《老友记》Friends【中英对照】【5.16连载105L】_派派后花园

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 20楼发表于: 2014-03-11 0

120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there.]
Chandler: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr.Peanut than Mr.Salty.
Joey: No way! Mr.Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, thetoughest snack there is.
Ross: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy.
Monica: (looking out of the window) Oh my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us!
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: How can people do that?... (All but Phoebe walk away from the window in disgust.) Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Monica: So have you called her yet?
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? (The girls make disgusted noises.) It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? (To the guys) I'm right, right?
Joey and Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle.
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the phone.) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. (Calls her, then hurriedly hangs up.) I got her machine.
Joey: Her answer machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.
Phoebe: So, uh, why didn't you say anything?
Chandler: Oh, no-no-no-no. Last time I left a spontaneous message I ended up using the phrase "Yes indeedy-o."
Monica: Look look! It's Rachel and Barry. No, don't everybody look at once!
Ross: Okay, okay, what's going on?
Phoebe: Okay, they're just talking...
Ross: Yeah, well, does he look upset? Does he look like he was just told to shove anything?
Phoebe: No, no actually, he's smiling.. and... Oh my God, don't do that!!
Ross: What? What? What?!
Phoebe: That man across the street just kicked that pigeon! (Rachel enters.) Oh!
Chandler: (bluffing) And basically, that's how a bill becomes a law.
All: Oh!... Right!
Chandler: Hey Rach!
Monica: How'd it go?
Rachel: Y'know, it was, uh.. it was actually really great. He took me to lunch at the Russian Tea Room, and I had that chicken, where y'know you poke it and all the butter squirts out...
Phoebe: Not a good day for birds...
Rachel: Then we took a walk down to Bendall's, and I told him not to, but he got me a little bottle of Chanel...
Ross: That's nice... now, was that before or after you told him to stop calling, stop sending you flowers and to generally leave you alone, hmm?
Rachel: Right,.. well,.. we never actually got to that... Oh, it was just so nice to see him again, y'know? It was comfortable, it was familiar... it was just nice!
Ross: That's, that's nice twice!
Monica: Rachel, what's going on? I mean isn't this the same Barry who you left at the altar?
Joey: Duh, where've you been?
Rachel: Yeah, but it was different with him today! And he wasn't, like, Orthodontist Guy, y'know? I mean, we had fun! Is there anything wrong with that?
(Ross 'prompts' Chandler by hitting him on the arm.)
Chandler: Yes!
Rachel: Why?
Chandler: I have my reasons.
Monica: Okay, how about the fact that he's engaged to another woman, who just happens to be your ex-best friend?
Rachel: All right. All right, all right, all right, all right, I know it's stupid! I will go see him this afternoon, and I will just put an end to it!
[Scene: Barry's Office, the post-coital Barry and Rachel are recovering on the chair.]
Rachel: Wow... Wow!
Barry: Yeah.
Rachel: I'm not crazy, right? I mean, it was never like that.
Barry: Nooo, it wasn't.
Rachel: Ooh, and it's so nice having this little sink here...
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there except Rachel.]
Chandler: (on phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye-bye. (Hangs up.) Oh God!
Monica: That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Chandler: Oh, uh.. I want her to think I might be in a restaurant.. y'know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.
Monica: (looking out the window) Look look! He's doing it again, the guy with the telescope!
Phoebe: Oh my God! (Walks to the window) Go away! (Gesturing.) Stop looking in here!
Monica: Great, now he's waving back.
Joey: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff!
Monica: What kinda stuff?
Joey: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked.
Phoebe: You cook naked?
Joey: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters.
(A pause as they look at Chandler.)
Chandler: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.
[Scene: Barry's Office, Rachel and Barry are getting married.]
Barry: What's the matter?
Rachel: Oh, it's just... Oh, Barry, this was not good.
Barry: No, it was. It was very very good.
Rachel: Well, what about Mindy?
Barry: Oh, way, way better than Mindy.
Rachel: No, not that, I mean, what about you and Mindy?
Barry: Well, if you want, I'll just—I'll just break it off with her.
Rachel: No. No-no-no-no, no. I mean, don't do that. Not, I mean not for me.
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, Bobby Rush is here for his adjustment.
Barry: (into intercom) Thanks, Bernice. (To Rachel) Let's go away this weekend.
Rachel: Oh, Barry..! Come on, this is all way too..
Barry: We can, we can go to Aruba! When I went there on what would have been our honeymoon, it was, uh... it was really nice. You would've liked it.
(Pause as Rachel realises...)
Rachel: I had a bra.
(Barry finds it draped on a cupboard and gives it to Rachel, they kiss as Bobby enters.)
Bobby: Hey, Dr. Farber.
(Rachel and Barry quickly split and pretend Barry is examining Rachel's mouth.)
Barry: All right Miss Green, everything looks fine... Yep, I think we're starting to see some real progress here.
(Bobby looks on, deadpan.)
Rachel: What?!
Bobby: I'm twelve, I'm not stupid.
(Rachel glares at him.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters clutching his phone.]
Chandler: Can I use your phone?
Monica: Yeah.. uh, but for future reference, that thing in your hand can also be used as a phone.
(Chandler dials his own phone and it rings.)
Chandler: Yes, it's working! Why isn't she calling me back?
Joey: Maybe she never got your message.
Phoebe: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
Chandler: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...
Ross: ...desperate, needy, pathetic?
Chandler: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.
(He calls and quickly hangs up.)
Phoebe: How many beeps?
Chandler: She answered.
Monica: Y'see, this is where you'd use that 'hello' word we talked about.
Chandler: I'm not gonna talk to her, she obviously got my message and is choosing not to call me. Now I'm needy and snubbed. God, I miss just being needy.
(Rachel enters.)
All: Hey! Hi!
Phoebe: How'd he take it?
Rachel: Pretty well, actually... (Wandering into the kitchen.)
Monica: (wandering in after her) Uh, Rach... how come you have dental floss in your hair?
Rachel: Oh, do I?
Monica: Uh huh.
Rachel: (in a low voice) We ended up having sex in his chair.
Monica: You had sex in his chair?!... I said that a little too loudly, didn't I?
Ross: You-you had what?
Phoebe: Sex in his chair.
Ross: What, uh... what were you thinking?
Rachel: I don't know! I mean, we still care about each other. There's a history there. 'S'like you and Carol.
Ross: No! No no, it is nothing like me and Carol!
Rachel: Please. If she said to you, "Ross, I want you on this couch, right here, right now," what would you say?
(Ross flounders.)
Chandler: If it helps, I could slide over.
Ross: It's, it's, it's, uh, a totally diferent situation! It's, it's apples and oranges, it's, it's orthodontists and lesbi- I gotta go.
Phoebe: Where are you going?
Ross: (leaving) I just have to go, all right? Do I need a reason? Huh? I mean I have things to do with my life, I have a jam packed schedule, and I am late- for keeping up with it. Okay?
(Ross exits, a phone rings, and Chandler dives for his phone.)
Chandler: Hello? Hello?
(Rachel picks up their phone and the ringing stops. As she talks on the phone, an elaborate visual gag is spun out which is too difficult to describe in words.)
Rachel: (on phone) Hello?(Listens) Mindy! Hi! Hey, how are you? (Listens) Yes, yes, I've heard, congratulations, that is so great. (Listens) Really? (Listens) Oh. (Listens) Okay. Okay, well I'm working tomorrow, but if you want you can, you can, you can come by and... (Listens) Okay... (Listens) Great... (Listens) Great... (Listens) All right, so I'll, so I'll see you tomorrow! (Listens) Okay.. (Listens) Okay... (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up and sits down heavily.) Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
Chandler: So how's Mindy?
Rachel: Oh, she wants to see me tomorrow...Oh, she sounded really weird, I gotta call Barry... (Does so, on phone) Hi, it's me, I just.. Mindy!! Mindy! Hi! No, I figured that's where you'd be!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning. Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone. Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]
Monica: Brrrrrrr!
(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)
Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.
Joey: (entering) He's back! The peeper's back!
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Joey: (ducking) Get down!
Rachel: Get down?
Chandler: ...And boogie!
Rachel: Thanks, but I gotta go to work and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.
Monica: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know.
Rachel: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven months, and now she calls me? I mean, what else is it about? Oh! She was my best friend, you guys! We went to camp together... she taught me how to kiss..
Joey: (intrigued) Yeah?
Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so..
Joey: ..Naughty!
Rachel: Right, I'll see you guys later...
Joey: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you. Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and.. were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or- (Rachel exits and slams the door in his face.) That's fine, yeah...
(Joey exits.)
Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Monica: Why don't you just take it with you?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?
Monica: Why don't you just call her?
Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.
Monica: Do you?
Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler! (Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen, I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh, idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone. (Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great. (Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.) (to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back. (He starts doing a little jig.) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back...
Monica: Don't you have to pee?
Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters.]
Rachel: Mindy.
Mindy: Hey, you.
Rachel: Hey, you.... So, what's up?
Mindy: Um.. we should really be sitting for this.
Rachel: Sure we should... So.
Mindy: Now, I know things've been weird lately, but you're like my oldest friend in the world... Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere, 'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face. ....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once, and I want a straight answer.
Rachel: Okay.
Mindy: Will you be my maid of honour?
Rachel: Of course!
Mindy: Oh that's so great!
Rachel: Was that all you wanted to ask me?
Mindy: That's all!
Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? What?
Mindy: That's not all.
Rachel: Oh sure it is!
Mindy: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city.
Rachel: Um, what- what would make you think that?
Mindy: Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird, and then last night, he came home smelling like Chanel.
Rachel: (draws back) Really. Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better, when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird thing too.
Mindy: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of!
Rachel: What? What's what you were afraid of?
Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you, he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.
Rachel: What?
Mindy: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me, everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel," and now I feel so stupid.
Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid.
Mindy: What do you mean?
Rachel: (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) Smell familiar?
Mindy: Oh no.
Rachel: Oh, I am so sorry.
Mindy: No me, I am so sorry...
(They hug and Joey enters.)
Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword, Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]
Ross: Four letters: "Circle or hoop".
Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!
Ross: Thanks.
Joey: (entering) Hey, you know our phone's not working?
Chandler: What?!
Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no answer.
Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!
Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.) ... Just pointing out the irony.
Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman- I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?
Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!
Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone? (On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.
Ross: "Heating device."
Phoebe: Radiator.
Ross: Five letters.
Phoebe: Rdtor.
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is? (To the gang) Sidney's a woman.
Monica: So she's a woman! So what?
Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what? (On phone) Look, I live across the street, (walking to the window) and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? (Listens) Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello! (Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like—(Listens)—Thank you, but... that's not really the point... (Listens) The point is that... (Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally..
Monica: Joey!!
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the brunette... (to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other day in the green dress.
Monica: The green dress? Really?
Joey: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day.
Monica: (waves dismissively to Sidney) Nooo!
[Scene: Barry's Office, Barry is preparing his tools alone as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Hey. Got a second?
Barry: Sure, sure. Come on... (Mindy enters) ...in...
Mindy: Hello, sweetheart.
Barry: Uh... uh... what're'you... what're'you guys doing here?
Rachel: Uh, we are here to break up with you.
Barry: Both of you?
Mindy: Basically, we think you're a horrible human being, and bad things should happen to you.
Barry: I'm sorry... I'm sorry, God, I am so sorry, I'm an idiot, I was weak, I couldn't help myself! Whatever I did, I only did because I love you so much!
Rachel: Uh- which one of us are you talking to there, Barr?
Barry: ....Mindy. Mindy, of course Mindy, it was always Mindy.
Rachel: Even when we were having sex in that chair?
Barry: (to Mindy) I swear, whatever I was doing, I was always thinking of you.
Rachel: Please! During that second time you couldn't have picked her out of a lineup!
Mindy: (to Rachel) You did it twice?
Rachel: Well, the first time didn't really count... I mean, y'know, 's'Barry.
Mindy: Okay...
Barry: (to Mindy) Sweetheart, just gimme- gimme another chance, okay, we'll start all over again. We'll go back to Aruba.
Bernice: (over intercom) Dr. Farber, we've got a bit of an emergency here...Jason Costalano is choking on his retainer.
Barry: Oh God... (Into intercom) I'll be right there, Bernice. (to Mindy) Look, please, please don't go anywhere, okay? I'll be, I'll be right back.
(Barry exits)
Rachel: Okay. Okay, we'll be here! Hating you! Did you see how he was sweating when he walked out of there? Listen honey, if I'm hogging the ball too much you just jump right in there and take a couple punches because I'm telling you, this feels great.
Mindy: Yeah... I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna marry him.
Rachel: What are you talking about?! Mindy, the guy is the devil! He's Satan in a smock!
Mindy: Look, I know he's not perfect, but the truth is, at the end of the day, I still really wanna be Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.
Rachel: Oh God.
Mindy: I hope you can find some way to be happy for me. And I hope you'll still be my maid of honor...?
Rachel: And I hope Barry doesn't kill you and eat you in Aruba.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.]
Monica: You okay?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Really?
Rachel: Yeah! Y'know, ever since I ran out on Barry at the wedding, I have wondered whether I made the right choice. And now I know.
Monica: Aww... (They hug)
(Joey enters and looks on approvingly.)
Joey: Big day.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: All right, I'll give you this, Mr. Peanut is a better dresser. I mean he's got the monocle, he's got the top hat...
Phoebe: You know he's gay?
Ross: I just wanna clarify this: are you outing Mr. Peanut?
Danielle: (entering) Chandler?
Chandler: Danielle! Hi! Uh- everybody, this is Danielle, Danielle, everybody.
All: Hi. Hi.
Chandler: What are you doing here?
Danielle: Well, I've been calling you, but it turns out I had your number wrong. And when I finally got the right one from Information, there was no answer. So I thought I'd just come down here, and make sure you were okay.
Chandler: ...I'm, I'm okay.
Danielle: Listen uh, maybe we could get together later?
Chandler: That sounds good. I'll call you- or you call me, whatever...
Danielle: You got it.
Chandler: Okay.
Danielle: G'bye, everybody.
All: Bye.
Phoebe: Whoo-hoo!
Monica: Yeah, there you go!
Ross: Second date!
Chandler: ...I dunno.
Rachel: You don't know?!
Chandler: Well, she seems very nice and everything, but that whole thing about her coming all the way down here, just to see if I was okay? I mean,... how needy is that?
(They all groan and hit him..)
End

120 风流牙医

我真不敢相信你会这么说
我是盐先生而非花生先生?
才怪，盐先生是个水手
他应该是最顽强的点心
我不知道
你不会想和玉米作对的
它们简直是疯了
上帝呀
有个变态拿着望远镜
我真不敢相信他在看我们
真呕心
我感觉被冒犯了而且很不爽
怎会有人这样?
你们看，丑陋裸男有双重力鞋
告诉你们
几年后学童将会
把它奉为第一次约会的经典加以研读
它太令人无法置信
我们可以完全作自己
无须再玩任何游戏
你打过电话给她没?
让她知道我喜欢她?
你疯了不成
制片：陶德史帝芬
真的
才第二天你要我显得多渴望?
对吧?
对,让她慢慢等吧
我无法相信我爸妈
强迫我找你们这种男人
快，拿起电话打给她
别摆出一付臭男人的样子
对了，旧金山真有这道菜
是机器
她的答录机?
不，真有意思，是落叶机清扫机
你为何不说话?
不行
上次我留话时
结果说了”对，的确”
看，是瑞秋和巴瑞
不，别一起看
怎么了?
他们只是在讲话
是吗?他是否神情落寞?
他是否像被告知去死的样子?
没有，而且他正在微笑
我的老天,不要那样干?
怎么啦?
对街的男人踢了一只鸽子
这就是法案成为法律的原因
瑞秋
情况如何?
好极了
他带我到俄国茶室吃饭
我点了那种鸡肉
一刺就有奶油啧出来的那种
今天真不是鸟儿的好日子
然后我们去精品店
我告诉他不要他还是买了香奈儿给我
真体贴
是在你跟他说之前还是之后送的
叫他别再打电话来
别再送你花，别再来烦你?
老实说我没机会开口
能再见到他的感觉真好
感觉是那么自在而熟悉
感觉真好
你已讲了两遍
瑞秋，你是怎么了?
他不是在圣坛前被你甩掉的巴瑞吗?
你上哪儿去了?
今天和他在一起感觉不同
他今天不像是牙医
我们玩得很开心
这样有什么不对吗?
当然!
为什么?
我有我的理由
他订婚的对象是你前任的知己呢?
好吧好吧好吧
我知道这样做很傻
我下午去找他谈分手
我不疯狂吧?我从未像这样
从未
这儿有个小水槽真好
丹妮尔
没想到是答录机接的
有空请回电
再见
你这两小时都在忙这个?
我在演练
和盘子有何关系?
我要她以为我在餐厅
我过着不错的生活
不是只在这儿演练数小时的样子
看，又是那个拿望远镜的人
拜托，走开，别再往这儿看
这下可好，他也挥手了
我们得想办法阻止他
早上我逮到他往这儿看
真是令我毛骨惊然
我感觉自己无法办事
什么样的事情呀?
成熟点行吗？
我不是指性
我只是光着屁股做饭
你光着屁股做饭?
对，吐司，燕麦
不会溅出来的东西
看我干嘛?我毫不知情
怎么了?
巴瑞,这样不好
不,不
是非常非常好
明蒂呢?
我们干得比明蒂好多了.
不，我是指你和明蒂
如果你愿意我就和她分手
万万不行，别那样做
别为我那样做
法大夫,巴比来做调整
谢谢
我们周末去渡假
巴瑞,这样太…
不,或许我们可以去阿鲁巳
我在”蜜月”时去过了
感觉很棒，你一定会喜欢的
我本来有穿胸罩
法大夫
格林小姐,看来一切正常
进步许多
干嘛?
我十二岁了,我不笨
能借用你的电话吗?
可以,不过...
我指点你一下
你拿的那支也是电话
这电话没问题啊
她为何不回电?
或许她没听到你的留言
如果愿意你可以打给她的留言机
如果听见许多哔声
那代表她或许没听见留言
难道你不认为这样会使我感觉有点…
绝望，渴望，可悲?
你显然看过我的征友启事
哔几声?
她接的
此时你该向她打招呼才对
我不能跟她讲话
她显然听到我的留言而且选择不回电
我既渴望又被人冷落
我真想念纯渴望的滋味
嘿,他表现如何?
还不错
瑞秋
你头发上为何有牙线?
有吗?
我们在他椅子上做爱
你们在他椅子上做爱?
我是否说得太大声?
你们什么?
在他椅子上做爱
你到底在想什么?
我也不知道
我们仍在乎对方
我们曾相爱过
就像你和卡萝一样
不，不像我和卡萝
拜托
如果她说：罗斯我要你躺在这沙发上
此时此地，你会怎么回答?
如果需要我可以过去点
这完全是两回事
这是苹果和橘子
牙医和女同志
我走了
你要上哪儿去?
我就是要走，行吗?
需要理由吗?
我有自己的人生要过
我有许多事要做
我已经被某事给耽误了
明蒂，你好
对，我听说了，恭喜
这真是太好了
我明天要上班
如果愿意可以到店里
太好了
明天见了
天呀天呀天呀
明蒂好吗?
她明天想见我
她的语调好诡异
我得打电话给巴瑞
是我，明蒂
不，我想你可能会在那儿
你这种人都该下地狱
偷窥狂又出现了，蹲下
蹲下?
接着跳舞.
谢谢
我得去上班
接受明蒂的审判
放轻松，或许她还不知道
拜托，我们七个月来没连络过
她突然打电话来还会有什么事呢?
她曾是我最要好的朋友
我们一起去夏令营
她教我如何亲吻
是吗?
如今我像是成第三者
我感觉自己很…
不守规矩？
回头见了
等等，我和你一起出去
她在夏令营时教你亲吻
你穿着制服,或着...
没事了..
我要上洗手间
帮我守着电话好吗?
你何不带进去?
我们还没第二次约会
她需要听到我尿尿的声音吗?
何不干脆打给她?
我已留言，不能打给她
我有男性的尊严
你有吗?
没有.
丹妮尔，我是钱德
我很好
我不知道你是否打过电话给我
因为我这个白痴不小心把电话关了
好，太好了
她正在讲电话
等一下会回我电话
她正在讲电话
等一下会回我电话…
你不想尿了?
这就是我跳舞的原因
明蒂
什么事?
我们需要坐下来谈谈
当然啦,
那么...
我感觉最近有点奇怪
你是我认识最久的朋友
除了萝瑞之外
我和她已没有往来
她虽已减肥成功脸蛋依然丑陋
我只问你一次而且你要爽快的回答
愿意当我的伴娘吗?
当然!
太好了
你只想问我这件事?
对,就这样
怎么了?
怎么了?
不，不只这样
我认为巴瑞有其他的女人
你怎会这样想?
宣布订婚后他就变了样
昨晚他回家时有香奈儿的味道
真的?
如果这样能让你好过点
我和巴瑞订婚时他也变了样
瞧，这就是我最担心的
什么?你担心什么?
巴瑞和你订婚时
我跟他正在偷偷恋爱
什么?
我知道，他向我求婚时
每个人都劝我别接受
他会待你像瑞秋一样
如今我只觉得自己好笨
明蒂，你真笨
我们两人都笨
什么意思?
是不是熟悉的味道?
抱歉…
不,是我抱歉…
四个字母，圈圈或圆圈（填字游戏）
快响呀,该死的,快响呀.(ring)
谢啦.
我们的电话坏了
什么?
我从咖啡店打给你没有应答
我关机了
天啊，我关机了
和你告诉她的一样
真是讽刺
我和对街门房谈过了
他告诉我那偷窥狂的名字
电话能借用吗?
电话能借用吗?
请帮我查辛尼马克斯的电话
热装置?（填字游戏）
散热器
五个字母
是辛尼吗?
辛尼是个女的
是女的又怎样?
对，那又怎样?
我住在对街
我注意到你拿着望远镜
而且我很不喜欢你这样.
我现在就看的见你
如果我要穿着内裤在室内走
我无须感觉…谢谢
那不是重点
重点是…大部份时间无所谓，但是偶尔......
乔伊！
对，我邻居
对，黑褐色头发
她说你穿绿色套装很好看
绿色套装?真的?
对，她说你像英格丽褒曼
少来啦!
嘿
嘿
有时间吗?
进来呀
亲爱的
你们来干什么?
我们是来和你分手的
你们两个?
基本上我们认为你是个大烂人
你该遭到天打雷劈
对不起…我是个白痴
我是个懦夫，我无法自拔
不管我做什么都是因为太爱你了
巴瑞，你是指哪一个?
明蒂
当然是指明蒂
我一直深爱着明蒂
即使我们在你椅上做爱?
我发誓，不论我做什么我想的都是你
拜托，第二回合时你连她姓啥都忘了
你们做了两次?
第一次不算，你了解巴瑞的
我懂
明蒂，我亲爱的
再给我一次机会
我们再重新来过
我们再到阿鲁巴去
我们再到阿鲁巴去
法大夫，紧急状况
强森被自己的牙套噎到了
拜托，我马上去
请别离开，我马上回来
我们会在这儿的
在这儿恨你
看见他走出去时满身大汗没?
这样吧，我去抓住他
然后你狠狠打他几拳
那感觉一定很爽
是吗?我还是想嫁给她
你在说什么?
明蒂，那家伙是个恶魔
是个衣冠禽兽
我知道他并不完美
老实说我还是想当个医生夫人
医生夫人
我的天
希望你能为我高兴
我希望你还愿意当我的伴娘
我希望巴瑞在阿鲁巴不会将你宰了然后吃掉
你还好吗?
是的
真的?
真的.
自从我在婚礼上抛下巴瑞
我一直在想这决定是否正确
如今我已得到答案
我真为你高兴
好日子啊
告诉你花生先生的穿着比较讲究
他有单片眼镜，高帽
你知道他是个男同志吗?
我只想知道你判花生先生出局了?
钱德?
丹妮尔,你好
各位，这是丹妮尔
丹妮尔，这是大家
你为何会出现在这儿?
我一直打电话给你都一直打错号码
最后问查号台知道你的号码
却没人接电话
我想来看看你是否无恙
我没事
或许我们改天可以见个面
这主意不错，我再打给你
或是你打给我,怎么都可以
一言为定
再见了，各位
真棒
第二次约会?
我不知道
你不知道?
她好像很不错
她大老远来这儿只想确定我没事
有这必要吗?

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 21楼发表于: 2014-03-12 0

121 The One With The Fake Monica

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is looking at papers.]
Joey: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number?
Monica: I have no idea. But look how much they spent!
Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: I know. It's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That's me.
Phoebe: Oh! The yuk! Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the sofa)
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping! Now Marcel, come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-
Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! I'll get him.
Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping.
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase.
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey...
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!
Ross: What?
Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges from her room.]
Rachel: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing.
Monica: This woman's living my life.
Rachel: What?
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.
Rachel: You're not an artist.
Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.
Rachel: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things.
Monica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.
Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'...
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?
Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo...
Monica: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are discussing stage names.]
Chandler: How about Joey... Pepponi?
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Joey... Switzerland?
(The waitress brings their coffee.)
Joey: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.
Chandler: Joe...Joe...Joe...Stalin?
Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds familiar.
Chandler: Well, it does not ring a bell with me...
Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good.
Chandler: Might wanna try Joseph.
(Joey visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.)
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
Chandler: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Monica: (Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap class.
Rachel: What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?
Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she is.
Rachel: Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, Monica, y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, this is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, for the love of God, Monica, don't do it!! ...Thank you.
[Scene: A Tap Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Monica: What d'you think?
Phoebe: Lotsa things.
(They go in and sit down.)
Rachel: Which one do you think she is?
(The teacher comes up to them.)
Teacher: May I help you?
Monica: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe.
Teacher: You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. Spare shoes are over there.
Rachel: What does she mean?
Phoebe: I think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon. (They put on some spare shoes)
Monica: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me?
Teacher: (To the class) People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again!
Rachel: She could be you.
(Music starts)
Teacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight...
(Everyone starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)
Monica: Okay, I'm not getting this!
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) I'm totally getting it!
Monica: Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated?
(Rachel taps into view; she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)
Rachel: What? You just click when they click.
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab a partner.
(The girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm with Rachel.
Monica: Great. It's gym class all over again.
Phoebe and Rachel: Aww.
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and dance with me.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare.
(She starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Woman: It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am. Who's the new tense girl?
Teacher: She's your partner.
Woman: Hi. I'm Monica.
Monica: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo- ...nana.
Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana?
Monica: Yeah. It's Dutch.
Fake Monica: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. (Asks her something in Dutch)
Monica: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.
Teacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight...
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering.]
Ross: (Mortified) Hi.
Chandler and Joey: Hey.
Joey: Where've you been?
Ross: At the vet.
Chandler: She's not gonna make you wear one of those big plastic cones, is she?
Ross: She says Marcel's humping thing's not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: (To Chandler) Hey! He beat ya.
Ross: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting agressive and violent.
Chandler: So what does this mean?
Ross: I'm gonna have to give him up.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier. They guys are sitting there like the Three Monkeys.]
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!
Chandler: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already?
Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right? But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y'know, he's out of state. Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach. I mean, it's a total party zoo.
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)
Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Did you call the cops?
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Monica: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spirit.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.
Chandler: ...Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Rachel: No way. No way did you do this.
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.
Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room six fifteen. Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over the entire sixth floor!
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up. (Exits)
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: 'Scuse me?
Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats. I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.
Monica: What?
Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do.
Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, tiem lapse. Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.]
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton. (To the others) That was like our safety zoo. They take like dogs and cows. See? I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.
Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him?
Rachel: Oh, somebody will.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Chandler: You're kidding.
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've.
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
Phoebe: ...Flame Boy.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Ross: Where exactly is your zoo?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
Ross: Yes.
Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals?
Ross: No-no, he's, he's very docile.
Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered?
Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why?
Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.
Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing...
Chandler: ...He's in.
Ross: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego!
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean, San Diego's all well and good, but if you give him to me, I'll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you twenty percent of the gains.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is dusting. She comes to the table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them, then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in, obviously drunk.]
Monica: Yo- hooo!
Rachel: Where the hell've you been?
Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.
Rachel: Are you drunk?!
Monica: Noooo! (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying. I am so drunk.
Rachel: Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you could've called, I have been up here, I've been worried...
(Monica is drinking from the tap)
Rachel: Monica? Monica!
Monica: Water rules!
Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?
Monica: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today.
Rachel: Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your job! This is not you!
Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that. I'm- I'm Monana!
(The phone rings and Rachel answers)
Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
Monica: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks.
Rachel: What?
Monica: They've arrested Monica.
[Scene: New York City Department of Correction, Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
Monica: Hi.
Fake Monica: Hey.
Monica: How are you?
Fake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How-how did you know I was here?
Monica: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you were using.
Fake Monica: That I was not expecting.
Monica: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in.
Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks.
Monica: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theater!
Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.
Monica: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?
Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Monica: Well, not... worried, just... wondering.
Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were, because that's who you are.
Monica: Not necessarily...
Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.
Monica: Um, I'm not actually Amish.
Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?
[Scene: Tap Class, Monica is standing by the door.]
Teacher: You by the door. In or out?
Monica: In. (She joins in the dancing. She still flounders)
Teacher: You in the back, you're getting it all wrong!
Monica: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it!
[Scene: The Airport, everyone but Monica is there to see off Marcel.]
PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A.
Phoebe: Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane.
Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh!
Chandler: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Ross: Just, just say what you feel.
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
Ross: That was good.
Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely. (They just stand there, then realise what he means and go to the other end of the room)
Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) Well buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone? Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek...
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.
End

121 假莫妮卡

怎有人知道你的信用卡号码?
我也不知道
你看他们花了多少钱
摩妮卡，冷静一下好吗?
信用卡的人说
你只须付你所买的东西
我知道，他真是挥霍无度
我想他偷去你的信用卡时
根本就已忘了王法
真是个变态
花了69•95元买”神奇拖把”
我买的
真的，它又来
马修，别再侵犯那盏灯了
马修，回来…
不，又到我房里了
我去抓它出来
罗斯，你得想办法阻止
什么?这只是个阶段
我们当时也是这么说乔伊的
你们冷静点行吗?
这又没什么了不起
马修，停，坏猴子
又怎么了?
我只能说
我的好奇乔治玩偶不再好奇
摩妮卡，你还是无法释怀
这女人过着我的生活
什么?
她过着我的生活
而且过得比我好，看
她买的戏票是我一直想看的戏
她买的衣服是我早就想买的
她花了三百块买艺术用品
你又不是艺术家
如果有艺术用品
我或许已是个艺术家
我本来可以的，只是现在不是
导演：盖尔曼库索
摩妮卡，别泄气
你做的工作很酷
真的?我们来做比较，好吗?
现在说”好吗”有点太迟了
我到过公园骑马吗?
我在新学校上过课吗?
没有
这太不公平了
她拥有我想要的一切
而且她没有我妈
乔依帕波尼如何?
不好，太有种族意味了
我的经纪人认为
我该取个中立一点的名字
乔伊瑞士?
而且，我应该就是乔
乔伊让我感觉…
这么大
我不是
乔…乔斯大林?
斯大林，我认识这名字吗?
听得很熟悉.
我没印象
乔斯大林，这名字很好
或许你想试试乔瑟夫
乔瑟夫斯大林
我好像记得这个名字
”别了，鸟儿”乔瑟夫斯大林主演
”屋顶上的提琴手”中的乔瑟夫史达林
对，我是摩妮卡格勒
我想有在你们那里上课
我想知道是哪些课
你在干什么?
太好了，谢谢
我要去上踢踏舞课
这样你就可以
和偷你信用卡的人一起上课?
这女人偷走了我的生活
我应该去看看她是何方神圣
去邮局看
我想她的照片会公布的
摩妮卡，你有点失去理智了
你被这件事所完全操控
这叫疯狂
上帝保佑，摩妮卡别这么做
谢谢
你们怎么认为?
很多
你认为是哪一个?
我能帮你们什么吗?
我们是来参观的
舞蹈课不是参观来的
舞蹈课来跳舞的
那儿有舞鞋
什么意思?
我想她是叫我们进去跳
真的?
好吧
有看见我的分身吗?
各位，上回有人在教室留下酸乳空瓶
希望别再发生那种事
她可能是你
开始吧
我跟不上
我完全融人
你不会觉得
自己有时毫无协调感吗?
怎么了?
只要他们踢的时候你踢就是了
各位找个舞伴
我死去的妈说就是你
我和瑞秋
这下可好
体育课的旧事又重演了
无所谓，你过来和我一起跳
我何不脱下衣服来场恶梦?
没关系，我来了抱歉，我迟到
我来了
那个紧张的新人是谁?
你的舞伴
我叫摩妮卡
摩妮卡
我叫摩娜娜
摩娜娜?
对，是荷兰人的名字
你在开玩笑吧
我在阿姆斯特丹住了三年
我是宾州的荷兰人
开始吧
你上哪儿去了
我刚从兽医回来
她没叫你戴那种塑胶套吧?
她说马修乱性不是暂时的
显然它已性成熟
嘿,它找过你呢
她说它会越来越暴力
侵略性越强
这代表什么?
我们不能再养它了
我真不敢相信，这真是太扯了
我不懂，你才刚养它
它怎会突然性成熟?
我知道，之前它只是个小东西
不知不觉中它就紧抓住我的腿不放
你没有任何办法再饲养它吗?
没办法
她说除非有个地方让它获得正常的猴爱
它会变得愈来愈残暴
我得将它送到动物园
你如何把它送进动物园?
我知道
不，那是教皇进入福斯汽车
我们到处申请
当然大型州立动物园是优先考虑
比方说圣地牙哥动物园
那可能只是遥不可及的梦想
因为它在加州
兽医说她认识迈阿密的朋友
或许有可能
那儿似乎离海滩只有两条街
一定是个疯狂动物园
我们找到她了
你们喊警察了吗?
没有，我们和她吃午餐
你们自己的”自治正义”
你疯了?
那女人偷了你的东西
她是个小偷
和这女人相处十分钟后
你就会把这些全忘了
她简直是奇女子
振奋人心
她可能是从某位啦啦队队员
那儿偷来的
脱下他们的帽子
福斯车上的教皇
我喜欢这个笑话
不可能，你不可能这么做
摩娜娜相当勇敢
真是太疯狂了
我说我们是615房的冈氏姐妹
结果波士顿塞尔提克已包下整个六楼
他们知道我们又矮又有胸部时
他们就把我们轰出来
我被轰出饭店，我
干得好，摩娜娜
不是只有你们活在梦中
我得去为我不认识的人倒咖啡
不用等我了
对了，明天我们要去参加百老汇的试演
什么?
”猫”剧还有一个缺额
我想我们可以去唱”回忆”
让自己当个傻子，如何?
不，记得你身旁的人是谁
我和你不一样
我连站在踢踏舞教室前都有困难
因为你有阿米许的血统
什么?
你不是宾州荷兰人吗?
对，直到我买了吹风机被逐出村里
我过去也和你一样
有一天我看了出改变我人生的电影
看过春风化雨吗?
我认为这电影实在是太…
无聊了
那孩子在电影的结局时自杀
只因他无法演出话剧?
这是在干什么?
他再等一年离家，到社区话剧团去
走出电影院时我想
我这逝去两小时的生命
永远不再回
这想法震惊了我
从此我便及时行乐
那么我不敢推荐”窈充奶爸”了
上帝
我们进不了斯克兰顿了
那是我们最后的选择
他们连狗和牛都收
我不懂是我还是它比较难受
我想应该椅子最可怜
马修…不
乖，为何没人要它?
一定有人会要的
早就有人叫乔瑟夫斯大林了
开什么玩笑
显然他是屠杀各种民族的俄国独裁者
你怎么会不知道
是啊
菲此你认为我该取什么艺名?
火焰男孩
你的动物园在哪儿?
就技术上而言不算是动物园
而是一种互动式野生动物体验
我想请教你几个问题
我想请教你几个问题
它会和其他动物打架吗?
不会的，它非常温驯
如果被逼进角落里去时呢?
我不知道，干嘛问?
它掌控小东西的能力为何?
它会拿香蕉如果你是这意思的话
铁槌或小刀呢?
为什么?为何要小刀?
面对狮虎或有角的动物
你得拿些东西给它自我防卫
否则就太残忍了
它能去圣地牙哥了
什么?
我们散步回来声见电话铃响
然后它就录取了
听见没，马修，是圣地牙哥
你大错特错了
圣地牙哥环境良好没错
如果你把它交给我
我就能训练它对抗瞎眼的兔子
而且我还可以给你百分之二十的门票收入
你到底跑哪儿去了?
我和摩妮卡刚跑去参加大使馆舞会
你喝醉了?
才没有呢
骗你的，我醉醺醺的
摩妮卡，你该打通电话回来的
我一直在家里担心你
摩妮卡
好过瘾
没错
餐厅今天又来电了
他们想知道你还要不要去上班
不去
我今天要去大苹果马戏团
摩妮卡，你在干什么?
你快丢掉工作了，你变了
不，这正是我
我不只是那种必须拍松枕头
帐单一来立刻去缴款的人
和她在一起
我就超越了那种人
我是摩娜娜
对，她在，等等
摩娜娜，你的电话
信用卡公司打来的
是吗?天那
谢谢
怎么了?
他们已逮到摩妮卡
你好吗?
不太糟
幸好我喜欢蓝色
你怎会知道我在这儿?
因为我是摩妮卡格勒
你用的是我的信用卡
真是没想到
我想让你知道
去报案的人不是我
谢谢你
你带给我太多了
如果不是你
我就不可能在冬园剧场唱”回忆”
老实说你只开口唱了"回"而已
我不敢相信你会在这儿
失去你我该怎么办?
谁会和我去大使馆宴会
谁带我去大苹果马戏团?
摩妮卡
我在一堆女人
面前尿尿展开一天的生活
你却担心没人带你去看马戏?
不是担心，只是怀疑
没什么好怀疑的
你继续做你自己
因为那才是真正的你
那没必要呀.
那很必要.
我不知道是为什么
或许和你是阿米许人有关
我不是阿米许人
真的?为何你那么怪?
门旁的那个，加不加入?
加人
后面的，你完全跳错了
至少我在跳
这是飞往圣地牙哥67班机
最后一次的登机通知
请在42A门登机
再见了，小猴子
我写了一首诗给你
上飞机后才能吃
谢谢你，菲此阿姨
再见了
我知道圣地牙哥那儿
你将有许多漂亮美眉
记得要学习的也很多
我不知该说什么，罗斯
它是一只猴子
说出你的感觉就成了
马修，我饿了
这句不错
马修，给你的
这是给你在飞机上玩的
如果不介意我想和它独处
当然可以
马修，过来
小兄弟，就这样了
我只想说几句话
我会想你的
我不会忘记你的
在我心中你不只是一只宠物
你更是...
马修，能放开我的腿吗?
能暂时不要乱来吗?
马修…带它走好吗?
带它走
希望我是你手上的手套
这样我就能抚摸你的脸颊
行，谢谢
下一位
我来试”马丘修”的角色
名字?
麦克葛罗尼

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 22楼发表于: 2014-03-12 0

122 The One With the Ick Factor

(Scene: Central Perk. Everyone is there.)
Monica: Tell him.
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Tell him, tell him.
Monica: Just...please tell him.
Rachel: Shut up!
Chandler: Tell me what?
Monica: Look at you, you won't even look at him.
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, come on tell me. I could use another reason why women won't look at me.
Rachel: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...
Phoebe: Doing it on this table. (points at the table)
Chandler: Wow!
Joey: Exellent dream score.
Ross: Why, why, why would you dream that?
Chandler: More importantly, was I any good?
Rachel: Well, you were pretty damn good.
Chandler: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm allways surprisingly inadequate. (Monica pats him on his lap)
Rachel: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.
Ross: I love it, when we share.
(Ross goes over to the counter. Chandler follows him.)
Chandler: You're okay there?
Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and i was somebody else's subconscious.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Chandler is sitting on the table.]
Chandler: Hello Rachel.
Rachel: Get off.
Phoebe: (points at Joey's pen) Uh, uh, gimme. Can you see me operating a drill press?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
(Chandler, Monica and Phoebe looks at him)
Ross: Pheebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?
Phoebe: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients.
Chandler: Pirates again?
Phoebe: No, nothing like that. I was just...such a dummie. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop." And they are.
Joey: Hey, hey, Chan. She could work for you.
Chandler: (sarcasticly) Thanks Joey, that's a good idea.
Phoebe: What... I could, I could do it. What is it?
Chandler: Well, my secretary is gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She is having one of her boobs redused. (Ross looks at her.) It's a whole big boob story.
Phoebe: I could be a secretary.
Chandler: Well, you know Phoebs. I don't know if it's your kinda thing, because it involves a lot of being normal. For a large portion of the day.
Phoebe: I could do that.
(Ross's beeper goes off)
Rachel: What are you playing with?
Ross: Oh, it's my new beeper.
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?
Monica: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'
Ross: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.
Chandler: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.
Monica: All right, I'll see you guys later. (raises)
Rachel: Off to see young Ethan?
Monica: Thank you.
Joey: How young is young Ethan? Young?
Monica: He's... our age.
Chandler: When we were?
Monica: Okay, he's a senior in college.
Ross: College?
Chandler: Whoa! And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
Monica: No, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22.
All: What?
Monica: Oh, I can't pass for 22?
Phoebe: Well, maybe 25-26.
Monica: I am 26.
Phoebe: There you go.
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are there when the phone starts ringing.]
Chandler: Can you hear that?
Phoebe: (plays with a thumbtack remover) Yeah?
Chandler: See that'll stop when you pick up the phone.
Phoebe: Oh. Uh, I'm on. (picks up the phone)
Phoebe: (with a deep voice) Mr. Bing's office. (Listens) No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.
Chandler: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.
Phoebe: Will he know what this is in reference to? (Listens) And he has your number? (Listens) All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: Ross says hi.
Chandler: Ah!
Phoebe: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?
Chandler: Well, now, I actually have to get to work.
Phoebe: Most likely. (raises and goes toward the door) Okay, I'm gonna be out there.
Chandler: Okay.
Phoebe: All right. Bye bye.
Chandler: Bye bye.
(The intercom buzzes)
Chandler: (answering it) Yes?
Phoebe: Whatcha doin'?
Chandler: Ooh. (leans against the desk)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there. Monica is just finishing cleaning the windows.]
Monica: Windows are clean, candels are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? (goes over to the kitchen to check on the dinner) No, cause I made lasagne. (to Rachel) Am I out of control?
Rachel: Just a touch. Mon, I don't understand. I mean, you've been dating this guy since like, what... his midterms? I mean, why all the sudden are you so... Oh.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Could tonight be the Night?
Monica: I don't know. Look he's a great guy and I love being with him but... you know. Things happen, and they happen. You don't plan these things.
Rachel: So, did you shave your legs?
Monica: Yeah.
Rachel: A-ha!
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and Ross are there.]
Joey: Would you let it go Ross. It was just a dream. It doesn't mean...
(Ross's beeper goes off)
Ross: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. Baby time.
Joey: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool.
(Ross dials a number on his cellular phone)
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. (pause) No, Andr?is not here. (to Joey) Third time today. (on phone) Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.
Joey: Services? (Ross looks at him) Oh, services.
Ross: (on phone) Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. (pause) No, belive me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. (pause) All rightie, bye bye.
(Phoebe and Chandler enter)
Joey: Hey, hey. How was the first day?
Phoebe: Oh, exellent. Everyone was so, so nice.
Chandler: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. (Joey and Ross wonder what he means) Me.
Phoebe: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.
Chandler: Why not?
Phoebe: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.
Chandler: What?!
Phoebe: I thought you knew that.
Chandler: Noho. Who doesn't they like me?
Phoebe: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone.
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Chandler: I can't belive it.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. They even do you.
Chandler: They do me?
Phoebe: You know like... uh okay... uh... 'Could that report be any later?'
(Joey and Ross laughs)
Chandler: I don't sound like that.
Ross: Oh, oh Chandler...
Joey: Oh... Yeah, you do.
Ross: 'The hills were alive with the sound of music.'
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs)
Joey: (reaches for hi scones) My scones.
Phoebe, Joey, and Ross: 'My scones.'
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laughs again)
Chandler: Okay, I don't sound like that. That is so not true.
(Joey and Chandler laughs)
Chandler: That is so not... That is so not... That... Oh, shut up!
(Phoebe, Joey and Ross laugh)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Young Ethan are sitting in the couch.]
Monica: Did not.
Young Ethan: I am telling you, up until I was, like nine, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happen.
Monica: How was that possible?
Young Ethan: Well, think about it. It's always on the news. 'A man is being held up, at gunpoint.' 'Tourists are being terrorised, at gunpoint.' And I just kept thinking: why does people continue to go there? (He checks his watch.) Oh, ah. I should go.
Monica: Okay.
(They kiss)
Young Ethan: Okay.
Monica: Unless...
Young Ethan: What?
Monica: Uh, ah. Unless you wanna stay over? I mean, I'm going to, so...
Young Ethan: Yeah, I'd really like that.
(They kiss)
Young Ethan: Uuh, before we get into any staying-over-stuff, there is something you should know.
Monica: Okay, is this like 'I have an early class tomorrow' or 'I'm secretly married to a goat?'
Young Ethan: Well it's somewhere in between. You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not uh..., well I, I mean I haven't ever uh...
Monica: Ethan?
Young Ethan: Yeah?
Monica: Are you a virgin?
Young Ethan: Well, if that's what you kids are calling it these days then, yes I am. I uh, I've kinda been waiting for the right person.
Monica: Really?
Young Ethan: Yeah. You do know I was talking about you, right?
(They kiss)
[Time lapse. They are now in Monica's bedroom, on the bed.]
Young Ethan: Wow!
Monica: You keep saying that.
Young Ethan: You know, you read about it, you see it in the movies. Even when you practice it at home, man oh man, it is nothing like that.
(They kiss)
Monica: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.
Young Ethan: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong.
Monica: No-no. Nothing wrong about that.
Young Ethan: Oh.
Monica: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months.
Young Ethan: Huh!
Monica: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.
(They kiss)
Young Ethan: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said.
Monica: You're not a senior?
Young Ethan: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School.
Monica: Ok...ay.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, continued from earlier.]
Monica: What we did was wrong. Oh god, I just had sex with somebody that wasn't alive during the Bicentennial.
Young Ethan: I just had sex.
Monica: Ethan, focus. How could you not tell me?
Young Ethan: Well, you never told me how old you were.
Monica: Well, that's different. My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states. What were you thinking?
Young Ethan: I wasn't thinking. I was too busy fallin'...
Monica: Don't say it. (closes Ethan's mouth with her hand)
Young Ethan: ...in love with you.
Monica: Really?
Young Ethan: (nods) Sorry.
Monica: Well,fall out of it. You know, you shouldn't even be here, it's a school night. Oh god, oh god. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
Young Ethan: Who?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone exept Monica is there.]
Ross: (on phone) Okay, Andr?should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. (to Phoebe) Just easier that way.
Chandler: Oh, come on. You told me about the last dream.
Rachel: No, forget it.
Chandler: Oh, why not. Was I doing anything particularly... saucy?
Rachel: All right, fine. Um, you were not the only one there. (Camera fades to Ross, who's listening very carefully) Joey was there too.
Joey: All right. (Moves closer.)
Ross: Was there...uh, huh, huh, huh... andybody, anybody else there.
Rachel: No.
Ross: You're sure? Nobody uh, handed out uh, mints or anything?
Rachel: No, it was just the three of us.
Ross: Huh!
Joey: So, tell me. Was it like you and Chandler, and then you and me, or you and me and Chandler?
Rachel: (laughs) You know what?
Joey: What?
Rachel: There were times when it wasn't even me.
(Chandler and Joey laughs, until they look at each other then recoil in horror.)
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys. (hugs them)
(Monica enters, wearing a walkman, so she doesn't hear what the others say)
Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe: Hey, Mon.
Rachel: Mon, Ethan called again. Mon?
All: (shouting) Mon!
(Monica takes of her walkman)
Monica: What?
Rachel: Ethan called again.
Monica: Oh.
Ross: Are you not seeing him anymore?
Monica: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out.
Chandler: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.
(Monica stares at Rachel)
Rachel: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear. He stopped by.
Joey: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest Power Ranger is?
(Ross and Chandler laughs)
Ross: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Ha,ha, ha, oh my life is just so amusing. Could we drop it now?
Joey, Chander, and Ross: Sorry.
Ross: It's morphin time!
Joey: Stegosaurus!
Chandler: Tyrannosaurus!
(They all cross they're arms like the Power Rangers do)
Phoebe: Ooh, oh, I've gotta go. (raises) Whoa, oh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. (sits down, and then raises again) Cool!
Rachel: Where are you going?
Phoebe: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.
Chandler: Work people? Nobody told me.
Phoebe: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravaganza.
Chandler: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.
Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.
Chandler: You think I should?
Phoebe: I really do, yeah.
Chandler: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
Chandler: Okay.
Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.
[Scene: Chandler's office, he and Phoebe are taking a break from work.]
Chandler: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing Ebony and Ivory.
Phoebe: You were great. But they still made fun of you.
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: You know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss," "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss," "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing!"
Chandler: Then, I don't get it.
Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
Chandler: They do?
Phoebe: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.
Chandler: I just wan't to...
Phoebe: No, but you can't.
Chandler: But I just wa...
Phoebe: Uh uh.
[Scene: Central Perk. Everyone exept Phoebe and Chandler is there. Ross's beeper goes off and everyone exept him react.]
Monica: Aren't you gonna...
Ross: Oh, Carol and I have a new system. If she punches in 911, it means she's having a baby, otherwise I just ignore it.
Joey: What about Andr?
Ross: Oh, well this morning he got a call from who I think was our cousin Nathan, and frankly, it was a little more than I needed to know.
(Ethan enters)
Young Ethan: Hey.
Monica: That was gonna be my opener.
Rachel: (understands that Monica and Ethan wanna be alone) Hey, did you guys check out those new hand-dryers in the bathroom?
Ross: I thought that was just a rumour.
Rachel: True story.
Joey: They're here already?
(Rachel, Ross and Ross go to the bathroom)
Young Ethan: All right, look. I've gotta tell you something. I'm not 17. I only said so that you'd think I was cute and vunerable. I'm actually 30, I have a wife, I have a job, I'm your Congressman. Monica, this is ridiculous, we're great together. We can talk, we make each other laugh, and the sex. Oh, man, okay i have no frame of graft, but I thought that was great.
Monica: It was.
Young Ethan: Then, what's the problem?
Monica: Ethan, it's um... it's icky.
Young Ethan: Icky? You're actually gonna throw this away because it's icky?
Monica: This isn't easy for me either. I wish things were different, I... If you were a few years older, or if I was a few years younger, or if we lived in biblical times, I would really...
Young Ethan: No, don't say it. (closes Monica's mouth with his hand)
Monica: ...love you.
(Ross, Rachel and Joey come back from the bathroom. They discover that Monica and Ethan aren't finished talking to each other yet.)
Ross: Are you're hands still wet?
Joey: Uh, moist, yeah.
Rachel: Let's dry 'em again.
(They go to the bathroom again)
[Scene: A hall on the floor where Chandler works. Chandler and Phoebe enters, and overhears some employees's conversation. One of them is doing Chandler.]
Gerston: Uh, like, could these margaritas be any stronger? (They discover that Chandler is listening) Hey, Chandler.
Santos: Hello, Mr. Bing.
Petrie: Loved your Stevie Wonder last night.
Chandler: Thanks. Listen, about the weekly numbers, I'm gonna need them on my desk by nine o'clock.
Santos: Sure.
Gerston: No problem.
(They go away, trying very hard not to laugh at Chandler)
Chandler: You have to give 'em something, you know. Okay, now that was Gerston, Santos, and who's the guy with the moustache?
Phoebe: Petrie.
Chandler: Petrie, right, right. Okay, some people gonna be working this weekend.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is watching TV, but turns it off, and Rachel is sleeping on the couch. Ross puts a blanket over her.]
Rachel: (talking in her sleep) Oooooooooh. (Rachel strokes her hand over the pillow. Ross mimicks her silently) Oh, that's nice. Oh, oh. Huh, Ross!
(Ross gets all excited and starts to dance on the coffee table, but slips allmost immediatly, and falls onto the couch. Rachel wakes up.)
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm here.
Rachel: You are. Well, um... We, we, we were just... Wow!
Ross: What? (his beeper goes off) Great, now I'm having a baby.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Ooh, Ooh.
Rachel: What?
Ross: I'm having... I'm having a baby. (jumps back onto the table again) I'm having a... Where's the phone? The phone?
Rachel: I don't know where the phone is.
(Ross runs from the table, over the couch but slips and falls onto the floor)
Rachel: Ross?
Ross: I'm hurt.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Hallway, Ross is eagerly waiting for the others to get ready, to go to the hospital.]
Ross: Monica, let's go. Come on now people, woman in labor.
(Chandler struts out from his apartment)
Chandler: (doing a little dance) Hey Ross, look what I've got going here.
Ross: Yeah, save it for the cab, okay.
(Rachel comes out from their apartment with a mirror and a lipstick in her hands)
Ross: What are you doing? We're going to a hospital.
Rachel: What, so I can't lokk nice? There might be doctors there.
Ross: Joey, get out of the fridge.
Joey: All right, all right. (he comes out from their apartment with a huge sandwich in his hand)
Ross: What is that? (refering to the sandwich)
Joey: For the ride.
Chandler: Yeah, like in a cab...
Ross: Save it.
Chandler: Okay, hating this.
Ross: Monica, come on now. Let's go, baby coming.
(Monica enters from their apartment, crying)
Monica: I can't belive it, I'm gonna be an aunt. I'm gonna have like a nephew.
Ross: That's nice. Get out Let's go, come on.
Joey: All right, I'm going. I'm going.
(They all go down the stairs, but Ross turns around, looking like his in a coma. The others also turns around to get him.)
Chandler: Here we go, here we go.
Rachel: Rossy, Rossy.
End

122 倒人胃口的约会

告诉他嘛…
对，就告诉他嘛
告诉我什么
你看你，连正眼看他都不肯
拜托，快告诉我
下回女人不看我时我有了新藉口
好吧好吧
昨晚我梦见我和你......
在这桌上做爱
梦中得分
你怎会有这种梦?
最重要的是我棒吗?
简直是棒极了
真有意思
在我梦中我总是力不从心
昨晚你在桌上表现神了
真高兴能与你们分享
你没事吧?
我不敢相信你会在她梦中做爱
抱歉，我只有一次
我醉得不醒人事
而且这是某人的潜意志
好呀,瑞秋
起来
给我
你们能想像操作钻床的我吗?
不知道，你当时穿什么?
不知道，你为何想操作钻床?
只是暂时的工作
直到我找回部份的按摩客户
又是海盗?
没那回事
我是个大笨蛋
我教他们”自己在家动手作按摩”
结果他们就在家里作
嘿，钱德勒，她可以为你工作吗？
谢了，这是个好主意
我可以，是什么工作?
我秘书这几周无法来上班
她去动消乳手术
一言难尽的波霸故事
我可以当个秘书
我不知你是否是这块料
因为这份工作得要表现”正常”
白天要尽量正常
我能办到
你在玩什么?
我的call机
古生物学家要那玩意儿干嘛?
恐龙紧急事件?
救命啊，快来
他们还是绝种了
不，是为卡萝生产买的
她随时可以连络到我
她只需拨个号码55一J●MB0
这号码真酷还能当孩子的名字
各位回头见了
去见伊森小子?
谢谢
伊森到底有多小?
年纪和我们差不多
当我们还是...
他是大学四年级学生
这位小朋友不在乎你的年纪?
当然不在乎
因为我告诉他我22岁
什么?
我不像22岁?
25，26还说得过去
我今年26
那就对了
听见没?
听见了
再不接电话就断了
我来
宾先生办公室
抱歉，他正在开会
我没在开会我在…谁....
他知道这件事吗?
他有你的号码?
好，我会转告他的，再见
什么?
罗斯打来问候的
真好玩
现在做什么?
现在我得开始工作了
"没错"(Magicball显示)
我出去一下
我出去一下,拜拜
拜拜
什么事？
你在干吗?
窗户擦好了,蜡烛点上了
皮带太紧，我得去换一条
鱼翻过了没?
没，因为我做的是千层面
我是否已走火人魔?
一点点
我不懂
你们从他期中考开始约会
突然间你…
我怎么了?
就在今夜?
我不知道
他是个好男孩
我喜欢和他在一起
很难说
事情会发生就是会发生
这种事无法事先计划好
腿毛刮了没?
刮了
罗斯，你就别再折磨自己了
这只是一场梦，不代表…
时候到了，宝宝要出世了
放轻松…冷静点
有人call我？
不，安卓不在这儿
今天已是第三次了
对，我确定
没错，我不做那种服务
服务?
服务
对，你要打的是55一JUMB0
没错
有U的JUMB0
不，先生，相信我你不会想要我的
从他的号码看来
你看到我会大失所望
好吧，再见了
第一天上班如何?
太棒了，每个人都很棒
瞧，认识穿我鞋子的人是有代价的
我
不，我没告诉任何人我认识你
为什么?
因为他们并不喜欢你
什么?
我以为你早知道
不知道
谁不喜欢我?
每个人，除了…
不，是每个人
你在说什么?
别难过
他们过去都很喜欢你
自从你升职后
他们感觉你是上司
大人物，大老板
我简直无法相信
他们甚至还模仿你
模仿我?
对，报告要"何时"才能交来?
我没有那样
你有的
这山谷因音乐而变得生动
我的烤饼
我的烤饼!
我没那样说话
这”不”是真的
这不…闭嘴
不会吧
告诉你，我到九岁时
还以为熗口就是犯罪现场
怎么会
新闻老是报导犯罪事件
某人在熗口下
惊慌的观光被挟持在熗口下
我一直在想为何人总是要那儿去
我该走了
除非
除非你要在这儿过夜
我反正要在这里过夜…
我也很想
我们这样做前我得告诉你
明天一早有课?
还是你已经与什么家伙秘密结婚了？
在这两者之间
就严格的技术上而言
当然，我还没.....
伊森，你是个处男?
如果你们这些孩子
现在这样称呼的话
对，我是个处男
我一直在等待梦中情人出现
是吗？
是的。
你知道我说的就是你吧?
你一直哇个不停
书报杂志，电影上不断出现
甚至在家里练习
跟这感觉实在没得比
听着，难为你肯据实相告
如果你能坦白，我想我也能
别告诉我是我做错了
不，那件事你没做错
我说了
我不是22岁
我是25岁
又13个月
我猜我们之间不会有任何改变
年龄根本就不是距离
在你坦承之际我也有话要说
我比你所知的年纪还小
你不是四年级?
我是四年级
高中
我们错了
我竟和一个在建国两百年国庆
都还没出生的男人做爱
我刚做爱了
伊森，注意听
你为何不早告诉我
你也没告诉我你实际的年龄
那不一样
我的谎言不会使我们成为罪犯
你到底在想什么?
我没在想什么
我忙于...
不准说
爱你
真的？
对不起
走吧，你不该来这儿的
你该在学校过夜的
天啊，我像是专门勾引小帅哥的女人
我成了琼考琳丝
谁?
好，安卓再45分钟就会到
再见
这样省事多了
快，你已告诉我昨晚的梦
不,死了这条心的
为什么?
难道是梦中的我对你过于粗鲁？
好吧
不仅你在场
乔伊也在场
还有......其他人吗?
没了
你确定?旁边没人蠢蠢欲动?
没有，只有我们三个
是你跟钱德勒之后再跟我
还是我们三个同时?
你知道吗?
有几次甚至没有我
真好
摩妮卡…
伊森又来电了
摩妮卡…
-摩妮卡！
什么事？
伊森又来电了
你不想再见到他了?
对，有些事是无法勉强的
这跟他需要假条才能离开学校无关?
我什么都没说，我发誓
他只是顺路过来
下回见到他时
能问闪电侠中最强的是谁?
我的生活简直是太多采多姿了
可以换个话题吗?
对不起。
吗啡时间到了
暴龙!
剑龙!
我得走了
哇哦,脑充血.
再来一次，我就得走了
酷!
你要上哪儿去?
我要去参加同学的生日会
同事?
没人跟我说?
他们不希望你大驾光临
我不懂
一个月前他们是我朋友
当上主管并不代表我会变
那么说你今晚该来
和他们多相处
让他们知道你还是个大好人
你真的认为我该去?
对,你该去
我们能不一起去吗
我不想成为邀请上司的家伙
昨晚真是太棒了，卡拉0K
我和崔西合唱了首”乌木与象牙”
你表现得很好
大家仍然取笑你
什么?
你现在成了”管家婆”上司
我要你上司
”称兄道弟”上司
我更迷糊了
钱德勒，你得面对现实
你像个坐在大办室里的人一样
有权录取他们
也有权开除他们
他们说你是个好上司
是吗?
他们不再是你的朋友
我只是想.....
你不能.
你不是要去…
卡萝和我有了新系统
如果打911就代表她将生产
否则我就根本不理会
安卓呢?
早上他接到我表弟纳森的电话
老实说我知道太多内幕了
那也是我的开场白
你们看过浴室里的新吹风机没?
我以为那只是谣传
千真万确
早就装了
我得和你谈谈
我不是17岁
我这样说
你才会认为我可爱惹人怜
其实我今年30
我有老婆和工作
我是你的国会议员
摩妮卡，这太荒谬了
我们在一起很开心
我们聊天说笑做爱
我虽然经验不多，但一切是那么美
的确是
那么问题出在哪儿?
伊森，那是不能长久的
不能长久?
因为如此你就想放弃?
我是不得已的
我希望情形不是这样
如果你年长几岁，我年轻几岁
或是我们生活在圣经时代
我就可以…
不要说
爱你
你的手还没干?
还是湿的
那就再去烘一次
这些萄葡酒能再“烈”一点吗?
钱德勒
宾先生
我爱你昨晚的史提夫汪达
谢谢
有关这周的数据
九点"之"前请送到我办公室来
没问题
总得给他们些话题嘛
刚刚是格斯顿，山托斯
留胡子的那个叫什么?
派崔，派崔，对
这周末有人得加班了
真好
罗斯
罗斯？
我在这儿
你在?
我们在..
什么?
这下可好，我有宝宝了
我有宝宝了
我有…电话在哪儿?
电话在那儿
罗斯
我受伤了
摩妮卡，快走各位快点，她要生了
罗斯，看这是什么
留着付计程车吧
你在干什么?我们要去医院
我不能漂亮一点吗?那儿或许有医生
乔，别翻冰箱了
那是干吗的?
坐车的时候吃的.
真讨厌，摩妮卡，快，宝宝就要出世了
我真不敢相信
我快当姑姑了
我快有侄子了
真感人，走吧
走吧

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 23楼发表于: 2014-03-12 0

123 The One With the Birth

[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]
Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.
Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet?
Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.
(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)
Joey: Do we have to know about that?
Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.
Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.
(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)
Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?
Chandler: You have to pick your moments.
(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)
Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?
Ross: She's not even here yet.
Monica: What's with the guitar?
Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.
(Carol and Susan arrive.)
Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?
Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.
Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.
Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.
(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.)
Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]
Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.
Carol: Let it go, Ross.
Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)
Ross: (weakly) No.
(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)
Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing?
Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.
Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?
Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.
Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.
Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.
Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.
Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?
Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.
Ross: I'll get it.
Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.
Ross: I got it—I'm getting it!
(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)
Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.
Carol: Thanks.
Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.
Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.
Rachel: Oh, that's funny!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]
Monica: I want a baby.
Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.
Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.
(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)
Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.
(A young pregnant woman enters.)
Lydia: Knick fan?
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.
Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.
Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.
Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?
Lydia: The Celtics.
Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?
Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!
Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!
Lydia: There is no father.
Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!
Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.
Lydia: Ok.
(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]
Phoebe: (singing)
They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
you cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you cry and you cry...
(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)
Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.
Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.
Phoebe: Ok.
(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.
Monica: Did you go home and change?
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?
Monica: No, I haven't seen him.
Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?
Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?
Rachel: Yeah, why?
Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)
[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]
Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?
Joey: Tribbiani.
Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?
Lydia: She's not much of a phone person.
Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?
Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.
Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.
Lydia: Maybe you should.
Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?
(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.)
Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.
Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.
Joey: Oh, it is.
Lydia: It isn't.
Joey: It is.
Lydia: Isn't!
[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]
Ross: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Ross: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Ross: Breathe.
Susan: Breathe.
Carol: You're gonna kill me!
Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12...
Carol: Count faster.
Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.
Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?
Susan: Your son.
Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.
Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.
Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.
Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.
Ross: I got it.
Susan: I got it.
Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.
Susan: No, you don't.
Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.
Ross: Why?
Susan: He started it!
Ross: No, you started it.
Susan: You did!
Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.
Ross: But...
Carol: Now go!
Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.
Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.
Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...
Carol: Out!
(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)
[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]
Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe...
Lydia: Oh, no.
(Joey looks down at Lydia.)
Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!
Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?
Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?
Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.
[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]
Ross: Please. This is so your fault.
Susan: How, how is this my fault?
Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.
Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?
Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.
Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you?
Susan: Yes.
(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)
Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!
Ross: Yeah, Susan.
Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.
(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)
Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]
All: Help!
Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.
[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]
Carol: Are they here yet?
Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?
Carol: Ok.
Rachel: Ok?
Carol: Ok.
Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating.
Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.
[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]
Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. Push! Push!
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.]
Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?
Ross: Help! Help!
Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.
Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]
Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.
(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)
Chandler: Where have you been?
Joey: Oh, just had a baby.
Chandler: Mazel tov!
[Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]
Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?
Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?
Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.
Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.
Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.
Rachel: Oh.
Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?
Rachel: I'm a waitress.
Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...
Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.
Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend.
Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out)
[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]
Lydia: So how did you know I was even here?
Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?
Lydia: No, this is a loaner.
Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.
Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?
Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.
Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad.
(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.]
Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.
Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?
Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.
Phoebe: This is so great.
Ross: You wanna explain that?
Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.
[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]
Carol: Where are they?
Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon.
Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.
Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.
Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.
(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)
Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?
Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.
Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.
Carol: But they're not here yet!
Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.
Carol: Oh, god.
[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]
Ross: Ok, got the vent open.
Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!
Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.
(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)
Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.
(A janitor opens the closet door from the outside.)
Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!
(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)
Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!
[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]
All: Push, push!
Ross: We're here!
Carol: (irked) Where have you been?
Ross: Long story, honey.
Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?
Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!
All: Good luck!
(Everyone heads for the door.)
Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?
Nurse: Out!
Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.
Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?
Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!
Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.
Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.
Susan: What do you see? What do you see?
Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.
Susan: Oh, look at that.
Carol: What does he look like?
Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.
Carol: Really?
Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!
Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!
(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)
[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]
Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.
Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?
Susan: I like Ben.
Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?
Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.
Susan: That's what we were off doing.
(Monica opens the door.)
Monica: Hi.
Ross: Hey.
Monica: Can we come in?
(The whole gang enters.)
Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
Susan: Thanks.
Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.
Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.
Monica: Ross, can I?
(Monica holds Ben.)
Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...
Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as though it were Ben's eyes.]
Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)
(Chandler comes into the picture.)
Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)
(The rest of the group come into the picture.)
Monica: He is so amazing.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.
Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.
Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)
Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?
Ross: No, this is pretty much it.
(long moment of silence)
Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee?
All: Yeah.
Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later.
(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.
(The screen fades to black.)
End

123 本出世

强森大夫，七线电话
她还没来
她将生下我的小孩却还没来
不会有事的
她的羊水破了吗?我不知道
她和我通话时说她已分泌粘液
我们需要知道这一些吗?
乔伊，你有小孩时你会怎么做?
我会在等待室中送雪茄
乔伊准备让他孩子出生在50年代的电影中
我不敢相信她可能会在计程车中生产
罗斯，冷静点第一次收缩收费二块钱
之后每收缩一次收五毛钱
什么?钱德这样说时就没事
你得选对时间
我错过了吗?
没有，她根本还没出现
干嘛带吉他来?
我想我们会在这儿待一阵子
来点音乐
你到底上哪儿去了?
我们中途在礼品店待了一会儿
买什么?
我想买填充玩具苏珊想买”矮胖”
苏珊要矮胖?她就快生小宝宝了
是小宝宝不能中途下车买矮胖
我过去也用那个汽车贴纸
懂我意思吗?
下车买矮胖别介意了，罗斯
我多了一个，想要吗?不想
我最喜爱的父母团队好
法大头
我了解你们在考虑生宝宝的事
我知道你已怀胎九月
这是好的开始
收缩的情况如何?
我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会
我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会
制片：陶德史帝芬
59秒，石英表
瑞士石英表
我能喝饮料吗?
碎冰，只能喝碎冰护士站有
我去拿
不，我去，马上回来不，我去…
我想你或许想喝碎冰谢谢
如果还需要别的…我没见过吧?
我叫瑞秋格林
卡萝前任丈夫妹抹的室友
幸会，我是法大夫
你室友哥哥前妻的医生
真有趣
我要个宝宝
今晚不行，亲爱的我明天得早起
起来，我们去买咖啡
好吧，因为我们没做过
投…或是不进也行
尼克迷?
他们烂透了
女士
看，你的尤恩，漂亮
他连坐在船上都投不进水里
是吗?你支持谁?
是吗?你支持谁?
他们无法投进船…
反正他们很烂
闭嘴，今年是重建年•，
我帮你孩子的爹
我们这儿需要爸爸…
他没有爸爸
抱歉
没关系，我没事
这边洼
所有的孕妇似乎都往这儿走
他们又小又肉摸起来感觉很好
不久他们长大后就会开始恨你
现在他们对你大吼大叫
你不知原因为何
你不知原因为何
谢谢，罗斯
用来叫你停止的好吧
看，是双胞胎，好可爱
不公平，我一个都没有
他们怎会有两个?
你也会有的
是吗?什么时候?
好吧，告诉你
我们40岁时如果都还单身
我们就一起生一个，如何?
为何我40岁时还单身?
不，这只是假设
假设为何我到40岁时还单身?
假设为何我到40岁时还单身?
我有不适婚姻的毛病吗?
这降落伞是个背包
看你，盛装登场
你回家换衣服?
今天是个重要的日子
我想漂亮一点
法大夫…不，我们还没见到他
他在哪儿?他应该在这儿的
万一小孩需要他怎么办?
瑞秋，你和医生到底是怎么了
难道你爸也是个医生?
对，干嘛问?
没理由
没理由
不，我不找他
我不管这是不是他的孩子他是个大浑蛋
不，我不是一个人乔伊在这儿
什么意思?乔伊什么?
什么意思?乔伊什么?
对，等等，她要跟你谈
对，等等，她要跟你谈
对，是我
不，我们只是朋友
对，我单身
25岁，演员
她不擅于讲电话
孩子的爸怎么了?
如果有人即将生下我的孩子
我会想知道的
尼克迷你对爸爸的观点我不在乎
或许吧
祝你好运
保重了
你知道塞尔提克有什么问题?
他们让球员经营球队这不是真的
他们让球员经营球队这不是真的
他们让球员经营球队这不是真的
你们会窖死我的
剩15秒
14，13，12数4央点
你会没事，记得这样做全是为了裘帝
将全力集中在裘帝裘帝到底是谁?
你儿子不，我不要我儿子叫裘帝
我们协议过，我儿子叫洁米
洁米是苏珊第一任女友的名字
所以我们决定还是用裘帝
这是什么意思?
我们根本没讨论过裘帝
我们讨论过洁希寇帝，迪伦时提到一下
我脚抽筋
我脚抽筋
你和她睡觉我来处理抽筋
你不行
够了，你们都给我出去
什么?是她引起的…
我不管，我想生下小孩
你们在这儿根本是愈帮愈忙
卿走
卿走
出去
出去
怎么了?有东西爆炸了
她破水了
冷静点，行吗?
她破水了?什么意思?
什么是破水?
什么是破水?
拜托，都是你的错
怎么说?为什么都是我的错?
你们在一起之前卡萝从未把我赶出房间
是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过
是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过
知道你的问题出在哪儿吗?
你因我而感到岌岌可危
我说的每件事都是问题
我因你而感到岌岌可危?
你到底在说什么?
够了，进去，快
我简直不敢相信你们两个
小宝宝即将诞生在这栋建筑
他听见的第一个声音不该是你们的吵闹声
所以你们别再吵了
对，苏珊
别让我再发一次脾气
我不喜欢我自己这样
谁想听反讽的事?
救命啊…我的宝宝就要诞生
你们都退后
你们都退后
你们都退后
找到人之前我们都会在这儿陪你的
你告诉我巴黎的事真棒
真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁
真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁
加油，莉迪亚，你办得到
加油，莉迪亚，你办得到
我只是…
我只是…
你想干嘛?将门吸开?
你想干嘛?将门吸开?
最后他们终于发现他们的尸体
不，妈，一切顺利
对，罗斯很好
他在其他地方
不，他不见了
不，你们不用飞回来
我唯一的机会?什么意思?
别再说了，行吗?我才26岁
我连小孩的事都没想过
你上哪儿去了?
我刚生了个小孩
了不起
说不定，或许是一小时也可能是三小时
别请放心，她的状况良好
告诉我，目前有对象吗?
没有，现在没有
你呢?没有，我不容易找到对象
对，我听过有关帅哥大夫的传间
没有，真的
我想和我工作有关
我试着不让工作影响我的生活
如果你是我
你从事什么工作?
我是服务生
难道你下班回家后不会觉得…
如果我再看见咖啡杯…
我懂
我去看看你朋友
你怎么会知道我在这儿?
你妈打电话告诉我的
这就是她?不，这是我捡来的
抱歉，让你自己承担这一切
我不是自己一个
我有大夫，护士和善心人士
知道谁赢吗?
尼克胜十分
他们好烂
是吗?他们没那么差劲
可恶…都是你的错
这本来是我今生最快乐的日子
我儿子即将出世
我应该在那儿的
而不是被困在这儿
我所爱的女人就要生
我和你一样期待已久
不，相信我没人像我如此期待
讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家
讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家
大家都知道你是
我是谁?这世上有父亲节，母亲节
却没有女同志节
每天都是女同志节
精彩
愿意解释吗?
因为我小时候我爸离开
我妈过世，我继父入狱
我根本得不到父母的爱
如今他有如此爱他的三个父母
甚至为谁给他的爱最多而吵架
而且他根本还未出世
他真是全天下最幸福的宝宝
抱歉，你们正在吵架
他们在哪儿?
他们很快就会来对，他们不会错过的
对，放轻松
才开九公分宝宝没那么快出来
你吓到我了
谁愿意帮我吗?她想掏出我的心脏
这下可好，有人看见乳头吗?
十公分，开始用力
不要再用力了
他们还没好
抱歉，我无法叫宝宝等他们来
抱歉，我无法叫宝宝等他们来
通气口开了
我是宾
我是医院工人宾
宾前来抢救了
宾，准备好没?
脚给我
数到
数到
数到
你看见什么?
我看见黑暗的通气孔
等等，真的是黑暗的通气孔
菲此，门开了
等等，你们忘了脚
我们来了
你们上哪儿去了说来话长
卡萝，我要你不断用力
抱歉，我能用这个…
这里人太多了
而且待会儿又会多一个
所以不是前任丈夫和女同志终身伴侣者请出去
再见了…祝好运…
我问你，要卡萝的女同志终身伴侣才行吗?
出去
他的头露出来了让我看看…
是头…好大
卡萝，你是怎么办到的?
于事无补
你做得很好…
抱歉
你看见什么?
我何时能见到头，肩膀和手臂都出来了
看，是手指，肚子
是男的
百分百男孩
百分百男孩
他出来了
他是个人
他是个人
他像谁?
像我叔叔艾德，被果冻包着
像我叔叔艾德，被果冻包着
各位，他好漂亮
谢了，菲此
不准大吼
我们仍需要为他取个名字
宾如何?
我喜欢宾
宾，这名字不错
你们之前怎没提过这名字?
刚想出来的
这就是我们不在时做的事
我们能进来吗?
当然，请进
我知道
各位，向你们介绍一个人
他叫宾
宾，这是大家
宾，这是大家
苏珊，他看起来像你
谢谢
天啊，没想到我们之啤有人生宝宝了
我知道，我也是其中之
罗斯
我能吗?
好，头，你必须…
宾，我是你姑姑摩妮卡
没错，我就是你姑姑摩妮卡
我将永远有…牙齿
我将永远有…牙齿
我要你知道有时我会不在
像这样
我会回来
像这样
有时我会离开更久
像这样
我仍会回来
像这样
有时我要你到三垒
我会这样
他太神奇了
对，我知道，你看他
对，我知道，你看他
没反应
我想他不喜欢这名字
看，他闭上眼睛了
看，他张开眼睛了
他不常动吧?
这样已算动了
你们想喝咖啡吗?想…
口引门待会儿见
看，他又闭上眼睛了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 24楼发表于: 2014-03-12 0

124 The One Where Rachel Finds Out

[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is showing pictures of his new baby boy, Ben, to the group.]
Ross: And here's little Ben nodding off...
Monica: Awww, look at Aunt Monica's little boy!
Phoebe: Oh, look, he's got Ross's haircut!
Rachel: Oh, let me see! (grabs picture) Oh, God, is he just the sweetest thing? You must just want to kiss him all over!
(Ross is practically drooling over Rachel at this point.)
Ross: (quietly) That would be nice.
(Chandler, annoyed with Ross's fawning, makes a 'pfft' noise.)
Rachel: Pardon?
Chandler: Nothing, just a little extra air in my mouth. Pffft. Pffffffft. (walks over to where Joey is seated)
(Joey is looking at his check.)
Joey: Hey, Chan, can you help me out here? I promise I'll pay you back.
Chandler: Oh, yeah, right, OK... inlcuding the waffles last week, you now owe me... 17 jillion dollars.
Joey: I will, really. I'll pay you back this time.
Chandler: (sigh)... And where's this money coming from? (gives money to Joey)
Joey: Well... I'm helping out down at the N.Y.U. Med School with some... research.
Ross: (overhearing) What kind of research?
Joey: Oh, just, y'know.... science.
Ross: Science. Yeah, I think I've heard of that. (everyone's interest is piqued, they all look over)
Joey: (sigh)... It's a fertility study.
(Rachel laughs.)
Monica: Oh, Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.
Joey: Alright, come on you guys, it's not that big a deal. Really... I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey, but at the end of two weeks, I get seven hundred dollars.
Ross: Hey.
Phoebe: Wow, ooh, you're gonna be making money hand over fist!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are preparing for a barbecue for Rachel's birthday.]
Monica: OK, we got the cole slaw, we got the buns...
Phoebe: We've got the ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys, ew... (hands meat to Monica)
(Chandler and Joey enter with charcoal.)
Chandler: (in a deep voice) Men are here.
Joey: We make fire. Cook meat.
Chandler: Then put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Monica and Phoebe: Ewww!
Monica: Oh Joey, Melanie called, said she's gonna be late.
Joey: Oh, OK.
Phoebe: So how are things going with you two? Is she becoming your (provocatively) special someone?
Joey: I don't know, she's, uh.... she's pretty great.
Monica: Yeah? What does she think of your little science project?
Joey: What, you think I'm gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup?
Monica: Man's got a point.
Joey: Well, the tough thing is, she really wants to have sex with me.
Chandler: Crazy bitch.
Joey: Yeah, well, I still got a week left to go in the program, and according to the rules, if I want to get the money I'm not allowed to conduct any... ersonal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Monica: Joey... we always know what you mean.
[Time lapse. Chandler and Joey are making the fire, Monica and Phoebe are inside. Ross enters, carrying luggage.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Ross: Hey. (Phoebe sees his bags)
Phoebe: How long did you think this barbecue was gonna last?
Ross: I'm going to China.
Phoebe: Jeez, you say one thing, and...
Monica: You're going to China?
Ross: Yeah, i-it's for the museum. Someone found a bone, we want the bone, but they don't want us to have the bone, so I'm going over there to try to persuade them to give us the bo—it's—it's a whole big bone thing. Anyway, I'm gonna be gone for like, uh... like a week, so, uh, if you wanna reach me, y-you can't. So here's my itinerary (hands a sheet of paper to Monica). Um... here's a picture of me... (hands it to Monica)
Phoebe: Oh, let me see! (takes the picture)
Ross: (to Monica): Could you take it to Carol's every now and then, and show it to Ben, just so he doesn't forget me?
Monica: Yeah.
(Phoebe puts the picture of Ross up to her face.)
Phoebe: Hi, Ben. I'm your father. I am... the head. Aaaaaahhhh.... (puts picture down, sees Ross staring at her) Alright, this barbecue is gonna be very fun.
Ross: Hey, is Rachel here? Um, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday before I left.
Monica: Oh no, she's out having drinks with Carl.
Ross: Oh. (pause) Hey, who's Carl?
Monica: You know, that guy she met at the coffeehouse.
Ross: No.
Phoebe: Oh, well, see, there's this guy she met at the...
Ross: At the coffeehouse, right.
Phoebe: So you do know who he is! (laughs, Ross stares at her) Sorry.
Ross: OK, I'm gonna go say goodbye to the guys.
Phoebe: Oh, hey, y'know what? Tell them that bone story.
(Ross goes outisde on the balcony.)
Ross: Hi.
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: (sigh)....I have to go to China.
Joey: The country?
Ross: No no, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront. Do you guys know who Carl is?
Chandler: Uh, let's see... Alvin... Simon... Theodore.... no.
Ross: Well, Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.
Joey: Oh no! How can she do that when she's never shown any interest in you?!?
Chandler: Forget about her.
Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
Ross: Yeah... I guess. I don't—I don't know. Alright, just... just give her this for me, OK? (gives Chandler a gift for Rachel)
Joey: Listen, buddy, we're just looking out for you.
Ross: I know.
Joey: We want you to be happy. And I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. (Joey gives Ross a hug)
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
[Time lapse. Melanie, Joey's girlfriend, is there with Joey, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel. Ross is gone.]
Melanie: Anyway, that's when me and my friends started this whole fruit basket business. We call ourselves 'The Three Basketeers.'
Joey: Like the three musketeers, only with fruit.
Chandler: (sarcastic) Ooooh. (looks dumbfounded at Joey's stupidity)
Monica: (gets up) OK, how does everybody like their burgers?
Rachel: Oh, no, no, no. Presents first. Food later. (walks into living room)
(Everyone follows Rachel to the living room. Monica pulls Joey aside.)
Monica: Hey, hold on there, tiger. How's it going? How you holding up?
Joey: Well, not so good. She definitely thinks tonight is the night we're gonna... complete the transaction, if you know what I...
(Monica rolls her eyes.)
Joey: Then you do. Heh, heh.
Monica: So, uh, have you ever thought about being there for her?
Joey: What do you mean?
Monica: Y'know, just be there for her.
(Long pause... Joey looks confused.)
Joey: Not following you.
Monica: Think about it.
(They both walk over to where Rachel is opening her gifts. Rachel sees her first gift is a fruit basket.)
Rachel: OK, I'm guessing this is from...
(Melanie smiles.)
Rachel: Well, thank you, Melanie.
Chandler: (pointing out a gift) OK, this one right here is from me.
Rachel: (picks it up) OK... ah, it's light... (shakes it)...it rattles... it's... (opens it) Travel Scrabble! Oooohhh, thank you! (she gives it back to him)
(Chandler looks dejected. Rachel picks up another gift.)
Rachel: This one's from Joey... feels like a book. Thinks it's a book... feels like a book. And...(opens it)...it's a book!
Phoebe: Oh, it's Dr. Seuss!
Joey: (to Rachel): That book got me through some tough times.
Melanie: There is a little child inside this man!
Chandler: Yes, the doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
(Rachel picks up the next gift.)
Rachel: Who's this from?
Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
Rachel: Oh... (opens it)... (sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.
Phoebe: Remembered what?
Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw this pin in the window, and I told him it was just like one my grandmother had when I was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
Chandler: Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? (pats his Travel Scrabble game)
Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
Monica: I can't believe he did this.
Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
(Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on Rachel. You can hear this entire classic scene by clicking here.)
Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.
Rachel: No, no, no.... the, um, the... 'love' part?
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
Rachel: Oh.... my God.
Chandler: (rubbing his temples) Oh, no-no-no-no-no....
Joey: (pats Chandler on the leg) That's good, just keep rubbing your head. That'll turn back time.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: I mean, this is unbelievable.
Phoebe: I know. This is really, really huge.
Chandler: No it's not. It's small. It's tiny. It's petite. It's wee.
Phoebe: Nuh-uh. I don't think any of our lives are ever gonna be the same ever again.
Chandler: OK, is there a mute button on this woman?
Monica: I think this is so great! I mean, you and Ross! D-did you have any idea?
Rachel: No! None! I mean, my first night in the city, he mentioned something about asking me out, but nothing ever happened, so I just... (to Joey): W-well, what else did he say? I mean, does he, like, want to go out with me?
Joey: Well, given that he's desperately in love with you, he probably wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee or something.
Rachel: Ross? All this time? Well, I've got to talk to him. (gets up to leave)
Chandler: (quickly) H-He's in China!
Joey: The country.
Monica: No, no, wait. (checks Ross's itinerary) His flight doesn't leave for another forty-five more minutes.
Chandler: What about the time difference?
Monica: From here to the airport?
Chandler: Yes! (Rachel walks towards door) You're never gonna make it!
Monica: Rachel, what're you gonna say to him?
Rachel: I-I-I don't know.
Chandler: Well then maybe you shouldn't go.
Joey: He's right, cause if you're just gonna, like, break his heart, that's the kind of thing that can wait.
Monica: Yeah, but if it's good news, you should tell him now.
Rachel: I don't know. Maybe I'll know when I see him.
Phoebe: Here, look, alright, does this help?
(Phoebe gets up, holds the picture of Ross up to her face.)
Rachel: Noooo... look, all I know is that I cannot wait a week until I see him. I mean, this is just too big. Y'know, I just, I've just gotta talk to him. I... I gotta... OK, I'll see you later. (opens door)
Chandler: Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! (she leaves)
[Scene: Airport, Ross has headphones on, and is listening to a 'How To Speak Chinese' tape. Occasionally, he makes an outburst in Chinese in accordance with the tape. He is getting on the jetway. The flight attendant is there.]
Ross: (something in Chinese)
Flight Attendant: Alright!
Ross: Ni-chou chi-ma! (walks onto jetway)
(Rachel runs into the airport, trying to catch Ross, moving people out of the way.)
Rachel: Ross! Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me....
(Rachel gets up to the jetway.)
Flight Attendant: Hi!
Rachel: Hi.
Flight Attendant: May I see your boarding pass?
Rachel: Oh, no, no, I don't have one. I just need to talk to my friend.
Flight Attendant: Oh, oooh. I'm sorry. You are not allowed on the jetway unless you have a boarding pass.
Rachel: No, I know, but I—he just went on. He's right there, he's got the blue jacket on, I... can I j-just...
Flight Attendant: No no no! Federal regulations!
Rachel: OK, alright, OK, um... then could you please, uh... just give him a message for me? Please? This is very important.
Flight Attendant: Alright. What's the message?
Rachel: Uh... I don't know.
[Cut to the Jetway, the flight attendant enters, walks past Ross, and approaches an older man with his wife who is also wearing a blue jacket.]
Flight Attendant: Sir? Sir? Excuse me, sir? Uh... I have a message for you.
Man: (confused) What?
Flight Attendant: It's from Rachel. She said that she loved the present, and she will see you when you get back.
Man: (to wife): Toby... Oh, for God's sake, I don't know what she's talking about! There's no Rachel! Don't give me that deep freeze.
[Scene: Joey's Bedroom, he and Melanie are in bed together.]
Melanie: Mmmmmm... Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey... I think I blacked out there for a minute!
Joey: Heh, heh. It was nothin'.
Melanie: Well, now we've gotta find something fun for you! (she starts kissing his chest)
Joey: (panicked) Uhhh.. y'know what? Forget about me. Let's, uh... let's give you another turn.
Melanie: (surprised) M-Me again?
Joey: Sure! Why not?
Melanie: Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow.
(Joey starts to kiss her.)
Melanie: Oooh, I gotta tell you... you are nothing like I thought you would be.
Joey: How do you mean?
Melanie: I don't know, I-I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who're always 'me, me, me.' But you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Monica is holding the wrapping paper from one of Rachel's gifts.]
Monica: Uh, so, uh, Rach, uh... do you wanna save this wrapping paper, I mean, it's only a little bit torn... so are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I just throw it out?
Rachel: I don't know. I don't know... I thought about it all the way there, and I thought about it all the way back... and, uh, oh, you guys, y'know, it's Ross. Y'know what I mean? I mean, it's Ross.
Monica and Phoebe: Sure.
Rachel: I don't know, I mean, this is just my initial gut feeling... but I'm thinking... oh, I'm thinking it'd be really great.
Monica: Oh my God, me too! Oh! Oh, we'd be like friends-in-law! Y'know what the best part is? The best part is that you already know everything about him! I mean, it's like starting on the fifteenth date!
Phoebe: Yeah, but, y'know, it's... it would be like starting on the fifteenth date.
Monica: Another good point.
Phoebe: No, I mean, I mean, when you're at the fifteenth date, y'know, you're already in a very relationshippy place. Y'know, it's... you're committed.
Rachel: (confused) Huh?
Phoebe: Well, I mean, then what happens if it doesn't work out?
Monica: Why isn't it working out?
Rachel: I don't know... sometimes it doesn't.
Monica: Is he not cute enough for you?
Rachel: No!
Monica: Does he not make enough money?
Rachel: No, I'm just....
Phoebe: Maybe there's someone else.
Rachel: Wha...
Monica: Is there? Is there someone else?
Rachel: No! There is.. there is noone else!
Monica: Then why the hell are you dumping my brother?!?
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is eating breakfast, Joey quietly opens his bedroom door.]
Chandler: Hey, big...
Joey: Shhhh!
Chandler: (quietly) ...spender.
Joey: She's still asleep.
Chandler: So how'd it go?
Joey: Oh, it was amazing. You know how you always think you're great in bed?
Chandler: The fact that you'd even ask that question shows how little you know me.
Joey: Well, it's like, last night, I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great. So I had to do all this other stuff. And the response I got... man, oh man, it was like a ticker tape parade!
Chandler: Yes, I know, as it happens my room is very very close to the parade route.
Joey: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened, y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level.
Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
Joey: I know! Neither did I!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, one week later. Monica is seated, Rachel comes out of her bedroom.]
Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh, from who?
Rachel: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me.
Monica: Well, it's the thought. Hey, doesn't Ross's flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27-B?
Rachel: Uh, yeah. Uh, Monica, y'know, honey, I've been thinking about it and I've decided this—this whole Ross thing, it's just not a good idea.
Monica: Oh, why?
Rachel: Because, I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him. I would be going out with all of you. Oh, and there would just be all this pressure, and I don't wanna...
Monica: (gets up) No, no, no, no, no, no pressure, no pressure!
Rachel: Monica, nothing has even happened yet, and you're already so...
Monica: I am not 'so'! OK, I was a teensy bit weird at first, but... I'll be good. I promise.
(Door buzzer goes off. Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Who is it?
Intercom: It's me, Carl.
Rachel: C'mon up.
Monica: Behind my brother's back? (Rachel glares at her) ... is exactly the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is seated, and the apartment is filled with baskets of fruit. Joey enters, check in hand.]
Joey: Seven hundred bucks!
Chandler: Alright, you did it! Do we have any fruit?
Joey: Man, hell of a two weeks, huh? Y'know what, though? I really feel like I learned something.
Chandler: Really? So, you're gonna stick with this 'it's all for her' thing?
Joey: What, are you crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? (Joey closes his eyes and walks around with arms spread.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is having drinks with her date, Carl.]
Carl: I'm just sayin', if I see one more picture of Ed Begley, Jr. in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I mean, don't get me wrong... I'm not against environmental issues per se.... it's just that guy!
(Rachel looks bored. At this point, Ross—a figment of Rachel's imagination— shows up on the balcony and starts talking to her.)
Ross: I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.
Rachel: Would you excuse me, please? I'm trying to have a date here.
Ross: Fine, just stop thinking about me.
(She tries, and Ross disappears momentarily. He reappears, standing closer to her.)
Ross: Can't do it, can you?
Rachel: So I'm thinking about you. So what?
Ross: I don't get it. What do you see in this guy, anyway?
Rachel: Well... he happens to be a very nice... guy....
Carl: I mean, come on, buddy, get a real car!
Ross: Rachel, come on. Give us a chance.
Rachel: Ross, it's too hard.
Ross: No, no, no... why, because it might get weird for everyone else? Who cares about them. This is about us. Look, I-I've been in love with you since, like, the ninth grade.
Rachel: Ross, you're like my best friend.
Ross: I know.
Rachel: If we broke up, and I lost you...
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we're gonna break up?
Rachel: Well, have you been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?
Ross: (pause) No. But... it only has to happen once. Look, you and I both know we are perfect for each other, right? I mean... so, the only question is... are you attracted to me?
Rachel: I don't know... I mean, I've never looked at you that way before.
Ross: Well, start looking.
(They kiss. Ross walks away, and then fades out.)
Rachel: Wow.
Carl: Exactly! And you just know I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic!
Rachel: Right! You're right!
Carl: Heh... y'know?
Rachel: You know what?
Carl: What?
Rachel: I forgot... I am supposed to pick up a friend at the airport. I am so sorry! I'm so... if you want to stay, and finish your drinks, please do.... (gives him her drink) I mean—I'm sorry. I-I-I gotta go. I'm sorry.
(Rachel leaves.)
Carl: But...
[Scene: Airport. Madonna's Take A Bow plays in the background as Rachel waits at the gate with flowers.]
Rachel: (sifting through crowd) Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, sorry. Hi.
[Cut to the jetway, the old man who the flight attendant delivered Rachel's message to gets off the plane, his wife still upset with him.]
Man: For God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel!
(A Chinese woman getting off the plane drops one of her bags. Ross gets off next.)
Ross: Oh, hey, hey, I got that.
(Ross picks up the bag... then he and the woman kiss.)
Julie: Oh, thanks, sweetie.
Ross: No problem. I cannot wait for you to meet my friends.
Julie: Really?
Ross: Yeah.
Julie: You don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?
Ross: No, no, they will. I just... uh...
Ross and Julie: Can't wait.
Ross: Come on, they're gonna love you.
[Cut to a close-up of Rachel, eagerly awaiting Ross's arrival... not knowing he is getting off the plane with another woman.]
End

124 瑞秋恍然大悟

小彬彬睡着了
看莫妮卡姑姑的小男孩
瞧，他有罗斯的发型
我看看
天啊，真可爱
你一定想吻遍他
那感觉一定很好
怎么了？
没什么
只是嘴里有多余的空气
钱德，愿意帮我吗？
我保证一定会还的
好，包括上星期的威化饼
现在你欠我数不清的钱
这一次我真的会还
你哪儿来的钱？
我正帮纽约大学医学院做一些研究
什么研究？
嗯……科学研究
科学？我想我听说过
生殖研究
乔伊，请告诉我你只贡献时间
拜托，这没什么大不了的
真的，我只是两天去一趟
对这计划作些贡献
但两周后我就有七百元。
你将“靠手”赚钱
我们有酸卷心菜丝，小面包
还有绞牛肉及火鸡肉
男人回来了
我们生火
烧肉
然后撒尿熄火
结果不再被邀请了
真逗
乔伊，玛莲妮来电说她会迟到
好
你们俩进展得如何？
她会成为你的心上人吗？
我不知道，她很好
是吗？
她对你的研究计划有何感想？
你认为我会告诉她
我也和“杯子”约会？
男人考虑得真多
麻烦的是她想和我做爱
这娘儿们疯了
此计划我只剩一星期
根据规定
如果我想拿到钱
我就不能做“个人”实验
如果你们懂我意思的话
乔伊，我们一直都懂你的意思
嗨
嗨
你以为烧烤要多久？
我要去中国了
你说一件事…
你要去中国？
对，为博物馆出差
有人找到骨头
我们要骨头
但他们不想给我们骨头
因此派我去说服他们给我们骨头
都是骨头的事
总之，我要去一个星期
你们将联络不到我
这是我的行程表
这是我的照片
让我看
你能时不时拿照片到卡萝家去给彬看？
这样他就不会忘记我了
彬，我是你爸爸
我是头
这回烧烤一定很好玩
瑞秋在吗？
我想在我离开前祝她生日快乐
她和卡尔在外面喝酒
卡尔是谁？
她在咖啡屋认识的那个
不认识
这个人是她…在咖啡屋认识的
这么说你知道他是谁
我去跟他们道别
告诉他们骨头的事吧
我得到中国(磁器)一趟
国家？
不，我妈家中的一大堆盘子
你知道卡尔是谁吗？
我想想看
艾文，赛门，希尔朵…不认识
瑞秋今晚和他在一起喝酒
不，她还没对你有任何表示前
怎能这样做？
忘了她吧
他说得对，伙计
去吧，到中国，吃中国菜
当然，他们在那儿只称为菜
是吗？大概吧，我也不知道
帮我把这个交给她，好吗？
兄弟，我们只是为你着想
我们要你快乐
或许我喝了两瓶
但我爱你
我只喝了一瓶
我觉得你人真好
总之，我和朋友开始水果篮事业后
我们就自称为”三篮人”
就像“三剑客”，只是多了水果
好吧，谁想吃汉堡？
不，先拆礼物，待会儿再吃东西
等等，猛男
进展得如何？
不太顺利
她想在今晚就“敲定这笔交易”
如果你…你懂
曾想过要为她着想？
什么意思？
只为她着想
不懂
好好想一想
我猜这是…谢谢，玛莲妮
这是我送你的
好轻，还有声音
是……旅游拼字
谢谢
这是乔伊送的
感觉像是一本书
我猜是一本书
感觉像是一本书
就是一本书
是《苏博士》
那本书让我度过许多难关
这男人里面有个小孩
医生说把他移走他就会死
这是谁送的？
罗斯送的
天啊，他记得
记得什么？
几个月前我们经过一家古董店
在橱窗看见这个胸针时
我告诉他我小时候我祖母也有一个
没想到他还记得
虽然如此，但你能在飞机上玩吗？
好漂亮
真漂亮
一定花了他不少钱
没想到他会这么做
拜托，罗斯？
记得大学的时候他和卡萝谈恋爱时
他送给她一只贵死人的水晶鸭
你刚才说什么？
水晶鸭
不……“恋爱”那一部份
谈…谈……
天啊
糟了……
很好，继续挠你的头
时间会倒流的
太不可思议了
真是太不可思议了
我知道，这真是太大了
不，它又小又细又霉
我认为我们的生活将产生变化
这女人身上有静音按钮吗？
我认为这样很好啊
你和罗斯
你有感觉吗？
没有
我来到纽约的第一夜
他曾提过要约我出去
但他后来再没提过邀我出去
所以我……
他还说些什么？
他想约我出去？
如果他爱你爱得无法自拔
他大概想和你
喝杯咖啡什么的
罗斯？这些日子以来？
我得找他谈谈
可他现在中国
那个国家
等等，他的飞机再过45分钟才会起飞
时差呢？
从这儿到机场？
对
你赶不上的
我得试试
瑞秋，你要对他说什么？
我也不知道
那么或许你不该去
没错，因为你是去伤他的心
不妨再等等
对，但如果是好消息
你得立刻去
我也不知道
或许见到面时我就知道
这个有帮助吗？
没用
我只知道我等不了一星期
这件事太严重了
我得和他谈谈，再见了
瑞秋，我爱你
先跟我把事情解决
你笑什么？
罗斯，抱歉
请出示登机证
我没有,我只是想找我朋友
抱歉，除非有登机证
否则不能进人
我知道，他刚走
他就在那儿，穿蓝色夹克
我能…
不行……联邦法规
好吧，能请你帮我传话给他？
这件事非常重要
好吧，请说
我也不知道
抱歉，先生
有人叫我传话给你
什么?
是瑞秋
她说她喜欢你送的礼物
你回来后她想见你
什么？
桃碧，拜托，
我不知道她在说什么
我不认识瑞秋
别给我脸色看
呣……乔伊……
我想我爽昏了
这不算什么
现在让我来伺候你
别管我了
我再伺候你一回
又是我？
当然，有何不可？
明天有人会收到大水果篮
我得告诉你
你不像我想像中的那样
什么意思？
说不上来
大概是我认为
你是只顾自己享受的人
但你是个乐于付出的人
你是我见过最慷慨的人
你简直就是个女人
瑞秋，这包装纸要留下来吗？
只破了一点点
你要为罗斯留下
还是要我丢掉？
我不知道
我左思右想
罗斯，就是罗斯了
当然
这是我内心深处的感受
我想这样应该会很不错
天啊，我也是这样想
这样我们就成了亲戚兼朋友
你知道最棒的是什么？
最棒的就是你已对他了如指掌
就好像从第15次约会开始
对，但这就像
从第15次约会开始
这观点也不错
不，在第15次约会时
感情已相当深厚
你们已经定下来了
如果感情破裂该怎么办？
为何会感情破裂？
不知道，感情是勉强不来的
你不觉得他帅？
什么？
他钱赚得不够多？
不,我只是
或许是另有其人？
有吗？还有另外的男人？
没有，没有另有其人
那么你为何甩掉我哥？
什么?
大…挥霍者
她还在睡觉
情况如何？
简直是太神奇了
你有没有老觉得自己床上功夫不错？
你会问这种问题
表示你根本不了解我
昨晚我不能做让自己满足的事
因此我得搬出全套功夫
结果我得到什么回应？
我的天啊
就像是盛大的游行
我知道
游行发生时
我的房间就非常接近游行路线
这简直是太神奇了
而且不只是对她
对我也一样
我就好像突然失明
但其他的感官却更加的敏感
好像我达到更高的境界
我不知道你还有更高的境界
我懂，我自己也不知道
漂亮的裙子，生日礼物？
对
谁送的？
你
我把你送的衬衫拿去换的
真聪明
罗斯的飞机不是再过几小时就要抵达了？
27-B出口？
对
我一直在想
我虽决定和罗斯在一起
但这样或许不好
为什么？
因为我感觉
我不只是和他出去
而是和你们大家一起出去
因为压力…
不
……没有压力…
八字都还没一撇你就…
我没有
开始我也觉得有点奇怪
但我没事的，我保证
谁啊？
是我，卡尔
上来！
背着我哥？
我就不做出这种疯狂事
-七百块！
-好样的，你办到了！
我们有水果可以吃吗？
折腾了两星期
但我感觉自己学到了一些
真的？
这么说你将继续“牺牲自己成全她人”？
你疯了不成
瞎子重见光明后会这样走路吗？
我是说如果我再看见
艾德贝格拉二世在那电车上
我就举熗自尽
别误会我的意思
我个人并不反对环保
只是我讨厌那家伙
我难以相信你跟他约会
而不是跟我
抱歉，我正在约会
行，那就别再想我
办不到，对不？
我在想你，那又怎样？
我不懂你为何会选上这种人？
他像是个好男人
老兄，买台真正的车吧
瑞秋，给我一个机会吧
罗斯，太难了
为什么？因为大家会感觉不对劲？
谁理他们啊
这是我们两人的事
我从九年级开始就爱上你
罗斯，你像是我最要好的朋友
我知道如果分手我将失去你
不，你为何认为我们会分手？
曾和你在一起的人不是都和你分手了
是
但这种事只会发生一次
你我都知道我们是天生的一对，对不？
关键是
你对我有感觉吗？
我不知道
我从未以那种方式看你
那就开始看吧
没错，我就是被困在车阵中的那一个
对……
你知道吗？
什么
我忘了我应该去机场接朋友
真是抱歉
如果你想在这儿继续喝，请便
但我得走了,抱歉
可是
让一让……让一让……
桃碧，别再胡思乱想了
没有瑞秋这个人
嘿，你掉了东西
谢谢,甜心
不客气
我迫不及待想把你介绍给我朋友们
真的？
对
你不认为他们会对我评头论足、取笑我？
他们会的
但我实在是等不及
别担心，他们一定会喜欢你的

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 25楼发表于: 2014-03-12 0

201 The One With Ross' New Girlfriend

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is recapping last season, and as she talks we see a montague of scenes from Ross and Rachel.]
PHOEBE: Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been?
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene, The Airport, continued from last season, Rachel is waiting for Ross to come of the plane, when she sees he's coming off with another woman.]
RACHEL: Oh my god. Oh my god. (She decides to make a break for it.) Excuse me. Move! Move! Emergency! Excuse me! (She tries climbing over a bench and falls down.)
ROSS: Rache!
RACHEL: Oh, there you are! Hi! Oh, so, so, how was China, you? (Hits him with the flowers.)
ROSS: It was, it was great. Oh, what happened?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: You're bleeding.
RACHEL: I am? Oh, look at that, yes I am. Enough about me, enough about me, Mr. Back from the Orient. I wanna hear everything! (Looks at Julie)
ROSS: Well, where do I start? This is Julie. Julie, this is Rachel.
RACHEL: These are, these aren't for you. (to Julie) These are for you. (Loudly, thinking she can't speak English.) Welcome to our country.
JULIE: (Loudly, proving she can speak English.) Thank you. I'm from New York.
RACHEL: Ok, well, not a problem. We'll just use them to stop the bleeding. Ok. Baggage claim? Ok.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
CHANDLER:  No way!
MONICA: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
PHOEBE: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?
JOEY: Um, this?
PHOEBE: Yes.
MONICA: Guys, you got your hair cut.
CHANDLER: Yes, yes, we did, thanks to Vidal Buffay.
PHOEBE: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
RACHEL: (entering, out of breath) Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.
CHANDLER: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
RACHEL: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me. (Ross and Julie enter) You, you slowpokes!
ROSS: That's all right, Rache, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica. This is Chandler.  Phoebe.  Joey, what up?
JOEY: What up?!
ROSS: Everyone, this is Julie.
RACHEL: (out of breath) Julie.
ALL: Ohh. (Happily) Hi!
JULIE: Hi, but I'm not here, you haven't met me. I'll make a much better first impression tomorrow when I don't have 20 hours of cab and plane on me.
ROSS: And bus.
JULIE: Oh my god.
ROSS:  The screaming guy?
JULIE:  And the spitting?
ROSS: You gotta hear this story.
JULIE: We're on this bus, that's easily 200 years old...
ROSS: At least.
JULIE:  ...and this guy--
RACHEL: And the chicken poops in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.
MONICA: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?
JULIE: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
ROSS: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
RACHEL: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick- you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
MONICA: It's an expression.
ROSS: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.
JULIE: And then we've gotta get some sleep.
ROSS: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.
CHANDLER: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
(Ross and Julie exit)
RACHEL: Bye. (She closes the door and everyone tries to sympathize with her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
ROSS: Hey, Rache, can I get some coffee?
RACHEL: Yeah, sure.
ROSS: Thank you.
CHANDLER: Hey, Rache, can I get--
RACHEL: Did you talk to him?
CHANDLER: Not yet.
RACHEL: Then, no.
(He goes to sit down next to Ross.)
CHANDLER: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
ROSS: I know, I know I was, but there was always this little voice inside that kept saying it's never gonna happen, move on. You know whose voice that was?
CHANDLER: God?
ROSS: It was you, pal.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe it was God, doing me.
ROSS: Look, you were right. She looks at me and sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it hadn't been for you.
CHANDLER: Well, you owe me one, big guy.
RACHEL: Here's your lemonade.
ROSS: I didn't order lemonade.
RACHEL: Oh. Well then, you better go take that back because they're gonna charge you for that.
ROSS: But--
RACHEL: Go go go go, come on! (to Chandler) So then, well, what did you find out?
CHANDLER: He said, he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry. But, the silver lining, if you wanna see it, is that he made the decision all by himself without any outside help whatsoever.
RACHEL: How is that the silver lining?
CHANDLER: You have to really wanna see it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang is watching TV.]
ROSS: Ironically, these are the guys who were picked last in gym.
[cut to Phoebe and Monica in the kitchen.]
MONICA: Phoebes, you know what I'm thinking?
PHOEBE: Oh, ok. How, it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
MONICA: No, although now that's what I'm thinking.
PHOEBE: All right, so what were you thinking?
MONICA: Well, I was thinking, that you gave the guys such great haircuts, I thought, maybe you'd like to do mine?
PHOEBE: Ohh! No.
MONICA: Why not?
PHOEBE: Because, I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.
MONICA: No you're not.
PHOEBE: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
(The phone rings.)
JOEY: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws him the phone.)
ROSS: (on phone) Hello? Hi.
CHANDLER: (entering) Hi. Anybody know a good tailor?
JOEY: Needs some clothes altered?
CHANDLER: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.
JOEY: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. (still confused) All right, when was 1990?
CHANDLER: You have to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!
ROSS: (on phone) Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you later. Ok, bye. What? Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. (motions for Rachel to be quiet) Well you didn't hang up either.
RACHEL: She didn't hang up either!
ROSS: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y--
RACHEL: (taking the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
ROSS: Rachel! I'll just call her back.
RACHEL: Okay!
ROSS: (calls Julie back) Hi?  Sorry, we got disconnected...
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.
MONICA: Sweetie, I wanted you to have him too.
RACHEL: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it. (Ross comes by, smoching with Julie on the phone.) I gotta get out of here.
CHANDLER: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning.]
JOEY: You know, I think I was sixteen.
MONICA: Please, just a little bit off the back.
PHOEBE: I'm still on "no".
RACHEL: (poking her head in from her bedroom) Uh, morning. Do you guys think you could close your eyes for just a sec?
JOEY: No no no no no, (grabs his pants) I'm not fallin' for that again.
PHOEBE: What's goin' on?
RACHEL: Well, I sorta did a stupid thing last night.
CHANDLER: What stupid thing did you do?
PAOLO: Bon giorno tutti!
PHOEBE: Ewww!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's continued from earlier.]
RACHEL: Ok, Paulo, why don't you just go get dressed, and then you be on your way, ok, bye-bye.
MONICA: Rachel, how did this happen?
RACHEL: I don't know, I just kinda ran into him last night.
PHOEBE: Where?
RACHEL: At his apartment. Is this juice?
JOEY: Whoa, whoa. And the fact that you dumped him because he hit on Phoebe?
RACHEL: Oh God, I know I'm a pathetic loser.
MONICA: Honey, you're not pathetic, you're sad.
CHANDLER: People do stupid things when they're upset.
MONICA: My god, if I had a nickel for every guy I wish I hadn't--but this is about your horrible mistake.
ROSS: Hi. Sorry we're late but we were--well, there was touching.
PAOLO: Hey, hey Ross.
ROSS: Hey, Paulo. What are you doing here?
PAOLO: I do Raquel.
ROSS: (to Rachel) So, uh, he's back.
RACHEL: Yeah, he's back. Is that a problem?
ROSS: No, not a problem.
RACHEL: Good! I'm glad it's not a problem.
PHOEBE: Ok, you're gonna have to not touch my ass.
CHANDLER: Well, in spite of the yummy bagels and palpable tension, I've got pants that need to be altered.
JOEY: Hey, Chandler, when you see Frankie, tell him Joey Tribbiani says hello. He'll know what it means.
CHANDLER: Are you sure he's gonna be able to crack that code?
MONICA: You know it's funny, the last time Paulo was here, my hair was so much shorter and cuter.
PHOEBE: All right. Ok, but, but you have to promise that you will not be all like control-y and bossy and Monica about it.
MONICA: I promise.
PHOEBE: All right. Now some of you are gonna get cut, and some of you aren't. But I promise none of you are gonna feel a thing.
[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is finishing with her haircut.]
PHOEBE: All right, that's it, I quit.
MONICA: What? I didn't say anything.
PHOEBE: Yeah, but this isn't the face of a person who trusts a person. Ok, this is the face of a person who, you know, doesn't trust a person.
MONICA: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Phoebe. It's just a little shorter than what we had discussed.
PHOEBE: Would you relax? I know what I am doing. This is how he wears it.
MONICA: How who wears it?
PHOEBE: Demi Moore.
MONICA: Demi Moore is not a he.
PHOEBE: Well, he was a he in Arthur, and in Ten.
MONICA: That's Dudley Moore. I said I wanted it like Demi Moore.
PHOEBE: Oh, oh, oh my god!
MONICA: Oh my god!
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which one's Demi Moore?
MONICA: She's the actress who was in Disclosure, Indecent Proposal, Ghost.
PHOEBE: Oh, she's got gorgeous hair.
MONICA: I KNOW!
[Scene: Frank's tailor shop, Chandler is getting his pants altered.]
FRANKIE: How long do you want the cuffs?
CHANDLER: At least as long as I have the pants.
FRANKIE: I just got that. Ok, now we'll do your inseam.
(He slowly measures it up his leg, and Chandler makes a rather surprised face.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is recovering from her haircut, Phoebe is playing her doctor and is coming in from the bedroom.]
RACHEL: How is she?
PHOEBE: It's too soon to tell. She's resting, which is a good sign.
ROSS: How's the hair?
PHOEBE: I'm not gonna lie to you, Ross, it doesn't look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
JOEY: Can we see her?
PHOEBE: Your hair looks too good, I think it would upset her. Ross, you come on in. (They go into the bedroom leaving Joey and Rachel alone.)
JOEY: How're you doing?
RACHEL: I'm ok.
JOEY: Ooh, that bad, huh? Look, I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It's one of my gifts.
RACHEL: When I saw him get off that plane with her, I really thought I hit rock bottom. But today, it's like there's rock bottom, then 50 feet of crap, then me.
JOEY: You gotta tell Ross how you feel.
RACHEL: Come on. How can I just tell him? What about Julie?
JOEY: What about her? They've only been going out for two weeks. Ross has been in love with you for like 10 years.
RACHEL: I don't know, I don't know.
JOEY: Look, Rache, Rache, I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women. The point is, I've never felt about anyone the way Ross felt about you.
CHANDLER: (entering, angry) Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man!
JOEY: Frankie? What're you talking about?
ROSS: (entering from teh bedroom) Hey, what's goin' on?
CHANDLER: Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.
ROSS: What?
JOEY: No way. I've been going to the guy for 12 years.
CHANDLER: He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his hand up my leg, and then, there was definite--
ROSS: what?
CHANDLER: Cupping.
JOEY: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear. What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
ROSS: Yes, yes it is. In prison! Whatsa matter with you?
JOEY: What? That's not? Oh my god.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day.  Monica is now out and about.]
MONICA: Even Mary Tyler Moore would've been better.
ROSS: I like it. I do, I think it's a Ten.
MONICA: Thank you. My hair is very amused.
CHANDLER: Come on, Monica, things could be worse. You could get caught between the moon and New York City. I know it's crazy, but it's true.
PHOEBE: Thank you.
ROSS: Well, I gotta go. Bye. Bye, Rache.
RACHEL: (sticking her head in from the balcony) Wait, are you leaving?
ROSS: Yeah, that's kinda what I meant by "bye!"
RACHEL: Well, can I talk to you for a sec?
ROSS: Okay. (goes out onto the balcony)
JOEY: Hey, when the doctor does that hernia test...
CHANDLER: That's ok.
[Out on the balcony]
ROSS: What's goin' on?
RACHEL: Well, first of all, Paulo and I are not back together. It was just a stupid thing I did, and if I could go back in time and do it again, well, I wouldn't. Um, second of all, what? (Ross laughs)
ROSS: Ok. Well, before I say anything, I just need to know, is this one of those things where you break up with a guy, and then I tell you what I think, and then the next day you get back together with the guy, and I look like a complete idiot?
RACHEL: No. No-no-no-no.
ROSS: Well, then, I think, I think the guy is scum. I hate him. I physically hate him. I always have. You are way too good to be with a guy like that. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable, and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good, the way I am with Julie. Was there a second of all?
RACHEL: No, I think that was the whole all.
[Cut back inside, Joey is on the phone.]
JOEY: I swear to god, Dad. That's not how they measure pants.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk, Julie is wanting to get her hair cut from Phoebe.]
JULIE: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andy McDowell's new haircut?
PHOEBE: You wanna do it right now?
JULIE: Great! (Julie leaves)
PHOEBE: (to Rachel) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andy McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
RACHEL: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andy McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.
PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
RACHEL: You're welcome.
END

201 罗斯的新女友

到目前为止大概是这样子
打从一开始罗斯就爱瑞秋
但每次他想要表白总是会遇上阻碍
像是猫咪，义大利佬
最后钱德劝他死心
罗斯去中国考古时钱德说漏嘴罗斯爱瑞秋
瑞秋非常惊讶
于是她到机场接罗斯
她不知道罗斯带了另一个女人下飞机
大概就是这样子了
说够了我们，你们近来如何?
从北京飞来第457号班机已经降落
对不起
借过，借过!紧急事件，拜托
对不起，对不起
原来你们在那里
所以，所以…
中国怎么样?老兄
你怎么啦?
你怎么啦?
啊，怪怪!我是在流血
别管我了周游东方的旅人
我要听一切事情!什么都不要漏掉!
嗯，要从何开始?
这位是芙莉芙莉，这位是瑞秋
…不是要给你的
这些是要送给你的
欢迎光临敝国
谢谢，我是纽约人
没关系，我用它来止血
去拿行李?
她去了机场准备跟罗斯坦白了
天啊!这是大事
什么此大事还大?
这件事吗?
喂，你们剪头发了
是的，谢谢布菲美发大师
因为如果你们丢脸我们也丢脸(广告词)
我喜欢这声音
各位!
机场…机场…罗斯
不是一个人
灵
搂着她
抽筋一由筋
她好像想说什么
赶快猜动词
你!你
你说他喜欢我
你这个慢郎中
没关系，我们拿了行李
这是我妹妹摩妮卡
这是钱德
菲比，嗨
各位，这位是芙莉
灵
我们还没见面
没有连坐二十小时飞机明天我会让各位刮目相看
那个尖叫的家伙…还有吐口水
你们一定要听这个故事
我们坐的巴士一定有两百年旧
至少两百年旧
只鸡拉屎在她腿上!
对不起
我说出了结尾，对不对?
我在计程车上听了这个故事…
…满脑子想的都是这个
真是惊人
怎么发生的?
罗斯与我一起上过研究所
后来就没有再见面我降落在中国机场时…
…猜猜是谁负责探勘?
就是芙莉
真是太棒了!
真是棒得面红耳赤棒得有苦说不出!
她习惯这么说
我们只是来打个招呼
然后我们要去看宝宝然后睡一下觉
现在是中国的明天晚上六点
别告诉我会发生什么事我比较喜欢惊喜
再见!
中央公园咖啡店
瑞秋，我想喝点咖啡没问题
没咖啡给你
你在中国发生了什么事?
你离开前还疯狂爱着…你知道的
我知道我爱她
但我心中有这个小声音告诉我
不可能成功的，死心吧你知道那是谁的声音吗?
上帝?
是你的声音，老哥
也许是上帝模仿我的声音
你说得对她眼中只把我当成朋友
然后我遇见了芙莉
我们在一起非常开心
要不是因为你我绝不会跟芙莉在一起
你欠我一个情，大个儿
你的柠檬汁
我没有叫柠檬汁
那你最好送回去否则他们会要你付钱
你问出了什么?
他们在一起很开心
对不起
但有好的一面，如果你愿意这么看
他完全是自己做了这个决定
完全没有受外人的影响
这怎么是好的一面?
你要非常愿意才看得出来
讽刺的是这些家伙上体育课时没人愿意跟他一队
你知道我想什么吗?
因为
你太久没做爱了…
你不知道有没有什么改变?
不是但是我现在是这么想了
你本来在想什么?
你帮他们剪头发我想你也应该帮我剪
不要
为什么不要?
因为我是个
我非常挑剔而且有控制狂
不，你才不是
我知道我不是
我只是不想伤害你的心
请等一下
罗斯，芙莉找你
谁能介绍一个好裁缝?
需要改衣服吗?
不，我只是要找一个人用粉笔在我身上昼线
去找法兰基我家人都找他做衣服
我十五岁第一套西装就是他做的
不，十六岁
不，对不起，是十五岁
1990年是几岁?
当你掏耳朵时碰到东西就要停下来
甜心，待会见
好，再见
你真好
好，不，你先挂
你也没有挂
她没挂
不，你挂电话
你挂，你挂
对不起，我以为你在跟我说话
瑞秋!
我打回去
嗨，甜心，对不起我们被中断了
不，你挂掉
我到底是怎么回事?
周前，两周前，我很好
罗斯只是罗斯
现在突然间，他不一样了
变成这个大帅哥我却无法得到
甜心，我也希望你能得到他
我知道你的心意
我必须要想办法
我必须要离开这里
我不管你们怎么说她有心事
我想我是十六岁
求求你，只要剪后面一点点
我还是坚持不要
早安
你们能不能闭上眼睛一秒钟?
不，不，不我可不要再上当
怎么回事?
昨晚我做了一件蠢事
你做了什么蠢事?
你为什么不穿上衣服…
然后就可以走了，再见
怎么发生的?
我昨晚凑巧碰到他
在哪里碰到他?在他的公寓
这是果汁吗?
你忘了他勾引菲此所以你才甩了他?
天啊，我真是可悲我是个烂货!
甜心，你不可悲你只是伤心
大家伤心时都会干蠢事
如果每个我不该上床的人都给我五毛钱…
但这是关于你的大错误
对不起，我们迟到了
发生过接触
嗨，罗斯
真是…
你在这里干什么?
跟瑞秋嘿咻!
他回来了?
对，他回来了有什么问题吗?
没问题
很好，没有问题
你不能再碰我的屁股
尽管有美味的面包与浓厚的紧张气氛…
我要去改裤子了
你见到法兰基时替我问个好
他会明白我的意思
你确定他能解得开密码吗?
上次波洛来这里时我的短发要可爱多了
好吧
但你要保证不会挑剔与专横
不会像个摩妮卡
我保证
好，让我看看
你们有一些会被剪掉有些不会
但我保证绝对不会痛
我什么都没说
但这不是一张信任的表情
这是一张，你知道的…
不信任人的表情
对不起，对不起
这此我们说的要短了一点
你放轻松好吗?我知道要怎么剪
他的发型就是这样
谁的发型就是这样?
黛咪摩儿
黛咪摩儿不是一个“他”
他在“二八佳人花公子”与“十全十美”都是一个“他”
那是杜德利摩尔
我说我要像黛咪摩儿
喔，老天!
我的天，真对不起
黛咪摩儿是哪一个?
她是女星!演过桃色机密桃色交易与第六感生死恋
她的头发非常美!
我知道
你的袖子要多长?
至少要跟裤子一样长久
我听懂了
现在要量内缝
她的情况如何?
现在还不知道
她在休息，这是好霉兆
头发怎么样?
我在一边加上发夹似乎能阻止卷曲
我能不能看看她?
你的头发太好看了会让她伤心
罗斯，你去看看她好了
你还好吗?
我很好
这么糟糕?
我可以感觉到女人难过脆弱的时候
这是我的天赋之
乔伊，当我看到他与她一起下飞机…
我以为我坠人了谷底
但今天是谷底
下面还有五十尺厚的垃圾…
然后就是我
你必须告诉罗斯你的感受
我怎么能告诉他?芙莉呢?
又怎么样?他们才在一起两周
罗斯已经爱你十年了
我不知道，我不知道…
我交往过很多女人
我交往过很多别人的女人
佒氐闶恰?
我从来没有对任何人像罗斯对你这样专情…
真的吗?
喂，老兄!
我能跟你谈一下吗?
你的裁缝…
是个大坏蛋
你在说什么?
怎么样?
乔伊的裁缝…
吃了我的豆腐
不可能!我去他那里十二年了
他说要量我的内缝
他的手沿着我的腿往上摸然后就…
什么?
包住了
他们就是这样量裤子的!
首先量一边把小弟弟推到一旁
然后量另一边把小弟弟推回来，然后量后面
罗斯，告诉他裁缝量裤子不都是这样?
是的，的确是这样在监狱里!
你是怎么搞的?
什么?
不是这样?
我的老天
就算是玛丽泰勒摩尔也此这个要好
我喜欢
真的，我觉得“十全十美”
谢谢
我的头发很让人开怀
事情还可能更糟
你可能会被“困在纽约月光中”(电影主题曲)
我知道很疯狂，不过千真万确(电影主题曲)
谢谢
我要走了，待会见
瑞秋，再见
慢着，你要走了?
所以我才说再见
我能不能跟你说一下话?
当医生检查疝气时•，
那样做就没有关系
怎么啦?
怎么啦?
波洛与我没有在一起
那是我干的一件蠢事
如果我能使时光倒转…
我绝对不会这么做
什么?
我要先问清楚这是不是当你与男友分手…
我告诉你我的想法…
然后第二天你又重修旧好…
我变成一个大蠢蛋?
好，我觉得他实在很烂
我恨死他了我真的很厌恶他
我一直很厌恶他
你值得更好的男人
你值得一个真正能欣赏你的人
了解你有多么幽默…
多么温柔，多么体贴…
多么美丽性感…
每天早上醒来都会想着…
天啊，我跟瑞秋在一起!
这个人能让你感觉非常好
就像我与芙莉一样
你还没说完?
不，我想这就是了
我要走了
谢谢
不，我向天发誓，爸
不是这样子量裤子的
我想要剪个短发就像安蒂麦道威尔的发型
这我会剪
你要现在就剪吗?太好了!
待会见
这次我要弄清楚
安蒂麦道威尔就是演“你是我今生的新娘”?
不是
那是鲁迪麦道威尔
安蒂麦道威尔是演“浩劫余生”的那个家伙

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 26楼发表于: 2014-03-13 0

202 The One With the Breast Milk

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol and Susan are showing off Ben to the gang.]
MONICA: (entering from her bedroom carrying a present) Ok, these were unbelievably expensive, and I know he's gonna grow out of them in like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist. (There a little pair of Nike shoes.)
PHOEBE: Oh, look at these! Hey, Ben. Just do it. (Ben starts to cry) Oh my god, oh, ok, was that too much pressure for him?
SUSAN: Oh, is he hungry already?
CAROL: I guess so. (Carol starts to breast feed Ben.)
CHANDLER: You know, it's... (sees the feeding taking place next to him) something funny about sneakers. I'll be right back. (Goes into the kitchen)
JOEY: (joins him) I gotta get one, too.
ROSS: (following them into the kitchen) What are you guys doing?
CHANDLER: We're just hanging out by the spoons. Ladle?
ROSS: Look, would you guys grow up? That is the most natural beautiful thing in the world.
JOEY: Yeah, we know, but there's a baby suckin' on it.
ROSS: This is my son having lunch, ok? It's gonna happen a lot, so you'd better get used to it. Now if you have any problem with it, if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions. Carol's fine with it, now come on.
(They go back into the living room)
CHANDLER: Carol, Carol? I was just wondering if Joey could ask you a question about breast-feeding?
CAROL: Sure.
JOEY: Uh, does it hurt?
CAROL: It did at first, but not anymore.
JOEY: Chandler?
CHANDLER: So, uh, how often can you do it?
CAROL: As much as he needs.
JOEY: Ok, I got one, I got one. If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is all there.]
JULIE: Rachel, do you have any muffins left?
RACHEL: Yeah, I forget which ones.
JULIE: Oh, you're busy, that's ok, I'll get it. Anybody else want one?
ALL: No thanks.
JULIE: Oh, you're losin' your apron here, let me get it. There you go. (Ties it back up for her)
RACHEL: (to Julie) Thank you. (under her breath to Chandler) What a bitch.
JULIE: Oh, listen you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdales who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount. So, anyone want to come with me and take advantage of it?
PHOEBE: I can't, I have to take my grandmother to the vet.
MONICA: Ok, um, I'll go with you.
JULIE: Great.
ROSS: (enters) Hi, honey.
CHANDLER: Hey, sweetums.
ROSS: Hello to the rest.
ALL: Hi!
JOEY: Monica what're you doin'? You can't go shopping with her? What about Rachel?
MONICA: It's gonna be a problem, isn't it?
CHANDLER: Come on, you're going to Bloomingdales with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
MONICA: But I'm--
PHOEBE: Monica, she will kill you. She will kill you like a dog in the street.
ROSS: So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going shopping tomorrow?
MONICA: Yeah, uh, it's actually not that big a deal.
ROSS: It's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica. I really appreciate this.
MONICA: You're welcome.
PHOEBE: Woof, woof.
[Scene: A Department Store, Joey is selling men's cologne.]
JOEY: Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Bijan for men? Hey Annabelle.
ANNABELLE: Hey, Joey. So did you hear about the new guy?
JOEY: Who?
ANNABELLE: Nobody knows his name. Me and the girls just call him the Hombre man.
JOEY: What's he doin' in my section?
ANNABELLE: I guess he doesn't know.
JOEY: Well, he's gonna. I'll see you a little later, ok? Hey, how ya doin'?
TODD: Mornin'.
JOEY: Listen, I know you're new, but it's kinda understood that everything from Young Men's to the escalator is my territory.
TODD: Your territory, huh?
JOEY: Yeah. Bijan for men?
GUY: No thanks.
TODD: Hombre?
GUY: Yeah. All right.
TODD: You were saying?
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there as Monica enters.]
MONICA: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
PHOEBE: What?
MONICA: We were shopping, and we had lunch.
PHOEBE: Oh, all right. What did I have?
MONICA: You had a salad.
PHOEBE: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.
RACHEL: (entering) Hey, guys, what's up.
PHOEBE: I went shopping with Monica all day, and I had a salad.
RACHEL: Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
PHOEBE: Um, we went shopping for um, for, fur.
RACHEL: You went shopping for fur?
PHOEBE: Yes, and then I realized I'm against that, and uh, so then we bought some, (sees Monica pointing at her chest) uh, boobs.
RACHEL: You bought boobs?
PHOEBE: (Monica is yanking on her bra strap) Bras! We bought bras! We bought bras.
[Scene: The Department Store, Joey is trying to sell some cologne.]
JOEY: Bijan for men? Hey, Annabelle, Uh, listen, I was wondering if maybe after work you and I could go maybe grab a cup of coffee.
ANNABELLE: Oh, actually I sorta have plans.
TODD: Ready, Annabelle?
ANNABELLE: You bet. Maybe some other time?
JOEY: Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a cowboy spraying cologne. Bijan for men?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Carol is dropping Ben off for Ross to watch.]
CAROL: Ok, and this is Funny Clown. Funny Clown is only for after his naps, not before his naps or he won't sleep.
ROSS: Carol, we've been through this before, ok? We have a good time. We laugh, we play. It's like we're father and son.
SUSAN: Honey, relax. Ross is great with him. Don't look so surprised. I'm a lovely person.
RACHEL: Oh, this is so cute.
SUSAN: Oh, I got that for him.
ROSS: My mommies love me. That's clever.
MONICA: Hello? Oh, Hi, Ju-- Hi, Jew! Uh huh? Uh huh? Ok. Um, sure, that'd be great. See ya then. Bye.
RACHEL: Did you just say Hi, Jew?
MONICA: Yes. Uh, yes, I did. That was my friend, Eddie Moskowitz. Yeah, he likes it. Reaffirms his faith.
PHOEBE: Ben, dinner!
ROSS: Thanks Aunt Pheebs. Hey, you didn't microwave that, did you, because it's breast milk, and you're not supposed to do that.
PHOEBE: Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk. Ok.
CHANDLER: What did you just do?
PHOEBE: I licked my arm, what?
ROSS: It's breast milk.
PHOEBE: So?
RACHEL: Phoebe, that is juice, squeezed from a person.
JOEY: What is the big deal?
CHANDLER: What did you just do?
ROSS: Ok, would people stop drinking the breast milk?
PHOEBE: You won't even taste it?
ROSS: No!
PHOEBE: Not even if you just pretend that it's milk?
ROSS: Not even if Carol's breast had a picture of a missing child on it.
MONICA: Hey, where is everybody?
RACHEL: They took Ben to the park. Where've you been?
MONICA: Just out. Had some lunch, just me, little quality time with me. Thanks for your jacket.
RACHEL: Oh, no problem. You can borrow it, by the way. Here are your keys, hon. Mon, if uh you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you uh 53 dollars?
MONICA: You know what probably happened? Someone musta stolen my credit card.
RACHEL: And sorta just put the receipt back in your pocket
MONICA: That is an excellent excellent question. That is excellent.
RACHEL: Monica, what is with you? Who'd you have lunch with?
MONICA: Judy.
RACHEL: Who?
MONICA: Julie.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Jody.
RACHEL: You were with Julie?
MONICA: Look, when it started I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend. And then, one thing led to another and, before I knew it, we were...shopping.
RACHEL: Oh. Oh my god.
MONICA: Honey, wait. We only did it once. It didn't mean anything to me.
RACHEL: Yeah, right.
MONICA: Really, Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time. Look, I'm sorry, all right. I never meant for you to find out.
RACHEL: Oh, please, you wanted to get caught.
MONICA: That is not true!
RACHEL: Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
MONICA: Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?
RACHEL: Ok, Monica. I just have to know one thing. Did you go with her to Bloomingdales? Oh! Ok, ok, ok, I just really, uh, I just really need to not be with you right now.
MONICA: Hi, who's this? Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working? It's Monica. Yes, I know I did a horrible thing. Joanna, it's not as simple as all that, ok? No, I don't care what Steve thinks. Hi, Steve.
CAROL: How did we do?
PHOEBE: Oh, I tasted Ben's milk, and Ross freaked out.
ROSS: I did not freak out.
CAROL: Why'd you freak out?
ROSS: Because it's breast milk. It's gross.
CAROL: My breast milk is gross?
SUSAN: This should be fun.
ROSS: No, no, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it. I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
CHANDLER: Of course the packaging does appeal to grown-ups and kids alike.
CAROL: Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it, it's no big deal. Just taste it.
ROSS: That would be no.
PHOEBE: Come on. It doesn't taste bad.
JOEY: Yeah, it's kinda sweet, sorta like, uh--
SUSAN: Cantaloupe juice.
JOEY: Exactly.
ROSS: You've tasted it? You've tasted it.
SUSAN: Uh huh.
ROSS: Oh, you've tasted it.
SUSAN: You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
ROSS: Gimme the bottle. Gimme the towel.
CHANDLER: Howdy.
JOEY: Gimme a box a juice. Well, they switched me over to Hombre.
CHANDLER: Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.
JOEY: Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good they wanna put more people on it. You should see this guy, Chandler, he goes through two bottles a day.
CHANDLER: What do you care? You're an actor. This is your day job. This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
JOEY: I know, but, I was the best, you know? I liked being the best. I don't know. Maybe I should just get outta the game. They need guys up in housewares to serve cheese.
CHANDLER: All right, say you do that. You know sooner or later somebody's gonna come along that slices a better cheddar. And then where're you gonna run?
JOEY: Yeah I guess you're right.
CHANDLER: You're damn right I'm right. I say you show this guy what you're made of. I say you stand your ground. I say you show him that you are the baddest hombre west of the lingerie.
JOEY: I'm gonna do it.
CHANDLER: All right. Now go see Miss Kitty and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
MONICA: I don't know what else to say.
RACHEL: Well that works out good, because I'm not listening.
MONICA: I feel terrible, I really do.
RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?
MONICA: Rachel, say that I'm friends with her, we spend some time together. Is that so terrible?
RACHEL: Yes.
MONICA: It's that terrible?
RACHEL: Yes. Monica, you don't get it. It's bad enough that she's stolen the guy who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with, but now, she's actually, but now she's actually stealing you.
MONICA: Me? What are you talking about? Nobody could steal me from you. I mean, just because I'm friends with her doesn't make me any less friends with you. I mean, you're my...We're, we're...Oh, I love you.
RACHEL: I love you too.
PHOEBE: You guys, um I know that this really doesn't have anything to do with me, but um I love you guys too. Oh, I really needed that.
MONICA: Look, I know that you're in a place right now where you really need to hate Julie's guts, but she didn't do anything wrong. I mean, she was just a girl who met a guy, and now they go out. I really think that if you gave her a chance, you'd like her. Would you just give that a chance, for me?
RACHEL: I'd do anything for you, you know that.
MONICA: I'd do anything for you.
PHOEBE: Wait, wait, wait, wait!
JOEY: Mornin'. I said, mornin'.
TODD: I heard ya.
STORE GUY: All right, everybody, I'm openin' the doors. You boys ready?
TODD: Ready.
JOEY: Yeah, I'm ready.
CUSTOMER: You idiot, you stupid cowboy, you blinded me, I'm suing!
STORE GUY: Oh my god, Todd! What the hell did you do?
TODD: I'm sorry. I am such a doofus. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
ANNABELLE: My god, what happened?
JOEY: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all...stop lastin'. Listen, uh, what do you say I buy you that cup of coffee now?
ANNABELLE: Sure.
JULIE: So.
RACHEL: So. I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit. I mean, you know, we've never really talked. I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, though, right?
JULIE: I know, I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.
RACHEL: Really? Me?
JULIE: Yes. Oh my god, are you kidding? Ross is so crazy about you, and I really wanted you to like me, and, it's probably me being totally paranoid, but I kinda got the feeling that maybe you don't.
RACHEL: Well, you're not totally paranoid.
JULIE: Oy.
RACHEL: Um, ok, uh, oh god, um, when you and uh Ross first started going out, it was really hard for me, um, for many reasons, which I'm not gonna bore you with now, but um, I just, I see how happy he is, you know, and how good you guys are together, and um, Monica's always saying how nice you are, and god I hate it when she's right.
JULIE: Thanks. Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime or something?
RACHEL: Yeah, that'd be great. I'd love it.
JULIE: I'd love it too. Shoot, I gotta go. So, I'll talk to you later.
RACHEL: All right, Julie. What a manipulative bitch.
END

202 母乳

这些非常昂贵我知道他很快就穿不下…
但是我就是无法抗拒
看看这些
嗨，班
做了就对!
是不是对他压力太大?
他已经饿了吗?我想是的
他已经饿了吗?我想是的
球鞋真的很有趣我马上就回来!
我也要一个
你们在干什么?
我们只是来看看汤匙
要调羹吗?
你们成熟一点好吗?
这是世上最自然美丽的
我们知道担心在有个婴儿在吸它
这是我儿子在吃午餐你们最好习惯
如果你们感到不自在发问就好
卡萝不介意的
卡萝?
我想问问乔伊能不能提出关于哺乳的问题?
当然可以
会不会痛?
刚开始会，现在不会了
钱德?
你能多久喂一次?
只要他需要就可以
我想到了一个问题
如果他对一个吹气另一个会不会变大?
还有松糕吗?还有，我忘记是哪一种
你太忙了，我来拿
你的围裙松了，我帮你系好
了谢好谢
真是个恶婆娘!
我有朋友在布明岱尔百货上班明天就不干了
他想要花掉他的折扣优待
谁想跟我去捡便宜?
我不行我要带我祖母去看兽医
我跟你去
我跟你去
哈罗，各位
你不能跟她去逛百货瑞秋怎么办?
会有问题，对不对?
你要跟芙莉去布明岱尔
就像是到瑞秋家中偷汉子
她会宰了你
她会宰了你就像宰街上的流浪狗
芙莉说你们明天要去逛街
其实没有什么…
对我很重要，非常重要
我非常感激你这么做
别客气
碧而泉男性香水?
听说过新来的人吗?
没人知道他的名字我们女生都叫他“原野奇侠”
原野奇侠?
他到我这一区干什么?
我想他不知道
他必须知道
待会见
你好吗?
你好吗?
听着，我知道你是新来的…
但众所周知这附近的一切
从年轻人部门到电梯…都是我的地盘
你的地盘?
碧而泉男性香水?不，谢了
原野奇侠?
原野奇侠?
你刚才说什么?
菲此，听着，你跟我一起逛了整天街买东西
我们买东西，吃午餐
我吃了什么?
难怪我觉得饿
嗨，怎么样?
我整天都跟摩妮卡买东西吃了一客沙拉
很好，菲比你们买了什么?
买了皮毛
你去买皮毛?
然后我发现我反对买皮毛
于是我们买了一些…
波霸
你买了波霸?
胸罩!
我们买了胸罩
碧而泉男性香水?
碧而泉…
嗨，安娜贝
下班后我们可以喝个咖啡吗?
我已经有计昼了
准备好了吗，安娜贝?
好了
以后再约吧
我又不是没被啧香水的牛仔抢走女孩子过
碧而泉男性香水?
这是滑稽小丑
只有睡过午觉才可以给他玩否则他会睡不着
我带过他，我们玩得很高兴
我们又笑又玩就像父亲跟儿子一样
罗斯很会带他
别这么惊讶我是个很好的人
好可爱!
我为他买的
真聪明
真聪明
嗨，犹太人!
好的，可以
很好，待会见
你刚才是不是说：嗨，犹太人?
对，我是这么说
那是我的犹太朋友艾迪莫斯考维兹
他很喜欢这称呼能加强他的信仰
班，吃晚餐了
谢谢，菲此姑妈
你没有用微波炉吧?不应该这样处理母乳
我想我知道如何加热母乳
你在干什么?
我舔了我的手臂，怎么样?
那是母乳
又怎么样?
菲此那是从另一个人身上挤出的汁
有什么了不起?
你又在干什么?
大家能不能不要喝母乳?
你连尝都不尝?
不能假装那是牛奶吗?
就算卡萝的乳房贴了牛奶寻人广告都不行
大家到哪里去了?带班去公园了，你去哪里了?
出去
吃了午餐，只有我一个人与自己共度美好时光
你也可以向我借
这是你的钥匙
如果你一个人吃午餐怎么会要五十三块?
你知道大概发生什么事吗?
定有人偷了我的信用卡
然后把收据放回你口袋?
这是个非常好的问题
真的非常好
朱蒂，谁？
朱蒂，什么？
裘迪
你跟芙莉在一起?
刚开始我只是想对她友善点•，
因为她是我哥哥的女友
然后事情接着发生…
我还不清楚，我们就…
去瞎拼了
我的天
慢着，我们只做了一次
对我没有任何意义!
我一直想的是你
对不起，好吗?我不希望你知道的
拜托!你希望被逮到
才不是!
所以你不小心留收据在这里?
我会这么笨?
好，我必须知道一件事
你是不是跟她去布明岱尔?
我现在不能跟你在一起了
嗨，哪一位?
嗨，琼安，瑞秋在吗?我是摩妮卡
我知道我做了很糟糕的事
琼安，事情没这么简单
我才不在乎史提夫怎么想嗨，史提夫
情况如何?
我尝了班的奶水罗斯发癫了
我没有发癫
你为什么发癫?因为那是母乳
很呕心
我的奶水很呕心?
这会很好玩
这没什么不对
我只是不认为母乳是给大人喝的
当然母乳的容器很吸引大人与小孩
别傻了，我试过，没什么
口尝一尝
不行
很自然
又不难吃
有一点甜，很像…
像什么?
哈密瓜汁
没错
你尝过了
喔，你尝过了
你可以一直说下去也不会变成假话
把奶瓶给我
把毛巾给我
吃饱没?
给我一罐果汁
他们把我调到原野奇侠了
也许是因为你的穿着
或因为那家伙表现太好了他们要增加人手
那家伙一天用掉两瓶
你在乎什么?
你是个演员这只是你的副业，没什么
我知道，但我本来是最棒的
我喜欢当最棒的
也许我应该退出江湖
厨具部门需要有人切乳酪
假如你这么做了
将来迟早有人会出现乳酪切得此你更好
那时候你要逃到哪里?
也许你说得对
我说你应该发挥大丈夫气概
让他知道你是内衣部西边最厉害的原野奇侠!
我要这么做
现在去找猫咪小姐她会介绍个好妓女给你
我不知道该说什么
很好，因为我不会听
我觉得很糟糕，真的
对不起我的背伤害了你的刀吗?
我跟她交朋友，一起去逛街这有什么不好?
真的很不好吗?是的，你还不懂吗?
她偷走我的男人已经够糟了…
我可能会跟他长相厮守
但现在
她竟然…
现在她竟然连你也抢走了!
你在说什么?
没人能把我从你那里抢走
我与她交朋友不会影响我与你的感情
你是我的…
喂，我知道这与我完全无关
但我也爱你们！
我很需要这样
我知道现在…
你很想恨死芙莉
但是她没有做错什么
她只是认识了一个男生现在他们在交往
我想如果你给她一个机会你会喜欢她的
你愿意给她一个机会吗?
为了我?
我愿意为你做任何事你知道的
我什么都愿意为你做
等一下!
我说：早
我听见了
我要开门了
你们准备好了吗?
好了
我也好了
我也好了
你弄瞎我了!我要告你们
天啊!陶德!你在搞什么鬼
对不起，我真是笨手笨脚!
对不起，非常对不起
老天，发生什么事?
这些菜乌，都撑不了很久
这些菜乌，都撑不了很久
…捅出纰漏
我们去喝杯咖啡怎么样?
我想我们应该亲近亲近
你知道的我们从来没有真正谈过话
我想你说得对因为你是我们两个之
我知道
我也许不该告诉你…
你在开玩笑吗?
罗斯还是对你很着迷…
我真的希望你喜欢我
也许我只是胡思乱想…
但我好像觉得你不喜欢我
你不是完全胡思乱想
当你与罗斯刚开始交往时•，
我真的很难过…
有太多理由，我不要烦你
但我看到他非常快乐，而且你们在一起是多么相配
摩妮卡一直说你有多好…
我真讨厌她说得对
谢谢
你想不想一起去看电影或出去玩?
这样很好，我很乐意
我也是
我必须要走了
真是个玩弄人的贱人!
真不赖

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 27楼发表于: 2014-03-13 0

203 The One Where Mr. Heckles Dies

CHANDLER: Hey.
MONICA: So how was Joan?
CHANDLER: I broke up with her.
CHANDLER: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
RACHEL: Come on, they were not that huge.
CHANDLER: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.
MONICA: How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant things?
JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts.
CHANDLER: You or me?
ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right?
ALL: Yeah.
JOEY: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, "whoa."
PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason.
CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla.
ROSS: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason.
(knock)
MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles.
MR. HECKLES: You're doing it again.
MONICA: We're not doing anything.
MR. HECKLES: You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.
RACHEL: You don't have birds.
MR. HECKLES: I could have birds.
MONICA: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it down.
MR. HECKLES: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.
RACHEL: All right, bye-bye.
CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
ROSS: We'll give you Janice.
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."
RACHEL: "Oh, my, god."
JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!"
MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.
RACHEL: We won. We won!
MONICA: Mr. Heckles.
RACHEL: How did this happen?
MR. TREEGER: He musta been sweepin'. They found a broom in his hand.
MONICA: That's terrible.
MR. TREEGER: I know. I was sweepin' yesterday. It coulda been me.ROSS: Sure, sweepin'. You never know.
MR. TREEGER: You never know.
PHOEBE: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true.
JOEY: Such as?
PHOEBE: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution?
ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, you don't believe in evolution?
PHOEBE: Nah. Not really.
ROSS: You don't believe in evolution?
PHOEBE: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.
ROSS: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy?
PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
PHOEBE: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.
ROSS: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
PHOEBE: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
(knock)
CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.
MR. TREEGER: There she is. And over there, that's the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you.
MONICA: What can we do for you?
MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
MONICA: Well, what about his family?
MR. BOYLE: He didn't have any.
RACHEL: Ok, so let's talk money.
MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.
MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
RACHEL: Have you ever seen so much crap?
CHANDLER: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap
JOEY: Check this out. Can I have this?
ROSS: How can you not believe in evolution?
PHOEBE: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt!
ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time.
PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it?
ROSS: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over.
PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that.
ROSS: Well, there you go.
PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?
CHANDLER: Hey, look at this. "My Big Book of Grievances."
JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too.
CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent.
RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
MONICA: Rache, I think we have enough regular lamps.
RACHEL: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.
MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
RACHEL: Well, what about my stuff?
MONICA: You don't have any stuff.
RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
MONICA: No.
RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room.
MONICA: Mmmmm.
RACHEL: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.
ROSS: Ok, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?
PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
ROSS: Please tell me you're joking.
PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.
ROSS: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because--
PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.
ROSS: Is there blood coming out of my ears?
JOEY: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook.
CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal.
PHOEBE: He's even kind of cute.
JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.
CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles?
JOEY: That's what it says.
CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?
PHOEBE: I'd call that excessive.
CHANDLER: Whoa!
JOEY: What?
CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.
CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off?
JOEY: Have you been here all night?
CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case.
CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it "supposably"?
JOEY: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
CHANDLER: How do you know that? How?
JOEY: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out.
CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?
CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand.
JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
CHANDLER: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.
JOEY: Supposably. Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? Supposably.
CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it's me.
JANICE: Oh, my, god.
PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice?
CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?
ROSS: You remember Janice, right?
CHANDLER: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
JANICE: Helloo!!
CHANDLER: Oh, my, god!
JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got.
JANICE: Hey, it's everybody.
CHANDLER: Janice, you're--
JANICE: Yes, I am.
CHANDLER: Is it--?
JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now.
CHANDLER: Congratulations.
JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?
JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.
MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played in a while?
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Hide the Lamp.
RACHEL: Monica, let it go.
MONICA: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish?
RACHEL: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps.
PHOEBE: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man.
ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities.
ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility.
PHOEBE: I can't believe you caved.
ROSS: What?
PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry?
RACHEL: I am. Let me just get my coat.
MONICA: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and the lamp, and it broke.
RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?
MONICA: Phoebe, tell her!
PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.
RACHEL: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.
CHANDLER: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
RACHEL: Ok, you win.
MONICA: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone.
CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
PHOEBE: Uh huh. Why is that?
CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
MONICA: You have got to get over this. You're not gonna end up alone.
CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
MONICA: You are not a freak. You're a guy.
RACHEL: She's right. She's right. You are no different than the rest of them.
MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.
CHANDLER: In a bad way?
MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.
RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
MONICA: You made it!
PHOEBE: You're there!
RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment!
CHANDLER: Whoa! Don't know about that.
RACHEL: What you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break?
MONICA: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.
RACHEL: Thank you.
MONICA: That's fine.
CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.
JOEY: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
CHANDLER: I'll take that.
JOEY: You want his yearbook?
CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.
MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell.
RACHEL: It's really not that big!
CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh?
JOEY: Oh, yeah.
ROSS: You comin'?
CHANDLER: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.
ALISON: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher wanted"?
CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
END

203 海先生之死

琼安好不好?
跟她分手了
为什么?
别告诉我因为鼻孔太大?
真的超大
她打喷嚏时会有蝙蝠飞出来
没那么大
当她仰起头时我可以看到她的脑子
你到底要拒绝多少好女孩…
只是因为非常肤浅的事情?
慢着，我必须帮钱德说话
我刚搬到这里时与一个女孩交往
非常热情，很会接吻…
但是她的喉结非常大粒!
真是让我受不了
真是让我受不了
乔伊，女人没有喉结
你们是在骗我，对不对?
对，我们在骗你!
我差点上当了
你与哪个女友分手是因为正当的理由?
莫琳罗西洛
因为她不讨厌音乐家雅尼这不是个正当的理由
嗨，哈克先生
你们又来了
我们什么都没做
你们脚步声太响吓到了我的乌儿
你没有养乌
我可以养乌
我们会小声一点
谢谢
我要回去继续宴客了
好，再见
对了，珍妮丝
珍妮丝可以证明我并没有乱挑剔
我们同意你与珍妮丝分手
但我蛮想珍尼斯的
嗨，钱德宝!
喔，我的天!
喔，钱德
现在就要
对了
对了！快一点!
别用扫把了!我们没有制造噪音
我们赢了
哈克先生
他们发现他抓着一把扫把
我知道
昨天我也在扫地
搞不好也会一命呜呼
扫地，真是天有不测风云
世事难料
很微弱，但我还可以感觉他在大楼里
进入光芒中，哈克先生!
好了，菲此
对不起有时候他们需要帮助
又来了
很好，嘲笑我吧
我不相信很多事情…
但这不表示就不是真的
譬如什么事?
像是玉米田图案或百慕达三角或演化论
你不相信进化论?
不真的相信
你不相信进化论?
我不知道，只是…
猴子，达尔文，很好的故事我只是觉得有点太简单
太简单?太…
这个星球上的一切生物经过数千万年…
从单细胞微生物进化而成而你说太简单?
对，我不太相信
对不起进化论不是信不信由你，菲此
进化论是科学事实就像我们呼吸的空气…
就像地心引力
别跟我提起地心引力
你不相信地心引力?
倒不是相不相信的问题
最近我感觉到…
我不是被吸住，而是被压着
被压着…
那是牛顿，他非常火大
她在那边，那里还有另一个
他想跟你们谈谈
有何贵干?
根据我客户的遗嘱…
他要把他所有财产…
都留给楼上吵闹的女孩们
他的家人呢?
他没有家人
好，让我们看看有多少钱
好，没有半毛钱
现在，我们来签字
你是一号吵闹女孩你是二号吵闹女孩
我真不相信我们一直以为他讨厌我们
真是不可思议我们能如此感动其他人…
而自己却不知道?
看看这个猪窝?!
他痛恨我们!这是他最终的报复
我从来没看过这么多废物
我觉得这间公寓侮辱了废物的美名
看看这个
这个能给我吗?
你怎么能不相信进化论?
我不知道，就是不相信看看这条怪衬衫!
菲此我整个成年都在研究进化论
我们从世界各地搜集化石
能够证明不同物种的进化论
可以真正看到它们…
透过时间进化
真的?可以看得到?
千真万确!在美国中国，非洲，全世界
这我不知道
这就是吧
所以真的问题是谁把化石放在那里?为什么?
我的痛苦之书
嘿，这是我!
四月十七日，噪音过度
义大利佬带了女伴回家
你也在里面
四月十八日，噪音过度
义大利佬的同性恋室友带了干洗衣服回家
真是太好了
看看这盏灯
真是够俗了我们一定要带回去
我们的好台灯够多了
什么?好啦，我又不是…
要这个美女时钟或什么的
但我觉得这个也很酷
听着，它与我的东西都不搭配
那么我的东西呢?
你没有任何东西
你还是认为那是你的公寓对不对?
对，你是这么想
你把它想成是你的公寓我只是租了个房间
你支支吾吾的时候我会为我的新台灯找个地方放
菲此看我玩这些小玩具
可对立的拇指!
没有进化论怎么发展出可对立的拇指?
也许外星主宰需要拇指才能够驾驶飞碟
请说你是在开玩笑
能不能说你相信进化论而我不相信?
不行，菲此，不能这样为什么不行?
为什么非得每个人都同意你?
这是怎么回事?你知道我怎么想吗?
我想你也许应该好好检视一下罗斯这个生物了
我耳朵有没有流血?
看看这个哈克的高中同学录
他看起来好正常
甚至有点可爱
“哈克你上科学课总是让我捧腹大笑”
“你是全校最有趣的学生”
最有趣?哈克?上面是这样写的
哈克被选为班上的活宝我也是
他说得对!听听那个噪音?
的确是很吵闹
什么?
哈克在乐队演奏竖笛我也是
他参加模型俱乐部我也…
虽然我的学校没有俱乐部但我觉得模型很酷
所以你们两个都是书呆子
没什么值得大惊小怪
我觉得很怪，哈克与我…
哈克与我，我·，
我与哈克
喂，别吵好不好
你整晚都在这里?
看看这个
哈克交往过的女人照片
看看他在上面写的“薇安，太高大”
“玛姬，牙龈太多”
“玛姬，牙龈太多”
“太聪明”“吃东西发出声音”
这就是我
这就是我的作法
我会像他一样孤独终老
哈克是个神经病
我们的人生道路方向一样
我此他晚了30年佒盏愣际且谎?
愁苦城…
孤独镇，隐士村
我们应该离开这里
我请你吃早餐
要是我一直找不到伴侣?或更糟的，我已经找到了…
但我却因为她说“厚许”就甩了她？
钱德，好啦你会找到对象的
你怎么知道?
我不知道我只是想帮你下台
你们将来都会结婚…
我会孤独一人
你能不能答应我一件事?
你结婚后过节时能不能请我去玩?
我不知道我们会怎么样
要是我与妻子到我岳父母那里过节呢?
我了解
你可以过来看超级杯
每一年都来，怎么样?
我不要像这样子下场
待会见，兄弟
待会见，兄弟
他们去动物园了吗?
他们去动物园了吗?
嗨，是我
我的天
珍妮丝?你打给珍妮丝?
是的，珍妮丝
有什么难懂的?
你还记得珍妮丝吧?
是啊，她很聪明，很漂亮而且很关心我
珍妮丝是我的最后一个希望
珍妮丝是我的最后一个希望
她真是胖了不少
嗨，大家都在这里嗨，珍妮丝
珍妮丝，你…
是的，我有了
?·I的是你不是是不是
没那么好的事，钱德宝!
我已经是少奶奶了
我已经是少奶奶了
甜心，真抱歉
你不能在电话上告诉我吗?
要我错过看到你的表情?才不要!
珍妮丝喜欢乐子!
你知道我们很久没玩什么吗?
藏起台灯
摩妮卡，算了吧
你知道我对贝类过敏吗?
那么你必须吃其他的台灯
可十帅勺科学家来了
菲此，这些就是了
在这个手提箱中我带来了真正的科学证据
可算是整个提箱的证据
其中有些化石超过2亿年老
我要先告诉你我并不否定进化论
进化论只是可能性之
进化论是唯一的可能
罗斯你能不能稍稍敞开心胸?
以前最聪明的人不也相信地球是平的?
五十年前，科学家认为原子是最微小的事物
后来科学家击碎了原子于是产生了各种玩意…
难道你是如此自大…
无法承认有一点点的可能…
你们科学家也许会犯错?
是有一点点…
我真不相信你屈服了
你放弃了你的整个信仰!
以前我虽然不同意你佄抑辽僮鹁茨?
但是…
明天你要怎么继续研究?
你要如何面对其他科学家?
你要如何面对你自己?
真好玩，有谁饿了?
我饿了
我也是我去拿外套
怎么了?
这是意外，我发誓
我正在穿外套
拜托，摩妮卡!你痛恨我的台灯
突然间它就奇迹似地破了?
菲此，告诉她
我没看到因为我正在穿外套
但我想要相信你
嗨，钱德摩妮卡打破了我的贝壳台灯
真好
我会死得孤苦伶仃
好，算你赢
钱德，你不会死得孤苦伶仃
本来珍妮丝是我的安全保障
现在我必须去养一条蛇了
为什么?
如果我会成为孤独老人我需要养个东西
有个依靠
就像地铁上那个吃自己脸的人
我会成为“养蛇的疯老头”
养蛇疯子
然后我会养更多蛇当成我的子女
小孩都不敢经过我的门口
他们会叫道：养蛇疯子要来抓人了
你必须想开一点
你不会孤苦伶仃
我当然会
我甩掉了所有笨得愿意跟我交往的女孩
然后我抱怨找不到好女孩
我们所交往的男人…
就跟你所描述的一样
你没什么问题你只是个平常人
她说得对
你与其他人没什么不同
等一下，等一下他是不一样
你其实很不一样
很糟糕吗?
不，甜心，是很好的不一样
现在你知道你要什么了
大多数男人根本不知道
你准备好接受风险了准备好接受伤害，与人亲近
你不会孤苦伶仃的
你打电话给珍妮丝这证明你希望与人厮守终生
你准备好做出承诺了
但是自己却不知道
你拿了什么?
不是你的东西而你想要打破?
我知道你喜欢这个我也要你收下它
在我们公寓会很好看
谢谢
没关系
你们会很高兴知道明天晚上我有约会
我的同事爱莉森人很不错
她又漂亮又聪明我一直…
不寻常的大头
佄也灰
看看我，我成熟了
同学录有没有回收?
那个给我
你要他的同学录?
有人说了他的好话应该留下来
这真的很奇怪
他整个生命都在这公寓度过现在人去楼空
我想我们应该为哈克先生默哀一会儿
他是个麻烦人物似
你们全都会下地狱
其实没有那么大!
你要拿那个走吧?没错
你来吗?
等一下
再见，哈克先生
我们会安静点
我完全学非所用
报纸上什么时候看得到“霉求哲学家”?
天啊，那真是个大头
在办公室看起来没这么大也许是因为灯光
我的头在公司定像个高尔夫球那么叫
不要想了快列出你喜欢她的五件事
笑容很美，衣着高雅
大头，大头，还是大头!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 28楼发表于: 2014-03-13 0

204 The One With Phoebe's Husband

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.]
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.
[a stranger enters with flowers]
STRANGER: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi, hi can I help you?
STRANGER: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.
STRANGER: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband stopped by. [leaves flowers on bar]
RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it get away]
STRANGER: Hey, how, how did you do that?
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang is there.]
JOEY: This is unbelievable Phoebs, how can you be married?
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.
MONICA: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve.
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?
ROSS: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental.
PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.
MONICA: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
ALL: Huuh.
MONICA: Well, didn't you?
PHOEBE: I might have.
MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
PHOEBE: Oh, c'mon, like you tell me everything.
MONICA: What have I not told you?
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace.
RACHEL: What!
MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish] You are dead meat.
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple.
PHOEBE: You have a third nipple?
CHANDLER: You bitch.
ROSS: Whip it out, whip it out.
CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless.
RACHEL: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
JOEY: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin.
ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
JOEY: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.
ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno movie.
ALL: Huuh.
CHANDLER: If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
ROSS: You were in a porno?
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
MONICA: That is wild.
ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like?
PHOEBE: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
JOEY: What happens if you flick it?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]
ROSS: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility. You get the best huts and women dance naked around you.
CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?
ROSS: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?
RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
MONICA: Look honey, I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.
[Phoebe enters all dressed up]
ALL: Woah.
JOEY: Foxy lady.
JULIE: Where you goin'?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
JOEY: The Ice Capades?
CHANDLER: No, no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny.
MONICA: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I mean, you're just, you're setting yourself up all over again.
PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.
ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .
[Scene: Central Perk close to closing. Ross and Julie are still there. Rachel is cleaning tables.]
ROSS: OK sweetie, I'll see you later.
JULIE: See you later Rach.
RACHEL: Bye-bye Julie. [Julie leaves]
[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks Rachel in the butt.]
RACHEL: Hey.
ROSS: Hey.
[Ross kicks her again]
RACHEL: Hey, c'mon, cut it out.
ROSS: Hey?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: Can I ask you somethin'?
RACHEL: Sure.
ROSS: Naa.
RACHEL: What? C'mon, talk to me.
ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?
RACHEL: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sex?
ROSS: Technically, huh, no.
RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy, makes it feel like school?
ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .
RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.
ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird.
RACHEL: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think, I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: I think it's sexy.
ROSS: Sexy?
RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
ROSS: No kidding?
RACHEL: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: I'd wait.
ROSS: You'd wait?
RACHEL: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . . then I'd wait some more.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs, she pleads, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. That just means it's working.
ROSS: Women really want this?
RACHEL: More than jewelry. [Rachel struts off, extremely pleased with herself]
[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Duncan's dressing room.]
PHOEBE: Hi.
DUNCAN: Phoebe!
PHOEBE: Ta-da.
DUNCAN: Hey.
PHOEBE: Hi.
DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great.
PHOEBE: Do I? Thank you, so do you.
DUNCAN: Thanks.
PHOEBE: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful, huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice.
DUNCAN: You always said I'd make it.
PHOEBE: Yeah, well, ya know, I'm kind of spooky that way. Wooo.
DUNCAN: I missed you. [they hug] I'm gonna get changed.
PHOEBE: OK.
DUNCAN: Um, now. Phoebs.
PHOEBE: Oh, right, OK. Ole.
DUNCAN: What?
PHOEBE: Um, the matador. [Duncan leaves] Ole, ha ha ha.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are setting the table.]
ROSS: Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks. [hands her a bowl and kisses her]
[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
CHANDLER: Uh, Julie.
JULIE: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.
ROSS: Hi everyone.
ALL: Hi.
ROSS: [pulls Rachel aside] I just, I wanted to thank you for our uh, our little talk before.
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
RACHEL: What did, what did he say?
ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .
[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
ROSS: Pop it in.
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
RACHEL: Great, people having sex, that's just what I need to see.
ROSS: What's wrong with people having sex?
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive and uh, degrading to women and females. And uh, and the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.
MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey.
[video starts with the cheesy porn disco music]
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray.
CHANDLER: Nice work my friend.
JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . .
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is fixing her hair and Duncan enters.]
PHOEBE: So um, so what's up, you came to see me yesterday.
DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a divorce.
PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come?
DUNCAN: Umm, actually, I'm getting married again.
PHOEBE: What?
DUNCAN: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm straight.
PHOEBE: Huuh.
DUNCAN: Yeah, I know, I.
PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
DUNCAN: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
PHOEBE: So how long have you known?
DUNCAN: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I though I was supposed to be something else, you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin' to fit in.
PHOEBE: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?
DUNCAN: Her name's Debra.
PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?
DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and e-everyone experiments in college.
PHOEBE: Sure.
DUNCAN: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born this way.
PHOEBE: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, 'Oh, I'm not gay.'
DUNCAN: I'm, I'm still me.
PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figured this out six years ago?
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Everyone is sitting around. Monica enters from bathroom.]
MONICA: You know, it still smells like monkey in there.
JULIE: That saves us a conversation.
CHANDLER: Well, listen, this has been great but I'm officially wiped.
JOEY: Me too, we should get goin'.
RACHEL: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore.
MONICA: Rachel, that's all we do.
RACHEL: Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie?
JULIE: What about Julie?
RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything.
JULIE: Well, that could take a while.
RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
JOEY: I got time.
MONICA: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? [Rachel gives her a look from hell] That's fine.
RACHEL: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?
JULIE: Well, in a nutshell. . .
RACHEL: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh.
[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.]
PHOEBE: So, um, have you told your parents?
DUNCAN: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my brother's straight so. . .
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, I don't th ink either answer would make me feel better.
DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss]
PHOEBE: So your brother's straigh huh? Seriously.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Julie is telling her live story.]
JULIE: And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.
RAHCEL: Mrs., Mrs. Gobb?
JULIE: No Cobb, as in cobb salad.
RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.
RACHEL: What?
[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?
ROSS: Goodnight.
RACHEL: So, it's pretty late, you're probably uh, not still planning on. . .
ROSS: Oh, no no, I am.
RACHEL: Oh, well, are hey, are you nervous?
ROSS: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before.
RACHEL: Uh, OK, I mean uh, what, how are you gonna handle it. I mean, are, are ya gonna, are ya gonna talk about it before hand, are you just gonna pounce?
ROSS: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see, see what happens.
RAHCEL: OK, gook luck.
ROSS: Wha, uhh, what?
RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn hard to recover from.
ROSS: OK, now I'm nervous.
RACHEL: Maybe you should put it off.
ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess it up, ya know.
RACHEL: I know, yeah, sorry.
ROSS: What, it's not your fault.
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough. I mean, maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
ROSS: [being drawn in by her talk] Uh-huh.
RACHEL: And then, I don't know, I mean you'd pull me really close to you so that, so that I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you. And, um, it would get kind of sweaty and uh, and blurry, and then it's just happening.
ROSS: Ohh. . . Thanks Rach, goodnight. [goes back in apartment]
RACHEL: Ohh, God.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.]
ROSS: Good morning.
OLD WOMAN: Well, somebody got some last night.
ROSS: Twice.
END

204 菲比的丈夫

妈，你放心好不好?
那里离这里有十条街而且她是一个人在晚上洼
我绝不会那样的
妈，别担心了
这条街很安全，这栋楼很安全没有任何东西…
天啊!你跑进来干什么?
妈，我必须挂电话了!
没关系，你尽管看报
我要去拿个锅子
不是为了你
好了，很好
看看漫昼
享受一下幽默…
喔，我的天，我的天我的天…
门是开的
有何贵干?
菲此还住在这里吗?
没有，但我可以帮你传话
好，告诉她她老公来过这里
她的什么?
你怎么变出来的?
真是不可思议，菲此你怎么会结婚?
我不是“结婚”的结婚你明白吗?
他只是个朋友而且他是同性恋
而且他来自加拿大他需要一张绿卡
我不相信你嫁给了邓肯!
你怎么能不告诉我?我们什么事都告诉彼此
对不起，但如果我告诉你你会批评我
不会赞成
我当然不会赞成
你爱死了那个同性恋
你到底怎么想的?
瞧?我们还以为她很爱批评
我并不爱他我只是帮助一个朋友
他离开后你一整个月都没下床
我还看到你吃乳酪汉堡
有没有?
也许有
我真不相信你没告诉我
你会告诉我一切事情吗?
我有什么没告诉你?
我不知道
譬如说外面电线杆上的内衣…
是你跟鲍此在阳台上做爱时丢下去的
什么?
谁告诉你的?
你死定了
我不知道那是个大秘密
不是大秘密一点也不是
比方说就像…
长了三个乳头!
你有三个乳头?
你这贱人
秀一秀!秀一秀!
没什么好看的!只是个小突起，没有用处
你其他乳头有多种用途罗?
我真不能信任你!你说那是个小包
乔伊，你以为小包是什么?
听到了一个名字就不会多想了
让我再看一看!对，让我们看你的小包!
乔伊拍过色情电影
如果我要垮台每个人都要跟我一起?
你拍过春宫!
当时我很年轻，只想找个工作
但最后一刻我无法做下去
他们就让我演修影印机的人…
但是因为有人在上面做爱所以无法修理
真是狂野
形状是什么样子?有没有长毛?
碰到了会怎么样?
有没有什么特殊功能?
只要压我的第三个乳头…
就会开启了仙境之门
在有些文化中第三个乳头象霉了男性雄风
有最好的住所女人绕着你跳脱衣舞
这些文化是否可能在美国中部?
你真是博学多间有什么是你不知道的?
芙莉好聪明!芙莉好特别!
我也希望你能与罗斯复合
但现在她与他在一起，你必须忘了她
原来我必须忘了他
我不知道该怎么办原来只要忘了他就好
你去哪里了?
我要去见邓肯
他参加了冰上剧团
在冰上表演?不，在柏油路上表演
转得不会很快史努此跌倒时非常好笑
我不相信你竟然为他打扮
你又要重蹈覆辙了
好的，不是
我去看他就是为了能彻底忘了他
我这样打扮是因为…
我要让我的同性恋丈夫有面子
该死，没牛奶了
钱德，能不能给我一点?
我懂了，因为第三个乳头?
甜心，待会见
待会见,瑞秋
别闹了!
我能问你一件事吗?好啊
什么?
对我说吧
你与男人交往花了最久时间…
才发生关系的是多久?
什么?谁没有…?你与芙莉还没有…
你与芙莉还没有发生关系?
技术上来说?
没有
是不是因为她很冷感?
或者她非常挑剔感觉像是在学校?
不!她很好我们又不是什么都没做
我们做了很多事情像是…
不!别告诉我细节
不!这个只是
我的问题
我一辈子只跟一个人上过床…
后来她变成了同性恋
所以现在我很担心
就像是…
这件事
你一定以为我很怪
不，我不认为很怪
你知道我怎么想吗?怎么想?
我觉得这很性感
性感?
让我告诉你，身为女人…
没有任何事情…
此不想要作爱的男人更性感
你知道我会怎么做?
我会等待下去
你会等待?没错，我会等待…
直等待…
然后我还会再等下去
我不管她怎么说她多么想要，多么恳求你…
她说她要跟其他男人做爱…
这只表示收到了效果
女人真的希望如此?
比珠宝还要渴望
你看起来真美丽!
真的?谢谢
你也是，闪闪发亮
真是很棒，剧团的主角
我还记得你只是儿童节目上的道具
你一直说我会成功的
我总是有这方面的怪才能
我要换衣服
现在就要
喔!对，好的
冲刺!
什么?
嗯,我意思是门关上
冲刺!
甜心，你能不能拿一下?
对不起，你脸上有个考古学家
但现在没有了，没事
嗨，各位
我要谢谢你先前的指点
没问题!所以你要等下去?
我本来要等但是后来我又跟乔伊谈了
很好，他怎么说?
他要我去做了就对
我衡量了你说的与他说的
照他的话，今晚我就能做爱
我口袋里有什么东西?
什么，是乔伊的春宫电影
放出来看看!
我不介意只要你们愿意看…
大堆两个乳头的人
大家都在做爱正是我想要看的
做爱有什么不对?
这些电影很冒犯人…
侮辱女人与女性…
灯光总是很呆板
摩妮卡，帮我一下管你的，我要看乔伊
有没有故事?还是立刻就开始…
别理会我
等一下那是我见过最疯狂的打字测验
我只能说，她最好被聘用
看来是他被“聘用”了
我上场了
我要修理影印机
但是我修不了我在想：怎么办?
所以我只好看他们做爱
然后我要开口了
这对送纸匣很不好
干得好，老兄!
等一下，又有我的镜头了这家伙屁股挡住我了
我冒出来了，又来了又来了，又来了…
我需要跟你离婚
为什么?
其实我又要结婚了
什么?
我不知道要怎么说
我不是同性恋
我不懂你怎么会是异性恋?
你又聪明又幽默…
而且举办很棒的奥斯卡派对
我也一直这么告诉自己
但是到了某个程度就无法再扯谎下去了
你知道了多久?
我想我一直知道自己不是同性恋
我以为自己不是
我是个冰上舞蹈者所有朋友都是同志，我要合群
真的要跟一个女人结婚?
她叫黛博拉
她是不是你的第一个女人?
我从来没告诉过你…
不过可能在大学里有一两次
我喝得大醉，去了单身酒吧
醒来时身旁有个女人
我以为这是因为喝酒而且大学每个人都在摸索
当然
现在我知道我没有选择我生下来就是如此!
我不知道该说什么
嫁给一个人六年以为自己很了解他
我不是同性恋
我还是我
你为什么在六年前没有发现这件事?
里面间起来还是有猴骚味(罗斯养过猴子)
我们又有话可聊了
今晚很好玩,我太开心了．
我也是，我们该走了
不!你们别这样
现在才十一点半
让我们好好聊聊我们最近都没有一起聊过天
瑞秋，我们在一起只有聊天
也许我们是如此但是芙莉呢?
芙莉怎么样?
你已经加入我们将近两个月了
我们还没有真正认识你
芙莉究竟是什么样的人?
你喜欢什么?不喜欢什么?
我们什么都要知道
这可能要花一段时间
所以呢?
谁没有时间更认识芙莉?
我有时间来认识芙莉
我跟她很熟了我能回去吗?
没关系
让我们从你的童年开始你的童年是怎么样?
简单地说…
你告诉了你父母吗?
还没有，应该没关系他们都很酷
我弟弟是异性恋，所以…
就是这样了
我还有一个问题
如果你早一点知道而我也在你身边…
你想会不会是我…?
不，别告诉我
我想不管什么回答都不会让我更好过
我爱你，菲此
所以你弟弟是异性恋?
说真的
我的二年级老师是汤玛丝小姐
我的一年级老师是柯布小姐
葛布小姐?
不，柯布，就像柯布沙拉
柯布沙拉里面究竟有什么?
我要回家了
芙莉真是爱说话，嗯?
晚安
很晚了，你们大概没有打算…
我有
你紧张吗?
我以前做过
你要如何进行?
要先谈谈?还是就上了?
我不知道，我想我要…
顺其自然
祝你好运
什么?
没有什么
这是你与她的第一次如果第一次就不顺利…
那就很难再东山再起
好，现在我紧张了
也许你应该延期
不，我不要延期
我去年一整年都很悲惨
现在我很快乐
真的很快乐
我不希望…
我不希望搞砸了，你知道吧?
我知道
对不起
这又不是你的错
也许不需要这么困难
也许你顺其自然是对的
女人真的喜欢这样真的?
如果是我，我会希望你…
趁我没有防备的时候…
好好给我一个吻
刚开始要很轻柔
然后也许把我的头发拨开
凝视我的眼睛…
让我知道有美妙的事情…
快要发生了
然后，我不知道，然后…
你会更紧地搂住我…
我会紧紧贴着你…
然后就会开始…
你明的,马上
目眩神迷…
一切就自然发生…
谢谢，瑞秋，晚安!
哦，天啊．
早安!
昨晚有人爽到了
两次!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 29楼发表于: 2014-03-13 0

205 The One With Five Steaks and an Eggplant

[Scene: At Chandler and Joey's. Ross and Chandler are there. Ross is watching wrestling.]
ROSS: Man, I sure miss Julie.
CHANDLER: Spanish midgets. Spanish midgets wrestling. Julie. Ok, yes, I see how you got there. (phone rings)
ROSS: You ever figure out what that thing's for?
CHANDLER: No, see, I'm trying this new screening thing. You know, I figure if I'm always answering the phone, people'll think I don't have a life. My god, Rodrigo never gets pinned.
(MACHINE--JOEY'S VOICE): Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
JADE: Hello, I'm looking for Bob. This is Jane. I don't know if you're still at this number, but I was just thinking about us, and how great it was, and, well, I know it's been three years, but, I was kinda hoping we could hook up again. I barely had t he nerve to make this call, so you know what I did?
CHANDLER: What?
JADE: I got a little drunk...and naked.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
CHANDLER: (on phone) What've you been up to?
JADE: Oh, you know, the usual, teaching aerobics, partying way too much. Oh, and in case you were wondering, those are my legs on the new James Bond poster.
CHANDLER: Can you hold on a moment? I have another call. (to Ross) I love her.
ROSS: I know.
CHANDLER: I'm back.
JADE: So, are we gonna get together or what?
CHANDLER: Um, absolutely. Uh, how 'bout tomorrow afternoon? Do you know uh, Central Perk in the Village, say, five-ish?
JADE: Great, I'll see you then.
CHANDLER: Ok. Ok. Having a phone has finally paid off.
ROSS: Even though you do do a good Bob impression, I'm thinkin' when she sees you tomorow, she's probably gonna realize, "hey, you're not Bob."
CHANDLER: I'm hoping that when Bob doesn't show up, she will seek comfort in the open arms of the wry stranger at the next table.
ROSS: Oh my god. You are pure evil.
CHANDLER: Ok, pure evil, horny and alone. I've done this.
(At Monica and Rachel's)
ROSS: (on phone) Yeah, yeah, everybody's here. Hey, everybody, say hi to Julie in New Mexico.
ALL: Hi, Julie!
RACHEL: (sarcastically) Hi, Julie.
CHANDLER: Ok, while Ross is on the phone, everybody owes me 62 bucks for his birthday.
PHOEBE: Um, is, is there any chance that you're rounding up? You know, like from, like 20?
CHANDLER: Hey, come on, we got the gift, the concert, and the cake.
JOEY: Do we need a cake?
CHANDLER: Look guys, I know it's a little steep.
RACHEL: Yeah, whoosh!
CHANDLER: But it's Ross.
PHOEBE: It's Ross.
JOEY: All right.
CHANDLER: I'll see you guys later, I gotta go...do a thing.
ROSS: Ok, sweetheart, I'll call you later tonight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, you're not really gonna go through with this, are you?
CHANDLER: You know, I think I might just.
RACHEL: So uh, what are you guys doing for dinner tonight?
JOEY: Well I guess I gotta start savin' up for Ross's birthday, so I guess I'll just stay home and eat dust bunnies.
PHOEBE: Can you believe how much this is gonna cost?
RACHEL: Do you guys ever get the feeling that um, Chandler and those guys just don't get that we don't make as much money as they do?
JOEY: Yes! Yeah, it's like they're always saying "let's go here, let's go there". Like we can afford to go here and there.
PHOEBE: Yes, yes, and it's, and we always have to go to, you know, someplace nice, you know? God, and it's not like we can say anything about it, 'cause, like this birthday thing, it's for Ross.
JOEY: For Ross.
RACHEL: For Ross, Ross, Ross.
MONICA: (enters) Oh my god.
RACHEL: Hey.
JOEY: Hi.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: I'm at work, ordinary day, you know, chop chop chop, sauti, sauti, sauti. All of a sudden, Leon, the manager, calls me into his office. It turns out they fired the head lunch chef, and guess who got the job.
JOEY: If it's not you, this is a horrible story.
MONICA: Fortunately, it is me. And, they made me head of purchasing, thank you very much. Anyway, I just ran into Ross and Chandler downstairs, and they think we should go out and celebrate. You know, someplace nice.
JOEY: Yeah, someplace nice. (to Phoebe and Rachel) How much do you think I can get for my kidney? (at Central Perk)
ROSS: I'm tellin' you. You can't do this.
CHANDLER: Oh, come on. I can never get a girl like that with conventional methods.
ROSS: That doesn't matter. She wanted to call Bob. Hey, for all we know, Bob is who she was meant to be with. You may be destroying two people's chance for happiness.
CHANDLER: We don't know Bob, ok? We know me. We like me. Please let me be happy.
ROSS: Go over there and tell that woman the truth.
CHANDLER: All right.
ROSS: Go.
CHANDLER: Hi.
JADE: Hi.
CHANDLER: Listen, I have to, uh, um, I have to, I have to confess something.
JADE: Yes?
CHANDLER: Whoever stood you up is a jerk.
JADE: How did you--?
CHANDLER: I don't know. I just had this weird sense. You know, but that's me. I'm weird and sensitive. Tissue?
JADE: Thanks.
CHANDLER: No, you keep the pack. I'm all cried out today.
(At Somplace Nice)
ROSS: Ok, ok, here is to my sister, the newly-appointed head lunch chef--
MONICA: Who is also in charge of purchasing.
ROSS: Newly appointed head lunch chef who is also in charge of purchasing--
MONICA: Who has her own little desk when Roland's not there.
ROSS: Uh, lunch chef, purchasing, own little desk when Roland's not there. Here's to my little sister--
MONICA: Oh, wait, and I got a beeper!
JOEY: Cool.
PHOEBE: Let's see!
ROSS: That's fine, I'll just wait!
MONICA: Oh, sorry.
JOEY: Sorry, sorry.
ROSS: Monica!
(glasses clinking)
WAITER: Are we ready to order?
RACHEL: Oh, you know what, we haven't even looked yet.
WAITER: Well, when you do, just let me know. I'll be right over there on the edge of my seat.
PHOEBE: Wow, look at these prices.
RACHEL: Yeah, these are pretty ch-ching.
JOEY: What are these, like famous chickens?
CHANDLER: Hey, sorry I'm late. Congratulations, Mon. (to Ross) I'm not sorry I'm late. How incredible was my afternoon with Jade?
ROSS: Well, pretty incredible according to the message she left you on my machine. Hey, Chandler, why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
CHANDLER: Oh, see, I had to tell her that my number was your number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number because she thinks that my number is Bob's number.
ROSS: Hey, tell me again, what do I do when Mr. Roper calls?
WAITER: Do I dare ask?
MONICA: Yes, I will start with the carpaccio, and then I'll have the grilled prawns.
ROSS: That sounds great. Same for me.
WAITER: And for the gentleman?
JOEY: Yeah, I'll have the Thai chicken pizza. But, hey, look, if I get it without the nuts and leeks and stuff, is it cheaper?
WAITER: You'd think, wouldn't you? Miss?
RACHEL: Ok, I will have the uh, (whispers) side salad.
WAITER: (whispers) And what will that be on the side of?
RACHEL: Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?
WAITER: And for you?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna have a cup of the cucumber soup, and, um, take care.
CHANDLER: I will have the uh, Cajun catfish.
WAITER: Anything else?
CHANDLER: Yes, how 'bout a verse of Killing Me Softly. You're gonna sneeze on my fish, aren't you?
ROSS: (using calculator) Plus tip, divided by six. Ok, everyone owes 28 bucks.
RACHEL: Um, everyone?
ROSS: Oh, you're right, I'm sorry.
JOEY: Thank you.
ROSS: Monica's big night, she shouldn't pay.
MONICA: Oh, thank you!
ROSS: So five of us is, $33.50 apiece.
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
CHANDLER: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, Monica, I'm really happy you got promoted, but cold cucumber mush for thirty-something bucks? No! Rachel just had that, that, that salad, and, and Joey with his like teeny pizza! It's just...
ROSS: Ok, Pheebs! How 'bout we'll each just pay for what we had. It's no big deal.
PHOEBE: Not for you.
MONICA: All right, what's goin' on?
RACHEL: Ok, look you guys, I really don't want to get into this right now. I think it'll just make everyone uncomfortable.
PHOEBE: Fine. All right, fine.
JOEY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: You can tell us.
ROSS: Hello, it's us, all right? It'll be fine.
JOEY: Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don't get that uh, we don't have as much money as you.
MONICA: Ok.
ROSS: I hear ya.
CHANDLER: We can talk about that.
PHOEBE: Well, then...Let's.
ROSS: I, I just never think of money as an issue.
RACHEL: That's 'cause you have it.
ROSS: That's a good point.
CHANDLER: So um, how come you guys haven't talked about this before?
JOEY: 'Cause it's always somethin', you know, like Monica's new job, or the whole Ross's birthday hoopla.
ROSS: Wha--? Whoa, hey, I don't want my birthday to be the source of any kind of negative--there's gonna be a hoopla?
RACHEL: Basically, there's the thing, and then there's the stuff after the thing.
MONICA: If it makes anybody feel better, then we can just forget the thing, and we'll just do the gift.
ROSS: G-gift? The thing's not the gift?
CHANDLER: No, the thing was, we were gonna go see Hootie and the Blowfish.
ROSS: Hootie and the--oh my. I, I can catch them on the radio.
PHOEBE: No, now I feel bad. You wanna go to the concert.
ROSS: No, look, hey, it's my birthday, and the important thing is that we all be together.
MONICA: All of us.
CHANDLER: Together.
ROSS: Not at the concert.
RACHEL: Ok.
JOEY: Yeah.
RACHEL: Thank you.
JOEY: Thanks.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
CHANDLER: So, the ebola virus. That's gotta suck, huh?
(at Monica and Rachel's)
CHANDLER: Gee, Monica, what's in the bag?
MONICA: I don't know, Chandler. Let's take a look.
PHOEBE: Oh, it's like a skit.
MONICA: Why, it's dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe.
ROSS: Whoo!
PHOEBE: Cool.
MONICA: Yeah, we switched meat suppliers at work, and the new guys gave me the steaks as sort of a thank-you.
ROSS: But wait, there's more. Hey, Chandler, what is in the envelope?
CHANDLER: By the way, this didn't seem so dorky in the hall.
ROSS: Come on.
CHANDLER: Why, it's six tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish! The Blowfish!
MONICA: It's on us, all right, so don't worry. It's our treat.
PHOEBE: So...Thank you.
ROSS: Could you be less enthused?
JOEY: Look, it's a nice gesture, it is. But it just feels like--
MONICA: Like?
JOEY: Charity.
MONICA: Charity?
ROSS: We're just tryin' to do a nice thing here.
RACHEL: Ross, you have to understand that your nice thing makes us feel this big.
PHOEBE: Actually, it makes us feel that big.
ROSS: I don't, I don't understand. I mean, you, it's like we can't win with you guys.
CHANDLER: If you guys feel this big, maybe that's not our fault. Maybe that's just how you feel.
JOEY: Oh, now you're tellin' us how you feel.
RACHEL: Ok, we never shoulda talked about this.
PHOEBE: I'm just gonna pass on the concert, 'cause I'm just not in a very Hootie place right now.
RACHEL: Me neither.
JOEY: Me too.
MONICA: Guys, we bought the tickets.
PHOEBE: Oh, well, then you'll have extra seats, you know, for all your tiaras and stuff.
CHANDLER: Why did you look at me when you said that?
MONICA: Well, I guess now we can't go.
RACHEL: What? Come on, you do what you want to do. Do we always have to do everything together?
MONICA: You know what? You're right.
PHOEBE: Fine.
ROSS: Fine.
JOEY: Fine.
CHANDLER: Fine.
RACHEL: Fine.
MONICA: All right. We're gonna go. It's not for another six hours. We're gonna go then.
ROSS: Chandler!
CHANDLER: Yeah?
ROSS: Geez! Are you ready?
CHANDLER: Yeah. Just let me grab my jacket and tell you I had sex today.
ROSS: Whoa! You had sex today?
CHANDLER: Wow, it sounds even cooler when somebody else says it. I was awesome, ok? She was biting her lip to stop from screaming.
ROSS: Wow.
CHANDLER: Now I know it's been awhile, but I took it as a good sign.
(phone rings)
ROSS: Still doing the screening thing?
CHANDLER: I had sex today. I never have to answer that phone again.
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
JADE: Hey, Bob, it's Jade. Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I was really hurt when you didn't show up the other day, and just so you know, I ended up meeting a guy.
CHANDLER: Bob here.
JADE: Oh, hi.
CHANDLER: So, uh, you met someone, huh?
JADE: Yes, yes, I did. In fact, I had sex with him 2 hours ago.
CHANDLER: So, uh, how was he?
JADE: Eh.
CHANDLER: Eh?
JADE: Oh, Bob, he was nothing compared to you. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming your name.
CHANDLER: Well, that makes me feel so good.
JADE: It was just so awkward and bumpy.
ROSS: (silently mouthing) Bumpy?
CHANDLER: Well, maybe he had some kind of uh, new, cool style, that you're not familiar with. And uh maybe you have to get used to it.
JADE: Well there really wasn't much time to get used to it, you know what I mean?
(at the concert)
MONICA: You know what? I'm not gonna be able to enjoy this.
ROSS: Yeah, I know, it's my birthday. We all should be here.
CHANDLER: So, let's go.
ROSS: Well maybe, you know, maybe we should stay for one song.
CHANDLER: Yeah, I mean, it would be rude to them for us to leave now.
MONICA: You know, the guys are probably having a great time.
(at Monica and Rachel's)
JOEY: Come on you guys, one more time.
PHOEBE: Ok. One.
JOEY: Nooo.
MONICA: That was amazing!
ROSS: Excellent, that was excellent.
CHANDLER: I can't believe the guys missed this.
ROSS: What guys? Oh, yeah.
STEVE: Excuse me, you're Monica Geller aren't you?
MONICA: Do I know you?
STEVE: You used to be my babysitter.
MONICA: Oh my god, little Stevie Fisher? How've you been?
STEVE: Good, good, I'm a lawyer now.
MONICA: You can't be a lawyer. You're eight.
STEVE: Listen, it was nice to see you. I gotta run backstage.
MONICA: Uh, wait, backstage?
STEVE: Oh, yeah, my firm represents the band.
ROSS: Ross.
CHANDLER: Chandler.
STEVE: How are you? Look, you guys wanna meet the group? Come on. So, are you one of the ones who fooled around with my dad?
(at Central Perk)
ROSS: Hey, you guys.
RACHEL: Happy birthday.
ROSS: Oh, thank you, thanks. So uh, how was your night last night?
RACHEL: Oh, well, it pretty much sucked. How was yours?
MONICA: Yeah, ours pretty much sucked, oh, but, I did run into little Stevie Fisher. Remember him?
RACHEL: Oh yeah. I used to babysit him. Hey, how's his dad?
MONICA: Uh, good.
ROSS: Uh, aside from that, the whole evening was pretty much a bust.
CHANDLER: Yeah, we really missed you guys.
JOEY: Yeah, look, we were just saying, this whole thing is really stupid.
PHOEBE: We just have to really, really, really, not let stuff like money get--is that a hickey?
MONICA: No, I just, I fell down.
RACHEL: On someone's lips? Where'd you get the hickey?
MONICA: You know, a party, or--
RACHEL: What party?
ROSS: It wasn't so much a party as...a gathering of people, with food, and music, and, and the band.
JOEY: You partied with Hootie and the Blowfish?
CHANDLER: Yes, apparently Stevie and the band are like this.
RACHEL: Who gave you that hickey?
MONICA: That would be the work of a Blowfish.
RACHEL: Oh!
PHOEBE: Oh! I can't believe it. I can't believe this. We're just like, sitting at home, trying to guess Joey's fingers, and you guys are out like partying and having fun, and you know, all, "hey, Blowfish, suck on my neck".
ROSS: Look, don't blame us. You guys coulda been there, you know.
RACHEL: What, as part of your poor friends outreach program?
(Monica's pager goes off)
MONICA: It's work.
CHANDLER: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry that we make more money than you. But we're not gonna feel guilty about it. We work really hard for it.
JOEY: And we don't work hard?
MONICA: (on phone) Yeah, hi, it's Monica. I just got a page.
CHANDLER: I'm just saying that sometimes we like to do stuff that costs a little more.
JOEY: And you feel like we hold you back.
CHANDLER: Yes.
RACHEL: Oh!
CHANDLER: No.
MONICA: Leon, Leon. Shhh! Guys. Wait, I don't understand. Those steaks were just a gift from the meat vendor. That was not a kick back. I'll just replace them and we can forget the whole thing. What corporate policy? No. Yeah. All right. I just got fired.
PHOEBE: Oh.
(Everyone goes over to comfort Monica)
WAITRESS: Here's your check. That'll be $4.12.
JOEY: Let me get that. (to Chandler) You got five bucks?
MACHINE: Here comes the beep, you know what to do.
JADE: Hi, it's me. Listen, Bob. I'm probably way out of line here. I mean, It has been 3 years, and you're probably seeing someone else now, but if we could just have one night together, just for old time's sake, one hot, steamy, wild night...
(Joey lunges for phone and misses.)
END

205 五块牛排和一根茄子

我好想念芙莉
西班牙侏儒
西班牙侏儒摔角…
芙莉!我明白是怎么想到她的
你有想过电话用来做什么吗?
我在过滤电话
我想如果我老是去接的话大家会以为我没有生活
老天啊，罗里哥真是西方不败
听到哔声后知道该怎么做吧?
我要找小包
我是小洁
我不知道你的电话改了没有不过我不断在想…
…我们过去那段美好的时光我知道都已经三年了啦…
…可是我希望我们能够重修旧好
我提不起勇气打电话…
…你知道我怎么样吗?怎么样?
我喝得茫茫的…
…还一丝不挂
我是小包
你近来都在干什么呢?
跟平常一样啊
教有气舞蹈…
…玩得太疯狂
如果你想知道的话…
…新007电影海报上那双腿是我的
你请等一下，我有插拨
我回来了那我们到底要不要聚一聚啊?
当然要了
明天下午怎么样?
你知道格林威治村中央公园咖啡吗?五点钟左右
太棒了，到时候见
我装上电话，终于物有所值了
就算你装小包装得很像…
…等到她明天一看到你…
…就会发现你不是小包了
我只希望当她知道小包放她鸽子的时候…
…她会投向邻桌的陌生人的怀抱
老天，你真是邪恶到家
邪恶到家…
…饥渴兼孤单
这我都试过了
对，大家都在
各位，跟新墨西哥的芙莉打声招呼吧
趁罗斯在讲电话…
…每人缴62块庆祝他的生日
你可不可以将就一下…
…每个人缴20块就好了
少来了要有礼物，演唱会，还有蛋糕
蛋糕需要吗?
各位，我知道这数目多了一点
不过是罗斯的生日呀
不过是罗斯呀
好了，口引门待会儿见我还得去…
…做一件事
好了，甜心，我晚上再打给你
你不是真的要那么做吧，老兄
我非做不可
你们晚上吃什么?
我想我要开始为罗斯的生日存钱了
我的菜单是在家里吃西北风
这个可要花很多钱啊
你们有时候会不会觉得…
…根本不明白我们赚的钱没他们多
他们总是说”口引门去这儿，去那儿”
好像我们真的有那个闲钱一样
而且我们总是得去”好地方”你知道吗?
我们连反对的权利都没有因为这是罗斯的生日…
老天
我在上班…
…跟平常的一天一样切切切，煎煎煎
突然间呢，我们经理李昂叫我去他的办公室
原来他们开除了午餐大厨你们猜谁取代他的职位了?
如果不是你的话这可是个糟透的故事
幸好，那个人是我
他们还升我为采购主任感激不尽
太棒了
我认为我们该出去庆祝一下
去个好地方
去个好地方
你们想我的肾能够卖多少钱?
说真的，你不能够这么做
少来了，拘泥于那种传统方法我永远把不到那种尤物
那有什么关系呢?
她要找的是小包小包一定是她理想的对象
你这么做或许会毁了两个人快乐的机会
我们不认识小包
我们认识我，我们喜欢我拜托，让我快乐起来
你过去告诉那个女人实话
我要跟你招认一件事
什么事?
放你鸽子的人是混蛋
放你鸽子的人是混蛋
我就是有这种怪怪的感应我就这样，怪怪的又敏感
面纸?
谢谢
不用，你整包留着吧
我今天已经”哭”干了
我敬我刚刚被升为午餐大厨的老妹一杯
而且她还接掌了采买大权
恭贺她升为午餐大厨并且接掌采买大权…
罗不在的时候她有自己的小办公桌
午餐大厨，采购，罗不在时有自己的小办公桌
口引门敬我的老妹…等等…我还有传呼器
没关系，我等好了
敬摩妮卡
各位可以点菜了吗?
对不起，我们还没看菜单
那你们看过之后再叫我
我会在那边引颈企盼的
你们看看这上面的价钱
是呀，都是什么鸡的
这什么?名牌鸡吗?
抱歉，我迟到了摩妮卡，恭喜你
我不后悔我迟到，我跟小洁的午后约会太不可思议了
根据她在我答录机上留给你的话的确很不可思议
钱德，这个女人为什么会在我的答录机留话给你呢?
我必须要告诉她我的号码是你的号码…
…因为我不能告诉她我的号码是我的号码…
…因为她以为我的号码是小包的号码
你再告诉我一次罗先生打来的时候我怎么办?
可以点菜了吗?
好，我要先来一份生牛肉然后再来一份烤虾
听起来不错，我也一样
那这位先生呢?
我要泰国鸡肉披萨
如果我的披萨少加干果，大蒜…
…会不会比较便宜啊?
你是那么想吗?
好了，我想要点…伴碟沙拉
那要伴在什么菜旁边呢?
我不知道
你就帮我放在我的水旁边好了
那你呢?
我想我要来一碗黄瓜汤…
…保重了
我要一份纽奥良鲸鱼
就这样吗?
还有一首”情歌迷死人”怎么样?
你会朝我的鱼打喷嚏对不对?
加上小费再除以六…
好了，每个人给我28块钱
每个人?
你说得对，对不起
谢谢
今天是摩妮卡的大日子她不需要付啊
用五个人去除…
…每个人33·5元
不行，抱歉那是不可能的事
毕业舞会重演
对不起，摩妮卡你升了职我替你高兴…
…可是冷黄瓜糊要三十几块?
不行
瑞秋只点了那盘小沙拉…
…乔伊只吃了那片小披萨
好吧，菲此
那我们就各付各的，好吗?
小事一桩嘛
对你来讲就是
到底怎么了?
算了，各位我现在真的不想谈这个
我觉得这样只会让大家心里有疙瘩
拜托，说出来吧
我们没你们那么有钱
我懂了
我猜我只是从没想过钱是个问题
那是因为你有钱你说得好
你们以前为何提出来讨论呢?
因为总是有特别的事情像摩妮卡的新工作…
…或是罗斯的什么啦…
我可不希望我的生日造成任何的不愉快…
你们要为我搞什么吗?
基本上有这件事啦然后又是那件事…
如果大家觉得好过一点的话我们可以忘了那件事…
…只送礼物就好了
礼物?礼物不就是那件事吗?
不，那件事就是我们要去看”混混与自大狂”
我可以听收音机就好了
不，现在我愧疚了你想去听那场演唱会的?
不，听着，那是我的生日…
…最重要的是我们大家一起过
不是去演唱会
谢谢
那个依波拉病毒…得到一定很惨
摩妮卡，袋子里有什么?
像在演短剧
是六个人的晚餐五块牛排…
…跟菲此的茄子
我们餐厅换了肉食供应商新供应商送了我这些牛排谢我
等等，还有啊…钱德，那信封里头还有什么?
对了，刚才在外面排演那没么驴的
是六张去看”混混与自大狂”的票
是”自大狂”呀
是我们付钱的，所以别担，C我们…
谢了
你们能不能更不起劲儿啊
各位，你们一番好意
可是我们觉得这像…
施舍
施舍?
我们只是想让大家高兴
对，罗斯但是你这么做让我们觉得我们很渺小
事实上，我们是这么叫
我不懂我是说，我们怎样做都不对
若你们觉得那么渺小的话那或许不是我们的错
或许…那只是你们的感觉
你要告诉我们有什么感受
你看嘛，我们根本就不该提的
我想我不去演唱会了
因为我现在不太有心情去”混”
我也是我也是
各位，我们票都已经买好了
那你们就有座位可以放头冠啊什么的
你说的时候干嘛瞪着我看?
这下子我们都不能去了
你们去做你们要做的事啊我们非得集体行动不可吗?
知道吗?你说得对耶
很好
好吧
我们就去
不过还有六个小时我们到时候再去
天啊，你准备好了吗?
好了，等我先拿个外套还有我今天上床了
什么?你今天上床了?
从别人嘴里说出来更酷耶
我棒透了，我害得她必须要咬住嘴唇忍住尖叫
我知道我很久没有这样了，但我认为那是个好现象
你还在过滤电话吗?
我今天上床了
我再也不用去接那个电话
哔一声过后，你知道怎么做
小包，我是小洁，听着
你那天放我鸽子我心里难过极了
结果你知道吗?我认识了另一个人
我是小包
你认识了别人?
没错
事实上我两小时前跟他上床了
他怎么样呢?
小包，跟你此他算什么
我得咬住嘴唇才能不叫出你的名字
很高兴听你这么讲
我是觉得他好没技巧
或许是因为他采取了一些你不熟悉的新的酷姿势
你应该要习惯他的做法呀
根本没多少时间可以让我习惯…
…懂我的意思吗?
知道吗?我想我根本没有心情听这个
我知道，这是我的生日我们应该全部在一起的
那么走吧
或许我们应该听一首再洼
对呀，反正现在离开对他们有点不敬
说不定他们现在正玩得很开心呢
来吧，再来一次嘛
真不能相信他们错过这个
你说谁?对了
请问，你是盖勒摩妮卡，对吧?
我认识你吗?你以前当过我的褓姆呀
天啊，我的小费史提
近来好不好啊?
很好，我现在是律师了
你不可能是律师，你才八岁
听着，很高兴见到你我要去后台了
等等，后台?
他们是我公司代理的
你们想认识他们吗?
对了你以前也有跟我爸乱搞吗?
各位
生日快乐
谢谢
你们昨天晚上过得怎么样?
昨晚真是烂得可以了你们呢?
我们也是烂得可以啊
但是我碰到了小费史提你记得吗?
记得，我以前当过他的褓姆
他爸好吗?
很好
除此之外我们昨天整个晚上都满凄惨的
对呀，我们刚才还说这件事太愚蠢了
我们必须真的真的不让钱这种事情介入…
那是个吻痕吗?
不，我只是…
我跌倒了
跌在别人嘴上?
你那吻痕哪儿来的?
什么派对?
那不算是派对…
…只能说是一群人聚在一起
有吃的，有音乐，还有…
你们跟”混混与自大狂”混?
对，很显然史提跟混混是死党
那吻痕是谁给的?
是其中一个自大狂弄的
我真不敢相信
我们只是坐在家里头猜乔伊的手指头…
而你们却跑出去疯狂作乐说：
”自大狂吸我脖子”
不要怪我们本来你们也可以去的
什么?当被你们施舍的穷朋友，是不是?
帅，是公司
我不晓得该说什么很抱歉我们赚的钱此你们多
可是我们不想因此有罪恶感我们很努力的赚钱啊
我们就不努力?
我是摩妮卡刚刚有人CALL我
有时候我们会想做比较花钱的事情嘛
是我们拖住你了
雷
各位!
我不明白
那些牛排只是肉商送来的礼物
可不是回扣啊
那我买回去还他们我们把这件事忘掉好了
什么公司政策啊?
我被开除了
你们的帐单，一共四块两毛
我来付
你有没有五块啊?
哔一声过后，你知道怎么做
是我
小包也许我不该做这样的要求
我是说都过三年了说不定你另外有女朋友了…
…我们如果能在一起一个晚上看在往日的份上…
干柴烈火的一晚…

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 30楼发表于: 2014-03-13 0

206 The One With the Baby on the Bus

[Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]
MONICA: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?
ROSS: Let me hold him for a sec. There. (Ben stops crying) Huh? There we are.
MONICA: Maye it's me.
ROSS: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.
CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.
ROSS: There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to Monica)
MONICA: There's my little boy. (Ben starts crying again)
CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)
JOEY: Cool.
MONICA: He hates me. My nephew hates me.
ROSS: Come on, don't do this.
MONICA: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?
CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.
(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)
JOEY: Goo, goo, goo, waaah!
MONICA: That is so funny. Let me see that. (throws the ball out the window)
JOEY: Are you ok, Ross?
ROSS: I don't know. What's in this pie?
MONICA: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi--
ROSS: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie.
MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.
ROSS: And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.
MONICA: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and--oh my god.
ROSS: Ugh.
MONICA: Oh my god.
ROSS: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse.
MONICA: Is your tongue swelling up?
ROSS: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.
MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.
JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?
MONICA: Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot.
ROSS: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?
MONICA: Jacket now.
ROSS: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.
CHANDLER: We'll watch him.
ROSS: I don't think tho.
JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?
CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.
ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.
JOEY: Hat, milk, got it.
ROSS: ??? (speech garbled) Thro up a thro thro--a thro thro!
JOEY: Consider it done.
CHANDLER: You understood that?
JOEY: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?
(Central Perk)
PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.
RACHEL: Ok.
PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
TERRY: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?
RACHEL: What's up?
TERRY: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be very good.
RACHEL: But what about Phoebe?
TERRY: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.
TERRY: Uh--
RACHEL: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?
PHOEBE: (singing) Lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.
(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)
CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?
JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.
CHANDLER: No, I got him.
JOEY: No, seriously.
CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?
CAROLINE: Hello.
BOYS: Hello.
CAROLINE: And who is this little cutie pie?
CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?
JOEY: You wanna smell him?
CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby now.
JOEY: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.
CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.
JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
CAROLINE: I think it's great you guys are doing this.
CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.
CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?
(Central Perk)
PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.
RACHEL: Honey, I'm sorry.
PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.
RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that came from.
PHOEBE: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything you could.
RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.
TERRY: I, I don't know.
RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.
TERRY: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?
RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.
TERRY: Oh, all right, fine, fine, fine.
RACHEL: Done.
PHOEBE: Really?
RACHEL: Yeah. Who's workin' for you babe?
PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?
RACHEL: What?
PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.
RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.
PHOEBE: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.
RACHEL: Well, but Pheebs.
PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....
ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.
DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.
MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.
ROSS: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?
MONICA: My brother, the PhD would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally.
DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.
ROSS: Tho?
(Monica shakes her head.)
ROSS: Ohhh.
MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?
ROSS: Ok.
MONICA: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!
CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!
JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.
CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.
GIRL 1 ON BUS: Hey, you. He's just adorable.
CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.
GIRL 2 ON BUS: So what are you guys out doing today?
JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.
CHANDLER: You done?
JOEY: Yeah.
GIRL 1: Oh, there's our stop.
JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.
GIRL 2: You guys live around here too?
JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.
CHANDLER: You know it?
JOEY: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do you say we uh, get together for a drink?
GIRL 1: So uh, you wanna go to Marquel's?
CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.
GIRL 2: Where's your baby?
CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!
CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.
BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!
MONICA: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts.
DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.
ROSS: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate.
PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?
STEPHANIE: Yeah. I'm Stephanie.
PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?
STEPHANIE: All of them.
PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D?
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know A minor?
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?
STEPHANIE: No.
PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)
CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.
JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.
RACHEL: Ok, everybody, let's give a uh nice warm Central Perk welcome to--
PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!
RACHEL: Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer.
STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.
PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite me!
CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?
TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.
CHANDLER: That's me.
JOEY: I'm him.
CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)
BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!
CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.
JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
CHANDLER: Ok.
JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.
CHANDLER: Yeah?
JOEY: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.
JOEY: Ahh!
CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?
JOEY: Uh, uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.
CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
JOEY: You got a better idea?
CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.
JOEY: Heads.
CHANDLER: Heads it is.
JOEY: Yes! Whew!
CHANDLER: We have to assign heads to something.
JOEY: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
(on the sidewalk outside Central Perk)
RACHEL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Oh, hi.
RACHEL: Here. I thought you might be cold.
PHOEBE: Thank you.
RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.
PHOEBE: Eight dollars and 27 cents. But not really, 'cause I put in the first two, just to, you know, get the ball rolling, and to make myself feel better.
RACHEL: Do you?
PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.
RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!
PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.
RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".
PHOEBE: Really? From who?
RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.
KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Here you go.
KID: Thanks a lot. Hey Christine, I got it!
(chez Monica and Rachel)
ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.
MONICA: That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you.
ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?
MONICA: Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?
ROSS: Oh.
MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?
ROSS: Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?
MONICA: No. But I remember people telling me about it.
ROSS: I hope Ben has a little sister.
MONICA: Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass.
ROSS: I'm gonna get a new band-aid. Hey, how 'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?
MONICA: That was you?
ROSS: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it.
MONICA: Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. Hey, he's not crying.
CHANDLER: (looking fearfully at Joey) Hey, he's not crying.
(Ben starts crying)
JOEY: Yes! There's still pie.
ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?
JOEY: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today.
ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?
CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.
ROSS: Will you hold Ben for a sec? Come here. Come here.
CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!
STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, smel-ly cat".
STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...
PHOEBE: Better. Yeah.
STEPHANIE: Yeah?
PHOEBE: Yeah, much better. And you know what, don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.
STEPHANIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: You wanna try it again?
STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?
PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?
STEPHANIE: Ok.
PHOEBE: Mmmm hmmm.
TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.
PHOEBE: That's too much. Sorry.
END

206 宝宝落在巴士上了

我的小不点儿
你是个小小的小不点儿
不要哭啊
不要哭嘛
他为什么还在哭?
我来抱他一下
来，爸爸抱
不哭了
或许是因为我
别傻了，班爱你他只是爱发牢骚而已
我跟一个牢骚小姐约过会呀
好女孩，有点情绪化就是了
好了，好多了
这才是小乖乖
我可以试一件事吗?
酷哎
他恨我，我的侄子恨我
好啦，不要这样嘛
要是我自己孩子恨我怎么办啊?
摩妮卡，你住口好不好?你疯了是不是啊?
你知道你还要多久才会遇到这个问题呢?
我是说你现在连男朋友都没有
乔伊，她看起来不胖
拿去
真好笑，那个借我一下
你还好吧，罗斯?
不知道
馅饼里有什么呀?
不知道，奶油，鸡蛋，面粉莱姆，奇异果跟…
奇异果?奇异果?
你说这个是奇莱馅饼
不是，我是说奇异果莱姆所以才会那么特别
所以我才会死
我对奇异果过敏
你才不会呢你会过敏的是龙虾，花生跟…
越来越严重了
你的舌头肿了吗?
要不然就是我的嘴小了
穿外套，我们现在就到医院去
他不会怎么样吧?不会，只是得打一针
事实上我觉得好多了
没错，别去了谁要玩拼字游戏啊?
去穿外套
但是班怎么办呢?我们不能带个宝宝去医院啊
交给我们吧
恕难从命
干嘛?我有七个天主教姐妹我照顾过上百个小孩
别这样我们想帮忙，对不对?
拜托，我本来想去打篮球的…
…不过球被丢出窗外去了
好，如果你要带他去散步记得要帮他戴帽子，好吗?
冰箱里还有一些牛奶尿布在袋子里
懂了
包在我身上啊
你听得懂吗?
懂啊，我沙叔叔就有大舌头
他是老婆很正的那个
中央公园
阿秋，要不要听听我今天下午要唱的新歌呢?
今天早上洗澡的时候写的
我一边洗澡一边在写歌
听过的话请阻止我
我全身泡沫，头发湿搭搭
香皂倒过来是皂香
瑞秋，亲爱的麻烦你过来一下好吗?
什么事啊?
告诉你…
我决定以后周日的下午要付钱请一位职业歌手来演出
她叫什么芬妮的，很出色的
伔拼嗽趺窗?
瑞秋，你的朋友不是差而已
她实在是差到…
差到让我想把手指头伸进我的眼睛里
然后把脑袋搅成浆糊
那好，你不是她的歌迷
可是你不能这样对她嘛
你叫我出面?
涂皂，冲水，再一次…
视需要而定
我觉得我们东西没有带够
你有没有记得把宝宝的止痛药带出来?
我告诉你，这绝对值得
大家都知道女人最爱宝宝了
女人爱喜欢宝宝的男人这是感性的问题，懂了吗?
把他对准那边那些宝贝说不定待会儿有一个会过来
来，宝宝给我
快，我说真的
你真的要他吗?
这个小可爱是谁啊?
不要怪我不懂得谦虚，刃?
要不要嗅嗅他?
我想你指的是宝宝吧?
是呀，他的宝宝味好香嗅嗅他的头
我想我的子宫刚刚顿了一下
你看吧
我觉得你们这样做很棒
我们都是很棒的男人
我弟弟跟他的男友试了三年都领养不到孩子
你们是找哪一家办的?
这是我的表演
这是我的地盘
我的名字用粉笔写在外面
你不能把粉笔擦掉的
对不起，我很遗憾
而且他居然还要付这个女人钱
那他干脆给她一个宝座一顶皇冠
还有一根上面有球的权杖
泰利是混蛋，所以我们才会常说”泰利是混蛋”
不然我们干嘛那么说
你说不定已经尽力了
好吧，这样让我看看还有没有别的办法
你何不让她接在那个叫黛什么芬的后面唱啊?
你又不在这里，又不付她钱
我不知道
我帮你洗卡布基诺机好了
你不洗卡布基诺机吗?
我当然会
我是说我会清洗
我会清的
对呀，看谁出马嘛
天啊，好兴奋哦我会收到多少钱啊?
什么?
你说他要付钱给演出的人
我是说他要付另外那个女人钱因为她是职业歌手
我可不想当那个唯一没有收到钱的人
对不起，不
不，我可不是什么二流的…慈善乐团
这个城市里面有上千个地方…
…愿意付钱听我来演唱
我为自己而演唱
我不需要你的施舍
谢谢
你说什么都别想叫我打针我是说，或许他们可以把…
…药水射进我的嘴里就像水熗那样
你们好，我是林医生
好像有人有一点点过敏的反应
对，医生我可以单独跟你谈谈吗?
我哥哥有一点点窖十的丁针
你有没有告诉他我那个水熗的主意?
我的博士哥哥想知道…
这个药有没有可能用口服的?
在这种情况之下，打针是避免不了的，而且要马上打针
怎么样?
好吧，坐下来医生说这一针非打不可
所以你一定要勇敢起来为我这么做，好不好?
你做得非常好
要不要握紧我的手啊?
罗斯，不要握得那么紧
真的，不要握那么紧
罗斯，放开我的手
还真是个好计昼下一回想泡妞…
…我们干脆直接去公园亲热算了
计程车…
你看那票妞儿
只是在练习，你很行
继续开吧
等等，等等我们
他好可爱哦
告诉他，好不好?他觉得他脸色太红润了
你们今天出来做什么?我们没有
我们只是帮我们的异性恋朋友…
…带孩子的异性恋男人做一般男人应该做的事情
讲完了?
讲完了?
少来了，我们才到了
你们也住在这附近啊?
我们住在那个人行道旁边
你们知道吗?
对了，既然大家是邻居嘛我们聚一聚喝点东西，如何?
我们去马可咖啡厅，好吗?
你们的宝宝呢?
或许他会听到拉铃啊
停车
你肯定没有捏断?我真的很痛
没有，只是有一块瘀青
还有这是你戒指压出来的痕迹
对不起，我真的很抱歉没关系
抱歉…我说清楚了
那我们待会儿再庆祝
那我们待会儿再庆祝
他是个双双双
双关节男孩
你就是那个专业的吉他手吗?
对，我叫黛芬
对，上面本来有我名字的现在只剩红萝卜糕了
你会弹几个和弦?
全都会啊是吗?那你会D调
那你会A小调吗?
你会从D和弦转到A小调吗?
那你的吉他有背带吗?
我的有
黛芬什么和弦都会
运输中心吗?
我在帮一本书做调查
如果有人把婴儿留在市公车上那该怎么办呢?
是，我知道只有笨蛋才会这么做
我们今天在公车上掉了汽车安全座椅
白塑胶材质有把手，可以用在推车上面
里面还有一个婴儿
他要跟你讲
各位我们以最热烈的掌声欢迎…
我恨中央咖啡园
欢迎史黛芬
首先我想唱一首我为我的初恋情人写的歌
柴克力…
被邀来咬我
我们打过电话来公车上的婴儿怎么样了?到了没有…
到了
你们之中有一个是父亲吧
是我！是我！
事实上呢，我们两个都是
你知道哪个是班吗?
那个T恤上有鸭子这个有小丑
班绝对是穿着鸭子T恤的
或小丑
等一下，那个绝对是班记得他嘴边那颗可爱的小痣
班，记得我们吗?
天啊，痣掉了
我们该怎么办?
丢铜板决定，鸭或小丑
要丢铜板决定你有更好的主意吗?
好吧，在空中叫
头
就是头
我们得决定头是哪一个
好的
鸭子是头，因为鸭子有头
帮你庆祝生日的小丑没有头不会吓坏你吗?
叫我清晨天使
在离开我之前
叫我清晨天使
然后转身离去
我不会求你留下来
陪我
来，我想你可能会冷
谢谢
看看你，干得不错嘛
这里一共是八块又二十七分
其实没那么多啦头两块是我放的
只是让钱滚滚来还有让自己舒服一点
结果呢?
为了钱演奏这码子事对我非常的不好
我不知道当我唱到”自杀”．，
…我得到一块七十五分钱
可是”臭臭猫”呢?
十五分钱跟一个保险套
所以现在我为”臭臭猫”感到很难过
我不认为大家都会懂”臭臭猫”啊
我是说如果你只要养过健康的猫的话
可是根本就不是那个嘛
本来我唱歌只是因为我很高兴
可是现在却变成全都是为了钱
菲此，大家都很想你
事实上还有人指名要听”臭臭猫”呢
真的啊?是谁呢?
我啊，就是我
我知道那不是赚大钱的歌佄易钕不兜木褪悄鞘?
我是不是不小心丢了一个保险套啊?
情况紧急嘛
情况紧急嘛
克丽丝，拿到了
我只是想要谢谢你今天的帮忙
对不起，我差点捏断你的手
没关系，抱歉你中了我的毒
你还记得我用铅笔戳你的手那回吗?
记得吗?你以为这是什么?雀斑啊
等等，那我用薇恩的南瓜打你脸那一次呢?
天啊，记得我把扫把插进你脚踏车轮里…
结果你翻车头撞到路边那次吗
不，我记得是别人告诉我那件事
我希望班有个小妹妹
希望她能够好好的整整他
我去拿一个新的绷带
我切下你马里布肯娃娃的腿那次呢?
是你干的啊?
对，它的腿发炎了不切的话它会死
我的小侄子
过来，小东西
我的小宝贝班班
他居然没有哭
他没哭呀
还有馅饼
我在，我在
我的小宝贝好吗?
要爸爸帮你换尿布，对不对?我知道…
你今天跟乔伊叔叔还有钱德叔叔玩得开心吗?
开心，他今天坐公车了
好耶，大男生坐公车喔
我有个问题耶
他的小屁股上为什么会有”服务处财产”这些字?
你一定会觉得很精采的
帮我抱一下班，好吗?
别过来，我有奇异果跑呀，乔伊
臭臭猫…
你都吃些什么啊?
不对…对不起
臭臭猫…
好一点了
好多了
你知道吗?不要难过这首歌本来就很难
要不要再试一次?好，从头
这次没有头，好吗?
那是”臭臭猫”的美妙之处
臭臭猫…
他们喂你什么?
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
不是你的错
太夸张了，对不起

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等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 31楼发表于: 2014-03-14 0

207 The One Where Ross Finds Out

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Everyone is sitting at the couches, Chandler enters.]
CHAN: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something. . . repellant. . . about me?
RACH: So, how was the party?
CHAN: Well it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive?
PHOE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.
CHAN: Woah, woah, I've put on a little weight?
PHOE: No, not wieght... y'know, more like insulation.
MNCA: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.
CHAN: Oh, you know, I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time.
MNCA: Please.
ALL: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.
CHAN: Alright, OK, alright. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin' home.
PHOE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. [hugs Chandler but holds her hands apart behind his back] Oh, can't make.... hands... meet....
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Hallway between the apartments. Chandler comes out wearing spandex, jogging in place. Monica is there.]
CHAN: OK, let's do it. [Monica looks at him funny] What?
MNCA: Nothing, just never seen you in little stretchy pants before.
CHAN: And we're changing. [jogs back in his apartment]
[Cut to the city street. Monica and Chandler are jogging. Chandler is lagging behind so he hops in a cab and takes off, leaving Monica behind]
[Scene: Back in Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is doing situps.]
MNCA: C'mon give me five more. Five more.
CHAN: [weakly] No.
MNCA: Five more and I'll flash you.
CHAN: One. . . two. . . two and a half. OK, just show me one of them.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch. Rachel is working.]
CHAN: [slowly lifts coffee cup to his mouth] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [slowly sets the cup back down] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. [Joey intercepts the cup and puts it down for him]. She's insane, the woman is insane. It's before work, it's after work, it's during work. She's got me doing butt clenches at my desk. And now, they won't bring me my mail anymore.
[Phoebe enters.]
RACH: Hey Phoebs, how'd it go with Scott last night?
PHOE: Oh, um, it was nice. Took him to a romantic restraunt, ordered champagne, nice.
JOEY: The guy still won't put out, huh?
PHOE: Nope. Zilch, nothin', uh-uh.
ALL: Sorry Phoebs.
PHOE: Look, I, y'know, I don't mind taking it slow, I like him a lot, y'know he's really interesting and he's really sweet and why won't he give it up?
JOEY: Maybe he, uhh... drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.
PHOE: No, whad'ya mean? He's not British.
JOEY: Maybe he's. . . gay.
PHOE: Oohh, um, no, I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close, and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like... definitely felt something.
RACH: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?
PHOE: No, I felt it on my hip. You could tell.
[Monica enters.]
MNCA: [to Chandler] Yo, Bing. Racquetball in 15 minutes.
CHAN: Joey, be a pal. Lift up my hand and smack her with it.
PHOE: [seeing Ross kissing Julie outside the window] Ooh, oh, Rachel, don't look.
RACH: What? [looks, feigns indifference] C'mon you guys, I don't care, I have a date tonight.
JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?
RACH: Yeah, Monica's settin' me up.
JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh. . .?
RACH: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, y'know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.
CHAN: So you really OK about all this?
RACH: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on. He can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.
[Ross and Julie enter.]
ROSS: Hi guys.
ALL: Hey.
ROSS: Oh, Monica, I figured I'd come by tomorrow morning and pick up Fluffy's old cat toy, OK?
MNCA: Only if you say his full name.
ROSS: [reluctantly] Can I come over tomorrow and pick up Fluffy Meowington's cat toy.
MNCA: Alright.
JOEY: [to Ross] You're getting a cat?
ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.
RACH: Together?
ROSS: Uh huh.
RACH: Both of you?
ROSS: Yep.
RACH: Together.
JULIE: Yeah, we figure it'll live with Ross half the time, and with me half the time.
RACH: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.
ROSS: Hopefully.
RACH: Well. [looks at watch] Woah, look at that! I gotta go, I gotta date. With a man. Um, OK, you guys have a really, uh, have a really good night and you two have a, uh, have a, uh, really good cat. [she leaves carrying her tray then comes back in] OK, we're not supposed to take these when we leave.
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Rachel is on her date with Michael (MICH).]
MICH: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.
RACH: [distracted] How long do cats live?
MICH: [confused] I'm sorry?
RACH: Cats, how long do they live figuring you don't... y'know, throw 'em under a bus or something?
MICH: Um, maybe 15, 16 years.
RACH: That's just great. [she picks up her champagne and starts drinking]
MICH: Um, cheers.
RACH: Oh, right, clink. [downs her glass]
MICH: Monica told you I was cuter that this, didn't she?
RACH: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.
MICH: Oh, that does sound. . .Ahh.
RACH: I mean he just started going out with her.
MICH: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?
RACH: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you.
MICH: Alright.
RACH: OK, OK. So, you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
PHOE: So, I figured it out.
JOEY: What?
PHOE: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough.
JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."
PHOE: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended but, sweet.
JOEY: Phoebs look, if you want to know what the deal is, you're just gonna have to ask him.
PHOE: You're right, you're right. Ah, you are so yumm. [they hug]
[Outside the window, Monica and Chandler jog up. Monica playfully pushes him. They start puching and slapping harder and harder until Monica pushes him down. Chandler stands up, with a serious expression, and chases her away.]
[Scene: Back in the restraunt. Rachel pours the last of the champange bottle in her glass.]
RACH: [obviously drunk] I mean, it's a cat, y'know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, y'know, one of those fruitflies, those things that live for like a day or something? [belligerently] What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?
MICH: Fruitflies?
RACH: Yes! Thank you.
[The waiter comes to the table.]
WAITER: So, would you like any dessert?
MICH: No! No dessert, just a check, please.
RACH: Oh, you're not having fun, are you?
MICH: No, no, I am, but only because for the last hour and a half I've been playing the movie Diner in my head.
RACH: Oh, look at me, look at me. Oh, I'm on a date with a really great guy, all I can think about is Ross and his cat and his... Julie. I just want to get over him. gosh, why can't I do that?
MICH: Oy. Look, I've been through a divorce, trust me you're gonna be fine. You just can't see it now because you haven't had any closure.
RACH: Yeah! Closure. That's what it is, that's what I need. God, you're brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? How do I get that?
MICH: Well, you know, there's no one way really, it's just, you know, whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him, "I'm over you."
RACH: Closure, that's what it is. Closure. [she looks around the restaurant, spotting a guy with a cellular phone] Hello, excuse me. Excuse me, hel. . . woo [she almost falls out of her chair]
GUY: Hang on.
RACH: Hello, excuse me.
GUY: What.
RACH: Hi, I'm sorry, I need to borrow your phone for just one minute.
GUY: I'm talkin'!
RACH: I can see that. I... just one phone call, I'll be very quick, I'll even pay for it myself. [man is still reluctant] OK, you're bein' a little weird about your phone.
GUY: Alright, fine. [on the phone] I'll call you back. [hands the phone to her]
RACH: Thank you. OK. [dials] [to Michael] Machine. Just waiting for the beep.
MICH: Good.
RACHEL: [on phone] Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um, everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat who, by the way, I think you should name Michael. And, you know, ya see there I'm thinking of names so obviously, I am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. [hangs up and tosses phone in the ice bucket]
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is answering the door in his robe.]
CHAN: No, no, no, no, no, no [opens door to Monica] No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.
MNCA: Why not?
CHAN: Because it's Sunday. It's God's day.
MNCA: OK, if you say stop, then we stop.
CHAN: OK, stop.
MNCA: No, c'mon, we can't stop, c'mon, we've got three more pounds to go. I am the energy train and you are on board. Woo-woo, woo-woo, woo-woo [Chandler walks out of the apartment, leaving Monica] Woo.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's apartment. Rachel is taking asprin. Ross enters.]
ROSS: Hey Rach.
RACH: Ahhhh.
ROSS: Oh. And how was the date?
RACH: Umm, I think there was a restaurant... I know there was wine. . .
[Rachel looks at Ross as though she remembers something, but can't place what it is.]
ROSS: Wow, well uh, uh, actually, Julie's downstairs getting a cab, I just need the cat toy, did Monica say. . . What? Why, why are you looking at me like that?
RACH: I don't know, I, I feel like I had a dream about you last night but I, I don't remember.
ROSS: OK. Oh, oh, oh. [runs over and picks up the cat toy]
RACH: Did we speak on the phone last night? Did you call me?
ROSS: No, I stayed at Julie's last night.
RACH: Huh.
ROSS: Oh, actually I haven't even been home yet. Do you mind if I check my messages?
RACH: Oh yeah, go ahead. [Rachel walks in her room. Ross picks up the phone and dials his machine to check his messages.]
ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. [pauses] Who's Michael?
[Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.]
RACH: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . [jumps the couch and lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression on his face.]
ROSS: You're over me?
RACH: Ohhhhhhhh God. [climbs off his back]
ROSS: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?
RACH: Ohh, ohh.
ROSS: When, when were you... under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you, uh. . . What?
RACH: Ohh, OK, OK, OK, well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
ROSS: You've had feelings for me?
RACH: Yeah, what, so? You had feelings for me first.
ROSS: Woah. Huh. You know about my, I mean, you know I had... you know?
RACH: Chandler told me.
ROSS: Chandler. When did he... when did he... when did he?
RACH: When you were in China.
ROSS: China.
RACH: Meeting Julie.
ROSS: Julie. Julie. That. Oh God. Julie, right. OK, I need to lie down. No, ya know, I'm gonna stand. I'm gonna stand, I'm gonna walk, I'm walkin' and I am standing. OK so you uh, and now wha... and now, now, now you're over me?
RACH: Are you over me?
[A moment of silence.]
ROSS: [doorbell buzzes] That's, that's Julie. Ju... Julie, Julie. [talks on intercom] Hi Julie.
JULIE: [over intercom] Hi honey, I've got a cab waiting.
ROSS: [perky] I'll be right down.
RACH: Wait, so, you're going?
ROSS: Well, OK, I uh, I have to. I can't deal with this right now. I mean, I've uh, y'know, I've got a cab, I've got a girlfriend, I'm... I'm gonna go get a cat.
RACH: OK, OK.
ROSS: Cat. [leaves]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is watching a rabbi play an electric guitar on TV. Phoebe enters.]
PHOE: Hey Joey.
JOEY: Hey Phoebs.
PHOE: How come you're watching a rabbi play electric guitar?
JOEY: I can't find the remote. [Phoebe turns off the TV] Thank you.
PHOE: So, Scott asked me to come over for lunch today and I did.
JOEY: And?
PHOE: And we did.
JOEY: All right Phoebs, way to go.
PHOE: Yay me.
JOEY: So, so how did it happen?
PHOE: Well, I finally took your advice and asked him what was going on.
JOEY: And what did he say?
PHOE: He said that, um, he understands how sex can be like, a very emotional thing for a woman and he was just afraid that I was gonna get all, y'know, like, 'ohh, is he gonna call me the next day' and, y'know, 'where is this going' and, ya know, blah-la-la-la-la. So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
JOEY: Wow.
PHOE: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of talking. . . I convinced him.
JOEY: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was a great idea.
PHOE: Um-hum.
JOEY: This man is my God.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing up and Ross comes in. Get your Kleenex.]
RACH: Hi.
ROSS: I didn't get a cat.
RACH: Oh, that's um, interesting.
ROSS: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting.
RACH: Alright, I got it Ross.
ROSS: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.
RACH: [hurt] What?
ROSS: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
RACH: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
ROSS: Then you should have said something before I met her.
RACH: I didn't know then. And how come you never said anything to me.
ROSS: There was never a good time.
RACH: Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night.
ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and... and it's not like I didn't try, Rachel, but things got in the way, y'know? Like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.
RACH: Hey, there was one Italian guy, OK, and do you even have a point?
ROSS: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
RACH: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?
ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.
RACH: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
ROSS: Fine.
RACH: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.
ROSS: Good.
RACH: Good. [Ross leaves]
[Rachel gets up and opens the door, yelling after him.]
RACH: And ya know what, now I've got closure.
[Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him. She smiles. She goes to open the door and can't get the lock undone.]
ROSS: Try the bottom one.
[She opens the door and they kiss.]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler answers the door to find Monica.]
CLOSING CREDITS
CHAN: Monica, it's 6:30 in the morning. We're not working out, it's over.
MNCA: No way, with one pound to go, c'mon. We're workin', we're movin', we're in the zone we're groovin'.
CHAN: OK, I don't, I don't mind the last pound. OK, in fact I kind of like the last pound. OK, so don't make me do anything that I'll regret.
MNCA: Ooh, what'cha gonna do, fat boy, huh? What?
CHAN: Nothing, except tell you, uh, I think it's wonderful how much energy you have.
MNCA: Well, thanks.
CHAN: I mean, especially considering how tough it's been for you to find work.
MNCA: Well, you know.
CHAN: You know, I mean, you can't tell your parents you were fired because they'd be disappointed.
MNCA: [sad] Uh-huh.
CHAN: And it's not as if you have a boyfriend's shoulder to cry on.
MNCA: Well no, but um.
CHAN: I mean, if it were me, I think I'd have difficulty just getting out of bed at all.
MNCA: Y'know, I try to stay positive. . .
CHAN: So, you feel like goin' for a run?
MNCA: Alright.
CHAN: Because, you know, you don't have to. If you want, you could just take a nap right here.
MNCA: OK. Just for a little while.
CHAN: OK. [Puts an afghan over her and dances into his room]
END

207 罗斯发现瑞秋对他有意思

我是哪里不对?我看起来不够有趣吗?
我是有哪里讨人厌吗?
派对好玩吗?
难玩死了有个女人对我大送秋波
我有那么不讨人喜欢吗?
不，才怪
我也是一样
每当我增加了一点点重量我就开始质疑一切了
你说我变胖了?
你要…?
不是，不是重量说绝缘体比较恰当
钱德，我正在失业迫切需要做点事情
你要不要运动?我可以重塑你
我很想，但那或许会妨碍我那些无所事事的时间
拜托啦
对啦，让她做一下嘛
但我穿上紧身衣后，胸部比你大的话，我就不来了
好，开始吧
怎么了?
没什么只是没看过你穿紧身裤而已呀
我去换衣服
加油，再做五个
再五个
做就给你看波波
做就给你看波波
…二点五
好了，给我看一边吧
中央公园
她疯了
那个女人疯了
上班前，上班后，上班哮
她叫我在公司做收臀运动
现在，他们不再送邮件给我了
菲菲，你昨晚跟史考怎么样?
不错呀带他去一家浪漫的餐厅…
…点了香槟，很好
那个家伙还是不行动啊?
不，零蛋，没有
真遗憾，菲菲
我不在乎慢慢的来
我很喜欢他
他这个人很有趣，人也很甜
他干嘛那么矜持呢?
或许他跟我们反方向开车
你懂我的意思吧?
不懂，他又不是英国人
他或许是同性恋
不，我觉得问题不在那儿
因为我们前几天去跳舞
…他紧紧抱住我的那个样子还有他凝视我眼睛的样子…
我觉得他对我绝对有意思
是啊，从眼神能看出多少呢?
不，我是从屁股感觉到的
钱兄弟，二十分钟后打壁球
乔伊，好兄弟举起我的手赏她一巴掌
瑞秋，你别看
什么?
我今晚有约会
你有约会?
对呀，摩妮卡介绍的
那罗斯跟…
我打翻醋坛子那码子事啊?
虽然那还挺有趣的…
…我决定不再疯下去了
你真的不介意那些了?
少来了，我还要过我的日子呢
他爱怎么把她压在那扇窗子上就怎么压吧
干脆把她摔过窗子算了
各位
摩妮卡，我想明天早上过来拿膨膨以前的猫玩具
不讲全名就不给喔
好吧，那我明天可不可以过来拿喵喵膨膨的猫玩具?
没问题
你要养猫啊?事实上，是我们要养猫
起养?
你们两个?一起?
我们想它会一半时间跟罗斯住一半跟我住
那是不是很棒呢
那是不是很棒呢
…可以疼爱非常非常久的东西
希望如此
我得走了我有约会
跟个男人喔
祝各位今晚顺利…
…而你们两个得到一只好猫
顺手牵羊是不对的
我不晓得摩妮卡有没有告诉你这是我离婚之后的第一次约会
我显得有一点紧张…
猫能活多久啊?
你说什么?
猫，猫能活多久?
如果不把它们丢到巴士下面去送死的话
大概是十五，六年吧
那真是太棒了
干杯
好，干杯
摩妮卡把我吹得此本人可爱对不对?
不是因为你…
我是…我另外有心事
事情说不定没那么糟啦…
…我有一个朋友他跟他的女朋友要养猫
听起来的确是…
他们两个才刚刚开始交往不久
他是你以前的男朋友吗?
他想得美喔
对不起，你瞧瞧我
好了，麦克，谈谈你吧
以前你跟女朋友—起养过宠物吗?
我知道为什么了什么?
史考为什么不想跟我上床
因为我不够性感
菲此，别傻了
第一次看到你之后你知道我对钱德说什么吗?
我说”前突后翘，有看头”
真的?嘴好甜
说实在的，我被冒犯了可是感觉真好
菲菲，你想知道为什么的话你必须开口去问他
你说得对…
你真棒耶
他们干嘛不养只昆虫养只果蝇就好了
那种只活一，两天的东西
它们叫什么?
果蝇?
谢谢
要不要点甜点啊?
不，不要了
我想结账
你玩得不开心?
不…我很开心
不过刚才那一个半小时我都在回忆”餐馆”的情节
你看我
我在跟一个很棒的男人约会
却满脑子是罗斯…
…还有他的芙莉
我只是想忘了他天啊，为什么我不能呢?
听我说，我经历过离婚相信我，不会有事的
你还看不出来因为你跟他还没有了结嘛
了结
就是那个，我就需要那个
天啊，你太棒了
我为什么没有想到?我要怎么了结?
这没有一定的方法，这只是…
你要用任何的方法只要能让你对他说：
”我不在乎你了”就行了
不在乎你
就是这个
了结
抱歉
对不起
我需要跟你借一下电话
我正在讲耶我看得出来
我打一个电话就可以了很快的，我甚至会付钱给你
你对你的电话有点诡异耶
我待会儿再打给你
谢了
答录机
我在等哔哔
罗斯，我是瑞秋
我只是打来说…
…一切都很好
我为你…
…还有你的猫感到高兴
对了，我认为你应该叫他麦克
我在想名字…
…所以显然我不在乎你了
我不在乎你了
这就是我那位朋友所谓的”了结”
摩妮卡，今天是礼拜天早’礼拜天我绝不跑步
是神的日子
你说停我们就停
不，别这样啦，我们不能停
还有三磅要减
我是精力火车而你在车土
你的约会怎么样啊?
我记得有家餐厅
我还记得有酒
事实上，芙莉在楼下叫计程车
我想要拿猫玩具摩妮卡有没有说…
你为什么那样看我?
对不起，我不知道…
我觉得我昨晚好像梦到你…
…但我不记得了
在这儿
我们昨晚有通电话吗?你有没有打给我?
没有，我昨晚住在芙莉那里
事实上，我根本还没回家呢你介意我听一下留言吗?
阿秋，我有你的留言
麦克是谁啊?
麦克是谁啊?
天啊，罗斯，把电话挂掉
电话给我·，
你不在乎我了
你是什么时候…
…在乎我的?
什么?
基本上…
我对你有一些感觉
你对我有感觉?
那又怎样?你先对我有感觉的
你知道我…
我是说，你知道我有…
钱德告诉我的
钱德，他什么时候，他…
你在中国的时候
认识芙莉时
芙莉?芙莉?那…天啊
我需要躺下来
不，你知道，我要站着
我要站着…
…我要踱步我踱步，而且我站着
现在你不在乎我了?
你还在乎我吗?
那…那是芙莉
芙莉甜心，计程车在等喔
我马上下来
等等，你要走了?
对，我得走我现在没有办法谈这个
计程车在等着
我有女朋友我要去领养一只猫
你为什么在看犹太牧师弹电吉他?
我找不到遥控器
谢谢
对了，史考约我去他家午餐我去了
我们做了
正点，菲此好耶
对呀
怎么发生的?
我听了你的建议问他到底怎么回事啊?
那他说什么?
他了解性对女人而言呢可以说是一件非常情绪化的事
他只是十自我会变得像…
”第二天是否会打电话给我””我们会有结局吗”之类的
所以他说他想等到他准备开始认真了以后再说
所以我说”放轻松好吗?”
我是说，性可以只是两个人一时的感觉
若他想再见我可以打电话给我如果不想的话也没关系
所以在长谈之后…
…我说服他了
让我先搞清楚
他让你求他跟你上床
他让你说他永远不用再打电话给你
而且还让你觉得这是一个好主意?
我简直崇拜他
我没有领养猫
真有趣
不，那一点都没有趣那非常非常没有趣
事实上那百分之百是有趣的相反，瑞秋
好，我懂了，罗斯
你没有权利告诉我说你曾经喜欢过我
在我发现之前我跟芙莉过得很快乐
在我发现之前我也过得很快乐
你以为看你跟芙莉那样我心里好受吗?
你应该在我认识她之前说出来
那时我不知道啊那你为何从不说什么呢?
因为总没有机会
对，你有一年机会我们每晚都在一起混
不是…
…每个晚上
而且我也不是没试过，瑞秋但是每次都有事情发生
就像是义大利人啊…
…或者是前任的未婚夫啦…
…或者是前任的未婚夫啦…
只有一个义大利人你到底有没有重点啊?
重点是我现在已经不需要这个了
太迟了
我在跟别人交往，我很快乐这艘船开航了
你喜欢什么时候拦开感情都可以吗?
我从初三就开始这样了我早驾轻就熟了
那好，你尽管去做吧，罗斯
我告诉你，我不需要你的蠢船
好好
你知道吗?我现在了结了
试试下面那个
摩妮卡，现在是早上六点半
我们不再去运动，结束了
怎么啦?只剩一磅，来啦
我们运动，我们移动我们在其中舞动
我不在乎我的最后一磅
我很喜欢这最后一磅
所以不要这我做下终生遗憾的事
那你要做什么，肥仔?
什么?
没什么，除了告诉你我觉得你精力这么充沛真棒
谢了
尤其是你现在去找工作找得焦头烂额
你不能告诉你父母你被开除了因为他们会非常的失望
尤其你又没有男朋友可以借肩膀让你哭
没有，但是我…
我是说，如果是我的话我想我会连起床都会很困难
我试着保持积极
你想出去跑一跑吗?
好吧
你知道你不一定要去跑的你可以在这里睡一下

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 32楼发表于: 2014-03-14 0

208 The One With the List

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there, discussing the night before.]
RACH: Ross kissed me.
MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
RACH: It was unbelievable!
MNCA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
PHOE: Ok, all right. We want to hear everything. Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone. Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?
RACH: Oh, it ended very well.
PHOE: Oh.
MNCA: [getting the wine] Do not start without me. Do not start without me.
PHOE: Ok, all right, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips? Or was it like a, you know, a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
RACH: Well, at first it was really intense, you know. And then, oh, god, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
PHOE: Ok, so, ok, was he holding you? Or was his hand like on your back?
RACH: No, actually first they started on my waist. And then, they slid up, and then, they were in my hair.
PHOE/MNCA: Ohhhh.
[Scene: Ross' apartment. Ross, Chandler, and Joey are there eating pizza.]
ROSS: And, uh, and then I kissed her.
JOEY: Tongue?
ROSS: Yeah.
JOEY: Cool.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there; Chandler is showing everyone his new computer.]
CHAN: All right, check out this bad boy. 12 megabytes of ram. 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 b.p.s.
PHOE: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
CHAN: [doggedly] Games and stuff.
MNCA: [reading the paper] There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me.
JOEY: [reading over her shoulder] Wait, here's one. Uh, would you be willing to cook naked?
MNCA: There's an ad for a naked chef?
JOEY: No, but if you're willing to cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked. And then... [rubs his fingers together]
[Ross enters, distraught.]
ROSS: Hi.
PHOE: Hey, oh, so, um...how'd you make out last night?
ROSS: That, that is funny. That is painfully funny. No, wait. Wait, yeah, that's just painful
MNCA: Wait a minute. I thought last night was great.
ROSS: Yeah, it was, but...I get home, ok, and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table. And I'm thinking to myself, oh my god, what the hell am I doing? I mean, here I am, I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman, who I care about and who cares about me, and I'm like, what, am I just gonna throw all that away?
JOEY: You got all that from saline solution?
MNCA: We are talking about Rachel here. You and Rachel.
ROSS: Believe me, I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for ten years now. But now, I'm with Julie, so it's like me and Julie, me and Rachel, me and Julie, me and... [Rachel enters, carrying a tray]... Rachel. Rachel, Rachel.
RACH: [to Ross] Hey, you.
ROSS: How are you?
RACH: Good. How are you?
ROSS: Good.
[Julie enters.]
JULIE: Hi, honey.
ROSS: Hi, Julie. [nervous] Hi, Julie. Julie, um, how are you?
JULIE: Good.
ROSS: [uncomfortable] Good, so everybody's here. Everybody's good. So, were you gonna play something, Phoebe?
PHOE: Oh, well, actually.
ROSS: [impatient] Play it.
PHOE: Ok, all right.
JOEY: Hey, Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.
JULIE: What?
ROSS: [to Joey] Ssshh.
PHOE: Ok, um, hi, hello, hi, ok, so, um, this is a song about a love triangle between three people that I made up. Um, it's called, um, "Two of Them Kissed Last Night".
[Ross and Rachel look at each other and then at Phoebe, realizing the song is about their situation.]
PHOE: [singing] There was a girl, we'll call her Betty, and a guy let's call him Neil. Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real. Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside. Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? Or will it be the one who we'll call Ju...Loolie? He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up, he must decide!
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's (RTST) office. Monica is there about a job.]
RTST: This is a nice resume. Nice, nice, nice. Muy impressivo.
MNCA: So, Mr. Rastatter, what exactly does this job entail? The ad wasn't too clear.
RTST: Mockolate.
MNCA: I'm sorry?
RTST: Mockolate. It's a completely synthetic chocolate substitute.
MNCA: Ohh.
[He pulls out a piece of Mockolate.]
RTST: Go ahead. Try a piece. Yeah, we think that Mockolate is even better than chocolate.
MNCA: All right. Mmm-mmm.
[She tastes it, and obviously hates it.]
RTST: Yeah?
MNCA: [disgusted, trying not to show it] I love how it crumbles. Now see, your chocolate doesn't do that.
RTST: No, ma'am. Well, anyhoo, we should be getting our F.D.A. approval any day now, hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving. See, the way we look at it, chocolate already dominates most of your major food-preparation holidays: Easter, Christmas, what have you.
MNCA: [still chewing] Mmm-mmm.
RTST: But, we're thinking, given the right marketing, we can make Thanksgiving the Mockolate holiday.
MNCA: Wow.
RTST: Aren't you going to swallow that?
MNCA: Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
RTST: Yeah, isn't that great?
MNCA: [with false enthusiasm] Mmm.
RTST: Well, anyhoo, um, we are looking for a couple of chefs who can create some Thanksgiving-themed recipes. You think you might be interested?
MNCA: Abso...[swallows hard]...lutely. See, I love creating new recipes. I love Thanksgiving. And, well, now, I love Mockolate.
RTST: Really?
MNCA: Especially the after taste, you know, I'll tell ya, that'll last ya till Christmas.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are there. Monica is suggesting Mockolate recipes to Phoebe.]
MNCA: How about Mockolate mousse?
PHOE: It's not, it's not very Thanksgiving-y.
MNCA: Ok, how about pilgrim Mockolate mousse?
PHOE: What makes it pilgrim?
MNCA: We'll put buckles on it.
[Rachel enters.]
RACH: Hey.
PHOE: Hey.
MNCA: Hey.
RACH: Did uh, Ross call?
MNCA: No, I'm sorry.
RACH: Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie, isn't he? He's gonna stay with her and she's going to be all, "Hi, I'm Julie, Ross picked me, and we're gonna to get married, have a lot of kids and dig up stuff together."
PHOE: No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ross is up in arms about the Rachel/Julie situation.]
ROSS: I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do? I mean, this, this is like a complete nightmare.
CHAN: Oh, I know. This must be so hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They're both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight.
JOEY: Hey, here's a thought, Ross. [reaches for the computer]
CHAN: Don't touch the computer. Don't ever touch the computer.
JOEY: Ross, listen. I got two words for you. Threesome.
[Ross gives him an insulted look.]
CHAN: Ok, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, ok? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
ROSS: Can't we just use a pen?
CHAN: No, Amish boy.
JOEY: Ok, let's start with the cons, 'cause they're more fun. All right, Rachel first.
ROSS: I don't know. I mean, all right, I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes.
JOEY: You could say that.
ROSS: And I guess, you know, sometimes, she's a little ditzy, you know. And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. Oh, and Julie and I, we have a lot in common 'cause we're both paleontologists, but Rachel's just a waitress.
CHAN: Waitress. Got it. You guys wanna play Doom? Or we could keep doing this. What else?
ROSS: I don't know.
JOEY: Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
CHAN: Ok, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
ROSS: [long pause] She's not Rachel.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica has made food for Phoebe and Rachel to taste.]
MNCA: Ok, this is pumpkin pie with mockolate cookie crumb crust. This is mockolate cranberry cake, and these are mockolate chip cookies. Just like the Indians served.
[Rachel takes a bite.]
RACH: Oh my god.
MNCA: Oh my god good?
RACH: Oh my god, I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth.
[Rachel runs to the sink to spit it out.]
PHOE: Oh, oh sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is on the phone with a computer hotline.]
CHAN: I'm telling you this thing won't print. Yes, I pressed that button like 100 times. You know, for a hot line you are not so hot. What? What is that in the background? Are you watching Star Trek?
[Ross enters with a melancholy look.]
JOEY: [to Ross] Hey, so how'd it go with Julie? Did you, did you break her heart?
ROSS: Yes, it was horrible. She cried. I cried. She threw things, they hit me. Anyway, I did the right thing.
CHAN: [in phone] So, Spock actually hugs his father?
[Rachel enters.]
RACH: Hey, do you guys have...[sees Ross, pauses]...hi.
ROSS: Hi.
RACH: [sees his coat on] Where you goin'?
ROSS: I uh, I just got back from uh, from Julie's.
RACH: [dejected] Oh.
ROSS: No, no, uh, it's not what you think. It's um the other thing.
RACH: Well, what's the other thing, what do I think?
[Joey is looking at Rachel, smiling, and gesturing his head towards Ross.]
ROSS: Well, uh.
JOEY: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
RACH: Really?
ROSS: Really. It's always been you, Rach.
[Ross and Rachel hug.]
RACH: Oh, god.
JOEY/CHAN: Ohhh.
RACH: Oh, oh, this is good, this is really good.
ROSS: I know, I know, it's, it's almost...[turns around, sees Chandler and Joey] What do you say we go take a walk, just us, not them?
RACH: Let me get my coat.
ROSS: Ok. No, hey, whoa, whoa, I'll get your coat.
[Ross leaves.]
RACH: Ok, he's goin' to get my coat. He's goin' to get my coat. Oh my god, you guys. I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. [notices Chandler's computer screen] What's that?
CHAN: [nervous] What? Nothing.
[Chandler closes up the laptop computer screen.]
RACH: What's that? What? I saw my name. What is it?
CHAN: No, no, see? See? [the printer starts to run] Hey, it's printing. [to Joey, rattled] Hey, it's printing!
[Chandler rips off the sheet of paper from the printer.]
RACH: Well what is it? Let me see.
[Ross walks back in, Rachel's coat in hand.]
ROSS: Hey, someone order a coat?
RACH: Ross, Chandler wrote something about me on his computer and he won't let me see.
ROSS: He won't? [remembers what it is] He won't! Because, isn't that, isn't that the, the short story you were writing?
CHAN: Yes, yes it is, short story, that I was writing.
RACH: And I'm in it? Then let me read it.
CHAN, JOEY, ROSS: No!
RACH: Come on.
JOEY: Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?
[Ross and Chandler stare angrily at Joey, who thinks he has come up with a good idea.]
CHAN: [through gritted teeth] Alright. [clears his throat] "It was summer, and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. 'Oh, look,' cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end."
ROSS: That's it? That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the whole world.
RACH: All right, you know what? This isn't funny anymore. There's something about me on that piece of paper and I want to see it.
ROSS: No, you don't.
RACH: All right, you know what, that's fine. If you guys want to be children about this, that's fine. I do not need to see it. [Rachel grabs the paper and runs across the room, reading it to herself.]
RACH: What is this? Ross, what is this?
CHAN: Good luck.
[Chandler and Joey leave quickly.]
ROSS: Ok, just, just remember how crazy I am about you, ok?
RACH: Kind of ditzy? Too into her looks? Spoiled?
ROSS: Now that's a little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little", the idiot.
RACH: Just a waitress?
ROSS: No, that, that was, I mean, as opposed to uh, the uh, ok. Is this over yet Rach?
RACH: Oh! I do not have chubby ankles!
[Rachel leaves, and Ross follows her into the hall.]
ROSS: No, no, wait, ok, ok, look at the other side. Look at Julie's column.
RACH: She is not Rachem. What the hell's a Rachem? Is that some stupid paleontology word that I wouldn't know because I'm just a waitress.
[She goes into her apartment and slams the door.]
ROSS: No, Rach, come on. Rach! Rach, no, no! She's not Rachel, she is, she is not, Ra--Rachel?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are there.]
CHAN: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary, she never would have made me read her my diary.
MNCA: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
PHOE: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
JOEY: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
PHOE: What?
MNCA: What?
CHAN: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.
MNCA: This was your idea?
PHOE: What were you thinking?
CHAN: [squirming] All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things, they happen for a reason.
MNCA: Yeah. You!
CHAN: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
PHOE: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, eating candy. It is raining out. Ross climbs up the fire escape and is knocking on the window.]
ROSS: Rach! Whoops! Rach, hey, open up, please!
RACH: [coldly] When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross, that means go away. That doesn't mean please climb up the fire escape.
ROSS: I just wanna read something. It's your pro list.
RACH: Not interested.
[Rachel closes the drapes over the window, goes into her bedroom and closes the door.]
ROSS: [reading his list] Ok, ok, number one: The way you cry at game shows. Number two: how much you love your friends. Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. Number five: how great you are with Ben.
[Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter, confused.]
ROSS: Number six: the way you smell.
JOEY: [opens the drapes] Hey, Ross! What are you doin'?
ROSS: Hey, Joey. You wanna open the window?
JOEY: Oh, yeah, I do.
[He opens the window, Ross comes in, soaked.]
CHAN: What are you doing out there?
ROSS: I am, uh, I am...
MNCA: Oh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice steaming cup of hot Mockolate?
[Ross runs to Rachel's bedroom, knocking on the door.]
ROSS: Rach, come on, open up. Rach, come on, come on, Rach. You got to give me another chance.
[Rachel opens the door.]
RACH: No.
ROSS: No?
RACH: That's what I said.
CHAN: Look, maybe we should go?
RACH: No, you guys, you really don't have to go, we're done talking.
ROSS: Rach, come on, look, I know how you must feel.
RACH: [near tears] No, you don't, Ross. Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person that you trusted the most in the world not only thinks them too, but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you.
ROSS: No, but, but I wanna be with you in spite of all those things.
RACH: Oh, well, that's, that's mighty big of you, Ross. [to the others] I said don't go!
ROSS: You know what? You know what? If, things were the other way around, there's nothing you could put on a list that would ever make me not want to be with you.
RACH: Well, then, I guess that's the difference between us. See, I'd never make a list.
[She closes the door in his face. Ross walks sullenly back to the couch and sits down. A moment of silence ensues.]
JOEY: [quietly] I never know how long you're supposed to wait in this type of a situation before you can talk again, you know? [Ross stares blankly at him] Maybe a little longer.
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
MNCA: Now, in some of these recipes, the quantities may seem just a little unusual, uh, like these coconut mockolate holiday nut bars. I've indicated four cups of coconut, and four cups of crushed nut, and only, uh, one tablespoon of mockolate.
RTST: Doesn't matter.
MNCA: What?
RTST: Our FDA approval didn't come through. Something about laboratory rats.
MNCA: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
RTST: Yeah, well, anyhoo, here is your check. [hands it to her] Thank you for all the trouble you went through. Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking, did you?
MNCA: Well, uh, I ate some.
RTST: Oh, some, that's fine. Some is fine. Some is not a lot. So, it doesn't burn when you pee, does it?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are there.]
(phone rings)
MNCA: Hello?
[Ross is at his apartment.]
ROSS: Hi.
RACH: [to Monica] Is that him again? Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighin' me down.
MNCA: [to Ross] Listen, I... I don't think this is the best time.
ROSS: Look, can, can you do something for me?
MNCA: Sure, what? Ok, ok. [hangs up the phone] [to Rachel] Music?
[Monica turns on the radio.]
RADIO: The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. Rachel, he wants you to know he's deeply sorry for what he did and he hopes you can find it in your heart to forgive him. (With or Without You plays)
[Rachel seems touched. She pauses for a moment, then picks up the phone and starts to dial. Cut to Ross at his apartment.]
RADIO: Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel, and she told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross, if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore. Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.
[Scene: Mr. Ratstatter's office. Monica is there.]
RTST: Hi, thanks for coming in again.
MNCA: Oh, not at all. I have no morals and I need the cash.
RTST: It's like I'm lookin' in a mirror. Anyway, they're called "fishtachios". They taste exactly like pistachios, but they're made primarily of reconstituted fish bits. Here, try one. You're not allergic to anything, are you?
MNCA: Cat hair.
RTST: Oh, sorry.
END

208 清单

罗斯亲了我
很不可思议吧
现在全部从实招来
摩妮卡，拔掉电话线拿酒来
瑞秋，结局好不好?我们需不需要面纸?
结局非常好
等我来再讲…
先谈谈那个吻
是像轻拂过你嘴唇的轻吻呢…
还是像…”我现在就要你”的那种吻呢
刚开始很热烈，然后·，
天啊，然后我们就完全沉醉了
他抱着你吗?还是说他的手在你的背上呢?
不，他的手开始时在我腰’
然后往上滑，最后落在我头发上
…然后我吻了她
舌头?
对
各位，瞧瞧这个坏小子
12MG RAM 500MG的硬盘
里面还有内建试算表的功能…
再加上传输速度超过两万八BPS的数据机
你要用它来干嘛啊?
玩游戏之类的
根本没有工作没有适合我的工作
等一下，这边有一个
你愿意裸体做菜吗?有征裸体厨师的广告?
没有，但你如果愿意裸体做菜，你或许会愿意裸体跳舞
然后
对了，昨晚亲得怎么样了?
那真风趣，风趣得很痛苦
对，只是痛苦而已
我以为昨天晚上很棒耶
没错，是很棒但是当我回到家…
我看到芙莉的食盐水放在我床边的桌上…
我就想”老天啊我到底在做什么呀?”
我跟芙莉这么好的女人在一起…
而我就那样抛弃一切吗?
瓶食盐水可以讲那么多?
我们现在是在谈瑞秋你跟瑞秋
我梦想我跟瑞秋一起想了十年了
但现在我跟朱丽在一起
就好像我跟芙莉，我跟瑞秋
我跟芙莉，我跟瑞秋…
瑞秋?瑞秋
瑞秋?瑞秋
很好，你呢?
很好
你好吗?
很好
大家都在
大家都很好
你不是要弹什么吗，菲此?
我不知道你戴隐形眼镜什么?
好，嗨
哈罗，好，嗨
所以，这是一首关于一个…
…我乱编的三角恋爱故事的歌
叫做”昨晚两个接吻了”
有个女孩，我们叫她贝蒂
有个男孩，口引门叫他尼尔
我再三强调这一点
这故事不是真的
现在尼尔必须决定他要放弃哪一个
是那个他真心相爱的贝蒂
还是我们称为露莉的女孩
他必须决定，他必须决定
虽然他纯属虚构，他必须决定
你的资历很不错
可以说非常的可观
这份工作到底是什么呢?广告写得很含糊
麻克力
种完全人工的巧克力替代品
别客气，试一块
对，我们认为麻克力此巧克力好吃的多了
我爱这碎碎的感觉
巧克力不会这样不会
反正呢，这个食品药物管理局应该很快就会通过检验了
希望能够赶得上感恩节
…霸占了大部份跟大餐有关的节日，复活节，圣诞节等
我们在想，只要行销搞好了…
…我们能让感恩节成为麻克力节
你不吞下去吗?
我只是在等泡泡停止
是不是很棒?
…在找几个厨师来搞一些新感恩节食谱
这下你有兴趣吗?
我爱创新食谱我爱感恩节而现在呢…
…我爱麻克力
特别是那种口里的余味…
…可以缭绕到圣诞节
麻克力慕斯怎么样?
没什么…
…感恩节的味道
那感恩节善信慕斯呢?
哪里像善信啊?
放个大铁扣上去啊
罗斯来电话没?
没有，抱歉
他为什么不打来呢?
他要跟芙莉在一起是不是?
他要跟她在一起然后她会一副：
”我是芙莉，罗斯选我”
”我们要结婚，生一堆孩子””然后全家一起去挖骨头”
恕我冒犯，她不会这样讲的
我不知道该怎么办这简直是一场恶梦
我知道，这一定很难受”不，两个女人都爱我”
”两个都是旷世尤物我的钱太多，皮包装不下…
…我的钻石鞋太紧了”
我有一个办法，罗斯别碰我的电脑，永远都别碰
罗斯，听着我送你三个字
我们用理性来分析，好吗?我们来列个单子
”瑞秋和芙莉，优缺点”
名字用不同字型的粗体字
然后每一栏可以用不同的颜色来写土
不能够用笔就好了吗?
不可以，原始人
我们就先从缺点开始那比较好玩一点
先列瑞秋
我不知道
我是说…
好吧，我想你可以说她有时候有一点娇纵
可以这么说
有时候…她有点像傻大姐
我觉得她有点太注重她的外表
芙莉跟我们有很多共同点…
…因为我们都是古生物学家
但是瑞秋她只是个女侍
女侍
好了你们要玩”毁灭”吗?
我们也可以继绩
还有呢?
我不知道
她的脚踝有一点胖
换芙莉了
她有什么不好的?
她不是瑞秋
这是麻克力饼屑南瓜馅饼
这个是麻克力红莓蛋糕而这些是麻克力饼干
跟印第安人的一样
天啊我不敢相信你给我吃这个
这一定是万恶之味
我说这个玩意儿不能印
对，那个按钮我按了一百次了
对热线而言，你没有那么热
什么?我听到了什么?
你在看”星舰迷航记”?
你让芙莉心碎了吗?
是啊，好可十自，她哭，我也哭她丢东西，打到了我
我这么做是对的
史巴克真的拥抱了他爸爸吗?
你去哪儿了?
你去哪儿了?
…从芙莉那边回来
不是你想的那样
是别的事
什么是别的事?
什么是别的事?
他跟芙莉分手了
老天在上，去抱抱她呀
真的
我爱的一直是你
这真好
我们出去走一走怎么样?就我们两个人
好，我去拿外套好，不…
我帮你拿
他去帮我拿外套他去帮我拿外套，乔伊
我真不敢相信
我看到我的名字，是什么?不，不，你看…
在印了
在印了
那是什么嘛?给我看
有人订外套吗?
罗斯，钱德在电脑上写了关于我的事还不让我看
因为那是不是
你正在写的短篇故事
对，那是一篇我正在写的…
…短篇故事
好啦干脆你念给她听好了
好吧
”那个时候是夏天
天气很热
瑞秋在那里…
寂寞的灰沙发
然后他就是永远的国王了剧终”
就这样?你只写了这样?你是全世界最烂的作家
好了，我不再觉得好玩了
那张纸上写了关于我的事情而我想要看一看
不，不可以
好吧，你们要这么孩子气的话没关系
我根本就不需要看
这是什么?
这是
罗斯，这是什么?
谢谢
你只要记得我多为你疯狂
”有点傻大姐”?
”太注重外表”?
是有一点娇纵他应该加上”有一点”才对
”只是个女侍?”
那是…
我是说，相对于…
你念完了没有，瑞秋?
我的脚踝一点都不肥
好…你看另一边嘛你看看芙莉那一栏
”她不是瑞琪”?
瑞琪是什么东西啊
那是什么?因为我是女侍…
而不懂得愚蠢古生物用语吗?
不，瑞秋，你不要这样
是”她不是瑞秋”
她不是…
我的日记太聪明了
我应该说那是我的日记她绝对不会这我念我的日记
那倒是真的，你很适合在紧急事件的第二天放马后炮
真不敢相信罗斯列了单子
放他一马吧那是钱德的主意
什么?
很好，我正在希望你提呢
这是你的主意?
拜托，你们想一下事出必有因
对，是你呀
菲菲，帮我一下，好吗?你相信宿命那套狗屁，对吧?
对，祝你下辈子当大便虫好运
瑞秋
瑞秋，瑞秋，开门
当别人不开门让你进来的时候男6表示”走开”
那并不表示请你爬防火梯上来
我只是想念一点你的优点给你听
我不感兴趣
”第一，你看游戏节目时会哭
第二，你对你朋友的感情
第三，你紧张的时候玩你头发的样子
第四，勇敢地开始你的新生活
第五，你很会逗小班
第六，还有你的香味”
罗斯，你在干什么?
乔伊，帮我开窗，好不好?
好呀，来
你在外面干什么?我…我…
天啊，你一定冷死了知道你需要什么吗?
来杯热腾腾的麻克力怎么样?
阿秋，别这样嘛你再给我一次机会
也许我们该离开一下
不，你们真的不用走我们已经谈完了
拜托，我知道你一定…
不，你不，罗斯
想像一下你觉得自己最糟的地方
如果这个世界上你最信任的人…
不只也这样想
而且用来当做不跟你在一起的理由，换了你会怎么样?
就算是那样我还是想要跟你在一起
你真是宽宏大量，罗斯
我说，别走
你知道吗?
如果今天是你列单子…
…不管你在单子上头写些什么都阻止不了我跟你在一起
我猜我们就是那一点不同
我绝对不会去列单子
每一次遇上这种情况我都不知道要等多久才能开口
我再等一会儿好了
我其中的一些食谱用的麻克力份量或许有点不寻常
像这个椰子麻克力干果棒
我上面写了四杯椰子四杯碎干果…
…而只有一大匙的麻克力
没关系
食品药物管理局没有通过
实验室老鼠出了问题
是呀
反正，这是给你的支票
还有谢谢你出了这么多力
你做的时候没有吃很多吧?
我吃了一些
一些，那还好些可以，一些不是很多
那你尿尿的时候没有灼痛的感觉吧?
又是他吗?
告诉他我很想去接可是我脚踝太粗走不动
我想现在时机不对
你帮我一个忙，好不好?
当然，什么事?
好的
音乐?
没问题
下一首是罗斯要点给瑞秋的歌曲
瑞秋，他要你知道他为他的行为深感抱歉
…希望你能从心里原谅他
看到你眼若冰霜
看到你浑身带刺
我会等你的
上天实在作弄人
她就让我苦苦的等
不论你是否在身旁，我会等的
我们刚接到瑞秋的电话她告诉我们罗斯做了什么
真令人发指罗斯，如果你在听…
…我不想再放你点的歌了
我们何不将时间留给还有机会的情侣
艾佛米雪很抱歉用她的车撞你
她希望你们能够解决问题
我有个房间…
…可以去
倾吐心中的秘密
在我房里
谢谢你再度光临
不客气我既无道德又需要钱
我们真是一丘之貉
这个东西叫做开心鱼
吃起来是跟开心果一样的·，
但主要是用鱼肉重新压制的
来，试试看
好吧你没有什么过敏问题吧?
猫毛
抱歉

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 33楼发表于: 2014-03-14 0

209 The One With Phoebe's Dad

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls.
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.
JOEY: Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this year?
CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
MONICA: Oh, actually this year we just made him homemade cookies.
CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.
JOEY: You gave him cookies?
MONICA: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. . . Alright, we're broke, but cookies do say that.
PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
CHANDLER: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were, were these, uh, funny brownies?
PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.
ROSS: So you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?
RACHEL: Uhh, the mailman, the super.
[There's a bang at the door.]
MONICA: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.
[Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the newspaper.
JOEY: Oh my God.
RACHEL: What?
JOEY: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.
[Joey shows them the torn-up newspaper.]
RACHEL: Ooh, goooosh, ooh, these are cookies smashed in the sports section.
MONICA: Oh look, and he did my crossword puzzle.
ROSS: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across, 'Gershwin musical' actually is bitemebitemebitemebiteme.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are seated at couches. Rachel is working behind the counter.]
JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.
CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
[Ross enters with several bags from shopping.]
ROSS: Hey guys.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and
JOEY: Hey.
[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]
ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, everyone knows it's. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of the whole. . .
RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?
ROSS: How 'bout from now on we just call it the 'unfortunate incident'? [Rachel walks off] Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your place?
GUNTHER: Yeah.
ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and goes and sits with others at the couches]
ROSS: Hey guys.
CHANDLER, MONICA, and
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: What's in the bag?
ROSS: Um, just some presents.
JOEY: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You know you want to.
ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.
MONICA: Cute.
ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse for mom.
[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]
MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous!
ROSS: Yeah?
MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed at the make-believe military academy.
[Phoebe enters.]
PHOEBE: Hey.
GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get this?
ROSS: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.
PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.
CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.
PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.
RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.
PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.
RACHEL: How have you never been on Oprah?
PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture before she died, same guy.
MONICA: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a bright blue screen with a collie.
PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK, I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]
MONICA: Oh, wait a minute honey.
GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]
MONICA: Wow.
JOEY: So anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me. . .
GANG: Joey!
JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!
[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table, reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]
GRANDMOTHER: Esther Livingston. [scratches out name] Gone.
[Phoebe enters.]
GRANDMOTHER: Hi, Phoe.
PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, just updating the phonebook.
PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?
GRANDMOTHER: [nervously] Oh. Oh, sure, sure, uh, uh, how come?
PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.
GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . . another graduation. . . another graduation.
PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father?
GRANDMOTHER: Is it really your fa--I can't... well of course it is.
PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.
GRANDMOTHER: Look, I. . .
PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you have never lied to me.
GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.
PHOEBE: Oh God.
GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it, but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but harder.
PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?
GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.
PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?
GRANDMOTHER: Honey.
PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.
GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a picture out] This is the real him.
PHOEBE: Oh.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the Christmas tree.]
CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
RACHEL: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?
[Monica and Ross enter.]
MONICA: Hi.
ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?
RACHEL: No, nothin'.
MONICA: I hope she's OK.
JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.
MONICA: How do you know exactly what she's going through?
JOEY: She told us.
CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?
MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.
ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?
MONICA: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya gonna do?
CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?
RACHEL: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the ornaments your mom sent. [hands her a smashed box]
MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.
JOEY: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.
[Ross approaches Rachel, away from everyone else.]
ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better. How 'bout you make a list about me.
RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . .
ROSS: C'mon Rachel.
RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said.
RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair]
[Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone]
PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica. . . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself information. [hangs up]
[Phoebe's grandmother enters]
GRANDMOTHER: Hey.
PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name.
GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going?
PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math.
GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her Gremlin.
PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know.
GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I didn't know exactly where he lived.
PHOEBE: Whattaya mean?
GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've gone too far. You can take my cab.
PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you.
GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to a picture of Einstein]
Commercial
[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey walks up.]
JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?
CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.
JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.
CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.
[Phoebe drives up in the cab]
JOEY: Hey, here she comes.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]
PHOEBE: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.
CHANDLER: Eeeshk.
JOEY: Yeah, big stuff.
PHOEBE: OK, let's go.
CHANDLER: OK.
PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]
CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?
PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.
CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my seat belt?
PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it. [Chandler jumps out of the car]
CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!
JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross questioning her.]
ROSS: C'mon, just tell me, please, please.
MONICA: For the sixteenth time, no... I do not think you're obsessive.
[Rachel enters from her room]
RACHEL: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here.
MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross, could you turn the heat down please?
ROSS: Sure. By the way, there's a difference between being obsessive and. . .
MONICA: Ross, the heat!
ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.
RACHEL: Did you just break the radiator?
ROSS: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . here it is.
MONICA: Well put it back.
ROSS: It uhh, it won't go back.
RACHEL: I'll call the super.
MONICA: Here, let me try.
ROSS: Oh, oh that's right, I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.
MONICA: Hey, it's Funny's cousin, Not Funny.
RACHEL: [on phone] Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, somebody, uh, broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in here. Yes, it's, it's hot enough to bake cookies. Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6? Wha t, no, no, Tuesday, we can't wait until Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.
ROSS: OK, tip the man.
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.
ROSS: Hey, here's a theme: Come on in, live like bacon.
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. The cab pulls up.]
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the plexiglass wall in the cab]
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.
CHANDLER: Yeah.
JOEY: Sure is.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.
CHANDLER: Alright.
JOEY: Good luck Phoebs.
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. [she just sits in the cab]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are stripped down because of the heat.]
RACHEL: [answers door] Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party. You can put your coats and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that be too much?
MONICA: [carrying an ice cube tray] Ice, ice, ice squares anyone? Take a napkin. Alright.
ROSS: Monica, Monica, your guest are turning into jerky, OK.
MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the guest opens the refrigerator] Hey, hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans into it]
RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.
MR. TREEGER: Uhh, you said there was a party.
RACHEL: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna.
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, is it hot? My body always stays cool, probably 'cause I have so much skin. Hey, cheese!
[Ross is speaking to Monica and Rachel about tipping the super.]
ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your earrings. Something, now, anything.
MONICA: No, I will not cave.
RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon.
ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50 bucks, merry Christmas.
[Gives him the cash.]
MR. TREEGER: Oh wow, I didn't get you anything. Here's five back.
ROSS: No no, no, that, that's your Christmas tip, alright. Oh, hey, do you think there's a chance you could fix that radiator now?
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.
MONICA: Ross.
ROSS: Yeah.
MONICA: [to Ross] Looks like he's playin' baseball.
ROSS: You mean hardball?
MONICA: Whatever.
RACHEL: What'cha gonna' do?
ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh, will this help with the knob getting?
MR. TREEGER: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am I not saying it right.
MONICA: So, wait, you really did like my cookies?
MR. TREEGER: Oh, yeah, they were so personal, really showed you cared.
RACHEL: Nice seizing. . . gel boy.
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?
RACHEL: Huh-huh, no act--no, uhh, that, that is basil.
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, if it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss ya.
RACHEL: Huh-hoo, yeah, no, it's still basil.
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running back to the cab.]
PHOEBE: OK.
JOEY: How far'd ya get?
PHOEBE: Mailbox.
CHANDLER: Alright, we're gettin' closer.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.
JOEY: Phoebs, what's goin' on?
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like, yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.
CHANDLER: Well, so why not go knock?
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.
JOEY: Phoebs, that's OK. You took a big step today.
PHOEBE: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Yeah, and someday when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.
JOEY: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.
PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.
CHANDLER: Oh, that's OK, we'll figure something out.
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a blank canvas.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?
MONICA: Hey, we could have used that kind of thinkin' earlier.
ROSS: Hey, Phoebs, how'd it go.
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.
MONICA: Honey, I'm sorry.
ROSS: Are you OK?
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for now.
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug, Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]
JOEY: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just turned it off from underneath, I hope that's alright.
CLOSING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]
JOEY: Rach, these are for you.
RACHEL: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
JOEY: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.
CHANDLER: OK, Phoebs, your turn.
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?
JOEY: Uh-huh.
PHOEBE: You guuuyys.
JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.
ROSS: You got me a cola drink?
CHANDLER: And, a lemon lime.
ROSS: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.
CHANDLER: And last but not least.
[Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.]
JOEY: They're ribbed for your pleasure.
[Ross and Monica trade their gifts.]
END

209 菲比的爸爸

裸体的丑男人在装饰他的树
天啊你该瞧瞧他圣诞球多大
你们今年给管理员多少红包?
是啊，我们打算给50，
不过我们不想显得此你们小器
今年我们送他自己做的饼干
那就包25块好了
你们送他饼干?
给钱太见外了
饼干表示我们关心他
好吧，我们没钱但饼干也能表达这个意思
我了解
曾有盘巧克力糕对我打过油诗
菲此，请问你那些巧克力糕有问题吗?
你知道吗?我想那里面有大麻
两位，你们还送了谁饼干?
邮差，管理员…
还有那个送报纸的
天哪
怎么了?
你们可能不会高兴看到这个
天哪，饼干糊在运动版呢
看，在我的字谜那里也是
对，但是错误百出，除非横十四的”葛许温音乐剧”…
是叫”咬我，咬我，咬我”
真不敢相信圣诞节又到了
我们才刚吃完了感恩火鸡…
转眼呢现在又到了呆鹅下蛋的圣诞节
所以每年的这个时候鹅才会感觉到很轻松
各位
瑞秋
我买了一个小礼物给你
我来拆
是个小司令
记得吗?
什么走下楼梯，单独或成双
大家都知道是…
只是一个大弹簧
好吧，你还在生我的气就为了…
那张不跟我在一起的理由的可恶单子?
从现在起我们称那为”那不幸的事件”怎么样?
阿刚，你家里有没有楼梯?
去疯吧
各位
袋子里有什么?
只是些礼物啦
快拿出来瞧瞧啊
少装了
好吧，你们看这是班送给我父母的相框
很可爱
我买”她的”跟”她的”毛巾给苏珊跟凯洛
还有，买了这件衬衫给妈
罗斯，好漂亮哦
瞧瞧这些假徽章
妈会像在”伪军校”里面…
…会得到”最佳服装奖”的菲菲
圣诞前夕的前夕4央乐
我的天哪，这哪儿来的?
梅西百货三楼，家饰部
这是我爸爸
这是我爸爸的照片
菲此，那是相框附送的相片
不，这是我爸爸好，我拿给你们看
菲此，我以为你爸在牢里
不，那是我继父
我真正的爸是我出生以前就跑了的那个
你怎么会没上过谈话秀啊?
瞧，这就是他
我妈在死前给了我这张照片同一个人来的
这是一张相框模特儿…
…跟一只柯利狗站在浅蓝背景前的照片
那不是蓝背景，那是…
也许那天万里晴空吧
我得跟我奶奶谈一谈
等一下，菲此
我在设法弄我老板的前任老婆上床
菲此有问题时大家都洗耳恭听
李爱瑟
嗝屁了
丫头
奶奶，你在干嘛?
我在改电话簿
奶奶?
我可以再看一次我爸的照片吗?
当然，当然了
为什么?
我只是突然想看一看
好，来
这是你爸站在草地上的照片
他…帮一个小男孩放风筝
这一张是他的毕业典礼
再一张的毕业典礼
他真的是我爸爸吗?
他真的是你爸…?
天哪，他当然是
我看这很有问题或许有人在说谎
我们两个当祖孙这么多年了…
…你从没有对我撒过谎
好吧，他不是你爸爸他只是一个相框里的男人
那是你妈的主意
她不想让你知道谁是你爸…
…因为他的离去让你妈很伤心
我本来也不想跟着她骗你
可是她死了那样跟她争辩就太难了
不是不可能，只是更难
那他不是一个有名的树医罗?
他也不住在没有电话的缅甸茅屋里头罗?
我听说他在纽约州某个地方当药剂师
那没有道理
村民干嘛去崇拜一个药剂师呢?
亲爱的
反正呢，我所知道的就这么多
…是真正的他了
我记得我爸爸他穿了一身火红的衣服…
…黑色的大靴子还有漆皮皮带…
…在楼下鬼鬼祟祟的他不想被任何人发现…
…可是他醉得摇摇晃晃然后撞东撞西把大家都吵醒
听起来不像是个快乐的圣诞节
谁说是圣诞节来着?
有没有菲此的消息?
没有
希望她没事
是呀，我完全了解她的处境
你怎么会完全了解她的处境?
她告诉我们的嘛
摩妮卡，你买了什么?
派对要用的东西
你们还在这里干嘛你们不是该去买礼物了吗?
你们礼物还没买好吗?
明天就是圣诞夜了你们要怎么办?
不是黏土动昼里面的人才会那么说的吗?
对了，摩妮卡我想邮差不欣赏你的饼干
这是你妈寄来的装饰品
说不定他喜欢我的饼干只是他嫌少了
摩妮卡，鸽子都学得此你快
瑞秋
我想我知道怎么样让你好过点了
你列张关于我的清单如何?
什么?算了吧，罗斯我怎么会…
好，我告诉你…
…你爱发牢骚，爱钻牛角尖没有安全感…
…你根本就没种
你从来不知道怎么把握时机
你暗恋我多久了?一年结果你一个屁也没放
还有，你头发涂了太多发胶了
你听我的了
对呀，你知道吗?你说得对，我觉得好多了
谢了，罗斯
麻烦你查一查巴法尔的电话
以奇卡呢?
好吧，沙拉托加?
翁尼昂塔?
好吧，你知道吗?你没有资格自称查号台
奶奶请问这是不是你的真姓名?
好了，丫头，别跟我生气了
进行得怎么样了?不太好
纽约州蛮大的，他蛮小的你自己算吧
我想没找到他对你还比较好
我知道他是你爸爸
但是对我而言…
…他是那个让你妈怀孕又偷她的车子，不负责的混球
我知道啊只是想知道他是谁而已
我说我不知道他住在哪里…
…是有点骗你
什么意思?
他住在米德城罗瑞街74号
要是看到黛莉冰淇淋就过头了
开我的车去吧
谢了
我的计程车别让别人开啊知道了
我要见到我爸爸了
谢谢
好吧，祝我好运了，爷爷
菲此开计程车来了吗?
来了，那是一辆隐形车
上车吧
她最好快一点服饰店七点就关门了
安啦，我想菲此去她爸那儿大概两个小时…
…他们见面，聊天交换生活故事
还有很多时间的
她来了
你们相信吗?
再两个小时我就有爸爸了
是呀，大事哦
对呀，走吧
好，你来拿着这个
左煞车，右加速?
对，我的小抄
安全带呢?
被救护人员剪开了
告诉我嘛，拜托…
这是第十六次了：不，我不认为你钻牛角尖
天哪，这里怎么这么热啊麻烦把暖气关小
罗斯，把暖气关小
两个之间是有差别…
罗斯，暖气
好，暖气…还说我钻牛角尖?
好吧，往这边是开
往这边是…
往这边是…
你是否把暖气机弄坏了?
没有，我不过是转了开关…
…结果就掉了
那就装回去啊
装不回去了
我打电话给管理员
来，我来试试
对了我忘了你融合金属的能力了
好笑的相反…
…不好笑
崔先生?
我是楼上的林瑞秋
对，有人弄坏我们暖气的开关了…
对，热到可以烤饼干了
你想你能在六点以前换好吗?
什么?不，不，星期二我们等不到那个时候
我们今晚有派对
好吧，给他小费
不，不喜欢我们的饼干就算了吧
我才不要任人勒索呢
这里有点热…
…就改成主题派对好了
这下有主题了：”请进，像热窝上的蚂蚁吧”
就是这里了
74号
长途跋涉为这个
就是这里了我要见到我爸爸了
这真是前所未有的大事
说得没错
好了，我要进去了
好了，我走了
我走了
我要走了
欢迎光临我们的热带圣诞派对
外套，毛衣，长裤跟衬杉请放在卧室里面
我在冒汗，所以看不出来…
…佄彝耆
颗豆子大小的份量而已那怎么会太多呢?
冰块?
谁要冰块?拿张餐巾
摩妮卡?摩妮卡?
你的客人都快变成人干了
真的?我觉得舒服得很
排队呀，兄弟，换我了
崔先生
你说有派对啊?
欢迎光临三温暖
很热吗?我从来不觉得热
说不定是因为我皮肤多了
起土
好吧，好吧，机会来了摩妮卡，给他现金
瑞秋，把你的耳环给他快啊，任何东西都给他
不，我不屈服
对，我也是
好吧…你说我从不把握机会?
他虽然是你们的管理员我也要把握一下
崔先生?
这里是50块钱，圣诞快乐
我没有准备你的礼物
送你5块钱好了
不，那是你的圣诞红包
你认为你可不可以现在把暖气给修好?
没办法，我已经说过了…
…星期二才拿得到新的开关
罗斯?
看来他很僵硬哦
你要说强硬吗?
随便啦
你打算怎么样呢?
抱歉，我要把握一下
崔先生?
我再给你五十
祝你圣诞节快乐
这样我们是不是可以拿到新的开关了呢?
不行那家店星期二才会开门
我的发音不标准吗?
你真的喜欢我的饼干吗?
是呀，那好温暖哦真的表示你的关心
把握得好…
…发胶兄
这是懈寄生，没错吧?
…叫九层塔
如果是懈寄生，我就要亲你了
不，那还是九层塔
火炉上烤粟子
雪人在啃你的鼻子
你走到哪里啊?信箱
有进步了
菲此，你怎么了?
其实原因很多啦
昨天，我爸爸他还是一个名间遐迩的缅甸树医
可是他现在却变成一个药剂师了…
或许他是一个很酷的药剂师也说不定
对，或许，对然后我会跑去敲他的门…
…他会拥抱我，我会有个爸爸
然后大家都会亲切地对待我…
…因为我是法兰的女儿
那就快去敲门哪
因为如果他没有那么棒呢?
如果他还是那个抛妻弃子的浑球呢?
你知道吗?
我这个礼拜已经失去一个假爸爸了
我不想再失去一个真的爸爸
菲菲，没关系啦你已经跨了一大步了
有一天当你准备好的时候你就会越过那片篱笆了
那个时候他会有幸得到你
抱歉，你们来不及购物了
没关系，会有办法的
我知道你不要进去…
…不过你想我可不可以进去跟他借一下洗手间?
没关系，算了
酷耶，下雪了
像空白的昼布
这里面好热啊
介意我把暖气关小吗?
我们怎么都没想到呢
菲菲，结果怎么样?
我没有办法进去
好可惜喔
好，没关系因为我知道他在哪儿
现在只要那样就够了
各位，过了十二点了祝大家圣诞快乐
圣诞快乐
开关坏了·，
…所以我从下面关掉了希望不会有问题
瑞秋，送你的
汽车雨刷
我连车都没有
对呀，
菲菲，换你了
马桶纸垫啊
我去加油的时候你们就去买这个吗?
你们两个真好
至于罗斯…
…甜食先生
你们送我一瓶可乐?
还有柠檬莱姆饮料
简直太…太厚礼了吧我应该再送你们一件毛衣
还有一个很有价值的…
加纹让你更有快感

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 34楼发表于: 2014-03-14 0

210 The One With Russ

[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]
RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.
JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed before.
MNCA: You were so amazing as the king. I was really impressed, I was.
PHOE: Although, you know what? You might want to consider wearing underwear next time. Yeah, cause when you sat down on your throne you could kind of see your... royal subject.
JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from newspaper] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king.
CHAN: OK, look, that is one guy's opinion, alright. Phoebs, read yours.
PHOE: OK. [reading] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction...
CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different paper? Ross, read yours.
ROSS: I don't want to.
RACH: Joey, honey, they don't know what they're talking about.
ROSS: Yeah.
JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.
ROSS: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just, uhhh... paying your dues.
JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.
MNCA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from paper] In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiana was able to achieve brilliant new levels of... continued on page 153...[turns it] sucking.
Credits
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
[Ross enters, depressed.]
ROSS: [sullenly] Hiiiiii.
PHOE: Are... are you OK?
ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he?
MNCA: Maybe.
ROSS: Don't toy with me.
[Fun Bobby (FBOB) enters from Monica's bedroom.]
FBOB: Geller!
ROSS: Hey, Fun Bobby!
FBOB: Hey. Whoa, hey, you've been working out, huh?
ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!
MNCA: You and me both.
FBOB: Hey, so what'd I miss, what'd I miss, c'mon?
PHOE: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel better.
FBOB: Hey, do you need me to pick you up?
JOEY: No, I'm alright man. Really.
FBOB: No, I'm picking you up.
JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.
FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? [everyone raises their hands] I'm still gonna go.
MNCA: OK, I'll see you later babe.
FBOB: Uh, public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes. [kisses Monica]
[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]
FBOB: See ya. [exits]
ALL: Bye! See you later!
PHOE: Fun Bobby is so great.
MNCA: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think this time it may work with him. I mean, he just makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so lousy this last couple of months, no job, no boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full.
PHOE: Half full of looooovvvvve.
MNCA: And for our two-week anniversary, he's gonna take me to his cousin's cabin for the weekend.
PHOE: Cabin of loooooovvvvve.
RACH: We went through a lot of wine tonight, you guys. [walks over to table, holding five empty wine bottles]
MNCA: Really? I only had two glasses.
JOEY: I just had a glass.
PHOE: Two.
RACH: I had one glass.
CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.
RACH: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? And yet somehow we went through five?
[All look towards door Fun Bobby left through.]
ROSS: Oooooh.
JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.
MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.
ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.
PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'
JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?
MNCA: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo.
[Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in Central Perk Rachel is serving them. She brings a mug to Monica.]
MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?
RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.
MNCA: [takes a sip] Mmmm, no.
RACH: Oh well, too late, sorry, you already had some.
FBOB: [pulls out a flask] Whattaya say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?
[Phoebe and Rachel look uncomfortable.]
PHOE: Um, cake.
RACH: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake. [Phoebe and Rachel go to counter.]
MNCA: You know what? It seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish lately.
FBOB: Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.
MNCA: Bobby.
FBOB: Yeah, OK.
MNCA: Look, maybe this is none of my business, or maybe it is, I don't know... but, uh, I'm kind of worried about you.
FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'
MNCA: So, what are you saying now?
FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me. [they hug]
PHOE: [comes back to couch, with cake] Sooo, what's goin' on, huh?
FBOB: I am gonna try and quit drinking.
PHOE: [sad] Ooohh, why?
[Chandler and Joey enter.]
CHAN: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
MNCA: Hey.
PHOE: Hey.
CHAN: Guess who's back in show business.
PHOE: Ohh, ohh, Lorne Green?
CHAN: No, no, Phoebs. You know why? Cause he's dead.
PHOE: Oh, no.
CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.
JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!
PHOE: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.
CHAN: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.
PHOE: Hey Rach, what time do you get off? We're all gonna do something tonight.
RACH: Ummmm.... well, actually I'm already done, but I...I kinda got plans.
MNCA: [gasps] You have other friends?
RACH: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date.
MNCA: What?
JOEY: With a man?
RACH: What? What is so strange about me having a date?
JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?
RACH: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really anything at him anymore.
MNCA: What are you talking about?
RACH: I don't know. Whatever I was feeling, I'm... not.
PHOE: But you guys came so close.
RACH: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Ross.
[Russ enters Central Perk. He looks like Ross, except for his chin and hair (it is David Schwimmer in a dual role).]
RACH: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ.
RUSS: [sounding like Ross] Hhhhiiiii.
[Everyone looks at each other in amazement.]
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Estelle (ESTL) is speaking on the phone.]
ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock on the door] Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.
[Joey enters.]
ESTL: Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me darling, how was the audition?
JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.
ESTL: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic?
JOEY: No.
ESTL: Well, here it is. [She almost smiles.]
JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady...
ESTL: Oh, isn't Lori a doll?
JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I would have sent the Little General in.
ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]
RACH: What's the matter?
MNCA: It's Fun Bobby.
RACH: What, isn't he sober?
MNCA: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun Bobby was fun for a reason.
RACH: Ohhh, OK.
[Monica returns to couch next to Fun Bobby.]
MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun Bobby his coffee]
FBOB: Thanks. You wanna hear something funny?
MNCA: Oh God, yes!
FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
PHOE: That is funny.
FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.
MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?
FBOB: Oh yeah. See you guys. [leaves]
CHAN: Bye..... ridiculously dull Bobby.
MNCA: Oh.... my... God.
PHOE: It's not that bad.
MNCA: Not that bad? Did you hear the hammer story?
PHOE: OK, OK, don't get all squinky.
RACH: Maybe it was just the kind of story where you have to be there.
MNCA: But I'm gonna be there... for the rest of my life. I mean, I can't break up with him. I'm the one who made him quit drinking. He's dull because of me.
PHOE: Alright, don't say that. He's probably always been dull. You just, you know, set it free.
[Russ enters, walking in behind Chandler.]
RUSS: Hi.
CHAN: [turning around] Hey Ross.... bahhhh!
RACH: Hi Russ, I've just got two more tables to clean and then we'll go, OK?
RUSS: OK, I'll just sit here and... uh... chat with your, uh.... friend-type....people.
[Phoebe walks up to Rachel, cleaning tables.]
PHOE: Rachel? Um, hi.
RACH: Hi.
PHOE: OK, so, you know what you're doing, right?
RACH: Uhh.... waitressing?
PHOE: Well, yeah, but... no. I mean, umm... doesn't.... doesn't Russ just remind you of someone?
RACH: [looks at him] Huh, Bob Saget?
PHOE: [looks at Russ] Oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, oh, oh.
[Phoebe turns back around but Rachel is gone. Ross enters.]
PHOE: Oh, my, oh!
ROSS: What? What's wrong?
PHOE: I, OK....
MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this morning.
ROSS: Alright.
CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.
RUSS: Hi.
ROSS: Hi.
RUSS: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?
ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?
RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a... date-type... thing... of Rachel's.
ROSS: A date.
RUSS: Yeah, I'm her date.
ROSS: Oh, oh, you're... uh... you're, oh you're the date.
CHAN: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.
RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.
ROSS: Yes, yes I am. And you are a....
RUSS: Periodontist.
MNCA: See? They're as different as night and... later that night.
ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.
RUSS: Ditto.
[ROss approaches Rachel at counter.]
ROSS: I, uh, well... I... I met Russ.
RACH: Oh.
ROSS: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other people.
RACH: Well, we're not seeing each other, so....
ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...
RACH: Well, yeah, this is the deal.
ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.
RACH: Um, Russ, you ready?
RUSS: Yeah.
RACH: Bye.
MNCA: Bye.
PHOE: Bye.
[Russ and Rachel leave together.]
ROSS: [upset] She's dating. She's dating.
CHAN: Yes, yes, but did you see who she was dating?
ROSS: What do you mean?
MNCA: Do you not see it?
ROSS: See what? I don't know what she sees in... innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello.... a... week, to get out a sentence.
CHAN: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?
ROSS: ....................Yeah.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]
CHAN: Hey.
JOEY: Hey.
CHAN: Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or... uh, Italy called and said it was hungry.
JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.
CHAN: Oh my God!
JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.
CHAN: [not knowing how to react] Oh my... God?
JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.
CHAN: So, what're you gonna do?
JOEY: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?
CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.
JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part.
CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]
JOEY: Sorry.
CHAN: It's alright. Is she good-looking?
JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.
CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.
JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.
CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?
JOEY: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.
[Scene: A restaurant. Fun Bobby and Monica are ordering.]
WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?
MNCA: Yes, I would like something. [looks at Fun Bobby, changes her mind] No, no thank you.
FBOB: If... if you want to drink, it's OK with me, I've got to get used to it.
MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.
FBOB: So the light went out in my refrigerator...
MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword puzzle.]
CHAN: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK... eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends in ium.
RUSS: Dysprosium.
ROSS: [condescendingly] Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.
CHAN: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, Knights in White Satin was sung by the Doody Blues.
[Phoebe and Rachel are at the counter talking.]
PHOE: You don't see it? You actually don't see it?
RACH: What?
PHOE: OK honey, you're dating Ross.
RACH: No, Phoebs. I'm dating Russ.
PHOE: Russ is Ross. Russ... Ross!
RACH: Steve... sleeve!
PHOE: OK, noone is named Sleeve.
RACH: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking about? Other than their names being similar, I'm sorry, I do not see what you're seeing.
[They look over at Russ and Ross.]
ROSS: [to Russ] For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark.
RUSS: You could not be more wrong. You could try... but you would not be successful.
CHAN: OK, I'm gonna get some more coffee before the pinching and eye-poking begins.
RUSS: I know what your problem is.
ROSS: Oh you do, do you?
RUSS: Um-hum, you're jealous.
ROSS: Of... of what?
RUSS: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.
ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.
RUSS: Hey, you listen.
ROSS: No, no, let me finish.
RUSS: No, let me finish.
ROSS: No, you let me fini...
[Rachel walks up behind them.]
ROSS: Hi.
RUSS: Hi.
RACH: Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww! [turns away]
[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]
RACH: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when he left?
CHAN: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?
RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?
CHAN: Me.
RACH: Why would I have to sleep with you?
CHAN: It's my game. You want the job or not?
[Monica enters from her bedroom.]
CHAN: Hey.
MNCA: Morning.
ROSS: Where ya goin'?
MNCA: Bobby and I are going away for the weekend, remember?
ROSS: Ooooohhhh.
[Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.]
PHOE: What's with all the bottles of liquor?
ROSS: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again?
MNCA: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That way he's still sober but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.
[Three slow knocks on the door.]
RACH: Oh God, even his knock is boring.
[Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.]
MNCA: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second.
FBOB: Uh, can I talk to you a minute?
MNCA: Sure.
[They both step out into the hall.]
FBOB: This is really hard for me to say.
MNCA: Oh God, you fell off the wagon.
FBOB: Oh, no, no, it's about you.
MNCA: What about me?
FBOB: I think you may have a drinking problem.
MNCA: What these? [holding up liquor bottles] Oh, these are, um, for.. cuts and scrapes.
FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?
MNCA: Oh... shoot.
FBOB: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends.
MNCA: OK.
[They hug and kiss.]
MNCA: Take care.
FBOB: You too.
[Fun Bobby leaves and Monica goes back inside.]
RACH: What happened?
MNCA: Well we... we kinda broke up.
GANG: Awwwwwwww.
[Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel all exchange money.]
MNCA: [holding bottles] Does anybody want these?
CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.
[Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
GANG: Hey!
ROSS: How'd the callback go?
JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.
CHAN: So what'd you do?
JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.
ROSS: Good for you.
JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.
PHOE: So... and?
JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!
GANG: Allright!
JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]
[Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Chandler exchange money again.]
Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]
RUSS: Hi.
CHAN: Oh, hey.
PHOE: Hi.
RUSS: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me.
CHAN: Yeah, I'm sorry man.
RUSS: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about?
[Chandler and Phoebe feign ignorance.]
PHOE: Oh I do, it's.... it's Bob Saget. She hates him.
RUSS: Oh.
[Julie... Ross's ex-girlfriend... enters.]
JULIE: Hey.
CHAN: Hey!
PHOE: Hey, Julie! Hey, how are you doing?
JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....
[Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. The music builds...]
END

210 纳斯（罗斯翻版）

你慢一点，报纸不会在半夜一点就全部卖光的
我好兴奋第一次有我的剧评
你演国王演得太精采了我真的好欣赏，真的
不过你知道吗?
我觉得下一次啊你应该考虑要穿穿内裤
因为当你登上宝座的时候观众可以看到你的…
…龙根子
有了，在这儿
”唯一此没大脑又孩子气的导演还要烂的是…
…崔乔伊对国王的超级逊诠释”
那只是一个人的意见
菲碧，念你的
”唯一此没大脑又孩子气的导演还要烂的是…”
谁念一念别家报纸可以吗?
罗斯，念你的
我不想念
乔伊，蜜糖他们不知道他们在讲什么
那不一定
演了十年还混不出名堂不是因为我烂是什么
别这样嘛，你现在是耕耘阶段
不…太难了
这不值得，我不干了
等一下…
包你听了会回心转意的
”在这出平凡的戏里崔乔伊成功地跃上另一美妙新境界…
小时候，我的志愿是当兽医
然后我发现我必须要把手伸到牛的什么的里面
你好吗?
很好，只是水深火热的一天
剑龙倒了，困住一个小孩
我认得这件夹克这是风趣巴此的夹克
他在哪里?他在，对不对?
或许
老盖勒
风趣巴此
你有去健身啊?
才没有呢
我爱这家伙
好高兴听到你又跟我妹妹在一起了
我们都是我错过了什么吗?
我们只是让乔伊觉得好过一点
需要我把你举起来吗?
不，我没事了，真的
不，我要把你举起来
不，真的，我不需要…
好吧，还是有用
在我走之前有谁还要被我给举起来的?
我还是走好了
待会儿见了，拜拜
我们要公开亲热大家的眼睛请回避一下
这个风趣巴此好棒
可不是嘛
我认为这一回我们会定下来他让我觉得好棒
过去两个月我一直觉得好郁卒没有工作，没有男友
至少现在我有一样了
他为了庆祝我们的双周庆周末要带我去他表哥的小木屋
我们今晚喝了好多酒
真的?我才喝了两杯
我只喝了一杯
两杯
我喝了一杯
我用这可爱的…
…”我在自然历史博物馆看到骨头了”喝了一杯
这么说的话，顶多两瓶
可是这里有五个瓶子
那又怎么样，他今晚喝多了
是呀，不过现在我想起来…
我记得风趣巴此酒不离手
你们有没有注意过他故事的开头总是…
”我喝得烂醉了”或者是”我们好醉了”
或者是”我醒来以后发现我在康州一辆清道车里面”
摩妮卡，你们约会时他有没有喝过酒?
只是恰巧而已我们去的地方都会喝酒的
我是说去品酒会怎么可能不来杯酒的
或者是去俱乐部或是去…
…动物园
中央公园
瑞秋，里面有没有脱脂奶?
不知道，你试试看吧
来不及，抱歉，你喝过了
我们把这都弄成了爱尔兰咖啡你们认为怎么样?
蛋糕!
对，我们去拿蛋糕
我发现你最近好像把很多东西都弄成爱尔兰式的
我很想弄成此利时式的可是饼干很难塞进酒瓶子里
好吧
听着，这或许不关我的事或许有关，我不知道
我有点担心你
这不是第一次有人跟我说过这件事情了
我老是为我自己找一些借口像”跟朋友在一起才喝”
或”来嘛，今天是国庆日”
那你现在怎么说呢?
我猜我要说…
…我戒戒看
我喜欢你担心我的样子
发生什么事了?
我要试着戒酒了
为什么?
猜谁又回演艺圈了?
罗伦格林
不是，菲此你知道为什么吗?他死了
我猜这似乎有点苦乐参半…
是乔伊老弟耶
是啊，我经纪人叫我去”我们的日子”试镜看看
那我们必须要庆祝应该开个肥皂剧主题派对
对，我们可以一起上床然后其中一个人失去记忆
阿秋，你什么时候下班?晚上一起做点什么
事实上，我下班了但我有其他计划
你有别的朋友
对，我…我有约会
什么?
跟男人?
怎么?我有约会有什么奇怪的?
那罗斯怎么办?
你还在为列单子的事在跟他生气，是不是?
不…我不生气了
我对他再也不怎么了
你在胡说些什么?我不知道
不管我从前怎么样，我…
你们就差一点点咧
我知道，对不起啦，各位你们只得习惯…
…我不会跟罗斯约会这个事实
他来了
各位，这是洛斯
不…我不是说你没才华你非常有才华
只是那只乌死了之后剩下的戏就很少了
蜜糖，放我一马，好吗?
我等会儿再打给你
我最喜爱的客户来了
告诉我，亲爱的试镜结果如何?
我觉得进行得满顺利的他们要我周四复试
乔伊，你见过我心醉神迷吗?
那你见识看看
对了，有件事我想跟你谈谈
电视台的选角小姐·，
罗莉是不是很棒?
对…她很棒
可是…我有点觉得她好像对我有那么一点点意思
我觉得如果我想得到那个角色的话，就要…
派我的”小将军”出马
我懂了我现在就打个电话…
…把事情搞清楚看看究竟是怎么回事
你好啊，请接罗莉
亲爱的
崔乔伊适不适合计程车司机那个角色?
他是不是棒透了?
我们等会儿再谈
对，你必须跟她上床
怎么?他又喝酒了?
他是没喝酒
只是我发现风趣巴此风趣是有原因的
拿去吧，甜心
谢了要不要听一个有趣的故事?
只要一过了午夜这附近的五金行就全都关门了
好好笑哦
前几天晚上我需要买一把鲫头我就出去在这附近逛了一逛
这附近所有的五金行过了午夜之后都关门了
甜心，你不是该去面试了吗?
是呀
各位再见了
拜拜
…无聊至极的巴此
老天啊
他还没那么糟啦
没那么糟?你没有听到那个故事吗?
别那么挑剔嘛
也许你应该身历其境才会觉得好笑啊
但我下半辈子...
都会身历其境啊
我不能跟他分手，我叫他戒酒所以他无聊是因为我
好了，别这么说了
也许他一直很无聊，你只是…
…你只是把他解放了
罗斯
洛斯
再两张桌子我们就可以走了，好吗?
我就坐这儿好了…
跟你的…
…好朋友一起聊天
瑞秋
你知道你在干什么吗?
服务生?
是又不是…
洛斯会不会让你想起某个人来呢?
巴布西格?
对呀
天呀
怎么了?
她心情不好是因为…
…她不小心把一只蜘蛛涂在吐司上了
好吧
听我说，菲菲，这不要紧的
罗斯，洛斯洛斯，罗斯
你是…瑞秋的朋友?
是，我是
你是…瑞秋的朋友吗?
事实上，我是…
瑞秋的约会对象…
约会?
对，她的约会对象
你是…你是…
她约会的对象
其实这也满好玩的…
因为万一我们失去了罗斯还有一个备用的
你是那个…古生物学家
对，我是
牙科医师
瞧，现在他们简直是黑夜跟·，
…更黑的夜
我现在要去…拿杯饮料
很高兴…很高兴认识你
彼此
我…我见过洛斯了
我不知道我们…边跟别人交往
我们又没有在交往，所以…
我告诉你好了我们馆里有个女的…
…跟其他有翅生物…
…她明显地表示她喜欢我就像是…
你知道嘛
我到现在还跟她保持距离但是如果你要这样的话…
对，我要这样
那好，祝你有愉快的一晚
洛斯，你好了吗?
她在约会?
她在约会?
对，对但你看到她在跟谁约会了吗？
什么意思?
你看不出来吗?看什么?
我真搞不懂她看中那驴蛋哪一点
…讲完一句话要等一个礼拜
是呀，烦死人了，是不是?
我猜你没有得到那个角色…
…或是义大利来电说它饿了
不，我要的话那角色就是我的
老天啊
对呀，只要我愿意跟选角小姐上床的话
老天啊?
我等了十年才等到这个机会，钱德
我是说”我们的日子”那真的会在电视上擂出
那你要怎么做?
我可以跟她上床…
但我怎么能够那么做呢
我有一本教我关于性的一切的立体书
我从没有为了角色跟人家上床过
那么她是…
抱歉
她长得好看吗?
好看，她长得非常的好看若我在酒吧认识她的话…
…我一定会请她吃早餐
你知道，我是说跟她上床之后
乔伊，或许这没什么大不了的
依我看你不但得到一份好工作还可以跟她上床
也许再加上一棵树跟胖子就像圣诞树了
我只是不希望那样得到这份工作
就说有一天万一我成名好了
我会怀疑那到底是因为我的才华，还是因为我的…
…你知道，我的小将军
你以前不是叫它”小少校”的吗?
对呀，但是在上过狄丹妮后它就升级了
两位要不要来一杯酒啊?
好，我要点杯酒
不，不，谢谢
没关系，你想喝酒的话我没问题，我要习惯这种事
不…真的我冰箱里面的灯熄了
来杯水好了
我会觉得很不舒服来杯威士忌加冰块跟柠檬
这个游戏很有趣吧，罗斯?
我们再做一个好不好，洛斯?
十一个字母
它的原子序号码是101字尾是”IUM”
是镝
什么是镐?
我看试试扪吧
号参赛者答对了
除非直九的”白缎之夜”是”杜迪蓝调”唱的
你真的看不出来吗?
什么?
你在跟罗斯约会
不，菲菲，我跟洛斯约会
洛斯就是罗斯，洛斯，罗斯
史提，史里
没有人叫那种名字
菲此，你到底在鬼扯什么?
除了名字相似之外对不起，我看不到你看到的
我老实告诉你好了…
你错得不可能再错
你可以试，可是你不会成功
我先倒杯咖啡然后再回来看你们互戳眼睛
我知道问题在哪儿了
是吗?
你嫉妒
嫉妒什么?
你嫉妒我是个真正的医生
你是牙龈的医生
那是人能够钻研的最小的人体器官
就像是第一天教你用牙线第二天，这是你的文凭
你给我听着…
不，让我说完不，你让我说完
不，你让我说完…
乔伊走时有没有说打算怎么做
没有，我想他自己也不知道
你会为一个很棒的工作跟别人上床吗?
我必须跟谁上床?
我干嘛得跟你上床?
这是我的事这工作你到底要不要?
你去哪里?
我要跟巴此去小木屋度周末记得吗?
带那么多酒干什么?
怎么了?巴此又开始喝酒了
不…这不是他喝的这是给我的
这样他会很清醒，而我会觉得他的鞋带笑话好笑多了
天哪，他连敲门怎么都这么乏味啊
我马上就好了我可以跟你谈一谈吗?
可以啊
这真的很难开口
天啊，你又开始喝酒了
不是…
是关于你的
我怎么了?
我想你或许有酗酒问题
不，这些是…
…擦伤口用的
我现在无法扯人一段相互依赖的关系当中
该死
不管怎么样我希望我们还是朋友
保重了
你也是
怎么了?
我们分手了
这些酒谁要?
我拿一瓶
我有时候喜欢拿这种东西假装我是个巨人
复试结果怎么样?
简直不可思议，我一进去她就开始对我上下其手
我就是办不到
我告诉她我不想那样得到角色
干得好…
等等，我离开她办公室之后她追我追到电梯来
她说要给我一个更重要的角色
所以呢?
所以…各位面前站的是雷医生…
…是一位至少会在四集里面出镜的神经外科医师
太棒了…我去洗澡了
你们听说我被瑞秋甩了吧?
是呀，很遗憾啊，老兄
她说我会让她想起另外一个人
你们知道那个人是谁吗?
我知道，是…沙巴西格
她恨他
灵
最近好吗?
我不知道没有了罗斯，的确很不对劲…
…但是我猜我还好啦
事实上我带了一些他的东西…

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 35楼发表于: 2014-03-14 0

211 The One With the Lesbian Wedding

[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]
ROSS: Ok. Here's his diaper bag, and his uh, Mr. Winky, and uh...oh, him. Hi!
CAROL: So how did everything go?
ROSS: Oh, great. Great. There was a projectile, uh, throwing up incident, but he started it.
CAROL: Well, we've gotta go.
ROSS: Ok.
SUSAN: [clears her throat]
CAROL: Oh, right. Um, I've got some news. It's about us.
ROSS: Oh, you and me?
CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.
SUSAN: The other us.
ROSS: Ok.
CAROL: We're uh, we're getting married.
ROSS: As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?
CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.
ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.
CAROL: Look I just thought that...
ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!
SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?
ROSS: Mmm hmmm.
CAROL: Want us to go?
ROSS: Uh-huh.
[at Rachel and Monica's]
ROSS: This is so cool. You're actually gonna be on television.
JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of u, and how these are the days of our lives..
MONICA: Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer had a mountain bike accident this weekend, and she's in a full body cast.
ROSS, CHANDLER & JOEY: Yes!
MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?
ROSS: Would it matter?
MONICA: Oh, you are so great! [kisses him] Thank you!
JOEY: Are you really not going?
ROSS: I am really not going. I don't get it. They already live together, why do they need to get married?
MONICA: They love each other, and they wanna celebrate that love with the people that are close with them.
ROSS: If you wanna call that a reason.
CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.
MONICA: Ross, I thought you were over this.
ROSS: Look, that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.
JOEY: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like the worst lesbian ever.
RACHEL: [entering hurriedly] Did I miss it? Did I miss it?
JOEY: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.
CHANDLER: Whoa, she's pretty.
JOEY: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.
RACHEL: I'm sorry, what?
MONICA: What?
JOEY: It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this.
CHANDLER: Oh, ok.
JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon.
MRS. WALLACE: Is she gonna be all right?
JOEY: I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..subcranial hematoma. Perhaps we can discuss this over coffee.
CHANDLER: Nice!
RACHEL: That's great!
ROSS: Excellent!
CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.
[Monica and Rachel's]
ROSS: That is so good! Do it again!
JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"
CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.
ROSS: No no, that's me.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah.
ROSS: Oh, hello.
PHOEBE: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...
ROSS: Is everything ok?
PHOEBE: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.
ROSS: Oh my god.
CHANDLER: That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.
PHOEBE: Yeah, um, she was 82 years old. Her name was um, Mrs. Adelman.
MONICA: Oh, honey.
PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.
RACHEL: What do you mean?
PHOEBE: I think it went into me.
[Everyone takes a step back from Phoebe]
[Central Perk]
MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.
CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.
RACHEL: Ok, who ordered what?
ROSS: Oh, I believe I had the half-drunk cappuccino with the lipstick on the rim.
CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?
RACHEL: Oh god.
JOEY: I can't believe you're so uptight about your mom comin'.
RACHEL: I know, but it's just it's the first time, and I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap, you know?
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.
JOEY: Uh, Pheebs, how long do you think this lady'll be with us?
PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Sit up!
MRS. GREEN: [entering] There she is.
RACHEL: Mom!
MRS GREEN: Sweetie! So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the fun.
RACHEL: Pretty much.
MRS GREEN: Monica! You look gorgeous! Last time I saw you, it was eat or be eaten.
RACHEL: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and this is Chandler, and you remember Ross.
MRS GREEN: Oh hello, Ross.
ROSS: Hi, Mrs. Green. [He gets up to shake her hand, but she ignores him.]
MRS GREEN: So, what do you think of my daughter in the apron with the big job?
RACHEL: Oh Mom!
MRS GREEN: If you didn't pour the coffee, no one would have anything to drink.
CHANDLER: Believe me, sometimes that happens.
MRS GREEN: This is just so exciting. You know, I never worked. I went straight from my father's house to the sorority house to my husband's house. I am just so proud of you.
RACHEL: Really?
MRS GREEN: Yes.
PHOEBE: I know who it is you remind me of. Evelyn Dermer. 'Course, that's before she got the lousy face lift. Now she looks like Soupy Sales.
JOEY: Pheebs, who's Evelyn Dermer?
PHOEBE: I don't know. Who's Soupy Sales?
[at Rachel and Monica's
MRS GREEN: Oh my god, there's an unattractive nude man playing the cello.
RACHEL: Yeah, well just be glad he's not playing a smaller instrument.
MRS GREEN: [laughing] You have some life here, sweetie.
RACHEL: I know. And Mom, I realize you and Daddy were upset when I didn't marry Barry and get the big house in the suburbs with all the security and everything, but this is just so much better for me, you know?
MRS GREEN: I do. You didn't love Barry. And I've never seen you this happy. I look at you and I think, oh, this is what I want.
RACHEL: For...me.
MRS GREEN: Well, not just for you.
RACHEL: Well, what do you mean?
MRS GREEN: I'm uh, considering leaving your father.
MONICA: [entering] All right. Tell me if this is too cute. Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts.
RACHEL: Oh god. I think I'm gonna be sick.
MONICA: Why? It's not like I'm putting little nipples on them.
ROSS: And you had no idea they weren't getting along?
RACHEL: None.
JOEY: They didn't fight a lot?
RACHEL: No! They didn't even talk to each other. God, how was I supposed to know they were having problems?
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] In my day, divorce was not an option.
JOEY: Hey, look who's up.
RACHEL: I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, when I was little, everybody's parents were getting divorced. I just figured as a grownup I wouldn't have to worry about this.
MONICA: Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering? I mean, she's doing it because she wants to be more like you.
RACHEL: Well, then, you know, couldn't she have just copied my haircut?
CHANDLER: You know, it's funny when my parents got divorced, they sent me to this shrink, and she told me that all kids have a tendency to blame themselves. But in your case it's actually kinda true.
PHOEBE: That's him.
CHANDLER: Damn. My mail order grandfather hasn't come yet.
MR A: Phoebe?
PHOEBE: Yes, hi, Mr. Adelman. Thanks for meeting me.
MR A: Oh, that's all right, although you did cut into my busy day of sitting.
PHOEBE: Um, do you wanna sit?
MR A: Oh, no, please, I spent most of mid-morning trying to stand up. Now uh, what can I do for you, my dear?
PHOEBE: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
MR A: You're saying, my wife is in you?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging around?
MR A: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
PHOEBE: Everything?
MR A: Everything.
PHOEBE: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
MR A: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head.
MR A: [to Joey] Worth a shot, huh?
[Joey nods and shrugs.]
MRS GREEN: Look at this.
RACHEL: These are from Halloween three years ago.
MRS GREEN: Oh, look, here's Barry. Did he have to come straight from the office?
RACHEL: No, that was his costume. See, he's actually an orthodontist, but he came as a regular dentist.
MONICA: Um, you guys, you know when I said before, "thank you, but I don't really need your help"?
RACHEL: Actually, what I think you said was, "don't touch that, and get the hell out of my kitchen."
MONICA: Really? Weird. Anyway, see, I planned everything really well. I planned and I planned and I planned. It just turns out, I don't think I planned enough time to actually do it.
RACHEL: Hey, Mon, you want some help?
MONICA: If you want.
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey. What a day. I took her everywhere. The Museum of Modern Art, Rockefeller Center, Statue of Liberty.
RACHEL: She's still with you?
PHOEBE: Yeah. I guess she hasn't seen everything yet. I'll be right back, she has to go to the bathroom again. [Takes Mrs. Green's chin in her hand and says, in Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh, such a pretty face.
MRS GREEN: This is so much fun, just the girls. You know what we should do? Does anybody have any marijuana?
RACHEL: God!
MONICA: All right, look, nobody's smoking pot around all this food.
MRS GREEN: That's fine. I never did it. I just thought I might. So, what's new in sex?
RACHEL: Oh! What's new in sex?
MRS GREEN: The only man I've ever been with is your father.
MONICA: I'm dicing, I'm dicing, I don't hear anything.
MRS GREEN: I mean, this is no offense to your dad, sweetie, but I was thinking there might be more.
RACHEL: Oh, I'm sorry. You know what? I cannot have this conversation with you. I mean, god, you just come in here, and drop this bomb on me, before you even tell Daddy. What? What do you want? Do you want my blessing?
MRS GREEN: No.
RACHEL: You want me to talk you out of it?
MRS GREEN: No.
RACHEL: Then what? What do you want?
MRS GREEN: I guess I just figured of all people you would understand this.
RACHEL: Why on earth would I understand this?
MRS GREEN: You didn't marry your Barry. I did.
RACHEL: Oh.
MONICA: All right people, we're in trouble here. We've only got 12 hours and 36 minutes left. Move, move, move!
CHANDLER: Monica, I feel like you should have German subtitles.
MONICA: Joey, speed it up!
JOEY: I'm sorry, it's the pigs. they're reluctant to get in the blankets!
PHOEBE: Monica, how did this happen? I thought you had this all planned out.
MONICA: Do you want me to cry? Is that what you want? Do you wanna see me cry?
PHOEBE: Sir! No sir!
MONICA: [to Ross] All right, you!
ROSS: No. Look, I told you I am not a part of this thing.
MONICA: All right, look, Ross. I realize that you have issues with Carol and Susan, and I feel for you, I do. But if you don't help me cook, I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross". All right, ball the melon.
CHANDLER: Hey! How come I'm stuck dicing, when he gets to ball the melon.
[knock at the door]
MONICA: Hi.
CAROL: How's it going?
MONICA: It's goin' great. Right on schedule. Got my little happy helpers.[everyone groans]
CAROL: Fine, whatever.
ROSS: What's the matter?
CAROL: Nothing. Ok, everything. I think we're calling off the wedding.
ROSS: What?
MONICA: You're still gonna pay me, right? Or something a little less selfish.
ROSS: Carol, what's the matter? What happened?
CAROL: My parents called this afternoon to say they weren't coming.
ROSS: Oh my god.
CAROL: I mean, I knew they were having trouble with this whole thing, but they're my parents. They're supposed to give me away and everything.
ROSS: It's ok. I'm sorry.
CAROL: And then Susan and I got in this big fight because I said maybe we should call off the wedding, and she said we weren't doing it for them, we were doing it for us, and if I couldn't see that, then maybe we should call off the wedding. I don't know what to do.
ROSS: I uh can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think Susan's right.
CAROL: You do?
ROSS: Look, do you love her? And you don't have to be too emphatic about this.
CAROL: Of course I do.
ROSS: Well then that's it. And if George and Adelaide can't accept that, then the hell with them. Look, if my parents didn't want me to marry you, no way that would have stopped me. Look, this is your wedding. Do it.
CAROL: You're right. Of course you're right.
MONICA: So we're back on?
CAROL: We're back on.
MONICA: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost 2 minutes.
[at the wedding]
JOEY: It just seems so futile, you know ? All these women, and nothing. I feel like Superman without my powers, you know? I have the cape, and yet I cannot fly.
CHANDLER: Well now you understand how I feel every single day, ok? The world is my lesbian wedding.
[Wedding music starts, Phoebe noisily unwraps a piece of candy.]
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Butterscotch? No one? All right, you'll be sorry later.
[Monica pushes Ben down the aisle in a stroller. Susan is escorted by both her parents. Carol is escorted by Ross.]
CAROL: Thank you.
ROSS: Any time. [He doesn't want to let her go]
CAROL: Ross. [He lets her go]
MINISTER: You know, nothing makes God happier than when two people, any two people, come together in love. Friends, family, we're gathered here today to join Carol and Susan in holy matrimony.
PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Oh my god. Now I've seen everything! [Phoebe's voice] Whoa, she's gone. She's gone. She's gone! Go ahead, get married. Go, go.
[At the reception, Monica and Ross watch Carol and Susan getting their picture taken.]
MONICA: Would you look at them?
ROSS: Yeah, can't help but.
JOEY: [to a wedding guest] How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you? [the guy nods] I wrapped those bad boys.
PHOEBE: I miss Rose.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah?
PHOEBE: I know it's kind of weird, but I mean, she was a big part of my life there, you know, and now I just feel kind of alone.
WOMAN: You know, I uh, I couldn't help but overhear what you just said, and I think it's time for you to forget about Rose, move on with your life...how 'bout we go get you a drink?
PHOEBE: Ok, that's so nice.
[Chandler tries to warn Phoebe that the woman is coming on to her, but Phoebe doesn't see him.]
CHANDLER: [to an attractive woman] I shouldn't even bother coming up with a line, right? [The woman walks away]
RACHEL: Hey, Mom? Having fun?
MRS GREEN: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
RACHEL: There's more alcohol, right?
[Susan approaches Ross, who's looking lonely]
SUSAN: How you doin'?
ROSS: Ok.
SUSAN: You did a good thing today.
ROSS: Yeah.
SUSAN: You wanna dance?
ROSS: No, that's fine.
SUSAN: Come on. I'll let you lead.
ROSS: Ok.
[They dance; Carol looks on lovingly.]
CHANDLER: [to the woman who just rejected him] All right look. Penis schmenis. We're all people. [She walks away again.]
[at Monica and Rachel's]
MONICA: Ok, which one of us do you think is gonna be the first one to get married?
ROSS: Well, Mon, I was married.
PHOEBE: Yeah, me, too, technically.
RACHEL: I had a wedding.
MONICA: All right, just trying to start an interesting discussion.
JOEY: I got one. Which one of us do you think will be the last to get married? [They all look at Chandler]
CHANDLER: Isn't Ben in this?
ALL: Oh, yeah!
END

211 同志婚礼

这是他的尿布袋…
…跟他的眨眼先生
还有...
…他，嗨！
一切都还好吗？好，很好
我们有个喷射性…
…呕吐事件，是他先开始的
我们得走了
对了
我有个消息，是关于我们的
你跟我?
不，苏珊跟我
另一个“我们”
我们要结婚了
就像”现在宣布你们为妻子跟妻子”
我们欢迎你来，若你不想来我们也完全了解
我为什么会不想去呢?第一次婚礼我很开心
我想也许…
不…我是说…我为什么不该替你高兴呢?
…如果我不能为你的快乐而快乐
那我算什么呢?我说的是真的，相信我
你的手指被椅子夹住了吗?
你要我们离开吗?
好酷耶你真的要在电视上出现了
我知道我昨晚才真正的意识到
我要在”我们的日子”里面演出了
然后我开始想我们的事我发现这正是”我们的日子”
帅
怎么了?
帮凯洛跟苏珊办喜酒的人这个周末骑登山车出了车祸…
…全身都上了石膏
他们要我办，这真太酷了吧我从来没有搞过这个…
…而且我很需要钱这对你不会构成问题吧?
哪有关系吗？你太棒了
谢谢
你真的不去吗?我当然真的不去
我不懂她们已经住在一起了为什么还需要结婚?
因为他们相爱阿
她们要跟她们亲密的人一起庆祝那份爱
如果你硬要说那个理由的话
谁是客厅里最苦的人?
客厅里最苦的男人?
嗨，芳邻
罗斯，我以为你不在意了那跟这个没有关系
她要是嫁了一个男的话没有人会觉得我应该去
他要是嫁了个男的话那不是史上最烂的同性恋了
我错过了吗?
还没有，这个家伙自杀之后我就上阵了
她很漂亮耶
对了，她人也很好
她教我怎么样在镜头前演戏…
…还有”闻屁味”演戏法
对不起？什么？
在短时间之内要记那么多的台词…
…有时候你需要时间想下一句
所以当你想的时候呢…
…你停顿一下表情装得非常的凝重
像这样…
轮到我了，我来了
华太太?
我是雷医生令妹的神经外科医师
告诉我，她会不会好起来?
恐十自令妹的情形此我们想像的还要糟糕
令妹得的病是…
…脑下血肿
或许我们可以边喝咖啡边聊一下
帅
刚有那么一会儿，我还真以为你间到了什么东西呢
再来一次，演得太棒了好…
”该死，贝弗曼就在那张图表上”
太棒了，好了，我要去上班了我有根大恐龙骨头要检查
不…那是我
谢了，我没办法…
你还好吧?
不
今天我有一个客人死在按摩桌上
天啊
你未免令他太放松了吧
她已经八十二岁了…
…她叫艾德曼太太
甜心
对呀，感觉怪怪的…
…她早上醒来时说不定在想…
…我去吃点早餐，然后去散步然后，再去按个小摩
没有想到神在想”好，但是就这样好了”
最诡异的事情是…
…发生的时候我正在清她的灵气
当她的灵魂离开身体的时候·，
…我不认为它走远了
什么意思啊?
我想它上了我的身
这太难了
我没有办法决定做羊还是鸭肉
当然了，羊肉比较恐怖
不然”那部电影”就会改为”沉默的鸭子”了
好了，谁点了什么?
我相信我点了喝了一半上面还有唇印的泡沫咖啡
对了，而这杯有烟屁股的是无咖啡因的吗?
天哪
真不敢相信你妈要来会把你搞成这个样子
我知道，只是这是她第一次来我不想她觉得…
…因为我没嫁给贝利我的生活就完全是垃圾
说到垃圾你不妨去试试听史黛拉…
…讲她跟施洛德的老掉牙的故事
菲此?你想她会跟我们在一起多久?
我不知道，老太太显然还有什么心愿还没完成呢
坐好
乖女儿
妈，心肝
这就是你的公司啊
好棒啊
这是客厅吗?还是餐厅?谁看得出来?
我猜乐趣就在那儿吧
差不多啦，来，看看我的朋友
摩妮卡，你看起来好美哟
上回我看到你的时候是在吃或是被吃呢?
这是乔伊
这是菲此
这是钱德
你记得罗斯吧?
你好，罗斯
林太太
你们认为我系着围裙…妈呀
…做大事的女儿怎么样?
妈!
没有你来倒咖啡呢大家都休想喝到东西了
相信我，有时候真的会这样的
太令人兴奋了我从来没有做过事情
我从我爸家直接到大学妹妹会之家…
…然后再到我先生的家我以你为荣，乖女儿
真的啊？
我知道你让我想起了谁了
杜艾琳
是去做蹩脚的拉皮手术前的她现在她像苏比赛尔了
菲菲，杜艾琳是谁?
不知道，苏比赛尔是谁啊?
老天啊
有个丑陋的裸体男人在拉大提琴
是啊，还好他不是在拉一个比较小的乐器
你的生活真有意思
妈，我知道你跟爸很不高兴我没有嫁给贝利…
…住在郊外的大房子过着不用担心柴米油盐的生活
可是，这样对我好多了
我知道，你不爱贝利，亲爱的
我也没见过你这么快乐过
看着你，我心里在想…”这是我要的”
这是为我吗?
不只是为了你啦
你是什么意思啊?
我在考虑离开你爸爸
好，告诉我这太可爱了
同性恋婚礼…，鸡胸肉
天啊，我想我快吐了
什么?我又没有在上面放小乳头
你完全不知道他们处得不好不知道
他们不常吵架?
不，他们连话都不讲了
天啊，我怎么会知道他们之间有问题啊
在我那个时代离婚不是个选择
看谁醒了
我只是无法相信这个事情嘛
我是说我小时候每个人的父母都在闹离婚
我只是想，我长大了就不用再担心这个了
你可不可能把这件事视为恭维呢?
我是说她这样做是想向你学习
那她不能学我的发型就好了吗?
我父母离婚的时候他们还叫我去看心理医生呢…
…他们告诉我所有的小孩都会怪自己
就你而言，这真应该怪你呢
就是他
该死，我邮购的爷爷还没寄来
菲币？是，艾先生
幸会，幸会，谢谢你来见我
没问题，不过你的确打扰了我忙碌昏坐的一天
你要坐下来吗?
不…不用了我早上花了好多时间才站起来
我能为你做些什么，亲爱的?
我不知道该怎么说啦…
当你太太的灵魂离开她身体的时候…
…她转入了我的…
…身上
你说我太太在你身上?
你用不着相信我啦…
…不过你能想出她或许有什么未完成的心愿吗?
有什么原因让她留下来吗?
我不知道该说什么
我唯一能够想到的是…
…以前她常说她死之前她想见识一切
一切？一切
那可真是不少
等一等
我想起来了，她还说她想最后再跟我上一次床
对不起，我脑袋里有笑声
值得一试嘛
看这一张
这是三年前万圣节的照片
你看，这是贝利
他直接从诊所过来吗?
不，那是他的服装
他是个牙齿矫正师，但他打扮成一般的牙医
各位
记得我以前说谢了，我不需要你们帮忙?
事实上，我想你说的是…
…”别乱碰离我的厨房远一点”
真的?奇怪，不过…
我一切都计划得很好我计划计划又计划
只是我想我实际烹饪的时间计昼得不够
摩妮卡，需要帮忙吗?你要的话
好长的一天
我带这位老太太到处去逛
我们去了现代美术馆洛克裴勒中心…
…自由女神像
她还跟着你啊?
对呀，我猜这位老太太还没见过一切呢
我马上回来她必须再去一趟厕所
张好漂亮的脸
这好好玩，就只有我们女生
知道我们该做什么吗?我想请问一下，谁有大麻?
天啊
听着不准在这堆食物旁边吸大麻
没关系
我从没抽过，只想试一试
所以…最新性事是什么?
最新性事是什么?
我只跟你老爸做过那件事而已
我切我切切切，我啥也没听到
我不是在批评你爸爸，亲爱的我只是在想…
…或许不只是那样而已
对不起，你知道吗?我没有办法跟你谈这件事
好啊...
你甚至还没告诉爸就到我这里来丢这颗炸弹
怎么样?你到底要什么?要我的祝福，是不是?
那你要我说服你别这样吗?
我猜我以为在所有人当中你最了解我
为什么我应该要最了解你呢?
你没有嫁给你的贝利
但是我嫁了我的贝利
好了，各位，我们来不及了我们只剩下12小时又36分
快
摩妮卡，我觉得你应该加上德文字幕才对
乔伊，快一点嘛
抱歉，是猪啦它们不愿意进毯子啊
摩妮卡，怎么会这样呢?我以为你全部都计昼好了
你要我哭吗?
那就是你要的吗?
你要看到我哭吗?
长官，不要，长官
好了，你
不，我说过我不参与这件事
我知道你跟凯洛和苏珊有过节我很同情你，真的
但是如果你不帮我我会用一堆热狗…
…创造出一道新的开胃菜叫”罗斯猪肉卷”
好，挖香瓜球
为什么我得切丁他却可以挖香瓜球呢?
进行得怎么样?非常顺利，全按时间来
有我快乐的小帮手们是啊
怎么了?
没事
好吧，有什么我想我们婚礼要取消了
你还是会付我钱的吧?
或是做不那么自私的事
凯洛，发生什么事了?
我爸妈今天下午来电话说他们不来了
我是说我知道他们不赞成这件事…
…可是他们是我父母啊他们应该把我嫁出去的
然后我跟苏珊大吵了一架因为我说或许应该取消婚礼
然后她说”这不是为了他们这是为了我们”
”如果我不了解这个的话或许我们真应该取消婚礼”
我不知道该怎么办
不相信我要这么说，但我认为苏珊是对的
真的？
你爱她吗?你不用说得太斩钉截铁
我当然爱她了
那就是了
如果你的父母无法接受的话那就去他们的
听着，我是说若我的父母不要我娶你的话…
…那绝对阻止不了我
这是你的婚礼
去做
说得对，当然你是对的
那我们继续吗?
我们继续吧
你们听到了，削皮，剁，切
真不敢相信我停了两分钟
我真的觉得好白费心机
你看，这么多女人跟没有一样
我觉得自己像没了神力的超人
我有披风，佄曳刹黄鹄?
现在你应该知道我每天的感觉了吧
世界是我的同性恋婚礼
奶油糖?
有人要吃吗?
好吧，待会儿你们会后悔的
谢谢，随时候教
罗斯
没有任何一件事…亲朋，好友
…此两个人因爱而结合使神更快乐
我们今日齐聚一堂…
…见证凯洛和苏珊神圣的婚礼
老天
现在我全看见了
她走了
她…她走了
她走了
来吧，结婚啊
黑夜中的陌生人
目光交会
在黑夜中游荡
你看看她们
是啊，忍不住
那道猪肉卷好不好吃啊?
对，是在下做的耶
我想念罗玫
是吗?
我知道这有点怪怪的但是她是我生活的一部分…
我只是觉得有点孤单
我听到你刚说的话
我想你也该把罗玫抛在脑后了继续你的生活
我们去拿杯饮料如何?
好的，你真好
我连搭讪的话都不用费心了是不是?
妈，好玩吗?
才好玩呢，我刚才跟一个好高大的女人跳舞
另外有三个女孩在餐点那边对我眨眼睛
我不是说这是我所要追求的…
…但是知道有选择好令人欣慰
还有酒，对吧?
你好吗?
你今天做了件好事
想跳舞吗?
不，算了
来嘛
我让你带舞
谁在乎”老二”
我们都是人
你们想我们之中哪一个会先结婚?
摩妮卡，我已经结过婚了
我也是，技术上我有过婚礼
好啊只是想开始个有趣的讨论
我想到了哪一个会最晚结婚?
你们说小班算不算?
算哪
当然算了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 36楼发表于: 2014-03-15 0

212 The One After the Superbowl part 1

[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]
[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...
[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]
COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: ...With MonkeyShine Beer. [MonkeyShine theme] MonkeyShine Beer, 'cause it's a jungle out there.]
[Camera pans back from the TV to show the gang watching.]
ROSS: That commercial always makes me so sad.
JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.
ROSS: I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.
PHOEBE: I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty chin.
MONICA: And the fact that they're both monkeys.
ROSS: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, ya know, giving him away.
RACHEL: Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was humping everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.
ROSS: Remember when sometimes he'd borrow your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be little monkey raisins in it.
CHANDLER: Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of the sudden I have this big attitude problem.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]
[Joey enters holding a letter]
JOEY: Hey, hey, check it out, guess what I got.
CHANDLER: Rhythm?
JOEY: No, my first fan mail.
ALL: Alright!
MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed please find 14 of my eyelashes.'
RACHEL: Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.
MONICA: This wasn't addressed to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it, this woman was in our building.
JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker.
[Ross enters with a suitcase]
ROSS: Hey guys.
ALL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Ooh, where are you off to, Travelin' Jake?
ROSS: Well, there's this, uh, paleontology conference in L.A. so I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.
CHANDLER: You know I think he will be surprised, 'till he realizes he's a monkey, and uh, you know, isn't capable of that emotion.
[Rob (Chris Isaac) enters]
RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.
PHOEBE: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now.
[Everyone laughs]
PHOEBE: I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.
ROB: Hi. I'm Rob Dohnen.
PHOEBE: Hi Rob Dohnen.
ROB: I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really, really great.
PHOEBE: Oh, wow.
ROB: Anyway, I schedule performers for the childrens libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?
PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]
JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?
CHANDLER: Well we could just stay in and cook for ourselves. [both laugh hysterically]
[door buzzer goes off]
CHANDLER: Hello.
ERICA: It's Erica.
JOEY: Ah, the stalker.
ERICA: Never mind, it's open.
CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.
JOEY: Let's get out of here.
[They run out and knock on Monica and Rachel's door]
CHANDLER: The one time they're not home.
JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met.
CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.
JOEY: She's comin'.
[Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]
ERICA: It's me.
JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?
CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]
[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]
ERICA: Hi.
JOEY: Erica.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]
LIPSON: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. I was told you had a question.
ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.
LIPSON: Ahh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.
ROSS: Oh my God, what happened?
LIPSON: Well he got sick, and then he got sicker, and then he got a little better but then he died.
ROSS: I can't believe this.
LIPSON: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.
ROSS: Well, ya know, someone should have called me.
LIPSON: I'm sorry. Look, I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.
ROSS: Zoo dollars?
LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
[Phoebe pulls out her guitar]
KIDS: Ooohhh.
PHOEBE: I know.
MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.
CHANDLER: Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery?
RACHEL AND MONICA: Yeah.
CHANDLER: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.
RACHEL: And she's not crazy?
CHANDLER: Oh no no no, she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.
RACHEL: Oh my God.
MONICA: Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not persue this.
CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.
ROB: You OK?
PHOEBE: No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.
ROB: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.
PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?
ROSS: I was thinkin' about it.
PHOEBE: OK. [they kiss] OK, alrighty, let's play some tunes. Hi everybody, I'm Phoebe
ALL: Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing]Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes,
she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
but the truth is she died and some day you will too.La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...
[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]
ERICA: Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?
JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?
ERICA: Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching someone's spinal cord.
JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.
ERICA: Who's they?
JOEY: No one.
ERICA: Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see those hands. Oh these hands, these beautiful hands, oh I could just eat them. . . but I won't.
JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]
ERICA: No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?
JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] Wow, you're good at that.
[Some guy at another table starts choking]
WAITER: Oh my God! Someone, he's choking. Is anyone here a doctor?
ERICA: Well, yes, yes, the best doctor in all of Salem, Dr. Drake Remore.
[Scene: San Diege Zoo. Ross is still at the monkey cages. A janitor is sweeping.]
JANITOR: Meet me in the nocturnal house in 15 minutes.
ROSS: Uhh, hey look, I don't really enjoy being with other men that way. But, um, zoo dollars?
JANITOR: It's about your monkey. It's alive.
[Scene: Restraunt. Joey and Erica are still there.]
ERICA: I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?
JOEY: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage. Alright, look, I got to tell you something.
ERICA: No, no no no, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Ooh, who am I to question the great Dr. Drake Remore?
JOEY: But that's what...
ERICA: I should just be happy to be near you.
JOEY: Hey I- [she cuts him off with a kiss]
ERICA: Hey what?
JOEY: That's it, just hey. Like at the end of a dance, HEY! [she starts nibbling his hand] Hey. He-hey.
[Scene: Library. Phoebe is singing.]
PHOEBE: [singing] There'll be times when you get older
when you'll want to sleep with peoplejust to make them like you. . .
But don't.Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do, everybody
That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
MONICA: Excellent!
CHANDLER: Very informative!
RACHEL: Not at all inappropriate!
PHOEBE: Thank you for coming everybody. There're cookies in the back.
ROB: That was great, the kids loved you.
PHOEBE: Yay, I rock.
ROB: And you know why? Because you told the truth, and nobody ever tells kids the truth.You were incredible.
PHOEBE: But.
ROB: How did you know there was a but?
PHOEBE: I sense these things. It was either but or butter.
ROB: The thing is, I think some of the parents, they were kinda hopin' that you'd play more songs about like, barnyard animals.
PHOEBE: I can do that.
ROB: Really?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
ROB: Because that would be fantastic. What? You wanna kiss me?
PHOEBE: Thinkin' about it.
[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross and the janitor are in the nocturnal house.]
JANITOR: Ahh, the bat. Ambassador of darkness, flitting out of his cave like a winged messenger, sightless spectre of the macabe.
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey?
JANITOR: Oh, yeah, right. There was a break-in, few months back, inside job. Your monkey was taken.
ROSS: Oh my God. But the zoo told me that my monkey was dead.
JANITOR: The zoo! Do you believe everything the zoo tells ya?
ROSS: That, that's the only thing the zoo's ever told me.
JANITOR: Of course they're gonna say he's dead. They don't want the bad publicity. It's all a great big cover-up. Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?
ROSS: That guy Lipson?
JANITOR: Lipson knows. Do you have any idea who else knows?
ROSS: No, I, I only know Lipson.
JANITOR: Hmm, Lipson knows huh? Ahh, hello Mr. Opossum, enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night, taunting gravity with...
ROSS: Buddy, my monkey, my monkey.
JANITOR: Word on the street - well, when I say street, I mean those little pretend streets they have here at the zoo.
ROSS: Of course.
JANITOR: Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field. That's all I know.
ROSS: This is unbelievable.
JANITOR: So, what is this information worth to you, my friend?
ROSS: Are you trying to get me to bribe you?
JANITOR: Maybe.
ROSS: But you already told me everything.
[Scene: Library. Ross show up with a MonkeyShine Beer poster.]
ROSS: Check it out, he actually is the MonkeyShine monkey.
RACHEL: Well, so what're you gonna do?
ROSS: Well, I guess I'm gonna call the beer company and try to find out where he is.
CHANDLER: That's what I did when I lost my Clydesdales.
PHOEBE: OK, hi again.
ALL: Hi Phoebe.
PHOEBE: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.[singing] Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers.Nooowww, chickens!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and the guys are watching Days of Our Lives.]
TV DOCTOR: You're the only one who can save her Drake.
JOEY ON TV: Damnit, I'm a doctor, I'm not God.
ROSS: Well, there goes my whole belief system.
[knock at the door]
ERICA: It's Erica.
JOEY: Oh my God, quick turn off the TV.
RACHEL: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens.
JOEY: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.
RACHEL: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?
MONICA: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
JOEY: Hey Erica, c'mon in.
ERICA: How did you get here so fast, I just saw you in Salem?
JOEY: Right, they uh, they choppered me in. What's up?
ERICA: Ohh, and I see you're having a little party too. Is she here, huh, huh?
JOEY: Who?
ERICA: Sabrina. I know about you two. I saw you today kissing in the doctor's lounge.
JOEY: It's not what you think, that was...
ERICA: You told me I was the only one. [throws a glass of water in his face]
JOEY: Alright look, that's it. I don't think we should see each other anymore, alright. Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend to be a doctor.
ERICA: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?
JOEY: Somebody wanna help me out here?
RACHEL: Oh, I know, I know. [Turns on the TV. Joey in on it.]
ERICA: How, how can you be here and there.
JOEY: 'Cause it's a television show.
ERICA: Drake, what're you getting at?
JOEY: I'm not Drake.
ROSS: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.
ERICA: Is this true?
RACHEL: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
MONICA: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws water in his face]
CHANDLER: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in his face]
ERICA: Is all this true?
JOEY: Yes, I'm afraid it is. You deserve much better than me Erica. You deserve to be with the real Drake, he's the one you fell in love with. Go to Salem, find him, he's the guy for you.
ERICA: Oh Hans. [They kiss]
ROSS: Hans...Hans...Yo evil twin.
JOEY: Right. Goodbye Erica, good luck in Salem. Take care
ERICA: I'll never forget you Hans. [Joey shuts the door in her face]
JOEY: OK, alright, the people who threw the water.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Rob are sitting on the couch.]
PHOEBE: Fired! Why?
ROB: The library board has had a lot of complaints from parents about some of the stuff in your songs.
PHOEBE: I can't believe it. Did you tell your board about how kids want to hear the truth?
ROB: No.
PHOEBE: I see.
ROB: Maybe if you just played some regular kiddie songs.
PHOEBE: No. What do you, what do you want me to be, like some stupid, big, like, purple dinosaur?
ROB: I'm not saying you have to be Barney.
PHOEBE: Who's Barney.

212 超级杯后（第一集）

无法摆脱工作的压力?
那就来一杯…
…猴子乐啤酒吧
喝一口猴子乐
猴子乐…
猴子乐啤酒
因为外面是一片丛林
那个广告总是让我悲从中来
但是那个家伙一开啤酒女人就拥上来了…
…所以最后一切还好的
我的意思是那只猴子让我想到了马赛
我看得出来
它们都有棕色的大眼睛还有鼓鼓的小下巴
而且它们都是猴子
有时候我怀疑我是不是做错了不应该把它送走
你是不得已的啊看到什么东西都要上
我的马里布芭此娃娃结婚不能穿纯洁的白纱了
记得有时它会跟你们借帽子…
…等你要回来的时候里面会有小小的猴子”葡萄干”?
它干的就叫好玩如果我对我老板这么做的话…
突然就变成了我的态度不好
你们看，猜我有什么?
韵律感，对不对?
不是，第一封影迷信
”亲爱的雷医生
我爱你，为了得到你我可以不惜一切”
”你不神秘的仰慕者方艾丽”
等一下
：”附注：随函附上了我十四根的睫毛”
在疯子的世界里那就表示你结婚了
这不是寄到制作单位的这是直接送到你家去
她去过我们的大楼
我的天啊
我有我自己的变态影迷了
你上哪儿去了?
因为洛杉矶有一个古生物学研讨会
我会去，然后开车到动物园给马赛一个惊喜
我想它会很惊喜的直到它发现它是猴子…
…它根本就没办法有那种情绪
菲此，那个可爱的家伙又来了
…假装我在讲故事给你们听故事非常的好笑
所以大家要笑
我知道
我叫罗伯杜南
罗伯杜南
我对音乐一窍不通不过我觉得你非常棒
我在替市里的儿童图书馆安排艺人的演出
我在想，你有没有想过为小孩子演唱你的歌呢?
我好想要小孩哦…
听我…听我演唱我为他们写的歌
你今天晚饭做什么?
我们可以留在家里吃自己啊
我是艾丽
变态影迷
没关系，门没关
对，用平底锅打她是个好主意
不过，我们应该想点别的以防她不是卡通人物
离开这里
偏挑这个时候不在
我们走时在楼梯上碰到的时候…
…她不会知道是我因为我们没有见过啊
那是收音机明星的方法
她来了
是我
就这样了，我们就这样死的
预备好了?
等等。。
艾丽
盖勒先生?
黎迪恩，我是这里的行政组长
听说你有个问题，是不是?
我似乎找不到我去年捐的猴子它是一只戴帽猿…
…它的名字叫做马赛?
我恐十自有个坏消息要告诉你
马赛它已经过世了
天哪，怎么会呢?
它生病了，然后它病得很重…
…然后它突然好了一点
然后就死了
我真不敢相信
很抱歉，盖勒先生你也知道嘛，俗话说
”猴子难免一死”
不是很好的俗语…
…用在今天却很贴切
那应该有人通知我才对呀对不起
我知道这不能够让它复活…
…这是我一点心意，请收下
动物园礼券?
对，四点请过来看一看乌秀金刚鹦鹉戴帽子
你的猴子没死的话会可爱多了
我知道
真不敢相信乔伊去跟他的变态影迷吃饭
她长得怎么样?
你还记得”战栗游戏”里面的凯西贝兹?
她长得跟她完全相反
那她不是疯子吗?
不，她的完全秀斗了
她以为乔伊真的是雷崔克医生
我的天哪
然后他还要去跟她约会?
他不能这么做的
就因为这个女人以为她可以在她的客厅黑盒里面看乔伊…
…并不表示她就不是人啊
我是说，她应该得到快乐也应该得到爱呀
你们看我干什么?想上那个疯子的是乔伊研
你还好吧?
不，我只是很紧张
如果我幻想他们只穿内衣…
不，那个主意不好上个家伙就是那样被开除的
我只是…我习惯为大人演唱
大人只是…边喝咖啡边做他们大人做的事
小孩呢…
…会专心听
我觉得这个责任好重大
怎么了?
你要亲我吗?
我正在考虑
那好，好耶，口引门来些音乐
各位，我是菲此菲此
现在我要唱一首关于祖父母的歌
奶奶走到哪里都大受欢迎
她送你火车跟一辆簇新单车
但最近她不再来共进晚餐
上回你看到她时她看起来瘦多了
你妈跟你爸说她搬去秘鲁
事实上她死了，有一天你也会
崔克，这真是太好了是啊，没错
怎么了?
现在我们轻松地坐在这儿…
…但不久前，你还在重注西蒙的脊髓
是啊，那实在不简单
事实上…
…那个手术要花上十几个钟头可是他们只播了两分钟而已
“他们”是谁？
没有啦
崔克，你真有才华让我看看那双手
这双美丽的手
真想吃掉它们
佄也换?
不然我的手表一定会掉下来
不，说真的，这双手…
这双
…救人无数，创造奇迹的手
只要靠近，抚摸或许甚至舔一只就好了
好吧，一只就好了
你很行耶
天哪，来人哪，他噎住了
这里有没有医生?
沙仑市最好的医生就在这儿
雷崔克医生
你十五分钟之后到夜行馆等我
少来了我不喜欢跟别的男人那样
要动物园礼券吗?
我要告诉你有关你猴子的事
它还没死
我不懂，你为什么不救他?
因为我是神经外科医生
…他显然是患了…
…“食道阻塞症”
好吧，听着我要坦白一件事…
你什么都不用告诉我
你不用向我解释什么
我算老几啊竟然敢怀疑伟大的雷医生
能接近你，我就该满足了
黑，我。。
嘿什么?
就那样，只是嘿
像结束了一首舞那样，嘿
有一天你们会长大
你们会想跟别人上床
只为搏得他们欢心伈灰
因为
因为
…你不要做的事一起来
那是另一件你不要做的事
太棒了，很有教育性
点也不会不恰当
谢谢各位光临后面有饼干要送给你们
真是棒透了
孩子们爱死你了
对呀，我酷毙了
你知道为什么吗?因为你说实话
从来没有人对小孩子说实话
你真是了得
你怎么知道还有”但。。。“
不是”但是”就是”蛋饼”
我想问题是有些父母…
…会希望你多唱一点…
…农场动物那类的歌曲
这个我办得到啊
真的？
因为那样子会非常棒
怎么?你要亲我吗?
我正在考虑
蝙蝠
黑暗世界的大使
像一只插翅的信差冲出了巢穴
死神之舞的盲目幽灵
兄弟，我的猴子呢?
对了
在几个月前…
…这里被洗劫，内贼干的
你的猴子被偷了
我的天哪可是动物园说我的猴子死了
动物园
你相信动物园说的每一件事吗?
动物园只是告诉过我这件事
他们当然会说它死了他们害怕消息传出去会不好看
他们掩饰得密不透风
你知道这件事情牵涉到多高层吗?
那个黎先生?
黎先生知道?
黎先生知道，是吗?
哈罗，负子鼠先生
树上的谜团上下颠倒的夜之民
正在嘲弄着地心引力…兄弟，我的猴子呢?
道上的传闻…
当我说”道上”的时候我指的是园里的游园道路
当然了
你的猴子有了新职业了…
…往娱乐界发展去了我只知道这一些
真是令人难以置信
好了，这个消息对你值多少钱啊，朋友?
你是暗示我要贿赂你吗?
或许吧
可是你都已经告诉我了
你们看
马赛就是啤酒乐广告里的那只猴子
那你打算怎么办?
我要打电话给那家啤酒厂问他们它在哪里啊
我丢了马儿时就是这么做的
你们好
菲此好
今天我们要先唱一些关于农场动物的歌曲
草地上的牛说哞
农夫在敲它的头把它绞成肉酱
汉堡就是这样来的
现在…鸡
崔克，你是唯一救得了她的人
该死，我是医生，我不是神
我的信仰就是这样被推翻了的
是艾丽
老天，快，关掉电视
不，我要看结果
我救丝莉脱离昏迷状态然后我们亲热
怎么可能?你刚才亲了莎宾娜
瑞秋，那只是乔伊是神经外科医生的世界
艾丽，请进
你怎么这么快就到了?我刚刚还在沙仑看到你
对，他们用…直升机送我
什么事?
还有一场小派对
她在吗？谁呀？
莎宾娜，你们的事我全知道了
我看到你们两个在医生休息室里接吻
不是你想的那样子啦，那是…
你说你心里只有我
好，听着，够了
我想我们不该再见面了
我知道我很久以前就应该告诉你了…
…我并不是雷崔克医生
我连医生都不是，我是个演员我只是假装我是医生而已
天哪，那医院的人知道这件事情吗?
你们谁来帮帮忙，好不好?
我知道。。
我在哪里?
大学的附设医院…
…你已经在这里度过十八年了
你怎么会在两个地方?
因为那是电视节目
崔克，你到底要说什么?
我不是崔克
没错他不是崔克，他是…
…雷汉斯，崔克邪恶的双胞胎
真的吗?
是真的
我知道因为…
…他假装他是崔克来…来骗我上床
然后他告诉我他要带我私奔
他骗我
然后你马桶盖没有放下来你这个浑蛋
这些都是真的吗?
是，恐怕是真的了
我根本配不上你，艾丽
你应该跟真正的崔克在一起你爱上的人是他
去沙仑吧，去找他
他才是你的王子
汉斯
邪恶的双胞胎
对，再见，艾丽
一切顺利
保重了
我永远不会忘记你的
刚才是谁向我泼水
我们只是想帮你
开除?
为什么?
有很多父母向图书馆的董事会投诉…
…你歌词里的一些内容有问题
我真不敢相信
难道说你没有告诉你的董事会孩子们多么想听实话吗?
我懂了
或许如果你只是唱一些一般的儿歌
不，你要…我当什么呢?
…当一只愚蠢的紫色大恐龙吗?
我又没说你必须当巴尼
巴尼是谁啊?
我是追查马赛追查到这个的现在它很健康也很快乐…
…它在纽约拍”危机总动员病毒肆虐曼哈顿”
你骗人
简直绝妙，我知道
我才终于混上电视这猴子开始拍电影了
瑞秋，我好了
抱歉，这是那个说实话的唱歌小姐吗?
对呀，我猜那就是我
她在这里
有时男人爱女人
有时男人爱男人
然后还有双性恋
虽然有些说他们在骗自己
真是令人兴奋我都快一年没见到我的猴子了
你洗澡从来不往下看吗?
我连说个”猴子等于命根子”的笑话都不可以吗?
好了，好了
各位，往后退
打扰了那只猴子在什么地方?
抱歉，各位这场戏不对外开放
对不起，你不了解我…我是它的朋友
我们…我们以前住在一起的
是啊，我跟海豚飞宝还在波可若分租公寓过呢
罗斯，它在那里
兄弟
在丛林里
偌大的丛林
今夜狮子睡着了
在丛林里，偌大的丛林
今夜狮子睡着了
他们不带你去看兽医
你显然不是最受宠的宠物
臭臭猫，臭臭猫
那不是你的错
怎么了？对不起
那有什么不对吗?
我想你应该选择一个男性化一点的调子比较好

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ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 37楼发表于: 2014-03-15 0

213 The One After the Superbowl part 2

[Scene: Central Perk. The whole gang is there.]
ROSS: Well, I tracked down Marcel and get this, he's healthy, he's happy, and he's right here in New York filming Outbreak II - The Virus Takes Manhattan.
RACHEL: You're kidding.
JOEY: This is amazing.
ROSS: I know.
JOEY: I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, I'm ready.
RACHEL: OK.
[little kid enters]
KID: Excuse me. Is this where the singing lady is that tells the truth?
PHOEBE: Um, yeah I guess that's me.
KID: [shouting out the door] She's here.
[a rush of kids enter]
PHOEBE: [singing] Sometimes men love women,
sometimes men love men,and then there are bisexuals,
though some just say they're kidding themselves.la la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
[Scene: City street. The whole gang is walking up to the movie set.]
ROSS: This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year.
CHANDLER: What, you never look down in the shower? Oh please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?
SECURITY GUARD: C'mon people, back up please, back up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
ROSS: Uh, excuse me, uh, where can we find the monkey?
SECURITY GUARD: I'm sorry guys, closed set.
ROSS: Uh, I'm sorry, you don't understand, I'm, I'm, I'm a friend of his. We uh, we used to live together.
SECURITY GUARD: Yeah, and I have a time share in the Pocanos with Flipper.
MONICA: Ross, there he is.
ROSS: Hey, hey buddy, Marcel. Marcel. [Marcel doesn't react so Ross starts singing] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [no reaction from Marcel, Monica and Joey urge him on] In the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight. [Marcel looks over and everyone joins in] a-weema-way, a-weema-way..... [Marcel runs over and hops up on Ross's shoulder]
[Scene: The next time at the movie set.]
SECURITY GUARD: Uh, excuse me folks this is a uhh...
JOEY: Closed set. We know but we're friends with the monkey. [guard lets them in]
ROSS: Good morning. Hey pal, look who I brought. It's your old friend Harry Elefante. [Marcel grabs the elephant doll and throws it to the ground]
JOEY: Woah, dude, burn.
ROSS: I don't get it, he seemed so happy to see me yesterday.
TRAINER: Hey don't take it personal, he's under a lot of pressure, ya know, starring in a movie and all.
RACHEL: Now just how big of a star is Marcel?
TRAINER: In human terms, I'd say Cybill Shepard.
ALL: Woah.
CHANDLER: [to guys wering yellow isolation suits] So, are you guys in the movie, or are you just really paranoid.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Hey Sal, Jerry wants to know if the monkey's ready for the subway set?
JOEY: Uh, excuse me. Jerry is the director, which one's he?
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: The one in the director's chair.
JOEY: Gotcha. Phoebs, walk with me.
PHOEBE: OK. Um, how come I'm walking with you?
JOEY: Well, we're, we're just goin' over here so that we can get away from the horrible flesh eating virus, for the love of God woman, listen to me. Is he lookin', is he lookin'?
SUSIE: We've got a problem.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Tell me.
SUSIE: I can't do Chris's makeup. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a moustasche.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: Is it bad?
SUSIE: It looks like one of her eyebrows fell down. Now unless someone convinces her to let me bleach it, Jean-Claude Van Damme is gonna be making out with Gabe Kaplan.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I'll talk to her.
SUSIE: I hate actors.
CHANDLER: [to an extra in fatigues] Nice camoflauge man, for a minute there I almost didn't see ya.
SUSIE: Excuse me.
CHANDLER: Ahhhh.
SUSIE: Uh, is your name Chandler?
CHANDLER: Uh, yes, yes it is.
SUSIE: Chandler Bing?
CHANDLER: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?
SUSIE: I'm Susie Moss. Fourth grade, glasses, I used to carry around a box of animal crackers like a purse.
CHANDLER: Susie Moss, right, yeah, wow, you look. . . great job growing up.
SUSIE: It's nice to see you're not still wearing that denim cap with all the little mirrors on it.
CHANDLER: Oh, right, well yeah, I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.
SUSIE: Remember the class play? You, you pulled up my skirt and the entire auditorium saw my underpants.
CHANDLER: Yes, back then I, uh, used humor as a defense mechanism. Thank God I don't do that anymore.
[cut to Monica and Rachel walking through the set]
MONICA: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
RACHEL: What what what what?
MONICA: Jean-Claude Van Damme. I didn't know he was in this movie, he is so hot.
RACHEL: Ya think?
MONICA: The muscles from Brussels, wham bam Van Damme, did you see Time Cop?
RACHEL: No, was he any good in it?
MONICA: Rachel, he like, totally changed time.
RACHEL: Wow, so why don't you go talk to him?
MONICA: Oh, yeah.
RACHEL: What, so you go over there, you tell him you think he's cute, what's the worst that could happen?
MONICA: He could hear me.
RACHEL: OK, I'm doin' it for ya.
MONICA: Oh Rachel don't, don't you dare, don't, don't. Tell him I cook.
RACHEL: Excuse me. Hi.
VAN DAMME: Hi.
RACHEL: Um, this is gonna sound kinda goofy but uhhm, my friend over there, who cooks by the way, um, she thinks you're cute.
VAN DAMME: You don't think I'm cute?
RACHEL: I, I don't know, um, do you think you're cute? OK, we're kinda gettin' off the track here. Um, I was supposed to come here and tell you my friend thinks you're cute. So what should I tell her?
VAN DAMME: You can tell her I think her friend is cute.
[back to Chandler and Susie]
CHANDLER: No, Stephen Hurs was the kid who would eat anything for money, David Stein was the guy who had no elbows.
SUSIE: OK, well then who was the kid that got caught masturbating?
CHANDLER: OK that's not what he was doing. Alright, he was looking for his bus money.
[a voice in the background calls for makeup]
SUSIE: Oh that's me, I gotta go.
CHANDLER: Oh uh, o, OK.
SUSIE: Um, so listen, how many times am I gonna have to touch you on the arm before you ask me on a date.
CHANDLER: Well, uh, let's try one more. . . there you go, say Ernie's, 8 o'clock.
SUSIE: I'll be there, and who knows, if things go well, maybe this time I'll get to see your underwear.
CHANDLER: No one was around to hear that?
[back to Rachel and Monica]
MONICA: So what'd he say?
RACHEL: Agh, what a jerk. I kept talking about you and he kept asking me out. I mean, naturally, you know, I said no.
MONICA: Well, thanks anyway.
RACHEL: He just kept asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking, and asking.
MONICA: Rachel if you, if you want to go out with him, you can. Sound like a big jerk to me but if that's what you want to do...
RACHEL: Jean-Claude she said yes, I'll see you tonight. Thank you.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey and the girls are sitting at the couches.]
RACHEL: And then Jean-Claude took me to that place Crossroads and that's where we hung out with Drew Barrymore.
JOEY: Oh man, she's so smokin, she has got the greatest set of. . . no guys around, huh.
RACHEL: Does anybody need anything?
MONICA: Oh, I'll have an espresso. Oh acutally, I'll get it. If I ask you to, you'll probably end up drinking it yourself.
RACHEL: That is so unfair.
PHOEBE: I know. Oh, like you would drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme.
[Ross enters]
ROSS: Hey Joey I have to cancel racketball for tonight, that was Marcel's trainer. He's gonna let me have him for a couple of hours.
JOEY: You're blowin' me off for a monkey?
ROSS: Hey, we can rescedule for Saturday.
JOEY: Yeah, unless you hook up with a bunch of pigeons.
[Chandler enters]
CHANDLER: Hey, stick a fork in me, I am done.
PHOEBE: Stick a fork what?
CHANDLER: Like, when you're cooking a steak.
PHOEBE: Oh, OK, I don't eat meat.
CHANDLER: Well then, how do you know when vegetables are done?
PHOEBE: Well you know, you juist, you eat them and you can tell.
CHANDLER: OK, then, eat me, I'm done.
CHANDLER: I've met the perfect woman. OK, we're sitting on her couch, we're fooling around, and then suddenly she turns to me and says, 'Do you ever want to do it in an elevator?'
MONICA: What did you say?
CHANDLER: Ahh, I believe my exact words were, 'Flaign,en - sten'. I mean I didn't know what to say, how do you know if you wanna do it on an elevator?
PHOEBE: Oh, you just know.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Susie are making out on the couch.]
SUSIE: Oh, shoot, we gotta go, got a reservation in 30 minutes.
CHANDLER: Oh no no no no, no no no no no no, you see, what I had planned shouldn't take more that 2, 3 minutes tops.
SUSIE: Oh, 200 seconds of passion. We gotta go.
SUSIE: But um, here's an idea, have you ever worn women's underwear?
CHANDLER: Well, ye, yes, actually, but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's, and there were three of us in there.
SUSIE: Well I was thinking it would be um, kind of sexy if you wore mine tonight, at dinner.
CHANDLER: You want me to wear your panties?
SUSIE: Could ya?
CHANDLER: Well, if I was wearing your underwear then, uh, what would you be wearing?. . . You're swell.
[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross is setting up for his time with Marcel. Joey is there.]
ROSS: OK, got the music, got the dinner. Oh and check it out, I made Marcel's favorite dish, banannacake.
JOEY: Oooh.
ROSS: With mealworms.
JOEY: Yaaahhh. Ahhh, candles. What'dya thinks gonna happen here tonight?
[phone rings]
ROSS: Hello. Oh hi, are you on your way ove-. Oh. No, no, I, I understand, I mean a monkey's gotta work. No it, it's no big deal, it' not like I uh, had anything special planned. Yeah OK, OK. OK, OK, bye.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are upset with each other. Phoebe is mediating.]
PHOEBE: OK, Rachel, why don't you start talking first.
RACHEL: Alright, I feel that this is totally unjustified. [Monica starts making faces behind her back] She gave me the green light, I did nothing but-. Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?
PHOEBE: Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share...
MONICA: Ya know, you had no right to go out with him.
RACHEL: That is the most ridiculous.
MONICA: You sold me out.
RACHEL: I did not sell you out.
MONICA: Yes you did. Absolutely.
RACHEL: Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]
MONICA: Did you just flick me?
RACHEL: OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]
MONICA: Quit flicking [flicks]
RACHEL: Ow, you stop flicking.
MONICA: You flicked me first.
[They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other. This leads to wrestling on the floor. All the while Phoebe is saying "Happy thoughts". Eventually Phoebe gets fed up.]
PHOEBE: OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass.
[Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear]
MONICA AND RACHEL: Ow. Ow. Ow.
PHOEBE: Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.
RACHEL: Oh, what do you, you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want?
MONICA: Uh-huh.
RACHEL: You want me to just call him up and tell him that you're seeing him instead? That's what you want?
MONICA: OK.
RACHEL: Oh that's what you want.
MONICA: Yes.
RACHEL: Fine.
MONICA: Fine,
PHOEBE: There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches.
[Scene: A fancy restraunt (Marcel's). Joey, Ross, Chandler, Susie, and the Director's Assistant are there.]
ROSS: Thanks for letting me tag along tonight you guys.
JOEY: Forget about it.
SUSIE: How you doin there squirmy?
CHANDLER: I'm hangin in. . . and a little out.
JOEY: So, assistant to the director. That's a really exciting job, I mean, you must have a ton of cool responsibilities.
DIRECTOR'S ASSISTANT: I have nothing to do with casting.
JOEY: So what're you guys gonna eat?
SUSIE: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
CHANDLER: Because I went to an all boys high school and God is making up for it.
SUSIE: I want you right here, right now.
CHANDLER: Right now, right here. Don't ya think we're in kind of a public plaaaa [Susie grabs him under the table] They do have the shrimp.
SUSIE: Meet me in the bathroom. [she leaves for the bathroom]
CHANDLER: I'm going to the bathroom now. [leaves for the bathroom]
[In the bathroom Susie and Chandler are kissing. She backs into a stall.]
SUSIE: C'mon.
CHANDLER: I can't believe we're doing this.
SUSIE: Alright mister, let's see those panties.
CHANDLER: Alrighty. [we see Chandler's pants drop from under the stall door]
SUSIE: Ooh. Ooh. But ya know what would be even sexier?
CHANDLER: What?
SUSIE: If you didn't have your shirt tucked into them.
CHANDLER: Oh.
SUSIE: Alright. Now I would like to see you wearing nothing but them. Take your clothes off.
CHANDLER: OK, but uh, I hope you realize this means we're gonna miss hearing about the specials.
SUSIE: C'mon hurry, hurry.
CHANDLER: Hey, do you want this done quick, or do you want this done right?
SUSIE: Alright, turn around. Time to see you from behind.
CHANDLER: OK.
[She turns him facing the toilet and sneaks out of the stall and gathers up his clothes.]
SUSIE: Oh, somebody's been doing his buns of steel video.
CHANDLER: Well, you want me to uh, clench anything, or-... Susie? Susie.
SUSIE: This is for the fourth grade.
CHANDLER: Huh? Where, whaddya mean?
SUSIE: Whaddo I mean. Whaddya mean, whaddo I mean? I mean underpants, mister, that's what I mean.
CHANDLER: What, what's what you mean?
SUSIE: My skirt, you lifted, kids laughing. I was Susie Underpants 'till I was 18.
CHANDLER: That was in the fourth grade. How could you still be upset about that?
SUSIE: Well um, why don't you call me in 20 years and tell me if you're still upset about this. [she leaves with his clothes]
CHANDLER: Alright, I hope you realize you're not getting these underpants back.
[Scene: Monica and Van Damme are walking down the street.]
MONICA: I can't believe this, just like 2 weeks ago I was watching Sudden Death, now I'm on a date with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Can you beat up that guy? [he nods] Can you beat up that guy?
VAN DAMME: Sure.
MONICA: This is so wild. Ya know, I gotta admit, I was kinda surprised that you agreed to go on a blind date.
VAN DAMME: Normally, I would not do it.
MONICA: Well, what made you make the exception for me?
VAN DAMME: 'Cause Rachel told me uh, you were dying to have a threesome with me and uh, Drew Barrymore. By the way, Drew has some groundrules and...
[Scene: Back at Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are now fighting about what Rachel told Van Damme.]
MONICA: Say you're sorry.
RACHEL: No. [hitting each other]
MONICA: Say it.
RACHEL: No. [hitting again]
[Monica grabs Rachel by the sweater. Rachel squirms out of it]
MONICA: Rachel, you say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
RACHEL: OK, OK, that is my favorite sweater, that is my third date sweater.
MONICA: Say you're sorry.
RACHEL: OK, you wanna play? OK, let's play, let's play. [She grabs a jar of tomato sauce and Monica's purse]
MONICA: What're you gonna do?
RACHEL: You give me back my sweater or it's handbag marinara.
MONICA: You don't have the guts.
RACHEL: Oh yeah. Well, at least I wasn't too chicken to tell some guy I thought he was cute.
[Monica pulls a thread on Rachel's sweater and Rachel dumps the tomato sauce in Monica's purse]
PHOEBE: Oh alright, stop, STOP THE MADNESS. This is crazy. Who can even remember why this even started in the first place?
[Monica and Rachel start yelling at the same time]
PHOEBE: Yes that's right. But still, I-, look at your purse, look at your sweater, look at yourselves.
MONICA: I'll help you fix your sweater.
RACHEL: I'll help you throw out your purse.
MONICA: I'm sorry that I made you stop seeing him.
RACHEL: Well, I'm sorry I went out with him when I knew you liked him.
MONICA: I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves [pulls Rachel's gloves out of her purse]
[Scene: Back at the restroom at Marcel's. Chandler is still in the stall, Joey comes in to go to the bathroom.]
[Joey starts whistling, Chandler finishes the tune. Joey whistles again.]
CHANDLER: Joey?
JOEY: Ma?
CHANDLER: Joey!
JOEY: Chandler? What're you still doin' here, I though you guys took off.
CHANDLER: Oh, no no no, she took off with my clothes.
JOEY: Are you naked in there?
CHANDLER: Not exactly. . . I'm wearin panties.
JOEY: Huh, you uh, you always wear panties?
CHANDLER: No, no, this is the first time.
JOEY: Wow, talk about your bad luck, I mean, the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.
CHANDLER: I was not trying them out, Susie asked me to wear them.
JOEY: Well, let me see.
CHANDLER: No. I'm not letting you or anybody else see, ever.
JOEY: Alright, alright. [climbs up in the next stall and looks over at Chandler] Woah, someone's flossing.
[Ross enters, sees Joey in the mirror]
ROSS: [to Joey who's looking over a toilet stall] Joey, some people don't like that.
JOEY: Chandler's wearing panties.
ROSS: What? Let me see. [climbs up in the other adjoining stall]
CHANDLER: No, no, you don't have to see.
ROSS: Hi Tushie.
CHANDLER: Alright, one of you give me your underpants.
JOEY: Can't help you, I'm not wearing any.
CHANDLER: How can you not be wearing any underwear?
JOEY: Oh, I'm gettin' heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.
CHANDLER: Alright look Ross I'll give you 50 dollars for your underpants.
[Some guy has entered.]
ALL: Hi.
[Back at the table. Joey and Ross return. Shortly, Chandler comes out, holding the stall door in front of him, and leaves.]
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are sitting.]
CHANDLER: Hey Phoebs, can I have the milk after you?
PHOEBE: I'm almost done with it, keep your panties on.
[Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey, hey, and I'm in the movie.
ROSS: What happened?
JOEY: One of the virus victims called in sick, so Cathy recommended me and boom, I'm dying on the gurney. Oh Ross, Marcel just finished his last scene if you want to go down there and say goodbye.
ROSS: Ahh, oh that's OK, I mean, he's probably got, you know, parties to go to and stuff. But, ya know, he's moved on. Hey, that, that's the way it goes right.
PHOEBE: [sees Marcel at the window] Oh my God.
ROSS: What?
["Looks Like We Made It" starts playing and we enter a whole sequence of Marcel and Ross having fun in the city.]
[Scene: The movie set. Monica and Rachel are saying goodbye to Jean-Claude]
VAN DAMME: [to Rachel] I'm sorry it didn't work out between you and me, [to Monica] or you and me. Drew was very disappointed.
RACHEL: OK, well, bye. [kisses him]
VAN DAMME: Goodbye.
MONICA: Well, bye for me too. [kisses him]
RACHEL: OK, well, bye-bye again. [kisses him again]
MONICA: OK.
VAN DAMME: Perhaps, uh, the three of us, just could. . .
MONICA AND RACHEL: Oh, no no no no no.
VAN DAMME: Are you sure, I can crush a walnut with my butt.
MONICA AND RACHEL: No no no no.
RACHEL: Impressive.
MONICA: But no. Maybe if I were baking.
MONICA AND RACHEL: Bye-bye.
[Scene: City street. Whole gang is there seeing off Marcel.]
ROSS: Bye Marcel. See ya on the big screen. You keep people drinkin' that beer, OK. I miss you buddy.
[Marcel is driven off in a limo]
PHOEBE: You know, I think I want to write a song about all this.
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
PHOEBE: Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
CHANDLER: How long you been waitin' to say that?
PHOEBE: About 20 minutes. CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Filming a scene from the movie. Joey is dying on a gurney, Van Damme is looking over him.]
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh.
DIRECTOR: Cut.
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dying.
JOEY: Aaaaagggghhhhh. Mommy
DIRECTOR: Cut.
VAN DAMME: Can't you see what's going on here, this man is dead.
END

213 超级杯后（第二集）

前情提要…
我追查马赛追查到这个：
它正在纽约拍”危机总动员病毒肆虐曼哈顿”
兄弟，马赛…
抱歉，各位，这片场…
不对外，我们知道我们是猴子的朋友
早安
伙计，你看我带谁来了
是你的老朋友耶，毛毛芳
真惨!
我不懂
它昨天好像很高兴看到我
放在心上，它近来压力很大你知道，主演一部电影
马赛现在到底有多大牌呀?
用人来此啊，我说像…
…西碧雪佛
你们是有份演出的还是你们小题大作而已?
沙尔?
杰利想知道猴子可以上地铁那一幕了吗?
抱歉
杰利是导演吗?他是哪一个?
就是坐在导演椅子那个我懂了
菲此，我们走
我干嘛要跟你走?
我们只是要走过来这里远离那些…
…嗜血肉的可怕病毒
看在老天的份上，听我说
他有没有在看?有没有在看?
我有个难题
我没有办法帮克丽化妆
她拒绝承认她的嘴巴上有胡子
很多吗?像道眉毛掉到嘴上似的
除非有人说服她让我帮她漂白…
…不然尚克劳范达美就得去跟大胡子亲热了
我去跟她谈谈
我讨厌演员
老兄，伪装得不错我刚才差点没看到你
抱歉
你叫钱德吗?
对，没错
钱德宾
你认识我?还是你很会钓男人?
我是莫苏西
四年级呀，戴眼镜
我常常像拿手提包一样拿一包动物饼干
莫苏西
对呀，是呀
你真是…
女大十八岁
很高兴看到你不再戴那顶缀满小镜子的牛仔帽
升上五年级之后我发现我不是个拉皮条的
记得班上的话剧吗?
你掀我的裙子全礼堂的人都看到我的内裤了
对，那个时候我用我的幽默感来保护自己
谢天谢地，我现在不用那样了
天啊。。。，怎么了？
是尚克劳范达美
我不知道他在这部电影里面他好帅啊
真的吗?
”此利时大汉”啊”悍将范达美”
你看过”时空特警”吗?
没有啊，他演得很好吗?
瑞秋，他完全改变了时空
那你过去跟他讲话嘛
你过去告诉他，他很可爱最糟能怎样呢?
他会听到的
少来了，好吧，我去帮你讲瑞秋，不要…
不要
说我会做菜
对不起
这样会有一点怪怪的…
我那边那个朋友…
她很会做菜…
她觉得你很可爱
你不这么觉得吗?
我不知道
你觉得你可爱吗?
我们扯太远了我是过来告诉你…
…我朋友她觉得你很可爱
我该怎么告诉她呢?
告诉她我觉得她的朋友，很可爱
十匕妆叫我了，我得走了
我得碰你老兄的手多少次你才会开尊口约我出去呢?
我想再试一次
我们去”厄尼”，八点钟
我会到
谁知道，一切顺利的话或许这一次…
…我能看到你的内裤
没人在这里听这个?
他怎么说?
他真浑蛋
我一直在跟他谈你可是他却一直想要约我
我当然是说不行罗
还是谢了
但是他一直约我…
约我…
如果你想跟他约会的话就去啊
他听起来像是个浑蛋，但...
尚克劳，她说好，今晚见
谢谢
然后尚克劳带我去”十字路口”
…我们在那里跟芙儿芭莉摩鬼混
老兄，她好惹火
她有对最炫的…
这儿没男的?
有谁需要什么吗?我来杯浓缩咖啡
我还是自己去拿
叫你去的话说不定最后会被你喝掉
好不公平啊，我知道
你跟范达美那样对她之后还要喝她的咖啡吗?
乔伊，我要取消今晚的壁球
刚刚是马赛的训练师他会把马赛让给我几个小时
你为了猴子失我的约?
我们可以改星期六打呀
对，除非你搭上一票鸽子
用叉子叉我…
…我熟了
用叉子什么?
像你煎牛排那样啊
我不吃肉的
那你怎么知道菜熟了呢?
不知道啊只要吃一口就知道了
那吃我吧，我熟了
我遇见完美的女人了
我们坐在沙发上我们在亲热…
…突然她转过来对我说：
”你有想过在电梯里做吗?”
那你说什么?
我相信我的回答是…
你怎么知道要不要在电梯里做?
你就是知道
我们得走了十分钟后订了餐厅位置
我的计昼最多绝对不会超过两，三分钟的
两百秒钟的激情，我们得走了
但是…
…我有个主意
你有没有穿过女人的内衣呀?
这个事实上，有…
…是我艾达姑妈的
条裤子里挤了三个人
我在想，如果你今天…
…晚饭的时候穿我的内衣会蛮性感的
你要我穿你内裤?
可以吗?
若我穿了你内裤的话，那么…
…你要穿什么?
你太棒了
我做了马赛最喜欢吃的菜香蕉蛋糕…
…加了虫虫
蜡烛啊
你以为今天晚上这儿会发生什么事啊?
你正要过来…
不会…我了解我是说，猴子得工作嘛
不，小事一桩嘛
又不是说…我计昼了什么特别的
瑞秋那我们就由你先开始说好了
好吧，我觉得她这样是完全没道理的
她说我可以的我又没做什么…
你以为我在电视上看不到你吗?
好了，摩妮卡你有什么话要说就说好了…
你没有这个权利跟他出去
你这么说太荒唐了吧你出卖我
我才没有出卖你呢有，你有
你让我讲好不好?
你刚刚弹我的头?
你不让我说完，我只是想…
好痛啊
别弹了
你，你别弹了
是你先弹的，是你先弹的
别这样，别这样嘛
想点快乐的事
好吧，老娘要教训人了
好吧你们住手的话我就放手
你要我不再见他吗?
你要我打电话给他告诉他你要替我跟他约会吗?
你想这样吗?
你就是想这样?是的
好好很很
好了
我们要是在牢里的话你们就会是我的女人
谢谢你们今天晚上让我跟
何需挂齿
你觉得怎么样，扭动先生?
我窝在里面
有一点出来
你是导演的助理?
你的工作一定很有意思你一定有很多很酷的责任…
我跟选角完全无关
你们大家想吃什么?
为什么我满脑子都想着把那冰块放进嘴里…
…然后舔遍你的全身?
因为我上的高中是男校现在神要补偿我?
我现在就要你…
…在这里
现在?在这里?
你不认为这里是公共场所吗?
这里有活虾
到洗手间等我
现在我要去洗手间了
来呀
好，先生
给我看那条内裤
遵命
你知道怎么样会更性感吗?
怎么样?
你没把你的衬衫塞进去的话
好，现在呢我想看你只穿那件内裤
把衣服脱下来
好吧，但是你要知道这表示我们会错过特餐的介绍
来，快点...
你要我快点弄好还是要我做得好?
好，转过去，我要看你的后面
有人跟着”钢铁玻璃”录影带运动
所以你要我缩紧什么吗?或者是…
苏西…
这个就是报四年级的仇
什么意思啊?什么”什么意思”?
什么意思?
我的意思是内裤，先生那就是我的意思
什么意思?
我的裙子…
…你掀开了，大家笑了
到十八岁大家还叫我内裤苏西
那是四年级的事了你怎会到现在都还在生气呢?
你二十年后打电话给我告诉我你是不是还在生气
我也要告诉你你这条内裤我是不会还你的
我真不敢相信
两个礼拜前我还在看”绝命杀阵”…
…现在我竟然在跟范达美约会
你能打扁那个家伙吗?
扁这个咧，当然
这太疯狂了
我得承认我有点奇怪你会同意跟我来个盲目约会
通常我是不会答应的
是吗?那你为什么会为我破例呢?
因为瑞秋告诉我说
…你想跟我还有芙儿芭莉摩来个”三人行”啊
对了，芙儿她有一些规矩的…
说你对不起我
说！
不，我才不要跟你说抱歉呢
快说…好极了
瑞秋，道歉不然你的毛衣就遭殃
那是我最喜欢的毛衣我第三次约会的毛衣
说，你很抱歉
你想玩，是不是?
好，咱们就来玩
你想怎么样?
把毛衣还给我不然我就酱腌皮包
你才不敢这么做
是吗?至少我不会不敢告诉男人，我觉得他很可爱
好了，住手，你们别疯了
你们两个疯了
现在你们谁还记得你们本来在吵些什么东西吗?
对，没错
但是…
看看你的皮包
看看你的毛衣
看看你们两个人
我会帮你补毛衣的
我会帮你…
…丢掉皮包
对不起，我阻止你再见他
对不起我知道你喜欢他还跟他约会
对不起，我…借了你的手套
乔伊?
妈?
你在这儿干嘛?我以为你们走了
她带着我的衣服走了
你一丝不挂？不完全是
我穿着女生内裤
你经常穿女生内裤吗?
不…这是第一次
你还真够倒楣
第一次试女生内裤然后衣服就被别人给带走了
不是我要穿的是苏西叫我穿的
让我看看，不要
我才不让你或任何人看呢
好吧...
有人在用”牙线”
乔伊，有些人不喜欢那样的
钱德穿女生内裤
什么?
什么?
小屁屁
你们谁把你们的内裤借我穿
帮不上忙，我不穿内裤的
你怎么会没穿内裤呢?
穿粉红丁字裤的人倒训起人来了
听我说，罗斯，我出五十块钱买你的内裤，好吗?
中央公园
菲此，牛奶用完给我好吗?我快好了
拉住裤裤不要急嘛
各位，我在电影里了
怎么了?有个病者请病假…
…所以凯西就推荐我上场我会死在担架上
罗斯，马赛刚拍完最后一幕如果你要去现场跟它道别就…
不，没关系啦他说不定还有派对什么的要去
它继续它的生活了生活就是这样子，对不对?
天啊
什么?
看来我们成功了
成功忘记对方…
…找到新欢
看来我们成功了
今天以前，我还如是想
直到看到你为止
看到你，往日回忆涌上心头
看来我们成功了
我想我应该写一首关于这件事的歌
只是我的吉他有条弦断了
钱德，丁字裤借我，好吗?
你等说这句话等了很久了吧?大概二十分钟啊
你们看不出来吗?这个人快死了
停
你们看不出来吗?这个人快死了
停
你们看不出来吗?这个人快死了
妈咪
你们看不出来吗?这个人死了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 38楼发表于: 2014-03-15 0

214 The One With the Prom Video

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is playing foosball by himself, Joey enters]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey. Hold on a second. [shoots a goal] Huh?
JOEY: Nice, nice. Hey I got somethin' for you. [hands Chandler an envelope.
CHANDLER: What's this?
JOEY: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
CHANDLER: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night. What is this for?
JOEY: Well, I'm makin money now and this is payin' you back for head shots, electric bills, and so many slices of pizza I can't even count. I love ya man.
CHANDLER: Well, thanks man. Now I can get my pony.
JOEY: Hey, this is a little extra somethin' for uh, ya know, always bein' there for me. [hands Chandler a jewelry box]
CHANDLER: Wow, I don't know what to say. [opens the box and pulls out an incredibly gaudy gold bracelet] Wow, I, I don't know what to say.
JOEY: Heh, what d'ya say?
CHANDLER: I don't know. It's a bracelet.
JOEY: Isn't it? And it's engraved too, check it out.
CHANDLER: [reads] To my best bud. [puts it back in the case] Thanks best bud.
JOEY: Put it on.
CHANDLER: Oh, now? [puts it in his desk drawer] No, no, I think something this nice should be saved for a special occasion. [sets a chair in front of the drawer]
JOEY: Oh, no no, that's the beauty part, it goes with everything. [gets the bracelet from the drawer] You put this on, you're good to go. [puts the bracelet on Chandler] Ohhh man, you are so wearin' that bracelet.
CHANDLER: I so am.
JOEY: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
CHANDLER: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first but, once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: A kitchen somewhere. Monica is interviewing for a job]
INTERVIEWER: Well, this all looks good.
MONICA: Great.
INTERVIEWER: And if I want to call for a reference on your last job?
MONICA: Oh, that's there on the bottom, see the manager, Chandler Bing.
INTERVIEWER: Alright, lets see if you're as good in person as you are on paper. Make me a salad.
MONICA: A salad? Really I, I could do something a little more complicated if you like.
INTERVIEWER: No, just a salad will be fine.
MONICA: You got it.
INTERVIEWER: Now, I want you to tell me what you're doing while you're doing it.
MONICA: Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.
INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh. Is it dirty?
MONICA: Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
INTERVIEWER: Don't, I like it dirty.
MONICA: That's your call.
INTERVIEWER: So, uh, what are you going to do next?
MONICA: Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.
INTERVIEWER: Are they, uh, firm?
MONICA: They'r alright.
INTERVIEWER: You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very, very bad?
MONICA: No really, they're OK.
INTERVIEWER: You gonna slice them up real nice?
MONICA: Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.
INTERVIEWER: Aaaahhhhhhh.
MONICA: I'm outa here. [Monica leaves]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting at the couch. Ross is sitting at the table and answers the phone.]
ROSS: Y-ello. No, Rachel's not here right now, can I take a message? Alright, and how do we spell Casey, is it like at the bat or and the Sunshine Band? OK, bye-bye. Hey, who's this uh, this Casey?
PHOEBE: Oh, some guy she met at the movies.
ROSS: Oh really? What uh, what does he want with her?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance. . . ya know, make a little love. . . well pretty much get down tonight.
ROSS: [puts the message in the cupboard] I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages from guys she, she meets at the movies? I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or, Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of me, message service.
PHOEBE: Hang in there, it's gonna happen.
ROSS: Wha, OK, now how do you know that?
PHOEBE: Because she's your lobster.
CHANDLER: Oh, she's goin' somewhere.
PHOEBE: C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws like. . .
[Monica enters from bathroom after taking a shower]
CHANDLER: Hey, you feelin' better?
MONICA: Yeah, I think that fifth shower actually got the interview off me.
PHOEBE: So, do you have any other possibilities?
MONICA: Oh yeah, well there's the possibility that I won't make rent.
ROSS: Monica, if you want, I can lend you some money.
MONICA: No no no, if I couldn't pay you back right away then I'd feel guilty and tense every time I saw you.
ROSS: Oh OK. Well then why don't you, uhh, why don't you borrow it from mom and dad? You feel guilty and tense around them already. You might as well make some money off of them.
CHANDLER: Ya know, the man's got a point. [gestures with his arm and the bracelet falls off]
PHOEBE: What is that sparkly thing?
CHANDLER: That thing, it's a uhh. . . yeah it's, it's a little flashy.
ROSS: No no, no no, it's not flashy, not for a Goodfella.
MONICA: Man, man that is sharp. It must have cost you quite a few debloons.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica answers the door and lets her parents in. They are carrying boxes.]
MONICA: Hi.
MR. GELLER: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Hi darling.
MONICA: So, what's this.
MR. GELLER: Some of your old stuff.
MRS. GELLER: Well sweetie, we have a surprise for you. We're turning your room into a gym.
MONICA: Wow, that is a surprise. Just one little question, uh, why not Ross's room?
MR. GELLER: Gosh, we talked about that but your brother has so many science trophies and plaques and merit badges, well we didn't want to disturb them.
MONICA: Oh, God forbid.
[Rachel enters with a laundry basket]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, hi Rachel.
RACHEL: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, we were so sorry to hear about your parents splitting up, dear.
RACHEL: Oh, well, you know, they're just separated so, you know, never know, we'll see.
MR. GELLER: Well, I can't say any of us were surprised. Your parents have been unhappy ever since we've known them. Especially after that incident in Hawaii.
RACHEL: What, what incident?
MR. GELLER: Uhh, naa, no no no, I, I must be thinking of someone else, uh, maybe me. Don't you have some folding to do? Go fold dear. Fold. You fold. [shuffles her into her room]
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on couches. A beautiful woman is looking at Chandler.]
PHOEBE: Do you want a refill?
CHANDLER: No, I'm alright, thanks.
PHOEBE: OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. [she sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and then in her best male voice. . .] Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.
CHANDLER: [walks over to the woman] I know what you're thinking, Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's.
GAIL: I'm Gail.
CHANDLER: Chandler. [waves his arm around, exposing the bracelet]
GAIL: I, I really have to be somewhere but it was nice meeting you.
CHANDLER: What? [realizes it was the bracelet] Oh this is excellent. You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller, the eyesore from the Liberace house of crap.
PHOEBE: It's not that bad.
CHANDLER: Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]
PHOEBE: Chandler, Chandler.
CHANDLER: I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi. Hey man, we were just doin' some uhh, impressions over here. Do your Marcel Marceau. [Joey turns around and walks out without saying anything] That's actually good.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is talking to a man at the counter. Ross and Phoebe are sitting at the couches.]
ROSS: Would you look at that guy, I mean how long has he been talking to her. It's like, back off buddy she's a waitress not a geisha.
PHOEBE: I think she's OK.
ROSS: [Rachel, laughing, puts a hand on the guy's shoulder] Look at that, look at that, see how she's pushing him away and he won't budge. Alright, I'm gonna do something. [walks up in the middle of their conversation] Excuse me, are you Rachel?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I'm Ross Geller. Wha, I'm, God in your add you said you were pretty but wow.
RACHEL: What are you, what are you doin'?
ROSS: Oh, oh my God, is this the wrong day? I don't believe it, uh, well, hey, I guess if it works out we'll, we'll have something to tell the grandkids.
MAN: Sure will. I've uh, gotta go. Take care.
ROSS: OK, see ya later, nice meeting you. [man leaves] You're welcome.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: I was saving you.
RACHEL: Saving, saving, saving me from the pleasant conversation with the interesting man, saving me?
ROSS: Oh, see from where I was sitting I uh. . .
RACHEL: OK, Ross, listen to me, I am not yours to save.
ROSS: But, you are.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: Uh, uh, well you're, umm, you're my lobster.
RACHEL: OK, you know what, are, are you being like, the blind date guy again?
ROSS: No no, you're uh, you're my lobster. See um, lobsters, uhh, in the tank when, when they're old, uhh, they get with, uhh, they walk around holding the claws. In the tank, ya know, with, with the holding and. . . Uhh, Phoebs you wanna help me out with the, the whole lobster thing?
PHOEBE: Do the claws again.
ROSS: Rach. OK, forget, forget the lobsters OK. We're, let's talk, what about us?
RACHEL: Ross, there is no us, OK.
ROSS: No, but. . .
RACHEL: No, listen to me. I fell for you and I get clobbered. You then fall for me and I again, somehow, get clobbered. I'm tired of being clobbered, ya know, it's, it's just not worth it.
ROSS: Well, but, but. . .
RACHEL: NO but Ross. We are never gonna happen, OK. Accept that.
ROSS: E-except, except that what?
RACHEL: No, no, ACC-cept that.
ROSS: Oh.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler is there. Joey enters.]
CHANDLER: Hey man, look it's my best bud. How ya doin? [Joey doesn't respond] Wow, you are really gettin' good at that Marcel Marceau thing. Hey, whaddya say uh, we play some ball, you and me, huh, whaddya say? [Throws a basketball to Joey. Joey doesn't move to catch it and the ball takes out a lamp] OK, that's my bad.
JOEY: If you hated the bracelet so much, Chandler, you should have just said so.
CHANDLER: Well, doesn't the fact that I wore the bracelet even though I hated it say something about our friendship and how much it means to me?
JOEY: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you made fun of me?
CHANDLER: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we wouldn't focus on that. [Joey goes to his room and shuts the door] Hey, c'mon man, I said I was sorry like a hundred times, I promise I will never take it off my. . . [notices the bracelet is missing from his wrist] wrist. But if, if you want to stay in there and be mad, you know, you just uh, you stay in there. [he starts searching the room, lifting up the couch cushions]
JOEY: You know what the. . . [sees Chandler on his knees, holding the couch cushions]
CHANDLER: I am here, on my knees, holding up these couch cushions as a symbol of my sorrow and regret, much like they did in biblical times. Though you may haveth anger now. . . [Joey returns to his room]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Geller are watching tennis on TV, Monica is sitting at the table]
MR. GELLER: You know, that Steffi Graf has quite a tush. I'm just saying, it's right there.
ROSS: Hey guys.
MRS. GELLER: Hi, darling. Where's my grandson, you didn't bring him?
ROSS: No, he's at uh, Carol's and Susan's today.
MR. GELLER: A woman in my office is a lesiban. I'm just saying.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack look, there's that house paint commercial that cracks you up. [the Gellers return to watching TV and Ross goes over to Monica]
MONICA: Where have you been?
ROSS: Emotional hell. So, did they lend you the money yet?
MONICA: No, but that's probably 'cause I haven't asked them yet.
ROSS: C'mon Monica, do it. Hey, you guys, um, Monica has some news.
MONICA: Um, yeah, so uh, uhh, listen, I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but umm, I, I'm no longer at my job, I, I had to leave it.
MRS. GELLER: Why?
MONICA: Because they made me.
MRS. GELLER: You were fired? What're you gonna do?
MR. GELLER: Judy, Judy, relax, this is our little harmonica we're talking about. We taught her well. Ten percent of your paycheck, where does it go?
MONICA and ROSS: In the bank.
MR. GELLER: There you go. So she dips into her savings, that's what it's there for. She's gonna be fine, and if you need a little extra, you know where to find it. [pulls a quarter from behind her ear]
MONICA: Anything larger back there?
[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler and Phoebe enter.]
CHANDLER: I can't believe it.
PHOEBE: Would you stop already? Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.
CHANDLER: Oh, you're right I, I should play in the hay. Forget about the fact that I just dropped 400 dollars to replace a bracelet that I hated to begin with. Bring on the hay. [sits down at the bar]
RACHEL: [comes up from behind the bar and startles Chandler] Hey. I've got something that's gonna make you happy. Guess what Gunther found? [holds up Chandler's bracelet]
PHOEBE: Hey now you have two. [Chandler looks annoyed] Oh, now you have two.
CHANDLER: What am I gonna do, huh? [Joey walks in behind him]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey.
JOEY: How come you have two?
CHANDLER: Well this one's for you.
JOEY: Get out.
CHANDLER: No, I can't. No no, listen, I, I know how much this means to you and I also know that this is about more than just jewelry, [puts bracelet on Joey] it's about you and me and the fact that we're [reading bracelet] best buds.
JOEY: Wow, is this friendship? I think so. Check it out, we're bracelet buddies.
CHANDLER: That's what they'll call us.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Ross are standing in the kitchen. Ross is filling out a check]
ROSS: Here you go, you can pay me back whenever you like.
MONICA: You have dinosaur checks?
ROSS: Yeah, yeah I mean, you get your money and you learn a little something, what's wrong with that?
MONICA: Nothin', nothin', hey you're a cheapasaurus. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, thank you, I'm very greatful.
PHOEBE: [Standing in living room with Chandler and Joey. She pulls a huge bathing suit out of a box] Hey, Mon, what is this?
MONICA: Oh, um, that was my bathing suit from high school. I was uh, a little bigger then.
CHANDLER: Oh, I thought that's what they used to cover Connecticut when it rained.
JOEY: [pulls out a VCR tape] Hey Monica, what's on this video tape?
MONICA: Hey, you got me, put it in.
ROSS: [Rachel enters] Oh.
RACHEL: Hi.
ROSS: Hi.
MRS. GELLER: Over here Jack. OK. I see, Rachel's coming up the path. Oh doesn't she look pretty. Jack, get this. [Rachel enters with a huge nose]
RACHEL: Oh my God.
JOEY: What is with your nose?
RACHEL: They had to reduce it because of, of my deviated septum.
CHANDLER: OK, I was wrong, that's what they used to cover Connecticut.
MONICA: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
RACHEL: Oh.
ROSS: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
ALL: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.
MRS. GELLER: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
MONICA: Over here dad. [he pans over and we see a torso taking up the whole screen]
MR, GELLER: Wait, how do you zoom out? [zooms out and we see an extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich] There she is.
JOEY: Some girl ate Monica.
MONICA: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
CHANDLER: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
MONICA: Oh, you look so great.
RACHEL: Ahh, so do you, beautiful. [they hug]
MONICA: Oops.
RACHEL: What?
MONICA: Shoot, I think I got mayonaise on you.
RACHEL: Oh, that's OK, it's just the shoulder, it's not my dress.
MR. GELLER: Everybody smile.
MONICA: Oh, dad, turn it off.
MR. GELLER: It is off.
MONICA: Dad, it is not. What's with the red light?
MR. GELLER: It's the off light. Right Ross? [pans over to see Ross with an afro and moustache]
JOEY: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
ROSS: You look pretty tonight.
RACHEL: Oh, thanks. So, uh, what are you gonna do this summer?
ROSS: Oh, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna hang out, work on my music.
RACHEL: [the shoulders of her dress keep falling off her shoulders] Is my hook unhooked? These things keep falling down, I can't. . .
ROSS: Uh, hold, let me see, I don't know. So what're you gonna do. . . [doorbell rings]
RACHEL: Oh, the guys are here.
ROSS: this summer?
CHANDLER: Work on your music?
[Ross is sitting on the stairs with a laptop keyboard playing 'Axel-F']
RACHEL: Oh my God, look there's Roy Gublik.
MONICA: Ya know, Roy saw Star Wars 317 times. His name was in the paper.
RACHEL: Where's Chip, why isn't he here yet?
ROY: He'll be here OK, take a chill pill. [Chip pins Monica's corsage on, Monica then turns and whispers to Rachel]
MONICA: I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.
RACHEL: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too late.
MONICA: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
ROY: Oh, I'm gonna kick Chip's ass.
MRS. GELLER: [to Ross on the stairs] I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
ROSS: Doubtful.
MRS. GELLER: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son.
MR. GELLER: Your mother's right. Take her, you can wear my tux.
ROSS: Dad, she won't want to go with me.
MR. GELLER: Of course she would, you're a college man.
ROSS: I don't know.
MR. GELLER: Well, c'mon. Don't ya want to find out?
RACHEL: I can't believe I don't get to go to my own prom, this is so harsh.
ROSS: OK. Hold my board.
MR. GELLER: Atta boy. [Ross scrambles upstairs to change]
ROSS: OK, you guys, ya know, I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
ALL: No, no, no.
ROSS: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
MR. GELLER: C'mon kid, let's go.
MRS. GELLER: Ahh, are you hadsome.
MR. GELLER: Let's show 'em.
ROSS: Uh, just a sec dad. [to himself] OK, be cool, just be cool. [walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on the endtable] OK dad.
MR. GELLER: [going downstairs] Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining. . . oh no. [Chip has shown up and the four are leaving]
RACHEL, MONICA, ROY, and CHIP: Bye.
MRS. GELLER: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
MR. GELLER: Press the button.
MRS. GELLER: Which one? Which button, Jack.
MR. GELLER: The button, the button.
MONICA: I can't believe you did that.
ROSS: Yeah, well.
[Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
PHOEBE: See, he's her lobster.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is watching the rest of the tape]
MRS. GELLER: Dance with him.
MONICA: Mom, I'm hungry.
MRS. GELLER: Dance with your father.
MR. GELLER: I may not know any of your flash dances but I'm no slouch on the dance floor.
MONICA: Alright.
[the tape cuts to Monica's parents under the covers]
MRS. GELLER: Oh, Jack.
MR. GELLER: Oh, Judy. Oh, Judy.
BOTH: Oh, ohhhhh.
[Monica is visibly upset]
END

214 高中舞会录影带

等一下
好球...
有东西给你
这什么东西?
812块钱
我不知道老李跟你怎么说的跟我过夜…
…可要一千大洋才够
这是干什么呀?
我现在有赚钱了
这是要还你帮我付的电费跟数不清的披萨的钱
我爱你
谢了，老兄我有钱可以买小马了
这是我小小的心意…
…谢谢你平日的照顾
我不晓得该说什么了
怎么样?
我不知道
这是个手镯吧?
上头还刻了字，你看看
”我的好兄弟”
谢了，好兄弟
戴上去啊
现在吗?
不…这么美的东西应该留到特殊的场合再戴
不…妙就妙在这里这配什么都好看
老兄，你戴起来简直好看啊
天啊
真是太配你了
可不是嘛
你知道这对你的性生活有什么样的影响吗?
刚开始时说不定会让我慢半拍
等到习惯这个重量之后就会让我重振雄风了
看起来很好，那就好了
如果我要打电话询问你以前的经验呢?
就写在下面了我经理叫做钱德宾
好吧
来看看你是不是跟你写的—样好，做一份沙拉来瞧瞧
沙拉?其实我可以做些难度比较高的
不用，沙拉就行了
没问题
可是我要你一边做边告诉我你正在做什么
好，我在撕生菜
菜脏吗?
不…别担心，我待会儿会洗
别洗，我喜欢脏的
悉听尊便了
好，你接下来要做什么?
我想，我接下来要切蕃茄了
蕃茄结实吗?
还可以啦
你确定蕃茄没坏?
你确定没有非常非常的坏?
是啊，还可以啦
你会切得很漂亮吗?
事实上，我打算切成丝状
我走了
喂?
不，瑞秋现在不在你要不要留话?
好，哪个凯...哪个西...？
打棒球那个还是乐团的那个?
这个凯西是什么人啊?
她看电影认识的人
真的?他找她干什么?
我猜他想跟她跳点小舞…
做一点小爱…
今天晚上就把她”解决”掉
我不知道，我不懂…
两个月前我们就差这么一点点了
现在呢我在替她看电影认识的人留言
应该是这个凯西替我留言才对呀
或…或是…或是我跟瑞秋应该在一起…
…然后我们…我们一起请电话秘书
耐心点吧，会有那一天的
好，你怎么知道呢?
因为她是你的龙虾
她有话要说的
谁不晓得龙虾一旦恋爱就会白头偕老呢
你真的可以看到老龙虾夫妻…
…在水缸里爪子牵着爪子散步
好点了吗?
我想我的第五次澡终于洗掉那个面试了
你还有其他的机会吗?
有，我很可能会付不出房租来
摩妮卡，你要的话我可以借你钱
因为如果我没有办法马上还看到你就会内疚跟紧张
好吧那你为什么不跟爸妈借呢?
反正你看到他们就会内疚跟紧张
还不如趁机会跟他们刮点钱
他说得很有道理
什么东西亮亮的?
那个？那个是...
是…有点俗气啦
不俗气
不会…对道上兄弟来讲不会
够帅的你一定撇了不少鲫吧?
亲爱的
这是什么?
你以前的东西
亲爱的，我们要给你一个惊喜
你房间要改成健身房了
的确是个惊喜
只有个小问题为何不挑哥的房间?
那我们也讨论过了…
…但你哥哥有那么多的科学奖杯，奖牌，还有优点勋章...
我们不想去惊动它们
老天也不准
我们很遗憾你父母分开的消息
他们只是分居谁知道呢，看看吧
老实说，我们一点也不惊讶
从我们认识他们开始他们就一直很不快乐
特别是在夏威夷那件事之后
哪件事啊?
没什么啦…定是我想到别人去了
或许是我
你不是要叠衣服吗?
快去吧，去叠呀
还要再加一点吗?不用了，谢谢
你得再给我一点时间我要学得逼真一点
老兄啊，十一点方向有个惹火女郎在看着你
学得很不错我想我可以去变性了
我知道你在想什么汤达夫温蒂的创办人，对吧?
我叫盖儿
我真的必须走了很高兴认识你
真是太好了
他可以送我录影机或是一对高尔夫球杆也可以
似
看了碍眼，戴了碍事儿
没那么惨啦对，你当然说得容易了
你又不用走来走去炫耀怪头不要的东西
”我可怜戴着首饰的笨蛋”
”我可怜戴着...”
兄弟，我们正在玩…名人模仿秀呢
表演你的马歇马叟
模仿得很像呢
你看看那个家伙
他跟她已经说了多久废话了?
滚开吧，兄弟她只是服务生，又不是艺妓
我想她没有关系吧
你看看…
你看她把他推开，他还不滚
我要采取行动了
我们可以在山上…
…租个公寓滑进滑出，棒透了
对不起，你是瑞秋吗?
什么?
我叫盖勒罗斯
广告里说你很漂亮，但是…哇
你…你在干嘛?
老天，不是今天吗?
我真不敢相信
这件事如果成了的话将来跟孙子们就有话讲了
对呀
对了，我该走了
保重了
慢走，再见
不客气
我是在救你呀
救我?让我不用跟有趣的男人愉快地交谈?
从我坐的那边看起来…
罗斯，你现在听我说
我不是要你救的人
但是你是呀
什么?
你是我的龙虾
你知道吗?你又在装跟我盲目约会了
不…你是…你是我的龙虾
龙虾...
…在水缸里，老的时候
…它们会…它们爪牵爪散步
在水缸里…
…爪子牵着爪子…
菲此，帮我解释一下龙虾的事，好不好?
再表演一次爪子
瑞秋，忘了龙虾的事吧
我们...那我们呢？
罗斯，没有“我们”
你听我说
我爱上了你，然后我受伤了
然后你爱上我结果我还是受伤了
我受够了伤害
根本就不值得
但是...但
没有”但是”了，罗斯
我们是永远不可能的，接受吧
除非什么呢?
不...
接受吧
老兄，你看，我的好兄弟你怎么了?
你这个马歇马叟真是模仿得越来越好了
乔伊，我们去打球，怎么样?你跟我，你说怎么样啊?
是我不好
你要是那么讨厌那只手镯你应该直说就可以了
我戴着这么讨厌的手镯…
…那不就证明了我有多么重视我们之间的友谊了吗?
那你侮辱这只手镯还有你嘲笑我的那件事呢?
所以说，我是个混蛋嘛
不过我希望你不要往那个方向想，好吗?
你不要这样嘛我已经向你道过一百次歉了
我保证以后手镯不离…
…手
如果你要留在那里生气的话…
…那你就留在里面好了
你知道吗?最…
我向你下跪了…
…我举着这些沙发垫子…
…表示我对你的歉意还有悔恨
跟古时候的人一样
你现在虽然很生气…
那葛拉芙的玻璃还不错啊
说说而已嘛，就在电视土
各位
亲爱的
我孙子呢?你没有带他来啊?
不，他在…凯洛跟苏珊那儿
我公司有一个女同性恋
说说而已
杰克，你看你觉得很好笑的油漆广告来了
你到哪儿去了?人间炼狱
他们有没有借你钱?
没有，我还没有开口
去呀，摩妮卡，说呀
爸，妈
摩妮卡有事要找你们
抱歉我以前没有告诉你们…
…我现在…并没有在工作因为我必须离职
为什么?
公司的决定
你被炒鱿鱼那你现在怎么办呢?
芙蒂，放心啦这可是我们的小妮妮宝贝儿
我们教导有方
薪水的百分之十上哪儿去了?存银行了
就是嘛，所以她在吃她的老本存钱本来就是应急的
她不会有事的
如果那些钱还不够用的话…
你知道哪里有钱呀…
有大张一点的吗?
我真不敢相信
你停一下，好不好?
不要再怨天尤人了，高兴一点
你说得对，我应该高兴一点的
忘了我刚才白花花的四百大洋去买一个我恨的手镯这件事
逗我开心啊
嘿
我这儿有个包你大乐的东西
猜根特刚找到什么了?
你现在有两个了
我该如何是好?
你怎么有两个?
这个是送你的
少来了
我没办法
我知道这对你的意义重大…
…我也知道不只是首饰而已
这是关于你跟我还有我们是”好兄弟”
这叫友谊吗?我觉得应该是
我们是手镯兄弟
大家都会这样叫我们的
好了，拿去吧随你什么时候还都可以
你用恐龙支票?
对啊，你不但得到钱还可以学到一点东西
这有什么不对的?
没什么…
你是小器龙
开玩笑…谢谢，我很感激你
摩妮卡，这是什么东西啊?
我高中时代的泳衣啊那个时候比较胖
我还以为是康乃狄克州雨天用的遮雨棚呢
摩妮卡，这带子里有什么?
不知道，问倒我了放来看看
这边，杰克
瑞秋穿着粉蓝色出来了
好漂亮，是不是?
过来拍她
过来拍她
你鼻子怎么回事啊?
我隔膜长歪了不得已，只好去缩鼻了
我错了那才是康乃狄克州的遮雨棚呢
知道这是什么吗?毕业舞会前的准备
各位，我们不用看这个
我们要看…当然要看
看嘛，很好玩的
你有没有拍摩妮卡?
摩妮卡在哪儿?
这里啊，老爸
等一等，镜头怎么伸缩?
拍到了
那个女的吃了摩妮卡
闭嘴啦，上镜头会多十磅的
那到底有几个镜头在拍你?
你好漂亮哦
你也是好美啊
糟了，怎么了？
我想我的美乃滋沾到你了
没关系啦只是肩膀，没弄到衣服啊
你们笑一笑
爸，关掉啦
关了
爸，你没关，那红灯亮着
那表示关了
罗斯
很帅嘛
你今天晚上很漂亮谢谢
你今年夏天要做什么?你知道的，只是…
…在家里待着玩我的音乐
我钩子没钩吗?袖子一直掉下来，没办法固定
我看看，不知道
今年夏天你要做…
他们来了
…什么?
玩你的音乐?
天啊，你们看，是古洛伊耶
洛伊看”昨际大战”看了317次
他的名字还上了报
奇普呢?他为什么还没来?
他会来的，放心吧
好了
我刚告诉瑞秋洛伊摸我的咪咪
没男伴我去不成毕业舞会来不及了
你不去，我也不要去了
我要奇普好看
我有个很棒的主意
你可以陪瑞秋去参加舞会啊
我很怀疑
杰克，那个给我你跟儿子去谈一谈
这玩意儿好重
你妈说得对，带她去穿我的礼服
爸，她不会想跟我去的
她当然会，你是大学生呀
我不知道
你不想弄清楚吗?
真不敢相信我去不成自己的毕业舞会
这太残酷了
好，你帮我拿着真有你的…
好了，各位，我想我们看够了
我们把它关掉吧
那好吧，我就不看
来吧，孩子，我们走了
天啊，你真帅，去给他们看看
等一下，爸
要酷...
好了，老爸
瑞秋，准备好你的白马王子来了
糟了
别等我们回来了
走了，奇普，快
天啊哪一个?怎么按啊?
杰克，这个怎么关啊?
按按钮
哪个钮？
那个拉...
真不敢相信你那么做了
是呀…
瞧，他是她的龙虾
跟他跳
妈，我饿了
跟你爸跳
我或许不会跳什么闪舞啦不过我也绝不是个省油的灯
好吧
克蒂

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 39楼发表于: 2014-03-15 0

215 The One Where Rachel and Ross... You Know

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.]
JOEY: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.
CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV]
CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure.
JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option.
CHANDLER: Congratulations!
JOEY: I know.
CHANDLER: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen.
JOEY: Uh-huh.
CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine?
JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one.
CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes.
JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff.
CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare?
JOEY: We dare.
BOTH: [both extend the footrests] Aaahhhh. [both recline their chairs] AAAAHHHHHH.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.]
PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.
ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size.
ALL: Woah!
MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she?
[Rachel enters]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
ALL: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey you.
ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.]
CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move]
RACHEL: So, uh, how was your day?
ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping.
RACHEL: Really? Mine too.
PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too.
ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight.
RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves]
ROSS: Bye guys.
ALL: Bye.
MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight?
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV]
MONICA: What's tonight?
RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date.
MONICA: Uh, hello.
RACHEL: Hi.
MONICA: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger anything for you?
RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date.
MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job.
PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress.
RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe.
MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing.
PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.]
PHOEBE: It's James Bond.
MONICA: Sorry we're late.
DR. BURKE: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was.
MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me.
DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great.
MONICA: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. She's gonna be helping me tonight.
DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been?
MONICA: I've been great, just great. How have you been? [tilting her head]
DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt.
MONICA: The head tilt?
DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?'
MONICA: I'm sorry.
DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change.
MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad.
DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.]
CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
JOEY: What if we have to pee?
CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas.
[Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.]
MONICA: You've got to get back out there, it's your party.
DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists.
MONICA: You're an opthamologist.
DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif.
PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there.
DR. BURKE: See.
MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency.
DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs]
PHOEBE: You are so smitten.
MONICA: I am not.
PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out.
MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up.
PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other.
MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me.
PHOEBE: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him again?
MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment.
PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked?
MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.]
RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow.
ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles.
RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date.
[They start kissing.]
RACHEL: Monica.
ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's name.
RACHEL: Honey, I'm just checking.
ROSS: Oh.
RACHEL: Monica.
ROSS: Mon.
RACHEL: Monica.
ROSS: Mon.
[Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel starts laughing.]
ROSS: What, what.
RACHEL: I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like woah, Ross's hands are on my butt. Sorry.
ROSS: And that's, that's funny why?
RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing.
ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big.
RACHEL: OK. [start kissing again and Rachel starts lauging again]
ROSS: OK, my hands were no where near your butt.
RACHEL: I know, I know, I know, I know. I was just thinking about when they were there the last time, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, OK, look, woah, I promise, I'm good, I'm not gonna laugh anymore. OK put your hands back there.
ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious.
RACHEL: Just one cheek.
ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone.
RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them.
ROSS: That's romantic.
RACHEL: C'mon touch it.
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Oh, come on squeeze it.
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Rub it.
ROSS: No.
RACHEL: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.]
JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.
CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it]
[Ross enters]
JOEY: Hi.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel?
ROSS: That was 14 hours ago.
CHANDLER: So how'd it go?
ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'?
CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin.
JOEY: She laughed at you?
ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint?
CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax.
JOEY: It certainly is a miracle.
[Rachel enters]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey.
ROSS: Hey.
RACHEL: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . .
CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice.
[Rachel and Ross go out in the hall]
RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you.
ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how?
RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert.
ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect.
[there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it]
RACHEL: What's this.
CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers?
[Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.]
DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now.
MONICA: Really.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes.
MONICA: Good, they feel good, in my head.
DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya.
MONICA: You too.
DR. BURKE: You too.
MONICA: OK, um. Goodbye.
DR. BURKE: Drops!
MONICA: What?
DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free.
MONICA: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going.
DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later.
MONICA: Thanks again.
[He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss]
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.]
PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs.
CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah.
PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people.
JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad.
PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH.
CHANDLER: She's one of us now.
[Rachel and Ross enter]
RACHEL: Hi you guys.
ROSS: Hey.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey.
ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight.
CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight.
ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads.
RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt.
JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'.
[Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered]
MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment.
ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up?
PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight.
ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with?
MONICA: No one.
ROSS: C'mon, what's his name?
MONICA: Nothing.
ROSS: Come on, tell me.
MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
ROSS: Oh, I promise, what.
MONICA: It's Richard Burke.
ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad.
MONICA: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with.
ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy?
RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely.
ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum again, can I, oh.
RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once.
MONICA: When?
RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose]
PHOEBE: Oh you are so lucky.
RACHEL: I know.
ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect.
CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.]
ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner.
RACHEL: It's OK, it's fine.
ROSS: KARL!
[Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.]
MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle?
DR. BURKE: Yep.
MONICA: I've not seen her since high school graduation. Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional.
DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby.
MONICA: I thought she just had one.
DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . .
MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa.
DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here?
MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in.
DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you.
MONICA: Yeah.
DR. BURKE: So.
MONICA: So maybe we should just. . .
DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe.
MONICA: Wow, this really sucks.
DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss]
MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we?
DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything.
[knock at the door]
DELIVERY GUY: Pizza delivery.
MONICA: Oh, I'm gonna kill those guys.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.]
ROSS: Rach.
RACHEL: Oh.
ROSS: I'm done.
RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's.
ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else.
RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night?
ROSS: No, no, we won't.
RACHEL: We won't?
ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon.
RACHEL: OK, that's dead right?
[Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.]
RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing?
ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?
RACHEL: Grape.
ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system]
RACHEL: Oh, God.
[The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.]
ROSS: Sorry.
RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at?
ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major.
RACHEL: Really?
ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss]
ROSS: You're not laughing.
RACHEL: This time it's not so funny.
[They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.]
RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
RACHEL: Oh, thank God.
[Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.]
ROSS: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you.
ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah.
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.]
[they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off]
JOEY: Is that the fire alarm?
CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time.
JOEY: Cool.
END

215 罗斯和瑞秋生米煮成

好了，不准偷看…
不准偷看
不过我张开眼睛时你最好穿着衣服
好了，张开眼睛
妈妈咪呀，我的小乖乖
”我们的日子”跟我绩约了
我知道
现在我们终于可以比较像样地看”绿色大地”了
哪一张是我的?
随你喜欢哪一张随你喜欢哪一张
那张不行
哦，帅
哦，帅，这才叫生活
我们敢吗?
我们敢
真不敢相信两条牛的牺牲是…
…让你们跷起二郎腿来看电视
不，它们是椅形牛
它们在野外无法生存的
这个荧幕太炫了狄凡戴看起来跟真人一样大
露丝玛丽不该上这么大的荧幕对不对?
嗨，各位
嘿，你
你今天怎么样?
和平常没什么不同
晴空万里，鸟儿欢唱
真的?我的也是
酷，我的也是
我得去馆里一趟
我们今晚见?
再见，各位
今晚?
今晚怎样?第一个正式的约会
第一次约会
哈罗?
嗨
今晚你说要替我跑堂的派对餐点那件事?
我的话有没有让你想起什么?
哦，天啊，摩妮卡，我忘了
这是我们的第一次约会
蛋着工作是我妈妈帮我找的，我可以当服务生
谢谢，菲比
真的，菲菲?你必须真的当服务生
这不是像”我可以当小熊”之类的
我可以当服务生，瞧我的
给我两份一号餐培根要八六分熟…
…一份亚当夏娃叠吐司
是007
抱歉来迟了，没关系，请进
对不起，盖勒摩妮卡来不来?我听说她要来
柏大夫，是我
摩妮卡?
老天，你以前好…
我是说你…你一定减了…
你美极了
谢谢
这是我朋友菲此她今天晚上来帮忙
菲此，幸会
你近来如何?很好呀，很好，你呢?
你大概也知道我跟芭芭拉分手了…
…不然你不会来歪头那一招
歪头?
对，自从离了婚当别人向我问好时·，
…他们总是同情地歪头问”你好吗?不要紧吧?”
对不起
不…没关系相信我，我也一样
我总是以点头来表示”我没事”
”你确定?”
”对，我没事”
听着，我得去放音乐了我有个自动换片音响
当然了，离婚的结果我只剩四张CD可换了
真不幸
死不了的
两份大的，起士都要双份
听着...
…别按十九号的电铃
按二十号，高林寓
她们会开门，懂吗？
按我们的门铃就没小费
谢了
薄饼马上就来我说我们不用起来的
如果要尿尿呢?
我把汽水取消
你必须回去里面这是你的派对
可是他们好乏味他们都是眼科医生
你也是眼科医生
那是因为我父母要我那样我本来想当警长的
真好笑白内衣，白内障，我懂了
不，我懂了，你留在那里
瞧，好，这样吧
五分钟后我来叫你就说烤肉出了问题好了
好吧，你最好这么做
天，我去了
要看他们发狂吗?
瞧我的
谁需要杯子?
你好神魂颠倒哦
我才没有
你是只神魂颠倒的小猫咪
你应该约她，柏大夫?
我不认为我是说，他是个大人
所以呢?你们两个完全互相着迷
菲此，他是我父母的朋友他此我大二十岁
那你就再也不跟他见面了?
不是永远
我明天约好了要去他那儿检查眼睛
你不是才检查过眼睛吗?是啊，但是…
27是个应该
...小心眼睛的年龄
我不是说这部电影不好我只是说这电影有一点点…
…难懂
我说过会有字幕的
我知道
我只是不想在第一次约会戴眼镜
摩妮卡?
我亲你时你不叫我老妹的名字会很有帮助
蜜糖，只是检查看看
摩妮卡?...摩妮卡?
怎么了?
抱歉
对不起只是当你的手滑到我屁股上时…
就像”哇罗斯在摸我屁股”，抱歉
很好笑，为什么呢?
那不好笑
我是说，对不起我猜我是有点紧张
这是你啊
是我们呀
我们在越过那条线那是件大事
我知道很大我只是不知道这有…哈哈大
我的手离你屁股好远
我知道...
我只是想到你的手上次在那里那回
对不起…听着，我保证我会乖
我不会再乱笑了把手放回去
不，现在…换我不行了
我觉得太不自然了一边脸颊就好
不，那一刻过去了
把手伸出来，我自己钻进去好”浪漫”
来吧，摸一下
来吧，捏一下，不要
揉呢?
来嘛，你抓我屁股，好吗?
你瞧瞧，车子起火了…
…可是它那昂贵的烤漆…
…却被奇迹蜡保护得毫发无伤
你脸上有条起士，老兄
你来这儿干什么?不是要跟瑞秋出去吗?
那是十四个小时前
那结果如何?
听着，你们有没有试过跟一个女孩亲热…
…然后她开始笑起来…
有啊，不过那是1982年…
…我的”天地一群鸥”发型让她的下巴发痒
怎么?她笑你吗?
我从九年级的打字课起就想这一刻了
我只是希望一切能完美…
…顺利，而...
雷射光束为什么切不断烤漆?
是奇迹蜡的关系那绝对是一项奇迹
各位
听着，我在想…
听着，你们可以大声点吗?
你们放低声音我们反而更听不到
昨晚的事我很抱歉我真的真的很想补偿你
你不需要补偿我…
…怎么个补偿法?
我在想或许来顿浪漫的晚餐…
…烛光加上美酒
或许回我那边去…
点心？
听起来
…很完美?
这是什么?
帮忙买两瓶啤酒，好吗?
我现在要看你的眼睛了
真的？
对，那是我的工作
好
看上面
看下面
不，张开眼睛看下面
那就对了
看光线这里
现在看我
看起来很好，很好的眼睛
很好，它们觉得很好
在我头上
见到你真好，彼此
彼此
再见了
眼药水
眼药水，来，免费的
谢谢
我最好走了
对，咱们改天见
再次谢了
我们得把你们这两只懒猪弄起来
你们应该走出这里去跟三度空间的人打交道
不，里面好
外面坏
你们真是太可悲了
”仙纳度”
她加入会员了
我们只是想过来跟各位道晚安
晚安
你瞧瞧，他们连头都不回
好了，各位，我要脱上衣了
她说谎
别再叫吃的去我们家
摩妮卡，打扮得这么美干嘛?
今晚又不是只有你有约会而已
什么?你有约会?跟谁?没有谁
他叫什么名字嘛?
没什么
来嘛，告诉我
好吧，不过这件事我非常兴奋，懂吗?
你得保证你不会摆出大哥架子来教训我
我保证，是谁?
是柏理查，柏理查是谁？
柏大夫?
你要跟柏大夫约会?为什么…
…我会不高兴呢
我爱那家伙他就像…
…爸爸的兄弟
他正好是我交过的男人中最聪明，最成熟，最性感的
柏大夫性感?
天啊，绝对是
该死
该死
柏大夫亲过我一次什么时候?
我七岁时我骑单车在他家门前摔了跤…
…为了让我停止哭泣他亲我这里
我知道
南方古猿不应该在那个展览的
不…能人是挺起的南方古猿从来不是完全挺起的
或许他是紧张罢了
看，我真不敢相信
能人根本还没学会使用工具他们竟然还给他陶罐
不如给他一个微波炉算了
抱歉我花了那么多时间
这此我想像的还花时间我们会吃晚饭的
没关系，不要紧
卡尔
天啊
那是米雪吗？对
高中毕业后就没见过她了
老天，那天晚上她好醉…
激动
你知道她又要生了吗?
我以为她才刚生过不…亨利快两岁了
他讲话啊什么都会，看
前几天他告诉我他喜欢我胜过他的爷爷
公平说来，他的爷爷是酒鬼，但还是...
你是个爷爷
我们疯了吗?
我不知道，或许
我是说我在你游泳池里尿尿过
我不需要知道那个
我猜21年是差太多了
去他的我此你老了整整一个饮酒年龄
那么，或许我们应该就...
对...或许...
去他的我此你老了整整一个饮酒年龄
这真的太逊了
是呀，可不是吗?
我们不用现在就决定什么对吧?
不…我们一点都不用急
送薄饼来我要杀了那两个人
我好了
对，不过餐厅也打烊了
什么?对不起我们…去别家餐厅好了
很晚了，所有餐厅都打烊了我们改天晚上再吃好了
不…不要
不要?
来吧
那是死的，对吧?
这是什么?我们在干嘛?
你要红莓苹果或红莓葡萄?葡萄
现在...
...坐下
天啊
数十亿年前，地球只是…
抱歉
我们在看什么?
你看那边…那一大团旁边那一小堆星星
那是大熊座
真的?我不知道，有可能
听着，抱歉我今晚必须工作
没关系
你值得我等
我指的不只是今晚
你没笑
这次没那么好笑了
天啊
甜心
没关系
什么?
不，你刚刚压到了果汁
谢天谢地
嘿，你
真不敢相信我会在你身边醒来
我知道，是很令人难以…
怎么了?
是火警警报器吗?
还没变热，还有时间
酷，对，酷

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