钱德.
嗨,钱德!
那不是...那是...
天哪!
那是公爵夫人!!
乔伊说你不喜欢这顶帽子,不过我觉得还挺俏皮的.
你怎么能...?到底怎么回事?
是这样,我那时正在想办法去白金汉宫,然后,我站到了地图上,然后....
嗨!
我听说你和埃米莉小聊了一会儿.
没错,你不用谢我了.
谢你? 是你的主意说要推迟婚礼的吗?
嗯...
我要去洗手间.
等等.
你不是个解决问题的高手吗?我们有麻烦了.
如果新娘说她再也不想结婚了你怎么办?
她是这么说的?
是啊.
为什么?
我不知道,我跟她说只因为那个教堂被拆而推迟婚礼实在太蠢了,然后她就发火了.
天哪,你比我更蠢.
什么?
罗斯,你为这个婚礼计划了多久?
不记得了,一个月?
埃米莉大概从五岁开始就计划了!
也许从她拿了个白枕套挂在脑袋后面的时候就开始了.
我们女孩都是这样的!
我们梦想有一个完美的婚礼.
和一个完美的地点.
和一个完美的四层结婚蛋糕
有小人立在上面的那种.
不过最重要的是我们拥有一个
能理解那些东西有多重要的人.
这我可不知道.
我记得那白枕套的事情,我还以为
你们是在扮"会飞的修女"呢.
有时候是的.
不说那么多了,赶快帮我出出主意吧,好吧?
走吧.
刚才的气氛可真紧张,不是吗?
没错,哦对了,我想罗斯知道我们一起进去
只是因为不适合呆在这里吧?
我希望他明白.
你好.
嗨,菲比!是乔伊!
嗨，乔伊！嗨！哦，对啦，
我刚才在地铁站看到一个人长得可象你了。
我刚想过去打个招呼，突然我意识到
如果他真的象你的话，他才不会理会我呢。
说这事就花了我五美元？
好了，我打电话过来是想问问小鸡小鸭怎么样了。
噢，他们和菲比阿姨在一起很快活。
瑞秋阿姨可什么忙也没帮上。
那你想我吗？
有点，不过我在这里特别有意思。
那你不想家喽？
不是这么说。
行了，我们七个都很想你。
哪七个？
还用问？我，瑞秋，鸡鸭们，还有孩子们...
哦?你的三胞胎也在想我吗?
哟,送匹萨的来了.
什么?我不在的时候你们订了匹萨饼?
是啊,不过我们有想到你的,所以我们订了乔伊特餐.
双份?
是啊,好了,不多说了,回头再说.
等等,你们是从那里订的?
莫尼卡,你为什么把我带到这里来?
看了就知道了.
我跟你说了,婚礼不会再举行了.
天哪.
不错吧?你还可以想象更多的灯,怎么样?
当然,这些砖头都会搬走,还有..还有..花啊....蜡烛呀...
还有乐队,瞧,他们可以从这里走进来,不错吧?
还有,那些椅子可以都朝这边放,还有.....你来说吧.
不过,如果你不满意的话,我们可以随时随地重来过.
真的,没关系,你想怎么样都可以.
太完美了.
不过如果下雨的话,那就...
被淋湿又怎么样?
喔...我连个对象都还没有呢.
菲比?
嗯?
你还记得鸭食在哪里吗?
知道,在对面公寓的水槽下面,怎么了?
因为我要去伦敦了.
什么?你去伦敦干吗?
哦,我必须告诉罗斯我还爱他,好了,你多保重,
我回来之前不许生孩子.
什么?瑞秋,你不能去,罗斯爱上了埃米莉!
是啊,我知道,我知道,他爱她.
可是我必须得告诉他我的感受,
他得知道所有的事情然后才作决定.
那不是理由,你去伦敦是因为你希望他说
是啊,我也爱你,忘记那个英国小妞吧.
哦?你觉得他会这么说?
不! 他现在正爱着那个英国小妞呢!
听着,瑞秋,如果你去的话,你会把他
搞糊涂并且毁掉他的婚礼的!
你应该知道,太晚了,你已经错过了你的机会.
真抱歉,我知道这对你很难,一切都结束了.
不,除非他说了"我愿意",否则还没有结束.
我愿意!我愿意!我愿意!
噢,反正我也追不上你,我肚子里一大堆东西呢.
华生公馆.
哦,这是埃米莉父母的家吗?
我是这里的管家,顺便告诉你,小姐,这可不是在电话里表明身份的方式.
首先得表明自己的身份,然后再要求和想通话的人通话.
我是菲比.布费
我想..嗯..拜托...如果不麻烦的话...拜托...嗯...
我可以和埃米莉.华生小姐说话吗,拜托?
华生小姐正在参加婚礼预演晚餐,另外,开人玩笑可不礼貌,再见.
别，别，别，我会更礼貌的，我发誓！！！
拜托就把他们现在所处地方的电话号码告诉我吧。
对不起，我没有被允许透露这个信息。
听着,现在有人正要过来破坏婚礼,我必须提醒他们注意.
好吧, 如果你不给我那个号码的话,我就要自己过来
把你这个傲慢的家伙踢回新格罗肯郡的老家去.
喂,喂...噢,她知道我要踢她了.
嗨.
嗨,老爸,老妈
亲爱的.
哦,对不起我们迟到了,是我的错,我坚持要搭那个铁管子.
朱迪,孩子们都在呢.
杰克,他们这里就是这么叫地铁的.
喔,我还以为你...
老爸,老爸,我知道了,我知道了.!!
呀,我父亲和继母来了.
盖勒先生,夫人,这是史蒂夫和安德丽亚.华生夫妇.
你好,你好.
你好你好,非常高兴和你们见面.
亲爱的,这是盖勒夫妇,亲爱的,这是盖勒夫妇.
她从来都是自行其事的,早知道我就不娶她了.
什么?
盖勒夫妇在这里!
哪儿呢?
哦这是其中一个,这是另外一个.
很高兴见到你们.
你们能愿意负担婚礼的一半费用真是太好了.
哦,没关系,到那里都是这规矩,我们很高兴这么做.
我们知道举办一场婚礼有多昂贵,再说
这有可能是我们用得着的唯一一次婚礼了..
哈哈,这笑话到哪里都好使.
先生?
这里面有什么?
奶酪切丝,菱角和糖裹麦芽
那是吃的吗?拿走拿走...
怎么这里什么都不一样...我想回家.
我想我的家人,我想那间咖啡屋.
我甚至都想不起来菲比长得什么样了.
乔伊,这才三天...
你只是有点想家罢了..
Would you just try to relax.拜托只要试着放松以下,自己找乐子嘛.
你在这里也不一样了,你在英国变的苛刻了.
搞什么嘛!!!
怎么了,老爸?
婚礼一半费用的帐单,他有病吧!!
怎么要这么多? 他们家的接待员也要我们付钱?
花,饮料,一楼重新铺地毯,新的客房淋浴设施.园艺..
我付钱不是为了帮他重新装修房子的,
我得过去给这狗娘养的点颜色看看.
老爸,老爸,等等.
听着,我今晚不想让任何事情让埃米莉不开心.
好吗?她前两天够不顺心的了,
好了,给我,我去和他们谈,好吗?
你告诉他没人能从姓盖勒的人手里占到便宜!
哟,杰克...有时候我都忘了你是多有男子气概的了....
我得去喝点....
喔,....嗨!
你好呀!
你好,嗯,你们下一班去伦敦的飞机什么时候飞?
有一趟航班半小时内就可以走
哦,太好了.
而且我还剩一个位置.
哎呀,谢谢,谢谢你.
最后登机的费用是两千四百美元.
哦,我信用卡里剩下的可能不够.
那你可以用几张卡里剩下的一起算.
好吧,五张怎么样?
谢谢.
我得看看你的护照.
哦,我没带,不过我能告诉你它就在我右边的架子上,并且...,这样吧...
我有驾驶执照,而且我还有这二十块.....
听着,面对现实吧,我父亲不会为了你们的新烤肉屋
付钱的,另外,你也不用再想什么露台了..
然后也许我能付钱帮你铺新的草坪.
不过你得把草坪上的装饰品给我们.
我回国的时候带上这些东西,大家都会笑话我的.
这太荒唐了,我们是有约定的.
你就不能说两句吗,史蒂夫?快点!!!
别对我用这种腔调说话.
好吧好吧,你可以...
嗨,菲比.
哦,感谢上帝,你终于回心转意了.
哦，我说，我知道你大概想一个人静一会儿，
我也知道你现在不想谈这件事情，没关系。
我是想让你知道,你的选择是正确的,而且....
再见,菲比!
等等,你去哪儿?
你干吗? 不,等等,老天哪!!
为什么她老是在我怀孕的时候这么干?
我要为他们祝酒，罗斯和埃米莉
当然了，我正式的祝酒词会明天婚礼上才说，
所以今天的就算是小祝酒词，如果你们愿意的话，
还可以叫烤面包片
算了，我认识罗斯很长时间了，
事实上，他和他第一个女朋友约会的时候我就认识他了。
那时我还以为他们会成的呢，直到那天夸她夸过了头。
我的天哪。
Hello, Waltham Interiors.你好,华生公馆
哦,嗨,你好华生夫人.
我能不能和随便那个伴郎说话?罗斯的妹妹莫妮卡也行.
你是谁？
哦,我是菲比.布费,我是罗斯的一个好朋友.
哦? 如果你是罗斯的好朋友,你怎么没来?
哦,是这样,我不能搭乘飞机,我正怀着我弟弟的孩子呢.
哦,难道我在听广播吗?
不是不是,我能不能和他们说上两句?
这事情非常重要.
不行,我现在没兴趣和你聊,我要挂了.
哦!! 这下好了,我也得去揍她一顿了.
我想我们大家都很兴奋罗斯和埃米莉在蒙哥马利礼堂
举行他们的婚礼,想想吧,我的朋友在赛马厅里结婚.
哦,老天,赛马厅!!都没听懂吗?你们这些人!!
算了,当我没说!!祝贺你们,罗斯和埃米莉.
轮到我了,二号伴郎,乔伊.崔比亚尼.
我不象钱德那样善于说笑话.
这家伙...不过, 我只想对这对快乐的人儿说声祝福.
我在家乡的那间咖啡馆里第一次遇见罗斯.
家乡...纽约...
那里每个人都知道我的名字.
不管怎么说,我爱你们.
不过比不上我爱美国!
我们现在能回家了吗?
你要回家了吗?我还想了解你更多些呢.
我哪儿也不去,亲爱的.
我那时候笑了.
笑出声了吗?
我不想大家认为我有病.
你怎么样?
我妈快把我逼疯了,不过罗斯结婚,我就快乐.
我不想让任何事情破坏这气氛.
我只想告诉你罗斯是个很棒的小伙子.
谢谢,我们都喜欢他.
天哪,你当时怀他的时候自己肯定还是个孩子.
说什么我也不付这些钱.
我说,我们现在只有一点不统一了,
求你们了,能不能婚礼以后才说这事?
那好吧,不过我只想说,我不为你的酒窖付钱,
你这个骗钱的家伙;当年如果不是我们,
你们现在早就改说德语了...
那家伙脑子有病,行了吧?
你看起来哪儿也不象罗斯的妈妈.
那他为什么这么说?
他有病,行了吧?那家伙刚才跑过来对我说
觉得我在泰坦尼克号里面的表演棒极了.
哦,我妈是对的,我永远也不可能嫁出去.
乱说, 谁不想娶你?
算了吧,我现在是个单身母亲,儿子却有三十岁!!
嗨,我回来了,听着,我想要....
你好.
你好,我想要搭上那班11点的班机.
我想恐怕那班飞机已经滑上跑道了.
那就这样, 你去打个电话给飞机上,告诉他们回来接我.
我不能这么做.
当然可以,我们只要告诉他们飞机
引擎出了点毛病就行了.
恐怕我得正式要求你离开柜台了,小姐.
听着,如果我不马上飞去伦敦的话,
他会和另外一个女孩结婚的!!!
我能想象是为什么.
那好吧,你不把飞机叫回来我就不走了!!!
我今天结婚喽!!
早上好,罗斯.
我今儿结婚喽!!
对,没错!!
哟呵!!
你说他知道我在这里吗?
我以前倒是从来没有和你做过.
没有.
那么,嗯...你怎么样? 你还好吧?
不错,...你呢?
哦,很好很好....嗯...你呢? 我问过了.
我得起床了.
哦,那当然了.
你能不能不看?
我才不想看呢.
呃...对不起
怎么了？
如果你整个旅途都这么干的话,
早点告诉我,我好吃颗镇静剂.
或者给你也分一颗.
呃,我很抱歉,真的对不起.
我只是...呃...有点兴奋,我要去伦敦
告诉那个人我爱他..而且....
你好？
嘿，你们到底到到哪里去了？
哦，我晚上出去了，和那个可爱的伴娘在一起。
她非常...
- 我不想听这个!!
哟,菲比,其实你知道你永远是我的第一号选择.
不是的!现在有紧急情况了,听懂了吗? 瑞秋要来伦敦了.
太棒了!!
一点也不好玩!! 听着,他是来告诉罗斯她爱他的!!
But, he loves Emily?可是他不是爱埃米莉吗?
我知道!!你必须阻止她, 她会毁了婚礼的!!
好吧.
好了,那么....
等等,等等.
瑞秋...要来...
要来....干些什么....
好了,我尽了我的力了,下面是你们的责任了,
好吗? 我现在没担子了,对吗?
对,没错!
好了,说说那个女孩子吧?
嗨.
嗨.
你见到莫妮卡了吗?
我没有去见莫妮卡!!
什么?
什么?
听着,我们必须找到她,菲比刚才来电话了,
瑞秋要来告诉罗斯她还爱他!!
天哪!!
就是! 所以我们得找到莫妮卡,你知道她在哪里吗?
不知道不知道!!干吗这么严刑逼供的?
干脆你用盏灯来照我的眼睛算了?!
.....然后我意识到我做的所有这一切了...
对乔舒亚求婚, 不告诉罗斯我为什么
不参加婚礼...都只是一种表达方式....
哦,哦,哦!! 对不起,能不能打断一下?
你知道吗? 你刚才说的话..
说明你是一个太糟糕太过分的人.
呃..什么?
你说你爱这个男人, 可是现在你又要去
破坏他一生中最快乐的日子.
我想我不得不同意你的朋友"菲比",
这绝对是一个糟糕透顶的计划...
可是他总得知道我的感受吧!!
为什么要让他知道? 他爱这个
叫埃米莉的人, 你这样做一点好处都没有.
呃...我还是觉得你错了.
哦是吗..
很幸运,而且事实很清楚,当时你们的确已经分手了..
我的天哪! 这简直是个奇迹!
我知道,太糟糕了不是吗?
不过我喜欢, 我喜欢我的婚礼也有这么漂亮.
我只希望..
- 你能不能少说两句!
莫妮卡, 好了,我们得时刻提防瑞秋来..
我看着前门.
你看着房子后面那个大洞, 我叫钱德看着罗斯了.
为什么我要知道钱德在哪里?
你知道有时候我都不太喜欢钱德...
那好吧...
我愿意,我愿意,我愿意.
不错,第二次最好..
真的吗?
嗨,乔伊.
嗨,费利西蒂.
我一整天都在想着你.
哦?
再和我说说那种纽约口音吧.
算了吧...
你好吗?
没得商量,我们不为你的酒窖付钱.
你...你给我过来...
嘿!再这么逼我,我的脚就要和你的屁股碰头了!
爸!!
到底怎么了?
没什么,没什么,一切正常.
你想撕碎我吗,你是这个意思吗?
你想来一下吗?
好了!!好了!!到此为止!!长辈们,都退开!!!
行了!今天我们的婚礼!!从现在开始,
大家好好相处,如果我在听到你们多说一句话!!
别想要孙子孙女了!!没错!!
好吧,好吧..
对不起,孩子,抱歉抱歉.
我拿一个拇指就可以干掉你...
刚才这是怎么了??
没什么,有点小小的不统一...
呀,你看起来漂亮极了...
哦...哦!你在婚礼前不能看到我的,不然就有坏运气的.
我觉得我们的坏运气都已经过去了....
天,瑞秋!!
你来了,我真不能相信..
发生了什么事? 你怎么又会来了?
我只是来....
我只是觉得要告诉你...
祝贺你..
你好,华生公馆.
华生夫人,嗨,又是我菲比.
为什么?!
对是我,拜托拜托了,能不能让我和
伴郎说话? 我保证这是最后一次了...
乔伊,有个女孩打电话找你..
哦,太好了!!
喂
乔伊,是我菲比.你拦住瑞秋了吗?
没有,不过没关系,她只是来祝贺他,
拥抱了他一下,仅此而已.
那么没搅乱婚礼吧?
对,没有没有.
太好了,现在正在干吗呢?
我现在正在走过通道....还在走...
我差不多经过那个我昨天晚上约会的那个伴娘了.嗨!
刚才和她说了"嗨"
现在我在罗斯面前,是菲比.
他看起来快发火了, 我得挂了.
别!!等等,别挂电话,让我听听吧...
我们昨天晚上干的事....
蠢极了..
绝对愚蠢.
我们到底怎么想的?
我坚持了一晚上,对不对?
对,绝对的.
朋友们,亲属们,我们聚集在一起庆祝
罗斯和埃米莉令人愉快的结合.
希望今天的欢乐能够永远伴随他们.
现在,埃米莉,跟着我说. 我,埃米莉...
我埃米莉...
将把罗斯..
当成是我的合法丈夫,无论疾病灾难,直到死亡把我们分开.
现在罗斯,跟我说, 我罗斯...
我罗斯...
将把埃米莉...
将把瑞秋...
埃米莉.
埃米莉.
呃, 我应该继续吗?

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 91楼发表于: 2014-04-08 0

501 The One After Ross Says Rachel

[Scene: Ross’s Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.]
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse) Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?
Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?
Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.
Minister: I think we’d better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross…
Ross: I, Ross…
Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY…
Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like there’d be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)
Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.
Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Ross’s finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily’s hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
Ross: Happy too.
Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
Ross: Yay!
Minister: You may kiss the bride.
(He goes to kiss her, but she isn’t very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily’s hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
Emily: Just keep smiling.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.
Chandler: It could’ve been worse, he could’ve shot her.
(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn’t it?
(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You’ve spoiled everything! It’s like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!
Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?
Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that’s all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I’ll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) She’s just fixing her makeup.
Emily: I hate you!!
Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
Ross: That’s true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
(Mrs. Waltham’s phone rings and she answers it.)
Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.
Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller’s personal physician, Dr. Philange.
Mrs. Waltham: Who?
Phoebe: Yeah, I’ve discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women’s names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
(Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)
Phoebe: Hello?
(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I’m just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.
Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?
Chandler: Seven times!
Monica: Ugh! Well, y’know, we were away…
Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country…
Monica: I blame London.
Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)
Monica: So look umm, while we’re st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right?
Chandler: Well, I don’t see that we have a choice. But, when we’re back home, we don’t do it.
Monica: Only here.
Chandler: Y’know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs…
Monica: I’ll meet you there in two minutes.
Chandler: Okay!
(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)
Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.
Monica: (impatiently) Now?
Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can’t pretend that didn’t happen can I?
Monica: Oh, I-I don’t know.
Rachel: Monica, what should I do?
Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
Rachel: What?
Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)
Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I’m just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.
Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he’s married. Married! If you don’t realize that, I can’t help you.
Rachel: Okay, you’re right. You’re right. You can’t help me.
(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?
Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.
Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there’s no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?
Joey: Hey, what’s up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, he’s eating it with his hands.)
(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
Chandler: Forget it, that’s off.
Monica: Why?!
Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes…
(Joey walks up to them.)
Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn’t eat meat until she has the babies!
Joey: Well, I figured we’re in another country, so it doesn’t count.
Monica: That’s true.
Chandler: The man’s got a point.
(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren’t working out so well.
Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it’s gonna be okay, right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she’s gonna get over this, y’know? I mean, so you said my name! Y’know you just said it ‘cause you saw me there, if you’d have seen a circus freak, you would’ve said, "I take thee circus freak." Y’know, it didn’t mean anything, it’s just a mistake. It didn’t mean anything. Right?
Ross: No! No! Of course it didn’t mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y’know, because-because it was you…
Rachel: Right…
Ross: But it absolutely didn’t. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didn’t!! It didn’t!!
Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band’s ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so…
Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band’s ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says—I don’t care about the stupid band!!
Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
Ross: Look, I’m sorry.
Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
Rachel: (laughs) Y’know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
Ross: Oh, right!
Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y’know?
(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run over to the bathroom.)
Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I’m coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.
[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]
Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.
(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)
Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!
Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, don’t believe me, I know I’m right—do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don’t you go down and get us a table?
Chandler: Yeah, we’ll be down in like five minutes.
Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.
Rachel: Okay.
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It’s Phoebe!
Chandler: Oh, yay…
Monica: Great…
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?
Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don’t think that means anything.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y’know what, let’s look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then…
Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don’t we go change in my room?
Monica: But my clothes are—ohh! (They both leave.)
(Cut to Chandler’s room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isn’t, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
Chandler: Wow, you look…
Monica: No time for that!
(They both start to frantically rip each other’s clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)
Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
Chandler: Well, I’ve got a girl in here.
Joey: No you don’t, I just saw you go in there with Monica!
Chandler: Well, we’re-we’re hanging out in here!
Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?
Chandler: Well, I suppose I’d have to say you!! But, what if we’re watching a movie in here?
Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It’s My Giant!
Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
[Scene: Ross and Emily’s room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]
Monica: You really think this is okay?
Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren’t gonna use it.
Monica: Oh, it’s so beautiful. Ohh! Y’know, I-I don’t know if I feel right about this.
Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn’t get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
Monica: Okay!
Chandler: Okay!
(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
Ross: (entering) Emily?!
Chandler: Nope, not under here!
Monica: You didn’t find her?
Ross: No, I’ve looked everywhere!
Chandler: Well, you couldn’t have looked everywhere or else you would’ve found her!
Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!
Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.
Monica: Or 45.
Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)
Ross: No! For all I know, she’s trying to find me but couldn’t because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I’m staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.
Monica: Well, it’s getting late.
Chandler: Yeah, we’re gonna go.
Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?
Monica: Ugh, y’know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.
Chandler: Yeah, it’s a very large plane.
Ross: (disappointed) That’s cool.
Chandler: But, we’ll stay here with you.
Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, y’know, but you don’t have to rub my butt.
(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Ross and Emily’s room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in Monica’s lap and his feet on Chandler’s lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and depressed.]
Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.
Monica: I know, I’ve been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don’t you think?
Chandler: We can’t do that that’s insane. I mean ‘A’ he could wake up and ‘B’ y’know, let’s go for it.
(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there’s a knock on the door that awakens him.)
Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
Mr. Waltham: No.
Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she’s not with us.
Mr. Waltham: We’ve come for her things.
Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?
Mr. Waltham: She’s in hiding. She’s utterly humiliated. She doesn’t want to see you ever again.
Mrs. Waltham: We’re very sad that it didn’t work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you’re absolutely delicious.
Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I’m standing right here!
Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.
Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there’s a whole cart outside… (Sees the Walthams and stops.)
Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.
Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I’m gonna be at that airport and I hope that she’ll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel’s name, but it didn’t mean anything, Okay? She’s-she’s just a friend and that’s all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) That’s all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you’ll tell her that.
Mr. Waltham: All right, I’ll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don’t you ever go out the bloody window!
[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]
Monica: Y’know, maybe it’s best that we never got to do it again.
Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something) Y’know, technically we still are over international waters.
Monica: I’m gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I’ll see you there in a bit?
Chandler: ‘Kay!
(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monica’s seat.)
Joey: Can I ask you something?
Chandler: Uhh, no.
Joey: Felicity and I, we’re watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I’m never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I’m just wasting my life with this acting thing?
Chandler: No.
Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y’know, you think I’ll ever get there?
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Thanks man.
Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)
Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
(Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)
Joey: I mean, there’s no way I can make myself taller now, y’know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?
(Monica returns.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you’ve been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
Monica: I know!
Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hi!
(They all hug.)
Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (They’re shocked.)
Chandler: No we didn’t!
Phoebe: I know you didn’t, I was talking about Monica.
Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.
Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.
Joey: All right, I’m gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
Phoebe: Oh, me too!
Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you’ve been feeding them for four days?
Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I’ll just go home.
(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)
Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.
Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that, ‘Not in New York’ rule.
Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we’re-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross’s mother…
Chandler: Right.
Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just—that night meant a lot to me, I guess I’m just trying to say thanks.
Chandler: Oh. Y’know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn’t because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me ‘cause, you’re really hot! Is that okay?
Monica: (laughs) That’s okay.
Chandler: And I’m cute too.
Monica: And you’re cute too.
Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Bye.
(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)
Chandler: (entering) I’m still on London time, does that count?
Monica: That counts!
Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.)
[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
Ross: Rach! Rach!
Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!
Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, I-I-I’ve been on Standby for a flight home for hours.
Ross: Oh.
Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?
Ross: Not yet.
Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.
Ross: Pretty soon I guess.
Rachel: Yeah. I’m sorry.
Ross: I just, I don’t understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y’know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she’d actually show up?
Rachel: No, you’re not an idiot, Ross. You’re a guy very much in love.
Ross: Same difference.
Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.
Ross: I get it! Well, that’s that.
Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it’d be really good.
Ross: Oh, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know…
Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!
Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: I can’t, I can’t even believe her! No, y’know what, I am, I am gonna go!
Rachel: Good!
Ross: I know, why not?
Rachel: Right!
Ross: Right?
Rachel: Right!
Ross: Y’know—thanks! (They hug)
Rachel: Okay, I’ll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.
Ross: Yeah, well…nah.
Rachel: What? Wait, what?
Ross: Why don’t you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?
Rachel: Well-well, I don’t know Ross—really?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, it’ll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.
Rachel: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!
Ross: Okay!
Rachel: Okay!
Ross: Cool!
Rachel: All right!
Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.
Rachel: Oh, okay, we’re going. Yeah.
Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!
Rachel: Oh, wait-wait-wait…
Ross: You tell them to wait!
Rachel: Okay. Wait! Wait!
(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)
Ross: Emily.
(She stares at him and Ross realizes what she’s thinking.)
Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]
Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Ross’s seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airport’s moving. (Realizes that that’s not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we’re moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.
End

501 罗斯说漏嘴以后

亲友们，今天我们很高兴
能分享罗斯与艾蜜莉结合的喜悦
现在，罗斯请跟着我复述
我，罗斯
要迎娶艾蜜莉
要迎娶瑞秋
艾蜜莉
还要继续吗?
他说"瑞秋"，对吗?
我应该站上去吗?
是的，请继续
我想我们重来吧
罗斯，请覆颂
我，罗斯
要迎娶"艾-蜜-莉"
要迎娶艾蜜莉
这里又没别人
成为我合法妻子
无论病痛
至死不渝
成为我合法妻子
无论病痛
至死不渝
我真的会，艾蜜莉
戒指
艾蜜莉，请给罗斯带上戒指
代表两人从此合为一体
罗斯，请给艾蜜莉带上戒指
代表两人永无止尽的爱
乐意之至
罗斯与艾蜜莉已经宣示
我很高兴在此宣布他们成为夫妻
你可以亲吻新娘
这比他娶那个同性恋更糟
保持微笑
好吧
一切还好啊
可以更糟，他可以拿熗杀了她
刚才真是有趣，对不?
你毁了一切
拜托...
根本是恶梦一场
麻烦小声一点...
外面都是我的亲友
叫我怎么见人?
门外有其他人
你怎能这样对我?
拜托，小声点
不管他们俩人怎样
还是有结婚蛋糕吃，对吗?
没...没事的
你慢慢冷静下来，我就在门外
她只是在补妆而已
我恨你!!
我也爱你!!
你真会挑时间说错名字
是啊，谢了，老爸
大家应该跳舞啊
这是个派对!!
乔依，跳舞!!
你好，华氏设计
你好，我是罗斯的心理医生
费兰基医生
谁?
罗斯忘了带他的头脑药
所以罗斯会记错女人的名字
所以这不是他的错
天啊，是菲碧
不是菲碧，是费医生
你也有这毛病
我希望你不要会错意
我知道我们今天晚上要碰面
我只是担心会影响我们的友谊
我知道
我们怎么会让此事发生?
七次!
要知道，我们在国外
在一个很罗曼蒂克的异乡
都是伦敦的错
坏伦敦!
不过，我们既然还在伦敦
我们就可以继续做，对吗?
我想我们没得选择
但是一回家就不能做了
只能在这里
我看到下面有个酒窖
两分钟后在那里见
好的
莫妮卡，我要问你一件事
现在?
罗斯在圣坛上说了我的名字
我不能装做没看见啊
我不知道
莫妮卡，我该怎么办?
做正确的事
什么?
就事论事，按部就班，置身事外!
等等，听着
我想我要去问罗斯他的想法
什么? 等一下
瑞秋，不行，他结婚了
结婚了
如果你不认清这点，我帮不上忙
你是对的
你帮不上忙
杰克，是我们的错吗?
我们是坏父母吗?
是的
是吗?
是谁没座位还让我们吃牛排?
你要我们怎么吃嘛
怎么样?
你去哪里了?
我们不是要在酒窖碰面吗?
算了，放弃吧
为什么?
酒窖下次参观在两分钟后...
乔依，你在干嘛?
你答应菲碧要吃素到孩子出生
我想既然在国外就不算了
也对
他说的有道理
真遗憾出了些状况
没有，事情会好转的
一切都会没事，对吧?
当然，她会没事的
我是说，你只是说出了我的名字
只是因为你看到了我
如果你看到的是个疯子
你会说"我要迎娶疯子"
那不代表什么
只是个小误会，没什么的
是吧?
当然不代表什么
我能了解艾蜜莉以为会有什么
因为那是你的名字
但真的没有什么
真的没有! 没有!
罗斯，乐队在等新人的第一支舞
乐队准备好了?
我们一定得听乐队的，对吗?
我才不管笨乐队怎么说!
你吐我口水!
对不起
艾蜜莉在里面好久了
当我婚礼把自己关起来时
我是在努力将窗户拆下
想办法逃出这里
艾蜜莉...
我进来了
看吧，跟我一样
如果我突然大叫"好爽"
装做没听见
天啊，瑞秋
你好，瑞秋
罗斯说了我的名字
我的名字，他说了我的名字
那表示他还深爱着我
信不信由你，我是对的
你们想下楼去喝一杯吗?
好啊，但是我们得换衣服
我也想换衣服
你先下楼占位置
对，我们五分钟后下去
十五分钟
好
喂? 是菲碧
好极了
发生什么事?
罗斯说了我的名字
我知道，但是我想那没什么
好吧，菲碧
让我们很客观的看待此事
高一时，他迷上了我
高一暑假时，
他第一次看我穿两截式泳装
从此就迷恋上我
去我房间换衣服如何?
我的衣服在...
哇，你好美...
没时间了
兄弟，让我进去
我带了个女孩子
我这里也有女孩子
才没有，我看到你跟莫妮卡进去
我们..我们在聊天
你说我们谁比较有机会上床呢?
我想我应该说"是你"!!
我们正在一起看电影
没错，已经付费看"我的巨人"
我的巨人? 我好爱那部电影
这样真的可以吗?
罗斯与艾蜜莉不会来了
好漂亮啊
我不肯定这样做是好的
莫妮...
这是蜜月套房
一个必须有性的房间
如果没有房间会很失望
其他的蜜月套房会嘲笑它
好吧!
艾蜜莉?!
没有!不在这下面!
你找到她了吗?
没有，我到处找遍了
不可能，不然你就找到她了
我想你应该继续找
对，找个三十分钟
或四十五分钟?
四十五分钟内你能找到她两次了
不，我猜想她正在找我
而我却一直在移动
现在起我要留在这里等她
时间很晚了
该走了
你们能陪我一下吗?
我们明天得早起搭飞机
是啊，很大的飞机
好吧
但我们愿意陪你
谢谢!
真的很感谢你们
但你不需要戳我屁股
还有一小时就要回纽约
我知道，我一直看着门
好像隔音很好的样子
不能这样，这太疯狂了
第一，他可能会醒来
第二.......来吧
艾蜜莉...
不是
你可以放弃了，她没跟我们在一起
我们来拿她的东西
等一下，她在哪里?
她躲起来了，她感到很羞辱
她不想再看到你
我们很遗憾
你与艾蜜莉不能成为夫妻
猴子
但我觉得你帅极了
对不起，我人在这里
是的，你在那里
快一点，快点去拿
外面有一整车耶
再见，姓盖的
等一下...
你们的女儿与我今晚应该渡蜜月
现在你们告诉她
我会去机场，我希望她也去
虽然我说了瑞秋的名字
但那不代表什么
她只是个朋友，如此而已
告诉艾蜜莉我很爱她
我的生命中不能没有她
拜托，答应我你会转告她
好吧，我会告诉她
走吧，坏女人
打电话给我
你有半辈子都在厕所里
为何你从未由窗户出去?
我想我们不该再做了
是啊，这会让那晚更特别
技术上，我们还在国际水域上
我要去洗手间，待会儿那儿见?
好
我可以问你一件事吗?
不行
费莉丝与我在看"我的巨人"
我想我的演技永远比不上巨人
我是不是该放弃做演员?
不是
那个巨人比我年轻五岁
你想我能跟他一样好?
是的
谢了
别客气
但是巨人比我高很多
我不可能再长高了
谁又知道未来会有什么科技?
但是，钱德
要是我一辈子就是
不成功，普通尺寸的演员怎么办?
莫妮卡，你去厕所半小时了
我知道!
一号出不来吗?
菲碧!
你吃肉了!
你做爱了!
我们没有啊!
我知道你没有，我是说莫妮卡
菲碧，我没有做爱
怀孕彻底影响了我
我要去跟小鸡小鸭打招呼
我也要
你为何要打招呼?
你不是喂了它们四天吗?
好吧，那我回家了
现在真的只剩下我们俩
还好我们有"纽约不做"的协定
对
既然我们谈到这个话题
我只是想告诉你
我在伦敦时很难过
因为我哥哥结婚
还有人以为我是罗斯的妈妈
无论如何，那晚对我很重要
我只是想跟你道谢
那晚对我也很重要
我是没有心情很坏
它很特别是因为你很热情
这样可以吗?
可以
我也很可爱吧?
你也很可爱
谢谢
我要回去整理了
再见
我还在伦敦时间，这样算吗?
绝对算
好极了
瑞秋...
你在这里做什么?
我在这里候补机位很久了
艾蜜莉没出现?
还没有
飞机什么时候起飞?
这是飞雅典1066班机的最后通知
我想很快了
我很遗憾
我真是不了解
她怎能这样对我?
我希望她出现是很愚蠢的吗?
你不愚蠢，罗斯
那是因为你很爱她
还不是一样
所有1066班机乘客请立刻登机
我听到了!
就这样了
你知道吗?你应该自己去
什么?
没错，你应该自己去
到远处冷静想想
那会对你很好
我...我不知道
来吧，罗斯，对你有好处的
我...我是可以自己去
我不敢相信她会这样
你知道吗?我决定自己去
好极了
何乐不为?
谢谢你
我们回家再见
如果我能坐上飞机回家的话
喂...算了
什么?等一下
你跟我去如何?
反正我有两张机票，何不呢?
我不知道，罗斯
这样好吗?
当然，这会很棒
你可以躺在沙滩上
我则为失败婚姻哭个没完
看到我说笑话没?
我很需要个朋友
好吧，或许...
我能帮上忙
好极了
给你
我们一起去希腊
我忘了夹克
等一下...
叫他们等我一下
好的
艾蜜莉...
不，不，不...
天啊，艾蜜莉...
是的，请给我一杯红酒
给他一杯白酒
机场在动耶
我们在动吗?为何我们在动?
机长知道我们在动吗?
我的天啊!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 92楼发表于: 2014-04-08 0

502 The One With All The Kissing

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
Monica: You look cute in bubbles.
Chandler: Ehh, you're just liquored up.
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Joey: Okay.
(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
Joey: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?
Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
Joey: All right!
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in
pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
Joey: Mornin' Pheebs!
Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver…
Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.
Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway…
Monica: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?
Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
Joey: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh…
Monica: Bodington's!
All: Bodington's! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)
Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat—I don't want to talk about it.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
All: Hey!
Joey: Hey, Ross, Bodington's!
Ross: Yeah! (They high-five.)
Joey: That was good beer.
Ross: Ohh…
Joey: Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.
Ross: Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.
Joey: Later! (Exits.)
Ross: Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?
Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.
Ross: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?
Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know—Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
Phoebe: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?
Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
Chandler: I can't believe she can out run you man!
Ross: HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.
Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
Ross: So, what? That's it?
Rachel: Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.
Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.
Ross: (breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.
Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)
Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!
Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.
Chandler: Oh that's not true.
Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
Phoebe: Oh… No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.
Monica: I'll do it!
Rachel: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.
Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.
(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)
Chandler: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.
(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)
Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]
Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.
Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't—I still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
Rachel: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)…
Monica: Ohh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)
Rachel: …I mean it's my fault.
Monica: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!
Rachel: Oh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)
Monica: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.
Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda…
Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
Rachel: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
Joey: Say that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)
Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey, Pheebs!
Monica: We got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here's all of us at the Tower of London.
Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)
Chandler: All right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we?
Phoebe: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
All: Sorry.
(Rachel returns.)
Monica: What happened?
Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.
Monica: See, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!
Rachel: Well…
(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")
Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing.]
Monica: What took you so long?
Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.
Monica: Oh, good.
(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)
Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
Monica: Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.
Rachel: That's not European!
Phoebe: Well, it felt French.
(Joey is intrigued.)
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.]
Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
Dave: Yeah, me too. (They reach her door.) So, I guess this is it.
Rachel: Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?
Dave: Yeah!
Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
Dave: Okay, yeah!
(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)
Rachel: Umm, hi!
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
Ross: She's doing her laundry.
Rachel: What's that? (Points to the box.)
Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
Rachel: Oh, honey that's awful.
Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.
Rachel: But, it's not raining.
Ross: I can't catch a break!
Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
Dave: Yeah?
Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.
Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.
Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)
Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!
Rachel: Ohh! You did not drop any socks!
Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?
Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted…tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.
Monica: (Gasps) What?!! You cannot tell him that!!
Rachel: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!
Monica: I make the decisions, and I say no.
Rachel: Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired.
Monica: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired!" Ha!
Rachel: Well… (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
Monica: Rachel!! Come on! Let me in!
Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?
Monica: Rachel locked the door.
Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]
Monica: Rachel! Let me in! Rachel!
[Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]
Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
Rachel: No.
Monica: I really need to talk to you.
Rachel: Well, then talk!
Monica: Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?
Rachel: Yes!
Ross: What thing?
Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
Ross: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.
Rachel: I'm gonna do it.
Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.
Rachel: But I…
Monica: Please!
Rachel: All right, fine.
(There's a loud bang on the door.)
Monica: Joey, I'm in!
Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters.]
All: Pheebs! Hey Pheebs!
Joey: Uh, okay, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
Phoebe: Yeah?
Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!
Phoebe: Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!
Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!
Phoebe: (excited) Central…(not so excited) Park!
Joey: Yeah, all of us! All day!
Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)
Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just—y'know—stop it!
Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
Phoebe: That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.
Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]
Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!
Joey: Phoebe!
Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
Rachel: Phoebe, woo!
Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.
Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little… Y'know, it didn't have any… It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
Joey: Mine!
Ross: Wait! It was my plan.
Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
Ross: And, I came up with Atlantic City.
Joey: Which, is the new plan!
Monica: Okay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour?
Phoebe: Okay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!
(They all go pack except for Ross.)
Monica: Come on Rach, let's go.
Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
Monica: No! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.
Rachel: Well, y'know what, that doesn't matter.
Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
Rachel: Yeah, I-I don't care.
Monica: Okay. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)
Rachel: What 'cha readin'?
Ross: The paper.
Rachel: Yeah, what's it about?
Ross: Events from around the globe.
Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
Ross: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized…
Rachel: Okay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Go ahead.
Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.
(Ross is stunned.)
Ross: Wow. Umm… Huh… I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now.
(Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)
Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
Rachel: (Laughing) I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.
Ross: Why are you laughing?
Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"
Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.
Rachel: (laughs) I'm sorry, that's not funny.
Ross: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. (Laughs) "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know!
Rachel: Oh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?
Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is…
Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
Ross: No. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you.
Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
Ross: No thank you for… Thank you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.]
Ross: Okay, let's go!
Chandler: Atlantic City!
Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!
(They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in shock.)
Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you're leaking?
Monica: Oh my God! You're water broke!
The Guys: Ohh!
Phoebe: All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)
All: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!
Chandler: Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!
Ross: Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.
Rachel: High-five, the babies are coming! (They all high-five.)
Phoebe: Wait, wait, remember when my water broke? (They all high-five again.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]
Monica: I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!
Chandler: I know, it's beautiful. Amazing.
(They both kiss.)
Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.
Monica: Do you know anything about women?
Chandler: No.
Monica: That's all right.
Chandler: Okay. (They kiss again.)
End

502 来吻别吧

你在泡泡里看来很乖
你醉得还不够厉害
嘿，是我
我进来了
我今天太累
要鸡肉吗？
不了，谢谢。
不要鸡，谢谢
你确定？我还叫了粟米和茄汁豆
我再说最后一次，不要！
滚出去，乔伊!
好
你还好吗？
他赖着不走
不停问我吃不吃鸡
鸡？
我想吃点鸡
我能要三块鸡肉
凉拌卷心菜，豆和一瓶可乐吗
减肥可乐
早，菲比
跟你们说个故事
我来这儿的路上
那个司机……
名字叫安格斯吗？
什么？
安格斯是我们在伦敦的出租车司机
好
他载我们去哪家酒吧来着？
Wheatsheaf
对了，那里啤酒很棒！
Bodington's！
菲比要说故事
对，那个司机的帽子非常好玩
算了，我不想说了
嘿，罗斯!
Bodington's！
好啤酒
为了Bodington，我宁愿步行回伦敦买醉
世贸中心附近的英国酒吧就有得卖
回头见!
瑞秋不是该回来了吗？
是啊，她的飞机在雅典误点了，但是，
无论如何也该到了
你跟她通过电话了？
她听起来火大吗
不大，不过她跟我关系好；
把她一个人扔上去希腊的飞机的
是老兄你
我没有扔下瑞秋，知道吗？
爱米丽在机场出现了
我必须跟着她
我尽丈夫的职责
她是我的妻子！
瑞秋是我的妻子！
爱米丽!
爱米丽是我的妻子
我这是怎么了？
你还没有爱米丽的消息？
自从她在机场跑开就杳无音信。
她竟然躲你
她跑得可真快！
你以为你可以打击我！
出去单挑！
瑞秋，我很抱歉
我真的很抱歉
别这样
你迫不得已
这么平静？你不生气？
你一定很难受
难受！我到的可是希腊!
豪华酒店，迷人沙滩，人也很友好
对瑞秋还算公平
那，我们和好了？
好，好得很
谢谢你，瑞秋你是最棒的
哦，不，
你才是最棒的
噢，我要去花店
没有人告诉我爱米丽的下落
所以我要寄72枝红玫瑰到她父母家
每一支代表
我和她相识相恋的一个日子
那样她就会理睬我了
你写卡片的时候
记得要写给“爱米丽”
你在希腊玩得很尽兴
真好
什么？
我在希腊糟透了!
罗斯抛弃了我!
我不敢出门，总呆在他们的蜜月套房
人家都来问我
”盖勒太太!你干吗哭呢？”
羞死人了!
我就像个白痴
都是我的错
你知道吗？
因为我作了错误的决定
不是那样的
是真的
我追罗斯追到了愚蠢的伦敦
去它的伦敦!
菲比你是对的
我压根就不该去伦敦
从现在起
你帮我做所有的决定
噢，不
我以前试过帮人做决定
掌管别人的生活可一点不自在
我来
好。莫妮卡，从现在起，
你控制我的爱情生活
好。我要上班了
瑞秋，你回来了真好
菲比
永远乐意亲你
瑞秋，亲爱的，看
你和乔伊在招待会上的照片，好可爱
他结婚了
罗斯结婚了
我还是无法相信
亲爱的，老实说
我必须接受
都是我的错
亲爱的！拿边上！手脏！会有印子！
噢，天!
没事的。
我知道你现在很伤心
我也知道那不关我的事
我猜那跟她有点关系
假如你放弃罗斯
你会发现好男人满街都是
看，阿甘
就不错，很可爱
对，阿甘是有点……
那边那个人呢
还记得吗？你有一次跟他在柜台调情！
噢，我不知道我不知道
你去跟他聊聊！
我们不是说好了吗，我替你
做决定，我叫你去跟他聊聊
好，
听你的
去跟他聊天，你就能得到幸福
嘿，菲比
伦敦行的照片洗出来了
这是我们在伦敦塔的合影
全体合照
那是罗斯，乔伊和你
和我
我们是不是过多谈论伦敦了？
抱歉，只是因为我没去
怀孕把我害苦了
抱歉
抱歉
如何？
随便聊了聊
明晚和他约会
我早告诉过你！你能忘了罗斯
滚出去！
怎么那么久？
我被逮住干活
但我明天就不干了
那还差不多
多谢
再见，伙计
搞什么鬼？
也许是他从伦敦学回来的欧式道别
欧洲人才不那样呢
法国式的感觉
我真的玩得很开心
我也是
那，到此为止？
除非你想进来？
好啊！
等等，我做不了主
等我一下
莫妮卡呢？我要找她做决定
洗衣服去了
那是什么？
今天邮来的
72枝红玫瑰
每一支代表我和爱米丽相识相恋的一天
切成碎片
真可怕
也不是那么糟
莫妮可以用来做菜
我想去淋雨
没有下雨
我不能等!
你哪也别去
就坐在这里
我给你泡茶
我们来谈谈
好吗？
嘿，Dave
我们下次再约吧。
我室友不大舒服
好，再见!
亲爱的，听着
我知道事情看来不妙
瑞秋，
我能跟你谈谈吗？
我把袜子掉地上了
你什么毛病！
你想惹麻烦吗？
你没把袜子掉地上嘛
我碰到Dave，他说你跟他吹了!
你听我说!我来发号施令！
我要你离开罗斯，然后找Dave
你到底在干嘛？
基本上我在努力，我想
告诉他，我还爱他
什么？你不能那样说!
为什么？为什么不？
谁不乐意被爱？
我做决定，我说不许!
你再不能帮我做决定了
因为你被解雇了
你不能解雇我
我帮你决定
我没被解雇!哈
哎
瑞秋别这样，让我进来
有麻烦吗？
瑞秋把门锁了
我可以把门踢开
假如你给我点甜头
瑞秋!让我进去!
谢谢你
瑞秋？我能去外面跟你谈谈吗？
我们真的要谈谈
那谈啊
好，谈就谈
记得我们刚商量过你的企图？
什么企图？
瑞秋想上摇摆舞舞蹈课
我想这主意很笨
又危险，又不会有结果
而且可能会受伤
莫妮说得对
摇摆舞满复杂的
我要打个电话
寄给爱米丽的五只巨型泰迪熊
我要取消掉
我的天!
想想她对玫瑰花下的毒手
我要去表白
我知道你不信我
在你对他表白前，至少找一个
支持你的人，
你肯定找不到
但我……
求你
好
乔伊!我已经进来了!
好，好
你上次说没去成伦敦
感觉被排斥了
我们都觉得很糟
所以决定一起去旅行!
噢，那很好啊!
太好了!到哪里
去野餐
在中央公园!
中央——公园？
我们所有人，一整天
没意思
那不算旅行!我刚从公园回来
我们要赞美那愚蠢的公园吗？
就在我家旁边，太棒了
那我回家独自享受
去中央公园这个点子吧
等一秒种，亲亲先生
我想要跟你谈谈
你一直玩的欧洲新把戏
让我非常不舒服
住”嘴“吧!
我只是想给我们的圈子
一点文化氛围而已
好
别把那东西放我嘴里
让我想吐！
嘿，菲比来了!
菲比!喔!好。
喔!嗨
菲比，我们认为野餐的主意有点……
没什么意思，不去了
我们决定，今天下午出发，整个周末
都在大西洋城过！
大西洋城!很棒!
谁想出来的
我
是我提议的
是我建议另找地方的
然后我想到了大西洋城
那可不就是“另一个地方”？
一小时后，楼上集合
好！我要去收拾行李
瑞秋，走
我过会上楼找你
瑞秋，你没找到支持你的人，
所以你不能跟罗斯讲
那无关紧要
你知道表白爱意
却得不到回应有多痛苦吗？
我不在乎
我可看不下去
你在看什么？
报纸
有什么新闻
世界大事
我有话要跟你说
大家都不赞成我这样做
但我想他们错了
人都会犯错
是啊
有次上班的时候
我把碳定年法当成了化石
我真的有话跟你说，罗斯
继续
我想说
我要说
我还爱着你，罗斯
我不知道如何是好
你在耍我吗？那可有点卑鄙
我很认真的!
我真的很认真!
那你干吗笑？
因为我听见自己这样说
真荒谬!
我是说
你都结婚了!
这很荒谬!
说完以后
我就好象魂不附体
一个声音飘出来
骂我”笨蛋“!
我结婚了
婚后和新娘还没说过话
很抱歉。那一点也不好笑
事实上，就是这样
我妻子没有回我电话
我不知道我妻子的下落
嘿，罗斯!你老婆呢？
不知道!
噢，天!
你能忘了我跟你说过的话吗
我不得不忘掉
因为事实是
是你跟爱米丽结婚了
就是那样
噢，天
我们的友情不会泡汤吧？
跟你说那些很笨么？
很高兴听你那么说
假如没有麻烦缠身
谁不乐意被爱呢
那就好！
谢谢你那么好
不，谢谢你一
谢谢你
好！出发！
来！
大西洋城!
我们来滚球
滚球
菲比，你在漏水
天啊，你破水了
别担心，我可以坐孕妇专座
菲比，我们现在就要送你去医院
菲比，孩子要出生了
亲爱的!孩子要出生了
我的羊水破了！
菲比要生孩子了!
我知道这很美，很不可思议
我必须在离开房间时吻菲比和瑞秋
她们怎么没看到我们做爱
你了解女人吗？
没关系

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 93楼发表于: 2014-04-08 0

503 The One Hundredth

[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Nurse: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.
Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Nurse: Well…
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Ross: It's all right.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay…
Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me!
(Monica and Chandler come running in.)
Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.
Chandler: That's right.
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Monica: Oh man! I did it again!
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
(She shakes her head no.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid!
Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department.
Phoebe: All right—Ooh! Oh dead God, save me!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction!
Chandler: Oh no.
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Chandler: Hey! You okay?
Joey: Ooh, something hurts!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!
Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Ross: Hello.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?
Monica: That's what it sounded like.
Chandler: All right…
Frank: (entering) Hey!
All: Hey!
Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?
Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?
Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing.
Frank: Yeah.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
Rachel: (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh my!
Rachel: They're male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.
Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say?
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O…
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad…
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies… (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either—Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Chandler: Really? Male nurses?
Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too.
Chandler: So they're going on dates? When?
Joey: I think Saturday—(groans in pain again).
Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay!
Phoebe: Hey.
Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Chandler: All right.
(Dr. Harad exits.)
Frank: It's not that weird, is it?
Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo!
Ross: To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be impersonating Fonzie…
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Ross: Again, it's not that he…
(Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.)
[Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.]
Chandler: (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are!
Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too!
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade?
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early…
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to…
Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!
(He runs out and Frank watches him go.)
Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry!
[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]
Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be?
Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones.
Joey: Or?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones!
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Phoebe: They are. Why?
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.
Phoebe: Happy birthday!
Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.)
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: I know, it is.
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news!
Commercial Break
[Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies!
Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children!
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.
Phoebe: Oh, just ask him!
Rachel: Me?!
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!!
Phoebe: You're right.
(There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.)
Phoebe: Tell him it's for you.
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Monica: Me too.
Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra…
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option—what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him?
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie.
Rachel: Y'know who I always liked? Mork.
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.
Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.
Rachel: Yeah, but umm… Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right?
Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Hey!
Phoebe: Hi!
Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing?
Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
(A male nurse enters.)
Male Nurse: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Male Nurse: Rachel.
Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.
Dan: Nice to meet you.
Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really!
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Monica: Chandler!
Dan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school.
Chandler: Oh.
Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow?
Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift.
Monica: Oh, great!
Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night?
Delivery Room Nurse: No.
Chandler: All right. Very good.
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.]
Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me!
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.
(Joey starts breathing hard)
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Ross: I do too! I do too!
Joey: Argh!
Ross: Argh!
Joey: Argh!
Ross: Argh!
[Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.]
Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi!
Rachel: Hi!
Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now!
Rachel: Oh, honey, don’t worry. She's gonna make it on time.
Frank: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Frank: (laughs) Not to me.
Rachel: Yeah, fair enough.
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
(They all kiss her and wish her luck.)
Monica: Bye Dan!
Dan: Uh, bye Monica.
Chandler: Bye, momi-moo.
(Everyone except Frank leaves.)
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Phoebe: What is that?
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
[Cut to the delivery room.]
Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!
Dan: I see the head.
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on!
Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.
Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby.
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
Chandler: Yes!
Frank: Frank Jr. Jr.!!
Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?
Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.)
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.]
Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again?
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
Frank: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it!
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on!
Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming!
(They both stare at the newborn.)
Frank: Hey, where's his thing?
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Okay, keep saying it!
Alice: (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?!
Frank: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes.
Alice: We have our babies?
Frank: Yeah.
Alice: (Starting to cry) Oh, we have our babies.
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
[Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.]
Joey: Oh my God.
Ross: You did it, man.
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Dan: So, I'll call you tomorrow.
Monica: Great!
(Dan leaves as Chandler enters.)
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary… Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
Chandler: Really? Okay, so…
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
Chandler: Right!
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
Monica: I think you're my favorite.
Phoebe: Which one do you have?
Monica: I don't care.
Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know…
Rachel: Yeah, umm, no honey.
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
All: Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah.
(They hand her the babies and leave them alone.)
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.]
Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.
End

503 三胞胎（总第一百集）

Hi，你好，我是Phoebe Buffay。
我就要生孩子了。
好的，开始子宫挛缩没有？
还没有，恩，听人说会很痛，是么？
其实啊......
哦，上帝呀!
没什么大不了的。
你们谁是孩子的父亲?
欧，不，他们都不是
孩子的父亲是我弟弟。
好的?!!!
我以后会很怀念你这种吓唬人的方式的！
好的，Pheebs，快，看这里!
这是日后给出生的孩子看的，
在他们出生之前，你有什么想说的么？
Oh，好的，孩子们，你们好!
是我，Phoebe阿姨
真想早点见到你们。
请别弄疼我哦！
嘿，你们怎么搞得，这么长时间？
你们的出租车不是我们的一起离开的么？
恩，我们又回去了一趟，因为我忘了拿外衣。
恩，就是。
可是你现在也没穿外衣呀？
MD! 又忘拿了!
好了，我们得把Frank和Alice叫来。
我妈想知道- Joey，你在干嘛?!
在他们出生之前我也要拍呀!
Hi， Pheebs。我们刚和护士谈过，
你的医生迟到是因为......
是因为她来不了了。
什么?!
实际上她在洗澡的时候摔破了头。
哦，天哪，她怎么那么笨!
别急，Pheebs-Pheebs，一切都会好没事的。
你说起来到简单，
你子宫里又没有3个小孩等着出生。
亲爱的，听我说。
知道么？护士说这个医生很不错的，
他是这个部门的头儿。
好吧，欧！上帝，救救我！
怎么了？
我第一次子宫收缩开始了......
不是吧?
Ooh，还不错。
欧！耶！生命的奇迹就要开始了。
嘿，你还好吧？
欧，好疼呀！
心疼我都心疼到这个地步，你太好了。
哦？是么？我怎么不知道呢。
你好。
你好，Phoebe，我是Harad医生。
我来负责给你助产。
我想让你知道，一切都会没事的。
我干这一行好长时间了。
我等一会儿进来替你检查一下。
现在，你只需要放松下来就可以了，
一切都很顺利！
还有，我喜欢Fonzie。
他刚才是不是说他喜欢Fonzie?
听起来好像是这么说的。
好吧。
嘿！
我来晚了么？晚了么？还没生，是么？
还没，还没开始呢。Alice在哪儿？
哦，Delaware，她还在路上呢。
她没来之前，我来当你的教练吧。
别紧张，她把一切有关心理助产
的东西都告诉我了。
如果孩子在这个月底以前出生的话，
他们会给你2%的财政补贴。
是吧。
Monica，你应该为我骄傲才是!
我刚和两个非常可爱的护士定了约会。
Oh 是么？
他们是男的。
我想的可不是。
不管怎样，他们周六晚上带我们出去玩。
你觉得怎么样？
恩，我想可能不行。
什么？你这是什么意思？
是你告诉我要忘了Ross，继续向前的。
我向前了，你得和我一起。
你说，给我一个好的理由，你为什么不去？
恩，要不你给我一个好理由，
然后我告诉你是不是对的。
什么？
比听起来还难懂吧，不是么？
不管，你要和我一起去。
而且我还告诉他们，他们下班的时候
我们还会在这里
到时候一起到咖啡厅吃点儿果冻。
耶！总能吃得下果冻的！
Joey，你怎么把它弄得这么色情的？
恩，很简单亚，不管什么我都可以，你看着：
外婆的小鸡沙拉。
Ross! 拍一下这个。
嗨，孩子们！
这是你们出生那天的报纸头条新闻。
好了，女孩们转过头去，男孩们
看看这儿！
这就是你们出生当月的裸体封面女郎。
好的，我们直接跳到好东东上面去吧。
Oh，耶，又来了一次。
这个也不太疼，Ooh，好疼呀。
欧！欧！欧！欧！欧......
好像没了......
嘿，Monica 和Rachel 到哪里去了？
有两个护士约他们出去了，可能和他们在一起。
是么，男的?
是呀，我也很失望！
他们要约会了么？什么时候？
好像是周六吧。
他怎么了？
恩，同情的疼，
开始我还觉得他人很好呢，
可是现在我觉得他在抢我的风头。
好的，嘿。
让我看看你怎么样了。
你知道么，Fonzie和3胞胎约过会呢。
你一直提到的那个叫Fonzie的人，
是不是另外一个医生呀？
哦，不是，不是。
Fonzie 是Arthur Fonzerelli的昵称。
the Fonz。
好吧！
这并不太奇怪，是么？
太奇怪了！
我不想让别人告诉我
我是个dilatedamundo!
说实话，他看上去并没在模仿Fonzie。
你在干什么？
你干嘛这样维护他？
给我找另一个医生！
找个没疯的，也不像Fonzie的来。
其实，他并没有......
哦，嘿，原来你在这里。
嗯，听我说，我想有些事情你应该知道。
哦，是不是你和护士约会的事情呀？
嗯，Joey已经告诉我了，我没，没什么呀。
我是说，你和我，其实什么也不算。
我们在一起只是打法时间而已。
嗯，实际上我正要告诉你，我正准备
取消约会的，但是，既然我们只是玩玩而已的话，
也许我真该和他出去。
好呀，说不定我也会的！
嘿，你们看，我在礼品店里面
发现了什恩恩恩么。
起来，起来，起来！
好的，Phoebe，这是Oberman医生
他对Fonzie没有强烈的感觉，
或者其他任何和“快乐的日子”
那一伙有关系的嗜好。
你好，你现在读几年级了？
哦，实际上我当了一年见习医生了。
不过，我很有经验的，我提早毕业了。
哦，我也是，Ross。
也许我该说明白些，我需要一个成人医生。
嗨，实际上我很合格的。
别说了，小子。
欧，到底有没有人知道我就要生孩子了？？
唉！出去吧，出去吧，小伙子！
欧，你真行，把他都弄哭了！
Tribbiani先生，恐怕你有肾结石了。
嗯。有没有可能是别的什么呢？
就是肾结石呀。
或者是？
肾结石！
好了，就快到了！
嘿，你知道么？这些孩子非常非常幸运，
是么？为什么？
他们正好在“The Fonz”半个生日的时候出生，
生日快乐！
只是说明一下，
我其实不是Fonzie。
亲爱的，我正要告诉你，
我觉得你为Frank和Alice生这些孩子，太可怕了。
我知道，耶！
我能跟你说个小秘密么？
我想自个儿留一个。
Ohh，我要上新闻了。
Okay， Phoebe，亲爱的，你在开玩笑吧！
你知道你不能把他们之中的任何一个留下。
为什么不行？也许可以呢，而你不知道！
是的，是的，是的，我知道，我知道！
Frank 和 Alice 想养育他们所有的孩子。
也许不是这样呢？你知道么？
说实话，3个孩子很费事的。
也许，他们正在找机会摆脱其中一个呢。
听我说，我不想因为没有问而失去这个机会。
Phoebe，不，这太荒唐了。
问一下就知道了!
我？
总不能让我去问吧？
你不觉的这会很不合适么？
我只是想你去和他谈谈，可以么？
只是，试探一下他！
哦，算了！我不会去要Frank
把自己的一个孩子给你的。
你是对的。
告诉他是为你自己要的！
感觉好些了么？亲爱的。
嗯，好一点儿了。
希望你没看见我吐。
我也是。
嘿，我刚听说，怎么了？
肾结石!
一般来说，Tribbiani先生，
我们要用震动波震碎这些石头。
但是它们太贴近膀胱了，
我们要不等你自己把它们弄出来，
要不就是从尿道伸进去......
什么？不不不不不！！
什么也不要伸进去，好吗？
说什么也不行！还有，什么是尿道？
你疯了么？
你还没问他么？
没有，我还没机会单独和他谈。
可是，我都急死了！
欧！Fonzie。
你知道我一直喜欢谁么？Mork
别说了，别说了，别说了！
Fonzie碰到Mork时，
Mork酷到让Fonzie感到可怕。
是的，可是，嗯，
Fonzie已经很酷了！
所以他没什么事，对么？
嗯，那当然了。
嘿！
怎么样了？
医生说随时可能生。
嘿，你知道么，
Alice马上就来了。
你能不能再帮我一个忙，比如说：
先忍住别生。
对不起Frank，我还在上一次帮你忙之中呢。
嘿！
Rachel
Monica，这是Dan，
就是我们周六一起出去的其中一个，
嗨！Dan，这是Monica
很高兴见到你！
你好，Dan!
我真的好期待周六晚上呀！
好期待，好期待！
嘿，Dan，你是护士而不是医生吧？
好像有点儿女性化的职业，不是么？
Chandler!
不，这没什么的。
我医学院毕业以后就干了这个。
哦。
在海湾战争期间我也没感到
这只是女人干的活儿呀。
当然了！
听着，顺便谢谢你为我们做的一切。
嗯，为什么等到周六，你明天有空么？
当然了，我找人代班就是了。
哦，太好了！
你看这样怎么样？你和我，周六晚上？
不行！
好的，非常好！
哦，这个好痛呀，欧！欧！呀！
欧，快把它们弄出来吧！
呼吸，呼吸，忍住痛呼吸！
我要吃药！Ross，我要吃药！
我也要！我也要！欧，呀！欧，呀！
恩，我爱你。再见！
嗨！
是Alice的母亲，她说Alice五个小时前就走了。
她应该马上就来了。
哦，亲爱的，别担心，她会准时来的！
耶！耶！
嘿，Frank， 3个孩子，
喔，好像太多了一点儿吧？
对我来说一点儿也不多，
恩，不多就好
好了，只差十公分了！
就要开始生孩子了！
好的，只要孩子的父亲留下来，好么！
再见，Dan! 再见，Monica!
再见，momi-moo。
好的，我要一个夹子，
消过毒的毛巾，和31频道！
那是什么？
哦，上帝呀！
不，不，不！这个台挺好看的！
Fonzie 敲着小鼓。
好了，你准备好了么？要开始了。
你准备好了么？要使劲尿尿了。
等，等，等，等一会儿，就快要
使劲尿尿了！
好的，使劲了！
使劲！注意力集中，用劲！加油！
好的！
我看见头了！
是的，是头！
好的！
继续使劲！加油！
真不敢相信就要有人
要从你身体里面出来了！
有人要从你身体里出来了，是么！
是的！是我的儿子！
好的！
这是你的第一个孩子！
太好了！我们有男孩了！
太好了！
Frank 二世.二世！
欧！他长得如何！长得如何？
一个大胖小子！
好的，你准备好了么？要再使劲了！
我已经有个孩子了，不要了吧！
好的，好的，加油，你能行的，你能行的！
好呀! 小Leslie 出来了！我们又有一个了！
哦，上帝呀！我不敢相信
我有两个-两个孩子了。
这有多可怕呀！
加油，小Chandler，该你出世了!
加油！小Chandler! 加油！
好的，他出来了！出来了！
嗯？他的小弟弟呢？
Chandler是个女孩！
哦，我的天！幼儿园的噩梦又来了。
他们肯定看错Ｂ超图了，因为
他们认为是个男孩儿。
但是Chandler是个女孩，
Chandler是个女孩。
好的，继续说吧！
我是不是太迟了？
没有，没有，一切都很好！
每个孩子都很健康，
一共有３０个手指，还有３０个脚趾。
我们有自己的孩子了！
耶！
我们有自己的孩子了！
哦，上帝呀！
你做到了！好兄弟！
想看看它们么？
它们好小啊！
我明天给你打电话。
好的！
你真的要和这个男护士一起出去么？
嗯，你和我只是玩玩而已，
我想为什么不和他玩玩呢？
嗯，我不知道你有没有
在字典里查查玩玩这个词呢？
我查过，
最精确的定义是：
两个朋友，相互喜爱对方
并有过非比寻常的爱
而且想花更多的时间在一起。
但是如果你有更新的字典
而让你讨厌我的话
那我们就的，你知道的，
以我原来的那个字典为准了。
我为此感觉很糟糕。
我觉得你比你自己想的要好的多。
哦？真的么？那么......
别来这套了！
其实，我也觉得停停了。
那我们是不是和好了？
当然了，我要去告诉Dan
我不去了。
-别跳舞！
-好的！
我觉得你是我的最爱。
你抱的哪一个？？
无所谓哪个。
Hi， Hey， hi!
嗯，Frank 和 Alice 想让我告诉你，
他们还在外面打电话呢。
但是，我是说，你和他们谈过了么？
嗯，还没有，亲爱的。
这可得做长远打算。
你们能让我单独
和这些孩子们呆一会儿么？
是的，当然可以啦。
嘿，你们好。
上次我对着小盘子里的你们
讲话的时候，就像昨天一样。
他们说,生你们是最困难的。
可他们错了,同你们分离才难。
你们给了我最大的快乐。
我真希望能把你们带回家，
每天看着你们。
算了，就让我做你们最好的阿姨吧。
Alice的姐姐也有子宫，
不过你们住在我这里。
这太酷了！
我们会是最好的。
伸出你们的小手。欧！欧！欧！
如果你们想哭的话......
Phoebe，我们为你自豪！你太了不起了!
我知道。
真的跟他们说的那么疼么？
当然了，你肯定受不了的。
嗯，小Chandler竟然是女的，
他们准备给她起个什么名字呢？
他们就叫她Chandler呀！
这个名字太男性化了吧？你们不这么认为么？
你都能用呀！

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 94楼发表于: 2014-04-08 0

504 The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just gotten home and is going through the mail. She finds something that's Monica's and goes over and knocks on her closed bedroom door.]
Monica: (In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you.
(Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hi! I just wanna-(sees Monica)-Ahhh!!! Oh my God! (She runs out in horror.) Oh my God!
Monica: (pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.
Rachel: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!
Monica: Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Monica: Uh-huh, that one!
Rachel: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)
Monica: (Panicking) Okay, umm, okay, umm… (Rachel opens the door.) It's just Joey and Ross.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Joey: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!
Ross: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!
Joey: (to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!
Monica: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?
Joey: Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.
Ross: (on phone) I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!
Joey: Ross! Way to suck up to the family.
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Joey: (entering, wearing a tux) Hey!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!
Joey: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Monica: Vomit tux? Who vomited on—y'know what, what you up to Joe?
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
Monica: Oh that's great!
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
Phoebe: Ugh, PBS!
Monica: What's wrong with PBS?
Phoebe: Ugh, what's right with them?
Joey: Why don’t you like PBS, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
Phoebe: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!
Joey: I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed. Like-like you did with the babies.
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish!
Phoebe: What-what are you talking about?!
Joey: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?
Phoebe: Yeah. So?
Joey: It made you feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no unselfish good deeds, sorry.
Phoebe: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.
Joey: Well, may I ask for one example?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's… Y'know there's—no you may not!
(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler, meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)
Joey: That's because all people are selfish.
Phoebe: Are you calling me selfish?!
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Phoebe: I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.
(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)
Ross: (on phone) Hello.
Emily: (on phone from London) Hello, Ross?
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
Emily: Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!
Ross: No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling! I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me!
Emily: Really? About what?
Ross: Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.
Emily: I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.
Ross: (to the gang, whispering) She's talking.
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Joey: That he doesn't exist.
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?
Chandler: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
Monica: Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don’t think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Rachel: I don’t care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had!
(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)
Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
Ross: (entering) Hi!
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship.
Chandler: Yes!
Monica: That's great!
Ross: In London!
Monica: What?!
Ross: She wants me to move to London.
Monica: But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.
Rachel: What-what-what are you gonna do?
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Monica: Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife.
Ross: It could happen.
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Joey: (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Joey: That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
Joey: But I'm the host!
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
Joey: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Rachel: Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish.
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?
Monica: Sure!
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Ross: All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.
Emily: I understand that would be difficult.
Ross: Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that?
Emily: I don't know, it's just…
Ross: Oh-oh-okay, but-but I know, that even though I've been a-a complete idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so we can work this out.
Emily: All right.
Ross: All right, did you just say all right?
Emily: I did. Now I'm the idiot.
Ross: Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love!
(She laughs.)
Emily: Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still.
Ross: Yes, tell me.
Emily: Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.
Ross: I know. I am, I am so sorry.
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
Ross: Again, very sorry.
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Ross: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.
Emily: All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.
Ross: Oh that is so great! That's…
Emily: (interrupting him) As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Ross: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.
Chandler: Yes!
Phoebe: Ooh-ohh!
Monica: Great!
Ross: No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.
Phoebe: Why?
Monica: What?! You can't—what did you tell her?
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Monica: Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Chandler: That's true!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Chandler: That's true!
Monica: No, you cannot.
Ross: Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)
(The phone rings.)
Monica: (answering it) Hello.
Joey: (on phone) Hey Mon!
Monica: Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?
Joey: See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV and that's good exposure.
Monica: (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
Joey: Hello New York! (The woman bats his hand out of the way.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs…
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
Chandler: How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!
Monica: (entering) Hi Chandler.
Chandler: Hey!
Monica: Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
Monica: William Sonoma, fall catalog, Page 27.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Monica: Yeah, so?
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Monica: Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: Why? (She hops into the living room and imitates Chandler's happy dance.)
Chandler: What's your point?
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]
Joey: (in a bored voice) PBS telethon.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Joey: What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Joey: Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
Joey: Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me?
PBS Volunteer: Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.
Joey: Come on man! You've been here all day!
PBS Volunteer: Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh?
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to… (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a…)
Monica: A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not a toy.
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey answers his ringing phone.]
Joey: (in an unenthusiastic voice) PBS Telethon.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi Joey.
Joey: Hey Pheebs!
Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.
Joey: $200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what Sesame Street did to ya?
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Joey: And you don't a little good about donating the money?
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Joey: A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers…(He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feel—Oh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom carrying her cleaning gear.]
Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
Monica: Keep talking.
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH…MY…GOD.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my… When is Joey gonna be home?
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Monica: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.
Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.
Monica: Yeah. (She takes them off.)
(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)
Chandler: All right, let's show them how it's done.
Monica: Okay.
(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)
Monica: Ow!
Chandler: Y'know that wasn't part of it?
Monica: I know!
(He carries her into the hall.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late!
Ross: For what?
Rachel: For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes.
Ross: Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.
Rachel: Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!
Ross: It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.
Rachel: Like what?
Ross: Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.
Rachel: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.
Ross: No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.
Rachel: Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you need somebody to talk to… Hi!
Ross: Thanks.
Rachel: Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she wants fixed. Just do it. (The phone starts ringing.) I mean, you're gonna have to try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. (The phone keeps ringing.) Oh come on answer it! It's driving me crazy!
Ross: (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Monica: Never done that before.
Chandler: Nope.
End

504 菲比讨厌PBS（美国广播公司）

进来
我等到花儿也谢了
我只需要——
天啊！
噢，我的天!
对不起!我只不过——
在小睡
你几时采取这种睡姿的？
你在等男人对吧，快说是
没错
是一个同事
我在和同事交往!
你们那儿的可爱侍者？
亦正亦邪那个？
哦，是他
我离开一下，去加件衣服
等我穿好了，你一五一十招给我听
是他来了吧
是乔伊和罗斯
你们不是去看电影吗？
罗斯讲电话太大声，
我们被丢了出来
我没办法！电影太吵了！
他打电话到伦敦！
啊？他联络到爱米丽了？
还没有。他打电话给女方所有的亲友
求人家帮他联络爱米丽。
我是说错名字！有什么大不了的！
你这个老顽固！
你该拍他们一家子马屁才对!
你们都在，好极了！
公司终于买到防皱传真纸了！
菲比讨厌PBS公司
呕吐物晚礼服
不脏，干洗过了
呕吐物晚礼服？
谁吐在上面了？
乔伊，你盛装要去干嘛？
我参加电视节目之后
经理人帮我争取到
当主持人的机会！
太好了!
既回馈PBS广播公司，又有
电视曝光的机会
乔伊爱这样的美事！
噢，PBS!
有什么不好？
他们有什么好？
你干嘛讨厌PBS？
我妈自杀后，我孤苦伶仃
所以写信到芝麻街寻找安慰
因为我小时候，他们真的很和气
却压根没人回信
是不是因为那些木偶
都没有手指，写不了信？
他们只送我一个钥匙扣！
我那时住在纸箱里！
一把钥匙都没有!
很抱歉，菲比
我只想做件好事，
就像你代弟产子一样
才不是做好事，你只想上电视罢了，
自私自利
啊？那你还帮你弟弟生孩子呢？
还说我自私!
什么意思？
你的确是出于好心，但你
因此觉得自己很伟大，对吧？
对，那又怎样？
因为你感觉很好，
所以是自私的行为
世上没有绝对无私的好人好事，
不好意思
乱讲！当然有人做好事
不是出于私心!
举例？
比如
不告诉你!
人不为己，天诛地灭
你认为我也自私？
你算人类？
抱歉让你的梦破灭。
但无私的好事是不存在的
你知道圣诞老人的事，对吧
我一定会发现无私的好事
我要打败你，恶魔！
天啊!是爱米丽!
各位，是爱米丽!别吵！
不许你再骚扰我的亲戚，再见
你挂电话好了。但我不会罢休。
我要打电话给全英国的人
只求你理睬我
真的？你想说什么？
你是我妻子，我们成婚了
我爱你
我真的很挂念你
我也想你
我想是吧
她肯开口讲话了！
你说“圣诞老人的事”是什么意思？
他不存在
对
钱德，莫妮有个地下男友，
你听说了吗？
对，她好象提过
几时带来见见我们？
他害羞，我想他还没准备好见大家
对，我想他还没准备好
不管！既然他是她所见过、床上功夫
最棒的家伙，我无论如何得见见。
真的？
有这样的风评？
你说的？
有可能
很好笑吗？
我真替他高兴
你很幸运
爱米丽愿意和我破镜重圆
太好了!
在伦敦！
她要我搬去伦敦
但你住在纽约
这你也明白
你会怎么做？
我跟卡萝和苏珊商量商量
她们一定会同意，带班一起去伦敦
没错，你前妻一定会乐意出国
以便你和新欢开始新生活
有这个可能
你好，欢迎，见到你真好
你的电话
好
但我不希望接很多电话
你接电话，以接受认捐
但我是主持人
Gary Collins才是主持人，你接电话
你搞错了，我是德莫瑞医生！
这是你的电话，大医生
我不敢相信！竟找不到无私的好事！
知道住我隔壁的老头吗
我溜过去，把他家门口的树叶扫在一起
结果被他看见了，
无论如何要招待我好酒好糖吃
让我非常快活！这个老东西!
也许乔伊是对的，
也许所有的好事都是自私的
我会找到无私的好事。
我刚生了三个小孩
我可不能让他们接受
乔伊那一套价值观
请教一个烹饪的问题好吗？
假如你在炉子上煮东西
那说明你的新的地下男友的
床上功夫比理查德好吗？
钱德！
是不是啊？
我得尊重新男友的隐私
为什么？
假如我是你的神秘男友
而我得知自己给了你最好的爱
我会手舞足蹈的
好了，爱米丽
虽然我如此爱你
但很抱歉，我无法离开班，
搬来伦敦
我明白那很困难
你会考虑搬过来吗？
你曾经打算搬来的
现在搬来好不好？
我不知道。。。
好的，但我知道，即使到现在为止
我表现这样白痴
但是，请你务必过来
你来了，我们就可以重新开始了
好吧
你刚说“好吧”？
是的，现在我是白痴了
爱米丽，那太好了!
好极了！
我们将是相爱的一对白痴!
还有一件事，我到现在还很担心
告诉我吧
你要明白
我在教堂里有多丢脸
在亲朋好友面前
我明白。我很抱歉
当时我决定了要原谅你以后
却在机场碰见你跟她一起等飞机
再次致歉
我是说，我无法跟她相处
想到你跟她在同一屋檐下，
我就要发疯
爱米丽，我和瑞秋很清白
我爱你
好吧
我来纽约，我们冰释前嫌，
重新开始
太好了!
只要你答应我，和瑞秋一刀两断
我邀爱米丽搬来纽约
她答应了
太好了!
但她要求我不再见瑞秋
什么？那怎么行
你怎么说的？
我说我需要考虑。
但我怎么能做出这样的决定？
我真的是在问你们!
你不可能不再见瑞秋，
她是你最好的朋友之一
没错，但那样他就见不到爱米丽，
他的妻子
那倒是!
你从高中就认识瑞秋了，
你不能让她从你生命中消失!
对!
你做不到的
谢谢你们的帮忙，让我茅塞顿开
我们干等一天了。
你什么时候会出现在电视上？
我的经济人没安排好
但我还是上电视了，很好的曝光机会
你没上电视
现在呢？
他在那里!
你好，纽约!
现在我们把整只鸭子放进去
先放腿……
跟你们说多少遍了！
不许看烹饪频道！
我来拿乔伊借去的煎锅
是你的锅？
小鸭吐毛虫时，我们用它来接
饼干专卖店，秋季目录，第27页
四到六周后收到
乔伊今天一整天要拍电视
这里是我们的天下！
那又怎样？
难道你不想和你的第一号男朋友共度？
你知道吗？
我放弃这个机会
为什么
还问为什么？
你想说什么？
PBS节目
告诉你说，我找到了无私的好事
我到公园里让蜜蜂蜇了
那算好事？
那蜜蜂在他朋友面前会很骄傲
蜜蜂很快乐，而我没得到甜头
蜜蜂蜇了你，也许会死掉
见鬼!
30秒后开拍!
抱歉，换个座位好吗
没门，我要上镜
你坐这里一整天了
我在接受认捐
开始倒数：3，2——
欢迎回来！
如果您喜欢我们的节目Cirque Du Soleil
并希望看到更多丰富多采的节目
那非常简单
你们要做的就是来电话认捐
告诉我们的志愿者接线员，
您喜欢的节目类型—
受够了，我下不了决心。太难
我任凭命运之神帮我安排
神奇的算命8号球？
开玩笑！怎能用儿戏去决定!
那不是儿戏
我不知道还能怎样!
选妻子、就要失去一个老友
选朋友，就要在30岁前第二次离婚！
你们有什么高招，讲出来好了
因为我什么主意也没有
别羞羞答答的
什么建议都可以
那好
好
神奇8号球
我该不再见瑞秋吗
迟点再问
这算什么答案！
迟点再问
见鬼了！
坏掉了!不灵了！
让我看看
钱德今晚会嘿咻吗？
别指望
我认为它很灵
PBS节目
嗨，乔伊
嘿，菲比
我要认捐
我要捐200元
200元？
你确定吗？芝麻街亏待过你啊
我还在生他们的气
但他们给许多母亲还健在的小孩
带去了欢乐
为表支持，我要做件好事
但我不快乐
所以，这就是无私的好事！
你捐了钱以后感觉不好吗？
很不好! 我本打算存钱买仓鼠的
仓鼠？10元就能买到
我看中那只可不便宜
看来我们超越了去年的捐钱纪录
谢谢你!
那都是我们一位志愿者的功劳
噢!那是我们穿得最耀眼的一位
乔伊崔比昂尼先生!
噢，看!
乔伊上电视了!
太棒啦
我的认捐让乔伊上电视了
我感到——
喔，不!
听着
也许我之前表现得是有些过火
但我想要你知道
假如我是最棒的
都是你的功劳
接着说
遇到你之前，我一无所有
不信你打电话给我交往过的
其他女孩打听打听
就几个电话，很快就打完了
自从跟你好，自从我们在一起
天雷地火!
真的？
我的天!
如果你不愿再跟我好，我能理解
但那是错的
我们太般配了
我们分开，天理不容!
既然如此？
噢!
乔伊什么时候回来？
我们做我们的，不要他在场
别! 把手套留着
我刚打扫了卫生间
那取了手套吧
现在瞧我的厉害
好
我无意的！
我知道！
准备好走了吗，我们要迟到了
什么事迟到？
音乐会啊,记得吗？
还有20多分钟就开演了
我忘干净了
下次好吗。我在等爱米丽的电话
当然可以
听说你不用去伦敦，真好！
并没那么轻松，
我们的关系还没有理顺
哪方面？
还有些问题
爱米丽有一些要求
跟我说说，也许我能帮得上忙
你帮不了我
我不能接受你的好意，我自己解决
我知道你自己能处理，
但假如你想找人谈谈
谢谢
爱米丽想要什么
就给她什么
关键是：你爱她
满足她一切的要求
就行了
总要试试。否则你会后悔
快接电话，急死我了
喂
亲爱的
我一直在考虑
你的要求
我答应你
你来纽约吗？
前所未有
就是

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 95楼发表于: 2014-04-08 0

505 The One With All the Kips

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Monica: (quietly) Hi!
Chandler: (quietly) Hi! (They both start kissing.)
(Joey enters and Chandler pushes her away.)
Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Chandler: Uhh, 9. (He pushes the clock into the sink.)
Joey: But it's dark out.
Monica: Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: I'm really getting tired of sneaking around.
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
Monica: Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!
Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)
Monica: Wait! What about Joey?
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Monica: (entering from her room) Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in New Jersey.
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Monica: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey.
Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.
Monica: No, she's out shopping.
Ross: Damn!
Chandler: What's going on?
Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Monica: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?
Ross: I have no idea. I mean… But-but I assure you I will figure it out.
(They all reflect briefly on what was said.)
Joey: Doesn’t seem like it's going to work, I mean…
Rachel: (entering) Hi, guys!
Joey: Hi!
Chandler: Uh, hey!
Rachel: What's going on?
Chandler: We're flipping Monica's mattress.
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Phoebe: Yeah that's better than my way.
(They all agree and head to Monica's room.)
Rachel: Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too?
Chandler: Aww, man! (They go into Monica's room.)
Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Ross: So, Rach, y'know-y'know how Emily's coming right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Can you hear anything?
Chandler: Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Monica: Hey, Joey's ass! What are you doing?
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
Monica: Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles…
Phoebe: Ooh, Madlibs, mine! (Grabs it.)
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
[Cut to the living room.]
Ross: Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the last time I talked to Emily…
Rachel: (interrupting) Oh my God! My dog died!
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Oh my God, Le Poo, our dog!
Ross: Le Poo's still alive?!
Rachel: Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-(turns over the note)-teen blocks. Oh. (They all come out from Monica's bedroom) Oh my God.
Monica: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.
Rachel: It's Le Poo.
Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.
[Scene: Atlantic City, New Jersey, Chandler and Monica are about to start their weekend of sex, sex, nothing but sex.]
Chandler: (jumping on the bed) I can't believe it! We're here!
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)
Monica: We're switching rooms.
Chandler: (looks at what she's holding and shies away) Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to tell Rachel about Emily's ultimatum again.]
Ross: Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about?
Rachel: Oh yeah! (Turns to face him.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing… Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
Rachel: What?
Ross: You're nose is bleeding!
Rachel: Oh God. (He hands her some tissues.) No! Oh not again! (Wiping her nose.) This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. (She puts her head back.) Oh, okay, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you want to tell me?
Ross: Umm… (Rachel blows her nose.)
Rachel: Sorry. Sorry.
Ross: Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Hotel Clerk: I think you'll find this room more to your liking.
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Monica: We're switching rooms again.
Chandler: What? Why?
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: (turning to face her) Yeah.
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
[Time lapse, Monica and Chandler have changed rooms yet again.]
Monica: Okay, this one I like!
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Monica: Hey, don't blame me for wigging tonight!
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.
Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I said, "Geez, relax Monnnnn."
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Rachel: Okay, what's up?
Ross: Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Ross: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants…
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: …is for me not to see you anymore.
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?
Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Ross: What are you doing?
Rachel: Storming out!
Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]
Chandler: Damn Rollos!
Joey: Hey, you're back!
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How was your conference?
Chandler: It was terrible. I fought with (Pause) my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? (Throws away another Rollo)
Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hey, you're back too!
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Joey: Hey, how was your chef thing?
Monica: Oh, it was awful. (To Chandler) I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Monica: Chandler! (Motions for him to come outside.)
Chandler: Monica. (Follows her out.)
[In the hall.]
Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.
Monica: 300 dollars?!
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!
Monica: Urghh!!
Joey: (sticking his head out the door) What are you guys woofing about?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Joey: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]
Ross: You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.
Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes! Please!
Joey: You're not gonna like it.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: You got married to fast.
Ross: That's not advice!
Joey: I told ya.
Ross: I'm going to the bathroom. (Gets up and exits.)
Joey: Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.
Monica: Maybe I could do it.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hi, Rach.
Chandler: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?
Joey: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there. (Points over his shoulder.)
Rachel: That's not Ross!
Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
Rachel: Oh my God, its happening. It's already started. I'm Kip.
Joey: Hey, you're not Kip!
Rachel: (To Joey) Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?
Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.
Joey: Oh, that poor bastard.
Rachel: See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!
Monica: You're not gonna be phased out!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Phoebe: Ehh!!
Rachel: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
Joey: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.
Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.
Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]
Rachel: Phoebe? (She turns her head further away.) I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. (Moves over next to her.) You gotta come with me!
Phoebe: Come where?
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Phoebe: Okay, but try and get Joey too.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Phoebe: Oh, sure! (She gets up to leave.) Bye Ross! (Whispering behind his back.) Forever.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.
Rachel: Oh, Ross…
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Rachel: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.
Ross: Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?
Rachel: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!
Ross: I can't believe this is happening.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: I am so sorry.
Rachel: I know that too.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Chandler: I just came over to drop off…nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?
Monica: Yeah, it did.
Chandler: So, I guess this is over.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime.
Monica: Why, exactly?
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than—Ohhh! (They both realize something there.)
Chandler: So, this isn't over?
Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!
Monica: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship! (She goes to kiss him.)
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
Monica: I'm afraid so.
Chandler: Okay.
(They kiss.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.
Monica: Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator.
(Joey thinks that sounds familiar, but dismisses the thought.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine.
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
(Joey puts two and two together.)
Joey: (shocked) Oh! Ohh! Oh!!
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Joey: Oohh!! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh!!
(Chandler pushes him through the door and Monica closes it behind them.)
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
Joey: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Chandler: Yes. Yes. (Lets him up.)
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: How?! When?!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
(They both grab him and stop him.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but…
Monica: I know, it's great!
(She goes over and kisses Chandler.)
Joey: Aww, I don't want to see that!
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Phoebe: The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, "Hi, Phoebe!"
Monica: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count.
Phoebe: Count for what?
Monica: Count in our heads as-as good Madlibs.
(They putting their notepads down and get up to leave.)
Joey: I guess I'm done.
Chandler: Fun's over!
Monica: Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something!
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Joey: I think I'm gonna take-off.
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)
End

505 我不想当Kip

莫妮？几点了？
早上9点
外面很黑
你总是一觉睡到中午，小笨蛋
9点钟就是这么黑！
我去洗漱
准备看日出
我厌倦了这样偷偷摸摸！
我也是。我们出去度周末怎样，
没人骚扰我们
整个周末都可以赤身裸体
整个周末？暴露个够
我就说去开会，
你也用工作来搪塞
对泽西州举办的烹饪盛会
我向往已久
好了，别忘了这是借口。
走吧
乔伊呢？
周末我要去新泽西州
参加烹调盛会
怪哉! 钱德刚说他要到那开会
有趣。怎么钱德
不到其他州开会
会议地点又不是我决定
何况开会又不是戏言，
是真有其事
瑞秋在吗？我得跟她谈谈
她出去买东西了
糟了!
此话怎讲？
我约了爱米丽过来
所以请你们通知瑞秋一声
等等
就是说，爱米丽来了，
你就不再见瑞秋了？
我只想专心恭候老婆大驾
而不想大吃胃药！
那你们再也不能共处一室？
怎么可能？
我不知道
但我一定能想出对策
这样肯定不行
嗨，各位
怎么了？
我们要帮莫妮拍床垫
我们要把床垫抬起来拍一拍
比我的做法高明
好，把我的也拍拍吧
天啊
我妈的信
瑞秋
你知道爱米丽要来了对吧
对，我知道
能听到吗？
对，有人说”能听到吗？”
嘿，乔伊的屁股
你干什么？
记得上次，他们大吵其架并且分手
我们困在这里，
整晚没有食物和补给
当罗斯在婚礼上说漏嘴，
我就知道悲剧又将重演了
所以我做好了准备
糖果条，纵横字谜
Madlibs游戏! 我要!
避孕套？
谁知道我们会困多久
说不定得在这里繁衍后代
避孕套可以帮助繁衍后代？
所以，结论就是，
上次我跟爱米丽谈到——
天啊!我的狗死了
什么?
-拉普，我家的狗！
拉普才刚死？
上面说，他被一辆雪糕车撞倒，
然后被拖了
19个街区!
天啊
亲爱的,我们听到你哭。别难过
是拉普出事了
知道你是哭拉普的死，
精彩的还在后面
做梦一样！我们溜出来啦！
枕头上有巧克力！我喜欢!
你该跟乔伊同住，
到处都有巧克力
我去去就来
好耶！
莫妮快来！警匪追车！
我们要换房
天啊! 杯子！
有唇膏印子！
他们连杯子都没换，
其他用品更不会换了
亲爱的
我只希望这个周末完美无缺
我们换房，好吗？
要换就赶快。他们刚刚减速
你知道我想跟你谈什么吗？
我知道
你晓得的，
我一直想跟爱米丽重修旧好
所以
有件事
我说了吧
我允诺她——
什么?
你流鼻血
天!
在流血
又来了
我祖父去世时我流过鼻血
抱歉
哦
很抱歉，刚才你跟我说什么来着
抱歉。抱歉
我不能再见你面了
真扯，我也看不见你了
你们会满意这间房的
据说他只剩一半的油了
一半？那还有得看！
我们要再换房！
什么？为什么？
这是花园景观，我们付钱看海景的
我们最后一间海景房
已经被你换掉了
抱歉。我能跟你谈谈吗？
这些小丑想糊弄我们
我才不会上当！
我们又不是一对小孩
知道了，
哪间房都好
只要挑一间，让我看——
让我跟你共度美妙周末
这间我喜欢
没了！演完了！见鬼！
只剩日常电视节目
能把电视关掉吗？
我们真的要这样浪费周末吗？
抱歉，是我以换房为乐吗？
别怪我！
我该怪谁？怪客气的服务生
把我们的行李换了十间房吗？
怪那个只剩一半汽油还想
从纽约逃到加拿大的蠢货如何？
别说死人的坏话
我们本要共度浪漫周末
你怎么回事？
我只想看点电视，有什么大不了
别急，妈妈
你说什么？
我说”别急，莫妮”
我一直想跟你谈谈这事，
现在我必须说清楚
好，什么事？
你说过，我应该尽一切努力挽救婚姻
对，我说过，满足爱米丽一切要求
很好的建议。她的要求就是：
要我不再见你
好离谱! 怎么可能！
你打算怎么跟她解释
天啊!
你答应了。对吗？
我知道这很糟
但为了挽救婚姻，我不得不这么做
我迫不得已，我不想再离婚了
幸好，她来之前我们还能见面
我真幸运！好消息！
这是拉普死后最好的消息!
你不知道这决定让我多痛苦
真的？罗斯？
我帮你止痛
你要干嘛？
我要冲出去！
这是你家
这下你知道我多生气了？
见鬼的巧克力!
你回来了! 会开得如何？
很糟。我一直跟——同事吵架
搞什么飞机？
周末很糟糕？
那倒也不是，我看到名人等电梯
你也回来了
钱德，出来谈谈？
你的烹饪大会怎样？
很糟
有些人不爱美食
是不是那些食物好吃
但让人呕吐且拉肚子？
房钱多少？我付一半
好，300元
300元？
想想看！每个房间25元！
你们商量什么呢？
钱德偷了我一张20元的
这就对了！
难怪我总是没有20元的，
你却有很多！
你们该看看她的表情
我不想让瑞秋恨我
我该怎么办
要听我的建议吗？
请说
不中听
说吧,没事
你这次结婚太仓促
这算建议？
早说过不中听
我去厕所先
放弃你们中的任何一个？
我可不干
我也是
也许我可以！
你们听说我和罗斯的纠纷了
今天我深受困扰，
现在不想再提了，可以吗
我不知道这算不算犯忌
但罗斯就在那儿
那不是罗斯
虽然他很像罗斯
罗斯在洗手间
天啊! 终于开始了！我成了Kip
你才不是Kip
你晓得谁是Kip？
管他是谁！你是瑞秋
谁是Kip？
我的旧室友，我们曾经玩得很好
噢，是那条可怜虫呀
你跟我说过他的事。
他和莫妮约会过
他们分手后无法共处一室，
你们都保证会继续跟他做朋友
结果呢？他被踢出局了！
你不会出局！
怎么不会？罗斯不会这么惨，
他是你哥哥，你的大学室友
迟早有一天，有人会离开这个团队
我本以为离开的会是菲比
宝贝，你住得远，又不是亲戚
你不同类
嘿，宾先生
你住的那家宾馆来电
说有人在你房间留下了睫毛夹
对，那是我的
是不是你带去的什么妞留下的
你的说法似乎更合理
我越来越不了解你了！
我只问你一次
不管你说什么，我都相信你
你是不是
参加了同性恋游行？
抱歉那天我说话伤了你的心
我们和好吧？
怎么个和好法？
我们要同进同出
当最好的朋友
好，拉乔伊也入伙
菲比，我跟瑞秋单独谈谈好吗？
当然
再见，罗斯
永别
你还来干嘛，你犯规
我跟莫妮谈过了
做选择的人是我
是我让一切面目全非
所以让步的也应该是我
其实没什么
很多人都只在感恩节能见到姐妹
在同学会才能见到大学室友
在汉堡店广告上才能见到乔伊
我这么说，好受点？
不，不好
我还是不能见你
假如你是我，你会怎样做？
首先，结婚宣誓时，我要说对名字
没想到事情变成这样
我知道
很抱歉
我也知道
嘿，瑞秋
抱歉打扰，但菲比说
你要跟我谈谈旅行什么的
我只是顺路过来
没什么事
那个周末很滥，对吧？
是
我们完了？
你和我，总有分手的一天
为什么
周末我们吵架了
钱德，别傻了
如果一吵架就分手
那你谈恋爱不会超过——
我们没分手？
你真可爱!
只是吵架
吵过就算了。并不可怕
真的？太好了
欢迎你加入成年人的恋爱关系
我们是在恋爱？
恐怕是的
我听说你参加大会时见到名人？
对，看到他等电梯
我能用你的睫毛夹吗？我的丢了
在浴室里
我能跟你谈谈吗？
没错！
你？
还有你？
你要保密，他们都不知道
怎么发生的？什么时候？
在伦敦
伦敦!
我们不声张，是不想把事情闹大
但这是大事!我必须告诉谁
不许
求你，我们不想告诉大家
你保证你不说出去
好吧！
难以置信!
太棒了!
是很棒!
我才不要看!
我们真笨
知道他们在里面干嘛？
他们想拉拢乔伊!
在网球界最受欢迎的菲比叫投手菲比
取胜后拍拍对手的菲比
然后说”嗨，菲比!”
很可爱，我们都爱听，但是不算
不算什么？
不算玩得好的Madlibs游戏
我玩够了
游戏结束
等等，照规矩做
不但有趣而且有意义
我退出
伙计们，规则是好东西
规则使乐趣也有条有理

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 96楼发表于: 2014-04-09 0

506 The One With The Yeti

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.]
Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! None of that, not while you're living under my roof!
Monica: What?!
Joey: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it.
Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour?
Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about.
Chandler and Monica: Okay.
Monica: Sorry.
Chandler: Sorry.
(They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.)
Joey: (from the bedroom) I can hear that!
Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work.
(They both go to her apartment.)
(Pause.)
Joey: I can still hear you!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are there as Phoebe enters carrying a large box.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hello!
Monica: Hey, what's that?
Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.
(She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.)
Phoebe: Eeeee-(She opens the box and removes its contents and sees that it's a fur coat.)-ohh!! God! (She throws it at Joey.)
Joey: Argh-argh!! (Catches the coat.) Ooh, soft. Is this mink?
Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make!
Chandler: Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. (Phoebe stares at him wide-eyed. Chandler sees her reaction.) That didn't happen, I made that up!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Gunther: Oh, Ross? Ross! You can't put up flyers in here.
Ross: How come? Everybody else does.
Gunther: You can't.
Monica: What is that?
Ross: Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things.
Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things.
Ross: Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it's—Emily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Y'know brand new.
Monica: So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale.
Ross: Touched. Used. Sat on. Sleep on.
Gunther: I'll take it all.
Joey: Hey, Ross, you're okay with that?
Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine.
Chandler: Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme?
Ross: After what I did? Can you blame her?
Phoebe: Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green.
(Ross suddenly gets up and heads for the bathroom.)
Joey: (after Ross is gone) What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies?
Monica: Now calm down Joey.
Joey: No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!
Phoebe: Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing.
Chandler: Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence…
Monica: Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that?
Joey: No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool.
[Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.]
Rachel: Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please?
Monica: Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron.
Rachel: I want the little round waffles.
Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison?
(The single light flickers and goes out. Leaving the room in total darkness.)
Rachel: Okay, y'know what? I'll-I'll have toast!
(She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.)
Rachel: Arghhhh!!!!!!
(They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.)
Monica: Oh my God! Fog him! Fog him!
(Rachel grabs the bug bomb, activates it, throws it at the figure, and they both run out through the fog.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
Phoebe: I don't know what I'm gonna do about this coat.
Joey: I'll take it!
Phoebe: That might work! (She gives him the coat.)
Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! (He drapes it around his shoulders.) Enh? All right, what do you think?
Chandler: You're on in 5 Ms. Minnelli.
Ross: (on the phone) No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. (Listens) No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye. (Hangs up.)
Joey: What's the matter Ross?
Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo!
Phoebe: Why?
Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other.
Joey: That's way uptown! That's like three trains away! (Phoebe pinches him.) Which is great! I love to ride that rail!
Chandler: So you're really okay with this?
Ross: Yes! Yes! I mean it's-it's kinda far from work, but uh, y'know, I'll get so much done on the commute. I-I've been given the gift of time!
Chandler: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.
(Ross exits.)
Joey: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? (Phoebe pinches him again.) Ow!! He's not even here!!!
(Monica and Rachel enter breathless.)
Rachel: You guys! You guys!
Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
Rachel: It was like this crazy-eyed, hairy beast man! He was like a, like a bigfoot or a yeti or something!
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!
Rachel: (proud of herself) Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!
Joey: Uhh, like dark hair, bushy beard?
Rachel: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah, you fogged Danny.
Rachel: Please! We did not fog Danny! Who's Danny?
Joey: Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella.
Monica: Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog!
[Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.]
Danny: Yeah?
Rachel: Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you.
Monica: We're-we're really sorry we fogged you.
Danny: Okay.
(He closes the door. Rachel's not happy with that and knocks again. He opens the door.)
Rachel: Hi! Just so you know, we-we didn't mean to fog you, we thought you were like a yeti or something.
Danny: Okay.
(He closes the door again. Once again, Rachel knocks (harder this time) and he answers it.)
Danny: Yesss?
Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it.
Monica: Yeah.
Danny: O-kay!
(He closes the door before Rachel can say anything.)
Monica: Wow! That guy is so rude!
Rachel: Really! What is with that guy? I mean you'd forgive me if I fogged you.
Monica: Well you did a little bit.
Rachel: Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry!
Monica: I totally forgive you!
Rachel: Really?
Monica: Yes!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium?
Monica: Crematorium Chris? Sure!
Phoebe: He says, that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I umm, y'know, bring in the next person I know who dies.
(Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.)
Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God, look at these pelts!
Monica: Don't get too attached, she's having it cremated.
Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion!
Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do.
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.]
Ross: (on phone) I know I miss you too. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Bye. (Hangs up.)
Chandler: Okay, what is in here? Rocks?
Ross: No-no, this is my collection of fossil samples.
Chandler: So, rocks.
(He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.)
Ross: I'm really gonna miss this apartment. Y'know, Ben-Ben took his first steps right over there. (Points.)
Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little?
Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move.
Joey: Uhh, are you saying that you're not entirely happy about this?
Ross: Well, I mean if uh, if Emily gave me a choice…
Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?!
Ross: Why?
Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy.
Ross: What's going on?
Joey: We all hate Emily!
Phoebe: Nooo!!
Monica: No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy.
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: Look, we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable.
Joey: Yes! Yes! Unreasonable!
Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.)
Phoebe: I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.]
Monica: God, I feel so guilty about Ross.
Phoebe: Oh, I know.
Joey: I kinda feel like it's my fault.
(Monica and Chandler turn and stare at him.)
Chandler: Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened.
Joey: Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out! (He glares at Chandler.)
Chandler: Well, I think it's very brave what you said.
(Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.)
Phoebe: All right, I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places. (She puts on her fur coat.)
Chandler: Pheebs, what are you doing with the coat? How about the whole animal rights thing?
Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, I—it's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine!
[Scene: Their building's lobby, Danny is checking his mailbox as Rachel enters carrying shopping bags and goes to her mailbox. Danny has shaved his beard and cut his hair, Rachel doesn't recognize him.]
Rachel: Hi!
Danny: So you like the short hair better.
Rachel: What? Yeti—I mean Danny?
Danny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell.
Rachel: Oh. Listen, I'm so sorry. I would, I would've never fogged you if y'know if you hadn't looked so…. Y'know.
Danny: Absolutely. Some people are just into appearances.
Rachel: (shocked) What?
Danny: That's cool. Cool. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: What? Hey! No-no-no! This not cool! You don't even know me!
Danny: Come on, you got the shopping bags and the Sack's catalog.
Rachel: So from that you think you've got me all figured out? Well, you don't! Y'know I-I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here!
Danny: Do you?
Rachel: Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants.
Danny: Okay. (Heads for his apartment.)
Rachel: And stop saying that! I hate that!
Danny: Okay!
(Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.)
Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you?
Danny: The pizza-place across the street any good?
Rachel: What?!
Danny: I'm hungry. Wanna get some pizza? You can keep yelling if there's more.
Rachel: Okay. Okay.
Danny: Stop saying that. I hate that.
[Scene: Ross's now empty apartment, he is spackling some holes shut as the gang comes to apologize.]
Chandler: Uh, Ross?
Phoebe: Are you still mad at us?
Ross: Yep.
Phoebe: Oh good! Because we have an "I'm sorry" song.
Ross: Y'know what? I'm really not in the mood.
Joey: Look, Ross, I feel really bad. I mean, you're going through all this stuff and I just acted like a jerk.
Chandler: Yeah, we are so sorry.
Phoebe: (To Chandler) You're kinda stepping on the song. (She gets ready to play but is stopped by…)
Joey: Look, we were way out of line, we totally support you.
Monica: Whatever you decide, whatever you do.
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song!
Ross: Look, this is hard enough! I really need you guys right now.
Phoebe: Yes! Exactly! And that's why…
(She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.)
Monica: Why don't you come over tonight? And I'll make you favorite dinner.
Ross: Okay. Thanks you guys. Pheebs are you wearing fur?
Phoebe: Okay, let's get some perspective people; it's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.]
Joey: Hey, y'know Ross, I think I kinda understand why I kinda lost it today.
Ross: You do, huh?
Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone…
Ross: What are you talking about?
Joey: (thinks) I'm not sure.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Monica: Hey, look at you! Where have you been?
Rachel: Oh, I went to have pizza. With Danny.
Monica: How did that happen?
Rachel: That yeti is one smooth talker.
Monica: I hope you're not full, 'cause dinner's almost ready.
Rachel: Yeah, y'know I-I think I'm just gonna hang out in my room.
All: No! Why?
Rachel: Come on you guys! Listen, if Emily knew I was here having dinner you with you she would flip out and you know it. It's okay, I really… I don't mind.
Ross: Wait! Wait! Wait! Y'know what? Just stay. Please? It uh… It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed.
Rachel: Ross, I…
Joey: RACHEL PLEASE!!! JUST HAVE DINNER WITH US!!!
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Joey, it's okay. Settle down.
Joey: All right, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You see Rach I'm an actor…
[Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.]
Ross: Hey! Hey, look! Ugly Naked Guy's back!
(They all run over to the window.)
Rachel: I haven't seen him in so long!
Phoebe: Oh God, I really missed that fat bastard!
(Pause.)
Monica: Wow, this is so weird. I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together.
Joey: It's almost as if he knew.
(The phone rings.)
Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.)
Ross: Hey! (Listens.) Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. (Listens.) Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. (To the gang.) She wants to say hi. (To Emily) Hold on.
(Ross puts her on speakerphone.)
Phoebe: Hi Emily!
Chandler: Hi!
Emily: Hello everyone. So who am I saying hello too?
Joey: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!!
Emily: (laughs) Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now.
(Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.)
Ross: Y'know what? Uh, Rachel is here! (Rachel stops.)
Emily: She's there?!
Chandler: Oh yeah, there-there she is!
Ross: Yeah, yeah, she's here.
Emily: Ross, take me off speakerphone.
(He does so.)
Ross: (on phone) Hi.
Emily: How can you do this too me?! I thought I'd made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear!
Ross: (going onto the patio) Look Emily, I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay?
Emily: You obviously can't keep away from her.
Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with.
Emily: I'll feel better when I'm there, and I can know where you are all the time.
Ross: Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me.
Emily: You're right.
Ross: So, can you trust me?
(Pause.)
Emily: No.
(Ross lowers his head.)
[Cut to the inside of the apartment.]
Joey: I think it's going okay. Looks like he's smiling.
Monica: How can you tell? You can only see the back of his head!
Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.)
Ross: Well, I guess that's it.
All: Why, what happened?
Joey: What happened? What happened?
Ross: My marriage is over.
All: What?!
Monica: Oh, sweetie. Oh, look at you. You're shivering.
Phoebe: Here. (She wraps her coat around his shoulders.)
Rachel: Ross, honey, is there anything we can do?
Ross: Yeah. You can help me get my furniture back from Gunther.
Ending Credits
[Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.]
Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
End

506 雪男

嘿,在我家不准那么肉麻
什么?
我晓得你们的丑事，
并不表示我就得享这个眼福
你不是去试镜，还有一个小时才回来？
很抱歉！我不是中年黑人妇女
抱歉我的试镜不是今天！
要想让我装聋作哑、不声张
你们最好收敛一点！
好，抱歉
我听得见！
瑞秋上班去了
还是听得见!
什么好东西？
妈妈把祖母留下的传家宝给我了
很扯吧？
一年前我连家人都没有
现在我居然可以炫耀传家宝!
天哪!
真柔软
这是貂皮大衣吗？
我妈妈怎么送我这个？
她是第一天认识我还是怎么？
我的大衣很美，而且没有
连累无辜的动物遭殃
只是害许多廉价的菲律宾幼童
做到手指出血罢了
每小时只赚12美分
没这回事！我瞎扯的！
你不能在这里贴广告
什么？别人不是都可以？
就你不能
什么东西？
我要处理掉一些物品
这是你全部家当啊！
对，
是爱米丽建议我们的用品全部换新的
烙上我俩共同生活的印记，
日用品大换血
这场大甩卖，意在除掉瑞秋的痕迹嘛
瑞秋碰过的，用过的，坐过的，睡过的
我全买了
罗斯你不生气吗？
假如我听她话
爱米丽就会飞来纽约，
之后我们就幸福了
你不觉得她的要求有点过火？
可是先犯错的是我！怎能怪她？
你这么轻松就脱身，算是走狗运了！
我朋友Silvie的丈夫在床上叫错了名字
结果遭到了她最恶毒的诅咒
那玩意都变绿了
他干嘛？
爱米丽竟认为
罗斯的用品有瑞秋的味道？
冷静点，乔伊
太可怕了!
爱米丽让罗斯和瑞秋绝交
我们肯定不会跟瑞秋绝交
由此推理，罗斯不会再跟我们玩了
哦，真讨厌啊，世事无常！
我们将失去罗斯，
乔伊竟学会推理
这是叫人不愉快，但既然罗斯说他很快乐
我们就得隐瞒对爱米丽的不满
想通了吗
没有！不过我是演员
我就假装想通了吧
储藏室让我浑身鸡皮疙瘩
亲爱的，动作麻利点！
想吃小圆饼干，就得等我
找到烘饼的铁模
我是想吃
找到啦！
就在杀虫剂下面放着呢
炊具应该放在毒药底下？
好，我吃土司去了
快拿药喷他！
我不知道拿这件大衣怎么办
我要
好
好看吗？
美得冒泡，明娜丽女士
不，只是有点突然
好主意，我完全赞成
我也爱你，再见
什么事？
没什么
好消息！
我刚跟爱米丽通完电话
我们要搬家了！耶！
为什么要搬？
她认为，而我也同意
新家具该配新房间
她表弟有好房子要转租
临河而居，而且能看到哥伦比亚的美景
离市区太远了！要坐火车才能到！
真棒!
我爱坐火车
你真赞成搬家？
就可惜上班远了点
但我来回路上可以做很多事
我得到了时间这个礼物
有趣，去年圣诞节我收到的礼物是空间
我们该把它们合二为一
罗斯又要搬家了！
爱米丽怎么能这样控制他
他不在场你还掐我!
诸位！
储藏室有个
叫人毛骨悚然的家伙！
他目露凶光，毛发浓密，
像个大脚兽或是雪男什么的
他手持斧头朝我们走过来，
瑞秋用杀虫剂喷他
我揭开盖子就喷了他满头满脸
那个人是不是黑头发、大胡子？
是
对了，你攻击的是丹尼
才没有呢
丹尼是谁？
丹尼刚搬到楼下
他刚去安第斯山脉徒步
旅行了四个月。他是好人
他是好人？你总是
说我们喷错了人
你也许忘了，
上次喷你杀虫剂的是我们俩
对不起,是误会
没关系
我们不是故意的
我们以为你是雪男什么的
没事的
抱歉打扰你，但我们不能接受
你接受道歉的方式
你不够真诚
-没关系！
那家伙很粗鲁!
真是的，他有什么毛病！
如果我喷到你，你一定会原谅我的！
你的确是喷到我身上了
噢，天啊，非常抱歉
我完全原谅你了
真的？
对！
你们知道
我朋友Chris是开火葬场的
火葬场Chris，知道他
他说，如果我介绍死人去他那里火化
他就可以免费火葬我的皮衣
天啊，多好的皮衣!
别想了，她要拿去火化了
菲比，我们都知道你有性格
我完全理解你
但假如你把这么好的大衣葬送掉
就简直犯罪！是破坏自然！
不是破坏自然，而是破坏时尚！
这叫时尚？
对你来说，死亡是时尚
有趣
这是菲比穿着
动物尸体上扒下的毛皮
毛皮还是从寒冷的俄罗斯偷运来的
你真的觉得好看吗？
我觉得好看
我明白，我也想你
我等不及要见你
我爱你。再见
这是什么，石头吗？
不，是我的化石样品
那就是石头
我舍不得这房子
班就是在那里蹒跚学步
记得吗，上次这玩意儿
还碰了我的头
我爱这房子
说真的，我真不愿搬走
就是说，你不很赞成搬家？
假如爱米丽让我选的话——
你本有选择权的!
你干吗听她指挥？疯了？
爱米丽这样对你，她大错特错了！
她简直——
别再掐我!
你们说过只要罗斯高兴，我就
不该多管闲事的
但他刚说他不是很高兴
怎么回事？
我们都讨厌爱米丽!
不，罗斯，我们不讨厌爱米丽
我们只是觉得
你为了讨她欢心
牺牲太多
也许她有一点不讲道理
对，不讲道理
不讲道理？
等你们谁结婚了再谈这个话题好吗？
你们根本不知道怎样
才能拥有幸福的婚姻
退一步海阔天空！
谁喜欢妥协？都不喜欢！
但是不喜欢也得退让！
因为生活不光是欢笑和甜蜜
还有泡咖啡馆喝咖啡
这是真实的生活，明白吗？
成年人过的生活！
我想他说得对
你们在咖啡馆里呆太长时间了
我对罗斯感到很抱歉
我知道
好象是我的错
好象？
你要是免开尊口，根本就不会吵架
我保守太多秘密了！
我甭不住了行不行啊？
我想你当时说出感受，是非常勇敢的
不能再坐下去了，我得出去走走
你穿着大衣？不是要保护动物权益吗？
我一直在查资料
告诉你吧，貂皮大衣并不是那么好
好吧我承认了吧，
我喜欢这大衣，可以了吧
那是我拥有过最好的衣服！
Phil Huntley的拥抱也赶不上它的质感！
还记得Phil Huntley吗？他不错
你喜欢短发是吧？
说什么？雪男？
不，丹尼？
我不得不剪掉头发，
杀虫剂的味道太浓
我很抱歉，不该对你无礼
可你当时的确太——
是啊，有些人就只注重外表
你说什么？
那也没什么
不是那样的！
你根本不了解我！
你拎着购物袋，
还有那么多产品目录
就凭这个，你就以为看穿我了？
你错了
袋子里难道就不能是
我买给穷孩子的玩具吗？
是吗
孩子们就不能穿
这只牌子的裤子吗？
好吧
不许再说这个字！讨厌你老这么说！
算了，我的确是以貌取人了
但你不也一样！
更过分的是，你还对我有成见
你根本没想过你可能会犯错！
对吧！
街对面的披萨店如何？
什么?
我很饿。吃披萨吗？
如果你还不解恨，吃完再骂我
好吧
不许说这个字,我讨厌这个字
你还在生我们的气吗？
是
好!我们要唱一首歌叫《对不起》
我不想听
罗斯
我很难过。你处境困难
而我却还给你添乱
我们很抱歉
还唱不唱了？
我们太不上路了，
其实我们都支持你
支持你所有的决定和作法
你竟抢歌词！
现在已经够困难的了！
我真的很需要你们
对!所以我们要唱——
今晚上过来吧，我给你做好吃的
谢谢。
菲比你穿皮衣？
看开点
我穿的又不是导盲犬的皮！
罗斯，我想我明白
今天为什么惹你生气了
是吗？
是啊
我是个演员，不是吗
我的七情六欲都写在脸上，明白吗？
难办啊，懂吗？
这很不容易。像我这样的男人，
四处流浪，孤单凄凉
你在说什么？
不晓得
你到哪去了？
我去吃披萨
跟丹尼一起
怎么回事？
那雪男很会说话
希望你没吃太饱
晚餐快准备好了
我还是呆在房间里好了
为什么
想想看
假如爱米丽知道我跟你吃饭
她会发疯的
没事的，我不介意独处
等等，留下来吧
求你
我需要你留下
罗斯，我只是
求你，就跟我们一起吃顿饭
好吧，我答应
好了，很抱歉
瑞秋，我是个演员
嘿，看!丑陋裸男回来了
我们好久没见他了
天!我真的很想念那个死胖子
奇怪
我感觉这好象是我们大家
最后一次呆在一起了
他好象知道似的
我去接
嗨，爱米丽
他是在这里，等等
对，我们在吃晚餐
好的，等等
她想跟你们打招呼
嗨，爱米丽!
大家好
那边都有谁在？
我不清楚都有谁在，
但我能肯定的告诉你，
瑞秋不在!
最好是那样！罗斯现在懂事多了
知道吗，瑞秋在
她在？
噢，对，她在这里!
她在这里
请把免提关掉
你怎能这样对我？
我希望你离开瑞秋，
难道我表达得还不够清楚吗？
我只是跟朋友吃顿饭
你显然离不开她
不要无理取闹
我为了你搬家、
为了你跟朋友疏远
求你飞到纽约来
然后你就会明白
你是我唯一想要的人
我来了以后，如果能随时
掌握你的动向，我会更安心
我不可能随时向你报告我的位置
你若不信任我，婚姻怎么会幸福？
你说得对
信任我、好吗？
不
他们会和好的
他好象在笑
你怎么知道？
你只能看到他的后脑勺！
怎么可能不知道！
看我表演
微笑，皱眉
微笑！
完蛋了
为什么？
怎么了？
我的婚姻完了
什么?
看你，你在发抖
披上它
亲爱的，我们能为你做点什么吗？
帮我把家当从阿甘那里搬回来
别再折磨我啦！
穿皮草是不对！知道吗，
这些动物它们讨厌松鼠
它们就想当皮衣
我懂了
拿去吧，
给你
现在你高兴了！冷死我了!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 97楼发表于: 2014-04-09 0

507 The One Where Ross Moves In

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Joey is looking at a National Geographic and giggling.]
Chandler: Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
Joey: No, look. (Shows him the magazine.)
Chandler: That's a pig.
Joey: I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her.
(Ross enters and his hair is a mess.)
Chandler: Hey! (Joey quickly hides the magazine under the couch.)
Ross: Emily's cousin kicked me out!
Chandler: What?!
Joey: Why?
Ross: Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
Chandler: How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease?
Ross: Who needs a lease when it's family!
Joey: Hey, you can stay with us! We'll take care of ya!
Chandler: Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man! But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: You got it.
Joey: Okay.
Ross: Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this. All right, I'm gonna get packing again. Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad.
(Joey starts giggling.)
Ross: What?
Chandler: He thought you said gonad.
(Joey busts out laughing.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica's restaurant, she is getting inspected by the health department, Phoebe is watching.]
Health Inspector: Wow, Monica, if every restaurant is as clean as yours, I'd have a tough time making a living.
Monica: Oh, Larry.
Phoebe: Umm, do health inspectors work on commission?
Larry: No, bribes.
(Phoebe laughs.)
Phoebe: It's okay to laugh right?
Larry: Yeah, I was just kidding.
Phoebe: Okay. (She laughs harder.)
Larry: I'll check the kitchen floors.
Monica: Okay, knock yourself out, Larry.
(He goes into the kitchen.)
Phoebe: Yum-my!
Monica: Larry?
Phoebe: Oh yeah! I'd let him check out my kitchen floors.
Larry: (entering) A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat, and that is a Section 5 violation.
Monica: Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen.
Larry: And where is your hat?
Monica: It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it.
(She heads for the kitchen door and just after she goes through the door…)
Larry: Ahh that's the 2 points.
Phoebe: Hey, you should really read that book you wrote. (To Larry) Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it. You can have your own health inspector detective show!
Larry: Oh, I don't know about that.
Phoebe: Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda.
Larry: Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime.
Phoebe: Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat.
Larry: I-I'll call ya.
Phoebe: Okay.
(Larry goes to leave but heads the wrong way and makes a quick sidestep to go out the right door.)
Phoebe: He's so funny! (She imitates what he just did.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is serving Monica and Rachel.]
Monica: Thanks.
Rachel: Thank you. (To Monica) Mon?
Monica: Hmm?
Rachel: How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff.
Monica: He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it. Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try…
Rachel: Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time. And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.
(Danny enters.)
Danny: (To Gunther) Two pounds of Moca Java please.
Monica: (To Monica) Danny. Are you guys ever gonna go out again?
Rachel: I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out. I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing.
Danny: (To them) Hey!
Rachel: Hi Danny! (Notices his box of liquor he's carrying.) Wow! Thirsty huh?
Danny: Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing.
Monica: Ohh, fun!
Rachel: Ohh, great!
Danny: Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.
Rachel: Yeah.
Danny: Okay, see ya. (Heads out.)
Monica: Well, I guess we won't be warming his house.
Rachel: (laughs) Okay. All right, I see what he's doing! He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out.
Monica: And you're not gonna do that.
Rachel: That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control! So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know, trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it?
Monica: So-so there is no party.
Rachel: No, there's a party. There's a party. But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?
Monica: I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you.
Rachel: Exactly.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they're entering to find boxes strewn about the apartment.]
Joey: Ross?
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey roomies!
Chandler: Love what you've done with the place.
Ross: Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes, but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here.
Joey: Not a problem. And listen, hey! Since you're gonna be here for a while, why don't—I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.
Chandler: Oh yeah!
Ross: Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out. (He plays the greeting, and We Will Rock You starts to play and Ross's voice comes over it.) We will, we will, call you back!
Joey: Hey, all right!
Ross: Pretty cool, huh?
(They both laugh as Ross heads back to the bathroom.)
Joey: (To Chandler) You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler: Oh, the tears are real.
[Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Larry are having dinner.]
Larry: You look beautiful this evening.
Phoebe: (smiles) Show me the badge again.
(He looks around and flashes her his badge and she laughs.)
Phoebe: Shiny.
Larry: Oh, will you mind if I wash up? Because I came straight from work and who knows where these babies (Holds up his hands) have been.
Phoebe: (laughing) You are just nonstop!
(He goes to the bathroom and Phoebe puts some pepper and salt on her food. With the salt she takes a bit and throws it over her left shoulder as she faces us.)
Larry: (coming back) We're outta here!
Phoebe: Why?!
Larry: Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations! I'm shutting this place down!
Phoebe: (awed) You have the power to do that?
Larry: This does. (Shows her his badge.)
Phoebe: (excited) Shut it down.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is entering. As he closes the door, Joey pokes his head up from a box enclosure built using the 2 chairs.]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: Nothing.
Chandler: You built a fort didn't ya?
Joey: (smiles) Kinda.
Chandler: (notices something) Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier! All I heard through 4 years of college was (makes a humming noise.)
Joey: Dude, you should've gone out once and a while.
Chandler: I hate this thing!
Joey: Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now, so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is opening the door.]
Rachel: Oh, hi Danny.
Danny: Hey guys, I just uh, wanted to invite you to the party tomorrow night.
Monica: Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by.
Rachel: Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna be busy.
Monica: You are?
Rachel: Yeah! Remember I got that uh, gala.
Danny: Yeah, what's the gala for?
Rachel: It's a uh, regatta gala.
Danny: Really! You-you sail?
Rachel: No-no, but I support it.
Danny: Okay, (To Monica) hope I see you tomorrow night.
Monica: Okay.
Danny: Take care. (Leaves.)
Rachel: Okay. (Closes the door.) Walked right into that one didn't he?
Monica: What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!
Rachel: Yeah, but he waited until the last minute! So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party. I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat.
Monica: Great. So the ball is in his court?
Rachel: Ball? There is no ball.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Ross is working on his computer and Joey is making a lot of noise.]
Ross: (glaring at him) Joey, please! (Motions to his computer.)
Joey: Sorry.
(Joey starts playing with a toy alligator and has it attack him.)
Joey: Ahhhhhhhhhh…
(Notices Ross looking at him and stops. Ross gives him his 'quiet down' maneuver. Okay, this may take a while to explain, so center this on you screen and place your hands about a foot apart with your fingers together and pointing straight up. Now take you fingers and point them at the other hand and making a 90-degree angle with each of your hands and the first knuckle counting up from the wrist. Now take your right hand, no your other right (that was for the dyslexics), and lower it a couple of inches, so that the fingers are pointing at your wrist. Now take your arms and keeping the elbows bent and your hands in front of you spread out your arms, kinda like making a bird's wing. Now hunch your shoulders over and move you hands up and down as if you are trying to tell some one to turn it down. That's Ross 'quiet down' maneuver. Well, there is an accompanying face, but I don't want to try and describe it as well.)
Chandler: (entering) Hello children!
Joey: Hey! Wanna play some foosball? Please?
Chandler: Okay. (Starts to head for where the foosball table usually is.)
Joey: No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah! 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on!
(They go into his bedroom.)
Joey: All right, I have one question. What is the deal with this? (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
Chandler: Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?
Joey: No, the quiet down thing!
Chandler: You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.)
Joey: Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take! Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs! My God! What if that had been porn?
Chandler: (gasps) All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!
Joey: All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game.
Chandler: Okay.
(They start playing.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no!
Joey: YES!!
Ross: (entering) Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up, which Chandler returns as he closes the door.)
Chandler: Okay, so he's out of here.
Joey: Um-hmm.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Joey: You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed!
Phoebe: Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated. So we shut it down!
Joey: Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?!
Monica: I don't know, clean places?
Joey: Umm, yum!
(There's a knock on the door and Monica answers it.)
Monica: (looking through the peephole) It's Danny.
Rachel: Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.
Monica: (to Danny) We'll be right there! (To Rachel) Can't you just say it starts later?
Rachel: What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?!
Monica: The fake kind!
(She opens the door and Rachel hides behind it.)
Danny: Hey, hi, I need a ladle. You got a ladle?
Monica: We have a ladle. (Gives him one.)
Danny: Thanks, see you at the party.
Monica: Okay, great!
(He leaves and she closes the door.)
Phoebe: Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say? He would say, "See you ladle." (Laughs.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are there. Chandler and Joey are looking through the paper.]
Chandler: Well, I-I-I'm done with this. You want anything Ross? Sports? International? Apartment listings?
Ross: I'll take sports.
Joey: Mine! (He grabs it.)
Ross: All right. Uhh, international.
Joey: Oh that's mine too! (Grabs it and Ross looks at him.) I'm Italian!
Ross: Well, I guess I can check out those apartment listings, even though there's never anything in here.
Chandler: Not even on page 7?
Ross: (looks) Oh yeah! You're—hey, you're right! Here's an affordable place, (reading ad) two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!
Chandler: What about that circled one?
Ross: Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio.
Joey: But it's available now! Isn't it?
Chandler: Yes, it is.
Joey: Hey, let's go look at it! (They both jump up.)
Ross: Okay, let's go.
Joey: Okay!
Chandler: There we go!
Ross: Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh, maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier? I mean after all, we all are using it.
Chandler: Let's go quicker.
Joey: Yeah!
[Scene: The apartment in the listing, the guys are checking it out. There's one problem though, it's roughly the size of this computer screen. As they enter Joey lets out a whistle.]
Ross: Oh my God! (Looking around, which doesn't take him long.)
Chandler: Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom. Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub.
Joey: Somebody was using his head. Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
(They don't move, just look all around them.)
Ross: I think this is it. I don't know, maybe we should keep looking.
Joey: But hey, Ross, this place is available now!
Chandler: Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks.
Joey: Yeah.
(He looks at them.)
Ross: (To Joey) So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?
Joey: Oh, it's perfect!
Ross: (To Chandler) How about you?
Chandler: It's a kitchen slash bathroom.
Ross: All right, I see what you guys are saying. I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application.
(He exits.)
Chandler: We are bad people.
Joey: He knew we were trying to get rid of him. He knew! (Pause.) You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there waiting for Larry.]
Larry: (entering) Hey, ready for dinner?
Phoebe: Ooh, absolutely!
Larry: Great! How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right?
Phoebe: Ooh, I love that place! (Thinks about it.) So, no.
Larry: How about Mama Lisettie's?
Phoebe: Enh. Sure!
Larry: (notices something) I wonder how long that milk (on the counter) has been setting out.
Phoebe: Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy! That—this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know. (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go!
(Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.)
Larry: Hey, buddy! (Flashes his badge.) Are you familiar with Section 11-B of the Health Code that requires all refuse material out the back exit?
Gunther: But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place.
Larry: Oh, so you're saying you'd choose convenience over health?!
Phoebe: Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy? Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?
Larry: Well, I suppose I could give him a warning.
Phoebe: Thank you. (To Gunther, who's standing there frozen) Okay, go! Go! Go! (He runs off.) (To Larry) Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Joey are lamenting about how they kicked Ross out.]
Joey: Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!
Chandler: Yes that was a nice place!
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
Joey: Yeah!
(Pause.)
Chandler: What are we gonna do?
Joey: I don't know. Maybe pizza?
Chandler: About Ross!
Joey: Oh! Oh!
(The phone rings and Joey answers it.)
Joey: Hello! (Listens.) Oh yeah! (To Chandler) It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references. (To the apartment manager.) Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable.
Chandler: (grabbing the phone) Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night. (Listens.) Well, who doesn't love dogs? (Thinks.) Ah, he's a tap dancer! (Listens.) Yes, some would say that is a lost art. (Thinks.) He's a pimp! (Listens.) There you go! Yes, he's a pimp. He's a big, tap dancing pimp! (Pause.) Hello?
(The apartment manager hung up on him and he hangs up the phone and throws in on the chair. Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it." Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.)
Chandler: Ohhhhh!
(Joey motions, "Now, that's thinking!")
[Scene: Downstairs at Danny's party, Monica and Rachel are coming down the stairs and Rachel has on a coat to make it look as if she's just getting back. But just as they reach the landing they see Danny out in the hall talking to a guest, Rachel then quickly pulls Monica back up the stairs.]
Rachel: Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work! He's right there!
Monica: Just go over and say hi.
Rachel: No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala. Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy.
(Monica obeys.)
Monica: Hey, Danny!
Danny: Hey! What's going on?
Monica: (turns his back to the stairs) Oh, it's a great party! Great food. Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa. (As she's saying this Rachel tries to head downstairs but is blocked by people coming upstairs. She quickly retreats back up the stairs.) (Sees that she has to keep him distracted longer.) So umm, what's this? (Points to his plate.)
Danny: Salad.
Monica: Ooooh! (Rachel now succeeds in getting downstairs.) And-and-and what-what's this? (Points again.)
Danny: Bread. Aren't you a chef?
(Rachel returns.)
Monica: (upon seeing Rachel she points) Oh.
Danny: Hey! Rachel!
Rachel: Hey! Oh right, tonight was your party.
Danny: Oh wow, you look great! Glad you could make it.
Rachel: Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime.
Danny: Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back. (He heads off.)
Rachel: Yeah, sure. (To Monica) All right, whose court is the ball in now?
Monica: I thought there wasn't a ball?
Rachel: Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!
Danny: (returning, with a friend) Rachel, this is my friend Tom. (To Tom) This is the girl I told you about.
Rachel: Oh, go on! You telling people about me?
Danny: You two could really hit it off! I'm gonna go mingle. (Leaves.)
Tom: So you work at Bloomingdale's, huh? My mom calls it Bloomies.
Rachel: (laughs) Yeah, okay, at ease solider!
Tom: I'm sorry?
Rachel: No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here. Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros!
Tom: I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend.
Rachel: Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend. You tell him, "Nice try."
(He walks off.)
Rachel: Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park!
Monica: I think I need a drink.
Rachel: Yeah!
(They go get a drink.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross still has boxes all over the place. Joey is wearing a football helmet, and Chandler is spinning him around in one of the chairs and counting.]
Chandler: 98. 99. 100. Okay, go!
Joey: (getting up) Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine! (He tries to take a step and falls flat on his face.)
(He tries to get up again and starts falling backwards and Chandler catches him.)
Chandler: Here we go! Here we go!
(Ross enters.)
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment. Some problem with my application.
Joey: You're kidding!
Chandler: You're kidding, no!
Ross: Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So…
Joey: But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross! We're-we're roomies!
Ross: Look, you guys don't need me here taking up your space.
Joey: Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there (Points to where the window is but sees that there isn't any space there and points towards his door.) by-by that speaker. Please, just stay!
Chandler: Yeah!
Ross: Are you guys sure about this?
Joey: Definitely!
Chandler: Yes! Ross, you have to stay!
Ross: All right.
Joey: All right!
Chandler: All right, buddy!
Ross: So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay! Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me. Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay? And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver).
(Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's and Ross's, Chandler is entering and when he closes the door Joey pops his head out of the fort like before, but this time he's wearing a cowboy hat.]
Chandler: Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
Ross: (popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
Chandler: All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
Joey: Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!
(Chandler does so.)
End

507 罗斯入伙

你在看土著裸女？
不，你看
是只猪
我知道，但你看它身上这么多疙瘩
爱米丽的表弟把我
扫地出门了
什么？
为什么？
房东是我妻子的表弟
我又离婚了，这种情况下
房东也许会要求把房子收回去
好过分！你没签租约？
”一家人”签什么租约？
你跟我们一起住好了，我们照顾你
只要你需要
但答应我们，一旦你情绪好转
我们就要取笑你的头发
可以
谢谢，非常感谢
我又要去收拾行李了
一直搬来搬去
我简直像个游牧民族的了！
他以为你说你像个“生殖腺”
假如餐厅都像你这里这么干净，
我就失业了
拉瑞!
卫生督察挣佣金的吗？
不，是拿贿赂
可以笑吗？
可以，我是在开玩笑
好
我去检查厨房地板
请便！随便查！
好!我的——
你的拉瑞？
我是想让他检查我的厨房地板
98分！
扣掉你两分是因为你没带厨师帽。
违反了第5条规定
拉瑞
厨师手册第5条是我写的
只要出了厨房，帽子带不带无所谓！
你的帽子呢？
在厨房里
我去拿！
这两分她丢定了
你自己写的书也不读仔细！
你看到帽子在厨房里
知道她进去拿的时候头上会没有帽子
你像侦探一样擅长推理！
是吗
那样我就能当你的助手了
我可以叫芳达
也许我能约芳达吃顿饭？
她一定很高兴的
因为你挑的都是干净馆子
电话联络
好
他真有趣!
谢谢你
莫！
爱米丽一事以后，罗斯怎样了？
兴致不大高
不过他能应付
等等，你不会想——
别乱想，我跟罗斯不可能从头来过了
他会颓废好一阵子的
另外，我不追刚离婚的男人
对，你只追快结婚的男人
两磅爪哇摩卡咖啡
是丹尼
你们后来约会过没？
不晓得！约会一次后，
他就再没给我打过电话
走廊里碰见他，我们眉来眼去，
我非常——
然后什么也没发生
嘿
喔，很渴对吧？
我在周六开派对
庆祝乔迁之喜
有趣
我很期待
再见
他没打算邀我们
我懂了
他不约我，是想让我约他
你不会屈尊的哦？
当然
那样他就占上风了
他借“开派对”为幌子
向我发出邀请的信号
弄巧成拙呀
根本没有派对？
有，
但是控制权
我们两个都想争取，
懂了吗？
哦
那他不邀你参加派对，
倒是因为他喜欢你？
正确
罗斯
嘿，室友
你把家里弄成这样，我很高兴
箱子是太多了
很感谢你们收留我
没问题
对了，既然你要住一段时间
不如把你的名字添到电话答录机？
好！
希望你们不介意
我已经加上了
听
“我们会！”
“我们会回电话！”
好呀
帅！
你也是假笑，对吧
笑假泪真
你今晚很美
再给我看看徽章嘛
炫！
我去洗手，你不介意吧？我下班直接过来的，
这双手不知摸过哪里呢
职业病
我们走！
为什么？
经过厨房时，我看到了10个违例
我要把这地方关掉!
你有这么大的权利？
这个徽章有
关了这家餐厅！
你在做什么？
没
你在建堡垒吗？
差不多吧
我的天!罗斯的空气净化机！
大学四年，我一直听它嗡嗡嗡
老兄，你可以时不时出去溜达溜达
我讨厌这玩意儿
罗斯是我们的朋友
他现在很需要我们
成熟一点，来，到堡垒里看电视
我想邀请你去参加派对
谢谢，我们会去的
我想我会很忙
是吗？
我不是有特别活动吗？
什么活动？
赛舟会
你会划船？
不，我观战
希望明晚见到你
好
再见
他果然用这招对吧
哪一招
他不是邀你去派对，
你不是得偿所愿？
但他最后一刻才邀我
假如我答应
他会知道我除了等他的邀请以外
再无事可做
但我拒绝了
这让我争回了上风
哦，这下该他接球了
（这下该他犯难了）
球，
哪来什么球
乔伊，别闹了
抱歉
孩子们好，
来玩足球机吧！
好
把桌子搬到我房间
这里全是纸箱子
我有个问题
这个手势啥意思？
再见，小木偶乔伊的手？
不，是让我静一静！
手势是这样的吧
我不知道我还能忍受多久
他用录着《海滩救生队》的录影带
去录昆虫秀！
我的天!
要是色情片呢
也会被他洗掉的！
这是挺难的
不过和罗斯，我大学时代也忍过来了
那我再忍忍
我们玩吧
好
不！
进了！
伙计们
他得搬走
有吃的吗？
我去Johnos买鸡，那里关门了
我带拉瑞去吃饭，但那里违规了
所以我们勒令他们停业
假如他把我们最喜欢的馆子都关掉，
那我们上哪儿吃东西？
那去干净馆子？
也好!
是丹尼
别让他进来!
我现在应该在赛舟会的
我们马上过来
你就不能说赛舟会会晚点举行吗
什么赛舟会会在晚上举行
无中生有那种
我想要个杓子,你们有吗？
有
派对上见
你知道拉瑞会怎么告别吗？
他会说，勺子再见
我看完了。你要吗？体育？国际？
公寓出租？
我要体育版
我先看
好吧，我看国际版
那也是我的
我是意大利人
我看公寓出租版吧
不过这版从来就没什么好看的
第7页呢？
没错，这里有个地方价钱挺合适
两个睡房，离工作地点近
5星期后出租
圈上的那处呢？
当工作室有点贵了
但可以马上入住！
不是吗
对
我们马上去看房
走吧!
好！
伙计们，能给空气净化机换新过滤器吗？
毕竟我们都用
“快”走！
我的天!
看！你的厨房兼浴室
太好了!你人在浴缸里都能煮饭！
有人动心了
我们去看其它地方
算了
我们接着找吧
但这地方现在就能入住
你也不希望再跟我们挤五个星期吧
你们要我租这里？
完美！
你说呢
厨房兼浴室
明白了
我下楼去填表
我们是坏人
他知道我们要赶走他了
我们也在厨房摆个浴缸好吗
准备好去吃饭了吗
好了
到你想去的比克街的
意大利餐厅好吗？
我喜欢那家!
还是算了
那去Mama Lisettie？
好呀
牛奶摆多久了？
别这样，这地方是非常卫生的
牛奶是我的
今天买的牛奶
因为我渴了
走吧
嘿，伙计
卫生条例第11条第2点规定
倒垃圾必须从后门走，不知道吗？
那我就得从干洗部绕过去
贪方便不顾卫生？
够了，拉瑞
你就只当拉瑞、
别老想着卫生督察的职责好吗？
开始还觉得到处查封馆子挺刺激的
但现在……
我们上哪儿吃饭？
那我就给他个警告算了
谢谢你
还不快溜！
假如饭后你还想抓人
我知道有个卖热狗的家伙爱挖鼻孔
也许我们干了件好事
帮助罗斯独立
那地方不错
虽没有壁橱，但他能把东西装袋，
挂在窗外
我们该怎么办？
我不知道
吃比萨怎样？
是说对罗斯!
是那个公寓的管理处打来的
罗斯填表时证明人一栏写的我们俩
罗斯人很好，他很可靠
他有只大狗，很大
一直吠到深夜
哎，谁不爱狗呢
他还是个踢踏舞者
对，有人会认为那是过时的艺术
他还是个皮条客!
对，他是个皮条客
对啦，他是个跳踢踏舞的皮条客
糟糕，行不通的，他就在那儿
走过去打个招呼
我要到楼下再上来
假装刚从赛舟会回家
去引开他、不许太骚
玩得开心吗
派对很棒
食物可口
大多的派对都只有薯片和沙拉
薯片和沙拉
你在吃什么？
沙拉
那这是什么？
面包
你不是厨师吗？
嘿,瑞秋
对了，今晚你开派对
你看来不错啊!真高兴你赶回来
赛艇会总要结束的
别走开、我很快回来
嘿，现在球在哪一边了？
不是说没有球吗？
得了，他很高兴我来了
他还叫我别走开
这种暗示不是很明显吗？
这是我朋友，汤姆
这是我跟你提过的女孩
是吗!你还跟别人提起我呢
你们俩一定能一拍即和
我要回派对了
你在Bloomingdale's上班吗？
我妈妈管那里叫小名儿Bloomies
稍息，战士!
什么？
别再装蒜了汤米，
我全明白
你是丹尼的舵手，对吧？
你们是最铁的哥们，死党
我去找朋友谈谈
你去跟你的朋友谈吧
去跟他说”做得不错”
他不断找人来约我
兵来将挡，我可不怵
我想喝一杯
走吧
98，99，
好，走吧
我好得很
再来
房子没租到
申请有问题
开玩笑？
但菲比说我能到她那暂住
你不能跟菲比一起住
我们是室友
我不占你们的空间
我们地方够大！音响那边还空着呢
求你，留下来
你们确定吗？
确定！
留下吧
说我是皮条客
没关系
有的时候我是很讨人嫌
但你们跟我谈谈就行了
我能改掉我的坏习惯
看来你今天收获不小啊
不觉得牛仔帽有点太过分？
来，很好玩的!
好！
是女人的帽子？
伙计，别说废话了
给我们来点茶吧!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 98楼发表于: 2014-04-09 0

508 The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone has just finished Thanksgiving dinner and are groaning over their fullness.]
Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us.
Ross: I couldn't possibly eat another bite.
Joey: I need something sweet.
Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV?
All: Yeah, sure.
(She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.)
Phoebe: Monica your remote doesn't work.
Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point.
Phoebe: Oh. Aw, forget it.
Rachel: Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for.
Joey: Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having.
Monica: That's very nice.
Chandler: That's sweet, Joey.
Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J )
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Joey is talking about the wonder that is the thong.]
Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there?
Chandler: Are you aware that you're still talking?
Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?
Ross: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm.
Phoebe: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.
Ross: I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.
Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.
Rachel: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you?
Ross: Oh God, no.
Joey: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out!
Chandler: It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.
(And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.)
Thanksgiving 1978
[Scene: The Bing household, Mr. and Mrs. Bing and Young Chandler are eating Thanksgiving dinner as a housekeeper serves them.]
Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me.
The Housekeeper: More turkey Mr. Chandler? (And he makes eyes at him.)
Present Day
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings.
Phoebe: I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse.
Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?"
Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse!
Thanksgiving 1862
[Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)]
Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying—(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says…) Oh no.
Present Day
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Ross: In this life, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse.
Joey: Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories.
Phoebe: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new.
Rachel: I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving.
Monica: Oh, let's not tell this story.
All: Oh, come on!
Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head!
Rachel: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?!
Joey: Hey, it's not like it sounds.
Chandler: It's exactly like it sounds.
Thanksgiving 1992
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.]
Joey: (muffled) Hello?
Phoebe: (surprised) Hello?
Joey: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Joey? What's going on?
Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Joey: I know! It's stuck!!!
Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on?
Joey: I put it on to scare Chandler!
Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out!
Joey: Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here.
Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal.
(They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.)
Monica: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey basted—Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that?
Joey: It's Joey.
Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny?
Phoebe: No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary.
Monica: Well, get it off now!
Joey: I can't! It-it's stuck!
Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head!
Phoebe: All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think.
(They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.)
Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time!
Joey: Sorry! Sorry.
(They get into position to pull the turkey off.)
Monica: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3!
(They both pull but Joey slips out and starts to fall backwards just as Chandler enters, scaring him.)
Chandler: Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.)
Joey: (pointing) It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha!
Chandler: I'm over here big guy.
Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you!
Present Day
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: (laughing) You did look like an idiot.
Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?"
Ross: Yeah that's the same.
Monica: That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving.
Phoebe: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it?
All: Which one?
Monica: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story.
Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians.
Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story!
Thanksgiving 1987
[Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.]
Mrs. Geller: Monica! I think Rachel's here!
Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving!
Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up!
Fat Monica: Oh, why? Why? What happened?
Big Nosed Rachel: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over…
Fat Monica: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower.
Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it sex?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi!
Mr. Geller: Hi Rachel!
Big Nosed Rachel: Happy Thanksgiving!
Mrs. Geller: You too sweethart!
Ross: (entering) Hey!
(He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.)
Mr. Geller: Oh my!
Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band!
Fat Monica: Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.)
Ross: Oh, this is Monica.
Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry.
Ross: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then.
Fat Monica: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
Chandler: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.
(As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.)
Fat Monica: dammit! (Runs off.)
(Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.)
Ross: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college.
Big Nosed Rachel: Oh! No, not really.
Ross: Well, that's cool. So did… (She walks away from him and he shuts up.)
(Rachel wanders into the kitchen where Monica is making Chandler's dinner.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs!
Fat Monica: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson.
Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men!
Ross: Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for.
Fat Monica: Call them mom and dad you loser!
Ross: (in a high pitched voice) Monica!
[Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.]
Fat Monica: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese?
Chandler: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef.
Fat Monica: Okay!
(He gets up and walks away as Rachel come running over all excited.)
Big Nosed Rachel: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight!
Fat Monica: Oh that's so great!
Big Nosed Rachel: I know!
Fat Monica: Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything.
Big Nosed Rachel: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know.
Fat Monica: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it!
Big Nosed Rachel: I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song!
[Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.]
Ross: So I’m thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week.
Chandler: Emotional Knapsack?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don’t take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez.
Ross: Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I’m gonna be out with her all night.
Chandler: Dude, don't do that too me!
(Monica enters behind them.)
Ross: All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind.
(Monica suddenly gets very happy.)
Chandler: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister.
Ross: Hey!
(Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.)
Mrs. Geller: (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge.
Fat Monica: No. No, thank you!
Mr. Geller: Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.]
Chandler: I called you fat?! I don't even remember that!
Monica: Well, I do.
Chandler: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat.
Ross: I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.
Chandler: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry.
Rachel: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about.
Monica: Yes, it was!
Rachel: No, it wasn't. It was actually the…
Monica: (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?!
Phoebe: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story!
Chandler: We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story!
Phoebe: Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever.
Thanksgiving 1988
[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.]
Mrs. Geller: So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building.
Mr. Geller: (entering) Hi Rachel.
Rachel: Oh hi!
Mr. Geller: Wow, love your new nose!
Mrs. Geller: Jack.
Mr. Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.)
Mrs. Geller: I'll get it.
Rachel: No, God! Please, let me! (Runs out.)
(She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!)
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: Hey. (To his parents) Happy Thanksgiving!
Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different!
Chandler: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.)
Ross: So uh, where's Monica?
Mrs. Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving.
(Monica enters, but she forgot something. Oh, about 150 pounds. In other words, she lost weight, big time!)
Monica: Hi, Chandler.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.)
Chandler: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body!
Ross: Dude!
Chandler: Sorry!
Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend.
Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams!
Monica: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner.
(She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.)
Mr. Geller: Dude!
Chandler: Sorry.
(In the kitchen.)
Rachel: (entering) Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great!
Monica: Well it didn't!
Rachel: What?!
Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh!
Rachel: Okay, that we may be able to do.
Monica: How?
Rachel: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have sex.
Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him!
Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have sex with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are.
Monica: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him!
Rachel: Then, you will definitely get him back!
Monica: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have sex with him?
Rachel: Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on.
Monica: What do you mean?
Rachel: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him.
Monica: (excited) I can do that!
Rachel: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. (To Chandler) Hey, what's up? (She leaves and closes the door behind her.)
Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year.
Monica: Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek.
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.)
Chandler: Are you all right?
Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that—(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.)
[Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.]
The Doctor: What do we got here?
The Paramedic: Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot.
(They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.)
Ross: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it!
The Doctor: It says here that the knife went right through your shoe.
Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker.
The Doctor: Did you bring the toe?
Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.)
The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and—(Stops suddenly.)
Monica: What?! What is it?
The Doctor: You brought a carrot.
Chandler: What?
The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Rachel: You brought a carrot?!
Mrs. Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.
Monica: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it!
The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound.
Chandler: Without my toe?! I need my toe!
Monica: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche!
Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one!
Present Day
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.]
Chandler: That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!
Monica: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
Chandler: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!
Monica: I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!
Chandler: Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail. (He storms out.)
Monica: Chandler! (Follows him out.)
Ross: (To Joey) Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that.
Joey: You're a dork.
[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.]
Chandler: I can't believe this.
Monica: Chandler, I said I was sorry.
Chandler: Yeah, well, sorry doesn’t bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later.
Monica: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything?
Chandler: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.]
Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" I’m happy all the time!
(There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.)
Chandler: Nice try.
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: Look, Monica…
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Chandler: This is not going to work.
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
Monica: What?
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: Yes, you did!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: You love me!
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
Ending Credits
Thanksgiving 1915
[Scene: The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.]
French Phoebe: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!
End

508 感恩节大回顾

莫妮卡，这是我过过的最好的感恩节
你就要把我们撑死了
我一口也吃不下了
我还得来块甜点
你们想看电视吗？
好啊
莫妮卡你的遥控器坏了
菲比，你得把它拿起来按
哦，那就算了
我知道该做什么了
大家来讲自己最感激的事吧
我！
我感谢我们度过的这个美丽的秋天
很不错
很甜蜜，乔伊
因为那天我在车站，可爱的秋风
忽然吹落了一个美女的裙子
哦还有，我还很感激她的皮带
我的意思是，这不单单是一条内裤
而是工程上的创举
令人惊叹的是
这么少的料能起这么大作用
它们还总在你脑子里回旋
穿了，还是没穿
你知道自己在说什么吗？
有没有不是感谢皮带的人？
我不知道该选哪个
是离婚还是被赶出去
我想还是都不选为妙
对不起
我的感恩节真是糟糕透了
不，我的感恩节才是最糟的
你的婚姻故事还是靠边站吧
你不会又想把你父母
离婚的故事再重复一遍吧？
哦上帝，别
干吗不，我想听！
一个没有钱德唠叨的感恩节
是不完整的
就是，这是传统，就像游街
只不过游街不会告诉你它是同性恋
更不会抛弃整个家庭
1978年感恩节
钱德，我和你爸爸离婚了
但这并不意味着我们不爱你了
只是意味着你爸爸将不会和我
而是和某个男人睡觉了
火鸡？钱德先生？
你说的对，你的最糟
你是糟糕感恩节之王
我不这么认为
我有个更糟的
真的？
比“火鸡，钱德先生”还糟？
比起一个富男孩和他的管家的故事？
当然，我的更糟！
1862年感恩节
绷带！绷带！
请给我点绷带吧
这个人快死了
这辈子，菲比！
哦这辈子，那好，钱德的最糟
真酷！你能记得这些东西
我就一点前世的记忆都没有
当然了亲爱的，你是全新的
我知道莫妮卡最糟的感恩节
还是别提它了
拜托～
我知道我知道
是乔伊把莫妮卡的火鸡套在头上的事
什么？乔伊把火鸡套在头上？
嘿，事实不是这样的
事实就是这样的
1992年感恩节
哈喽
哈喽
菲比？
乔伊,怎么回事？
看
哦我的天哪！
我知道，它套住了
别紧张，先下来
你怎么套上的？
我想套上它来吓钱德
哦天那，莫妮卡会气疯的
那就快帮我取下来
这里面真难闻
当然难闻了
谁让你把头插到死尸的屁股里
嘿
你把火鸡上油了吗？
哦我的天，这是谁？
是我乔伊
你这是干吗？
难道这很好玩吗？
不，不是为了好玩
而是为了吓人
快给我取下来！
我做不到，它套住了
我不管，我父母还要用火鸡招待
20多号人呢，他们总不能吃你的头吧！
别急，我们先想想办法
就这样吧，菲比你用力拉
我尽量把腿张大
乔伊，什么时候了还开玩笑
对不起！对不起！
好，数数，1，2，3！
啊～
奏效！我吓到你了
我早知道了，哈哈
我在这边，帮主
对，我知道
我吓到你
你当时看起来真像白痴
嘿～又不只我一个人看起来白痴
还记得罗斯点了“笋瓜”
结果出来了“瓜和笋”？
对，那也差不多
的确，那就是我最糟的感恩节
等等！这可不是瑞秋要说的那个
她都不知道这件事
你准备说的是什么？
呃，我真的不想再提那事了
拜托，莫妮卡，感恩节的意义
就在于分享痛苦、减轻压力嘛
比如说我，还有印第安人
其实，众人中
你肯定最不愿意听到这个故事
莫妮卡！我想是瑞秋来了
我来开！
感恩节快乐！
我糟透了，齐普和我分手了
为什么？发生什么事了？
你知道，我父母要出城去
所以齐普要来和我…
对对，你们要—翻云覆雨
莫妮卡，你能不能就说上床
你的词把我说的鸡皮疙瘩都起来了
还有，如果你以后要这样，记住：
男人是不懂得温柔的！
相信我！
嗨,瑞秋
感恩节快乐！
你嘴真甜
嘿～
哦天哪！
各位，这是钱德
我的室友兼乐队主唱
罗斯！
哦,这是莫妮卡
嗨,我是罗斯的妹妹
好
很高兴你能来，钱德
我准备了很多食物，希望你已经饿了
哦妈，妈。钱德讨厌感恩节
所以不吃任何感恩节食品
那好，很高兴你带他来
呃，钱德，如果你需要的话
我可以给你做些通心面和干酪吃
只要朝圣者还不吃，我也不吃
该死！
瑞秋，你觉得我们见面很突然吗？
从我毕业后都没见过了
哦，没什么
那好，那么你…
我简直不能相信齐普居然和那个荡妇出去
我再也不和他约会了，不管他怎么求我！
我想他不会再求你了
因为他现在已经和那个荡妇出去了
你知道吗？我恨透了高中男生了
他们简直太幼稚了
都是幼稚、愚蠢的男孩
我需要一个真正的男人！
朱蒂，你和杰克要的碗我找不到
叫爸妈，你个败类
莫妮卡
嘿，钱德
通心面和干酪如何？
哦，很好，你应该做个厨师
好的
知道吗？那个荡妇的事只是谣言
齐普说他今晚要来我家！
那太好了！
我知道
你和齐普今晚的一切
一定要一点不漏的告诉我
一定、一定，你知道
其实我们已经做过一次了
我知道，不过这次
你会清楚的知道自己究竟做没做
我知道，这次齐普保证了
他说他一定会持续一首歌的长度的！
我想今晚约瑞秋出去
也许能为她演奏我们上周写的歌
情感背包？ / 对
加油！
不过，别弄的太久，因为我们今晚
还有试试我们的假身份证呢
对，科立夫.阿华滋
听着，罗兰.钱，如果进展顺利
我们会呆一整个晚上
花花公子，那我怎么办
没关系，你可以住在这里
我父母不会介意
不，我才不想在这里看你肥妞妹妹呢
嘿
莫妮卡，你把这些派吃了怎么样
冰箱里没位置了
不。不，谢谢
朱蒂，你算了吧
她已经很饱了！
我叫你肥妞？我都不记得了
可我记得！
我很抱歉，我当时真是白痴
我真应该到广场上去号啕大哭
简直不能相信，你居然叫她肥妞
我不能相信你让乔治.迈克尔揍你
我真的很抱歉，真的真的抱歉
事实上，我想讲的故事不是这个
是的，是这个！
不，不是。事实上是…
好了，感恩节结束了，该准备圣诞了
谁想陪我去买圣诞树？
我有一个最好的圣诞故事！
我们想听莫妮卡的感恩节故事
好吧，我的是侏儒变成两截的故事
那就算了
1988年感恩节
瑞秋，你妈妈说你又换专业了？
哦，是的，我又换了
因为心理学楼旁边没有停车位
嗨瑞秋  /  嗨
哇！新鼻子真不错 /  杰克
维尔森医生简直是艺术家
他把我的胎记都除了，看看吗？
我来开 /  不不，让我来
嘿 / 嘿
感恩节快乐！
你们的发型变了嘛
对，我们讨论了发型
简直不能相信以前我们看起来有多傻
莫妮卡在哪？
她在楼上，莫妮卡！下来！大家都到了
罗斯、瑞秋、还有那个讨厌感恩节的
嗨，钱德
哦我的天
怎、怎么？我衣服上有脏东西？
你，你看起来大不一样
那衣服！那身段！
色小子！ / 对不起！
对、对，莫妮卡瘦了，这很好
但是我们更想听听罗斯的新女朋友
哦妈～好，她的名字是卡萝尔
她又聪明又漂亮
而且她还在曲棍球队和高尔夫队
相信吗？她居然能为两个球队效力
钱德，我们呆会儿见
色小子 / 对不起
哦上帝，太好了，你总算报仇了
他的口水都快留出来了！
还没有够 / 什么？
我的意思是，我看起来是很漂亮了
我心里也没疙瘩了，等、等、等
但是我不仅仅想这样报仇
我还要羞辱他
我想把他剥的精光，然后指着他笑
好，那就这样做 / 怎么做？
男生只有在想做爱前才脱光
什么？我之所以辛苦的减肥
是为了把我的花蕾献给我爱的人
首先，如果你还把它叫什么花蕾
没人会理你
其次，你并不需要和他上床
只需要让他以为你想要
对 /  对
然后等他脱光了我就把他推出去
锁上门，让邻居们都看到
那时候，你就算真报仇了！
那我怎么让他以为我想和他上床？
你应该做得
使自己浑身散发魅力
什么意思？
什么东西都能带来性感
像…呣…像这块毛巾！
哦～哦，这样使我的脸舒服多了
如果你热了，你还能用它擦擦汗
交谈的时候你还能把它放在一侧
或者让它传过你的手指
我懂了！
好，好。
他过来了，他过来了
莫妮卡，能不能
给我做上年一样的通心面和干酪？
呣，我很乐意
哦，我喜欢通心面和干酪
我喜欢这盒子摩擦我脸的感觉
好  /  我还喜欢红萝卜
我还很喜欢它们穿过手指的感觉
然后在说话的时候把它们放在这里
还有，如果我感觉到很热
我就拿起这把刀，然后
用钢面来摩擦…身体
你没事吧？
我很好，只是…
病人什么情况？
男性、二十岁、右脚一趾被切断
你们就不能轻点吗？
都知道他是伤了脚趾！
这写着刀穿透了你的鞋子
当然穿了,这只是双凉皮鞋
脚趾带来了吗？
-是的，在冰里！
别担心孩子，我们会把它接上然后…
什么？这是什么？
你带了一段萝卜
什么？
这不是你的脚趾
这只是一小段冻萝卜
你带了段萝卜？
哦上帝，我的厨房里有只脚趾
对不起，我现在就去取
太晚了
我们现在能做的只是包扎伤口
就没脚趾了！我要我的脚趾！
等等，我会很快的
爸，把你保时捷的钥匙给我！
我开来的不是那部车
这就是为什么我失去我的脚趾？
就因为我叫你胖妞？
我不是故意的，这是意外！
这就是人们叫了我一年
跛子先生的原因？
对不起，但那也不是整个脚趾
对，我失去的趾尖，那是精华部分
上面还有趾甲
钱德！
跛子先生，那是我起的
你是个混球
我简直不能相信
钱德，我说了我很抱歉
是，对，道歉有用还要警察干吗？
我恨感恩节，恨所有的感恩节
再见
等等钱德，我能为你弥补什么吗？
无论什么事都行
可以，离我远点
哦－哦，我是只鸭，快乐的走
无忧无虑的鸭子
勇气可嘉
等等
听着莫妮卡 / 看！
这不奏效
我一定要试
你太好了，我爱你！
什么？
没什么，我只是说“你太好了”
然后就没了
你说了“我爱你”
我听到了！
不，我没有
你说了
不，我没有
你爱我
不，我没有。没有！没有！没有！
1915年感恩节
纱布！纱布！我需要纱布！
谁给我拿点纱布！
真荒谬！呃？

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 99楼发表于: 2014-04-09 0

509 The One With Ross's Sandwich

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the entire gang is there, eating breakfast. Phoebe is on the couch, fidgeting.]
Phoebe: What am I sitting on?
Chandler: Top of the world? Dock of the bay? (He tries to think of another but can't) I'm out.
Phoebe: (taking something out of the couch) Ew-eww!! Undies!
(She throws them into the kitchen and Rachel picks them up with the handle of a large spoon. Chandler and Monica have horrified looks on their faces.)
Rachel: All right! Who's are they? Who's are they?
Ross: Well, they're not mine!
Chandler: Well, they're Joey's! They gotta be Joey's!
(Rachel turns and stares at him.)
Joey: Yeah, they're mine.
Chandler: See? They're Joey's! J-J-J-J-J-Joey's!
Ross: Why are they here?
Joey: I don't know uhh… (Pause as he thinks about it.) Well, I'm Joey. Yeah, I'm disgusting, I take my underwear off in other people's homes.
Rachel: Well, get 'em out of here! What's wrong with you?
Chandler: Yeah!
Monica: Yeah!
Rachel: (waving them in his face) Take 'em! (Joey makes a noise and jumps out of the way.) Joey, you can touch them! They're your underwear.
Joey: (reluctantly taking them) Chandler? A word.
(Follows Joey into their apartment and shrugs on his way out.)
[Cut to the guy's apartment.]
Joey: That's it! I'm tired of covering for you two! This has got to stop! (Realizes he still has the underwear in his hand.) Ahh! (Throws them towards Chandler's room.) And tighty-whiteys! What are you, 8?
Monica: (entering) Thank you Joey, thank you so much!
Joey: Oh hey, no, you're not welcome. Okay, look, I hate this! You guys keep embarrassing me! (To Monica) Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom and I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine and-and that I was playing a woman in a play. And one thing led to another and (He puts his leg on the chair and pulls up his pants leg to reveal that he now has shaved legs.)
Monica: (inspecting his leg) Wow! And around the ankles, y'know that is a tough spot.
Joey: Yeah, it was! All right, listen, I can't…
Chandler: (interrupting him) All this lying has been hard on us too.
Joey: Oh-oh, yeah-yeah, I bet all the sex makes it easier!
Chandler: Well, yeah actually.
Monica: We'll try to be more careful okay? It's just that, we don't want everyone to know because this is going really well, and maybe the reason it's going really well is because it's a secret.
Chandler: I know it sounds really weird, but we're just so bad at relationships.
Monica: We are! Help us!
Chandler: Help!
Joey: All right! But, (To Monica) you do it with me once.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Didn't think so.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters with her nose stuck in a book.]
Monica: Hey, Phoebe!
Chandler: Hi, Pheebs!
Rachel: Hey, Pheebs!
Joey: Hey, Pheebs!
Rachel: What are you reading?
Phoebe: Umm, Wethering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the New School and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler: I didn't know you were taking a class. That is so cool.
Phoebe: Yeah! Well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took! Y'know and this time I thought I'd go for something, y'know a little more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.
Rachel: Honey that sounds like fun.
Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, you should come with me! Oh yeah, then I'd have someone to sit with!
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay—ooh, but are you going to have time to read it?
Rachel: Oh, I read that in high school.
Phoebe: This is going to be so much fun! Okay-shhh, I have to finish.
Ross: (entering, depressed) Hi.
Joey: What's wrong buddy?
Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich!
Chandler: Well, what did the police say?
Ross: My Thanksgiving leftover sandwich. I can't believe someone ate it!
Chandler: Ross, it's just a sandwich!
Ross: Just a sandwich? Look, I am 30 years old, I'm about to be divorced twice and I just got evicted! That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! Someone ate the only good thing going on in my life!
Monica: Okay, look, I-I have enough stuff for one more sandwich, I mean I was going to eat it myself, but (motions that he can have it.)
Ross: (quietly) That-that would be incredible. Thank you so much. I-I still can't believe someone ate it!! I mean, look, I left a note and everything.
(Shows the note to Chandler who reads it aloud.)
Chandler: (reading) Knock-knock. Who's there? Ross Geller's lunch. Ross Geller's lunch, who? Ross Geller's lunch, please don't take me. Okay?
Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.
Phoebe: Okay, look you wanna hold onto your food? You gotta scare people off. I learned that living on the street.
Ross: Really?! So what would you say Pheebs? Stuff like uh, "Keep your mitts off my grub?"
Chandler: Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?
Phoebe: Okay, this will keep them away from your stuff. (Writes him a note and the gang reads it.)
All: Whoa! Ohh!!
Monica: Phoebe, you are a bad ass!
Phoebe: Someday I'll, tell you about the time I stabbed the cop.
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Well, he stabbed me first!!
[Scene: Phoebe's class, the class has already started and Rachel walks in late.]
Rachel: (To Phoebe) Sorry I'm late, but I left late.
Phoebe: Okay.
Rachel: So Pheebs, what is the book about?
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school.
Rachel: Well yeah, but then I remembered I started it and there was this pep rally and I was, I was on top of the pyramid but anyway—umm, what is this book about?
Phoebe: Okay, umm, it's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff and umm, it takes place on like these really creepy mores in England. Which I think represents the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.
The Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book, uh let's see here (looks at his attendance sheet), Rachel Green?
Rachel: Umm, well I would have to say that it's a, it's tragic love story.
The Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given, but yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Oh-oh-oh, symbolism! And uh, the-the uh, wildness of the mores, which I think is-is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
The Teacher: Excellent! What Rachel has shrewdly observed here…
Phoebe: (To Rachel) You completely stole my answer!
Rachel: Well, honey that was pretty obvious.
Phoebe: Well how would you know?! You didn't even read it!
The Teacher: What do you think? You in the blue shirt.
Phoebe: I think that uh, yours is a question with many answers.
The Teacher: Would ya care to venture one?
Phoebe: Would you care to venture one?
The Teacher: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
Phoebe: Are you just repeating what I'm saying?
The Teacher: All right, let's move on.
Phoebe: Okay then.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel return from the class.]
Phoebe: Yeah but why didn't you just say that you didn't read the book?!
Rachel: Be-because I didn't want him to think I was stupid! I mean, that was really embarrassing what happened to you!
Ross: (entering) Phoebe!
Phoebe: Yeah?
Ross: Phoebe! You're note, amazing! Not only did no one touch my sandwich, but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me mental! Mental Geller, yeah, I always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was Wet Pants Geller.
Ross: That was the water fountain! Okay?! Anyway, people are writing reports for me, uh pushing back deadlines to meet my schedule, I'm telling you, you get tough with people you can get anything you want. (Joey walks by with a cup of coffee.) Hey Tribbiani, give me that coffee! Now!
(Joey casually pushes Ross over the back of the couch and sits down proud of himself.)
[Scene: The hallway, Joey is returning from a date with Cynthia.]
Cynthia: God, this was really fun! I've been wondering if you were going to ask me out.
Joey: So you uh, still wondering?
Cynthia: No, we just went out.
Joey: You're smart. I like that.
(He goes to open the door to his apartment, but finds it locked. As he's getting out his keys, Chandler and Monica quickly jump up from making out in the living room and run to Chandler's bedroom. The apartment has about 20 candles burning all over the place. Joey opens the door and ushers Cynthia in.)
Cynthia: Oh, candles! (Notices something.) What is that? A blanket? A video camera? Oh my God! (As she storms out, Rachel returns and overhears the conversation.)
Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, wait-wait-wait!!
Cynthia: I can't believe you thought that you were going to video tape us having sex on the first date! (She storms away and Rachel enters to confront Joey.)
Joey: Hiya.
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said umm—Oh my God. (Looks around the room.) You were actually gonna… (Chandler picks this moment to return to the living room.) (Rachel stares in shock.)
Chandler: What is going on here?
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, what are you sick?
(Chandler silently pleads with Joey to cover for them.)
Joey: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films. (Points at Chandler, angrily.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; continued from earlier. Joey is closing the door after Rachel leaves and is about to confront Chandler and Monica.]
Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful! I mean, come on! The good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here!
Monica: We're so sorry.
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, I'm telling everyone about you! That's the only way to explain the underwear and the video camera that doesn't make me look like a pig!
Chandler: No-no, wait! There's got to be a better explanation. You can tell them you had to make an adult film for your (Thinks) adult film class.
Joey: Yeah, I like that. But no-no, how does that explain why Rachel found my underwear at your place?
Chandler: Oh—I don't know.
Joey: Well, get ready to come out of the non-gay closet!
Monica: Okay, just wait, please. I promise we'll come up with something. Just give us a little more time.
Joey: All right. Hey, but it better make me look really, really good. (Starts for his room.) Oh, and another thing, the video camera? Nice!!
[Scene: The Museum of Prehistoric History (Ross's work); Ross is in the break room eating lunch as his boss, Dr. Leedbetter walks in.]
Dr. Leedbetter: Umm, Ross. May I have a word with you?
Ross: Yeah, of course, Donald.
Dr. Leedbetter: We've been getting reports of some very angry behavior on your part.
Ross: What?!
Dr. Leedbetter: Threatening letters, refusal to meet deadlines, apparently people now call you mental.
Ross: (Proudly) Yeah.
Dr. Leedbetter: We want you to speak to a psychiatrist.
Ross: Oh no, you-you don't understand. Ugh, this is so silly. Umm, this is all because of a sandwich.
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) A sandwich?
Ross: Yeah. You see my-my sister makes these amazing turkey sandwiches. Her secret is, she puts a, an extra slice of gravy soaked bread in the middle; I call it the Moist Maker. Anyway, I-I put my sandwich in the fridge over here…
Dr. Leedbetter: (laughs) Oh, you know what?
Ross: What?
Dr. Leedbetter: I-I'm sorry. I, I-I-I believe I ate that.
Ross: You ate my sandwich?
Dr. Leedbetter: It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.
Ross: (getting upset) Oh-oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moist Maker?
Dr. Leedbetter: No.
Ross: Do you perhaps seeing a note on top of it?
Dr. Leedbetter: There may have been a-a joke or a limerick of some kind.
Ross: (getting angry) That said it was my sandwich?!
Dr. Leedbetter: Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still be in the trash.
Ross: (jumping to his feet in anger) What?
Dr. Leedbetter: Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it away.
Ross: You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!
[Cut to an outside shot of the museum.]
Ross: (losing control, we hear him shout outside) MY SANDWICH?!!!
[Cut to a shot of a park.]
Ross: MY SANDWICH!!!!!! (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's class; Rachel walks in, on time this time.]
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hi!
Rachel: (sitting down) So umm, what's this book about?
Phoebe: You didn't read this one either?!
Rachel: Well, I was gonna, but I accidentally read something else.
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: Vogue! Hey, so tell me about this Jane Eyre woman.
Phoebe: No! You should've read it yourself!
Rachel: Come on Phoebe! Don’t be such a goodie-goodie!
Phoebe: Fine! Okay, all right, so Jane Eyre, first of all, you'd think she's a woman, but she's not. She's a cyborg.
Rachel: A cyborg?! Isn't that like a robot?!
Phoebe: Yeah, this book was light years ahead of its time.
The Teacher: (entering) Sorry I'm late. Let's get started. So, what did everybody think about Jane Eyre?
Phoebe: Umm, Rachel and I were just discussing it and she had some very interesting insights.
The Teacher: Well, go ahead Rachel.
Rachel: Uh, thank you Phoebe. Umm, well, what struck me most when reading Jane Eyre was uh, how the book was so ahead of its time.
The Teacher: If you're talking about feminism, I think you're right.
Rachel: Yeah, well, feminism yes, but also the robots.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch as Monica joins him.]
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Hey. Okay, so umm, since that video camera thing didn't work out uh, I thought that I would give you just a little preview. (Hands him a Polaroid.)
Chandler: (gasps) You're naked in this picture!
Monica: I know.
(Ross walks in, eating cotton candy. Monica nudges Chandler who hides the picture in his magazine. Ross sits down on the chair, he seems kinda out of it.)
Chandler: Ross?
Ross: (in a stupor) Hey Chandler. (Sees Monica.) Monica!
Monica: Ross, are you okay?
Ross: I'm fine! I saw a psychiatrist at work today.
Monica: Why?!
Ross: On account of my rage.
Chandler: Which I may say, right now, is out of control.
Ross: He gave me a pill for it.
Monica: A pill?
Ross: Uh-huh. Well, when the psychiatrist told me I had to take a leave of absence because I yelled at my boss I started to get worked up again, so he offered me a tranquilizer. And I thought was a good idea so, I took it.
Monica: Wait a minute, they're making you take time off work?
Chandler: And you're okay with that?
Ross: I don't know. It's going to be weird not having a job for a while, but I, I definitely don't care about my sandwich.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are returning from class.]
Rachel: (entering, angrily) Ugh, that was so embarrassing! I can't believe you let me go on and on like that!
Phoebe: (smiling) I'm sorry. It was just so funny when you started comparing Jane Eyre to Robocop.
Rachel: That was not funny!
Phoebe: Well, I snapped! Okay? You weren't taking the class seriously.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on! What is the big deal? I thought this was going to be something we could do together! Y'know, I thought it would be fun!
Phoebe: Well, yeah! Fun is good, but y'know I also wanted to learn. Y'know, people are always talking about what they learned in high school and I never went to high school.
Rachel: Ohh. Oh, so you really wanted to learn. Yeah, y'know, Pheebs I just wanted to have fun. Ohh, you know who you should go with?
[Scene: The Class; Monica has taken Rachel's spot.]
Monica: (yelling and waving her hand in the air) I know! I know! I know!
The Teacher: Monica, you asked the question.
(She sits back defeated, and Phoebe groans with disgust.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's; Joey returns carrying a bucket of chicken, and starts going through the mail. While doing this, Monica's picture falls out. He bends over to pick it up and gasps. While he's staring at the picture, Rachel decides to come over and sees him looking at the picture.]
Rachel: (sees the picture) Oh my God! That's Monica!!
Joey: Oh no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
Rachel: You get away from me!! You sick, sick, sick, sick-o!!
Ross: (entering, with the rest of the gang) What's going on?
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole!
Chandler: (Sees the picture) Oh no! No! No! No! (Monica gasps as well.)
Rachel: Yes! He has a naked picture of Monica! He takes naked pictures of us! And then he eats chicken and looks at them!
(Ross stares in shock at him as he angrily puts down the chicken and takes off his coat.)
Rachel: Look! (Shows Ross the picture.)
Ross: (covering his eyes) Dude! That's my sister! (She shows the rest of the gang.)
Monica: (grabbing the picture) Give me that!
Phoebe: All right, wait! Just wait. Everybody just calm down. Okay? Let's give our friend Joey a chance to explain why he's such a big pervert!
Joey: No! I am not a pervert! Okay? It's just… I just… Kinda…
Chandler: All right, look! Look. I think I can explain this.
(He walks over and stands behind Joey.)
Joey: Thank you!
Chandler: Joey's a sex addict.
Joey: What?!! (He turns around and stares at Chandler who's silently pleading with Joey to go along with it.) No I'm not!!
Monica: It's okay! It's good! It's good. It's a disease!
Joey: No! No! I am not a sex addict!
Monica: Yes you are! That's the only way to explain all this stuff!
Joey: No it isn't! No, it's not. Because you can also explain it with the truth!
Rachel: Well, what is the truth?
Ross: Yeah, what's going on?
Phoebe: What's going on?
Joey: (thinking) I slept with Monica.
Chandler: Well let's….let's see what everybody thinks of that?
Monica: Oh no!
Ross: You slept with my sister?
Joey: Uh yes, but it was, we just did it once uh, in London.
Ross: This is not good for my rage. (Takes another pill.)
Rachel: Monica, is this true?
Joey: Of course it's true! How else would you explain all the weird stuff that's been going on?
Monica: Yes it's true.
Rachel: Okay, but if it only happened that one time, how come we found your underwear in our apartment the other day?
Joey: Ahh—oy! That was the underwear I was wearing that night in London. Right Monica?
Monica: I guess I wanted to keep it (Pause) as a souvenir.
Ross: My God Monica!!
Chandler: Are you sure Joe? Are you sure you're not just a sex addict?
Joey: No! If anyone's a sex addict here, it's Monica! Yeah. Yeah. She has been trying to get me back in the sack ever since London!
Phoebe: So that's why she gave you a naked picture of herself.
Joey: That makes sense!
Rachel: And the video camera?
Joey: Uhh, Monica?
Monica: I guess I set up the video camera to try and entice Joey.
Joey: But sadly I could not be enticed.
Ross: Unbelievable! I mean you really kept Joey's underwear?! Why? Why would you do that?!
Monica: I'm Monica. I'm disgusting. I stalk guys and keep their underpants.
Joey: Well, I think we've all learned something about who's disgusting and who's not. Eh? All right, now, I'm going to get back to my bucket. I'm only eating the skin, so the chicken's up for grabs. (Offers it to everyone.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's class; the class has ended and Phoebe is talking to one of her classmates.]
Phoebe: I really thought you making a good point. I mean y'know, until you got cut off.
A Female Student: Yeah, what's up with that girl Monica?
Phoebe: I don't know! I didn't come with her!
Monica: (entering, happily) All right everybody! Everybody guess what? I just convinced Paul to give us a test next week!
All: A test?!!
Monica: Come on! Tests make us all better learners! Oh yeah! (Running out) We should have essay questions!!
End

509 罗斯的三明治

我坐在什么上面了？
坐在世界之颠（歌名）？坐在海湾码头（歌名）？
我猜不出。
呃！谁的内裤！
是谁的？站出来！
反正不是我的！
是乔伊的！肯定是他的没错！
好吧，是我的。
是乔伊的！乔——伊的！
你的内裤为什么在这儿？
我不晓得
因为我是乔伊。
我就是恶心，我在别人家里脱裤子。
快拿走！你什么毛病？
拿走!
拿走!
快点!
乔伊，你连自己的内裤也不敢碰！
钱德？出来谈谈。
到此为止！我厌倦了为你们俩遮羞！
啊！居然把三角裤给玩丢了！
你以为你是什么，三岁小孩吗？
多谢你乔伊，非常感谢！
嘿，用不着你谢。听着，
你们俩老让我当众出丑，我很不爽！
昨天瑞秋在我们卧房发现你的刮毛器，
我没法解释，
只好说那是我在用，因为在戏里要反串！
结果倒好，
哇，脚踝周围也刮干净啦，这里可是死角。
没错！听好，我再也不想
偷偷摸摸我们也不好受。
是啊，不过做爱以后你们就快活多了！
哦，那倒是。
我们以后更谨慎些好吗？我们不想公开，
因为也许正是地下交往
所以我们俩感情才这么好！
我知道这听来很离谱，但我们
实在都不擅长谈恋爱。
我们总是搞砸！帮帮我们！
请帮忙！
好吧！
那你跟我睡一次。
乔伊！
说说而已。
嘿，菲比！
看什么书呢？
《呼啸山庄》。
我必须读完它因为我在一间新学校
里选修了文学课，明天上第一课。
没想到你会去上课，太酷了。
那是因为我真的喜欢上次的助产课！
所以这次我想学点更长知识、
又不必考试的课程。
宝贝，听起来很好玩。
那你和我一起去吧！那我就有同班同学啦！
好。
哦，但你哪有时间看书呢？
那本书我高中时读过。
一定很有意思！
好了小声点，我得把它读完。
嗨——
兄弟怎么了？
有同事吃了我的三明治！
那警察怎么说？
是感恩节留下的三明治。居然被人偷吃了！
罗斯，只是一块三明治而已！
只是三明治？
我三十了，将要二度离婚，
而且房东逼我搬家！
那块三明治是我生命中唯一美好的东西！
有人吃掉了我生命中唯一美好的东西！
好吧，我有更好吃的东西，
本来想留着自己吃的，不过
太好了。多谢。
我还是不敢相信居然有人
偷吃我的东西！因为
我留了条子在上面。
有人在吗？我是罗斯·盖勒的午饭。
请别吃掉我，好吗？
奇怪你居然没有把午饭顶在头上。
好吧，如果你真想看住你的食物，以我多年来
为了生计和形形色色的人打交道的
经验来看，你就得把人们吓退。
真的？那你会怎么写，菲比？
是不是“把你的脏手从我的食物上拿开！”
罗斯，当菲比说她为生活而打拼，你是不是就会
联想到《孤女安妮》(Disney TV)里的演员们？
写好了，这下我看谁还敢动你的食物！
哇喔，高！
菲比，你真流氓！
改天告诉你我扎伤警察的事。
菲比?
是对方先扎我！！
对不起我来迟了，但我下班太晚。
好的。
菲比，这书写什么的？
你不是说你高中就读过？
我曾经试图要读这本书，还给自己鼓了好多次劲，
不过，嗯，这书说什么的？
嗯，这是凯茜和希刺克里夫的爱情悲剧，
发生在英格兰一个毛骨悚然的地区。
我想这象征着希刺克里夫性格中野性
不羁的一面。这就叫“象征主义”。
你如何归纳这本书的主题？
我们请谁回答呢，瑞秋·格林？
嗯，我得说，这是一个爱情悲剧。
那好象不言自明，还有谁知道？
哦，象征主义！
还有，嗯，蛮荒的环境，我想是反映
希刺克里夫性格中野性不羁的一面。
回答得很好！聪明的瑞秋已经发现
你剽窃我的答案！
宝贝，这书的主题不是明摆着吗。
但你怎么会知道？你压根没读过它！
你怎么看，蓝衣服的姑娘？
我认为，嗯，这是个见人见智的问题。
那你能谈谈你的想法吗？
你是在鹦鹉学舌对吧？
你是在鹦鹉学舌对吧？
算了，继续上课。
好的。
你为什么不干脆承认你没读过呢？
因为，因为我不想他觉得我蠢！
不过你刚才也够糗的！
菲比!
什么?
菲比! 你的字条，效果神奇！
同事们不但不敢动我的三明治，
而且都开始怕我。
有个家伙叫我神经病，神经病盖勒，呵呵，
我一直都想有这么酷的外号。
是啊，高中时你最好的外号就是
“湿裤子盖勒”。
那只是因为喷泉！
大家帮我写报告，为适应我的时间表
而推迟截止日期。
告诉你们说，只要态度
强硬，要什么有什么！
嘿小崔，把咖啡给我！马上！
太有趣了！
我正猜想你会不会再约我呢。
那你现在还在猜吗？
没有了，刚才我们不是约会了吗。
你很机灵，我喜欢。
哦，蜡烛！
那是什么？毯子？摄像头？天哪！
哦，别！别！留步！别走！
难以置信，你居然想在我们第
一次约会就拍下做爱的场面！
你好。
乔伊，她刚才说的当真？
哦天呵，你还真做得出
这里发生什么事了?
而且钱德就在隔壁，你怎么了，有病？
我是乔伊嘛，
我是说，我就是恶心。
我拍摄低成本成人电影。
你们俩发誓要注意影响的！
好人乔伊被你们搞得斯文扫地啦！
我们很抱歉
是的。
我要全都说出去！
这样才能解释清楚内裤和摄像机的事，
这样我才不像一头猪。
别，等一下！我有更好的解释。
你可以跟他们讲，
你得拍一部成人电影，
拿去上成人电影课。
嗯，这主意好。
不过，瑞秋在你们家发现
我的内裤又怎么解释？
哦？我不知道。
公开你们的恋爱关系吧！
请再等等。我们总会有办法的，
再给我们一点时间。
好吧，你们想出来的办法最好
让我看起来非常，非常伟大。
哦，还有，
摄象机？高招！！
嗯，罗斯，跟你谈谈可以吗？
当然可以，唐纳德。
有人告状说你最近
有一些愤怒的行为
什么?!
写恐吓信，拒绝遵守截止期限，
大家开始叫你神经病。
是的
希望你能跟心理医生谈一谈。
哦不，你不明白，这好象有点傻气，
这都只是因为我的三明治。
三明治?
是啊，我的妹妹做了一些
很好吃的火鸡三明治。
她的秘方是，她在其中
多夹了一层肉汁浸过的面包。
我把它称作“湿滑口感专家”，
总之我放了一块三明治到这个冰箱里。
哦，你知道吗？
对不起，我，是我吃了它。
你吃我的三明治？
只是拿错了而已，
任何人都可以犯错。
哦是吗？你吃你自己的火鸡三明治
居然吃掉我的“湿滑口感专家”?
不是这样的。
你有没有碰巧看见上面贴着一张字条？
我以为有人开玩笑
写打油诗什么的在上面呢
上面写清楚了那是我的三明治？
冷静，到我办公室来，你也许在
垃圾筒里还能找到你的三明治
什么?
它个头太大，我不得不扔掉了很多。
你把我的三明治扔掉？
我的三明治?!!!
嗨!
那，今天这本书讲什么的？
你又不看？
本来想看的,后来看别的去了
看什么?
《时尚》杂志!
嘿，跟我讲讲这个叫简爱的女人
不讲！你应该自己读！
好菲比，装什么乖宝宝
好吧
简爱，听名字你以为她是个女人；
其实她是电子人。
电子人?! 那岂不是有点像机器人？
对，这本书领先时代几光年。
对不起我来迟了。开始上课，
各位怎样评价简爱？
嗯，瑞秋刚才正和我讨论，
她的见解相当有趣。
说说看，瑞秋。
嗯，谢谢菲比。《简爱》这本书最
吸引我的地方是它领先于时代。
如果你指的是女权意识，
我同意。
不错，女权意识，
但还有机器人也很领先。
嘿
嘿，因为摄像的事没成功，
所以我给你带了点预览照片。
你的全裸照！
我知道。
罗斯?
嘿钱德，莫妮卡！
罗斯，你没事吧？
我很好！我今天去看心理医生了。
为什么?!
治疗我的愤怒。
如今你情绪有点失控？
他让我吃了药。
吃药?
嗯，医生说我对老板吼叫
所以必须停职查看一段时间，
我又大为光火，
所以他给我一片镇静剂。
我认为这主意不错所以吃了。
等一下，他们让你停职？
而你居然接受？
不知道。也许一段时间不上班有点奇怪，
不过我已经不再在意我的三明治了。
羞死人了！想不到你一直听任我出丑！
我很抱歉。
当你拿简爱和机械战警作比较，
实在太有趣了。
这不好笑！
好吧我是故意捉弄你！
谁让你上课不认真呢。
菲比得了吧！这又不是什么大件事！
我只是想和你做同一件事，
我本以为会很有意思的！
好，有意思是没错，
但我还想学点东西。
大家总是谈论高中生活，
而我从没上过高中。
哦，原来你真想学东西，
好吧，菲比，但我只想找点乐子。
哦，你知道应该带谁去上课吗？
我知道！
莫妮卡，你来问问题好了。
哦天啊！是莫妮卡！！
不！！！！！！！！！！！
滚远点！变态——狂！
什么事?
乔伊偷窥！
哦没有！
他有！他有一张莫妮卡的裸照！
他还给大家都拍裸照！
然后他一边吃鸡一边欣赏！
看!
别这样！她是我妹妹！
给我!
够了！大家冷静一下好吗？
给我们的朋友乔伊机会解释
他为什么是如此一个变态佬！
不! 我不是变态佬!我只是
好，我想我能解释这事
谢谢你!
乔伊是个性瘾患者
什么?!!我不是!!
这没什么! 这很好! 这很好.
只是一种疾病!
不! 不! 我不是什么性瘾患者!
你是的! 所以你才花样百出!
不是这样！真相其实是——
那你说真相是什么？
对啊,发生了什么事？
我和莫妮卡睡过了。
大家怎么看？
哦，不！
你竟和我妹妹上床？
对，不过只有一次，在伦敦。
这对控制我的愤怒可没好处
莫妮卡，是真事吗？
当然是真的！不然你怎么
解释这么多怪事？
是真的。
好吧，如果只是一夜情，那天你的内裤
怎么跑到我们公寓来了？
啊？那是我在伦敦当夜穿的内裤。
对吧，莫妮卡？
我大概是想珍藏
作为纪念物。
天哪莫妮卡!!
你确定吗，乔，你确定
你不是性瘾患者？
我不是！如果这里有人是的话，
那一定是莫妮卡，错不了。
伦敦归来后她一直
企图引诱我再度失身！
所以她才给你裸照。
就是这样！
那摄影机呢？
嗯，莫妮卡?
是我想用摄影机引诱乔伊。
可惜我坚贞不屈
难以置信！你真的留着乔伊的内裤？
你为什么这样做？
因为我是莫妮卡
我就是恶心。
我勾搭男人，还保留他们的内裤。
谁恶心谁不恶心，我想现在
一清二楚了吧，大家？
好，现在我又可以吃鸡了。
我只吃鸡皮，鸡肉你们随便拿！
我认为你讲得很好，直到你被打断。
那个莫妮卡有什么毛病啊？
不知道！我不跟她一起的！
大家猜猜看怎么着！我已经说服
保罗下周给我们来一次考试！
考试?!!
别怕！考试会让我们学得更好！
对了！应该考考散文方面的题目！！

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