《老友记》Friends【中英对照】【5.16连载105L】_派派后花园

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 40楼发表于: 2014-03-15 0

216 One Where Joey Moves Out

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the bar, in their bathrobes, eating cereal]
JOEY: Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
CHANDLER: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years.
[Joey finishes his cereal, licks his spoon, and puts it back in the silverware drawer.]
CHANDLER: Waaa-aaah.
JOEY: What?
CHANDLER: The spoon. You licked and-and you put. You licked and you put.
JOEY: Yeah, so.
CHANDLER: Well don't you see how gross that is? I mean that's like you using my toothbrush. [Joey gets a sheepish look] You used my toothbrush?
JOEY: Well, that was only 'cause I used the red one to unclog the drain.
CHANDLER: Mine is the red one! Oh God. Can open, worms everywhere.
JOEY: Hey, why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?
CHANDLER: Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
JOEY: Alright, well next time you take a shower, think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting at the table, Joey and Chandler enter.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
MONICA and PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
PHOEBE: Ooh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
JOEY: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's havin' a brunch.
PHOEBE: Ahh.
RACHEL: [enters from her room] OK, ready when you are.
PHOEBE: Okey-doke.
MONICA: I can't believe you guys are actually getting tattoos.
CHANDLER: Excuse me, you guys are getting tattoos?
RACHEL: Yes, but you can not tell Ross 'cause I want to surprise him.
JOEY: Wow, this is wild. What're you gonna get?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm getting a lily for my Mom. 'Cause her name's Lily.
CHANDLER: Wow, that's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
JOEY: So where you gettin' it?
PHOEBE: I think on my shoulder. [Ross enters]
ROSS: What? What's on your shoulder?
PHOEBE: Um, a chip. A tattoo, I'm getting a tattoo.
ROSS: A tattoo? Why, why would you want to do that? [to Rachel] Hi.
RACHEL: Hi. Well hey, you don't - you don't think they're kind of cool?
ROSS: No, sorry I don't. Tell me why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right Phoebe? Then it's like, I don't know, havin' a bad hair cut all the time. Why's everyone staring at me?
MONICA: Ross, come sign this birthday card for dad. Rich is gonna be here any minute.
CHANDLER: Oooh, Rich is goin' to the party too, huh?
MONICA: Well, he's my parents' best friend, he has to be there.
JOEY: Oh, is today the day you're gonna tell them about you two?
MONICA: Yeah. It's my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
PHOEBE: No, I think you should tell them.
MONICA: No, I don't even know how serious he is about me. Until I do, I'm not telling them anything.
ROSS: I don't know, I don't think mom and dad would mind. Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, how dad used to say, 'God I hope they get together.'
[Scene: The Gellers' house. Monica, Ross, and Richard are arriving to Mr. Gellers birthday party.]
ROSS: Alright, shall we?
MONICA: OK, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Ross, let's - let's switch places. You get in the middle. No un-, ya know, unless this looks like we're trying to cover something up.
ROSS: Monica, Monica, you could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it. [opens door] We're here.
MRS. GELLER: Oh hi kids. Hi darling.
MONICA: Happy birthday dad.
MR. GELLER: Oh thank you.
ROSS: Hi ma.
RICHARD: Happy birthday.
MRS. GELLER: Well, you kids thank Dr. Burke for the ride?
ROSS: Uh, actually mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
[Scene: The Gellers' kitchen. Monica, Mrs. Geller and one of Mrs. Geller's friends are preparing the cake.]
FRIEND: Well, you kids take the train in?
MRS. GELLER: No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
FRIEND: Oh. Speaking of whom, I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city. [Monica sprays whipped cream all over the place]
MONICA: Finger cramp. Oh God, sorry. Here, let me get that mom.
MRS. GELLER: Sooo, Richard's shopping in the junior section.
MONICA: Are we still on that?
MRS. GELLER: We just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.
FRIEND: She's probably not even very pretty, just young enough so that everything is still pointing up. [Monica folds her arms over her breasts]
[Scene: Joey's co-star's apartment. Chandler and Joey are at the brunch.]
JOEY: Can you believe this place?
CHANDLER: I know, this is a great apartment.
JOEY: Ah, I was just in the bathroom, and there's mirrors on both sides of you. So when you're in there it's like you're peein' with the Rockettes.
CHANDLER: Wow, there's my fantasy come true. No, seriously.
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Hey.
JOEY: Hey! We were just sayin', great apartment man.
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Thanks. You want it?
JOEY: Huh?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Yeah, I'm movin' to a bigger place. You should definitely take this one.
JOEY: Yeah, can you see me in a place like this?
JOEY'S CO-STAR: Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? C'mon I'll show you the kitchen.
CHANDLER: [being left behind] Oh that's all right fellas, I saw a kitchen this morning - on TV. Stop talking. OK.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's party. Mr. Geller and a friend are questioning Richard while Ross observes.]
MR. GELLER: C'mon, tell us.
FRIEND: Yeah, is she really 20.
RICHARD: I am not telling you guys anything.
MR. GELLER: C'mon Rich, it's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
ROSS: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
MR. GELLER: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
RICHARD: Jack, would you let it go?
MR. GELLER: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got the Porsche. You... you got your own little speedster.
RICHARD: Guys. Seriously, it is not like that.
MR. GELLER: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I cou. . .
ROSS: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
MR. GELLER: What? I'm kidding. You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Phoebe and Rachel are deciding on tattoos.]
PHOEBE: OK Rach, which, which lily? This lily or that lily?
RACHEL: Well I. . .
PHOEBE: I like this lily. It's more open, ya know, and that's like my mom. She had a more open, giving spirit. Ooh, Foghorn Leghorn, ooh.
TATTOO ARTIST: Alright, blonde girl, you're in room two, not so blonde girl, you're with me.
PHOEBE: Here we go.
RACHEL: [reluctantly] Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: You're not going?
RACHEL: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: What? Is it - is this 'cause of what Ross said?
RACHEL: No. Well, yeah, maybe.
PHOEBE: I don't believe this. Is this how this relationship's gonna work? Ross equals boss. I mean, c'mon what is this, 1922?
RACHEL: What's 1922?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, long time ago. Well, when men used to tell women what to do - a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing but is sounds horrible. Do you want to get this tattoo?
RACHEL: Yes I do, it's just that Ross is. . .
PHOEBE: OK, hey, HEY. Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
RACHEL: No.
PHOEBE: OK, who is the boss of you?!!
RACHEL: You?
PHOEBE: No. You are the boss of you. Now you march your heinie in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip. GO!!
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica is in the bathroom and Richard comes in.]
RICHARD: How ya doin'?
MONICA: I'm a twinkie.
RICHARD: Really? I'm a hero.
MONICA: Oh, this is so hard.
RICHARD: Yeah, I know. I hate it too. Look, maybe we should just tell them.
MONICA: Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
RICHARD: My parents are dead.
MONICA: God, you are so lucky. I mean, I mean. . . you know what I mean.
RICHARD: I know, I know. Just hang in there, OK. OK, I'll go out first, alright.
MONICA: Alright.
RICHARD: [walks out of the bathroom and runs into Mrs. Geller who is going to the bathroom] Judy, going to the bathroom, good for you.
MRS. GELLER: Thank you Richard, I appreciate the support.
[Monica jumps in the shower. Right after Mrs. Geller enters the bathroom, Mr. Geller peeks his head in.]
MR. GELLER: Honey. Honey, have you seen my Harmon Kilerbrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
MRS. GELLER: I have no idea. Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
MR. GELLER: I know. He's like a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
MRS. GELLER: I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
MR. GELLER: Apparently, he told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl. In fact, he told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
MRS. GELLER: Really.
MR. GELLER: I tell you, I've never seen him this happy.
MRS. GELLER: So Jack, you ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
MR. GELLER: Of course not. With you it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
MRS. GELLER: [they start kissing] Oh Jack stop.
MR. GELLER: C'mon, it's my birthday.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are returning from their brunch.]
JOEY: Can we drop this? I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
CHANDLER: Oh please, I saw the way you were checking out his mouldings. You want it.
JOEY: Why would I want another apartment, huh? I've already got an apartment that I love.
CHANDLER: Well it wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
JOEY: Alright, you want the truth? I'm thinkin' about it.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: I'm sorry. I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
CHANDLER: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, OK? I can afford to live here by myself. Ya know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
JOEY: What're you gettin' so bent out of shape for, huh? It's not like we agreed to live together forever. We're not Bert and Ernie.
CHANDLER: Look, you know what? If this is the way you feel, then maybe you should take it.
JOEY: Well that's how I feel.
CHANDLER: Well then maybe you should take it.
JOEY: Well then maybe I will.
CHANDLER: Fine with me.
JOEY: Great. Then you'll be able to spend more quality time with your real friends, the spoons.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Mr. and Mrs. Geller enter looking particularly refreshed. Monica follows looking rather pale.]
MR. GELLER: Who's drink can I freshen?
MRS. GELLER: Almost time for cake.
ROSS: Mon, Mon, are you OK?
MONICA: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Well, I just caught the live show.
ROSS: Eww.
[Scene: Mr. Geller's birthday party. Monica and Richard are alone in the kitchen.]
MONICA: Hey there.
RICHARD: What?
MONICA: Nothing, I just heard something nice about you.
RICHARD: Humm, really?
[Mrs. Geller and Ross both enter]
MRS. GELLER: Richard. Richard. Your son isn't seeing anyone is he?
RICHARD: Uhh, not that I know of.
MRS. GELLER: Well, I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?
RICHARD: That - that's an idea.
MONICA: Well, actually, I'm already seeing someone.
MRS. GELLER: Oh?
RICHARD: Oh?
ROSS: Ohh.
MRS. GELLER: She never tells us anything. Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?
ROSS: Mom, there are so many people in my life. Some of them are seeing people and some of them aren't. Is that crystal?
MRS. GELLER: So, who's the mystery man?
MONICA: Well, uh, he's a doctor.
MRS. GELLER: A real doctor?
MONICA: No, a doctor of meat. Of course he's a real doctor. And he's handsome, and he's sweet, and know you'd like him. [she puts her arm around Richard]
MRS. GELLER: Well that's wonderful. . . I
MONICA: Mom, it's OK.
RICHARD: It is Judy.
MRS. GELLER: Jack. Could you come in here for a moment? NOW!
MR. GELLER: [enters with his bat] Found it.
ROSS: I'll take that dad. [grabs the bat]
MRS. GELLER: It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
MR. GELLER: That's impossible, he's got a twinkie in the city.
MONICA: Dad, I'm the twinkie.
MR. GELLER: You're the twinkie?
RICHARD: She's not a twinkie.
MONICA: Al-alright, l-look you guys, this is the best relationship I've been in. . .
MRS. GELLER: Oh please, a relationship.
MONICA: Yes, a relationship. For your information I am crazy about this man.
RICHARD: Really?
MONICA: Yes.
MR. GELLER: Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
MONICA: Dad, dad this is a good thing for me. Ya know, and you even said yourself, you've never seen Richard happier.
MR. GELLER: When did I say that?
MONICA: Upstairs in the bathroom right before you felt up mom.
[Everyone else enters and all start singing Happy Birthday.]
[Scene: Tattoo parlor. Rachel is showing Phoebe her tattoo.]
PHOEBE: Oh that looks so good, oh I love it.
RACHEL: I know, so do I. Oh Phoebe, I'm so glad you made me do this. OK, lemme se yours.
PHOEBE: Ahh. OK, let's see yours again.
RACHEL: Phoebe we just saw mine, let me see yours.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. [pulls over her shirt and shows a bare shoulder] Oh no, oh it's gone, that's so weird, I don't know how-where it went.
RACHEL: You didn't get it?
PHOEBE: No.
RACHEL: Why didn't you get it?
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
RACHEL: Phoebe, how would you do this to me? This was all your idea.
PHOEBE: I know, I know, and I was gonna get it but then he came in with this needle and uh, di-, did you know they do this with needles?
RACHEL: Really? You don't say, because mine was licked on by kittens.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is at the bar and Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey listen, I'm sorry about what happened. . .
CHANDLER: Yeah me too.
JOEY: I know. Yeah.
CHANDLER: Yeah. So do we need to hug here or. . .
JOEY: No, we're alright.
CHANDLER: So I got ya something. [tosses Joey a bag of plastic spoons]
JOEY: Plastic spoons. Great.
CHANDLER: Lick away my man.
JOEY: These'll go great in my new place. You know, 'till I get real ones.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: Well, I can't use these forever. I mean, let's face it, they're no friend to the environment.
CHANDLER: No-no, I mean what, what's this about your new place?
JOEY: I'm movin' out like we talked about.
CHANDLER: Well I didn't think that was serious. [grabs the spoons back] Ya know I thought that was just a fight.
JOEY: Well, it was a fight. . . based on serious stuff, remember. About how I never lived alone or anything. I just think it would be good for me, ya know, help me to grow or. . . whatever.
CHANDLER: Well, there you go.
JOEY: Hey, are you cool with this. I mean, I don't want to leave you high and dry.
CHANDLER: Hey, no, I've never been lower or wetter. I'll be fine. I'll just turn your, uh, bedroom into a game room or somethin', you know, put the foosball table in there.
JOEY: Woah. Why do you get to keep the table?
CHANDLER: I did pay for half of it.
JOEY: Yeah. And uh, I paid for the other half.
CHANDLER: Alright I'll tell you what, I'll play you for it.
JOEY: Alright, you're on. I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
CHANDLER: Your little men are gonna get scored on more times than your sister.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, woah. Which sister?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are setting the table.]
MONICA: So, are you sorry that I told them?
RICHARD: No, it's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
[Rachel and Phoebe enter]
RACHEL: Oh.
MONICA: Oh. Well did you get it? Let me see.
RACHEL: Is Ross here?
MONICA: No he went out to get pizza.
RACHEL: Oh really, OK. [shows Monica her tattoo]
MONICA: That's great.
RICHARD: Very tasteful.
PHOEBE: Wanna see mine, wanna see mine?
MONICA: Yes.
RACHEL: What? You didn't get one.
PHOEBE: OK, well then what is this? [shows her bare shoulder]
RICHARD: What're we looking at? That blue freckle?
PHOEBE: OK, that's my tattoo.
RACHEL: That is not a tattoo, that is a nothing. I finally got her back in the chair, bairly touched her with a needle, she jumped up screaming, and that was it.
PHOEBE: OK, hi. For your information this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the earth as seen from a great distance. It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
RACHEL: Oh, what a load of crap. That is a dot. Your mother is up in heaven going, 'Where the hell is my lily, you wuss?' OK, Phoebe, that is not a tattoo, this is a tattoo. [she bends over and bears her tattoo right when Ross returns]
ROSS: You got a tattoo?
RACHEL: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world.
ROSS: Lemme see. [looks]
RACHEL: Well?
ROSS: Well it's really. . . sexy. I wouldn't have thought it would be but. . . wow.
RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: Yeah, so uh, is it sore or can you do stuff?
RACHEL: I guess.
ROSS: Hey, save us some pizza. [they go off to Rachel's room]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing foosball for the table.]
JOEY: Get out of the corner. Pass it, pass it.
CHANDLER: Stop talkin' to your men. [Joey scores]
JOEY: Yes! And the table is mine.
CHANDLER: Congratulations. [Chandler leaves]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. The whole gang is helping Joey pack.]
JOEY: Hey, you guys are still gonna come visit me, right?
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, you got the big TV. We'll be over there all the time. . . [Chandler gives him a look] except when we are here.
PHOEBE: I know you're just moving uptown but I'm really gonna miss you.
MONICA: I know, how can you not be accross the hall anymore.
RACHEL: Yeah, who's gonna eat all our food, and tie up our phone lines, and - is that my bra? What the hell you doin' with my bra?
JOEY: Oh no-no, it's uh, it's not what you think. We uh, we used it to, you know, fling water balloons off the roof. Remember that, those junior high kids couldn't even get theirs accross the street.
CHANDLER: [quietly] Yeah, I remember.
ROSS: Hey, let's bring the rest of these down to the truck.
[Everyone except Joey and Chandler leave.]
CHANDLER: So, uhh, em, you want me to uh, give you a hand with the foosball table?
JOEY: Naa, you keep it, you need the practice.
CHANDLER: Thanks.
JOEY: So, I guess this is it.
CHANDLER: Yeah, right, yeah, I guess so.
[Joey walks to the door. He stops, turns around.]

JOEY: Listen, uh, I don't know when I'm gonna see you again.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing uh, tonight at the coffee house.
JOEY: Right, yeah. OK. Um, take care.
CHANDLER: Yeah.
[Joey walks out and after a few seconds comes back in and gives Chandler a big hug. He then leaves for good and Chandler is left alone in his apartment.]
CLOSING CREDITS
END

216 乔伊搬走了

老兄，这好畸形哦
你知不知道脆脆上尉的眉毛长在帽子上?
那叫畸型?
乔伊，那家伙当了四十年早餐片的上尉
怎样?
汤匙，你舔完放回去
你舔完放回去
所以呢?
你看不出那很呕心吗?那就像你用我的牙刷一样
你用我的牙刷?
那是因为我用红的那只去通排水孔嘛
红色是我的
发就不可收拾了
为什么牙刷不能共用…
…肥皂就可以共用?
因为肥皂是肥皂，会自我清洁
好吧，下一次你洗澡的时候…
…想想我什么最后洗跟你什么最先洗
瞧你们打扮的
有什么大事?
知道我节目里那个演昏迷不醒的?
他要请我吃饭
就等你了，好的
真不敢相信你们真的要去刺青了
你们要去刺青?
对，不能告诉罗斯我要给他一个惊喜
好狂野哦，你们要刺什么?
我要刺一朵百合
因为我妈就叫百合
真幸运她要是叫大污点怎么办?
那你们要刺哪里?我想在我眉上
什么?
什么在你眉上?
重担
是刺青，我要去刺青啦刺青?
你为什么要那么做?
你不觉得那酷吗?
不，抱歉，我不觉得
怎么会有人花钱去搞个一辈子的伤痕?
万一要是刺得不好呢?
那不是变成永远在”我头发剪丑了”吗?
大家为什么都瞪着我?
罗斯，过来签给爸的生日卡理查随时会到
理查也要去参加派对?
他是我父母最好的朋友他必须去
那你打算今天告诉他们你们的事吗?
对，我爸的生日我决定送他中风
不，你应该告诉他们
我还不知道他对我有多认真在搞清楚之前，我什么也不说
我不知道，我想他们不会介意
记得你九岁理查三十岁的时，爸常说…
…”天啊真希望他们在一起”
好了，进去吧
雷
你知道吗?
罗斯，我们换位置你来站中间
不，这看起来像我们想隐瞒什么
摩妮卡，就算你骑着他进去他们也不会相信的
我们来了
孩子们，是孩子们
生日快乐，爸爸谢谢
生日快乐
你们谢过柏大夫载你们来了吗?
妈，事实上摩妮卡帮我们两个谢过了
你们搭火车来吗?
不，柏理查载他们来的
谈到他呀...
…听说他在城里有个二十岁的幼齿
手指抽筋，抱歉
来，让我来，妈
理查在青少年部”购物”
还在讲那个吗?
想也知道她的智商一定超低
说不定连漂亮都谈不上
只是够年轻所以一切都还没下垂
你相信这个地方吗?
我知道，这个公寓很棒
我刚去过浴室两边墙上都有镜子
尿尿的时候就好像有一排人在排排尿
我的梦想实现了
不，说真的
我们正在赞美你的公寓，老兄
谢了，你要吗?
我要搬去一个更大的
你真的应该租下来
你看我会住这种地方吗?
有何不可呢?你讨厌公园景观跟高天花板吗?
来吧，我带你去看厨房
不用了，兄弟我今早在电视上…
…看过一个厨房
不要再说了
来嘛，告诉我们对，她真只有二十?
你们休想这我说什么
来嘛，理查，今天是我生E让我过一下干瘾嘛
爸，你真的不会想那样做
跟朋友分享一下你的中年危机嘛
杰克，你别说了，好吗?
我了解你在做什么我五十时买了部保时捷
你有自己的小”加速器”
各位，说真的，不是像那样这样吧
或许找个周末我车子借你，你的小…
爸，我求你不要说完那个句子
怎么?我在逗他
我才不会让他碰我的保时捷
阿秋
哪一朵百合?这一朵或那一朵?
我喜欢这朵
开得比较大，就像我妈
她有比较开放给子的精神
雾号麦杆
金发的，你去第二间
没那么金的，你跟我来
走吧
你不进去?
怎么了?是因为罗斯的话吗?
是啦，或许我真不敢相信
你们的关系这样维持吗?罗斯是老板?
少来了现在是1922年吗?
1922年有什么?
只是很久以前嘛
当时是女人很多事得听男人的时代
然后还有投票权那是件好事，佁
你到底要不要刺?
我要啊，只是罗斯他…
你男友是你的老板吗?
那好，谁是你的老板?
你?
不，你是你的老板
你现在给我进去把那颗红心刺上去
去
你怎么了?
我是个幼齿
真的?我是英雄
这好难哦
是呀，我知道，我也讨厌这样
听着，或许我们应该说出来
或许我们应该先告诉你父母
我父母死了
你真幸运
不，我是说，你懂我意思
忍耐一下，好吗?
我先出去，好吗?
芙蒂，上洗手间呀，有你的
谢谢，理查，很感激你的支持
蜜糖
你有没有看到我的奇哈蒙球棒老鲍不相信我有
我不知道
你知道理查在城里有个幼齿吗?
我知道，他像个全新的男人好像进了”魔茧”一样
我怎么也无法幻想理查和小笨妹在一起
显然他告诉沙强尼那个女孩不错
事实上，他告诉强尼他想他爱上她了
真的?告诉你，我没见他这么快乐过
杰克...
…你有没有想过拿我去换个年轻小妞儿?
当然没有
你不就等于两个二五佳人?
杰克，住手
来嘛
今天是我生日
别说了，好吗?
我对那家伙的公寓没兴趣
拜托，我看到你检查他房子装饰的样子
你想要
我干嘛要另外一个房子?
我已经有个我爱的房子了
是嘛，偶尔这样说说又不会死
好吧，想听实话吗?我的确在考虑
什么？抱歉
我今年28了从没自己住过…
…而我终于赚到足够的钱…
…可以让我不再需要室友
我也不需要室友啊
自己住这里我也负担得起
我或许一个礼拜得请一次人来舔我的餐具
你老兄火气干嘛那么大
我们又没说要永远住在一起
我们又不是连体婴
知道吗?
如果你这样觉得…
…那或许你应该搬去
我是那样觉得那或许你应该搬去
那或许我会
那好，很好
你就有多点时间跟你真正的朋友混…
…你的汤匙
谁还要加点饮料?
快要切蛋糕了
摩妮卡?你还好吗?
记得我发现爸妈的那卷录影带吗?
我刚看了现场秀
我刚看了现场秀
没什么我刚听到你的好话
真的？
你儿子现在没女朋友吧?据我所知，没有
我是在想…他何不打个电话给摩妮卡?
那…是个主意
事实上，我已经有男友了
是吗?
这孩子什么事都不讲
罗斯你知道摩妮卡有男友了吗?
妈，我周遭有好多好多人
有些人有男朋友，有些人没有
那是水晶的吗?
那个神秘男子是谁?
他是个医生
真正的医生?
不，他是研究肉的
他当然是真的医生
他很英俊
人很好我知道你会喜欢他
那太棒了
妈，没关系
没错，芙蒂
杰克
请你进来一下，好吗?
现在
现在
你女儿跟理查看来似乎是一对
那不可能，他在城里有个幼齿
爸，我是那个幼齿
你是那个幼齿?她不是个幼齿
好吧，听着，各位这是我有过最棒的关系…
拜托，关系?
对，关系
你们请听好我为这个男人疯狂
真的？
我生日还要站在这里听你说这些鬼话吗?
这是件好事，你自己也说你没见理查那么快乐过
我何时说的?
楼上的浴室啊，你摸妈之前
祝你生日快乐
祝你生日快乐
祝你生日快乐，杰克
祝你生日快乐
好漂亮哦，我好喜欢
我知道，我也是菲此，我好高兴你这我刺
让我看你的
再瞧瞧你的
菲此，我的才刚看过让我看你的
不...
不见了，好古怪哦
不知道去哪里了
你没刺?
你为什么没刺?
对不起…
菲此，你怎么可以这样对我?这全是你的主意
我知道…我本来是要刺的可是他拿着针走进来
你知道他们是用针刺的吗?
真的?真的吗?
因为我的是猫舔上去的
听着，今天的事我很抱歉…
我也是我知道
我们需要抱一下吗?
不，没关系
我有东西送你
塑胶汤匙
太棒了，舔吧，老兄
这在我的新家会很好用先应付应付
什么?
我不能永远用塑胶汤匙这不环保
不…我是说…你说什么新家?
我要搬出去，像我们谈过的
我不知道你是认真的
我以为我们只是在吵架
我们是在吵架
…有根有据的，记得吗?
关于我从没一个人住过
我只是想，这对我有好处帮我成长…
…之类的
那就是了
这你没问题吧?
我不想让你觉得被遗弃了
不，我也不会觉得更愉快的
我不要紧的我就把你的房间…
…改成游戏室之类的好了
把足球桌放在里面
那桌子为什么该归你?
我付了一半的钱
对，我付了另一半
这样吧，谁赢谁的
好呀，没问题
我可以抽出时间来痛宰你一顿
我得的分会此你妹被上过的次数还多
哪一个妹妹?
你后悔我告诉他们吗?
不，我跟你爸好久没去跑步了
你们刺了吗?给我看
罗斯在吗?不在，他去买披萨
下就好
好漂亮
很有品味
要看我的吗?…
什么?你又没刺
那这是什么?
我们在看什么?
那颗蓝雀斑?
那是我的刺青
那不是刺青，那什么也不是
我终于这她回去再刺…
…针根本都还没碰到她她就跳起来尖叫逃走
嗨
这正是我想要听到的
这是个从很远的地方看到的地球
我妈从天堂看到我就是这样的
真是狗屁一堆
那是一个点
你妈正在天堂上大叫”我的百合在哪里?狗熊”
菲此，那不是个刺青这才是个刺青
你去刺青了?
或许
只是个小的啦菲此刺了全世界
让我看看
怎样?
怎样?
性感
我没想到会这样，但
...哇
真的？
对，所以会酸痛吗?你可以活动吗?
可以吧
留些披萨给我们
别窝在角落
传球...
别跟你的人讲话
帅，桌子是我的了
恭喜了
你们还是会来看我，对吧?
会呀，你有大荧幕电视
我们会常常去的
除了在这里时
我知道你只是往北搬我还是会很想你的
你怎会不再是我的对门芳邻了?
是呀，谁来吃光我们的东西占用我们的电话…
那是我的胸罩吗?
你拿我的胸罩去干嘛?不…你想歪了
我们用那个来在屋顶上弹水球
记得吗?那些初中生连弹到对面都办不到
是呀，我记得
口引门把剩下的搬上卡车
你要我…
…帮你搬这个足球桌下去吗?
不了，你留着，你需要练习
谢了
所以...
…我猜就这样了
是呀，对
大概吧
我不知道我们何时会再见?
我猜今晚在咖啡馆?
对呀
保重了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 41楼发表于: 2014-03-16 0

217 The One Where Eddie Moves In

[Scene: Joey's new apartment. Everyone but Chandler is there. Joey has decorated the place with tons of tacky stuff.]
JOEY: Huh? So whaddya think? Casa de Joey. Huh? I decorated it myself.
ROSS: Get out.
ALL: No.
MONICA: [looking at some kind of glass sculpture thing] Wow Joey, this is, uhh...
JOEY: Art.
MONICA: Art it is.
ROSS: [looking at a glass table with a panther shaped base] Look, check this out. Is it a coffee table, is it a panther? There's no need to decide.
RACHEL: [holding a pillow made out of 4 inch red fur] Hey, nice pillow. So now tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
PHOEBE: [looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it] Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
JOEY: Thanks, yeah. I love this but ya know what, it makes me wanna pee.
PHOEBE: Yeah, well me too, yeah. I think that's the challenge.
JOEY: Hey, how come, uhh, Chandler didn't come?
ROSS: Well uh, it's cause he had a thing with, wi-, with the thing.
JOEY: Right, I go-, I got it.
PHOEBE: So why don't ya show us the rest of your casa?
JOEY: Yeah. Uh, oh, OH, the best part, c'mon. [leads them to the bathroom, gestures towards toilet, everyone stares, uncomprehending] Heh?
RACHEL: Hey, nice toilet.
JOEY: No no no, behind it.
ROSS: Wha-, you have a phone in here?
JOEY: That's right, I have a phone in here.
MONICA: Joey, promise me something.
JOEY: Yeah.
MONICA: Never call me from that phone.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Ross are seated. Rachel is walking over with coffee and a piece of pie.]
[Someone bumps into Rachel and she drops the pie in a guy's hood that's seated at the table. She improvises by using the plate as a saucer for the coffee.]
RACHEL: OK, here we go. Honey, I'm sorry, they were all out of apple pie, someone just got the last piece.
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
CHANDLER: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
PHOEBE: Anyway, OK, now promise you won't like, freak out and say how great this is until I'm done, OK.
ALL: OK.
PHOEBE: OK. I just met this producer of this like, teeny record company, who said that I have a very fresh, offbeat sound and she wants to do a demo of Smelly Cat.
ALL: [congradulating her and celebrating]
PHOEBE: I told you not to do that yet. And, she wants to do a video.
ALL: [celebrating more]
PHOEBE: I'm not done yet, OK. God. OK, if that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
[everyone is quiet, unsure if she's done or not]
PHOEBE: I'm done now.
ALL: [celebrating]
[the guy with the pie in his hood get up to leave]
RACHEL: Oh God. Ross, OK, if you care about me at all, you will get the pie out of the man's hood.
ROSS: Get the what?
RACHEL: Pie in the hood, pie in the hood. Go.
[Ross goes over behind the guy and grabs the pie out of his hood as he leaves]
GUY: What're you doing?
ROSS: I'm sorry, my pie was, was in your hood. Now I just have to get the coffee out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7. [swats at an imaginary insect by his head, guy leaves promptly]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is outside the bathroom yelling at Ross who's in the bathroom.]
MONICA: Damnit Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom.
ROSS: Calm down, I'm blow drying.
[Rachel enters with laundry and starts folding]
MONICA: Blow drying what, you have no hair.
RACHEL: What's goin' on?
MONICA: Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour. I can't believe it, it's like I'm living with him again. He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up, he's here when I want to use the shower, ughh. It's like I'm sixteen all over again .
RACHEL: Well, you're not sixteen, you're both adults now.
MONICA: GET OUT YOU DUFUS!!
RACHEL: Or ya know, he's rubber and you're glue.
ROSS: [comes out] All yours.
MONICA: I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
ROSS: [in a childish voice] I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
MONICA: Shut up.
ROSS: [childish voice] Shut up.
MONICA: Cut it out.
ROSS: [childish voice] Mi-mi-mii.
[Monica goes in the bathroom]
RACHEL: [sarcastically] I've never wanted you more.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar wearing huge dog-slippers]
CHANDLER: So, whaddya say boys, should I call him? [squeezes the ear of one of the slippers and it barks] Well, ya know what they say. Ask your slippers a question... you're going crazy.
[Joey's apartment, phone rings]
JOEY: Hello.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey!
CHANDLER: Listen, I'm, I'm sorry I didn't make it over there today.
JOEY: Oh, that's OK. You uh, you had a thing.
CHANDLER: Yeah well, I hear the place looks great.
JOEY: Ahh, forget about it, I'm havin' a ball. How's the apartment doin'
CHANDLER: Oh hey, it's, it's terriffic. I mean it's a regular space... fest.
JOEY: Oh, well great.
CHANDLER: Yeah I just... wanted to call and say hey.
JOEY: Well OK then. [oven timer goes off behind Chandler] Was that the oven timer?
CHANDLER: That's right my friend. It's time for...
BOTH: Baywatch!! [both turn on TV's]
JOEY: Oh, can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
CHANDLER: I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant.
JOEY: Naa, you're just sayin' that 'cause you're in love with Yasmine Blepe.
CHANDLER: Well, how could anyone not be in love with Yasmine Blepe?
JOEY: Hey, hey, they're runnin'
CHANDLER: See, this is the brilliance of the show. I say always keep them running. All the time, running. Run. Run Yasmine, run like the wind.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey is sitting between Monica and Phoebe.]
MONICA: But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
JOEY: I did. I thought it'd be great. I figured I'd have like, time alone with my thoughts but, ya know, it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
PHOEBE: Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
JOEY: You really think he'd take me? I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night but, when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
MONICA: I promise you, he would definitely want you back.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting between Rachel and Ross.]
ROSS: I'm telling you, there's no way he's moving back.
CHANDLER: But we had one of the greatest talks we ever had last night. I mean it was, it was like when we first started living together.
ROSS: Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now but, we've seen him in his new place, alright. And he's happy, he's, he's decorated.
RACHEL: Look, Chandler, he has moved on, OK, you have to too.
CHANDLER: But...
ROSS: No. You're just gonna have to accept the fact that you're just friends now, OK, you're not... rommmates anymore.
[Scene: Recording studio. Phoebe is getting ready to record Smelly Cat.]
PRODUCER: OK Phoebe, you ready to try one?
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers start singing smelly, smelly, smelly, smelly behind her] Oh woah, oh my God. I mean like, who was that?
PRODUCER:They're your backup singers... beind you.
PHOEBE: OH!! Oh I thought they were just watching me. You know, like at, like at an aquarium, ya know.
PRODUCER: Alrighty. From the top.
PHOEBE: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
PRODUCER: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
PHOEBE: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Ross is on the phone.]
ROSS: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the Flintstones. Yeah, yeah. [Monica comes out of her room] Oh, were you takin' a nap?
MONICA: I was.
ROSS: Oh I-, Oh wait, Tony can you hang on? That's the other line. [gets the other line] Hello. Oh yeah she's here but uh, can she call you back? OK thanks. [hangs up the other line] Call Joanna. [back on with Tony] Hi.
MONICA: Did she leave a number?
ROSS: Did you see me write one down?
MONICA: I don't have her number, butt-munch.
ROSS: Well, she'll call back, don't be such a baby.
MONICA: I'm not a baby, you're the baby.
ROSS: Look, you wanna get off my back?
MONICA: You wanna get out of my face?
ROSS: Wait hold on Tony, hold on. [answers second line] Hello. Hi, yeah no, she's right here. Um hold on. [gets first line] Hi Tony, can I call you back? That's uh, that's my sister's boyfriend.
MONICA: Give me that.
ROSS: OK.
MONICA: Hi sweetie, look before I forget, did I leave my diaphram at your place? Hi mom. [she starts throwing oranges at Ross who's looking pleased with himself]
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is sitting on the bar, bouncing a ball against the door. Joey walks in right as he throws the ball and catches it.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: So uhh, how's the palace?
JOEY: You know it's funny you should mention that 'cause I was thinkin'... what's with the boxes?
CHANDLER: Oh, uhh, actually I uh, have some news.
EDDIE: Hey Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself. Joey, this is my new roommate Eddie.
EDDIE: Nice to meet ya.
JOEY: Likewise. Uh, I'll take that. [grabs moose hat] It's what I came for. So, this is new. Where'd you two meet?
EDDIE: At the uh, supermarket, in the uh, ethnic food section. I helped him pick out a chorizo.
JOEY: Wow.
CHANDLER: Well you know, we got to talking and uh, he said he needed a place and I had a spare room.
JOEY: Oh, now it's a spare room?
CHANDLER: Well yeah, in that it's not being used and I... have it to spare.
JOEY: Well I uh, got what I came for. [puts on moose hat] I'll uh, I'll see you guys.
CHANDLER: Hey Jo. When'd you start usin' mousse in your hair?
EDDIE: [annoying laugh] Is this guy great or what?
JOEY: Yeah, yeah he is. [leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Ross are there.]
MONICA: I can't believe he has a new roommate. Who is this guy?
ROSS: Uh, Eddie something. He just met him.
RACHEL: It'll never last, he's just a rebound roommate.
[Pheobe enters]
PHOEBE: Hey.
ALL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Oh, check it out, oh check it out. It's Smelly Cat the video.
ALL: [cheer]
PHOEBE: Now OK, I haven't seen it yet so, if you don't like it, well, so what, none of you ever made a video. [puts the tape in] OK.
[The video is a very dramatic episode with an obviously dubbed voice for Phoebe. Everyone watches in disbeliefe]
PHOEBE: Oh my God.
ROSS: I know.
PHOEBE: I sound amazing. I, I, I've never heard myself sing before. I mean, except in my own head. Oh, this is so cool, now I can hear what you hear.
RACHEL: Pretty uhm, different huh?
PHOEBE: Oh, I am sorry but I am incredibly talented.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Joey stops by. Chandler is reading the paper and Eddie is fixing eggs.]
EDDIE: Hi Joey, what's goin' on man?
JOEY: Eddie.
CHANDLER: Morning.
JOEY: Morning. I just uh, came by to pick up my mail. [looks for the mail on the table by the door, it's not there] Where's the mail?
CHANDLER: Oh it's uh, over there on the table.
JOEY: You don't keep it over here on this table any more?
CHANDLER: No, Eddie likes to keep it over there.
EDDIE: Alright, here you go my friend. Eggs a-la Eddie, huh?
CHANDLER: Oh, ooh.
JOEY: Huh.
CHANDLER: What?
JOEY: No I just uh, thought you liked your eggs with the bread with the hole in the middle, a-la me.
CHANDLER: Well I do, but uh, Eddie makes them this way and, well they're pretty darn good.
EDDIE: Well you guys, I'm outta here. See ya pals.
CHANDLER: See ya. [Eddie leaves]
JOEY: So how you two gettin' along?
CHANDLER: Oh, I couldn't be happier.
JOEY: Great, well, I'm happy for ya. [picks up the orange juice carton and it's empty] Alright that's it. He just comes in here, Mr. Jonny Neweggs, with his, his, his movin' the mail and his, his 'see ya pals'. And now there's no juice. There's no juice f or the people who need the juice and want the juice. I need the juice.
CHANDLER: There's another carton right over there.
JOEY: Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.
CHANDLER: Alright, so what's it about?
JOEY: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
CHANDLER: Well I like both eggs equally.
JOEY: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You like one better than the other and I wanna know which.
CHANDLER: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find new eggs?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Monica are fighting over the remote.]
MONICA: I wanna watch Entertainment Tonight.
ROSS: Tough noogies, we're watching Predators of the Serengetti.
RACHEL: Would you guys stop.
MONICA: It's my TV.
ROSS: Wha-, oh, quit it.
MONICA: Bite me.
RACHEL: Oh my God.
ROSS: Well, Monica keeps changin' the channel.
MONICA: Oh that's great, why don't you tell mommy on me.
RACHEL: Now I'm mommy in this little play? Alright look, I refuse to get sucked into this like, weird little Geller dimension thing OK. So I'm gonna go and take a nice long hot bubble bath because you kids are driving me crazy. [goes in the bathroom]
MONICA: OK, what're we gonna do about this?
ROSS: Well, I guess we could tape Entertainment Tonight.
MONICA: Not that, this, US. Oh my God, Ross, you-re, you're, it's jus-, you-, ever sin- you been here.
ROSS: Ow, ow, OK. Alright, alright, Mon, Mon, you've gone ultrasonic again, alright.
MONICA: I just can't stand you being here all the time.
ROSS: Why, why, why can't you stand me being here? I don't, I, we're just, ya know, we're just havin' fun.
MONICA: Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?
ROSS: Yeah, c'mon I mean I though, you know, I thought we're just foolin' around. Like when, uh, when we were kids.
MONICA: Ross, I hated you when we were kids.
ROSS: You hated me when we were kids?
MONICA: Yes. I hated you. I mean I, I, loved you in a 'you're my brother so I have to' kind of way, but basically, yeah, I hated your guts.
ROSS: Why did you hate me?
MONICA: Because, you were mean to me and you, you teased me and you always, always got your way.
ROSS: And that wasn't fun for you?
MONICA: Duh-huh!
ROSS: I can't believe you hated me.
MONICA: Now I love you. And not just 'cause I have to.
ROSS: Really?
MONICA: Yeah. You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.
ROSS: I can do that.
MONICA: Then I won't have to kill you.
ROSS: So you wanna watch uh, Entertainment Tonight?
MONICA: Yeah, thanks. You know what?
ROSS: What?
MONICA: If you really want to watch that Serengetti thing, you can.
ROSS: Ohh... OK. [changes the channel]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Monica are hanging out.]
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Hey.
ALL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Listen. You are not going to believe this but, that is not me singing on the video.
ALL: No.
PHOEBE: Yes.
RACHEL: Well, how did you find out?
PHOEBE: Well, OK, the record company sent over this piece of paper for me to sign, saying that it's OK for someone else to sing for me. That was my first clue.
MONICA: So what're you gonna do?
PHOEBE: Well, I can't work with people who would do this.
MONICA: Sure.
PHOEBE: I mean this poor woman.
ROSS: What woman?
PHOEBE: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
RACHEL: OK, Phoebs. But what about you?
PHOEBE: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, ya know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those an imals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huuuuh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.]
CHANDLER: Hey Eddie, you uh, wanna play some foosball?
EDDIE: No thanks man, I'm not uh, I'm not really into sports.
CHANDLER: [stares in disbeliefe] Yeah o-, OK, alright. [oven timer goes off] Doesn't matter, time for Baywatch.
EDDIE: Y-, y-, you like that show?
CHANDLER: You don't like that show?
EDDIE: Wha-, n-, no. I mean it's just a bunch of pretty people runnin' around on the beach, ya know.
CHANDLER: Well that's the brilliance of it. The pretty people... and the running.
EDDIE: I tell ya, I-, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.
CHANDLER: Oh o-, OK man.
[Joey's place. He's watching Baywatch, lauging. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to.]
[Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]
[Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]
[All by myself is playing. Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water sculpture.]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is performing Smelly Cat.]
PHOEBE: [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you? Everybody.
ALL: Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, it's not your fault.
PHOEBE: Monica.
MONICA: [sings] They won't take you to the vet.
PHOEBE: Chandler.
CHANDLER: [reluctantly sings] You're obviously not their favorite pet.
MONICA: Joey.
JOEY: [sings] It may not be a bed of roses.
PHOEBE: Rachel.
RACHEL: [sings] And you're no friend to those with noses.
PHOEBE: Uh, Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry. OK, you guys, once more.
END

217 艾迪搬入

你认为怎么样?
乔伊的窝
我自己布置的
乔伊，这个是…
艺术就是艺术
瞧，这是一张咖啡桌呢
还是一只豹?都无所谓
好漂亮的枕头
这是真的布偶皮吗?
好极，好极了的桌上型水东西
谢了，我很喜欢这个东西,但你知道吗？
它会让我想尿尿
对呀，我也是对呀，我想挑战就在那儿
为什么钱德没来?
因为他有一件事
…他有事
我懂了
带我们去参观其他的部分吧
最棒的部分，来…
好帅的马桶
不…后面那个
你这里装了电话?没错
我这里装了…
…电话
乔伊，答应我一件事
别用那个电话打给我
来了
抱歉，苹果派卖完了最后一片刚被干掉
天啊，你们绝对不会相信的
我刚刚被发现了
等一等，我四年前就宣布你为法国领地了
总而言之
答应我，你们不会发狂直到我说完为止，好吗?
我刚刚认识了一个小唱片公司的制作人…
…她说我的声音很清新很特别…
…她要帮我录制”臭臭猫”的试听带
我说过不要太兴奋的
她还说要帮我做MTV呢
我还没说完
天哪
如果结果不错的话他们或许还会帮我做一个专辑
我说完了
罗斯，如果你关心我的话就把馅饼从他帽子里拿出来
拿什么?帽子里有馅饼…快去
你干什么?
对不起，我的馅饼…在…在你帽子里
现在我得去那个家伙的裤子上拿我的咖啡…
…我七点以前会回医院去
该死，罗斯，你快给我滚出来
别激动，我在吹头发
吹什么头发呀?你没有头发啦
怎么了?
你男朋友在里面关了一个多小时
真不敢相信这就像我们又住在一起
我睡觉时他在，醒来时他在想洗澡的时候他也在
我好像回到十六岁了
你不是十六岁而且你们现在都是大人了
出来呀，蠢货
你知道啊他是橡胶，你是胶水
该你了
希望你清了排水孔的头发
住口
住口
我从来没有这样想要过你
怎么样，孩子们我该打电话给他吗?
俗语有云
问你拖鞋一个问题·，
…你疯了
乔伊，对不起我今天没有过去
没关系
你…你有事嘛
对，听说你那里很棒
别提了，我开心死了
你那儿怎么样了?
很棒呀，一个空间
…的大聚合
那太棒了
是呀，我只是…
…打个电话跟你聊一聊而已
好啊
那是烤箱定时器吗?
没有错，朋友
应该看
“海滩游侠”
你相信他们让芬妮得皮肤癌吗?
我还是不敢相信他们升她为副队长
你那么说是因为你最喜欢毕雅敏了
怎么可能会有人不爱毕雅敏呢?
她们在跑了
瞧，这个节目棒就棒在这里
我说她们应该不停地跑
直跑
跑
跑
跑啊，雅敏，像风一样的跑
我以为你想自己一个人住
没错，我以为会很棒
我以为我会有时间自己思考
但我发觉我的思想没有你们想得那么多
乔伊，你跟钱德说你想搬回去好了
你认为他会答应吗?
我们昨晚聊得很开心…
…可是我搬走时把他伤透了
我保证，他绝对想你搬回去的
我告诉你他绝对不可能搬回来的
可是我们从没像昨天晚土聊得那么开心过
那就像是…
我们刚刚住在一起时一样
钱德我知道你现在听不进去…
…但我们看过他在新家的样子，他很快乐
他都装潢好了
听着，钱德他向前走了，你也要这样
你必须接受我们只是朋友这个事实
你们不再是
…室友了
菲此，可以试了吗?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
非常臭的臭臭猫
我的天啊
是谁在唱?
你的伴唱团，在你后面
我还以为她们只是在看
就像像水族馆那样
好了
从头开始
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
对不起
我没感觉到…
大家都懂…
…这只猫到底有多臭
也许我们应该谈一谈
…因为我必须要感觉到你们真的…很关心那只猫
我们可以谈的
只是录音间是算时间的一分钟一百块耶
好，那只猫很臭，但你们非常爱她，开始
不，它绝对不可能是一只迅猛龙的
不，东尼，你看他的头盖脊骨
帝诺要是一只迅猛龙它早吃了摩登原始人了
你在睡觉?
本来是
等等，东尼，等一下，好吗?我有插拨
对，她在我叫她回电话，好吗?
好，谢了
打给乔安娜
她留了号码?
你看到我写下来了吗?
我没有她的电话，呆瓜
那她会再打来的你不要耍孩子脾气了
我才没有，你自己才是
听着，你别烦我，好不好?你不要碍眼，好不好?
慢着，等一下，东尼
对，不，她在，等一下
东尼，我再打给你，好吗?
那是我妹妹的男朋友
电话给我
甜心，听着，趁我还记得我的避孕器是否留在你那儿?
吗
皇宫生活过得怎么样了?
真有趣，既然你提起这个我在想…
这些箱子怎么回事?
事实上，我有个消息
那个乔伊会回来拿他的麋鹿帽吗?还是我把它扔了?
这个…你何不自己问他呢?乔伊，这是我的新室友艾迪
幸会
彼此，你好吗？
那我带走了
我就是回来拿这个的
这倒新鲜你们是哪儿认识的?
我们在超市的民族食品区
我帮他挑西班牙香肠
我们开始聊，他说要找地方住而我又刚好有一个空房
那儿成了空房了?
是啊，那房间没有人用…
…而我就把它空出来
我拿到我要的了
改天见了
改天见了
你什么时候开始抹慕丝的?
他是不是很棒?
是呀，他很棒
真不敢相信他有新室友了这家伙是谁啊?
好像叫艾迪，他们刚认识
不会长久的，他只是个替代品
看这个
是”臭臭猫”的MTV
我自己都还没看呢如果你们不喜欢的话呢…
…那又怎么样?你们又没有MTV
滚出去，猫，你臭死了
美呆了
看看我
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
臭臭…，非常臭的臭臭猫
那不是你的错
臭臭猫…
臭臭猫…
我的声音好美喔
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是他们的最爱
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
我从没听过自己唱的歌
除了在我的头里面
这太酷了我可以听到你们听到的了
蛮不同的吧?
不要介意，我实在太才华洋溢
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
乔伊，近来如何?
艾迪
早安
我只是过来拿我的信
信在哪儿?在那边那张桌上
你不再把信放在这张桌上了?
不了，艾迪喜欢把信放在那边
好了，请用吧，朋友这是艾迪秘方蛋
太棒了
干嘛?
我只是以为你喜欢…
…面包挖一个洞，中间放蛋呢
我喜欢呀，但艾迪是这样煎得，还真是蛮好吃的
好了，两位…
…我要出去了
再见，兄弟们
再见
你们处得怎么样?再快乐也不过了
很好
我替你高兴
好吧，够了
那个人就这样进来新蛋先生…
…变了放信的地方，还有”再见，兄弟们”
现在果汁也没有了
需要果汁跟要果汁的人没得喝我需要果汁
那边还有一盒果汁啊
这不再是关于果汁了，好吗?
好呀
那么是关于什么呢?
蛋
你比较喜欢谁的蛋?他的还是我的?
我两个一样喜欢少来了
没人一样喜欢两种不同的蛋我知道你比较喜欢哪一种
那有什么差别呢?你的蛋已经不在这个地方了
你已经带着你的蛋走了
你真的期望我再也找不到一个新的蛋吗?
我要看”今夜娱乐”
真不幸我们要看”瑟伦格提掠食者”
不要吵了，好不好?
这是我的电视
你，住手，你咬我呀
摩妮卡她一直在转台呀
棒透了你去跟妈咪打个小报告啊
现在我变成妈咪了
好，听着，我拒绝卷入…
…这一类畸型的盖勒家庭纠纷
我现在要去洗个香啧啧热腾腾的泡泡浴…
…因为妈咪快要被你们这疯了
这件事我们怎么解决?
我们可以把”今夜娱乐”录下来
不是那个
我是说这个，我们
天啊，罗斯，你...你只是你
从你到这儿开始我都快要被你这疯了…
摩妮卡，你又开始高八度了
我受不了…
…你老是在这里!
为什么?你为什么受不了呢?
我们只是在闹着玩而已
玩?这叫好玩吗?
少来了，我以为我们只是在闹就像我们小时候一样
罗斯，小时候我恨你耶
小时候你恨我?
对，我恨你
我是说，我就像”你是我哥所以我必须爱你”那样爱你…
…但基本上，我恨死你了
你为什么要恨我?
因为你对我太烂了
而且…你…你嘲弄我你总是…你总是得逞
你觉得那不好玩?
真不敢相信你恨我
现在我爱你
不只是因为我必须这样
真的？
只是你现在必须停止惹怒我
我可以办得到
那我就用不着杀你了
你要看”今天娱乐”?
谢了
知道吗?
如果你真的想看那个节目我还是可以让你
听着，你们绝对不会相信的…
…但是MTV上的歌声不是我的
你怎么知道的呢?
唱片公司送了一张纸条来叫我签名，要我同意…
…他们找别人来替我唱的那是我的第一个线索
那你打算怎么办?
我没有办法跟这种人一起工作
那当然
这个…这个可怜的女人
什么女人?
那个代唱的女人
她的声音真是棒透了可是她没有MTV啊
菲菲，那你呢?
我有MTV，你得要留心听
这个代唱的人她很有才华
可是那些制作人说她长得不够好看之类的啦
她就像那种动物收容所里面的动物…
…没有人要就因为她长得不够漂亮而已
或者是像只老狗，浑身发臭…
我的天啊，它就是”臭臭猫”
那首歌具有深度
艾迪
来玩桌上足球怎么样?
不，谢了，老兄我不太喜欢运动
好吧
没关系”霹雳游龙”要开演了
你喜欢看那个节目?
你不喜欢吗?
不，那只是一群俊男美女在海滩上跑来跑去
棒就棒在那里啊
俊男美女
跑来跑去
我要进我房间看书了
好的，老兄
我想到和我相知相惜的友人
但我拨电话时
没有人在家
孤孤单单
我不想要一个人
孤孤单单
不想再孤单
孤孤单单
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
他们喂你什么?一起唱
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是他们的最爱
你或许不是一床玫瑰
也没有人会喜欢间你
罗斯，歌词都唱完了，抱歉好了，回到合唱的部分

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 42楼发表于: 2014-03-16 0

218 The One Where Dr. Remore Dies

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone except Ross is there watching Days of Our Lives.]
AMBER: Oh Drake.
DR. REMORE: I'm sorry Amber. It's just like Brad to have to have the last word.
[Ross enters]
ROSS: I'm sorry I'm late, what happened?
MONICA: We, we just wanna see the end.
AMBER: I want you Drake.
DR. REMORE: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.
AMBER: What?
DR. REMORE: There's something I never told you Amber. I'm actually your half- brother.
[Everyone gasps. The show ends.]
RACHEL: So what happens next?
JOEY: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's cursed.
CHANDLER: God that is good TV.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is at the foosball table trying to get Phoebe to play a game with him.]
CHANDLER: Phoebs, play with meeee.
PHOEBE: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights violation.
CHANDLER: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty good time.
PHOEBE: Why don't you play with your roommate?
CHANDLER: Ah he's a, he's not a big fan of foosball.
PHOEBE: Uh oh, ooh, are we not getting along with the new boy?
CHANDLER: No he's, he's alright, just uh, he spends most of his time in his room.
PHOEBE: Maybe that's because you haven't taken the time to get to know him. Let's remedy that, shall we?
CHANDLER: We don't need to remedy that.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, it'll be fun. [throws a tennis ball at Eddie's bedroom door]
EDDIE: What was that?
PHOEBE: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
EDDIE: Yeah alright, that sounds alright.
PHOEBE: Oh good, ok. Oh nooo, I have to go because I'm late for my um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.
CHANDLER: That was so lame.
PHOEBE: I know, yeah. Ok, talk to him. [leaves]
CHANDLER: So, you uh, you think that Speed Racer guy gets a lot of tickets er?
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler and Eddie are talking.]
EDDIE: That's good, that's good. So, so, so who broke up with who?
CHANDLER: What're you kidding? I broke up with her. She actually thought that Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia.
EDDIE: That's good man, when everybody knows that the uh, the capital of Cambodia is uh...
CHANDLER: Well it's not Sean Penn.
EDDIE: Not Sean Penn. Alright, I, I've got a funny one, alright. My last girlfriend Tilly. Ok, we're eating breakfast, right, and I made all these pancakes, there was like 50 pancakes right. And all of the sudden she turns to me, alright, and she says, 'Eddie.' I say, 'yeah,' she says, 'Eddie, I don't want to see you anymore.' And it was literally like she had reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and smeared it all over my life, ya know. And now there's like this incredible abyss, ya know, and I'm falling and I keep falling and I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. [finishes laughing] That uh, wasn't such a funny story, was it?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is singing. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are listening.]
PHOEBE: And a crusty old man said I'll do what I can and the rest of the rats played moroccas. That's it, thanks, good night.
RICHARD: Phoebe's got another job, right?
RACHEL: Great set tonight Phoebs.
PHOEBE: I know.
ROSS: Well, we should probably get going.
RICHARD: Um, we should go too, I got patients at 8 in the moring.
MONICA: Ya know, I was thinking. Ya know how we always stay at your apartment? Well, I thought maybe tonight we'd stay at my place.
RICHARD: I don't know, I don't have my jammies.
MONICA: Well, maybe you don't need them.
ROSS: My baby sister, ladies and gentlemen.
MONICA: Shut up, I'm happy.
PHOEBE: Oh, this is so nice. Alright I have to make a speech. I just wanna say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
RICHARD: Oh, thank you Phoebs. That's very sweet.
PHOEBE: Ok.
RICHARD: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there've been a lot.
MONICA: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
RACHEL: Phoebe's dead.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment. Chandler is there. There's a knock at the door. He answers it to see a young woman holding a fishtank.]
TILLY: Hi.
CHANDLER: Hi.
TILLY: I'm looking for Eddie Minowick.
CHANDLER: Oh, uh, he's not here right now, uh, I'm Chandler, can I take a message, or, or a fishtank?
TILLY: Thanks.
CHANDLER: Oh, oh, c'mon in.
TILLY: I'm Tilly.
CHANDLER: Oh.
TILLY: I gather by that oh that he told you about me.
CHANDLER: Oh yeah, your uh, name came up in a uh, conversation that terrified me to my very soul.
TILLY: He's kind of intense huh?
CHANDLER: Yes. Hey, can I ask you, is Eddie a little...
EDDIE: [walks around corner] A little what?
CHANDLER: Bit country? C'mon in here you roomie.
EDDIE: Hello Tilly.
TILLY: Eddie, I just came by to drop off your tank.
EDDIE: That's very thoughtful of you. It's very thougtful.
TILLY: Well, ok then. I'm gonna go. Bye.
EDDIE: Bye-bye.
CHANDLER: Bye.
[Tilly leaves]
CHANDLER: So, we gettin' a fish?
EDDIE: You had sex with her didn't you?
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey enters with several magazines and runs up to Phoebe.]
JOEY: Phoebs, check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out.
PHOEBE: Oh, ooh, Soap Opera Digest, oh that's one of my favorite digests.
JOEY: Page 42, page 42, page 42.
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, ok. Ooh, hey 'new doc on the block, Days of Our Lives' Joey Tribbiani.' Ooh, cool picture.
JOEY: Ooh, I look good.
PHOEBE: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?
JOEY: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
PHOEBE: Ohh, ok, I see what you did there. Aren't you afraid though, that the writers are gonna be kinda mad when they read this?
JOEY: Huh? Never really thought about the writers. The scripts just kinda come to my house. But you know what? This makes me look good, which makes the show look good, which makes the writers look good so how could they be mad about that?
[Scene: At a writer's desk. The writer is working on a script for Days of Our Lives.]
WRITER: Makes up most of his lines. Son-of-a-. Yeah, well, write this jerkweed.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The next script is being delivered.]
JOEY: I fall down an elevator shaft? What the hell does this mean, I fall down an elevator shaft?
DELIVERY GUY: Uhh, I don't know, I just bring the scripts.
JOEY: They can't kill me, I'm Francesca's long lost son.
DELIVERY GUY: Right. Could you sign this?
JOEY: No. No way, I'm not signing that.
DELIVERY GUY: I don't think that's gonna affect the plot of the show.
JOEY: How can they do this to me?
DELIVERY GUY: Er, uh, I'm just gonna go. Sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel are returning.]
MONICA: Well it wasn't that many guys. I mean, if you consider how many guys there actually are, it's a very small percentage.
RACHEL: Hey, it's not that big a deal, I was just curious.
ROSS: G'night.
RICHARD: Night Richard. Good luck Mon.
MONICA: Alright, before I tell you, uh, why don't you tell me how many women you've been with.
RICHARD: Two.
MONICA: Two? TWO? How is that possible? I mean, have you seen you?
RICHARD: Well, I mean what can I say? I, I was married to Barbara for 30 years. She was my high school sweetheart, now you, that's two.
MONICA: Two it is. Ok, time for bed, I'm gonna go brush my teeth. [goes in the bathroom]
RICHARD: Woah, woah, no wait a minute now. C'mon it's your turn. Oh c'mon. Ya know, I don't need the actual number, just a ballpark.
MONICA: Ok, it is definitely less than a ballpark.
[Rachel's bedroom]
RACHEL: Wow, I am so glad I'm not Monica right now.
ROSS: Tell me about it. So what, what's your magic number?
RACHEL: Uhhhooo.
ROSS: C'mon, you know everyone I've been with. All, both of them.
RACHEL: Well, there's you.
ROSS: Better not be doin' these in order.
RACHEL: Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, oh, Paolo.
ROSS: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.
RACHEL: Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, c'mon, I'm so much happier with you than I ever was with him.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it really was was just, ya know, meaningless animal sex. Ok, ya know, that sounded soooo much better in my head.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.]
CHANDLER: Eddie, I didn't sleep with your ex-girlfriend.
EDDIE: That's very interesting, ya know, 'cause that's exactly what someone who slept with her would say.
CHANDLER: This is nuts. This is crazy. She came over for like two minutes, dropped off a fish tank, and left, end of story.
EDDIE: Where's Buddy?
CHANDLER: Buddy?
EDDIE: My fish, Buddy.
CHANDLER: There was no fish when she dropped it off.
EDDIE: Oh, this is, this is unbelievable. I mean, first you sleep with my ex-girlfriend then you insult my inteligenct by lying about it and then you kill my fish, my Buddy?
CHANDLER: Hey I didn't kill your fish. Look Eddie...[puts his hand on Eddie's shoulder] Would you look at what I'm doin' here. That can't be smart. So we're just gonna take this guy right off ya and put him here in Mr. Pocket. Tangellon? [picks up the fruit an tosses it to Eddie, it hits Eddie in the chest and falls]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in Monica's bedroom.]
RICHARD: That's it? That's the giant number you were afraid to tell me?
MONICA: Well yeah.
RICHARD: Well, that's not bad at all. I mean, you had me thinkin it was like a fleet.
MONICA: You really ok with it?
RICHARD: Oh honey, I'm fine.
MONICA: Oh, yay. Ok about that two.
RICHARD: What? Alright, what about my two?
MONICA: Well, it just seems like a really small number.
RICHARD: Right, and...
MONICA: And, well, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sew? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh my God, am I an oat?
RICHARD: Honey, you are not an oat. I, I mean I don't know, I, I guess I'm just not an oat guy. I've only slept with women I've been in love with.
MONICA: But you've only slept with two people.
RICHARD: Right.
MONICA: Wow. Oh wow. You know I love you too, right.
RICHARD: Now I do. [they kiss and fall to the bed]
[Ross and Rachel are in Rachel's bedroom]
RACHEL: Ross, Ross, please listen to me. Ross, you are so much better for me than Paolo ever was. I mean you care about me, you're loving, you make me laugh.
ROSS: Oh, hey, if I make you laugh, here's an idea, why don't you invite Paulo over and have a little romp in the sack and I'll just stand in the corner and tell knock-knock jokes.
RACHEL: God, Ross, look, what you and I have is special, all Paolo and I ever had was...
ROSS: Animal sex, animal sex? So what're you saying, I mean, you're saying that like, there's nothing between us animal at all. I mean there's not even like, uhm, a little animal, not even, not even like, like chipmunk sex?
RACHEL: Ok, Ross, try to hear me. Ok, I, hey, I'm not gonna lie to you. Ok, it was good with Paolo.
ROSS: Knock-knock.
RACHEL: But, what you and I have is so much better. Ok, we have tenderness, we have intimacy, we connect. Ya know, I swear, this is the best I have ever had.
ROSS: Until now. [jumps on Rachel on the bed]
[later in the bathroom Monica is looking in the drawer, Rachel runs up]
RACHEL: Oh, hi.
MONICA: Hi. Richard just told me he loves me.
RACHEL: Oh my God, honey that's great.
MONICA: I know. I just can't find...
RACHEL: Oh they're in the top drawer. Hurry.
MONICA: You need one too?
RACHEL: Ooooh yeah.
[they pull out the box of condoms but there's only one left]
MONICA: There's only one.
RICHARD: Monica.
MONICA: Hi. Uh, we'll be right there, we're just trying to decide something. [shuts the bathroom door]
ROSS: [comes out of the bedroom] Rachel. [growls then sees Richard standing there] Hey.
RICHARD: Hey. They're just trying to decide somehting.
ROSS: Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?
RICHARD: No.
ROSS: Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?
RICHARD: I have a little comb.
ROSS: Oh. And what do you call that?
RICHARD: A moustache comb.
RACHEL: Ok, I, I will do your laundry for one month.
MONICA: No.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, I will, I will, I, hey, I will clean the apartment for two months.
MONICA: Alright, I tell you what, I'll give this to you now if you can tell me where we keep the dustpan.
RACHEL: Agghhh.
ROSS: So were you in Nam?
RACHEL: Rock-paper-scissors?
MONICA: Yeah.
RACHEL and MONICA: One two three. [Rachel picks rock, Monica picks scissors]
RACHEL: Yeesss.
MONICA: Fine, go have sex.
RICHARD: No. You have got it completely wrong. John Savage was deerhunter, no legs, John Voit was coming home, couldn't feel his legs.
ROSS: No, no way. You've got it totally the other way around my friend. John Voit was...
RACHEL: Honey.
ROSS: What, what oh....[Ross and Rachel go into her room]
RICHARD: Shall we?
MONICA: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it tonight, we can do it tomorrow.
RICHARD: Uh, in the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. All but Joey are present.]
CHANDLER: So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
MONICA: Why?
CHANDLER: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend and killed his fish.
PHOEBE: Why would you kill his fish?
CHANDLER: Because sometimes, Phoebe after you sleep with someone, you have to kill the fish.
RACHEL: Chandler honey, I'm sorry. Ok, can we watch Joey's show now please? [they turn on the TV]
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Wait, he's not here yet.
RACHEL: So, he's on the show, he knows what happens.
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Alright.
CHANDLER: Oh, I'm fine about my problem now, by the way.
RACHEL: Oh good.
DR. REMORE: Amber, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you, as a friend and as your brother.
AMBER: Oh Drake.
DR HORTON: Hard day huh? First the medical award, this.
DR. REMORE: Some guys are just lucky I guess.
INTERCOM: Dr. Remore, report to first floor emergency, stat.
DR. REMORE: Well then, uh, I uhh, guess that's me. Anyone else need to go on the elevator? Dr. Horton, Dr. Wong?
DR. HORTON: No, no, they only said you.
DR. REMORE: Oh, ok. Alright.
AMGER: I love you Drake.
DR. REMORE: Yeah, whatever. Oh no.
AMBER: Drake, look out.
DR. REMORE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
MONICA: Did they just kill off Joey?
ROSS: No. [sound of Dr. Remore's body hitting the bottom of the shaft] Now maybe.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Everyone is outside knocking.]
ROSS: C'mon.
RACHEL: Joey.
ROSS: Open up. We want to talk to you.
JOEY: I don't feel like talkin.
RACHEL: Oh c'mon Joey, we care about you.
CHANDLER: We're worried about you.
MONICA: And some of us really have to pee.
[Joey opens the door]
MONICA: Sorry Joey [runs to the bathroom]
JOEY: Hey.
PHOEBE: Listen, sorry about your death, that really sucks.
CHANDLER: We came over as soon as we saw.
ROSS: How could you not tell us?
JOEY: I don't know, I was kinda hopin' no one would ever find out.
RACHEL: Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you back.
JOEY: Naa, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or somethin.
PHOEBE: But Joey, you're gonna be fine. You don't need that show, it was just a dumb soap opera.
JOEY: Phoebe, this was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
PHOEBE: Yes, I was going to incorporate that. Oh good, here's Monica, she'll have something nice to say.
MONICA: Um, I straightened out your shower curtain so you won't get mildew. What? To me that's nice.
CHANDLER: It's gonna be ok. You know that?
JOEY: No, I don't. It's like, ya know, you work your whole life for somethin' and you think that when you get it it's never gonna be as good as you thought it would be. But this so was. Ya know, it changed everything. Like the other day, I got this credit card application, and I was pre- approved. Huh? I've never been pre-approved for anything in my life.
CHANDLER: I'm sorry man.
RACHEL: Yeah, Joey honey, I don't know if this'll mean anything to you but you'll always be pre-approved with us.
JOEY: No, that means nothin to me.
[Scene: Chandler and Eddie's apartment.Chandler walks in to see Eddie holding a tray of cookies.]
CHANDLER: Uhhhaahh.
EDDIE: Pecan sandy, just made em.
CHANDLER: Yeah alright. What're these, raisins?
EDDIE: Uh, sure, why not.
CHANDLER: [throws it across the room while Eddie's not looking] Listen Eddie, um, I've been thinking about our current living situation and uh, why are you smiling?
EDDIE: I got a little surprise, look. There's a new fishie. I named him uh, Chandler, you know, after, after you.
CHANDLER: [looks in the fish bowl to see a fish cracker] Well that's not an, even a real fish. No, that's a goldfish cracker.
EDDIE: What's you point man?
CHANDLER: Ok, good night. [walks towards his room] You big freak of nature.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
[Ross comes out of Rachel's bedroom in her bathrobe and heads for the bathroom. On his way back, Richard comes out of Monica's bedroom in her bathrobe.]
ROSS: Hey.
RICHARD: Hey.
ROSS: Hey.
RICHARD: Ohh, brisk tonight.
ROSS: Oh man.
RICHARD: Let's never speak of this.
ROSS: You got it.
END

218 瑞摩瑞医生之死

崔克，抱歉，安珀
布莱就是这样子，嘴巴不认输
抱歉，我迟到了，怎么样?
我们在看结局
我要你，崔克
这个我知道
但我们永远不可能会有结果的
什么?
有件事我一直没有告诉你
我是你的异母哥哥
那后来怎么样呢?
我帮连体婴动分割手术得了医学奖
然后我跟安珀去委内瑞拉找另外一个异母哥哥雷蒙…
…我找到了世界最大的翡翠那真的很大
伿芰俗缰
好酷喔
天啊，真是个好节目
菲菲，跟我玩嘛
不，这种游戏太畸型了
居然把二十个手无寸铁的男人串成一长条…
…被迫无止境地踢足球
简直是侵害人权嘛
不要为他们难过等他们踢完足球之后…
…我把小塑胶妞拿出来大家都会非常开心的呀
你干嘛不跟你室友玩?
他不爱玩桌上足球
你跟那个新来的处得不好吗?
不是啊，他很好，只是多数的时间都关在房间里
我想那也许是因为你没有花时间去了解他
我们来补救，好不好?
我们不需要补救要啊，会很好玩的
什么事?
我只是想我们三人来喝点啤酒彼此了解一下会很有意思
好呀
听起来不错
不行，我得走了因为我还要赶去·
…”绿蛋与火腿”的研讨会
今天晚上主题是…”为什么不在火车上吃呢?”
好好玩，拜拜，好滥的借口
我知道
你跟他谈
你想那个赛车手被开了多少罚单啊…?
好笑…谁甩了谁啊?
我甩了她呀
她真的以为西恩潘是高棉的首都
有没有搞错?大家都知道高棉的首都是…
不是西恩潘
好，我有个好笑的
好，我前任的女友叫提莉我们在吃早餐
我做了很多薄松饼大概有五十多个吧
突然间她转过来她就说”艾迪…
…我不想再跟你见面了”
那就好像是她把手伸进我的胸膛里…
…挖出了我的心把我的生活搞得乱七八糟的
那就像我面前有一个深渊我就一直往下掉
我就一直往下掉永无止境地往下掉
这个故事不太好笑，是不是?
中央公园
个坏脾气老头说我尽量
其他老鼠开始摇响葫芦
唱完了，谢谢，晚安
菲此有别的工作吧?
唱得很好，菲菲
我知道
我想我们该走了
我们也该走了明天早上八点还有病人
知道吗?我在想我们老是在你那边过夜
或许今晚改住我那边啊
我不知道，我没有带我的睡衣
或许你不需要
我的小妹妹，各位先生女士
闭嘴，我很快乐
这太棒了我必须说几句话
我只是想说，在摩妮卡交过的为数众多的男友当中…
…我最喜欢你了
谢谢你，菲菲，嘴真甜
听到了吗?
她最喜欢我而且你显然阅人无数
没有啦
菲此在说笑吧，菲此是疯子
菲此死定了
我来找一位曼艾迪
他现在不在，我叫钱德
要我帮你留话还是…拿鱼缸呢?
谢了
请进
我叫提莉
看你这个样子他一定跟你提过我了
提过，你的大名在一段…
…令我惊心动魄的对话哮曾经出现过了
他这人有点激烈吧
对呀，请问你艾迪是不是有一点…
有一点怎么样?
…有点乡村?
快进来呀，室友
提丽
艾迪，我只是把鱼缸送过来
你想得真是周到
非常体贴
就这样了
我要走了，再见
那么我们养鱼了，是不是?
你们上床了，是不是?
菲菲，你看…
”肥皂剧文摘”我最喜欢的文摘之
42页·，
医界新秀”我们的日子”崔乔伊
好酷的照片
我好帅
这是真的吗?很多台词都是你自己写的吗?
可以这么说啦
像你记得上礼拜亚历出了事那一集吗?
剧本上的台词是…
…”我们不送这女人去医院的话，她会死的”
被我改成了”这个女人不去医院就医的话…
…她会活不成的”
我懂你做了什么了
那你不十的6些编剧看到这篇文章会有点生气吗?
我倒没有考虑到那些编剧剧本总是送来我家
但你知道么？
这样让我很有面子也因为这样子，节目有面子…
…也因为这样子，编剧有面子他们怎么可能会生我的气呢?
我们的日子
他编了自己大部份的台词
很好…
写这个，混蛋
我跌下了电梯井
这什么意思?我跌下了电梯井
我不知道，我只是送剧本过来
他们不能杀我我是兰琪失散的儿子呀
对
请你签收，好吗?
我才不签呢
我不认为对那个节目的剧情会有影响啊
他们怎么能这么对我?
我要走了
很遗憾
也没有那么多个啦
我是说，如果你考虑到全世界有多少男人…
…那个比例非常小
没什么大不了的我只是…好奇罢了
晚安，晚安，理查
祝你好运，摩妮卡
好，我说之前你先说你有过几个女人
两个
两个？…
那怎么可能?…
…你知道你长得有多帅吗?
我能说什么呢?
我跟芭芭拉做了三十年的夫妻我们在高中就认识了
加上你，一共两个
那就两个吧
我要去刷牙了
你先等一等
来啊，换你了
快说呀
我也不需要知道确实的数目只要差不多就可以了
绝对比一个”大厦”还要少
真庆幸现在我不是摩妮卡
那还用说
你的神奇数字是多少?
来嘛，我交过的你都认识两个你都认识
有你
最好不要说我是第一个
崔此利，柯彼得
贝利
还有…保罗
对，托里尼来的蠢蛋
蜜糖，你嫉妒保罗吗?
跟他从没像跟你在一起这么快乐过
真的？拜托
跟保罗那一段根本就不能算
那只能算是无意义的野兽的性关系
我这么说让我自己觉得好多了
艾迪我没有跟你的前任女友上床
有意思，因为跟她上过床的人都会这么说
你疯了，你疯了，是不是?她只来了两分钟而已…
…丢下鱼缸就走了就是这样
巴迪在哪里?
巴迪?
我的鱼巴迪
她根本就没有带鱼来里面没有任何东西
这真令人难以置信
你先跟我的前任女友上床以为我会笨到去相信你的谎言
然后你杀了我的鱼我的巴迪?
我没有杀你的鱼啊
你听我说，艾迪…
你看我在做什么，好不好?
那样太不聪明了
所以我们要把那个家伙给拿开…
…把它放到我的口袋先生里
来个橘子吧
就这样吗?害怕告诉我的庞大数目吗?
那还好嘛
我是说，你害我以为你有一”托拉库”的人
你真的觉得没关系?
亲爱的，没关系
对了，关于那两个…
什么?
好吧
我的”两个”怎么样?
只是听起来真的好少喔
对呀
我是说，难道你没有欲望到处去采花吗?
你现在就是在那样对我吗?天啊，我是花吗?
亲爱的，你不是被采的花
我不知道我猜我不是那一型的
我只跟我爱的女人上床
但是你只跟两个人上过床
对
你一定知道我也爱你吧?
现在我知道了
罗斯…拜托听我说
罗斯，你此保罗好太多了
我是说，你关心我我心中有爱，你会逗我笑
那样的话，我有个主意
你可以邀请保罗过来在床上野兽一下…
…而我就站在角落讲敲门的笑话
罗斯，我们的感情很特别我跟保罗有的只是…
”野兽的性关系”?
所以你什么意思呢?
你是说我们之间就没有任何”兽性”的东西吗
连一点点…一点兽性都没有?
甚至连…像
…花粟鼠性
拜托，你听我说
我不想对你说谎
跟保罗的性很好敲敲门
但我们两个之间的比那好多了
我们有温柔，我们有亲密我们灵犀相通
而且我发誓
我从来没有过…
…像你这么棒的
直到现在
理查刚说他爱我
我知道
太棒了
我知道
我只是找不到…在第一个抽屉
你也要啊？对呀
找到了
只有一个
我马上来我们…在决定事情
她们两个在决定事情好，很好
你的…你的小胡子跟以前有不同吗?
你怎么能够保持得那么整齐?
我有一把小梳子
那个梳子叫什么?胡子梳
谢谢
我帮你洗一个月的衣服
我会…我会…
我打扫两个月的房子，如何?
只要你告诉我我们把畚箕放在哪里，这个我现在给你
你有没有打过越战?
剪刀石头布，没问题
一、二、三
太棒了
很好，上床吧
不对，你完完全全搞错了
强沙维奇是”越战猎鹿人”，没有腿
强沃特是”归乡”，腿瘫痪了
你完完全全搞反了，朋友强沃特是…
亲爱的，什么？
进去吧
今晚不可能了
今天晚上他们做我们可以明天再做
下一次的时间表可不可以先让我看看?
我今天早上醒过来的时候…
…发现他偷了我所有的鞋垫
为什么?
那家伙以为我睡了他前任女友而且还杀了他的鱼
你干嘛杀了他的鱼?
菲此，因为有时候你跟人上床之后…
…就必须要杀条鱼
钱德，宝贝…
…抱歉
可以看乔伊的节目了吗?
等等，他还没有到
他知道情节
对了，我不在乎我的问题了
安珀…
…你需要的时候永远有我…
…我是你一辈子的朋友跟兄弟
崔克
辛苦了
先是医学大奖，然后是这个
是呀，我猜有些人天生好运
雷大夫，请到一楼急诊室报到
那么…
…我猜在叫我了
还有谁想坐电梯的?何大夫?华大夫?
他们只叫你一个人啊
好吧
我爱你，崔克
是呀，随便啦
不…
是呀，随便啦
他们刚刚甩了乔伊，不
好像真的
开门，我们想跟你谈一谈
我不想谈
别这样了，乔伊我们关心你
我们很关心你我们有些人真的很急呀
抱歉，乔伊
听着，很遗憾你的死真的很惨耶
我们一看到就赶过来了你怎么不告诉我们呢?
我不知道我有点希望没有人会发现
或许他们可以让你起死回生
他们说当找到我尸体的时候我的脑袋已经摔得稀巴烂了…
…而唯一救得了我的人是我
说是故意要看起来讽刺什么的
乔伊，你不会有事的
你不需要那个节目那只是个蠢的肥皂剧嘛
菲此，那是我这辈子最棒的事
没错，我本来还要那样说的
很好，摩妮卡来了她会说句好听的啦
我把你的浴帘拉直了以免发霉
怎么了?那是好事啊
不要紧的，你也知道嘛
不，我不知道
像你奋斗了一辈子去追求…
…当你认为你办到的时候…
…永远不会像你想的一样好
不过这个是啊
它改变了一切
前几天呢，我去申请信用卡…
…我竟然被保送过关了
我这辈子从没被保送过关过
很遗憾，老兄
乔伊我不知道这对你有没有意义…
…但我们总是会保送你过关
不，那对我没有意义
大胡桃饼，刚出炉的
对，好
这是什么?葡萄干吗?
当然了，有何不可?
听我说，艾迪
我想过我们目前住在一起的情况了
你为什么要笑?
我有个小小的惊喜我买了条新鱼
我叫它…
…钱德，以你为名
那根本不是一条真鱼啊
那是金鱼饼干耶
你要说什么?
晚安了
大自然爱好者
今天晚上好冷，老兄
我们都不要提了没问题

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 43楼发表于: 2014-03-16 0

219 The One Where Eddie Won't Go

[Scene: Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is sleeping and Eddie is there watching him.]
[Chandler wakes up]
CHANDLER: Hey Eddie. Daahh!! What're you doin' here?
EDDIE: Nothin' roomie, just watchin' you sleep.
CHANDLER: Why?
EDDIE: Makes me feel um, peaceful, heh-heh, please.
CHANDLER: I can't sleep now.
EDDIE: You want me to sing?
CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.
EDDIE: Woah, woah, woah, what're, what're you talkin' about man.
CHANDLER: Hannibal Lecter...better roommate than you.
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
CHANDLER: I didn't realize that.
EDDIE: Yeah.
CHANDLER: GET OUT NOW!!
EDDIE: Ok, you really want me out?
CHANDLER: Yes please.
EDDIE: Ok, then I want to hear you say it, I, I want to hear you say you want me out.
CHANDLER: I want you out.
EDDIE: No no no, I wanna hear it from your lips.
CHANDLER: Where did you hear it from before?
EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
EDDIE: I heard that.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
JOEY: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey. Whe-ell, look at you, finally got that time machine workin' huh?
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
MONICA: A mirror?
JOEY: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
MONICA: Cache? Jaunty?
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
MONICA: Oh my God, it was incredible.
PHOEBE: Didn't it like totally speak to you?
RACHEL: Woah, woah, woah, what book is this?
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
RACHEL: Men just take out wind?
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
RACHEL: Wow.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
PHOEBE: Oh yes, no, Richard would never steal your wind.
MONICA: No.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause he's yummy.
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
JOEY: Anybody want a croan.
PHOEBE: Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants one of my fallic shaped man cakes?'
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
ESTELLE: Don't worry about it already. Things happen.
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?
ESTELLE: Joey, look at me, look at me. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
JOEY: No, can we get back to me?
ESTELLE: Look honey, people get fired left and right in this business. I already got you an audition for Another World.
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two?
ESTELLE: You're welcome.
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?
ESTELLE: Things change, roll with em.
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
JOEY: I'm sorry. See ya.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished reading the book.]
RACHEL: Oh, God, oh, God, I mean it's just so.
MONICA: Isn't it.
RACHEL: Uhh, I mean this is like reading about my own life. I mean this book could have been called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel'.
PHOEBE: I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you.
ROSS: Hey you guys.
MONICA: Hey.
ROSS: Uh, sweetie we've gotta go.
RACHEL: NO!
ROSS: No?
RACHEL: No, why do we always have to do everything according to your time table?
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
MONICA: You go girl. I can't pull that off can I?
ROSS: Excuse me, your, your, your wind?
RACHEL: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
ROSS: You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that.
RACHEL: Ok, I just, I just really need to be with myself right now. I'm sorry.
PHOEBE: Um-um, um-um.
RACHEL: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damnit!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross enter.]
JOEY: What is it?
ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
ROSS: What, what's that?
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
ROSS: Open it, open in.
JOEY: Oh my God.
ROSS: Woah.
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
JOEY: Ahh.
ROSS: What, woah, woah, $3500 at porcelain safari?
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
ROSS: Well I guess you can start by drivin a cab on Another World.
JOEY: What?
ROSS: That audition.
JOEY: That's a two line part.
ROSS: Joey, you owe $1100 at I Love Lucite.
JOEY: So what.
ROSS: So suck it up man, it's a job, it's money.
JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.
ROSS: Toilet paper?
JOEY: Yeah.
ROSS: Look, I'm not being any of those things, ok, I'm just being realistic.
JOEY: Well knock it off, you're supposed to be my friend.
ROSS: I am your friend.
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
JOEY: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now.
ROSS: Huh, I'm just saying...
JOEY: Well don't just say.
ROSS: Ya know, maybe, maybe I should just go.
JOEY: Ok.
ROSS: Ok. I'll see ya later. Just think about it, ok.
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
EDDIE: Hey pal.
CHANDLER: Ahhhh-gaaaahhh. Eddie what're you still doin' here?
EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?
EDDIE: Well, not unless it's got something to do with dehydrating my man because right now I'm a dehydrating maniac!
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
EDDIE: Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?
CHANDLER: Your last roommate's kidney?
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
JOEY: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.
GUNTHER: Lemonade? You ok man?
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
GUNTHER: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
JOEY: I fell down an elevator shaft.
GUNTHER: That sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.
JOEY: What?
GUNTHER: I used to be Bryce on All My Children.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Chandler wakes up]
CHANDLER: Daaahhhh!
MONICA: Aaahhhhhhh! Aaahhhh!
CHANDLER: Why must everybody watch me sleep? There'll be no more watching me sleep, no more watching.
MONICA: I wa-
CHANDLER: Uuuh.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
EDDIE: Hey man, check it out, I got some great stuff to dehydrate here. I got some grapes, got some apricots, I thought it would be really cool to see what happens with these water balloons.
CHANDLER: Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
EDDIE: What?
CHANDLER: You, move out. Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit and GET OUT!
EDDIE: You, you want, you want me to move out?
CHANDLER: Uh-huh.
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
CHANDLER: You want some help.
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
CASTING GUY: Excuse me, that's 50 bucks.
JOEY: What?
CASTING GUY: Five oh dollars.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
CASTING GUY: That's great.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
CASTING GUY: Ok, listen, thanks for coming in.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.
MONICA: And I would have to say pah-huh.
PHOEBE: What?
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
MONICA: And his puppet too.
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
MONICA: Who?
PHOEBE: Paul.
MONICA: Oh.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.
MONICA: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29.
RACHEL: Not uh, not to my recollection.
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
RACHEL: Well not when they find out you slept with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with Monica.
MONICA: One hour? You are such a leaf blower.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.
ROSS: [enters] Oh my God, what's goin' on?
JOEY: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were right.
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
JOEY: Thanks Ross.
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
JOEY: I went.
ROSS: Great, how did it go?
JOEY: I didn't get it.
ROSS: Good for you.
JOEY: What?
ROSS: You're livin' the dream.
JOEY: Huh?
ROSS: All right then.
JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot.
ROSS: What?
JOEY: I can't watch this.
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?
MOVER: 1200.
ROSS: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
ROSS: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have anything for around 200?
MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
ROSS: Huh.
MOVER: Yeah.
ROSS: I'll take it. My gift to you man.
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are sitting ignoring each other. Rachel walks up with two pieces of cake.]
RACHEL: Here are your cakes.
MONICA: We didn't order cake.
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.
MONICA: You're right.
RACHEL: You know.
PHOEBE: I love you goddesses. I don't ever want to suck your wind again.
RACHEL: Thank you. So are we good?
MONICA: We're good.
RACHEL: We're good?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Ok, let me take these cakes back 'cause they're gonna take that out of my paycheck.
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
MONICA: Are you sure this time?
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
EDDIE: [enters] Check it out man, I tore it off some mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's.
MONICA: There is no alley behind Macy's.
EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?
CHANDLER: Our next cocktail party?
EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.
CHANDLER: Eddie, do you remember yesterday?
EDDIE: Uh yes, I think I vaguely recall it.
CHANDLER: Do you remember talking to me yesterday?
EDDIE: Uh, yes.
CHANDLER: So what happened?
EDDIE: We took a road trip to Las Vegas man.
CHANDLER: Oh sweet Moses.
MONICA: So on this road trip, did you guys win any money?
EDDIE: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?
MONICA: Nice.
EDDIE: Yeah. Well see ya upstairs. See ya pals.
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
[Scene: Hallway outside Chandler and Joey's apartment. Eddie walks up.]
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
CHANDLER: May I help you?
EDDIE: Why doesn't my key work and what's all my stuff doin' downstairs?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm, I'm sorry...[Eddie forces his head in the door] Ahhh. Have we met?
EDDIE: It's Eddie you freak, your roommate.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
JOEY: Hello.
CHANDLER: Yeah, he's lived here for years, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about man.
EDDIE: No he, he moved out and I moved in.
CHANDLER: Well I, I think we'd remember something like that.
JOEY: I know I would.
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
JOEY: Hey no problem.
CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
CHANDLER: Welcome home man. [they hug and jump around]
JOEY: A little foos?
CHANDLER: Absolutely.
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog.
END

219 艾迪赖着不走

艾迪
你在这里干什么?
没什么，只是看你睡觉
为什么?
那会让我觉得…平静
请继绩
我睡不着了
要不要我唱摇篮曲?
够了我要你现在就给我搬出去
你在说什么，老兄?
人魔…
当室友都好过你
我认为你这话不公平
你看到我一次就怕了
那没看到我的那些夜晚呢
那你昨天晚上起来喝水…
…我好心躲在门后
没让你看到呢?
我根本就不知道
你马上给我出去
真的要我出去?
对，请你快出去
那我要听到你说
你要我出去
我要你出去
不…我要听到你的嘴说
那刚才是我的哪里跟你说的?
对，好吧你知道吗?
朋友，我走了
知道吗?我会在你明天下班前搬出这里
谢谢
我听到了
你看你
终于用时光机回到过去了
喜不喜欢?
我在第八街跟一个家伙买的
我看到的时候心里在想…
…”知道我缺什么吗?”
镜子?
很好，笑啊，我觉得很快活
对一个刚失业的人来说
你心情很好呀
不要紧的
又不是说我要从零开始
我可是”我们的日子”里面的雷崔克大夫
那一定可以算是一项储备吧
储备?快活?
钱德送我一卷”每日一句”卫生纸
我要去点咖啡了
书看了没有啊?
天啊，简直不可思议
是不是完全说出你的心声?
什么书啊?
瑞秋，这本书你一定要读
书名是《掌握自己的“风”》
是写女人需要拥有更多权力
对，但是有…有风
风能够让我们变成女神
知道谁取走我们的风吗?
男人，他们就那样拿走了
男人就这样拿走我们的风?
对呀，一天到晚
因为他们是闪电使者
听起来蛮酷的，有点像是哈勃
那完全不像哈勃
那就像在读我有过的每一段关系
除了理查之外
理查绝不会偷走你的风
不会，因为他很可口
对，但是其他的都会
还有，他们总是吸走…
…我们储存的内在力量
但我们连尝一口都不准
谁要吃根长条糕?
这就是典型的闪电使者行为
就像是…
…”哈罗，谁要来一根我的老二形蛋糕?”
你别担心了，人有祸福的
所以我这次被炒鱿鱼你不会生气吗?
乔伊，看着我
看着我
我的牙齿上有口红吗?
没有，我们说回我，好不好?
听着，亲爱的
这一行到处有人被炒鱿鱼
我已经帮你找到了
”另一个世界”的试镜机会了
好棒
计程车司机乙?
不客气
可是我演过霍崔克大夫
我怎么能从神经外科医生
演到一个计程车司机?
世事无常，随遇而安吧
可是他只有两句话
就像在开倒车
我不要演这个
乔伊，这句话我也劝过明艾尔…
…跟他的金字塔狗群
有什么就做什么
不要随地乱搞
抱歉
改天见
天啊
天啊，我是说，这好…
不是吗?
这就像是读我自己的生活
我是说这书可以改做
”掌握自己的风，瑞秋”
我不认为那会卖一百万本…
…但要当礼物送给你，到满合适的
甜心，我们得走了
不，为什么我们做什么事
都得照你的时间表来呢?
事实上，我们照的是电影院的时间表
这样我们才不会错过开头啊
不，你瞧，这不是关于电影院
这是关于你偷了我的风
加油，妹子
我说得不好，是不是?
对不起，你的风?
对，我的风
你不让我吹，我怎么能成长?
你知道…
…我倒不会反对呀
我只是很需要
自己一个人静一静
很抱歉
你说得对，我不需要跟他道歉
抱歉，该死
怎么了？不知道
是关于什么风呀树呀…
…里头还有什么神圣的池塘
我不是很懂
但她很生气
所以我不跟看书的女人约会
那是什么?
我的信用卡帐单
两封里的第一封
不可能是好事，打开来看看
天啊
你看看我怎么会花这么多钱?
乔伊，那只是最低应缴金额
总金额在这里
你买了一套瓷器
花了3500块钱?
我那些动物瓷器
那店员说很适合我
他讲话有口音，我被搞迷糊了
我不知道该怎么办
我想你可以从”另一个世界”开计程车开始
什么？
不是有试镜机会？
那只有两句台词
乔伊，你欠”我爱树脂”1100块钱
怎么样?
所以就认命吧，老兄
那是工作，钱
听着，我不需要你那一套说教
“每日一句”卫生纸?
听着，我没有那样
我只是很实际而已
别说了，你是我的朋友才对
我是你的朋友
那你就该劝我说 ”乔伊，没问题的”
”撑下去你会得到大角色的，我知道”
但是我不知道
我只知道你欠”缤纷世界”这家店2300大洋
罗斯，我知道我欠多少
那就讲一点道理啊
你奋斗了十年才得到那份工作
谁知道下一个机会还要等多久
我不想听这个
我只是说…
那就别”只是说”，好吗?
或许我该走了
好，我们待会儿见
你考虑看看
我不需要考虑
我演过雷崔克大夫
那是大角色
大机会还会出现的，你等着瞧
罗斯?
你走了吗?
艾迪，你还在这里干什么?
只是随便给一些蔬菜水果
做脱水处理（以便保存）
老天爷，这玩意儿太棒了
听我说，艾迪你有没有忘记什么事?
看，我买了一条新的金鱼
它比上一条活泼多了
对，大概是因为
上一条是饼干公司做的吧
艾迪，你现在是不是有件事
必须要马上去做的?
脱水吗？
因为现在我是脱水疯子
你必须要帮我忙
我以为我们讲好了…
你知道那是什么吗?
你上个室友的肾?
那是一颗蕃茄
这个一定要拿来当摆饰
阿甘，一杯柠檬汁带走
柠檬汁?
你没事吧?
只是事业不太顺利
不知道你听到没有
他们杀了我扮演的人物
真不幸，怎么杀的?
我掉下了电梯
真逊
我是雪崩的时候被活埋的
什么?
我以前演过”孩子们”的布莱
干嘛大家都要看我睡觉?
不准再看我睡觉了
我不准…
…别再看了
我有些好东西脱水哦
有葡萄，还有杏桃
还有我想看这些水球脱水后
会是什么德性，一定很酷
出去
出去
带着水果，带着你愚蠢的水果
给我搬出去
你要我搬出去?
我得告诉你，老兄
这有点突然，你不认为吗?
这不是突如其来
突如其来到极点了
轻松一点，放轻松，兄弟
你不用告诉我两次
会有人来拿我的东西
不过你以为我会让我的鱼跟你独处，
那你就疯了
要我帮忙吗?
不用
一直开到机场?
那超过了三十哩
我估计大概要”王元”哦
对不起，你说错了，是五十元
五十…元
你知道为什么吗?字糊了因为是传真的
当我在演”我们的日子”演霍崔克大夫的时候…
…他们会送来用纸打印的整个剧本来
那太棒了
如果你想加长这场戏像是出了车祸之类的…
…我可以照顾伤患…
…因为我有医疗演出的背景
听我说，谢谢你来
不…别谢谢我来
至少让我演完
我们可以走高速公路…
…但这种时候，
我们还是走“轿”比较好一点
你们的意思是”桥”对不对?
祝我今天愉快
第28个问题
”你有没有让闪电使者取走过你的风?”
我必须说，没有
而我必须说…
什么?
你不记得那个演木偶戏的吗?
对，你完全让他在你内在力量的池子里
大洗其脚呀
还有他的木偶
对，但至少不在我第一次约会
…就让人家进入我的正义真理的森林里啊
谁呀？保罗
继续，继续下一个
好，第29题
”你曾经为一个闪电使者…
…背叛过另一位女神吗?”第30题
回到第29题
…不记得有
好吧，艾丹尼，九年级
少来，瑞秋你知道那瓶子完全指向我的
那是因为你的体积太庞大了
听你们两个说的真是悲哀
这下子看来我真该一个人去参加女神会议了
如果别人发现何杰森跟摩妮卡才分手了一个小时…
…你就跟他上床了呢?
一小时？
你可真会挑拨离间
小心那个立体的最后晚餐犹太有点松了
这怎么回事?
他们来拿东西回去我想你说得对
不，听着，我说得不对
我就是来告诉你这个的
因为那天我的心完全在我自己的事情上头
你听我说嘛，需要那个什么狗屁安全感的人是我
我需要完全掌握下次薪水
从哪儿来，你又不用担心这个
我觉得你真了得
我永远都无法像你，乔伊
谢了，罗斯
对，你应该等待更好的机会
你不知道我多么敬重…
…你不去那个计程车司机的试镜
我去了
太棒了，结果呢?
我没得到角色
你在实现梦想
好吧
别带走鹦鹉
我看不下去了
等等…
这要多少…救那只鸟要多少钱?
1200美金？
你花1200美金买只塑胶鸟
那是一时冲动
它在收银机附近
去吧，把鸟带走吧
你有没有大约两百左右的?
那只狗
我买了
送给你，老兄
谢了，罗斯
我真的很喜欢那只鸟
不过这只狗…
你们的蛋糕
我们没点蛋糕
我知道，是我请的
听着，两位，这样不好
我是说被男人偷走我们的风就够惨了…
…何苦再自相残杀呢?
你说得对
我爱你们，女神们
我再也不会吸走你们的风了
谢谢，我们和好了?
和好了
和好了?
好，那我把蛋糕送回去
因为他们会从我薪水里扣
那个疯子走了
这次你确定?
对…我亲眼看到他离开的
那家伙拿着一个人头在窗口
他拿着一个人头
你瞧，老兄
我在梅西百货后面巷子的
模特儿身上摘下来的
梅西后面没有巷子
所以我是在少女部摘的
有什么差别呢?
你瞧瞧，老兄，这样我们
下次鸡尾酒会就有得聊了
”下次的鸡尾酒会”?
对呀，可以拿来放洋芋片
弄成一个洋芋片小妞儿
你记得昨天发生的事吗?
我想我模模糊糊的记得
那么你还记得昨天你跟我说的话吗?
发生了什么事?
我们跑去拉斯维加斯，老兄
天啊
那么这次的旅行你们有没有赢钱呢?
没有，我输光了
但这位21点先生赢了
300块，他买这双新鞋给我
很棒吧?
楼上见了，再见
还有别人开始很喜欢他吗?
需要我效劳吗?
我的钥匙为什么不能用了?
我的东西为什么都在楼下?
抱歉
我们有见过吗?
我是艾迪，呆子，你的室友
对不起…
…我已经有室友了
他住很多年了
我不知道你在说什么，老兄
他搬出去以后我才搬进来的
如果是那样的话
我们应该记得才对
我知道我会
说得有道理
好
那我想我记错房子了
两位，对不起，对不起
没关系
再见了
再会了，干燥水果的疯子
乔伊，要我帮你打开行李吗?
不用了
我只是想让你知道
我是不得已才搬回来的
是不得已没错…
但是在那个地方并不是真的…
我是说，这里…
欢迎回家，老兄
小试一下身手?
没问题
这颗球怎么了?
那是颗哈蜜瓜
乔伊，每次罗斯来
我们都要把这玩意拖出来吗?
他付了很多钱买这个
我要用不同的方式来抱它
你真的那么讨厌这个
那当初为何要买它呢?
我那边有一整个陶磁动物园嘛
现在少了其他动物看起来就很俗了
它会控制大小便吗?
还是会到处留下小磁器便便?
别动
别动
好（假）狗

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 44楼发表于: 2014-03-16 0

220 The One Where Old Yeller Dies

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe enters to see Monica, Richard, Ross, and Rachel tearfully watching TV.]
PHOEBE: Hey. Watcha guys doin?
RICHARD: Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
PHOEBE: Why are you guys so upset? It's Old Yeller, it's a happy movie.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: What're you talkin' about?
PHOEBE: C'mon, happy family gets a dog, frontier fun.
ROSS: Yeah but Phoebs, what about the end?
PHOEBE: What when Yeller saves saves the family from the wolf and everyone's happy?
RACHEL: That's not the end.
PHOEBE: Yu-huh. That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say 'The end'.
MONICA: What about the part where he has rabies?
PHOEBE: He doesn't have rabies, he has babies. That's what my mom said.
RICHARD: Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom would want you to see what's about to happen.
PHOEBE: What, what's about to happen? [starts watching] I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, watcha doin' with that gun? Oh no, no no Travis, put down the gun. No no no no, he he's your buddy, he's your Yeller, no, no no, the end, THE END. [hear the gunshot from the TV]
[Scene:Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard is on the balcony smoking and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I wearing?...Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
[Chandler and Joey come sprinting in]
JOEY: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're not gonna come over.
MONICA: Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
CHANDLER: Well, how do you find clothes that fit?
JOEY: Oh, hey, Monica, we've got a question.
MONICA: Alright, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in shower at the gym, and no I don't look.
JOEY: No, not that one. We're trying to figure out who to bring to the Knicks game tonight, we have an extra ticket.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Ross can't go so it's between my friend Eric Prower who has breath issues and Dan with the poking. [starts poking Monica in the shoulder] 'Did you see that play? Do you want some more beer? Is that Spike Lee?'
MONICA: Ok. [Richard walks in] Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
JOEY: Ok, uh, hey Richard, if you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game and you had to choose between a friend who smells and one who bruises you who would you pick?
RICHARD: Wow. Well being a huge Knicks fan myself, I think you should take someone who's a huge Knicks fan.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's Eric.
RICHARD: Glad to be of help. Matches. [walks out to the balcony]
MONICA: I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game? What?
JOEY: I don't know.
MONICA: C'mon. Keeps his fingers to himself and he's always minty fresh.
CHANDLER: I don't know, Richard's really nice and everything, uh, it's just that we don't know him really well, ya know, and plus he's, ya know, old [Monica gives him a glare] -er than some people, but, uh, younger than some buildings.
MONICA: So what, he's a little older, big deal, I mean he's important to me. Ya know if you ask him, he might take you on his Jag. [walks off]
JOEY: How do we say yes now and make it seem like we're not doin' it just to ride in the cool car?
CHANDLER: Ok, this could be tough.
JOEY: [Monica walks back in the kitchen] Ok ok ok ok. Monica, we'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.
CHANDLER: Ooh, you almost had it.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is holding Ben.]
ROSS: [smells Ben's butt] No no, you're fine, you're fine.
CAROL: [enters with Susan] Hello
ROSS: Hi.
SUSAN: Hey.
CAROL: Hi honey.
ROSS: Oh you guys are not gonna believe what happened.
CAROL: What?
SUSAN: What?
ROSS: Ok, we were sitting over there playing on the floor and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up. He pulled himself up. Standing man. I'm sorry you guys missed it but I did tape it so it you guys want to see it.
CAROL: Uhh, we know, he already did it last week.
SUSAN: You can watch our tape if you want.
ROSS: I don't believe this. I miss, I miss the first time of everything. I missed, what, the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled. What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet, is he driving, does he have a favorite liquour?
CAROL: Actually, he is getting closer on the talking thing. He can't quite say mama yet, but once he said yumen.
ROSS: Ooh, I, I'm so sick of missing stuff. Ya know, I want him for more than, than a day, I want him for a whole weekend. No listen , I mean, I feel like-
CAROL and SUSAN: Great. That would be fine.
ROSS: Really? I mean, I, I had a whole speach prepared.
SUSAN: Oh shout, that would have been fun.
ROSS: Oh look, did, did you just see that? Did you see? He just waved, he just waved, he's never waved before, you've never waved before. Yes he has. Very good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there. Phoebe enters carrying video tapes.]
PHOEBE: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey Phoebs, whatcha got there?
PHOEBE: Ok, Love Story, Brian's Song, and Terms of Endearment.
MONICA: Wow, all you need now is The Killing Fields and some guacamole and you've got yourself a part-ay.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the Old Yeller incident, and she told me that my mom used to not show us the ends of sad movies to shield us from the pain and sadness. You know, before she killed herself.
[Chandler and Joey enter]
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.
MONICA: Hey. Where is he, where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
JOEY: Yeah right after we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie. What's the matter with you, he's parking the car.
MONICA: So'd you guys have fun?
CHANDLER: Your boyfriend is so cool.
MONICA: Really?
CHANDLER: Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.
RACHEL: Wow, he must like you the best.
JOEY: Oh, what about that thing he did when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats. You never even saw the money, it was like this. [With money in his palm] Hey Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats [shakes his had and passes the dollar].
CHANDLER: You're welcome. Hey Joey, thanks for parking the car [passes the dollar back].
JOEY: No problem. Hey Chandler
CHANDLER: I think they get it.
JOEY: Ok.
[Richard enters]
CHANDLER: There's the man.
JOEY: He-he-eyy. [Shakes his had and passes the dollar]
RICHARD: Hey, you're gettin' better. I'm gonna keep this by the way.
JOEY: Ok. He kept my dollar.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben.]
MONICA: So your first whole weekend without Ben, what're you guys gonna do?
CAROL: Uh, we're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.
SUSAN: Yeah, a woman I went to college with just became the first female blacksmith down there.
ROSS: Well, ya know, they're a little behind the times in Colonial Williamsburg.
CAROL: Think I better go before mommy starts weeping.
ROSS: Buy mommy.
CAROL and SUSAN: We love you. Buy.
ROSS: Have a good time. Ok, Ben.
MONICA: Ross.
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: Look. [they look at Joey in the kitchen with a cigar in his mouth, looking at his reflection in a spatula] Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
JOEY: How come Richard looks so much cooler with one of these than me?
ROSS: Well for starters, you may want to light it and lose the spatula.
MONICA: You know what, I think it's cute, you trying to be more like Richard.
JOEY: Not like him, per-se, just not un-like him.
[Chandler enters with his hair full of mousse and a cheesy moustache]
ROSS: Look it's the artist formerly known as Chandler.
CHANDLER: Just tryin' somethin' here, ya know.
MONICA: So Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?
JOEY: Oh we flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the moustache. Figured if we both grew it, we'd look like dorks.
ROSS: Yeah, you really sidestepped that land mine.
CHANDLER: Hey listen, we've gotta go, I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
MONICA: You're meeting Richard?
JOEY: Yeah, we're goin' to a Ranger game.
CHANDLER: Yeah, didn't he tell ya?
MONICA: Well, he told me he was going out with the guys, I just didn't know that you were the guys.
CHANDLER: You hear that? We're the guys.
JOEY: We're the guys.
MONICA: With that moustache doesn't Chandler remind you of Aunt Sylvia?
ROSS: Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is working. Ross enters with Ben.]
ROSS: Hi, we're visitiing. It's Ben and his da-da. Da-da. Can you say da-da? Look, I'm gonna tell your momies you said it anyway so you might as well try.
RACHEL: No luck huh?
ROSS: Naa. A while ago I got a sah out of him, which I thought, ya know, might turn into sah-condary caregiver but... Hey, would you uh, would you hold him for a sec, 'cause I, I gotta take this off.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah sure, Ok. [she takes Ben and holds him at arms length]
ROSS: What're you doing?
RACHEL: Uh, I'm holding Ben.
ROSS: Yeah, well, he's a baby not a bomb.
RACHEL: Ok.
ROSS: Well just hold him like you'd hold a football.
RACHEL: This is how I would hold a football.
ROSS: Ok, here, here. There we go.
RACHEL: Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just not very good with babies. I mean I haven't been around them, I mean, you know, since I was one.
ROSS: It's alright, it's no big deal.
RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: Yeah, definitely, I'm sure you'll feel totally different when it's our baby.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: You think about stuff like that?
ROSS: Uhh, yeah. I mean, actually I kinda think that we'll have, we'll have two babies.
RACHEL: Two, two babies?
ROSS: Yeah. Ya know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully the girl will come first so Ben here won't feel too competitive.
RACHEL: Then what's gonna happen?
ROSS: Well, we won't wanna raise kids in the city so we'll probably move to uh, Scarsdale.
RACHEL: Uh-huh.
ROSS: Yeah, that way I figure, ya know, we'll be far enough away from our parents that we don't have to see them all the time but close enough that they can come over and babysit whenever we want. And yes, I know, the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau county but the school system's supposedly great.
RACHEL: Wow. Wow, that's great. Great. Ok, wow, you know what.
ROSS: Huh?
RACHEL: I'm off my break now so uh, um here you take this [hands back Ben] and um, I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee. Ok. Oh look at that, I don't have a pot. I don't have a pot. Well, hey, maybe I've got one at home, or in Scarsdale. Hey is that a door? [leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are there. Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.
RICHARD: Hey Phoebs, what's happening?
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
MONICA: So you watched the movies huh?
PHOEBE: Uh huh, what is happening to the world? I mean, no no no, 'cause ET leaves, and and Rocky loses, Charlotte dies.
RICHARD: Charlotte who?
PHOEBE: With the web, the spider she dies, she does. She has babies and dies. It's like ya know, hey welcome home from the hospital, thud.
MONICA: Alright, you wanna feel better?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
MONICA: Ok, here, watch this.
PHOEBE: It's a Wonderful Life. Yes I've heard of this.
MONICA: So you can't lose, it's there in the title. Wonderfullness is baked right in.
PHOEBE: Please, I almost fell for that with, uh, Pride of the Yankees, I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
RICHARD: Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kinda see it coming?
PHOEBE: Phoebe, just watch that, I promise it will resotre all your faith in humanity.
CHANDLER: [runs in] Hey, big guy, game time.
RICHARD: Hey, be right there.
MONICA: There's a game?
CHANDLER: Uh, yeah, I just got my pick-up sticks back from the shop. Bring your nerves of steel.
RICHARD: It's the basketball playoffs.
MONICA: Listen, um honey, I appreciate this but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me, I mean, they have each other.
RICHARD: Oh, no, honey, I mean, don't worry, I like hanging out with those guys. It's fun for me. They're different than my other friends, they don't start sentences with, 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'
MONICA: Alright that's great, then just go. Go Knicks.
RICHARD: Uh, it's the college playoffs.
MONICA: Oh, then go Vassar.
RICHARD: Uh, they're not in it.
MONICA: Ok, then just go.
RICHARD: Ok. [leaves]
MONICA: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don't wanna be one of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day with them.
PHOEBE: Sure.
MONICA: It's just that he doesn't have that much free time, ya know, and I don't know, what do I do?
PHOEBE: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced or have to blow your pets head off.
RACHEL: [enters] Aghh.
PHOEBE: Me too. [leaves]
MONICA: I've got a question. Richard made plans again with the guys.
RACHEL: Yeah well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.
MONICA: Ya know what, I think I'm gonna go to my room and read Cosmo, maybe there's something helpful in there. Know what, at least maybe I can learn how to do an at home bikini wax with leftover Cristmas candles.
ROSS: [enters] Ok, what the hell happened back there?
RACHEL: I don't know, you tell me. One minute I'm holding Ben like a football, the next thing I know, I've got two kids, I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
ROSS: Well I'm sorry, I think about stuff. Ya know, I mean, you're at work, you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.
RACHEL: Ross, you have planned out the next 20 years of our lives, we've been dating for six weeks.
ROSS: C'mon, what, you never think about our future?
RACHEL: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night. I do not think about what our childrens' names are gonna be. You know what our childrens names are gonna be.
ROSS: No, no, I mean, ya know, I, I read a book and there was a girl named Emily and I thought, I thought that might be good.
RACHEL: What was the book?
ROSS: The big book of childrens' names.
RACHEL: Ok, Ross, Ross, ok listen, what we have is amazing.
ROSS: Yeah.
RACHEL: But I do not want to have everything decided for me. I spent my whole life like that. It's what I had with Barry, that was one of the reasons I left. I, I like not knowing right now and I'm sorry if that scares you but if you want to be with me you are gonna have to deal with that.
ROSS: Ok fine.
RACHEL: Thank you.
ROSS: We're not done.
RACHEL: I didn't know that.
ROSS: Ok, then you're gonna have to understand that you're with a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future with you because he knows that we're gonna end up together and if that scares you, tough, 'cause you're gonna have to deal with that.
RACHEL: Fine, I will.
ROSS: Good, 'cause I love you.
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
ROSS: Yeah.
RACHEL: Well I love you too.
ROSS: Well that's the first time we've said that.
RACHEL: Yes it is.
ROSS: Well, I'm gonna kiss you.
RACHEL: Well you better.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey. Oh thanks for the great movie tip.
MONICA: Did you like it?
PHOEBE: Oh yeah. You know, I don't know if I was happier when um George Bailey destroyed the family business or um, Donna Reid cried, or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
MONICA: Alright, I'll give you the ear thing but don't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
PHOEBE: I didn't watch the ending, I was too depressed. It just kept getting worse and worse, it should have been called, "It's a sucky life and just when you think it can't suck any more it does."
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are playing Richard at foosball.]
CHANDLER: Kick save and... denied.
RICHARD: But... he gets it back, pass to the middle, lines it up and... BAM! Yes! Could that shot BE any prettier?
JOEY: Man you are incredible.
RICHARD: Well, we had a table in college.
CHANDLER: Oh really, I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800's.
RICHARD: Nice moustache by the way. When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
MONICA: [enters] Honey. Uh, not to sound too Florence Henderson but, dinner's on the table.
RICHARD: Ok, just one more point.
MONICA: [grabs the other two bars on Richard's side and scores] Score! Now can we go?
CHANDLER: See, that's why we don't let her play.
RICHARD: Is everything all right?
MONICA: Um-hmm.
RICHARD: Uh-oh.
CHANDLER: Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time.
JOEY: Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with.
RICHARD: Well.
JOEY: No no, seriously, Chandler and I were just talkin about this. He is so much cooler than our dads. [Chandler starts kicking him below the table] I mean, you know, our dad's are ok, ya know, but Richard is just- ow, ow. What are you kickin me for? Huh? I'm tryin to talk here.
RICHARD: Uh, you guys see me as a dad?
JOEY: Oh yeah.
CHANDLER: No.
JOEY: Nooooo.
CHANDLER: Your just, your just clearly not familiar with our young persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.
RICHARD: Uh-huh, yeah.
CHANDLER: No no, seriously, Joey's my dad, Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at work.
RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
MONICA: Nighty-nite.
CHANDLER: You're not a dad. You're not a dad.
JOEY: Not a dad.
CHANDLER: I can't believe you got us into trouble. [slaps Joey on the arm. Joey takes exception and slaps him back]
MONICA: [her and Richard return to her place] So are you ok?
RICHARD: Yeah, just, I feel like I'm about a hundred. I thought I was just one of the guys.
MONICA: Come here. I'll make you feel like one of the guys. You know for a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.
RICHARD: What're you talkin' about, I was killin' 'em.
MONICA: Yeah, well they suck too.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel is changing Ben's diaper under Ross's supervision.]
ROSS: Ok, and then you take the poopie diaper and you put it in the poopie diaper pail.
RACHEL: Ok Ross, just so you know, calling it a poopie diaper doesn't make this process any cuter.
ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] Hello.
CAROL: It's us.
ROSS: Come on up. I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together. [walks in his room]
RACHEL: Ok, we can do this now, can't we Ben? Yes we can, yes we can. [finishes the diaper] There. I did it. I did it. Look at that, oh, stays on and everything. Hi.
BEN: Hi.
RACHEL: I'm sorry, what did you just say? Did you just say hi? Oh my God, Ross, Ross, Ben just said 'Hi'.
ROSS: Wha, what?
RACHEL: Ben just said hi.
ROSS: What, the word hi?
RACHEL: Ye-, no, my Uncle Hi.
ROSS: Great, great, and I miss that too, I miss everything.
RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, I guess I just bring it out in him.
CAROL and SUSAN: Hello.
RACHEL: Guess what. Ben just said his first word.
CAROL: What did he say?
ROSS: Something about hi.
SUSAN: That's so exciting.
CAROL: Mommy is so proud of you. Hi. Hi.
RACHEL: You know, actually it's more like, hi.
CAROL: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi.
CAROL: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi.
CAROL: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi.
CAROL: Hi.
SUSAN: Ok, this could go on for a while.
CAROL: We've got a cab waiting downstairs.
ROSS: Well, this was fun. Uh, we should really do it again sometime, wha'dya say? Ok. Alright so I've got him.
CAROL: Tuesday.
ROSS: Tuesday right. Ok, bye you guys.
RACHEL: Take care.
ROSS: Bye Ben.
BEN: Bye.
RACHEL: Did, did he just, did he, did he just say, he said bye. He said bye. You said, you said bye to me. You said bye to me.
SUSAN: Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
CAROL: We've gotta go, we've got that cab waiting.
ROSS: Alright, alright, ok. Bye.
BEN: Bye.
ROSS: Bye.
BEN: Bye.
ROSS: Bye.
BEN: Bye.
ROSS: Bye.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is watching Bert and Ernie with Ben.]
ERNIE: Oh wow, look at this nice deep hole I've been digging. Hey Bert, isn't this a nice hole here. Hey.
PHOEBE: [pauses the tape] Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
ERNIE: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.
PHOEBE: Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
END

220 猎狗之死

嘿，你们在干什么？
Monica在让我们看“老黄狗”
那你们怎么这么难过？
是 “老黄狗”，喜剧片
什么？
你在说什么？
当然，幸福的家庭养了一条狗
非常有趣
是的不过Phoebs，结局如何？
老黄狗从野狼那里救出这一家，大家都很高兴阿？
- 这不是结局！
噢—呃
我妈妈就在这时关上电视，并且说“完了”
那他得了狂犬病的那部分呢？
他不是有了狂犬病，他是有了孩子
这是我妈妈说的
呃， Phoebe，
我觉得你妈妈是不想让你看到将要发生什么事情
什么，将要发生的事情？
我从来没看过这段
嘿， Travis，你要用那把熗干嘛？
欧，不，Travis，放下熗
不，不……他是你的伙伴，是你的老黄狗，
不，不，结束了，完了！
OK，简直是又有病又自私的人!
翻译校对: F6论坛,水木TV_Friends版
汉风论坛(www.hanstyle.org) NTP Shawn 调校
嘿，你们吃过了么？
呃，Richard和我刚吃完，剩了些东西
鸡肉和土豆……
我穿着什么？……
实际上，只带了橡胶手套
你要是真的想裸体，我们并不会过来看
好的，我有一条腿，三个乳房和一个翅膀
（意即鸡腿，鸡胸和鸡翅膀）
那你怎么会觉得衣服都这么合适？
欧，嘿， Monica，有个问题问你
好，第一亿次告诉你，没错，
我在体育馆看到一个女的在洗澡，
不过，不，我没有去看她
不，不是这个。我们想知道能带谁去看尼克斯队的比赛
我们有张多余的票
Ross去不了，所以只能选择我朋友Eric Prower
有口臭
或者Dan，老是戳来戳去的家伙
你看了那场球了么？你还要啤酒么？
那个是Spike Lee么？（大导演）
Ok，嘿，
你们怎么不问问Richard？
Ok，呃，嘿 Richard
如果你有一张多余的尼克斯队的球票
而你不得不从你的两个朋友里选：
一个口臭，一个老弄伤你——你会选谁？
哇，我自己作为尼克斯的铁杆球迷，
当然认为你应该带去的是——尼克斯的铁杆球迷
Ok，Eric的想法
很高兴能有帮助。火柴
我的意思是：你们为什么不带Richard去看这场球赛？
什么？
我不知道
别这样，除了手指，他其他地方还是蛮好闻的
我不知道，Richard是相当棒
呃，是因为我们对他不是十分了解
你知道，而且他有点……老
于一些人，但是，呃，比一些房子年轻
那又怎么样，他是有点年纪大，很……
我的意思是，他对我很重要
你知道如果你请他去
他可能会去开他的美洲虎哦
我们现在答应如何，
这样看起来我们不是冲着这辆酷车的
Ok, 有点不好办
Ok Ok Ok Ok
Monica，我们叫上他，但他必须得开美洲虎去
欧，你差点就办到了
不不，没事，没事
Hello
嗨。嘿.
Hi 亲爱的
欧,你们肯定不会相信发生了什么事情
什么？ / - 什么？
Ok，我们坐在那里，在地板上玩，
他自己站了起来
他自己站了起来 —— 站立
很遗憾你们错过了，不过我录了下来
你们肯定想看
呃，我们知道，上个礼拜他就能这样了
如果愿意你可以看我们的录像带
我不相信
我错过了，我错过了所有的第一次
我错过了，他第一次打滚，第一次爬
我还错过了什么？
他现在能说话么，他会开车么
他现在有最喜欢喝的酒吗？
事实上，他快能说话了
他还不能说“妈妈”，但他有一次说“也门”
欧，我讨厌总是错过这些事
你们知道，我想和他待…几天
和他度过整个周末
听着，我的意思是，我想……
太棒了，这样很好
真的？我的意思是…，我本来准备了
长篇大论来说服你们的
欧，不是吧，早知道那样就有意思了
欧，看那，你们看见了吗？看见了吗？
他刚才挥手了
他挥手了，他以前从没挥过手
（对着孩子说）你从来没挥过手
是的，他挥过
很好
嘿 Phoebs,你在干什么？
Ok, ‘爱情故事’, ‘布里安之歌’，和‘母女情深’.
哇，要是再有‘战火屠城’这个片子
加上一些吃的，你就能开个派对了
是的，我和我姥姥谈了老黄狗里的剧情
而她告诉我
我妈妈以前从不给我们看悲剧电影的结尾，
以此来使我们远离痛苦和悲伤
在她自杀之前
嘿。他呢，Richard去哪了？你们把他甩了？
是的，就在我们偷了他的午餐钱
并装作不知道之后
你担心什么那，他在泊车
这么说你们玩的很高兴了？
你男友太酷了
真的？
当然,他让我们开他的美洲虎
Joey开了12个街区，我开了15个
哇，他一定很欣赏你
欧，他给那个家伙小费的方式如何，
把我们带到位置上的那个
你根本就看不见钱在哪儿，像这样：
嘿 Chandler,谢谢你把我们带到位置上来
不客气
嘿 Joey，谢谢你帮我泊车
没问题
嘿 Chandler
我觉得她们明白了。/ - Ok
这家伙来了
嘿—嘿……
嘿，你做的好多了
顺便我留着这个了
Ok
他拿走我的钱了
这是你们第一个不用照顾Ben的全周末，
你们打算干些啥？
呃，我们要去Colonial Williamsburg
是阿，以前和我一起上大学的女生
成了那里的第一个女铁匠
你看她们就像只离开
Colonial Williamsburg没多久
我看该走了，不然妈妈要舍不得了
拜拜,妈咪。/ - 我们爱你。拜…
好好玩
Ross
嗯？
看
Joey，你知道我们在这儿能看到你么？
为什么Richard配上这玩意看着比我酷？
嗯，对于初学者来说，你应该
点着雪茄，再把刮刀扔掉
你知道的，我觉得这样不错
你正在努力使自己更像Richard
不是像他，是——，不去…不像他
看，这个艺术家以前叫做Chandler
我正在试着做些什么，
那么Joey，
你为什么不蓄胡子？
我们分开做了
我抽雪茄，他留胡子
相象一下如果我们都这样
那我们就成乡巴佬了
是的你们的确不像
嘿，听着，我们得走了
我相信能在楼下碰到Richard
你们要去找Richard？
是的,我们要去看一场Ranger队的比赛
是的，他没告诉你吗？
他告诉我他要和哥们们出去，
我当然不知道你们就是“哥们们”
听到了吗？我们是“哥们们”
我们是“哥们们”
Chandler留胡子的样子
有没有让你想起Sylvia婶婶？
太谢谢你了
Hi，我们来参观了
是Ben和他的爸 — 爸
爸 — 爸
你能说爸 — 爸吗？
欧，我想告诉你的妈妈们你说出来了
所以你能试试说吗？
不走运？
不，刚才我听到他说了声“撒”
我还以为紧跟着会说出“第二位护理员”
但……
嘿，你能帮我抱他一会么
我得把这个放下来
欧，当然, Ok.
你在干嘛？
呃,我在抱着Ben啊
是,嗯,他是个孩子,不是炸弹
Ok
抱着他就像你抱着一个橄榄球
这就是我抱着橄榄球的样子
Ok，给我，这儿，来喽
Ok，我很抱歉，我照顾不好小孩子
我意思是我从未照顾过小孩
自从我是个小孩以来
没事,这并不难
真的？
当然，如果他是我们的小孩，
我肯定你感觉一定很不同
什么？
你在想这方面的事情？
呃，是的
事实上我想我们能有两个，有两个小孩
两，两个小孩？
是啊，一个男孩一个女孩
希望先有女孩
这样Ben就不会感到太大竞争压力
…然后…呢？
嗯,我们不会在这个城市里抚养小孩
所以我们很可能搬去，呃，Scarsdale.
是的，我想这样我们就能离开我们的父母
远到…
不用老是去看望他们，而且又近到
只要我们愿意，他们随时来照看孩子
而且，我知道那里税要略高于，嗯，Nassau镇
但教育系统很不错
哇，真不错，不错
- Ok，你知道么，
呵？
我该干活了，来，你抱着他，
我得去给人们倒上好的咖啡
Ok。欧，看那，我没有拿壶，我没有拿壶
嗯，嘿，也许家里有一个，要不就在Scarsdale
嘿，这个是门吗？
嘿
嘿 Phoebs，如何？
欧，ok，谋杀，癌症，
橄榄球队在安第斯山自相残杀
那么,你看电影了是吧？
呃,世上发生了什么事情？
我意思是，不不，因为ET外星人离开了
而Rocky失败了，Charlotte死了
Charlotte是谁？
网子、蜘蛛——她死了
她有了小孩，然后死了
像你所知的，嘿…欢迎从医院回家来
好吧,想感觉舒服点么？
当然
Ok，这儿，看这个
是‘美丽人生’。是的我听说过这个
那就不能错过了。看这的标题
“本片里充满了惊奇”
我几乎觉得就像在看‘国族之光’，
我想我当时准备看一部关于国家荣誉
的电影，然后……
嘣，那个人患上了Lou Gehrig的病
呃，那个人就是Lou Gehrig，
你没看到他出场么？
Phoebe，看看吧，
我保证它能重建你的人生信念
嘿,老伙计。比赛时间到了
嘿,在那儿等我
有比赛？
呃,是的,我刚从商店弄来棍子
（指棍子桌球）
绷紧你的神经
是篮球的加时赛
听着，亲爱的，我很感谢你能和他们一起玩，
为了我
我的意思是,他们已经有对方来陪了
不,不,亲爱的,不用担心
我喜欢和他们俩在一起，挺有意思的，
他们不像我的其他朋友，
他们不会用这种句子和你开始聊天
‘知道谁在铲雪的时候死了吗？’
好吧，很好。去吧
尼克斯加油
呃,是大学里的比赛
欧,那加油,Vassar.
呃,不是在那儿
Ok，反正就是—加油！
Ok
欧，为什么我老为这种事情烦恼？
我并不想当一个让她男友一天24小时
都陪在身旁的女人
当然
不过他的休息时间可没那么多，你也知道
我真不知道自己该怎么办？
这有什么大不了的？你最终还不是要死，
或者离婚，或者把你的宠物的头拧下来
啊……
我也是
有个问题困扰我
Richard又计划了和这些家伙去玩
是…嗯，Ross把整一个世纪都给计划好了
我还是回房间去读些宇宙学的东西，
也许那玩艺能对我有些帮助
知道吧，至少我能学学怎么用比基尼蜡除毛
用圣诞节剩下的蜡烛
Ok，你到底怎么了？
我不知道，你来说啊
我头里还像抱橄榄球那样抱着本，
你立马就说我有2个孩子，住在Scarsdale
还在抱怨那里的税太高
嗯，对不起，我经常会想这些东西
我意思是，你在工作，在挣钱
但没怎么打算过
Ross，你把我们未来20年的生活都计划出来了，
可我们不过才约会了6个礼拜
欧，别这样
你从未设想过我们的将来？
我想过，但我是考虑
明晚咱们在哪个公寓过夜，
和下礼拜六的晚上我们该出去吃饭
我可没想过我们的孩子该取什么名字
你想过孩子该取的名字了
不，没有
嗯，我读了一本书，里面有个女孩叫Emily
我觉得这个名字不错
什么书？
孩子名字大全
Ok， Ross，Ross，
听着
我们在一起的确很棒
是啊
但我很不喜欢让所有的事都为我决定好了
从小到大老是这样，和Barry在一起的时候也是
这也是让我离开他的一个原因
我，我不想现在就把什么事计划好
很抱歉这样会吓到你，但既然我们
要在一起，你就得面对这个
Ok 好…
多谢你
还没完那
没注意
Ok，那你得意识到和你在一起的这个男人
决不会停下他对两个人未来的计划
既然我们会永远在一起，如果你觉得害怕的话，
那太糟了，因为‘你就得面对这个’
好,我会的
很好,因为我爱你
我也爱你
这是我们第一次说这话
是的
我要吻你
那最好
嘿
欧,多谢你的招儿
怎么样？
欧，我并不知道我是不是感觉不错
当……
George Bailey毁掉了家族企业…
Donna Reid在痛哭…
还有那个小气的药商
把自己的耳朵弄伤的时候
好吧，先别管这些，
你不认为片子的结局很精彩么？
我没看结局，我觉得很不爽
情节越来越让人难受
这个电影应该叫做，“糟糕透顶的人生
你想象不出还能有比这更糟糕的。”
防守…守住了
…又过来了，传中，调整……
这个射门太漂亮了！
你真厉害
上大学的时候常玩这个
真的？我还不知道在19世纪就有这玩艺了
胡子挺漂亮
但你这么年轻就留胡子，没啥好处
亲爱的，我并不想催你，
不过，晚饭好了
Ok，再玩最后一个球
进了！
能走了吧？
看，所以我们不叫她来玩
没事吧？
欧，嘿，不关他的事
是我们不好，占了他这么多时间
对，我们处的很好
不，认真的说，Chandler和我正在讨论这个问题
他比我们的老爸酷多了
我们的老爸当然没事，我指的是…
Richard很 … 啊，啊
干嘛踢我？
我只不过想说说话
呃，你们把我看成你们的父辈了？
欧,当然
不
不……
你只是，和我们这样的年轻人不太一样
我们嘴上说“老爸”，指的就是“哥们”
我们指的是伙伴
呃—呃,是的
别笑
Joey是我“老爸”
Monica是我“老爸”
在单位我也有不少“老爸”
好吧。嗯，你们的这个“老爸”要和我
去度过一个浪漫的夜晚
该和你们两个小家伙说拜拜了
好好玩
你不是老爸……
你不是老爸
你看你把我们搞的这么惨
还好吧？
只是觉得自己好像有100岁
我是把自己当成小伙子了
来，我来让你觉得自己是个小伙子
不过要想当个酷哥，你还得练练你的球技
你说什么那
我刚赢了他们俩
他们也很菜
Ok，拿着简易尿布，给他带上
Ok Ross，不过你也知道，虽然叫
简易尿布，可是一点也不简单
Hello
我们
上来吧，
我去拿剩下的东西
Ok，我们能搞定这个，是吧Ben？
能搞定，能搞定
好了，我成功了，成功了
看那
欧，都在上面，一个没落
Hi.
Hi.
你刚才说什么？
你在说‘hi’么？
欧，天啊， Ross， Ross
Ben刚刚说‘Hi’了
什,什么？
Ben刚刚说‘Hi’了
什么,说这个单词了？
不，我那个叫Hi的叔叔
太棒了，—我又错过了
任何东西我都会错过
Oh，不好意思
我只是逗他说出来了
Hello.
小宝贝，你好吗？
知道吗，Ben说出了他的第一个单词
他说什么了？
类似‘hi’的东西
真让人兴奋
妈妈真为你骄傲
Hi. Hi.
你看，实际上更像— hi
Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi.
Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi. / - Hi.
Ok，看来得等会再看了
出租车还在楼下
很有趣，改天还该试试
你觉得呢？？
Ok，知道了
礼拜二
礼拜二,好。拜拜
保重
拜,Ben.
拜
他，他是不是，是不是刚说‘拜’
他说‘拜’了
对我说‘拜’了
对我说‘拜’了
我几乎看到他在上大学了
我们得走了,出租车在等
好的,好的。ok. Bye.
拜 / - 拜 / - 拜
拜 / - 拜 / - 拜
看我挖的这个漂亮的洞
嘿，Bert，这个洞漂亮吧
Ok， Ben，这段讲的就是Ernie把Bert
埋到沙子里去了，然后找不到他
现在我跳过这段，这样他又能找到他了
在这之前，有些比较有趣的情节
不过我想没关系
现在是刚开始，不过我们已经知道结局了
Ok，看着
我朋友Bert怎么了？他刚才还在这儿的
欧，不，我的老朋友Bert不见了
欧，真高兴你在这儿

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 45楼发表于: 2014-03-16 0

221 The One With the Two Bullies

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is there. Monica is watching stock prices on a business channel.]
JOEY: Hey Monica, why are we watchin' the business channel?
MONICA: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting.
RACHEL: Ok honey, you really need a job.
ROSS: Mon, speaking of which, dad says he knows someone you can call for an interview.
MONICA: Really.
PHOEBE: Ok, right there. That, that's the third sign today. Right there.
ROSS: On behalf of everyone, I'd just like to say behuh.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause you just said dad and everywhere I go today I keep getting signs telling me to go see my father. Like when I was walking over here and I passed a buffet...which is my father's last name.
EVERYONE: Ahh.
PHOEBE: And they were serving franks which is his first name minus the s at the end. And there was a rotisserie with spinning chicken.
MONICA: His indian name?
PHOEBE: No because I chickened out the last time when I tried to meet him. So I mean coincidences? I don't think so.
ROSS: Freakish.
MONICA: Wow.
JOEY: Freaky.
MONICA: Weird, weird.
RACHEL: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger?
PHOEBE: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see him.
MONICA: Why?
PHOEBE: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a pharmacist.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross enter in sweats carrying rackets.]
CHANDLER: Man, I am so beat.
ROSS: Oh yeah.
CHANDLER: Hey, you just wanna forget about raquetball and hang out here?
ROSS: Yeah alright.
[they sit at the couch]
BIG BULLY: [walks back from the counter] Hey you're in our seats.
ROSS: Oh, sorry we didn't know.
LITTLE BULLY: [walks back from the counter] Hey, we were sitting there.
CHANDLER: Ok, there is one more way to say it, who knows it?
LITTLE BULLY: Is that supposed to be funny?
CHANDLER: No actually, I was just going for colorful.
BIG BULLY: What's with this guy?
LITTLE BULLY: What's with you?
ROSS: Uh, nothing, nothing's with him. Enjoy your coffee.
[as they're walking off, little bully grabs Chandlers hat from behind and puts it on himself]
CHANDLER: What just happened?
LITTLE BULLY: I just took your hat. See, I can be funny too. My, my joke is that I, I took your hat.
CHANDLER: That, that is funny. Can I have it back?
LITTLE BULLY: No.
CHANDLER: No?
BIG BULLY: No.
ROSS: Ok, ok, you know what? I think you're very funny. Kudos on that hat joke. But, come on guy just, just give him back the hat.
BIG BULLY: Why should we?
ROSS: Because it's a special hat. [Chandler looks at Ross funny] See he bought it 'cause he was feeling really down one day so he got the hat to cheer himself up, ya know. Now Chandler...
CHANDLER: Stop talking, stop talking now. Let me just get this straight. You're actually stealing my hat?
BIG BULLY: You got a problem with that?
CHANDLER: No, just wanna make sure we're on the same page.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Rachel are sitting there and Monica walks in.]
RACHEL: Hey, how'd the interview go?
MONICA: It bit. It was a 50's theme restraunt. I have to cook in a costume and dance on the counter. I mean I was a chef at Cafe des Artistes. I mean how could I take a job where I have to make something called Laverne and Curly Fries?
RACHEL: So don't do it.
MONICA: How can I not do it? I have $127 in the bank.
JOEY: Monica, relax, go get a beer.
MONICA: I don't want a beer.
JOEY: Who said it was for you?
ROSS and CHANDLER: [both enter looking down] Hhhiiii.
RACHEL: What's the matter with you?
CHANDLER: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
RACHEL: Noo.
JOEY: You're kiddin'.
ROSS: It was ridiculous. Ya know, these guys, they were bullies, actual bullies, ya know. We're grown ups, this kinda stuff isn't supposed to happen anymore.
RACHEL: Oohhh.
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi. [Ross turns to Rachel and they hug]
CHANDLER: Ohhh [turns as if to hug someone] Oh no, wait a minute, I have no one.
JOEY: Hey, woah, let's go down there and get your hat back.
CHANDLER: Na, forget it, it's probably stripped and sold for parts by now.
MONICA: [seeing TV] Hey, I went up.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: My stock, MEG, it went up 2 points. Hey guys, do you realize that if I had invested my $127 in myself yesterday that I'd like have...a lot more than that today. Ya know what, I'm gonna do it.
JOEY: Do what?
MONICA: Put all my money in me.
RACHEL: Monica, what are you talking about? You don't know the first thing about the stock market.
MONICA: What's to know? Buy sell, high low, bears bulls...[on the phone] Yes Manhattan...yeah telephone number of the stock...selling store.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe pulls up in the cab with Rachel and Joey in the back.]
[Phoebe slams on the breaks. Joey and Rachel are thrown forward into the pillows in their laps.]
JOEY: See, didn't I tell ya these pillows would be a good idea?
PHOEBE: Oh God, here we go. For the first time in my life I'm gonna say 'Hi birthfather'.
RACHEL: We love you, we're here for you.
JOEY: Yeah good luck, good luck.
PHOEBE: Thanks. [gets out of the cab]
JOEY: Hey Rach, you uh, you want some sandwich?
RACHEL: Ohh, what is in that?
JOEY: Olive loaf and ham spread, no mayo.
RACHEL: No no, 'cause mayo, that would make it gross.
PHOEBE: [a little dog starts attacking her leg] Hey, hey, no, oh oh.
RACHEL: Run Phoebe run.
PHOEBE: No no no, doggie please. Oh, I do so wanna love all animals, please no.
JOEY: Get him a bone, get a bone. You gotta bone?
RACHEL: Are you kidding me?
PHOEBE: Look kibbles, bits. Oh God, alright, get the hell off my leg you yippity piece of crap. [Flings the dog off and jumps in the cab. The dog keeps jumping up to the window.] Ok, alright, we have a problem.
JOEY: Well why don't you just reach out and take his trampoline.
RACHEL: Ok, here, I know what we can do. [grabs Joey's sadwich and throws it out the window]
JOEY: Hey, hey, hey no.
RACHEL: Ok, doggie get the- aahhh. Ok go get the sandwich, get the sandwich doggie. [dog ignores the sandwich] Good doggie get the sandwich, get the...ok, Joey, the dog will lick himself but he will not touch your sandwich, what does that say?
JOEY: Well if he's not gonna eat it, I will.
PHOEBE: Are you crazy?
JOEY: Phoebs, he's just a little dog. [turns back to the car window and the dog is halfway through it.] Ahhh.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting at the couch.]
CHANDLER: Hey.
ROSS: What?
CHANDLER: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?
ROSS: Do you say this stuff to girls?
BIG BULLY: Hehehehey, isn't that the guy who used to wear your hat?
LITTLE BULLY: And look where they're sitting.
ROSS: You're joking, right? You guys just walked through the door.
BIG BULLY: Maybe we didn't make it clear enough.
LITTLE BULLY: Yeah.
BIG BULLY: This couch belongs to us.
CHANDLER: Alright, I'll tell you what, you call the couch and then, and then we'll call the couch, and we'll see who it comes to.
BIG BULLY: You know what I keep wondering? Why you two are still sitting here.
ROSS: Alright, that's it. I've had enough of this, alright. Gunther, these guys are trying to take our seat.
GUNTHER: Fellas, these guys were here first.
BIG BULLY: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize.
LITTLE BULLY: Sorry.
GUNTHER: There you go.
ROSS: Thank you Gunther. We didn't want to have to go and do that.
LITTLE BULLY: He told on us?
BIG BULLY: You told on us?
ROSS: Well pal, you didn't give me much of a choice. [flicks the ends of the big bully's tie]
CHANDLER: Don't play with his things.
ROSS: I know.
BIG BULLY: Alright, let's take this outside.
ROSS: Let's, let's take this outside? Who talks like that?
BIG BULLY: The guy that's about to kick your ass talks like that.
CHANDLER: You had to ask.
ROSS: Yeah.
[the bullies grab the back of the couch that Ross and Chandler are sitting in and tip back]
ROSS: Ok, ok look, see, the thing is we're, we're not gonna fight you guys.
LITTLE BULLY: Well then here's the deal, you won't have to so long as never ever show your faces in this coffee house ever again.
CHANDLER: I think you played the Gunther card too soon.
[Scene: Back in the cab in front of Phoebe's dad's house.]
JOEY: Hey Phoeb's, I think you're good to go.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I don't know.
RACHEL: What's the matter?
PHOEBE: I just think that this was a really bad sign, ya know. I mean, like the beast at the threshold, you know. It's just like, I have no family left, ya know. I mean except for my grandmother, you know, but let's face it, she's not gonna be around forever, despite what she says. And I have a sister who I've barely spoken to since we like shared a womb. I don't know, this is my real father and I just, I want things to be like just right.
RACHEL: Yeah Phoebe, I completely understand.
JOEY: Yeah, whatever you need. Hey, you wanna go home?
PHOEBE: Ok, thanks. Sorry, again
[She starts the cab and pulls forward. We hear a squish and a dog yelp.]
PHOEBE: [innocently] What was that?
JOEY: Uhh, I'm guessing the threshold's clear now.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey is eating breakfast, Rachel has just gotten up, and Monica is on the phone.]
MONICA: I wanna buy 5 shares of SGJ and I wanna buy them now. C'mon time is money my friend. Thank you. Wooo.
RACHEL: Time is money my friend?
JOEY: Yeah, you missed, 'Takes money to make money,' and uh, 'Don't make me come down there and kick your wall street butt.'
MONICA: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast, what have you done?
JOEY: Well uh, I had breakfast here so technically I saved $3.50.
RACHEL: How did you make $17.
MONICA: Well, my financially challenged friends, I split my money and I bought some shares of CHP and ZXY.
JOEY: How come those?
MONICA: Well, CHP because I used to have a crush on Eric Estrada. And ZXY becuase I think it sounds zexy.
RACHEL: What happened to uh, MEG.?
MONICA: MEG was good for me but I dumped her. Ya know, my motto is get out before they go down.
JOEY: That is so not my motto.
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey.
RACHEL: Hey Phoebs. Oh hey, how's the dog?
PHOEBE: Ok, I talked to the vet, people are so nice upstate. Anyway, he said that the little fella's gonna be ok and I can pick him up tomorrow.
JOEY: Good.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but he did have to have a bunch of stitches and he said that only once in a blue moon does a dog's ear grow back so...still hoping.
RACHEL: Ok, so Phoebe, now are you gonna call your dad and let him know that his dog is ok?
PHOEBE: I, I don't wanna meet my father over the phone. What am I gonna say, like 'Hi, I'm Phoebe, the daughter you abandoned. Oh, by the way, I broke your dog.'
JOEY: Hey Phoebs, if you want, I'll do it.
PHOEBE: Ok. Listen, just don't say anything about me, ok. [goes over and grabs the phone that's sitting by Monica]
MONICA: DON'T...be too long with the phone.
RACHEL: She'll be a much better friend when the market closes.
JOEY: [dials the phone] It's a woman.
PHOEBE: So talk to her.
JOEY: [in a fake voice] Uhh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye. [hangs up]
RACHEL: Why the voice.
JOEY: [in the voice] Hard to say.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is sitting at the bar, Chandler serves up two mugs of hot water.]
CHANDLER: Your cappucino sir.
ROSS: Thank you.
[they both pour in packets of cappucino mix]
CHANDLER: Ya know I think this is much better than the coffee house.
ROSS: Absolutely.
[they both stir thier coffee and proceed to stare into the mugs]
ROSS: How come it's not mixing with the water?
CHANDLER:Well the package says you have to uh, constantly keep it moving. Stir and drink, stir and drink, never let it settle.
[they both try to drink while continuously stirring]
JOEY: [walks out of his room] Hey, this is ridiculous. I'll tell you what. After I get back from my neice's christening, I'll go down to the coffee house with you and we'll all have a nice cup of coffee alright. No problem, Joey's there.
CHANDLER: Ok.
ROSS: No.
CHANDLER: No?
ROSS: No. Man I don't wanna have to have Joey with me every time I wanna descent cup of coffee. Ya know, and I don't wanna spend the rest of my life drinking cappucino with a 'K'. I say you and I go back down there and stand up to those guys.
CHANDLER: Alright, hang on a second there Custer.
JOEY: Yeah really, Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?
ROSS: Yeah, sure.
JOEY: By someone besides Monica?
ROSS: No. So what. So what if we get beaten up, maybe that's just something every man has to go through once in his life. Ya know, like a, like a right of passage or somethin'.
CHANDLER: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Ya know, because I think actually mine's growing back.
[Scene: Outside Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is returning.]
MONICA: [Opens the door] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Hi, welcome home. [pulls Rachel inside] I need to borrow a hundred bucks.
RACHEL: For what?
MONICA: I've gotta get back in the game.
RACHEL: Why, when did you get out of the game?
MONICA: I don't know, I lost it all ok. I lost it.
RACHEL: Oh no.
MONICA: Hey, I've come to terms with it, you have to too.
RACHEL: Ok. Look uhh, Mon I'm, I'm really sorry.
MONICA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, where are we on the hundred bucks?
RACHEL: I, I don't have it.
MONICA: But I need it. Otherwords I'm gonna have to take that horrible diner job. You know, with the dancing and the costumes. I don't wanna have to wear flame retardant boobs.
RACHEL: Nobody does honey.
[Scene: Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is returning the dog who is bandaged up and has a plastic cone around it's neck.]
PHOEBE: Hi.
MRS BUFFAY: Schnoodle. Oh my God, what the hell happened to my dog?
PHOEBE: It was an accident, and, and the woman who did this would never ever hurt a dog on purpose. She's a vegetarian.
MRS BUFFAY: What are these, stitches?
PHOEBE: Yeah, eight of them. That's 56 to him. You know also, if, if it's raining, you can't let him look up too long 'cause that cone'll fill up really really fast.
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah well, thanks for bringing back what's left of him.
PHOEBE: Sure, oh, is, is Frank home.
MRS BUFFAY: How do you know Frank?
PHOEBE: Just from a, from a long time ago. Is he here?
MRS BUFFAY: Yeah. Frank.
FRANK: Yeah. What? [a young guy comes around the corner]
PHOEBE: Oh, ok, um, I mean Frank senior.
MRS BUFFAY: He went out for groceries.
PHOEBE: Ok so will he be back soon?
MRS BUFFAY: Well he left four years ago so we're expecting him back any minute now.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm, I'm gonna go. I'm sorry about the dog, everything. I'm sorry.
[she turns to leave, Frank follows]
FRANK: Hey lady. Hey wait up. How do you know my dad?
PHOEBE: Um well I don't really. Just genetically. He's kinda my dad too.
FRANK: Heavy.
PHOEBE: Yeah. So um, did he ever talk about me, Phoebe?
FRANK: No but he didn't really talk about anything.
PHOEBE: Oh.
FRANK: Except stilts.
PHOEBE: Stilts?
FRANK: Yeah, he loved stilts. One time I was upstairs, I was stealing cigarettes out of my mom's purse, and uh, all of a sudden I look over and there's my dad's head bobbing past the window. He just had this big smile on his face and he was waving 'cause he was always happiest when he was on his stilts.
PHOEBE: Wow.
FRANK: Yeah.
PHOEBE: I don't know what to do with that.
FRANK: Me neither. So you're like my big sister.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
FRANK: This is huge, you can buy me beer.
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna. But you know what's cool though? Ok, if you had a friend named Pete, then I could say, 'Oh yeah, I know Pete, he's friends with my brother.'
FRANK: I gotta friend named Mark.
PHOEBE: That'll work too.
FRANK: Cool, alright. So maybe, ya know, I could give you a call sometime, we could talk or somethin'.
PHOEBE: Yeah, that'd be ok.
FRANK: Alright.
PHOEBE: Ok, I'm in the book.
FRANK: Ok, yeah.
PHOEBE: Alright. So um, stilts huh?
FRANK: Yeah hey, you know if you want I can take you around back and show you where he hit his head on the rain gutter.
PHOEBE: Ok.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Ross are sitting on the couch nervously.]
ROSS: Well we did it, we're here. We are standing our ground. How long does a cup of coffee take?
CHANDLER: Would you come on! Come on! [waitress brings their coffee] Thank you.
[They rush to put the cream and sugar in their cups and gulp down a few drinks]
CHANDLER: Ah, there we go.
ROSS: I think we proved our point.
CHANDLER: You burn your mouth?
ROSS: Cannot feel my tounge.
[They leave. As they're walking out, the bullies are walking in.]
CHANDLER: Bullies, big bullies.
LITTLE BULLY: Oh, look who's here, it's the weenies.
BIG BULLY: Did we not make ourselves clear the other day.
ROSS: Yes, and that's why we're here.
CHANDLER: Yes, we're standing out ground...apparently.
LITTLE BULLY: Let's do this alright.
ROSS: Woah, ho-ho, whad'ya got there, a weapon?
LITTLE BULLY: It's a nice watch, I don't wanna break it on your ribs.
CHANDLER: Alright, let's do this.
LITTLE BULLY: Alright.
[they all put up their fists and prepare to fight]
CHANDLER: Question. If I don't care about my watch, can I use it as a weapon?
ROSS: Whad'ya mean?
CHANDLER: Well, it's sharp, it's metal, I think I can do some, you know, serious damage with it.
BIG BULLY: No, you can't use your watch.
CHANDLER: Ok. [reaches in his pocket]
BIG BULLY: Or your keys.
CHANDLER: Ok.
LITTLE BULLY: Look, here's what we'll do. We'll put all keys and watches in the hat over there. Alright. [they all put their keys and watches in the hat and put it on a mail box] Alright, c'mon man, let's do this.
[they all jump in the street and prepare to fight]
ROSS: Before I forget, are we hitting faces?
BIG BULLY: Of course we're hitting faces, why wouldn't you hit faces?
ROSS: Well because I have to work on Monday, I have a big presentation.
LITTLE BULLY: Actually, you know, uh, I gotta show this apartment tomorrow and uh, you know, this no faces thing might not be a bad idea.
BIG BULLY: Ok, nothing from the neck up. [everyone gets ready for the fight] Or the waist down. Dana's ovulating.
LITTLE BULLY: Oh really, you guys tryin' again?
BIG BULLY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Ok, so let me just get this straight. So we're uh, strictly talking about the middle?
BIG BULLY: C'MON!
ROSS: Hey, hey, woah, you want some of this, huh? You want a piece of this, huh? I'm standin here, huh.
CHANDLER: Hey, hey, those guys are takin our stuff! [some guy runs off with the hat]
ROSS: Hey.
BIG BULLY: Hey.
[they all run off after the guy]
[Scene: Central Perk. The four guys are returning after getting the hat back.]
ROSS: God, that was, that was amazing, that was incredible. You guys, you guys kicked butt.
LITTLE BULLY: Us, what about you guys? Man you really, bing, gave it to old Mr. Clean back there. He was a big guy.
ROSS: Yeah he was wasn't he.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed everything.
BIG BULLY: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us could have tripped over that little girls jump-rope.
ROSS: So, listen guys, are we uh, are we ok here?
LITTLE BULLY: We're ok.
ROSS: Alright.
CHANDLER: Ok so, can I have my hat back?
LITTLE BULLY: No.
CHANDLER: Huh. [reaches over and grabs the hat and bolts for the door but slips and falls behind the couch]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: The 50's theme cafe. Monica is working the grill, the rest are at a table.]
RACHEL: Look at her.
CHANDLER: Hi Monica.
JOEY: He-he-he, how's it goin'?
PHOEBE: Hey nice boobs.
CHANDLER: Guys guys, check this out.
[Chandler puts a coin in the mini jukebox at the table. YMCA starts playing and Monica and the rest of the staff have to get on the counter and start singing along and dancing. After a couple of couruses, Chandler pulls out a handful of coins and drops them on the table.]
JOEY: Excellent.
END

221 两个小流氓

嗨 Monica, 为什么我们在看财经频道?
因为那天我无意中看到发现
有个股票上面有我的名字字首，MEG，
嗯，有时我要等2，3个小时才能看到它再次出现，
但是，当它出来的时候，还是很爽的
Ok 亲爱的，你真的得找份工作了
Mon（Monica的昵称，下同）说起这个，
老爸说他认识个人，你要是想面试可以打给他
真的？
Ok，就这个
这是今天第三个征兆了。就这个
为了大家，我得问一句，怎么了？
不是。因为你刚才说了爸爸
而且今天我不论我去哪里，
我都不停的得到应该去见我爸爸的征兆
就好像当我过来这里的时候，
我经过一个自助餐厅（buffet）...
那（Buffet）是我父亲的姓
啊哈
他们当时正在上法兰克福香肠（franks），
在结尾去掉s（Frank）那是他（我父亲）的名
没错！！
而且那有个烤肉架上有个转着烤的鸡
他的印度名字？
不，因为我上次因为害怕没有去见他
（chicken out，跟鸡chicken同）
这些都是巧合吗？我可不那么认为
古怪 / - 哇欧
很奇怪。 / 不可思议,不可思议
Ok，谁想要最后一个汉堡？
哦，到此为止，现在我必须去见他
为什么？
汉堡。麦当劳
老MacDonald（麦当劳拥有者）有个农场
我父亲是个药剂师。（音同农场）
2个恃强凌弱的人
噢,我太累了
是呀
- 嗨，你觉着干脆不打墙球了，
呆在这里怎么样？
嗯,好吧
嗨，你们坐了我们的位子
噢，不好意思，我们不知道
嗨，我们刚才坐在这里的
Ok，还有另一个说法，
天知道？
你这话应该是很风趣的吗？
不，实际上我只是想换个说法
这家伙怎么回事？
你怎么回事？
恩，没什么，他没怎么
享受你们的咖啡吧
刚才怎么回事？
我只是拿了你的帽子。瞧，我也可以变得风趣
我的笑话就是，我拿了你的帽子
那，那很有趣
我能拿回来吗？
不行
不行？
不
好吧，好吧，这么招吧，
我认为你很风趣
那个帽子笑话很不错
但是，别介哥们，
把帽子还给他吧
为什么我们应该（还给他）？
因为这是一个很特别的帽子
他买这顶帽子因为那天他情绪很低落，
所以他才买了这帽子来让自己高兴一点
你知道，现在Chandler...
别说了，起码现在别说了
我直说了吧，你实际上偷了我的帽子？
怎么？有问题吗？
没有,只是确认一下我们当成共识
Hey，面试怎么样？
糟透了
那是个50年代主题餐馆。我不得不穿着戏服做饭
并且在柜台上跳舞
我以前是“Cafe des Artistes”的厨师
我怎么能在一个叫 Laverne and Curly 快餐店
的地方做东西？
那就别干
我怎么能不干？我只有$127存款了
Monica，放轻松，
去拿个啤酒
我不想喝啤酒
谁说是给你的？
嗨~
你们又怎么了？
有衰人在咖啡厅拿了我的帽子
不会吧
开玩笑吧
这太荒谬了。那两人，他们就是那种
吃软怕硬的，你知道，就那种欺负老实人的。
我们都是成人了。这种事情不应该再发生了
噢。Hi。/ - Hi
噢~，不对，等等，我身边一个也没有
嗨，我们下去把你的帽子拿回来
呐，算了吧，很可能都已经剥开了分块卖了
嗨,我上去了
什么？
我的股票，MEG,，它升了2点
嗨，你们意识到如果昨天我把我的
127美元投资到我（股票MEG）身上，
现在就我就有...
比现在多得多的钱了
你们猜怎么着，我要干这个
干什么？
把钱投到我（股票MEG）上
Monica，迷糊了？
你对股票市场一无所知
有什么难的？买呀卖的，
高呀低的，猫呀狗的...
喂，Manhattan（曼哈顿）...
对，我要股票...交易所的
电话号码
瞧，我告诉你带些枕头
是个好主意了吧
哦，老天。我们到了
这是我有生以来第一次要说
“Hi，生父”
我们爱你,我们支持你
Yeah 祝你好运
谢了
嗨，Rach，你呃，
你想来点三明治吗？
噢，那里面都有些什么？
橄榄油面包跟火腿肠
没有蛋黄酱
不，因为蛋黄酱
会弄得它很恶心的
嗨，嗨，别，噢，噢
跑，Phoebe快跑
别，小狗狗，别这样。噢
我热爱所有动物的，别这样
给它块骨头，扔块骨头
你有骨头吗？
开什么玩笑？
别咬了
噢，老天。好吧，
从我腿上滚开，你这个混帐东西
Ok，好吧，我们有麻烦了
你问什么不伸出手去
把它的蹦床拿走
好，这样，我知道怎么做了
嗨，嗨，嗨，不
Ok，狗狗，去吃-啊~
OK，去吃那块三明治
狗狗，吃吧。乖狗狗，
吃那三明治，吃...OK，
Joey，那狗肯舔自己，却不碰你的
三明治，这说明什么？
哼，如果它要是不吃的话，
我还吃呢
你疯了？
Phoebs，那只是一只小狗。啊~
Hey.
怎么了？
是不是要成为一个21世纪不动产代理商
才能穿那些很酷的夹克？
你就跟女孩们说这些？
嗨嗨嗨,这不是那个以前
戴你帽子的家伙吗？
看他们坐在哪儿呢？
你开玩笑呢吧？你们刚刚才进门
也许我们没跟他们说清楚
是呀
这沙发属于我们
好吧，这么找吧
你们叫这沙发，然后我们叫它，
看它会走向谁？
你们知道我想什么呢吗？
问什么你们俩还坐在这？
够了
我受够了这样了，知道吗？Gunther，
这些家伙想抢我们的座位
哥们儿，他们先来的
Oh,不好意思,没注意到
不好意思
行了吧
谢了,Gunther.
我们不是一定要这样才行的
他告我们的状？
你告我们的状？
嗯，伙计，你们没给我别的选择
别玩他的东西
我知道
好吧，我们到外面谈谈吧
我们，我们到外面谈谈？
谁这么说话？
马上就要痛宰你的人这么说话
是你问的
对
Ok, ok, 知道吗，
我们并不打算跟你们打架
好，那有个条件
只要你们永远不再出现在这个咖啡店，
你们就不用（跟我们打架）
我认为你用Gunther用得太早了
Hey Phoeb's，我想你现在能去了
我不知道
怎么了？
我只是觉着这是一个很坏的征兆
我是说像一开始就是野兽。知道吧
就好像，我没有别的亲人了，
除了我祖母
但是，面对现实，她不可能
一直都在
除了她自己不这么认为
我还有个妹妹，自从我们住在一个子宫以后，
我就基本不和她说话了
我不肯定。这是我的真正的父亲
我只想让事情发展的顺利
Yeah Phoebe, 我完全理解
Yeah, 你想怎么样都好
Hey, 你想回家吗？
好吧，多谢了
再一次，对不起呀
那是什么？
嗯...我想开始的路已经清静了
我要买5股SGJ，我要现在就买
快点兄弟，时间就是金钱
多谢，喔~
时间就是金钱，兄弟？
是呀，你错过了“钱能生钱”，还有，嗯
“被逼我过去痛宰你们这些华尔街的家伙”
Hey，我在早餐之前赚了$17，
你呢？
嗯，我在这里吃的早餐，
所以从技术角度讲，我省了3块5
你怎么赚得$17？
嗯,我的金融上的
很有竞争力的伙伴们
我用我的钱分别买了一些
CHP和ZXY
为什么买这些？
嗯，CHP是因为我以前很喜欢Eric Estrada
（这个人在电视剧CHiPS里扮演一个很受欢迎的角色Ponch）
ZXY是因为我认为它听起来是zexy
（跟sexy--性感，读音接近）
那，呃，MEG怎么了？
MEG不错但是我甩了她
你知道，我的座右铭是
在躺下（下跌）之前滚开
这绝对不是我的座右铭
嗨
Hey Phoebs. 哦，那狗怎么样了？
Ok，我跟兽医谈了，北边的人
真是很友善
不谈那个。他说小家伙会没事的，
我可以明天去接它
好极了
噢,多谢老天爷
是呀，不过它不得不要缝N多针，
而且他说，只有太阳从西边出来
狗的耳朵才有可能重新长出来...
仍然是期望中
Ok, Phoebe，现在你会打电话给你的父亲
让他知道他的狗没事了吧？
我，我不想跟我爸爸在电话上见，
我说什么呀？
好像，“Hi, 我是Phoebe，你丢弃的女儿，
噢，顺便说一句，我弄伤了你的狗。”
Hey Phoebs, 如果你想,我可以打
好吧
听着，别说任何关于我的事情
别...
用电话时间太长
她会是个更好的朋友，
在股票市场关了后
是个女人
跟她说话
（低沉，像黑帮讲话）
嗯，你好Buffay小姐，
我知道你的狗在哪里？
我就是想让你知道，它会在24小时内
几乎跟新的一样还给你
恩，再见
为什么是那样的声音？
不好说
先生,你的cappucino(有很多沫的咖啡)
谢谢
你知道吗,我觉着这里比咖啡店好多了
绝对呀
它怎么不跟水溶在一起？
嗯，包装上说，你要不停的搅动它
边搅边喝，边搅边喝，别让它停下来
嗨，这太荒谬了。这样，
等我从我侄女的洗礼回来后，
我跟你们一起到咖啡店
我们一起享受一杯好咖啡
没问题的，有Joey呢
好耶
不行
不行？
不，我不想以后每次我想来杯好咖啡
都要有Joey陪着我
我不想在我的后半生都喝"K"开头的cappucino
（拼写错误形容质量低下）
我说你和我下去，
勇敢的跟那些家伙抗争
哈，等等，猛人
说真的Ross，你以前被痛打过吗？
当然
被除了Monica以外的人?
没有
那又怎么了。被痛打又怎么了？`
也许那是每个男人一生中都要经历的事情，
就像通过的象征之类的东西
恩，我们能不能只是再次失去我们的贞操？
知道吗，因为我觉着我的实际上
又长回来了
我要借100块
什么？
Hi，欢迎回家
我要借一百块
为什么？
我要重新回到游戏之中
为什么？你什么时候退出游戏的？
不知道。我全赔了,全赔了
噢,不
嗨，我已经跟他们达成协议了，
你也要
这个...
瞧，呃，Mon，我，我很抱歉
好吧好吧，我们的一百块呢？
我,我没有一百块
但是我要它
要不然我就不得不去做那份
很滥的餐馆工作了
你知道，就是跳舞加上戏服
我不想戴阻燃剂做的假胸
没人想，亲爱的
Hi.
Schnoodle。老天呀，我的狗TMD怎么了？
是个意外。干了这个的那个女人绝对
不是成心的
她是个素食者
这些是什么？缝针？
是的，那是8针，总共它身上缝了56针
另外，如果下雨，你不能让它向上看
太久，因为那个圆锥形护脖很快就会满的
嗯，多谢把它剩下的这些部分带了回来
没问题。呃，Frank在家吗？
你怎么会认识Frank？
那是，那是很久以前了。他在吗？
在
Frank
哎
怎么了？
噢，OK，恩，我是指老Frank
他出去买吃的去了
那他会很快回来吗？
嗯他是四年前离开的，所以
我们估计他很快就能回来了
好吧，我，我得走了。对不起，因为那狗，
还有所有的事。对不起
嗨女士，嗨，等等
你怎么认识我爸？
嗯，其实我不认识，只是从基因角度讲，
他也是我爸爸
有分量
是呀
嗯，他说起过我吗, Phoebe?
没有，但是实际上他什么都不说的
噢
除了高跷
高跷？
是，他喜欢踩高跷
有一次我在楼上，从我妈的包里面偷烟，
然后
忽然间我向外看，我爸的脑袋正
平移过窗口
在他脸上有很开心的微笑，
他还向我挥手
- 因为当他踩在他的高跷上的时候，
他总是很高兴
哇喔。 / - 是呀
我不知道怎么玩那东西
我也不知道
你就是我的姐姐
没错
那太好了，你可以给我买啤酒
（21岁以下禁止买酒）
我不会的
但是你知道什么事情酷吗？
如果你有个叫Pete的朋友，我就可以说
“噢，我认识Pete，他是我弟弟的朋友。”
我有叫Mark的朋友
那也行
Cool，好
也许，你知道，我能什么时候给你打个电话，
我们可以聊聊什么的
没问题，那没问题
好
Ok,我在电话簿里
Ok,对。 / - 好
呃，高跷是吧？
对。嗨如果你愿意，我可以带你到后面，
看看他在哪里把他的脑袋撞到排水槽上的
好呀
恩，我们做到了。我们来到这里，
挺立在我们的领地上
弄杯咖啡花这么长时间？
你能不能快点,快点
谢谢
啊,我们做到了
我想我们已经证明了我们的能力
你烫到嘴了？
已经感觉不到舌头了
欺负人的那伙人
哦，瞧瞧谁在这儿，是小不点们
我们那天没说清楚吗？
说清楚了，那也是为什么我们来了
对，我们挺立在我们的领地上...
显然地
来吧
哇喔喔，你有什么？一个武器？
这是块好表。我不愿意打碎在
你的肋骨上
好吧,我们开始
来吧
问题，如果我不在乎我的手表，
我能用它作为武器吗？
你什么意思？
嗯，它很尖锐，是金属的。我想我能，
嗯，用它弄出些严重的伤害
不。你不能用你的表
好吧
或者是你的钥匙
好
这么找，我们把所有的表，钥匙放在这个
帽子里，把帽子放到那边
好嘞，哥们，来吧
在我忘了之前问一句，我们打脸吗？
当然打脸？为什么不打脸？
因为我周一要上班。我有个很重要的
现场演说
实际上，恩，我明天要展示那个公寓，
所以，恩，这个不打脸的事不是个坏主意
Ok，不打脖子以上的
或者是腰以下的
Dana正在排卵期
哦,真的？你们又在试了？
是呀
Ok，让我直说吧，我们就是
指中间这部分？
来呀！
嗨，嗨，哇喔，你想来点这个，恩？
想来点这个，恩？我站着这儿呢
嗨嗨，那些家伙那我们的东西
嗨
老天，刚才真是，真是太爽了，
太不可思议了，你们，你们可真猛
我们，那你们的？哥们，你真是，砰，
给了那家伙一下。那可是个大家伙
对，他是很大块，不是吗？
是呀，我真不该错过了所有的
别这么说自己，我们每个人都可能
被那小女孩的跳绳绊倒的
恩，哥们儿，
我们，我们这就没问题了吧？
我们没问题了
好
Ok，我能要回我的帽子吗？
不行
呃？
瞧瞧她
Hi Monica.
嘿嘿嘿,怎么样？
嗨,胸不错
大家大家，看这个
棒极了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 46楼发表于: 2014-03-17 0

222 The One With the Two Parties

[Scene: Moondance Diner. Ross, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are sitting at the counter, Monica is working. Monica is wearing her costume, including big fake breasts.]
MONICA: So, I'll get candles and my mom's lace tablecloth, and since it's Rachel's birthday, I mean, we want it to be special, I thought I'd poach a salmon.
ALL: Ohhh.
MONICA: What?
ROSS: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach things?
MONICA: You wanna be in charge of the food committee?
ROSS: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees?
JOEY: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have fun?
ROSS: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
MONICA: Alright. If you guys don't want it to be special, fine. You can throw any kind of party you want.
[Joey is staring at Monica's breasts]
MONICA: Joey they're not real. I start miles beneath the surface of these things, ok, they're fake. See [squeezes her breast] honk honk.
CHANDLER: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are planning Rache's birthday party.]
ROSS: I talked to Rachel's sisters, neither of them can come.
MONICA: Ok, um so, I still have to invite Dillon and Emma and Shannon Cooper.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.
PHOEBE: Why not her?
JOEY: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
CHANDLER: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
MONICA: Joey that is horriable.
JOEY: Hey I liked her, alright. Maybe, maybe too much. I don't know I guess I just got scared.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I didn't know.
JOEY: I didn't think anyone'd buy that, ok.
[Rachel enters]
ROSS: Hi honey, how did it go?
RACHEL: Agh, it was the graduation from hell.
CHANDLER: Ya know, my cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.
RACHEL: Ya know, I mean this is supposed to be a joyous occasion. My sister's graduating from college, nobody thought she would. It's a true testament to what a girl from long island would do for a Celica.
MONICA: So what happened?
RACHEL: My parents happened. All they had to do was sit in the same stadium, smile proudly, and not talk about the divorce. But nooo, they got into a huge fight in the middle of the commencement address. Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them. But you know what, you know what the good news is? I get to serve coffee for the next 8 hours.
PHOEBE: Ok, so I guess we don't invite her parents.
MONICA: Well, how bout just her mom?
CHANDLER: Why her mom?
MONICA: Cause I already invited her.
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, did you ask Stacy Roth?
JOEY: Oh no, can't invite her. She also steals.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are setting up for the party.]
PHOEBE: Ok, here are the birthday candles. Where's the birthday cake?
MONICA: Ok, we're not having birthday cake, we're having birthday flan.
CHANDLER: Excuse me?
MONICA: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert.
JOEY: Oh that's nice. Happy birthday Rachel, here's some goo.
[knock at the door]
MONICA: [answers the door] Dr. Greene. Oh my God it's Rachel's dad. What're you doing here?
MR. GREENE: What? The father can't drop by to see the daughter on her birthday?
MONICA: No no, the father can, but um, since I am the roommate I can tell you that she's not here and I'll pass along the message, ok. So bye-bye.
MR. GREENE: Ohhh, you're having a parteee.
MONICA: No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows. Um, this is Phoebe and Chandler and Joey.
MR. GREENE: I'll never remember all of that. So uh, what's the deal? Rachel comes home, people pop out and yell stuff, is that it?
CHANDLER: This isn't your first surprise party, is it sir?
[knock at the door, Monica answers to see Mrs. Greene]
MRS. GREENE: Hi Monica.
[Monica slams the door back shut]
MONICA: Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus.
CHANDLER: So, basically just a Chinese guy.
JOEY: Uh, hey, Dr. Greene, why don't you come with me, we'll put your jacket on Rachel's bed.
MR. GREENE: Alright, that sounds like a two person job. [they walk into Rachel's bedroom]
MRS. GREENE: Well, my goodness, what was that?
MONICA: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just weren't ready for you yet.
MRS. GREENE: You thought I was Rachel?
CHANDLER: Yes because uh, you look so young.
PHOEBE: And because you're both, you know, white women.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, I missed you kids. Well, should I put my coat in the bedroom?
CHANDLER: NO! No, I'll take that for ya.
MRS. GREENE: Oh well thank you. Such a gentleman. Thank you. [Chandler takes the hot pink coat and grimaces at it] Ahh, it all looks so nice, so festive, all the balloons... [Chandler, remembering that Joey and Mr. Greene are in the bedroom, throws her coat in a cupboard] The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. I was...[Joey peeks out]
PHOEBE: [cutting Mrs. Greene off] Ha-ha, that's great, ha-ha. I can't wait to hear the rest of it, ya know, but I really have to go to the bathroom so... Hey, come with me. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like we're gal pals, ya know, like at a restraunt. Oh, it'll be fun, c'mon. [they go in the bathroom]
MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
CHANDLER: Ok, think, what would Jack and Chrissy do?
JOEY: [peeks back out] Ok, now that your coat is safely in the bedr-, [sees that the coast is clear] oh, ok we can come back out in the living room.
MONICA: So uh, Joey and Chanlder, I, I think it's time that you take Dr. Greene over to your place.
CHANDLER: Uhh, yes, absdolutely, um. Why again?
MONICA: Because that's where the party is you goon. See this is just the staging area.
JOEY: Right this is staging.
CHANDLER: Yeah, this more than anything else, is the staging area.
JOEY: [as they're walking out, Dr. Greene questioningly gestures at the Happy Birthday sign over the door] This is clearly in the wrong apartment. [they all walk across the hall]
[Scene: Later on in the hallway between the apartments. Chandler is showing people to the parties.]
CHANDLER: Alright you guys are off to party number one [ushers 3 guys into Monica's apartment] and you, you are off to party number two [ushers four women into his apartment. Two guys try to follow and Chandler blocks them and shoos them off to Monica's apartment] Alright fellas, let's keep it movin', let' keep it movin.
MONICA: Chandler could you at least send some women to my party? [buzzer goes off] Alright that's Ross.
CHANDLER: Ok, they're coming, shhh. [Runs into Monica's apartment and grabs one last girl to take to his apartment]
RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for the wonderful dinner.
ROSS: Thanks for being born.
RACHEL: Ohh, thank you for my beautiul earrings, they're perfect. I love you.
ROSS: Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, ok.
RACHEL: Now I love you even more.
[they kiss and Ross backs her into her apartment and turns on the lights]
ALL: Surprise.
RACHEL: Oh my gosh, wow. Monica. Oh my god. Mom. This is so great.
MRS. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetie.
RACHEL: Wow you, you. I had no idea.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: No, I knew.
ROSS: All right.
MONICA: Ok, everybody, there's food and drinks on the table. Go across the hall.
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Right now, Joey and Chandler's, go now.
RACHEL: Why.
MONICA: Just go.
[they walk across the hall]
ALL: Surprise.
MR. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetpea.
RACHEL: Daddy.
[Ad break. Time lapse. Still at party at Chandler and Joey's. Rachel is talking to Chandler and Ross.]
RACHEL: Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
CHANDLER: Well, we could count again.
RACHEL: I can't believe this is happening.
ROSS: You know what, this is ridiculous, ok. This is your birthday, this is your party. I say we just put 'em all together and if they can't deal with it, who cares.
RACHEL: I do.
ROSS: That's who.
CHANDLER: Look, are you gonna be ok?
RACHEL: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know, I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
CHANDLER: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
RACHEL: What?
CHANDLER: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.
[Time lapse. Chandler runs out of the bathroom.]
CHANDLER: Joey, Joey. Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you Dennis,' and stuck her tounge down my throat. I love this party.
JOEY: Quick volleyball question.
CHANDLER: Volleyball.
JOEY: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
CHANDLER: Joey, a woman just stuck her tounge down my throat, I'm not even listening to you.
GIRL'S VOICE: Dennis.
CHANDLER: Ok, that's me. [runs back]
RACHEL: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom for a while.
ROSS: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers?
RACHEL: Uhh, let's just stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing you daughter' and you should be ok.
[Back in Monica's party]
MONICA: Ok people, I want you to take a piece of paper, here you go, and write down your most embarassing memory. Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.
[Back in Chandler and Joey's party]
ROSS: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery....game?
MR. GREENE: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
ROSS: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.
[Back in Monica's party]
MONICA: Listen you guys, I don't mean to be a pain about this but, um, I've noticed that some of you are just placing them on. You wanna push the caps until you hear them click. [she demonstrates, Gunther starts to walk to the door] Gunther, where're you going?
GUNTHER: I um, was sorta thinking about maybe...
MONICA: No. No you can't go. No this is fun. Come on we're just getting started. Here, here's your marker.
PHOEBE: Listen if you wanna go, just go.
GUNTER: No, she'll yell at me again.
PHOEBE: Alright, I can get you out.
GUNTHER: What?
PHOEBE: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party]
MR. GREENE: I think I need a drink.
ROSS: Oh, here, I, I'll get it for ya. Whad'ya want?
MR. GREENE: Scotch.
ROSS: Scotch. Alright, I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass.
MR. GREENE: Neat.
ROSS: Cool.
MR. GREENE: No no no, no no no, neat, as in no rocks.
ROSS: I know.
[Back at Monica's party]
MR. GREENE: Oh hello Ross, where have you been?
ROSS: Hi. Uh, I have been in the bathroom. Stay clear of the salmon mousse.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, scotch neat. Ya know, that's Rachel's father's drink.
ROSS: Oh, mine too. Isn't that neat, scotch neat. Would you excuse me? [walks out in the hallway, Mr. Greene is walking out of Chandler and Joey's apartment] Hey, hey, where you uh, sneakin off to mister?
MR. GREENE: I'm getting my cigarettes out of my jacket.
ROSS: No. no.
MR. GREENE: Whad'ya mean no?
ROSS: No, um, see 'cause that, that is, that is the staging area. If you go in there, it'll ruin the whole illusion of the party. Yeah, I think you take your scotch back in there and I will get your cigarettes for you sir.
MR. GREENE: Get my glasses too.
ROSS: All righty roo. [closes the door] What a great moment to say that for the first time. [goes to get the cigarettes and glasses]
MONICA: Ok, the first person's most embarassing memory is, 'Monica, your party sucks.' Very funny.
PHOEBE: Oh no, ooh, ooh, did somebody forget to use a coaster?
MONICA: What? [she runs over to where Phoebe is, Phoebe signals for Gunther to go] I don't see anything.
PHOEBE: Great, I'm seeing water rings again.
MRS. GELLER: Ross, whose glasses are those?
ROSS: Mine.
MRS. GREENE: You wear bi-focals?
ROSS: Um-hmm. [puts them on] I have a condition, apparently, that I require two different sets of focals.
MRS. GREENE: Did you know my husband has glasses just like that?
RACHEL: Well those are very popular frames.
ROSS: Neil Sedaka wears them.
GUY: [to Phoebe] I hear you can get people out of here.
MRS. GREENE: Rachel, you didn't tell me your boyfriend smoked.
RACHEL: Yeah, like a chimney.
ROSS: Ohh, big smoker. [Packs the cigarettes and flings one on Mrs. Greene in the process. Finally gets one in his mouth and it look really out of place] Big big smoker. In fact I'm gonna go ou into the hallway and fire up this bad boy. [as he walks into the hall, he comes face to face with Mr. Greene]
MR. GREENE: Are you wearing my glasses?
ROSS: Yes. [pulls them off and hands them to Mr. Greene] I was just warming up the earpieces for you.
MR. GREENE: Thank you. Is that one of my cigarettes?
ROSS: [pulls the cigarette off his upper lip and hands it to Mr. Greene] Yeah, yes it is, I was just moistening the tip.
[Back in Monica's party. Phoebe is talking to a guy and two girls at the party.]
PHOEBE: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
GIRL 1: What about my friend Victor?
PHOEBE: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get suspicious.
GIRL 1: Alright, let me just get my coat.
PHOEBE: There isn't time. You must leave everything. They'll take care of you next door.
GIRL 1: Is it true they have beer?
PHOEBE: Everything you've heard is true.
[Back at Chandler and Joey's party. Everyone is dancing and having fun.]
MONICA: Could you guys please try to keep it down, we're trying to start a Boggle tournament.
[Chandler and Joey stop dancing and laugh at her]
MONICA: You, and you, you're supposed to be at my party. And Gunther! What are you doing here?
GUNTHER: Um [gestures to dance floor]
PHOEBE: [enters with the three people she got out] Ok, welcome to the fu-oh.
MONICA: Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Alright, I'm sorry but these people needed me. They work hard all week, it's Saturday night, they deserve to have a little fun. Go.
MONICA: Ya know, my party is fun. I mean, maybe it's a little quieter, less obvious sorta fun but, you know, if people would just give it a chance... [volleyball hits her in the head from behind]
[Back at Monica's party]
RACHEL: You want me to see a therapist?
MRS. GREENE: Sweetheart, you obviously have a problem. You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.
RACHEL: Ok mom, you know what, fine, I'll make an appointment ok, but you know what, right now, I gotta go, I gotta go do a thing.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
MR. GREENE: Did you know your mother spent $1200 dollars on bansai trees. I felt like Gulliver around that place.
RACHEL: Daddy, daddy, you know what, I really wanna hear more about this, I really do, but I just have, I just have to do a, some stuff.
[Monica's party]
MRS. GREENE: You work and you work and you work at a marriage but all he cares about is his stupid boat.
[Chandler and Joey's party]
MR. GREENE: You work and you work and you work on a boat...
MRS. GREENE: He always ridiculed my pottery classs...
MR. GREENE: ...and you sand it and you varnish it...
MRS. GREENE: ...but when all is said and done, he still drinks out of the mugs.
MR. GREENE: ...and her yoga and her Bridges of Madison County...
MRS. GREENE: ...the scotch and the cigarettes...
MR. GREENE: ...and the bansai's and the chiuaua...
MRS. GREENE: ...I may have only been in therapy for three weeks now dear but...
MR. GREENE: ...what the hell does she want with half a boat...
[Scene: The hallway after the party. Rachel is sitting there.]
CHANDLER: [running out of his apartment after a girl] Ok, ok, you can be shirts and I'll be skins. I'll be skins. [sits down beside Rachel] Hey, how you holdin' up there, tiger? Oh, sorry, when my parents were getting divorced I got a lot of tigers. Got a lot of champs, chiefs, sports, I even got a governor.
RACHEL: This is it, isn't it? I mean, this is what my life is gonna be like. My mom there, my dad there. Thanksgiving, Christmas. She gets the house, he's in some condo my sister's gonna decorate with wicker. Oh, Chandler how did you get through this?
CHANDLER: Well, I relied on a carefully regimented program of denial and, and wetting the bed.
RACHEL: Ya know, I just, so weird. I mean I was in there just listening to them bitch about each other and all I kept thinking about was the fourth of July.
CHANDLER: Becasue it reminded you of the way our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
RACHEL: It's just this thing. Every year we would go out on my dad's boat and watch the fireworks. Mom always hated it because the ocean air made her hair all big. My sister Jill would be throwing up over the side and my dad would be upset becasue nobody was helping and then when we did help he would scream at us for doing it wrong. But then when the fireworks started, everybody just shut up, you know, and it'd get really cold, and we would all just sort of smush under this one blanket. It never occured to anybody to bring another one. And now it's just...
CHANDLER: I, I know. [Hugs her. Ross walks out and Chandler puts her in his arms.]
[Scene: Monica's party. She is seeing off the last of the guests.]
MONICA: Ok, thanks for coming, I hope you guys had fun.
MRS. GREENE: Alright, Monica dear, I'm gonna hit the road. Now I've left my 10 verbs on the table. And you be sure and send me that finished poem.
MONICA: Ok will do. So glad you came.
MRS. GREENE: I think I saw Rachel out in the hall.
MONICA: Ok, let me go check. Your mom want's to say goodbye.
RACHEL: Oh ok.
MRS. GREENE: Happy birthday sweetie.
RACHEL: Ok.
[Mr. Greene opens the door to Chandler and Joeys apartment. Ross sees him and runs to the door forcing him back in then holds onto the door knob.]
JOEY: Ahh, you drive safe.
MRS. GREENE: Ross, what're you doing.
ROSS: I'm getting ready for the water skiing. [Mr. Greene opens the door which pulls Ross in] How are you doing?
CHANDLER: Well, uh, Dr. Greene, where are you going?
MR. GREENE: To get my coat.
GUYS: No no no.
MR. GREENE:Alright, alright, I can get my own coat.
[the guys form a wall between Mrs Geller and Mr Geller and dance across the hall as he walks across]
CHANDLER: Sorry, we're on a major flan high.
PHOEBE: Oh no, you're not supposed to be here. This is the staging area, you should, it's all wrong, you should leave, ya know, get out. [opens the door, the guys are right there] Or perhaps you'd like a creme d'menthe.
MR. GREENE: I have to be heading to my chateau, thank you.
PHOEBE: Oh all right, then I guess we're going back into the hallway.
JOEY: Thanks for coming Mrs. Greene. [grabs her and kisses her to distract her. She goes limp in his arms. Mr. Greene leaves.] Well, ok, you take care.
MRS. GREENE: Oh, you kids [she caresses his face and chest] Well, this is the best party I've been to in years.
MONICA: Thank you.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Close up of the flan on the table with birthday candles.]
MONICA: Ok everybody, it's time for flan.
CHANDLER: Yup, get ready for the gelatenous fun.
JOEY: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
MONICA: Ok, that's enough.
PHOEBE: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
RACHEL: Ok, I've got one. [blows out the candles. Somebody calls out 'heads up' and the volleyball lands in the flan] Wow, those things almost never come true.
END

222 一个头两个大

那么，我来准备蜡烛和我妈妈的花边台布,
既然是瑞秋的生日，我认为，
我们要搞的特别一点，我想煮条鲑鱼
怎么?
问题是. 为什么我们总是要在你煮东西时开party?
那你当负责食物的筹委?
第二个问题. 为什么我们开party总要筹委?
确实. 为什么我们不能就弄些比萨和啤酒乐一乐?
对, 我同意. 我认为有趣的party大家都参与才有趣
我不能肯定我们都行
好吧. 如果你们不希望搞特别一些，好. 你们别再想开任何party.
乔伊，它们不是真的.
我塞了些东西在下面, ok, 它们是假的.
看? honk honk（大雁叫）.
哇, 就象色情书刊上的小丑.
我问过瑞秋的姐妹了, 她们都不能来.
Ok, 嗯所以, 我只有要请迪龙，艾玛和姗伦.库珀
Woah, woah, woah, uh, 不要姗伦.库珀.
为什么不能请她?
因为她 uh, 她偷东西.
也许不是她爱偷东西，
而是乔伊和她上过床后就再也没打电话给她.
乔伊，这太过分了.
嗨我是喜欢她的, 好吧. 也许, 也许太喜欢了. 我不知道
我猜我是害怕吧.
对不起, 我不知道.
我想没人会买那个, ok.
嗨亲爱的, 还好吗?
Agh, 刚从地狱毕业.
你知道吗, 我表弟刚得到地狱的橄榄球奖学金.
当然, 这是一个很好的开玩笑的场合.
我妹妹从大学毕业了, 没有人想到.
真应了一句老话“会咬人的狗不叫”.
那有什么问题?/ 我父母的问题.
他们要做的就是坐在露天运动场, 骄傲地笑, 别再谈论离婚.
但是，不,
他们在毕业演讲中间发生大争吵.
校长实在不得不停下来“嘘”他们.
但你们想知道, 你们想知道好消息吗?
我得接下来要端8个小时的咖啡
Ok, 因此我猜我们不必邀请他父母. / 好, 只请她妈怎样?
为什么是她妈?
因为我已经请了她了.
Ooh, ooh, 你请了Stacy Roth吗?
不，不, 不能请她.
她也偷东西.
Ok, 生日蜡烛好了. 生日蛋糕在哪?
Ok, 我们没有生日蛋糕, 我们有生日果馅饼.
什么?
是一种传统的墨西哥奶油甜点.
Oh 太好了. 生日快乐，瑞秋, 这是些糕.
Dr. Greene. 哦，天啊，是瑞秋的爸爸.
你来有事吗?
什么? 她父亲不能在她生日的时候来看看她吗?
不，不, 父亲可以,
但是嗯, 我是她的室友，她不在，我可以传口信, 好吧. 就，再见.
哦，你们开party.
不, 不, 不是party. 只是一些人的惊喜聚会，瑞秋知道的.
嗯, 这是菲比，钱德和乔伊
我从来就记不住这些. 所以 uh, 怎样进行?
瑞秋回来, 大家跳出来大叫，就这些?
这不是你的第一个惊喜party吧, 先生?
嗨莫妮卡.
中餐馆拿菜单的. 忘了菜单.
哦, 也就是个中国人.
Uh, 嗨, Dr. Greene, 为什么不跟我来把你的夹克放到瑞秋床上.
好啊, 听起来好像需要两个人.
天啊, 怎么回事?
桑德娜, 非常对不起, 我以为你是瑞秋没料到是你.
你以为我是瑞秋? / 是啊因为 uh, 你看起来太年轻了.
还因为你们都, 是啊, 白种女人.
Oh, 我想念你们这些孩子. 哦, 我能把大衣放到卧室去吗?
不! 不行,
我帮你拿. / Oh 好，谢谢. 真是一个绅士. 多谢.
啊, 太好了, 很喜庆, 这么多气球...
我来的路上最好笑的是，我...
Ha-ha, 太好笑了, ha-ha.
我忍不住听完, 你知道吗, 但我实在要去洗手间了，所以...
嗨, 一起去. / 什么?
是啊, 是啊, 好像我们都是女生, 你知道, 就象在餐馆. Oh, 很有趣, 来吧.
Oh 天啊, oh 天啊, oh 天啊.
Ok, 想想, Jack和Chrissy还要做什么?
Ok, 现在你的夹克已经安全放在床上了, oh, ok 我们可以回客厅了.
好 uh, 乔伊和钱德，我, 我想你们可以带Dr. Greene到你们那边去了
Uhh, 对, 当然,
嗯. 为什么又?
因为party在那边，笨蛋. 这只是集结地.
对，是集结地.
对, 还有更多东西, 这里只是集结地.
这显然挂错了房间.
好的，你们分到一号party
而你们, 你们分到二号party
好的，小伙子们, 这边走，这边走.
钱德，你能不能派一点点女人到我们的party?
来了，是罗斯.
Ok, 他们来了, shhh.
哦, 多谢你的美妙的晚餐. / 要谢你生出来了.
哦, 谢谢你送的漂亮耳环，太美了. 我爱你.
Oh, 现在你可以拿取换东西了, ok.
现在我更爱你了.
惊喜. / Oh 天啊, 哦.
莫妮卡. Oh 天啊. 妈妈. 太棒了
生日快乐，亲爱的.
Wow 你, 你. 我一点都不知道.
真的吗?
不，我知道的. / 是吗.
Ok, 各位, 桌上有吃的和饮料.
穿过走廊. / 什么?
快去, 乔伊和钱德那里, 快去.
为什么? / 快去.
惊喜.
生日快乐，亲爱的.
爸爸!
他们都来啦, 都来了, 两人都来了?
对, 我们要不要再算一下.
真不敢相信.
你知道, 太可笑了, ok. 这是你的生日，你的Party. 我是说我们让他们在一起
如果他们处不来, 谁管呢
我管. / 对啊.
好, 你行吗?
行, 只能这样, 我实在没其他办法,
我的意思, 你知道, 我起码看到好在, 我有两个生日parties和两个生日蛋糕.
哦, 实际上只有一个生日果馅饼.
什么?
是一种传统的墨西哥奶油甜点...
去和莫妮卡谈谈, 她是食物筹委.
乔伊，乔伊. 嗨, 有些女孩走到我面前说, '我要你，丹尼斯,'
还把舌头伸进我的喉咙.
我爱这个party.
快速排球问题. / 排球?
对, 我们在你的房间开了个球场. 哦, 你是不是确实不喜欢你那盏灰色的灯吧, 对吧?
乔伊, 一个女人刚才把舌头伸进我的喉咙, 我根本没听见你说什么.
丹尼斯! / Ok, 叫我.
听着亲爱的, 你能拖住爸爸吗？我想和妈妈聊一会儿.
Ok, 你觉得有什么籍口吗?
Uhh, 只要摆出“我就是和你女儿的那个人”的姿态就可以了.
Ok 各位, 我要大家那一片纸, 你的,
写下你记得最难堪的事情.
Oh, 我还要你们不用笔的时候，把笔套套上
因为很快会干.
嗨 Dr. Greene.
嗯, uh, 还好吧，你的心血管科....游戏?
不是游戏，罗斯, 今天有个女人死在我的台上.
对不起.
看我的工作好在这.
我台上所有的恐龙都是死的
听着, 我不是想为难大家，但是
嗯, 我刚才注意到有些人把它大开着，你必须推进笔帽
直到你听见嘀响一声.
刚特, 你要去哪?
我嗯, 我有点想也许...
不. 不行，你不能走.
不，这好玩. 来，我们刚开始. 这, 这是你的笔.
听着，如果你想走，尽管走.
不行, 她又会喊住我的.
好吧, 我会帮你出去. / 什么?
Shh. 等会, 我转移视线. 那时，马上走出门别回头看.
我想喝点东西.
哦, 我, 我去帮你拿. 你要什么?
威士忌.
威士忌. 好的, 我马上带着你的威士忌加冰回来.
纯的! / Cool.
不，不，不，不，不，不, 纯的, 不加冰.
我明白.
Oh hello 罗斯, 你去哪了?
嗨. Uh, 我去洗手间了.
好清掉大马哈鱼甜点.
Oh, 纯威士忌. 你知道吗, 那是瑞秋父亲的饮料.
Oh, 我也喜欢. 不那么纯,
纯威士忌.
失陪?
嗨, 嗨, 你去哪 uh, 想溜走?
我去取我夹克你的香烟. / 不. 不行.
为什么不行?
不是, 嗯, 看，是因为，那是，那是集结地.
如果你进去, 就会破坏整个party的气氛.
所以, 我想你还是带的你的威士忌回那边，我去帮你拿香烟.
眼镜，一起. / 没问题.
上次不早说.
Ok, 第一个人最难堪的事情是,
'莫妮卡, 你的party令人非常失望.' 非常有趣.
Oh 不, 哦, 哦, 谁忘记用杯垫了?
怎么啦?
没什么.
对, 我看见水纹而已.
罗斯, 谁的眼镜?
我的.
你老花? / 嗯-hmm.
我有时, 显然, 我需要两种不同的焦距.
你知道我丈夫也有一副这种眼镜?
不! / 嗯这种镜框很流行.
因为Neil Sedaka也带这种.
我听说你有办法带人出去.
瑞秋,
你没告诉我你男朋友抽烟.
是啊, 像个烟囱.
哦, 老烟鬼.
很老的老烟鬼.
实际上我正要到走廊点燃这坏小子.
你带我的眼镜?
对.
我想帮你热一下耳架.
谢谢.
那也是我的烟?
对,
是的, 我润湿一下滤嘴.
Ok, ok, 她去倒垃圾所以我可以带你们出去现在就走,她随时会回来.
我朋友Victor怎么办?
不行, 只能你们三个, 再多她会怀疑的.
好吧, 我去拿我的外衣./ 没时间了.
东西留下. 隔壁会招呼你们.
他们真的有啤酒吗?
传闻都是真的.
你们可不可以小声一点, 我们准备开始猜谜游戏了.
你, 还有你, 你们应该在我的party.
还有刚特!
你在这干吗?
Ok, 欢迎来到哦.
菲比.
好吧, 对不起但是他们需要我.
他们辛苦工作一周, 星期六晚上,它们应当开心一下,去吧.
你知道, 我的party也有趣. 我的意思, 也许比较安静, 少些刺激但你知道,
只要大家有机会...
你要我去看医生?
亲爱的, 显然你有些问题.
你选的男朋友太像你父亲了.
Ok 妈妈, 你知道, 好的, 我会预约的 ok, 但你知道, 好吧, 我得走了, 我得去做些事.
你知道你母亲花了$1200买装饰树吗?
我觉得好像在小人国里面.
爸爸, 爸爸, 你知道, 我非常想听你说, 真的很愿意, 但我不得不, 不得不去做, 点事.
你干啊干为婚姻做很多事
但他关心的只是他那愚蠢的船.
你干啊干不停地整理船...
他总是嘲笑我的陶艺课...
...你磨光给它上漆...
...当所有的都干完了,她还在喝他的酒.
...她的瑜伽和她的《麦迪逊廊桥》...
...威士忌和香烟.../ ...装饰树还有c嗨uaua...
...我只治疗了三个星期但现在亲爱的.../ ...她到底要船的哪部分...
Ok, ok, 你是衬衣我就是皮肤.
我是皮肤!
嗨, 你在这躲什么, 老虎?
Oh, 对不起, 我父母离婚时我得到很多老虎.
得到许多小马，酋长，体育品，甚至一个指挥官.
果然这样, 是不是? 我说的是, 我的生活就象这样.
我妈妈在那边, 我爸爸在这边. 感恩节, 圣诞节.
她住房子, 他住公寓，我妹妹将要漫步柳树林.
哦, 钱德，你怎么解决这些的?
哦, 我依靠一大堆严谨的否决程序
然后, 哭湿了床.
你知道, 我只是, 太不可思议.
我指的是我听他们互相指责对方
但我一直在想着国庆节.
因为它使你想起我们祖先互相指责的方式?
是这样. 每年我们都要坐我爸的船出去看烟火.
妈妈总是讨厌它因为海风把她的头发吹得乱七八糟.
我妹妹吉尔就在旁边吐
而爸爸总很紧张因为没人给他帮忙，然而
当我们帮他时，他就会骂我们做错了.
但是烟火开始时，我们都会安静下来,
你知道, 实在太冷了, 我们都蜷缩在一张毯子下.
从来没有人多带一张.
但现在这...
我, 我明白.
Ok, 谢谢光临, 希望你们玩的都好.
好吧, 莫妮卡, 我要走了.
我留了十个动词在桌上. 你一定要完成一首诗送给我.
Ok 我会的. 谢谢你来.
我想我看见瑞秋在走廊.
Ok, 我去看看.
你妈妈要走了. / Oh ok.
生日快乐，亲爱的./ Ok.
Ahh, 你开车安全吗?
罗斯, 你在干嘛.
我在练习划水.
啊, 哦, Dr. Greene, 你去哪?/ 拿我的外套.
不，不，不.
行, 没问题, 我可以自己拿外套.
对不起, 我们闻到果馅饼香了.
Oh 不行, 你不应该在这. 这是集结地,
你应该, 错了, 你应该离开,
对吧, 出去.
我必须回到我的城堡, 谢谢.
Oh 好吧, 那么我想我们真要去走廊.
Greene太太，多谢光临.
哦, ok, 保重.
Oh, 孩子
好, 这是我今年参加的最好的party.
谢谢.
Ok 各位, 该上果馅饼了.
对, 准备好庆祝节目.
有点像你感染的那个东西.
Ok, 够了.
Ok 瑞秋, 许个特别的果馅饼愿吧.
Ok, 我许了.
小心头上!
哦, 愿望几乎从来就没有实现过.

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 47楼发表于: 2014-03-17 0

223 The One With the Chicken Pox

[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
RACHEL: Ok, Chandler, Mon, there's only one bananna nut muffin left.
[Rachel holds the tray between them. Chandler grabs the muffin before Monica can.]
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster...
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: No.
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
MONICA: [She grabs the coffee cup on the table and licks the rim.] There you go, enjoy your coffee.
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
[Chandler is visibly upset]
RACHEL: You went out with a guy in the Navy?
PHOEBE: Yeah, I met him when I was playing guitar in Washington Square Park. Ryan threw in salt water taffy 'cause he didn't have any change.
JOEY: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?
PHOEBE: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.
RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
MONICA: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
ROSS: [enters] Hiii.
JOEY: Oh no, what happened?
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
ALL: Oh no.
ROSS: Yeah, so if you haven't already had it, chances are you're gonna get it.
RACHEL: Well I've had it.
JOEY: Yeah, I've had it.
MONICA: Had it.
CHANDLER: Had it.
PHOEBE: Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. [Sees a red bump on her arm.] Oh look!
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in her bedroom.]
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.]
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown.
RICHARD: What're you doing?
MONICA: Just waiting for you sweetie.
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
MONICA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what, the way you did it was just fine.
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
MONICA: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
RICHARD: You're pretty much running that risk either way.
MONICA: Ok, you see, the tag shouldn't be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner.
RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy.
MONICA: I'm just easing you in.
RICHARD: Oh, alright.
MONICA: Alright, you see these little flower blossoms? They should be facing up, not down, because, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't love me any more do you.
RICHARD: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
SCOTT: [enters] Hey Chandler, here's this morning's projections.
CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
SCOTT: No kidding.
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
SCOTT: Where do you work?
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.
SCOTT: Fleischman's group. Whatever you do, don't touch his sandwiches. Ha-ha-ha...
JOEY: Ha-ha. [Scott leaves] Are all you processors dorks?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are doing Phoebe's makeup.]
RACHEL: Oh, this lipstick looks just great on you.
MONICA: You look fabulous honey, you really do.
PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a mirror and sees the white splotches all over her face.]
RACHEL: You see, you look beautiful. For god sakes, dim the lights.
PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
MONICA: It's gonna be ok. Ryan's been under water. He's just gonna be so glad that you don't have barnicles on your butt.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
PHOEBE: Come in.
RYAN: Hey baby, I'm back... [Phoebe is sitting by the window in a veil.]
PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?
RYAN: What's goin' on?
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.
RYAN: Chicken or small?
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
RYAN: Why aren't you at home in bed?
PHOEBE: 'Cause my, my grandmother's never had chicken pox. Please, please tell me you have, 'cause oh my God, I forgot how cute you are.
RYAN: I'm sorry, I never had 'em.
PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh.
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.
PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now.
RYAN: Can I please see your face?
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
RYAN: Your face could be covered with lochs, I wouldn't care.
PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... [she unveils herself right as a huge lightning bolt crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am scary.
RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely.
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic disease I've ever had.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
CHANDLER: Well there you go.
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids?
JOEY: I figure my character has kids.
CHANDLER: Ya know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.]
RYAN: You know what makes the itching even worse?
PHOEBE: That you don't stop talking about it.
RYAN: Fine.
PHOEBE: Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. [She picks up the dice.] Here we go, double sixes, here we go... [She starts to rub the dice all over herself.] Here we go, come to mama, just getting ready to roll the dice...
RYAN: What're you doing? Are you scratching?
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
RYAN: You're scratching. Give me the dice.
PHOEBE: No.
RYAN: Give me the dice.
PHOEBE: No. Here. [Throws them on the table.] There. Ooh, double sixes.
RYAN: We can't scratch. You know we can't, we'll scar.
PHOEBE: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so hard. I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all over my body. [Grabs a handful of the houses.]
RYAN: No.
PHOEBE: Give it.
RYAN: No.
PHOEBE: Yeah, come on. You know you want it, you know you want it too, come on. Let's just be bad, it'll feel so good. [She starts scratching him.]
RYAN: Oh God help me.
PHOEBE: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.
[They get back to back and start rubbing against each other. Ross and Rachel enter.]
RACHEL: Oh, stop that, stop that right now.
ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.
[Scene: Chandler's office building. Joey and Jeannie are talking.]
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
JOEY: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie.
JEANNIE: Bye bye Joey.
JOEY: What a phony.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
JOEY: Sir.
MR. DOUGLAS: Uh, listen Bing, I received your memo. So, we're not gonna receive the systems report until next Friday?
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.
JOEY: Yeah Bing, what's that about?
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
MR. DOUGLAS: Rough numbers?
JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas.
MR. DOUGLAS: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday.
CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
JOEY: Joseph's good, isn't he?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.
CHANDLER: Why?
JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?
MONICA: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.
RICHARD: You're strict.
MONICA: It's for their own good.
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.
MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular?
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
MONICA: Very good.
RICHARD: Thank you.
MONICA: You know what. Tomorrow I'm gonna do your clocks.
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
MONICA: I'm gonna set them to my time.
RICHARD: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared time.
MONICA: No no. See, in my bedroom I set my clock six minutes fast. You wanna know why?
RICHARD: Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen.
MONICA: No forget it, I'm not gonna tell you now.
RICHARD: No come on. Come on tell me.
MONICA: No. See you don't understand.
RICHARD: Come on.
MONICA: No. You don't have any of these cute little obsessive things.
RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true.
MONICA: Oh yeah.
RICHARD: Yeah.
MONICA: Alright, well tell me one of yours.
RICHARD: Ok. Ahh. One of my things is, I always separate my sweat socks from my dress socks.
MONICA: What if they get mixed up?
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing.
RICHARD: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
CHANDLER: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas looking for me?
JOEY: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you dropped the ball on the Lender project.
CHANDLER: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he suspect that?
JOEY: Becasue at first he thought it was Joseph. But after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you. Anyway, I just thought you should know.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
JOEY: What're you talking about, everybody loves Joseph.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.
CHANDLER: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.
JOEY: Karen.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
JOEY: Really?
CHANDLER: No freakshow, she's fictional.
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
CHANDLER: Thank you.
JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes him out the door by the face.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]
PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.
RACHEL: No sorry hon, Monica's orders.
RYAN: [Comes out of the bathroom, also with oven mits on his hands.] Well that wasn't easy.
ROSS: Ok, dinner's on.
RACHEL: And there's a peach cobbler warming in the oven so the plate's gonna be hot but that shouldn't be a problem for you.
ROSS: Alright you kids, bye now.
PHOEBE and RYAN: Bye. [waving]
ROSS: Oh look, a low budget puppet show.
PHOEBE: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.
[Ross and Rachel leave.]
RYAN: Wine?
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
RYAN: Oh, I spilled some.
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
RYAN: [Puts his hands over Phoebe's ears.] I must tell you, you look beautiful tonight.
PHOEBE: What?
RYAN: Sorry. You look beautiful.
PHOEBE: Oh.
[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.]
PHOEBE: You know what, that's it, that's it. [She rips off the mits, Ryan follows her lead.]
[They keep kissing and start scratching each other. Ross enters, takes one look, and goes right back out the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard and Monica are in bed.]
RICHARD: Monica, wake up. Monica.
MONICA: What's up?
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
MONICA: Yeah?
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe.
MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed.
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
MONICA: Alright, go on.
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak.
RICHARD: Yeah. How 'bout that.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, and Ryan are there. Ryan is in uniform, getting ready to leave.]
RACHEL: So uh, Ryan, were you shipping off to?
RYAN: I really can't say.
ROSS: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board?
RYAN: I can't say.
RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.
RYAN: I'm sorry, but I can't say.
ROSS: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines.
RYAN: I better get out of here, I'm gonna miss my flight.
PHOEBE: Ok, I'll walk you out.
ROSS: Bye Ryan.
RYAN: Pleasure.
RACHEL: It was nice to meet you.
RYAN: Take care.
[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]
RACHEL: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those uh, uniform things?
ROSS: You like that do ya?
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
ROSS: I'll make some calls. [Runs off.]
RACHEL: Ok.
[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.]
RYAN: Can you believe how we spent our two weeks together?
PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]
RYAN: Taxi.
PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window and laughs.]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
RACHEL: Oh I'm sorry, we're clo-... Hey sailor.
ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?
RACHEL: I'll say.
[Ross picks her up.]
ROSS: I'm shipping out tomorrow.
RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.
ROSS: Alright you know, why don't I just meet you upstairs. [Drops her on the couch and walks out holding his lower back.]
END

223 出水痘

Ok, 钱德, 摩妮卡, 只剩下一个香蕉果糕了.
我先叫的.
没错，但我，我动作快...
给我.
不.
给我!
好吧, 拿去.
好了, 享用你的咖啡吧.
那是我刚才舔过的地方.
嗨你们肯定猜不出谁要来纽约.
快, 菲比, 在他咽下去之前告诉我们.
好, 是赖安, 曾经和我约过会, 现在在海军的.
你和海军的人一起出去?
没错, 我在华盛顿广场公园弹吉他时认识他的.
赖安扔给我咸味太妃糖，因为他没有零钱.
嗨, 就是你写“咸味太妃糖”歌的时候?
不是.
不, 他是潜艇人员.
每两年才露一次面
我们都要在一起享受美好的三天.
只有这一次他可待两个星期. 整整两个星期，意味着....
等等, 他一次在下面待两年?
这就是舔松糕的教训.
嗨.
怎么了?
卡萝刚才告诉我. 班出水痘了.
噢，不会吧.
所以如果你们以前没有出过，就有可能会染上.
我出过了.
我也已经出过了.
我出过了.
我没出过, 我想不会. 哇哦，看!
亲爱的, 你又铺床了. 我告诉过你，你不必做.
这又不是露营.
噢, 我想把昨晚的犯罪现场收拾一下.
我去冲个澡，一边唱吉姆.考奇的“雷罗伊.布朗”.
摩妮卡... 嗨摩妮卡, 我有个问题.
雷罗伊是整个丹姆城最坏的男人还是
整个丹姆城最胖的男人?
最坏的. 另外歌词还有“胖啊胖的雷罗伊.布朗”.
你在干什么?
在等你啊，亲爱的.
你在重新铺床?
对不起, 对不起. 你知道, 你铺得已经很好了.
那么, 你重新铺是为了...
如果我告诉你, 你会以为我疯了.
告不告诉我，我都认为你差不多了.
好吧，你瞧,
标签的那头不能在左上角, 应该在右下角.
哦，这还算不上疯了.
你就方便进去了.
哦, 对.
还有, 你看见这些花蕾图案了吗? 应该朝上, 而不是朝下,
因为, 太阳在床头那边.
你没那么爱我了吧.
事实上, 也许，我更爱你了.
真的吗?
噢, 那好跟我来, 我告诉你怎么把纸巾折出个角来.
嗨, 乔伊, 我说如果你想做点事情,
我能在这给你一个信息处理员的活.
但你不需要有相关经验的吗?
并不难学. 而且其他人根本不知道你不懂,
嗨, 你是个演员. 就当演个处理员,
别人就会以为你是处理员.
嗨钱德, 这是今早的项目.
嗨谢谢. 斯科特.亚历山大, 乔伊.茨比阿里
乔伊是个噢..., 信息处理员.
不是开玩笑吧!
哦没错没错. 我会处理.
别人要处理, 就找我.
你在哪工作?
噢, 现在我来回跑.
是这样的. 今天是你处理,
第二天你就没有那... 那么多要处理.
我刚才告诉乔伊关于弗雷斯克曼集团的机会.
弗雷斯克曼集团. 无论如何,
不要碰他的三明治. 哈-哈-哈...
哈-哈. 你们都是处理肉鸡的?
哦, 这口红对你太合适了.
你看上去真让人难以置信，亲爱的, 确实是.
是吗? 你肯定, 真的.
你看, 看上去多漂亮. 来点神秘感, 调暗光线.
我, 我, 真可怕.
没问题的. 赖安一直在水下.
你屁股上没长痔疮，他就很高兴了.
请进.
嗨宝贝, 我回来了...
嗨赖安, 好吗?
怎么了?
不，不, 你最好别过来. 我, 我出痘.
水痘还是小痘痘?
是水痘. 对我这个素食者真是一个讽刺.
你为什么不回家上床休息?
因为, 我奶奶从来没有出过水痘.
千万, 别告诉你没出过, 因为，我希望你总是那么帅.
对不起, 我真的没出过.
噢, 噢.
如果给我个愿望, 我希望造个时间机器,
会到七岁那年, 当时吉米.郝瑟出水痘.
我可以抱住他往我脸上擦.
对, 或者, 你只要愿望我现在没出水痘.
让我看看你的脸?
不要. 你不会希望看见我长满水痘的脸的.
你脸上也许布满海湾, 我才不在乎呢.
但你讨厌鱼. 哦.
你真好, 好吧. 好吧, 让你看吧.
我就是这样...
哇, 我很吓人.
对不起, 是闪电. 闪电碰巧反射.
你看起来可爱极了, 可爱极了.
我恨死了.
我告诉你, 我计划好了我们美妙的的两个星期,
几乎所有的事都考虑好了, 我们会比现在更亲热.
菲比, 我刚和一群男人在金属管中渡过了八个月,
想到这些.
我也不会让一堆痒包包影响我们.
这是我得过的最浪漫的病.
嗨.
嗨, 第一天过得怎么样?
太棒了. 就象你说的.
基本上也就是把数字从一排输到另一排.
你学得很快.
嗨，而且每个人都很好.
我刚才和红椅子那儿的女人简妮聊了一会.
简妮, 东区业务的头，简妮?
聊到我们的孩子在一个学校.
世界真小，是吧?
世界真奇妙. 你的孩子?
我觉得我的角色应该是有小孩的人.
你的话我没有一句是明白的.
对了, 扮什么角色都要全心投入
象我, 约瑟夫，信息处理员,
有两个孩子, Ashley和Brittany.
Ashley喜欢模仿Brittany.
哇, 看不见的孩子们经常会这样.
是啊. 约瑟夫和他的妻子卡伦正在考虑生第三个孩子...
知道吗? 刚实施了.
真的吗? 哇. 你那里一定有一些极其充沛的想象的精子.
你不觉得这东西确实很痒吗?
你都一直说个没停.
好吧.
还是玩吧, ok. 好, ok.
我们开始吧,
来妈妈这里, 就准备掷骰子了...
你在干吗? 抓痒吗?
不是. 只是找点运气, ok.
你是抓痒. 给我骰子. / 不.
给我骰子.
不. 好了，扔了.
哦, 两个六点.
我们不能抓痒. 你知道我们可以, 会留下伤疤的.
我顾不了那些了. 太痛苦了.
我只想把这些地盘全部占领，用他们把全身抓一遍.
不行.
放手.
不行.
行的, 来吧.
你也想要的, 你也想要的, 来吧.
我们就一下, 会很舒服的.
上帝帮帮我.
到我了, 抓背. 快, 用力些.
哦,
停下来, 马上停下来.
菲比这样做我还可以原谅, 但赖安, 你是个军人
你和Milton一定要来我们的船上. 卡伦会准备午餐,
你们把孩子带来，我们玩一天.
Oh, 听起来不错. 我们要好好准备一下.
Oh, 我得回去了. 照顾好宝宝.
Oh, 谢谢, 再见简妮.
再见乔伊.
真虚伪.
我肯定这对她是一个教训，
当她在码头扑个空的时候
嗨道格拉斯先生.
先生.
噢, 宾, 我拿到你的备忘录了.
那么, 我们不是要到下周五才拿到你的系统报告吧？
是这样，我组里的人想和家人渡个周末假期.
我也有家, 我还是来.
对啊，宾, 那又怎么样呢?
只是想让大家放松一下, 安抚民心.
如果你想要些大概数字, 我可以星期三给你.
大概数字?
公司不是大概数字堆出来的. 对吧，道格拉斯先生?
星期三我要看见最后数据.
你说怎样就怎样了.
约瑟夫真行，是吧?
我要杀了你.
嗨, 嗨,
我只是发现约瑟夫是很会和人打交道的.
你看, 掺和进去, 推波助澜.
为什么?
对不起，但约瑟夫就是干这个的,
ok.如果你想去做什么, 他就会号召你去做，
“你要做些什么？”他说.
Ooh, 胶带. 我也应该带点什么来?
这是对付外面那两个发痒的家伙的.
我把他们的手捆起来.
你真厉害.
这是对他们好.
知道吗, 我觉得你把这个标带这样折下去很有效
看，急用时就不用花那么多时间来刮了.
很对.
Oh, 我喜欢现在我可以完全在你面前神经质了.
老实告诉我.
我不觉得现在你桌子上的东西
摆成直角后更好些了吗?
如果不是直角, 就是斜角.
太好了.
谢谢.
知道吗. 明天我想调你的钟.
我的钟怎么了.
我想调得和我的时间一样.
我糊涂了. 我们不是一起在分享吗？.
不不. 看, 我的卧室里我把钟调快了六分钟.
你知道为什么吗?
因为要和厨房有点时差.
不是，算了，我现在不想告诉你.
别，快，快告诉我.
不. 你不明白.
来吧.
不. 你没有这些烦恼的小事情.
不，不一定，不一定.
是吗?
嗯.
好吧, 告诉我一件.
Ok.
啊. 有一件, 我总是要把我的运动袜从我穿的袜子里分出来.
如果混在一起了呢?
我会, 我会不正常.
你不会的. 我不相信, 我恨死了，你太正常了.
我不相信我的男朋友就没有一件事，没有一件事.
看, 如果谁偷听到, 我就不走运了.
嗨. 道格拉斯先生在找你.
为什么? 为- 为- 为什么道格拉斯先生要找我?
因为他很怀疑你在贷方项目搞鬼.
为- 为- 为什么他会怀疑?
因为开始怀疑是约瑟夫，但后来他问过约瑟夫后,
就转向你了. 无论如何, 我想应该告诉你.
好吧, 这样. 乔伊,
对不起, 我认为这对你只是个角色,
如果我解雇约瑟夫的话, 我希望,
但遗憾的是我不得不让你们两个都走.
你说什么, 每个人都喜欢约瑟夫.
我不喜欢, 我恨约瑟夫,
ok. 我认为他是个褐色鼻子的讨厌鬼.
哦. 对，你不能解雇约瑟夫.
知道为什么, 因为他不在你的部门.
好吧, ok, 好吧. 我不能解雇约瑟夫，但,
我可以和他妻子上床.
卡伦?
对, 卡伦. 我想和她来个一夜情.
哦, 知道吗? 我刚做了.
啊. 你怎么能这样对我.
哦，对了，不是我, 我的角色, 钱迪.
无赖处理员
引诱同事妻子上床，第二天在饮水机旁拿来开玩笑的人.
实际上, 我抽屉里还有她的内裤.
真的?
不，异想天开, 虚构的.
别激动. 如果对你那么重要,
我去, 我去找其他事情做.
谢谢.
只是, 我会想约瑟夫的.
我喜欢他. 他妻子, 她真的很热情.
我能把这取下来吗? 我发誓不抓痒了.
不行，对不起, 摩妮卡的命令.
啊，太不容易了.
Ok, 开饭了.
有一个蜜桃馅饼在炉子里热着，
所以盘子很热但对你们没问题.
好了，孩子们, 再见了.
再见.
哦，看, 廉价木偶戏.
可惜你没看见我伸了哪个手指.
葡萄酒?
劳驾.
哦，漫出了一些.
我来.
我想告诉你, 今晚你看起来很漂亮.
什么?
对不起.
你看起来很漂亮. / 噢.
这样, 这样.
摩妮卡, 醒醒. 摩妮卡.
怎么啦?
我想到一件事.
是吗?
是的. 我必须, 必须睡在床的这边.
不，亲爱的. 你必须睡在那边是因为我必须睡在这边.
或者我才要让你相信.
不. 大问题,
你睡在床的一边, 每个人都睡在床的一边.
嗨，你还没听我的理由.
好的, 继续.
Ok,
我必须睡在西边因为我在加利福尼亚长大，另外
大海在另一边.
哦，天啊, 你不正常了.
是啊. 怎么样.
赖安, 你要出发到哪去?
我真的不能说.
那你们舰上有核武器吗?
我不能说.
你们用那个什么...潜望镜看.
对不起, 我不能说.
潜艇守则学得不错.
我得走了, 要赶不上飞机了.
Ok, 我送你.
再见，赖安. ／辛会.再见. 保重
你也去弄一套，制服?
你喜欢?
是啊.
我打几个电话.
Ok.
你相信吗，我们在一起渡过了两个星期?
我计划好的浪漫的事情一样都没做,
象在中央公园野餐，在Central Perk喝咖啡.
哦，我刚刚喝了.
出租车!
再见.
哦，对不起, 我们关...
嗨，水手.
你是想要这个吗?
是我说的.
我明天要出海.
那么,
我们最好今夜很重要。.
等等, 我忘记关热牛奶咖啡机.
起锚.
不，不, 我的钱包, 我的钱包, 我的钱包,
我的钱包, 我的钱包, 我的钱包.
知道吗. 我忘记关卫生间的灯.
好吧,我还是上楼等你吧.

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 48楼发表于: 2014-03-17 0

224 The One With Barry and Mindy's Wedding

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there as Joey enters]
RACHEL: Hey Joey, how'd the audition go?
JOEY: Incredible! I met the director this time and you'll never believe who it was.
ALL: Who?
JOEY: All right. I'll give you one hint. Warren Beatty.
ALL: Wow!
JOEY: Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind've a problem. See, I, uh, had to kiss this guy.
CHANDLER: 'Cause he was just so darn cute.
JOEY: No, as part of the audition. See, I'm up for this part of this guy, who the main guy kisses.
ROSS: Well, hey. You're an actor, I say you just suck it up and do it. (Rachel looks at him in disbelief) Or you just do it.
JOEY: I did do it, I'm a professional.
MONICA: Then what's the problem?
JOEY: See after the scene, Mr. Beatty comes up to me and says 'good actor, bad kisser'. Can you believe that, me not a good kisser, that's like, like Mother Theresa, not a good mother.
PHOEBE: Well, come on, who cares what that guy thinks. What does Warren Beatty know about kissing (Chandler and Monica, give her a look that says 'think about it') Ooh.
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: continued from earlier]
CHANDLER: Hey, what did your agent say?
JOEY: Yep, this kiss thing is defiantly a problem, Mr. Beatty wants to see it again on Monday. Man, I gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong. Oh, okay, one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
MONICA: What, forget it!
RACHEL: Yeah, right.
JOEY: Come on, I need your help here.
PHOEBE: All right. I'll do it, I kissed him before I can do it again.
JOEY: You see this, this is a friend.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, let's go. (they move in to kiss) Oh, wait I have gum. Okay. (they kiss rather passionately) Good, very good, firm but tender. I'd recommend you to a friend.
JOEY: Then I don't know what it is. What's the problem?
MONICA: Joey, you know, maybe your just not used to kissing men, maybe you just tensed up a little, maybe that's what you need to work on.
JOEY: Yeah, that makes sense. (looks at Ross)
ROSS: Over my dead body! (Joey looks at Chandler)
CHANDLER: And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Richard are there]
ROSS: (entering from Rachel's bedroom) Come on out, honey! I'm telling you look good! (turns around, and under his breath, to the rest of the guys) Tell her she looks good, tell her she looks good.
(Rachel enters in this hideous pink bride's maid dress, with a huge silver bow on her chest, and a big, huge skirt, kinda like the one's women wore in the 1800s, Monica and Richard both stare in shock)
PHOEBE: (laughing) Oh my God, you look so good!
RACHEL: I can not believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when your nauseous.
ROSS: So don't, I don't see why we have to go to this thing anyway, it's your ex-fiancee's wedding.
RACHEL: Because I promised Mindy I would.
MONICA: Yeah, well you promised Barry, you'd marry him. (Rachel glares at her, and she retreats to safety between Richard's legs)
RACHEL: Look you guys, I have to go, I'm the Maid-of-Honor. And besides you know what I just need to be in a room again with these people and feel good about myself.
(Chandler enters, sees Rachel in the dress and starts laughing)
PHOEBE: Ooh-oh! Someone's wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Someone get a little action?
CHANDLER: I may have.
MONICA: Woo-hoo, stuud!
ROSS: What's she look like?
CHANDLER: Well, we haven't exactly met, we just stayed up all night talking on the internet.
MONICA: Woo-hoo, geeek!
CHANDLER: I like this girl, okay, I seriously like this girl, you now how sometimes I tend get a little defended and quipy...
ROSS: Get out!
RACHEL: Nooo!
MONICA: Please!
CHANDLER: Well she totally called me on it, okay. She said, 'cut it out, get real', and I did.
RACHEL: Wow! What's that like?
CHANDLER: It's like this, me, no jokes.
PHOEBE: All right, stop it, you're freaking me out.
RICHARD: Oh, yeah, I don't like you this way. All right, I'll see you guys later.
ALL: Bye, Richard.
MONICA: Bye sweetie, (kisses him) I love you.
RICHARD: I love you, too.
(Monica stares longingly at the door, after Richard leaves)
PHOEBE: I think my boyfriend ever so dreamy, I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.
MONICA: What are you talking about? What wedding?
PHOEBE: Come on, like you never talk that.
MONICA: Nooo! Never! I mean, we're living in the moment. God, it is so nice for once to not have to get all hung up on 'Where is this going?'
RACHEL: Afraid to ask him?
MONICA: Could not be more terrified.
CHANDLER: Well, I think you should seriously consider the marriage thing, give Rachel another chance to dress up like Princess Bubble Yum.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Richard and Monica are playing with Ben.]
MONICA: (holding up a blanket) Where's Benny? (drops the blanket) There he is! (does it again) Where's Benny, there he is.
RICHARD: Awww! You know that's probably why babies learn to talk, so they can tell grown ups to cut it out.
MONICA: Hey, you know I got a question for ya. Just a little thing, no pressure.
RICHARD: Okay.
MONICA: Did you ever, uh, like, think about the future?
RICHARD: Sure I do.
MONICA: Yeah, am I in it?
RICHARD: Honey, you are in it.
MONICA: Oh God, you are about to get sooo lucky.
RICHARD: Oh, yeah!
MONICA: Keep talkin'.
RICHARD: Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice, we could move to France, make French toast.
MONICA: Okay, so, uh, we're in France, we're making the toast. Do you see a little bassinet in the corner?
RICHARD: Like a hound?
MONICA: Not a basset, a bassinet.
RICHARD: You really need the bassinet?
MONICA: Well, I just think the baby would keep falling off the dog. Do you, uh, do you , do you not see kids in our future.
RICHARD: Oh, hey. I love children, I have children. I just don't want to be 70 when our kids go off to college, and our lives can finally start.
MONICA: Uh-huh.
RICHARD: Look I want you, now.
MONICA: That's Great. You know we don't need to talk about this now. Really, I mean this is, is so way, way, way, in the future, I'm talkin' hovercrafts and apes taking over the planet.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there, Chandler is talking to his new friend on the internet.]
JOEY: Come on, Chandler, I want this part soo much. (Chandler ignores him) Just one kiss, I won't tell anyone.
CHANDLER: Joey, no means no!
[Rachel, in her bridesmaid dress, complete with hat, which makes her look like Little Bo Peep, and Ross enter]
RACHEL: Hey!
CHANDLER: I'm sorry we, we don't have your sheep.
JOEY: Aww, Rach, I think you look cute (kisses her on the cheek, then looks at Ross) And you, uh, you, you I could eat with a spoon (goes to kiss him).
ROSS: Get away from me I said no!
MONICA: (entering) Richard buzzed. He's waiting downstairs.
JOEY: Oh, Richard's here. I should run down say bye to him (runs out)
ALL: Bye.
PHOEBE: Bye, good luck.
(Rachel, Ross, and Monica exit)
PHOEBE: So how's your date with your cyberchick going. Ooh, hey, what is all that (points at the computer screen).
CHANDLER: Oh, it's a website, it's the, uh, the Guggenheim (sp?, I'm not an art guy) museum. See, she likes art, and I like funny words.
PHOEBE: What does she mean by HH?
CHANDLER: (shyly) It means we're holding hands.
PHOEBE: Are you the cutest?
CHANDLER: I'm afraid I might just be.
PHOEBE: You know, what I think is so great that you are totally into this person and yet for all you know she could be like 90 years old, or have two heads, or. It could be a guy.
CHANDLER: Okay, it's not a guy, all right, I know her.
PHOEBE: It could be like a big giant guy.
JOEY: (entering) Man, I got this close to him (holds up his fingers) and Monica kneed me in the back. What's going on?
PHOEBE: We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl.
JOEY: Oh, well. Just ask her how long she's gonna live. Women live longer than men.
CHANDLER: How do you not fall down more?
PHOEBE: Okay, ask her 'What is her current method of birth control?'
CHANDLER: All right. (reading her answer) "My husband is sleeping with his secretary." She's married!
PHOEBE: Well at least we know she's a woman.
CHANDLER: I can't believe she's married.
JOEY: Aw, man I'm sorry (starts rubbing Chandler's shoulder). This must be very tough for ya, huh (and starts comfroting him looking for a kiss).
[Scene: Barry and Mindy's wedding, Monica and Richard are standing in the lobby]
MONICA: So, I read this article in the paper the other day that says you're not supposed to throw rice at weddings, because when pigeons eat rice it kills them.
RICHARD: Oh, that's why you never see pigeons at sushi bars.(they both start laughing at Richard's poor joke) See, we're having fun.
MONICA: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you know I'm not even thinking about that thing that we're not supposed to think about.
RICHARD: Neither am I.
[Scene: later the bridesmaids and ushers are getting ready to start, Ross is looking for Rachel]
ROSS: Hey, there.
RACHEL: Hi.
ROSS: Are you all right?
RACHEL: Yeah, when I was in the bathroom I saw the window that I crawled out of at my wedding, and God, I just started thinking that I shouldn't be here, you know I shouldn't, people are going to be looking at me and judging me and, and thinking about the last time.
ROSS: Sweetie, it's be gonna okay, all right. It's a wedding, generally people focus on the bride.
RACHEL: God I know, you're right.
(Annoying wedding planner enters)
WEDDING PLANNER: All rightie, everybody look at me. Good. All right, its time. Bridesmaids and ushers let's see two lines, thank you.
RACHEL: Okay, I'll see you after the thing.
ROSS: Okay, good luck (kisses her and leaves)
RACHEL: Thank you, Okay, Okay.
[Starts to walk down the aisle, unfortunately she doesn't realize that her dress is bunched up in her underwear and her butt is showing.]
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: after the wedding, Ross and Rachel are in the lobby]
RACHEL: Why the hell didn't you tell me!
ROSS: I'm sorry. What was I supposed to do stand up and shout 'Hey, Rachel, your butt is showing!'
RACHEL: Oh my God this is sooo humiliating. I think the only thing that tops that was, was, was when I was in the eight grade and I had to sing the Copa Cabana in front of the entire school. I think I got about two lines into it before I ran and freaked out. Oh my God, my entire life is flashing before my eyes.
ROSS: Rach, hey look, I remember that, it wasn't so bad.
RACHEL: Oh Ross, would you stop, you got me, I'm dating you.
MR. WINEBURG: Rachel!
RACHEL: Oh hi, Mr. Wineburg, hi Mrs. Wineburg.
MR. WINEBURG: It's so wonderful to see you again, my dear, in fact I hardly expected to see so much.
MRS. WINEBURG: You told me you didn't see anything.
MR. WINEBURG: I tell ya a lot things!
MRS. WINEBURG: Well it's wonderful to have you up and about, again, dear.
MR. WINEBURG: Stay well.
RACHEL: Okay, now that is the third time someone has said something like that to me today.
MINDY: (entering) Rach! Rach!
RACHEL: Oh, hi!
MINDY: Oh my God, I'm married!
RACHEL: I know.
MINDY: I'm Mrs. Dr. Barry Hunter hyphen Farber.
RACHEL: Oh honey, I'm so proud of you, Min.
BARRY: (entering) Min. Oh Rach, you're still here, at our wedding, they were packing up the chopped liver about now.
RACHEL: Yeah, I love that story. Um, I got a question for you guys. Why do people keep is saying that is good to see me up and about?
MINDY: Well uh, after you ran out on your wedding, Barry's parents told people that you were sort of....insane.
RACHEL: Insane!
MINDY: ...from the syphilis.
RACHEL: What?!
BARRY: Yeah, what are they gonna say you didn't love me anymore. Come on.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are there, Joey is on the phone.]
JOEY: Angela? Joey Tribiani. Listen, what are ya doing tonight. I know your seeing that guy I was thinking maybe you could bring him.....Hello? Hello? (picks up a statue of an Indian and walks into
his room)
(the computer bing, bongs)
PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna answer her, that's like the tenth bing-bong message she sent. She wants to know what's wrong?
CHANDLER: What's wrong? What's wrong? You're married that's what's wrong.
(bing, bong)
PHOEBE: Oh, my.
CHANDLER: What?
PHOEBE: She wants to meet you in person.
CHANDLER: Hey, look, Phoebe I wanted to meet her in person too, okay, but she's married, she has a husband.
PHOEBE: What if the husband person is the wrong guy, and you are the right guy. I mean you don't get chances like this all the time, if you don't meet her now, you're gonna be kicking yourself when your 80, which is hard to do, and that's how you break a hip.
CHANDLER: Okay, I'll do it!
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! Okay! Great! Go, man, go put on your shoes, and, and march out there and meet her! (Chandler runs and picks up his shoes) Oh, wait, no, no you have to take a shower, 'cause, eww. (Chandler runs to the bathroom, as the computer bing-bongs) No, you know what you have to answer her, answer her first. (Chandler runs to the computer) No, no, you know what make some coffee 'cause its too much. (Chandler walks slowly into the kitchen)
[Scene: at Barry and Mindy's reception, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table, and Monica is trying to throw a piece of candy into his mouth.]
MONICA: Okay, one more, please. Come on, I'm gonna get it in this time, I will.
RICHARD: Okay, last chance. (Monica throws the candy and hits some woman in the back of the head, Richard turns around and says) Again, I'm sorry.
MONICA: You know what, maybe I don't need to have children. You know maybe I just think I do because that is what society, and by that I mean my mom, has always convinced me that I...(sees two little girls dancing together) I do, I have to have children, I'm sorry, I just do.
BEST MAN: (standing up) Yo! Can I have your attention, please, Best Man, making a toast here. Thank you. (clears throat, and starts reading his toast) I remember when Barry got home from his first date with Rachel...
ALL: What?!
BEST MAN: What, (to Barry) you hired the same band I can't use the same speech. (gets a 'da-doom-chesh' from the drummer) Thank you, thank you very much. Anyway, I wish you both a wonderful life together. And Rachel...
RACHEL: What.
BEST MAN: No, no, no now in all seriousness, its not a lot of women would've had the guts to come back here tonight, and even fewer, who would do it with their asses hanging out! (da-doom-chesh)
ROSS: (standing up) Uh, I like to, uh, to add something to that...
RACHEL: Why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding, why are you adding?
ROSS: Most of you don't know me, I'm Rachel's boyfriend.
RACHEL: Oh dear God.
ROSS: Ross, uh and uh, I'd just like to say that it did take a lot of courage for Rachel to come here tonight. And, uh, for the record she did not run out on Barry because she had syphilis. (da-doom-chesh) (to drummer) What are you doing I'm serious. Uh, the reason she walked out on, on Barry is simply that she didn't love him, which incidentally worked out pretty well for me (looks for the da-doom-chesh, and doesn't get one) Cheers.
RACHEL: (to Ross) She you in the parking lot.
ROSS: (runs after her) No, Rach!
BARRY: And once again she is out of here. Okay who had 9:45? Um?
RACHEL: (after a pause with everyone staring at her, she goes up to the microphone) Ya, know what Barr, I'm not gonna leave. I probably should, but I'm not, see 'cause I promised myself that I would make it through at least *one* of your weddings (da-doom-chesh). See now, tonight, all I really wanted was to make it though this evening with a little bit of grace and dignity. Well (laughing), I guess we can all agree that's not gonna happen. There's nothing really left to say except....(starts singing) "Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers (band joins in), feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there. She would..."
ROSS: Marenge,
RACHEL: (singing) "...marenge, thank you honey, and do the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always tended bar. At the, wait, wait, everybody.."
ROSS: Everybody!
RACHEL: At the Copa, Copa Cabana (everyone joins in) The hottest spot north of Havana. At the Copa, Coo-pa Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at the Copa....
[Scene: later, Richard and Monica are dancing]
RICHARD: Okay, I'll do it.
MONICA: You'll do what?
RICHARD: If kids is what I takes to be with you then kids it is.
MONICA: Oh my God!
RICHARD: If I have to I'll, I'll do all again , I'll do the 4 o'clock feeding thing, I'll go to the P.T.A. meetings, I'll coach the soccer team. MONICA: Really?
RICHARD: Yeah, if I have to. Monica, I don't wanna lose you, so if I have to do it all over again, then I will.
MONICA: You're the most wonderful man. And if you hadn't of said 'if I have to' like seventeen times, then I'd be saying 'okay, let's do it.'
RICHARD: But you're not.
MONICA: Oh my God, I can't believe what I'm getting ready to say. I wanna have a baby, but I don't wanna have one with someone who doesn't really wanna have one.
RICHARD: God. I love you.
MONICA: I know you do. Me too. (pause) So what now?
RICHARD: I guess we just keep dancing.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, Joey, and Phoebe are there waiting for Chandler's cyberchick to arrive]
CHANDLER: Where is she, Where is she? (grabs Rachel) Oh, hey, I have a question, where is she?
RACHEL: Chandler, relax, Chandler, she'll be here.
CHANDLER: (noticing a beautiful blond walking in) Ooh, oh, oh, that's her.
ROSS: (seeing her also) Yeah, 'cause life's just that kind.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you gotta stop staring at the door. It's like a watched pot, you know if you keep looking at it then the door is to, never gonna boil. I think what you have to do is try not to...
(Chandler's date walks in)
CHANDLER: Oh my God! (it's Janice)
JANICE: OH.....MY.....GAWD!! (Chandler rushes over and kisses her)
ALL: OH.....MY.....GOD!!
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading a script as Ross enters]
ROSS: All right I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this, because I wanna be a good friend, and dammit I am a good friend. So just, just shut up and close your eyes (kisses Joey).
JOEY: Wow, you are a good friend, 'course the audition was this morning, and I didn't get it. But that was a hell of a kiss. Rachel is a very lucky girl.
END

224 巴利和明蒂大喜之日

嗨乔伊, 试镜如何?
难以置信! 我这次碰到的导演,没想到会是他.
谁?
好吧. 给你个提示. Warren Beatty. / 哇!
是, 现在只有一个问题. 我必须和他接吻
因为他太英俊了
不, 是试镜的一部分. 我演和他接吻那部分.
嗨. 你是个演员, 你可以拍他马屁和接吻.
或者只接吻.
我当然行, 我很在行.
那还有什么问题?
拍完后, Beatty先生过来和我说
'演得好, 接吻很烂'.
你们相信我象是个接吻很差的人吗？
就象特丽莎妈妈, 不是一个好妈妈.
算了，管他怎么想. Warren Beatty难道就知道怎么接吻.
嗨, 你的经纪人怎么说?
接吻这事很麻烦, Beatty先生星期一还有来一遍.
我得找出到底哪有问题. Oh, 对了,
你们那个女孩过来和我试一下.
什么, 休想!
对, 好主意.
来吧, 我需要你们帮忙.
好吧. 我来, 以前也吻过多一次也没关系
看, 这才够朋友.
Uh-huh, 开始吧.
哦, 有口香糖.
好了.
好, 太好了, 结实而柔软. 我推荐给朋友们.
所以我就不知道有什么问题?
乔伊, 也许你不习惯吻男人, 也许你只是有点紧张,
也许就是这个问题.
对, 需要感觉.
除非我死了!
你还是用他的尸体吧.
快点, 亲爱的! 告诉你你已经很漂亮了!
告诉她很漂亮, 告诉她很漂亮.
哦天啊,
你太漂亮了!
我不敢相信我会穿着这么恶心的东西
在200人面前走过
那别穿了,
我不明白我们为什么要去？那是你前未婚夫的婚礼.
因为我已经答应明蒂了.
对, 你答应过巴瑞, 你要嫁给他.
我一定要去, 我是个守信用的人，除了那次
我只想再见见这些人，自己开心就行.
Ooh-oh! 有人穿着昨天的衣服. 有人有小动作?
好像是.
Woo-hoo, stuud!
她长得怎样?
我们没有真正见面, 只是在网上聊了一个通宵.
哇-呼, 有趣!
我喜欢这女孩, okay, 我是认真的,
尽管有时我往往有点狡辩和嘲弄...
少来!
不! / 请!
她完全让我着迷, okay. 她说, '别管它, 保持真我',
我就是这样做的.
哇! 怎么做?
就象现在的我, 不开玩笑的.
好了, 别这样, 我被你弄傻了.
哦, 我也不喜欢你这个样子. 好了, 再见各位.
再见, 里查.
再见, 我爱你.
我也爱你.
我的男友也让我这么神魂颠倒过,
我不知道我们的婚礼会是什么样.
你在说什么? 什么婚礼?
少来了, 你们从未谈论过.
没有! 从没有! 我们现在已经住在一起了.
一定要天长地久，不能只求一时拥有吗?
还是怕问他?
别再找麻烦了.
我觉得你应该认真考虑一下婚姻的事情,
再给瑞秋一次打扮成公主的机会.
Benny去哪了?
在这!
Benny去哪了?
在这!
哈! 知道婴儿为什么要学说话,
这样他们可以告诉你，长大了别玩这种游戏了.
嗨, 我有一个问题. 小事情, 别有压力.
好的.
你有没有考虑过将来?
当然.
包括我吗?
亲爱的, 包括你.
天啊, 你会很幸运.
Oh, 是!
继续说.
嗯, 有时我考虑卖掉我的医务所,
搬到法国去, 做法国烤面包.
对, 那, 我们住到法国, 做烤面包.
你看见角落有个小摇篮吗?
猎犬?
不是猎犬, 是摇篮.
你需要那个摇篮?
我怕宝宝被狗压着.
你, 你, 你难道没想过我们将来有孩子. / Oh, 嗨.
我喜欢孩子, 我也有孩子.
我只是不想在70岁的时候
我们的孩子去上大学, 我们的生活才终于开始.
我需要你,
现在.
很好. 我们现在不需要谈论这个.
其实, 我想离将来还很远，很远，很远...,
我好像在说气垫船和行星上的猿猴.
来吧, 钱德, 我非常需要.
只是一个吻, 我不会告诉别人.
乔伊, 不可能，不!
嗨!
对不起, 我们这没有你们的羊.
啊, 瑞秋, 你太美了
还有你, 嗯, 你, 我来尝一口
离我远点，不行!
理查按门铃. 他在楼下正等着.
哦, 理查来了. 我下去和他打声招呼
再见.
再见, 好运.
你和你的电脑鸡约会得怎样？ Ooh, 嗨, 那是什么?
Oh, 是个网站, 它是古根海姆博物馆.
她喜欢艺术, 我喜欢幽默.
HH是什么意思?
意思是我们手牵手.
你是最可爱的?
我觉得我是.
我觉得你对她这么投入真棒
但有没有想过她也许已经90岁了, 或者有两个脑袋,
或者，是个男人.
Okay, 不可能是男人, 好吗,我了解她.
也许是个大棒男人.
我刚靠近他，莫妮卡就把我踢跪下了.
怎么啦?
我们正在推测钱德的女友是不是个女的.
Oh, 那好. 只要问她准备活多久. 女人总比男人活得长.
你为什么不跪久一点?
好吧, 问她现在避孕的方法
好.
我丈夫去和秘书上床. 她结了婚!
至少我们知道她是个女的.
我不相信她已婚了.
对不起.
你一定要坚强些
有天我在报纸上看过一篇文章
说不要在婚礼上丢掷米饭, 因为鸽子爱吃，会撑死它们的
所以从没看见寿司店有鸽子.
我们在开玩笑.
当然.
我甚至没考虑过不应该考虑的问题
我也是.
嗨,
你怎样?
我在洗手间看见我上次婚礼爬出去的那个窗户,
天, 我开始觉得我不该来这儿, 我不想的,
人们会看着我，打量我, 想起上次的事.
亲爱的, 没事的, 只是一个婚礼,
通常人们只会注意新娘.
但愿如此.
好, 看我这边. 对, 时间到了.
伴娘和引座员排成两行，谢谢
好, 待会见.
好，祝好运
谢谢,
好, 好.
你干嘛不告诉我!
对不起. 我不可能站起来喊
'嗨, 瑞秋, 你的屁股露出来了!'
哦天啊太难堪了. 我想只有一件事超过它
那就是, 是我八年级的时候，
我在全校人面前唱“Copa Cabana”
我想在我逃跑之前，只唱了两句.
哦，天啊, 我的整个人生就这么毁了.
瑞秋, 嗨，看, 我记得, 那也不是太差.
罗斯, 行了, 只是因为你和我了, 我们约会了.
瑞秋!
嗨, Wineburg先生, 嗨，Wineburg太太.
看见你真是太好了, 亲爱的,
事实上我还是希望看得更多一些.
你告诉我你什么都没看到.
我告诉你很多!
看见你重新振作起来太好了, 亲爱的.
保重.
好, 这已是今天第三个人和我说这种话了
瑞秋! 瑞秋!
Oh, 嗨!
Oh 天啊, 我结婚了!
知道.
我是巴瑞.亨特.海芬.法伯医生的太太了.
亲爱的, 我为你高兴, 明蒂
明蒂
瑞秋, 你还在这,
在我们的婚礼上, 他们现在已经在打包剩下的肝脏了.
我喜欢那个故事.
我有个问题问你.
为什么他们老是说很高兴我重新振作起来?
对了, 自从你从婚礼上逃跑后,
巴瑞的父母告诉别人你有些....神经病.
神经病!
...梅毒得的.
什么?!
那么, 难道他们会说你不再爱我了. 来吧.
安吉拉? 乔伊.茨里比亚里. 听着, 你今晚干吗?
我知道你要见个男生，
我想也许你可以带他一起来.....
喂? 喂?
你不回答她吗？好像是她发的第十个信息了.
我想知道出什么问题了?
什么问题? 什么问题? 你结婚了这就是问题.
哦
什么?
她想和你见面
嗨, 看, 菲比，我也想和见她,
但她结婚了, 有丈夫的.
如果她丈夫不好, 而你又是个好人.
如果你不见她，也许再也没机会了,
到你80岁的时候，你会后悔得恨自己
好，我去!
Oh, 好! Okay! 太好了! 冲, 穿上你的鞋, 冲出去见她!
Oh, 等下, 不, 不，你必须洗个澡，因为...嗯.
不, 你先答复她, 先答应她.
不, 不, 你知道怎样冲咖啡吗，因为放太多了.
好吧, 再来一次, 好吗, 这次我一定中
好吧, 最后机会
再次, 对不起
也许我并不需要小孩
也许我想要只是因为社会是这样,
还有我妈, 总是确信我...
我要, 我一定要有孩子, 对不起, 我只想要
唷! 请注意了, 有人要敬酒.
谢谢.
我记得当巴瑞和瑞秋第一次约会后回家...
什么?!
什么, 你请了同一个乐队，
我就不能用同一个演讲辞？
谢谢, 非常感谢.
不管怎样, 我祝愿你们生活美满
还有瑞秋...
什么
不, 不，不要都那么严肃,
没有多少女人今晚有勇气来这的,
就算有, 也不会把臀部露出来!
Uh, 我想, uh, 补充一下...
为什么要补充, 为什么要补充, 为什么要补充, 为什么要补充?
你们大多数人不认识我, 我是瑞秋的男友
老天.
罗斯, 嗯, 我要说瑞秋今晚来到这很有勇气，
还有, 嗯, 关于传言她离开巴瑞是因为她有神经病
你干嘛，我很认真的.
嗯, 其实他离开巴瑞只是因为她不爱他,
顺便提一下，她和我处得很好
干杯!
我在停车场等你.
不, 瑞秋!
她又一次逃了. 现在是9:45? 嗯?
你知道吗?巴瑞, 我不是要离开
也许我想, 但我不走,
因为我答应过我自己,
我最少要在你的婚礼上留下来一次.
看, 今晚, 我来这的目的就是这个
带着一点点优雅和尊严.
我想我们都希望当什么事都没有发生过
没什么可说的，除了....
"Her name was Lola. She was a showgirl.
With yellow feathers, feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there.
She would..."
Marenge,
"...marenge, 谢谢你，亲爱的,
and do the cha-cha. And while she like to be a star, Tony always tended bar. At the, wait, wait, 一起来.."
一起来!
At the Copa, Copa Cabana The hottest spot north of Havana.
At the Copa, Coo-pa Ca-ban-a, music and fashion were always the passion, at the Copa....
好的，我决定了.
决定了什么?
如果要我和你生孩子，就生吧.
天啊!
如果我应该做, 我会再做所有的事情,
我会准时4点钟喂奶, 我会参加育儿培训班,
我还可以把他们训练成一支足球队.
真的吗?
当然, 如果要的话.
莫妮卡,
我不想失去你, 所以如果要我再做一次的话, 我愿意.
你真是太好了.
如果你说了17遍“如果我一定要”,
那我会说“好的，我要”
原来你不是想要.
天啊, 我都不敢相信，我要想说的是
我想要个宝宝,
但我不想和一个不愿生的人一起生
我爱你.
我知道.
我也是.
现在干吗?
我想我们继续跳舞.
她在哪, 她在哪?
哦, 嗨, 我有个问题, 她在哪e?
钱德, 放松, 钱德, 她会来的.
Ooh, oh, oh, 是她.
对, 生活就应该是这样.
钱德, 我不要老盯着门看. 就象盯着烧水壶,
你知道如果你一直盯着门，它...它永远都烧不开.
我想你要做的就是不要...
Oh 天啊!
OH.....我的.....天啊!!
OH.....我的.....天啊!!
好吧，我总是有莫名的内疚感, 因为我要做个好兄弟,
该死的，我确实是好兄弟. 所以只要给我闭嘴, 和闭上眼睛
哇, 你真是个好兄弟,
试镜今早试过了, 我没通过
但这吻确实够劲. 瑞秋真走运

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 49楼发表于: 2014-03-17 0

301 The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy

[Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]
Joey: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.
All: Did not, she did not wink at you... (sees that their sacred couch is occupied by strangers) .
Chandler: Huh. (They all leave, dejected)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Ross: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.
Rachel: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.
Phoebe: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss.
Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?
Phoebe: (singing) Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.
(Monica enters from her bedroom)
Phoebe: Hi Monica!
Ross: Hey Mon!
Rachel: Hey Mon!
(she just walks straight into the bathroom)
Phoebe: Oh my God, has she slept at all?
Ross: Nope.
Rachel: No, it's been three nights in a row.
Ross: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.
Phoebe: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]
Chandler: Morning.
Joey: Morning, hey, you made pancakes?
Chandler: Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.
Janice: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs hysterically) Good morning Joey.
Joey: (sarcastically) Good morning.
Chandler: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.
Janice: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer.
Chandler: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.
Janice: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.
Chandler: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then you'll have to stay.
Joey: (under his breath) Kiss her! Kiss her!
Janice: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.
Joey: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.
Chandler: Nope, not this time.
Joey: Come on, quite yankin' me.
Chandler: I'm not yanking you.
Joey: This is Janice.
Chandler: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.
Joey: Okay. All right. You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking, that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking.
Chandler: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face)
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from the bathroom.]
Monica: God, look what I found in the drain.
Rachel: What?!
Monica: It's some of Richard's hair! (holds it close to Ross) What do I do with this?
Ross: Getting it away from me would be job one.
Monica: It's weird, but you know what I don't wanna throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him, gross, drain hair. Ooh! (drops it in Ross's cereal)
Phoebe: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. (Ross gives her this look, like 'Yeah, doesn't it', and gets up to dump it down the drain.)
Monica: God, what is wrong with me.
Ross: You need to get some sleep.
Monica: I need to get some Richard.
Rachel: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.
Monica: I know, I know. I'm just so tired of-of missing him. I'm tired of wondering why hasn't he called. Why hasn't he called!
Phoebe: Maybe, because you told him not to.
Monica: What are you the memory woman?
Joey: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.
Rachel: Well, you know I'm not surprised. I mean have you seen them together, they're really cute.
Joey: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?
Rachel: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?
Joey: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?
Ross: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.
Joey: Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right?
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]
Rachel: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering....
Ross: Hmm?
Rachel: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?
Ross: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.
Rachel: Hmm.
Ross: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.
Rachel: You remember not having sex in high school, right?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Well honey, what about you?
Ross: What?
Rachel: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things?
Ross: No.
Rachel: Come on you gotta have one!
Ross: Nope.
Rachel: Ross, you know what...
Ross: What?
Rachel: ...if you tell me, I might do it.
Ross: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.
Rachel: Oooh!
Ross: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty cool.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]
Phoebe: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.
Rachel: Really!
Phoebe: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.
Rachel: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!
Rachel: Really! That-that great huh?
Phoebe: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!
Ross: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey!
Rachel: Hi you guys!
Ross: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter.
Rachel: Mon. Hi!
Monica: Hi.
Rachel: Why aren't you at work?
Monica: Oh, they-they sent me home.
Rachel: Why?
Monica: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: You really, really need to get some sleep, honey.
Monica: I know I do.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: Guess what?
Rachel: What?
Ross: They published my paper.
Rachel: Oh, really, let me see, let me see.
Phoebe: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her hair look like the Princess Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There he is.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Wheel of Fortune, the puzzle is showing _oun_ Rush_ore.]
[Chandler enters]
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Wheel!
Chandler: Of!
Joey: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. (yelling) It's Count Rushmore!!
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What'd ya' say?
Joey: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?
Chandler: No, Janice.
Joey: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.
Chandler: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?
Joey: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled) . Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair) ?
Chandler: Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives me crazy, eww, eww, oh!
Joey: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.
Chandler: Well, there you go.
Joey: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?
Chandler: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.
Joey: Look, what do you want me to say?
Chandler: I want you to say that you like her!
Joey: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.
Chandler: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!
Joey: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain? (Chandler gives him a look like 'You stupid idiot!')
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering]
Ross: How could you have told her?
Rachel: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.
Ross: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.
Rachel: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?
Ross: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.
Ross: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.
Rachel: Were both of those Joey?
Ross: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.
Rachel: Not even with your best friend.
Ross: Noo!
Rachel: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.
Ross: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything?
Rachel: Pretty much.
Ross: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people about the night of five times?
Rachel: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.
Ross: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.]
Phoebe: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.
Monica: Richard's living room, drinking wine.
Phoebe: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!
Monica: I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.
Phoebe: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, I'm just gonna, I have to ask that you don't move anything.
Monica: All right, I'll try not to.
Phoebe: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky....
Monica: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?
Phoebe: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....
Monica: I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine.
Phoebe: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook....
Monica: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's]
Janice: So, I hear, you hate me!
Joey: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.
Janice: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.
Joey: And you got a 'hate' from that?! Your taking a big leap there...
Janice: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea: you and me spending some quality time together.
Joey: But what does that gonna do...
Janice: For Chandler!
Joey: Okay. I'm in.
Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'
Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?
Janice: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.
Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are entering]
Monica: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civ)l War.
Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?
Monica: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)
Ross: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?
Chandler: Umm, yeah.
Ross: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth....
Chandler: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this?
Ross: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna?
Chandler: We're not gonna talk about girth are we?
Ross: Nooo!
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Ross: Yeah?
Chandler: Yeah! All right! You go first.
Ross: Okay, okay, I'll go first.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....
Chandler: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
Ross: Yes!
Chandler: I know!
Ross: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: Okay.
Chandler: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.
Ross: Hmph.
Chandler: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....
Ross: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!
Chandler: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know... (Ross just stares at him) . You don't know!
Ross: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: You said...
Ross: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down) .
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!]
Janice: We're baack!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: What are you guys doing together?
Janice: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)
Chandler: Really.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.
Janice: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)
Chandler: You still can't stand her can you?
Joey: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.
Chandler: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.
Joey: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.
Chandler: Well, I guess that's something.
Joey: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.
Chandler: Oh God!
Joey: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]
Video:April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One (Monica lights Richard's cigar butt) , 4:30 A.M. on Tuesday, the United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon (knock on door) it is now under bombardment by....
(Monica answers the door)
Monica: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?
Mr. Geller: Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I thought that I would come into the city for a little Monicuddle. (hugs her) Since when did you start smoking cigars?
Monica: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?
Mr. Geller: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Monica: What makes you think that I might not be okay?
Mr. Geller: I saw Richard.
Monica: Oh.
Mr. Geller: So, how are you doing?
Monica: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?
Mr. Geller: You don't wanna know.
Monica: No, I really, really do.
Mr. Geller: Well, he's doing terrible!
Monica: Really!
Mr. Geller: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.
Monica: You're not just saying that are you?
Mr. Geller: No, the man is a mess.
Monica: Was he crying?
Mr. Geller: No.
Monica: Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after you left, so he could cry?
Mr. Geller: Maybe.
Monica: I think so.
Mr. Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel, because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However, (turns around and sees that Monica is sleeping and puts a blanket around her, kisses her, picks up the cigar, and starts watching the video)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme. Rachel enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leia's, and wearing a belly dancer's outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.]
Rachel: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?
Ross: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)
Mrs. Geller: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, your like, freaking me out here.
Ross: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)
End

301 （星际大战中的）莉亚公主

那个女孩一定在跟我使眼色
她才没有
你总是以为别人在跟你使眼色
我会认为是范莫里生的“陶此洛密糖”
不会吧
我会认为最浪漫的曲子是“俏郎君”
我觉得是艾尔顿强
帮演“妙管家”的家伙写的歌
那是什么歌?
“抱紧我，年轻的汤尼丹佐”
莫妮卡
莫妮卡
天啊
她到底有没有睡觉?
没有
已经连续三个晚上了
从昨天起，她终于不哭了
但是她又在阳台发现
理查抽过的雪茄
好吧，这说明了为何我在
清晨两点接到一通电话
而我只能听到一些吱吱的声音
我就想“一定是老鼠或负鼠”
然后我就想，好吧…
老鼠或负鼠怎么会有钱打电话呢?
早
你做了松饼啊?
是啊，你还以为我真的会做呢
摩妮卡和瑞秋有糖浆
我可以让我的男人开心了
早安，乔伊
早安
你干脆别去上班
跟我在一起就好了
是啊，但愿如此
你有报告要做
而我得去见律师
我真不敢相信
我竟跟要离婚的女生约会
我真像个大人
我要走了…
给我个吻才能走
或者我就不亲你
这样你就会留下来
亲她！
再见甜心，再见乔伊
再见，珍妮丝
你什么时候要甩掉她?
不会
这次不会了
拜托，别整我了
我又没有整你
她可是珍妮丝
对,我知道
她让我很愉快
好，你看着我的眼睛
告诉我，不可以眨眼睛
说你不会跟她分手但别眨眼睛
我不会跟她分手
天啊，你看我在排水管里
发现什么?
什么?
这些是理查的头发
我该拿这些怎么办?
第一件事就是把它从我身边拿开
奇怪，但我并不想把它丢掉
这些是我仅有的属于他的东西
呕心的…
排水管的头发
真好玩，好像有一个小人
在你的麦片里淹死了
我是怎么了?
你需要一些睡眠
我需要的是理查
你跟他分手是有原因的
我知道…
我只是不想再这么想他
不愿再去想，他为何不打来?
他为何都没打来?
可能因为你叫他别再打来?
你到底是什么?
记忆女王吗?
他们不会分手!我是说钱德和珍妮丝
他们不会分手!他的眼睛连眨一下都没有
我一点也不惊讶
你看过他们在一起的样子吗?
他们真的好可爱
“可爱?”那可是珍妮丝!
你记得珍妮丝吗?
我记得啊，她很惹人厌
但是你知道吗?
她现在是他的女朋友
那我们能怎么办?
这就对了，我就是要这种精神
“我们能怎么办?”
好，谁先来?罗斯?
钱德是我们的朋友
而珍妮丝能让他快乐
所以我们就成熟点，接受她
这个先归类在B计划
甜心
我在想啊……
你那套海军制服还在吗?
不，我拿去戏服店还了
我还有一套高中乐团的旧制服
你记得高中时不能做爱吧?
是啊
甜心，那么你呢…
你有过任何有趣的幻想吗?
没有
别这样，你一定有
没有
罗斯，你知道吗?
如果你跟我说或许我会帮你实现
你有没有看过星际大战的
“绝地大反攻”?
你记不记得那场戏…
当赫特族的贾霸出现时?
贾霸和他的囚犯…
莉亚公主
莉亚公主穿着…
金色的比基尼
那样子很好看
莉亚公主穿金色比基尼?
我们这年纪的男人都很喜欢
真的吗?
很重要的!那个时刻，她不再是个公主
她变成了…一个女人
你曾扮过莉亚公主吗?
真的吗?有那么棒啊?
不，只是我买了新的呼叫器
我把它调成“震动”
再见
你们好啊
你看我在中国龙餐厅外找到谁了?
她盯着停车收费表看
你怎么没去上班?
他们把我送回家了
为什么?
因为我并不是在中国龙餐厅上班
你真的需要睡一下
我知道该睡了
你猜怎么着?
有人要发行我的论文
真的吗?让我看看…
瑞秋，你看
我那强壮的罗斯天行者何时会来拯救我?
他来了
幸运的!
轮盘!
这个家伙好笨
是“罗斯莫尔”公爵啦
你真的该去参加这个节目
我有三张今晚游骑兵队的票
你觉得如何?
我一定去
太棒了
罗斯也会去吗?
不，是珍妮丝
珍妮丝?
因为我会替罗斯难过你知道吗?
我们总是一起去的
我们是曲棍球三兄弟啊
我可能误会你了
但你是否反感珍妮丝?
没有
对啦……
天啊，我该怎么说?
你知道希腊餐厅里
那个头发很蓬的女孩子?
那个我很讨厌的女孩子?
她快把我这疯了
听着，我不讨厌珍妮丝
只是她令人难以忍受
你说出来了吧
别那样看着我
以前她也快把你这疯了记得吗?
但是我现在为她疯狂
这次可能是来真的
我是说“真的”
别担心，我说的字母是对的
你到底要我说什么?
我要你说你喜欢她
我说不出来这种
像是一种化学作用
每次她一开始笑，我就想…
想把我的手臂拔下来
我就能往她身上砸
谢谢你的努力
对了，根本就没有罗斯莫尔公爵!
那是谁在罗斯莫尔山上
塑了那些总统肖像?
你怎么可以告诉她?
我想又没什么大不了的
她认为没什么大不了的?
你这样子是在跟谁讲话?
这些应该是我们之间很私密的对话
菲比是我的女性好友，好吗?
我们无话不谈的
男人也一样啊
那些更衣室里的对话呢?
那又不一样了，我们会谈
像是谁跟脱衣舞娘约会
或谁在史坦登岛渡轮后面做爱
这两个都是乔伊吧
难道你们不谈女朋友…
还有你们之间亲密的事?
连最好的朋友也不谈?
真可悲啊
你们错过太多乐趣了
那是种互相连结与分享的感觉…
并知道她们也和你经历过一样的事
那你们什么都跟对方说吗?
差不多啊
你们有没有谈过—夜五次的纪录?
你有没有告诉她们
那次一夜五次的纪录?
甜心，你那次是跟凯萝
我知道，我想还是值得一提
全身肌肉放松
听着叮叮咚咚的音乐
好，闭上你的眼睛
想一个很愉快的地方
告诉我让你快乐的地方是哪里
理查家的客厅，一起喝酒
不…不可以跟理查有关
把酒杯放下，快出来
对不起，那是让我快乐的地方
好，我的快乐地方借你用
但别弄乱
我会试着不乱动
好，你现在在草地上…
天上有一片繁星
你觉得分手是错误的吗?
快乐的地方不准问问题
只有和煦的微风
和从树上撒下的月光
我赌他一定忘了我
我打赌他好得很
快乐的地方不允许赌博和下注
那里只有…美丽的瀑布
和缓慢流动着的喷泉
还有低声轻语的小溪
产生平静的音律
好，一点用也没有
我还是醒着的
而且我得去上厕所
我听说…
你讨厌我
我没说我讨厌你
我可是很小心的
有人私下告诉我
你想扯下手臂，丢到我身上
这样你就觉得我讨厌你?
你也太断章取义了吧
好吧
这种情形，我们得想点策略
这是我的主意
你和我花点时间，好好相处
但是那有什么关系…
为了钱德
好吧，我加入
好!这就叫做…
乔伊和珍妮丝的道遥一日游
要一整天啊?
因为如果你要爱上我得花上一整天
是，我知道我睡在你们的隔壁
我今天去了邮局
寄来的是我订的录影带
是帮理查订的，有关内战的
他很喜欢看内战
你要不要我们带你回家?
带我到遥远的银河去吧
女人什么事都说，你知道吗?
不，钱德，我是说全部的事
你喜欢的东西，她喜欢的东西
技巧，精力，腰围
腰围？
为什么…?
她们为何这样做?
瑞秋说分享的感觉很棒，而…
我们也应该这么做
你想要吗?
我们不会要讨论腰围吧?
好，你先吧
好，我先说
有天晚上…
瑞秋和我在床上
讨论彼此的性幻想
我就形容了一个画面…
星际大战里的…
莉亚公主和金色比基尼
我知道
这倒挺容易的
好，换你了
好，当你跟一个女人在床上…
正在亲热…
脑袋里突然出现一些疯狂的念头
就像超级名模艾尔
或是影印店的那个女孩吗?
穿了肚脐环的那个?
我知道
但是突然之间你忽然想到你妈
然后你就想
“妈，快走开啦!”
但当然这之后你就完全没情没绪了
而你正在做的事又不能停止
所以你就好像…
所以
你不知道
你妈妈?
你是说跟你妈一起?
你究竟有什么毛病?
你说…
我说要分享，不是吓唬人
你给我坐到那边去
我们回来了
你们俩在一起干嘛?
乔伊和珍妮丝的道遥一日游
真的吗?
我们去看纽约大都会的比赛
还吃了中国菜
你知道的，我爱这个女人
你有竞争对手了，兄弟
我只是上来亲你一下
我得去接孩子了待会儿见，甜心
你也是，钱德
你还是受不了她，是吗?
抱歉，我已尽最大努力了
还是谢谢你的努力
但是有一点可喜的是…
我们整天在一起而我还能存活
更了不起的是，她也做到了
今天是大都会主场的打击日
我想这还蛮了不起的
天啊，这可是大事呢
现在我知道我可以
待在她旁边，表示…
我可以和你一起出去…
反正这就是我的重点
我们在咖啡店停了一下
结果遇到罗斯
天啊
希望这会让你好过点
我也会有这种想法
真的？
当我在做爱时
我都会想像“你”妈的样子
1861年4月12日
美国于山德堡的部队受到炮轰
这场炮轰是由于…
爸，你怎么来了?
你妈今晚打桥牌所以我进城来，
抱抱摩妮卡
你什么时候开始抽雪茄了?
我没有，只是喜欢闻它的味道
你来这里真正的目的是什么?
我只想确定一下你还好吧
我为什么会不好呢?
我看到理查了
你还好吗?
我很好
我只是有点累
理查怎么样了?
你不会想知道的
我真的很想知道
他的情况很糟
真的？
比他跟芭芭拉分手时还糟
-你不是故意这么说的吧，
那个男人简直一团糟
他有没有哭?
你觉得他是否等你走后
才一个人开始哭?
或许吧
我想也是
宝贝，感情这回事很难说
就像我跟你妈
大学毕业后我们曾分手一阵子
她父亲，就是你祖父，似乎…
希望你妈跟他一样到欧洲四处旅行…
当然，他是为了美国政府·，
因为当时他也在
猛轰德列车
然而
好吧，开始罗
我是贾霸的囚犯，而你…
你脸上的表情好怪
怎么了，甜心?有什么问题?
我的头发不对吗?
还是别的问题?
跟你想像的不同，还是…?
不是你的问题，是…
怎么了?拜托，甜心
你快把我吓坏了
我恨钱德
那个混蛋毁了我的人生

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 50楼发表于: 2014-03-17 0

302 The One Where No-one's Ready

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]
Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.)
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!
Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey, mister tux!
Ross: Why aren't you guys dressed?
Joey: We have a half hour.
Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.
Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.
Ross: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.
Chandler and Joey: Okay. (they don't move)
Rachel: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.
Ross: Really.
Rachel: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: How come you didn't come over earlier?
Ross: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.
Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider?
Ross: No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done.
Rachel: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.
Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.
Rachel: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing.
Joey: Glass of fat?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous]
Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?
Ross: No! Do you wanna hear it?
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.
Phoebe: (entering) Hello.
Ross: Hey!
Joey: Whoa!
Ross: Wow, hello! You look great!
Phoebe: Thank you! I know, though.
Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
Phoebe: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.
Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.
Joey: What?
Chandler: You're in my seat.
Joey: How is this your seat?
Chandler: 'Cause I was sitting there.
Joey: But then you left.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.
Joey: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.
Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.
Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom) . Soo...
Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..
Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!
Monica: (entering) Hi.
All: Hey.
Monica: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!
Phoebe: All right all ready.
Monica: (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic?
Ross: That's, that's funny. Change!
Monica: Hang on a second I just got in.
Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait.
Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.
Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one.
Monica: Rach, did you check the machine?
Rachel: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind.
Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up.
Joey: All right! You can have the chair.
Chandler: Really!
Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)
Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?
Ross: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!"
Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) What?!
Ross: Nevermind.
Richard: (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me."
Monica: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?!
Ross: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?
Monica: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?
Chandler: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.
Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?
Monica: Huh?
Ross: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, there we go.
Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)
Phoebe: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys!
Chandler and Joey: Sorry Phoebe.
Joey: I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: What am I gonna do?
Ross: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!
Phoebe: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.
Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?
Phoebe: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.
Chandler: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.
Monica: So, should I call him back?
The Guys: Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO!
Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.
Chandler: All right! (jumps up)
Ross: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay.
Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)
Rachel: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened?
Phoebe: Hummus. I got the hummus.
Rachel: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket?
Phoebe: That won't go with this dress though.
Rachel: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on.
Ross: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes.
Rachel: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?
Monica: I called him.
All: Nooo.
Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?
Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.
Monica: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough.
Joey: Monica, how are you gonna do that?
Monica: I know the code to his answering machine.
Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.
(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)
Richard: (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at the tone."
Machine: "You have two new messages."
Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."
Joey: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.
Woman's Voice: (on machine) Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay.
Joey: Now she sounded breezy.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]
Monica: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone.
Phoebe: Monica, you don't know that.
Monica: Well, who's voice was that?
Chandler: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.
Monica: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?
Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.
Monica: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.
Rachel: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!
Ross: You don't, you don't know what your wearing?
Rachel: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.
Ross: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you.
Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"
Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.
Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.
Ross: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
Rachel: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.
Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.
Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.
Phoebe: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck)
Rachel: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.
Phoebe: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!
Ross: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing?
Rachel: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.
Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went camping.
Ross: What?
Chandler: (shyly) The sheep.
Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time...
Joey: (entering) Where's my underwear?!
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?
Chandler: He took my essence!
Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.
Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.
Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Chandler: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes?
Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)
Chandler: He's got nothing!
Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.
Ross and Chandler: Oh, aaaah!
Phoebe: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas!
Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!
Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?
Ross: Just, just, just pick one!
Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?
Rachel: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants?
Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.
Rachel: But I...
Ross: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.
Rachel: All right.
Ross: Thank you!
Monica: (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to.
Ross: It was, it was her voice.
Chandler: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.
Michelle: Hola! Hello. Hello?
Monica: Okay. That was her right?
Phoebe: Definitely.
Monica: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now.
Ross: Yay!
(phone rings)
Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.
Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....
Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Monica: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.
Ross: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Monica: Okay, fine. (runs to her room)
Chandler: They got a phone in there, right?
Phoebe: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.
(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt)
Ross: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um.
Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo.
Ross: You're not going to go.
Rachel: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence.
Ross: How, how, um how can you not be going?
Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going.
Ross: Um, you know, just out of curiosity...
Rachel: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.
Ross: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled.
Rachel: It's fine.
Ross: No, but, your-your mad.
Rachel: I'm not mad.
Ross: No.
Rachel: I'm just not going.
Ross: Your not going.
Rachel: Right.
Ross: Okay. You know that I-I have to go.
Rachel: Um, hum.
Ross: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.'
Rachel: No.
Ross: No, because your not upset.
Rachel: Right.
Ross: About the yelling.
Rachel: Right, and the humiliating.
Ross: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay.
Rachel: Um, hum.
Ross: We're good.
Rachel: Right.
Ross: Okay. Honey?
Rachel: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him)
Ross: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)
Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.
Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?
(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)
Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Oooo-ooh!
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)
Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!
Chandler: Jeez, what a baby.
Joey: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed.
Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.
Joey: You could drink the fat.
Ross: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.
Rachel: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I think you should drink the fat.
Joey: Yaaaay!
Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.
Phoebe: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.
Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)
Rachel: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!
Ross: You will?!
Rachel: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?
Ross: Well, yeah.
Rachel: You were gonna drink the fat.
Joey: Let's see what else he'll do!
Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!
(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)
Chandler: Stop it. Stop it!
(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)
Phoebe: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!
Richard: (on machine) Hi, this is Richard.
Machine: You have three new messages.
Monica: Not any more!
Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.
Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.
Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.
Monica: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!!
Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!
Phoebe: How did you do that?
Monica: I don't know!
Machine: Good-bye.
Monica: Noooo!!!!
Ross: (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!
Monica: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number.
Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.
Ross: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!
Rachel: And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds.
Ross: So we're a little late.
Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....
Ross: What?
Rachel: I'm going commando, too.
Ross: Awwww!!!
Closing Credits
[Scene: At the banquet]
Sherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.
Ross: Wow! What a pleasure.
Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.
Chandler: Excuse me. Hi.
Whitfield: Yes?
Chandler: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.
Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat?
Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there.
Whitfield: But, you got up!
Chandler: But, I never left the room!
Whitfield: But, you left the chair area.
Chandler: All right, that's it, give me your underwear.
End

302 没人准备好

好，他们有水，柳橙汁
这个看起来像苹果汁
喝喝看吧
对，这是一杯油
我喝了油
我知道，两分钟前我才喝过的
穿燕尾服的先生
你怎么还没换衣服?
还有半小时
那是四分钟前的事
我们必须在七点四十出门
放心，我们会准备好的
我们只要两分钟就着装完毕
若你现在就换好，我会高兴点
好好
看看你，多性感啊
真的吗?
你怎么不早点过来?
因为我真是笨得要命
罗斯，要不要来点苹果汁?
不要
你快准备好了吧
妆化好了，头发梳好了
我只要换衣服就好了
大概只要6或7分钟吧
是啊，只要我决定好要穿什么
要不要喝点油?
怎么了?
你是不是因为要演讲而紧张?
不是
你要不要听听看?
里面有提到我吗?
等我感谢完所有
捐钱给博物馆的人
我就唱一首歌歌颂乔伊的伟大
嗨，你看起来真棒
谢谢你
虽然我已经知道了
看到没?
这个人准备好，可以出发了
菲比，你…
你真是我的偶像啊
那你就是我的幸运铜板
好吧，我做了心理测验结果是
我认为男人比事业重要
起来
什么?
你坐在我的位子上
为何这是你的位子?
因为我刚才坐在这里
但是你离开了
拜托，我又不是去多远的地方
我是去厕所
你明知道我会回来的
那有什么大不了的
去坐别的地方嘛
真正大不了的就是
我是最后坐在这里的人
所以这是我的位子
事实上，你最后坐的
地方就是那里，所以…
各位，你们知道嘛?
那个一点都不重要
你们俩都必须
在我脑血管爆掉前换好衣服
我只要再做一件事
这真的没什么大不了
起来!
菲比，你看起来好美
好啦，早知道了
你要变魔术吗?
真好笑，给我换衣服去
慢点，我才刚进门我才不管
晚会八点开始，我们不能迟到
他不能等，也不愿意等
我们的桌子在前方
我老板也会在那儿
若晚会开始后我们才进场
大家都看得到
有人喝过我这一杯油吗?
这像是古生物学家的女友会穿的衣服吗?
我不知道你大概是首开先例吧
瑞秋，你听答录机留言了吗?
没有
等等，这件衣服会
显得我小腿很粗，算了
乔伊，我今天写了一首歌
歌名叫做“起来”
好啦，椅子给你啦
真的?
天啊，你看看这个
是我，我正要过去
若你播出这则留言时
我已经到了呢?
是不是很诡异?
瑞秋，你在不在?
是我，快接起来
瑞秋…?
干嘛?
没事
摩妮卡，我是理查打电话给我
这则留言是新的还是旧的?
新的还是旧的…?
绝对是旧的
你没听到两声哔吗?
若是新的怎么办?
我们说好不联络的
可能有重要的事
我该不该回电话?
甜心，你已经打过了
这是旧的留言
是的你听
当卡萝与我分手时
我也经历一样的事
你知道我怎么做吗?
我去换好衣服
快快快
这就对了…
你知道吗?别起来了
就坐在那里吧
只希望你别介意
我的手放在这里
没碰到，不能生气
我的天啊
你们这些坏孩子
我该怎么办?
别乱抹
有什么可以去除豆泥?
摩妮卡!
有什么可以去除豆泥?
如果那个留言是新的
他到底打来说什么?
好，谢谢，我会试试看的
说不定他打来说
你执迷不悟而且太疯狂
我该不该回电话给他?
不！
很好,我们一起坐在椅子上
随便啊
我好舒服啊
我也是
事实上，我可能有点太舒服了
好，我们有19分钟
钱德，我要你去换衣服
等你回来后，乔伊去换衣服
他就会把椅子空出来
好
好的
好，我要走了
等我回来后这里就是椅子王国，而我是…
坐在椅子上的那个人!
这是不是有点太…
菲比，怎么回事?
我沾到豆泥了
甜心，我们会找出衣服给你，
你要不要穿我的黑外套?
这样跟洋装就不能搭配了
没错
来吧我们把衣服换掉不…
可别换掉
千万别把衣服脱掉，
菲比可以借你的绿洋装穿吗?
我打给他了
对，我进入他的答录机
然后我留言了
不过没关系…
因为那是个随兴、轻松的留言
很轻松
天啊
若听起来并不轻松该怎么办?
怎么可能不轻松?
不会，这里是个轻松的地方
我知道了，我播出我的留言
你们再告诉我是否轻松
你怎么可能那样做?
我知道他答录机的密码
好，摩妮卡我不认为现在应该…
好，你在拨号了…
我是理查
请在哔声后留言
你有两个新讯息
真是个好工作
“你有两个新讯息”
“请把派递给我”
我是摩妮卡我只是想确定一下
我有一通留言
不知道是新的还是旧的
所以，我只是问问看
告诉我吧
或者不告诉我，都可以
我很轻松
你不能说“我很轻松”
这样就不轻松了嘛
你好啊，是我
打电话给我谈谈周末的计划，好吗?
看，她听起来就很轻松
他开始约会了
我真不敢相信他开始约会
-你又不知道那个是谁，
那么那是谁的声音
说不定是他妹妹的
说不定是他女儿的
蜜雪儿，一定是了!
听起来像蜜雪儿吗?
太好了，开始下雨了
这样计程车又更难叫了
是蜜雪儿
绝对是蜜雪儿
去试穿摩妮卡的绿洋装
不适合就穿我的灰色丝质洋装
那我要穿那件?
你还不知道自己要穿什么?
今晚是你的大日子
我只是希望自己好看一点
是啊，而我们在12分钟内必须出门
来吧，我帮你选衣服
你看到了，我全换好了
而我呢，也发现你什么都还没换
所以，套小熊维尼作者的话
“离开我的椅子，驴蛋!”
好吧
你在干什么?
你叫我离开椅子啊
你又没说不能带走椅垫
但椅垫是椅子的精华！
没错，我要带走精华
他会回来的
这里什么人也没有
对不起，我觉得这样很美
这是万圣节服装
除非你要我穿的像小牧羊女一样?
若没有那只可充气的羊
我还真认不出来
是啊，对了，钱德
我最近想要一只回来
瑞秋，很好啊
这件是不是很适合我?
太棒了!但是不适合今晚
当然不适合今晚
不适合今晚，那你穿它干嘛！
对不起，不是故意的。
我爱你…深呼吸
我们去露营时
把它们当枕头
什么?
那些羊啊
你的闲暇时间在干嘛…
我的内裤呢?
拜托，你拿了他的内裤?
他拿走我的精华啊
好，等等，你干嘛不穿
你身上的内裤?
因为我现在根本没有穿内裤
那你今晚为何要穿内裤?
因为这燕尾服是用租的
我不想没穿内裤就穿别人的衣服
那有人就得把椅垫还给别人
好，你把我衣服藏起来
我要做一件完全相反的事
什么?
难道你要给我看我的衣服吗?
嘿，相反的！
就是相反的事
他什么都没有
好，我准备好了
瑞秋那儿没有我喜欢的
除了这个圣诞彩带
我想，好吧
那我就政治化一点罗
那你在支持什么?
当然是耶诞节
我无所谓，已经搞定两个了
我还有整整12分钟
什么?
我的表停了我的表，好，你看…
这个恐龙指针的尾巴不动了
现在几点?已经7点33分我还有7分钟
我还有7分钟
我该穿哪一双鞋?
黑色的还是紫色的?
随便挑一双，好吗?
好啦，黑色的
你有没有黑色的然后有细带子的?
有，不过那种适合配裤子
或者我该穿裤子
对了，穿裤子是好主意
或者不要穿裤子更好
我不知道你在做什么
但是你快进去…
找出随便一双可以穿的鞋子
我不管它是否搭配
我不管它是否会…
让你的脚踝，膝盖，
或耳垂看起来胖胖的，快去吧
进去房间里，
挑出要穿的然后我们就可以走了
好吧
谢谢
我要打给蜜雪儿
确定那是她的声音，抱歉
没错，那就是她的声音
摩妮卡，我想你又开始偏执了
(西班牙语)喂?
(西班牙语)喂?
好，那是她的声音，对吗?
绝对是，对啊
这样就解决啦
我们的危险解除啦
我要去换衣服了
我来接
你好，摩妮卡与瑞秋的家
好，请稍等请问您是哪位?
是蜜雪儿
她一定有来电显示功能
你也该去装一个
蜜雪儿?
对，就是我
我不小心拨了你的电话
只要试着…
你真的好贴心
是啊，我们是一对很好的情侣
我知道，我真的很想他
你了解的
你知道奇怪的是什么?
唐老鸭从来不穿裤子
但是当他洗完澡出来…
他总是在腰间围上一条毛巾
我是说，那算什么?
蜜雪儿，我只是进入信箱
来听我自己的留言
那样总可以吧
我真的希望你别告诉你爸…
你说你不高兴是什么意思?
我们是朋友呢
那个小婊子根本就讨厌我
我要再打给她
别别别！
好吧
她房间里有电话吧?
好，我们来处理吧
我知道单子上写
“打领带与否，自行决定”
但你这样好象过于随便了?
我不去了
你不去了?
不，我想更新我的通讯录
你怎么可以不去呢?
我就是不去了
我想这样就表明了“我不去”的意思
我只是好奇…
自从你在我朋友面前
羞辱我，又对我大吼
我就没有情绪去参加
什么博物馆的慈善会了
好…天啊，很抱歉
我对你大吼大叫，对不起
没关系，
可是你在生气
我没有生气，我只是不去了
你不去？
你知道我一定要去吧?
那这样会不会变成
我在你难过时离你而去?
不
我对你大吼，你不难过?
对，还包括你的羞辱
当然罗，还有羞辱
那么
我们之间没问题?
恩
我们之间没问题?
把电话放下
她已经开始换衣服了
我居然因此而兴奋
我是不是有问题?
好啦，兄弟，就是这样啦
你把我衣服藏起来
我就把你所有的衣服穿上
天啊！这算什么相反的事！
我把你的内裤藏起来你就这样干?
你看看我，我是钱德
我还能再多穿一件衣服吗?
或许我不该不穿内裤的…
穿这么多真是热死我了
我最好别再做些运动…
像是蹲马步之类的
够了，别再蹲马步了
我快被烦死了
我真的已经受够了
你们两个都不准参加晚会
天啊，真幼稚
你干嘛破坏一切
我正要去换衣服了
那个唯一我会在乎
她是否换好衣服的人
却是那个不肯去的人
瑞秋，我很抱歉，好吗?
我真是个混球
抱歉对你大吼，我希望你能去
我需要你去
要怎样做才能证明
我有多希望你去?
你可以把那杯油喝掉
欢迎你进人大人的谈话世界
不，等一下…
听起来挺有意思的什么?
我想你应该把那杯油喝掉
好，若这样就能证明你对我有多重要…
以及我多希望你能去
那我就愿意去做
我帮你换一个杯子
这一杯放好久了
我想这样可以了
好吧，香草奶昔
只不过是香草奶昔…
只不过有鸡肉的碎屑浮着
干杯!
不，不要！
好吧，我去就是了…
你肯去?
你真的会那么做，对吧?
是啊
你真的愿意喝下那些油?
我们来看看他还能做什么
不如你现在去换衣服
你把他的内裤还给他
我来叫计程车
我要大家在两分钟内下楼
摩妮卡
别做了
别再做了
罗斯去叫计程车了那么我们…?
别！摩妮卡你在干什么！
我是理查
你有三个新讯息
再也没有了
讯息已删除
请在哔声后留言
你好，理查，我是摩妮卡
我今晚做了一件很疯狂的事
或许我“那个”快来了我也不晓得
反正我进入你的答录机
然后听到一个留言…
快把我搞疯了
其他的蜜雪儿会告诉你
我很抱歉我希望你忘了这整件事
你的主人留言已经更改
主人留言?
他刚刚是说主人留言?
不是主人留言
你好，理查，我是摩妮卡
我今晚做了一件疯狂的事
或许我“那个”快来了我也不晓得
你是怎么做的?我不知道!
再见
好，我叫到两辆计程车但没人下来！
或许我们可以叫电话公司改掉那个留言?
他们可以把他的电话号码改掉
我想经过这件事他会自己处理了
瑞秋!
瑞秋!
而我还剩下五秒钟
这样大概花掉七秒钟
所以我们迟了一点
走吧
走吧
什么事?
我里面也没穿…
盖勒博士?
我是伦敦来的雪曼惠菲很荣幸见到你
你的前白垩纪化石报告写得真不错
是的，你再次验证了我以前写的东西
对不起
你好
什么事?
你好像坐在我的位子上
什么意思？你的位子？
我是说，我本来坐在这里但是你来了
可是我没有离开这个房间
但是你离开椅子了
好吧，就这样把你的内裤给我

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 51楼发表于: 2014-03-18 0

303 The One With the Jam

Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting reading a book and hears the bed in Joey's room creaking, and does a 'Oh no, not again' look on his face.]
Joey: (from bedroom) WHOAA!!
Chandler: (going to the bedroom) See Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Monica: Hey, look at me. I'm making jam, been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: Went down to the docks. Bet ya didn't know you could get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.
[Joey and Chandler enter]
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Aww, is it broken?
Joey: No, I gotta wear this thing for a couple weeks. (points to the sling he is wearing)
Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: Nooo. I had a story all worked out but then Chandler sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just *fell* out of the socket.
Joey: What is this? Fruit?
Rachel: Monica's making jam.
Joey: Whoa, jam! I love jam! (to Chandler) Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
Monica: I'm going into business people. I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I needed a plan, a plan to get over my man. What's the opposite of man? Jam. (sees Joey trying some jam from the pot) Oh Joey don't! It's way to hot. (Joey realizes this and spits what he had in his mouth back into the pot.)
Joey: This will just be my batch.
[Scene: Street, Phoebe is being followed by some guy, as they pass a flower vendor. Phoebe turns around and the guy quickly picks up some flowers and continues following her.]
Phoebe: (turns around) Um, that's it. No. Hey! You! J. Crew guy. Yeah. Why have you been following me? I mean, all week long everywhere I look there's you.
Guy: You wouldn't return my calls, you sent back my letters....
Phoebe: What?
Guy: One more chance Ursula, please?
Phoebe: Oooh. Oh, well this is awkward.
Guy: Wh..
Phoebe: Um, yeah, you want Ursula, and I'm Phoebe. Twin sisters! Seriously.
Guy: Oh, that's great. I'm stalking the wrong woman. I am such a dingus!
Phoebe: Oh, you're not a dingus.
Guy: I just, I want you to know I didn't used to be like this. Before I meet your sister I was like this normal guy who sold beepers and cellular phones.
Phoebe: Well, I mean look it's, it's not your fault, you know. I mean this is just what, what she does to guys, okay.
Guy: Well thanks. (starts to leave)
Phoebe: Wait, (grabs him) you know what, I got a little story. When I was in Junior High School I went through this period where I thought I was a witch. And there was this guidance counselor who said something to me, that I think will help you a lot. He said okay, 'you're not a witch you're just an average student.' See what I'm saying?
Guy: Not really.
Phoebe: Um, well, get over it. So, I mean you, you just seem to be a really nice guy, you know. Don't be so hard on yourself okay.
Guy: Wait. You're right. I know you're right. And, thanks for being so nice. Here (gives her the flowers he bought.)
Phoebe: Oh, thanks a lot. Do you want to get a cup of coffee?
Guy: Yeah, okay.
Phoebe: Okay. (they start to leave, he is still following her) Okay, you don't have to walk behind me any more.
Guy: Sorry.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering]
Rachel: Mon?
Ross: Mon?
Rachel: (reading) 'Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica Geller.'
Ross: Wait a minute, look.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Look, look, look.
Rachel: What, what, what?
Ross: It's an empty apartment.
Rachel: Oooh.
Ross: We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Rachel: Honey, come on, I have to be at work in like ten minutes (Ross starts kissing her neck) Oh, all right, well it's not like I'm employee of the year or anything. (they fall onto the couch)
(Chandler enters and they both jump up and pretend that Ross is showing her something in the couch.)
Ross: There it is.
Rachel: Oh, oh, that's what you're talking about. (to Chandler) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross and Rachel: Noo.
Chandler: Okay, I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
Rachel: Okay, walk us through it, honey, walk us through it.
Chandler: Okay, well. Janice said 'Hi, do I look fat today?' And I, I looked at her....
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her. You never look. You just answer, it's just a reflex. Do I look fat? Nooo! Is she prettier than I am? Noo! Does size matter?
Rachel: Nooo!
Ross: And it works both ways.
Chandler: Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
Rachel: Well you know, after about thirty or forty fights, you kinda catch on.
Ross: Okay, for instance. Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1 she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: (buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
Chandler: Okay, this is good, this is good. All right listen, I have one. Janice likes to cuddle, at night, which, you know I'm all for. But, uh, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, uh, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something.
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there, 'cause we're cuddlily sleepers. (Chandler makes an 'Ewww' face) Okay, I'm late for work.
Ross: Oh.
Rachel: All right are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah I'll, I'm right behind you.
Rachel: Good luck Chandler.
Chandler: Thank you Rachel.
Ross: Bye sweetie.
Rachel: Bye hon.
Ross: (blows her a kiss) Okay the sleeping thing. Very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: Well, I thought you guys were cuddlily sleepers.
Ross: Noo! No, not cuddlily, not me, just her. I'm like you, I need the room. Okay, come here. (they sit on the couch and Ross puts his hands on Chandler's shoulder and thigh.) Okay, you're in bed...
Chandler: Yeah. (they both notice where his hands are)
Ross: I'm gonna use the cushion.
Chandler: Yeah.
Ross: Okay, you're in bed. She's over on your side, cuddling. Now you wait for her to drift off, and then you hug her (demonstrates on the cushion) and roll her back over to her side of the bed. And then you rollll a-way. Hug for her! Roll for you.
Chandler: Okay, the old hug and roll.
Ross: Yep.
Chandler: Okay, one question.
Ross: Shoot.
Chandler: You're pretending the pillow's a girl right?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is putting jam on his muffin, lots of jam]
Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: (Looks at him) You're so pretty.
Phoebe: (entering) Hi!
All: Hey, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey, oh, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today.
Joey: (with food in his mouth) You talked to him. Are you crazy?
Phoebe: Okay, first I'm not crazy. And second, say it don't spray it. Anyway his name is Malcom, and he wasn't following me, I mean he was, but 'cause he thought I was Ursula, ick. And, that's why, that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order.
Chandler: Umm, not feeling better 'bout Malcom.
Phoebe: Ooh! No, no, no, no, he's not like a kook, no. He's just like this, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy, that got like a tinsy bit carried away, you know. And we just get along really well, and he's so cute.
Ross: Oh my God, you've got a crush on your sister's stalker.
Phoebe: No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get 'de-Ursula-ized', like you know, like I did for Joey after he went out with her.
Joey: (with his mouthful) Hey, I didn't stalk her. I mean (he sprays Phoebe with crumbs)
Phoebe: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather.
Monica: (entering) Hey guys.
All: Hey Mon.
Monica: Joey, this is for you. (gives him a jar of jam) It's blackberry curin.
Joey: Aww. (tastes it) Ohh!
Chandler: Hey, Joe, I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place buck naked (holds up one hand) , or, or a big tub of jam. (holds up the other hand)
Joey: Put your hands together.
Monica: Joey, take your time with that. That's my last batch.
Joey: No more jam?!
Rachel: Well, what happened to your jam plan?
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Chandler: Well, your gonna need much bigger jars.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Are you serious?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Well, aren't you forgetin' something? What, what, what is uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!
Monica: It took me 28 years to find one man that I wanna spend my life with, if I have to wait another 28 years then, I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid.
Chandler: That, that's what's stupid.
Monica: I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers. And there, there are places you can go to get that stuff.
Rachel: Down at the docks again?
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Janice and him are cuddling]
Janice: Night-night Bing-a-ling.
Chandler: Night-night.....Janice. (he starts thinking to him self) 'Look at all that room on her side, you good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time. I'm huggin', I'm huggin', your rollin', and....yes! Freedom! (his one arm is still under her) Except for this arm! I'm stuck. Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick, one fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!' (Pulls his arm out from under her and she is spun off of the bed.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Malcom is giving Phoebe all of his spy stuff]
Malcom: Here's my binoculars.
Phoebe: Oh, great. Great. You're doing great, you know real strong. Going strong. Keep going.
Malcom: These are my night vision goggles. This is the book I pretend to read when I'm watching her in the park. And these are Mad Lips, they're just for fun.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. What's this? (picks up a book)
Malcom: Oh, this is log I kept, recording her every movement. Do you wanna here something from it?
Phoebe: Um, not even a little bit.
Malcom: It's about you.
Phoebe: Oh, okay then.
Malcom: (reading) I met Phoebe today. She was really nice to me eventhough I'm such a loser. And, then when I was walking home I thought about her a lot, it was weird, but kinda cool.
Phoebe: Good. So what were you thinking?
Malcom: I was thinking what it would be like to kiss you.
Phoebe: Really?
Malcom: No.
Phoebe: Oh.
Malcom: See that's just something I said now, so that maybe I could kiss you.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. (he kisses her)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating jam straight out of the jar, and Chandler is staring at him in amazement. Joey offers him some.]
Chandler: No, that's all right. I just had a jar of mustard.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Okay, sperm donor number 03815, come on down! Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis.
Chandler: You mean there's more than one of us.
Ross: Look, you can't do this Mon. All right, if you do this, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna.....
Monica: You're gonna what?
Ross: I'm gonna tell Mom.
Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love you, but you're crazy.
Ross: Crazy.
Monica: What?! Why? Why is this crazy? So this isn't the ideal way to something....
Ross: (interrupting her) Oh, it's not the ideal way...
Monica: Lips moving, still talking. I mean it may not be ideal, but I'm so ready. No, I-I-I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?
Joey: Check it out!! Jam crackers!
Monica: Okay, all right, how's this? 27. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family, seven sisters, and he's the only....boy. (they all turn and look at Joey) Oh my God, under personal comments: 'New York Knicks, rule!'
Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule!
Monica: Joey, this is you!
Joey: Let me see. (goes over and looks at the form) Oh, right.
Rachel: When did you go to a sperm bank?
Joey: Well, right after I did that sex study down at NYU. (to Chandler) Hey, Remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?
Chandler: And that's how you bought it?
Joey: Noooo, that's what I was wearing when I donated. I'm kinda surprised there's any of my boys left.
Monica: Well, honey, it is pretty competitive. I mean I've got an actual rocket scientist here.
Joey: Maybe, I should call this place and get them to put my 'Days of Our Lives' on here. You know, juice this puppy up a little.
Phoebe: (entering) Hellooo!
All: Hey.
Ross: How's the maniac?
Phoebe: Oh, well he's yummy. We did a little kissin'.
Rachel: Phoebe, what are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no, no. You know what, he's not into that stuff anymore. He quit for me.
Rachel: Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with your sister, for God knows how long, okay, you don't just give up something like that.
Phoebe: Look, he gave me his night vision goggles and everything.
Ross: You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?
Phoebe: What, he's not still following her. Do you think he is still following her?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.
Phoebe: What are you saying I should do?
Monica: I think, that if you really like this guy, you should just trust him.
Phoebe: Thank you, Monica.
Joey: Orrr, you could follow him and see where he goes.
Monica: Oh, that's what I would do, forget mine.
[Scene: Central Perk]
Rachel: Oh my God, what happened? (points to the cast on Janice's wrist)
Janice: Oh. God, crazy Chandler. He spun me...off...the...bed!
Rachel: Wow! Spinning that sounds like fun.
Janice: Oh, (laughs) I wish. No, you know he was just trying Ross's Hug and Roll thing.
Rachel: (turns around, not amused) Ross's what?
Janice: You know what, where he hugs you and kinda rolls you away and... Oh... my....God.
[Scene: Subway station, Phoebe is following Malcom by finding behind the pillars until she comes up to one with a wire mesh garbage can next to it. Malcom stops and starts walking the other way and passes Phoebe, who quick tries to hide behind the garbage can. But, Malcom sees her.]
Malcom: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Yes? Yes! Oh.
Malcom: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, I was just here looking for, um, my um, my part of an old sandwich. Oh, here it is! Oh. (picks one up out of the garbage can.)
Malcom: Were you following me?
Phoebe: Um, perhaps. Yes! Yes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were still hung up on my sister.
Malcom: So you spied on me. I can't believe you don't trust me. (Ursula walks past, and Malcom finds behind the pillar)
Phoebe: Oh well, what do you know, there goes my identical twin sister. Just walkin' along looking like me. What, is this just like a freakish coincidence, or did you know she takes this train?
Malcom: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I'm so pathetic.
Phoebe: No, no, it's not your fault. You know it's partly my fault, 'cause I made you quit cold turkey. Sorry, no. Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore, 'cause your, you know (in a high pitched voice) Wow! But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay, stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Malcom: Uh-huh, I don't know.
Phoebe: Yeah, just, okay, look I'm going. Um, come on. Op, op, behind the pillar, which way am I gonna go?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
Joey: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Joey: Where you going?
Monica: To the bank.
Joey: Sperm or regular?
Monica: Sperm.
Joey: So you're really doing this, huh?
Monica: Oh yeah, picked a guy, 37135.
Joey: Sounds nice.
Monica: 'Fraid so. Brown hair, green eyes...
Joey: No kiddin', hmm.
Monica: What?
Joey: No, I-I figured you would've picked a blond guy.
Monica: Really? Why?
Joey: I don't know, I just always pictured you ending up with one of those tall, smart blond guys, name like.... Hoyt.
Monica: Hoyt?
Joey: It's a name, yeah. I saw you, you know, in this great house with a big pool.
Monica: Really, is he a swimmer?
Joey: He's got the body for it.
Monica: I like that. (Joey starts laughing) What?
Joey: You guys have one of those signs that says: 'We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in our pool.', you know.
Monica: We do not have one of those signs.
Joey: Sure you do, it was a gift from me. Oh! And you have these three great kids.
Monica: Two girls and a boy?
Joey: Yeah!
Monica: And, and, and they wear those little water wings, you know. And they're, they're running around on the deck. Then Hoyt wraps this big towel around all three of them.
Joey: Sure! (Monica gets very depressed) But hey, you know this way sounds good too.
Monica: Yeah.
Joey: Oh Monica. (goes over and hugs her, then looks at the form and stops hugging her.) Wow, this guy's an astronaut. That would've been cool, (sees Monica) for like a day. (hugs her again) .
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is finishing off the last of the jam]
Joey: I called the sperm bank today, they haven't sold a single unit of Tribianni. Nobody wants my product. I mean, I-I-I don't get it (tries to drink the rest of the jam out of the jar and gets it all over his face, on his chin, nose, etc.) Maybe if they met me in person.
Rachel: Honey, you got a little thing on your... (points to her whole face)
Joey: (wipes a little jam from the corner of his mouth) Did I get it?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: (entering) Hello.
Rachel: Hello.
Ross: (sees Joey) Hey. (walks into the living room) Uh, Chan, can I uh, can I talk to you for a second?
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Ross: Just one uh, one additional relationship thought. Probably something your already familiar with, uh, women talk! (smacks Chandler over the head with a magazine)
End

303 果酱

乔伊，这就是你爸妈叫你不要跳上床的原因
看看我，我在做果酱
我早上四点就起来了。
那么早你怎么买得到水果?
在码头那儿买的。
你一定不知道可以买到批发价
我根本不知道有码头
手臂断了吗?
不，但得挂着这玩意
几个星期
你有没有告诉医生
你是因为跳上床才受伤?
不，我编的故事本来有用的
但是…
钱德出卖了我
抱歉，我想医生不会相信你说的
“手臂就自己脱落了”
这是什么?水果吗?
摩妮卡在做果酱
我最爱果酱了!
我们家怎么从来没有果酱?
因为孩子们需要买新鞋
我得做正事了
我不想再为理查的事伤神
我需要一个计划
来忘记我的男人
什么事跟男人相反?
就是果酱!
乔伊别！太烫！
那么这一份就算我的
到此为止
喂，那个穿杰克鲁牌的家伙
你为何跟踪我?
这一周来，我往哪儿看就会看到你
你也不回我电话又把我的信退回来
再给我一次机会拜托，乌苏拉
真是太尴尬了
因为你要找的是乌苏拉，
我是菲比，我们是双胞胎
这是真的
太好了，我跟错人了
我真是个糊涂蛋
你不是糊涂蛋
我只想让你知道我不是总是这样的
在认识你姐姐之前
我只是卖行动电话的普通人
听着，这不是你的错
这就是她对待男人的方式
谢谢你
等等，我有个小故事告诉你
我在念国中时我以为自己是女巫
有个辅导老师跟我说的话
我想可以帮助你
他说“你根本不是女巫
你只是个普通学生”
你懂我的意思吗?不太懂
忘了她吧
你看起来是个好人
别对自己太苛刻，好吗?
没错，我想你是对的
谢谢你对我这么友善
谢谢你
你要不要去喝咖啡?
你不用走在我后面了
“去买罐子，等会儿回来。
——摩妮卡盖勒”
等等，你看!
整个房子里都没人
这间空房子里，只有我们两个
我在十分钟内得去上班
好吧，我又不是模范员工
在这里啊
这就是你要找的啊
我看起来很胖吗?
不胖
这点我可以接受
当珍妮丝问我时，我回答不。
她却认为我说她像母牛
重头再说一次给我们听…
珍妮丝说，她今天看起来胖吗。
我看看她…
你看看她?
你绝不能看
你只能回答，就像反射动作
“我看起来胖吗?”，“不”
“她比我漂亮吗?”，“不”
“尺寸很重要吗?”，“不”
这点男女都适用
所以你们本来就知道这些?
吵了大概三四十次后你大概就记住了
例如
珍妮丝旅行回来她给你两种选择
选择一，她从机场自己搭计程车回来
选择二，你在领行李的地方与她碰面，
你会怎么做?
简单，领行李的地方
错了，所以你没女朋友啦
其实是第三个秘密绝招
你在登机门与她碰面
这就表现出你对她的爱
好，这样真不错
好，我有一个问题
珍妮丝晚上喜欢抱抱…
我当然也喜欢抱抱
不过当你想睡觉时
你会想要一点空间
我要怎样告诉她，才不会…
不小心又说她胖之类的?
抱歉，我们帮不了你
因为我们都是抱着睡的
我上班要迟到了
你们要不要下来?
好，等一下就去
祝你好运，钱德
关于睡觉那件事
非常困难，但也不是没办法可想
我以为你们都是“抱着睡觉”
不，不是抱着睡，
不是我，只有她
我跟你一样，我需要空间
好，到这儿来
好，现在你在床上
我还是用垫子好了
好，你在床上
她在你旁边，抱着你
现在，你等她逐渐睡着…
然后你抱住她…
然后把她滚到床的另一边
然后你…
你就滚到旁边去
抱住她
自己滚到旁边去
就像以前的“拥抱与翻滚”
只有一个问题
你把枕头当作女生，对吧?
记得小时候你妈会把你送到电影院…
给你一罐果酱和一根小汤匙?
你真可爱
你知道那个跟踪我的人吗?
我今天跟他说话了
你跟他说话?你疯了吗?
第一，我没有疯，
第二，用说的，别用啧的
反正他叫做麦尔康
他也不是在跟踪我
我是说，他在跟踪没错，
但他跟踪乌苏拉
所以他不敢上前来跟我说话
因为有禁制令
我还是对麦尔康没有好感
不，他不是疯子
他只是个非常热情
极度浪漫的家伙…
只是有点过火了
我们处得很好，而且他很可爱
天啊，你竟然暗恋跟踪你妹妹的人
我要帮他忘记乌苏拉的一切
就像乔伊跟她约会后我为他做的一样
我没有跟踪她
我是问你事情
乔伊，这是你的
这是黑莓红醋粟酱
乔伊，我得问你
影印店的那个女孩，全裸
还是你要一大缸果酱?
你把两只手放在一起吧
你慢慢吃啊，那是最后一批
没有果酱了?
你的果酱计划呢?
我算过了
我每罐得卖17元才能打平
所以我有个新计划就是生小孩
那你可能需要很大的罐子
你们在谈什么?
谈我要生孩子的事
你是认真的吗?是啊
果酱计划让我开始掌握自己的生活
所以我就想什么事对我最重要?
因此我就想出生小孩这个计划
你是不是忘了什么?
那个家伙叫什么?
叫“爸爸”!
我花了28年，找到一个
想与他共度终身的男人
如果我还得再等28年
我就得56岁才生小孩
那样实在太愚蠢了
那样叫愚蠢?
我不需要一个真正的男人
只要他几只会游泳的小家伙
而且你可以在某个地方得到那些小家伙
又要去码头了吗?
晚安，宾宝贝
晚安·，
珍妮丝
看看她那一边的位置!
都可以放一只大企鹅了
不过那样会很奇怪
要开始“拥抱与翻滚”了
我正在拥抱…
你在翻滚，然后…
太好了，自由了
除了这只手臂以外
我被困住了，手臂卡住了
该玩以前那种盖桌布的游戏了，
一个快动作
像猫一样矫捷
一，二……
三！
这是我的双眼望远镜
很好，你做得很好
很不错，继续吧
这是我的夜视镜
这是我在公园里看她时
假装阅读的书
这些是接字游戏
只是好玩用的
这是我写的日志
记录她的一举一动
你要不要听听看?
我一点也不想听
是跟你有关的
那好吧
“我今天遇到菲比
她对我很好
即使我真的是个败类
当我走回家时，我不断想着她
虽然很怪，却是很棒的感觉”
很好
你在想什么?
我在想亲你是什么感觉?
真的？
不，
哦，
那只是我故意说的
这样我才能亲你
不，不用了我刚吃了一罐芥末
好，捐精者编号03815来罗!
好，他是6尺2寸，170磅
他形容自己是男性的吉娜戴维丝
你是说除了我们之外还有别人?
你不能这样做，摩妮卡
如果你这么做，我会…
我会告诉妈
很抱歉，他是对的
我爱你，可是你真的疯了
为什么这样就叫疯了?
就算这不是理想方法…这根本不是…
嘴巴在动，我还在讲话!
这样可能不太理想，但?
我真的准备好了
我看到班
看着你的样子
让我心好痛，你知道吗?
你看看，果酱饼干!
好吧，这个如何?
27岁，义大利裔美国人
他是个演员
在皇后区出生
哇，大家族！七个姊妹，而
他是唯一的…男孩
天啊，个人评论写着纽约尼克队万岁!
对啊，纽约尼克队万岁
乔伊，这个是你
让我看看
哦，对
你去精子银行?
就在我参加纽约大学的性研究之后
你记不记得你生日时我送你的毛衣?
那是你用这样赚来的?
不，那是我捐精子那天穿的
我真惊讶他们那儿
还会有我的小家伙
那里竞争很激烈的
还有真正的火箭科学家呢
或许我该叫他们
把我演的连续剧放上去
多增加点声势
那个疯子如何了?
他真迷人，我们接吻了
菲比，你在做什么?
不，他不会再犯了
他为了我戒掉了
那家伙迷恋你姐姐
天晓得到底有多久了
你不能就这样算了
他把他的夜视镜和一切东西都交给我了
一个有夜视镜的人他说的话你也敢信?
他不再跟踪他了
你觉得他还在跟踪她吗?
快醒醒，感觉一下什么叫禁制令吧
你说我该怎么办?
若你真的很喜欢他
应该相信他才是
谢谢你，摩妮卡
或者你该跟踪他，看他去哪里
我也会这么做忘了我刚说的吧
天啊，发生什么事?
钱德发神经，把我转一圈…
然后推下床
转圈圈啊，听起来很好玩
我倒希望
他只是在试罗斯的那套“拥抱与翻滚”
罗斯的什么?
当他抱住你把你滚到旁边，再…
我的天啊！
你在做什么?
我只是在找我的…
吃过的旧三明治…在这里!
你在跟踪我吗?
也许
是的，我很抱歉
我害怕你仍然迷恋我姐姐
所以你在监视我
我真不敢相信你不信任我
你怎么会知道呢?
我的双胞胎姐姐正好经过
一直走着跟我长得一模一样
这是个奇异的巧合
还是你早知道她会搭这班车?
对不起…
我试着停止，但我做不到
我真可悲
不，不是你的错，我也有错
是我要你断然戒除这个毛病
我不能再跟你约会了因为你是，你知道的·
哇！
但我一定要帮你忘掉我姐姐
试着跟踪我一阵子，好吗?
我就暂时帮你戒除对乌苏拉的迷恋
我不知道
你就…你看，我正在走路
来吧
我遇到柱子了我会往哪边走?
嘿
嘿,去哪儿
上哪儿去？
银行
精子银行还是一般的
精子银行
你确定要做这件事?
是啊，我挑了一个男的编号37135
听起来不错
的确，他有棕发和绿眼睛
不是开玩笑吧?
我以为你会选金发的
真的吗?为什么?
我总是想像你和
一个高大聪明的金发男子，叫…
“荷依”这样的名字
那是个名字，没错
我看到你在一间很棒的有泳池的大房子
他是游泳选手吗?
他可是有那种身材的
我喜欢
什么?
“我们不在你的厕所游泳
所以别在我们的池子尿尿”
我们才不会有那种牌子
你会有的那是我送的礼物
然后你会有很棒的孩子
两个女孩和一个男孩?
他们戴着手臂浮围绕着泳池边跑
然后荷依用毛巾围住他们三个
是啊！
但是，你知道这样听起来也不错
是啊
这家伙是太空人?
这样虽然很棒…
也不会维持多久
我打电话给精子银行
崔此亚尼的小家伙
一点儿也没卖出去
没有人要我出产的
我不懂
可能他们没亲眼见到我
你沾到一点在…
弄掉了吧?
是啊
哈罗
钱德，我可以跟你谈一下吗?
当然，什么事?
还有一件关于男女之间的事
这件事你大概已经知道了
女人会互相传话的

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 52楼发表于: 2014-03-18 0

304 The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's: everyone is there and they are watching an info-mercial that stars Joey.]
Host: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Discoveries!
Phoebe: Oh, oh! It's on again!
Joey: You guys, can we please not watch this all right.
All: Shhhh!
Host: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open.
Joey: (on tv) Oh, you said it Mike. (rips open the carton and spills milk on the counter) Aw! There's got to be a better way!
Mike: And there is Kevin.
Joey: Can we please turn this off?
Rachel: Noo way, Kevin.
Mike: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000.
Ross: (to Chandler) Are you intrigued?
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!
Mike: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. (to Kevin) Go ahead. ('Kevin' starts using the product, it is a spout that you jab into a paper milk carton so that you don't have to rip it open.) This works with any milk carton.
Joey: (on TV, finishing installing the Milk Master 2000) Wow, it is easy. (starts to poor the milk) Now, I can have milk everyday.
(They all start laughing at him)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Janice are sitting on the couch, and Phoebe is sitting next to them in the chair.]
Chandler: Well, it's official there are no good movies.
Janice: Well, let's go to a bad one and make out. (they start to kiss and lean back into Monica.)
Monica: Perhaps, you would like me to turn like this, (turns sideways on the couch) so that you can bunny bump against my back.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey.
Chandler: Hey, man. What's up?
Joey: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!
Chandler: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me.
Phoebe: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! (they all stare at her) Okay, it was me!
Joey: How is it you?
Phoebe: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. (shows him her hand)
Joey: Yep, that's my audition.
Monica: See, now this is why I keep notepads everywhere.
Phoebe: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play.
Janice: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment.
Joey: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance.
Phoebe: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault.
Joey: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents.
Phoebe: What a sad little life she must lead. Okay, ooh (starts dialing) .
Joey: What, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Phoebe: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. (on the phone in a different voice) 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.'
Joey: Hang up, hang up. (reaches with his good arm, but Phoebe grabs it and he tries to reach the phone with his other arm but can't because of the sling.)
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.'
Chandler: Is anybody else scared?
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' (to Monica) I need a pen. (Chandler hands her one, but she needs something to right on, so she tilts Chandler's head over and writes on the back of his neck)
Chandler: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad!
Monica: Oh, now you want a pad.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are dropping off Ben]
Carol and Susan: (entering) Hey!!
Ross: There's my boy! Here's my boy! And here's his Barbi (Ben is holding a Barbi doll) What's ah, what's my boy doing with a Barbi?
Carol: He picked it out of the toy store himself, he loves it.
Susan: He carries it everywhere, it's like a security blanket, but with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Ross: Yeah, it's, it's, it's cute. Why, why, why does he have it, again?
Susan: So he's got a doll? So what? Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up and be in show business.
Carol: This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he is being raised by two women, does it?
Ross: You know what it's fine. If you're okay with the Barbi thing, so am I.
(cut to later in the day)
Ross: Give daddy the Barbi! Ben, give, give me the Barbi. Okay, how 'bout, don't you want to play with the monster truck? (makes a monster truck sound) No. Okay, oh, oh, how about a Dino-soilder? (squawks like a dinosaur)
Rachel: Ross, you are so pathetic. Why can't your son just play with his doll? (uses the Milk Master 2000 to pour milk into her cereal)
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I love that movie. (Joey is using it as a pillow)
Monica: There it is. Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: I'm sorry, it just felt nice.
Chandler: (entering with his ringing phone) Joe. Joe! Answer the phone.
Joey: Hey, I only got one good arm, you know. You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater.
Chandler: Just do it! Okay, it's Janice and if I get it I'm going to have to see her tonight. (phone stops ringing) Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight.
Rachel: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Chandler: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes.
Ross: And that's bad because..., you hate chicken piccata?
Chandler: Noo.
Ross: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you.
Chandler: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'
Rachel: Men are unbelievable.
Monica: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?
Chandler: I know, that, (looks at her fake chest, and loses his train of thought, temporarily) that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid.
Monica: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you.
Joey: Hey, you know about that?!
Chandler: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side!
(Joey looks quizzically at Ross)
Ross: (to Joey) Where there is no fear of commitment.
Chandler: Do we have any... (turns around and bumps Monica's fake chest) Do we have any thoughts here?
Joey: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. It have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs.....get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was.
Rachel: Amazingly, that makes sense.
Chandler: You think?
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind!
Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe's beeper is going off]
Phoebe: Oh, it's your audition from this morning. Can I use the phone again?
Rachel: Sure Pheebs, you know, that's what it's there for, emergencies and pretend agents.
Joey: Come on baby, come on!
Phoebe: (on phone, in 'Katelynn's' voice) 'Hi, I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page. Okay, well, um, she's in her car I'll have to patch you through.'
Rachel: Very nice touch.
Phoebe: (in voice, on phone) 'Okay, go ahead.' (in normal voice on phone) Um, hi Annie. (listens) Fantastic! (to Joey) You got it. (on phone) Oh, okay, um, 'Will he work for scale?' you ask me. Well, I don't know about that, (Joey clears his throat to signify yes) except that I do and he will. Great, oh you are such a sweetheart. I would love to have lunch with you, how about we have lunch next.... (hangs up phone) Op, went through a tunnel.
Rachel: Unbelievable.
Joey: Thank you so much.
Phoebe: It was really fun, I mean I've never talked on a car phone before.
Joey: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in.
Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. I mean it was fun one time.
Joey: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two.
Phoebe: Two?
Joey: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you.
Phoebe: Okay, I'll do it, but just these three, right
Joey: Nooo, four.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Janice are having dinner]
Janice: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Chandler: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. (hands her a present)
Janice: Ohhh, are you a puppy! (opens it) Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper.
Chandler: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. (gives her a drawer) See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser.
Janice: Oh, you didn't have to do this.
Chandler: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get.
Janice: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer.
Chandler: Well, not me. But that's what's happened, and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip.
Janice: We should?
Chandler: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents!
Janice: (laughs) I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay?
Chandler: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay.
Janice: You probably want us to move in together?
Chandler: It doesn't scare me!
Janice: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um... (starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!! (Janice leaves, Chandler then calls Janice to leave a message on her machine) Hey, Janice! It's me. Um, yeah, I-I-I just wanna apologize in advance for having chased you down the street. (runs out the door)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are comforting Chandler]
Rachel: Honey, this will help. (hands him a tub of ice cream)
Chandler: So, I finally catch up to her and she says this relationship is going to fast and we have to slow down.
Rachel and Monica: Uff.
Monica: That is never good.
Chandler: Then I got all needy and clingy.
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad. How did you leave it?
Chandler: She said she'd call me.
Rachel and Monica: Ohh! (both grab there stomachs in pain)
Chandler: Oh God.
Monica: Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
Chandler: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases.
Monica: You know, when you start get screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
Rachel: Yeah, you do.
Chandler: So, you don't think I'm terminal?
Monica: Well, no, not at all, you're not terminal, you just, you just need some damage control.
Chandler: Okay, okay. So, should I call her?
Rachel and Monica: Nooo!
Rachel: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof.
Monica: She has to know that your not ready.
Rachel: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof.
Chandler: So I'm not, not gonna lose her?
Rachel: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser.
Chandler: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?'
Rachel: Oh.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is still trying to get Ben to play with something other than the Barbi doll.]
Ross: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. (singing) 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi.
Rachel:G.I. Joe? Do you really think he's gonna fall for that?
Joey: (entering) G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play?
Ross: Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas!
Joey and Ross: Go Joe!!!
Phoebe: (entering) Helloo! Oh! (sees Joey and starts to leave)
Joey: Pheebs! There you are!
Phoebe: No it's not, sorry.
Joey: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! (catches her in the hallway)
Phoebe: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those....pants.
Joey: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it.
Phoebe: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Joey: It's okay, these things happen.
Phoebe: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that.
Joey: I'm, I'm okay. See. (tries to smile, but fails horribly)
Phoebe: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit.
Joey: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally.
Phoebe: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent.
Joey: They actually said that?
Phoebe: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I...
Joey: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. (in a very bad Italian accent) I canna work on a new accent.
Phoebe: Yeah okay, no if it helps you okay. Yeah.
Ross: (running into the hall, in slow motion) You'll never get me, Joe!!! (he then pretends that he gets shot repeatedly and falls back against Joey and Chandler's door, dead.)
[Scene: A grocery store that Janice shops in. Chandler is on purpose, accidentally bumping into her.]
Janice: (to butcher) No, thank you. (Chandler makes a sound and she notices him) Chandler!
Chandler: (in a British accent) Hello, Janice.
Janice: What are you doing here?
Chandler: (in accent) Oh, just a bit of shopping. How've you been?
Janice: Are you being British?!
Chandler: (normal voice) No. Not anymore.
Janice: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me?
Chandler: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. (grabs a bag off of the shelf)
Janice: Barley? What kind of party serves barley?
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours.
Janice: Where is this party?
Chandler: Here in Chelsea.
Janice: Who's party is it?
Chandler: A woman's
Janice: What woman?!
Chandler: (shyly) Chelsea.
Janice: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? (another guy walks by)
Chandler: Can I be that guy?
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are there]
Phoebe: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on.
Joey: Okay, shoot.
Phoebe: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial.
Joey: I didn't get it?
Phoebe: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that.
Joey: Okay, what else?
Phoebe: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb.'
Joey: Oh.
Phoebe: Oh no wait, I'm sorry, that's 'pretty dumb.'
Joey: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Phoebe: Oh.
Joey: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out.
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I understand.
Joey: You do, thanks.
Phoebe: Yeah. Sorry. (she starts to leave)
Joey: Wait a minute.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent.
Phoebe: (in a coy tone) Oh, you caught me. I am so busted.
Joey: (in a really, really bad Italian accent) That's-ah what I suspected-ah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is laying on the counter and Rachel and Monica are comforting him again.]
Chandler: ....And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store.
Monica: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not 'a doof'.
Chandler: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
Rachel: Yeah, it is.
Monica: You know what, everything's gonna be okay.
(phone rings)
Chandler: (answering phone) Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. (to Monica and Rachel) Okay, what do I do?
Rachel: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented.
Monica: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would never call.
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: Hello!
Monica: Oh wait, you know what, I got it, I got it, pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.
Rachel: Yes, and grumpy.
Chandler: What are you, stop naming dwarves! (on phone) Hello, Janice. Hi, I'm so glad that you called, I know I've been acting a really weird lately. And, it's just because I'm crazy about you, and I just got...stupid, and, and scared, and....stupid a couple of more times. I'm sorry. (listens) Really?! (listens) Really?!
Rachel: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now.
Chandler: (on phone) I love you too.
Monica: Aw, it's soo unfair. (they both start digging into the 'good' ice cream)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are picking up Ben, while Monica is pouring chocolate syrup, lots of it, into her ice cream.]
Carol:G. I. Joe. G. I. Joe?!
Ross: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose.
Susan: What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Ross: Look, G. I. Joe's in, Barbi's out. And if you guys can't deal with it, that's your 'too bad.'
Monica: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman.
Ross: What?
Monica: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag.
Ross: Okay, you are totally making this up.
Monica: How can you not remember? You made us call you...Bea.
Ross: (remembering) Oh God.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Monica: Wasn't there a little song?
Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song.
Ross: There was no song. (to Monica) There was no song!
Monica: (singing) 'I am Bea.'
Ross: Okay.
Monica: 'I drink tea.'
Ross: Okay, that's, that's enough. (retreats to the bathroom)
Monica: '....Won't you, won't you, won't you.... '
Ross: (coming out of the bathroom) Won't you dance around with me.
Monica: A-ha!!! (they all start laughing, as Ross hides in the bathroom)
Closing Credits
[Scene: It's an old home movie of the Geller's backyard, young Ross is dressed up as Bea, and pouring himself/herself some tea.]
Young Ross: (singing) 'I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you dance around with....' (spills some tea and it drips onto his/her dress) Ohhh! (runs away crying)
YoungMonica: (entering the shot) Ross!!! (starts to wipe up the spill)
End

304 战胜自我，不再害怕承诺

伟大的发明
欢迎各位收看“伟大的发明”
又播出了
我们能不能别看了啊?
你是否遇过这种情形?
你正打算倒一杯牛奶…
但却搞不开盖子?
天啊，你说对了，麦克
-一定有个好办法，
的确有,凯文
可不可以别看了?
不行,凯文
如果我告诉你有个新产品能保证…
你再也不用费力打开牛奶纸盒呢?
看看2000年的牛奶大师
挑起你的兴趣了吧
是啊,挑得我心痒痒的
这是他第一次使用，
你就知道有多容易了
任何牛奶纸盒都适用！
真简单!
这样我就可以每天喝牛奶了
真的没有好看的电影
那就去看难看的电影
然后在那里亲热
或许你希望我转过去
你们就可以靠着我的背玩?
老兄，怎么了?
或许该由你来告诉我吧
我的经纪人问我
为何今天的试演没有出席
这几周来第一个好机会
你怎么没转告我?
告诉你，我虽然喜欢罪恶感…
但不是我
是的，就是他
好吧，是我啦
怎么会是你?
真是疯狂啊，你知道吗?
钱德躲在衣橱里，倒数十秒…
已经数到七了
我一直找不到地方躲
我一直想告诉你，
我写在手上你看，全都在这儿
是啊，就是我的试镜
看吧，这就是为何
我到处都要放便条纸
对，这就是为何
我们都不邀你一起玩
这样有什么可怜的?
再约一次时间啊
艾斯特试过了，
选角导演说我已经错过了机会
这样太不公平了
我来打给她我告诉她都是我的错
不，选角导演不可能跟演员的朋友谈
她只跟经纪人谈，
她的生活层面真狭隘啊
我知道啦…
我是菲比布菲公司的凯特琳
菲比可以和安谈一谈吗?
她自己明白是什么事
快挂断电话！
安妮，你好
乔伊崔此亚尼有点小问题
很显然地，他错过了试演，
你是转告我们公司的哪一位?
艾斯特?
我真不知该拿她怎么办
就算丈夫离开，并放火烧房子，
世界依旧照常运作
还有其他人受到惊吓吗?
若乔伊错失这次试演
那是艾斯特的错，我不管
安妮，你真善良
你何时能见他?我需要笔
快给这个女人一本便条纸，
给她便条纸，快点!
现在你就需要便条纸啦
我的小男孩呢?
我的小男孩在这儿
还有他的芭比娃娃
我儿子干嘛玩芭比娃娃?
他自己在玩具店选的
他很喜欢呢
他去哪儿都带着它
就像能给他安全感的小毯子
这个却穿着雪靴和时髦的法国帽
是啊，很可爱
再说一次
他为何要玩这个东西?
他有个洋娃娃，那又怎样?
除非你怕他将来长大后变成…
演艺圈的人
这件事跟他…
被两个女人扶养长大有没有关系?
好，若你能接受他喜欢芭比那我也可以
把芭比给爸爸，芭比给我
你要不要玩怪兽车?
不要?
好吧
那要不要恐龙士兵?
罗斯，你真可悲
为何不让你的儿子玩芭比?
我要去上班了
有人看到我左边的胸部吗?
我喜欢那部电影
在这里，你在干嘛?
对不起，这样很舒服
去接电话
我只有一只手，你应该帮我的。
帮我拿件毛衣来
快点接啦!
是珍妮丝
如果我接了
我今晚就得跟她见面
那太好了
我今晚得跟她见面
你为何不想见她?
昨晚我们在吃晚餐
当餐点送来时…
她把一半烤鸡肉放到我盘里
拿走我所有的番茄
这样很不好是因为…
你不喜欢烤鸡肉吗?
你不想与人分享你的番茄
番茄对你很重要
突然间，我们就是“情侣”了
然后我脑袋里的警报开始大响
“为了你的人生，
快跑快离开这栋大楼!”
男人真是令人难以置信
你们这些人是怎么回事?
心中一旦产生感情就要马上逃开?
我知道，那就是…
就是我今晚不想去的原因
我怕自己说出一些蠢话
你是说男人那一套故意冷漠，
保持距离…
直到我们跟你们分手?
嘿，你知道这事？
我能怎么做?
我想度过这个阶段
我不想再害怕承诺
就像跃过一个隧道到达另一端!
就是不再害怕承诺
我们有没有
有没有任何想法?
我没度过那种隧道啦因为…
过隧道的规定是你车里不能多于一个女生
但我想这和战胜其他恐惧是一个道理
你怕高的话，就到大楼顶端
如果你怕虫子
就买台金龟车吧
你的情况是，你害怕承诺…
你就到那里去做一个
最勇于承诺的男人
令人讶异的是，很有道理呢
你这么觉得?
是啊，快去吧，老兄
从高处跳下水!
用目光击退熗枝！
在风中撒尿!
若我得用目光击退熗枝…
我大概已经尿得到处都是了
“中央公园”
是你今天早上的试演
可以借用你的电话吗?
当然，这是紧急事件
以及冒牌经纪人专用
快，宝贝
菲比布菲要回覆呼叫
我帮你接过去
演得很好
好的接通了
恩，嗨，
安妮，你好
太好了，你成功了
你问我他是否要最低工资我也不知道
除非我知道，而且他也愿意
太好了，你人真好
我很愿意与你共进午餐!
不如就下个…
正经过隧道
难以置信
太感谢你了
真有趣，我从未用过汽车电话
你真了不起你能不能帮我个大忙?
还有一个试演，我很想参加
但我的经济人不愿帮我安排
我不知道，一次还很好玩…
拜托，再一次就好了
其实是两次啦
两次?
好啦，其实是三次
拜托，你这么厉害我爱你
好，就这三次了，好吗?
不，是四次
你今天怎么会想在家吃?
因为我想
送你这个东西
你真是可爱呢
防尘纸!
一个跟你上床的人…
送你防尘纸，该说什么?
还有呢，你看跟它搭配的…
就是你的新抽屉
看，其实这个抽屉
正好与我的梳妆台搭配
你不用这么做啊
对，我要这么做
是的，我要这么做
因为你是我的女朋友
而女朋友就该得到这些
我得求救兵了…
天啊
谁会想的到，有一天…
钱德宾会买个抽屉给我?
我可想不到
但事情既然发生了
就得更进一步
我们应该去旅行
我们该这么做?
我们是情侣，情侣就该这样
我还要去见你爸妈
我们应该跟你爸妈一起去旅行
我想不用了因为你已快把我搞迷糊了
你还好吗?
我很好
我真的很好真是太不可思议了
我一生都在害怕这个时刻
但事到临头好象也没什么大不了
我可能会说“我们同居吧”
却还是若无其事
你可能想跟我一起住?
-我竟不会因此而害怕！
-是啊，但我怕了！
我根本还没离婚!
你只是邀我来吃义大利面…
而现在你就在说要住在一起的事…
我其实还不太饿
你知道吗?时间有点晚了我最好先…
别走，我吓着你了我说太多了!
对于爱情，我是无药可救笨拙
却又充满渴望
珍妮丝，是我
我只是想在到街上追你前先跟你道歉
宝贝，吃点这个，你会好受点
我追上她，然后她说…
这段感情发展太快我们得放慢脚步
这样绝不是好现象
于是我就变得…
很空虚又很黏人
等等，或许不算太糟你们怎么结束的?
她说她会再打给我
哦天啊
恭喜你到我们这一国来
对了，这个冰淇淋味道好烂
因为这是低卡无乳脂豆浆制的假冰淇淋
我们把真正的留到实在无法挽留了才吃
若你一直被搞得一团糟你就要换成低脂的
没错，你得这么做
你不认为我已无法挽留了?
不尽然，你并非无法挽留我们只要防止事情恶化
好，我该打电话给她吗?
这段时间很重要，
一旦你发现自己的手又伸向电话…
你就去买鞋子不然就洗个泡泡浴
若你希望她回来你就得开始表现冷漠
她必须知道你不是那么需要她
所以你要做的就是…
假装不经意地碰到她…
然后表现得很冷漠
这样我就不会失去她了?
甜心，你不是个弱者啊
我是说“我就不会失去她了?”
看看谁来了!
是玩具王国里最勇敢的人，班
真正的美国英雄我是美国大兵!
把芭比娃娃放下…
美国大兵?
你真的觉得他会喜欢那玩意儿?
美国大兵?
好棒，我可以玩吗?
班，你看，这个玩具
保护了美国海外油股!
加油，大兵
菲比，你在这儿啊不，我不是，抱歉
菲比，等等…
乔伊啊，我刚没认出你来…
因为你穿着这条裤子
我参加试演的小型电影有任何回音吗?
我想我应该很有机会的
对，他们打来了你没有人选
可以吗?我是说你落选了对不起…
没关系这种事本来就会发生
但是不应该发生，你知道吗?
你这行不好混
我不想成为那个让你难过的人
我没事的，你看
你看起来很难过让人很害怕
我很抱歉，我要辞职
不，你不能辞职!
你是我遇过最好的经纪人
当一个演员本来就会被拒绝
你不能过于自责
他们说没遇过一个义大利演员
有这么怪的义大利腔
他们真的这么说?
天啊，又是那种表情你看，我不能做这个工作
这就是为何你得做这份工作
经纪人都得说谎
艾斯特总是说“他们要另一种方式”
但是这一点嘛，我可以改进
我可以学一种新的腔调
好，若对你有帮助，那就好了
你抓不到我，士兵
不用了，谢谢
你在这里干什么?
只是买买东西而已
你还好吗?
你在装英国腔吗?
再也不会了
你怎么在这里买东西?
你又不住在这一带
你是不是在这里等我?
我只是…
要买一点派对用的东西
大麦?
什么样的派对会供应大麦?
很抱歉，我的朋友
不像你朋友那么有水准
派对在哪里举行?
就在雀儿喜
是谁办的派对
一个女人
哪个女人?
雀儿喜
你要不是背着我跟别人约会…
然后成了世界第一混蛋…
不然就是你假装跟别人约会…
让你成为最可悲的人
我会立刻在此为你哭泣
这两种男人，你想当哪一种?
我可以当那个人吗?
我们收到很多善意的拒绝，
有很多地方要改进
好，说吧
好，那个动物园广告
我没得到那个角色?
他们说你简直不像个人类
所以你可以针对这一点改进
很好
还有呢?
那些小剧场的人说你很好看，
可是很笨
等等，对不起他们是说你非常笨
这没关系
真的，听我说，菲比
我很感谢你…
但我还是找艾斯特好吗?
别误会你当经纪人当得比她好…
至少我跟着她
我这非常笨的脑袋还保得住
是的，不，我能了解
你可以吗?谢谢你
抱歉
等一下
什么？
你是不是故意编这些出来
就不用当我的经纪人了?
被你发现了
我完蛋了
我早就这么怀疑了
然后我只好…
把一袋大麦丢到她身上
然后逃出那间店
天啊，我们叫你表现冷漠
不是像个笨蛋
我这次真的搞砸了，对吧?
这次可以吃真正的冰淇淋了吗?
没错，可以了
你知道吗?一切都没问题的
珍妮丝，你可以等一下吗?
好，我该怎么办?
我不知道，这是史无前例的
若我们做出像你一样的事
男人绝不会再打来了
我知道了，假装你刚睡醒
这样就可以摆脱她了
睡意惺忪的样子!
对，脾气暴躁的感觉
你们怎么…?别开始数小矮人的名字
我很高兴你打来
我知道我最近的表现很怪…
那是因为我太爱你了
我就变得很蠢，又很窖十9．，．
然后就变得非常笨
我很抱歉
真的？
真的？
他真幸运，若珍妮丝是男的…
她现在已经跟别人上床了
我也爱你
真是太不公平了!
美国大兵…?
我不知如何告诉你们
但他是追这个
你怎么做的?
把玩具沾糖吗?
听着，美国大兵获胜
芭比娃娃出局了
如果你们不能接受
那你们就太糟糕了
你干嘛这么小家子气，
他有个芭比，有什么大不了?
你以前都打扮得像女生
什么?
你以前都穿妈的衣服啊
你在说什么啊?
宽帽子、珍珠、粉红小手提包
好，这些都是你编出来的
你怎么可能不记得?
你还让我们叫你“碧儿”
天啊
我真的从没这么快乐过
不是还有一首歌吗?
拜托，老天，来一首歌吧
根本没有什么歌…
我是碧儿
我喝茶
你要不要…
够了
你要不要…
你要不要在我身旁跳舞?
我是碧儿
我喝茶
你要不要在我身旁跳舞…
罗斯！！！

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 53楼发表于: 2014-03-18 0

305 The One With Frank Jr.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, there is lumber all over the apartment]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey. So what happened? A forest tick you off?
Joey: No. Y'know how we're always saying we need a place for the mail.
Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Well, I started building one. But then I decided to take it to the next step.
Chandler: You're building a post office?
Joey: No, an entertainment unit, with a mail cubby built right in. It's a one day job, max.
Chandler: Okay. (notices that Joey is wearing some really tight jeans) My word! Those are snug.
Joey: Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valente's.
(Chandler goes to his bedroom and opens the door. However, only the top half opens, and he trips into his bedroom over the bottom half.)
Joey: Power saw kinda got away from me there.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is pacing back and forth waiting for someone.]
Rachel: (joining Phoebe outside) Hey Pheebs.
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Any sign of your brother?
Phoebe: No, but he's always late.
Rachel: I thought you only met him once?
Phoebe: Yeah, I did. I think it sounds y'know big sistery, y'know, 'Frank's always late.'
Rachel: Well relax, he'll be here.
Phoebe: No, I know, I'm just nervous. Y'know it's just y'know Mom's dead, don't talk to my sister, Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately. It's like the last desperate chance to have a family, y'know, kinda thing. You're so sweet to wait with me.
Rachel: Well, actually Gunther sent me. You're not allowed to have cups out here, it's a thing. (takes her cup and goes back inside)
[Scene: inside Central Perk]
Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?
Monica: No, but he told me, he thinks your a fox.
Chandler: All right, Janice, likes him. In fact she likes him so much she put him on her freebie list.
Joey: Her what?
Chandler: Well, we have a deal, where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad.
Ross: Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities.
Monica: So, Chandler, who's on your list?
Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth, and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
Rachel: Now, you do realize that she's a cartoon, and way out of your league?
Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes to pop out of her head.
Joey: Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
Monica: First, I need a boyfriend, then I can have a list.
Joey: It's just a game Mon. (makes a 'Can-you-believe-her' face to the rest of the gang.) Rach, how about you?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know, I guess, Chris O'Donnel, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson.
Ross: Spiderman?
Rachel: Hardy Boy.
Chandler: Peter Parker.
Ross: Thank you.
Rachel: What about you honey, who would be on your list?
Ross: Well I-I-I, that kind of thing requires some serious thought. First, I'll divide my perspective canidates into catergories....
Chandler: (coughing) What a geek!
Phoebe: (entering) Everbody this is Frank! This is my half-brother Frank.
All: Oh, hi.
Phoebe: This is everybody. This is Ross.
Frank: How are you?
Ross: Hey.
Phoebe: Chandler.
Chandler: Hi.
Frank: Hi.
Phoebe: Joey.
Joey: Hey-hey!
Frank: Hey.
Phoebe: This is Monica.
Frank: Whoa!
Phoebe: And this is Rachel.
Rachel: Hi!
Frank: Whoa!!
Phoebe: I'm gonna get coffee.
Frank: Hey, how do you guys get anything done?
Chandler: We don't, really.
Rachel: Well, so, now, do you guys have a lot of big plans?
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Yeah, no, we're gonna connect, y'know bond, and everything.
Frank: Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Time Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
Chandler: You know, we don't really take advantage of living in the city.
Joey: I know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is drilling a hole in the wall and the drill comes out the other side really close to Chandler's head. Chandler then rushes out to talk to Joey.]
Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get 'ya?
Chandler: No, you didn't get me!! It's an electric drill, you get me, you kill me!!
Joey: Calm down, do you want this unit or not?
Chandler: I do NOT want this unit!!
Joey: Well, you should've told me that before, I'm not a mind reader. Hey, we're out of beer. I'm going to Monica's.
Chandler: Fine! (goes into his room and slams the door, then he slams the bottom half of the door.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering]
Monica: Hey! Where 'ya headin' in those pants? 1982?
Joey: Oh Monica, listen, I ah, I saw down at the hardware store, they got those designer tiles on sale. If you ever want to redo the bathroom floor.
Monica: Why, what's wrong with my bathroom floor?
Joey: Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's all.
Monica: I highly doubt that. (they both go to the bathroom)
Joey: Oh yeah. If you ah, move your hamper, you see what color the tile used to be. (Monica gasps) Yeah.
Monica: I can't live like this! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
Joey: Relax. Here hold this (hands her his beer) . This old stuff just comes right off. (he bends down to try and lift some tile right in the middle of the floor, in his tight pants.)
Monica: That's a little more than I wanted to see.
Joey: (manages to pry off only a small piece) Aw! Look at that, every inch of this stuff is glued down. It'd take forever to pry this up. You should ah, you should just leave it. (starts to walk away, but Monica grabs him)
Monica: I can't leave it! You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.
(Joey places the toliet brush and holder over the hole, which is in the middle of the floor.)
Joey: Eh! There you go.
Monica: You know that's nice, y'know we could put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!
[Scene: Phoebe's, Frank and her, are sitting on the counh, watching TV]
Phoebe: (sits up) Oh, ew!
Frank: What?
Phoebe: Yeah I know what I wanted to ask you. Um, can you roll your tongue? Because I can, and my Mom couldn't, and I thought y'know, I figured that was something I got from our Dad.
Frank: What, wait, you mean like this? (does it)
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. You can do it to. (tries to do it, but can't)
Frank: Your not doing it.
Phoebe: Oh right, yeah okay, my Mom could, and I can't. We don't have that....
Frank: When's your birthday?
Phoebe: Feburary 16th.
Frank: I know a guy who's the 18th.
Phoebe: Wow, that's close. When's yours?
Frank: October 25th.
Phoebe: That's the same month as Halloween. So, um, what kinda things do you like to do at home?
Frank: Melt stuff.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is working on his list]
Ross: Okay, I've got three of my five.
Rachel: Three of your five, what?
Ross: Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
Rachel: Oh my God! You are giving this a lot of thought.
Ross: Yeah, it's hard okay, I only have two spots left.
Chandler: All right, so who do you got it narrowed down to?
Ross: Okay, Elizabeth Hurely....
Chandler: Oooh-hoo, very attractive, forgiving.
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Chandler: Eh, y'know what, she's to political, she probably wouldn't let you do it, unless you donated four cans of food first.
Ross: And!! Isabella Rosselini.
Chandler: Ooh-hoo. Very hot, very sexy. But ah, y'know she's too international, y'know she's never gonna be around.
Rachel: So?
Chandler: So, you gotta play the odds, pick somebody who's gonna be in the country like all the time.
Rachel: Yeah, 'cause that's why you won't get Isabella Rosselini, geography.
[Scene: Phoebe's, Frank is melting a plastic spoon.]
Phoebe: Okay so, by melting, you meant melting.
Frank: Yeah.
Phoebe: So is it like art?
Frank: Yeah, you can melt art. Hey, can I use your phone?
Phoebe: Um, yeah sure. Why you wanna call your Mom?
Frank: No, I wanna melt it.
Phoebe: Oh, well um, not right now. Y'know I'm just gonna go to bed, I think the fumes are giving me a headache.
Frank: (starts laughing) Yeah!
Phoebe: G'night, bro.
Frank: G'night.
Phoebe: Here. (gives him a fire extinguisher) Y'know, just in case.
Frank: Oh, excellent. (starts to melt the fire extinguisher's hose.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating breakfast with Monica while Frank is playing with num-chucks on the balcony]
Monica: What kind of karate is that?
Phoebe: No kind. He just makes it up.
Monica: So how's it going with you guys?
Phoebe: So far, it kinda blows. I don't know, I just thought y'know that he'd feel more like a brother y'know, like you and Ross, just like close and connected and....
Monica: Oh honey, we're close now but you-you wouldn't believe the years of-of nugies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies, and.... (Phoebe shakes her head like she doesn't understand) That's where the waistband actually goes over your head.
Phoebe: Ah!!
Monica: Oh, we used to drive each other crazy playing the shadow game.
Phoebe: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Monica: Oh, how do you play the shadow game?
Phoebe: I just asked you.
Monica: I just asked you.
Phoebe: I don't have time for this.
Monica: No, that is what the game is.
Phoebe: Which you just gave up really quickly.
Chandler: (entering) Have you seen Joey?
Monica: What's the matter?
Chandler: Oh, just this! (turns around and has a paint lid stuck to the back of his pants.) Y'know what it's my fault really, because the couch is usually where we keep the varnish.
Joey: (yelling from bathroom) Hey, does somebody wanna hand me one of those tiles.
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: He's retiling my floor. (they both run to the bathroom)
Chandler: Yo!! Spackel boy! Get up!
Monica: Ah-ah-ah, now you started this, you will finish it.
Chandler: He started mine first!
Phoebe: Build the unit Cinderelly, lay the tile Cinderelly.
[Scene: Phoebe's, Phoebe and Frank are watching TV.]
Frank: Whoa! Big octopus.
Phoebe: Yeah. (phone rings and Phoebe answers it) 'Hello. (listens) Oh my God, I totally forgot! (listens) Well can't someone else do it. (listens) But, I have company. (listens) Yeah, no look, that's all right I'll come in.' (hangs up phone) Um, Frank, I'm really sorry but I have to go to work. It's-it's one of my regulars and he's insisting that I do 'um.
Frank: Hey, what kind of work do you do?
Phoebe: Oh! I'm a masseuse. I give people massages and stuff.
Frank: You-you work at one of those massage parlors?
Phoebe: Well, y'know we don't call it that, but yeah!
Frank: (starts laughing) Wow! That's wild! No, I had no idea.
Phoebe: All righty. I'll be back in-in a little bit. Unless you wanna come with me?
Frank: You mean like watch?
Phoebe: No, no, you can get one yourself. It'll be on the house! Y'know what are big sisters for?
Frank: Well, I don't think this, y'know.
Phoebe: No, no, no, I wouldn't do you myself, I mean that would be weird. Yeah, no, I'll get one of the other girls to do it. Oh, this will be so much fun! Hey! Are you excited?
Frank: Yeah! Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's bathroom, Joey and Monica are admiring the new floor.]
Monica: It's beautiful! It's like the first bathroom floor there ever was. (Chandler tries to go to the bathroom) Whoa! Are you going in there for?
Chandler: What, like a number?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hi! Bye! (runs to the bathroom)
Ross: Okay, I'm done with my choices, these are final. (holds up a little card)
Rachel: Well, it's about time.
Joey: Ooh, very official.
Ross: Oh, yeah, well y'know Chandler printed it up on his computer.
Monica: And who laminated it?
Ross: That would be me.
Rachel: All right let me see. (grabs the card) Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurely, Michelle Pfieffer, and Dorothy Hammel?
Ross: Hey, it's my list.
Rachel: Okay honey, you do realize she only spins like that on ice.
[Scene: Healing Hands Inc. (Phoebe's work) , Frank is being ushered in, by the arm, to the room Phoebe is in by another girl.]
Frank: Ow!-Ow!-Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Y'know, ow!
Phoebe: Hey!-Hey! What's going on?
Frank: She broke my arm.
Girl: He touched my fanny.
Frank: No, she touched mine first!
Girl: That's my job!
Frank: So wait, what's the deal here, I can have sex with you, but I can't touch you?
Phoebe and Girl: Ewww!!!
Phoebe: You can't have sex with her!
Girl: What'd you think I was, a hooker?
Frank: No, your a masseuse, it's cool, I'm not a cop.
Phoebe: Okay, Jasmine, can you, can you ask Mr. Whiffler if he can wait for like five minutes.
Jasmine: Fine. (starts to leave, and points at Frank) I don't like you!! (leaves)
Phoebe: (turns around and hits Frank) So that's what you thought I did!! God! That's not what I do!
Frank: Wait that's-that's, what that's not what you do?
Phoebe: Nooo! Why would you think that?
Frank: I don't know, I mean, y'know, this is the city y'know, I just, I mean, I don't know.
Phoebe: Whatever, it's the perfect end to the perfect weekend anyways.
Frank: Oh, wait, no your right, no it was perfect and I can't believe that I screwed it up so bad.
Phoebe: You really thought it was perfect?
Frank: Well, no, maybe-maybe it wasn't perfect, but y'know it was pretty cool, y'know, 'cause we had all those great talks y'know.
Phoebe: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for you?
Frank: Well y'know about the tongue thing, y'know, and how I told you about my likes and my dislikes...
Phoebe: I don't....
Frank: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff that doesn't melt.
Phoebe: Right, okay, um-mm.
Frank: Yeah, y'know I feel like I can really talk to you 'cause y'know you're my sister, y'know.
Phoebe: Yeah, I guess I do, yeah.
Frank: Then I go feel your friend up and make you mad at me.
Phoebe: Well, I-I wasn't hopping mad, y'know.
Frank: You hopped a little bit. Yeah, I really sorry.
Phoebe: Okay. All right, this is my favourite part of the weekend, right now, this.
Frank: This?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Frank: Oh come on we went, we went to Time Square, we found ninja stars, I almost got arm broken by a hooker...
Phoebe: She wasn't a hooker.
Frank: Well, when I tell my friends about her she will be.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, everyone is there, helping to lift the entertainment center into place]
Chandler: Okay, on three. One....Two....
Joey: Why don't we just go on two.
Chandler: Why two?
Joey: Because it's faster.
Chandler: Yeah, I coulda counted to three like four times without all this 'two' talk.
Rachel: Oh!
Joey: All right, but in the future...
Ross: Okay!! Okay!!
Rachel: Come on!
Ross: Heavy thing, not getting lighter!
Chandler: Okay, one...two...
Joey: So we are going on two?
All: All right!! (they lift it into place, however there is one small problem, the unit is so long that it blocks some of both of their bedroom doors.)
Chandler: Oh, good job Joe.
Joey: Wow, it's big!
Chandler: Yeah-yeah, so big that it actually makes our doors look smaller!
Joey: Maybe, my ruler's wrong.
Phoebe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Joey: Look it's not that bad. So what, it blocks a little of your door, a little of my door.
Chandler: Yeah, y'know what I got a better idea. How-how 'bout it blocks none of mine door and a lot of yours? (throws his shoulder into the center to try and move it, but it doesn't move.)
Joey: Yeah, listen, before I forget that side is still wet.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving some guy coffee.]
Rachel: Okay sir, um-mm, let see if I got this right. Ah, so this is a half-caf, double tall, easy hazel nut, non-fat, no foam, with whip, extra hot latte, right? (the guy nods) Okay, great. (she starts to walk away and under her breath) You freak.
(Isabella Rosselini enters)
Ross: (to Gunther) Thank you.
Isabella: (to Gunther) Um, coffee to go, please.
(Ross recognises her and goes over to the couch, mouthing 'Oh my God'
Ross: Isabella Rosselini. (points to her)
Monica: Are you serious? (they all look) Oh my God.
Ross: Damn! I can't believe I took her off my list.
Monica: Why? 'Cause otherwise you'd go for it?
Ross: Yeah, maybe.
Rachel: Oh-oh, you lie.
Ross: What you don't think I'd go up to her?
Rachel: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit you liked me.
Ross: Yeah, well missy, you better be glad that list is laminated.
Rachel: You know what honey, you go ahead, we'll call her an alternate.
Ross: Okay, hold my crawler.
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?
Rachel: Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella Rosselini. I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
Ross: (to Isabella) Hi! Hi, I'm Ross, you don't know me, but I'm a big, big fan of yours. I mean, Blue Velvet, woo-oo hoo! Um, I was wondering if I could um, maybe buy you a cup of coffee? (Gunther hands her change) Or maybe reimburse you for that one?
Isabella: Aren't you with that girl over there? (points at Rachel, who waves back)
Ross: Well, yeah, kinda. Um, but that's okay, see we have an understanding, um, see we each have this list of five famous people, (gets his out) so I'm allowed to sleep with you. No, no, no, it's flattery.
Isabella: I'm sorry. (starts to leave)
Ross: Oh no, no, no, wait, wait, Isabella. Don't, don't just dismiss this so fast. I mean this is a once in a lifetime opportunity...
Isabella: Yeah, for you. Is that the list?
Ross: Um, yeah.
Isabella: May I see it?
Ross: Um, no.
Isabella: Come on! (grabs the list)
Ross: But, okay.
Isabella: (reading it) I'm not on the list!
Ross: Um, see, but that's not the final draft.
Isabella: It's laminated!
Ross: Yeah, um, okay see, you were, you were on the list but my friend, Chandler (Chandler waves) brought up the very good point that you are international, so I bumped you for Wynona Rider, local.
Isabella: Y'know it's ironic...
Ross: What?
Isabella: ...because I have a list of five goofy coffee house guys and yesterday I bumped you for that guy over there. (points at a guy and leaves)
Ross: (to the rest of the gang) We're just gonna be friends.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, they are admiring the entertainment center]
Joey: Y'know what?
Chandler: Umm?
Joey: I bet 'ya ya I could fit in there. (points to a hole in the center)
Chandler: I've got five bucks says you can't.
Joey: Get out your checkbook, mister.
Chandler: Oh, I think I have the cash.
(Joey successfully enters the entertainment center, and Chandler closes the door on Joey.)
Joey: You are dogged man! I totally fit!
Chandler: Yeah, you got me. (picks up a 2x4 and puts it through the handles so that the doors won't open) I'm out five big ones! (puts the money in the crack between the door and frame) Here you go.
Joey: Thank you. Cha-ching! (Chandler starts to leave) Oh, well hello Mr. Lincoln. Better luck next time buddy. (Chandler leaves and closes the door) And the drinks are on me!
End

305 菲比的弟弟小福兰克

怎么回事，森林惹到你了?
我们一直说需要信件柜
所以我就动工了，然后呢
我决定更进上一层楼
你要盖邮局?
不是，是一个娱乐专用柜
内含信件柜
最多一天干完
你的裤子还真贴啊
这是我的旧工作裤
“亚曼范伦铁”牌的
刚才电锯有点失控
菲此，你弟出现了吗?
还没，不过他很爱迟到
你不是只见过他一次?
是啊
这样讲有姊姊的派头
“法兰克老是迟到”
别急，他会来的
我知道，我只是很紧张
我妈死了，我不和我姊说话
奶奶最近都在睡觉
这是我拥有家人的
最后机会
你真好，还陪我等
是阿甘叫我来的，
杯子不能拿出来
还有谁觉得
大卫考柏菲可爱?
没有，不过他告诉我
他觉得你很帅
珍妮丝喜欢他
喜欢到把他放进她的
名人性爱名单里
她的什么?
我们说好
每人可以挑五个名人上床
另一个人不准生气
这是健全男女关系的要素
诚实、尊重、与名人上床
你的名单有谁?
金贝辛格
辛蒂克劳馥、荷莉贝瑞
雅丝敏布丽丝
和罗杰兔的老婆洁西卡
你知道她是卡通人物
而且和你不同挂吧?
我知道，我是看看我
能不能让她的眼珠掉出来
摩妮卡，你会选谁?
我得先交男朋友，才能列名单
只是好玩嘛，
瑞秋，你呢?
不晓得，应该是克里斯欧唐纳
小约翰甘乃迪
丹尼尔戴路易斯、史汀和帕克史蒂文生
蜘蛛人?
哈第兄弟神探
是彼得帕克谢谢
(其实瑞秋才是对的)
你呢?
你会选谁?
这种事需要深思熟虑
我会先把可能人选
分门别类
怪人
各位，这是法兰克
我同父异母的弟弟
就是他们
这是罗斯
这是摩妮卡
这是瑞秋
我去点咖啡
你们怎么做得了事?
我们是没做什么事
你们有什么计划吗?
有，我们要好好的联络感情
我们会去时代广场
买几个忍者娃娃
我朋友赖瑞托我
拍妓女的照片
我们在纽约都白住了
抱歉，我钻到你了?
没有，你没有钻到我
那是电钻
你要是钻到我，我就死了
别激动
你要不要这个柜子嘛?
我不要这个柜子
你不早说，我又不会心电感应
没有啤酒了，我要去对面
好！
你穿这样要去哪里?
1982年?
对了，我在装潢建材店
看到名牌瓷砖在特价
你可以重铺浴室地板
我的浴室地板怎么了?
没什么，只是又旧又暗
没有这回事
你把篮子移开…
就能看到瓷砖原来的颜色
这样我怎么住!
怎么办?
别激动，拿着
瓷砖一撬就掉，我弄给你看
我没想到你要撬它
你看看，黏得多死啊
撬也撬不完，我看你别管了
怎么能不管
你在我的旧地板上撬了个洞
这样就好了
挺好的
塞进你的屁股里会更好
我知道我要问什么了
你会卷舌头吗?
因为我会，但是我妈不会
我想那一定是爸的遗传
等一下，你是说这样?
对，你也会
你没有卷啊
好吧
所以是我妈会，我不会
我们这一点不一样
你的生日是哪一天?
2月16日
我认识一个18日的人
蛮近的
你的生日呢?
10月25日
跟万圣节同一个月
你在家里喜欢做什么?
烧东西
好,我已经挑了三个
三个什么?
可以上床的名人
天哪，你还真慎重
很难挑好吗?
我只剩两个空缺
你筛选出谁了?
伊丽莎白赫莉
大美女
心胸宽大
苏珊莎兰登
她太热衷政治了
她可能会叫你先捐四个罐头
还有伊莎贝拉罗塞里尼
很辣、很性感
但是太国际化了
她不会跑来美国的
所以呢?
所以你得掌握胜算
挑一个会一直在国内的人
对啊，你之所以钓不到她
是地理因素
你说的“烧”就是烧
这是艺术吗?
要烧艺术也可以
可以借个电话吗?
当然,你要打给你妈?
不是,我想拿来烧
现在不行
我要去睡了，烟熏得我头痛
晚安，老弟
晚安
拿去
以防万一
太好了
那是什么空手道?
什么都不是
那是他自创的
你们处得怎样?
蛮烂的
我以为他会更有兄弟的感觉
就像你和罗斯，亲密融洽
现在是很亲，但是以前
我们又吵又打，又拉又扯
然后裙子就会被扯到头上来
我们还学舌去烦对方
怎么学舌？
我在问你啊
我在问你啊
我没空跟你闹
你放弃得真快
有看到乔伊吗?怎么了?
就是这个
其实是我不好，
沙发就是用来放亮光漆的
把瓷砖拿给我
怎么回事?
他在帮我重铺地板
泥水匠
给我起来！
你要有始有终！
是我先受害的
灰姑娘，去钉柜子；
灰姑娘，去铺瓷砖
大章鱼
天哪，我都忘了
不能找别人吗?
但是我有客人
没关系，我去
对不起，我得去工作
我的一个熟客坚持要让我做
你在做什么工作?
我是按摩师
我帮客人按摩
你在按摩院工作?
我们不那样叫，不过没错
好劲爆
我完全不知道
好吧
我过一会儿就回来
除非你想跟我去
你是说去看吗?
不是，你也可以接受服务
而且是免费招待
不然要姊姊干什么?
我并没有这么想
不…
我不会亲自招呼你
那样很奇怪
我会请其他小姐来做；
我帮客人按摩
真好玩
嘿，激动吗？
摩妮卡和瑞秋也在那里工作吗?
好漂亮
之前的地板好像一场噩梦
你想进去干什么?
嘘嘘如何?
再见
好，我选好了
这是最后名单
对啊，好正式
对，这是钱德用他的电脑印的
谁拿去护贝的?
是我
拿来我看看
乌玛舒曼、薇诺娜瑞德
伊莉莎白赫莉
蜜雪儿菲佛
桃乐丝汉弥尔?(溜冰名将)
这是我的名单
你知道她只有在冰上
才会一直转吧?
“舒活之家”
怎么了?
她扭断了我的手
他摸我的屁股
是她先摸我的
那是我的工作
什么意思?
我可以上你，却不能摸你?
你不能上她
你以为我是妓女?
不，我知道你是按摩师；
很好，我又不是警察
你去请威佛先生等5分钟
好
我不喜欢你
你以为我是干那行的?天哪
我不是干那行的
你不是干那行的?
不是
你怎么会这么想?
不知道，这里是纽约嘛
我是说…
我不知道
随便，好一个完美的周末
完美的句点
等一下
你说得没错，真的很完美
我居然把它搞砸了
你觉得很完美?
也许称不上完美
但很酷
我们相处很愉快
你觉得哪一次特别愉快?
就是卷舌头的事
还有我告诉你我喜欢什么，讨厌什么
我喜欢烧东西，
不喜欢不能烧的东西
对，好
我有话都能对你说
因为你是我姊姊
是那样
结果我却摸你朋友
惹你生气
我也没有气到跳脚
你有跳一、两下
我真的很抱歉
算了
我觉得现在这一刻最棒了
现在?
拜托，我们去了时代广场
买到忍者娃娃，
我差点被妓女扭断手
她不是妓女
我跟朋友吹嘘时，她就是
数到三
一，二
为什么不直接到二?
为什么二?
这样比较快
要不是你噜唆，早就数到三了
好，但是以后…这个柜子很重，好吗
一，二
所以要数到二吗?
乔伊，干得好
哇
好大
可能是量尺有问题
可能所有的量尺都有问题
还好嘛，你的挡一点点
我的挡一点点
我有更好的主意
干脆不要挡我的，
都去挡你的
先说一声，那边油漆未干
我跟你确认一下
是咖啡因减半、中大杯少许榛果糖浆
无脂无沫、加热的咖啡，对吧?
太好了
变态
谢谢
一杯咖啡外带
是伊莎贝拉罗塞里尼
不会吧?天哪
该死!我居然把她删掉
怎么?不然你会行动吗?
搞不好
骗人
你不认为我会行动?
你花了十年
承认你喜欢我
是吗?
你最好庆幸这份名单已经护贝了
这样吧，你放马过去
就当她是候补人选
好，帮我拿
你真的要让他去?
亲爱的，他要去泡贝拉罗塞里尼耶
可惜没有爆米花可吃
你好，我是罗斯
你不认识我但我是你的超级影迷
我是说…
《蓝色夜合花》
我能不能请你喝一杯咖啡?
或是把钱给你
你不是跟那个女生一对?
算是啦
但是没关系，我们有共识
我们都有一份五个人的名人录
你就在我的名单上
所以我可以跟你上床
这是恭维
还是算了
等一下嘛，伊莎贝拉
先别急着否决
这可是千载难逢的机会
对你而言
这就是名单?
我可以看吗?
恩，不行
我不在名单上
这不是定案
都护贝了
对，好吧，你本来在名单上
但是我的朋友钱德…
指出你太国际化了
所以我拿薇诺娜瑞德取代你，
比较本土
真是太讽刺了因为我也有一份名单
列了五个咖啡店蠢人
就在昨天，那个人取代了你
当朋友就好了
你知道吗?
我赌我塞得进去
我拿5元赌你塞不进去
掏支票吧，先生
我有现金
你太逊了
我塞得刚刚好
是啊，被你赢了
我输了5元大钞
拿去吧
谢谢
总统先生，你好
祝你下次好运
酒钱由我出

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 54楼发表于: 2014-03-18 0

306 The One With The Flashback

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there including Janice.]
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
Ross: I'm sorry the answer there would be...none of us.
Janice: Come on over the years none of you ever y'know, got drunk and stupid.
Joey: Well, that's really a different question.
Janice: I'm sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica and Rachel: What?!!
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time!
Joey: Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?
Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever.... almost?
Rachel: Does anybody need more coffee?
Ross: Yeah, I'll take some.
Joey: Hey, there's a dog out there!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, three years earlier, Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are there]
Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, I'll be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Phoebe: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Monica: Oh, then it must've been you. Bye. (leaves)
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) That's why I moved out.
Ross: Hey, y'know while we're on that, when are you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here anymore.
Phoebe: I think on some levels she already knows.
Ross: Phoebe, she doesn't know that you sneak out every night, she doesn't know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesn't know that you've been living with your Grandmother's for a week now.
Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels.
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: I'm never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Phoebe: Why, nobody good?
Chandler: Well let's see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that's plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone 'Chandler Bing,' he said 'Whoa-whoa, short message.'
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table) , foot on the floor or come over no more!
Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices.
Monica: What?
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...
Chandler: Umm, how's it going with you guys?
Ross: Oh, better, actually. Y'know I-I-I think I finally figured out why we were having so much trouble lately.
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesn't really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think it's gonna make a difference
[Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Chandler: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of photography do ya do?
Eric: Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time, I hope that's cool.
Chandler: Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here y'know......never.
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister's beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she's a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you're chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.)
[Scene: Chandler's, Chandler is interviewing Joey.]
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
Joey: Don't you ah, don't you wanna ask me any questions?
Chandler: Sure. Ummm. What's up?
Joey: Well, ah, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and don't worry I'm totally okay with the gay thing.
Chandler: What gay thing?
Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. I'm totally cool with that.
[Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.]
Chandler: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by.
(Joey is leaving and notices Monica, as Monica notices him)
Monica: Hi.
Joey: Hey!
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler 'Oh my God!')
[Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Hey, Mon.
Monica: Hey-hey-hey. You wanna hear something that sucks.
Chandler: Do I ever.
Monica: Chris says they're closing down the bar.
Chandler: No way!
Monica: Yeah, apparently they're turning it into some kinda coffee place.
Chandler: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out now?
Monica: Got me.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate?
Chandler: You betcha!
Monica: Is it the Italian guy?
Chandler: Um-mm, yeah right!
Monica: He's so cute.
Chandler: Oh yes, and that's what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Monica: Oh look, the pool table's free. Rack 'em up. I'll be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Chandler: Okay, but after that, we're shootin' some pool.
Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I don't think this is.
Waitress: I am so sorry.
Rachel: That's all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
Rachel: Ummm, I think it's time to see the ring again. (holds her hand out and they all scream)
Friend No. 2: Oh, isn't it exciting, I mean it's like having a boyfriend for life.
Rachel: Yeah, I know.
Friend No. 1: What?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. Well maybe it's just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I don't know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Friend No. 1: Rachel stop!
Friend No. 2: You're so bad!
Rachel: I'm serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I see.
(Chandler throws the cue ball under there table.)
Chandler: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball.
Rachel: Yeah, so?
Chandler: (picks it up) And now I've picked it up again. (walks over to Monica.)
Monica: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. (to Rachel) Rachel! Hi!
Rachel: Monica! Look! Hi! What do ya think? (shows her, her ring)
Monica: Oh my God, you can't even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, he's a doctor, thank you very much.
Monica: Awww, just like you always wanted. Congratulations
Rachel: Thank you. So how-how 'bout you, are-are you seeing anybody?
Monica: Aww, not right now.
Rachel: Oh, but that's okay.
Monica: I know.
Rachel: Yeah.
(An awkward silence)
Monica: So, I'll get-get back to my friend.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a 'Remember me?' thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time I'm in the city?
Monica: Oh, that'd be great.
Rachel: Okay!
Monica: Thanks.
Rachel: Bye!
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.]
Ross: No real-, honey, really it's fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
Phoebe: So what are they doing?
Ross: I don't know, something girlie.
Phoebe: (to Monica, who's entering) Hey, you're early.
Monica: What are you doing with the lamp?
Phoebe: I'm just taking it to be re-wired.
Monica: Oh, well don't take it to the same place you took the stereo, 'cause they've had that thing for over a week.
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Phoebe: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here.
Mr. Heckles: You're disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't play the oboe!
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!
Phoebe: Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
(in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you?
Eric: Hi, I'm Eric, I'm gonna be Chandler's new roommate.
Mr. Heckles: I'm Chandler's new roommate.
Eric: I-I-I don't think so.
Mr. Heckles: I could be Chandler's new roommate.
Eric: But, he told me over the phone.
Mr. Heckles: He told me in person.
Eric: That's weird.
Mr. Heckles: Well, I'm going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves)
(inside Chandler's apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Monica: Hi, again.
Joey: Hey! (goes into the apartment)
Chandler: (leaving to go to work) Hey!
Monica: Thank you soo, much.
Chandler: Oh, don't thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
(Joey comes back into the hallway and starts to pick up a heavy box)
Monica: You want some help with that?
Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I don't!
Monica: Whoa! Are you okay?
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Monica: It's the heat. (has her hand on his chest, and then pulls it away) And-and the humidity.
Joey: That's a uh, that's a tough combination.
Monica: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Joey: Like you wouldn't believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Monica: Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable.
Joey: Gotcha.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmother's. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I'm 87 year old woman, who's afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Joey: Oh, you bet I am!
Monica: (turning around) Okay, here's your penis!
Commercial Break
[Scene: continued from earlier.]
Monica: Oh my God!!! What are you doing?!!
Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Monica: So?!
Joey: Whoa, ah!! We're you just gonna give me some lemonade?
Monica: Yeah huh!! Cover yourself up!
Joey: Oh right, right.
Monica: I don't believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. I'm such a jerk.
Monica: It's okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Monica is vacuuming.]
Monica: Pheebs?
Phoebe: Huh?
Monica: Where's your bed?
Phoebe: It's not in the apartment? (Monica gives a 'Come on' look) Oh no. I can't believe this is happening again.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-I've, I don't live here anymore.
Monica: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I-I-I-I don't live here anymore. I-I didn't know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else knows!
Monica: Everybody knows!
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldn't sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Monica: Well, you-you coulda just turned the cushion over.
Phoebe: Yeah, I would've except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Monica: What?!?!
Phoebe: Okay, this is what I'm talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Monica: You can spill. In the sink.
Phoebe: Aw, honey it's not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I don't see that happening.
Monica: I love you, too.
Phoebe: Aww, good. (they hug) What?
Monica: What? I'm just said.
Phoebe: No you're not, you're wondering which cushion it is.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (now) Joey is watching Baywatch, as Chandler enters from his bedroom.]
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching?
Joey:Baywatch.
Chandler: What's it about?
Joey: Lifeguards.
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Who's she?
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Baywatch goes into one of those running scenes.)
Chandler: Wow! Look at them run.
Joey: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer?
Chandler: Yeah, I'll go get one.
Joey: No, no, no, don't get up, I got a cooler right here.
[Scene: Monica's, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Well, hello!
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Do you have any beers? We're out of beers.
Monica: (all depressed) Help yourself.
Chandler: You okay?
Monica: Phoebe moved out.
Chandler: Right.
Monica: I don't understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I don't have a boyfriend?
Chandler: Noo!! You don't have a boyfriend because....I don't, I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.
Monica: Well, I think so.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman I've ever known in real life.
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody?
Phoebe: Oh, it's already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over.
Phoebe: Oh no! Why?
Ross: 'Cause Carol's a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix and match situation.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I don't believe it! Oh, you poor bunny.
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) I'm an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and I'd be out and she'd, she'd see some beautiful woman, and, and she'd be Ross y'know look at her, and I'd think, God, my wife is cool!
Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Ross: Well, now I do!!
Phoebe: I'm sorry.
Ross: Seven years. I mean we've been together seven years, she's the only woman who's ever loved me, and the only woman I've-I've ever....
Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh. (goes over and hugs him)
[Scene: Monica's, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Chandler: Umm, this is nice.
Monica: I know, it is isn't it?
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?
Monica: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too.
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Monica: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we can.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave) Oh, and listen, it's, it's gonna be....
Monica: I know. Thanks. (Chandler leaves)
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.]
Ross: Maybe this would've happened if I'd been more nurturing, or I'd paid more attention, or I... had a uterus. I can't believe this!
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you don't deserve this, you don't Ross. You're, you're really, you're so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: And you're so sweet. (kisses him on the other cheek) And you're kind (kisses him on the lips)
Ross: Thanks. (kisses her on the lips)
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
Ross: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Phoebe: Huh?
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Phoebe: Okay, it's okay.
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.)
Phoebe: Oh. (they start kissing again)
Ross: Wait, wait, wait.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: No, I can't get it out.
Phoebe: Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear.
Ross: No, come on don't start. (they start kissing again) Ouch!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Stupid balls are in the way. (holds up two balls)
(They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there) , and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.)
Ross: Oh well. It probably would've been the most constructive solution.
Phoebe: You have chalk on your face.
Ross: Huh? (the rest of the gang enters)
Phoebe: Oh, Ross you're right, I don't know why I always thought this was real grass.
Monica: Hey, are you okay?
Ross: My wife's a lesbian.
Joey: Cool!!
Chandler: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross. (they shake hands)
Ross: Hi.
Closing Credits
[Scene: the bar, Chandler is playing pool, as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: I can't believe you came back.
Rachel: Don't say anything. I don't wanna speak, I don't wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and make love to me right here, right now.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and It's That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, she's in her car driving back from the city)
Rachel: What?
Friend No. 2: You missed the exit!
Rachel: Oh, sorry.
Friend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about?
Rachel: Um, (shyly) Barry.
Her Friends: Awwww!!
End

306 时光倒转，昔日重现

我想问一个问题
你们当中有哪一个人
跟你们当中的另一个人睡过?
好色的数学问题
很抱歉，答案是一个也没有
这几年下来你们
都没有喝醉做蠢事?
那是另外一个问题
想不到一群
成天混在一起的人
居然没做过丑事
摩妮卡曾经和瑞秋
在一起
什么?
很抱歉，没有那回事
那就假设有
会怎么样?
那就告诉我
你们有没有差一点…?
还有谁要咖啡?
外面有狗狗
三年前
太可惜了
怎么了？
可爱裸男越来越胖
我马上回来
菲比，抱歉我的口红
印到电话筒了
你没有啊
那就是你罗，再见
拜拜
所以我才要搬走说到这件事
你几时要告诉我老妹
你不住这里了?
在某些层面上，她已经知道了
她并不知道你每天晚上溜出去
每天早上溜回来
而且已在你奶奶家住了一星期
好吧，也许不是这些层面
我永远也找不到室友
没有好的人选?
有个家伙养了一堆雪貂
是一堆喔
有一个爱吐口水
还有一个觉得我的名字很好玩
每次说到都要发出怪声
幸会，钱德宾！
好棒的房子，钱德宾！
明天还有几个?
两个
一个好像很无趣的摄影师
和一个怪怪的演员
我拿起电话说“钱德宾”
他居然说：哇，好短的留言
罗斯，脚放下
否则以后不准来
你的梳妆台都不见了
她只注意到这个
我该走了
卡洛应该回家了，所以…
你们两个还好吗?
有改善了
我终于知道我们为何这么不顺
真的?
对，你们也知道我有你们
她自己没有要好的朋友
不过上星期，她在健身房认识
一个叫苏珊的女人
她们一拍即合
这样一来就不一样了
艾瑞克
你是哪一种摄影师?
大部份是流行时尚
偶尔会有模特儿过来没关系吧
没关系
因为有模特儿来的机率
是零
这个夏天我都到
我姊的海边小屋度周末
也欢迎你去玩
不过我得告诉你她是演A片的
我还要见一个人
不过除非她是你姊姊…
你的机会应该很大
好
卧房、浴室、客厅
这里是厨房，谢谢你来
再见
你不想问我问题吗?
好……
你好吗?
我是演员
我很爱干净
我自己有电视
你放心，我不排斥同性恋
什么同性恋?
就是一般的同性恋的事
我完全不在意
乔伊，谢谢你来
好帅！
老莫
想听一件很烂的事吗?
我听多了
克里斯要把酒吧收了
不会吧
这里要改成一家咖啡店
只卖咖啡?
我们以后要去哪里?
我怎么知道
一瓶啤酒
室友挑好了吗?
那当然是那个义大利帅哥吗?
怎么可能
他好可爱
我就是需要一个超帅室友
好被贬下去
球台空了，准备一下我马上回来
准备让我打屁股吧
好，不过之后要打球
不对，很抱歉
我朋友点的是洋葱
不是橄榄
我点的是糖蜜酒和健怡
这杯不是
对不起
没关系
准备饮料能有多难?
我们来敬酒
这位女士在一年后的今天
就要嫁给…
贝利巴柏医生，牙科博士
应该再秀一次戒指了
很棒吧?
就好像一辈子都有男朋友
是啊，我知道
怎么了?
我不晓得
也许只是想到…
一辈子要跟贝利在一起
我不知道，我觉得…
我想来个最后的放纵
好永远忘记这种事
瑞秋,别说了
你好坏
我是真的的我真的觉得我需要…
毫无意义的性爱
就跟下一个看到的男人
抱歉，我的球好像掉了
所以呢?
我又把它捡起来了
天哪，那是我的高中同学
你觉得如何?
天哪
连铁达尼都撞不坏它
没错，他叫贝利
是一位医生
这是你的梦想，恭喜你
谢谢
那你呢?有对象吗?
目前没有
没关系
我知道
我要去找我朋友了
好——
下次我进城，我们一起吃饭?
好啊
再见
再见
我打赌这辈子都不会再见到她
真的，没关系
你就……
跟苏珊去吧
真的，我觉得…
我觉得女生一起出门很好啊
好…好，再见
她们要做什么?
不晓得，女生做的事
你回来早了
你拿着那盏灯做什么?
拿去换电线
别送去修音响那一家
他们已经修了一星期
海克斯先生我们没有制造噪音
你们打扰我练习双簧管了
你又不会吹双簧管
我可以吹
那就请你小声一点
你是谁?
艾瑞克,钱德的新室友
我才是钱德的新室友
不是吧
我可以当钱德的新室友
但是他打电话告诉我…
他是亲口告诉我的
好奇怪
我要回我的新公寓了
又见面了
谢谢你
别谢我，谢那个没出现的混蛋
我要去上班了
需要帮忙吗?
不用了，我可以
我不行
没事吧?
我起来得太快了，头有点晕
太热了
而且又潮湿
加起来……
实在蛮难受的
想不想进来喝杯柠檬汁?
想得不得了
你家好漂亮
谢谢
不要客气
懂了
这其实是我奶奶的房子
她搬去佛州，我才能住；
否则我根本租不起
要是房东问起
你就说我是87岁…
害怕录影机的老太太，你渴吗
渴得不得了
好
这是你的老二！
天哪!你在干什么?
你问我想不想进来喝柠檬汁
所以呢?
你只是要给我柠檬汁?
是啊
赶快遮起来
对喔，抱歉
我真不敢相信
人家请你喝柠檬汁
就是想跟你上床?
通常是啊，不只柠檬汁啦
冰茶啦，果汁啦
我很抱歉，我只是…
我以为你喜欢我
我真混蛋
没关系
任何人都会碰上这种事
我不认识这种人，不过…
我还是看得到
菲比，你的床呢?
不在屋里吗?
居然又发生这种事了
什么?
好，别拷问我了
我…我不住这里了
你在说什么？对不起
我不住这里了
我不知道该怎么告诉你
但是其他人都知道
大家都知道?
这本来是好事
但是我忘了原因
我曾经一整个月睡不着
就因为我在沙发垫上滴了一滴墨水
你可以把它翻面啊
我本来会翻，
但另一面沾到意大利面酱汁
什么?
我就是这个意思
我要住在可以打翻东西的地方
你可以打翻东西啊…
在水槽里
亲爱的，不是你不好，
你就是这样
我爱你，我要我们是朋友
要是我留在这里那是不可能的
我也爱你
那就好
怎么了?
什么?
我只是很难过
才怪，你在想是哪一个垫子
在看什么?
“海滩游侠”
在演什么?
救生员
听起来蛮蠢…
她是谁?
妮可艾格
她超辣的
哇，她们在跑
她们经常在跑
你要喝啤酒吗?
我去拿，
别起来，冰桶在这里
你有啤酒吗?
我们喝完了
自己拿
你还好吗?
菲比搬走了
对
我不懂
我真的这么难相处?
所以才找不到男朋友?
不是，你没有男朋友是因为…
我不知道为什么
你应该要有的
我也这么认为
过来
来
听我说你是我最喜欢的人之一
还是我在现实中所认识
最漂亮的女人
人都在哪里?
已经打烊了，克里斯要我锁门
出了什么事?
我想我的婚姻…
应该是完蛋了
不会吧，为什么?
因为卡洛是女同性恋
而我不是女同性恋
而且这显然不是一时激情
天哪
我真不敢相信
可怜的孩子
我是白痴
我早该看出来了
卡洛和我出门她都会看漂亮美眉
她会说：罗斯，你看她
我还觉得…
天哪，我老婆真酷
你觉得那个苏珊是她的情人吗?
我现在知道了
对不起
都七年了
我们在一起七年了
她是唯一爱过我的女人
也是我唯一有过…
真好
我知道，很棒对不对?
我是说真的，摸起来好舒服
是百分之百纯棉吗?
对，而且还是特价品
我该走了
有一个救生员正要拆除核弹
我们待会可以去喝一杯
听起来不错
还有，不会有…
我知道
谢了
搞不好可以避免
要是我再有深度一点
或是多注意她一点
或是我有子宫
我真不敢相信
你不该受这种折磨，真的
你人这么好 -谢谢
而且你很体贴
谢谢 -心肠又好
谢谢
过来
等一下
别管了
等一下，我的脚卡在球洞里
我弄不出来
女生可不想听到这种话
你别逗我
怎么了?
那些烂球好碍事
好吧
这不是最有建设性的解决方式
你的脸上有粉笔灰
你说得对
我怎么会以为这是真的草皮
你还好吗?
我老婆是同性恋
酷!
罗斯，乔伊，乔伊，罗斯
你竟然回来了
什么都不要说
我不想说话，我不想思考
我只要你现在就吻我…
跟我作爱
你错过交流道了
对不起
真是的，你在想什么?
贝利

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 55楼发表于: 2014-03-18 0

307 The One With the Race Car Bed

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is telling a story about what happened at work and the rest of the gang are thinking to themselves, denoted by italics.]
Ross: So I told Carl, 'Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.' But of course this went in one ear and out.....
Rachel:I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Monica:Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?
Chandler:If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best.
Gunther:What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my wife.
(Joey is singing in his head.)
Phoebe:Who's singing?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, they're watching Happy Days.]
Ross: Hey. When you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.
Monica: I was always Joanne.
Joey: Question. Was ah, 'Egg the Gellers!' the war cry of your neighbourhood?
(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janice's ex-husband, comes on TV.)
Phoebe: Ewww! Oh! It's the Mattress King!
Joey: Booo!!
Chandler: (to Janice) Don't look honey. Change the channel! Change the channel!
Janice: Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Matress King: (on TV) 'Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom is suddenly without a queen. I'm so depressed I'm going to slash... my prices!! Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I'm going medieval on prices!
Chandler: What a wank!
Janice: Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce to sell mattresses.
Monica: I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I'm appalled for you by the way.
Matress King: (on TV) I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else is there except Joey.]
Rachel: 'Okay. (listens) Okay, daddy we'll see you tomorrow night. (listens) Okay bye-bye.' (hangs up)
Ross: We?
Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's okay.
Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
Rachel: Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Ross: Please, he refers to me as 'wethead'.
Rachel: But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do come to dinner, I'll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.
Chandler: (leaning in) I'll go.
Ross: Fine.
Rachel: Thank you.
Ross: Hi Gunther.
Gunther: Yeah, we'll see!
Joey: (entering) Hey, you guys!
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Guess what?
Ross: What?
Joey: I got a gig!
All: Yay!!
Chandler: See, that's why I could never be an actor. Because I can't say gig.
Phoebe: Yeah, I can't say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!
Monica: What's the part?
Joey: Well, it's not a part, no. I'm teaching acting for soap operas down at the Learning Extension.
Ross: Come on! That's great.
All: Wow!
Joey: Yeah, yeah. It's like my chance to give something back to the acting community.
Ross: Y'know your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.
Joey: (glares at him) I know!
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica and Phoebe are shopping for a new mattress.]
Phoebe: Ugh! I don't know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if you buy a bed from Janice's ex-husband, that's like betraying Chandler.
Monica: Not at these prices.
Phoebe: (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and she makes the 'that went right over your head' motion) Woo!
Monica: (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.
Phoebe: Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandler's your friend... (hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other friends.
[Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the board, but turns around before he's done which causes him to write his name with a downward curve, and he then underlines it, and draws the line right through his name.]
Joey: Good evening. I'm Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting again, it means, you don't have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks, thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the delievery guy.]
Joey: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?
Joey: Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, 'Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you, I dismiss you.'
Phoebe: Ooooh, nice.
Joey: Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for All My Children.
Phoebe: Oh, yay!
Joey: Yeah, it's this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I'm so, so right for it, y'know, he's just like me. Except he's a boxer, and has an evil twin.
(There is a knock on the door.)
Phoebe: Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this huge black delievery guy.)
Guy: Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to Phoebe) You Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Okay.
Guy: Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)
Phoebe: Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It's that bedroom there. (points to Monica's room)
Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?
Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.
Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
Phoebe: Is that a problem?
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let's see what you got. All right ya, put 'em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)
Joey: Hey, you're ah, pretty good at this.
Phoebe: Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young men weren't acting Christian enough.
Joey: Ahh!
(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a jab to the nose.)
Joey: Hey now!
(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey's nose, causing it to bleed.)
Joey: Hey!!! Oww!! And I'm bleeding.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Joey: Okay, great.
Phoebe: Wow! And I'm a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I'm sorry, we'll put some ice on it.
Joey: Okay.
Phoebe: 'Kay, put your head back.
Joey: All right. I can't see.
Phoebe: All right, I have ya. Oh God.
Guy: Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?
Phoebe: Oh, it's the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.
Guy: Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying the racecar bed.)
[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]
Rachel: Hi Daddy!
Dr. Green: This where they put it? What, there no table available in the kitchen! Hello, baby.
Rachel: You remember Ross.
Dr. Green: Um-hmm.
Ross: Nice to see you again Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is successful.) (to Ross) How's the library?
Ross: Ugh, museum.
Dr. Green: What happened to the library?
Ross: There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah, I never worked at one.
Dr. Green: You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say shall I just order three.
Ross: Yeah, if you're really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a joke, I made a joke.
Rachel: Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to lobster.
Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of person that works at a library.
Ross: It's not a library...
Dr. Green: (interrupting him) I know!! It's a museum! What, you're the only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I don't know to the waiter.)
[Scene: After dinner.]
Ross: So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat.
Dr. Green: They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?
Ross: It gives it a nice antiquey look.
Dr. Green: (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.
Ross: Wow. I'm sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel giggles at that)
Dr. Green: Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to the Levines, before we go.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)
Rachel: Aw honey stop! It's not that bad.
Ross: Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must've added wrong. He only tipped like four percent.
Rachel: Yeah. That's Daddy.
Ross: That's Daddy?! But doesn't it bother you? You're a waitress.
Rachel: Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee house, I'd be serving him sneezers.
Ross: So?
Rachel: So. Ross, I've bugged him about this a million times, he's not gonna change.
Ross: You really serve people sneezers?
Rachel: Well um, I don't.
Dr Green: You kids ready?
Ross: Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Dr. Green: All right.
(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isn't looking.)
Dr. Green: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.
Ross: Oh, ah, you don't need that.
Dr. Green: Why not?
Ross: The carbon, it's messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes, the, the ah, night blindness.
Dr. Green: (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a twenty down here? Huh?
Ross: Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too much, way, way, too much, it's a sickness really.
Rachel: Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really have to do something about that.
Ross: I know.
Dr. Green: Excuse me, you think I'm cheap?
Rachel: Oh Daddy, no he didn't mean anything by that, he really didn't.
Ross: Nothing I do means anything, really.
Dr. Green: This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot? Here, I'll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)
Ross: Well Mr. Big Shot is better than 'wethead'.
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is lecturing on facial expressions.]
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it' (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.) Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Student: Hey, Mr. Trib.
Joey: Hey-hey.
Student: Guess what, I got an audition!
Joey: Awww, one of my students got an audition. I'm so proud.
Student: I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?
Joey: You bet! What's the part?
Student: Oh it's great, it's a role on All My Children, Nick the boxer.
(Joey does the '232 divided by 13 bad news' look.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Hallway, Ross and Rachel are returning from dinner.]
Rachel: You had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't just leave it alone.
Ross: Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there's a bug in my food.
Rachel: Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. (Ross groans and rubs his neck) Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.
Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.
(they go into Monica and Rachel's, and see Phoebe hopping around.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?
Phoebe: I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have to ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
Rachel: Um. yeah.
Phoebe: I am soo dead. (goes to Monica's room)
Rachel: All right, look, here's the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if we act fast, okay. So, I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.
Ross: Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.
Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that's why you have got to be the bigger man here.
Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say 'Like me! Like me tiny doctor!'
Rachel: Okay, well can't you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For me?
Ross: Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay we're never gonna get along.
Rachel: Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don't wanna have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)
Ross: Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I'll get the bagels.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]
Monica: (sees the bed) What's this?
Phoebe: Isn't it cool! Varoom! Varoom!
Monica: This is not the bed I ordered!
Phoebe: I know, you must've won like a contest or something!
(Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating)
Monica: Phoebe!
(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)
Monica: Why is this car in my bedroom?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, okay, I-I wasn't looking, and the store says that they won't take it back because you signed for it...
Monica: When did I sign for it?
Phoebe: When I was you! Y'know what, it's all Joey's fault, 'cause he left his nose open!
Monica: Did you make brownies today?
Chandler: Knock, knock.
Monica: (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won't notice the bed.
Chandler: Hey, I'm going for sushi does anybody want.. (enters and sees the bed) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.
Phoebe: It's Monica's bed. What?
Chandler: Okay. (to Monica) It's a racecar.
Phoebe: So. This has always been Monica's bed, what you're just noticing now, how self-involved are you?
Chandler: Okay, well it this bed isn't new, how come there is plastic on the mattress?
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers her, her hand to comfort her.)
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.]
Student: Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas, that's not gonna be me, not me.
Joey: Wow! That was good. That was... (points to his pocket) Tweezers?
Student: No.
Joey: Whoa. That was really good.
Student: Thanks, any suggestions?
(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]
Chandler: You told him to play the boxer gay!!
Joey: Well, I-I might've said supergay.
Chandler: You totally screwed him over.
Monica: Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean how could you do this?
Joey: Because, Monica, the guy's so good, and I really, really want this part.
Phoebe: Well, if you really, really want it, then it's okay.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]
Rachel: (opening the door) Hi Daddy.
Dr. Green: Baby. Ross.
Ross: Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on it.)
Dr. Green: Thanks for dinner last night.
Ross: Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.
Dr. Green: Nice hair. What'd ya do? Swim here?
Ross: (to Rachel) Okay, that's it, I can't take it anymore.
Rachel: What? What? He's interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just wants to know how you got here.
Ross: Oh, please. Sweetie it's hopeless, okay, I'm just gonna go. (starts to leave rubbing his neck)
Rachel: What?!
Ross: Look, look I'm sorry. It's just that....
Dr. Green: Ross? What's with the neck?
Rachel: He's got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my chiropractor...
Dr. Green: You're still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn't get into medical school in Extapa!
Ross: Thank you! That's what I keep saying.
Rachel: Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.
Ross: Uh.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?
Rachel: Well that's his last name.
Ross: And his first name.
Dr. Green: He's Bobby Bobby?
Rachel: It's Robert Bobby.
Dr. Green: Oh.
Rachel: And um, excuse me, he helps me.
Ross: Oh-ho please. Ask her how?
Dr. Green: What do you need help for?
Rachel: With my alignment. I've got one leg shorter than the other.
Dr. Green: Oh God!
Ross: Argue with that.
Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
Dr. Green: Come on! You're just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!
Ross: I know that!
Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
Rachel: I'm sorry, let her?
Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance either.
Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!
Rachel: No.
Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
(Both he and Ross start laughing)
Ross: Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?
Dr. Green: I'd love some juice. Thanks.
Ross: Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?
Rachel: Yeah honey, I'm standing right there! Why didn't you just tell him about the mole I haven't got checked yet.
Ross: Excellent!
[Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]
Joey: (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when you'll have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the recent, present. And I'm ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he's got a two year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on TV. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from his students.) Thank you.
[Scene: Mattress King, Monica is trying to return her bed.]
Jester: Uh, may I help you?
Monica: Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I'm the lady that got stuck with the racecar bed.
Jester: Look, it's like I told you, there's nothing I can do. You signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.
Joey: All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.
Jester: Nobody sees the king!
Joey: Oh-ho-kay, I'm talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)
Jester: Hey! You can't go back there!
(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)
Janice: Oh my God.
(Joey fakes a scream.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]
Chandler: Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin'! (honks the bed's little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops) All right, I'll leave. My bed's so boring.
End

307 赛车床

我告诉卡尔没有人可以爬恐龙
父母再有名也一样
可想而知，他是左耳进…
我最喜欢他的认真了
要是我眯起眼睛就能把他看成亚伦艾达
帅啊，又在讲恐龙的事
这些事什么时候才会绝种?
如果我是一个会飞还会隐形的超级英雄
那就太棒了
瑞秋到底看上他哪一点?
我爱瑞秋
真希望她是我的老婆
谁在唱歌?
你们小时候扮家家酒
都扮成什么?我都当爸爸
我都当妈妈
请问“蛋洗盖勒家”
是你们社区的团结口号吗?
“床垫大王特价实施中”
是床垫大王
赶快转台
等一下，我想看；等我跟他离了婚
有一半的王国将属于我
床垫卖场愁云惨怖
我的王国突然失去皇后
我是如此沮丧
我决定将价格
砍到最低
各位请看
大型床垫只要599
有枕垫的中型床垫只要499
我的价格非常中古
那个小人
他居然拿我们的离婚来促销
有枕垫的床垫只要499谁管你离不离婚?
那些床垫自己都能卖
还有，我很为你生气
卖场最近，价格最低！
我是床垫之王
-好的，老爸，我们明晚见！
好,再见
我们？
…明晚要跟我爸吃饭没问题吧?
糟糕，明天不方便
我应该会从帝国大厦掉下来
跌到没有座垫的脚踏车上所以…
我爸并不讨厌你
拜托，他管我叫“油头”
他都叫别人的绰号
好，就一顿饭；
一个晚上，为了我
我只是想让他像我一样爱你
好吧，也许不能像我一样
不过如果你肯来
我就穿那件黑色性感内衣好好爱你
我去
好吧
谢谢
阿甘
等着瞧
大家好
你们猜怎样?
我有头路了
所以我当不成演员，我不会说“头路”
我不会说“可颂”天哪!
是什么角色？ -不是角色
我要去函授学校教“连续剧演技”
很棒啊
我可以藉此机会
回馈演艺界
你应该不能跟学生上床
我知道
“床垫大王”
我不晓得。
光是来这里，感觉就很怪
跟珍妮丝的前夫买床铺
就像在背叛钱德
这种价格耶
在英国这辆车应该在店的另一边
菲比，过来
这就是我的新床铺
你一定要感受一下
摩妮卡，我还是觉得怪怪的
钱德是你的朋友
我的天哪
买吧，朋友可以再交
“乔伊崔比亚尼”
晚安
我是崔比亚尼老师
我将教大家“连续剧演技”
好的
在我参与“我们的岁月”
演出拉莫瑞医生的第一天
我学到演连续剧时很重要的一点
就是回应
意思不是“回去反应”
而是你没有台词但可以听别人讲
就像这样
谢了
还有，先说明一点如果想演连续剧
有些同学得让自己变漂亮
好，继续往下讲
昨晚课上得怎样?很棒，我可以说…
打铃并不代表下课，
我说下课才能下课
真好
还有，我要去“我的孩子们”试镜
是一个很棒的角色
拳击手尼克
我超适合的，他跟我一模一样
除了他是拳击手
有一个坏蛋双胞胎
床垫大王送货来了
盖勒小姐吗?
请签收
我有中间的名字吗?
好吧，摩妮卡“费露拉”……
盖勒
抬到那个房间
摩妮卡跟床垫大王买床?
求求你，不要告诉钱德
你要我骗他？有问题吗？
拳击手尼克，露两手来瞧瞧
拳头举起来
你蛮有架势的嘛
我非学不可！我住在基督教青年会时
有些男生不像基督徒
别闹了
我流血了，帅啊
我是素食者耶
对不起，来冰敷吧
把头仰起来
好
我看不到。我来牵你
天哪
盖勒小姐，要抬进哪个房间?
靠窗有洁癣的那一间
知道了
爸爸
位子被排在这里?
厨房挤不下了吗?
记得罗斯吧
葛林医生，又见面了
所以……
图书馆还好吗?
是博物馆
那图书馆呢?
没有图书馆
是有图书馆，只不过…
我没在图书馆做过事
知道这里的名菜是什么?
龙虾
我直接点三客吧
如果你很饿的话
那是在开玩笑
其实罗斯对龙虾过敏
谁会对龙虾过敏?
我猜是图书馆员
不是…我知道，是博物馆
只有你可以开玩笑吗?
至少我的很好笑
服务生
两客龙虾，一份菜单
葛林医生，你的船好吗?
生锈了，你知道生锈会怎样?
让船看起来很古雅?
锈是船的癌症，罗斯
我真遗憾
我小时候就这样失去了一台脚踏车
失陪一下
我想在离开之前去问候莱文家的人
亲爱的，别这样，没那么糟
你爸一定算错了他只给了4％的小费
是啊，爸就是这样
爸就是这样?你不困扰吗?
你是服务生耶
我的确很困扰
如果他常来
我会在他的咖啡里加胡椒
所以呢？所以……
我跟他说过几千遍了
他就是不改
你真的会在咖啡里加胡椒?
不会
孩子们，可以走了吗?
葛林医生，再次谢谢你
等一下，我忘了拿收据
不要拿了 -为什么？
复写纸很脏会沾到手指，引发…
夜盲症
这是什么?
谁放了20元?
是我
我有一个毛病
我给的小费太高了
这是一种病，没错
我们得想个办法，很抱歉
你觉得我很小器?
他没有那个意思，真的
我做的事都没有意义，真的
真好啊，我花200元请客
你只放了20元就成了大人物
你那么想当大人物?
这样吧，钱都给你出，大人物
“大人物”总比“油头”好
现在教你们几个诀窍
我演戏一向哭不出来
所以要是我得哭
我就把口袋挖一个洞
放一把镊子在里面
然后开始拔毛
如果我想表现…
刚做了坏事的感觉
就秀出基本的
“我爱眉毛上的鱼钩”的表情
要是我听到一个坏消息
只要心算232除以13就行了
就是这样
今晚的课上得很愉快
下课
崔老师
你猜怎样?我要去试镜了
我的学生要试镜了，我好骄傲
能不能请您指导我?
当然可以，是什么角色?
那个角色很棒
是“我的孩子们”里的拳击手尼克
你就一定要鸡婆
才4％，就算菜里有虫
我给得都比较多
今晚你们好不容易处得不错
快去找我的按摩治疗师好吗?
是啊，一个没念过医科的治疗师
菲比，你在干什么?
我快吓死了
摩妮卡交待我办一件事
她不该这么做
我搬走一阵子了所以我得问你
摩妮卡睡觉时还是会开灯吗?
我死定了
以目前的情况
赶紧补救还来得及
我找他明天来吃早、午餐你可以示好
我示好过了，没有用
我知道我爸很难相处
所以你一定要比他大方
我可以比他大方
我可以超级大方
就算我当一个巨人事情也不会改变
除非我可以把你爸拎起来说
喜欢我吧，小医生!
你就不能再试一次吗?就当是为了我
吃早、午餐也不能解决什么
面对现实吧，我们合不来
你们非合得来不可
我已经有一对
无法共处一室的父母
我不想再多你一个
我去买焙果
这是什么?
很酷吧?
这不是我订的床
我知道你一定是赢了什么比赛
这辆车为什么在我的房里?
对不起，我没有注意
他们不肯接受退货
因为你签收了
我什么时候签收了?
当我是你的时候
都是乔伊不好，他没护住鼻子
你今天吃了布朗尼吗?
有人在吗?
快脱衣服，他就不会注意到床
我要去吃寿司，有人要…
有人忘了下交流道吗?
这是摩妮卡的床，怎样?
这是一辆赛车
摩妮卡的床一直都是这张
你现在才发现?
你还真自我中心
如果这不是新床
床垫上为什么有胶膜?
我有时候会做恶梦
听着……
我刚看到我的死党脑浆溅在画布上
我不要跟他一样
我不要
太精彩了
太……
有镊子吗？ -没有
太精彩了
您有什么建议吗?
你叫他演成同性恋?
我说的应该是…
“越明显越好”
你把他给毁了
你是他的老师，怎么能这样?
因为他演得太好了
我真的很想拿到这个角色
要是你真的很想，那就没关系
爸爸 -女儿
罗斯葛林医生，你好吗?
谢谢你昨晚请客
谢谢你给我上了宝贵的一课
好帅的发型，
你是游泳来的吗?
够了，我受不了了
怎么了?他喜欢你的发型，
想知道你是怎么来的
没有用的，我要走了什么?
对不起，我实在…罗斯?
你的脖子怎么了?
他的脖子不舒服
我一直叫他去找我的按摩师
你还在找他?
他连乡下的医学院都考不上
谢谢，我一直这么说
很抱歉
巴比医生是个很好的医生
等一下，他叫巴比医生?
那是他的姓
和他的名字
他叫巴比巴比?
是劳勃巴比
而且很抱歉，他把我医好了
拜托!你问她你哪里有毛病?
我歪一边，有一条腿比较短
跟她辩辩看
本来就是，我的右腿短了两寸
拜托，你只是没站直
我知道
那你为什么让她去?
让她去?
她连承租保险的事都不听我的
慢着，你没有承租保险?
要是遭小偷你要用长短脚追吗?
你要喝果汁吗?麻烦你
真顺利，你看到我们了吗?
看到了，我就站在旁边
你怎么不提我那颗痣的事?
好主意
有一天，在你们的事业生涯里
你们会有机会毁掉另一个连续剧演员
前不久，我就有这样的机会
很惭愧的是……
我也做了
我建议另一位演员把一个角色
演成同性恋
我们都去应征那个角色
结果是…
他们…
他们喜欢同性恋的演法
选了他
现在，他拿到两年的合约
要和……
苏珊鲁奇合作
日间电视剧的女王
而我呢?
我困在这里教别人演戏
大多数丑到根本上不了电视
对不起…
谢谢
有什么需要吗?有，你好
我就是被硬塞一张赛车床的人
我跟你说过了，我无能为力
你签收了“摩妮卡费露拉盖勒”
我们要见床垫大王
没有人可以见大王
好，那我要找他说话
你不能到后面去
我……的……天！
小姐，小心一点
美女喔
好，我走
我的床好无聊

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 56楼发表于: 2014-03-19 0

308 The One With The Giant Poking Device

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]
Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?
Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both take one.)
(Phoebe takes a bite and spits it out and screams.)
Chandler: Okay, I'm not gonna have one.
Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the brownies.)
Phoebe: No, no, it's just my tooth.
Chandler: All right I'll have one. (he and Ross take another brownie,)
Ross: So what's a matter, you need a dentist? I've got a good one.
Phoebe: No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can't see him.
Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.
Ross: Why? Why can't you go to him?
Phoebe: Because, every time I go to the dentist, somebody dies.
Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienist's blouse.
Rachel: Phoebe, what? Umm...what?!
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend 'Albino Bob'.
Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! That's why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, it's not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!
Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didn't kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It's, it's, it's just ah, a coincidence.
Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You can't, their dead.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]
Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) (to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a napkin too?
Gunther: Oh, like you don't already have everything.
Phoebe: (trying to bite into an apple) Ow! Ow! (drops the apple in disgust.)
Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.
Phoebe: All right, fine, fine, but if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.
Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?
Ross: (patting his clothes like he is looking for his wallet) No, no he's not.
Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?
Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.
Rachel: Joey, you can't keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.
Joey: It'll kill him. I mean it'll, it'll just kill him.
Phoebe: Well, you could wait 'til I go to the dentist, maybe I'll kill him.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, All are there except for Chandler.]
Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. It's like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.
Phoebe: Well, I'm going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)
Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.
Joey: What did they do?
Ross: Well, they painted over the word 'Sapien' for one thing, then they rearranged the figures, let's just leave it at that.
Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?
Ross: Yes, that's what I was going to ask, thank you.
Rachel: Whoa! Wait! Hello! What about me?
Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths 'Don't worry, I'll be here the whole time.' to Ross.) Yes! That'd be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths 'Yeah!' and holds up her thumb.)
Joey: Hey-hey, Ross?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: I've got a science question.
Ross: Hmm?
Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact 'Homo-sapien', is that why there extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.
Joey: Hey-hey, I'm not judging.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are babysitting Ben.]
Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think he's bored.
Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) We're gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Ben's head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)
[cut to later]
Monica: (to Ben) Who's so brave, you're so brave, yes you are, you're so brave.
Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, he's fine, he's fine, let's just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See that's a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!
Monica: He's not gonna say anything, because we're not gonna tell him.
Rachel: We're not?!
Monica: No we're not.
Rachel: All right, I like that.
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: So we're okay, we're okay, we're okay, (starts to exam Ben) aren't we? No, we're not okay, we're not okay, there's a bump, there's a bump.
Monica: Oh my God! Well push it in! Push it in!
Rachel: I cannot push it in!
Monica: Okay, we're gonna need a distraction.
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay.
Monica: I got it!
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!
Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.
Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.
Rachel: We need a hat..
Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Rachel: Oh, oh, oh, I'll get 'Rainy Day Bear'!! (runs to get him)
Monica: Because he'll know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear that's dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, you're a genius!
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, it's sowed on though.
Monica: Give it. Give it.
Rachel: Okay.
(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)
Monica and Rachel: Oh!!
Rachel: Oh, it's just like a bloodbath in here today.
[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]
Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?
Joey: I'd really prefer a mountain bike.
Chandler: Janice's birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. Do you ah, want to get her something speacial, get her flowers, get her candy, get her gum, girls love gum.
Chandler: That's a good idea, 'Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday'. I would like to get her something serious.
Joey: Oh, you want something serious. Y'know what you should do, you should get her one of those um, barium enemas. Those are dead serious.
Chandler: All right. Look, I'm gonna go in here, and you don't buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)
Joey: (stopping him) No, no, you can't, you can't, okay, you can't, you can't buy her pearls, you just can't, you can't, you can't.
Chandler: Why not?!
Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, here's the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...
Chandler: What is the thing?
Joey: Okay. I went down to the 'Mattress King' showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Joey: They were in his office.
Chandler: Well she, she wouldn't do that, she's with, she's with me.
Joey: I'm telling you man, I saw it.
Chandler: Yeah, well, you're wrong! Okay, you're wrong.
Joey: I'm not wrong! I wish I was. I'm sorry. Bet that barium enema doesn't sound so bad now, huh?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are dressing up Ben in the entire rain suit from Rainy Day Bear.]
Monica: It just makes more sense as an ensemble.
Rachel: Right.
Monica: Besides, it takes the focus off the hat.
Phoebe: (running through the door) No! Oh! You're alive! You're alive!
Rachel: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didn't I?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Can I use your phone? I just wanna call everyone I know.
Monica: Sure, we have no money, go ahead.
Phoebe: (on phone) 'Hey! You're not dead! Okay, see ya!'
Ben: Monica.
Monica: Oh my God! He just said my name! Did you hear that?
Ben: Monica bang!
Rachel: Okay, I heard that.
Monica: Did he just say 'Monica bang'?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Monica: Oh my God! He's gonna rat me out!
Ben: Monica bang!
Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. It's no big deal, it's not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isn't that fun?
Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post) Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all do it. (repeats) Okay, I'm stopping now.
Monica: You okay?
Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if it's not a headboard, it's just not worth it.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]
Janice: (entering) How's my Bing-a-ling?
Chandler: Ah, I don't know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.
Janice: Why are your eyes so white?
Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, it's because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!
Janice: Oh my God!!
Chandler: All right!
Janice: How did you know?
Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.
Janice: In the park?
Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?
Janice: Just those two!
Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!
Janice: Oh, I'm sorry honey, I'm so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! I'm so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I can't breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?
Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.
(Janice starts to breathe into it and breathes in the reciept, and then spits it out.)
Janice: The receipt.
Chandler: I'll take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) I'm gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)
Janice: I don't know.
Phoebe: (rushing in) Okay. If you're alive you answer your phone!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]
Monica: Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you don't tell about our little bonking incident.
Rachel: Monica, number one, I don't think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!
Joey: You said number two.
Rachel: I also said number one.
Joey: I know. (giggles harder)
Ross: (entering) Hey! Everyone.
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: How's my little boy?
Rachel: He's perfect, he's never been better.
Ross: (noticing the outfit he is wearing) What'd you do, take him whaling?
Ben: Monica.
Ross: Oh my God, he just said your name, that's great! Good job Ben.
Ben: Monica bang!
Monica: Oh that's right, that's what I'd sound like if I exploded.
Phoebe: Woo-Hoo! The curse is broken! I called everybody I know, and everyone is alive.
Joey: Uh.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)
[Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.]
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.
Rachel: Well maybe he's just taking a nap.
Joey: I'm tellin' ya, he hasn't moved since this morning.
Monica: All right, we should call somebody.
Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isn't moving.
Rachel: Well, we have gotta find out if he's alive.
Monica: How are we gonna do that? There's no way.
Joey: Well, there is one way. His window's open, I say, we poke him.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey! Y'know how we ah, save all those chopsticks for no reason we get when we get Chinese food?
Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Well, now we got a reason.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well, we're fashioning a very long poking device.
Chandler: All right.
Joey: Hey uh, what's a matter?
Chandler: I talked to Janice.
Joey: Oh my God, is she going back to him?
Chandler: She doesn't know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I can't even return them, because she choked on the reciept!
Joey: What are you ah, what are you gonna do?
Chandler: I don't know, y'know. What, what, would you do?
Joey: Well, it doesn't matter what I would do.
Chandler: Come on, tell me.
Joey: All right, you're probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, (Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I would ah, I would bow out.
Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?
Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. They're like, they're like a family, and if, I don't know, there's chance they could make that work, I know I wouldn't want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachel's room.]
Ross: Well, he's finally alseep. About that ah, bump on his head?
Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure it's ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, I've always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.
Ross: It's okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.
Rachel: (confidently) I did!
Ross: I know! I'm saying you have to watch them all the time.
Rachel: I did!! I watched! I watched! I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!
Ross: Monica did it?
(Monica runs into the kitchen from the terrace.)
Ross: Monica?
Monica: Yeah.
Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?
Monica: No. Why?
Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly he's leaving out 'e' and 'f.' It's like they just ah, I don't know, fell out of his head.
Monica: Really?!
Ross: Oh, and also, he's, he's walkin' kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and he's in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)
Monica: Oh my God, I wrecked your baby!! (runs into the bedroom)
Rachel: I hope it's still funny when you're in hell.
Monica: (coming out of the bedroom) You jerk! You know how much I love that kid! (starts to chase Ross around the living room)
Ross: Monica bang! Monica bang! (runs into one of the posts) Ow!
Rachel: I'll get the hat.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]
Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because it's, it's, it's not gonna be easy.
Janice: Okay.
Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I don't wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know 'You're the reason, you are the reason why their not together.' and I hated that guy. And it didn't matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
Janice: Wow!
Chandler: Yeah, well. It's the right thing to do.
Janice: Oh! You're right. Oh God. But, before I can say 'good-bye', there's something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, it's like, I finally understand what Lionel Richie's been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, it's like movie love, you're my soulmate, and I can't believe we're not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.
Chandler: Then don't leave me!
Janice: What?
Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!
Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-I've got to give my marriage another chance.
Chandler: No you don't! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
Janice: (standing up) I'm sorry. (hugs him)
Chandler: Ohhh. Don't go.
Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesn't let her go.)
Chandler: No. No! No! No!
Janice: Honey, honey, people are looking.
Chandler: I don't care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I don't care!!
Janice: Yeah, um, I'm, I'm leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandler's grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)
Chandler: You can't leave! I have your shoe!
Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)
Gunther: Rachel has those in burgendy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]
Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.
Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked man's life hangs in the balance!
Phoebe: I'm telling you he's dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, we're approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)
Phoebe: He's alive! He's a-live!!!
Monica: And yet, we're still poking him.
Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.
Ross: He does not look happy.
Rachel: Hey-hey, now he's showing us his poking device.
Joey: Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]
Chandler: (singing) I'll hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I can't resist your charms. And love....
Phoebe: (joining him) Love....
Chandler and Phoebe:I'll be a fool for you. I'm sure, you know I don't mind.
Chandler: (high pitched) No you know I don't mind.
Chandler and Phoebe:Yes! You mean the world the world to me. Oh...
Chandler:I know.
Phoebe:I know.
Chandler:I've found.
Phoebe:I've found....
Chandler and Phoebe:...in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love. (they both look at each other.) My endless love. (once again they don't match tones, and they just look at each other)
End

308 戳他一下

菲比，来
谁要吃我的特制布朗尼?
我要一块
算了，不要了
不是，是我牙痛
好，我要一块
你要找牙医吗?
我认识一个好医生
谢了，我也认识一个。
只是我不能见他
这就是隐形牙医的问题
你为什么不能去找他?
因为我每次去看牙医，
就会有人死
真诡异，我每次去看牙医
都会偷看医生的胸口
…什么?
第一次是玛丽阿姨
然后是我的邮差约翰
然后是我的牛仔朋友
艾拜诺巴伯
这些人真的都死了?
对，当我坐在诊疗椅上时
所以我都自己保健牙齿，
不是为了口腔卫生
我用牙线是为了救人
拜托，你没有杀人
只是这些人死的时候，
你刚好去看牙医
这只是巧合
你去告诉他们。
啊，不行，他们死了
“中央公园”
阿甘，谢了
可以给一张纸巾吗?
你还不够称心如意吗?
你痛得很厉害，去看牙医吧
好，但如果你是下一名受害者
别化身成厉鬼跑回来
把我吸进电视里
保证不会
但还是欢迎你来找我
钱德在吗?
不在
乔伊看到珍妮丝亲她的前夫
什么?
你要怎么办?要怎么告诉钱德?
我一直在想这件事。
最好的办法就是…
不要说
乔伊，既然你知道了
就得告诉他
那他就完了，真的完了
等我去看牙医吧，
或许我会让他完了
丑裸男在睡吊床。
好像猪肉工厂喔
我要去看牙医了，
听我说
小心会让你们掉进去的东西
或是会掉下来的东西
或是…
总之要小心
我还想要…
我只想告诉你们…
我有一个麻烦。
我得去忙上几个小时
有一些小孩大闹智人展览
(与同性恋同字)
怎么个闹法?
他们涂改了标题
然后又把人偶重新排列。
这个就不说了
要我帮你照顾班吗?
我正要拜托你，谢谢
等一下，让我来如何?
你!你想照顾班?
太好了！我拜托摩妮卡是因为…
她的生活很空虚
我有个科学问题
如果智人真的是“同志”人
所以才会绝种吗?
乔伊，智人就是人
我没有批评的意思
小班，你看，汤匙
汤匙
我看他觉得很无聊
来，要不要玩坐飞机?
要不要玩给瑞秋看?
过来
你想玩好玩的?好
你最勇敢了，最最勇敢了
没事了
他没事，把他放下
宝贝，过来，你好乖
你怎么可以撞到他?
罗斯很信任我，他会怎么说?
不会的，我们不会告诉他
不会吗？不会
这样好
你没事，你没事对吧?
不，你有事，这里肿起来了
什么肿起来?
天哪，把它压下去
我不能把它压下去
好，我们得分散注意力。好
就是这样，好
我知道了
罗斯一走进来
你就拉他进房间使出浑身解数
让他快活
或者……
我们也可以帮他戴帽子
帽子!没错，我们需要帽子。
要去哪里找小帽子?
我去拿雨天小熊
因为他有办法?
天哪，你真是天才
好像缝死了
拿来……好
今天这里真是血腥啊
等一下…
你觉得这串珍珠漂亮吗?
我比较喜欢登山车
珍妮丝的生日快到了。
我想送她特别的礼物
陪我进去慢着
你想来点特别的?
送花嘛
送糖，送口香糖。
女生都喜欢口香糖
好主意，“亲爱的珍妮丝
祝你生日快乐得冒泡”
我想送一份严肃的礼物
你要严肃的东西
知道吗?
你应该送…
灌肠剂
那个严肃得要命
我要进去
你以后不要送东西给我
不行!
你不能送她珍珠项链
不行，不行，不行
为什么不行?
天哪
是这样的
是这样的…
是怎样？
好
我那天去床垫大王的卖场
看到珍妮丝在亲她的前夫
什么?
他们在他的办公室里
她不会亲他的，她跟我在一起
是真的，我亲眼看到
你看错了，你错了
我没有看错
我巴不得我看错了
对不起
现在觉得送灌肠剂不错吧?
穿整套比较不奇怪
也免得帽子太显眼
你们还活着
我不是保证过没有人会死?
待会就知道了
借我打电话给我认识的人
你用吧，我们没钱，请便
喂，你没死！
再见！
摩妮卡
天哪，他叫我的名字
你听到了吗?
摩妮卡，砰
我听到了
他是不是说“摩妮卡，砰”?
天哪，他要告我的密
摩妮卡，砰
小乖乖，你不能再说了
没什么大不了的
根本不值得一提
懂吗?我们经常撞来撞去
懂吗?看我的
摩妮卡，砰，大家，砰
班，砰
瑞秋，砰
砰，瑞秋，砰
很好玩吧，你看！
大家都在砰
我不撞了
你还好吗？
如果不是床头板，根本不值得
我的小宾宾好吗?
我不知道
你说呢?
你有话要对我说吗?
因为要是你…
你应该
你会告诉我
你为什么瞪着眼睛?
你说呢?
也许是因为我和旧情人搞在一起
不不不，不不不，那是你
我的天
很好，你怎么知道
乔伊说的，他看到你们接吻
在公园里?
不是，在他的办公室
你们亲了几次?
就那两次
为什么?…
为什么接吻?
你们不该接吻的
对不起，我非常非常…
我非常…抱歉，
我只是…
其实是…我喘不过气来
可以给我一个袋子吗?
拿去
是收据
给我
听着，我一定要知道
你跟我结束了吗?
你跟他结束了吗?
你还爱他?
你还爱我?
好，听我说
我需要明确的答案，好吗?
你选哪一个?
他还是我?
我不知道
要是你还活着，请接电话
班，我不会告诉爸爸
你在晚餐前吃冰
你也不能说出那个小小的意外
第一，班应该不懂什么是贿赂
第二，我
怎么了?
你说“第二”
我也说了第一
我知道
大家好
我的乖儿子好不好?
他好得很，对吧班
他好得不得了
你们带他去捕鲸吗?
摩妮卡
天哪，他说了你的名字
太棒了，干得好
摩妮卡，砰
没错
那就是我爆炸的声音
诅咒解除了
我联络了所有认识的人
大家都活着
丑裸男一动也不动
天哪，我又杀了一个人
诅咒变强了
那么胖的人也害得死
也许他只是在睡觉
错不了的
他从早上开始就没动过
我们应该求援
说我们在偷窥的裸男不动了?
我们得弄清楚他的死活
怎么弄清楚?
根本没办法
有一个办法
他的窗子开着，
我建议…
我们戳他
我们每次叫中国菜都会留筷子
又不知道为什么
现在有用了
怎么用?
我们要做一个很长的探测器
好
你怎么了?
我跟珍妮丝谈过了
天哪，她要回到他身边吗?
她不知道
她说她两个都爱
早上醒来时，我在恋爱
我很快乐
那十二个保险套买得绝不冤枉
现在连退都不能退
因为收据被她咬烂了
你要怎么办?
不知道
你会怎么办?
我的做法不重要
别这样…说嘛
好吧……
这种话你八成不爱听，但是…
如果是我…这纯属个人意见
我会退出
什么?
你在说什么?
他们有一个孩子
你懂吗?
他们是一家人
要是…我不晓得
要是他们有机会破镜重圆
我不会想当那个障碍
你还好吧?
要不要来戳裸男?
他终于睡着了
他头上那个肿包…
你确定那是新的?
我没有恶意
但我一直觉得他满头是包
撞到头也没关系
小孩子经常撞到头
你第一次照顾他已经尽力了
我有尽力
我知道
不过你得随时盯着
我有，我盯得很紧
我眼睁睁看着摩妮卡撞到他的头
是摩妮卡撞的?
摩妮卡，你有没有发现班今天怪怪的?
没有，怎么了?
我刚才在陪他玩我们唱了“字母歌”
他一向很会唱今天却漏了E和F
仿佛那两个字母掉出来了
真的？
还有，他走起路来
不太对劲
似乎左脚动得此右脚快
他一直在里面…
天哪，我害了你的儿子
希望你下了地狱还会觉得好玩
混蛋
你明知我有多爱他!
摩妮卡，砰，摩妮卡，砰
我去拿帽子
我有一件事要告诉你
请你让我说完
因为
要说出口并不容易
我觉得你应该回到盖瑞身边
我不想当拆散家庭的人
我的父母分手都是那个男人害的
每次见到他，我都会想
“是你害他们不能在一起的”
我恨那个人
不管他人有多好还给我爸带来幸福
这么做是不对的
你说得对
天哪，在我说再见之前
有件事我一定要你知道
我对你的感觉…
让我终于了解
莱诺李奇曲中的含意
我们的一切
就像演电影一样
你是我的精神伴侣
我们居然无法厮守到老
那就不要离开我
什么?
忘了我说的话
我是随便说说，选我吧
不，你说得对
我应该再给婚姻一次机会
谁说的?
不，你应该再给离婚一次机会
对不起
不要走
不，我该走了
亲爱的……
大家都在看
我不在乎
我不在乎
好了
我要走了
你走不了，我拿了你的鞋子
再见，钱德宾
瑞秋有一双紫红色的
记住，这么大又长的东西很难操作
幸好我有这方面的经验
专心一点好吗?
一个裸男的性命岌岌可危
他一定已经死了
我们会戳到一个死胖子
各位先生、女士，戳吧
稳着点
慢慢来
再高一点
注意角度
好…靠近窗户了
把探针伸进去
他还活着…
而我们还在戳他
收回探测器
他好像不太爽
轮他亮出“探针”了
兄弟，你绝对伸不过来的
我会紧紧拥你在怀里
我无法抵挡你的魅力
爱人啊
爱人
我愿为你做尽傻事
毋庸置疑
你知道我并不介意
我并不介意
是的
你就是我的全世界
我知道
在你身上
我已找到
无尽的爱

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 57楼发表于: 2014-03-19 0

309 The One With The Football

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]
The Guys: (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!
Phoebe: Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching football, you could help.
The Guys: We will. (they don't move)
Monica: Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles.
Rachel: No Mon, you want to put them in concentric circles. I want to do this.
(Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica's nose. Monica takes it out of her nose by closing one nostril, and blowing.)
Monica: Every year.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Phoebe: Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these things. (just as she sits down) .
Ross: Halftime.
Joey: Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little three on three going?
Rachel: Oh! That would be sooo much fun!
Phoebe: Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like ever.
Joey: Great, you can cover Chandler.
Chandler: No, no, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play.
Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.
Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that I don't have goals!
Joey: Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you get some fresh air, maybe it'll take your mind off Janice, and if you don't play, everyone will be mad at you 'cause the teams won't be even. Come on.
Chandler: Yeah, all right, I'll play.
Phoebe: Yay!!
Rachel: Let's do it! Ross?
Ross: What?
Rachel: Do you wanna play football?
Ross: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
Joey: Says who? Your mom?
Monica and Ross: Yeah.
Monica: Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football game called the 'Geller Bowl.'
Chandler: No, no, no, you say that proudly.
Monica: Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind've competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
Ross: It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right into my face. And just keep running.
Monica: To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown didn't count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose breaking.
Monica: (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.
Ross: Oh yeah! Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
Rachel: Um, there was a Geller Cup?
Ross: Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said, 'nobody won that game, ' and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it in the lake.
Chandler: And was the curse lifted?
Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football ever again.
Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it's been twelve years.
Ross: Can I see you for a second?
(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
Monica: (shouting) Once!!
Ross: All right, we're gonna play.
Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because my Mom won't let me cross the street.
[Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game.]
Monica: Okay. Let's bring it in.
Rachel: Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me.
Ross: Here you go. (throws her the ball)
Rachel: (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the face.
Joey: All right, we have to pick captains.
Chandler: And then Tineals.
Phoebe: Okay, so how do we decide that?
Monica: Well, why don't we just bunny up.
Rachel, Chandler, and Joey: What?
Monica and Ross: (holding both of their hands above their heads making rabbit ears with their fingers.) Bunny!
Monica: Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied first so that means I get to pick first. Joey.
Joey: Thank you.
Rachel: Monica, I'm your best friend.
Ross: Sweetie, don't worry you'll get picked. Chandler.
Rachel: Ross!
Monica: Phoebe.
(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)
Ross: Sweetie, now I pick you.
Rachel: You don't pick me! You're stuck with me!
Ross: Okay. All right. So let's see, let's play from the trash can, to the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we'll kick off.
Monica: All right people listen, I've got exactly twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again.
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.
Monica: Huddle up.
Joey: (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here.
Phoebe: Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.
Monica: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Monica: Okay, Phoebe you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you're doing?
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.
Monica: Break.
(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and finger.)
Chandler: The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but kicks Ross's foot instead.)
Ross: Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!
Chandler: Sorry. I'm sorry. Y'know what, we're just gonna throw it.
(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)
Joey: I got it. (catches the ball)
Phoebe: Go! Go! Go!
(Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His team all celebrates the touchdown.)
Monica: Score!! 7 to nothing!
Rachel: (coming over to Ross, who is just getting up) Are you okay?
Ross: Come on, let's go!
Monica: Losers walk!
Ross: Yeah, losers talk!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.
[cut to later, Ross's team has the ball.]
Chandler: (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts his hands between Ross's legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?
Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: (from the shotgun) Hike!
Monica and Joey: One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi.
(Rachel runs a quick slant.)
Rachel: Over here!
(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)
Rachel: (proud of her self) I almost caught that one!
Chandler: Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.
Ross: Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the right. Okay. Break!
Rachel: Wait, what am I gonna do?
Ross: You, you go long.
Rachel: Wait, how long?
Ross: Until we start to look very small.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Break!!
[cut to later, Monica's team has the ball.]
Joey: Set....hike!
Ross: One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch! Switch!!
Chandler: No, no, no, no, no!
(Monica throws the ball over Joey's head, it's stopped from rolling away by a very beautiful woman.)
Joey: Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our ball.
Woman: (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football?
Joey: Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.
Woman: I'm Dutch.
Joey: Hi-hi, I'm Joey.
Woman: I'm Margha.
Joey: I'm sorry Dutch, I didn't get that last little bit.
Chandler: (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees Marhan) Hi, I'm Chandler.
Margha: Hello, Chandler.
Joey: Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.
Margha: Margha.
Joey: Mar-klan.
Margha: Mar-gha.
Chandler: Mar-haaaan.
[cut to Ross and Monica.]
Monica: Come on guys! Let's go! Come on, it's second down.
Ross: Uh, hello, it's third down.
Monica: No it's not, it's second.
Ross: Wow!
Monica: Wow, what?
Ross: It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this.
Monica: Pulling what? It's second down.
Ross: Okay, it's second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you need.
Monica: I heard that!
Ross: Well, I said it loud.
[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]
Margha: It is okay, if I stay and watch?
Chandler and Joey: Yeah! Why don't you stick around. You can sit right there.
(she goes and sits down)
Chandler: Well, that went well.
Joey: I think so.
Chandler: Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.
Joey: Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it myself, y'know.
Chandler: Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.
Joey: Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, I'll let you have her.
Chandler: Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didn't I wouldn't have a shot?
Joey: Well I don't like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don't feel bad man, we all have our strengths. You're better with numbers and stuff.
Chandler: Math!! You're giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget about it, you go for the girl, we'll see who gets her.
[cut to later, in Ross's huddle.]
Ross: Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And sweetie..
Rachel: Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it's like all I'm doing is running back and forth from the huddle.
Ross: Well ah, you wanna just stay out there?
Rachel: Can I see that for second.
Ross: Yeah.
(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Ross's forehead and Chandler catches the rebound.)
Ross: Okay. Hut! Hike!
(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)
Joey: Fumble!
(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joey's shirt and rips it off of his back.)
Joey: What the hell's the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.
Chandler: Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.
Joey: All right, that's it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Chandler: Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that my entire life! Or something about you that's mean!
Monica: All right, come on guys, let's go! Tie score, and we're runnin' out of time. Forty-two!! Thirty-eight!! Hike! (the timer sounds as Monica throws the ball to Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Oh I got it!! (catches the ball) Oh! Ew! Broken boob! Ow!
Joey: Pheebs, run!
Monica: Run, Phoebe, run!
(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)
Phoebe: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!
Ross: Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count.
Monica: After the snap!
Ross: Before the snap!
Joey: After!!
Chandler: Before!!
Rachel: Now, does it really matter?
All: Yes!!
Phoebe: Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?
Ross: Oh Pheebs, that's great. It doesn't count.
Monica: Does so count!
Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: Y'know what, that's fine, maybe you haven't grown up, but I have.
Ross: Oh-ho, okay.
Monica: Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.)
Ross: Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.
Phoebe: Woo-yay!!
Monica: No! Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you can't blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let's just call this, tie score and it's halftime.
Ross: Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!!
Monica: Y'know what? I'll think you'll play.
Ross: Oh really! Why is that?
[cut to Monica and Rachel's.]
Monica: Because the winner gets this!
Ross: The Geller Cup.
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
All: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, good.
Commercial Break
[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game.]
Ross: Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!
Monica: When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.
Ross: That cup is mine!
Monica: No it's not! You want it, you're gonna have to win it!
Rachel: All right, so are we not having dinner at all?
Monica: Come on Phoebe, let's go! Come on, it's time to get serious, huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.
Joey: It's hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl.
Monica: All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able to focus?
Joey: What are you gonna do?
Monica: All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I'll take care of the rest.
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Break!
Joey: Here you go!
(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)
Ross: Chandler! Chandler!
(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)
Chandler: (to Margha) Hi.
(just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him)
Monica: Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don't see that everyday, do ya?
Ross: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's with the tackling?
Monica: What?! I just touched him and he went over.
Ross: Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.
(They both stare each other down as we hear 'Let's get ready to r-r-r-rum-ble!!!')
(A long football sequence follows.)
[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler's head to Joey who catches it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he starts to dance in celebration.]
[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around his waist and screaming.]
[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and she looks up to see where it came from.]
[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]
Phoebe: I love this game!!
[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.]
Ross: Hey, where'd you get that?
Rachel: I went really long.
Monica: Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!
Ross: It's no surprise that your winning, 'cause you got to pick first, so you got the better team.
Monica: You're so pathetic! Why can't you just accept it, we're winning because I'm better than you.
(Ross makes a 'Yeah. Right.' sound.)
Monica: Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, I'll prove it to you, okay. I'll trade you Joey for Rachel, and I'll still win the game.
Ross: What?! The guys against the girls? See, that's ridiculous Monica, because I'm only down by three touchdowns.
Monica: Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to a bunch of girls.
Ross: Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you're with me.
Rachel: I can not believe your trading me!!
Monica: Come on Rach, come on. Let's see what's it like to be on a winning team for a change.
Rachel: Are you gonna let me play?
Monica: All right then.
[cut to the guys' team.]
Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat now?
Chandler: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're just switching teams.
Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's better if we're on the same team.
Ross: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.
Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
Margha: Oh, my.
Ross: Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Let's play some ball, guys.
Joey: Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I'm not playing with this guy, now.
Chandler: Fine with me.
Ross: Okay, y'know what, let's just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
Chandler and Joey: What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?
Margha: Which do I like?
Ross: Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to your windmill...
Margha: Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird, I would have to say, Chandler.
Chandler: Yes!!
Joey: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didn't understand the question.
Chandler: Well, you don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her.
Margha: I'm sorry, Joey, that is my chose.
Chandler: You hear that! That is her chose, mister I'll let you have her! I win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)
Margha: I'm now thinking I would like to change my answer to, no one.
Chandler: Wh-what?
Margha: I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.
Joey: Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
Chandler: Y'know what, it doesn't matter, 'cause she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!
Ross: Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.
Chandler: We're not gonna lose to girls.
Ross: Hey! It's 42-21!
Joey: This sucks, I was just up by that much!
Monica: Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries.
[cut to the girls huddle.]
Monica: We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while you're making out...
Phoebe: Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!
Monica: Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let's kill 'um!
Rachel: Yeah!!! Kill 'um!!!
Phoebe: All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but their boys, y'know how are we gonna beat three boys?
(Another football sequence follows)
[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]
[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and it's intercepted by Joey, who starts to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she doesn't slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]
[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]
[cut to the girls huddle]
Monica: All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and we're down by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.
Rachel: No! Come on! Don't make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.
Monica: Honey, there's a reason.
Rachel: God, I'm not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you let me throw, come on this is my game too.
Phoebe: Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.
Monica: All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it to you, you throw it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.
Rachel: Thank you! Break!
Monica: Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike!
(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)
The Guys: One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi! Three-Mississippi!
(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)
Rachel: I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
Monica: No! I'm not okay!
Rachel: I'm sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn't know what to do.
Joey: (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!
Chandler: Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!
Monica: Come on! Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time! Huddle up!
Phoebe: Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, yeah.
Monica: All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go long.
Rachel: (on the verge of tears) Okay.
Monica: Break!
(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no offense to Jerry Rice) , Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)
Rachel: (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!!
Chandler: Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Actually, the ah, end zone starts at that pole, so you're five feet short, so we win!
Phoebe: Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the play still going.
(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.)
Ross: Let go! Let go!
Monica: Let go! I'm a tiny little woman!!
Chandler: Guys! Guys! Come on! It's Thanksgiving, it's not important who wins or loses. The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!!
Monica: Ow!!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving dinner.]
Rachel: We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe there's a like league we could join or something.
Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league.
Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.
Phoebe: Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some?
Joey: When they're hungry enough, they'll come in.
[Scene: The park, it's dark outside and Monica and Ross are still fighting over the ball.]
Monica: Let go!
Ross: No! You let go!
Monica: No!
Ross: How come it's always us left in the field holding the ball?
Monica: I don't know. I guess the other people just don't care enough.
(It starts snowing.)
Ross: Hey! It's starting to snow.
(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both start fighting for the ball again.)
Ross: Gimme the this!
Monica: Let go!
End

309 橄榄球比赛

拜托!
你们也要过感恩节
不要老看足球，来帮帮忙
我们知道啊
你要把棉花糖排成同心圆
不，是你要
把棉花糖排成同心圆
我要的是这样
年年如此
十码、五码触地得分，太棒了
我这倒想看足球试试看
中场休息
谁想出去玩玩球?
来个3对37
一定很好玩我可以参加吗?
我从来没玩过足球
太好了，你可以防守
我不想玩球
你跟珍妮丝分手之后
就一直提不起劲
才不是这样
我想整天穿着浴袍吃花生
我还想在早上喝酒
别说我没有目标
你得把她忘了，好吗?
如果你来玩球，呼吸新鲜空气
也许就会忘记珍妮丝
否则大家都会生你的气
因为这样实力就不平均了
好，我参加
来吧，罗斯?
什么？
想玩足球吗？
摩妮卡跟我都不能玩足球
谁说的?
你妈?
以前每年圣诞节我们
都玩触身美式足球
叫做盖勒杯
不…你的口气要很骄傲才对
反正罗斯跟我每次都当队长
竞争越来越激烈
有一年，第六届盖勒杯
我不小心打断罗斯的鼻子
你是故意的
她看到我就快抱住她
就用她的…
大胖手肘撞我的脸
然后拼命往前跑
因此赢得致胜的一分
你没有赢，那次得分不算
因为你公然犯规
野蛮地打断我的鼻子
我赢了
是吗?
那你怎么没得到盖勒杯?
有盖勒杯?
对，这是赢球的奖品
但爸爸说我们谁都没赢
他受够了我们打来打去
所以他把奖品…
丢进湖里
这个诅咒解除了没有?
反正……
妈妈说我们不能再玩足球了
你知道吗?
我觉得我们应该一起去玩球
我是说，都已经过了12年了
跟你私下说句话好吗?
哇
好，我们参加
等等，我们怎么过去?
我妈不准我过马路
来
把球丢过来
等等
亲爱的，把球传给我
来
你差点打中我的脸
我们要选队长
然后挑选队员
我们怎么推派决定队长?
装兔宝宝好不好?
什么?
兔兔
看来队长就是罗斯跟我了
我先装兔子
所以我先挑，乔伊
谢谢
摩妮卡
我是你最好的朋友
甜心，别担心，
会有人选你的
甜心，现在我选你了
你才没选我
你是没人可选了
好，这样吧
比赛场地是
从垃圾桶到路灯，好吗?
两手发球，开始吧
大家听好了，28分钟后…
我就给你们好看
哇，就跟职业球队一样
好，临场会议
临场会议
等等我
太棒了!这是我的第一次
老实说
你们觉得钱德怎么样?
你知道自己在做什么吧?
乔伊接球，我们阻挡
什么叫“阻挡”?
我还以为你知道自己在做什么
我以为你是指人生的方向
开始
球是珍妮丝…
该死…
拜托！
对不起
这样吧，我们用丢的好了
我来接
快……
得分，7此0
亲爱的，你没事吧?
我们来
输家滚蛋
是吗?
输家只会说
其实输家是押韵的
四三 ……
七四……
拉开进攻阵势好吗？
好
一秒钟、两秒钟…
这里…
我差点就接到了
太好了，我们差点就得分了
这场比赛，我要你往前场跑
再用假动作往右边跑，好吗?
开始
等等，那我要干嘛?
你?
你跑远一点
多远?
到你几乎看不见我们为止
开始
一秒钟、两秒钟…
换防守位置…
谢谢你挡住了我们的球
你们在玩美式足球?
哇!你好像是外国人
我是荷兰人
嗨，我是乔伊
我是玛嘉
对不起，荷兰人
最后一个字我没听懂
乔伊，你还玩球还是…
嗨，我是钱德
哈罗，钱德
她叫做荷兰人，又叫做玛亨
来吧，开始了第二次十码进攻
喂，是第三次十码进攻了
才不是，这是第二次而已
哇
哇什么?
我真没想到你现在还来这一套
哪一套? 这是第二次进攻
好，是第二次进攻
你要来几个第二次进攻都可以
我听到了
我就是说给你听的
我可以留下来看吗?
你只管坐着看
对啊，留下来吧
我想也是
我想跟她要电话号码
谢了，老兄
但我自己开口比较有说服力
我是替我自己要的
好帮我忘了珍妮丝
对啊
好吧，如果这么重要我就让给你吧
谢了
让给我?
你是说如果你不让贤
我就没有机会?
我没有说得这么明显，不过…
没错
别难过，我们各有优点
你比较有数学头脑
数学?你说我数学好?
好，这样吧，算了
你去追她，我们看谁能追到
我要你左边防守
甜心
对，我知道，跑远一点
我就只是跑来跑去而已
你要不要干脆留在场外好了?
我能跟你私下谈谈好吗?
好，来吧
我来防守钱德
一秒钟、两秒钟、三秒钟
漏接
你是怎么搞的?
这是我最喜欢的一件毛织衫
那你现在有两件了
嘿，我的数学还真不赖
够了，我本来还想让给你
现在你想都不要想
等着看自己出丑吧
我已经准备了一辈子了
我等着看你
现出你的劣根性
快点，比赛了
此数拉平，我们没时间了
42、38，)当下开球
我接到了
我的胸部骨折了
菲比，快跑快跑，菲比，快跑
触地得分
铃声响了，不算
那是在传球之前
在传球之后
之后！
之前！
这很重要吗？
对
但我触地得分了！
这是我的第一次
菲比，太好了
可是不算
当然算
骗子，骗子，不吃会死
我的天啊
很好，也许你还没长大
但我已经是大人了
踢死你这个脓包
好，很好…
你想靠作弊赢球，随便你
菲比，得分照算，你赢了
我不想再跟你吵
我要你输得无话可说
不能怪罪鼻梁断掉、铃声或是
你可能白血球过多
比赛算平手，现在是中场休息
首先，我不跟作弊的人比赛
第二，你知道我以前
有腺体肿大的毛病
你知道吗?
我看你一定会参加
真的吗?
为什么?
因为赢得人可以拿到这个
盖勒杯
你们大家也看见
一个钉在木板上的娃娃吗?
好，很好
你是从哪里弄来的?
你到医院去接鼻梁的时候…
我游到湖里找出来的
奖杯是我的
才不是，你想要
就得凭本事来赢过去
那我们不吃晚饭了?
过来，该认真一点了，围过来
乔伊，认真比赛
这很难耶
他就在那个荷兰女孩旁边
如果我让钱德出局
你能够专心吗?
你有什么办法?
你只要让他接到球就好了
其他就交给我吧
来吧
来
看我的
来，这里，来
小心
被女生阻截
这种画面不多见吧
你这是干嘛?
干嘛?
我碰他一下，他就倒下来了
好，你想玩狠的
我们也可以很野蛮
准备开打咯
加油
挡住她
好过瘾
你从哪里弄来的?
我跑得很远
42比21
罗斯跟火鸡一样死翘翘了
你会赢并不奇怪，你先挑人
挑到的球员比较好
你真可悲，为什么你不肯承认我们赢球
是因为我比你行?
好啊，好一声叹息
好，我要让你心服口服
我用乔伊跟你换瑞秋
还是照赢不误
什么?男生对女生?
这太荒谬了，因为我
只要三次触地得分，就追上你了
那就得分给我看啊
除非你怕会输给几个女生
很好，瑞秋，你跟摩妮卡
乔伊，你跟我一队
你竟然把我交换出去
我们也来尝尝看赢球的滋味
你会让我上场?
那好
比赛结束了?
我们要去吃饭?
比赛还没结束
我们在交换球员
钱德觉得我对他造成威胁
还是跟他同一队比较好
好，我们来打球吧，快
等一下
荷兰人是从哪里来的?
这个嘛
宾州的荷兰人来自宾州
其他的荷兰人呢?
他们是尼德兰附近来的吧?
勇气可嘉
尼德兰是虚构出来的地方
是彼得潘和小仙子的家
我的天
别再讲“疯子的地理学”了
我们打球吧
我不跟这家伙一起打球
我无所谓
我受够了
干脆直接了当一点海蒂，
你喜欢哪一个?
你这是干嘛?
你这是干嘛?
我喜欢哪一个?
对，你会挑哪一个约会
找乐子、带回家?
如果一定要现在选…
我也觉得不可思议…
不过我会说是钱德
等等，她显然没听懂你的问题
你可以请虎克船长
解释给她听啊
对不起，这是我的真心话
听到没有?这是她的真心话
说什么“我把她让给你”!
我赢了，你输了
我是武林至尊
给我来个迷你波浪舞
我现在考虑要把我的答案
改成“谁都不选”
什么?
我现在觉得你既肤浅…
又呆瓜
再见
干得好
你好几个月不必
在床上浪费精力了
这无所谓，因为她选的是我
从现在起，我会跟女人约会
而你周末的晚上
只能在家里看“简易烹饪”节目
把这些话留着告诉心理医生
比赛快结束了
我们时间不多
目前还落后给女生
我们不会输给女生
现在此数是42比21
该死我刚才就是领先这么多分
我们还要不要玩球?
快点，你们这些娘娘腔
我们要采取这种战术
我们要替全世界的女人而战
想想过去的每个烂约会
每个在亲热的时候
一只眼睛还在电视上的男人
老天，你跟装义眼的男人约会过?
拜托你们，好嘛?
为了全体妇女，我们宰了他们
对，宰了他们
好啊，我也想宰了他们
可是他们是男生
我们怎么打败三个男生?
只是下一分半钟
我们还落后两分
还落后两分，姊妹们
菲比，你再用后转身进攻法
瑞秋，你跑远一点
不要再叫我跑远一点了
让我做点事，他们从不防守我
亲爱的，这是有原因的
我不是跛脚，好吗?
我可以发挥作用
你让我传球嘛
这也是我的比赛
让她传球
迅速到他们后面，我传球给你
你传球到前场给菲比
谢谢
比赛开始
比赛开始
好，来吧
31、71，挡下开球
一秒钟、两秒钟、三秒钟
加油
接球
对不起，你还好吧?
不，我不好
他们冲着我来
我不知道该怎么办
比赛还剩下30秒钟
我们就可以把那个
呆瓜侏儒带回家了
快过来，我们没时间了
临场会议
这是最后一次临场会议了
好，菲比，摆脱防守，瑞秋
跑远一点
好
比赛开始
我成功了，触地得分，成功了
你们知道吗?很奇怪边锋的位置
是在那个柱子那里
所以你还差了五尺，所以…
我们赢了
太好了
等等，请你们解释一下
如果没有人抱住瑞秋
那比赛就还没结束吧?
让开…
想都别想，放手
放手?
我是个小女人
拜托，今天是感恩节
输赢并不重要
重要的是荷兰女孩选了我
是我，不是你，荷兰爱钱德
谢谢，阿姆斯特丹，晚安
我们应该多抽空玩足球
也许我们可以参加哪个联盟
不是有个“国家足球联盟”吗?
没错，星期天和星期一晚上比赛
太可惜了我星期天晚上要上班
这菜真好吃
要给他们带一些过去吗?
他们饿了自然会进来
放手
不，你放手
为什么每次都只剩我们
两个人抱着球不放?
不知道，我想是因为
其他人不太在乎吧
开始下雪了
把球给我，放手放手，快放手

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 58楼发表于: 2014-03-19 0

310 The One Where Rachel Quits

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: (reading the comics) Eh..., I don't, I don't know.
Rachel: What?
Chandler: Well, as old as he is in dog years, do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Gunther: Do you remember when you first came here, how you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?
Rachel: Oh, sure! Do you need me to train somebody new?
Gunther: (laughs) Good one. Actually, ah, Terry wants you to take the training again, whenever.
Rachel: (to Chandler) Eh, do you believe that?
Chandler: (thinks about it) Yeah?
Opening Credits
[Scene: The hallway of Ross's building, there is a Brown Bird girl selling cookies, as Ross and Chandler come up the stairs.]
Sarah: So that's two boxes of the Holiday Macaroons. On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. (Does the Brown Bird salute, she blows on a bird call, then holds her hand, palm facing out, next to her face, and then waves it like a bird flapping it's wings.)
Ross: Just admit it Chandler, you have no backhand.
Chandler: Excuse me little one, I have a very solid backhand.
Ross: Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl... is not a backhand.
Chandler: I was shrieking... like a Marine.
(they both start up the stairs.)
Ross: All right here. Watch me execute the three 'P's of championship play. Power. (swings the racquet) Precision. (swings the racquet.) and penache. (does a backswing and hits Sarah who's started up the stairs, knocking her down, they both watch in horror.)
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there discussing the incident.]
Monica: You broke a little girl's leg?!!
Ross: I know. I feel horrible. Okay.
Chandler: (reading the paper) Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night. (to Ross) Where exactly were around ten-ish?
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go see her. I want to bring her something, what do you think she'll like?
Monica: Maybe a Hello Kitty doll, the ability to walk...
(Rachel starts to laugh, and Ross notices her.)
Rachel: I'm gonna get back to retraining. (gets up)
Ross: All right, see you guys. (starts to leave)
Chandler: Look out kids, he's coming! (Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.)
Joey: And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.
Phoebe: Have fun. Oh wait, no, don't! I forgot I am totally against that now.
Joey: What? Me having a job?
Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime, and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights. (to Joey) Hey, how do you sleep at night?
Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey, Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people happy.
Phoebe: Really?
(Phoebe turns and looks at Monica, while Joey frantically motions to Chandler to help him out.)
Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most of them, it's the only chance to see New York.
[cut to Gunther retraining Rachel.]
Gunther: ...and after you've delivered the drinks, you take the empty tray....
Rachel: Gunther, Gunther, please, I've worked here for two and a half years, I know the empty trays go over there. (points to the counter.)
Gunther: What if you put them here. (sets the empty tray on another stack of empty trays on the back counter.)
Rachel: Huh. Well, y'know that's actually a really good idea, because that way they'll be closer to the mugs. Y'know what, you should have the other waitresses do that too.
Gunther: They already do. That's why they call it the 'tray spot.'
Rachel: Gee, I always heard them talk about that, I just always thought that it was a club they went to. Oh God, I'm, I'm sorry. (walks away)
Gunther: It's all right. Sweetheart.
[Scene: Sarah's bedroom, her room is decorated with a space motif.]
Ross: So, this must be kinda neat for ya, huh? I mean, your Dad tells me that you get a couple of days off school, and you, you ah, don't have to sell those cookies anymore.
Sarah: Well, I kinda wanted to sell the cookies. The girl who sells the most wins a trip to Spacecamp, and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
Ross: Wow, you ah, you really like all this space stuff, huh?
Sarah: Yeah. My Dad says if I spend as much time helping him clean apartments, as I do daydreaming about outer space, he'd be able to afford a trip to the Taj Mahal.
Ross: I think you would have to clean a whole lot of apartments to go all the way to India.
Sarah: No. The one in Atlantic City, Dad loves the slots. He says he's gonna double the college money my Grandma left me.
Ross: Huh. Well, good luck to Dad. Say, how many more boxes would you have to sell in order to win?
Sarah: The girl who won last year sold four hundred and seventy-five.
Ross: Yeah.
Sarah: So far, I've sold seventy-five.
Ross: Four hundred, huh? Well, that sounds do-able. (starts to get out his wallet) How much are the boxes?
Sarah: Five dollars a box.
Ross: (puts away his wallet) And what is second prize?
Sarah: A ten speed bike. But, I'd rather have something my Dad couldn't sell.
Ross: Well, that makes sense.
Sarah: Could you do me one favor, if it's not too much trouble?
Ross: Yeah, Sarah, anything.
Sarah: Could you pull open the curtains for me? The astronauts from the space shuttle are gonna be on the news, and since we don't have a TV, the lady across the alley said she'd push hers up to a window, so I could watch it.
[Scene: A hallway, Ross is selling Brown Bird cookies for Sarah, he stops and knocks on a door.]
Woman: (looking through her peephole, we see Ross standing in the hallway.) Yesss?
Ross: Hi, I'm selling Brown Bird cookies.
Woman: You're no Brown Bird, I can see you through my peephole.
Ross: No, hi, I'm, I'm an honorary Brown Bird (does the Brown Bird salute.)
Woman: What does that mean?
Ross: Ah, well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm not invited to sleep-overs.
Woman: I can dial 9-1-1 at the touch of a button, y'know. Now, go away!
Ross: No, please, please, um, it's for a poor little girl who wants to go to Spacecamp more than anything in the world.
Woman: I'm pressing, a policeman is on his way.
Ross: Okay, okay! I'm going. I'm going. (goes across the hall to knock on another door.)
Woman: I can still see you!
Ross: All right!!
[Scene: Joey's work, selling Christmas trees.]
Phoebe: (walking up to Joey) Hey.
Joey: Hey. What, what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Well, I-I thought a lot about what you said, and um, I realilized duh, all right maybe I was a little judgmental. Yeah, (looks at the tree) oh, but oh...
Joey: Look now, Phoebe remember, hey, their just fulfilling their Christmas....
Phoebe: Destiny.
Joey: Sure.
Phoebe: Yes.
Joey: All right.
Phoebe: Okay. (One of Joey's co-workers, walks by with a dead tree.) Yikes! That one doesn't look very fulfilled.
Joey: Oh, that's, that's ah, one of the old ones, he's just taking it to the back.
Phoebe: You keep the old ones in the back, that is so ageist.
Joey: Well we have to make room for the fresh ones.
Phoebe: So, what happens to the old guys?
Joey: Well, they go into the chipper.
Phoebe: Why, do I have a feeling that's not as happy as it sounds? (Joey points out one going into the chipper to her, as this haunty, demonic music starts to play in the background) No! Nooooo!!! (she winces in horror and hides her face against Joey's shoulder, as she sees the tree spit out from the chipper.)
Joey: (to the guy operating the chipper) Hey! Hey!! (makes the 'cut it' motion with his hands)
[Scene: Central Perk, all except Phoebe are there, Ross is telling the gang, minus Rachel who's still being retrained, about the different cookie options.]
Ross: ...and these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters, Santa, Rudolph, and Baby Jesus.
Joey: All right, I'll take a box of the cream filled Jesus's.
Ross: Wait a minute, one box! Come on, I'm trying to send a little girl to Spacecamp, I'm putting you down for five boxes. Chandler, what about you?
Chandler: Ahh, do you have any coconut flavoured deities?
Ross: No, but ah, there's coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes. I tell you what, I'll put you down for eight boxes, one for each night.
(Chandler mouths 'Okay.')
Ross: Mon?
Monica: All right, I'll take one box of the mint treasures, just one, and that's it. I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds. (to Ross) Remember, how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?
Ross: Ah, no Mon, Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all. But ah, y'know I'm sure that's not gonna happen this time, why don't I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolph's.
Monica: No.
Ross: Oh, come on, now you know you want 'em.
Monica: Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't do this.
Ross: I'll tell you what Mon, I'll give you the first box for free.
Monica: (she reaches out for it and stops) Oh God! I gotta go! (runs out)
Ross: Come on! All the cool kids are eating 'em! (chases after her.)
[cut to Gunther retraining Rachel.]
Gunther: And when you have a second later, I wanna show you why we don't just trap spiders under coffee mugs and leave them there.
Rachel: (sitting down next to Chandler) I'm training to be better at a job that I hate, my life officially sucks.
Joey: Look Rach, wasn't this supposed to a temporary thing? I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?
Rachel: Well, yeah! I'm still pursuing that.
Chandler: How... exactly are you pursuing that? Y'know other than sending out resumes like what, two years ago?
Rachel: Well, I'm also sending out.... good thoughts.
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
Rachel: The fear?
Chandler: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
Rachel: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?
(Chandler and Joey both laugh)
Chandler: Because, I'm too afraid.
Rachel: I don't know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer, y'know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work here.
Chandler: Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28, and still working here.
Gunther: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah.
Gunther: Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.
Rachel: Can't I just look at the handles on them?
Gunther: You would think.
Rachel: Okay, fine. Gunther, y'know what, I am a terrible waitress, do you know why I'm a terrible waitress? Because, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf, I don't care where the tray spot is, I just don't care, this is not what I want to do. So I don't think I should do it anymore. I'm gonna give you my weeks notice.
Gunther: What?!
Rachel: Gunther, I quit.
Chandler: (to Joey) Does this mean we're gonna have to start paying for coffee? (Joey shrugs his shoulders.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much he's sold.]
Ross: ....and 12, 22, 18, four... (Chandler starts laughing) What?
Chandler: I spelled out boobies.
Monica: (comes up and starts looking through Ross's cookie supply) Ross, but me down for another box of the mint treasures, okay. Where, where are the mint treasures?
Ross: Ah, we're out. I sold them all.
Monica: What?
Ross: Monica, I'm cutting you off.
Monica: No. No, just, just, just a couple more boxes. It-it-it's no big deal, all right, I'm-I'm cool. You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes!
Ross: Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on your neck.
Monica: (covers her neck) Oh God! (runs to the bathroom)
Chandler: So, how many have you sold so far?
Ross: Check this out. Five hundred and seventeen boxes!
Chandler: Oh my God, how did you do that?
Ross: Okay, the other night I was leaving the museum just as 'Laser Floyd' was letting out of the planetarium, without even trying I sold 50 boxes! That's when it occurred to me, the key to my success, 'the munchies.' So I ah, started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight. I am selling cookies by the case. They call me: 'Cookie Dude!'
Rachel: (entering) Okay, stop what you're doing, I need envelope stuffers, I need stamp lickers.....
Ross: Well hey, who did these resumes for ya?
Chandler: Me! On my computer.
Ross: Well you sure used a large font.
Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.
Rachel: Hey-hey-hey that's funny! Your funny Chandler! Your a funny guy! You wanna know what else is really funny?!
Chandler: Something else I might have said?
Rachel: I don't know, I don't know, weren't you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!!
Ross: Sweetie, calm down, it's gonna be okay.
Rachel: No, it's not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day, and I don't have a lead. Okay, y'know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna call Gunther and I'm gonna tell him, I'm not quitting.
Chandler: You-you-you don't wanna give into the fear.
Rachel: You and your stupid fear. I hate your fear. I would like to take you and your fear....
Joey: (entering, interrupting Rachel) Hey! I got great news!
Chandler: Run, Joey! Run for your life! (runs out)
Joey: What? Rachel, listen, have you ever heard of Fortunata Fashions?
Rachel: No.
Joey: Well my old man is doing a plumbing job down there and he heard they have an opening. So, you want me to see if I can get you an interview?
Rachel: Oh my God! Yes, I would love that, oh, that is soo sweet, Joey.
Joey: Not a problem.
Rachel: Thanks.
Joey: And now for the great news.
Ross: What, that wasn't the great news?
Joey: Only if you think it's better than this... (holds up an aerosol can) snow-in-a-can!! I got it at work. Mon, you want me to decorate the window, give it a kind of Christmas lookie.
Monica: Christmas cookie?
[Scene: Joey work, Joey is showing a guy a tree.]
Joey: Okay, and ah, this one here is a Douglas Fir, now it's a little more money, but you get a nicer smell.
Guy: Looks good. I'll take it.
Phoebe: (running up carrying a tree) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, you don't want that one. No, you can have this cool brown one. (points to the almost dead tree she has)
Guy: It's-it's-it's almost dead!
Phoebe: Okay but that's why you have to buy it, so it can fulfil it's Christmas destiny, otherwise there gonna throw it into the chipper. Tell him, Joey
Joey: Yeah, the ah, trees that don't fulfil their Christmas destiny are thrown in the chipper.
Guy: I-I think I'm gonna look around a little bit more.
Joey: Pheebs, you gotta stop this, I working on commission here.
Monica: (entering) Hey, guys. I'm here to pick out my Christmas tree.
Phoebe: Well look no further, (shows her the dead one) this one's yours! Ahhh.
Monica: Is this the one that I threw out last year?
Phoebe: All right y'know what, nevermind! Everyone wants to have a green one! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so emotional, I guess it's just the holidays, it's hard.
Monica: Oh honey, is that 'cause your Mom died around Christmas?
Phoebe: Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that.
Monica: Oh. (turns and looks at Joey, who gives a 'way-to-go' thumbs up and smile.)
[Scene: A Brown Bird meeting, Ross is there with the other Brown Birds to see who won the contest.]
Ross: (to the girl sitting next to him) Hi there. How many, how many ah, did you sell?
Girl: I'm not gonna tell you! You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.
Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, okay.
Girl: You're a big scrud.
Ross: What's a scrud?
Girl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.
Ross: I don't have too. I can just look at you.
Leader: All right girls, and man. Let's see your final tallies. (all the girls raise their hands) Ohhhh, Debbie, (looks at her form) 321 boxes of cookies, (to Debbie) Very nice.
Ross: (to himself) Not nice enough.
Leader: Charla, 278. Sorry, dear, but still good.
Ross: (to himself) Good for a scrud.
Leader: Oh, yes Elizabeth. Ah, 871.
Ross: That's crap!! Sister Brown Bird. (to Elizabeth) Good going. (does the salute)
Leader: Who's next? (goes over and stands behind Ross, who's feverishly writing on his form, and clears her throat to get his attention.)
Ross: Hi there!
Leader: Hi. And batting for Sarah, Ross Geller, 872. Although, it looks like you bought an awful lot of cookies yourself.
Ross: Um, that is because my doctor says that I have a very serious.... nuget.... diffency.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross are there.]
Chandler: Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
Ross: Well, I lost. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her nineteen year old sister, who went down to the U.S.S. Nimitz, and sold over 2,000 boxes.
Chandler: (to Rachel, who's entering) Hey! How'd the interview go?
Rachel: Oh, I blew it. I wouldn't of even hired me.
Ross: Oh, come here sweetie, listen, you're gonna go on like a thousand interviews before you get a job. (she glares at him) That's not how that was supposed to come out.
Phoebe: This is the worst Christmas ever.
Chandler: Y'know what Rach, maybe you should just, y'know stay here at the coffee house.
Rachel: I can't! It's too late! Terry already hired that girl over there. (points to her) Look at her, she's even got waitress experience. Last night she was teaching everybody how to make napkin.... (starts to cry) swans.
Ross: That word was swans.
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments, Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are coming up the stairs.]
Chandler: Well seeing that drunk Santa wet himself, really perked up my Christmas.
(They start to go into Monica and Rachel's, their apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joey's work.)
Phoebe: Oh! Oh my God!
Joey and Monica: (jumping up from behind the couch) Merry Christmas!!
Phoebe: You saved them! You guys! Oh God, you're the best!
Chandler: It's like 'Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.'
(phone rings)
Rachel: (answering the phone) Hello? (listens) Yeah, this is she. (listens) Oh! You're kidding! You're kidding! (listens) Oh thank you! I love you!
Chandler: Sure, everybody loves a kidder.
Rachel: (hanging up the phone) I got the job!
All: That's great! Hey! Excellent!
Phoebe: Oh, God bless us, everyone.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving her last cup of coffee.]
Rachel: Here we go. I'm serving my last cup of coffee. (the gang starts humming the graduation theme) There you go. (hands it to Chandler) Enjoy. (they all cheer)
Chandler: (to Ross) Should I tell her I ordered tea?
Ross: No.
Rachel: Um, excuse me, everyone. Ah, this is my last night working here, and I ah, just wanted say that I made some really good friends working here, and ah, it's just time to move on. (at the counter Gunther starts to cry and runs into the back room) Ah, and no offence to everybody who ah, still works here, you have no idea how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee again.
[Scene: Rachel's new job, Rachel's boss is telling her what to do.]
Rachel's Boss: Now Mr. Kaplan Sr. likes his coffee strong, so your gonna use two bags instead of one, see. Now pay attention, 'cause this part's tricky, see some people use filters just once.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Ross is bringing Sarah to Joey and Chandler's.]
Ross: I'm, I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Spacecamp, and I'm hoping that maybe somehow, this may make up for it. Presenting Sarah Tuttle's Private Very Special Spacecamp!! (opens the door and Chandler and Joey jump up, their apartment is decorated like outer space, one of the leather chairs is covered in tinfoil.)
Sarah: Really Mr. Geller, you don't have to do this.
Ross: Oh come on! Here we go! (picks her up and puts her in the chair) Stand by for mission countdown!
Joey: (simulating an echo) Ten, ten.., nine, nine, nine...., eight, eight, eight... (Chandler hits him in the back of the head) Okay, Blast off!
(They start shaking the chair likes it's flying into outer space. Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair and saying...)
Chandler: I'm an alien. I'm an alien.
Ross: Oh no! An asteroid! (throws the soccer ball off the back of Joey's head.)
(The camera zooms in on Sarah and she has a big smile on her face.)
End

310 瑞秋辞职

我不知道…
啊？
照狗的年纪来算…
你认为史奴比
还能飞这个玩意儿吗?
瑞秋?
什么事?
记得你刚来的时候
有另外一个服务生训练你吗?
当然，要我训练新人吗?
问得好
其实是泰瑞要你再受训一次
什么时候都可以
你相信这种事吗?
相信
共是两盒蛋白杏仁饼干
我代表美国棕鸟向你致敬
承认吧，你不会反手击球
对不起，小鬼
我反手击球很厉窖
像个女人一样掩面大叫…
不叫反手击球
我的叫声…
像海军
好，看我示范冠军选手的三个P
力量
准头
架式
你害一个小女孩的腿骨折?
我知道，我很难过，行吗?
报上说有个小女孩
昨晚在芝麻街道遭重击
你昨晚十点左右人在哪里?
我要去看她
我想带点东西给她
她会喜欢什么?
凯蒂猫娃娃?
走路的能力?
我得回去接受再训练了
好，再见，各位
小心，小朋友，他来了
我得去卖圣诞树了
卖得开心点
等等，不要去
我忘了
我现在完全反对这件事
什么?
反对我有工作?
不，我反对无辜的树木
在青春正盛的时候被砍下…
尸体被装饰得怪模怪样…
挂上一堆金箔和闪灯…
你昨晚睡得好吗?
我拖着树
走来走去累得要命
你完全搞错了
那些树生来就是要当圣诞树的
为人们带来欢乐
是实现他们生存的目的
真的？
没错
对，这些树也很高兴…
因为对大多数的树来说
这是他们…
见识纽约的唯一机会
送完饮料之后，把盘子…
甘瑟，拜托我在这里
做了两年半
我知道空盘子要放在那里
放在这里怎么样?
这倒是个好主意
离马克杯比较近
你应该要其他的服务生照办
她们本来就是这么放的
所以她们管这里叫盘子区
我听到她们说这个
我还以为是她们参加的俱乐部
对不起
没关系
甜心
你一定很高兴吧?
你爸爸说你可以不用上学
也不必再去卖饼干了
我很想去卖饼干
卖最多饼干的人可以免费参加太空营
坐上真正的太空梭
你很喜欢太空的东西，是吧?
我爸爸说如果我
帮他清洁公寓的时间
和我做太空梦的时间一样多
他就可以去泰姬玛哈陵了
要清洁很多间公寓
才有钱去印度
不，是大西洋城的泰姬玛哈陵
爸爸喜欢吃角子老虎
他说可以把祖母留给
我的大学学费再增加一倍
那就祝爸爸好运吧
要卖多少盒饼干才能获胜?
去年的冠军卖了475盒
我到目前为止卖了75盒
还有四百盒
应该不难，一盒多少钱?
五块钱
奖是什么?
十段变速脚踏车，但我
宁可要爸爸不能变卖的东西
这也对
帮我一个忙好吗?
好的，莎拉，你说一句就行了
你帮我把窗帘拉起来好吗?
太空人会上电视新闻
我们没有电视，对面的小姐…
说她会把她的电视
推到窗口让我看
什么事?
嗨，我是卖棕鸟饼干的
你不是棕鸟队员
我可以从窥视孔看到你
嗨，我是棕鸟的荣誉队员
这是什么意思?
是说我可以卖饼干
但不能在别人家过夜
我可以按钮拨119报警
快走
拜托…我是为了一个贫穷的小女孩…
她最大的心愿就是参加太空营
我要按钮了
警察马上就来了
好…
我马上走
我还看得到你
好啦!
你在这里干嘛?
我把你的话想了很久
我发觉也许我是有点太苛刻了
对，可是…
菲比，记住
它们只是在实现他们的圣诞·，
宿命
没错
那棵看起来好像很空虚
那是老树了
他只是把树拿到后面罢了
你们把老树放在后面?
真是年龄歧视
这样才有地方放新鲜的树
那老的怎么办?
拿去切碎
我感觉好像不怎么快乐似的
“中央咖啡厅”
这些是圣诞人物的形状
圣诞老人鲁道夫，
和耶稣宝宝
我要一盒奶油馅的耶稣宝宝
一盒?这可是为了帮助
一个想参加太空营的小女孩呢
我算你五盒，你呢?
好吧，你有没有椰子口味的神?
没有，但犹太教的分支
蜡烛有椰子口味
我算你八盒，一晚一盒
摩妮卡?
我要一盒薄荷口味的
一盒就好了
我参加棕鸟之后就胖了
记得吗?爸爸买光了
我的饼干，我全都吃掉了
不，摩妮卡，爸爸不得不
买下每一盒饼干…
是因为你把饼干吃光了
可是这次一定不会这样了
我给你算三盒薄荷
两盒鲁道夫吧?
不要
好啦，你知道你很想吃
不要这样
这样吧，第一盒算我送的
老天，我得走了
来嘛，好孩子都吃这种饼干
待会儿新的服务生来了
我会告诉你为什么不能…
把蜘蛛困在马克杯底下就算了
我痛恨这工作，还要努力改进
我的人生算是完了
这不是暂时性的工作而已吗?
你的目标是打入时装界
对，我还在朝目标前进
你是怎么前进的?
两年前寄寄履历表吗?
我还传达了…
好点子
如果你问我
只要你还保有这份工作
就没有找新工作的动机
你需要的是恐惧
恐惧?
他说得对
辞掉这份工作，才有动机
追求你心目中理想的工作
你为何还在做你讨厌的工作?
干嘛不辞职来产生恐惧
因为我太害怕了
我不知道，我愿意不计一切
为设计师或采购人工作
我不想到了30岁
还在这里工作
对，那要比28岁
还在这里工作惨多了
瑞秋，提醒我跟你复习
哪壶是低因咖啡，哪壶不是
看把手看不出来吗?
想得美
好了，甘瑟，你知道吗?
我是个很差劲的服务生
你知道这是为什么吗?
因为我不在乎
我不在乎哪壶是普通咖啡
哪壶是低因咖啡
我不在乎盘子区在哪里
我就是不在乎
这不是我想做的工作
所以我想我不该再做下去了
我正式提出辞呈
什么?
甘瑟，我辞职
这表示以后
喝咖啡要付钱了吗?
好，1 2
2 2
1 8
干嘛?
我拼出了“傻蛋”
再给我一盒薄荷口味的，好吗?
薄荷饼干在哪里?
没有了，都卖光了
什么?
摩妮卡我不能再让你吃下去了
再两盒就好
这也没什么，我很好
你得帮我再弄两盒
看看你自己
你脖子上还有饼干
老天!
你卖了几盒？
你看
417盒
老天，你怎么办到的?
前两天晚上
我离开博物馆的时候
天文馆正在放雷射佛洛依德
我随随便便就卖了五十盒
这时我想到成功的关键
就是吸大麻后的“饥饿感”
所以我开始在午夜时分
到纽约大学的宿舍去
我把饼干论箱卖
他们叫我“饼干佬”
放下手边的事，我需要人
帮我塞信封、舔邮票…
谁帮你写履历表的?
我用我的电脑写的
你还真用了够大号的黑体字
对，“咖啡厅的服务生”
和“啦啦队队长”占不了多少空间
真有趣
你好有趣，钱德你有趣极了
知道还有哪件事也很有趣吗?
我说错了什么吗?
我不知道
不是你在我毫无后路的时候…
叫我辞职的吗?
别激动，事情会顺利的
不，不会的
明天是我最后一天上班
而我到现在还毫无进展
你知道吗?
我要打电话给甘瑟
说我不辞职了
你不能向恐惧投降
你和你愚蠢的恐惧
我痛恨你的恐惧
我要把你和你的恐惧…
嘿，我有好消息
快跑，乔伊，逃命去吧
干嘛?
瑞秋，听好了你听过福图那塔时装没有?
我老爸在那里做水电工
听说那里要找人
要他帮你安排面试吗?
天哪，我要，太好了
你好可爱，乔伊
应该的
现在告诉你们好消息
刚才那个不是好消息?
除非你们觉得此这个消息更好
雪花罐!
要我装饰窗户吗?
看起来有圣诞的感觉
圣诞饼干?
好，这是一棵道格拉斯枞树
这个比较贵一点，
但也比较香
看起来不错，我买了
等等，不要不要买那棵
不，你可以买这棵棕色的树
这树都快死了
所以非买不可
让它完成它的圣诞宿命
不然他们就会把拿去切碎
告诉他
对，无法完成圣诞宿命的树
就要拿去切碎
我还是再看看吧
你不能再这样搞下去了
我是赚佣金的
我来挑一棵圣诞树
别看了，就买这棵
这是我去年丢掉的树吗?
算了，大家都想买绿树
对不起，我也不想
这么情绪化
过节就是让人很难受
亲爱的，这是因为
你母亲在圣诞节前后过世吗?
我还没想到那件事呢
嗨，你卖了多少?
我不告诉你
你是害莎拉断腿的坏人
嘿，那是意外，好吗?
你是个大斗蛋
什么叫斗蛋?
照镜子就看到了，斗蛋
我不用照镜子
我看你就行了
好，各位小女孩…
和大男人
我们看看大家的总成绩
黛比
321盒饼干，很好
还不够好
夏拉
278盒
对不起，亲爱的
但还是不错
对斗蛋来说是不错
你呢，伊莉莎白?
871盒
乱盖
棕鸟修女
做得好
下一个是谁?
嗨嗨
替莎拉代打的…
罗斯盖勒
872盒
不过看样子你自己买了一大堆饼干
那是因为我的医生说我有…
很严重的…
果仁糖…
不足…
把事情的经过告诉我们
棕鸟罗斯
我输了，有个小女孩把制服
借给19岁的姊姊
她到美国轮船尼米兹号…
卖掉了两千多盒
面试怎么样？
我搞砸了
连我自己都不会请我
过来，甜心
听我说…
找到工作之前
要应霉一千次…
这种情形应该不会发生
这是最糟糕的圣诞节
也许你应该留在咖啡厅
不行了，太迟了
泰瑞已经请了那个女孩
你们看看她
她还有当服务生的经验
昨天晚上，她还·，
教大家把…
餐巾…
摺成…
她说的是“天鹅”
看到酒醉的圣诞老人撒尿
我的圣诞节可真快乐
我的天
圣诞快乐
你们救了他们
老天，你们太棒了
好像是“生不如死的
圣诞树之夜”
对，我就是
你开玩笑…
谢谢，我爱你
当然啦大家都喜欢
听人家开玩笑
我找到工作了
太好了
上帝保佑我们大家
来，这是我最后一次端咖啡
来
用心品尝吧
我该告诉她
我点的是咖啡吗?不要说
对不起，各位?
这是我在这里工作的最后一夜…
我只想说…
我在这里交了一些好朋友…
现在是向前走的时候了
我无意冒犯
各位留在这里的人
但你们不知道我多庆幸
可以在这一刻说…
我再也不必冲咖啡了…
老卡普兰先生喜欢喝浓咖啡
所以一包不够，要用两包
注意听好了，这里很需要技巧
有些人的滤纸只用一次
我很遗憾你不能参加太空营
我希望这个
或许能帮我补偿你，好吗?
接下来是…
莎拉图多的私人特制太空营
你不必这么做的
别客气，来吧
准备倒数
好，发射
我是外星人…
不，小行星来了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 59楼发表于: 2014-03-19 0

311 The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]
Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?
Monica: Um-mm.
Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.
(Monica is sarcastically amazed.)
Ross: Real magic does exist.
Rachel: Wow.
Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?
Joey: I can't tell you that, no.
(We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)
Ross: Ah, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.
Rachel: Noo, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.
Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
Phoebe: Why don't you go up there and ask him to 'step lightly, please?'
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) I'll go up there, I'll tell him to keep it down.
Monica: All right, be my guest.
Rachel: Good luck.
(Phoebe exits)
Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, I'll show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didn't see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, I'll slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)
All: Oh, I got it.
(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)
Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible) .
Guy: (muffled) Whoa, you are very beautiful.
Phoebe: (muffled) Oh, thank you.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?
Monica: Honey, what's the matter?
Chandler: I just saw Janice.
All: Oh.
Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's pretzel at them.
Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.
Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.
Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....
Ross: Hey Chandler, there's a party tomorrow, you'll feel better then.
Chandler: Oh, y'know what, I'm gonna be okay, you don't have to throw a party for me.
Monica: It's Joey's birthday.
Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.
(We hear Phoebe's muffled voice through the ceiling.)
Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.
(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)
Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it's supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.
[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachel's new job.]
Mr. Kaplan: (entering) How's that coffee comin,' dear?
Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.
Mr. Kaplan: I'm not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.
Rachel: I know!
Mr. Kaplan: I'll bet your thinking, 'What's an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?' Eh?
Rachel: Op.
Mr. Kaplan: Eh.
Rachel: Oh, you got me.
Mr. Kaplan: Well, don't think I haven't noticed your potential. Well, I've got a project for you that's a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?
Rachel: Oh, that sounds great.
Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)
Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.
Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing that it's full of tangled up hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) You're welcome.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to Monica about her job.]
Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.
Monica: I know honey, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it's remotely related to the field they're interested in.
Monica: (gives her a look) Gee, I don't know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!
Rachel: Oh honey, come on, I'm sorry, I didn't.... I don't mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.
(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.)
Rachel: (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?
Guy: I'm sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah.... (starts to laugh again)
Rachel: It's not funny, this is actually my job.
Guy: Oh believe me, I-I-I've been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.
Rachel: Oh well then, so I'm just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.
Guy: Ah, just one other thing.
Rachel: Yes?!
Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale's and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?
Rachel: (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want my pickle?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's Joey's party.]
Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.
Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean you're going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?
Phoebe: Well, he's very charming.
Monica: I know, he's too charming, but if you two start going out, then it's just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.
Phoebe: Well, you're just gonna have to try.
Monica: Joey, where are the Jell-o shots?
Joey: I don't know, Chandler is supposed to be passin' 'em around...
(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)
Joey: Chandler!
Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!
Ross: Oh, somebody's feeling better.
Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.
Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!
(Chandler sticks out is tongue and it's a horrible shade of green.)
Monica: Oh my!!
Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.
Chandler: Yeah, Jell-o just like Mom used to make.
Rachel: (entering, to Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: Hi! So I'm out having lunch at Monica's and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale's and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and he's gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!
Ross: Wow!
Rachel: I know!
Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Ross: And he's, he's a total stranger?
Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.
Rachel: What!?
Ross: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.
Rachel: To be nice.
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: No, only for sex.
Ross: Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?
Rachel: I didn't have to, because I was wearing my 'I heart Ross' sandwich board and ringing my bell.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Joey's Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)
Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!
Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey's sisters.
Chandler: Hi Joey's sisters!
Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!
Cookie: Hey. What are we drinkin' over here.
Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.
Cookie: No kiddin,' that's the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.
Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I don't know how to talk to you.
(Cut to Chandler)
Sister 1: (to Chandler) What 'cha doing?
Chandler: Oh, I'm taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.
Joey's Sisters: Oh!!
Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, it's a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can't we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joey's sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.
(Cut to Ross and Monica)
Ross: Hi.
Monica: Hi.
Ross: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.
Monica: Isn't that great?
Ross: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.
Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, 'Hummina-hummina-hummina.' (walks away)
Ross: That's excellent.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]
Ross: (to Rachel) So, he's just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesn't want anything in exchange for helping him?
Rachel: Well, I assume I'll have to take showers with him, but y'know, that's true of any job.
(Chandler enters hungover and groaning)
Monica: How ya feelin'?
Chandler: Well, my apartment isn't there anymore, because I drank it.
Phoebe: Where'd you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
All: Woooo hoooo!!!
Chandler: Ow, no 'woo-hooing,' no 'woo-hooing.'
Phoebe: Why, what happened?
Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joey's sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, that's not the worst part.
Monica: What is the worse part?
Chandler: I can't remember which sister.
Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Don't tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he's actually going to kill you dead.
Chandler: Okay! You don't think I thought of that?
Phoebe: How can you not know which one?
Rachel: I mean that's unbelievable.
Monica: I mean, was it Gina?
Ross: Which one is Gina?
Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.
Monica: No, no, no, that's Dina.
Chandler: (to Monica) You see you can't tell which one is which either, dwha!!
Phoebe: We didn't fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!
Chandler: Veronica. Look, it's got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.
Monica: That was me.
Chandler: Look, when I've been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I'm sorry.
Monica: That's okay.
Rachel: That's all right.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!
Ross: Hey, Joey.
Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)
Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)
Chandler: Why can't we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.
Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.
Ross: Ah, which, which one?
Joey: Mary-Angela.
Ross: Mary-Angela.
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: Y'know which one was she again?
Joey: Why don't you ask Chandler, 'cause he's the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin' over Janice by groping my sister.
Chandler: It's gotta be the first one.
Joey: Really? That's great! You and my sister, sittin' in a tree.
Chandler: Yep, I'm in a tree.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Did he call? Did Mark call?
Monica: No honey, I'm sorry, but the weekend's not over yet.
Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?
Monica: I guess they're back from their date.
(He starts to play music.)
Rachel: Music. Very nice.
(We hear them start making out upstairs.)
Monica: Oh my God!
Rachel: So, how are you?
Monica: I am good. I finished my book.
(Things start to get really hot upstairs.)
Rachel: Oh yeah, what's it about?
Monica: I don't remember. Do you wanna take a walk?
Rachel: Yeah, I do. (they both run out)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]
Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How's it going. This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hell's a matter with you? How do you think Joey's going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?
Chandler: Well, that's the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually I'll be in Cuba.
Ross: All right, look, look, you've got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.
Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?
Ross: Where in Cuba?
[Scene: Joey's sister's house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]
Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?
Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?
Chandler: I'm here to see Mary-Angela.
Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 'cause my Grandma doesn't know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.
Chandler: Where's Mary-Angela?
Joey: She's right in there. (motions to the living room)
(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joey's sisters, all wearing red.)
Joey's Sisters: Hey, Chandler!
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: I can't believe Mark didn't call. It's Sunday night, and he didn't call.
Ross: Bummer.
Rachel: (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, you're practically giddy.
Ross: No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn't work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.
Monica: Wait a minute, why don't you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you've got to make stuff happen.
Ross: But, you, you don't want to seem too pushy.
Monica: (to Ross) Honey, it's not pushy, he gave her his home number.
Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?
Rachel: Yeah, and you don't mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.
Ross: That's right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)
Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, it's Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, don't you apologize. (listens) Yeah, I'll hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.
Ross: That is so made up!
Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it's perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!
Monica: Yay!
Ross: There you go.
Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.
Monica: Oh, that is amazing!
Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I'd expect nothing less.
Rachel: I got to figure out what I'm going to wear.
Ross: High collar and baggy pants say I'm a pro.
Rachel: Yeah! Right! Okay, I'll see you guys later. (starts to leave) Woo hoo!
Ross: You go get 'em. (to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?
Monica: What?
Ross: 'Why don't you call him?!' Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!
Monica: Are you crazy?!
Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.
Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isn't even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you're right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?
Ross: No.
Monica: I mean don't you trust her?
Ross: Well, yeah!
Monica: Then get over yourself! Grow up!
Ross: (shyly) You grow up.
[Scene: Joey's sister's house, they're finishing up dinner.]
Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?
Joey's Grandmother: No! I did!
Chandler: Well, it's, it's yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?
Joey's Grandmother: Of course! It's her favorite.
Chandler: So um, Mary-Angela, what's your second favorite?
Joey's Grandmother: More of Grandma's teramisu.
Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt 'cause this is great. It's top notch.
Joey's Grandmother: That dies with me.
Chandler: So will I.
Joey's Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn't mean anything.
Joey's Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.
Chandler: Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)
[Cut to the hall, Joey's sister runs up and grabs Chandler's butt.]
Chandler: (startled) Hey!
Joey's Sister: Finally, I thought we'd never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)
Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and I'm not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.
Joey's Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.
Chandler: Ahhhh, you're not Mary-Angela.
Joey's Sister: No, I'm Mary-Theresa.
Chandler: This is so bad. If-if you're not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?
Mary-Angela: (standing behind Chandler) I am!
Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesn't see Mary-Angela)
Mary-Angela: Joey!!!
Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Don't Joey! Joey!
Joey: What's goin' on?
Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) You're it! Now run and hide!
Mary-Theresa: It's no big deal. Chandler was just kissin' me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.
Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?
Chandler: I wasn't sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joey's sisters gasp) Look, I'm sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.
Joey's Sister: I say, punch him Joey.
All: Yeah! Punch him!!
Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother's not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?
Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you'd be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!
Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you're my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.
Cookie: So what. I say, punch him.
All: Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!
Joey: No! No! No! No, I'm not going to punch Chandler.
Cookie: I'll do it.
Joey: No you won't. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, he's sorry. But, (to Chandler) you've got one more apology to make, all right, you've got to apologize to Mary-Angela.
Chandler: Okay, absolutely!
Joey: All right.
Chandler: You've got it. (he starts to look at his sister's, but he still doesn't know which one is Mary-Angela.)
Joey: Cookie, now you can punch him!
Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)
[Scene: A lobby, Ross is waiting for Rachel, after her interview.]
Rachel: (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: What are you doing here?
Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Hi. (kisses her)
Rachel: Hi.
Ross: How'd did it go?
Rachel: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldn't shut up.
Ross: I'm so proud of you.
Rachel: Me too!
Ross: Listen, I'm ah, I'm sorry I've been so crazy and jealous and, it's just that I like you a lot, so...
Rachel: I know.
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah.
Mark: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah. (turns around) Hi Mark!
Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.
Rachel: Oh, I did!
Mark: Yes.
Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)
Ross: Congratu!! (sees her hug Mark) -lations-lations.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]
Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?
Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)
Monica: Yeah, I do know.
Phoebe: Ick, you were eavesdropping.
Rachel: Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.
(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)
Ross: Maybe he's just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?
(We hear a women start moaning.)
Ross: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?
Joey: All right, that's it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?
Ross: Ah, we'll all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)
Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Thank you.
Chandler: Don't worry.
Phoebe: God, I hope they kick his ass!
Rachel: Honey, I'm sorry.
Monica: Y'know if it's any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)
(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)
Guy: (muffled) May I help you?
(We hear the guys start to attack him, but the guy manages to calm them down and gets them to agree to what he did. Monica throws up her hands in disgust.)
End

311 钱德想不起勾搭了乔伊的哪个妹妹

好，随便选一张
好，记住
给大家看
好了吗?
好，还给我
红心5
这真是太神奇了
乔伊，你怎么变出来的?
天机不可泄漏
天花板上有人叫门了
我们楼上的芳邻吵得要命
他把地毯拆掉
现在简直是鸡犬声相闻
干脆请他“轻声漫步”好了
我试过五次了
但那家伙魅力无穷
我上去大呼小叫
最后还跟他赔不是
太荒谬了
我上去叫他小声点
好，请便
祝你好运
好……
如果你们想知道我是怎么变的
我就告诉你们
你把牌还给我的时候趁你们不注意…
我很快看一眼
肉眼是看不到的
我刚才办到了
又来一次
来，我放慢动作
让你们看，好了没?
我懂了
谢谢
谁有一条六尺长的绳子
末端打了活结的?
亲爱的，怎么了?
我刚才看到珍妮丝了
她在洛克斐勒中心
和她丈夫溜冰，看起来好幸福
我简直不忍心
拿那个小孩的椒盐卷饼打他们
我记得我跟凯萨琳分手后
第一次跟她见面的情形
她跟她朋友唐娜
走在一块儿说笑
老天，我难过死了
但你那天下午
和她们两个上床了
对不起，我就是…
不计一切地要讲那件事
钱德，明天要开派对
你就会高兴一点了
我不会有事的
你们不必为我开派对
是乔伊的生日派对
如果有人应该开派对
那就非乔伊莫属
我真不敢相信她还在楼上
他把关键句完全念砸了
你知道，应该是…
咖啡好了没有，亲爱的?
马上来，卡普兰先生
我不应该喝咖啡，老是放屁
我知道
你一定在想“这么聪明的女孩·，
有志在服装界大展鸿图
怎么在这里泡咖啡?
被你猜中了
别以为我没注意到你的潜力
我有一份和时装
很有关系的工作要交给你
太棒了
过来，甜心
太感谢了
我要马上把这些衣架分开
不客气
老天，我痛恨我的工作
恨死了…
我知道，亲爱的，我很遗憾
我想辞职
但我又觉得应该挺下去
然后我又想…
为什么要做这种有损尊严的工作?
难道只因为这份工作
和我的兴趣有一点点关系吗?
老天，我不知道，瑞秋
点菜吧，杨朵汤，詹姆斯豆
随便你点什么都行
好了，对不起，我不是…
我不介意吃苦
但搀扶得了关节炎的女裁缝
上厕所
我要怎样才能够…
学会什么叫时装?
嗨
你觉得我的苦难很有趣吗?
对不起，我只是…
这不好笑，这就是我的工作
相信我，我是过来人
我以前是在人体模特儿公司
给模特儿的头分类的
我要继续跟我朋友聊天
你可以继续享用你的汉堡
还有一件事
我在布鲁明戴尔百货公司上班
如果你有兴趣
我有个可能的工作机会
想吃我的腌黄瓜吗?
大家好
嘿，甘瑟
你要跟楼上吵闹的邻居约会?
他很迷人
他太迷人了
但如果你们交往
我就更难讨厌他了
你只得尽力而为
乔伊?
酒果冻哪里去了?
不知道，钱德应该要端出去…
钱德
哈罗
看来你心情好多了
把舌头伸出来
把衣服脱下来
我的天
你吃了多少?
这是纯伏特加做的
对，果冻
有妈妈的味道
我今天碰上了最不可思议的事
我在摩妮卡的餐厅吃午饭
有个家伙跟我说话
他是布鲁明戴尔的采购助理…
他们的部门要找人
我就把我的电话给了他
他这个周末要打电话给我
帮我安排面试
那家伙没有任何理由地帮你?
你根本不认识他?
对，他叫“马克”什么的
看来马克什么的不怀好意
什么?
不然他干嘛莫名其妙地冒出来?
日行一善啊
嘿，乔伊，男人会不会
莫名其妙地对陌生女子好
不会，男人只想上床而已
谢谢
你有没有跟马克什么的提起我?
我用不着提，我穿着…
“我爱罗斯”的广告牌
而且一直摇着铃
乔伊，生日快乐
你跟多少个女孩交往?
你头壳坏去了吗?
她们是乔伊的姊妹
嗨，乔伊的姊妹
你喝的是什么?
我喝的是伏特加和小红莓汁
真的？
我干掉我丈夫之后就是调这种酒来喝
好，我不知道该怎么跟你说话
你在干嘛?
把我前任女友的快速拨号删除
不，这是好事
我们要快速拨号干嘛?
干嘛赶来赶去的?
我们为什么不能
珍惜美好时光?
你胸部好大
嗨嗨
我听说了瑞秋今天遇到的
那个叫马克的家伙
很棒，不是吗?
对，是很棒
看样子他是个好人
对，他简直太完美了
他走的时候，我是这么说的…
哈米娜·，
太好了
这么说他只是个大好人罢了
你真的认为这个叫马克的
是不求回报地帮你?
我想我得跟他洗鸳鸯浴
不过哪份工作不是这样
你感觉怎么样?
我的公寓已经不存在了
因为全被我喝掉了
你去哪里了?你拆了礼物之后
我们就找不到你了
我后来跑到贮藏室
而且不只我一个人
不要再叫了…
怎么了?
出了什么事?
我跟乔伊的姊妹瞎搞
这还不是最糟糕的
那最糟糕的是什么?
我不记得是哪个姊妹
你看到没有?
别说男人有好人
这就是男人
你疯了不成?
乔伊会杀了你
他真的会把你杀得死死的
你以为我没想到吗?
你怎么会不知道是哪一个?
简直无法置信
是吉娜吗?
哪个是吉娜?
黑皮肤、蓬蓬头戴着飞机耳环
那是迪娜，不是吉娜
看到没?
你们也分不清谁是谁
我们可没有跟哪个胡搅
一定是薇若妮卡
那个穿红裙子的女孩
我确实把我的舌头
伸到她的喉咙里
那个是我
我喝了酒以后
有时候会变得太热情
对不起
没关系
不要紧
我可以跟你私下谈谈吗?
嘿，乔伊
过来
我们为什么不在这里谈?
这里有人作证
我刚跟我妹妹通完电话
哪一个？
玛丽安琪拉
这又是哪一个了?
问钱德，他跟人家胡搅
她告诉我，你对她说
你为她大为倾倒
这是实话?还是你泡我妹妹
只是为了忘记珍妮丝?
一定是第一个原因
真的?
那太好了
你跟我妹妹坐在树上
对，我在树上
他来电话没有?
马克来电话没有?
我很遗憾
不过周末还没结束
我的天，那是菲比吗?
看来他们约完会了
音乐
真甜蜜
我的天
你好吗?
我很好，我的书完稿了
这本书讲什么?
我不记得了，你想散步吗?
想
亲爱的玛丽安琪拉
嗨，你好吗?
这是我所写过
最难以启齿的一封信
你是怎么搞的?
你写信甩掉他妹妹
乔伊会对你怎么样?
这时候你就告诉他
我搬到法国去了
事实上，我人会在古巴
听我说
你得亲自去做这件事
至少你知道
她叫什么名字
你只要到他家
去找玛丽安琪拉
不管她是哪一个
她到门口来的时候…
请她去散个步，给她留点面子
万一是她来开门
而我又开口找她呢?
你要去古巴的哪里?
你在这里干嘛?
等我祖母帮我洗衣服
你呢?
我来见玛丽安琪拉
你真是男子汉，来
听我说
别乱讲话
因为祖母不知道你们的事
最好不要惹她生气
她是第六个
在墨索里尼的尸体上吐痰的人
玛丽安琪拉在哪里?
她就在那里
嘿，钱德
嘿，钱德
我不敢相信马克没有打电话来
现在是星期天晚上
他居然还没打电话来
真叫人失望
对，看看你，
你实在太可笑了
我真的很遗憾
马克没有帮到你
听我说，瑞秋
我也是一心为你好
等一下，为什么你不打电话给马克?
谁规定你得在这里痴痴地等?
你得主动出击
对，但也不能太过分
不会的
他把家里电话给了她
什么?他把家里电话给你
打电话到他家吗?
你不介意我打电话吧
既然你是一心为我好
我是这么说的
马克?
嗨，我是瑞秋格林
不，你千万别道歉
好，我等
他把电话留在办公室
他本来要去拿
不过他得帮他侄女
做研究拓荒者的报告
听就知道是编的
我的天!明天吗?
这…不，这太好了
老天，太感谢你了
太好了，再见
我可以去面试了
你看吧
他还要跟我吃午饭，
帮我准备
太了不起了
如果我了解马克
我想是的…
他应该就是这种人
我得想想明天要穿什么才好
高领衫加蓬蓬裤
才是专业人士的穿着
是啊
好，回头见
没问题
我对你做了什么?
我伤害过你吗?
什么?
你为什么不打电话给他?
真是太谢谢你了
现在他要帮她准备面试
这就是开除男朋友的前兆
你疯了不成?
有吗?我疯了吗?
我失去理智了吗?
那个大好人要跟我女朋友吃饭
罗斯，你根本不是重点
重点是瑞秋可以有好的前途
就算你说得对
他对她不怀好意
这表示他就能得逞吗?
不会，可是…你不信任她吗?
不要自哀自怜了
别像个小孩子
你才别像个小孩子
这提拉米苏真好吃
是你做的吗，玛丽安琪拉?
不，是我做的
真好吃
那……
玛丽安琪拉，你喜欢吗?
当然，这是她最爱吃的
那……
玛丽安琪拉你还喜欢什么?
吃更多奶奶做的提拉米苏
拜托你…
把食谱给我，因为太好吃了
是第一流的
食谱要跟着我进棺材
我也会
到洗手间去
我只是斜视
没什么特别意思
照做就是了
失陪一下，我得…
终于!
我还以为我们没机会独处了
听我说句话好吗?
派对结束之后
我满脑子都在想着你
听我说
我可能操之过急了
我刚结束一段感情
我还没办法…
给任何人承诺
那又怎样?
我也一样
老天，玛丽安琪拉说得对
你的嘴唇柔软极了
你不是玛丽安琪拉?
不，我是玛丽泰瑞丝
这真是太糟糕了
如果你不是玛丽安琪拉
那谁是?
我是
老天，这真是太糟糕了
不，不要叫乔伊…
怎么回事?
就是你了，快去藏起来吧
没什么大不了的
钱德刚才在亲我
因为他以为我是玛丽安琪拉
什么?
你怎么会把她当成玛丽安琪拉?
我不肯定哪一个是玛丽安琪拉
听我说，对不起我喝得醉醺醺
你们的样子都差不多
我说揍他，乔伊
对，揍他
我们大家应该冷静下来
因为你们的兄弟不会揍我的
是吧?
我通常会这么做
但我万万没想到
有一天会揍你
你怎么能做这种事?
如果你想揍我就动手吧
我罪有应得
但我要你知道我在清醒时
绝不会做伤害你和你家人的事
你是我最好的朋友
我再也不会做这种事了
那又怎么样?
我说揍他
对，揍他
不，我不会揍钱德
不，你不会的
他知道他做了一件错事
我相信他是真心道歉了
但你还要再跟一个人道歉
你得跟玛丽安琪拉道歉
当然，没问题
甜心，现在你可以揍他了
什么?
你怎么来了?
我顺路到这里来…
面试怎么样?
跟我面试的女人很难对付
但幸好有马克指点我
我一谈起秋季新装
她就满意得不得了
我真为你骄傲
听我说，我…
对不起，我这么神经又嫉妒…
这是因为我很喜欢你所以…
我知道
嗨
嗨，马克
我刚跟乔安娜谈过
她很喜欢你，你被录取了
真的？
我的天
恭喜……
菲比
你的约会怎么样?
你知道……
对，我的确清楚
你偷听我们约会
偷听?菲比
天花板的瓷砖都快掉下来了
对不起
但我真的是很喜欢他
我想他也很喜欢我
也许他只是…
跳弹簧床跳得很爽
也许弹簧床也被跳得很爽
好吧，到此为止
他不能这样对菲比
我要狠狠揍这家伙一顿
但他个子很高大吗？
我们一起去，来
谢谢你们，谢谢
别担心
老天，希望他们痛扁他一顿
亲爱的，我很遗憾
如果这可以给你一点安慰…
听起来他跟你在一起比较开心

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