《老友记》Friends【中英对照】【5.16连载105L】_派派后花园

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老友记即六人行。
电视剧《六人行》（Friends），又名《老友记》，是由美国全国广播公司从1994年开播、连续播出了10年的一部幽默情景喜剧，也是美国历史上最成功、影响力最大的电视剧之一。曾获得一项金球奖，六项艾美奖，两项美国演员工会奖。

剧情简介

《老友记》(Friends)是美国NBC电视台从1994年开播、连续播出了10年（1994-2004）的一部幽默情景喜剧。
全剧一共10季，236集，每集大约22分钟左右。故事主要描述了住在纽约的六个好朋友，从相识到后来一起经历了10年的生活中发生的一系列的故事。他们的职位一开始分别是数据监管员(Chandler)，厨师(Monica)，博物馆古生物区负责人(Ross)，演员(Joey)，按摩师(Phoebe)，咖啡馆服务员(Rachel)。
曾在1996年1月28日创下5,300万的收视记录，2004年5月6日播出的最后一集5250万收视记录。

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柳半夏。
派派币 +50 2014-12-03
规范发书奖励，感谢在原创小说区发帖，期待你更多的好文。^_^

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ZxID：11247485

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举报只看该作者沙发发表于: 2014-03-08 0

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice.  So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine!  Be murky!
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know,  how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what?  A wrong number?
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens.  He sits back down defeated again.  A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad?  Decide!
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Phoebe:  If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey:  Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.

Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string.  These are a few...
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life.  The whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30?  Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Maybe.
Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Ross: He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...
Monica: (horrified) Really?
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Monica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...
Ross: A wandering?
Monica: Change!  Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
(Monica goes to change.)
Joey:  Hey, Paul!
Paul: Yeah?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.  It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: Okay, sure.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart.  La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
Joey: Which goes where?
Chandler: I have no idea.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
Chandler: All finished!
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
Ross: You guys.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Joey: You got screwed.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-
Monica: -leg?
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Monica: You actually broke her watch?  Wow!  The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me.  And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced!  I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento.   You, however have had the love of a woman for four years.   Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it!  I don't think that was my point!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?
Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Paul: Two years.
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
Joey: Great story!  But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea...  Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Joey: Right.  Thanks.  It's June.  I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear.  The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Thank you!  Thank you so much!
Monica: Stop!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Monica: We'll talk later.
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man.  Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Monica: Big time!
Rachel: Want a wedding dress?   Hardly used.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Monica exits.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex!  So? Who?
Monica: You know Paul?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Monica: I hate men!  I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Rachel: Uh, credit card.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Rachel: Um... my... father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table.   Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary?  I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Rachel: Thank you.
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Monica: All right, you ready?
Rachel: No.  No, no, I'm not ready!  How can I be ready?  "Hey, Rach!  You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?"  Come on, I can't do this!
Monica: You can, I know you can!
Rachel: I don't think so.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee!   You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
Rachel: Y'know what?  I think we can just leave it at that.  It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica:  Rachel!  That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
Monica: You be okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Rachel: Sorry-
Ross: No no no, go-
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
Ross: Split it?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Rachel: Goodnight.
Ross: Goodnight.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss?   More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry.  Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
End

101 试播

没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！
少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！
打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？
慢着，他吃粉笔吗？

我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。
各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。
听起来好像是说我的约会。

记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。
我做过那样的梦。
我低头一看，看见有一支电话……在那儿。
而不是……？
没错。
我没做过那样的梦,没有。

那支电话突然响起，而我不知道怎么办，每个人都开始望着我。
他们以前不看你吗？！
终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！
嗨。
这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。
你还好吧？
我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上……
饼干？
卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。
- 我帮你泡杯咖啡，
谢了。
不要……别清理我的灵气。可是……别碰我的灵气就是了。
好吧，保持晦气！
我会没事的，真的，我祝她幸福。
- 不，你不会的，没错，
- 我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！
而且你一直都不知道她是女同性恋者。
没有！！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。

有时真希望自己也是个女同志。我刚刚大声说出来了吗？
昨晚我告诉我父母，他们好像还挺好。
真的吗，凌晨三点我接到一个电话，一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉，“我不能抱孙子了，
我不能抱孙子了。”那是什么？打错了？
对不起。
别闷闷不乐了，罗斯。你现在很痛苦。我一肚子火,心如刀割。能告诉你解决之道吗？
脱衣舞酒店。你单身，有性需求。
我不想单身的。我只想再结婚。

我只想要一百万！
- 瑞秋？！
- 天啊，莫妮卡，谢天谢地！我到过你的住处，你不在。有个拿着一根大榔头的人说你可能会在这儿，结果你真的在这儿。

想来杯咖啡吗？
无咖啡因的。各位，她叫瑞秋，另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人。这位叫钱德勒，菲比，乔伊。还记得我哥罗斯吗？
当然。
嗨。

你想现在告诉我们，还是等伴娘来再说？
婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂亮的船形卤肉盘，突然间……
有没有代糖？我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”，我自己都吓了一跳，
巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他很眼熟。总之,我必须离开。我开始想，我为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你是我在这个城市，认识的唯一一个人。

好像是唯一没受邀参加婚礼的人。
这件事就甭提啦。

我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜欢，
金熗鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉？快决定！
我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。
爸，我不能嫁给他……对不起，我只是不爱他。对，是我的问题！

如果我没了头发，
还不如去死。
她不该穿那条裤子。
我建议推她下楼，
推她下楼！推她下楼！推她下楼！

爸，你听我说……大家这样评价我这一辈子：你是一只鞋……今天我倒想看看如果我不再是鞋会怎样。我说如果我想当皮包呢？
或是帽子呢？不，我不需你帮我买帽子。我说我是一顶帽子。爸，这是一种比喻。
你看他也有些问题。
爸，这是我的人生。或许我会和莫妮卡住在这儿。
我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。
或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。
等一下，等一下……我说的是或许！！
深呼吸，就这样。试着想着美好的事物……
玫瑰上的雨滴，猫嘴上的胡须，门铃和雪橇之类的。啦啦啦……还有手套……

我现在好多了。
我的功劳。
或许这样最好，要自立，决定自己的事情。

有任何需要找乔伊准没错。我和钱德勒就住在对面，而且他经常不在家。
乔伊,少趁虚而入了，今天是她大喜的日子。
什么？有规定不能吗？

别再这样，声音很刺耳。
我是保罗。
天啊，6:30了吗？让他进来！
保罗是谁？调酒的那个保罗？
或许吧。
等等,你今晚该不是真的要和调酒的那个保罗约会吧？
他终于开口约你了？对。
终于被你等到了。
瑞秋，等等，我可以取消。
不用了，你去吧，我不会有事的。
罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下来吗？

那样最好……
真的吗？
- 假的，去吧！是保罗，调酒师耶！
什么意思？他是卖酒的，喝酒的，还是评酒的？
请进！保罗，这位是……
……各位，各位，他就是保罗。
保罗……调酒大师。
抱歉，我没听清楚你名字。保罗，是吗？

我马上就好，我去，去……
神魂恍惚啦？
换衣服！请坐，两秒钟。
我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不妙。
嗨，保罗！
嗯，有何指教？
一个小秘密，莫妮卡其实就喜欢这样，你摩擦她脖子的同一个地方，反反复复，直到那里开始有点发红。
乔伊你给我闭嘴！
瑞秋，你打算如何渡过今晚？
我应该在前往阿鲁巴渡蜜月的途中，因此没了！
我懂，你没去渡蜜月。虽然阿鲁巴在此时……有很多……大蜥蜴，如果你今晚不想独处，乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组合新家俱，
对，我们都相当兴奋。
谢谢，但我今晚想待在这儿，我折磨了一天。
好吧，当然。
菲此，想帮忙吗？
我可以去，但我不去。

爱情似炎炎夏日中的阵雨般美妙，
love is a wondrous work of art,
but your love oh your love,your love...
is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart.啦-啦-啦-啦-啦- 谢谢。
我应该用蜗杆将托架装在侧面，但我没看见托架和蜗杆，而且，我的脚好麻。

我想我们做好书架了。
真漂亮。
这是什么？
我只能说这是个“L”型托架。
是哪儿的？
我也不知道。
书架做好了！终于做好了！
这是卡罗最爱喝的啤酒。
她总是不用杯子喝，我早应该看出蛛丝马迹。
嗨…………
如果你再这样，我们就走了。
对啊，请不要破坏这里的乐趣。
罗斯，我问你一个问题。
她分得家俱，音响和好电视。
你分得什么？
你们。
天啊。
你昏头了吧。
嗯，天啊！
嗯，天啊。
我知道，我是个大白痴。
她每周看四五次牙医时我就该了解，
我指牙齿能有多干净？
我哥正承受着这种痛苦，
一副失魂落魄的样子。
你是怎么熬过来的？
你可以不小心砸烂她贵着的东西，如她的……
她的……
……腿？
这样也不赖！我……
我砸烂了她的表。
你真的砸烂过她的表？
哇！我做过的最坏的事情是，
我撕碎了男朋友最喜欢的浴巾。
嗯,机智脱身。
对啊。
巴瑞，真是对不起。
你一定认为此事与我那次说的话有关，
关于你做爱时，
穿着袜子，
其实不是，
问题出在我身上，我……
答录机又把我挂断了。
不管怎样……瞧瞧，瞧瞧，
我知道某个女孩会不可思议的，
成为凡可•巴瑞太太，
但那不是我，不是我。
而我现在连我自己是谁都不知道，
但你还应该给我一个机会向你……
我离婚啦！
我才26岁就离婚啦！
闭嘴！
你还是停下来吧！
我才花了一小时。
看啊，罗斯，你应该理解，
我们认识不是太久，
但你和一个女人相爱已经四年了，
四年的封闭和分享，
最后她把你的心都麻醉了，
这就是我们为什么不这样做！
这还不是最重要的！
你知道最可怕的是什么？
万一每个人一生只有一个女人怎么办？
我的意思是如果你只有一个女人时该怎么办？
不幸地我唯一的女人爱的是……她
你在说什么？一个女人。
那就像在说你只能吃一种口味的冰淇淋，
罗斯，告诉你吧，
冰淇淋的口种有千百种。
有各种点心糖果冰淇淋……
你可以加上小糖条或是核果，
或是奶油，
这是你一生中最美好的事。
你八岁时就结婚了吧？
欢迎来到世界！抓住勺子！
我真的不知道自己是饥渴还是欲火焚身？
那么就别碰我家的冰箱。
自从她甩掉我之后我，
什么？…………
什么，你打算边嚼面条边讲？
不，这就像是”第五次约会真情告白”
有第五次约会？
不需要吗？
需要，我想需要的。
你刚才想说什么？
这个……呃……
自从她离开后，
我就一直无法……没做过……
……性方面的……
天啊,天啊,对不起,对不起。
没关系……
你现在需要的应该不是让人吐口水吧。
多久了？
两年了。
哇！真高兴你砸烂了她的表！
你还想要第五次约会？
……当然想。
我们今天来这里参加
乔安妮•路易丝•坎宁安和查尔斯•
恰棋-恰棋-恰棋•阿可勒的神圣婚礼。
喔……看……乔安妮爱的是恰棋。
差别就在这儿！
抓住勺子。
知道我等着“抓这把勺子”等了多久吗？
你对”此尔，别逞英雄”这句话有感觉吗？
非常对不起！
但我要走了，
我有个约会，和
安德里亚……安吉拉……安德里亚……嗨，
安吉拉喜欢尖叫，安德里亚养猫。
对。谢谢。六月份了。我走了。
是这样的。
就算我鼓起勇气约女人出去，
但我要约谁呀？
神奇吧？我这辈子从没泡过咖啡。
真神奇。
恭喜了。
你看，我觉得只要我会泡咖啡，
就没有什么不行。
如果能侵入波兰，
就能征服一切。
如果你兴致大发想做蛋饼，
老实说我不太饿……
好啊，Lenny和Squigy来啦。
早安。早安。
早安。
早安,保罗。
你好,保罗。
嗨,保罗,是吗？？
谢谢你！太谢谢你了！
好了！
不行，我要告诉你昨晚就像
我所有的生日，毕业典礼，
和谷仓收获季节加在一起一样。
晚点打电话。
好。谢谢。
那还不叫约会？！
那你真正的约会到底干些什么？
闭嘴,把桌子抬回去。
好吧！
孩子们，我要上班去了。
如果我不输入那些数字……
也没什么关系……
你们大伙儿都有工作？
对，我们都有工作。
这样才有钱买东西。
对，我是个演员。
我见过你吗？？
大概没见过吧。
我大部份都是在地区性的节目中演出。
等等，除非你看过小木偶的重播。
这也算是工作吧？
瞧，盖佩多，我是个活生生的小男孩。
我不会理睬这种羞辱。
你说得对,抱歉。
我曾是个小木偶……小木偶……
告诉你们，他死定了。
嗨，钱德勒？
今天感觉如何？
睡得还好吧？和巴瑞通过电话吗？
我无法停止笑。
我看得出来。
你这样子像是昨晚口中含着衣架睡觉。
我知道，他是那么……
还记得你和东尼戴马克？
记得。
就像那样。那样感觉。
你惹上麻烦了。
大麻烦！
需要婚纱吗？几乎没用过的。
我想我们有点不知所以了。
我要清醒，去工作。
整天都不想他，
或者只是清醒然后去工作。
- 祝我幸运！
为什么？
我要去找工作。
嗨，莫妮卡！
法兰妮，欢迎回来！
佛罗里达如何？
你们上床了，对不？
你怎么看出来的？
哦，我恨你，我推着我的洛兹阿姨经过帕罗丛林，
你却在做爱！
和谁呀？
认识保罗吗？
保罗，那个调酒的？
对，我认识保罗。
你认识保罗像我认识他一样？
爱说笑，
他还得谢我呢。
遇到我之前他已有两年无法入道。
显然他是骗你的！
为什么？
为什么会有人那样做？
我想答案比
”设法骗你上床”更复杂。
我恨男人！我恨男人！
不，别恨，你也不想把他们丢出宇宙吧。
问题出在我身上？
难道我有特殊气味。
只有狗和感情有严着问题的男人才闻得到。
过来，脚给我。
我以为他是个好男人。
我无法相信你不懂这是骗局。
猜猜看？
你找到工作了？
开玩笑？我书都白念了！
今天的十二个面试全泡汤了。
不过你却异常兴奋。
换成是你，你也会一样。
如果你遇见John and David的皮靴打五折。
你真是太了解我了。
这是我的新皮靴，
我不需要工作，不需要父母，
因为我有新皮靴！
你怎么付钱？
信用卡啊。
卡费谁费？
我爸。
天啊，好啦，有必要吗？
我是说，我可以随时忍住挥霍的。
成熟点，你不能靠你爸一辈子。
我知道，所以我选择结婚。
饶了她吧，第一次独立并不轻松。
谢谢。
不客气。我记得我第一次来到纽约时的情况，
当时我十四岁，我妈刚自杀，
我继父再度入狱，
我在这儿人生地不熟。
最后我和患白化症的男人同居。
他为港务局的人清洗车窗。
后来他自杀了。
然后我找到芳香按摩治疗的工作。
所以请相信我你的心情我能体会。
你需要的是，
“无论如何”……
好的，准备好了吗？
不。不，不，我没准备好！
我怎么会准备好呢？
嗨，瑞秋！你准备好不用降落伞跳出飞机吗？
不行，我不行！
你能行的, 我知道你能行！
我不觉得.
来吧，你会泡咖啡！
你就什么都可以！
来，剪，剪，剪，剪……
你们知道吗？
我认为我们可以把它们留在那里。
只做个象征性的姿势就可以了。
瑞秋！那是借书卡！
剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪，剪……
知道吗，如果你们仔细听，
你们会听到上千的商家在尖叫。
欢迎来到现实的世界。
糟透了，但你会喜欢的！
好，就到这。
你要睡在沙发上吗？
不，我要回家。
你没事吧？
还好。
嗨，看我在地板上发现什么？
什么？
那是保罗的手表。
放回原地就好了。
好。晚安,各位。
晚安。
嗯……
对不起。- 不，不，不，走开-
吃吧,我不饿。
分开？
行。
你大概不知道我在高中时，
肯定能迷死你。
我知道。
你知道？哦……
我总想你认为我不过是莫妮卡的书呆子哥哥。
没错。
你是否认为如果抛开其他不好的因素，
我能偶尔约你出去吗？有时？有可能？
好，或许吧……
或许我会的……
晚安。
晚安。
回头见……
等等，你怎么了？
我刚“抓住了勺子”！
我真不敢相信我的耳朵。
我真不敢相信我的耳朵。
我说你有一个……
我说你有一个……
你有完没完？
我的老毛病又犯了？
没错！
我是说你有一个不错的屁股，
但不是个了不起的屁股。
它又没跳起来咬过你，你怎么知道不是了不起。
只是想象。
谁要喝咖啡？
你煮的还只是端过来而已？
端来而已。
好,好,给我来杯咖啡。
孩子们，新梦……
我在拉斯维加斯。
嗨，小姐？加点咖啡？
嗯，劳驾，请递给那个人？
去啊。
谢谢。
对不起。好，拉斯维加斯。
我在拉斯维加斯……
我是丽莎明妮莉……

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者板凳发表于: 2014-03-08 0

102 The One With the Sonogram at the End

[Scene Central Perk, everyone's there.]
Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: (pause)....Are we still talking about sex?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people.]
Ross: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?
Marsha: Well, she has issues.
Ross: Does she？
Marsha: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?
Marsha: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?
(Carol, Ross's ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.)
Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No.
Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi!
Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.
(Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the exhibit.)
Ross:Hi.
Carol: So.
Ross: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.
Carol: Sorry. You look good too.
Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...
Carol: A lesbian?

Ross: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?
Carol: Marty's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-
Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol?
Carol: I'm pregnant.
Ross: Pregnant?!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Three's Company.]
Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding.
Phoebe:...Then I've already seen this one! (Turns off the TV.)
Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that?
Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.
Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?!
Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (sees that Monica is glaring at him) ...now I wish I was dead.
(Monica starts to fluff a pillow.)
Phoebe: She's already fluffed that pillow... Monica, you know, you've already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, it's fine!
Monica: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna give them any more ammunition than they already have.
Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow.

Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.

Joey: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.
Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.
Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!
Monica: What?
Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!
All: Eeaagh!
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's beautiful.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God.... (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)
Phoebe: No, look, don't touch that!
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Barry! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...
Monica: Easy Rach, we'll find it. (To all) Won't we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days...
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...
Chandler: ...Dinah?
Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don't be mad...
Monica: You didn't.
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry...
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.)
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
Chandler: Now, Monica, you know that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...
Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just... can't do it.
Chandler: Boys? We're going in.
(Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as there's a knock on the door which Monica answers.)
Ross: (standing outside the door).....Hi.
Monica: Wow. That is not a happy hi.
Ross: Carol's pregnant.
Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!
Monica: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...
Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.)
Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Mon?
Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?
Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved basically it's entirely up to me.
Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her.
Monica: What does she mean by 'involved'?
Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done.
Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.
Rachel: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.
(Joey starts to eat the rest of the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.)
Joey: .....Well, this is still ruined, right?
[Scene, Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents.]
Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! What's that curry taste?
Monica: Curry.
Mrs. Geller: Mmmm!
Ross: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.
Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?

Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him.
Ross: Aw, Mom...

Monica: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?
Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-

Monica: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.
Mrs. Geller: Well, they don't have to know that... (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.)
Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?
Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.)
Mrs. Geller: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.
Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me.
[Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.]
Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.
Mr. Geller: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!

Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...

Monica: What's that supposed to mean?
Mrs. Geller: Nothing! It's an expression.
Monica: No it's not.

Mr. Geller: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
[Time Lapse.]
Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.
[Time Lapse.]
Mr. Geller: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Harmonica' doesn't seem to have that problem.
Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
(Stunned silence ensues.)
Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Park, everyone's there.]
Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh?
Ross: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.

Monica: Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To Ross) -I'd want yours.

Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.)
Phoebe: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.
Rachel: You're twins?
Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.

Chandler: What does she do?
Phoebe: She's a waitress.

Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.)
Monica: Chandler, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.
Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.
Rachel: The lights, please..
(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up.  Ross enters from the bathroom.)
Ross: ...How long was I in there?
Rachel: I'm just cleaning up.
Ross: D'ya.. uh.. Do you need any help?
Rachel: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.)
Ross: Anyway.. um.. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow?
Rachel: Oh.. a little..
Ross: Mm-hmm..
Rachel: A lot.
Ross: Mm.
Rachel: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?
Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey!, I'll go down there, and I'll give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN...
Rachel: Oh, you've got Carol tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?

Ross: Got me.
Rachel: Remember when we were in high school together?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it? (Ross gazes at her.) ..Ross?

Ross: Yes, yes!
Rachel: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.. (She leans back onto his hand.)
Ross: Me either... (He pulls up a stool so that he doesn't have to move his hand.)
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, Carol is waiting.]
Ross: (entering) Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.
(Susan enters holding a drink.)
Susan: Hi.
Carol: Ross, you remember Susan.
Ross: How could I forget?
Susan: Ross.
Ross: (they shake hands) Hello, Susan. (To Carol) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?
Carol: Dr. Oberman.
Ross: ..Dr. Oberman. Okay. And is he-

Susan: She.
Ross: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?
Carol: Yes, and she's very supportive.
Ross: Okay, that's great. (Susan gives her drink to Carol.) No, I'm- Oh.
Carol: Thanks.
Ross: (picks up a surgical instrament and mimes a duck with it) Quack, quack..
Carol: Ross? That opens my cervix. (He drops it in horror.)
[Scene Barry's office, Barry is working on patient, Robbie, as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Barry?
Barry: Come in.
Rachel: (hesitates) Are you sure?
Barry: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Robbie's gonna be here for hours.
Robbie: Huh?!
Barry: So, how ya doin?
Rachel: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!
Barry: Yeah, well..
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Jason Greenstein's gagging.
Barry: (answering the intercom) Be right there. (To Robbie and Rachel) Be back in a sec.
(As Barry exits Robbie stares at Rachel.)
Rachel: I dumped him.
Robbie: Okay.
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.]
Ross: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?
Carol: Give me a 'for instance'.
Ross: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?
Carol: Marlon-
Ross: Marlon?!
Carol: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.
Ross: ...As in Mouse?
Carol: As in my grandmother.
Ross: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?
Carol: Julia..
Susan: We agreed on Minnie.
Ross: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?
[Scene: Barry's office, Rachel is doing her makeup in the mirror on Barry's lamp as Barry enters.]
Barry: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?
Rachel: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.
Barry: Oh, that's great.
Rachel: Why are- why are you so tanned?
Barry: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.
Rachel: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?
Barry: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
Robbie: Me?!
Barry: No! (To Rachel) I went with Mindy.

Rachel: Mindy?! My maid of honour, Mindy?!
Barry: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.
Rachel: Oh! Well, um.. (Grabs his forehand) You've got plugs!

Barry: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.
Rachel: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!

Barry: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.
Rachel: Okay..
Barry: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.
Rachel: Wow.

Barry: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Mindy, now I'm happy. Spit.
Rachel: What?
Robbie: Me. (Spits.)
Rachel: Anyway, um, (Gets the ring out of her purse.) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.
Barry: Well, thank you for giving it back.
(Barry and Rachel look at each other.)
Robbie: Hello?!
[Scene: Carol's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.]
Susan: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?
Ross: Helen Geller? I don't think so.
Carol: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Geller.
Ross: Thank you!
Carol: No, I mean it's not Geller.
Ross: What, it's gonna be Helen Willick?
Carol: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Willick-Bunch.

Ross: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?
Susan: It's my baby too.
Ross: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.

Susan: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!
Carol: All right, you two, stop it!
Ross: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.
Carol: Ross. You're not actually suggesting Helen Willick-Bunch-Geller? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.

Ross: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Geller-Willick-Bunch.
Susan: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Geller, then he gets his way!

Ross: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-

Dr. Oberman: (entering) Knock knock!How are we today? Any nausea?
All: Yeah. Yeah. A little.
Dr. Oberman: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To Carol) Uh, lie back..
Ross: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.
(He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches hes ear.  He returns and stares at it.)
Ross: Oh my God.
Susan: Look at that.
Carol: I know.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, everyone is watching the tape of the sonogram.   Rachel is on the phone.]
Ross: Well? Isn't that amazing?
Joey: What are we supposed to be seeing here?

Chandler: I don’t know, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.

Ross: Then don't do that, alright?
Phoebe: Okay!
Ross: (walks over to where Monica is standing) Monica. What do you think?
Monica: (welling up) Mm-hmm.
Ross: Wh- are you welling up?
Monica: No.
Ross: You are, you're welling up.
Monica: Am not!
Ross: You're gonna be an aunt.
Monica: (pushes him and starts to cry) Oh shut up!
Rachel: (on phone) Hi, Mindy. Hi, it-it's Rachel. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Barry today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Mind, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. (Slams the phone down.) (To everyone) Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now.

102 参加助产训练班

你们男生不懂亲吻对女生的重要性
没错，当真?
当真.
你想了解的一切全在初吻之中
没错
对我们而言亲吻就像是开场，就像佛洛伊飞船出场前，你得耐着性子先看完脱口秀
对，我们并非讨厌脱口秀，但那不是我们买票的原因
问题出在于演唱会结束后，不论表演有多精采，你们女生总还想再看脱口秀，我们在车上奋力杀出车阵，只是拼命让自己别睡着
是哦?给你一个建议。叫脱口秀主持人再度上场，否则下次，你们只能坐家里听唱片
我们还在谈论性吗?
不，这样很好，只是她看起来是不是有点生气吗?
她有麻烦事.
她有吗?
他在外头乱搞女人，而她却待家里，设法去除地毯上乳齿象的味道
玛莎，他们是穴居人，他们关心的问题是冰河愈来愈接近了，懂吗?
谈到问题,那不是你前妻吗?
我的?不是
是的,她是.嘿,你好
是的,我到冰河期找你
编剧：马卡克夫曼大卫克恩

你的气色好极了，我讨厌看到这样
抱歉，谢了
你的气色也很好，在这儿任何直立的人…，最近如何?还是…女同志?
问问无妨嘛，家庭生活如何?
玛蒂的疑心病还是很重
卡萝，为何来这儿?
我怀孕了

她似乎不急着离开，人和人，让人讨厌的就是有误会，他们之间有误会
我看过这一集
喝完没?
抱歉,吞下去的时间太慢
这是谁的小纸团?
我的，我写给自己一张便条，后来觉得自己不需要，于是将它揉成纸团，我不想活了
她已经拍松过那个枕头，摩妮卡，你已经拍过了枕头了?
抱歉，各位，我只是不想，让他们有藉题发挥的机会
没错，我们都知道，父母对孩子的枕头要求有多苛刻。
摩妮卡…，你吓到我了，你慌慌张张的，而且显得不是很好
冷静,你没见过每次他们来时，罗斯有慌张的样子
因为在我爸妈心目中，罗斯不可能犯错，他是个王子，显然，他们在我出生前有个大型仪式。     什么?

丑陋裸男有个”美腿器”
有人看见我的订婚戒指吗?
有，很漂亮。糟了•，．
嘿,不要动它们
明天就要还他戒指，我似乎还不够担心。巴瑞，记得我吗?，我是那个穿白纱，让你在亲友面前出糗的人，天啊，如今我必须还他戒指，戒指不见了，叫我如何面对他？
别急，我们会找到的，对不?
是呀,我们会的.
最后一次戴是在什么时候?
”孩仔”，大概是在遗失之前
这年头说”孩仔”的人不多
我今天早上还戴它，我在厨房戴着做…

面条？
别生气
对不起
我就让你做了这么一件事情
你看面条现在变得多直
摩妮卡，在千层面中找订婚戒指不是那样找
我办不到
我们很高兴做.
语气并不开心
卡萝怀孕了
我找到了
什,什,什么?
你再持续两小时，就会变成我这样
如此一来，枕头的事就可先拦在一旁?
你现在要怎么办?
卡萝说她和苏珊想让我加入，但是对这件事我不太感到舒服,我不想卷进去.一切由我做决定
她人好好，我真想念她
她所谓的”加入”代表什么?
我猜,你大部分的工作已经结束了
总之，她们要我和她们去做超音波检查
你打算怎么做?
我也不知道，不管我怎么做我还是孩子的爹
面已经被搅乱了，不是吗?

玛莎路金的女儿会打电话给你
怎么会有咖哩味?
因为有放咖哩
这东西很好吃，真的
你还记得路金一家人?他们的大女儿喜欢你，对不?
他们家的女儿都喜欢他
不要这样,妈妈
抱歉，她为何要打电话给我?
她刚毕业，想找份烹饪的工作吧，我告诉她你开了一家餐馆
不，妈，我没开餐馆，我在餐厅工作
他们不需要知道

罗斯，能帮我做义大利面吗?
我们吃义大利面呀?太简单了
我知道这样要求过于自私，你能不能和他们说一下小孩/女同性恋之类的事?因为这样可以让我喘口气
瑞秋到底怎么了?，我们在俱乐部遇见她父母，他们很不开心
我不想讲他们为此婚礼花了些什么，但是4万块不是个小数目?
至少她有机会把一个男人留在教堂里的圣坛
什么意思?
没什么，随便说说
不，不是的，
别听你妈乱讲话，你一直都很独立，就连你小时候，胖嘟嘟的一个朋友也没有，你还是活得好好的，你会待在你房里看书玩拼图

而像罗斯这种人则追求卓越，博物馆，发表论文…，其他人则安于现状告诉你，这种人不会得癌症
我还知道，这些女人想拥有一切，幸好我们家的小摩妮卡似乎没有这种问题
罗斯，你呢?最近有什么新闻八卦之类可以和老爸老妈分享的
好吧，我知道你们想了解我和卡萝之间倒底怎么了，事情是这样的，卡萝是个女同志，她和一个名字苏珊的女人同居，她怀了我的孩子，并打算和苏珊共同抚养他

这些你全都知道?

你的状况真的很糟糕吗?
你要知道这些人十分专业,他们会躲在那里
再来个突然袭击
常言道：父母是无法交换的，如果可以，我要你的父母
我要去尿尿了
如果你是双胞胎，情况会更惨
你是双胞胎?
对,我们不往来。她是一心追求事业的人
她从事什么工作?
服务生
各位，我得打扫了
钱德，你是独子?你没有这些困扰?
没有。尽管我有个想像中的朋友，而我爸妈比较喜欢他
帮我关灯
我在里面多久了?
只是我要打扫了
需要帮忙吗?
好呀，谢了
明天要见巴瑞，紧张吗?

有一点
很紧张

有任何建言吗?就一个最近刚被甩的人而言,你应该避免用”甩”这个字眼,现在他可能痛不欲生,因此你不该显得艳光照人.我知道这一点很难做到.这样吧，我拿戒指还巴瑞,你陪卡萝及苏珊去做检查
你明天得见卡萝,此事何时变得这么复杂?
你可问倒我了
还记得我们在高中时代吗?  记得
你没想过自己会遇见心上人,谈恋爱,然后厮守终生吗?罗斯?
什么事?
没想到自己会沦落到这个地步
我也是

抱歉，我迟到了,我忙得无法脱身恐龙之类的事
罗斯，记得苏珊吗?
我怎能忘得了?
罗斯
苏珊,你好,她的手好有力,那么我们在等…
欧伯曼大夫
欧伯曼大夫他•，
她
她了解我们的特殊状况?
了解，而且她非常支持
这太好了,不,我只是.
谢了
罗斯，
那是用来打开我的子宫颈的
巴瑞
进来
没问题?
没问题,罗此得待在这儿好几个小时
最近好吗?
你的气色好极了
法大夫,杰森快没气了
马上到
我马上回来
我甩了他
哦.
我们该如何处理此事?比方说某些重大的决定
比如?
比方说孩子的名字
马龙
如果是个男孩马龙,如果是个女孩就叫米妮
和米奇的女友同名?
和我奶奶同名
不管怎样,听到这个还是想到老鼠.朱莉亚如何?
朱莉亚?
我们决定用米妮
真幽默我们曾决定共同生活一辈子,世事难料，兵来将挡.茱莉亚，就这么决定
抱歉,近来可好?
混得过去，我刚找到工作
这太好了
你为何晒得这么黑?
我到阿鲁巴了
你自己一个去渡蜜月?
不是,我和… 你也许会很不好受
我?
不.我和明蒂去了
我的伴娘明蒂?
对，我们是认真的
你去做植发了?
小心，还不固定
你何时配隐形眼镜的?你不是讨厌将手指放进眼睛吗?
还不是为了她. 我真的得感谢你
一个月前我想伤害你,我从未如此激动过,我是个整牙医师
你说得没错,我以为我们会过得很快乐,我们不快乐.但是和明蒂在一起,现在我很快乐.吐掉
什么?
是和我说
总之，这东西属于你的.谢谢你送我
谢谢你送还给我

拜托，海伦有什么不好?
海伦盖勒?不行
她不会叫海伦盖勒的
不，我是说她不姓盖勒
难道她叫海伦威利克
老实说,我们考虑用海伦威利克班奇
等等，为何有她的份?
因为她也是我的宝宝
是吗?我不记得女人也会制造精子
我们都知道那是个极大的挑战
够了，你们两个，别吵了
不，功劳全让她抢了.我也在场
罗斯，你该不会想用海伦威利克班奇盖勒吧?因为这有虐待儿童之嫌
当然没有,我想用盖勒威利克班奇
绝对不行,你看他，没人会叫她全名的.他知道别人只会叫她盖勒,这样他就得逞了
我得逞?你认为这样算我得逞?相信我，我没想到自己会沦落到这种地步,我是不得已的…
有人在吗?今天如何，想呕吐吗?
只是一点点
我只是问准妈妈,很感谢你们的分享.躺好
知道吗?我不加入,我认为此时自己无法淌人这浑水

我的天呀
看啊
我知道

很神奇吧
我们该看到什么?
我不知道,可能是攻击企业号(星舰迷航记)
如果你们把头稍微向左偏,两眼放轻松,它样子就像是一个颗老马铃薯
那么就不要那么干
摩妮卡，你认为呢?
你热泪盈眶?
才没那
我只是…
你有,你热泪盈眶
你就要成为阿姨了
闭嘴
明蒂，我是瑞秋.我很好，我今天和巴瑞见面了.不，他告诉我了,没关系，真的.对，他告诉我了,我诚心祝福你们幸福快乐.如果一切顺利，你们结婚生子,希望他们有他的发线和你的鼻子.
我知道这招很贱,但我感觉好棒

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者地板发表于: 2014-03-08 0

103 The One With the Thumb

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Phoebe: (entering) Hi guys!
All: Hey, Pheebs! Hi!
Ross: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?
Phoebe: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'
All: Ohh. Ouch.
Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'.
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.
Rachel: And everybody knows this?
Joey: Yeah. Cushions the blow.
Chandler: Yeah, it's like when you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and they tell you it went off to live on some farm.
Ross: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.
Monica: Uh, Ross.
Ross: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is helping Joey rehearse for a part.]
Chandler: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"
Joey: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."
Chandler: Hey, that was really good!
Joey: Thanks! Let's keep going.
Chandler: Okay. "So. Whaddya want from me, Damone, huh?"
Joey: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."
Chandler: "Smoke away."
(Joey takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.  He fumbles and drops the lighter.  Then he lights a cigarett, takes a drag, and coughs.)
Chandler: I think this is probably why Damone smokes in his cell alone.
Joey: What?
Chandler: Relax your hand!
(Joey lets his wrist go limp.)
Chandler: Not so much!
Joey: Whoah!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Alright, now try taking a puff.
(Joey tries and visibly winces.)
Chandler: Alright.. okay. No. Give it to me.
Joey: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.
Chandler: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you wanna get this part, or not? Here.
(Joey reluctantly gives him the cigarette.)
Chandler: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as the thing that's been missing from your hand. When you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.
Joey: Y'miss it?
Chandler: Nah, not so much. Alright, now we smoke. (Takes a puff.) Oh.. my.. God. (He continues to smoke.)
[Scene, Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe and Rachel is there.]
Monica: No, no, no. They say it's the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger.
(The guys stretch out their fingers.)
Joey: That's ridiculous!
Ross: Can I use.. either thumb?
Rachel: (carrying a tray of drinks) Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me! (Starts handing them out.) Decaf cappucino for Joey.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!
All: Yeah. Yeah, excellent.
Rachel: (leaving to serve others) Good for me!
(The gang swaps all the drinks for what they ordered as Phoebe enters.  She sits down without saying hi.)
Joey: Y'okay, Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.
Monica: What did they do to you?
Phoebe: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-
Ross: Easy.
Phoebe: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh, Satan's minions at work again...
Phoebe: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them.
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing.
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'...
Monica: We're with you. We got it.
(Chandler leans over the back of the couch out of sight.)
Phoebe: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.
Rachel: Chandler, what are you doing?
Monica: (puling him up) Hey. Whaddya doing?
(Chandler tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.)
All: Oh! Oh, God!
Ross: What is this?!
Chandler: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!
Chandler: And this- is my reward!
Ross: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.
Chandler: Okay, so this time I won't quit!
All: Ohhh! Put it out!
Chandler: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out. (He drops it in Phoebe's coffee.)
Phoebe: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now!
Monica: Alright. I'm gonna go change, I've got a date.
Rachel: This Alan again? How's it goin'?
Monica: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're having fun.
Joey: So when do we get to meet the guy?
Monica: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.
All: Oh, come on! Come on!
Monica: No. Not after what happened with Steve.
Chandler: What are you talking about? We love Schhteve! Schhteve was schhexy!.. Sorry.
Monica: Look, I don't even know how I feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out.
Rachel: Well, then can we meet him?
Monica: Nope. Schhorry.
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are at work.]
Monica: I mean, why should I let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.
Paula: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.
Monica: I know. I just wish that once, I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.
Paula: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is smoking out on the balcony, Phoebe is absent.]
Joey: Let it go, Ross.
Ross: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.
Monica: Do you all promise?
All: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!
Monica: (shouts to Chandler) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?
(Chandler makes a 'Cross my heart' sign.  It starts to rain and he taps on the window.)
Joey: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!
(Chandler sulkilty picks up a garbage can lid and uses it as an umbrella.)
(Phoebe enters, walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to read a letter without saying hi.)
Ross: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this- (Searches in her purse) -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!
Rachel: What bank is this?
(The intercom buzzes.)
Monica: Hey. It's him. (On the intercom) Who is it?
Alan: (on the intercom) It's Alan.
Joey: (shouting to Chandler) Chandler! He's here!
(Chandler comes in, dripping wet.)
Monica: (to all) Okay, please be good, please. Just remember how much you all like me.
(She opens the door and Alan enters.)
Monica: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.
Alan: Hi.
All: Hi, Alan.
Alan: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!
(Everyone laughs.)
[Time lapse, Alan is leaving.]
Monica: (to Alan) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (Alan exits, to all) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?
(Silence.)
Monica: C'mon!
Ross: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.
All: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!
Monica: Wait a minute! We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?
All: Yeah!
Rachel: And did you notice...? (She spreads her thumb and index finger.)
The Guys: (reluctantly) Yeah.
Joey: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.
Phoebe: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!
Ross: ...What shoe?
Phoebe: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'
(Dubious pause.)
Ross: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.
Monica: Really!
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (Does the impression)
Ross: You know what I like most about him, though?
All: What?
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
All: Yeah...
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is alone as Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Joey enter dejectedly in softball gear.]
Monica: Hi.. how was the game?
Ross: Well..
All: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!
Monica: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?
Joey: Alan.
Ross: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...
Rachel: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.
Chandler: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..
Monica: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..
Ross: What?
Monica: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?
Rachel: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.
Ross: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.
Chandler: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.
[Scene: A street, Phoebe walks up to a homeless person (Lizzie) she knows.]
Phoebe: Hey, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Hey, Weird Girl.
Phoebe: I brought you alphabet soup.
Lizzie: Did you pick out the vowels?
Phoebe: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you. (She searches in her purse.)
Lizzie: Saltines?
Phoebe: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?
Lizzie: What? (She opens the envelope Phoebe has given her.) Oh my God, there's really money in here.
Phoebe: I know.
Lizzie: Weird Girl, what are you doing?
Phoebe: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.
Lizzie: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.
Phoebe: Oh, that's fine, no.
Lizzie: Would you like my tin-foil hat?
Phoebe: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.
Lizzie: Please, let me do something.
Phoebe: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?
Lizzie: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler's office, Chandler looks around, opens his desk drawer, takes a puff of a cigarette, sprays around some air freshener, and takes some breath spray.  He types for a little while, opens the drawer again, and takes another drag of the cigarette.   While not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.]
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Lizzie are at a hot dog vendor.]
Lizzie: Keep the change. (To Phoebe) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?
Phoebe: No, I'm fine.
Lizzie: (leaves) See ya.
(Phoebe opens the can and reacts.)
Phoebe: Huh!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is telling everyone about her discovery.]
Ross: A thumb?!
(Phoebe nods.)
All: Eww!
Phoebe: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!
Chandler: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?
Phoebe: Does, um, anyone wanna see?
All: Nooo!
(Chandler lights a cigarette.)
All: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!
Rachel: It's worse than the thumb!
Chandler: Hey, this is so unfair!
Monica: Oh, why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word? And Monica, with that snort when she laughs? I mean, what the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?
(An awkward silence ensues.)
Joey: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?
Rachel: Well, I-I could live without it.
Joey: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
(Phoebe spits out her hair.)
Ross: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh, (Imitating Ross) "you do, do you"?
(Monica laughs and snorts.)
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.
(They degenerate into bickering and Chandler happily starts to smoke, undisturbed.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica and Paula are working.]
Monica: Did you ever go out with a guy your friends all really like?
Paula: No.
Monica: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends all really like.
Paula: Waitwait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!
Monica: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing.
Paula: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Monica, dump him!
Monica: I know.. it's gonna be really hard.
Paula: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.
Monica: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.
[Scene: Cental Perk, Joey and Ross are persecuting Chandler about his smoking.]
Joey: Do you have any respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, y'know, I have had it with you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Rachel: (holding the phone out to Chandler) Chandler? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.
Chandler: Really? He does? (taking the phone) Hey, buddy, what's up! Oh, she told you about that, huh. Well, yeah, I have one now and then. Well, yeah, now. Well, it's not that big- ..well, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Well, okay, thanks! (He hands the phone back and stubs out his cigarette.)
Rachel: (to Ross, who has wandered up) God, he's good.
Ross: If only he were a woman.
Rachel: Yeah.
(They give each other a dubious look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyond except Monica and Joey is watching Lambchop.]
Chandler: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.
Ross: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. (Does so.)
Monica: (entering) Hey. Where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Rachel: I think he's across the hall.
Monica: Thanks. (Goes to fetch him.)
Ross: (finishing changing Chandler's nicotine patch) There y'go.
Chandler: (deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
Ross: Hey Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Pheebs?
Phoebe: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?
Ross: Hey, I might!
Phoebe: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.
All: You're kidding. Oh my God.
Phoebe: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!
Joey: (dragged in by Monica, he has just gotten out of the shower) What's going on?
Monica: Nothing. I just think it's nice when we're all here together.
Joey: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..
Rachel: Uh, Joey..
Joey: Oh, God! (Hurriedly closes his legs.)
Monica: (turns off the TV) Okay..
All: Oh! That was Lambchop!
Monica: Please, guys, we have to talk.
Phoebe: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not.
Monica: Alright, we have to talk.
Phoebe: There it is!
Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.
(They all gasp and clutch each other.)
Ross: Is there somebody else?
Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.
Rachel: We didn't change..
Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?
Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I- (starts chewing her hair)
Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending-
Joey: Okay!
Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!
Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.
Monica: I'm sorry..
Chandler: (sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
Rachel: (tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-
Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.
All: Oh, yeah! Right!
Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay?
Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
Monica: (dubious) I understand.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica is breaking the news to Alan.]
Alan: Wow.
Monica: I'm, I'm really sorry.
Alan: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.
Monica: Relieved?
Alan: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is mopping around and eating ice cream.]
Rachel: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.
Ross: Yeah. He could row like a viking.
Monica: (entering) Hi.
All: Mmm.
Ross: So how'd it go?
Monica: Oh, y'know..
Phoebe: Did he mention us?
Monica: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (dubious look)
Ross: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere. (She sits down and Ross strokes her forehead.)
Chandler: ...That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
All: No no no!
Chandler: (leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm weak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!
Phoebe: (shouting as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!
Chandler: (returns) Yeah, alright.
End

103 飞来横财

嗨,各位!
嘿, 菲比! 嗨!
嘿. 哦,哦,你的约会怎么样?
不是很好,他送我到地铁
然后说:"我们应该再来一次!"
哦,喔.
怎么啦?
他说要再来一次?那不是很好吗?
不，
他说我们应该再来一次
代表你将无法再见到裸体的我
什么时候这样子的?
一直都是这样,
这是约会用语.
就像...”问题不是出在你”
代表”就是你”
”你真好”代表
”我要和皮革族的酒徒约会
然后向你抱怨."
还有还有,”我们该试试别人”
代表”我已和别人约会了”
大家都懂?
对,这是善意的谎言
没错，
就像父母使小孩的狗安乐死时
他们会说
它跑到别人家农场去住了
真有意思
不过我爸妈是真的
把我们的狗送到别人农场去养了
呃, 罗斯
米纳家在康乃迪克州的农场
米纳家
他们家的农场好棒
有马还有可供追逐的兔子…
噢,我的天,芝芝
“知道自己不久人世有何感受?”
“华顿，
我的痛苦将在五分钟内消除
但你得承受
埋葬一个老实人的痛苦！”
嘿,表演得真好!
是吗? 谢了，咱们继续吧
好，“你要我怎么做，
迪默，嗯？”
我只想回到我的牢房内
因为这样
我才可以抽烟
你就在这里抽吧.
我想这就是迪默
自己一个在牢房里抽烟的原因
什么?
手放轻松,手腕自然点
别太过火
-哦! 嘿!
-嘿!
好, 吐口烟
给我来
不,我不能给你烟
无所谓的，
你到底想不想演这个角色?
好，别把它当成是支烟，把它当成
是你想念多时的东西
夹着它
你感到自在你感到满足
你很想它
没那么严重.
抽烟
噢,爽呀!
不,不是这样的.
他们说和拇指尖
到食指尖的距离一样
这太荒谬了
随便哪个姆指都行?
别告诉我…
无咖啡因卡布其诺
是乔依的
纯咖啡
拿铁
和冰茶
我进步神速
对, 对, 真好
我真行
菲此,你没事吧
我还好
只是太不值得了…
我的银行
他们对你怎么了?
我看我的信件时
看见他们的每月“通知”
别激动...
我的户头多了五百元
撤旦的奴才又开始活跃了
没错，因为我得到银行找他们处理
别傻了，留着自己用吧
这些钱不是我的
不是我赚来的
我留下来就如同偷窃
如果你拿来花就如同购物
好吧，就比方说我买了一双很棒的鞋
你们知道我每踏出一步
都会听到什么吗?
不是我的…
即使我再快乐再雀跃都会听到
不是我的…
我们知道你的意思了
我无法享受非份之财的乐趣
这就像是业报一样
钱德，你在干什么?
嘿，你在干什么?
噢,我的天!
这是什么?!
我在抽烟…
我真不敢相信你
你这三年来一直表现良好
这是我的奖励
等等，想想你戒烟后是怎么活过来的
所以这一次我不再戒了
熄掉…
好吧,我熄掉就是
拜托，我现在喝不了它了.
(难道待会可以-_-!)
我要去换衣服了
我有个约会
又是亚伦?
进展得如何?
进展的还不错.
我们在一起很开心
我们何时能见到他?
对啊!
今天是星期一…
永远别想…
哦, 来嘛!
不,不要再来像史提夫那次的事…
你在说什么?
我们都爱史...提夫
史...提夫很性...感
抱歉
我连自己对他有何感觉
都还不知道
给我一点时间想清楚
那么到时我们可以见他罗?
不行，抱歉
我为何要让他们见他?
我带他回去后五分钟
他们便蜂拥而上
他们就像郊狼一样
找弱者下手
不愉快的场面我见多了
告诉你
这并不是一件坏事
他们是你的朋友
他们只是关心你
我知道
我只希望带一个
他们真正喜欢的男人回家
你知道如果他们没见过他
机会就更渺茫
-不要这样子,罗斯,别再想了!
你又不认识芝芝.
你们都保证?
对，我们保证
我们会很乖的
钱德，你保证会很乖?
你可以进来了,
但你的滤嘴屁股朋友得呆在外面.
嘿, 菲比
亲爱的巴菲小姐
谢谢你提醒我们的错误
我们已将五百元存人你的户头
造成不便之处请多包涵
请接受此足球电话…
作为礼物
你们懂意思吗?
现在我多了一千元和一个足球电话
这是哪家银行?
他来了
是谁啊?
亚伦
钱德，他来了
拜托，别乱来
记得你们有多么爱我
嗨，亚伦，这是大家
各位，这是亚伦
嗨
嗨，亚伦
我对各位已如雷灌耳
谢谢，我明天再打电话给你
好了，开始攻击亚伦吧
谁先开始?
来呀
我来
我们从他一直...
…抱歉，我办不到...
我们爱他…他太棒了...
等等，我们谈的是我约会的对象吗?
是啊
你们都有注意到?
是啊...
知道他什么最棒吗?
他的微笑有点邪邪的
对，就像是鞋里的男人
什么鞋?
童谣里的
有个驼背的人有着扭曲的微笑
他住在鞋子里，一阵子
我想亚伦将成为日后男友被丈量的标准
什么日后男友?
不，我想他就是了
真的呀?
光凭他学海滩游侠的样子
我就想嫁给他了
”我要去参加派对”
知道我最喜欢他哪一点?
哪一点？
他改变我看待自己的方式
嗯...
嗯...
嗨！
比赛如何?
怎么说呢.
我们赢啦! 谢谢! 太棒啦!
太好了! 我有一个问题: 这怎么可能呢?
亚伦真是太不可思议了
他就像兔宝宝卡通里,
兔宝宝守每个位置
我们虽没有兔宝宝
但我们有一垒手亚伦、
二垒手亚伦、三垒手亚伦...
他使我们形成一个团队
对，我们让对手见识到什么叫垒球
没错
能问你们一个问题吗?
你是否曾感觉亚伦有时…
有时怎样?
我说不上来，有点太亚伦了?
不，不可能
他不可能太过于亚伦
没错我们欣赏的是亚伦的内在
我个人可以喝下一加仑的亚伦
嘿,露西
嘿,古怪女孩
我带字母汤来给你
你挑掉有母音吗?
但我把“Y”留下来了
因为有时你会用的上,
为什么(Why,音同Y)
我还带了其他东西给你
咸鱼吗?
不, 但你想要一千元和足球电话吗?
什么?
天啊，这里真的有钱
怪女孩，你在干什么?
我要给你，我不想要
不，我得拿点东西给你
不，不用了
你要我的锡箔纸帽帽吗?
不要，因为你需要它
不用了，谢谢
求你
让我表示我的谢意
好，这样吧
你请我喝汽水，我们就扯平了，好吗？
好吧
好吧
不用找了
谢谢你，莉兹
你真的不要椒盐卷饼?
不,不用了,谢谢
再见
一个拇指?!
我知道
我打开时
它就浮在里面
像个搭便车的
或者
这是一场竞赛
集满五个有奖?
你们想看看吗?
不,不,不...
嘿，嘿，别那样！
拜托！
这比拇指更坏！
嘿，这很不公平啊！
为何不公平?
好，我有个缺点，怎么了?
乔依常扳指关节就不惹人厌?
罗斯把每个音发得太清楚
摩妮卡大笑时的鼻音
搞什么嘛？！
我接受大家所有的缺点
为什么大家就不肯接受我的这个缺点呢?
扳指关节很惹人厌吗?
我觉得有点点烦
那声音只是一点点惹人厌...
还是像菲此咬她的头发一样惹人厌?
菲此，别介意
我觉得那样很可爱
哦，真的？是吗？
咬字清晰又不犯法
没错
我该回去工作了
没错，否则有人就会拿到他们真正点的东西了
哦...
全都发泄出来了
你曾和一个
你朋友都喜欢的男人约会吗?
没有
我在和一个
我朋友都喜欢的男人约会
我们在谈郊狼吗?
一头牛居然全身而退
你能相信吗?
你知道吗? 我毫无感觉...
他们有感觉...
而我却毫无感觉！
你应该要有感觉的啊！
听着，如果你对他没感觉
就把他甩了呀！
我知道，但很难
没错，但他是大人了，
他会熬过去的
不，他没事
我担心的
是其他五人
难道你不尊重你的身体吗?
你不知道你在残害你的身体?
我受够你们了
还有你们的癌症，肺气肿
和心脏病
至少抽烟很酷
这点你们也很清楚
钱德，亚伦找你
真的？他找我？
老兄，什么事?
她告诉你了?
对，我偶尔会犯烟瘾
对，现在
没那么糟
这倒是真的
天啊，没人这么说过
好的，谢谢
天啊，他真神
如果他是个女人那该有多好
是啊...
小羊排
那袜子到底有多旧了?
如果我手上戴着袜子三十年
它也会开始说话了
有人该换尼古丁贴片了
嘿，乔依在哪儿?
乔依吃了我的最后一片口香糖
所以我就把他杀了
你认为这样不对吗?
我想他在对面
好啦.
哦，我又重拾快乐的生活了
菲此，你还想吃那个吗？菲比？
谁想吃剩下的?
我要
抱歉
汽水公司那些笨蛋
给我七千元当姆指的补偿金
天啊！
七千元！
别闹了！
然后在来这的路上我又踩到口香糖了
这世界到底怎么了?
怎么啦?
没什么，只是觉得大伙儿在一起很温馨
如果大家都有穿内裤会更好
Joey,你那里...
天呀
好..
哦！那是小羊排！
好了,大家,我们必须得谈谈.
等等，我有似曾相识的感觉,
不,好像没有
好吧,我们需要谈谈.
瞧,来了
是有关亚伦的事
有件事应该让你们知道
真的很难启齿
我决定和亚伦分手
有第三者?
没有...
只是世事难料，人都会变
我们没变啊
就这样...就这样结束了？就这样了？
当你放下防御，真心对待一个人…
我可以继续伪装…
好啊！
不，这样对我不公平
对亚伦不公平
对你们大家也不公平
是吗?谁要公平?
我只想要回失去的，回到往日
我很抱歉
哦,她说抱歉,我感觉好多了
我真是不敢相信
假期就要来临了
我还想带他去见我的家人
我会找到新欢的，会有另一个亚伦
是呀,另一个.
你们不会有事吧?
嘿，嘿，我们会好起来的
我们只是需要一点时间
我了解
哇..
我真的很抱歉
我也很抱歉
但我也真的松了一口气.
松了一口气?
对，我和你在一起很开心
只是我受不了你朋友
记得我们到中央公园划船吗?
那真好玩
是啊，他划得就像维京人一样
嗨.
嘿.
情况如何?
嗯，你知道...
他有提到我们吗?
他说他会想念你们的
悲惨的一天?
你无法体会
来...
我受够了,我要抽烟
不行…
我管不了那么多了
我投降，我是懦夫，我要抽烟，我要抽烟！
如果你不再抽烟我就给你七千块
好吧,没问题.

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 4楼发表于: 2014-03-08 0

104 The One With George Stephanopoulos

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.]
Monica: Alright. Phoebe?
Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.
Rachel: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.)
All: Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy.
Monica: Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself!
Monica: ..Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live!
Ross: Joey, uh- OMnipotent.
Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry..
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep.]
Monica: How does she do that?
Ross: I cannot sleep in a public place.
Monica: Would you look at her? She is so peaceful.
Phoebe: (waking and startling them) Oh! What what what! ...Hi.
Ross: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.
Monica: What's going on with you?
Phoebe: I got no sleep last night!
Ross: Why?
Phoebe: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!
Monica: Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel and me tonight.
Phoebe: Thanks.
(Chandler and Joey enter.  Joey is counting his steps.)
Joey: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.
Chandler: You got waaaay too much free time.
Joey: (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.
Chandler: Happy birthday, pal!
Joey: We love you, man. (Kisses Ross)
Ross: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.
Joey: So?
Ross: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?
Chandler: Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is half empty."
Ross: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?
Monica: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember.
Ross: Ohhh.
Joey: What's wrong with the twentieth?
Chandler: Eleven days before Halloween.. all the good costumes are gone?
Ross: Today's the day Carol and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!
Chandler: (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross! You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh?
Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: (stops) I have no idea.
Joey: C'mon, Ross!
Ross: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?
Chandler: You got it.
(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.)
Rachel: Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!
Phoebe: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.
Monica: Wow, you worked in a mine?
Phoebe: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?
Rachel: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally—(opens envelope)—not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Chandler, look at that.
Chandler: (looking) Oh, this is not that bad.
Joey: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.
Ross: You can totally, totally live on this.
Monica: Yeah, yeah.
Ross: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.
All: Oh! Yeah!
(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)
Guys: Hockey! (They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne.  The guys pause to stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.)
Leslie: (looking around) Rachel?
Rachel: Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne all scream and hug each other.
Monica: (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.
Rachel: What are you guys doing here?
Kiki: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!
Joanne: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.
Rachel: (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!
Leslie: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.
Rachel: (to Joanne) So what's going on with you?
Joanne: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm? (She points to herself and they all scream again.)
Kiki: And while we're on the subject of news.. (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again.)
Phoebe: (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They scream.)
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other.]
Chandler: ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes it to Joey.)
Joey: Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.)
Chandler: We'll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women's shoes.
Ross: Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry.
(They walk on.  Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines.)
Joey: What?
Ross: Peach pit.
Chandler: Yes, Bunny?
Ross: (points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-
Joey: -Peaches?
Ross: Actually, nectarines, but basically...
Chandler: (to Joey) Could've been a peach.
Ross: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine.
Joey: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's! (They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are talking.]
Rachel: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!
Kiki: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar!
Joanne: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.
Rachel: Okay.
Joanne: When are you coming home?
Rachel: What? Guys, I'm not.
Joanne: C'mon, this is us.
Rachel: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-
Kiki: Waitressing?
Rachel: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.
Leslie: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.]
Monica: Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends? (She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses.)
Rachel: What's that?
Monica: Weeeell, it's rum, and-
Rachel: Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to drink.)
Monica: We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Phoebe: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!
Monica: Uh, Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: (on phone) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks!
Monica: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay.
Rachel: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?
Monica: (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel has left the building, can you call back?
Rachel: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are trying to find their seats.]
Ross: (squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
Chandler: What? There was ice there that night with Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?
Ross: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...
Joey: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the living room.]
Monica: You should feel great about yourself! You're doing this amazing independence thing!
Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?
Phoebe: You are just like Jack.
Rachel: ...Jack from downstairs?
Phoebe: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.
Monica: Ah, the other Jack.
Phoebe: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..
Rachel: Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-
Phoebe: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.
Rachel: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like...
Phoebe: Floopy?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: So what, you're not the only one. I mean, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.
Phoebe: Oh, like that's a word.
Rachel: Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it doesn't come together?
Monica: ...Pheebs?
Phoebe: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.
Rachel: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, the guys are watching the game.]
Ross: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!
Chandler: (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks.
Ross: Pass it! Pass it!
Chandler: He's open!
All: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face.  Chandler looks concered until he notices...)
Chandler: Hey, look, we're on that TV thing!
(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in.]
Chandler: (to the receptionist)'Scuse me.
Receptionist: (holds up her hand—she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.
Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
Receptionist: (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.)
Ross: (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.
Receptionist: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.
Joey: Well, how long do you think it'll be?
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Any minute now.
Ross: Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys back off) Heyy...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]
Rachel: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.
Monica: No, you were right. I don't have a plan. (There's a knock on the door.)
Pizza Guy: (yelling from outside) Pizza guy!
Rachel: Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the door.)
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pl'.
Pizza Guy: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?
Rachel: (miserably) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.
Pizza Guy: Wait, you're not 'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me!
Monica: (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait! Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?'
Pizza Guy: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!
Monica: Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks?
Pizza Guy: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Monica: Was he wearing a stunning blue suit?
Phoebe: And-and a power tie?
Pizza Guy: No, pretty much just a towel.
Monica: (staggered) Oh God.
Pizza Guy: So you guys want me to take this back?
Monica: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the window.)
Rachel: Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus?
Phoebe: Big Bird's friend.
Monica: I see pizza!
Phoebe: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She runs up and takes the binoculars.)
Rachel: Hello? Who are we spying on?
Monica: White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?
Rachel: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!
Phoebe: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.
Monica: Please tell me it's his mother.
Phoebe: Definitely not his mother.
Monica: Oh, no...
Phoebe: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads.  Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.]
Chandler: Excuse me, look, we've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns, and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the balcony.]
Monica: Light still out?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh. Maybe they're- napping.
Rachel: Oh please, they're having sex.
Monica and Phoebe: Shut up!
Rachel: So, whaddya think George is like?
Monica: I think he's shy.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol.]
Ross: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.
Chandler: Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?
Joey: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.
Ross: Look, it's just a little more complicated...
Chandler: Well, what? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Ross: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...
Chandler: Then what?
Ross: My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles the last part)
Joey: What?
Ross: It was my first time.
Joey: With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh.
Chandler: So in your whole life, you've only been with one—(He gets a look too)—oh.
Joey: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the balcony.]
Monica: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha haaaah!
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley.
Monica: What?! You slept with Jason?
Phoebe: You'd already broken up.
Rachel: How long?
Phoebe: A couple hours.
Monica: Oh, that's nice!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me.
Monica: Excuse me?!
Rachel: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To Phoebe) She was a big girl.
Monica: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee in their pants in seventh grade!
Rachel: I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica and Rachel start to squabble)
Phoebe: There he is! There he is!
Monica: Where?
Phoebe: Right- where we've been looking all night!
Rachel: He is so cute!
Monica: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!
All: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the—(pause)—wowww.
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]
Joey: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?
Chandler: I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic...
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross enters off camera)
Both: Hey, buddy.
Ross: Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose.  He tosses some forms onto reception desk.)
Receptionist: (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.
Chandler: Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.
Ross: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?
Joey: Oh, ah- the kid has it.
Ross: The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.
Kid: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Ross looks at Chandler for help.)
Chandler: You gotta do it, man.
Ross: (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever—(to Chandler)—can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.
Kid: No.
Ross: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!
Kid: No! No! (They start to fight over it.)
Receptionist: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!
Ross: (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist)
Ross: ...Now that was fun.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing twister.]
Ross: (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot red.
Monica: Could've played Monopoly, but nooooo.
(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and silently hands back the cushion.)
Chandler: Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves)
Ross: Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively)
(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.)
Chandler: Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?
Chandler: Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel.
Rachel: Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really.
Ross: Green. To the green.
Rachel: (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens) Never-never mind.
Chandler: To the left, to the left- aww! (They all collapse)
Rachel: (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine.
End

104 （克林顿亲信助手）乔治•史特喷那彼拉斯先生

菲比
如果有一天我变得全能
我要世界和平，
不再有饥饿
雨林不再遭受破坏
还有更大的胸部
你说了我的愿望
钱德，你呢？
如果有一天我变得全能
我要让自己变得永远全能
看吧，总有这样的人
“给我一个愿望，
我就要更多的愿望”
乔依，如果你变得全能
你希望做什么？
大概是自杀吧
什么？
如果小乔依死了
我就没再活下去的理由
乔伊，全能
(不是无能)
你是？
对不起
她是怎么办到的
我在公共场合根本睡不着
你看她，
睡得那么安祥
制片：陶德史帝芬
什么事？
没事，
你只是又打瞌睡了
你是怎么了？
我昨晚没睡好
为什么？
导演：詹姆斯布罗
我祖母交了一个新男友
他们俩在床上翻来覆去
还有耳聋…
于是两人不断确定
彼此是否尽兴
简直是吵死人了
如果愿意
你今晚可以和我及瑞秋睡
谢了
95，96，97
我说得没错吧
从我的住处到这儿
不到一百步
你可真闲
他就是今天的寿星？
瞧，冰球赛门票
骑兵队与企鹅队
今晚在花园球场
我们要带你去看
生日快乐,老兄
我们爱你
你们真幽默
我的生日在七个月前
所以呢？
一定是你们多了一张票
找不到人一起去看
我们不是悲观之人
天啊，今天是10月20号
我正希望你没记起来
20号有什么不对劲吗？
万圣节的前十一天？
所有的好服装都被抢走？
今天是我第一次和卡萝…
进行肉体接触…
作爱
我不去看球赛了
我还是回家
想着我的前妻和她的爱人吧
去他的曲棍球
我们回去一起想吧
罗斯，别这样
你，我和乔伊，冰人夜游怎样，大个儿？
你打算干吗？
我不知道
拜托,罗斯
好吧,或许能让我忘记伤痛
但你要帮我买个大手指
一定
大家看，我的第一份薪水
看看这框框，上面有我的名字
是我
我记起拿到第一份薪水的那一天
矿场塌陷八人惨遭活埋
你在矿场工作？
不，我在黛莉冰淇淋工作，干嘛问？
真叫人兴奋，我赚来的
每天擦桌椅蒸牛奶
这真是太…
不值得了
谁是FICA？
为何他拿走我所有的钱？
钱德，你看
没那么糟
就第一份薪水而言
你已经算不错了
单靠它就够你过日子了
没错
对了,优秀的服务员
没错
球赛！
球赛！
瑞秋
天呀
我发誓我在动物园
也看过这种场面
什么风把你们吹来的？
我们到市区逛街
又听你妈你在这儿工作
结果是真的
瞧你的围裙
好像在演戏一般
看看你，你的肚子好大
我简直不敢相信
我知道，我变成两倍大
你近来可好？
你猜我爸和谁合伙？
还有我们的话题
看，我有手腕
罗斯将球传给李奇
李奇看见纳斯有空档
一记妙传
我们先暂停一下
纳斯正停下来看女鞋
那一夜卡萝穿着那种靴子
在我们的第一次...
老实说她没脱下
因为我们…
对不起
瞧
什么？
桃核
怎么样？
那天晚上我们...
吃了桃子？
事实上是蜜桃
但基本上...
可能是桃子
然后我们穿上衣服
我送她到公车站牌
我没事
那女人的臀部和卡萝的一样
什么？
我以为我们在找东西
好了，你们快点跟我讲八卦
最大的八卦
还是你在圣坛前抛下巴瑞
好了，我们来谈点正经的
你打算何时回家？
什么？我不回家
拜托，我们是好姐妹
我不回家
我要在这儿工作
我有工作
当女服务生？
我不只是当女服务生
我...写下每日特餐
摘下瓶中枯死的花朵
有时老板还会让我
在饼干上涂上巧克力酱
你妈没有提起巧克力酱
瑞秋，和朋友聊得如何？
想喝杯鸡尾酒吗？
里面什么？
是郎姆酒,还有
知道了
既然菲此要来过夜谈通宵
我们就买了一些八卦杂志
饼干面团和扭体游戏
我带了”手术”游戏来
不过我把镊子弄丢了,所以玩不了了
不过我们可以演练下
瑞秋，是信用卡的人打来的
问他们想干什么
请问有什么事吗？
好，稍待
他们说你的账户有问题
可是
我已好几个星期没刷卡了
问题就出在这儿
他们想知道你是否没事
他们想知道我是否没事？
我想看看
FICA把我的钱全拿走了
我认识的朋友
不是结婚怀孕就是升职
而我只是端咖啡
而且还不是端给自己喝
如果这样叫没事的话
就告诉他们我没事，
好吗？
瑞秋刚出去，
你能再打来吗？
好吧，
我们来玩扭体游戏吧
对不起，对不起
怎么了？
你和卡萝那一夜有冰？
塑胶座位？
四千名愤怒的匹兹堡球迷？
不，我是说
我们可能不会坐在一起
既然你已提起
没错，那一夜有结冰
第一次结霜
坐下吧
你应该感到自豪才对
你正在学习了不起的独立
摩妮卡，有什么了不起可言？
我放弃一切
到底是为了什么？
你和杰克没两样
楼下的杰克？
不，是杰克与魔豆
另一个杰克
对，他放弃某些东西
但是得到了魔豆
他起床后
发现窗外有棵大树
充满一切可能
他住在一个村庄
你住在一个村庄…
菲此，杰克放弃了牛
我放弃了一个整牙医生
我知道我并不喜欢他
杰克深爱着那头牛
那是有预谋的，
一切都很清楚。
可是现在所有事都...
不顺利？
对
不是只有你才这样
我们也常不知自己何去何从
你得仔细想清楚
自然就能步上轨道
这样才能...诸事顺利
真能拼
但如果无法步上轨道呢？
菲比
因为你…
我不喜欢这个问题
瞧，如果我们没拿到魔豆吗？
只拿到一般的豆子呢？
宰掉他…
笑不出来了吧，老兄
那正是你需要的
一群以棍子互打的无齿之徒
快传，他有空档
射门,射门
瞧，我们上电视了
我抢到了
上面说不满意这条巧克力糖
可以拨这个号码
我并不满意
这是紧急事件
我想你很清楚
否则我们就不会在这儿了
等等，拿去填资料
坐在那儿填
我不想惹麻烦，好吗？
可我现在很疼，我脸被打歪了
你得照顺序来
大概要等多久？
快了
真是对不起
我不是存心让你们不开心的
不，你说得对
我的人生毫无计划
送Pizza的
感谢上帝,食物终于来了
Pheobe
干吗？
你有计划吗？
我根本毫无计划
磨菇,青椒和洋葱
不,这不是我们点的
我们点的是奶酪脆皮口味
史先生不住这儿？
没这个人
惨了，我爸一定会宰掉我的
等等，你是说史先生？
对，他住对街
我一定是送错了，笨
慢着，
是不是那个矮小的地中海人
一幅聪明样的帅哥？
对，应该就是他
他穿着迷人的蓝色西装？
打着领带？
不，他只围一条浴巾
上帝呀
你们忍心让我把它带回去？
什么？开什么玩笑
我们要吃史先生的Pizza
菲比，史先生是谁？
大鸟的朋友
我看见Pizza
让我看
我们在偷瞄谁？
白宫顾问，克林顿的助选员
他有迷人的头发性感的微笑
带劲儿的屁股是他？那个小矮人？
我好喜欢他
等等，我看一个女人
告诉我那是他妈
绝对不是他妈
慢着，她走过地板
她走着…去拿Pizza
不是给你的，臭女人
蓝大夫，请接分号256…
抱歉，我们已等了一个小时
许多情况比我朋友轻的人都走了
那个脚趾上挂东西的
他和谁睡觉？
朵拉，别生气
我知道我们都说了
伤害彼此的话
但那不意味着
我们不再爱着对方
我想她不会再理我了
灯还关着，对吗？
或许他们在小睡
拜托,他们在做爱
-闭嘴！
你们认为史先生是什么样的人？
我认为他很害羞
真的？
你必须勾引他
之后他就会渐渐显露出兽性
拜托
我记得月光透过窗户照进来
她的脸庞露出甜蜜的微笑
对，月光，微笑和甜蜜
说得好
谁能拿点止痛药来吗？
他说得对，你够了没？
今天有什么大不了的？
你和她第一次上床，了不起？
之后你又和她做了七年
事情没那么简单
那么问题出在哪儿？
她把你甩了？
她爱上女人？
她为一个爱女人的女人而离开你？
大声点，行吗？
12楼有个昏迷的人听不清楚
然后呢？
我和卡萝的第一次
是我的第一次
什么？
我的第一次
和卡萝？
这么说你这辈子只和一人…
天啊，看冰球赛真是个错误
本来今晚我们可以干很多事
我有了
还记得
你很喜欢我做的那个蔬菜面团？
除非鹅也是蔬菜
好吧，行
和强森上床的感觉没那么糟
什么？你和强森上床？
在你们分手后
多久之后？
几小时
真好
我也有了
情人节汤姆放在你置物箱的东西
其实是我放的
什么？
你以为他真会送你东西？
她太天真了
真的？天真的女孩
至少不会在七年级时还尿裤子
当时我是在笑，你逗得我大笑
他来了，他来了
在哪儿？
我们看了一整夜的地方
他真帅
我的宝贝乔治，快拿掉浴巾
快拿掉浴巾…一次就好
你能相信他只和一个女人上过床？
这样很好啊
甜蜜又浪漫
你真的这样认为？
才怪,这家伙是怪胎
老兄
真是迷人
你在“沉默的羔羊”里演得真好
快承认吧,纵观一切，你今晚很开心
开心？哪里开心？
告诉哪一点值得我开心？
我的冰球在哪儿？
在那小孩手里
孩子…
球是我的
我找到的
谁发现归谁，丢掉的人活该
争气点
是吗？我是橡胶你是胶水…
我做不到
还我,到底还不还我不还
不还
过来,球还我
不给
别在我这儿闹事
给我！
那才叫好玩
摩妮卡，右脚红
本来我们是要玩大富翁的？
谢了
菲比，右手蓝
很好
瑞秋，信用卡人员打来的
好，愿意代替我吗？
我是瑞秋
不
我知道，我很久没用了
谢谢，我没事，真的
绿色的，到绿色那里
我有魔豆
不，当我没说
左转
我没事

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ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 5楼发表于: 2014-03-08 0

105 The One With the East German Laundry Detergent

[Scene: Central Perk, all six are there.]
Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.
Joey: Ok, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: Oh, ok, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things, and then not even care.
(Long pause.)
Ross: Multiple orgasms!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there.]
Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night, Sat-ur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.
Ross: Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Chandler: Oh, right, right, shut up.
Monica: Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone. You just gotta do it.
Chandler: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it, and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note.
Joey: Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man, just stop calling.
Phoebe: You know, if you want, I'll do it with you.
Chandler: Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like we're gangin' up on her.
Phoebe: No, I mean you break up with Janice and I'll break up with Tony.
Ross: Tony?
Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know.
Rachel: (waitressing) Does anybody want anything else?
Ross: Oh, yeah, last week you had a wonderful, nutty, chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing. (Rachel gives him a dirty look) Nothing, just, just, I'm fine.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Ross: That guy, he burns me up.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me young lady.
Chandler: Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Monica: Did he give you that whole "You're-not-up-to-this" thing again?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "You'll never make it on your own".
Phoebe: (rhythmically) Uh-huh, uh-huh.
(Angela, a beautiful woman in a tight dress, enters.)
Angela: Hi, Joey.
Joey: My god, Angela.
(Angela takes a seat at the counter.)
Monica: Wow, being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.
Phoebe: Are you gonna go over there?
Joey: No, yeah, no, ok, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. That seems pretty cool. (he walks over to her) Hey, Angela.
Angela: (casually) Joey.
Joey: You look good.
Angela: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
Joey: You don't say.
(Cut to Ross and Rachel, talking next to one of the tables.)
Ross: So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what're you doing tonight?
Rachel: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Monica at Laundorama.
Ross: Oh, you uh, you wanna hear a freaky coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
Rachel: Who?
Ross: Me. Was that not clear? Hey, why don't, um, why don't I just join you both, here?
Rachel: Don't you have a laundry room in your building?
Ross: Yes, I do have a laundry room in my building, um, but there's a.... rat problem. Apparently they're attracted to the dryer sheets, and they're goin' in fine, but they're comin' out all.... fluffy. Anyway, say, sevenish?
Rachel: Sure.
(Cut back to Joey and Angela at the counter.)
Angela: Forget it Joey. I'm with Bob now.
Joey: Bob? Who the hell's Bob?
Angela: Bob is great. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. You, you go on three auditions a month and you call yourself an actor, but Bob...
Joey: Come on, we were great together. And not just at the fun stuff, but like, talking too.
Angela: Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said let's just be friends, so guess what?
Joey: What?
Angela: We're just friends.
Joey: Fine, fine, so, why don't the four of us go out and have dinner together tonight? You know, as friends?
Angela: What four of us?
Joey: You know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh, uh, Monica.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment, Joey is there, trying to convince Monica to pose as his girlfriend. His plan is to hook Monica up with Angela's boyfriend Bob and then take Angela back for himself.]
Joey: Monica, I'm tellin' you, this guy is perfect for you.
Monica: Forget it. Not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.
Joey: Come on. This guy's great. His name's Bob. He's Angela's... brother. He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job. Me, I go on three auditions a month and call myself an actor, but Bob is...
Monica: (looking out window) Oh, god help us.
Joey: What?
Monica: Ugly Naked Guy's laying kitchen tile. Eww!
Joey: Eww! Look, I'm asking a favor here. If I do this for her brother, maybe Angela will come back to me.
Monica: What's going on here? You go out with tons of girls.
Joey: (proud) I know, but, I made a huge mistake. I never should have broken up with her. Will you help me? Please?
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Chandler is over.]
Ross: (on phone) Ok, bye. (hangs up) Well, Monica's not coming, it's just gonna be me and Rachel.
Chandler: Oh. Well, hold on camper, are you sure you've thought this thing through?
Ross: It's laundry. The thinking through is minimal.
Chandler: It's just you and Rachel, just the two of you? This is a date. You're going on a date.
Ross: Nuh-uh.
Chandler: Yuh-huh.
Ross: So what're you saying here? I should shave again, pick up some wine, what?
Chandler: Well, you may wanna rethink the dirty underwear. This is basically the first time she's gonna see your underwear—you want it to be dirty?
Ross: (sheepish) No.
Chandler: Oh, and uh, the fabric softener?
Ross: Ok, ok, now what is wrong with my Snuggles? What, it says I'm a sensitive, warm kinda guy, you know, like a warm, fuzzy bear. Ok, I can pick something else up on the way.
Chandler: There you go.
[Scene: A fancy restaurant, Joey and Monica are there, meeting Angela and Bob, who Monica thinks is Angela's brother.]
Monica: Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like? Is he tall? Short?
Joey: Yep.
Monica: Which?
Joey: Which what?
Monica: You've never met Bob, have you?
Joey: No, but he's...
Monica: Oh my god, Joey, for all we know this guy could be horribly...
(Angela and Bob walk in. Bob is good-looking.)
Angela: Hey, Joey.
Monica: ...horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Phoebe are there, both ready to break up with their significant others.]
Chandler: Where are they? Where are they?
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Eww, I don't wanna do that.
(Janice and Phoebe's boyfriend, Tony, walk in.)
Chandler: Here we go.
Phoebe: Ok, have a good break-up.
Chandler: Hey, Janice.
Janice: Oh, my god, I am so glad you called me. I had the most supremely awful day.
Chandler: Hey, that's not good. Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
Janice: We got the proofs back from that photo shoot, you know, the one with the little vegetables. Anyway, they pretty much sucked, so, I blew off the rest of the day, and I went shopping...(looks through her bags)... and I got you, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I got you...
(Chandler sees Phoebe breaking up with Tony. She talks to him for a few seconds, hugs him, and then he leaves. Chandler is amazed how easy it was for her.)
Chandler: What?
Janice: What?
Chandler: (covering) What... did you get me there?
Janice: I got you...these. (pulls out a pair of socks)
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys, and so I figured, you know, you can wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle, or you can wear Rocky and Rocky,or, you can mix and match, moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Chandler: That's great.
(The drinks arrive, and Chandler downs his espresso in one gulp.)
Chandler: Well, I'm gonna get another espresso. Can I get you another latte?
Janice: (holding the full cup) No, no, I'm still working on mine.
(Chandler walks over to the counter where Phoebe is, and is asking her about the break-up.)
Chandler: That's it?
Phoebe: Yeah, it was really hard.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, that hug looked pretty brutal.
Phoebe: Ok, you weren't there.
[Scene: The Launderama, Rachel is there, waiting for Ross. An old woman takes Rachel's clothes off the machine and begins loading it with her things.]
Woman: Comin' through. Move, move.
Rachel: Oh, 'scuse me. I was kinda using that machine.
Woman: Yeah, well, now you're kinda not.
Rachel: But I saved it. I put my basket on top.
Woman: Oh, I'm sorry, is that your basket? It's really pretty. Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
Rachel: What?
Woman: No suds, no save. Ok?
(Ross arrives.)
Ross: What's goin' on?
Rachel: Hi, uh, nothing. That horrible woman just took my machine.
Ross: Was your basket on top?
Rachel: Yeah, but, there were no suds.
Ross: So?
Rachel: Well, you know, no suds, no save.
Ross: No suds? Excuse me, hold on a second. (to woman) That's my friend's machine.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
Ross: Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
(The woman and Ross stare at each other. Finally she takes her stuff out of the machine and leaves.)
Ross: (to the crowd in the laundromat) All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. (to Rachel) Ok, let's do laundry.
Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup.
Ross: Well, that's because you're such a sweet, gentle, uh...Do you, uh, do you...Oh, hey, uh you must need detergent.
(Ross pulls out a huge box of laundry detergent.)
Rachel: What's that?
Ross: Uberveiss. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough.
(Rachel starts to load her clothes.)
Ross: Rach, do you uh, are you gonna separate those?
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?
Ross: Rach, have you never done this before?
Rachel: Well, not myself, but I know other people that have. Ok, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle. Ok, um, basically you wanna use one machine for all your whites, a whole nother machine for colors, and a third for your uh, your uh, delicates, and that would be your bras and your under-panty things.
Rachel: (holds a pair of panties in front of Ross) Ok, Well, what about these are white cotton panties. Would they go with whites or delicates?
Ross: (visibly nervous) Uh, that, that, that would be a judgment call.
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Monica, Joey, Angela, and Bob are seated at the table.]
Monica: (to Joey) He is so cute. (to Angela and Bob) So, where did you guys grow up?
Angela: Brooklyn Heights.
Bob: Cleveland.
Monica: How, how did that happen?
Joey: Oh my god.
Monica: What?
Joey: I suddenly had the feeling that I was falling. But I'm not.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Fancy restaurant, Joey and Bob are talking.]
Joey: So, you and Angela, huh?
Bob: Yep. Pretty much.
Joey: You're a lucky man. You know what I miss the most about her? That cute nibbly noise when she eats. Like a happy little squirrel, or a weasel.
Bob: Huh, I never really noticed.
Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, listen for it.
Bob: Monica, Monica is great.
Joey: Yeah, but it's not gonna last. She's too much for me in bed. Sexually.
[Scene: The ladies' bathroom at the restaurant, Monica and Angela are talking.]
Monica: I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.
Angela: Yeah, isn't he?
Monica: It is so great to meet a guy who is smart and funny, and has an emotional age beyond, like eight.
Angela: You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Monica: Wow. My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.
Angela: Huh. That's nice.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is coaching Chandler on how to break up with Janice.]
Phoebe: Ok, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-aid. Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
(Chandler walks back to couch, where Janice is.)
Chandler: Janice. Hi, Janice. Ok, here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore. Janice.
Janice: All right. Well, there you go. (she gets extremely wound up, and begins to try and calm herself down) Stop it, stop it, stop it.
[Scene: The laundromat.]
Rachel: Ok, I know this is gonna sound really stupid, but I feel that if I can do this, you know, if I can actually do my own laundry, there isn't anything I can't do.
Ross: That does not sound stupid to me. You know, it's like the first time I had to make dinner for myself, after Carol left me? (the buzzer on the washer goes off) I'm sorry, that's all the time we have. Next on Ross...(opens up the washer) Uh-oh.
Rachel: What uh-oh?
Ross: (not wanting to tell her) Uh-oh, uh-oh, the laundry's done. It's, uh, it's a song. The laundry song that we sing. (singing) Uh-oh the laundry's done, uh-oh, uh-oh.
Rachel: Ross, what's the matter?
Ross: Nothing, nothing. Lee-lo, the laundry's done.
Rachel: Come on, show me.
Ross: All right, all right, it's just that you left a red sock in with all your whites, and now, everything's kinda pink.
Rachel: Oh, everything's pink.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh, god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep. What am I doing? What am I doing? My father's right. I can't live on my own! I can't even do laundry!
(The woman who had tried to steal the washing machine walks by, and laughs.)
[Scene: The fancy restaurant, Angela has her hand in Bob's shirt, and Monica is very uncomfortable.]
Monica: Something went wrong with Underdog, and they couldn't get his head to inflate. So anyway, um, his head is like flopping down Broadway, right, and I'm just thinking... how inappropriate this is. Um, I've got something in my eye, uh, Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
(Her and Joey walk away from the table.)
Monica: Oh my god.
Joey: What?
Monica: Hello! Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: Come on, they're close.
Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear.
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.
Monica: Joey, this is sick, it's disgusting, it's, it's—not really true, is it?
Joey: Well, who's to say what's true? I mean...
Monica: Oh my god, what were you thinking?
Joey: All right, look, I'm not proud of this, ok? Well, maybe I am a little.
Monica: (hits him lightly) Oh!
Joey: Ow!
Monica: (leaving) I'm outta here.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait. You want him, I want her. He likes you.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah. I'm thinking, if we put our heads together, between the two of us, we can break them up.
[Time lapse, Monica accidentally spilled her drink on Bob's shirt and is wiping it off. Joey is making eyes at Angela.]
Monica: I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did this, but I couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
(Angela is eating chicken wings and making the weasel-like noise Joey had told Bob about.)
Joey: Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is still trying to ease things over with Janice, and there are about a dozen empty Espresso cups in front of him. He is extremely wired.]
Chandler: Here's the thing, Janice. You know, I mean, it's like we're different. I'm like the bing, bing, bing. You're like the boom, boom, (Chandler flails his hand out and hits Janice in the eye)... boom.
Janice: Ow!
Chandler: Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. Are you ok?
Janice: Ow. Um, it's just my lens. It's just my lens. I'll be right back.
(She leaves.)
Chandler: (to Phoebe) I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world.
Phoebe: Oh my god. (Chandler downs another espresso.) How many of those have you had?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Phoebe: Chandler, easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la la la la la.
Chandler: I'm fine.
Phoebe: All right.
(Janice returns from the bathroom.)
Chandler: I'm not fine. Here she comes.
Phoebe: Wait here. Breathe.
(Phoebe goes over to speak to Janice. She talks to her for a few seconds, and then Janice immediately smiles, hugs her, waves to Chandler, and leaves.)
Chandler: How do you do that?
Phoebe: It's like a gift.
Chandler: We should always always break up together.
Phoebe: Oh, I'd like that.
[Scene: The Launderama. Rachel is sorting her now-pink clothes.]
Ross: You got the clothes clean. Now that's the important part.
Rachel: Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now.
(The same woman walks over and takes Rachel's laundry cart.)
Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me. We had this cart.
Woman: Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist. You lose things. Now come on, get outta my way.
(Rachel looks at Ross, who motions to her to get the cart back.)
Rachel: I'm sorry, you know, maybe I wasn't being clear. Uh, this is our cart.
Woman: Hey, hey, hey there aren't any clothes in it.
Rachel: Hey, hey, hey, hey, quit making up rules!
Woman: Let go!
(They struggle for the cart. Finally, Rachel climbs inside of it.)
Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to take me with it!
(She thinks it over, and then walks away.)
Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that?
Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Rachel: I could not have done this without you.
(Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Rachel: Are you sure?
Ross: No.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Ross has an icepack to his head.]
Rachel: Oh, are you sure you're ok?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Does it still hurt?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: (seeing Rachel's clothes) What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.
(Monica and Joey enter.)
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go?
Joey: Excellent.
Monica: We ripped that couple apart, and kept the pieces for ourselves.
Ross: What a beautiful story. Hey, I'm fine by the way.
Monica: (notices his head) Oh, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
(Chandler runs by the window outside, joyous.)
Chandler: I'm free! I'm free!
Phoebe: That oughta do it.
End

105 洗衣服

别再争好吗?
这又没什么大不了的
没什么大不了?
这简直是太神奇了
只不过是用手伸进去, 轻轻一碰
就把胸罩解开从袖子里抽出来
据我所知, 男生即使靠的再近也做不到
我说得对不对?
拜托，男生可以站着尿
我们行吗?我倒要试试看
知道什么最令我嫉妒?
女人随时都可以看自己的胸部
低头就看到
真搞不懂
你们怎么会有心工作
知道我搞不懂什么吗?
男人可以做许多下流的事
却能毫不在乎
多重高潮
了不起，周末夜
重要的夜晚，约会的夜晚
周末夜! 周末夜!
没有计划是吗?
一个都没有.
连和珍妮丝分手的打算都没有?
对…闭嘴
钱德，没有人喜欢分手
但你还是要做呀.
我知道很难.
我的意思是
你坐在她身旁而她却一无所知
最后你鼓起勇气
在这实在尴尬的时刻
当你将纸条拿给她•，
干嘛分手?
争气点，不再打电话就行了
如果愿意，我和你一起做
谢了，但这样她会认为
我们是联手来对付她
你和琼妮分手
我和东尼分手
东尼?你要和东尼分手?
对，我知道他人很好.
但是我对他再没新鲜感了.
我不知道问题是在于我
还是他的绝食抗议
还有人需要什么吗?
我，上星期
你做了有核果，巧克力之类的派
没事，我还好
怎么啦,怪怪的
是我爸
他要买奔驰敞篷车给我
那家伙真叫我生气
如果想要奔驰, 我就得搬回家.
太可恶了
他称我为”年轻的女士”
我最受不了我爸这样叫我
他是不是又说
你年纪太轻之类的话
对,这次是迪斯科加长版,
带着三重唱说”你永远不能自立”
嘿,乔伊
天呀,安琪拉.
被你甩掉对她大有好处
你想过去吗?
不想...想...不想
待会再说,我不想显得太急于见她了.
一个密西西比,两个密西西比,三个密西西比,这样显得比较酷
安琪拉
乔伊
你的样子真好.
因为我的衣服
突显出我的胸部
看得出来
瑞秋，你今晚有何节目?
精彩丰富
我要和摩妮卡去洗衣店
想知道有个巧合吗?
猜猜谁也要去洗衣店?
谁？
我
难道还不够清楚?
何不让我加入你们?
你的公寓没有洗衣间吗?
有，我的公寓有洗衣间
不过, 那儿有老鼠.
它们显然对
烘干机里的香香纸感兴趣
进入时还好
出来是却毛绒绒的
7点左右见?
好吧
免了，乔依
我现在和鲍伯交往
鲍伯?谁是鲍伯?
鲍伯简直是棒透了
聪明，成熟，又有真正的工作
你每个月面识三次就称自己是演员
但是鲍伯
我们在一起时很开心
不只是寻欢作乐我们也聊得来
没错，不过抱歉
你曾说我们当朋友就好,
那么
什么?
我们只是朋友
行，我们四个何不一起出去吃晚饭?
就像朋友一样
哪四个?
你和鲍伯
我和我的女友…
摩妮卡
摩妮卡，他绝对适合你
算了吧
从你那会啧出字母块的表兄后
我再也不敢领教了
没骗你，他真的很棒
他叫鲍伯，安琪拉的哥哥
鲍伯简直是棒透了
聪明，成熟，又有真正的工作
我呢?
我每个月面试三次就称自己是演员, 但是鲍勃...
我的天哪
什么?
丑陋的裸男在铺厨房磁砖
我在求你帮忙
如果我能为她哥哥做点事
或许她会回到我身旁
你是怎么了?
你和千百个女人约会
我知道
我犯了天大的错误
我不该和她分手
愿意帮我吗?求求你
好，再见
摩妮卡不能去了
现在只剩我和瑞秋
等等，老兄你确定自己仔细想过
只是去洗店没仔细想过
你是说只有你和瑞秋两个?
对
这叫约会，你们要去约会
不对
没错的.
你说我该怎么办?
该再刮刮胡子或挑瓶美酒?
或许你该再考虑
你那肮脏的内衣裤
为什么?
因为将她首度见到你的内衣裤
想让她看见
你那肮脏的内衣裤吗?
不想
还有衣物柔软精
我的熊宝贝又怎么了?
这代表我敏感, 贴心
就像一只毛绒绒的熊宝贝
好吧，我在路上买就是了
这才对路
谢谢，鲍伯长什么样?
到底是高还是矮?
是的
什么?
什么什么?
你没和鲍伯见过面，对不?
对，可是…
拜托，这家伙可能相当…
嘿,乔伊.
相当吸引人.我闭嘴就是了
他们在哪儿?
感觉真好，我们俩从未独处过
对，或许明天
我们可以租辆车撞几只小狗
我不想那样
她来了
祝你有个愉快的分手
珍妮丝
真高兴你打电话给我
我从来没这么悲惨的一天
不妙
能端杯浓缩咖啡和拿铁来吗?
我们刚在摄影小站拍了照
有几颗蔬菜的那个
总之那些蔬菜烂透了
我的整个下午就这样毁了
我去逛街购物
然后就为你买了…
让我找找…让我找找
我为你…
什么?
你帮我买什么?
我帮你买…这个
布文哥袜
真可爱
我知道你已有洛基
所以我想你可以穿一双布文哥
或穿一双洛基
或混着穿，随你高兴
我再去叫一杯浓缩咖啡
想再来一杯拿铁吗?
不用了，我的还没喝完
就这样?
对，真的很难
哦,是么, 那个拥抱看起来还真绝情呢
你又不是当事人!
借过，让开…
抱歉，我似乎用这台洗衣机
是吗?不过现在"似乎"不是了
但是我占位置了,
我放了篮子在上面.
抱歉，这是你的篮子吗?
对
真漂亮，但是我没看到肥皂水.
什么?
没肥皂水就不算保留，行吗?
怎么了?
没什么
这位凶婆娘抢了我的洗衣机
你有把篮子放上面吗?
有，但是没有肥皂水?
然后呢?
没肥皂水就不算保留
没肥皂水就不算保留
抱歉，等等
这是我朋友用的机器
她的东西没在里面
你明知规矩不是这样的
表演结束
没什么好看的
洗衣服吧
这简直是太神奇了
我连汤都不敢退
因为你是个即温柔, 又可爱的
你得用洗衣粉
那是什么?
乌伯怀斯，
来自德国的新产品
洗净力超强
瑞秋，你准备分开洗吗?
我像个洗衣大白痴
我得用一台洗衬衣
用另一台洗裤子吗?
你没洗过衣服?
没有，
但我认识这样洗过的人
好吧，被你发现了
我"第一次"衣服
别担心，我会用"轻柔"循环
你得用一台
洗你全部的白衣
白衣
另一台
洗其他颜色的衣服
其他颜色的衣服
第三台洗贴身…
胸罩和内裤之类的
这些棉质的白色内裤呢?
与白衣还是贴身衣物一起洗?
随便你罗
他好可爱
你们在哪儿长大?
布鲁克林
克里佛兰
怎么会这样?
哎哟.
我突然有种...坠落的感觉
但是没有.
你和安琪拉在一起?
差不多
你真幸运
知道我最想念她什么?
她轻啃东西的声音
好像是快乐的小松鼠
或是鼬
我倒是没注意过
以后注意听
摩妮卡，摩妮卡很好
没错，不过不会维持很久.
我心有余而力不足…
在床上
我得告诉你
鲍伯简直是太棒了
可不是吗
能遇上聪明幽默
心智年龄超过八岁的人真棒
知道吗?
他的床上更是一流
我哥从未告诉我
他何时失去童贞
真好
你能办到的
这就像是拔绷带一样
快速拔起露出伤口
快走
珍妮丝…
管他的
我想我们不该再交往下去了
珍妮丝
我知道了…
停下来,停下来....
我知道
这听起来很可笑
我想我可以洗衣服的话
我就没有办不到的事
我一点都不觉得可笑
太好了
就像卡罗尔离开后
我第一次动手做晚饭
抱歉，时间到
下集再来谈罗斯
怎么了?
衣服洗好了
这是一首歌
我们唱的一首洗衣歌
衣服洗好了
罗斯，到底怎么了?
没事, 衣服洗好了…
罗斯，快给我看…
好吧，你把一只红袜放到白色衣物里面了
所以白衣
全变成粉红色
全变成粉红色?
对，但红袜还是红袜
抱歉，千万别伤心
任何人都可能发生这种事
不，它只发生在我身上
我穿这些看来会像一只粉红猪
我爸说得对，我无法独立生活
我连洗衣服都不会
狗气球出了意外
他的头无法膨胀
于是他的头就落在百老汇
我心想这实在太不像话了
有东西跑进我眼睛
乔依，能到灯下帮我看看吗?
我的天呀!
怎么啦?
我们是坐在同一桌吗?
这太离谱了
拜托，他们姐弟感情很好
感情很好?
她舌头都伸进了他的耳朵
你和罗斯就不会有小动作?
乔伊，这是病态, 太恶心了
这不是真的，对不?
谁说是真的?
你到底在想什么?
好吧，我也不喜欢这样
或许有一点
我要走了
等等，你喜欢他
我要她，他喜欢你
真的?
没错.
我想只要我们一起想办法
就能让他们分开
真是抱歉没想到我会这样
你的故事让我笑得嘴巴合不拢
服务生，再来一盘鸡翅
珍妮丝
我们是不同类型的人
我的声音就好像丁丁丁
你的声音就好像梆梆梆
糟了，抱歉
你没事吧
没事，只是我的隐形眼镜
等会儿就没事了，
我马上回来
我打中她的眼睛
这是有史以来世上最糟糕的分手
我的天
你到底喝了几杯?
我也不知道
百万杯?
钱德，放轻松
快回到你的快乐天堂
我没事的…
不妙，她回来了
在这儿等着，深呼吸
你是怎么办到的?
我有天赋.
我们每次都应该一起"分手"
我乐意之至
你已把衣服洗净
现在是重要部份
大概吧
只是衣服都成了睡衣
抱歉，推车是我们的
是吗?
我的腰围也曾是一尺八
但是时过境迁
请让道.
抱歉，或许我没说清楚
这是我们的推车
这上面没有衣服
你又再乱编规矩了
放手
车是我的，我先看到的
好吧，想用这辆车
你就得推着我一起走
我赢了，看见没?
你真是太神奇了
各位，一位脱胎换骨的新女性
多亏了你我才能办到
烘干机里还有衣服?
我没事...没事
你确定没事?
嗯
还疼么?
真是聪明，衣服颜色都一样
我也要这么做
嘿,怎么样啦?
我们把那一对佳人掰成两半
一人一半
真是美丽动人的故事
我已经没事了.
钱德在哪儿?
他需要一点时间疗伤
我自由了…
他应该复原了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 6楼发表于: 2014-03-09 0

106 The One With the Butt

[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
(The lights dim.)
Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Joey: well, Eva, we've done some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is quite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.)
All you want is a dingle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang...
Opening Credits
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding.  As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.]
Rachel: God. I feel violated.
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Ross: What?
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Ross: Oh. Hel-lo!
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Monica: You could do that!
Chandler: Y'think?
All: Yeah!
Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...
Ross: C'mon! C'mon!
Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.)
Aurora: ...Yes?
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
Aurora: Yes, you said that.
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
Aurora: Chandler?
(Joey enters from behind a curtain.  The others all talk at once.)
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey: Whadja think?
(Pause)
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head.
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
Rachel: What is it?
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, kids.
All: Hey.
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Monica: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.
Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.
Joey: Who's Rick?
Chandler: Who's Rick?
Aurora: My husband.
All: Ooooohhh.
Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?
Aurora: No.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Aurora: No, I'm still married.
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan.
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
All: What?!
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual.
Chandler: ...Hm.
Monica: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Chandler: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?
Joey: I couldn't do it.
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
Ross: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-
(They all pretend to fall asleep.)
Ross: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know.
Monica: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!
All: Yeah! C'mon!
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
(They all fall asleep again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
Rachel: Tah-daaah!
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
Rachel: Well, whaddya think?
All: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
All: Uh-oh...
Monica: How-how did that happen?
Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Monica: That is so unfair!
Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
Monica: Why not?
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Monica: I could do that.
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Monica: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder.
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
Monica: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?
Ross: Monica? You're Mom.
(Monica gasps.)
Phoebe: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
All: Oh my God! Whoah!
Monica: Well, what's the part?
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"
Phoebe: Seriously, what-what's the part?
Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Joey: ...I'm his (mumbles)
Rachel: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God.
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Monica: Alright, alright, alright...
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
Joey: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.
Monica: For what?
Joey: What do you think? Today's the big day!
Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.)
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Monica: I warned you...
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Who is being loud?
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.)
Rachel: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
(She opens the door and he leaves.)
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Director: Lose the robe.
Joey: Me?
Director: That would work.
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering.
Director: No, that was clenching.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Aurora and Chandler are in bed in Chandler's room.]
Chandler: God, I love these fingers...
Aurora: Thank you.
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Aurora: (moves Chandler's arm and look at his watch.) Oh my God, I'm late. (She starts to get up.)
Chandler: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go.. (He kisses her and pulls her back down.)
Aurora: Okay.
Chandler: Don't go.
Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.
Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving.
Aurora: (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Aurora: It's not Rick.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew.
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Aurora: He's... new.
Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was..
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Aurora: So what do you want?
Chandler: You.
Aurora: You have me!
Chandler: Nono, just you.
Aurora: Whaddyou mean?
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them?
Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
Aurora: Which one?
Chandler: ...The second guy.
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind.
(She kisses him, he holds her, and kisses her passionately.)
Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
(She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler.  Joey is absent.]
Ross: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again?
(Joey enters.)
All: Hey!
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Joey: Nope.
Ross: No? What happened, big guy?
Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?"
Ross: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.
Joey: I got fired.
All: Oh!
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Joey: My mom will.
Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that.
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Monica: Maybe this wasn't your shot.
Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?
Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Monica: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
All: Night.
Rachel: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here?
Monica: (determined) Uh-huh!
Rachel: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?
Monica: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever. (He goes to her room.)
Ross: She is a kook.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, she's lying in bed wide awake.]
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
End

106 屁股秀

你们看，是乔伊的照片
真是令人兴奋
你总是能看见
从未在自己作品中出现的某人，注意力强，无畏无惧，就算死到临头也不自觉
标题上的惊叹号，令我有点害怕
这不只是佛洛依德，而是佛洛依德!
安静，奇迹就要出现
伊娃，你今天的表现不错
我得说
你的问题相当清楚
……^_^；

我感觉自己受到冒犯了
还有其他人感觉,只想剥自己的皮,如果他们还有其他事可做?
罗斯，十点钟
是吗?感觉像是两点
不，十点钟
什么?
一位美女在8，9，10点钟方向

她简直就是仙女下凡
她让我的梦中情人,变得有如矮胖的秃子
过去啊，她旁边没人
对，我该用什么开场白?
对不起,啦啦啦啦之类的
拜托，她只是个人，你罩得住
请告诉我，我配得上她吗?
罗斯，帮我壮壮胆
他这副德行
一辈子都别想把到这种美女
谢了，老兄
但这种美女，
身边总是跟着蹩脚货
你也可以成为其中之一
没错，你能办到
你也认为?是的.
没想到我竟有这种念头
我一向谨言慎行
快去
我上了
有事吗?
下个字是…Chandler
我叫Chandler
我知道，你说过
对，我说过
但我没说我想说...
愿意与我约会吗?
谢谢，晚安
钱德
他出来了
想不到你会跳舞
你演戏了
你刮掉胡子了
感觉如何?
想不到你会跳舞
你演戏了
拜托，没那么糟吧
我是主角
这次我在轮唱中出现
至少你们可以看见我的头
对没错，我们有看见你的头
她答应了…
好烂的戏
她叫亚萝拉，来自义大利
她叫我”Chandlerrrrrrr”
我喜欢她这样称呼我
领座员要我把它交给你
Estelle Leonard经纪公司
经纪公司拿名片给我
或许他们想和我签约
因为这场戏?
因为这一场戏
嘿,伙计们?
嘿
不，因为这是感情线
而这一条只是普通线
我无法相信
我坐在这儿七秒钟
竟没人问我的约会如何?
你的约会如何，钱德?
真是令人难以置信
我没见过像她那样的人
她的生活真是太令人称羡了
她穿过以色列阵地
幸好子弹没打中引擎
我们才能越过边界
真是有惊无险
我整晚都在谈我自己，抱歉
你呢?说来听听嘛
有一回晚上我搭地铁
到布鲁克林区
然后活着回来
我们一直谈到两点
那真是个美好的夜晚
可以这么说
突然我们发现自己身在叶门
我们,我们是谁?
我和瑞克
瑞克是谁?
我丈夫
噢呜呜呜呜呜呜呜
这么说你们已经离婚
没有
对不起，这么说你是寡妇?
希望如此
不，我们还是夫妻
告诉我你丈夫做何感想?
你坐在我身旁脚伸到我大腿
足以数我口袋里的零钱?
别担心，我想他会接受的
因为他也接受伊森这么做
伊森?
有伊森这号人物?
伊森是我的男友
什么?
告诉我你期待
我们之间会有什么关系
既然你已有丈夫和男友
大概是性关系吧
真是遗憾，你们吹了
什么吹了?
周四我还要和她约会
难道你没听懂?
难道你没听懂?
这太离谱了
你怎能和这种女人交往?
开始我也无法接受
但后来我想此事百益而无一害
只有谈天说笑和做爱
不用负任何责任
这是每个男人的梦想
是吗?未必吧
罗斯，这是你的梦想吗?
当然不是
没错，是
你们男生不介意
和已有对象的女人交往?
我办不到
干得好，乔伊
和女人交往时
我必须确定
我交往的对象比她多
一夫一妻值得商榷
就人类学的观点而言…
行…这是你们的损失
逗你的，告诉我们吧
快说，我们想知道
好吧理查李奇提出这样的理论…
现在都这样打招呼吗?我喜欢
瞧，我大扫除了
我擦窗户，拖地板
我甚至还用了吸尘器上的所有装置
除了圆形有鬃毛那个之外
因为我不知道用途为何
没人知道，我们也不该问
你们感觉怎样?
你移动了垫椅
怎么会呢?
我不知道
我以为摆那儿会更好看
咖啡桌旁就多了一个座位
这倒有意思
这样好了，只是好玩
我们看它在原来位置的感觉如何
只是做个比较
放那儿也不错
就摆那儿一阵子吧
我无法相信你竟敢搬动垫椅
幸好你没摊开杂志
否则她铁定会挖出你的眼睛
各位，我没那么凶吧
你就那么凶
记得我们住在一起时吗?
你就像个…
这太不公平了
拜托，我们小时候
你的”破娃娃”是唯一不破的
我有责任感有组织性
可是我也能很懒散
好吧，懒女人，想像这个情况
电话单来
但你不立刻去交钱
为什么?
因为你是个大懒人
直拖到他们寄催缴通知单来
我可以办到
你让我去买日常用品
我买了洗衣粉,
但是是不容易弄出来那种.
有人会那样做吗?
有人会想…
有人在咖啡桌上留下杯子
桌上没有垫子，天气很热,
那是一杯冷饮
小水珠逐渐逼近桌面…
够了
天啊，没错，我到是谁?
摩妮卡，你是妈妈那样的.
天啊，
好，我会去的
我的经纪人打来的
他安排我在艾尔帕西诺的新片中演出
太棒了…
演什么角色?
你们能相信吗?
是艾尔帕西诺
我就是喜欢他
才立志要当演员
我失控，你也失控
这整个法庭都失控了
言归正传，什么角色?
当我认为已出局时
他们却又将我拉回
快老实说，什么角色?
你是…什么?
我是他臀部的替身
我演艾尔帕西诺的臀部
他走进浴室
然后我就是他的屁股
天那
别这样
这是一部艾尔帕西诺主演大制作的电影
别误会，这真是太棒了
这是你应得的
这是你多年努力的成果
你终于能登上大银幕
行，笑吧，我不在乎
这是我千载难逢的机会
没错，你准备邀请
我们参加你的首映会吗?
雷
我得向你借些保湿乳液
干什么呢?
你认为呢?
今天可是我的大日子
好吧，进浴室要用什么自己拿
只是别告诉我你在里面干什么
谢谢
乔伊在哪儿?他妈打电话来
他在浴室里，你最好别进去
拜托，我们是室友
我的眼睛!我的眼睛!
我警告过你
谁在大吼大叫
一定是摩妮卡
我能借点东西吗?
萝拉昨晚在这儿过夜
我想为她做早点
她陪你一夜?
没错，我们只剩20分钟
直到伊森…
难道你后悔了?
当然不后悔
相信我，绝对值得
在你交往的过程中
有多少重要的时刻
会让你怀念一辈子?
与萝拉相处的每一秒都是
而我已浪费35秒和你们说话
摩妮卡请帮我开门
当然
钱德，老摩妮卡会提醒你
用塑胶刷刷铁弗龙锅
但我不会那么做的
门把，可恶
请个女人算了
大家准备好没?
我只是想感谢你给我这个机会
解开浴袍
这样才能演
好，我正解开浴袍
浴袍已解开
各位，我想一次解决
来吧，放水
开始
停
屁股男，你在干什么?
我在洗澡
不，你在挤屁股
我认为他很沮丧
他的太太死了，弟弟失踪了
我想他的屁股一定很愤怒
我想他的屁股
会想在午餐前杀青
再来一次
开机
放水
开始
停
你又在干什么?
我要表现出绝望
但如果你想问
天啊，我爱这些手指
谢谢
不，我是指我的手指
你瞧它们多开心
天啊，我来不及了
我得走了
好吧
抱歉，他在等我了
我以为你瑞克谈过
不是瑞克
什么?是伊森?
他要陪你一整天
不是他，是安德鲁
我知道我会后悔问你这个问题
安德鲁是谁?
新欢
你是说瑞克，伊森和我
三人还不能满足你?
我以前不是这种人
我们三人不知迷死多少女人
你想要什么?
你
你已拥有我
不，只是你
什么意思?
甩掉其他人
他们全部?
我们这样不是很快乐吗?
为什么不行?
我们为何不能及时行乐?
为何不能只是
彼此没有任何负担?
今晚之前
我以为这也是你想要的
部分的我想要
但我就像是双面人
一个说”闭嘴，及时行乐”
还有另一个
他每回都挺身而出
仗义直言
他说”这太丑陋了，快脱身”
你听哪一个的话?
我不知道，
两人的话我得都听
他们争执不休
哪一个？
第二个
好吧，改变主意后
再打电话给我吧
抱歉，第一个动口
这样想吧，你把她甩了
这女人性感，
美丽聪明而且遥不可及
再告诉我一次
你为何这么做
电影明星他回来了
等等，你不是在艾尔帕西诺新片中
演屁股的那个?
不是
不是?
怎么了，大个儿?
大个儿?
感觉就像”大个儿”时刻
我被开除了
没错，他们说我太投入了
我到处宣扬
现在大家都想到戏院看我演…
乔伊，没人会认出来的
我妈就认得出来
真是令人感动又呕心
六年来我除了演些烂角色一事无成
如今机会来了我竟将它搞砸
等等，或许这不是你的机会
机会是否来临自己最清楚
你感觉这是你的机会吗?
很难分辨，我当时全身赤裸
我不认为这是你唯一的机会
你的机会不会只有一个
我相信大好机会就降临到你身上
你必须想着
将来有个小伙子跑到朋友面前说
我被录取了…
我要演乔伊的屁股
你真好
真遗憾，乔伊
各位，我要去睡了
晚安•，
摩，你要把鞋子留在这儿?
真的?
就这样乱丢?
无所谓
我明天再拿
或者算了
随便
她真懒散
既然这么困扰，就快去拿吧
不，千万别去，太愚蠢了
我无须证明什么，我要去拿
但如此一来他们都会知道
除非我去拿然后早起放回去
谁来帮我一把!
剧终
谢谢观赏

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 7楼发表于: 2014-03-09 0

107 The One With the Blackout

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is introducing Phoebe, who is playing her guitar for the crowd.]
Rachel: Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay.
(applause)
Phoebe: Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much.
[Scene: The ATM vestibule of a bank, Chandler is inside. The lights go out, and he realizes he is trapped inside.]
Chandler: Oh, great. This is just...
(Chandler sees that there is a gorgeous model inside the vestibule with him. He makes a gesture of quiet exuberance.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone with her mother. Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
Rachel: Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!
Monica: Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on.
Rachel: Wow, you guys, this is big.
Monica: (into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK. (hangs up)
Phoebe: Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?
(Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.)
Phoebe: Well, I never call me.
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Jill Goodacre is on the cellular phone. Chandler's thoughts are in italics.]
Chandler: Oh my God, it's that Victoria's Secret model. Something... something Goodacre.
Jill: (on phone) Hi Mom, it's Jill.
Chandler: She's right, it's Jill. Jill Goodacre. Oh my God. I am trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (pause) Is it a vestibule? Maybe it's an atrium. Oh, yeah, that is the part to focus on, you idiot!
Jill: (on phone) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just stuck at the bank, in an ATM vestibule.
Chandler: Jill says vestibule... I'm going with vestibule.
Jill: (on phone) I'm fine. No, I'm not alone... I don't know, some guy.
Chandler: Oh! Some guy. Some guy. 'Hey Jill, I saw you with some guy last night. Yes, he was some guy.
(Chandler strides proudly across the vestibule and Jill stares at him.)
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the candles lit.]
Joey: Hi everyone.
Ross: And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani.
Joey: Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone.
Phoebe: (at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
(They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.)
Rachel: That had to hurt!
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: Alright, alright, alright. It's been fourteen and a half minutes and you still have not said one word. Oh God, do something. Just make contact, smile!
(Chandler smiles at her, she smiles back sweetly.)
Chandler: There you go!
(He continues to smile like an idiot, and she looks frightened.)
Chandler: You're definitely scaring here.
Jill: (awkwardly) Would you like to call somebody? (offering phone)
Chandler: Yeah, about 300 guys I went to high school with. Yeah, thanks. (takes phone)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.]
Monica: Hello?
Chandler: Hey, it's me.
Monica: (to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?
Chandler: Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr.
Monica: What?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!
Monica: I have no idea what you just said.
Chandler: (angry) Put Joey on the phone.
Joey: What's up man?
Chandler: I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR.
Joey: (to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen. (says something intentionally garbled)
Chandler: Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The five are sitting around the coffee table talking.]
Rachel: Alright, somebody.
Monica: OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table.
All: Whoooaa!
Ross: That's my sister.
Joey: OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library.
Monica: Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?
Ross: Pheebs, what about you?
Phoebe: Oh... Milwaukee.
Rachel: Um... Ross?
Ross: Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'
All: No way!
Ross: The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom.
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel.
Rachel: Oh come on, I already went.
Monica: You did not go!
All: Come on.
Rachel: Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed.
Ross: Step back.
Joey: We have a winner!
[Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room.]
Rachel: I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park.
Ross: Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line.
Rachel: There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course.
Ross: Come on.
Rachel: No, he said we were holding up the people behind us.
Ross: (sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?
Rachel: I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of...
Ross: Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated.
Rachel: Yeah right.
Ross: It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff.
Rachel: (sigh) OK.
Ross: But, um... I don't think that's going to be you.
Rachel: You don't.
Ross: Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Mmmm.
Rachel: You do?
Ross: I do.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. (she playfully rubs his head and gets up)
(Ross gets up, pleased with himself.)
Joey: It's never gonna happen.
Ross: (innocently) What?
Joey: You and Rachel.
Ross: (acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.
Ross: I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to...
Joey: Priesthood! Look Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Joey looks at him) What? What, now?
Joey: Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Rachel, I think that...' (Rachel comes into the room behind them)
Ross: Shhhh!
Rachel: What are you shushing?
Ross: We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that?
Rachel: Ahhhh!
Ross: See?
Rachel: Huh. (she agrees, but looks very confused)
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Jill: Would you like some gum?
Chandler: Um, is it sugarless?
Jill: (checks) Sorry, it's not.
Chandler: Oh, then no thanks. What the hell was that? Mental note: If Jill Goodacre offers you gum, you take it. If she offers you mangled animal carcass, you take it.
[Scene: Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.]
Phoebe: (singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la... (she writes the lyrics down)
Ross: (to Joey) OK, here goes.
Joey: Are you going to do it?
Ross: I'm going to do it.
Joey: Do you want any help?
Ross: You come out there, you're a dead man.
Joey: Good luck, man.
Ross: Thanks. (Joey hugs him) OK.
Joey: OK. (Ross goes out on the balcony to talk to Rachel)
(Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.)
Joey: Hey, where are you going?
Monica: Outside.
Joey: You can't go out there.
Monica: Why not?
Joey: Because of... the reason.
Monica: And that would be?
Joey: I, um, can't tell you.
Monica: Joey, what's going on?
Joey: OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Ross that I told you.
Monica: About what?
Joey: He's planning your birthday party.
Monica: Oh my God! I love him!
Joey: (as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised.
Phoebe: About what?
Monica: My surprise party!
Phoebe: What surprise party?
Monica: Oh stop it. Joey already told me.
Phoebe: Well, he didn't tell me.
Joey: Hey, don't look at me. This is Ross's thing.
Phoebe: This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything.
Monica: No, you are not. We tell you stuff.
Phoebe: Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when you had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestures at Phoebe to shut up; Joey looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Ross and Rachel are talking.]
Rachel: Hmmm... this is so nice.
Ross: OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment.
Rachel: OK.
Ross: OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
Rachel: Ohhh!!!! (looking at something behind Ross)
Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...
Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! (a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross)
Ross: What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!
[Cut to inside. Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: (singing) I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wonders I've found ever since...
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is holding the cat, Monica is treating the scratches on Ross' back. Joey is holding the menorah over the wound.]
Monica: (to Ross) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt.
(Ross flinches in pain.)
Joey: Sorry, that was wax.
Phoebe: Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner.
Ross: Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?
Rachel: During a blackout? He'd get trampled!
Ross: (nonchalantly) Yeah?
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Jill gives him a stick of gum, and a strange look) 'Gum would be perfection'? 'Gum would be perfection.' Could have said 'gum would be nice,' or 'I'll have a stick,' but no, no, no, no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.
[Scene: The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.]
Phoebe: (stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?
Rachel: Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner.
Mr. Heckles: Er, yeah, it's mine.
Phoebe: (trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?
Mr. Heckles: Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat.
Phoebe: Wait a minute. What's his name?
Mr. Heckles: Ehhhh... B-Buttons.
Rachel: Bob Buttons?
Mr. Heckles: Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons.
Phoebe: (the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!
Mr. Heckles: (as Phoebe and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat.
[Scene: Rachel has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner.]
Rachel: Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty...
(While looking at the floor for the cat, Rachel runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.)
Paolo: (something Italian)
Rachel: Wow. (she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, and Joey are playing Monopoly.]
Ross: (rolling) Lucky sixes....
Rachel: (entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Monica.
Monica: (smitten) Hi!
Rachel: And Joey....
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: And Ross.
Monica: Hi!
Paolo: (something in Italian)
Rachel: (proudly) He doesn't speak much English.
Paolo: (pointing at game) Monopoly!
Rachel: Look at that!
Ross: (jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?
Rachel: Oh... Italy, I think.
Ross: No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives.
Rachel: Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!
Ross: That, that is funny... (to Joey).... and Rachel keeps touching him.
(Phoebe enters.)
Phoebe: Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere.
Rachel: Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat.
Phoebe: Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo.
Rachel: Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe.
Paolo: (something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to Phoebe)
Phoebe: (smiling) You betcha!
[Scene: ATM vestibule.]
Chandler: (chewing gum) Ah, let's see. What next? Blow a bubble. A bubble's good. It's got a... boyish charm, it's impish. Here we go.
(Chandler waits until Jill is looking, then starts to blow a bubble. But instead of blow one, he accidentally spits the gum out of his mouth and hits the wall.)
Chandler: Nice going, imp. OK, it's OK. All I need to do is reach over and put it in my mouth. (Chandler slyly grabs the gum from the wall and slides it back in his mouth.)
Chandler: Good save! We're back on track, and I'm... (grimacing) ..chewing someone else's gum. This is not my gum. Oh my God! Oh my God! And now you're choking.
(Chandler starts to choke.)
Jill: Are you alright?
(Chandler tries to save face and makes the 'OK' sign with his hands, while obviously unable to breathe.)
Jill: My God, you're choking! (she runs over and gives him the Heimlich, the gum flies from his mouth) That better?
Chandler: (gasping) Yes... thank you. That was... that was....
Jill: Perfection?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.]
Paolo: (something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)
Ross: (mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah....
(Rachel walks away from Paolo, laughing.)
Ross: Wha-What did he say that was so funny?
Rachel: I have absolutely no idea.
Ross: That's... that's classic.
Rachel: (to Monica and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!
Monica: If you want, I'll do it.
(Ross looks at Joey.)
Phoebe: I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Rachel looks at her) But I won't.
Rachel: God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Barry.
Phoebe: You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... (they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK.
Rachel: Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd....
[Cut to the other side of the apartment, Ross has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.]
Ross: Paolo. Hi.
Paolo: Ross!
(Ross notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Ross gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.)
Ross: Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing.
Paolo: Thing?
Ross: Thing, yes. Thing.
Paolo: Ah, you... have the sex?
Ross: No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Rachel and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um...
Paolo: Bed?
Ross: No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad.
Paolo: Oh!
Ross: Yeah! Se vice?
Paolo: Si.
Ross: So you do know a little English.
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo: No.
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!
(They hug.)
[Scene: ATM vestibule, Chandler and Jill are sitting below the counter with two pens dangling from their chains in front of them. Jill is showing Chandler how to swing the pen around his head.]
Jill: Chandler, we've been here for an hour doing this! Now watch, it's easy.
Chandler: OK.
Jill: Ready? (she swings the pen around her head in a circle)
(Chandler tries to do the same thing but the pen hits him in the head.)
Jill: No, you've got to whip it.
(He swings the pen hard, and it snaps back and almost hits him again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the table.]
Phoebe: Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48.... (someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark)
Ross: Thank you.
Phoebe: Thanks.
Ross: Kinda... spooky without any lights.
Joey: (does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!
(Everyone starts to imitate him.)
Ross: OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah...
(The lights come back on, and Rachel and Paolo are making out. Ross clutches his chest.)
Ross: Oh.. oh... oh.
Joey: Hey Ross. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica.
Closing Credits
[Scene: ATM vestibule, the power has come back on.]
Jill: Well, this has been fun.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, thanks for letting me use your phone... and for saving my life.
Jill: Well, goodbye Chandler. I had a great blackout. (she kisses him on the cheek) See ya.
(She leaves. Chandler presses his face to the glass door after her, stroking the window lovingly. He then turns to the security camera and starts talking to it.)
Chandler: Hi, um, I'm account number 7143457. And, uh, I don't know if you got any of that, but I would really like a copy of the tape.
End

107 停电

各位请安静
中央公园很荣幸为各位介绍
菲比小姐
谢谢，
首先我想演唱有关顿悟人生那一刻的歌
开始罗
非常感谢
什么?
这下可好
真是太…
这简直是酷毙了
纽约大停电
我妈说是整个布鲁克林
外加部份曼哈顿和皇后区
不知何时恢复电力这可真是大停电
制作：陶德史帝芬
裤子和毛衣，
为什么，妈?
停电我能去见谁?
电力公司的人?
单身的趁火打劫之徒?
以后再聊，好吗?
电话能借我吗？
导演：詹姆斯布罗
我想打回住处
并确定我祖母是否安好
等等，我的电话几号?
我从未打电话给自己过
天啊，是她
维多利亚秘密的模特儿
叫…古亚克的
妈，我是洁儿
没错，洁儿古亚克
没想到我和洁儿同时被困在提款机室
是小室还是正厅?
那才是值得注意的对象，笨蛋
对，我没事只是被困在银行提款机室
洁儿说小室?
那我也说小室
我没事，
不，旁边有人
我不认识，某人
某人?
行，某人
洁儿，我昨晚看见你和某人在一起
没错，他是某人.
各位
今晚主持停电晚会的
是崔维安尼拉此
钱德的老室友是个犹太人
我们只剩这些蜡烛
祝各位光明节快乐
瞧，丑陋裸男点燃几根蜡烛
一定很痛
已过了14分30秒
你却连一字也没说
争气点，打破沉闷
微笑
效果不错
算了吧，你正在吓她
想打电话给某人吗?
好啊，
高中时代有三百个同学
谢了
是我
是钱德
你好吗?
我还好
我和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
什么?
我和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
我听不懂你在说什么
叫乔伊听电话
怎么了?
我和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
噢,我的天那
他和洁儿吉亚克被困在提款机室
钱德，听着…
别以为我没这个念头
换人，快
好吧，换我
大四在撞球台上
这就是我妹啦
我最奇怪的地方是在
纽约市立图书馆二楼女厕
拜托，你去图书馆干什么
菲此，你呢?
密尔瓦基
罗斯?
迪士尼，1989年小小世界
不可能…
机器故障
所以我和卡萝就到荷兰机器儿童后面
他们好死不死正巧修好机器…
从此他们禁止我们再到奇幻王国去
瑞秋呢?
拜托，我说过了
你才没那
快点告诉我们
好吧，最奇怪的地方是床脚
我们今晚有优胜了
我从来没有那种关系也没那种感受
在主题乐园中你忽然欲火中烧
当时只有这件事可做
巴瑞连在打迷你高尔夫时
也不肯亲我
少来
他说这样会耽误后面的人
你逃婚的原因是…
你认为有人这辈子没有过那种…
也许吧
但是我得告诉你
激情被过度重视
没错
最后激情很快就退去
但双方仍保有信赖，安全感和...
以我前妻为例…女同志主义
因此
缺乏激情之人还有其他可取之处
但我想你不是那种人
你认为我不是？
我...
对你的未来将充满激情
你真的这样认为?
没错
罗斯，你真是太了不起了
不可能发生的
什么?
你和瑞秋
为什么?
因为你拖太久才行动
现在只能待在”朋友区”
不，我没在朋友区
罗斯，你是朋友区主席
我在静观其变，行吗?
我正在为以后铺路
我每天往前推进一点
圣人
罗斯她根本不知道你在想什么
如果再不快点约她出去
你将困在朋友区永远无法脱身
我会的
我只是在等恰当的时机
什么?
什么?
你缺什么?
美酒?烛光?月光?
你只需走到她面前说
瑞秋，我想你…
你在嘘什么?
因为我们正在听
听什么?
难道你没听见?
听见没?
想来片口香糖吗?
无糖的吗?
抱歉，不是
不，谢了
你在搞什么东西?
切记
洁儿请你吃口香糖你就吃
她叫你吃动物死尸
你也得吃
纽约大停电
牛奶变酸
不过没关系
因为我不喝牛奶
我要去了.
你决定啦?
我决定了
需要帮助吗?
如果你想当电灯泡你就死定了
罗斯…祝你幸运
你要去哪里?
外面.
不行，你不能去外面
为什么?
因为有理由
什么理由?
不能告诉你
乔伊，到底怎么了?
好吧，但你得答应我
不会告诉罗斯是我说的
说什么?
他正在准备你的生日舞会
天啊，我爱他
你最好装成一副吃惊的样子
装什么?
我的生日舞会
什么生日舞会?
少装蒜了
乔伊已经告诉我了
他没有告诉我
别看我，这是罗斯的主意
每次都这样
我总是最后知道的人
你不是，我们都有告诉你是哦
钱德在动物园被孔雀咬
我是最后知道的人
也是最后知道乔伊刚搬来时
你对他有意思的人
什么?
看来我是倒数第二
感觉好好
我有个问题
也谈不上是问题
只是好奇
是这样的
这些日子以来我一直想…
对，没错
瞧那只小猫!
什么?
这只是药不会痛的
对不起，那是蜡油
可怜的小猫快吓死了
我们得找到它的主人
何不将它放在走廊?
大停电时它会被踩死的
是吗?
考虑之后
口香糖是绝佳的选择
口香糖是绝佳的选择?
口香糖是绝佳的选择
我大可说”我也来一片”
但不，
我说的是"口香糖是绝佳的选择"
我真鄙视我自己
不，她们是修女
讨厌一切生物
这下可好
我们刚捡到这只猫
目前正在找它的主人
猫是我的
可是它似乎很讨厌你
你确定吗?
确定，猫是我的，把猫给我
等等，它叫什么名字?
鲍伯钮扣
鲍伯钮扣?
过来，鲍伯钮扣
你真是个大坏蛋
你们欠我一只猫
小猫咪…你上哪儿去了?
小猫咪…你上哪儿去了?
(意大利语)
来吧，幸运六
各位，他是保罗
保罗，向你介绍我的朋友
这位是摩妮卡
这位是乔伊
还有罗斯
他不太会讲英语
大富翁
是呀.
保罗来自哪里?
我猜是意大利
不，我是指今晚
这栋公寓?
突然介入我们的生活
那只猫结果是保罗的
这不是很有意思吗?
我真不敢相信这是你的猫
真有意思
而且瑞秋不断摸他
我找遍了整栋公寓
但就是找不到猫
我找到了，是保罗的猫
瞧，我又是最后一个知道
由于没人告诉我
我猜他就是保罗
保罗，她叫菲比
菲比.
没错
下一步呢?
吹泡泡
吹泡泡好展现男性魅力，顽皮的一面
来吧
吹得可真好…
不要紧
我只需把手伸过去
将它放回口中
救得好
现在我已重回轨道
而且还嚼着别人的口香糖
这不是我的口香糖
很好,现在你呛到了
你没事吧
天呀,你呛到了
感觉好点没?
好多了
谢谢，那真是…
绝佳的选择?
他讲什么
那么好笑?
我完全搞不懂
女人都这样
天啊，我在干什么?
这太不像我了
不介意的话我要上了
我知道
我只想咬他的下嘴唇
但我不会这么做的
他第一次对我微笑时
那三秒钟比我和巴瑞
在百慕达得三个礼拜还令我兴奋
你骑机踏车吗?
因为我听说…我离题了
我知道这样很肤浅
而且我们毫无共通点
连语言也不通但...
保罗
罗斯
听着
有件事你该了解
瑞秋和我有那么一点
一点?
你们做爱没有？
技术上而言，还没做爱
但这不是重点
重点是瑞秋和我应该…在一起，而你加入.......
床上?
不是，我不是指那个
如果你让我们无法结台
我会非常…难过
噢
太好了
你懂一点英文
会一点
对，你懂什么叫”二百五”
不懂
不懂?真好笑
因为你就是个超级二百五
钱德，我们已玩了一小时
很简单的，准备好没?
试试看
不，你该拍一下
看，最后一根蜡烛就要燃尽
10，9，8，7
-46，-47，-48•，．
46，一47，一48•，．
没有灯光有点恐怖
停，我这个最逼真
罗斯，现在提并不恰当
但你得为摩尼卡开个舞会
玩得真开心
对，谢谢你的手机
并救了我的命
再见了，钱德
此次停电我玩得很开心
再见
我的帐号是7143457
我不知道你有没有录到
但我想要这一卷录影带
剧终
谢谢观赏

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 8楼发表于: 2014-03-09 0

108 The One Where Nana Dies Twice

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break. Shelley enters.)
Shelley: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Chandler: Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights... does it get better than this?
Shelley: Question. You're not dating anybody, are you, because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
Chandler: Ah, y'see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said 'co-dependent', or 'self-destructive'...
Shelley: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler: Yes please.
Shelley: Okay. He's cute, he's funny, he's-
Chandler: He's a he?
Shelley: Well yeah! ...Oh God. I- just- I thought- Good, Shelley. I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now...(backs out of the room) Okay, goodbye...
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.)
Chandler: ...Couldn't enjoy a cup of noodles after that. I mean, is that ridiculous? Can you believe she actually thought that?
Rachel: Um... yeah. Well, I mean, when I first met you, y'know, I thought maybe, possibly, you might be...
Chandler: You did?
Rachel: Yeah, but then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts, so then I figured maybe not.
Chandler: Huh. Did, uh... any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Monica: I did.
Phoebe: Yeah, I think so, yeah.
Joey: Not me.
Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan Sallidor did.
Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too, so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also liked her, so...
(Joey congratulates Ross, sees Chandler's look and abruptly stops.)
Chandler: Well, this is fascinating. So, uh, what is it about me?
Phoebe: I dunno, 'cause you're smart, you're funny...
Chandler: Ross is smart and funny, d'you ever think that about him?
All: Yeah! Right!
Chandler: WHAT IS IT?!
Monica: Okay, I-I d'know, you-you just- you have a quality.
All: Yes. Absolutely. A quality.
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality, good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
(Phone rings; Monica gets it)
Monica: Hello? Hello? Oh! Rachel, it's Paolo calling from Rome.
Rachel: Oh my God! Calling from Rome! (Takes phone) Bon giorno, caro mio.
Ross: (to Joey) So he's calling from Rome. I could do that. Just gotta go to Rome.
Rachel: Monica, your dad just beeped in, but can you make it quick? Talking to Rome. (Showing off to Phoebe and Chandler) I'm talking to Rome.
Monica: Hey dad, what's up? (Listens) Oh God. Ross, it's Nana.
[Scene: The Hospital, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there, along with Aunt Lillian. Ross and Monica enter and everyone says hi and kisses.)
Ross: So, uh, how's she doing?
Aunt Lillian: The doctor says it's a matter of hours.
Monica: How-how are you, Mom?
Mrs. Geller: Me? I'm fine, fine. I'm glad you're here. ...What's with your hair?
Monica: What?
Mrs. Geller: What's different?
Monica: Nothing.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, maybe that's it.
(Monica strides over to Ross, who is making coffee, and talks to him aside.)
Monica: She is unbelievable, our mother is...
Ross: Okay, relax, relax. We are gonna be here for a while, it looks like, and we still have boyfriends and your career to cover.
Monica: Oh God!
(They hug.)
[Cut to the hospital, later. Everyone is talking about Nana.]
Monica: The fuzzy little mints at the bottom of her purse.
Ross: Oh! ...Yeah, they were gross. Oh, you know what I loved? Her Sweet 'n' Los. How she was always stealing them from- from restaurants.
Mr. Geller: Not just restaurants, from our house.
(The nurse comes out of Nana's room.)
Nurse: Mrs. Geller?
(Everyone stands up. Cut to Ross and Monica in Nana's room.)
Ross: She looks so small.
Monica: I know.
Ross: Well, at least she's with Pop-Pop and Aunt Phyllis now.
Monica: G'bye, Nana. (She kisses her on the forehead.)
Ross: Bye, Nana.
(He goes to kiss her but she moves. Monica screams. Ross shouts and stares in disbelief. Monica runs out of the room.)
Monica: Ross!
(Ross runs out too.)
Mrs. Geller: What is going on?!
Ross: Y'know how-how the nurse said that-that Nana had passed? Well, she's not, quite..
Mrs. Geller: What?
Ross: She's not- past, she's present, she's back.
Aunt Lillian: (reentering) What's going on?
Mr. Geller: She may have died.
Aunt Lillian: She may have died?
Mr. Geller: We're looking into it.
(Monica returns with the nurse and they go into Nana's room.)
Ross: I, uh, I'll go see. (He goes in)
Nurse: This almost never happens!
(Nana passes for the second time and the nurse pulls the blanket over her. Ross and Monica go to tell the family)
Ross: Now she's passed.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: I just have to know, okay. Is it my hair?
Rachel: (exasperated) Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is. It's your hair.
Phoebe: Yeah, you have homosexual hair.
(Monica and Ross enter.)
Rachel: So, um, did she...
Ross: Twice.
Joey: Twice?
Phoebe: Oh, that sucks!
Joey: You guys okay?
Ross: I dunno, it's weird. I mean, I know she's gone, but I just don't feel, uh...
Phoebe: Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.
Ross: Nono, she's gone.
Monica: We checked. A lot.
Phoebe: Hm, I mean maybe no-one ever really goes. Ever since my mom died, every now and then, I get the feeling that she's like right here, y'know? (She circles her hand around her right shoulder. Chandler, sitting on her right, draws back nervously) Oh! And Debbie, my best friend from junior high- got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course- I always get this really strong Debbie vibe whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils, y'know? ...I miss her.
Rachel: Aw. Hey, Pheebs, want this? (Gives her a pencil)
Phoebe: Thanks!
Rachel: Sure. I just sharpened her this morning.
Joey: Now, see, I don't believe any of that. I think once you're dead, you're dead! You're gone! You're worm food! (realises his tactlessness) ...So Chandler looks gay, huh?
Phoebe: Y'know, I dunno who this is, but it's not Debbie. (Hands back the pencil)
[Scene: Nana's house, Ross, Mrs. Geller and Aunt Lillian are going through clothes.]
Ross: I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
Mrs. Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice!
(They open a cupboard which, amongst other things, contains a chest of drawers)
Mrs. Geller: Sweetie, you think you can get in there?
Ross: (sarcastic) I don't see why not.
(He tries pushing against the chest of drawers. Then he opens one of the drawers and climbs into the closet using that; he falls behind the chest of drawers with a shout.)
Ross: Here's my retainer!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to her father.]
Mr. Geller: I was just thinking. When my time comes-
Monica: Dad!
Mr. Geller: Listen to me! When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica: You what?
Mr. Geller: I wanna be buried at sea, it looks like fun.
Monica: Define fun.
Mr. Geller: C'mon, you'll make a day of it! You'll rent a boat, pack a lunch...
Monica: ...And then we throw your body in the water... Gee, that does sound fun.
Mr. Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says 'Jack Geller, so predictable'. Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say 'Buried at sea! Huh!'.
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Mr. Geller: I'd like that.
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Shelley is drinking coffee; Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, gorgeous.
Shelley: (sheepish) Hey. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, um-
Chandler: No, nono, don't- don't worry about it. Believe me, apparently other people have made the same mistake.
Shelley: Oh! Okay! Phew!
Chandler: So, uh... what do you think it is about me?
Shelley: I dunno, uh... you just have a-a...
Chandler: ...Quality, right, great.
Shelley: Y'know, it's a shame, because you and Lowell would've made a great couple.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services' Lowell, that's who you saw me with?
Shelley: What? He's cute!
Chandler: Well, yeah... 's'no Brian in Payroll.
Shelley: Is Brian...?
Chandler: No! Uh, I d'know! The point is, if you were gonna set me up with someone, I'd like to think you'd set me up with someone like him.
Shelley: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me? You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. ...I'm really not.
[Scene: Nana's Bedroom, Ross is holding a dress out from inside the closet.]
Ross: (holding a dress out from inside the closet) This one?
Aunt Lillian: No.
Ross: I have shown you everything we have. Unless you want your mother to spend eternity in a lemon yellow pant-suit, go with the burgundy.
Aunt Lillian: You know, whatever we pick, she would've told us it's the wrong one.
Mrs. Geller: You're right. We'll go with the burgundy.
Ross: Oh! A fine choice. I'm coming out. (Starts to climb over the furniture)
Aunt Lillian: Wait! We need shoes!
(Ross falls back inside)
Ross: Okay. Um, how about these? (Holds out a pair)
Mrs. Geller: That's really a day shoe.
Ross: And where she's going everyone else'll be dressier?
Aunt Lillian: Could we see something in a slimmer heel?
Ross: (forages around) Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the burgundy. I can show you something in a silver that may work.
Aunt Lillian: No, it really should be burgundy.
Mrs. Geller: Mm. Unless we go with a different dress?
Ross: No! Nonono, wait a sec. I may have something in the back.
(He finds a shoebox (out of shot), pulls it down and opens it. It is full of Sweet 'n' Lo's.)
Ross: Oh my God..
Mrs. Geller: Is everything all right, dear?
Ross: Yeah, just... just Nana stuff.
(He reaches up higher and knocks down another shoebox lid. Sweet 'n' Lo's rain down on him)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are preparing to leave for the funeral.]
Ross: (entering) How we doing, you guys ready?
Monica: Mom already called this morning to remind me not to wear my hair up. Did you know my ears are not my best feature?
Ross: Some days it's all I can think about.
Phoebe: (entering) Hi, sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my bearings.
Rachel: Oh, you-you mean your earrings?
Phoebe: What'd I say?
Rachel: (sticking her foot out) Hm-m.
Monica: Are these the shoes?
Rachel: Yes. Paolo sent them from Italy.
Ross: What, we-uh- we don't have shoes here, or...?
Joey: (entering with Chandler) Morning. We ready to go?
Chandler: Well, don't we look nice all dressed up?...It's stuff like that, isn't it?
(They all leave.)
[Scene: The cemetary, after the funeral.]
Monica: It was a really beautiful service.
Mrs. Geller: It really was. Oh, c'mere, sweetheart. (Hugs her) Y'know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.
(Joey listens to his overcoat for a second and sighs, then notices Chandler watching)
Joey: What?
Chandler: Nothing, just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Mussberger.
Joey: Check it out, Giants-Cowboys. (He has a pocket TV)
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.
(Rachel steps in a patch of mud)
Rachel: Oh no! My new Paolo shoes!
Ross: Oh, I hope they're not ruined.
Phoebe: God, what a great day. ...What? Weather-wise!
Ross: I know, uh, the air, the-the trees... even though Nana's gone there's, there's something almost, uh- I dunno, almost life-aff- (Not looking where he is going he falls into an open grave)
All: God! Ross!
Ross: I'm fine. Just-just... having my worst fear realised...
[Scene: The Wake, at the Gellers' house. Ross is lying on his back, with Phoebe squatting over him, checking to see if he's injured.]
Phoebe: Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscle's in spasm...huh.
Ross: What, what is it?
Phoebe: You missed a belt loop.
Ross: Oh! No-n-
Phoebe: Okay, it's in spasm.
Mrs. Geller: Here, sweetie, here. I took these when I had my golfing accident. (Hands Ross a bottle of pills. Then turns to Monica and pats her hair over her ears)
(Cut to Chandler and a woman, Andrea, reaching for the same slice of meat)
Chandler: Oh, no-
Andrea: Sorry- Hi, I'm Dorothy's daughter.
Chandler: Hi, I'm Chandler, and I have no idea who Dorothy is.
(They shake hands. Cut to Ross emerging from a hallway, grinning inanely. He is obviously very stoned)
Phoebe: Hey, look who's up! How do you feel?
Ross: I feel great. I feel- great, I fleel great.
Monica: Wow, those pills really worked, huh?
Ross: Not the first two, but the second two- woooo! ...I love you guys. You guys are the greatest. I love my sister (Kisses Monica), I love Pheebs... (Hugs her)
Phoebe: Ooh! That's so nice...
Ross: ...Chandler!
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: (hugs him) And listen, man, if you wanna be gay, be gay. Doesn't matter to me.
Andrea: (turns to a friend) You were right. (They walk off and leave Chandler.)
Ross: Rachel. Rachel Rachel. (Sits down beside her) I love you the most.
Rachel: (humouring him) Oh, well you know who I love the most?
Ross: No.
Rachel: You!
Ross: Oh.. you don't get it! (Passes out and slumps across her)
(Cut to Joey watching TV in the corner. He makes an extravagant gesture of disappointment.)
Mr. Geller: Whaddya got there?
Joey: (hides the TV, but he still has an earphone) Just a, uh... hearing disability.
Mr. Geller: What's the score?
Joey: Seventeen-fourteen Giants... three minutes to go in the third.
Mr. Geller: Beautiful! (Turns to watch with him)
(Time lapse. A large crowd of men are now watching the game)
Rachel: (still trapped under Ross) Pheebs, could you maybe hand me a cracker?
Mrs. Geller: (to Monica) Your grandmother would have hated this.
Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all.
Mrs. Geller: No, I'd be hearing about 'Why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham?', I didn't spend enough on flowers, and if I spent more she'd be saying 'Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, I'm dead'.
Monica: That sounds like Nana.
Mrs. Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say?
Monica: ...I can imagine.
Mrs. Geller: I'm telling you, it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person that she is.
Monica: That is a wonder. So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Mrs. Geller: Tell her what?
Monica: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail, like your hair... for example.
Mrs. Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.
Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?
Mrs. Geller: ...No. I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along.
Monica: Huh.
Mrs. Geller: More wine, dear?
Monica: Oh, I think so.
Mrs. Geller: (reaches out to fiddle with Monica's hair again, and realises) Those earrings look really lovely on you.
Monica: Thank you. They're yours.
Mrs. Geller: Actually they were Nana's.
(There is a cry of disappointment from the crowd of men.)
Mr. Geller: Now I'm depressed! ...(To everyone) Even more than I was.
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang are looking at old photos.]
Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Ross: That little naked guy would be me.
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
Chandler: Who are those people?
Ross: Got me.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again. I'm, uh, just trying something.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is on a coffee break as Lowell enters.]
Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going there in Financial Services?
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the paper mache heads. How 'bout you?
Chandler: Good, good. Listen, heh, I dunno what Shelley told you about me, but, uh... I'm not.
Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.
Chandler: Really.
Lowell: Yeah.
Chandler: So- you can tell?
Lowell: Pretty much, most of the time. We have a kind of... radar.
Chandler: So you don't think I have a, a quality?
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian from Payroll, he is.
Chandler: He is?
Lowell: Yup, and waaay out of your league. (Exits)
Chandler: Out of my league. I could get a Brian. (Brian enters behind him) If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. (Sees him) Hey, Brian.
End

108 （祖母）娜娜死了两回

帅哥，如何?
萤光灯下的脱水日本面
我能有多好?
问你一个问题
你目前没有约会的对象吧?
我遇见一个和你是绝配的人
绝配或许是个问题
你若说共同独立或自我毁灭的话…
周六想要有个约会的对象吗?
当然，拜托了
他人帅而且风趣，他…
他?
糟了，我以为…
你是个有为的青年
很好，雪莉
我要到马桶去把自己冲掉
再见
听完后
我没心情吃面了
这不荒谬吗?
你能相信她会有这样的想法吗?
我第一次见到你时
我以为你是
你真的这样认为?
对，但后来你在菲比的生日会上
一直盯着我的胸部
我想你大概不是吧
你们第一次看见我时
也是这样认为?
我是
我不觉得
我也是
虽然大学时代的苏珊
这样认为
开什么玩笑?
你有告诉她我不是吗?
没有
没有，因为我也想跟她约会
我告诉她
你和伯尼是一对
因为他也喜欢她
所以
这简直是太神奇了
是什么原因?
我不知道
因为你既聪明又风趣
罗斯也是聪明又风趣
你们有想过他是吗?
是哦
到底是为什么?
我也说不上来
但你就是有那种调调
没错
调调?说得好
我还担心你们看不出呢
瑞秋，是保罗从罗马打来的
天啊，从罗马打来
(意大利语)
了不起，他从罗马打来
我也可以
我到罗马去就是了
摩妮卡，你爸打来的
你能长话短说吗?
我正和罗马通电话
爸，怎么了?
我的天
罗斯，是奶奶
你们还好吧?
她的情况如何?
医生说只剩几小时了
妈，你还好吧?
我?我还好
真高兴见到你们来
你的头发怎么了?
什么?
看起来有点不同.
没什么变化呀.
或许是这个缘故
她真是令人难以置信
放松点
看来我们得在这儿待一段时间了
免不了还要谈你男友和工作的事
我的老天
她皮包里有发霉的钱币
真呕心
你们知道我喜欢什么吗?
她的人工袋糖
她总是从餐厅里偷走
不只是餐厅，
我们家也一样
格雷太太
她看起来好小
我知道
至少她现在有阿公和婶婶陪伴
别了，奶奶
再见，奶奶
罗斯
护士
怎么了？
护士说她已过世了，实际上不是
什么?
她还没完全过世
她还活着，她回来了
怎么回事?
她可能死了
她可能死了?
我们也想知道
我进去看看
这种事几乎不可能发生
她过世了
我必须要知道
是我的头发?
对，正是你的头发
你有一头同性恋的头发
她怎么样了?
两次
两次?
你们还好吧?
说不上来，好诡异
我知道她已过世
但我感觉...
或许是因为她还没有
不，她过世了
我们检查了
好多遍
或许人不会真正过世
我妈死后
我偶尔会感觉她就在身旁
还有黛此
我初中最要好的朋友
在打迷你高尔夫时
被闪电击中
用那枝黄色铅笔时
我总感到一股强烈的”心灵感应”
我好想念她
来，菲此，你要吗?
谢谢
不客气，早上刚削好的
我不信这一套
人死了就是死了
死了就成了虫的食物
钱德看起来像个同性恋?
我不知道此人是谁
但绝对不是黛比
我以为要用密封的棺木
这并不代表
她不能看起来体面一点
孩子，你想你能进去吗?
当然可以
我的牙齿矫正器
我在想我走的时候
爸
听我说
我走的时候
我要海葬
什么?
我要海葬
好像挺有意思的
定义一下
那一天你们会玩得很开心的
你们会乘着船带着午餐…
然后把你的尸体丢人大海
真是有意思
每个人都自认为了解我
他们都说杰克太一成不变了
或许我死后他们会说
海葬,哈?
他们大概会这么说吧
希望如此
美女
昨天的事很抱歉我
别担心
相信我，
显然别人也犯了相同的错误
你认为是我的缘故?
我说不上来
你就是有那种调调，是哦
真可惜
因为你和罗尔本来很登对
罗尔?会计部门的罗尔
你觉得我们很配?
有何不可?他很帅
他不像布莱恩
布莱恩是不是...?
重点是如果你想替我配对
我希望你会挑他
我想你配不上布莱恩
对不起
你认为我配不上他?
因为我配得上他
相信我
我真的配不上
这一个?
不是
我已让你们看过每件衣服
除非你们想让她永远穿着柠檬黄长裤
配上紫红色衣服
不论我们选什么
她都会说我们选错了
没错，就选紫红色吧
不错的选择，我要出来了
等等，还缺鞋子
这一双如何?
这是一双日鞋
她去的地方
大家会穿得更正式?
能找鞋跟细一点的鞋吗?
我找不到紫红色的晚鞋
不过有双银色的鞋或许适合
不行，一定要紫红色
除非我们另找一件套装
不,等等
我看看
后面或许有
天呀
你没事吧，孩子?
没事，只是奶奶的东西
各位如何?准备好了没?
早上妈来电叫我别扎头发
你知道我的耳朵
并不是我最漂亮的部位吗?
有时候我认为是
抱歉，我迟到了
我找不到我的”耳圈”
你是指你的耳环?
我刚说什么?
你穿这一双?
对，保罗从义大利寄来的
我们这儿没卖鞋子?
早安，准备走了没?
穿戴整齐后
我们不是都好看许多?
人模人样的
刚刚的仪式简单而隆重
可不是吗
过来，心肝
你该使用晚霜了
怎么了?
没什么，你的外套很吵
瞧，巨人队对牛仔队
你在葬礼时看足球赛?
不，比赛还没开始
我要在接待会上看比赛
你真是个恶劣的人
不，保罗送我的新鞋
希望没坏
你没事吧?
多美好的一天啊
什么?我是指天气
对，空气，树木
即使奶奶已过世
就好像...
罗斯，你还好吧?罗斯…
我没事
只是
我最大的梦魇终于成真
别担心
我只是看看你是否肌肉痉挛
怎么了?
你的皮带穿孔掉了一个
是痉挛
来，孩子
我擦伤时都用这个
妈，谢谢
抱歉，我叫安朵拉
桃乐丝的女儿
我叫钱德
我不知道桃乐丝是谁
看看谁出现了
感觉如何?
感觉好多了…
那些药丸可真有效
对，不是第一次那两颗
而是后来那两颗
我爱你们大家
你们是最棒的
我爱我的妹妹
我爱菲此
钱德，我爱你
听着，如果你想当同志
就当吧
我不在乎
你说得对
瑞秋
我最爱你了
知道我最爱谁吗?
不知道
你
我不懂
那是什么?
我听力不好
比数多少?
巨人队以17比14领先
第三节只剩3分钟结束
好极了
菲此，能拿块饼干给我吗?
你奶奶一定不喜欢的
当然，这是她的葬礼
我听到的是
”我为何没有糖浆火腿?”
或是”我买的花不够”
如果我买多了
她又会说
”何必花那么多钱
我死了不需要花”
口气像奶奶
知道和批评你每句话的人在一起生活
是什么滋味?
我可以想像
告诉你
我会成为积极乐观的人
真是个奇迹
妈，告诉我
如果可以重来
如果此时她在这儿
你会告诉她吗?
告诉她什么?
她如何使你抓狂
挑剔每一件事
例如你的头发
我不懂你在说什么
难道你不认为说出实话
情况会改善吗?
不认为
我认为
某些事最好还是不要说
家和万事兴
再来些酒,亲爱的.
你戴这副耳环真好看
谢谢，你给我的
其实是奶奶的
真叫人难过
比刚才还难过
这个光屁股的是谁?
那个人就是我
瞧那个小东西
对，那是我的小弟弟
成熟点行吗?
那些人是谁?
可把我问倒了
中间那一个是奶奶
我看看
我和大伙儿摄于在爪哇乔家
摩妮卡
你和你奶奶长得一模一样
当时她几岁?
1939年…39年
24或25岁
他们好像玩得很开心
看…光屁股的摩妮卡
我看看
不，还是我
我在尝试新事物
罗威
钱德
会计部门的情况如何?
简直一团乱
你呢?
很好
我不知道雪莉如何对你说我这个人
但是我不是（同性恋）.
我知道，我也是这样告诉她的
真的?
你看得出来?
十之八九
我们有某种…雷达
这么说你认为我没那种调调
代表男同志发言
我得说没有
对了，你朋友布莱恩,
他是
他是?
而且你配不上他
我配不上他
我可以得到布莱恩
如果我愿意
你好,布莱恩

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 9楼发表于: 2014-03-09 0

109 The One Where Underdog Gets Away

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]
Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Terry: An advance?
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]
Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?
Guy: Huh?
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.
(Monica enters.)
Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?
Ross: No, they're not.
Monica: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.
Ross: You're wrong.
Monica: I am not wrong.
Ross: You're wrong.
Monica: No, I just talked to them.
Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.
(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)
Joey: Hey, hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey.
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Phoebe: What were you modeling for?
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Monica: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
Joey: Thanks.
(Ross comes back to the couch.)
Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.
Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.
Monica: So you're free Thursday, then.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh, can I come?
Monica: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50.
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?
Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan: What's it look like?
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me?
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time.
Ross: Really?
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.]
Ross: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
(Rachel enters.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.
Monica: Rach, here's your mail.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: (insistently) No, here's your mail.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it?
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)
Rachel: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.
Monica: We all chipped in.
Joey: (to Monica) We did?
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you so much!
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old.
Ross: Oh, I hate this story.
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel: Oh my god.
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.
Girl: We did?
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
Girl: Yeah, right.
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Girl: Get out.
Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.
Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me.
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?
Girl: (provocatively) Nothing.
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.
Joey: What's wrong?
Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something.
Joey: Oh. What?
Girl: Um, leave.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait!
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]
Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
Rachel: Saw what?
Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Monica: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) What?
Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Monica: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping.
Ross: That's closer.
(Rachel enters, excited.)
Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.
Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping.
Rachel: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.)
Phoebe: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!
Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.
(Chandler leaves.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.
Monica: That's not a question.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
(Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.)
Monica: Ah!
Ross: Ok, Mom never hit.
(Ross exits.)
Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done.
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica: Why would we do that?
Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
(Chandler enters, running.)
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
Joey: The balloon?
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Rachel: I can't, I gotta go.
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
Phoebe: Almost never.
Monica: Got the keys? or Got the keys!
Rachel: Ok.
(Everyone leaves the apartment.)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Ross: (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the roof.]
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?
Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.
Monica: No I don't.
Rachel: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys."
Monica: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"
Rachel: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".
Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Monica: Well then get it, get it!
Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster.
Monica: (angry) Joey!
Joey: That one will.
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?
(Susan enters.)
Susan: Hi, how's it goin?
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Carol: I did.
Ross: Does it always, uh--?
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing!
Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
Susan: I felt it!
Ross: (singin) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]
Joey: Nope, not that one.
Monica: Can you go any faster with that?
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
Monica: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?
Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
(Short pause.)
Monica: Why would I have the keys?
Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?
Monica: But I didn't.
Rachel: Well, you should have.
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because!
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because!
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)
Monica: Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots) Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.
(Ross enters, singing.)
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down the—this doesn't smell like Mom's.
Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Monica: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?
Joey: You call that delicious?
(all shouting)
Monica: Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the window.]
Phoebe: Ooh.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
(They all run to the window.)
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Monica: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!
Phoebe: It's nice that he has someone.
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]
Chandler: Shall I carve?
Rachel: By all means.
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Joey: Oh, I will.
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
Joey: The bigger half.
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
All: That's so sweet.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
Chandler: Here, here!
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Bladder Control Problem
Stop Wife Beating
Hemorrhoids?
Winner of 3 Tony Awards...
He's finally happy with that and walks away.]
End

109 气球飞了

特里,我,我知道我在这里干时间并不长，
但我在想
您是否能考虑预支给我100块薪水.
预支？
这样我才能和家里人共度感恩节。
你看，每年，我们全家都去韦尔滑雪，
通常都是我父亲为我出票钱
但是我现在已经开始学习独立，
恩，这实际上也是我在这里干的原因。
瑞秋，瑞秋，亲爱的。
你是一位非常，非常糟糕的女招待。
真的，真的糟糕透顶。
好吧，我,我明白你的意思了.我同意您说的
但是我，我一直很努力地在做，
我想我会做得更好的。我会的!
有人需要咖啡吗？
(是的, 这边/有!...)
噢，你瞧!
打扰一下，先生。
恩，您是这里的老主顾了。
不知道您是否能考虑预支一点小费给我?
恩？
好，好，算我没说。我为以前用咖啡泼到您表示歉意。
还差98块5。
嗨/嗨
罗斯,你知道老爸老妈要去波多黎各过感恩节吗？
不，他们不会。
他们要去。布莱曼家邀请了他们。
你瞎说。
我没瞎说
/你瞎说。
我刚和他们通过电话。
我去打给妈妈。
嘿，嘿。
/嘿。
这里是“紧急求助部”。你化了妆吗？
是的。从今天起，我的正式身份就是乔伊.崔比安尼，
演员兼模特。
真有趣，
因为我正想说：你看起来更象
乔伊.崔比安尼，
男人兼女人
你给什么当模特？
你知道那些城市免费门诊的招贴画吗？
oh，哇，那你不就成了那些
健康一族中的一员了吗？
那个哮喘病人还真可爱。
你知道你为什么代言吗？
不知道，但是我听说脑膜炎还少人，所以 ...
祝你好运，老兄。我希望你能染上.
谢谢
好吧，你是对的。他们怎能抛下我们不管？
这可是感恩节。
好，我提议。
我在我那儿做顿大餐，怎么样？
我会做得和妈妈的味一样的。
你会弄成块的土豆泥给我吃吗？
这个，他们真不该把土豆 ...
我做土豆块。
乔伊，你要回家，是吗？
/没错。
钱德,你还在抵制所有清教徒的节日吗?
当然，他们中的任何一个。
菲比，你要和你奶奶一起过？
是的，还有她的男朋友。
但我们只在12月庆祝，
因为他脑子有点乱。
那么，你星期四有空了。
是的。噢，我能来吗？/当然
瑞秋，你定下来要去韦尔吗？
没错。“咻，咻，咻!”
还差102元就可成行。
我记得刚才不还是98块5。
没错，但我又摔了一个杯子。
我到卡萝那里去。
哦，哦！我们干嘛不叫上她？
“哦，哦”.因为她是我的前妻，
而且她可能还想带上她的，
“哦，哦”，女同志！
Hi，卡萝在吗？
她开教工会去了。
噢，我过来想把我的头骨拿走。
嗯，不是我的，是……
进来！
谢谢。是这样，卡萝上回借走上课用的，
我现在得拿回去还给博物馆。
它是什么样子？
就象一张没有皮的大脸。
我有印象。我们来找找看。
哇，你们有这么多讲怎样成为一名女同志的书。
嗯，你知道吗，你必须接受一门课程。
否则，他们不让你当同性恋。
嘿，嘿，《Yertle the Turtle》。经典作品。
没错，我现在在念给宝宝听。
噢，那个还没出生的宝宝？你这不是 ...
疯了？
什么，你觉得宝宝在里面听不到声音？
当然，经常说。我要让宝宝认得我的声音。
那，你提到过我吗？
有的，常事。
真的？
但是，嗯，我们称你为提供精液的BoBo。
不行，如果她和宝宝说话，
那我也应该有一些“肚子谈话时间”。
但这不表示我相信这个。
噢，我相信。我觉得宝宝什么都能听见。
我可以演示给你看。
可能会有点怪异，
你得把你的头放在这只火鸡里面，
然后大伙儿说话，你肯定能听到我们说的。
我想说我完全赞成这个实验。
而且，我还非常想把你的脑袋涂上黄油。
嘿，瑞秋，钱拿到没有？
没有，都关门了。
忘掉韦尔吧，
忘掉家庭团聚吧，
忘掉“咻，咻，咻。”吧
瑞秋，你的信。
谢谢，放在桌上就行了。
不，这是你的信！
谢谢，你把它放在桌子上就行了。
你不想现在就打开它吗？
喔，天哪！你们真好！
大伙凑的。
大伙？
你欠我20块。
谢谢！太感谢了！
钱德，这是你的感恩节大餐
你的西红柿汤
你的奶酪杂拌和你的特大号洋葱小吃。
等等，钱德，这是你的感恩节晚餐吗？
你和这个节到底有什么过不去的？
好吧，我9岁那年…
/噢，我厌恶这个故事。
我们全家刚刚吃完一顿丰盛的感恩节大餐。
我 ---现在我还清楚地记得这个细节
---塞了满嘴的南瓜派，
我的父母就选择那会来告诉我：
他们要离婚了。
噢，天！
是的。一旦你有过这样的负面印象，
就很难对感恩节大餐有兴趣了。
hi,我们一起工作过。
/有吗？
是的,在美西百货. 你是那个“迷幻”女郎,对吧？
我是那卖“阿拉米香水”的。阿拉米？阿拉米？
哦，想起来了。
我得说，你是那里面最棒的。
/少来了！
我是说真的。你太让人吃惊了。
你的表演是那样张弛有度。
真的吗？我受宠若惊了。
噢，你今晚闻起来妙极了。
你身上是什么？
什么也没有！
你想不想去喝上一杯？
好的，哦
怎么了？
/我刚想起，我还有要紧的事要做。
噢，什么事情？
离开
等等，嘿，等等！
“马里奥没有告诉你的事…他有性病，
你永远无从知道谁会染上它”（广告词）。
我想你们都看见了。
看见什么？
不，我们只是在笑。你知道，笑也是会传染的。
我得另找个地方过感恩节了。
我全家都认为我有花柳病。
今夜，此花怒放。
嗯，看起来不错。好，苹果酒搞定，
火鸡搞定，山芋搞定。
怎么了？
我不知道。妈妈不在厨房感觉就是不一样。
够了！你知道个屁？
靠边站，还有你，别擦了。
有点象了。
噢，别“咻”了，好吗？
Ok，我去收拾行李。
钱德,你今晚会来吗？
不，我喜欢和欢乐保持安全距离！
注意，南瓜派来了！
好吧，你在塞填料的时候我们都有笑，
但是这会不好笑了。
喂,莫尼卡,我有一个问题. 我没看见有塔特酒。
这不叫问题！
但是我的妈妈总是做的.
好象是个传统。
弄点火鸡肉在叉子上，配上点蓝莓酱
还有塔特酒！
因为我的“病”，我不能与家人团聚了，
真糟糕透了。
好吧，好吧。今晚的土豆泥会有成块的和有酒味的。
好了，我要去和还没出生的宝宝说话了
嘿！
/好吧，妈妈从不打我。
Ok，搞定了。
干吗，菲比，你在搅烂土豆吗？罗斯要吃块状的！
噢,很抱歉，噢，我以为搅烂了以后,
可以加一些豌豆和洋葱。
为什么我们要那样做？
嗯，因为我妈都是那样做的，
你知道，在她去世之前。
好吧，第3种吃法出现。
好了,大伙,再见. 感谢你们.
哦,抱歉! 噢,抱歉！
最不可思议事情发生了!
“点头狗”刚刚飞了！
那个气球吗？
不，是真的卡通人物。
当然是那个气球！
电视全是它的新闻。
走到美西百货的时候他断线了，后来在华盛顿广场公园上又被发现了。
我要上屋顶去看，谁要去？
我不去了，我得赶飞机。
来吧。 80英尺长的充气狗在城市上空游荡。
这样的机会有多少？
恐怕不会再有了。
拿上钥匙 ...
开始吧
好的，好的，开始。
这里吗，我得对着哪里说？
我的意思是：
好象只有那样才能让他听见,但是 ...
对着鼓出来的地方就可以。
好的，开始了。
你知道，我，你知道，我做不出来。
噢，这太搞笑。我感到自己象个傻瓜。
那你就别说了。
你不必因为苏珊做了你就非得做。
你好吗？宝宝！你好，你好
大狗在公园上的时候挺好玩的。
是的，但是他们必须把他射下来吗？
真是作孽。
现在火鸡应该是外焦里嫩了。
还站在这里干嘛？
等你开门。你拿的钥匙。
没有，我没拿。
你拿了。出来的时候，你说拿了钥匙。
我没有。我说:“拿上钥匙”？
不、不、不。你是说："拿上钥匙".
你们俩都没带？
烤炉还开着。
噢，我得拿我的票!
等等，等等，我们有一把你家的备用钥匙。
快去拿，快去!
你这种语气无法加快我的速度。
乔伊
/这还凑合。
每个人都对我说：你得选个专业，
你得选个专业
于是我鼓起勇气挑了古生物学
可能你不懂我正说什么
我们得面对现实,你还是一个胎儿.
你应该高兴因为你不会再有鳃。
你不用老是说话，你也可以对它唱歌.
噢。拜托，我才不想对着你的胃唱歌！
进展如何？
嘘！正忙着呢，“沿着那些街道走着，
每人人的表情都很可笑。嘿，嘿！”
喂，噢，你觉着到了吗？
/是的，我有。
他总这样吗，噢 --?
/不，没有，这是第一次
接着唱！接着唱！
“嘿，嘿，你是我的宝宝，我已经等不及想见你。
等你出来后，我会为你买百吉饼
然后带你去动物园。”
“嘿，嘿，我是你的爸爸。没有乳房的那个……”
不，不是那个。
/你能快一点吗？
锁眼只有一个,而钥匙有上千把. 你来试试
你怎么会有那么多钥匙？
以备不时之需，就象现在这样。
你听着，假笑的家伙。
要不是你和你那该死的气球，
现在我就在飞机上对着空中小姐指手画脚了。
你说你带了钥匙，我发誓
不，没有。我如果拿了钥匙，我会说“拿了”，
显然我没拿那该死的钥匙
哦，好吧，够了，别再提钥匙了。
为什么我应该拿钥匙？
因为你说你拿了！
但是我没拿。
/嗯，你应该拿。
为什么？
/因为！
为什么？因为一切事情都该是我的责任吗？
难道我给大家准备感恩节晚餐还不够吗？
每个人要的土豆泥都不一样，
我得做各种样式的土豆泥。
有谁关心过我要哪种土豆泥吗？
没有，没有……
菲比要有洋葱和豌豆的土豆泥
“马里奥”要有塔特酒口味的，这是我第一次搞感恩节大餐
现在全焦了，……我……
好了，莫尼卡，只有狗现在能听见你说的，好了
门已经开。进去吧。
嗯,火鸡烧焦了.土豆完了,土豆完了,土豆完了。
“我们沿着……”？
妈妈的厨房可不是这个味。
不象是吧？你不是要土豆块吗，罗斯？
好,拿去,伙计。
噢，天哪，飞机已经飞走了，
看来我只能留下来和你们呆在一起了
我们本来都有个不错的计划的，
这不是大伙的最佳选择.
噢，真的吗？那我何苦为什么做这顿丰盛
的感恩节大餐？
你管这叫丰盛吗？
......%#&^%*&^*.......
闭嘴，闭嘴，闭嘴!
终于有了点感恩节的气氛了。
噢！
/什么？
丑陋裸男正从烤炉中取出他的火鸡。
噢，我的天。丑陋裸男不是一个人。
他正和一个丑陋裸女共进感恩节晚餐。
我得看看。
丑陋裸男真爽!
裸舞开场了!
有人陪真好。
可以切了吗？
当然可以.
来，谁想要浅色起司，谁想要深色起司？
我一点也不想知道深色起司是怎么来的
有人想要和我分这块吗？
噢，我要。
你们必须先许个愿望。
许愿？
来吧，这是感.恩.节！
噢！你得到大半了。你许的什么愿？
得到大半。
我敬各位一杯。来一杯，叮叮。
我知道这不是你们本来计划的感恩节,但是对我来说
这样也挺棒的
我想，这是因为它没和离婚或者呕吐沾边。
不论如何，我在想，
如果你去了韦尔，如果你们和父母在一起，
如果你没有......“梅毒”那些玩意
我们就不能一起过, 所以我想
说的就是:谢天谢地你们的感恩节计划都砸了
真是感人！
来，祝你们有个糟糕的圣诞节。
/还有一个失败的新年。
干！干！
小便失禁！
停止家庭暴力！
有痔疮吗？
三次“东尼奖”获得者

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 10楼发表于: 2014-03-09 0

110 The One With the Monkey

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]
Ross: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.
(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)
All: Oooh!
Monica: W-wait. What is that?
Ross: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?
Monica: No, no, I don't.
Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?
Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?
Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!
Monica: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?
Ross: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]
Phoebe: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.
(Enter Joey)
All: Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.
Monica: So, how'd it go?
Joey: Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.
Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Monica: So what are you gonna be?
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?
Rachel: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?
Chandler: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!
Rachel: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish!
Chandler: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.
All: Yeah, okay. Alright.
Chandler: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.
All: Woooo! Yeah!
Rachel: Phoebe, you're on.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, good.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!
Phoebe: (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)
I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin',
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...
(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)
Phoebe: (Sung)
...My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar,
And sometimes when it's breezy...
(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)
Phoebe: (Sung)
...I feel a little sneezy
And now I- (abruptly stops)
Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
Max: No. No, that's- that's okay.
Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!
David: Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-
Phoebe: Could you speak up please?
David: (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought
Max: Daryl Hannah.
David: Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a
Max: Hard quality.
David: -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down)
Phoebe: Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)
Joey: Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]
Ross: Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)
Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?
Ross: Just a smidge.
Phoebe: David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
Monica: I think it's romantic.
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.
Phoebe: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?
Chandler: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.
Monica: What?!
Ross: C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!
Chandler: I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.
Monica: Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!
Chandler: I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!
[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]
Joey: Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.
(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)
Chandler: Too many jokes... must mock Joey!
Joey: Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)
Chandler: Aah, y'killing me!
(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)
Monica: Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!
Ross: Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?
Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?
Ross: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...
Chandler: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.
Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]
David: ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.
Phoebe: Okay, alright, I have a question, then.
David: Yuh.
Phoebe: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?
David: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.
Phoebe: Sure.
David: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.
Phoebe: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.
David: Rrrreally.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.
David: ...Now? Now?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, right now.
David: Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)
Phoebe: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.
David: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?
Phoebe: I can hop. (She hops onto the table)
(They kiss, finally)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Ross: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?
Monica: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.
Chandler: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: You know more than one Fun Bobby?
Chandler: I happen to know a Fun Bob.
Rachel: (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...
Joey: Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!
Rachel: (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is.
Ross: Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.
Joey: Uh, four.
Ross: Four.
Rachel: Five.
Ross: Five. (Buries his head in his hands)
Rachel: Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.
Joey: Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?
Ross: Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.
Ross: Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.
Monica: What's the matter?
Ross: Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...
Chandler: That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.
Ross: Really.
Chandler: Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.
Ross: What, uh... what juggling thing?
Chandler: With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.
Ross: No.
Chandler: Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...
(Max runs in)
Max: Phoebe. Hi.
Phoebe: Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?
Max: No. Have you seen David?
Phoebe: No, no, he hasn't been around.
Max: Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.
Phoebe: Minsk?
Max: Minsk. It's in Russia.
Phoebe: I know where Minsk is.
Max: We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.
Phoebe: So when, when do you leave?
Max: January first.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]
Phoebe: Hello?
David: Hey!
Phoebe: Hi.
David: Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?
Phoebe: Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!
Max: It'd be even more exciting if we were going.
Phoebe: Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?
Max: Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)
David: Thank you, Max. Thank you.
Phoebe: So-so you're really not going?
David: I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.
Phoebe: Oh don't do that.
David: Please.
Phoebe: Oh no no.
David: No, but I'm asking-
Phoebe: Oh, but I can't do that-
David: No, but I can't-
Phoebe: It's your thing, and-
David: -make the decision-
Phoebe: Okay, um, stay.
David: Stay.
Phoebe: Stay.
(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)
Phoebe: Getting so good at that! (She hops on)
David: It was Max's stuff. (They kiss)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]
Janice: I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)
Chandler: You remember Janice.
Monica: Vividly.
(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)
Monica: Hi.
Sandy: Hi, I'm Sandy.
Joey: Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.
Sandy: Yeah. That's okay, right?
(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)
Ross: Par-tay!
Monica: That thing is not coming in here.
Ross: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?
Monica: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.
Ross: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...
Monica: Alright. Just keep him away from me.
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.
(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)
Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?
Rachel: Rome. Jerk missed his flight.
Phoebe: And then... your face is bloated?
Rachel: No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?
[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom]
Sandy: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.
Joey: Wow, that's, uh, dirty.
Sandy: Yeah.
(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)
Joey: Hey, kids...
Ross: (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.
Janice: (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!
Chandler: (Imitating) But you found me!
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.
(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)
Monica: Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!
(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)
Fun Bobby: Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!
Joey: (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?
(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back)
[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]
Fun Bobby: It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.
Janice: (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.
Chandler: Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-
Janice: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Chandler: I'm sorry you misunderstood...
Janice: Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)
(Ross is still taking photos)
Chandler: Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)
(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)
Phoebe: Hi, Max!
Max: Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.
David: Wow.
Max: It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.(Walks off)
Phoebe: Are you alright?
David: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)
Phoebe: You're going to Minsk.
David: No, I'm... not going to Minsk.
Phoebe: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.
David: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.
Phoebe: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.
David: Uh, ow.
Phoebe: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.
David: I'll never forget you.
Phoebe: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.
Dick Clark: (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...
(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)
Joey: There y'go, kids.
Chandler: (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)
Joey: You seen Sandy?
Chandler: Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.
Rachel: Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.
All: (in the kitchen) What?
Rachel: The bll is drrbing!
Dick Clark: (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...
Chandler: And the moment of joy is upon us.
Joey: Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.
Phoebe: Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.
Monica: Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!
(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)
Chandler: Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)
Phoebe: I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.
Rachel: I can't kiss anyone.
Monica: So I'm kissing everyone?
Joey: Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.
Ross: Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.
Chandler: Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!
Joey: Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo) There.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]
Ross: (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.
Rachel: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.
End

110 猴子

各位我想介绍一个人给大家认识
等等…这是怎么回事？
他叫Marcel，想和他打声招呼？
不，我不要
他好珍贵，哪里得到他的？
我朋友贝瑟把它从实验室救出来的
真残忍
为何有父母会将孩子取名为贝瑟？
那猴子的屁股上长了个罗斯
罗斯，它要和你同住吗？
对，
Carol离开后家里冷清清的
为何不找个室友？
不知道
人到一定的年纪后
与室友同住是有点可悲…
抱歉，是pathet
在梵语中代表很酷的生活方式
各位，我今天将唱全新的曲目
我写了12首关于我妈自杀的歌
及一首有关雪人的歌
你最好先唱雪人
乔伊
老兄
如何？
我没得到那份工作
你怎可能会没得到？你是去年的圣诞老人
不知道哪个胖子和店经理有一腿
他根本无法逗人开心，简直就是利益输送
那么你扮演什么？
当他的助手，真是耻辱
你们打算如何过新年？
什么？新年有什么不对劲吗？
你当然没事，你有保罗
无须面对新年带来的压力
无须急着寻找有嘴唇的生物
在球落下那一刻有个亲嘴的对象
我讲得太愤慨了
告诉你吧，保罗新年时会在罗马
所以我将和各位一样可悲
想得美
新年时，我不想再听到迪克拉克的疲劳轰炸
今年我们在一起，不出去约会
只有我们6个共进晚餐
好吧
我希望大家能更开心点
哦太好啦
菲比,该上台了
好
各位
应观众要求，Phoebe Buffay小姐
谢谢，首先的这首歌在这种时节令我感慨万分
我做了一个人，眼睛是煤炭做的
他有谜样的微笑
我如何能承受母亲死在厨房的事实
La lalala la la
母亲的骨灰，甚至是她的睫毛
都安放在一个黄色的小骨灰坛
天寒地冻时
我感觉有点想打啧涕
如今我…抱歉，吵闹的两位
有什么想和大家分享的吗？
没...没事
快说，如果有事如此重要
你们非在我唱歌时谈论
那就重要的足以与我们分享
那家伙铁定会被训一顿回家
我是告诉我朋友…
大声点行吗？
抱歉，我告诉我朋友
你是我见过最漂亮的女孩
他说黛瑞汉娜…黛瑞汉娜
是他见过最美的女人
我说我喜欢”美人鱼”中的她
但"华尔街"就没那么喜欢了
她没那种...气质
黛瑞汉娜是传统的美
而你散发出高雅的气质
然后你就叫我们了
休息片刻
那家伙将抱得美人归
过来，Marcel，坐这儿
拜托，没想到他还没亲你
我第6次和保罗约会时
他就为我的双峰取了名字
我分享太多了吗？
一点点
大卫是个科学家
做事一丝不苟
我觉得很好
我也是
你们看过军官与绅士吗？
看过
他就是我心目中的白马王子
除了他更聪明，温柔体贴
我只想整天和他厮守在一起
不管是白天或夜晚
还是夜晚或白天
还有特别的日子
等等，我知道了
你邀他共度新年，对不？
你想抛弃我们
她想抛弃我们
不不不...
我可以吗...？
好吧，因为我已约了Janice
拜托，我们是六人行
你的六人
我毁约了，行吗？
我耐不住寂寞，我毁约了
可是Janice…
你们的分手不是糟透了？
我没说这是个好主意
我毁约了
不好意思我来晚了
太滑稽了，乔伊你太逗了
鞋子正点吧
我快笑死了
罗斯，它又玩我的铲子
它又不会玩坏的
你非得每次都带它来不可吗？
我不想让它独守空房
我们早上才吵了一架
一定是我加班惹的祸
我说了不该说的话
它就朝我扔一坨屎
如果你必须加班
我可以替你照顾它
这太好了，不过如果你去照顾它
要装成一付去找它的样子
不能让它知道你是在帮我忙
好，但它如果问起
我可就要实话实说了
但我们仍无法测试这个理论
因为今日粒子加速的速度
仍无法模拟出这样的情况
好，我有个问题
你要亲我吗？
这是个正当而合理的问题
答案是…
对，我曾想过
但我要让这非凡的事件
发生在非凡的时刻
因为是你
当然
但等得越久亲吻就越非凡
而在此时此地
我想扫去桌上的一切
将你丢在上面
但我不是会扫去一切
那种猴急的男人
大卫，我想你是
你是被困在物理学家体内的猛男
真的？
没错，我确定
扫去一切然后将我丢上去吧
现在？
对,现在
好...
这东西很贵的
这个是人家送的
你在清理场地？
好吧,管他的
你想让我丢上去还是自己跳上去？
我自己跳好了
告诉我
”六人行”对你有何意义？
抱歉，不过钱德有对象，菲比也有对象
所以我约了搞笑巴比
搞笑巴比？你的前任男友搞笑巴比？
是啊
你还认识其他的搞笑巴比？
我认识搞笑巴伯
来了
没添牛奶的地方了
好了
这么说六人行中三人另有节目
四人
四人
五人
五人
抱歉，保罗提早搭飞机回来
而我在梅西百货遇上一个火辣辣的单身妈妈
我这个小精灵怎能抗拒？
这么说球落下那一刻
我只好孤零零地？
别这样
我们将举行盛大的派对
而且无人知道…
我现在不需要知道这些
你怎么了？
都是Marcel
它一直不让我进门去
它拖着双手不断绕圈子
真是诡异
我前几天晚上还跟它相处愉快
真的？
我们一起玩，看电视
杂耍那一部份真是太精彩了
什么杂耍？
拿袜子当球耍
我以为是你教它的
我没有
这也不算什么，只是拿袜子当球耍罢了
还有一颗香瓜
菲比
马克斯,认识大家吗？
不认识，你看见David吗？
没有，他没在这儿
看见他时告诉他快打包
我们要去明斯克
明斯克？
在苏联
我知道明斯克在哪儿
我们已申请到奖助金
全额赞助我们三年
你们何时走？
元旦
你来这儿干什么？
马克斯告诉我明克斯的事了
恭禧了，真叫人兴奋
能去的话会更叫人兴奋
你不去了？为什么？
告诉他，David
我不要去明克斯
和李本斯亚马古基与法朗克共事
不不不，不去
我要留下来和我的女友培养感情
够了，马克斯，谢谢
你真的不去？
我也不知道
我不知道该如何是好
你决定
别这样
求求你
不... 我是在求你
我不能那么做
但我下不了决定
这是你的事我不能…
我可以
好吧，留下来
留下来
留下来
你进步神速
这是马克斯的东西
我喜欢菊芋
别告诉我里面是什么
我明天才开始节食
记得Janice？
历历在目
我是Sandy
Sandy，请进
你把孩子都带来了
对，可以吗？
我来了
这东西不可以进来
东西？
你都这样招呼客人吗？
我问你，
如果我带着新女友来
你也不欢迎她进来？
你的新女友不会尿在我的咖啡桌上
它已经够难为情了，行吗？
它已鼓足勇气回到这里
就当一切都没发生过一样
好，叫它离我远点就是了
谢谢。来，Marcel
咱们去交际一下吧
待会儿见
天啊，瑞秋，你没事吧？
保罗在哪儿？
罗马。那混蛋没赶上飞机
然后你的脸就爆炸了？
不是
我在机场要进入计程车时
一个带着一本书的金发女人
开始对我大叫
说计程车是她先拦到的
然后她就开始扯我的头发
我拿出口哨猛吹
结果又来了三辆计程车
我要上车时
她又跘我
结果我撞上了路缘
嘴唇被口中的哨子弄伤
大家玩得还愉快吧？
有人吃我的沙司吗？
我上周看见你时
那或许是我第一次想像裸体的小精灵
真淫荡
孩子们
看他，
我没说他得整晚和我待在一起
但至少也得来问候一声
原来你在这儿
我让你跑了
但又被你逮到了
罗斯，帮我们照一张
笑一个
你在Janice的相机中了
杀了我吧
各位，搞笑巴比来了
抱歉，我迟到了
我祖父他在两小时前过世了
明天才有飞机
所以我来了
搞笑巴比，
近来可好？
谁死了？
他棺材将暂时不盖上
所以我至少可以再见他最后一面
这一次我不想再搞砸了
我要写上“破镜重圆”
Janice，够了
Janice…
我邀你来...
但它并不代表我们…
不...
抱歉，让你误会了
你听我说…
这可能是你我最后一次共处了
那东西可以给我吗？
马克斯
嗨，小野洋子
我决定自己去明斯克了
少了你将失色不少，但它还是明斯克
新年快乐
你还好吧？
我没事
你去明克斯吧
不，我不去了
你一定要去明斯克
你属于明斯克
你不能因为我而留下来
我可以
因为如果我走
就代表我必须与你分手
我又不能和你分手
不，你可以
你只要说：
菲比，我爱你。但我的工作是我的生命
我现在得去
我说，你的工作？
你竟说出这种话？
你说...
我痛苦欲绝，
但我没的选择
难道你不了解吗？
我说，
不，我不了解
好痛
抱歉
然后你抱住我…
然后你对我说你爱我
你永远不会忘记我
我永远不会忘记你
你又说现在已接近午夜
你必须走了
你不想与我共度新年
因为你实在狠不下心离开
我会想你的，科学家
我是迪克拉克
在时代广场为你做实况报导
时代广场这儿的五彩纸片纷纷落下
一年比一年进步
睡吧孩子们
然后孔雀就咬我
请在午夜吻我
看见Sandy没？
我不知该如何告诉你
她和马克斯在摩妮卡的房里
那个科学怪人
酷，你看我还是告诉你了
各位,大球要掉了
什么?
大球要掉了
再过20秒钟就是午夜
兴奋的时刻即将到来
“六人行”计划似乎奏效
大家好像都很开心，
我不喜欢
不是大家都开心
嘿，巴比
我这么说好了
我不是数学大师
但我相信这儿有3对男女
今晚我不想亲任何人
我无法亲任何人
我就该亲大家？
不，你不能亲罗斯
他是你哥
太好了
大家都被亲了，除我之外
谁来亲我…
谁来亲我…现在是午夜…
好吧，来吧
我真想和他好好相处
替它换尿布，替它抓跳蚤
但它却视为理所当然
深爱某人却得不到回报
真是令人难过
我想那个贱人打断了我的牙齿
剧终
谢谢观赏

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 11楼发表于: 2014-03-10 0

111 The One With Mrs. Bing

[Scene: A Street: Monica and Phoebe are walking to a newsstand.]
Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?
Monica: Why?
Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.
Monica: Oh my God. (Grabs Phoebe and turns her away) Phoebe. Don't look now, but behind us is a guy who has the potential to break our hearts and plunge us into a pit of depression.
Phoebe: Where? (Turns to face him) Ooh, come to Momma.
Monica: He's coming. Be cool, be cool, be cool.
(The guy walks past them)
Guy: Nice hat.
Monica and Phoebe: (in unison) Thanks.
(The guy walks on)
Phoebe: We should do something. Whistle.
Monica: We are not going to whistle.
Phoebe: Come on, do it.
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Do it!
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Do it do it do it!
Monica: (Shouts to the guy) Woo-woo!
(The guy turns round, startled. Monica points to Phoebe. The guy gets hit by a truck)
Phoebe: I can't believe you did that!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Hospital, the guy is in a coma and Mon and Pheebs are visiting.]
Monica: Why did I 'woo-hoo'? I mean, what was I hoping would happen? That-that he'd turn round and say 'I love that sound, I must have you now'?
Phoebe: I just wish there was something we could do. (Bends down and talks to him) Hello. Hello, Coma Guy. GET UP, YOU GIRL SCOUT! UP! UP! UP!
Monica: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Maybe nobody's tried this.
Monica: I wish we at least knew his name... Look at that face. I mean, even sleeping, he looks smart. I bet he's a lawyer.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did you see the dents in his knuckles? That means he's artistic.
Monica: Okay, he's a lawyer, who teaches sculpting on the side. And- he can dance!
Phoebe: Oh! And, he's the kinda guy who, when you're talking, he's listening, y'know, and not saying 'Yeah, I understand' but really wondering what you look like naked.
Monica: I wish all guys could be like him.
Phoebe: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.]
Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Monica: He doesn't have anyone.
Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.
Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo.
Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV)
Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound': the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.
(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)
Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this. Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.
Rachel: No way, forget it.
Joey: C'mon, she's your mom!
Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's! Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'
Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.
Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom.
Ross: Oh, please...
(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)
Paolo: Bona sera.
Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)
Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?
Monica: Last night.
Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?... Just a dream I had- but, phew.
Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on!
Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!
Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?
Phoebe: Your mom was arrested?
Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing, but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...
Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?
All: Shhh.
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.
Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!
Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing, how is that going?
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...
All: Awww!
Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.
Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong, I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow.. I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...
Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom! I bought my son his first condoms.
(The gang turn to look at Chandler)
Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames.
[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background.  It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]
Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill... the mayor wants to raise subway fares again... the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.
[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room, then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing, then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]
Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.
Monica: Nah... not-not special enough.
Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon?
Monica: Waaay too special.
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and his mom are there.]
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu)
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug. (They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Chandler: I know I am.
Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots?
Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: I'm in.
Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross?
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just, y'know, lost track of time.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk. He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you, I've read everything you've ever written. No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam! You have got yourself a book.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger?
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. (A woman emerges from the toilet behind him and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight?
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you. (To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Ross: You're good.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men that women fall in love with. Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo. People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo. C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know, complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: When?
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No, it's you!
Ross: Please.
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...
Ross: Right.
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.
(She kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Uh-oh...
(...Then full on the mouth)
(Enter Joey)
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the next morning. Joey is getting the door in his dressing gown—it's Ross.]
Ross: Hey, is Chandler here?
Joey: Yeah.
(Ross drags Joey into the hall and slams the door)
Ross: Okay, uh, about last night, um, Chandler.. you didn't tell... (Joey shakes his head) Okay, 'cause I'm thinking- we don't need to tell Chandler, I mean, it was just a kiss, right? One kiss? No big deal? Right?
Joey: Right. No big deal.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: In Bizarro World!! You broke the code!
Ross: What code?
Joey: You don't kiss your friend's mom! Sisters are okay, maybe a hot-lookin' aunt... but not a mom, never a mom!
(Chandler opens the door and startles them. He picks up the paper)
Chandler: What are you guys doing out here?
Ross: Uh.. uh.. Well, Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. But, um, apparently, somebody overslept.
Joey: Yeah, well, you don't have your racket.
Ross: No, no I don't, because it's being restrung, somebody was supposed to bring me one.
Joey: Yeah, well you didn't call and leave your grip size.
Chandler: Okay, you guys spend waaaay too much time together. (Goes back inside and shuts the door)
Ross: Okay, I'm scum, I'm scum.
Joey: Ross, how could you let this happen?
Ross: I don't know, God, I... well, it's not like she's a regular mom, y'know? She's, she's sexy, she's...
Joey: You don't think my mom's sexy?
Ross: Well... not in the same way...
Joey: I'll have you know that Gloria Tribbiani was a handsome woman in her day, alright? You think it's easy giving birth to seven children?
Ross: Okay, I think we're getting into a weird area here...
(Monica and Rachel's door opens and Rachel and Paolo emerge)
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: What're you guys doing out here?
Ross: Well, not playing raquetball!
Joey: He forgot to leave his grip size!
Ross: He didn't get the goggles!
Rachel: Well,sounds like you two have issues.
(She and Paolo walk a little way down the hall)
Rachel: Goodbye, baby.
Paolo: Ciao, bela.
(They kiss. Ross is watching them)
Ross: Do they wait for me to do this?
(Joey and Ross go into Monica and Rachel's apartment)
Joey: So are you gonna tell him?
Ross: Why would I tell him?
Joey: How about 'cause if you don't, his mother might.
Ross: Oh...
Monica: (Entering) What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
Monica: ...What did I ask?
[Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is there stroking Coma Guy's hair, when Monica enters with a bunch of balloons.]
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi.
Monica: What are you doing here?
Phoebe: Nothing, I just thought I'd stop by.. y'know, after the uh... that I.. y'know, so what are you doing here?
Monica: I'm not really here. Just thought I'd drop these off...on the way.. my way... Do you come here a lot? Without me?
Phoebe: No. (Monica brushes Coma Guy's hair in the other direction) No! No! ...So, um, do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning?
Monica: How would I know? I-I wasn't here.
Phoebe: Really? Not even to, um, change his PAJAMAS?! (Whips back the sheet to reveal him wearing new pajamas.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is talking to Chandler. Joey is making a snack at the bar.]
Chandler: Oh my God.
Ross: You're my friend. I-I had to tell you.
Chandler: I can't believe it. Paolo kissed my mom?
Ross: Yeah, um, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink, and you know how he gets when he's drun..uh... (He has caught sight of Joey scowling at him) I can't do this, I did it, it was me, I'm sorry, I kissed your mom.
Chandler: What?
Ross: I was really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora- um, Mrs. Mom- your Bing- was just being nice, y'know, and- But nothing happened, nothing- Ask Joey, Joey, uh, came in-
Chandler: (To Joey) You knew about this?
Joey: Uh... y'know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Chandler: I spent the entire day with you, why didn't you tell me?!
Joey: Hey, hey, hey, you're lucky I caught them when I did, or else who knows what woulda happened.
Ross: Thanks, man, big help.
Chandler: (To Ross) I can't believe this! What the hell were you thinking?
Ross: I wasn't- I mean, I-
Chandler: Y'know, of all my friends, no-one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you.
Ross: I know-
Chandler: I can't believe you did this. (Walks toward the door)
Ross: Chandler-
Joey: Me neither, y'know what-
Chandler: I'm still mad at you for not telling me.
Joey: What are you mad at me for?!
Ross: Chandler-
Chandler: You gotta let me slam the door! (Leaves; slams the door)
Joey: (Shouting after him) Chandler, I didn't kiss her, he did! (To Ross) See what happens when you break the code?
Ross: Joey-
Joey: Ah! (Points to door) Huh? (Leaves and slams the door)
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except for Chandler.  Rachel is writing something and Monica walks up.]
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Monica: (Reading) 'A Woman Undone, by Rachel Karen Green'.
Rachel: Yeah. Thought I'd give it a shot. I'm still on the first chapter. Now, do you think his 'love stick can be liberated from its denim prison'?
Monica: (Reads) Yeah, I'd say so. And there's no 'j' in 'engorged'.
Phoebe: (Walks up with her guitar) Hey Rach.
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Hello.
Monica: Hello.
Phoebe: Going to the hospital tonight?
Monica: No, you?
Phoebe: No, you?
Monica: You just asked me.
Phoebe: Okay, maybe it was a trick question. (Plays a few chords) Um, Rachel can we do this now?
Rachel: Okay. (Writes a little more) I am so hot!
Joey: (To Ross, on the couch) Now, here's a picture of my mother and father on their wedding day. Now you tell me she's not a knockout.
Ross: I cannot believe we're having this conversation.
Joey: C'mon! Just try to picture her not pregnant, that's all.
Rachel: (Into microphone) Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: Thanks. Hi, um, 'kay. I'd like to start with a song that's about a man that I recently met, who's, um, come to be very important to me. (Monica gives her a look) 'Kay. (Sung:)
You don't have to be awake to be my man,
As long as you have brainwaves I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day,
There's something I have got to say...
(She sees Monica sneaking out) Okay, thank you very much, I'm gonna take a short break! (Runs out, knocking over the mike stand)
Rachel: (Into mike) Okay, that was Phoebe Buffay, everybody. Woo!
(Enter Chandler)
Chandler: What was that?
Ross: Oh, uh, Phoebe just started a...
Chandler: Yeah, I believe I was talking to Joey, alright there, Mother-Kisser? (Goes to the counter)
Joey: (Laughing) Mother-Kisser... (Sees Ross's look) I'll shut up.
Ross: Chandler, can I just say something? I-I know you're still mad at me, I just wanna say that there were two people there that night. Okay? Two sets of lips.
Chandler: Yes, well, I expect this from her. Okay? She's always been a Freudian nightmare.
Ross: Okay, well, if she always behaves like this, why don't you say something?
Chandler: Because it's complicated, it's complex- Hey, you kissed my mom!
(People turn to look)
Ross: (To the rest of Central Perk) We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Chandler: That's very funny. We done now?
Ross: No! Okay, you mean, you're not gonna talk to her, you're not gonna tell her how you feel?
Chandler: That would be no. Look, just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom doesn't mean you know her. Alright? Trust me, you can't talk to her.
Ross: Okay, 'you' can't, or (Points to Chandler) you can't? (Chandler grabs his finger) Okay, that's my finger. (Chandler twists it and Ross goes down on one knee) That's, that's my knee. (To Central Perk) Still doing the play. Aaah!
[Scene: The Coma Guy's Room, Monica bursts in, closely followed by Phoebe. There is no sign of Coma Guy.  His bed is empty.]
Phoebe: Alright, whadyou do with him?
(There is the sound of a flushing toilet and Coma Guy emerges from the bathroom)
Monica: Oh! You're awake!
Phoebe: Look at you! How, how do you feel?
Coma Guy: Uh, a little woozy, but basically okay.
Monica: You look good!
Coma Guy: I feel good! ...Who are you?
Monica: Oh, sorry.
Phoebe: I'm Phoebe Buffay.
Monica: I'm Monica Geller. I've been taking care of you.
Phoebe: Well, we both have.
Coma Guy: So, the Etch-a-Sketch is from you guys?
Phoebe: Well, actually it's just from me.
Monica: I got you the foot massager.
Phoebe: You know who shaved you? That was me.
Monica: I read to you.
Phoebe: I sang. (To Monica) Hah!
Coma Guy: Well,... thanks.
Monica: Oh, my pleasure.
Phoebe: You're welcome.
Coma Guy: So. I guess I'll see you around.
Phoebe: What, that's it?
Monica: "See you around?"
Coma Guy: Well, what do you want me to say?
Monica: Oh, I don't know. Maybe, um, "That was nice?" Admit something to me? "I'll call you?"
Coma Guy: Alright, I'll call you.
Phoebe: I don't think you mean that.
Monica: This is so typical. Y'know, we give, and we give, and we give. And then- we just get nothing back! And then one day, y'know, it's just, you wake up, and "See you around!" Let's go, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Y'know what? We thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Chandler is talking with his mom.]
Mrs. Bing: Car's waiting downstairs, I just wanted to drop off these copies of my book for your friends. Anything you want from Lisbon?
Chandler: No, just knowing you're gonna be there is enough.
Mrs. Bing: Alright, well, be good, I love you. (Kisses him and goes to leave)
Chandler: You kissed my best Ross! ...Or something to that effect.
Mrs. Bing: (Reentering) O-kay. Look, it, it was stupid.
Chandler: Really stupid.
Mrs. Bing: Really stupid. And I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, I promise it will never happen again. Are we okay now?
Chandler: Yeah. No. No...
[Cut to the hallway, Joey is listening to Chandler and his mom's conversation through the door as Ross walks up.]
Ross: Ah, the forbidden love of a man and his door.
Joey: Shh. He did it. He told her off, and not just about the kiss, about everything.
Ross: You're kidding.
Joey: No, no. He said "When are you gonna grow up and start being a mom?"
Ross: Wow!
Joey: Then she came back with "The question is, when are you gonna grow up and realise I have a bomb?"
Ross: 'Kay, wait a minute, are you sure she didn't say "When are you gonna grow up and realise I am your mom?"
Joey: That makes more sense.
Ross: So, what's going on now?
Joey: I dunno, I've been standing here spelling it out for you! (Goes back to the door) I don't hear anything. Oh, wait, wait, wait. (Looks through the spyhole)
Ross: Whaddya see?
Joey: Hard to tell, they're so tiny and upside-down. Wait, wait. They're walking away... they're walking away... No, no they're not, they're coming right at us! Run! Run!
(Joey runs off down the hall. Ross tries Monica and Rachel's apartment, but it is locked so he has to stand in the hall and pretend he wasn't listening. Chandler and his mom come out)
Mrs. Bing: You okay, kiddo?
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Mrs. Bing: Alright. (Kisses him)
Chandler: Nice save.
(She walks down the hall)
Ross: (Very politely) Mrs. Bing.
Mrs. Bing: Mr. Geller.
(She leaves)
(Ross knocks on Monica and Rachel's door)
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: You mean that?
Chandler: Yeah, why not. (They shake hands) So I told her.
Ross: Yeah? How'd it go?
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn'ta gone worse.
Ross: Well, howdya feel?
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, y'know, me kissing your mom, uh? Huh? (Wags his finger at Chandler, then puts it down) But.. we don't have to go down that road.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is handing out copies of her book to the gang.]
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not 'reaching for her heaving beasts'.
Monica: What's a 'niffle'?
Joey: You usually find them on the 'heaving beasts'.
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist...
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his 'huge throbbing pens'? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Rachel: Alright, that's it! Give it back! That's it!
All: Nooo!
End

111 宾太太（钱德之母）

你想他们有昨天的报纸吗?
干嘛?
我只是想看我的星运准不准
天啊，菲比，别看
你背后有个将会令我们
伤心欲绝的帅哥
在哪儿?
朝妈妈这来呀.
他来了，酷一点…
好帽子
谢谢
我们应该有所行动，吹口哨
我不吹
快吹/不/吹，吹，吹
我无法相信你会这样
我为何会学狼叫?
我期望会发生什么?
他回头说”我喜欢那声音
我现在就要你”?
我只希望我们能帮上一点忙
昏迷中的帅哥
起来!起来!起来!
Phebe，你在干什么?
或许没人试过这一招
希望至少能知道他的名字
瞧他这张脸
即使他在昏迷中仍一副聪明样
我猜他是个律师
但是，你看见他手关节上的凹凸么?
那说明他是个艺术家
他是个兼职教雕塑的律师
而且他会跳舞
他是那种静静听你讲话的人
不是说”我了解”
而猜想着你裸体的样子
我希望男生都像他这样
我知道
纽约难道没有适合你们的清醒男生?
他身旁没人照顾
对，我们觉得应该负起责任
我不敢相信你会吹口哨
连我都不吹口哨
她出现了
各位，稍后我们将谈论她的新书
”豪放女”
永远引人人胜的诺拉泰勒宾
你得叫你的孩子上床睡觉了
我们别看这个
电影台有许多好电影
不行，没门
拜托，作者是你妈妈!
柏尼斯之周末夜
死人的腹股沟被打二，三十次
钱德勒，我得告诉你
我爱你妈的书
飞机上没她的书陪伴
我会度日如年
她的书简直是酷毙了
如果你小时候朋友争相传阅
”情妇婊子”的79页，你就不会认为酷了
拜托，我爱你妈
她是第一流的
你当然能这样说
因为她不是你妈
拜托
亲爱的
那个意大利人何时从罗马回来?
昨晚
他的飞机没在空中炸成火球?
只是我做过的一个梦？
但是。。。
她出现了
啊，诺拉宾
等会儿再谈你的书吧
听说你在伦敦被逮捕?
你妈被逮捕?
安静，我正感到无比的骄傲
说来有点难为情
不经意和一个男人亲热后
她怎会说难为情?
嘘
只因我很想吃宫保鸡丁
透露太多了!
现在你正为新书做宣传
情况如何?
还不错，明天我将前往纽约
其实我不喜欢纽约
我的儿子住那儿，我爱他.
母亲只会透过电话这么说
别会错意
只是我看不出你已为人母
我绝对没有恶意
不，我是个很前卫的母亲
我儿子的第一个保险套
是我买给他的
然后他就欲火焚身
国会正讨论新削算赤字法案
市长想再度提高地铁票价
今天最高气温是45度
还有各球队正在比赛
格伦如何?
可以叫他格伦
不，还不够特别
阿格曼侬如何?
太特别了
我饿死了，我想吃什么呢?
拜托，别又是宫保鸡丁
你看了那节目，感觉如何?
我觉得你可以更开放一些…
为何选在这种二流餐厅?
只有你才会选这种地方
闭嘴，这样满不错的
来，抱一个
我想我们可以喝点龙舌酒了
我知道我可以
谁要来点儿
我也要
我也要
给你。罗斯？
我不喝酒
抱歉，我们迟到了
我们有点忘了时间
男人可以改变
有人要我评价任何事物吗?
宾太太，我得告诉你
我拜读过你所有的大作
我是说真的
我读”浪漫夜”后
就一心想成为作家
别这么说
我能办到大家都能办到
你只需先描述几个欧洲城市
以委婉语形容男性生殖器
这样就能写成一本书了
各位，我母亲
226房有留言吗?
你还好吧，猛男?
我还好
你今晚怎么了?
没什么
谢谢
是因为那个意大利舔手男?
不，是因为被他舔的人
她应该和你在一起
你真行
罗斯，我卖出上亿本的书
知道为什么吗?
因为封面上的辣妹露两点?
不，因为我知道怎样去描写
会被女人们爱上的男人
相信我，保罗没有卖点
没人有兴趣翻325页
看保罗的罗曼史
他不过是个二等货
不过是最后被你终结的纠葛
什么时候?
他不女人心中的英雄
知道我们心中的英雄
是什么样的么？
封面上露两点的猛男?
是你啊
不，我是说真的
你既聪明又性感
是呀
你会走出阴霾的，相信我
我到街上尿就好了
钱德勒在吗？
昨晚的事你没告诉钱德勒吧？
好极了，因为我想不需告诉他
只是个吻，没什么大不了的
对，没什么大不了的
在疯狂世界中才叫没什么
你违反规定
什么规定?
不能亲朋友母亲的规定
姐妹还可以
火辣的姑妈，或许
母亲不行，绝对不行
你们在外面干什么?
乔伊和我说过
要早起去打回力球
显然有人睡过头
对，你没带球拍?
不，我的拍子拿去换线了
有人应该帮我准备一支拍子
是吗?你没说握把的尺寸
你们俩真会浪费时间
好吧，我是个人渣
罗斯，你怎能让这种事发生?
我也不知道
她不像是一般的妈妈
她很性感
你认为我妈不性感?
不一样的性感
我妈当年也是很美丽的
你认为生7个小孩是件容易的事?
我们愈谈愈离谱了
你们在这儿干什么?
不是打回力球
他忘了告诉我握把尺寸
他没带护目镜
看起来好像你们两个
关系暧昧
再见,宝贝.
他们在等我做这件事?
你到底要不要告诉他?
我不会告诉他的我
为何要告诉他?
如果你不说他妈或许会
你们在这儿干什么?
他没穿护裆
我刚问什么?
你在这儿干什么?
没事，我只是顺路…
你来这儿干什么?
我不是专程来此
只是顺路拿这些过来
你常自己一个人来?
没有
你认为他早上好点没?
我怎会知道?我又没来
真的?
也没替他换睡衣?
我的天.
你是我朋友，我得告诉你
我简直不敢相信
保罗亲了我妈?
对，我不知道你是否注意到
他喝了很多酒
他酒醉的模样你也见识过
我办不到…
是我
抱歉，是我亲了你妈
什么?
瑞秋和保罗的事令我很沮丧
我想我是喝太多龙舌酒
诺拉，妈太太
你的宾对我很体贴
没发生什么事
问乔伊
乔伊刚好走进来
你知道这件事?
知识是很奇怪的
我整天都和你在一起
你为何没告诉我?
他们被我逮到算你幸运
不然后果可不堪设想
谢了，老兄，大忙一个
我简直无法相信
你到底在想什么?
我没有…我不知道
我和我妈之间的鸟事
朋友中属你最清楚了
我知道
我无法相信你会做这种事
钱德勒知道吗?我也一样
我仍在气
你没告诉我为何气我?
钱德勒
让我用力关门吧
钱德勒，我没亲她，亲的人是他
违反规定就是这种下场
乔伊
瑞秋
嘿
”丢脸的女人” 瑞秋凯瑞格林
对，我想尝试一下
我仍在写第一章
你认为他”粗棉布监牢”中的”爱棒”
能获得解放吗?
我想可以吧，我也这么认为
另外你拼错词了
瑞秋
你今晚要去医院吗?
没有，你呢?
没有，你呢?
你刚问过了
好吧，或许这是个圈套
瑞秋,我们现在能开始了吗?
好
我好兴奋
这是我爸妈在婚礼时照的
你告诉我
她不是旷世美人
没想到我们会谈论这个
就试着想像她没挺着大肚子
Central Perk很荣幸为各位介绍
菲比布菲小姐
谢谢
这首歌是有关个我刚认识的男生
他已成为我生命中重要的男人
你无须醒来当我的男人
只要你一息尚存
我就会在一旁守候
虽然我们相遇不久
我想说...
谢谢各位，我得暂停下
我们感谢菲比布菲小姐.
她在搞什么东西?
菲比刚…
我是和乔伊讲话，亲我妈妈的人
亲我妈妈的人
我闭嘴
钱德勒，我能说几句话吗?
我知道你仍在生我的气
我只想说那一夜有两个人
两双嘴唇
是哦，我预料到她会如此
她一直都是个佛洛依德梦魇
如果她都是如此
你为何不找她谈谈?
因为太复杂了，这是个情结
你亲了我妈
我们正在排练希腊剧
真幽默，排练完没?
还没，你不找她谈?
不说出你的感受?
我依然不会找她谈
别因为你亲过她
就自以为了解她
相信我，不能找她谈
到底是能还是不能?
我的手指
我的膝盖
还在排练
你对他怎么了?
你醒了
你瞧你，感觉如何?
头有点晕，基本上还行
你的气色好极了
我感觉好极了
你们是谁?
我叫菲比
莫妮卡
我一直在照顾你
我们一直在照顾你
蚀刻艺术是你们送的?
其实只有我一个
我替你做脚底按摩
知道是谁帮你刮胡子的吗?是我
我念书给你听
我唱歌给你听
谢了
我的荣幸
再见了
什么?就这样?
再见?
不然要我说什么?
我不知道
或许该说你们真好
我很感激
我会打电话给你们的
好吧，我会打的
一点诚意都没有
男生都这样
我们不断付出
没有任何回报
有一天他醒来却只说再见
走吧菲比
知道吗?我们以为你与众不同
我想这只是昏迷的缘故
楼下的车已发动
我只想拿几本我的书给你朋友
需要我在里斯本帮你买什么吗?
不需要，知道你要去就够了
好吧，要乖哦，我爱你
你亲了我最好的罗斯
好像说错了，反正差不多
好吧，我做了蠢事
愚蠢至极愚蠢至极
我也不知道是怎么发生的
抱歉，孩子
我保证不会再发生这种事
你没事了吧?
是的
不
男人与门之间禁忌的爱
他说了，他在责备她
不只是亲吻的事
一切都说出来了
你在开玩笑吧?不是
他说你何时才能成熟
开始当个妈?
等等，她回答说
你何时才能长大了解
我是个性感女郎?
等等，你确定她不是说
你何时才能长大了解
我是你妈?
这样比较合理
你也这样认为?
现在情况为何?
我不知道
我一直在这儿说给你听
我什么都听不到，等等…
你看见什么?
很难说，他们好小而且上下颠倒
他们走过来,他们走过去
不，他们没有
他们走过来了，快逃
你还好吧，孩子?
还好
希望都好
注意安全
你好,宾太太
你好,罗斯先生.
你当真?
对，有何不可?
我告诉她了
怎样？
简直是可笑到了极点
感觉怎样
不错
我告诉她了
瞧，或许我亲你妈不是个馊主意…
我们继续往下说了
这只是第一章
我要大家坦白的意见
在第二页中
他的手没伸向她那灰尖挺的双峰
什么是”如头”?
通常在双峰上可以找到
好吧…算我不会打字
直到你伸人他那颤动的”笔”
他用那支笔时你不会想在场的
够了，还我…

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 12楼发表于: 2014-03-10 0

112 The One With the Dozen Lasagnes

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from The Odd Couple. Chandler joins in, followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from I Dream Of Jeannie.]
Chandler: No-no-no-no, we're done.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]
Monica: Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.
(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)
Joey: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?
Ross: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)
Phoebe: Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)
Chandler: And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)
Phoebe: (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone)
Monica: Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?
(Camera pans back to group in living room)
Joey: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? (measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like voice) Hi Daddy!
Ross: (waves) Hello!
Joey: (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause; shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)
(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)
Rachel: Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)
Paolo: Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again) nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her)
Joey, Chandler, and Ross: (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo) Mma, Mma, Mmaah
(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)
Monica: So, did I hear Poconos?
Rachel: Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.
Phoebe: Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!
Monica: Yeah, that's a big step.
Rachel: I know...
(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected)
Chandler: (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!
Ross: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes flinging motions with hands) flung by now?
(Camera pans back to Rachel)
Rachel: I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him, I'm totally, totally...
(Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach)
Ross: ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]
Joey: I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes, and their little baby hands...
Chandler: Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever!
(Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over)
Joey: Need a new table.
Chandler: You think?
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]
Carol: Hey hey, come on in!
(Ross enters, carrying lasagna)
Ross: Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends her love, along with this lasagna.
Carol: Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.
Ross: (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is...
Carol: So, I got the results of the amnio today.
Ross: (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is everything, uhh....?
Carol: Totally and completely healthy!
Ross: Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a picture frame)
Ross: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?
Carol: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.
Ross: (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend Tanya. (looks up frightenedly)
Carol: Don't you want to know about the sex?
Ross: (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...
Carol: The sex of the baby, Ross.
Ross: Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!
Carol: Do you want to know?
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is! (pauses) Or isn't...
(Susan enters)
Susan: Oh, hello Ross!
Ross: Susan...
Susan: So, so, did you hear?
Ross: Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!
Susan: Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It really is...do we know...?
Carol: Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...
Ross: (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy who doesn't want to know, standing right here!
Susan: Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?
Carol: Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and lightly taps Susan's shoulder)
Ross: Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be?
Carol and Susan: It's a...
Ross: (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go.
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach, then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)
Susan: All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona? (intercom buzzer rings)
Carol: Hello?
Ross: (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and Susan laugh)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to support the lasagna.]
Chandler: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?
Joey: That's the rule.
Chandler: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!
Joey: How'd you get to that?
Chandler: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio
Joey: You knew about that?
Chandler: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.
Joey: Ok, ok, How about if we split it?
Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together?
Joey: Yeah
Chandler: You think we're ready for something like that?
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Why, are you moving out?
Chandler: I'm not moving out.
Joey: You'd tell me if you were moving out right
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...
Joey: Aw, I know all about Kip!
Chandler: It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married, and things got pretty ugly.
Joey: Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?
Chandler: Aw, don't do that
[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to her schedule.]
Phoebe's Assistant: We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your 4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu.
Phoebe: Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks back in)
Phoebe's Assistant: Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)
Paolo: Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!
Phoebe: Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?
Paolo: Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh?
Phoebe: Well, Racquela's right, yeah!
(Paolo speaks Italian)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, being naked?
Phoebe: Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]
Rachel: (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows....
Monica: And Monica knows...
Ross: Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!
Monica: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.
Joey: So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and waves arms frantically in protest)
Ross: Wait—oh—hey—huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!
Monica: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!
Joey: Or an uncle...
(Phoebe enters)
Joey and Chandler: Hey Phoebe!
Ross: Hi Pheebs!
Rachel: Pheebs!
Phoebe: Fine!
Monica: Phoebe, what's the matter?
Phoebe: Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.
Customer: Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here?
Rachel: Oh, right, that's me!
Joey: Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on.
Chandler: Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)
Monica: Phoebe, what is it?
Phoebe: All right, you know Paolo?
Ross: I'm familiar with his work, yes...
Phoebe: Well, he made a move on me.
(Joey and Chandler come back)
Joey: Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!
Chandler: More coffee over here, please!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Well, what happened?
Phoebe: Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until. (A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
Joey and Chandler: Ooooohh!
Ross: My God.
Monica: Are you sure?
(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
Phoebe: Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.) And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)
Monica: Was it...?
Phoebe: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.
Guys: Oooooo....
(Rachel runs over)
Rachel: "Ooo," what?
Phoebe: Uma Thurman.
Monica: Oh!
Ross: The actress!
(all talking indistinctly, high-fiving)
Ross: Thanks Rach.
(Rachel walks away)
Chandler: So what are you gonna do?
Ross: You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to chime in)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, you have to tell her.
Joey: Feminist issue. That's where I went!
Phoebe: She is gonna hate me.
Ross:(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well...
[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]
Joey: Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a table)
Chandler: That's patio furniture!
Joey: So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again?" Of course!
Chandler: (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?
Joey: I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat something."
Chandler: You pick one.
Joey: All right, how about the ladybugs?
Chandler: Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining!
Joey: Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!
Chandler: Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Hi Pheebs!
Phoebe: Are you moving out?
Rachel: No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks up small blue suitcase and shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's.
Phoebe: Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?
Rachel: Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over.
Phoebe: Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um,
Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs...
Phoebe: Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)
Rachel: (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie, overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies
Rachel: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.
Phoebe: Which proves that I never lie.
Rachel: I guess you don't.
Phoebe: Paolo made a pass at me.
(Rachel looks stunned)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new table.]
Chandler: So, what do you think?
Ross: I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler: I know!
(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.)
Monica: So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little guys' heads?
Joey: Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!
Monica: Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at Chandler) You suck!
(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.]
Phoebe: Are you okay?
Rachel: I need some milk.
Phoebe: Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup) Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?
Rachel: No...oh, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!
Phoebe: I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!
(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap)
Rachel: Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!
Rachel and Phoebe: I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry!
Phoebe: No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?
Rachel: I don't know...right, he's the pig!
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig,
Phoebe: Oh he's like a...
Rachel: He's like a big disgusting...
Phoebe: ...like a...
Rachel: ...pig...pig man!
Phoebe: Yes, good! Ok...
Rachel: (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?
Phoebe: (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...
Rachel: Ok, Ok, Pheebs...
Phoebe: The end.
Rachel: Oh, God...
Phoebe: Should I not have told you?
Rachel: No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just liked it better before it was better...
(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as the foosball game continues.]
Phoebe: I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now, so...
Monica: We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game! Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)
Ross: (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your butts.
Joey: No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there team.
Ross: Come on, two on one.
Chandler: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!
Ross: What, now?
Joey: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!
Chandler: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]
Paolo: No, that's cold, that's cold, that's...
[Cut to inside the apartment.]
Ross: (entering) How's it going?
Monica: Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony, now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous breasts!" Here he comes!
Phoebe: Ooh!
(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)
Paolo: Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.
Phoebe: Oh, ok bye-bye.
Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.
Paolo: Grazie.
Ross: Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)
Phoebe: Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)
Ross: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...
Monica: Oh, you're right.
Ross: (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.
[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: You all right?
Rachel: Ooh, I've been better...
Ross: Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he has you.
Rachel: Oh, Ross...
Ross: What?
Rachel: I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great!
Ross: Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)
[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Monica: Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?
Rachel: Oh...
Phoebe: You ok?
Rachel: ...medium...hmm...any cookies left?
Phoebe: Yep!
Ross: See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated screening process.
Rachel: No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to figure out what I want
Ross: Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.
Rachel: No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up to be one.
Ross: (astonished) What?
Rachel: What?
Ross: I-I'm, I'm having a boy?
Rachel: Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.
Ross: Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?
Girls: Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)
Ross: I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!
(Joey and Chandler run in)
Chandler: Wha-
Joey: Wha-
Joey and Chandler: What is it?
Ross: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey and Chandler: We already knew that! (they hug)
Ross: I'm having a son. Um...
(Ross looks scared)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]
Monica: Yes! And that would be a shut-down!
Joey and Chandler: Shut-out!! (They both start heading for their rooms.)
Monica: Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!
Joey: Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!
Chandler: Yeah, get out!
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.
Chandler: (to Joey) One more game?
Joey: Oh yeah!
End

112 十二碗面条

不-不-不-不,够了.
Syl婶婶,别喊了!如果你告诉过我
你要素面条,我就会给你做素的了.
好吧,肉都在第三层,
也许你能把它们刮下来.
罗斯,你真的把所有婴儿书都读了?
恩!你可以把我塞到子宫里的
任何地方,用不着指南针,
我都能从里面爬出来,就像~~!
噢,太棒了...书上说在有些地方,
人们真的吃胎盘.
呃..这酸奶算是吃不下去了.
对不起.
Syl婶婶,我是为了帮你,
我可不是承包宴席的.
那你让我拿这一打面怎么办?
说话真好听,Syl婶婶.
你用这张嘴亲Freddie叔叔吗?
嘿, 罗斯,你知道么,现在你的宝贝就这么大?
这是你孩子. 嘿, 爸爸!
嘿!
为什么你不和妈咪一起住?
为什么妈咪和另一个女人一起住?
什么是女同性恋?
亲爱的,你能说的,泊科农斯,泊科农斯,
就像泊科-阿-农斯 (Poc-o-nos)
啊, 戳一下鼻子(poke a nose), 嗯...
么, 么, 么呵
那么,我听见泊科农斯了吗?
是的,我妹妹让我们去她那渡周末.
第一次周末结伴出游!
是啊,进展了一大步.
我知道...
啊, 就是个周末, 没什么!
不是说只是玩玩,不当真的吗,嗯?
这...该玩完了吧,现在?
我想,我们已远远超出玩的范围了,
我现在的感觉只有在
Danielle Steele的书里才找得到.
我是说,当我和他在一起的时候,
我完全,完全地...
...恶心,我本能的恶心.
我该怎么办? 打电话给移民局?
我可以打电话给移民局!
我喜欢孩子, 他们的小鞋,
小脚指头, 小手...
好了, 你别再这样了, 永远不要!
需要新桌子了.
你这么想?
嘿, 进来吧!
嘿!
我把书都拿回来了,
莫妮卡送你这些面条.
太好了! 是素的吗,苏珊不吃肉.
我肯定是素的...
我拿到超声波结果了.
哦,告诉我,告诉我,怎么样....?
完全彻底的健康!
哦, 太棒了, 太棒了!
嗨,你和苏珊什么时候认识的Huey Lewis?
啊,那是我们的朋友Tanya.
原来是你们的朋友Tanya.
你不想知道性别（性）吗?
性? 嗯,光想你和苏珊一起的样子我就够不舒服的,
你要再把Tanya加进来, 呃...
我是说孩子的性别, 罗斯.
噢, 你知道了? 噢...
你想知道吗?
不, 不, 我不想,绝对不想.
我不想现在知道,我认为应该等到那时再低头瞧一瞧,
然后说, 嘿, 带那个的...
或不带的...
你好, 罗斯!
苏珊
那么...你结果怎样?
对, 我们知道了,一切正常!
噢, 那真的是太好了...
知道"那个"了么?
是的, 当然知道了, 它是个...
嘿, 嘿, 这有人不想知道,我就站在这呢!
嗯, 那么,是我们希望的...么?
嗯
什么, 什么...你们希望是男是女?
是...
不, 不, 我不想知道,不想. 好吧,
我还是...先回去了.
好的, 谢谢你的书.
没问题, 嗯
哦, 嗯
苏珊...
好吧,我们该先告诉谁,
你家人,还是Deb和Rona?
喂?
嗯,没事, 我不想知道.
那么就因为这是我的桌子,就得让我买新的?
对, 这是规矩
什么规矩?没有什么规矩,
如果有的话,规矩就是你欠我个桌子!
你从哪得的这个结论?
这个桌子一直很结实直到你开始
在早餐时蹂躏Angela Delvecchio（黄油的牌子）.
你知道这事?
这么说吧,看到那罐黄油的惨相,
根本连想象都省了.
好吧, 那我们合伙买怎么样?
你什么意思, 一起买?
是呀
你认为我们的关系进展到这个的程度了么?
为什么不?
这可是个很大的承诺,
我意思是, 要是有人想搬出去呢?
为什么, 你要搬吗?
我不搬呐.
你要是搬的话得告诉我好吗
好, 好, 只是我上个室友Kip...
噢, 我知道Kip所有的事!
我们一起买了个日式古桌,后来
他要结婚走人,结果事情搞得很糟.
好吧,我问你个问题,
作为室友Kip比我好吗?
噢,别这么问
你的日程有些变化.
你4:00的香蕈按摩推迟到4:30
还有Somerfield太太取消了5:30的日式指压.
好, 谢谢
哦, 你3:00的顾客来了.
我不想表现的不专业,但是,很迷人哦..
Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!(意大利语)
哦, Paolo, 你好, 有何贵干?
嗯, Racquela告诉我你按摩, 是么?
Racquela's说得对...
噢...我不知道你刚才说什么,
我们开始吧.
嗯, 需要我裸体么?
嗯,这就是个人喜好了, 我是说,有的人喜欢脱...噢! 你光着身子!
我不能相信你不想知道. 我意思是,
我可不能不知道,如果, 如果医生知道,
卡罗尔知道,还有苏珊知道的话....
还有莫妮卡知道...
你怎么知道的, 我都不知道!
卡罗尔因为面条打电话道谢,
我问他,她就告诉我了.
那么孩子是?
嘿, 哈, 太好了, 现在他都知道了,
我却不知道!
对不起, 我当了姑姑我太兴奋了!
也可能是叔叔...
嘿, 菲比
嘿, 菲比
很好!
菲比,怎么了?
没什么, 对不起, 我就是, 我不舒服.
嘿, 能给我们上些咖啡么?
哦, 对, 是叫我!
嘿, 钱德, 那个卖桌子的地方
7点就关了, 走吧.
好吧.
菲比, 怎么了?
好吧, 你知道Paolo?
我了解他那点把戏的, 是的...
他调戏我.
别急, 商店明天还会开!
请再来点咖啡!
怎么回事?
他来按摩, 本来挺好的直到...
噢...天那...
你确定?
是的, 我确定.
然后突然间他的手就不算什么问题了.
他那儿...?
童子军都能在那扎营了.
哦...
哦什么?
Uma Thurman.
那个女演员!
谢了, 瑞秋.
那么你打算怎么办?
你必须告诉她! 你必须告诉她!
这是道德上的义务,作为朋友,同是女人,
我认为这涉及到女权问题! 伙计们?
哦, 对, 你必须告诉她.
女权问题. 这是我的观点!
她会恨我的.
是的, 没错.
你挑一个, 挑一个! 那个怎么样?
那是放在院子里用的!
那有什么,难道人们进屋后会想,
哦,我又出去了?
那鸟桌怎么样?
不知道,鸟桌不会对你说,
你好, 坐这, 吃点什么.
那你选吧.
好吧, 那瓢虫桌怎么样?
哦, 且不说鸟,
一只红色的昆虫就能够给人进食的感觉了?
好, 你想要鸟, 就要鸟吧!
不是这样, 我不要!
Kip会喜欢鸟桌的!
嘿!
嘿, 菲比!
你要搬出去吗?
不,这不全是我的行李. 这个是Paolo的.
瑞秋,我们能谈一会吗?
当然可以...就一会,
因为,Paolo正过来呢.
哦. 好的. 嗯...嗯...
哦, 菲比
好的, 嗯, 我们认识还不长,
嗯, 我有三件事你应该知道.
一,朋友是我生命中最重要的
二,我从不说谎
三, 我做的提子燕麦饼干是最好的
好的, 谢谢
哦, 太好吃了,
为什么我从来没吃过这些?!
哦, 我不怎么做因为我想
这对别的饼干来说不太公平
好吧, 你是对的,
这是我吃过的最好提子燕麦饼干.
这也证明了我不说谎.
我想是的.
Paolo调戏我了.
那么, 你们看怎么样?
我想这是我见过的最漂亮的桌子.
我知道!
那么它怎么用呢,
你得把盘子平衡在这些小人头上吗?
管他呢, 我们在水槽边吃饭!
来吧, 我们开玩!
闪开你的小人罗斯!
得分! 你们真臭!
你没事吧?
我需要牛奶.
好的, 我准备了牛奶
给你杯子...
好点了么?
没有...
哦, 我真太蠢了!
哦, 我回想起来那天我还是
哦, Paolo,他真好, 他让我觉得真...
天哪, 我真为自己难为情!
我才难为情, 我是他调戏的那个!
菲比, 如果我没遇见他
事情就不会发生!
真对不起! 不我对不起你!
不, 等等, 我们为什么要互相道歉?
不知道...对, 他才是猪!
真是猪!
哦, 我的天, 他真是头猪, /对, 他就像一个...
他像个猪, 一个恶心的...猪...猪人!
对, 骂的好
噢, 但他是我的猪人...
为什么我看不出来?
我知道!
是因为... 他太帅了,
他太迷人,当他看你的时候...
别说了, 菲比
不说了.
噢, 天哪...
我应该瞒着你吗?
不,不,相信我, 让我知道是对的.
呃, 我只是把事情想的太好了...
我想她的情绪还算好.
Paolo现在就在那边, 所以...
我们应该过去,看看她有没有事.
一会...就好, 得分! 赢了! 走吧.
嗯, 看起来,
呃,我们打得你们屁滚尿流.
不, 不, 她打得我们屁滚尿流.
你可以参加奥林匹克的"站一边看"之队.
得了吧, 二对一.
你还在这干什么? 她刚和
那男的分手,该你趁虚而入啦!
什么, 现在?
是的, 现在正是时候!
你得确保Paolo走出屋子后,
你是瑞秋见到的第一个男人,
得让她知道你是那么好, 而他一无是处!
你就像, 像反-Paolo!(罗马教皇)
我这天主教朋友说的对.
她现在很烦恼.
你就在那陪伴她.
你帮她承担所有烦恼,
然后你就走向了: 罗斯时代!
不, 太残忍了, 太残忍了, 这...
怎么样了?
别盯那看.
现在她刚把他的衣服从阳台上
扔下去,现在是他们比比画画的,
嗯, 这个动作可能表示, "你怎么能?"
也可能表示, "好大的胸脯!"
他过来了!
嗯, 我, 我过来...说声再见.
噢, 行了, 走吧.
Paolo, 我非常憎恨你对瑞秋做的事,
但我还有五个没处理掉,
在烤箱里烤到奶酪冒泡就行了.
Grazie. (意大利语)
Paolo, 我只想告诉你我要代大家说
当我说...
噢, 看她多伤心...
伙计们, 我认为最好我们中的一个过去, 这样她就不会被压垮...
你说的对.
...而且那个人应该是我.
嘿! / 嘿...
你没事吧?
噢, 我好点了...
过来.
听着, 他远远配不上你...
我意思是, 你,你应该找一个能
明白拥有你是多么幸福的人.
哦, 罗斯...
什么?
我讨厌死男人了.我都不想看见男的,
我也不想考虑别的男人,
我甚至不想听男人说话.
哈...
哦, 罗斯, 你真好.
嘿, 亲爱的, 你还好吧?
你没事?
...一般吧...嗯...还有饼干吗?
有!
瑞秋,我认为你不应该把所有男人拒之门外.
我不这么想. 我认为你只不过需要建立一个成熟的筛选程序.
不. 我只想先单身一阵,你知道吗?
我得先弄明白我想要什么样的
不, 不, 你看,
因为不是所有人都会像Paolo那样.
不, 我知道, 我知道, 而且我肯定
你的小儿子不会长成他那样.
什么? / 什么?
我...我...我有了个儿子?
不, 不, 不, 事实上, 不是儿子.
我有, 我有了儿子!
嗯? 我是有了儿子吗?
是, 你有儿子了!
我有儿子了! 哦, 我有儿子了!
什么 / 怎么了?
我有儿子了! 我...我有儿子了!
嘿! / 嘿!
我们已经知道了!
我有儿子了. 嗯...
看! 我又赢了一局!
闭嘴吧!!
你们去哪? 来呀, 再来一局!
嘿, 现在已经凌晨2:30了!
对, 出去!
你们可老是到我那屋去泡着!
来吧, 我就用左手? 来吧, 软蛋!
好吧, 我得走了.
我走了, 我已经走了.
再来一局?
当然!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 13楼发表于: 2014-03-10 0

113 The One With the Boobies

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]
Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't knock
Chandler: I'm sorry!
Rachel: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!
Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.
Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!
Chandler: Can I just say one thing?
Rachel: What? What?!
Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.
Rachel: Oh!!
(She storms off)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]
Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.
Roger: That's pretty much it.
Phoebe: Oops!
Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie.
Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you.
Roger: Okay. I'll miss you.
Phoebe: Isn't he great?
Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.
Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?
Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.
Rachel: Okaaay. (To the guys, on the couch) Any of you guys want anything else?
Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)
Rachel: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?
Chandler: Okay.
Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?
Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.
Ross: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies?
Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.
Rachel: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please?
Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.
Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.
Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.
Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?
Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.
Chandler: Huh.
Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?
Roger: It's textbook.
(Joey enters with his dad)
Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?
All: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib!
Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?
Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.
Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger.
Roger: Hi.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.
Roger: You too, sir.
Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?
Joey: Dad, dad. (Shakes his head)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!
(Chandler stays stonefaced)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]
Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now
Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma?
(His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping mushrooms)
Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.
Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back to chopping)
Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?
Joey: Since then?!
Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?
Joey: ...I d'know.
Mr. Tribbiani: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes.
Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)
Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.
Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.
Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to everyone about hid dad's affair.]
Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!
Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?
Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?
Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?
Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?
Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'
(Door buzzer goes)
Monica: Hello?
Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe.
Roger: (Intercom) And Rog.
Monica: C'mon up.
Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.
Joey: What's the matter with Rog?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.
Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.
(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)
Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?
Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.
Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?
Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you...
Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.
Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.
Ross: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!
Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure!
Phoebe: Isn't he good?
Ross: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying...
Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!
(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears)
Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.
Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay?
Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie...
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.
Monica: You're welcome.
Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.
(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it)
Monica: Hate that guy! (Throws another cookie)
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]
Joey: Night, you guys.
(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)
Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.
Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you?
Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.
Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani.
Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip?
Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]
Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.
Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.
Ronni: That's a good one!
(Joey's dad enters.)
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, Joe.
Joey: Dad, Ronni's here.
Mr. Tribbiani: Huh?
Ronni: Hi.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here?
Ronni: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting. (Hands him the hair)
Mr. Tribbiani: Thank you. Uh...
Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?
Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train.
Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing.
Ronni: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here?
Joey: Who-ah-ho.
Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel.
Ronni: (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel.
Joey: No you won't.
Ronni: No we won't.
Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.
Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us?
Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.
Ronni: Wow. He's strict.
Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.
Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.
Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."
Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.
Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change?
Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni
Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that!
Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!
Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is
Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]
Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?
Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna.
Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...
Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?
Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...
Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?
Joey: No.
Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."
Joey: You really think so?
Chandler: Yeah. I really do.
Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)
Chandler: Get off!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone knocks on the door and Monica gets it.]
Ronni: Hi.
Monica: Hi...May I help you?
Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?
Monica: Okay...who are you?
Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress?
Monica: Oh, c'mon in.
Ronni: Thanks.
Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel.
Ronni: Hi.
Rachel: Bathroom's up there.
Ronni: Great.
Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower?
Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?
Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.
Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear.
(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)
Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.
(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)
Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!
Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!
Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?
Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!
Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.]
All: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: How's it going?
Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys.
(Chandler laughs)
Phoebe: So what's going on?
Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.
Ross: I dunno, there's just something about...
Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...
Rachel: We hate that guy.
All: Yeah. Hate him.
Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?
All: ...No, we hate him.
Rachel: We're sorry.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]
Joey: Ma! What're you doing here?
Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear)
Joey: Oww! Big ring!
Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)
Joey: Hold on, you-you knew?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!
Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!
Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.
Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.
Joey: I'm...happy...for you?
Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.
Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.
Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?
Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.
Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?
Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No contest.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]
Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?
Phoebe: Nothing, nothing.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap)
Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.
Roger: Oh. They don't.
Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
Roger: What?
Phoebe: Intense and creepy.
Roger: Oh.
Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting everyone in on the new developments.]
Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh.
Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.
Rachel: Wow.
Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.
Ross: So Joey, you okay?
Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.
Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
Phoebe: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey, Pheebs.
Monica: How's it going?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
All: Awww.
Phoebe: Yeah, right.
All: Aaawwwwww!!
Rachel: What happened?
Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]
Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on?
Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)
Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!
Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies.
(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)
Monica: Hello, Joey.
(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad)
Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in horror)
End

113 看胸脯

抱歉  天啊，我受够了
你不敲门就闯进来?  难道你不尊重别人的隐私权?
瑞秋，慢着   不，你慢着，这太荒唐了
我能说一件事吗?  什么事?
这块布编的非常松
因此我仍能看见你的胸脯
亲爱的，告诉他们你的病人如何把事想成另一件事
例如电话响时她就去洗澡
差不多是那样
但你说得很好  谢谢
快走开我们才能谈你
好吧，我会想念你的
他很不错吧
他好帅，也好像很喜欢你
我知道，他人很好
导演：亚伦梅尔森
而且很复杂
为何他们就得成为人间男女?
他会在沙发上做吗?
我不知道…有点奇怪
聚乙稀做的
大家还想要别的吗?
要，我要…  抱歉，卖完了，其他人呢?
我是否错过某事?  没有
她很生气因为我看见她的胸脯
你看她的胸脯干吗?  那是意外
和拿着望远镜和甜甜圈过街的感觉不同
能改变话题吗?
没错，因为那不是她的胸脯
而是她的胸部
菲比，我要的不只是改变字眼
我不知你如此介意
你的胸脯很好看
好看?就这样?手套也很好看
我…左右为难
你真逗
他真的很逗
他不笑的时候  我也不想待在这儿
等等
那是什么意思?
你似乎有亲密上的问题
你用你的幽默和人保持距离
我才刚认识你
我对你毫无所知
独子?
父母在你青春期前离婚?
你怎会知道？你很典型
各位  乔伊
你们都认识我爸吧?
打算在纽约待多久?几天
我在中城工作
我想和儿子同住  比来回坐渡轮好
我没见过他
他是我朋友罗杰
幸会，罗杰  彼此彼此
玩布偶的那个怎么了?  爸
抱歉，罗斯，你的太太呢?
两人出局了?
钱德，说点好笑的
我得挂电话了，我也想你
我爱你，但现在很晚了
让我向她打声招呼
妈，我和包西达大夫约了时间
什么?
你知道这不是妈吗?
她叫罗妮，宠物殡葬业者
当然
你和她多久了…
记得小时候我常带你去海军军港看大船?
从那时候?
不，才6年
我只想勾起你美好的回忆
让你不会觉得我一直是个大烂人
乔伊，你爱过吗?
我不知道  那就是没有
你的蕃茄烧焦了
别想转移话题
乔，你老爸爱得无法自拔
最糟的是我爱两个女人
拜托你告诉我其中一个是妈
当然其中一个是你妈
你是怎么搞的?
这就像你某天起床突然发现你爸是个双面人
就像是为中情局工作的间谍
那一定很酷
但这个很烂
我懂
为何父母就不能是父母?
为何他们就得成为人间男女?
别再盯着我的胸部看
什么?
什么?
那一天你还看得不够吗?
我们都已是成年人
此事只有一个解决之道
既然你看过她的胸脯
你应该让她看你的小弟弟
办不到
拜托，他说得对
以眼还眼
我不会让你看的
我不会让你看的
快上来
这下可好，罗杰来了
罗杰有什么不对劲吗?
没什么，小事
我讨厌这家伙
为什么?因为他太善于分析
他就是这种人别这样嘛，他没那么糟
这就是你错误的地方
如果当初我感觉到她是女同志我何必和她结婚呢?
我不知道
或许你想让婚姻失败
为什么…
我不知道，或许自信心不足
或许是弥补你让你妹相形见绌的愧疚
或许…等等，回到妹妹的话题
什么?我不知道
你要使你的婚姻触礁
让你妹在父母面前不那么抬不起头
这太荒谬了
她不争气我并未感到自责
你认为我不争气?
他不错吧我不是那个意思?
多年来我以为你支持我
但或许你婚姻失败目的是想巴结爸妈
让他们更心疼你
我娶女同志是想让你建立自信
你说得对
那不是“威伯”的问题
而是威伯游乐宫和游轮的问题
它上面的救生艇让威伯能缓缓驶出
那滋味不好受
菲比，如果想看电影我们现在该走了
打起精神来，瑞秋
菲比，我们快来不及了好
谢谢不客气
各位，很高兴和各位再度见面
摩妮卡，饼干别吃太多
切记，那只是食物
不是爱
我讨厌这家伙
晚安，各位
这是我们订的女人
需要帮忙吗?
不用，谢谢，我在等乔依
我就是乔依
不是你，是老乔依
天啊，你此照片上帅多了
我是罗妮
想吃起司块(夹子)吗?
乔伊有“栓子”
但我可以来一点
大部份人在宠物过世后
希望它们就像长眠一样
但有些人要他们摆出姿势
像追自己的尾巴
跳起接住飞盘
乔伊，如果我先走我的姿势要像找钥匙一样
这姿势不错乔伊
罗妮来了
宝贝
你来干什么?
你的假发留在我的住处
我想你明天用得上
谢谢
谁想玩“科普朗克”?
我不该来这儿
我该走了我不想错过最后一班地铁
不，我不要你坐这么晚的车
我要住哪儿?这里?
我们去住饭店
我们去住饭店
不行不行
你们去饭店就一定会办事
我要你们待在这儿
这样我就可以监视
你要监视我们?
没错，我不管你们多大
只要住在我家 —切就得听我的
那就是不准你们睡在一起
他好严格
爸，你睡我房间
罗妮，你睡钱德的房间
谢谢
你真是个好孩子
来，我带你去看我房间
感觉真奇怪
你没说“不，谢了，时候不早了”
只有今晚明天你们就得做出改变
6年已经够久了
什么改变?
不是和她分手就是… 我办不到
不然就是向妈自首这样是不对的
对，但是… 我不想听
快进我房里
别踢了
你在干什么?找寻舒适的位置
穿着内裤我睡不着你非穿不可
我一直在想…
我总是看见女人叠在女人上面
她们是首尾相接或是像煎饼一样高
懂我意思吗?
我总想像自己和这些女人约会
因为我总想梦中情人出现时
我就会勇往直前坚持到最后
但如今看见我爸…
你不是他，你是你自己
当全天下都希望你继承你爸的事业时
你有屈服吗？没有
你决心当个演员
这不是一件容易的事但你办到了
我也相信梦中情人出现时
你会有勇气对她说“抱歉，我已婚”
你真的这样认为?
真的
谢谢滚开
有事吗?
乔伊说我能用你的浴室
因为钱德正在用我们的可以啊
你是谁？我叫罗妮
情妇
请进谢谢
我叫瑞秋
浴室在那儿  好
罗妮，钱德进浴室多久了?
约5分钟  太好了
请系好安全带
“小弟弟”时间到了
崔先生
早安
钱德，该我看你的小弟弟了
你是怎么搞的?
我以为你是钱德
什么事?
你应该在浴室  这样我才能看见你的小弟弟
抱歉，我的小弟弟和我在那儿
菲比
如何？  不错
罗杰想邀大家一起吃晚餐
怎么了？  没事
只是…罗杰
我说不上来，有些事…
基本上我们认为他…
我们讨厌他…
菲此，我们很抱歉
是不是他观察入微反而吓到你们了
不，我们讨厌他…  抱歉
妈，你来干什么?
我拿这个来给你
还有这个
头好晕
你为何讲一大堆要你爸改正的垃圾?
何不顺其自然呢?
里面有鸡肉，拿去放
拜托，乔依，真的
慢着，你都知道?
我当然知道，你认为呢?
你爸又不是詹姆士庞德
你应该听过他的谎言
“我在会计这儿睡”
那是什么?拜托
你怎能…记得你爸以前的模样吗?
总是大吼大叫
总是不开心
连木店和瓶内的小船也无法让他开心
这样也好，他总算有个嗜好
妈，恕我直言
你到底在说什么?
你呢？  我很好啊
在理想的世界中没有她
你爸也长得和史汀一样帅
再告诉你别的
自从那女人出现后
他感到内疚而开始对我体贴
每天都像我们的结婚纪念日
我该为你高兴?
不需要
因为现在全搞砸了
我只想回到从前
妈，对不起
我以为自己做了你想做的事
我知道
告诉我，你看见她没?
你此她漂亮多了
嘴巴真甜
我斗得过她?
你有戒指，她斗不过的
怎么了？  没事
到底怎么了?快说嘛
好吧，我…没事
问题出在我朋友身上
他们对你有意见
他们…  他们？
他们看不见你的好处
他们看不见你好的一面
他们认为你有点…   什么？
难以相处
但我菲比不这么认为
我对他们的反应毫不感到惊讶
你不惊讶?  这就是我欣赏你的地方
当群体动力失调时这是很平常的反应
这种相互依赖，情绪激动
坐在那家烂咖啡屋
拿着大咖啡杯
抱歉，或许还有乳头在上面
你们都会说“定义我这个人”
“爱我，我需要爱”
你和你爸谈过了?
他要以我妈希望的方式继续欺骗我妈
我妈要继续假装她一无所知
我妹蒂娜不能再见她丈夫
因为他接到禁制令
这两件事没关系  但我今天才听说
华登山这儿的事全变了
乔伊，你没事吧?
或许吧，他们是父母
你不得不顺其自然
即使你知道这样做不对
但你还是得让他们犯自己的错误
而且几年后我们就和他们一样
拜托
如果我像他们一样
我不是变成追逐金发帅哥的酒鬼
就是变得和我妈一样
如何？
还好，只是我和罗杰分手了
没错  不…
怎么了？我说不上来
他的个好人而且对我很体贴
他的某些方面很适合我
只是…我讨厌这个人

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 14楼发表于: 2014-03-10 0

114 The One With the Candy Hearts

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter, and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her. No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: Any contact?
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Joey: You're in!
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—I don't think we need a third...
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Ross: An egg?
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say, "Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Chandler: I think it's winning.
Ross: I think it's insane.
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
Joey: Think it'll work?
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there. Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Monica: You can not do this.
Rachel: Do what, do what?
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year. I know I do.
Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me. The only reason she's goin' out with me is because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching! (Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.) Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice. You're doin' this.
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man! (Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.) Still got the egg, huh?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there, waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up) Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Janice?
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'? You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right. (gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear) Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all there, discussing their bad luck with men.]
Rachel: Ok, ok, Roger was creepy, but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.
Monica: Which one was Pete Carney?
Rachel: Pete the Weeper? Remember that guy who used to cry every time we had sex. (imitating) "Was it good for you?"
Monica: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard-the-"I-win"-guy. (imitating) "I win! I win!" I went out with the guy for two months—I didn't get to win once.
Rachel: How did we end up with these jerks? We're good people!
Monica: I don't know. Maybe we're some kinda magnets.
Phoebe: I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.
Monica: There's more beer, right?
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.
Rachel: Pheebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.
Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?
Phoebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
Rachel: Or?
Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Monica: Burning's good.
Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.
[Scene: The Restaurant, Joey, Lorraine, Chandler, and Janice are at the table. Joey and Lorraine are seated very close, Chandler and Janice have backed their chairs away from one another.]
Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
Joey: Good for you. (jumps suddenly) Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?
Janice: By the way, Chandler. I cut you out of all my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.
Chandler: That's OK.
Janice: Oh, are you sure? Really? Because you know, you could make little puppets out of them, and you could use them in your theater of cruelty.
(Lorraine whispers into Joey's ear.)
Joey: (to Lorraine) We can't do that.
Chandler: (disgusted) What? What can't you do?
Joey: Uh, can I talk to you for a second, over there?
(Chandler and Joey leave the table.)
Joey: Uh, we might be leaving now.
Chandler: Tell me it's "you and me" we.
Joey: She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is, but I definitely want to be a part of it.
Chandler: Ok, you can not do this to me.
Joey: You're right, I'm sorry. You're right.
Lorraine: (to waiter) Uh, can we have three chocolate mousses to go please?
Joey: I'm outta here. Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. I'm sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: I hope she throws up on you.
(Joey leaves with Lorraine. Chandler sits back down with Janice.)
Chandler: So...
Janice: Just us.
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been stickin' outta your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.
Chandler: Excuse me. (gets up, jumps up and down while he zips his zipper up... other patrons look at him) How ya doin'?
Janice: So, do we have the best friends or what?
Chandler: Joey's not a friend. He's...a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big screen TV?
Janice: I will go for that drink.
Chandler: You got it. Good woman! (the waiter turns around, it's a man) Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne?
Janice: Each.
Chandler: That's right, each. Oh, and a uh Rob Roy. (to Janice) I've always wanted to know...
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler wakes up, and finds someone else's hand on his chest. He rolls over and is shocked to see Janice there.]
Janice: Happy Valentine's Day!
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is trying to get Janice out of his apartment.]
Janice: Oh, I miss you already. Can you believe this happened?
Chandler: No... no! And yet it did. Good-bye, Janice.
Janice: Kiss me!
(Janice kisses him. Monica comes out for the newspaper.}
Monica: Oh, Chandler, sorry.
(Janice turns around, Monica sees who it is.)
Monica: Ohhh, Chandler, sorry! Hey, Janice.
Janice: Hi, Monica.
Chandler: Ok, well, this was very special.
Monica: Rach, come see who's out here!
(Rachel comes out.)
Rachel: Oh my god. Janice, hi!
Chandler: Janice is gonna go away now.
Monica: I'll be right back.
(Joey enters from the stairs.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, look who it is.
Joey: (in disbelief) Whoa.
Chandler: Oh, good, Joey's home now.
Janice: This is so fun. This is like a reunion in the hall.
(Monica comes out with her cordless phone.)
Monica: Oh, hi, Ross. Yeah. There's someone I want you to say hi to. (to Chandler) He just happened to call.
Janice: Hi, Ross. Yes, it's me. How did you know? (she laughs obnoxiously)
[Scene: A Chinese Restaurant, Ross is there with his date.]
Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses like a week and a half.
(Ross starts to laugh, and then makes a face like 'Why did I just say that?' Ross' ex-wife, Carol, and her lesbian lover, Susan, enter the restaurant. Ross stares at them.)
Kristin: That's funny. Who are they?
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Kristin: You mean they're lovers.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)
Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]
Phoebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
Monica: Can we just start throwing things in?
Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK.
Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.
Phoebe: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater.
Monica: No.
Rachel and Phoebe: Eww!
Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.
Monica: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure...
(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
(Janice enters.)
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)
Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.]
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.
Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.
Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)
Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.
Kristin: (reluctantly) I guess.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.
Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control.]
Fireman No. 1: What do we got there?
Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred picture—Wow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!
Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight.
Rachel: Really?
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
[Scene: Central Perk.]
Janice: I brought you something.
Chandler: Is it loaded? Oh, little candy hearts. (reading the candy) Chan and Jan Forever.
Janice: I had them made special.
Chandler: Ok, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least there's no new way for me to tell you this. I just don't things are gonna work out.
Janice: That's fine.
Chandler: (surprised) It is?
Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.
Chandler: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Oh, no I don't.
Janice: Well then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?
Chandler: I did, but...
Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice, Janice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. See ya.
(She kisses him passionately,then leaves.)
Chandler: Call me!
[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant, Ross and Carol are talking. Kristin is not there.]
Carol: It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.
Ross: You did so. I swear, I swear—(noticing Kristin's absence) How long has she been in the bathroom?
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in 9 years.
Carol: That could be it.
Ross: Oh, god. (He puts his head down on the grill) You know, this is still pretty hot. (He picks his head up, and a mushroom sticks to his head. Carol picks it off and eats it.)
Carol: Mushroom. Smile. They won't all be like this. Some women might even stay through dinner. Sorry, that's not funny
Ross: No, it's just...you know the whole "getting on with your life" thing. Well, do I have to? I mean, I'm sitting here with this cute woman, and, and, and she's perfectly nice, and, but that there's, that's it. And um, and then I'm here talkin' to you, and, and it's easy, and it's fun, and, and I don't, I don't have to...You know, here's a wacky thought. Um, what's say you and I give it another shot? No no no, I know what you're gonna say, you're a lesbian. But what do you say we just put that aside for now you know? Let's just stick a pin in it, ok? Because, we're great together, you know. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby. I mean, how perfect is that? But see, you know, you keep sayin' that, but there's somethin' right here. I love you.
(They kiss.)
Carol: Oh, I love you too. But...
Ross: No but, no but.
Carol: You know that thing you put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out. You'll find someone, I know you will. The right woman is just waiting for you.
Ross: That's easy for you to say, you found one already.
Carol: All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.
(A beautiful woman walks by Ross, he stares at her.)
Carol: Not her.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The girls are talking with the firemen.]
Fireman No. 3: We get off around midnight, why don't we pick you up then?
Rachel: So, um, will you bring the truck?
Fireman No. 3: I'll even let you ring the bell.
Rachel: Oh, my god.
Phoebe: See, there you go, the cleansing works!
Monica: They're nice guys.
Rachel: Oh, they're firemen guys.
[Scene: Out in the hall, the firemen are talking.]
Fireman No. 1: You guys tell them you were married?
Fireman No. 2: No way!
Fireman No. 3: Are you kidding? My girlfriend doesn't know, I'm not gonna tell them!
End

114 情人节糖果

告诉你吧，罗斯，她要你
她跟我不熟
我们只是住在同一栋公寓
有过任何接触?
她借过我一颗蛋
有机会了
罗斯
嗨
快，你得再接再厉
你和瑞秋的事没指望
你前妻是个女同志
我们不想有第三回
抱歉，
能给我们一颗蛋吗？
整颗蛋，谢谢
蛋？
对，你拿这颗蛋去还她，说
还给你鸡蛋
我们赢定了
拜托，这太离谱了
她会喜欢的
朋友，带着蛋去
你想会成功吗？
才怪，这简直是自杀
你不能这样做
做什么？
罗杰明天要带她出去
不，菲比难道你忘了为何抛弃他？
因为他惹人厌又可怖
但情人节有人共度也不差
菲比，其他任何一夜跟他约会都无所谓
我知道我会这么做
你们明晚有何节目？
明天有何节目全看今天的表现
关于今晚
不,你不能背叛我
我答应为她朋友带一位男伴
她才答应与我约会
我知道，但她朋友好像是个...
可怜虫，我知道
但她是如此渴望如此脆弱
我想..
谢谢
你和Janice之后就没约过会
你一定要去
她答应了
干得好
蛋还在？
对
我的样子如何？
不关我的事
切记，不准交换
你有美女相伴，我有贱货作陪
乔依
瞧你带什么人来，真帅
你带谁来？
她在放外套
乔伊，我去洗掉手上的猫味
你帮我和Janice点萄葡酒和红酒
Janice…
Janice…
天啊
是Janice
我得逃了，我要从窗子爬出去
拜托，别这样
我一直梦想与萝拉妮约会
冷静点..
冷静？
你竟凑合我与在五个月内
被我甩掉两次的女人
别这么大声行吗？你让我紧张得…
我一紧张就尿不出来
抱歉，你说得对
快尿！快点，尿啊！...
罗杰虽讨人厌，但与彼德卡尼相较还差得远呢
谁是彼德卡尼？
爱哭鬼彼德
我们每次做爱他就哭
“你满足吗？”
我每天都想为霍尔那个家伙哭
我赢了
我和他约会两个月一次都没赢过
我们怎会和这些浑蛋在一起？
我们可是良家妇女
不知道
或许我们有某种吸引力吧
我知道我有
所以我不能戴电子表
还有啤酒？
记得我那剃光头的朋友艾比？
她说想要停止与恶男交往的恶性循环
可以举行一个清理仪式
菲比，她是个大秃头。
对
我们明晚可以试试看
明天情人节是绝佳的时刻
什么仪式？
我们可以烧掉他们送的东西
或者是？
或是念经，拿着权杖裸体跳舞
还是烧东西好
烧东西好
我有东西可以烧
我从儿时就能用脚趾夹起两毛五
是吗？真厉害
哪一种两毛五？
对了，钱德
我把照片上的你都剪掉了
如果需要
我有一袋你的头
不用了
确定？真的？
你可以在你的“残酷戏院”中
用它们玩傀儡游戏
你不能这么做
什么？不能做什么？
能过去和你谈谈吗？
我们得先离开
告诉我这是你和我，我们
她说她要在我身上涂满东西
然后舔干净
我不知道涂是什么意思，
但我不想错过
你不能这样待我
你说得对，抱歉
三份巧克力慕斯外带
我走了
这是我的信用卡
这一顿算我的。对不起，钱德
我希望她吐在你身上
只剩下我们
真是糟糕的一夜
但我还是一直欣赏你拉链里的衣服
自你从洗手间回来后
抱歉
近来可好？
他们是我们最要好的朋友？
乔伊哪儿称得上是朋友
他…
这笨蛋留下信用卡
想再来一杯？
甜点？大银幕电视？
我想再来一杯
没问题，好女人
拿瓶最贵的香槟来
每人各一瓶
对，每人各一瓶
罗伯罗伊
...我老早就想品尝了
情人节快乐
我现在就开始想念你了
你能相信会发生这种事吗？
不能
但还是发生了
再见，Janice
吻我
钱德，抱歉
钱德，抱歉。Janice
摩尼卡
真是太特别了
瑞秋，看谁来了
天啊，Janice
她就要走了
我马上回来
乔伊，看谁来了
很好，乔伊回来了
这真是太好玩了
好像是大团圆一样
罗斯，对，跟某人打个招呼吧
他恰好打电话来
罗斯
对，是我
你怎么会知道？
我是说会如果狗有时差问题
因此狗的七年等于人的一年
那么狗从纽约飞到洛杉矶
损失的不是三小时，而是十天
真好笑
她们是谁？
金发的是我前妻
碰她的是她的密友
你是指她们是情人？
如果你硬要这么说的话
我需要知道什么？
不，就这些了
对了，她怀了我的孩子
我总是忘了这件事
我们需要鼠尾草和沙加缅度酒
我只有牛至叶和佛瑞斯加
那样也行
现在我们需要正义男子的精液
菲比，如果我们有
现在就无需进行仪式了
可以丢东西了吗？
可以了
巴瑞的信
亚当瑞塔的四角裤
我和纳可路路晚餐的收据
这是史考帝的裸体照片
他穿着毛衣
没有
这是保罗的萄葡酒
等等，这不是几乎纯…
我怎能在情人节甩掉她
天晓得，但你在新年甩掉她
下辈子我要当马桶刷
有趣的情人
Janice
乔伊，我们的小媒婆
我忍不住想吻你
如果你不敢，就让我来开口
你从事什么职业？
这几年都在...
不，我以为你说他们可以自己做
我以为他们会试试看
我会尽量赶回来，抱歉
真好笑，我又不是主修那个
真好笑
我邀Carol过来会很奇怪吗？
因为她现在落单，怀孕，心情又不好
大概吧
你确定？谢谢
Carol
愿意过来坐吗？
不，我没事
过来吧
这些人会挪过去的
各位挪过去好吗
动起来
克莉丝汀，这位是Carol
Carol，这位是克莉丝汀
Carol教六年级
克莉丝汀…
她的工作...
很好笑，因为那不是她的主修
里面有什么东西？
肥皂，四角裤，问候卡
烧得半焦的照片
这家伙的体毛比队长的还浓密
这件事说来好笑
没关系的，你无须解释
烧毁男友物品失控的事件我们见多了
这已是今晚的第三件
真的？
当然，情人节之夜是我们最忙的时刻
我带了东西给你
装上子弹了没？
心型糖果
钱与珍，永远
我订做的
Okay, Janice…
Janice…
我不知怎么跟你说
至少我不知道怎么用别的办法跟你说
我觉得我们不会结果
无所谓
是吗？
嗯
因为我知道我们还没结束
事实上已经结束了
不，还没因为你不会让它发生的
难道你还不懂？
你爱我，钱德
不，我不爱
那么就扪心自问
我们为何总是会复合？
新年是谁邀谁？
情人节是谁邀谁上床？
是我，可是…
我是你寻找的对象
你的内心深处不断呼喊着我
Janice…
你要我，你需要我
你不能没有我
你知道
你只是不知道你知道罢了
再见
打电话给我
没有，我没说你妈是狼人
你有，我发誓
她上洗手间多久了？
我想她不是去上洗手间
她的外套不见了
或许是太冷吧
或许我搞砸了九年来的第一次约会
有可能
这里还是很热
磨菇
笑一下，不会每回都这样的
有些女人会把晚餐吃完的
抱歉，不好笑
人们老说要继续你的人生
我必须吗？
我和这位美女坐在这儿
她是那么好，但就这么吹了
我现在又和你聊天
轻松又自在，我何必…
我懂
我有个疯狂的念头
我们再试一次好吗？
我知道你要说你是个女同志
但何不暂时将它摆在一旁
完全不去想它
因为我们在一起很开心
这不容你否认
而且你又怀了我的孩子
这样不是很完美吗？
虽然你一直回绝
但我仍然想对你说
我爱你
我也爱你
但是...
不要但是
暂时放到一旁的事
迟早会出现的
你会找到对象的，我知道你会的
合适的女人正在等着你
你说得倒是轻松
你已找到合适的女人
你只需找到爱男人的女人即可
不是她
我们午夜下班之后
来找你们可以吗？
你们会开消防车过来吗？
还会让你们拉警铃
天啊
清理仪式奏效
没错，他们是好男人
他们是消防队员
你们有告诉她们你们已婚吗？
当然没有
别逗了
连我女友都不知道
我才不会告诉她们呢

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 15楼发表于: 2014-03-10 0

115 The One With the Stoned Guy

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving Joey, Ross, and Monica their drinks.]
Rachel: (to Joey) Coffee. (Hands it to him.)
Joey: Thank you.
Rachel: (to Ross) Cappuccino. (Hands it to him.)
Ross: Grazie.
Rachel: And a nice hot cider for Monica. (Hands it to her.)
Monica: Aww, thank you. (Notices something.) Uh Rach?
Rachel: Yeah?
Monica: Why does my cinamon stick have an eraser?
Rachel: Oh! That's why. (Rachel checks behind her ear, and finds a cinamon stick.) I'm sorry!
(She takes the pencil out of Monica's coffee and Monica puts her cup down in disgust.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler's job, Chandler is typing data into his computer, he keeps typing even while taking a drink of coffee with one hand. One of his co-workers walks by.]
Woman: Chandler.
Chandler: Mrs. Tedlock. You're looking lovely today. And may I say, that is a very flattering sleeve length on you.
Mrs. Tedlock: Yes. Well, Mr. Kostelick wants you to stop by his office at the end of the day.
Chandler: Oh, listen. If this is about those prank memos, I had nothing to do with them. Really. Nothing at all. Really. (Chandler tries to hide a rubber chicken from the woman.) Nothing.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there but Chandler. Phoebe runs in, excitedly.]
Phoebe: Hey you guys! Chandler's coming and he says he has, like, this incredible news, so when he gets here, we could all act like, you know...
(Chandler comes in.)
Chandler: Hey!
All: Hey!
Phoebe: Never mind. But it was going to be really good.
Ross: What's going on?
All: What is it?
Chandler: So, it's a typical day at work. I'm inputting my numbers, and big Al calls me into his office and tells me he wants to make me processing supervisor.
All: That's great!
Chandler: So.... I quit.
All: Why?
Chandler: Why? This was supposed to be a temp job!
Monica: Yeah, Chandler... you've been there for five years.
Chandler: If I took this promotion, it'd be like admitting that this is what I actually do.
Phoebe: So was it a lot more money?
Chandler: It doesn't matter. I just don't want to be one of those guys that's in his office until twelve o'clock at night worrying about the WENUS.
(Everyone looks at him, confused.)
Rachel: ... the WENUS?
Chandler: Weekly Estimated Net Usage Systems. A processing term.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh. That WENUS.
Joey: So what're you going to do?
Chandler: I don't know. That's the thing. I don't know what I want to do. I just know I'm not going to figure it out working there.
Phoebe: Oooh! I have something you can do! I have this new massage client... Steve? (pause) Anyway, he's opening up a restaurant and he's looking for a head chef.
Monica: (taps Phoebe on her shoulder) Um... hi there.
Phoebe: Hi! (turns back to Chandler, then to Monica) Oh, yeah, no, I know. You're a chef. I know, and I thought of you first, but um, Chandler's the one who needs a job right now, so....
Chandler: Yeah... I just don't have that much cheffing experience. Unless it's an all-toast restaurant.
Phoebe: (to Monica's tapping) Yeah, yeah!
Monica: Well, what kind of food is he looking for?
Phoebe: Well, he wants to do some ecclectic, so he's looking for someone who can, you know, create the entire menu.
Monica: (excited) Oh my God!
Phoebe: Yeah, I know! (turns to Chandler) So, what do you think?
Chandler: Thanks, Phoebe. But I just don't really see myself in a big white hat.
Phoebe: OK. (pause) Oh Monica! Guess what!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in, wearing a suit.]
Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Rachel: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.
Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?
Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman, career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo."
Rachel: Career counselor?
Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.
Rachel: I don't!
Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.
Ross: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech.
(Monica enters, excited.)
Monica: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!
Phoebe: Ooh! Brian's Song!
Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?
Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be. It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street. Not too big, not too small. Just right.
Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?
Monica: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night. You know, kind of like an audition. And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here, which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' and make yummy noises.
Rachel: What are you going to make?
Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises.
Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?
Monica: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great!
Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make! (runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen) I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know, with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that thing... with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. (sits down)
Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
Chandler: Who are you going out with?
Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?
Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross.
Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady. She's curator of insects at the museum.
Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?
Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.
Joey: (aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe... (gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?
Ross: Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh.... but I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh.
Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet! She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face and it'll seal the deal.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair, and she is screaming, trying to get him off.]
Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you! Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...
Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...
Ross: Alright... (lifts Marcel away)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler. Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]
Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.
Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.
Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?
Joey: It's creamier.
Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?
Joey: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica. I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?
(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily. His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)
Rachel: My God! What happened to you?
Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (he taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Phoebe: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!
Chandler: Can you believe it? I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing something really cool? You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.
Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest) Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey! You can see your nipples through this shirt!
Monica: (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over) Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up.
Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago, so I'd better split this with you.
Monica: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer. The French call it an amouz-bouche.
Chandler: (tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing...
(Phone rings. Monica answers it.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Wendy! (Listens) Yeah, eight o'clock. (Listens) What did we say? Ten dollars an hour?... (Listens) OK, great. (Listens) All right, I'll see you then. Bye. (hangs up)
Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what?
Monica: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out.
Rachel: (hurt) Waitressing?
Joey: Uh-oh.
Monica: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but...
Rachel: But, but?
Monica: But, you see, it's just... this night has to go just perfect, you know? And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress.
Rachel: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status so that I can waitress in the Olympics.
Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag, but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76. (dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)
[Scene: Ross' apartment, Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon (the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing. Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.]
Celia: Talk to me.
Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...
Celia: No no no. Talk... dirty.
Ross: (embarrassed) Wha... what, here?
Celia: Yes...
Ross: Ah....
Celia: Say something..... hot.
Ross: (panicked) Er.... um.....
Celia: What?
Ross: Um... uh.... vulva.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Ross are there, discussing what happened last night.]
Joey: (in disbelief) Vulva?
Ross: Alright, I panicked, alright? She took me by surprise. You know, but it wasn't a total loss. I mean, we ended up cuddling.
Joey: (sarcastic) Whoaa!! You cuddled? How many times??
Ross: Shut up! It was nice. I just... I don't think I'm the dirty-talking kind of guy, you know?
Joey: What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her. Or what you want her to do to you. Or what you think other people might be doing to each other. I'll tell you what. Just try something on me.
Ross: (deadpan) Please be kidding.
Joey: Why not? Come on! Just, just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to be doing right now.
Ross: OK. (closes eyes) I'm in my apartment...
Joey: ....yeah... what else?
Ross: That's it. I'm in my apartment, you're not there, we're not having this conversation. (gets up, walks across room)
Joey: (walks to catch up to him) Alright, look, I'll start, OK?
Ross: Joey, please.
Joey: Come on. Come on. Alright, ready, look! (in a low voice) Oh... Ross.... you get me so hot. I want your lips on me now.
Ross: (impressed) Wow.
Joey: Alright, now you say something.
Ross: I... ahem... I really don't think so.
Joey: Come on! You like this woman, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: You want to see her again, right?
Ross: Sure.
Joey: Well if you can't talk dirty to me, how're you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!
Ross: OK, turn around. (Joey looks taken aback) I just don't want you staring at me when I'm doing this.
Joey: (turning around) Alright, alright. I'm around. Go ahead.
Ross: Ahem... I want.... OK, I want to... feel your... hot, soft skin with my lips.
Joey: There you go! Keep going. Keep going!
Ross: I, er...
(At this point, Chandler walks into the living room from his bedroom. Ross and Joey both have their backs to him, so they don't notice. Chandler sees the situation and remains quiet, watching.)
Ross: I want to take my tongue... and...
(Chandler is completely astounded.)
Ross: ....and....
Joey: Say it... say it!
Ross: ...run it all over your body until you're... trembling with... with...
(Chandler leans back against the wall and Ross and Joey hear him. Ross and Joey both notice at the same time. They slowly stop, and then very slowly turn around to see Chandler staring at them.)
Chandler: (smiling)....with??
Ross: (rushing to explain) Funny story!
Joey: You're not going to believe this!
Chandler: It's OK. It's OK. I was always rooting for you two kids to get together.
Joey: Hey Chandler, while you were sleeping that guy from your old job called again.
Chandler: Again?
Joey: And again, and again, and again... (phone rings, he answers) Hello? (hands phone to Chandler) And again.
Chandler: (on phone) Hey Mr. Kostelic! How's life on the fifteenth floor? (Listens) Yeah, I miss you too. (Listens) Yeah, it's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know? (Listens) Well, that's very generous (Listens) er, but look, this isn't about the money. I need something that's more than a job. I need something I can really care about.... (Listens) And that's on top of the yearly bonus structure you mentioned earlier? (Listens) Look, Al, Al... I'm not playing hardball here, OK? This is not a negotiation, this is a rejection! (Listens) No! No! No, stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! (Listens) I'll see you on Monday! (slams the phone down)
[Scene: Chandler's new window office, he is showing Phoebe around.]
Chandler: Well?
Phoebe: (excited) Wow! It's huge! It's so much bigger than the cubicle. Oh, this is a cube.
Chandler: Look at this! (he opens the curtain to a view of New York City)
Phoebe: Oh! You have a window!
Chandler: Yes indeedy! (they look outside) With a beautiful view of...
Phoebe: Oh look! That guy's peeing!
Chandler: (walks away from window) OK, that's enough of the view. Check this out, look at this. Sit down, sit down.
Phoebe: (sitting) OK.
Chandler: This is great! (he presses a button on his intercom) Helen, could you come in here for a moment?
(An unamused woman walks into the office.)
Chandler: Thank you Helen, that'll be all.
(She leaves, obviously perturbed.)
Chandler: Last time I do that, I promise.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone. Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.]
Monica: (shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal! (Listens) Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (hangs up)
Rachel: Who was that?
Monica: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.
Rachel: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. (she walks away towards the door)
Monica: Ten dollars an hour.
Rachel: No.
Monica: Twelve dollars an hour.
Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.
Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding, I was there for you. I put a roof over your head, and if that means nothing to you... (Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.
Rachel: Done.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing, Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve (Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).]
Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?
Monica: Hi Steve!
Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl.
Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel.
Steve: (unconcerned) Yeah, OK.
Phoebe: (overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious! You know, I can't remember a time I smelt such a delicious combination of (Monica signals her to stop) of, OK, smells.
Steve: It's a lovely apartment.
Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?
Steve: I was just being polite, but, alright.
(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)
Rachel: What's up?
Phoebe: (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?
Rachel: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK.
Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips)
Rachel: Let me, let me get you some wine!
Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course. (Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray) OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce... (Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)... with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.
Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!
Monica: I'm so glad you liked them!
Steve: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!
Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these. But in about eight and a half minutes, we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.
Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning. (he gets up and goes into the kitchen)
Rachel: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?
Steve: You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.
(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned. She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time. Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)
Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!") You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.
Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells) You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.
Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs the cereal box)
Monica: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes...
Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!
Monica: No, we don't. (reaches for box)
Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor) Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)
Monica: Why don't you just have a seat here? (he sits at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears. Monica spots him.) OK... give me the Gummi-bears.
Steve: (childishly) No.
Monica: Give them to me.
Steve: Alright, we'll share.
Monica: No, give me the...
Steve: Well then you can't have any. (she grabs for the package, and it breaks open. Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.) Bear overboard! I think he's drowning. (he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl) Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself! (Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"
Monica: (furious) That's it! Dinner is over!
Steve: What?
Monica: What?
Steve: Why?
Monica: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years for an opportunity like this, and you can't even wait four and a half minutes for a stupid onion tartlet?
(The oven goes off.)
Steve: (excited) Hey!
[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]
Joey: What a tool!
Rachel: You don't want to work for a guy like that.
Ross: Yeah!
Monica: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it.
Ross: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.
Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.
(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)
Joey: (to Ross) So, er... how did it go with Celia?
Ross: Oh, I was unbelievable.
Joey: All right, Ross!
Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.
Joey: Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands) huh-huh?
Ross: Well, ahem... you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...
Joey: You cuddled.
Ross: Yeah, which was nice.
Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?
Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?
Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?
[Scene: Chandler's office, he's on the phone, agitated.]
Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!... (Listens) Oh, really, really, really? Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it, because I care about it! You got it? Good! (slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened) Whooooaaaa....
Closing Credits
[Scene: Phoebe's massage parlour, she has Steve on the table, and is giving him an extra-painful massage.]
Phoebe: How's this? (presses down hard)
Steve: Eeeee!
Phoebe: Sorry. How about over here? (presses down hard again)
Steve: Aaaaah!
Phoebe: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt? (presses down elsewhere)
Steve: No.
Phoebe: What about this? (she starts using her elbows on his back, he yells in pain)
Steve: Aaaaahhh!!
Phoebe: There you go! (She continues to work him over with her elbows and he continues to yell in pain.)
End

115 大麻客

咖啡谢谢
卡布其诺
摩妮卡的热苹果酒
谢谢
瑞秋为何我的肉桂棒上
有橡皮擦?
这就是原因，对不起
钱德
泰小姐，你今天真漂亮
我能说这件衣服真好看吗?
当然
制片：陶德史帝芬
科先生希望你在下班后
能到他办公室去
如果他是为搞笑备忘录
不是我干的，真的…
导演：亚伦梅尔森
各位，钱德说他有天大好的消息
所以他来的时候我们就…
算了
但一定是好消息
到底怎么了…
今天和平常没什么两样
我在输人数字时
艾尔叫我到他办公室
说他要我当电脑处理的主管
真是太好了恭喜...
所以我就辞职不干了
为什么?
为什么?因为这只是暂时的工作
钱德，你已在公司五年了
我知道，但接受升职
不就承认这就是我的目的
这那不是能赚更多钱?
我不在乎
我不想成为坐在办公室到午夜
担心”WEENUS”的人
WEENUS?
”我们估计净值使用系统”
这是电脑处理的术语
那个啊
你有何打算?
我也不知道该怎么办
我只知道我不会再待在那儿工作了
我有一份你可以做的工作
我的新按摩客户史蒂芬
他开了一家餐厅
他正在寻找总厨师
你好...
我知道你是个厨师
而且我先想到你
但钱德目前没有工作所以...
我没有太多厨师的经验
除非那是一家只卖土司的餐厅
他想要什么菜色?
他想要菜色丰富多变
因此他在找一个能创造出整个菜单的人
天啊
对，我知道
意下如何？
谢了
我大概没资格戴白色大帽吧
好吧
摩妮卡，你猜怎么着?
你能透过衬衫看见我的乳头吗?
看不见，但别担心，它们还在
你要上哪儿去
西装笔挺先生?
我和求职顾问
阿哥哥罗伯提曼博士有约
阿哥哥是我加的
求职顾问?
你们都已找到人生的方向
还没
在客厅里的各位
全都知道未来该怎么走
你们有目标有梦想
但我却没有梦想
少见的”我没有梦想”演说
我爱我的人生…
布莱恩的歌
见面的结果如何?
相当顺利
他告诉我未来餐厅的位置
就在第十街不太大也不太小，大小适中
前任老板是金发女人和几只熊吗?
总之周一
我们要煮一餐让他品尝
有点像是面试
菲此，他也要你在场
这样对我有利
因为你可以发出好吃的赞叹声
你做什么?
发出好吃的声音
摩妮卡，你要做什么菜?
我也不知道但一定会很棒的
我知道你可以做什么了
你可以做…我也不知道
各位，谁知道附近有约会的绝佳地点?
东尼餐厅如何?
吃下32盎斯的牛排就免费
谁知道和美洲豹约会
哪儿是好地点?
你要和谁约会?
是昆虫女?
我爱你，罗斯
她叫希莉亚，不是昆虫女
她是昆虫博物馆的主任
你们打算如何共渡?
出去吃晚餐
后带她回我的住处
介绍我的猴子给她认识
他没用暗示
回你的住处?你想
我不知道…
我希望…
告诉你，那猴子是魅力十足
她看见它那毛绒绒可爱的小脸
然后一切就搞定
希莉亚，别担心，别叫
它不会伤害你的用安抚的语调
抱歉…它不会伤害你的
来…要来一些吗?
我受不了了
它的爪子....
乖..
试试这鲑鱼慕斯
好吃
比其他的鲑鱼慕斯好吃?
更滑更柔
是吗?更好?
我不知道我们在谈一条搅成泡沫的鱼
我能不吐出来就已经不错了
天啊，你怎么了?
8个半小时的性向测验
智力测验，个性测验
我了解什么?
你适合在大型跨国公司
资料处理部门方面发展
这太好了
因为你已知道该如何做
你们能相信吗?
我不像是做那种酷工作的人吗?
我总是想像自己能做点不同的
钱德，我知道
你可以透过你的衬衫
看自己的乳头
来，这个或许能让你开心点
5小时前我吃了一颗葡萄
所以我最好该和你平分
它本来就应该那么叫
这是前开胃菜
法国人称它为”阿姆兹布许”
这简直是太神奇了
温蒂，对，八点
我们不是说过吗?每小时十块
很好，再见了
什么每小时十块?
我请餐厅里的女服务生帮忙
服务生?
当然我考虑过你
但...
但是…
但是什么?
但是这一次绝对不能出错
温蒂的经验丰富
她是个职业的服务生
我懂了
我应该继续保持业余的姿态
将来才能在奥运会上当服务生
我不想自吹自擂
但我在76年的因斯布鲁克当过服务生
阿姆兹布许
对我说话
早上我坐地铁时
发生了一件诡异的事
不…说狠亵的话
这里？
对
快，说点火辣的
什么?
什么?
外阴
外阴?
我当时好害怕
她吓了我一跳
但并未完全...
我们以爱抚收场
爱抚?几次?
闭嘴，那种感觉好好
我不是那种讲狠亵话的人
有什么了不起
你只要说出你想对她如何
或是你想她对你如何
或是别人想对彼此如何
这样吧，对我说吧
开什么玩笑
有何不可，快
只要闭上眼睛告诉我
现在你想干什么
好吧…我在我的住处
然后呢？
就这样
我在我的住处而你不在
好吧，讲我来
拜托准备好没?听着
罗斯你让我欲火焚身
我要你舔我
该你了
我看还是算了吧
快嘛，你喜欢她吧?
喜欢
想再见到她吗?
当然
如果你无法对我说出狠亵的话
你如何对她说呢?
说你想爱抚我的屁股
好吧，转过去
我不想你盯着我看
好吧，我不看，说吧
我要...
用我的双唇感觉你那光滑的皮肤
这就对了，继绩
我要用我的舌头…
快说啊
快说
舔遍你的全身直到你颤抖…
然后呢？
真好笑
你不会相信的没关系，我一向赞成你们交往
钱德
你睡觉时老东家又打电话来
又打来?
一直打...
又打来了
又是他
科先生，15楼的情况如何?
我也想念你
对，偷家里的笔比较不刺激
你真慷慨，但这不是钱的问题
我需要的不只是一份工作
我要的是我真正想要的
这是你稍早提过的年终红利之外的津贴?
你的梦想…
艾尔，我不故意为难你
这不是交涉，这叫拒绝
不，别再讲数字了
告诉你，你看错人了
星期一见
好大
比小格间大多了
这才像话
看
你有窗户
没错，还有美丽的风…
看，有人在小便
风景看够了
看这个
坐下
这个最酷，准备好没?
好了
海伦，能进来一下吗?
谢谢你，海伦，没事了
最后一次了，我保证
温蒂，你答应过我
温蒂…
谁啊
温蒂丢下我不管
我没服务生了
真是太糟糕了
再见
一小时十元
不干
小时十二元
我希望可以
但我已经计划好去走走
瑞秋
你逃婚之后我一直关心你
我让你有地方住
如果这样对你仍毫无意义…
一小时二十元
成交
欢迎光临，我能拿你的外套吗?
史帝头
摩妮卡，招待小姐
她叫瑞秋
味道好香
我早已忘记这种…香味
这房子真漂亮
谢谢，想参观一下吗?
我只是客套一下
但,好吧
怎么了?
他坐计程车来时燃了一根草
什么?
抽了一根大麻…
好了，我懂
我知道了
这里很干燥吗?
我来为你倒杯酒
我们可以上第一道菜了
这些是石虾小方饺
芫萎调味酱加上一点点…
碎姜
打我屁股叫我芙蒂
真是太好吃了
我真高兴你喜欢
喜欢?我可以吃下上百个
只有这一些
但再过8分半钟
我们就会献上美味的洋葱馅饼
馅饼...
文字都已失去意义
请问需要任何帮忙吗?
我也不知道自己在找什么
酷，墨西哥馅饼
这个就像是玉米卷
你不该影响食欲
糖欧
再等6分钟半
干酪通心面
我们一定要做这个
不，我们不做
抱歉
我们何不坐这儿
小熊软糖给我
不
给我
好吧，分你一半
不
小熊给我
你不能抢走
不，给我
不
小熊落水了，他们快淹死了
抓住糖欧逃命啊
救命啊....我淹水了
我受够了，晚餐结束
什么？什么？
为什么?为什么?
这机会我已等了七年
而你却等不了四分半钟之后
再吃洋葱馅饼
真是个王八蛋
你不会想为那种人工作的
我知道
我以为我的机会来了
你会成功的
你是个了不起的厨师
记得那些赞美的声音?
我不是装的
和希莉亚的状况如何?
我简直是太神了
干得好
我就像是詹姆斯密奇尼一样满口狠亵的话
天下最具巧思的狠亵话
有人物，剧情，主题
其中一段的主角是村夫与村姑
然后呢?
狠亵话讲完后已经很晚了
而且我们也已精疲力竭所以…
你们爱抚？
那种感觉好好
你们想看晚场电影吗？
好
或许吧，但我们不是该等钱德？
他到底跑哪儿去了?
对，法兰，我知道现在几点
但我看着WENUS而且我相当不高兴
真的?告诉你吧
你会在乎的，因为我在乎
懂吗?很好
这样如何?
不好意思,这边那?
明白拉,这就说明有效果了.
痛不痛?
不痛.
这样呢?
Aaaaahhh!!
爽啦!
爽呆了!!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 16楼发表于: 2014-03-11 0

116 The One With Two Parts, part 1

[Scene: Rift’s Restaurant, as seen in Mad About You, Joey and Chandler are there.]
Chandler: This is unbelievable. It’s been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you’d be looking like a ham right about now.
(Ursula Buffay, Phoebe’s identical twin sister, is waiting on tables in her inimitable manner.)
Joey: There’s the waitress. Excuse me, Miss. Hello, Miss?
(Ursula spins around looking puzzled, quite unable to tell where the sound is coming from.)
Chandler: It’s Phoebe! Hi!
(Ursula notices Joey waving his hand, and comes over.)
Ursula: Hi. Okay, will that be all?
Chandler: Wait, wait! Wh-what are you doing here?
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, then you said, "Excuse me, hello Miss," so now I’m here.
Joey: No, no... how come you are working here?
Ursula: Right, yeah, ’cause its close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
Chandler: Can we start over?
Ursula: Yeah. Okay great. I’m gonna be over here. (She wanders away.)
Chandler & Joey: No, no, no!
Opening Credits
[Scene: A wintry February day in New York City, snowplows are clearing the streets. Inside Central Perk, all three girls are paying court to Ross.]
Ross: I don’t know whether he’s testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, "supposedly" by accident.
Rachel: No, yeah, I’ve done that.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did, and peed all over the crossword.
Rachel: I’ve never done that.
(Outside in the street, Joey and Chandler arrive, to peer through the window at Phoebe, by bending down to look underneath the shop’s sign—a large steaming cup of coffee.)
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn’t look exactly like her sister.
Joey: I’m sayin’ I see a difference.
Chandler: They’re twins!
Joey: I don’t care. Phoebe’s Phoebe. Ursula’s... hot!
(Joey and Chandler come indoors.)
Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Let’s not do that any more.
(They hang up their coats and scarves, then approach their friends on the main sofa.)
All: Hey guys! Hey!
Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh, fun! Okay... um, Liam Neeson.
Joey: Nope.
Phoebe: Morly Safer.
Joey: Nope.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long game.
Chandler: Your sister Ursula.
Phoebe: (Her face dropping) Oh, really.
Chandler: Yeah, yeah, she works over at that place, uh...
Phoebe: Rift’s. Yeah, I know.
Chandler: Oh, you do? Because she said you guys haven’t talked in like years.
Phoebe: Hmmm? Yeah. So, um, is she fat?
Joey: Not from where I was standin’.
Phoebe: (Turning to Chandler) where were you standing?
Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don’t get along?
Phoebe: It’s mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know... Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it... later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Ross: Oh, Pheebs, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. I’ve got Lamaze class.
Chandler: Oh, and I’ve got Earth Science, but I'll catch you in Gym.
Rachel: So, is this just gonna be you and Carol?
Ross: No, Susan’s gonna be there too. We’ve got dads, we’ve got lesbians, the whole parenting team.
Rachel: Well, isn’t, isn’t that gonna be weird?
Ross: No, no. (Distractedly putting on a jacket to go out) I mean, it mighta been at first, but by now I, I think I’m pretty comfortable with the whole situation.
Monica: Ross, that’s my jacket.
Ross: I know.
(Rachel grins as Ross removes the girlie jacket, grabs his own, and rushes out.)
[Scene: The Lamaze class, several couples and one trio sit on the floor, introducing themselves to the teacher, who’s got as far as a woman sitting next to Ross, Carol, and Susan.]
Woman: Hi, we’re the Rostins. Err, I’m J.C., and he’s Michael, and we’re having a boy, and a girl.
Teacher: Good for you. Alrighty, next?
Ross: Hi, um, I’m err, (has to clear his throat) I’m Ross Geller, and err ah... (pats Carol’s bulge) ..that’s, that’s my boy in there, and uh, (points) this is Carol Willick, and this... is Susan Bunch. Susan is um Carol’s, just, com... (embarrassment finally overwhelms the poor fellow, who becomes incoherent until) ..who’s next?
Teacher: I’m sorry, I didn’t get... Susan is?
Ross: Susan is Carol’s, Carol’s, Carol’s, friend...
Carol: Life partner.
Ross: Like buddies.
Susan: Like lovers.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
(The teacher smiles, but her eyebrows go up. Susan and Carol pat each other affectionately.)
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Err, right.
Carol: It’s a little complicated.
Ross: A little.
Susan: But we’re fine.
Ross: Absolutely. (Turns back to the woman next to him.) So, twins... hah! That’s like two births. (He struggles again.) Ouch.
[Scene : Chandler's Office, Chandler is working.]
(Helen’s buzzer is heard on the intercom, so Chandler presses his button, too.)
Chandler: And (he imitates the buzzer) to you too, Helen.
Helen: (Over the intercom) Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.
Chandler: Oh, okay. Send her in.
(He hurriedly checks his hair in his computer screen, before taking a sporting trophy from a drawer to place ostentatiously on his desk. An attractive young woman opens the door.)
Nina: Hi.
Chandler: Hi, Nina. Come on in.
Nina: You wanted to see me?
Chandler: Uh, Yes. Yes. I’ve just been going over your data here, and little thing, you’ve been post-dating your Friday numbers.
Nina: Which is bad, because?
Chandler: Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.
Nina: Your... excuse me?
Chandler: WENUS. (Coughs) Weekly Estimated Net...
Nina: Oh, Net Usage Statistics, right. Gotcha, gotcha. Won’t happen again. I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt your... "wenus."
(Nina beams flirtatiously at Chandler, who catches her drift, but for once he’s lost for something to say – so she nods her head to tell him that he’s thinking correctly...)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, and the girls are dividing some Chinese takeout, while the sitcom Family Matters is playing on the TV.]
Chandler: It’s not just that she’s cute, okay. It’s just that... she’s really really cute.
Ross: It doesn’t matter. You don’t dip your pen in the company ink.
(Marcel scampers about, interfering with the neatness.)
Monica: Ross, your little creature’s got the remote again.
Ross: Marcel, Marcel, give Rossie the remote. Marcel. Marcel, you give Rossie the remote right now... Marce... you give Rossie the remote...
(Marcel points the remote at Monica’s television, pressing a particular combination of keys. The logo SAP appears on the screen, and suddenly the dialogue is dubbed into Spanish.)
Monica: Great.
Ross: Relax, I’ll fix it.
Rachel: (Looking at the television) Cool... "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel."
Ross: (looking at the remote) How did he do this?
Chandler: (Looking out at the balcony) So tell me something, is leaving the Christmas lights up part of your plan to keep us merry all year long?
(Rachel slowly spins around, finally noticing that the lights have outstayed their welcome.)
Monica: Ah no, you see, someone was supposed to take them down around New Year’s... but obviously someone forgot.
Rachel: Well, someone was supposed to write "Rach, take down the lights" and put it on the re... frigerate... (finally noticing Monica’s note stuck to the refrigerator) How long has that been there?
(Joey enters, looking extremely pleased with himself.)
Chandler: Hey, where you been?
Joey: I went back to Riff’s. I think Ursula likes me. All I ordered was coffee, she brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries.
Chandler: Score.
Joey: She is so hot!
Chandler: Yeah, listen. Okay, before you do anything Joey-like, you might wanna run it by err... (he indicates Phoebe, who is helping Ross understand the remote control.)
Joey: Pheebs?
Phoebe: (Jumping up) Yeah?
Joey: You think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna... do that? Why?
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, she’d be there.
Phoebe: Well, I mean, I’m not my sister’s, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, it’s true, we were one egg, once, but err, you know, we’ve grown apart, so, um... I don’t know, why not? Okay.
Joey: Cool, thanks.
(He happily gestures at Chandler that there was nothing to worry about, then exits. Rachel and Monica are concerned for poor Phoebe, who slides back down next to Ross.)
Ross: You okay?
Phoebe: Yeah I’m fine.
Ross: You wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?
(The sitcom begins with its familiar refrain, yet with a Latin lilt. Rachel and Monica do a little dance with their chopsticks, and Phoebe has to grin as Ross joins in the rhythm.)
[Scene: Lamaze class. Susan is there. Each couple has a doll, for they have just finished learning how to change a diaper. As Ross rushes in, stepping on the Rostins’ pretend baby, squashing its head flat. It bleats, in protest. He performs emergency surgery, then hands the doll back to J.C.]
Ross: Sorry.
Ross: Hi. Sorry I’m late. Where’s, where’s Carol?
Susan: Stuck at school. Some parent-teacher thing. You can go. I’ll get the information.
Ross: No... No... No. I think I should stay, I think we should both know what’s going on.
Susan: Oh, good. This’ll be fun.
Teacher: Alrighty. We’re gonna start with some basic third stage breathing exercises, so Mummies, why don’t you get on your back? And... coaches, you should be supporting Mummy’s head.
(Ross and Susan each gesture for the other to lie down.)
Ross and Susan: What? What? What?
Susan: I am supposed to be the mommy?
Ross: Okay, I’m gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Susan: Look, I don’t see why I should have to miss out on the coaching training just because I’m a woman.
Ross: I see. So what do you propose to do?
Susan: I will flip you for it.
Ross: Flip me for it? No, no, no... heads, heads, heads!
Susan: (Triumphantly) On your back... Mom.
(Ross gets down like all the other mothers, cradled in Susan’s lap like all the other fathers.)
Teacher: Alright, Mommies, take a nice deep cleansing breath.
(Forgetting herself, Susan does the "Mommy" action with Ross.)
Teacher: Good. Now imagine your vagina is opening like a flower.
(Ross comes out of character to glare into the distance.)
[Scene: Chandler's Office. Chandler is playing with a toy as his boss Mr. Douglas knocks and opens the door.]
Chandler: Mr. D, how’s it going, sir?
Mr. Douglas: Ohh, it’s been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.
Chandler: And?
Mr. Douglas: It’s pretty ugly. We haven’t seen an ANUS this bad since the seventies.
Chandler: So what does this mean?
Mr. Douglas: Well, we’re gonna be layin’ off people in every department.
Chandler: Hey, listen, I know I came in late last week, but I slept funny, and my hair was very very –
Mr. Douglas: Not you. Relax. Ever have to fire anyone?
[Scene: Chandler's Office, later that day, Nina is in his office.]
Chandler: Nina? Nina. (He goes around his desk to where she is sitting.) Nina. (In pain) Nina.
(She sympathetically reaches out to fondle the inner thigh of his left leg.)
Nina: Are you okay?
Chandler: (Looking down at her hand) Yes, yes I am. Err, listen, the reason that I called you in here today was, err... please don’t hate me.
Nina: (Taking her hand away) What?
Chandler: (Suddenly bright) Would you like to have dinner sometime?
(Nina gasps in surprise and relief.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is at the counter, serving coffee to Phoebe.]
Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Rachel: Okay... Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree and Evelyn?
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
Rachel: Ooh, okay... good.
(Jamie Buchman and Fran Devanow enter the coffee house. They look about them as Jamie removes her coat and scarf.)
Jamie: What is this place?
Fran: Look, you’re cold, I have to pee, and... (indicating the sign) ..there’s a cup of coffee on the window. How bad could it be?
(Jamie notices Phoebe sitting at the counter.)
Jamie: I think we have an answer.
Fran: What’s she doing here?
Jamie: This could be God’s way of telling us to eat at home.
Fran: Think she got fired at Riff’s?
Jamie: No, no, no. We were there last night. She kept... (shuddering at the memory) ..bringing swordfish. (Indicating the ladies’ bathroom) are you gonna go to the, um?
Fran: I’m gonna wait till after we order. It’s her, right.
Jamie: It looks like her.
(Phoebe walks by, ignoring the two strangers.)
Jamie: Um, excuse me.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Jamie: Hi, it’s us.
Phoebe: (Smiling blankly) Right, and it’s me.
Jamie: So, so you’re here too?
Phoebe: Much as you are.
Jamie: (Without moving her lips) Your turn.
Fran: Err... we know what we want.
Phoebe: (Philosophically) Oh, that’s good.
Jamie: All we want is two Caffe Lattes.
Fran: And some biscotti cookies.
Phoebe: Good choice.
(Phoebe turns away so that the two weird women won’t see the face she pulls, and sits down.)
Jamie: Definitely her.
Fran: Yeah.
Commercial break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Phoebe is watching a Spanish version of The Waltons. At a nearby table sit Monica knitting, Rachel winding a ball of wool, and Chandler supplying them both from a skein which is spread between his hands.]
(Phoebe uses the remote to stop the Spanish by turning off the television.)
Monica: I can’t believe you. You still haven’t told that girl she doesn’t have a job yet?
Chandler: Well, you still haven’t taken down the Christmas lights.
Monica: Congratulations, I think you’ve found the world’s thinnest argument.
Chandler: I’m just trying to find the right moment, you know?
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldn’t be so hard, now that you’re dating. (Imitating men at their worst) "Sweetheart, you’re fired, but how ’bout a quickie before I go to work?"
(Joey lets himself in, carrying a large paper shopping bag.)
Joey: Hey.
Rachel and Chandler: Hey.
(There is a loud knocking at the door through which Joey has just entered.)
Chandler: You know, once you’re inside, you don’t have to knock any more.
Monica: I’ll get it.
(She rises, dragging Chandler along by the wool. Rachel has to leap over a chair to follow them. Monica opens the door to find Mr. Heckles standing there.)
Monica: Oh. Hi, Mr.Heckles.
Mr.Heckles: You’re doing it again.
Monica: We’re not doing anything. We’re just sitting around talking, quietly.
Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats can’t sleep.
Rachel: You don’t even have cats.
Mr.Heckles: I could have cats.
Monica: (Closing the door) Goodbye Mr.Heckles.
Rachel: We’ll try to keep it down.
(The wool-bound trio returns to the table. Rachel has to rush ahead to avoid becoming tangled. Joey brings the shopping bag over to Phoebe, and takes out a nice cardigan.)
Joey: Phoebe, could you do me a favour? Could you try this on? I just wanna make sure it fits.
Phoebe: Ooh, my first birthday present... (delightedly examining the cardigan in her lap) ..oh, this is really...
Joey: Oh, no no no. It’s for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.
Phoebe: Ohhh... Sure, yeah... (disgustedly dropping the cardigan back into the bag) ..okay, it fits.
(The others have been taking all this in.)
Rachel: Are you seein’ her again tonight?
Joey: Yep. Ice Capades.
Chandler: Wow, this is serious. I’ve never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.
Joey: I don’t know. I like her, you know. She’s different. There’s uh, somethin’ about her.
Phoebe: That you like, (snappily confronting Joey over the heads of the knitting circle) we get it. You like her. Great!
(The circle freezes in apprehension.)
Joey: Hey, Phoebe, I asked you, and you said it was okay.
Phoebe: Alright, well, maybe now it’s not okay.
Joey: Okay... Well maybe now I’m not okay with it not being okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
(An embarrassed silence... finally broken by)
Chandler: Knit, good woman, knit, knit!
(Monica frantically bursts into action as Rachel resumes winding, tangling Chandler’s wool.)

[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler & Nina are locked in a passionate embrace. Someone knocks, so they hurriedly separate to stare out of the window. Chandler’s boss opens the door.]
Chandler: And that’s the Chrysler Building right there.
Mr. Douglas: Nina.
Nina: Mr.Douglas... (flirting defensively) ..cool tie.
(She escapes, fortunately so distracting Mr. Douglas, that he misses Chandler’s expression of alarm & guilt.)
Mr. Douglas: (Shutting the door, then pointing vaguely at Nina’s shapely departure) She’s still here.
Chandler: Yes, yes she is. Didn’t I memo you on this? See, after I let her go, err, I got a call from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen-nen, Dr. Flanen, Dr. Flan.
(Thinking quickly, Chandler desperately tries to remember anything to do with schizophrenia....)
Chandler: And err, he informed me that uh, she took the news rather badly, in fact, he uh, mentioned the word frenzy.
Mr. Douglas: You’re kidding? She seems so...
Chandler: Oh, no, no. Nina... (miming fairies twinkling around his head) ..she is whooo wewee-woo whoo whoo! In fact, if you asked her right now, she would have no recollection of being fired at all, none at all.
Mr. Douglas: That’s unbelievable.
Chandler: And yet, believable. So I decided not to fire her again until I can be assured that she will be no threat to herself, or others.
Mr. Douglas: I see. I guess you never really know what’s goin’ on inside a person’s head.
Chandler: Well, I guess that’s why they call it psychology, sir.
(Mr. Douglas screws up his eyes, trying to credit what Bing has just said, but turning to follow Nina down the corridor, he realises Bing must be telling the truth, since he would not have any personal interest in the girl, would he?)
[Scene: Lamaze class, Ross is again on the floor, cradled in Susan’s lap, but now Carol is cradled in his lap, and she has a pretend baby, on her lap. The teacher is showing her class a video, which is about to end.]
Soothing male voice: ..a sound Mom and Dad never forget. For this after all, is the miracle of birth.
Teacher: Lights please? And that’s having a baby. Next week is our final class.
(People start getting up. Ross grabs Carol’s doll to hold it upside down like a football, slapping it with his other hand.)
Ross: Susan, go deep.
(Susan just glares back, as Ross’s inappropriate joke falls flat. Meanwhile, a bubble is about to burst...)
Carol: This is impossible. It’s just impossible.
Susan: What is, honey?
Carol: What that woman... did. I am not doin’ that. It’s just gonna have to stay in, that’s all, everything will be the same, it’ll just stay in.
Ross: Carol, honey, shhh, shhh, everything’s gonna be alright.
Carol: (Turning on Ross) OH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? NO-ONE’S GOING UP TO YOU AND SAYING, "HI, IS THAT YOUR NOSTRIL? MIND IF WE PUSH THIS POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"
Susan: Carol, Carol, sweetie. Cleansing breath.
(Both women gulp in air. Ross looks at his "football," then manipulates the head & limbs back into place, until it resembles what it represents.)
Susan: I know it’s frightening, but, big picture. The birth part is just one day, and when it’s over, we’re all gonna be parents for the rest of our lives.
(Ross is staring blankly into space.)
Susan: I mean, that’s what this is all about, right? Ross? Ross?
[Scene 13: Central Perk, the gang is gathered around Monica comforting her brother, who in a slight state of shock is cuddling a cushion for security.]
Ross: I’m gonna be a father.
Rachel: This is just occurring to you?
Ross: I always knew I was havin’ a baby, I just never realised the baby was having me.
Rachel: (She comforts him too) Oh, you’re gonna be great!
Ross: Aw, how can you say that? I can’t even get Marcel to stop eating the bath mat. How am I gonna raise a kid?
Chandler: You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that, that monkeys and babies are actually different.
(Joey tires of this, so he gets up to leave.)
Phoebe: Where’re you going?
Joey: Out.
Phoebe: With?
Joey: (Spreading his arms wide) Yes.
Phoebe: Alright, could I just ask you one question?
(Joey nods his head.)
Phoebe: Have you two, you know... like... you know... you know... yet?
Joey: Well, not that it’s any of your business, but, no, we haven’t, okay?
(Joey walks toward the door, then hesitates and turns back.)
Joey: You meant sex, right?
(Phoebe buttons her lip, while the rest of the gang pretend they’re not there.)
[Scene: Chandler's Office, Chandler is working as Nina knocks, then opens the door.]
Nina: Do you have a sec?
Chandler: Ah, sure, Nina. What’s up?
Nina: I don’t know. For the past couple days, people have been avoiding me and giving me these really strange looks.
Chandler: Oh, well, ah... maybe that’s because they’re ah... jealous, of us.
Nina: Maybe. But that doesn’t explain why they keep taking my scissors.
Chandler: Ah, well, maybe that’s, ah, because you’re getting a big raise.
Nina: I am?
Chandler: Sure, why not?
Nina: Oh my god! (Rushing over to give him a big hug) You’re amazing!
Chandler: Oh, you don’t know. (Presses a button.) Helen, could you make sure we put through the paperwork on Miss Bookbinder’s raise?
Helen: (Over the intercom) So you still want me to send her psychological profile to Personnel?
Nina: What?
Chandler: Helen drinks. (Insincerely) Will you marry me?
(Nina puts her hands on her hips, then gives Chandler a quizzical look.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Phoebe are sharing a bowl of popcorn, while Monica carefully reads the instruction manual for her television set.]
Chandler: Well, I ended up telling her everything.
Rachel: Oh, how’d she take it?
Chandler: Pretty well. Except for the stapler thing. (He holds up a bandaged hand.) Little tip: if you’re ever in a similar situation, never ever leave your hand... (he mimes Nina taking her revenge) ..on the desk.
Monica: Okay, I think I get how to do this.
(Monica points the remote at her TV, and punches out a key combination from the book, but the dreaded SAP logo remains and Spanish still comes forth.)
Phoebe: Alright, so, can we turn this off? Can we just make it... make them go away? Because I can’t, I can’t watch.
Monica: (Remotely turning off the television) okay, Pheebs, they’re gone.
Phoebe: Okay.
Monica: Are you alright?
Phoebe: Yeah. It’s just, you know, it’s this whole stupid Ursula thing, it’s...
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, can I ask? So, he’s going out with her. I mean, is it really so terrible?
Phoebe: Um, yeah. Look, I mean, I’m not saying she’s like evil or anything. She just, you know, she’s always breaking my stuff. When I was eight, and I wouldn’t let her have my Judy Jetson thermos, so she threw it under the bus. And then, oh, and then there was Randy Brown, who was like... Have you ever had a boyfriend who was like your best friend?
Monica and Rachel: (Wistfully, shaking their heads) No.
Phoebe: Well, but that’s what he was for me. And she you know, kind of stole him away, and then... broke his heart... and then he wouldn’t even talk to me any more. Because he said he didn’t wanna be around... anything that looked like either one of us.
Rachel: Oh... Oh, Pheebs.
Phoebe: I mean, I know Joey is not my boyfriend, or my thermos, or anything, but...
Chandler: You’re not gonna lose him.
Monica: Hon, you gotta talk to Joey.
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay.
Ross: No, come on, he doesn’t know this stuff. If he knew how you felt.
Phoebe: But he’s falling in love with her.
Rachel: Oh please, they’ve been going out a week. They haven’t even slept together yet, I mean, that’s not serious.
Phoebe: Okay... Okay.
(Monica and Ross indicate that they mean right now.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, oh.
(Phoebe gets up and walks across the hallway, but the door to Chandler and Joey’s apartment is shut. She knocks, and anxiously waits for Joey to come, but instead her identical twin sister emerges wearing one of Joey’s shirts.)
Ursula: (Surprised) Oh.
(Phoebe reels back in shock, while Ursula defiantly leans against the doorpost as though she owns the place.)
Ursula: Yeah, um, may we help you?
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is taking down the Christmas lights. Monica sees her, so she leans out of the small side window.]
Monica: Rachel, what are you doing? It’s freezing out here. Would you come back inside?
Rachel: No no no no no. You wanted me to take them down, so... (she climbs onto the railing to reach the top of a pole) ..I’m takin’ ’em down. Okay? Whoa! (Screams.)
(Rachel slips, loses her balance, and falls over the edge..)
Monica: Oh-my-god Rachel! (Rushing out to look over the edge) Rachel!
(In the apartment below, Mr.Heckles is trying to relax and read his newspaper, but Rachel is helplessly dangling upside-down with her ankle wrapped up in the Christmas lights.)
Rachel: (To Monica) I’m okay! I’m okay! (She knocks on Mr. Heckles's window.) Mr. Heckles, Mr. Heckles could you help me please?
Mr.Heckles: See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.
End

116 双胞胎两部曲（一）

真是令人难以置信
已过了半个小时
如果这是卡通
你应该看起来像火腿一样
女侍在那儿
抱歉，小姐…等等
是菲比!
嗨
好的。就这样了？
等等，你来这儿干什么?
我在那儿你叫我来
所以我就来了
不，你怎么会在这儿工作?
因为这儿离我的住处很近
而且围裙也很漂亮
可以重来吗?
没问题。那我现在到那边去。
不不不……
我不知道它在考验我还是在发泄情绪
我的猴子已失去控制
它不断消除我答录机上的留言
应该是个意外
我做过这种事
它连续三天在我看报纸前
在猜字游戏上尿尿
这我没做过
看着她
告诉我她和她姐长得不一样
我看到不同之处
她们是双胞胎
我不管，菲比是菲比
乌苏拉很火辣
我们不是常谈论事情吗?
当然
咱们别再干那事了
嗨~
菲比，猜我们今天遇见谁?
哦！有趣有趣！嗯……
连恩尼逊
不是
Morly Safer
不是
剪我头发的女人
你们到底要猜多久?
你姐姐，乌苏拉
哦，真的……
她在那儿工作…瑞菲餐厅
我知道
你知道?
因为她说你们已多年不说话
对
她胖吗?
从我的角度看不会
你从什么角度?
菲比，你们合不来?
这只是姐妹之间的事
大家都认为她是漂亮的一个
她先学会走路
虽然我是在当天稍后学会的
对我爸妈而言那已经不新鲜了
菲比，抱歉，我得走了
我得去参加心理助产班
我得去参加地球科学班
健身房见了
你和卡萝两人去?
不，苏珊也要去
那有爸爸，女同志…全部的父母都会到
这样不是会很奇怪?
不会的，一开始或许会
但现在我已坦然面对
罗斯，那是我的外套
我知道
大家好，我们姓罗，我是洁西他叫麦可
我们有一男一女
厉害，下一位
我叫罗斯
我儿子在那儿
她叫卡罗，这位是苏珊
苏珊是卡罗的…
下一位是谁?
抱歉，我不太明白。苏珊是…
苏珊是卡萝的朋友
好象拍档，好象伙伴
好象恋人
你知道女人能有多亲近的
我和苏珊住在一起
尽管我们两个结过婚
卡萝，不是我
有点复杂了
有一点
我们还好
完全不错
双胞胎？好像要生两次哦
噢
彼此，海伦
妮娜要见你
好的，让她进来
嗨！
妮娜！进来
你想见我?
对，我刚看过你的资料
有个小问题
你一直填迟你周五数字的日期
这样很不好
因为…
这样使我的WENUS出现问题
什么？
WENUS
每周估计净值使用统计……
净值使用统计…对
明白了！
我懂，不会再发生了
我不会做任何事伤害你的…WENUS
这不是她漂不漂亮的问题
这是…她真的真的很漂亮
都一样，兔子不吃窝边草
罗斯, 你的小动物又在玩遥控器了
马修，遥控器给罗斯
马修，你现在就把遥控器给罗斯
马修，遥控器给罗斯
这下可好
别急，我会修好的
酷！
Urkel在西班牙文中叫"Urkel"！
它是怎么办到的?
你让圣诞灯一直开着是想让我们
“快乐”一整年计划中的一部分?
不，某人应该在新年期间把它拿下
但她显然是忘了
某人应该写“瑞秋，拿下圣诞灯”
然后贴在冰…
在这儿多久了?
你上哪儿去了?
我到瑞佛餐厅去了
我想乌苏拉喜欢我我只点咖啡
她却端给我鲔鱼和四盘的薯片
有门了
她好带劲儿
好的，不过听着
在你做一些乔伊风格的事情前，或许你可以找…
菲比
菲比，我约你姐出去你会介意吗?
为什么?你为何要那样做?
因为如果我去约会时她就会在我身边
我的意思是，我不是她
呃……
没错，我们曾待在同一颗卵子
但我们各自发育
我不知道…有何不可?
谢啦
你还好吧
还好
你还要继续看?
抱歉，我迟到了
卡萝在哪儿?
学校有事，老师和家长间的事
你可以走了，我留下来上课
不…我应该留下来
我们两个都该知道这事情是怎么样的
很好，一定会很有意思的
首先是第三阶段基本呼吸练习
各位妈妈请躺下
教练们支撑妈妈们的头
什么?什么?什么?
我该当妈?
好吧，我再打一次精子牌
我不懂为什么只因我是个女人
我就得错过教练训练
了解，你说该怎么办?
掷铜板
掷铜板?不…头…
躺下吧，妈
各位妈妈们，请深呼吸
很好，现在请想像你的阴道
像花一样绽放着
迪先生，如何?
好多了
年度净值已经算出来了
然后呢?
奇惨无此
70年代之后没这么惨过
这代表什么?
每个部门都得裁员
听着，虽然我上星期迟到
我那天睡姿不良把头发睡塌……
不是你，放松
曾经开除某人吗?
妮娜
你没事吧
当然
我今天叫你进来的原因…请别恨我
怎么了?
能约你共进晚餐吗?
菲比，你想要什么生日礼物?
我想要我妈复活和我共享人生
好吧
这样吧
想不想要“艾芙琳”的产品?
我想要浴盐
好
这是什么地方?
你很冷，我想尿尿，窗户上又有个咖啡杯
你就将就一点吧
我想我们有答案了
她怎么会在这儿?
老天爷明明就是叫我们回家吃饭嘛
她被瑞佛餐厅开除?
不，昨晚我们还在那儿吃饭
她不断端来剑鱼
你要去…
不，点完之后再去
是她吧?
看起来像她
抱歉?是我们
好呀,是我
你也在这儿?
和你们一样
该你了
我们知道我们要什么
很好
我们要两杯拿铁还有小饼干
不错的选择
绝对是她
我真不敢相信
你还没告诉她她失业了?
你还没把圣诞灯拿下来
恭禧你
你发现了世上最薄弱的争论
我只是在寻找适当的时机
应该不会太难找到
因为你们已开始约会
亲爱的，你被开除了
我上班前何不来个“速战速决”？
嗨
进门后就不用再敲门了
我来开
Heckles先生
你们又这么做了
我们什么都没做
我们只是坐在这儿静静地聊天
我可以透过天花板听见
我的猫睡不着
你根本没养猫
我原本有机会养
再见了，Heckles先生
我们会很小声的
菲比，帮我个忙吗?
能试穿看看吗?我想知道合不合身?
我的第一件生日礼物
这衣服真…
不，是送乌苏拉的
我想知道尺寸
好呀
合身
你今晚又和她约会?
对，去看花样溜冰
这回你是来真的
没想到你会为任何花式玩意儿付钱
我也不知道，我喜欢她
她与众不同，她有…
你喜欢?我们懂
你喜欢她，太好了
菲比，我问过你而你也同意了
也许现在不同意了
也许我对于你的不同意也不同意了
好吧！
快织，快织！好女人
克莱斯勒大楼就在那儿
妮娜
Douglas先生
不错的领带！
她还在这里?
没错,她还在
我没通知你吗?
我开除她后,接到她心理医生的电话
佛…佛林大夫
他说她一时无法适应
老实说他提到“狂暴”这两个字
她?开什么玩笑?她…
不，妮娜?她…
如果你现在问她
她根本记不得被开除这件事
难以置信
你不得不信
因此我决定暂时不再开除她
直到我确定她对自己或其他人不构成威胁为止
我了解
人的心中在想什么
别人永远无法完全了解
所以会有心理学的产生
爸妈永远忘不了这声音
这是生产的奇迹
请开灯
这一集是生宝宝
下周是我们的最后一堂课
苏珊，准备接球
这根本不可能…
怎么了?
我不做那女人做的事
我不会这么做的
他得留在我体内一切和原来一样
卡萝，不会有事的
你怎么知道?
当然不会有人对你说：
这是你的鼻孔吗?
我能将这肉块穿你的鼻孔吗?
卡萝,亲爱的。深呼吸！
我知道你很惶恐
往远处想生产过程只是一天
结束后他这辈子都是我们的儿子
怀胎生子为的不就是这些吗?
罗斯?
我要当爸爸了
你才刚知道?
我一直都知道我有个孩子
只是不知道孩子有我
你会是个好爸爸的
你怎会知道?
我连阻止马修吃浴室垫都办不到
我如何养儿育女?
罗斯，
科学家说孩子和猴子是不一样的
哪儿去?
出去
和谁?
是的，你知道
能问你一个问题吗?
你们有没有...嘛?
不关你的事
没有，行了吗?
你是指性吧?
有空吗?
当然，什么事?
我不知道
最近大家都避开我
而且以奇怪的眼神看我
或许他们在嫉妒我们
或许吧
这无法解释他们为何拿走我的剪刀
或许是因为你被升职的缘故
我被升职了?
当然！为什么不会？
天啊，你真是太了不起了
可不是吗
海伦，能快处理
布小姐升职的手续吗?
你仍要我
拿她的心理分析结果到人事部?
什么?
海伦喝醉了
你愿意嫁给我吗?
最后我把一切都告诉她了
她的反应如何?
坦然接受
除了拿钉书机钉我之外
告诉你们，以后遇见类似的状况
切记别把手放在桌上
我想我知道该怎么做了
能把电视关掉吗?
能把他们弄走吗?我受不了了
菲比，他们走了
好的
你还好吧？
还不是乌苏拉惹的祸
菲比，我能问…
他和她约会真有那么糟吗?
对，我不是说她是很坏
她总是给我添乱！
我8岁时我不给她我的热水壶
她就把它丢在公车下
然后，有个蓝迪布朗
你们有没有过男友身兼好友的情况?
没有
我当时的状况就是如此
她把他抢走又伤他的心
他从此不和我说话
因为他说他不愿再见像她我们俩之一的
任何人
噢,菲比
我知道乔伊不是我男朋友或者热水壶
你不会失去他的
你得找乔伊谈
好的
拜托，这些事他全然不知
如果她了解你的感受……
…但他爱上她了
拜托，他们才约会一个星期
根本还没上床，八字都还没一撇呢
好吧
哦！好的好的
我们能帮你什么忙吗?
瑞秋，你在干什么?
外面好冷，进来好吗?
不…你要我把灯取下
我正在做，行吗?
天啊，瑞秋!
我没事…
Heckles先生…能帮一下忙吗?
我指的就是这种事儿

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 17楼发表于: 2014-03-11 0

117 The One With Two Parts, Part 2

Opening Credits
[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter.  Rachel is limping and leaning on Monica for support.]
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)
Monica: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.
Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?
(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.)
Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me.
(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.)
Rachel: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.
(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)
Monica: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?
Rachel: You.
Monica: Really?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an arm around her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?
Rachel: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.
Monica: (No longer touched) you don't have insurance?
Rachel: Why, how much is this gonna cost?
Monica: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.
Rachel: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do?
Monica: Well there's not much we can do.
Rachel: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.
Monica: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.
Rachel: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?
Monica: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.
Rachel: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!
Monica: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate this.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.
Monica: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).
Nurse: Why?
Monica: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine.
Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).
Monica: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am that stupid (tiny laugh).
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, hah-hah, I just heave it down field.
Chandler: What are you crazy? That's a baby!
Joey: He should take the sack?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am so not ready to be a father.
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.)
Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real expensive?
Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff.
Joey: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Wo-wo-whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Tonight.
Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)
Ross: You take your time.
(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)
Chandler: There it is! So what're you gonna do?
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe?
Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?
Chandler: Man, if you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.
(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)
[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive.   They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.]
Dr. Mitchell: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.
(They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell consults Ms.Geller's admissions form.)
Dr. Mitchell: Okay, errrr, Monica?
Monica: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is.
Rachel (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel.
Monica (as Rachel): Hi.
Dr. Mitchell: (Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell.
Dr. Rosen: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend, Dr.Rosen.
(Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.)
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Dr. Rosen: Excuse me?
Rachel: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young, young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.
Monica (as Rachel): Thank you.
Rachel (as Monica): Right.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey is waiting for Phoebe to arrive for her surprise birthday party.  Rachel and Monica is telling Chandler about Rachel's incident.]
Rachel: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.
Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part.
Rachel: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said "yes."
Monica: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!
Chandler: Alright, what have we learned so far?
(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway, holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)
The Whole Party: (Jumping up) SURPRISE!!!
(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off, then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not pleased.)
Ross: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.
Rachel: Was that the cake?
Ross: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.
Monica: Come on, she'll be here any minute.
(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.)
Rachel: I hope it's okay.
(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.)
Monica: Oh...
Chandler: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe."
Monica: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses.
(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)
Ross: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on?
Ross: Oh, we just...
Phoebe's Friends: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) Surprise!
Phoebe: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?
(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't help...)
Chandler: Did you see Betty?
(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has been ruined by her twin.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next forkful.]
Mr. Geller: I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"
Ross: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?
Mr. Geller: I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had come to me with the idea andndash;
Ross: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh, ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a thing?
Mr. Geller: No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?
Ross: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.
Mr. Geller: 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that?
Ross: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know, um... when did you start to feel like a father?
Mr. Geller: Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.
(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he stops eating.)
Mr. Geller: So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?
Ross: No, we can go to Williamsburg.
Mr. Geller: Eat your fish.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]
Monica: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, coming!
(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.)
Monica: Hi, come on in.
Dr. Mitchell: Hey.
Monica: Hi, Geoffrey.
Rachel: Hi.
Dr. Rosen: Ah here, we brought wine.
Dr. Mitchell: Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine, so how could we resist?
Rachel: Oh, that's great. Look at that.
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, how's the ankle?
Monica: It's uh...
(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.)
Monica (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, is your ankle.
Rachel (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um... Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay... (They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!
(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)
Rachel: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.
Monica: It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.
Rachel: Oh, Monica! Would you stop being such a wuss?
Monica: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?
(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)
Dr. Mitchell: So?
Dr. Rosen: So... they sss-still seem normal.
Dr. Mitchell: That's because they are.
Dr. Rosen: (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out... Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...
Dr. Mitchell: Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this. (Dr. Rosen obeys.)
(Meanwhile, back at the sink.)
Monica: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a big baby.
Rachel: (Resenting the truth) I am not a baby! You know what? I swear to god, just because you get so uptight every time we...
Monica: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...
Rachel: You know what?
Monica: What?
Rachel: You know what?
Monica: What!?
Rachel: You know what?
Monica: (getting angry) What!!?
Rachel: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.
(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)
Rachel: Hello! Here we go!
Dr. Rosen: This is a great place. How long have you lived here?
Rachel: (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in a few months ago.
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.
(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.)
Dr. Mitchell: Really?
Monica: (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey, that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?
Dr. Rosen: So, Monica, what do you do?
Rachel: (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.
Dr. Rosen: Good for you.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to boss people around, which I just love to do.
Dr. Rosen: This hummus is great.
Dr. Mitchell: God bless the chickpea.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it!
(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)
Rachel: (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I was a cow?
Monica: (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.
Rachel: (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's attention.
Monica: (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) We both do that!
(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael wins.)
Dr. Mitchell: (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh, just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...
(Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaring Rachel who also stands up.)
Rachel: Would you excuse me for a second?
Monica: (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Rachel can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.
(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan altar.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!
(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)
Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.
Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back.
(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)
Ross: Maybe not.
(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)
Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see if see if she's here.
(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)
Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...
Rachel and Monica: Oh god, waddawe do, waddawe do, waddawe do?
Monica: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out what they want!
Rachel: Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, you do it.
Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)
Rachel: What?
Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.
Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right! This was just not worth it.
Monica: Thank you.
Rachel: Okay, let me just change.
Monica: Yes.
(Rachel goes to her room.)
Joey: (entering quietly) Hey.
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Phoebe: Trouble?
Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.
Phoebe: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?
Ross: Well did you try calling her?
Joey: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.
(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)
[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]
Phoebe: Hey.
(Ursula turns in surprise.)
Ursula: Oh!
Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute?
Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.
(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down. Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)
Phoebe: So.
Ursula: Uh-huh.
(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)
Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.
(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)
Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!
(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)
Phoebe: Right, like the kind you...
Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.
(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)
Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming?
Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.
(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)
Phoebe: I can't believe you did this.
(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)
Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.
(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.)
Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?
Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.
(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)
Phoebe: Does he know?
Ursula: Who?
Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.
Ursula: He is? Why?
Phoebe: You got me.
Ursula: Right.
(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)
Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?
(The man gives up, shaking his head.)
Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?
Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?
Phoebe: No, Joey.
Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?
Phoebe: No. No food with a face.
Ursula: You have not changed!
(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad to be back with her sister.)
Phoebe: Yeah, you too.
(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile, while Monica struggles to smile at all.]
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi, remember us?
Nurse: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.
Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh) because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause um...
Nurse: You're that stupid.
Monica: (as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Little laugh.)
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.
Nurse: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.
Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her friend) ..I'm I'm just not that bright either.
(The girls escape with a new form.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble, for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters about.]
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you think I would.
(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible, and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)
Chandler: What's up with the simian?
Ross: It's just a fur ball.
Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?
Ross: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.
Chandler: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.
Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?
(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is now in some distress.)
[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]
Ross: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!
(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler, followed by Rachel.)
Nurse: (angrily) You go get that animal outta here.
Ross: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's choking I don't know what else to do.
Monica: What's goin' on?
(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)
Chandler: Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.
Rachel: Oh.
(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)
Nurse: Excuse me... This hospital is for people!
Ross: Lady, he is people. He has a name, okay? He watches Jeopardy! He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!
(Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention.)
Dr. Mitchell: I'll take a look at him.
(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)
Rachel and Monica: Oh, thank you.
Monica: Michael.
Dr. Mitchell: Rachel.
Rachel: What?
Monica: (as Rachel) Monica.
Rachel: (as Monica) Oh.
Monica: (as Rachel) Hi.
Rachel: (as Monica) Hi.
(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks away...)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Hey.
Joey: Urse...
(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)
Joey: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Listen, um...
Joey: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen." I've said that "listen."
Phoebe: (as Ursula) I'm sorry.
Joey: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the bridge?
(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' crazy that night, I was so drunk!
Joey: You don't drink.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!
Joey: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.
Joey: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?
Phoebe: (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?
Joey: (Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that.
Phoebe: (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's either her or me.
Joey: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.
(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while Phoebe follows, touched by Joey's good heart.)
Phoebe: (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee) You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.
Joey: I know...
(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him. Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)
Joey: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but you have never looked so beautiful.
Phoebe: Really?
(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also feeling his lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various angles, then...)
Joey: Pheebs?
Phoebe: (Automatically) Yeah. Oooh... (she's sprung.)
[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him, as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]
Ross: He looks so tiny.
(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)
Joey: We just got the message.
Phoebe: Is he alright?
Ross: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.
Chandler: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'
(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)
Ross: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.
Chandler: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?
Ross: No, why?
Chandler: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is very dad.
(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)
Monica: Oh, look, he's waking up!
Ross: (Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?
(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it, so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends, who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there.  Rachel is looking out of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout.  There's a small SAP in the corner of the screen.]
Ross: Aqui est? (Here it is!)
Monica: 緼 qui閚 pidio el pollo General Tso? (Who ordered General Sal's chicken?)
Chandler: udo aver sido General Tso! (It could've been General Sal!)
(Rachel points out of the window.)
Rachel: ira, mira, el viejo desnudo est?haciendo el hula hoop! (Look, look, Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula!)
(The others rush to the window for a look.)
All:www! (Ewww!)
(Joey enters, happy again.)
All: ola, Joey! (Hi, Joey!)
Joey: ola, amigos! (Hey, everybody!)
(Marcel grabs the remote.)
Monica: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. (Look, Ross, Marcel's got the remote.)
Ross: o que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele! (The thing is, he doesn`t like the program!)
(Everybody laughs.)
End

117 双胞胎两部曲（二）

小姐~
那是菲比
好的，就这样了？
他们是双胞胎
菲比是菲比，乌苏拉好辣
这是给乌苏拉的
当然好？  合身
马修？  遥控器给罗修
他是怎么办到的？
全是乌苏拉惹的祸
他和她约会？有这么糟吗？
你并不了解我妹妹
你得和乔依谈谈
他爱上她了
你不会失去他的
他们还没上过床  八字都还没一撇呢
哦~，需要帮忙吗？
瑞秋…
我没事，我没事~
哦哦哦，哦哦哦，哦哦哦~
你好
我朋友取下圣诞灯时，从阳台跌落
她的脚或者脚踝可能受伤了
我的天，你们的圣诞灯还亮着？
资料填后拿给我
哦哦哦，哦哦哦，哦哦哦~
好的。哦。
姓名？地址？
好的，你的紧急联系电话是？
你
真的？
对
你真好
天啊，我爱你
保险？
哦！好的！勾上它！我确实需要一些！
你没有保险？
为什么？看着病要花很多钱么？
我不知道啊。可能几百块钱吧
我们该怎么办？
没有太多办法可想
呃……除非让我用你的。
不不不不不…
等等？我的紧急连络人是谁？
这是保险欺诈……
好吧？算了……我回家
哦！哦！哦！
好吧，回来
我讨厌这么做
-谢谢！我爱你！
我需要新表格
为什么？
我真是个笨蛋！
我替我朋友填资料时
我填的不是她的资料而是我的
你真是个笨蛋
没错？这就是我
我就是那么笨！
我昨晚梦见我和我儿子在玩足球
真温馨
不？是用他打
我在球场上他们叫我以儿子做裆下开球
坦帕湾队的防守球员逐渐逼近
所以我得做出决定
坦帕湾队可是很烂啊！
没错？但只有我和我儿子
所以我想他们很可能要找我们的麻烦
所以我只好传球
什么？你疯啦？他是你儿子
难道他应该擒抱？
不管怎样，突然间我已到了场边了
我发觉我就是那个该接球的人
但我绝对来不及
于是我跑啊跑
于是我就醒过来了
我还没准备好当爸爸
你没问题的
你是全北美最细心、最有责任感的男人
你将来一定是个好爸爸的
没错？你和你儿子只是需要更好的阻挡
你们去过彩虹厅吗？  真有那么贵？
除非你要点儿什么东西
我要带乌苏拉去那里，今天是她生日
菲比的生日该怎么办？
什么时候？
今晚
哦！真是太巧了……
慢慢想吧别着急
想出来了！……
你打算怎么办？
我能怎么办？
我不想让乌苏拉不开心
你的朋友菲比呢？
如果她是我朋友希望她能谅解
要是你们，你们难道不能谅解吗？
兄弟，如果你敢在我的生日那天做这事儿
我就让你好看！
加上少量蕃红花，就能使情况完全改观
好的，嗯，摩妮卡？
是的……是的，她是！
她是我朋友瑞秋
瑞秋？我是米契尔大夫
我是他朋友罗森大夫
你当医生是否太帅了一点？
抱歉，什么？
哦，我是指年轻，是不是做医生太年轻了
说得好,瑞秋
谢谢
没错
他说这只是扭伤，就这些
哦，你忘说我们那些蠢事
才不蠢呢
这位两位帅哥大夫约我们明晚出去
而且我答应了
我觉得这太疯狂了。
我的意思是他们在医院工作啊
我们这样不是回到犯罪现场？
你知道么？我觉得我们应该取消约会！
什么？
嘿！他们可是大帅哥！他们是医生，是长得帅的医生！
好的，目前为止我们学习到什么？
哦，快快
惊喜！！
你们到底在干吗？
把我吓死了
那是蛋糕么？
对！柠檬口味
快？她随时会到
希望蛋糕没事
“生日快乐……Peehe……”
或许我们可以用玫瑰当“B”
对？用我们的特殊蛋糕工具
嘿!怎么了？
惊喜！！
哦！哦！哦！
你们真是太好了
但这一点也不可怕
大家好！贝蒂！哦！你找来了贝蒂！太棒了！
哦！天啊，我喜欢这些都在这个房间里发生
乔伊在哪里？
你看见贝蒂没？
告诉你，我现在并不介意吃这种烤干的蕃茄干
五年前如果有人说，我的蕃茄像李子
我就叫他滚出我的办公室
爸？我出生前你会紧张吗？
我不紧张，我是说如果有人对我说…
爸？我在谈小孩的事
你是否曾因为将成为父亲而紧张？
没有啊
不会？都是你妈在处理
我在忙着生意上的事情，我并没有太多时间
你找我来是为了这个？
不不，爸爸，我只是好奇
因为我们有时间弥补。我们可以一起做点事情
你一直想去威廉斯堡
我们去怎么样？
我只是想知道
你何时感觉自己像个父亲
应该是你出生那一天
我们在病房，你妈在睡觉
他们把你交给我
你当时又丑又红又小
你突然用拳头紧抓住我的手指
紧紧捏住我的手指
那时候我才感觉到
你不想去威廉斯堡？
我们可以去啊
吃你的鱼吧
瑞秋？帅哥医生来了
来了
嗨,快进来
嗨！
嗨,杰弗瑞
嗨。
我们带了一瓶酒
这是来自恩尼斯及托夫波尼酒窖
其能受得了这样的诱惑？呵呵
哦！真棒，看看
莫尼卡，脚踝怎么样了？
嗯……
你为什么不告诉他们？
毕竟这是你自己的脚踝
我感觉好多了，谢谢！
哦，你们快请坐，我给你们拿几个酒杯
好吧，快点~
好的，听者，我想我们为什么不告诉他们我们的真实身份呢？
我想不会有事的，不会有问题的
我们会惹上大麻烦的！
摩妮卡，别那么不争气！
不争气？
抱歉，我生在真实的世界之中
所以呢？  她们似乎很正常
但你得承认
每次我们和女病患约会都…
别紧张，看看四周
没有异教徒的神坛
角落里没有一堆一堆的骨头
他们不错！
嘿，你的牙齿……
我们绝不能这么做
有时候你怎么这么像个大小孩呢？
我才不幼稚呢。我发誓,每次咱们这样你都那么紧张……
是啊,每次你都像公主似的……
你知道吗？
什么？
你知道吗？
什么？！
你知道吗？
什么！！？
一天一天你愈来愈像你妈了
-来喽！
-谢谢！
这地方真不错
你住在这儿多久了？
谢谢，我住在这儿六年了
瑞秋几个月前才搬来
对，我本来应该结婚的
但我把我的未婚夫抛弃在圣坛了
真的？
是啊。
是啊是啊！我知道这很自私，但是，嘿，这就是我！
何不试试这个
摩妮卡，你从事什么工作？
我在上城区一家餐厅的总厨师
真有你的
没错
因为我喜欢指使别人
这点心不错
愿神保佑鹰嘴豆
哦，哈哈，天啊，我真是被宠坏了
就这样了
对了，我有提过我的高中吗？
我在高中是只肥猪。
我经常尿床
我以胸部吸引别人的注意
我们都一样
摩妮卡与瑞秋的公寓
等等，瑞秋，是你爸
爸？不，是我
我现在没空
但有些话我一直想告诉你
失陪一下
记得我大一的时候吗？
我和比利在你床上做爱
爸爸，爸爸……
爸，我干嘛和比利上床？
他爸想害你倒闭
你死定了
罗斯？他又拿遥控器了
很好，或许它能将功能变回来
或许不会
等等，我看看她在不在
是医院那个女人打来的
她说表格有问题
哦，天啊！天啊！怎么办？怎么办？怎么办？
我也不知道，看看她想要什么？
好吧！
不，你来问！
我是摩妮卡
好，我们马上去，谢谢
怎么了？
我们忘了签名
你说得对，我们不该这么做
谢谢
我去换件衣服
嗨……
有麻烦了？
你妹那一夜放我鸽子
真可怜
被人放鸽子的滋味不好受吧
你有打电话给她吗？
我连打了两天
打给餐厅时他们说她太忙
我不敢相信她想甩掉我
-嗨！
-哦！
有空吗？
有，我只是在工作
嗯……
哦？.
我为你买了生日礼物
你记得
是茱蒂杰森热水壶
对，像你…  对，我也有东西送你
你怎么知道我会来？
我们是双胞胎嘛
我不敢相信你会这么做
我不敢相信你会这么做！
那么，你和乔伊怎么样了？
他人很好，但我们结束了
他知道吗？
谁？
乔伊！
他对你着迷不已
是吗？为什么？
这你问倒我了……
没错
抱歉
这道菜不是有沙拉吗？
你会打电话给他吗？
你认为他喜欢我
不，是乔伊
不，他很聪明，他会了解的
想吃鸡肉吗？
不,我不吃有脸的东西
你还是没变
你也一样
记得我们吗？
是啊…………
你刚打电话要我们过来
在表格上签名？
但我们需要一张全新的表格
我又写错名字了
因为…
你就是那么笨
是啊，我就是那么笨！
我要用支票付帐
你不知道保险会给付吗？
我知道，只是我没也那么聪明
好的，想象最糟的场景
你从未感觉像个爸爸
嗯……
你儿子从未感觉你像个爸爸
他所有的关系全受这个的影响
你这话有没有重点？
应该有的
这只猴子到底怎么了？
只是毛球
好吧。该谁了？
该你了，我刚刚因为“KIDNEY”得了43分
不，你没得分
你拼的是“idney”
不，我有k，我的k在哪儿？
快帮我，我的猴子把k吞了
把你的动物带走
不，你不懂，动物医院离这儿很远
它快窒息了，我不知道该怎么办
怎么了？
马修吞了一个字母
哦！
抱歉，这是为人看病的医院
小姐，它是人，他有名字
他也看“Jeopardy”节目
没人看时它就摸自己
请你有点善心,求你了
让我来看看他
哦，谢谢
麦克
瑞秋
什么？
莫尼卡
- 哦！
- 嗨！
乌苏拉!你到这儿来干什么？我一直想给你打电话
听着，嗯……
不，别叫我听，我知道你的意思
抱歉
我不懂，你怎么了？
那些在桥下说的话你都忘了吗？
是啊，你得忘记我在桥下说过的话
我那一夜喝醉了，胡言乱语
你不喝酒
没错，我不喝酒
但我爱你爱得如痴如醉
乌苏拉
我们是没有结果的
为什么？  因为我是菲比的朋友？
如果是，你愿意不和她来往吗？
不行，我办不到
没错，就是因为她
不是她就是我
那么我只能说抱歉了
你知道，忘了你是很难的一件事
忘了你是很难的一件事
我知道
我不知是否因为分手
你从未这么漂亮过
真的？
菲比？
什么事？
它好小
我刚听说了
它没事吧？
没事了，医生已取出k了
他还发现m和o
它一定想拼字“monkey”
医生说它已无大碍，它睡着了
你有当爸爸的感觉没？
没有，干嘛问？
拜托，你办到了
有爸爸的味道了
看？它醒了
老兄？感觉如何？
谁点了Sal将军的鸡？
它本来就是属于Sal将军的
快看快看，丑陋裸男正玩呼啦圈呢！
嗨，乔伊！
大家好~~
罗斯，马修又拿着遥控器了！
看来它不喜欢这个节目

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 18楼发表于: 2014-03-11 0

118 The One With All The Poker

(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.)
Ross: Uh, Rach, we're running low on resumes over here.
Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
Chandler: Well, if you're gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, I'm going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. I'm sick of the lousy tips, I'm sick of being called 'Excuse me...'
Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?
Rachel: Uh... yeah, why?
Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.
Rachel: (upset) Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of them?
Joey: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.]
Monica: Hey, guys.
Chandler and Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Hey... hi, ladies... uh, can I get you anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail?
Monica: Lots of responses.
Rachel: (to Monica): Really? (out loud): Sure, we have scones left! (to Monica): OK, read them to me.
Phoebe: (reading): Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, however... oh... (crumples up letter)
Rachel: (out loud): We have apple cinnamon...
Monica: (reading): OK... Dear Ms. Green... yeah... yeah... yeah... No. (crumpes up letter)
Phoebe: Wow!
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: (reading): Your Visa bill is huge!
Rachel: (grabs the bill) Give me that!
(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)
Chandler: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again?
Ross: I don't know.
Chandler: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing?
Ross: No, it's not just that. It's just—I want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh... (begins to stare lovingly at Rachel)
Chandler: ...little playthings with yarn?
Ross: What?
Chandler: Could you want her more?
Ross: Who?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.
Ross: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... (Rachel comes over, Ross lays head on table): Hiiii!
Rachel: Hi! How are you?
Ross: We're fine, we're fine.
Rachel: OK. (walks away)
(Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: We're not—we're not saying anything.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Uhhhh... Joey cried last night.
Joey: Thank you.
Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright...
Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?
Ross: Oh, guys, you should've seen him. 'Read 'em and weep.'
Chandler: And then he did.
Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?
Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play?
Ross: No, women are welcome to play.
Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it?
Chandler: There just don't happen to be any women in our games.
Joey: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker.
Girls: Oh, yeah, right.
Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse!
Rachel: Really.
Monica: I mean, that's a typical guy response.
Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?
Girls: No.
Rachel: But you could teach us.
Guys: No.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.]
Chandler: (teaching) OK, so now we draw cards.
Monica: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a straight.
Rachel: Oh, good for you!
Phoebe: Congratulations!
(Microwave timer goes off. Monica gets up.)
Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want?
Phoebe: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.
Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't—you can't do...
Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)
Ross: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that.
Rachel: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours.
Ross: Oh, you're... (gives up)
(Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.)
Monica: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.
Phoebe and Rachel: OOooooo!
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz...(look of realization)
Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer...
Monica: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play for real. High stakes... big bucks...
Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy...
Phoebe: But... I'm ready, so, just deal.
Chandler: OK, alright, last minute lesson, last minute lesson. (holds up two cards) Joey... three... eight. Eight... three. (Joey is unamused) Alright babe, deal the cards.
(Time lapse.)
Monica: (throws down her cards) Dammit, dammit, dammit!
Phoebe: (to Joey): Oh I see, so then, you were lying.
Joey: About what?
Phoebe: About how good your cards were.
Joey: Heh... I was bluffing.
Phoebe: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying?
Rachel: OK, sorry to break up this party, but I've got resumes to fax before work tomorrow... (gets up to leave)
Guys: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Chandler: Rach, Rach, we gotta settle.
Rachel: Settle what?
Chandler: The... Jamestown colony of Virginia. You see, King George is giving us the land, so...
Ross: The game, Rachel, the game. You owe us money for the game.
Rachel: Oh. Right.
Joey: You know what, you guys? It's their first time, why don't we just forget about the money, alright?
Monica: Hell no, we'll pay!
Phoebe: OK, Monica? I had another answer all ready.
Monica: And you know what? We want a rematch.
Ross: Well that's fine with me. Could use the money.
Rachel: (to Ross): So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends.
Ross: (pause)...Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less.
Ross: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... (claps hands three times)
Joey: (pause)...Yeah?
Ross: I'm not a nice guy.
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Chandler and Joey are there. Ross enters with a pizza.]
Ross: Alright boys, let's eat.
Chandler: Oh, did you get that from the 'I Love Rachel' pizzeria?
Ross: You still on that?
Chandler: Oh, come on. What was with that whole Black Bart speech? (mimicking): "When I play poker, I'm not a nice guy!"
Ross: You are way off, pal.
Joey: No, I don't think so, see Ross, because I think you love her.
Ross: Um.... no. See, I might've had feelings for her at one time—not any more. I just—I...
(Marcel makes a screeching noise in background.)
Ross: Marcel! Where are you going with that disc?
(Marcel puts a CD in the player.)
Ross: You are not putting that on again! Marcel, OK—if you press that button, you are in very, very big trouble.
(The Lion Sleeps Tonight starts to play. Marcel starts to dance.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are there.]
Rachel: (opening mail) Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: Ha. Ha, ha.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.
Monica: Please! I am not as bad as Ross.
Rachel: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident?
Monica: That was not an incident! I-I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand.
Rachel: Oooooh. (reads letter) (surprised): Oh! I got an interview! I got an interview!
Monica: You're kidding! Where? Where?
Rachel: (in disbelief): Sak's... Fifth... Avenue.
Monica: Oh, Rachel!
Phoebe: Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home.
Monica: Well, what's the job?
Rachel: Assistant buyer. Oh! I would be shopping... for a living!
(Knock on door.)
Monica: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she says. (opens door) Hi!
Aunt Iris: Is Tony Randall dead?
Rachel: No.
Monica: I don't think so.
Rachel: Why?
Aunt Iris: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Oh my God!
Monica: Really?
Aunt Iris: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. (walks into kitchen) Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. (to Phoebe): Nice earrings.
Phoebe: Thank y... (thinks about it)
Aunt Iris: Girls, sit down.
Monica: Uh, Aunt Iris? This is Phoebe, and that's Rachel...
Aunt Iris: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, I am parked at a meter. Let's do it.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, everyone but Rachel is seated around his table. The Lion Sleep Tonight plays in the background.]
Phoebe: Ross, could we please, please, please listen to anything else?
Ross: Alright.
(Ross shuts off the CD player. Marcel runs into the bedroom and slams the door.)
Ross: I'm gonna pay for that tonight.
(Knock on door. Ross opens it. Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: Guys! Guess what, guess what, guess what, guess what!
Chandler: Um, ok... the... the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?
Rachel: Noooo... the interview! She loved me! She absolutely loved me. We talked for like two and a half hours, we have the same taste in clothes, and—oh, I went to camp with her cousin... And, oh, the job is perfect. I can do this. I can do this well!
All: That's great! That's wonderful!
Rachel: Oh God, oh, and then she told the funniest story...
Monica: OK, great. You'll tell us and we'll laugh. Let's play poker.
Joey: Alright now listen, you guys, we talked about it, and if you don't want to play, we completely understand.
Chandler: Oh yes, yes, we could play some other game... like, uh, I don't know... Pictionary?
(The guys all duck under the table.)
Monica: Ha, ha, very funny, very funny. But I think we'd like to give poker another try. Shall we, ladies?
Phoebe and Rachel: Yes, we should. I think we should.
Ross: Uh, Rach, do you want me to shuffle those?
Rachel: No, no, thats OK. Y'know, I think I'm gonna give it a go.
Ross: Alright.
Rachel: Alright... (shuffles cards expertly, all the guys stare in amazement)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.]
Ross: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones.
Joey: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game.
Phoebe: Alright, here's my $7.50. (Hands them the money) But I think you should know that this money is cursed.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it.
Chandler: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie.
Ross: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen...
Rachel: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. (hands over her money)
Monica: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever.
Rachel: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there ready for another poker game.]
Ross: So, you gals wanna hand over your money now? That way, we don't have to go through the formality of actually playing.
Rachel: Ooooh, that's fine. We'll see who has the last laugh there, monkey boy.
Monica: OK, we done with the chit-chat? Are we ready to play some serious poker?
Phoebe: (holding a card and waving it in front of her face) Hey you guys, look, the one-eyed jack follows me wherever I go. (they look at her) Right, OK, serious poker.
(Ross gets up from the table.)
Monica: Excuse me, where are you going?
Ross: Uh... to the bathroom.
Monica: Do you want to go to the bathroom, or do you wanna play poker?
Ross: I want to go to the bathroom. (exits)
Joey: Alright, well, I'm gonna order a pizza. (gets up)
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, I'm still waiting to hear from that job and the store closes at nine, so you can eat then.
Joey: That's fine. I'll just have a Tic-Tac to hold me over.
Monica: Alright, Cincinnati, no blinds, everybody ante. (deals cards)
Phoebe: (looks at her cards) Yes! (everyone looks at her) .... or no.
(Ross comes back from bathroom.)
Ross: Alright. (to Rachel): Your money's mine, Green.
Rachel: Your fly is open, Geller. (he checks it, and zips up)
(Time lapse.)
Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!
Joey: Uh... Phoebe? Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yeah. Um... I'm out. (throws in cards)
Rachel: I'm in.
Monica: Me too.
Joey: Me too. Alright, whattaya got.
Ross: Well, you better hop outta the shower, cause... I gotta flush. (lays down cards)
Rachel: Well, well, well, hop back in bucko, cause I got four sixes! (lays down cards) I won! I actually won! Oh my God! Y'know what? (collects chips) I think I'm gonna make a little Ross pile. (holds up a chip) I think that one was Ross's, and I think—oh—that one was Ross's. Yes! (Starts singing): Well, I have got your money, and you'll never see it...
(Ross stands up.)
Rachel: And your fly's still open...
(Ross looks down.)
Rachel: Ha, I made you look....
(Time lapse.)
Rachel: I couldn't be inner. Monica?
Phoebe: Monica, in or out?
Monica: (slams down cards) I hate this game!
(Joey slides a plate away from Monica towards Chandler, who hides it under the table.)
Phoebe: OK Joey, your bet.
Joey: Ahhh, I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (the girls look at him, confused) Oh, I'm out.
Phoebe: Ross?
Ross: Oh, I am very in.
Phoebe: Chandler?
Chandler: Couldn't be more out. (throws in cards)
Phoebe: Me too. Rachel.
Rachel: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. (throws chips in pot) What do you say... want to waste another buck?
Ross: No, not this time. (he folds) So... what'd you have?
Rachel: I'm not telling. (collects chips)
Ross: Come on, show them to me. (reaches for her cards, Rachel covers them up)
Rachel: No..!
Ross: Show them to me!
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No!
Ross: Let me see! Show them!
Chandler: Y'know, I've had dates like this.
Rachel: (deals new hand) Boy, you really can't stand to lose, can you? Your whole face is getting red... little veins popping out on your temple...
Phoebe: Plus that shirt doesn't really match those pants.
(Ross is visibly upset.)
Ross: First of all, I'm not losing...
Rachel: Oh, you are losing. Definitely losing. (phone rings)
Ross: Let's not talk about losing. Just deal the...
Rachel: (answering phone) Hel-lo, Rachel Green.
Ross: (mimicking Rachel) Mee mee, mee-mee mee.
Rachel: (on phone) Excuse me. (covers up phone; to Ross) It's about the job.
(Rachel walks into kitchen to talk on the phone.)
Rachel: Barbara! Hi, how are you? (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) No, I understand. Yeah. Oh, oh, come on, no, I'm fine. Don't be silly. Yeah... oh, but you know, if-if anything else opens up, plea—Hello? Hello? (hangs up phone, very depressed)
(Rachel goes back and sits down. The rest don't know what to say.)
Monica: Sorry, Rach.
Phoebe: Y'know, there's gonna be lots of other stuff.
Rachel: Yeah...(sigh)....OK. Where were we? Oh, OK... five card draw, uh... jacks or better... nothing wild, everybody ante.
Joey: Look, Rachel, we don't have to do this.
Rachel: Yes, we do. (pause)
Monica: Alright, check.
Joey: Check.
Ross: I'm in for fifty cents. (throws it in)
Chandler: Call.
Phoebe: I'm in.
Rachel: I see your fifty cents... and I raise you... five dollars. (throws it in)
Ross: I thought, uh... it was a fifty cent limit.
Rachel: Well, I just lost a job, and I'd like to raise the bet five bucks. Does anybody have a problem with that?
(Everyone says no and folds, except for Ross, who thinks about it.)
Rachel: (to Ross): Loser?
(Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe back their chairs away from the table.)
Ross: No, I fold. (lays cards down, and gets up)
Rachel: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it?
(Ross thinks it over, finally sits down and picks up his cards.)
Ross: I'm in. (throws in chips)
Rachel: How many you want?
Ross: One. (Rachel gives him the card.)
Rachel: Dealer takes two. (she deals herself two cards) What do you bet?
Ross: I bet two dollars. (throws it in)
Rachel: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. (throws it in)
Ross: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. (throws it in)
(The other four look amazed at the large pot.)
Rachel: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse.
(Monica gets up, looks in Rachel's purse.)
Monica: Rachel, there's nothing in it.
Rachel: OK, then get me your purse.
(Monica gets Rachel her purse.)
Monica: OK, here you go. Good luck.
Rachel: (to Monica): Thank you. (to Ross): I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you... seven.
Phoebe: ...teen! (throws in a ten-dollar bill)
(Ross looks in his wallet, pulls out two dollars.)
Ross: (to Joey): Joey, I'm a little shy.
Joey: That's OK, Ross, you can ask me. What?
(Ross looks at Joey, dumbfounded at his stupidity.)
Chandler: (to Ross): What do you need, what do you need?
Ross: Fifteen.
Chandler: Alright, here's ten. (gives it to him)
Joey: Here, I got five, I got five. (Ross takes the money)
Ross: Thank you.
Chandler: Good luck.
Ross: (to Rachel): OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?
(Long pause as they both look at each other.)
Rachel: (lays down cards) Full house.
(Ross stares at her. Thinks about it. Puts cards on table, face down.)
Ross: You got me.
(Monica and Phoebe get up and start celebrating in the kitchen, pouring wine and singing. Rachel, shocked, goes to join them.)
Joey: (to Ross): Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat.
Chandler: (to Ross): I thought we had them!
Ross: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. (looks at Rachel) But, uh... look how happy she is. (smiles)
(Chandler and Joey look at her, and then look back at him. They dive for Ross's hand to see what he had, and he tries to stop them from looking.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, all six are playing Pictionary at Monica's apartment. Monica is drawing a picture, and the three guys are guessing. She draws what looks like an airplane.]
Chandler: Airplane! Airport! Airport '75! Airport '77! Airport '79!
(Timer goes off.)
Rachel: Oh, time's up.
Monica: (pointing at the drawing, upset) Bye... bye... BIRDIE.
Joey: Oh!
Phoebe: That's a bird?
(Monica glares at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: That's a bird!
(Monica sits, Rachel gets up.)
Rachel: OK, OK, it's my turn. (reads the answer)
Chandler: Go.
(Rachel starts drawing what looks like a bean.)
Ross: Uh.... bean! Bean!
(Rachel begins tapping the picture of the bean frantically.)
Joey: (triumphantly) The Unbearable Likeness of Being!
Rachel: Yes!
Monica: That, you get? That, you get?
(Monica picks up a glass to take a drink, everyone ducks as though she was about to throw it.)
End

118 玩扑克

瑞秋，履历表已用完了
你真想到《大众机械师》上班吗?
如果你真想为技工工作
那倒是可以试试
各位，我什么都得试试
我不能再当服务生了
我是说真的，我已厌倦微薄小费
我已厌倦别人对我说“麻烦一下”
瑞秋，这些你已校对过了吗?
对，有问题吗?
没事,他们对你的“电恼”技巧
一定会印象深刻的
糟了，每一份上面都这样吗?
没有，复印机弄掉一些了
各位
两位小姐，需要什么吗?
信件带来了没有?
这里有很多
我们这儿当然有烤饼
快念给我听
亲爱的格林小姐，感谢您的询问，然而…
我们有苹果肉桂…亲爱的格林小姐…
好……好……好……
没戏。
怎么了?
你信用卡的帐单不小呀.
给我
我真不敢相信
琳达那么好你为何不再和她约会?
我也不知道
是因为她认为“石头族真有可能发生”的事吗?
（科幻电影情节）
不只是因为那样
因为我要一个能让我有感觉
能让我心跳加速，让我…
变成拜倒裙下的玩物？
什么?
你不是渴望着她吗?
谁?
蒂，《发生何事》中
那个尖酸刻薄的女孩
我早就忘了她，行吗?
你们怎么样？
我们很好
闭嘴
我们什么都没说
怎么了？
昨晚乔伊哭了
谢谢
我们在玩扑克牌
“3”上面沾了点巧克力，看起来像是“8”，仅此而已
可惜你没看到
他说“开牌，你们哭吧”
结果哭的是他
为什么你们从没和我们玩过扑克牌?
对，为什么?好像这是男人的专利，
好像是有性别歧视的男人的专利，
好像这是扑克，所以就是男人的专利？
才怪，女生也欢迎加入
好，那么为什么……是不是……就好像……
好像……算了，反正为什么?
只是刚好女生没加入我们罢了
对，我们刚好找不到会玩扑克的女生
拜托，这个借口真烂。
男人们都是这种反应
请问你们谁会玩扑克牌吗?
不会
但你们可以教我们
不
好，现在开始抽牌。
我不需要换牌，对吧?
因为我有一条顺
太好了
恭喜了
菲比，你要几张?
我需要两张
黑桃10和梅花6
不，你不能那样做
等等，我有你要的黑桃
谢谢
不…不能那样
不……没问题，我不需要，我要的是4。
呃,你……
我们有鲑鱼拼盘和水果色拉
莫妮卡，你在干什么?
我们正在玩牌
所以食物的名称不能超过一个词
比如：薯片，蘸汁，脆饼…
现在,发牌的人……
知道了
开始来真的吧
大钱出，大钱进
你真的要开始?菲比刚刚扔了一张J，
因为他们看起来好像不开心
我准备好了，发牌吧
最终提醒，最终提醒
乔伊，3！8！
8！3！发牌吧
该死，该死，该死！
我明白了，你们是在骗我
骗你什么?
骗我你们的牌有多好
我在唬你们
什么是唬?
不就是骗的同义字吗?
抱歉，我不能再玩了
我在明天工作前得打好履历表
瑞秋，我们得算帐(定居)
什么定居?
在维吉尼亚的詹姆斯城殖民地
乔治三世把土地给我所以……
（历史上的乔治三世对北美殖民地采取强硬态度，
最终导致美国革命）
赌局。瑞秋，这是赌局，在赌局上你欠我们钱
哦，好
你们知道吗? 这是她们的第一次
别和她们计较钱了
不好，我们会付钱的
莫妮卡，我有另一个答案了
“好呀”
知道吗?我们要再来一次
行，我又有钱花了
这么说你们的组合家俱
都用朋友的钱买来的
是呀
没错，而且我是在“宜家家俱”买的
得自己动手装，不过便宜许多
瑞秋，这是玩扑克。
赌博就是要赢钱，
为使我能赢钱，别人就得输。
如果想和我玩牌，就别指望我手下留情。
因为牌一发出，
然后呢?
我就六亲不认。
两位，有东西吃了。
这是从“我爱瑞秋”比萨屋买的吗?
你们还在取笑我?
别这样嘛，为何学起黑社会说话？
“玩起牌来，我六亲不认。”
你扯太远了
我可不这么认为，因为
“我认为你爱她”
不，或许我曾对她有意思，
不过现在早已没有感觉了
我…马修你碰那CD碟干吗?
不能再放上去，马修
如果你再按“播放”，我就要给你好看
你知道罗斯那混蛋有多烂吗?
我知道，他实在太好强了。
怎么了?
喂，凯蒂，我是莫妮卡，你是黑人。
拜托
我没像罗斯那么烂
我不这么认为，“猜字”游戏那件事呢?
我不是故意的。
我在做手势时盘子不小心脱手了。
我有面试通知了！我有面试通知了！
真的？哪里的？
第五大道萨克斯
瑞秋
瑞秋，这就像是旗舰在叫你归队
是什么工作?
采购助理，我要靠购物……
来谋生了
听着，是艾莉丝姑姑。
她从五岁起便开始玩牌
她说的每个字我们都得牢记在心
东尼•蓝道（著名的演员）死了?
我想没有吧。
为什么这么问？
现在可能已经死了，因为我开车撞到他了。
天啊……真的吗？
不，唬你们的，第一课
告诉你们，玩牌听到的每个字都是狗屁
不错的耳环。
谢……
坐吧，各位
艾莉丝姑姑，这位是菲比，她叫瑞秋
我的车停在计时器前，
开始吧。
罗斯，我们能听点别的吗?
好吧
我今晚可要倒大楣了
嗨
嗨
猜猜看怎么样，快猜猜看，猜一猜！
第五个牙医也终于屈服了？
他们现在都推荐Trident香口胶了？
（香口胶广告：4/5的牙医推荐Trident）
不，是面试，她喜欢我
我们谈了两个半小时
我们对服饰的品味一致，
我以前还和她的表妹一起去过露营
这工作简直是太棒了。
我可以胜任，我能办到。
太好了……
然后她告诉我最好笑的事
很好，你讲时我们一定会笑的。
玩牌吧
各位听好，我们谈过此事，
如果你想不玩我们完全了解
对，我们可以玩别的
像“猜字”之类的
真好笑
我们想再给扑克牌一次机会
是不是，小姐们?
对，我们应该
瑞秋，需要我来洗牌吗?
不用了，我想自己试试
来吧
菲比输7块5，莫妮卡输10块，瑞秋输……15大元
谢谢教我们“斜眼玛丽”。
我们自己玩的时候也可以用，
这是我的7块5，
你得知道这钱已受到诅咒
什么?
我已对它下咒
花这些钱的人会倒大楣
无所谓，我要了。我反正够倒楣的了。
这样我才能看场电影喘口气
才刚离开“格林”扑克牌机就欠15块
男生都这副德行
我是大男人，我有“小弟弟”，
我得赢钱增加力量以征服女人
知道吗?还没结束
我们会再找你们玩
而且我们会赢你们会输
你们会求饶，我们会大笑
我们会赢走你们的每一分钱
你们会永远恨死自己
我们的意见一致，莫妮卡
现在可以交出钱来吗?
如此我们就不必正式玩了
不，我倒要看看谁笑到最后，猴子男
聊完了没?可以开始玩真的没?
你们看，独眼杰克（J）到处跟踪我
好，玩真的
不好意思，你要上哪儿去?
浴室
你想上厕所还是玩牌?
我想上厕所
好吧，我去订比萨
不，我仍等着工作的电话通知。
比萨店9点才关门，你那时候再吃吧
行，我含薄荷糖提神
未见牌不得下注，下注吧
下！
不下。
你的钱是我的了，格林
你的拉链没拉上，盖勒
我刚刚才意识到
“Joker”（爱开玩笑的人）是有“J”的“poker”（扑克牌）
巧合吗？
那是J碰巧和一个C在一起.
菲比?
我不跟了
我跟
我也跟
我也跟，你拿什么牌?
你最好逃出浴室
因为我有个同花(冲马桶)
慢着，慢着。回来吧，小子
因为我拿了四张六
我赢了，是我赢了。
我想罗斯的钱得让我赚了
我想这是罗斯的
那个也是罗斯的
我赚到你的钱
你再无法见到它
你的拉链依然没拉上
我让你低头看了
我跟不了。莫妮卡？
莫妮卡,跟还是不跟?
我讨厌玩牌
乔伊，你呢?
我像是被满脸伤痕的胖子
撞到肚子的二流妓女
我不跟
罗斯?
我跟
钱德?
不跟
我也一样,瑞秋?
我不但跟而且还要加注
如何?还想再浪费钱吗?
这一回不会
快嘛，给我看
给我看
不！拿开你的手！
给我看吧
不
我有同样的约会经验
天啊，你真是输不起的家伙
你的脸涨得好红
太阳穴的小血管都露出来了
而且衣裤并不相称
第一，我没输
别再谈输了，快发牌吧，你输定了
瑞秋格林
请稍等一下
这是有关工作的电话
芭芭拉，你好吗?
嗯
不，我明白
不，我没事，快别这么说
是否还有其他职缺请人?
喂？喂？
我很遗憾,瑞秋
工作满街都是
嗯
玩到哪儿了?
拿五张牌
J比较好，大家下注
瑞秋，别再玩了
要玩,下注
过
过
我下5毛钱
跟
跟
我跟你的5毛钱
而且我要加…
5块钱
我以为5毛是上限
我刚失去工作，所以想加到5块。
各位有问题吗?
当然没有
不跟了
我也不跟
输家
退出
退出是什么意思?怎么了?
你不是发牌后就六亲不认的狠角色?
还是只是虚张声势?
我跟
要几张牌?
一张
庄家两张
下多少？
二块
我跟,再加你20块
哇
我跟你20块
再加25块
跟你25块
莫妮卡，拿我的皮包来
瑞秋，里面没钱
那就拿你的皮包来
给你，祝好运
谢谢，跟你25块，再加
7块……
再加10块！
乔伊，我的钱有点不够
没问题，你可以向我借
要多少?
15块
这里有10块
我这里有5块
-谢谢，
祝你好运
跟你十七块，你拿什么牌?
葫芦（三带二）
你赢了
看,输给她们了
我以为我们会赢
没有好牌就是没有好牌
瞧，她多开心
飞机，机场，
机场75，机场77，机场79
时间到
再见…小鸟
那是小鸟?
那就是小鸟!
该我了
开始
豆，大豆!
-生命中无法承受的轻！
-答对了!
这样就能猜中?
这样就能猜中？！

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 19楼发表于: 2014-03-11 0

119 The One Where the Monkey Gets Away

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica enters with some mail.]
Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.
Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!
Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?
Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.
Monica: What is it?
Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!
Monica: Barry who you almost...?
Rachel: Barry who I almost.
Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...?
Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!
Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: What?
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Ross: Really.
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.
Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...
Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.
Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...
(Enter the other four)
Monica: Hi.
Ross: ...Gets interrupted. Hi!
Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?
Monica: Wonderful!
Phoebe: So good!
Joey: Suck-fest.
Chandler: Toootal chick-flick.
Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...
Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.
Monica: There was nudity!
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.
Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.
Chandler: They're still just friends, right?
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Ross: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.
Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?
Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there.
[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]
Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.
Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?
Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Joey: She really said that?
Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.
Joey: 'Tonight' tonight?
Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my monkey...
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.
Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)
[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]
Joey: How could you lose him?
Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Monica: Which ones?
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.
Phoebe: (Entering) Hey.
All: Hi.
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.
Phoebe: Oh no, how?
Monica: He- he pooped in my shoe.
Phoebe: Which one?
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...
Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?
Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.
Rachel: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me!
Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?
Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.
(They all leave)
Rachel: Anybody wanna trade? Oh...
[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]
Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want?
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?
Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it.
Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?
Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once...
Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They move off)
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.
[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.
Ross: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?
Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?
Ross: Yeah. You, uh, you want some?
Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.
Ross: Oh, what? What-what?
Rachel: Y'know Marcel?
Ross: ...Yeah?
Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.
[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-
Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Intercom: Animal Control.
Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control!
Ross: You called Animal Control?
Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?
Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.
Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...
Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!
(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming.
Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey?
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.
Ross: Cat!
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
(Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in)
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.
Luisa: Marcel?
Ross: My uncle Marcel.
Phoebe: Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?
Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?
Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?
Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time!
Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
Rachel: Yeah!
Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!
Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!
Monica: The Luisa from home room!
Rachel: Yes!!
Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you.
Monica: No, none at all.
Rachel: None.
Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?
Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!
Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!
Rachel: What?!
Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?
Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. (Leaves)
Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.
[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]
Chandler: Marcel?
Joey: Marcel?
Chandler: Marcel?
Joey: Marcel?
(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you?
(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)
Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...
Joey: A monkey.
Chandler: Yes have you seen any?
Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators?
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?
Woman No. 1: Of course.
Joey: Oh. Then, no.
(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here?
(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)
Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She starts to shut the door)
Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.
Joey: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?
Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.
Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.
(The women quickly shut the door)
Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.
Joey: Marcel?
Chandler: Marcel?!
[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]
Phoebe: Marcel?
Monica: Marcel?
Phoebe: Marcel?
Both: Marcel?
Phoebe: Oh-my-God!
Monica: Whaaat!
Phoebe: Something just brushed up against my right leg!
Monica: What is it?
Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.
(Marcel makes a monkeyish noise. He is sitting in the corner)
Monica: Look, Phoebe!
Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!
(Luisa appears on the stairs)
Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)
Monica: What're you gonna do?
Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.
(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.)
Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
Monica: Oh gosh.
[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]
Ross: Marcel?
Rachel: Marcel?
Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.
Rachel: Ross, you don't know that.
Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.
Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Rachel: Ross.
Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...
Rachel: Ross.
Ross: Oh, forget it, okay?
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: What? What?
(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)
Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman!
(Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door. Ross is carrying the box of bananas. He bangs on the door)
Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
(Mr. Heckles opens the door)
Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?
Mr. Heckles: What about it?
Ross: Gimme back my monkey.
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?
Mr. Heckles: Potassium.
(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?
(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)
Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?
Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey.
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round)
Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)
Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Ross: Okay, gimme my monkey back.
Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey.
Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever.
Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.
Luisa: No!
Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!
Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!
Luisa: Nope.
Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]
Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.
Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.
Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?
Rachel: That'd be good.
Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...
(Barry bursts in)
Barry: Rachel.
Rachel: Barry?!
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.
Ross and Rachel: Oh!
Ross: We have got to start locking that door!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]
Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?
Phoebe: Nope.
Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.
Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.
Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite time.
Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!
End

119 猴子被送走

我刚看过了
我们有伯爵茶，英式早餐茶
肉桂茶，菊花茶薄荷茶，黑莓茶
还有，让我想一下，哦…柠檬派
你不是那个要喝茶的人对吧?
瑞秋，你有信
谢谢
酷，免费试喝的咖啡
太好了
因为在哪儿还有免费的咖啡?
太好了
那是什么?
乡村俱乐部的每日公报
我妈寄来通知有人要订婚了
噢,我的天!
是巴瑞和明蒂
巴瑞，你几乎...
巴瑞，我几乎...
明蒂，你的伴娘
明蒂，我的伴娘
我看看
那是明蒂?真漂亮
她真幸运…
有你这样的朋友
马修，拿饭给我，快…
真乖，谢谢
他终于能分辨”拿来”
和”尿在”的差别了
瑞秋,怎么啦?
抱歉，我真是太笨了
是我不要巴瑞的
我应该为他们高兴
我真为他们高兴
真的?
不
如果我和别人在一起就不同了
你不是说要忘了那段感情
不再和男人在一起
厌恶男人吗?
我不知道
我想这不是没有男人的问题
而是合适男人的问题
和巴瑞在一起安全自在
没有激情
和保罗在一起就充满激情
如野兽般原始的性爱
好了，我懂，
我看过你们两个在一起的样子
你认为我能两者同时拥有吗?
找到一个能当知己
又能让我感受到激情的人?
是呀,我也这么认为.
其实说来好笑
时常你认为无法让你感受到激情的人
却是…
被打断了
电影如何?
很不错
很不错
逊毙了
根本是小妞们看的嘛
真遗撼这不是熗林弹雨
公车速度奇快的那种电影
暴力并不能吸引我
只要有裸体镜头我就满足了
那电影也有裸体镜头
我是指女生的裸体镜头
我不爱看卢葛兰的春宫
休葛兰
我得走了
走吧，马修，快
我们去洗澡
对不对?
对
他们只是朋友吗?
明天见
对，你明天要到瑞秋阿姨家
等等，摩阿姨能说句话吗?
摩阿姨请说
别紧张了，你不会在这儿的
我无法相信我们竟在讨论此事
我同意，我也无法相信
你不认为
如果你和瑞秋会爱情产生的话
还会一直拖到现在吗?
告诉你，她说她在寻找像我这样的人
她真的这样说?
”像我这样”是我自己加的
她说她在寻找某人
而此人今晚就会出现
今天晚上?
这样最好不过了
因为只有我们两个
她整天都在照顾我的猴子
我早已忘记哪个女人照顾过我的猴子
总之下班后我要去买瓶酒
去向她”示爱”
知道你该怎么做吗?
带她回到用”示爱”的十九世纪去
如果你继续这样
我发誓这星期内
你就可以和这个浑蛋结束
围羽毛围巾的是法博土
她曾是个男人
出现了蕾文
我们讨厌她
真高兴她就快死了
什么?
马修，想玩摩妮卡的鞋吗?
你不能玩…
马修，你在鞋里大便?
天啊，坏猴子
抱歉，巴瑞，订婚礼物
我相信你没登记
谁死了?
翻过去
不是崔斯勒马修?
因为…马修…
你怎会把它弄丢了呢?天晓得
我正在看电视
它在摩妮卡的鞋内大便
它在我的鞋里大便?
我不知道，左脚
哪一双?
搭配什么都好看的阿米许鞋
为何一片愁云惨雾?
瑞秋把马修弄丢了
不会吧，怎么丢的?
它在我鞋里大便
哪个?
我常穿的那只黑鞋
是哪一只?左脚还右脚?
因为左脚是幸运鞋
大家快想办法
我们该怎么办?
有了，如果你是只猴子
迷失在大城市时
你会去哪儿?
这是它第一次出门
所以大概和一般游客一样
我去百老汇找.
你去俄罗斯茶坊.
别再闹了
他马上就会回家
他不会饶过我的
我们从这栋公寓开始找起
你们找一楼和二楼
菲此和我找三楼和四楼
我该怎么办?
你留在家里等电话
在我鞋内啧芳香剂
顺便等罗斯回来杀你
有人要交换吗?
干嘛?
哈先生
我们朋友遗失了一只猴子
你有看见吗?
我放了威化饼在这儿
是不是你拿了?
不!
你怎会放威化饼在走廊?
我还不想吃
你有看见猴子吗?
我见到过一次”理吉斯菲邦”（著名电视节目主持人）
谢谢你，哈先生
你们欠我威化饼
他是一只白脸的黑卷尾猴
加俄国酱外加腌黄瓜
好，谢谢
今天过得如何?很好啊
很好啊
真的很不错.那是酒吗?
是的,想喝吗?
可是我们别在这儿喝
我感觉有点疯狂
我们去纽华克好吗?
什么?
当然可以去
前往这东北犯罪首府
我有些话想说
我们曾谈过感情的问题
罗斯，我受不了了
你回绝得倒是很快嘛
好吧，罗斯，别恨我
到底是什么?
马修它…
我把它…弄丢了
我真不敢相信
我只是麻烦你别让它跑出去
我知道，对不起
不，我该负一半的责任
我不该叫你照顾猴子
应该叫你照顾笔才对
罗斯，我已尽最大的努力
我已叫大家分头去找
是谁?
动物控制中心.
瞧，我甚至打给动物控制中心
你打给动物控制中心?
怎么了?你不喜欢他们?
马修是非法的外来动物
我是非法饲养
万一被他们找到他们就会带走它
你从来就没有告诉大家
没错，因为我没想到你会请他们来
谢谢你来
有人遗失猴子?
对，这是个误会
我以为我们有养猴子
但是我们没有
结果是帽子
猫
猫
猫，我刚说什么?
我们问过三楼和四楼
没人看见马修
我叔叔马修
那猴子是以你叔叔命名?
你知道持有非法外来动物
可判刑两年并没收动物?
天啊，你要把猴子关进监牢?
菲比，你记得如何先对自己小声说吗?
记得，但总不是时候.
我相信我们能以友善的处理方式
请坐
首先，我们还没自己介绍
我叫摩妮卡
天啊，你是莫尼卡
还有，你是瑞秋对吗?
露莎，林肯高中
我坐在你们后面
露莎
摩妮卡，是露莎
是在后面那个?
没错.
你们根本不知道我是谁对不?
不,一点也不.
或许你们那四年
都在当我不存在
难道说”早安，露莎”
或”好漂亮的连身裤”有那么困难吗?
对不起
我不怪你，你当时很胖
你有自己的烦恼
可是你实在是个贱货
什么?
别计较了
你真认为你能帮我们找猴子?
看在过去的份上?
帮我们找
我可以，我不
找到猴子后
它就是我的了
抱歉
马修?
马修?
需要帮忙吗?
我们有急事
我们在找东西
猴子
对，你有看见吗?
我没看见猴子
你知道如何修理散热器吗?
当然你试过将转钮转回去吗?
当然
那我就不知道了
试试这个是不是加太多兰姆酒了?
等等，希望你们能找到猴子
不，等等
我们对散热器或许不太懂
我们可是冷暖环境的专家
我们不是正在忙吗?
对，她们很热而且需要帮助
而且很火辣
我们不行
抱歉你们不知道
我们有多抱歉
我们答应人家要找猴子
如果你们看见它
它约这么高，名叫马修
如果能拥有你们的照片
就算是帮了大忙
从现在起不准你和其他人讲话
马修?
马修?
马修?
马修?
噢,我的天
有东西碰到我的右脚
是什么?
没什么，是我的左脚
看，菲此
马修，过来…
站过去，两位小姐
你要干什么?
打镇定剂
快跑,马修,快跑!
你还好吧?
还行.哦
马修…这简直是太荒谬了
我们到处都找遍了
它不见了，就这么消失了
罗斯，还不一定
拜托，天气好冷天又黑
它根本不认识路
现在我的脚又受伤了
猴子换来受伤的脚
真的感谢你
罗斯，我已向你道歉过无数次
你到底要我怎么样?
你到底想怎样?你也要我的脚受伤?
瞧，高兴了吧
对，你踢完路标后
我突然不再想念马修了
我真的不是故意的
当然，这是典型的瑞秋
这种事常发生在你身上
你活在自己的世界中
完全无视于别人的猴子
或是别人的感觉…
罗斯
我不想听
罗斯
罗斯
搬香蕉的
这下可好
一边的屁股在睡觉
另一边却毫无所知
你有订香蕉吗?
那是干吗的?
还我的猴子.
我没猴子
干嘛买一箱香蕉?补充钾
马修?它在哪儿?
马修?它在哪儿?
马修
你对它怎么了?
这是我的猴子，它叫佩蒂
你疯了不成
过来，马修…
过来，佩蒂
猴子过来…
总算逮到你了
把我的猴子还给我
那是我的猴子
你们到法官面前去争吧
那不是我的猴子
只有衣服是我的
随时可以送回来
我要我的猴子
露莎，拜托抱歉了，舞会皇后
你高中时干嘛那么贱
为何不当个胖妹?
在学校我是舞会皇后
返校皇后和班代
你也在场
如果你把猴子带走
我将失去我生命中重要的人
你可以恨我
请别折磨他
此时你有机会成为大人物
把握机会吧
不
那么我只好告诉你的长官
你在我朋友的屁股上开了一熗
终于能脱去这件衣服
或是这样也不错
配上鞋就是完整的一套
抱歉，我对你这么凶
不，这都是我的错
我差点…
不，它也是你找回来的
你做得很好
那瓶酒还在
有心情喝杯葡萄酒吗?
好呀.
很好
隔壁一定在用吸尘器
只要我们在这儿不谈那个话题
我在想我们刚刚实在是恶言相向
大概是因为我们…
瑞秋
我办不到
我无法和明蒂结婚
我想我爱的人依然是你
我们得开始锁门了
这是演”真善美”的我
看见范崔普的孩子吗?没有
因为我挡在他们前面
我以为那是阿尔卑斯山
我的高中时代并不如意
我爱高中,知道吗?
那只是.
四年的舞会，约会和做爱
是吗?
我上住宿的学校和四百个男孩子
每次做爱都是一次生活方式的重大抉择
天啊，那不是回到史前时代?
我的屁股醒了

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