《老友记》Friends【中英对照】【5.16连载105L】_派派后花园

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 100楼发表于: 2014-04-09 0

510 The One With The Inappropriate Sister

[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Ross is cleaning out the fridge. Joey walks from his room. He looks like he just woke up.]
Joey: What are you doing?
Ross: I...reorganized the fridge. See, bottom shelf: meats and dairy. (There’s nothing on the shelf.) Middle shelf: fruits and vegetables. (There’s one lone tomato.) And top shelf: expired products. (The shelf is jammed packed.)
Joey: Why are you doing this?
Ross: Because I am bored...Out of my mind. I’ve already been to the bank, post office, and the dry cleaners.
Joey: Dude, you just described seven days worth of stuff. You’ve got to spread it out a little, you know. Haven’t you ever been unemployed?
Ross: Hey, I am not unemployed. I’m on sabbatical!
Joey: Hey, don’t get religious on me, ok. (Ross looks a little confused.) A guy in your position needs to be a little better at relaxing. You know. Why do you think we have the comfortable chairs? Huh...come here…sit down. (Ross sits down.) Ready? (Joey flips the foot rest up.) Ahh!! (He reclines the chair fully.) Ohh, yeah!! Huh?!
Ross: So what, we just sit?
Joey: Ohh, no, no. We’re not going to just sit. (Joey sits down and hits the speed dial button on the phone.) Shhh. (It begins to ring.)
Chandler: (Answering the phone at work) Hello, Chandler Bing.
Joey: (In a high pitched female voice) Hello Mr. Bing...I love you.
Chandler: (Angrily) Alright, whoever this is, stop calling me! (Ross and Joey laugh silently.) It’s been six months! It’s not funny!
Joey: But, I love you.
Chandler: Leave me alone! For the love of God, leave me alone!!! (Joey hangs up.)
Joey: And that’s Wednesday. (He reclines in his chair.) Ohh.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are there. Phoebe walks in ringing a bell.]
Phoebe: Hey you guys, guess what?
Chandler: The British are coming?
Phoebe: Ohh, you and your ways. (She shakes the bell at him and sits down.) Since it’s Christmastime. I’m going to be one of those people collection donations.
All: Ohh.
Phoebe: (Excitedly) Yeah, I already have my bell and later on...I get my bucket.
Chandler: Ohh.
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, I’m going to be out there spreading joy to the people. I mean, last year, I spread a little joy but not really enough. So this year, I’m going to do the whole city.
Monica: You know, I knew a girl in high school who did that. She was very popular. (Chandler laughs.)
Joey: So Pheebs, where are you doing all, your bell ringing?
Phoebe: Ohh, they gave me a great spot. Right by Macys. Yeah, they hardly ever give such a good spot to a rookie, but I’m the only one who can sing "Merry Christmas" in 25 languages. (She smirks.) I lied.
Rachel: Oh my god. Ok you guys, there’s Danny. Watch. Just watch this. (He walks past the couch to the counter.) See?! Still pretending he’s not interested. Ohh, he’s coming over. Just pretend like we don’t know him. We’ve forgotten who he is.
Danny: Hey guys.
All: Hey Danny.
Monica: Danny? You know Rachel? She’s nice. She’s not bad to look at, right?
Rachel: Thanks, Mon.
Danny: Well, of course.
Monica: Do you want to go out on a date with her?
Rachel: Monica!!!
Danny: (Looking at Monica) Absolutely! Is Friday okay?
Monica: Friday’s perfect...She can’t wait.
Danny: (To Monica) On the date, I will be able to talk to her directly? (To Rachel) See ya Friday. (He walks out.)
Rachel: (Somewhat angrily) Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don’t answer me. (Giggling) I have a date with Danny.
[Scene: Estelle's (Joey's Agent) Office, Joey is there.]
Joey: How could I not get the part? The play was about a 29-year-old Italian actor from Queens.
Estelle: Well, Telia Shire suddenly became available.
Joey: She’s a woman!
Estelle: What can I say? She nailed it.
Joey: (Very discouraged) Okay, is there anything else?
Estelle: Well, you’re just going to say no again but...gay porn.
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is collecting donations and ringing her bell.]
Phoebe: Happy Holidays. Feliz Navidad. Allo, and Merry Christmas. (A man put some change in her bucket.) Ohh thank you sir. Here's some joy. (She waves her hand up and down as if she is spreading joy.)
Monica: (Walking in from off screen.) Phoebe!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: I just wanted to see how it's going.
Phoebe: Well, it's going okay.
Monica: (Taking out her wallet.) Well good, here let me help you out.
Phoebe: Oh, thanks!
Monica: Yeah!
Phoebe: Wow!
(Monica puts some change in Phoebe's bucket.)
Phoebe: Is that a new Swede jacket? It looks really expensive.
Monica: Yeah. I guess. (She puts more money in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Just get your nails done?
Monica: Yes Phoebe, but this is all I have. Okay? (She pours out the rest of her change purse into the bucket.)
Phoebe: Okay! Thanks! Happy Holidays, here's your joy. (She waves her arm and spreads her joy.)
(A man walks up and puts a dollar bill in.)
Phoebe: Thank you! And Happy Holidays.
(The man starts to take some change out.)
Phoebe: Wait, you can't take the money out.
The Man: I'm making change. I need change for the bus.
Phoebe: But, can't you leave the dollar? This money is for the poor.
The Man: I'm poor! I gotta take the bus!
Phoebe: Okay, Seasons Greetings and everything, but still…
The Man: Bite me, blondie! (The man storms off.)
Phoebe: Oh, I'm going to give him something else besides joy, just… (She scowls at him.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is telling Ross how he didn't get the part.]
Joey: That part was perfect for me! I can't believe I didn't get it!
Ross: I'm sorry, man. Hey, y'know what you should do? You should make something happen for yourself. Y'know, like-like write a play. Write a movie! Huh? I mean, what about those Good Will Hunting guys?
Joey: Come on Ross be realistic, y'know? If I did write something, what are the chances I could get those guys to star in it?
(Ross just stares at him until he figures it out.)
Joey: Wait a second, I could star in it!
Ross: Or that.
Joey: I can't write! Y'know I mean I-I-I'm an actor, I don't have the discipline that takes, y'know? I can't do it.
Ross: I'll help you. Yeah, I'll make up a schedule and make sure you stick to it. And plus, it'll give me something to do.
Joey: Really? You'd-you'd do that for me?!
Ross: Yeah!
Joey: Thanks!
Ross: (grabbing a notepad and sitting down) All right, we'll start off slow. The only thing you have to do tonight is come up with the name of your main character.
Joey: Done!
Ross: And it can't be Joey.
Joey: It's not.
Ross: Or Joseph.
Joey: (disappointed) Oh.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning. Monica enters from her room wearing nothing but a robe.]
Monica: Hey, what's up?
Rachel: I just saw Danny getting on the subway with a girl and he had his arm around her.
Monica: Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Well, you should be, this is all your fault! You meddled in our relationship!!
Monica: You had no relationship!!
Rachel: No, but I was doing my thing and everything was going according to the plan!
Monica: Oh God, stop with the plan! So what, so what you saw him with a girl? Who cares?! That doesn't mean anything! Now look, you're going to go out on a date with Danny and you're going to be so charming he's gonna forget all about that stupid subway girl.
Rachel: She was kinda stupid. You're right. All right, I'm just gonna go on the date. I'm gonna go on the date. That is the new plan.
(Rachel goes into her room and closes the door. Which allows Monica to let Chandler out of her room.)
Monica: Come on, hurry!
(Chandler runs out the door and closes it behind him. After a short pause the door opens and Chandler comes rushing back through, grabs Monica, kisses her good-bye, and heads back out.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is trying to write his movie, Chandler is playing a game on the counter by trying to flip a ping pong ball with a spoon into a nearby bowl.]
Joey: Hey, how do you spell suspicious?
Chandler: Why?
Joey: Because I think this character is going to be suspicious about stuff.
(Chandler makes it into the bowl.)
Chandler: Yes! Chandler Bing, 7! Chandler Bing, 0.
Joey: You're driving me crazy with that!
Chandler: Okay, I'll stop.
Joey: Don’t stop! Move the bowl further away! Ross could make that shot!
(Chandler slides the bowl to the far end of the counter. He tries again, but he hits the spoon to hard and the ball goes flying away.)
Joey: Well, you suck! But at least you suck at a man's game now.
Chandler: You wanna play?
Joey: Chandler, I can't be playing games, Ross is gonna be home soon. And I have to write five whole pages if I'm gonna stick to his schedule.
Chandler: Well, so, play for the next 30 minutes and then write until he gets home.
Joey: (jumping up) All right! But uh, listen, what do you say we crank it up a notch?
Chandler: I'm intrigued.
Joey: All right, all we need is a little lighter fluid.
Chandler: Okay, but be careful okay, because I wanna get our security deposit back.
Joey: Yeah, I think we said good-bye to that when we invented hammer darts.
Chandler: Do you even remember which part of the wall is not spackle?
Joey: Uh yeah, right here. (He punches his fist through the wall next to the door.)
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe is still ringing her bell. A guy puts some change into the bucket.]
Phoebe: Thank you, Happy Holidays.
(Another woman walks up and throws something into the bucket.)
Phoebe: Now, that's trash. Young lady, you can't… (The lady ignores her and walks off.) Hey! Stop that young lady, she donated trash!
(Another guy walks by and throws his light cigarette butt in the bucket.)
Phoebe: Hey!! (The bucket starts smoking.) The charity's on fire! Help! (Yet another guy walks by carrying a cup, which Phoebe grabs.) Oh good! Thank you, I need that. (She throws onto the smoldering fire. Suddenly the bucket erupts in flames.) Whoa! What is that?! (She sniffs the cup.) (To the guy.) It's nine o'clock in the morning!
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is reading what Joey wrote.]
Ross: All right. (Reading.) A room. A man enters, he looks suspicious. (Stops reading a flips the page to find the next one is blank.) That's it? (Joey shrugs.) Joey, you're supposed to have five pages done by now! Including an exciting incident! (Flipping through the rest of the pad.) And what is, and what is all this?! (Reading.) The official rulebook of Fireball.
Joey: Yeah, that's the uh, game we were playing.
Chandler: (entering from his room carrying a fire extinguisher and wearing oven mitts) Oh yeah, it's great! See you take a tennis ball, a bowl, and some lighter fluid—Op! Op! (He puts out a small fire which has re-ignited in his room.)
Ross: This is helping your career?! Huh? I thought you wanted to be an actor not the creator of crazy lawsuit game!
Joey: You're right, you're right, I'll get back to work.
Ross: (To Chandler) And shame on you! You should know better, Joey needs to work. (To Joey) Now come on!
Joey: Hey!
(He tries to fire a burnt tennis ball into the bowl Chandler is standing by, but Ross grabs the ball away from him.)
Ross: No! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! You can have this back when the five pages are done! (After Joey walks past, Ross throws the ball down in pain.) Ahh! (Chandler shows him the burn spots on his oven mitts.)
[Scene: Outside Danny's apartment, Danny and Rachel are returning from their date.]
Danny: I had a really nice time tonight.
Rachel: So did I. I'm really glad Monica asked us out.
(He kisses her.)
Danny: I'd love to ask you in, but uh, my sister's visiting and I think she's asleep on the couch.
Rachel: You're sister? You're sister's asleep on the couch? (Danny nods, "Yes.") Ohhh! I saw her with you on the subway and now she's asleep on the couch!
Danny's Sister: (opening the door) Oh, I thought I heard you.
Danny: Oh hey, great, you're up. Rachel, this is my sister Krista. Krista, this is Rachel.
Rachel: Hi!
Krista: Nice to meet you. I wish you'd told me we were having company, I'd fix myself up!
Danny: Like it would help.
Krista: You are so bad! (Hits him softly.)
Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Krista: You are! (Hits him softly.)
Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Krista: You are! (Hits him softly.)
Danny: You are! (Hits her back.)
Krista: You are! (Hits him harder this time.)
Danny: You are so dead! I'm gonna get you.
(He starts chasing her around Rachel a couple of times before she runs into the living room and he tackles her on the couch where he starts tickling her.)
Rachel: (not sure what to do) Uh, it was very nice meeting you. (They continue to ignore her.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is complaining to Ross and Monica about the bucket.]
Phoebe: Nobody! Nobody respects the bucket! You wouldn't believe what people put in here! Look! (Hands it to Monica.) Okay, does this look like a garbage can to you?
Monica: No.
Phoebe: Does it look like an ashtray?
Monica: No.
Phoebe: Does it look like a urinal?
Monica: Eww!! (Throws the bucket down.)
Ross: So Pheebs, are you gonna go back out there or what?
Phoebe: Well, yeah! But I'm not gonna take anymore crap. Okay? No more Mrs. Nice Bucket!
Monica: Yeah, good for you. Y'know you're tough, you lived on the streets.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm gonna go back to being Street Phoebe. Yeah! Oh but, y'know what? I can't go totally back because Street Phoebe really wouldn't be friends with you guys. Sorry. (Leaves.)
Rachel: (entering from her room) Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, umm, can I ask you guys something?
Monica and Ross: Sure.
Rachel: Uh, I don't have any brothers so I don't know, but uh, did you guys wrestle?
Ross: Oh-oh, yeah.
Monica: All the time. In fact, I was undefeated.
Ross: Uh, you weighted 200 pounds.
Monica: Still, I was quick as a cat.
Rachel: Well, I met Danny's sister yesterday, and uh that was actually the girl on the subway.
Monica: Oh, you're kidding.
Rachel: Yeah, they were very y'know…wrestley. But, I guess that's normal?
Monica: (laughing with Ross) We don't, we don't wrestle now.
Ross: Yeah, not since I got too strong for you.
Monica: Too strong for me?
Ross: Yeah.
Monica: You wanna go right now? 'Cause I'll take you right now, buddy! You wanna go?
Ross: Oh fine.
Monica: Ready? (They grab a hold of each other's necks.) Wrestle! (They start wrestling.)
Rachel: Okay, y'know what uh, actually, that's great. That helps a lot. Thanks. (She leaves them to wrestle.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is cleaning the foosball table, Joey is working on his script.]
Chandler: (entering from his bedroom) Guys, come on! Let's go! The puck drops in 20 minutes! Come on, Joe!
Ross: Joey's not going.
Joey: (To Chandler) I didn't finish my five pages.
Chandler: Well, why can't you do them tomorrow?
Ross: Because tomorrow he's redoing yesterday's pages.
Joey: Yesterday's pages did not reflect my best work.
Chandler: (To Ross) Why don't you cut him a little slack? Okay? Maybe if he relaxes a little bit, he'll get some work done.
Ross: I think he's been relaxing enough, thanks to you and Fireball.
Joey: Dude, if you think Fireball's relaxing, you've obviously have never played.
Chandler: The only reason you're doing this to Joey is because you're bored. Okay, it's not his fault that you're unemployed.
Ross: I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical!
Joey: Come on look guys, don't fight.
Ross: And the reason I'm doing this is because I am Joey's friend. And if you were a good friend, you'd be doing the same thing.
Chandler: Oh, so being a good friend means acting like a total jerk?
Ross: If it does? Then you're an amazing friend of mine.
Joey: Hey-hey guys, hey! How about we settle this over a friendly game of Fireball? Huh? I'll go unhook the smoke detectors!
Ross: How about we settle this right now! (He rips up the tickets.) There! Now, no one's going to the game. Ha-ha-ha!
Chandler: I paid for those tickets!
Ross: No you didn't. You said you would, but you never did!
Chandler: Oh yeah! (Makes an unintelligible taunting sound.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are listening to a story being told by Danny and his sister.]
Danny: …so we finally get to the top of the mountain and airhead here (His sister) forgets the camera!
Joey: Oh, y'know the same thing happened to me one time.
Chandler: When did that happen to you?!
Joey: Don't you remember when we were jogging in the park and we saw that really pretty bird and wanted to take a picture—I didn't have my camera!
Chandler: Oh yeah. First off all, chasing the Churo guy isn't jogging.
Krista: Oh, this is so good (A piece of cake.) you have got to try it. (She takes some on her finger and feeds it to Danny. Then takes a little more and does it again. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang stares on in shock. Then they pick up a part of it and some filling falls into his lap.)
Danny: Oh, damn! I got it on my pants.
Krista: Here, I'll get it. (She grabs a napkin and tries to wipe it up. The thing that gets the rest of the gang going is that she's whipping awfully close to his crotch. In fact, she is whipping his crotch. Chandler's about to come out of his chair.)
Krista: We'd better take these pants off upstairs or that stain's gonna set.
Danny: Yep. (To Rachel) I'm gonna wear these on our date tonight.
Rachel: Oh, great!
Chandler: Okay, bye! (To the gang.) Oh my God!!
Monica: That was unbelievable!
Rachel: Okay, see? I told you!
Joey: Yeah, wow, sorry Rach.
Chandler: I don't believe they're brother and sister.
Joey: They're brother and sister!!!
[Scene: In front of Macys, Phoebe has adorned her bucket with numerous signs. Like "We are not a urinal!" and "I have no Macys info." And other stuff like that. She also has a scowl on her face as she is ringing her bell. A little old lady walks up to make a donation but Phoebe stops her.]
Phoebe: Oh whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait a minute, open up your hand; let me take a look. (The lady opens up her hand.) Quarter. Dime. Lint? Not interested in that. (She throws the lint away.) What's this? A Canadian coin? Get outta here! (The lady walks away.)
(Another man walks up with a drink in his hand, Phoebe stops him too.)
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa! No drinks near the bucket! Set it down over there and then you can make a contribution! (The guy starts to walk away with a hurt look on his face.) And you can leave the hurt bunny look over there too! (Her boss and a co-worker walk up.) Hi Bob! (The same old lady from before walks bye.) (To the old lady.) I thought I told you to get outta here!
Bob: Uh, Phoebe we've been getting complaints and uh, we're gonna move you to a less high-profile spot.
Phoebe: What?!
Bob: Umm, Ginger's gonna take over this corner.
Phoebe: That chick can't handle my corner.
Bob: Look, either you leave, or we remove you.
Phoebe: Fine. (She hands her bell to Ginger and starts to take down her signs.) (The same old lady walks by again.) All right, I'll give you one pointer. Look out for that bitch. (The old lady.)
[Scene: Danny's apartment, there's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Danny: Oh, hey Rach! I thought we said seven?
Rachel: Yeah uh, y'know what uh, let's skip it.
Danny: What?! Why?!
Rachel: Umm, you-you and your sister seem to have umm, a very special bond, and…
Danny: Oh great! That special bond again! Why do women have such a problem with the fact that I'm close with my sister?
Rachel: Well, okay, look. I don't know, listen, I don't know what's going on here but let's…
Danny: Do-do you, do you have brothers?
Rachel: No, I have two sisters. But one of them has a very masculine energy.
Danny: Are you close with them?
Rachel: No-no, they're not very nice people.
Danny: Okay, listen, I really like you. Okay? I think this can go somewhere. So what if I'm close to my family, are you gonna let that stand in the way of us?
Rachel: Well, uh, I-I don't know. See when-when you put it that way y'know it does sort of…
Krista: (calling from the bathroom) Danny! Hurry up! The bath is getting cold!
Danny: (seeing Rachel's shocked look) What?
Rachel: Yeah, okay, I'll see you later. (Gets up and runs from the apartment.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Ross is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Oh hey! There's some kids playing in the street, you wanna go down there and give them a project, ruin their day?
Ross: Hey, if they have a ball maybe you can stick razor blades in it and teach them a new game, Gonna Need Stitches Ball.
Joey: (entering) Hey guys! I was at the library all morning and I already finished my five pages for today!
Ross: Yay!
Chandler: Great! Now, we can go to the Ranger game! (Pause) Last night!
Joey: No dude, Ross tore up the tickets!
Ross: I guess when you don't have so many distractions, it's easier for you to focus. Huh?
Chandler: Yeah or also when you don't have somebody breathing down your neck ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY!!
Joey: Yeah, well, that's fine, but the important thing is that I finished it. And uh, I think it's really good, but y'know it'd really help me is if I could hear it. So would you guys read it for me?
Chandler: All right. (Takes a copy.)
Ross: All right. (Takes another copy.)
Joey: Okay. (Reading.) "It's a typical New York City apartment. Two guys are hanging out." Ross (Points to him.)
(Ross and Chandler start to read Joey's script aloud.)
Ross: Hey man.
Chandler: What is up?
Ross: About yesterday, I was really wrong. I am sorry.
Chandler: No, it was me. I'm sorry. I over reacted.
Ross: Maybe it was both of us, but we had our best friend's interest… (Pauses and looks at Joey.) But we had our best friend's interest at heart.
Chandler: Could I be more sorry. (Looks at Joey.)
Ross: I don't know, I'm one sorry polentologist. (Stops reading.) All right Joey, we get it. (To Chandler) I'm sorry.
Chandler: (To Ross) I'm sorry too.
Joey: Oh no! No-no, keep reading! The good part's coming up. Keep going.
Ross: (reading from the script.) I am sorry, Chandler.
Chandler: I am sorry, Ross.
Joey: A handsome man enters. (Playing the part of the handsome man.) Hey! How's it going guys? I don't know what you two were talking about, but I'd like to say thanks to both of you. You, (Ross) you wouldn't let me give up on myself, and you (Chandler) well you co-created Fireball. The end.
Chandler: This took you all day?!
Joey: No-no, this only took five minutes. I spent the rest of the day coming up with new, Ultimate Fireball. (Takes out a bowling ball and a propane torch.) Ha-ha!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are about to read another one of Joey's efforts.]
Joey: (Reading the scene set up.) Okay, it's a typical New York City apartment. Two girls are just hanging out.
(Monica and Rachel begin to read from the script.)
Monica: Hi, how are you doing Kelly?
Rachel: I'm doing just fine! God, Tiffany, you smell so great!
Monica: It's my new perfume. Why don't you come closer where you can really appreciate it?
(They both start to read ahead.)
Rachel: Oh, y'know Joey, you are sick!
Monica: This is disgusting!
(They both throw the scripts in his face.)
Rachel: I'm not reading this!
Joey: What?! Wait-wait-wait! The handsome man was about to enter!!
End

510 兄妹“情”

干什么呢？
我整理了冰箱
最下面放肉类和奶品
中间一层放水果和蔬菜
最上面放快到期的食品
你干吗要这样做？
因为我闲得发慌
我去过了银行、邮局还有干洗店
伙计，你一口气干了7天的活
干活得细水常流式，一天干一点，
你没失过业吧
我可不是失业！
只是放大假
别太较真嘛
既然是放假，你可以放轻松一点
我们来坐舒服的椅子，坐下
准备好了？看
恩？
那有怎样,干坐着？
噢,不
不，还有节目
噤声先
你好,我是钱德宾
你好,宾先生
我爱你!
够了，我不管你是谁
不许再打电话来!
闹半年了!这样不好玩!
但我爱你!
放了我吧!
看在上帝份上，放过我吧
这是周三的节目了
嘿，各位!猜猜怎么着
英国人要来？
你少来你那套
圣诞节了，我要参加募集捐赠品的活动
发了只铃铛，之后会发一个募捐箱
我要散播欢乐散播爱
去年我也这样做，但我做得不够
今年我要把爱洒满人间
我有个高中同学就那么做，
她人见人爱
菲比，你要在哪里摇铃？
在梅西旁边，一个很棒的地方
他们本来从不把好地方给新手的
但我是唯一一个
能用25国语言唱”圣诞快乐”歌的
我骗他们的!
我的天，丹尼来了
看看他
看到吧？他还装
他过来了，我们假装不认得他
嘿，大家好
噢，丹尼!
你知道瑞秋，她人很好
她长得不错，对吧？
谢谢，莫妮
没错
你想跟她约会吗？
莫妮！
好啊。星期五可以吗
星期五好，她快等不及了
约会时，我能直接跟她说话吗？
星期五见
搞什么飞机。
别解释
我跟丹尼要约会了!
这个角色怎么可能不让我演？
片子是讲一个皇后区来的
29岁的意大利演员啊!
哎，Telia Shire突然又排出时间了
她是女的!
我有啥办法，她坚持要演
还有剩别的角色吗？
你肯定又不会答应的
同志情色电影
节日快乐!
Feliz Navidad.（墨西哥语：圣诞快乐）
还有，圣诞快乐
谢谢你，先生
给你快乐
怎么样
还可以
我帮你忙吧
噢，谢谢
新的小山羊皮外套？很贵吧
是的
刚刚修指甲去了？
是的，菲比
我就这么多了
谢谢。节日快乐
给你快乐
谢谢!节日快乐
等等
钱不能要回去了
我是跟你换零钱，来坐公车
一块钱你也舍不得？
钱是捐给穷人的
我就是穷人，还要挤公车！
好吧，节日快乐，不过
少罗嗦，金发女
哼，我得给他点颜色看看
这个角色简直是为我定做！
我居然没份
替你难过，伙计
你应该
为自己创造机会
例如写个剧本
写部电影，
像《心灵捕手》那样的如何
现实点吧，就算我写出来了
找谁来演？
我自己可以演啊
随便啦
我写不来，
我只是个演员
没受过写作训练
我做不来的
我帮你
我排个计划表
并且督促你坚持
我也好有事可干
你会帮我？
谢谢
好，我们慢慢来。今晚你要想的
是主角的名字
想好了
不能是“乔伊”
不是
也不能是“约瑟夫”
哦
怎么了？
我刚在地铁看到
丹尼和一个女孩一起
他揽着她的腰
亲爱的，这真叫人不好过
都是你的错
你把我们的事搞砸了
你们根本就没有关系!
但我正按照计划、
尽一切努力
还计什么划！
看到他跟女孩一起又怎样
管他那么多！
你去跟丹尼约会，迷死他
让他把地铁里那个蠢女人
忘到九霄云外
她看来是挺蠢的
你说得对，我要去约会
我要去约会，计划B
快跑！
”疑心重”怎么拼？
为什么问
我认为这个角色应该怀疑一切
钱德宾1号，7分！
钱德宾2号，0分!
你闹死我了
那我不玩了
不用停，把碗放远点，
罗斯可以弹很远
你真笨
不过你至少在玩男人的游戏了
想玩吗？
我没时间，罗斯很快就回来了，
我不写完5页就赶不上他的计划
那先玩30分钟，然后写到他回来
好！
不过我建议，
提高难度
我赞成
我们需要打火机油
小心点，我还想要回安全保证金呢
是吗？我还以为锤镖游戏让
保证金早打水漂了呢
还记得哪块墙面没填上吗？
这里
谢谢!节日快乐
垃圾！姑娘你不能
拦住她！居然捐垃圾!
慈善事业着火了！
救火啊!
好，谢谢，我正找水呢
杯子里是什么？
才早上9点！
好，一个房间
有人进来，他看来很可疑
就完了？
你本该写5页的
还要包含一次戏剧高潮！
这是什么？
燃烧弹的使用手册吗？
那是我们要玩的游戏
够了，一个网球、一个碗和
一个打火机
这对你的事业有帮助吗？
你是要当个演员
而不是玩违法的游戏
你说得对，我接着写
你真浑!你最清楚乔伊得工作
快去写！
嘿！
不许玩!啊——
写完5页才许玩
今晚很开心
我也是
我真的很高兴
莫妮替我们安排约会
我想请你进来的
但我妹妹来了
她在沙发上睡呢
你妹妹？
你妹妹睡沙发？
我在地铁看见你和她一起
现在她就睡在沙发上
我听见你回来了
嘿,你起来啦
瑞秋，我妹妹Krista
Krista，这是瑞秋
见到你真好
没听说你要来，我还没梳洗呢
梳洗打扮了就会好看点吗?
你真坏!
你才坏!
你才坏！
你坏!
你坏！
你死定了，
我跟你没完
见到你真好
没有人!没人尊重我的募捐箱
这些烂人什么都往里扔！
这看来像个垃圾桶吗？
不像
像个烟灰缸吗？
不像
像尿壶吗？
呃
你还回去接着干吗？
当然!不过我再也不会收废品了
谁也别想再拿我当软柿子捏！
说得好，你本来就很强，街头女霸王
给他们点厉害瞧瞧！
不过我也不会完全像以前那么厉害啦
那时的我是不可能跟你们交朋友的
能请教一下吗？
我没有兄弟，所以我不懂
你们摔跤吗？
摔的
-经常摔，
我是常胜将军
你以前体重200磅
胖虽胖点，我动作敏捷
我昨天看到了丹尼的妹妹
就是我在地铁看到的女孩
讲笑？
他们就追逐，
嬉戏，
是正常的吧？
我们现在不打架了
自从我强过你，你就不打了
你很壮吗？
来单挑！
现在我就可以把你摔得
鼻青脸肿，老伙计。敢吗？
谁怕谁
准备好了？
开始!
好
非常谢谢，我明白了
走!去看20分钟球
乔伊不会去的
我还没写完5页
明天再写吧
明天他要再重写昨天的
昨天写的没达到我的最高水平
让他放松放松不好吗？
劳娱结合，他可以发挥得更好
他已经够放松了，都拜您所赐
还有火球的功劳
你认为玩火球可以放松？
你是没玩过吧
你约束乔伊，
无非是因为你闲极无聊
你失业又不是他的错
我没失业！我放假！
你们别吵了
我这样做是因为我是乔伊的朋友
如果你也想他好，你也会这样做
当朋友就得不叫人家好过？
假如是这个逻辑的话
你可真是最好的朋友了
火球游戏决胜负如何？
我会解除烟雾探测器
我们来个了断！
哈哈！谁也别想去玩！
票是我花钱买的!
不是，你总说是买的，
但你从没花过这钱
是的
我们终于爬到了山顶
而这个笨蛋，居然忘了带相机！
我也犯过这样的傻
什么时候？
记得吗，我们慢跑时
看到一只漂亮的鸟
我想拍照但我没带相机
我们追着鸟跑，那可不叫慢跑了
好吃，你尝尝
见鬼,掉在裤子上了
我来
上楼脱掉裤子，否则污渍洗不掉
-我本打算今晚穿的，
太好了
再见
天啊!
-难以置信！
看到了？我就说嘛
抱歉，瑞秋，
我不相信他们是兄妹
他们是兄妹吗？！
等等。张开手让我看看
角币、绷带
不要绷带
这是什么？加拿大币？
走远点！
饮品不许靠近募捐箱！
杯子放那里，再过来捐钱
把你的鬼脸也给我收起来
嗨，波波
我警告过你走远点了
菲比，我们一直收到投诉
我们要把你调到
不那么热门的地段
小姜站这里
-他凭什么占我的位置！
你是自己走还是我们把你搬开？
走就走
给你提个醒儿
留心那老贱人
瑞秋,我们不是约了七点？
算了
什么？为什么？
你和你妹妹看来关系很特别
又说我们关系特别
为什么女人总在意
我跟我妹妹的关系？
我也不懂
你有兄弟吗？
没有，我有两个妹妹。
有一个挺男性化
你们亲密吗？
不，她们不太好相处
我喜欢你，我们会有将来的
别让我同家人的亲密成了我们的障碍
是吗，我总觉得别扭
丹尼，快，洗澡水好凉了！
怎么了？
再见
街上有小孩在玩
你怎么不去叫他们做正事
叫他们玩不高兴呢？
如果他们在玩球，你可以去教他们
把剃刀刺进球里，再玩缝球游戏。
嘿，各位!
我一早上在图书馆写完了5页
现在我们能看球了！
已经是昨天的事了!
不了，罗斯把票撕了
我想你集中精力
专注时写起来快得多,对吧？
没人整天在身边嗡嗡嗡也好得多！
重要的是，我已经写完了
我觉得写得非常好
我想听听看，你们读给我听好吗？
好
好
这是纽约一个典型的公寓
两个人住在里面
嘿，伙计
什么事？
昨天是我错了，很抱歉
不，是我错，我反应过激
我们都有不对的地方，
但我们都是在关心好朋友
我们都是在关心好朋友
我错得真不应该
我才应该道歉
好乔伊，我知错了
对不起
我也很抱歉
继续读，好戏还在后头
抱歉，钱德
抱歉，罗斯
一个帅哥走进来
我不知道你们在聊什么
但我要感谢你们俩
你，你总给我打气，不让我放弃
还有你
你我共同创造了火球
完
这花了你一整天？
不，这只用了五分钟
其余时间都花来造新的终极火球
这是典型的纽约公寓
两个女骇在一起
嗨,你好吗,Kelly
我很好
Tiffany, 你好香
新买的香水
你干吗不靠近点闻个仔细呢？
乔伊,你真变态
恶心
我不读了
等等．．．那帅哥就要进来了

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 101楼发表于: 2014-05-16 0

511 The One With All The Resolutions

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are hosting a New Year's party. So the place is crowded and in a shameless promotion for NBC they're watching Jay Leno's coverage of New Year's from Time Square.]
Jay Leno: (On TV to Dick Clark) Is there any entertainment there? What are people doing?
Joey: All right! Here we go! 1999! The year of Joey!
Chandler: (deadpan, standing next to Monica) We're very happy for you.
Joey: What's the matter?!
Chandler: We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else is going to so y'know…
Joey: All right, I'll take care of it.
Monica: Oh no, wait! Joey!
(They try to stop him, not sure of what he's planning. He ignores them and goes to talk to Ross.)
Ross: (hopping) 73! 72! 71!
Joey: Ross! Ross! Ross, listen! Who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?
Ross: What?
Joey: Well you gotta kiss someone, you can't kiss your sister.
Ross: Well, who's gonna kiss my sister.
Joey: Chandler.
Ross: Awww, man! Really?
Joey: Dude-dude, who would you rather have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?
Ross: That's a good point.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: Oh well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.
Joey: Okay, great!
Ross: All right.
Joey: Pheebs! Pheebs! Ross wants to kiss you at midnight!
Phoebe: It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask?
Joey: Rach! Rach! Listen, I'm gonna kiss you at midnight.
Rachel: What?!
Ross: Well, everyone's gotta kiss someone. You can't kiss Ross you got the history.
Rachel: So?
Joey: So? Who would you rather have kiss you, me or Chandler?
Rachel: Oh, good point.
Joey: Yeah!
All: (watching the ball drop) 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
(And with that everyone starts playing tonsil hockey. Chandler with Monica, Ross with Phoebe, and Joey with Rachel.)
Chandler: (To Monica) Happy New Year!
Monica: Happy New Year.
Ross: (To Phoebe) Happy New Year, Pheebs!
Phoebe: You too!
Rachel: (To Joey) Happy New Year, Joey!
Joey: So did that do anything for ya?
(Rachel slowly walks away.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, after the party. Everyone has left, except for the gang.]
Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99! Y'know what, I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room, or?
Ross: Everyday I am gonna do one thing that I haven't done before. That my friends is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution is to not make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
Monica: She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.
Ross: In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks that you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Eh, y'know what, better yet? A week.
Chandler: I'll take that bet my friend. And you know what, paying me the 50 bucks could be the "new thing you do that day!" (Ross looks at him.) And it starts right now!
Joey: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play the guitar.
Ross: Ohh.
Phoebe: Really?! How come?
Joey: Well, y'know those special skills I have listed on my resume? I would love it would be great if one of those was true.
Phoebe: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
Joey: Really? Who-who have you taught?
Phoebe: Well, I taught me and I love me.
Joey: Yeah that'd be great! Thanks Pheebs!
Rachel: Op, look! Claire forgot her glasses! And she's gonna be really needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend, who, I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.
Monica: Hey Rach, maybe your resolution should be to umm, gossip less.
Rachel: I don't gossip!
(They all laugh.)
Rachel: Well, maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on y'know kinda like a public service, it doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Kopel a gossip?
Monica: Well if Ted Kopel talked about his coworkers botched boob jobs, I would.
Rachel: What? They were like this!
(She puts her hands over her breasts and indicates that the coworkers boob job resulted in one pointing up and one pointing down with her hands by pointing up with one hand and down with the other.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to a beautiful woman as Chandler and Joey enter.]
Woman: I'll see you tomorrow.
Ross: Okay! (She leaves.) (To Chandler and Joey.) Hey!
Chandler and Joey: Hey!
Ross: I just asked that girl out.
Chandler: Nice!
Joey: Nice!! Yeah! Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today?
Ross: Yes it is. See. (Shows them the piece of paper she gave him with her name and phone number on it.)
Chandler: (reading it) Elizabeth Hornswoggle?
Ross: That's right, uh, Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
Chandler: Horn-swoggle.
Joey: You all right Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
Chandler: No. No, I just think that maybe I-I'd heard it somewhere before. (Sits down rubbing his temple.)
Joey: Oh really! Where? Somewhere funny I'd bet! (Chandler is straining to keep quiet as Phoebe enters.)
Ross: Hi, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Oh-oh, guess what? I-I have a date with Elizabeth (Talking into Chandler's ear.) Hornswoggle.
Phoebe: Hornswoggle? (To Chandler) Ooh, this must be killing you.
Ross: All right, see you later.
Joey: See ya! All right Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
Phoebe: Okay. (Joey tries to take the guitar.) Oh no-no-no, you don't touch the guitar! First you learn here, (Points to her head.) then you learn here. (Points to the guitar.)
Joey: Umm, okay.
Phoebe: Okay, lesson one: chords. Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords but umm, I-I-I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. (She starts to show Joey the chords. Transcribers Note: For this one you'll have to use your imagination, 'cause it would take me 50 pages to describe each one. So if you want to see them, you'll have to wait for this episode to come to a TV near you.) (Holding up her hand and then reconfiguring her hand with each name.) So then, this is Bear Claw. Okay, umm, Turkey Leg and Old Lady. (Joey tries to imitate them.)
Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with Rachel.]
Phoebe: Hey everybody, Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all.
Rachel: I didn’t! Even when I found out…umm, all right, well let's just say I found something out something about someone and let's just say she's gonna keep it. (Goes into her room.)
Joey: Hey, Pheebs! Check-check this out. (Holds up his hand in one of Phoebe's chords.)
Phoebe: Ooh, you nailed the Old Lady! (They both laugh at what she said.)
Joey: Yeah listen so, I thought I was getting better, so on my way home today I stopped by this guitar store and…
Phoebe: Did you, did you touch any of the guitars while you were there? Did you?!
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Give me your hands. (He does and she smells his left hand.) Strings. Gimme it! (He gives her his right hand and she smells it as well.) Pick. Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Joey: Yes!
Phoebe: Then don't touch one!!
Ross: (entering, with Ben) Hi!
Ben: Hi!
Monica: Hi Ben!
Ben: Auntie Monica!! (He runs to hug her.)
Chandler: (notices something) Ross is wearing leather pants! Does nobody else see that Ross is wearing leather pants? (Pause, no one speaks.) Someone comment on the pants!
Rachel: I think they're very nice.
Monica: I like 'em.
Joey: Yeah! (Chandler bangs the table in frustration.)
Monica: I like them a lot.
Chandler: That's not what I had in mind! See, people like Ross don't generally wear these types of pants. You see, they're very tight. (Motions to Ross's buttock.) Maybe there's something in that area.
(They all speak at once in general approval of his pants selection; Joey asks where he got them. I can't pick out the rest of it.)
Ross: Oh see, I-I needed a new thing for today and there's this leather store that always smells so good and I thought to myself, "Wow, (To Chandler) I never really owned a good smelling pair of pants before."
(No one says anything.)
Chandler: Oh come on!! (Storms out.)
Ross: (after he's left) Okay, seriously, what do you think?
Joey: You look like a freak.
Rachel: Awful, absolutely awful. (Plus other negative comments from Phoebe and Monica.)
(Monica starts taking pictures of Ross and Ben, with the flash.)
Ross: What are you, what are you doing?
Monica: It's my New Year's resolution!
Ross: What, to blind my child?
Monica: No! To take more pictures of all of us together. I mean I really think it's the best resolution because everyone will enjoy the pictures.
Joey: Well, everyone will enjoy my music as well. (Does a chord and Monica starts taking pictures of him and Phoebe. They both start to strike a pose with the excessive amount of pictures that Monica takes.)
[Scene: Elizabeth Hornswoggle's apartment; Ross is there on his date with her. They are sitting on the couch watching a movie. Ross is obviously hot.]
Ross: (talking to himself) My God! These pants are burning up! (He's still wearing the leather pants.) (She snuggles closer.) Oh come on, she wants to snuggle now! What is she trying to kill me? It's like a volcano in here! (Out loud.) Are you hot?
Elizabeth Hornswoggle: No.
Ross: Okay, it must just be me then.
(He shifts on the couch and a ripping sound emanates from his lower regions, the sound reminds one of a brief explosion of gas. In other words, it sounds like he farted. She has a look of horrific wonderment, wondering "Did he just fart?")
Ross: That was just the pants on the couch. Umm, hey, do you, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Elizabeth: No, go ahead.
Ross: Thanks. (Gets up and as he does so, the sound returns. Without another word he heads into her bathroom.)
[Cut to Elizabeth Hornswoggle's bathroom, Ross frantically pulls his shirt out and drops his pants. He exhales in sheer ecstasy as the coolness of the bathroom envelops his legs. He sits on the cast iron bathtub, again gasping in pleasure. He next grabs a magazine and starts to blow air on his exposed legs, but that doesn't work the way he wants it to. So he throws the magazine down, looks around for another idea, and finds one. He jumps up and hops to the sink. He turns on the water and starts to splash some on his legs, cooling them further.]
Ross: (in ecstasy) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh……….
Elizabeth: (yelling from outside) Hey, my favorite part is coming up!
Ross: 'Kay!
(He goes to pull up his pants, but can't seem to get them past his knees. He frantically tries to pull them up to no avail. Panic sets in.)
Ross: Oh my God!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is drilling Joey on the chords as Monica looks on.]
Phoebe: Tiger! (Joey moves his hand in an attempt to do the chord, in fact he does it with each name.) Dragon! Iceberg!! (He fails.) Joseph, did you even study at all last night?
Joey: Yes! Yes, I did.
Phoebe: Then do Iceberg!
Joey: (thinks) (quietly) G-sharp.
Phoebe: G-sharp? Have you been studying the real names of the chords? (Joey doesn't answer.) Have you? (He looks away in shame.) Oh my God!
Joey: What?! I didn't touch a guitar!
Phoebe: No, but you're questioning my method!
Joey: No, I'm not questioning it, I'm saying it's stupid! (Notices Monica standing between them and smiling.) What?! (The camera clicks, taking another picture.)
Monica: Thank you. (Leaves.)
Phoebe: Y'know none of my other student thought I was stupid.
Joey: Your other student, was you!
Phoebe: Yeah, well, y'know maybe you just need to try a little harder!
Joey: (looking in the Yellow Pages) Look, maybe I need to try a real teacher! Right here! Here! Andy Cooper, he teaches guitar and look ooh, there's a nice picture of him with a little kid and THE KID'S GOT A GUITAR!!!!!! (Storms out.)
Phoebe: Fine! You go learn from your qualified instructor! But don't come crying to me when everyone's sick and tired of hearing you play Bad, Bad Leroy Brown!!
Rachel: (entering, singing) "Baddest man in the whole damn town."
Phoebe: Oh, fine! Take his side! (Storms out.)
(Rachel looks shocked, gets over it, notices she's alone, and picks up the phone. The last part of which is something she shouldn't have done, because the phone is already in use. By Monica, and now Rachel can hear every word.)
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll sneak over as soon as Ross picks up Ben. I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big…
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, The phone rings and Joey answers it.]
Joey: (answering phone) Hello?
Ross: (calling from Elizabeth's bathroom) Joey, it's Ross! I need some help!
Joey: Uhh, Chandler's not here.
Ross: Well, you can help me!
Joey: Okay.
Ross: Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom…
Joey: Nice!
Ross: No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants so I took them off but they must have shrunk from the-the sweat or-or-or my legs expanded from the heat. Look, I-I can't put them back on. I can't!
Joey: Oh. That is quite a situation. Uh, do you see any like, powder?
Ross: Powder! Yeah! Yeah, I have powder! (Grabs some of her shelf.)
Joey: Good-good, okay, sprinkle some of that on your legs, it'll absorb some of the moisture and then you can get your pants back up.
Ross: Yeah, okay, hold on! (He puts the phone down and proceeds to spread a large amount of powder on his legs and makes another attempt at pulling up his pants. It doesn't work, and without picking up the phone leans down to it.) (Almost in tears.) They're not coming on man.
Joey: Umm, do you see any—oh, Vaseline?
Ross: Ohh, I-I see lotion, I have lotion! Will that work?
Joey: Yeah, sure, spread some of that on there.
Ross: Hold on.
(Ross proceeds to apply copious amounts of the lotion on his legs. He literally starts spraying the back of his legs with the lotion, and as he applies some to his butt he makes a happy face like he enjoyed that sensation. After using about half the bottle he again tries to pull up his pants, but at the first sign of resistance, his hand slips off of the pants and hits him in the forehead.)
Joey: Ross? You okay?
Ross: They're still, they're still not coming on man and the lotion and the powder have made a paste!
Joey: Really?! Uhh, what color is it?
Ross: What difference does that make?!
Joey: Well, I'm just—if the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won't know the difference!
Rachel: (entering) Joey, do you have a minute?
Ross: Dude, what am I gonna…
Joey: (To Ross) Uh, Rachel's here, so good luck man, let me know how it works out. (He hangs up the phone and strands Ross in the bathroom.)
Rachel: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
Joey: Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something!
Joey: What-what is it, what is it?
Rachel: Oh my God, it's so huge, but you just have to promise me that you cannot tell anyone.
Joey: Oh no, no-no-no-no! I don't want to know!
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do want to know! This is unbelievable!
Joey: I don't care, Rach! Look, I am tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets but can't tell anyone!
Rachel: What? What secrets? You know secrets? What are they?
Joey: And you're not supposed to be gossiping!!
Rachel: I know, I know! I just can't keep this one in, so I pick up the phone… (Joey in a childish attempt to not hear what Rachel is about to say, puts his fingers in his ears and starts to scream loudly. Rachel turns and walks out upon seeing that Joey's not gonna listen, and as she exits Chandler walks in and sees Joey in his current state.)
Joey: I'm not listening to you!
(Chandler seeing that Joey has his eyes closed sneaks over and picks up the chicken. The chicken starts flapping it's wings in protest as Chandler holds the chicken inches from Joey's face. Joey stops yelling and upon opening his eyes sees the chicken, screams, and falls to the ground in horror.)
[Scene: Elizabeth's apartment; Elizabeth is inquiring as to the delay in Ross's exit from her bathroom.]
Elizabeth: Ross, umm, you've been in there for a long time. I'm starting to get kinda freaked out.
Ross: All right, I'm coming out. Hey, can you turn the lights off.
Elizabeth: No, let's just leave the lights on.
(Ross opens the door and steps into the living room. He has fully removed his pants and holds them wrapped into a ball in front of his crotch. His legs are covered in the powder and lotion paste. He looks terrible.)
Elizabeth: Oh my God!
Ross: I had a problem.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is there to apologize to Phoebe.]
Joey: Hey, Pheebs?
Phoebe: No, I can't talk to you! I don't have a fancy ad in the Yellow Pages!
Joey: Look, Pheebs, I just, I wanna apologize for, for saying that your method was stupid and-and maybe ask you to be my teacher again. And-and I promise, I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. (After a short pause she hands him her guitar.) You really think I'm ready?
Phoebe: Uh-huh!
Joey: Wow! Cool! (He takes the guitar, stands up, and goes to play a note. However, while strumming it, he knocks it out of his hands and it bounces off the table and lands on the floor. Phoebe just stares at the guitar.)
Joey: (sitting back down) Was the chord at least right…
Phoebe: No!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is returning from his horrible trek back home without pants on. The whole gang is there.]
Chandler: Oh my God!
Monica: We heard about your pants, I'm so sorry.
Ross: This year was supposed to be great! But, it's only the second day and I'm a loser with stupid leather pants that don't even fit!
All: No. No, you're not a loser.
Ross: Look at me! (Chandler squeaks in an attempt not to make fun of him.)
Monica: Hey, hey, look. Look Ross, Ben drew a picture of you! (Shows him Ben's picture.) Huh? You're-you're a cowboy!
Ross: Oh, be-because of the leather pants.
Monica: See? Ben doesn't think you're a loser, he thinks you're a cowboy! Now that's something.
(All at once.)
Phoebe: Yeah!
Rachel: That really is something; that's really cool.
Joey: Howdy partner!
Ross: Maybe I should get another pair! Ooh, y'know, they-they had some with fringe all down the sides. (Chandler starts rubbing his temple again.) I'm gonna go kiss Ben goodnight. (He starts to head for Monica's bedroom.) I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. (Pause.) I would make a good cowboy. (He struts into Monica's room.)
Monica: Okay, now that everything's wrapped up here, I think I'm, I'm gonna go do my laundry.
Chandler: Oh yeah, me too. Y'know if this shirt is dirty. (Smells it.) Yep.
(They both exit.)
Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go too. I'm gonna go to the airport. I figure if I hang around there long enough, someone's bound to leave one of those planes unattended.
Rachel: Good luck, honey!
Phoebe: Bye! (She exits, leaving Rachel and Joey alone.)
Rachel: Hey, uh, Joey?
Joey: Umm?
Rachel: Remember that big thing I was gonna tell you about?
Joey: Oh, no! (Starts that screaming thing again. Rachel stops him by pulling his fingers out of his ears.)
Rachel: I'm not gonna tell you, but if you found out on your own, that would be okay and then we could talk about it. Right?
Joey: Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So yeah, that would be okay. Yeah. Yeah!
Rachel: (quietly) Yeah. Well. (Pause.) Hey uh Joe, would mind going over to Chandler's bedroom and get that book back that he borrowed from me?
Joey: Now? You want me to go over there now?
Rachel: Yeah!
Joey: Do you know something?
Rachel: Do you know something?
Joey: I might know something.
Rachel: I might know something too.
Joey: What's the thing you know?
Rachel: Oh no, I can't tell you until you tell me what you know.
Joey: I can't tell you what I know.
Rachel: Well then I can't tell you what I know.
Joey: Okay, fine.
(Silence ensues.)
Joey: You don't know!
Rachel: All right, how about I go over there and I will walk into Chandler's bedroom and I will see that thing that I think that I know is actually the thing that I think that I know! (Note: Kudos to Ms. Aniston on the delivery of that line. She said it very quickly and didn't screw up a word. Try it yourself, it ain't that easy.)
Joey: (gasps) YOU KNOW!!!!
Rachel: AND YOU KNOW!!!
Joey: Yeah, I know!!!!
Rachel: Chandler and Monica?!! Oh, this is unbelievable!! How long have you known?
Joey: Too long! Oh my God, Rach, I've been dying to talk to someone about this for so long! Listen, listen, we can't say anything about this to anybody, they're so weird about that! Listen… (Phoebe returns and interrupts them.)
Joey and Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! It's raining. I don't want to fly in the rain. So…
(Pause.)
Joey: Oh, I am going to go for a walk in the rain.
Rachel: Ohhh, yeah, me too.
(They both exit.)
Phoebe: That's weird. (Pause.) I bet they're doing it.
Ending Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Monica are there.]
Chandler: (entering) Oh good, okay, I can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore. So you win, okay? Here! (Hands him the 50 bucks he's about to owe him.) Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today, Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What are you dating a character from Fraggile Rock?! (He sits down and sighs in relief.)
End

511 新年新气象

有庆祝活动吗？人们如何迎接新年？
过年啦！1999年，乔伊年
真替你高兴
怎么了？
新年钟声敲响时我和莫妮想接吻。
但你们会觉得异样的
我来搞定
别！乔伊！
73! 72! 71!
你呆会要亲谁？瑞秋还是菲比？
什么?
亲吻中迎接新年,但你不能亲自己妹妹
那谁亲我妹妹？
钱德
真的？
你选一个吧，
让我或者钱德亲莫妮呢？
问得好
就是说嘛
因为我跟瑞秋谈过恋爱,我选菲比吧
好
菲比!罗斯过新年时要亲你
可以啊，他干嘛不直接问我
瑞秋,我过年就亲你
什么?
亲吻迎新年嘛，你不能吻罗斯，
你们有前科
那又怎样？
你选我还是钱德来亲你呢？
问得好
就是说嘛
3! 2! 1!
新年快乐
新年快乐
新年快乐
新年快乐
新年快乐，乔伊
喜欢吗？
听着
我99年的新年愿望是：不再离婚!
你离婚还没办完呢
99年只离一次婚！
我今年会很快乐
我要让自己快乐
要我们回避吗？
每天我都要有新尝试
这就是我的新年决心
好主意
我呢、就想开飞机
也是好主意，
如果有人新年想找死，
他们可以去搭你的飞机
也许你的决心该是：
不再拿朋友寻开心
尤其是本打算开飞机
免费载你去欧洲的朋友
她可能会开飞机，
你却不太可能不拿我们开心
我赌50元，你坚持不了一年
一个星期都难说
赌就赌
输给我50元
就是你那天的新尝试
马上就开始算！
我的新年决心是学弹吉他
真的？为什么？
我简历上写了很多技能
如果不全是吹牛
那一定很棒
要我教你吗，我是好老师哦，
你都教过谁？
我教过自己,我喜欢学生
好! 谢谢你，菲比
布莱尔忘了带眼镜
那她怎么看住她的男朋友
听说那个家伙用下半身思考，很难管教
你们知道我的意思？
也许你新年该少讲闲话
我从不说闲话
有时候我得到消息
加以传播
免得你们不知道
那不代表我爱说闲话，那么多
电视名嘴，能说他们爱说闲话吗？
假如他们也搬弄同事的是非，
那就是
他们老是像这样!
明天见
好
我刚约了她
很好!
那是你今天的”新尝试”吗？
算是吧。看！
伊丽莎白
荷斯瓦根
对，
伊丽莎白荷斯瓦根
荷斯瓦根
钱德
这名字很好笑？
不，我好象在哪儿听过
真的？在哪儿？
肯定好笑
知道吗？
我约了伊丽莎白荷斯瓦根
荷斯瓦根？
噢，你一定忍俊不禁
再见
好，菲比我准备好上课了
不，你别碰吉他
先打基础,然后摸琴
好
第一课，和弦
我不知道和弦指法名
但我根据弹琴时的手形
自创了一些名字
这是”熊掌”
这是”火鸡腿”
还有”老太太”
趣味吉他教学法!
有人会发笑，但我不会。
嘿，各位!
瑞秋今天很乖
她一点闲话也没讲
我忍住了！虽然我有大发现
我发现了某人的某事
但是呢
我就是不说
菲比，快看
你掌握了“老太太”指法!
我觉得自己有进步，今天回家
的时候就到吉他店去了一趟
你碰了那里的吉他？
对吗？
没有
把手给我看
按了弦，
用了吉他拨片
你还想不想学了？
想！
想就别乱来！
嗨
嗨,班
莫妮阿姨！
罗斯穿皮裤!
你们没注意到吗？
评论点什么吧！
好看
我喜欢
我可不是想说这个
罗斯这样的人怎么会穿这种裤子
紧身裤哦
对紧身裤发表点评论吧
看来不错
哪里买的？
我不是每日新尝试吗？
皮衣店味道很好
我想道，”我还从没有
过那么好闻的裤子呢”
（提示钱德拿自己开玩笑）
受不了了！
说真的，你们怎么看？
你看来畸形
难看死了
你干什么？
是我新年许的愿
把我的儿子闪瞎么？
是多拍合照
这个愿望太棒了，大家都会喜欢
你们也会喜欢我的音乐
天啊！裤子要着火了
天啊，还靠过来
想热死我吗？
简直是火山口!
你热吗？
不热
那只有我热了
是裤子和沙发摩擦的声音
我去一下洗手间可以吗？
去吧
谢谢
到我最爱看的一段了!
来了
天啊!
“虎掌”
“龙拳”
”冰山”
约瑟夫，昨晚你做功课了吗？
做了！
那做个“冰山手”
（那就是“升G”咯）
升G?
你偷学了和弦真正的名字了？
有吗？
天啊!
什么？我没碰过吉他!
但你质疑我的教学方法!
我才不质疑呢，
这种方法很白痴！
干什么？
谢谢
我其他的学生
可不这么想
你就只教过你一个学生!
算了，你再加把劲吧
可能我需要请个好老师!
看!“Andy Cooper,教弹吉他”
还有他教小孩的照片，
这孩子抱着把吉他!
好！
你去找够资格的老师吧
以后别找我抱怨
说大家都听腻了你的练习曲！
(哼着练习曲的调调)
好!你也向着他！
我等不及要抱你
罗斯一接走班，
我马上溜到你那边来
我就跟瑞秋讲我要去洗几小时衣服
“洗衣服？” 我的新绰号吗？
你知道你的新绰号的，大先生
喂
乔伊，我是罗斯，帮我！
钱德不在
你帮我
我在伊丽莎白的浴室里
棒啊!
不！皮裤很热，我就脱下来放松
但它遇汗水后缩水了
要么就是腿受热膨胀了
现在穿不上了，乔伊，穿不上了!
糟糕
看到粉什么的吗？
粉!找到一瓶！
好
在腿上撒点粉，能吸收水分
你就能穿上裤子了
对，等等
还是不行
凡士林，那里有吗？
我看到有乳液。有用吗？
有用，你试试
等等
罗斯，你没事吧？
还是不行，伙计
乳液和香粉混成糨糊了
真的？
啥颜色？
你管那么多？
如果糨糊颜色跟裤子相配，
你就涂满糨糊当裤子——
她看不出!
有空吗？
怎么办？
瑞秋来了，祝你好运。
告诉我结果。
乔伊，我有个问题
你问得正好
我正到处救火呢
我要告诉你一件事
什么事？
告诉你一个大秘密!
但你要保证不要告诉别人
我没兴趣
你想知道的！不可思议!
不！我受够了保守秘密
谁也不能讲
你知道秘密？什么秘密？
你不该说闲话的!
是啊，但我没忍住，
所以拿起电话——
我不要听!
罗斯，为什么那么久
你别吓我
我就出来
把灯关掉可以吗？
灯要开着
天啊!
我遇到麻烦
菲比
我没资格跟你说话。
我连黄页广告都登不起
对不起，我批评你的教学方法
你能再当我的老师吗？
在得到你允许以前，
我不碰吉他，好吗
你真的认为我可以了吗？
太好了!
至少和弦指法没错吧？
错了！
我的天!
我们听说了你的裤子的事
真惨
今年我本该得到幸福
但新年第2天
这愚蠢的、不合身的皮裤
就害我出丑、当傻瓜！
你不傻
看看我!
嘿，看!
班画了一张爸爸
把你画成牛仔!
因为我穿皮裤
他觉得你是牛仔,而不是傻瓜。总算值得
就是就是
你好，牛仔
也许我该再买一条
你知道
那种旁边带须边的
我要去跟儿子说晚安
真不相信他认为我是个牛仔!
我可以是个不错的牛仔
衣物收好了，我要洗衣服去了
我也去，衬衣脏了吧？
我也走了，去机场
我就在那里守着
总会发现空飞机的
祝好运,亲爱的
再见
记得我要告诉你的大秘密吗
不！
我不逼你听，但如果你自己发现了
那我们可以交流交流
那就不算秘密了，好
你到钱德的睡房
把他借我的书拿回来行吗？
现在？你要我现在过去？
对
你知道些什么吗？
我也许知道
我也是
你要知道什么，你先告诉我
你知道什么？
你先说我才说
那好
你诈我！你什么都不知道
我现在就过去钱德的房间
就能证实了！
你知道了!
你也知道
对，我知道!
钱德和莫妮？喔，真难以置信
你知道多久了？
太久了!
我一直想跟人说!
别告诉其他人，他们会大惊小怪的
下雨了
我可不想雨中驾驶
我要去雨中漫步
我也去
真怪
他们肯定有一腿
我受不了了！
你赢了，钱拿去
开飞机？你去开宇宙飞船吧！
那就可以飞回你的星球!
罗斯，有电话找你，
Tom Jones想要回他的裤子!
荷斯瓦根？你跟木偶约会吗？

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 102楼发表于: 2014-05-16 0

512 The One With Chandler's Work Laugh

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]
Rachel: Come on Joey!!!
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Rachel: I can't believe you would say that!
Joey: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! (She sits next to him on the couch.) Fine I want—I need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Joey: (thinks) I don't know.
Rachel: Is he romantic with her?
Joey: I don't know.
Rachel: Are they in love?
Joey: (thinks) I don't know.
Rachel: You don't know anything.
Joey: Ohh, I know one thing!
Rachel: What?
Joey: They did it right there on the couch.
(He points to where she's sitting and she jumps up quickly.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Ross enters.]
Joey: Hey Ross!
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!
All: What? Oh!
Chandler: Sorry man.
Gunther: Here's your scone.
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
Phoebe: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the Louisiana Purchase?
Rachel: Pheebs, I don’t think anyone's mad about that.
Phoebe: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Joey: (eyeing the flattened scone) Anybody gonna eat that?
[Scene: Chandler's office, Monica and him are at a party his office is throwing.]
Monica: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we celebrating?
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica: I think this is so cool because none of our friends are here and we can be a real couple. We don't have to hide.
Chandler: I know, I can do this. (He takes her hand.)
Monica: Ooh, and I can do this. (She kisses him on the cheek.)
(They both stand real close together.)
Both: We can't do that. (They separate.)
(Chandler's boss (Doug) walks up.)
Doug: Hey Bing! (Slaps him on his ass.) (Sees Monica) Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Chandler: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, (Points to Monica) this is Monica. (Points to his boss.) This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.
Monica: Hi, nice to meet you!
Doug: Hi! And this is my wife Kara.
Kara: Nice to meet you Monica. Bing! (Slaps Chandler on his butt.)
Doug: Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?
Chandler: No, sir.
Doug: Yeah, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.
(Chandler does a fake laugh.)
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler and Monica alone.)
Monica: What was that?
Chandler: What?
Monica: That noise you just made?
Chandler: Oh, that was my work laugh.
Monica: Really? Your work laugh?
Chandler: Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.
Monica: All right, check me out.
Chandler: Okay.
(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)
Doug: …says $30 Father; same as in town.
(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't describe them.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is buying a muffin as Chandler runs in.]
Chandler: Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night!
Monica: Really?
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.
Monica: Hey, I thought you already had one.
Chandler: Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at…bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?
Rachel: Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.
Chandler: Okay, good luck with that. (Exits.)
Rachel: (To Monica) Hey!
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: What's up?!
Monica: What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.
Rachel: Well yeah, I do, but I decided to take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend Monica. Y'know I-I feel that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with you?
Monica: Uhh, not much. Uh, work's good.
Rachel: Oh y'know what, we don’t have to talk about work. We can talk about anything!
Monica: Okay. Umm…
Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? Let's talk about relationships!
Monica: Okay, what's going on with you?
Rachel: Nothing! You go!
Monica: Well, I-I—there was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but I don't anymore.
Rachel: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, (checks watch) y'know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-if—are you sure there's just not anything else?
Monica: Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about?
Rachel: No! (Gets up to leave.) (Under her breath.) If there was I wouldn't tell you.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and the duck.]
(The duck quacks.)
Phoebe: Okay, then what happened?
(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)
Phoebe: (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!
Ross: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
Phoebe: Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This is not over!
Ross: No! No! No!
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in… (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!
Joey: (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: Uh actually, I think I'm gonna skip it.
Joey: Really?
Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna stay and read my book. I just wanna be alone right now.
Joey: Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff.
Ross: That's okay, Joe.
Joey: All right, let's go Pheebs.
Ross: (licks the envelope and encounters a foreign substance on the glue.) Oh God!
[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]
Doug: Bing!
(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)
Kara: Oww!!
Monica: Game!
Doug: Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. (To his wife.) Are you all right sweethart?
Kara: (out of breath and mouths) I'm not all right.
Doug: We're, we're just gonna get a little sip of water.
(They both walk off the court.)
Monica: Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!
Chandler: Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Monica: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.
Chandler: Let them win one.
Monica: Are you crazy?! We own those two! I mean look at 'um, he can't breath and she's popping pills.
Chandler: You're not even giving them a chance!
Monica: They have racquets don't they?!
Doug: Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.
Chandler: Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? (Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!
Monica: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler swings and misses.)
Chandler: Oopsey, missed it!
Monica: I got it! (She hits a forehand smash that bounces right in between Doug and Kara and scores a point.)
Doug: Nice shot.
(Chandler glares at her and she shrugs her shoulders. Monica serves again; and Kara returns it.)
Monica: I got it!!
(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)
Chandler: Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]
Monica: I can't believe you let them win!
Chandler: Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it. (Removes a smashed racquet from his bag.)
Monica: I was frustrated.
Chandler: It was my racquet.
Monica: I was frustrated with you!
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: Y'know what really bothers me? Is—it's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler: Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]
Monica: I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.
Joey: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Rachel: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Joey: That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there.
(Ross enters.)
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: There he is!
Monica: Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.) Where the hell have you been?!!
Ross: Just, y'know out.
Rachel: Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!
Phoebe: What were you doing?
Ross: I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while.
Rachel: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
Joey: (snaps his fingers) He hooked up! He hooked up with someone.
Ross: Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want!
Joey: He hooked up!! Tell us about her!
[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it is: OH….MY….GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]
Janice: (entering) Ross you left you scarf in…(sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does the laugh.)
(They all turn and with shocked looks on their faces stare at Ross. Ross is at a loss for words at this moment.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, continued from earlier.]
Janice: Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Rachel: Yeah! No that's what I was thinking.
Janice: So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me.
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)
Janice: Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)
(They all turn and glare at Ross.)
Ross: Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say…
Phoebe: You two will have very hairy children.
Ross: Okay, I didn't know you would say that.
Rachel: Ross! Janice?!
Joey: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.
Ross: Look, I didn't lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.
Phoebe: So are you actually gonna see her again?
Joey: Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!
Ross: I am gonna see her again.
Joey: Damnit Phoebe!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is going through her purse as Rachel rushes in.]
Rachel: (entering) Okay, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during our entire friendship! But, when we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even when I knew that you liked him! Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Okay, you go!
Monica: My turn? What-what are you talking about?
Rachel: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.
Monica: What?!
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Monica: Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out.
Rachel: Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.
Monica: Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big…(Thinks)…ot.
Rachel: What?!
Monica: Mr. Bigot. He tells the most racist jokes.
Rachel: All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and Chandler.
Monica: Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe and Joey are there.]
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?
Phoebe: Uh-hmm.
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)
Phoebe: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!
Joey: Judge rules, no violation.
Phoebe: Ohhh.
Ross: (entering) Hey guys!
Phoebe: Hey!
Joey: Yeah!
(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty treat.)
Ross: Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with Janice!
(They both turn around.)
Joey: What?!
Phoebe: Are you serious?!
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Phoebe: You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We…
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!
Phoebe: (turning from Ross.) No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old Wonton!
Joey: Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.
Phoebe: Ohh, tough call.
Joey: Yeah.
[Scene: Doug's house, Chandler, Monica, and them are just finishing dinner.]
Doug: But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)
Kara: So how do you kids like your coffee?
Monica: Oh, none for me. Thanks.
Chandler: Just a little bit of sugar.
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)
(Doug and Kara go get the coffee.)
Monica: (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Chandler: Oh, you get used to it.
Monica: Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Monica: I'd rather hang out with a sniveling work weasel guy when I can be hanging out with my boyfriend who I actually respect.
Chandler: Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)
Doug: (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?
Chandler: What?
Doug: The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Chandler: Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.
Doug: Excuse me?
Chandler: Well, I just…
Monica: (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Chandler: Really?
Monica: Yeah! I mean it was really funny, I-I just don't think you got it. You see Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, okay? But-but what Doug was-was imply that it was weak physically. You get it now honey?
Chandler: I think I do! (They all laugh.) Thank you, Monica.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Chandler: Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]
Joey: (entering) Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?
Rachel: Sure! Why?
Joey: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.
Rachel: What?! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late! She keeps lying to me! That's it! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go over there and confront them right now!
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]
Chandler: (from his bedroom) All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist jokes now?!
Monica: Sorry! I'm just—I'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate having to lie to Rachel!
Chandler: But we're not ready to tell yet!
Monica: I know! It's just that…ever since high school Rachel was the one person I told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.
(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in the process.)
Monica: (entering) Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!
Rachel: Hey! Hi!
Monica: Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]
Rachel: Well, I was actually—I-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm, look at my books, y'know, see them a little better.
Monica: Okay great!
Rachel: Yeah!
Monica: Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!
Rachel: Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.
Monica: Y'know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work.
Rachel: That's good enough. Right? (Pause.) Okay, well umm, I'm gonna go look at my books!
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: I'll get back to my new job.
(Pause.)
Rachel: 'Kay. (Pause.) Congratulations on your new job. (She goes and hugs Monica and is almost in tears.)
(After she exits, Chandler enters.)
Chandler: Man, she is really gullible.
(Monica motions that it went right over Rachel's head.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Janice are sitting on the couch.]
Gunther: Here you go. (Serves them both some coffee.)
Ross: Thanks!
Janice: Actually, I should get going.
Ross: Are you sure? Because I can stay out as late as you want. I told you how I'm on sabbatical from work, right?
Janice: Yes! Yes! You did!
Ross: Oh…
Janice: What is wrong now?!
Ross: This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life?! First my marriage falls apart and then…
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffee—ahh!! Ross, we need to talk.
Ross: Okay. Sometimes I feel…
Janice: No-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Ross: Huh?
Janice: (starting to cry) You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't think I can take another second of you whining!!
Ross: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because I'm too whiney? (Janice makes an agreeing sound.) So you're saying, I've become so whiney that I annoy you, Janice.
Janice: Well yeah!!
Ross: OH…MY…GOD!!
Janice: Are you gonna be okay?
Ross: I am now.
Janice: Okay.
(Joey enters.)
Joey: Umm, hi.
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)
(Joey looks at Ross with a horrified look on his face.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is reading a magazine as Ross hands him a beer.]
Ross: Dude, we got to talk.
Chandler: Okay.
Ross: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. (He laughs, his real laugh this time.) What you're-you're not mad?
Chandler: Why would I be mad?
Ross: Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to.
Chandler: (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Ross: Okay.
Chandler: I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!
Ross: All right.
Chandler: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty (counts his money) seven dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it down—let's write it down!
End

512 钱德例行公事的假笑

别瞒我了，乔伊
昨晚我已经全对你招了
没什么大不了，他们不过是在办事
不敢相信你会那样说!
好吧，莫妮卡和钱德是在做爱
不，我是说，这是件大事!
我要知道详情
谁先主动献吻的？
不知道
他对她很浪漫吗？
不晓得
他们相爱吗？
不清楚
你一无所知！
只知道一件事
什么?
他们就在这张沙发上做的
阿甘，给我一块烤饼
要听好消息吗？
有人要结婚了
婚礼多快乐！
是我前妻，爱米丽
什么？
别难过，伙计
你的烤饼
谢谢
愚蠢的英国糕点！
你从制怒课上学来这招的吗？
我教你怎么办
你该这样想，
你和爱米莉的事是历史了
生历史的气、无济于事
购买路易斯安那州的事你还生气吗？
谁会为那种事生气
对嘛，已经是历史了
有人要吃吗？
-工作派对，我们都盛装打扮好了！
对了,是哪门子庆祝啊？
圣诞派对后剩下很多酒水
帅！熟朋友都不会来，
我们不必躲躲藏藏了
正大光明,我可以这样
我也可以这样
那样不行
宾宾！
请教这位美女芳名？
她怎么会跟你一起的？
我自己也搞不懂
这是莫妮卡
我的老板，道格
道格，这位是莫妮卡
我太太,卡拉
很高兴见到你们
宾宾,我们刚和一家律师事务所合作,听说了吗？
没有
名叫：杜威、祁提和豪伟
(音同：我们犯法吗？怎么犯的？)
走，我们去喝个痛快
你干什么？
恩？
发出那种噪音？
噢，我的应酬笑法
应酬笑法？
信我，这种派对上要想受欢迎，
非得来这一手不可！
-好。看我的！
好
那就30元吧，神父，
等同市价
昨晚上公司的人都对你赞不绝口
当真？
你的表现为我加了印象分
我和乔伊一起亮相时丢的分
都追回来了
道格还邀我们打羽毛球
除了公事，他以前话都不跟我说
只有那次在脱衣舞夜总会
碰面时，说过一两句
是在……露天教堂……碰见
我去找只球拍
你不是有吗？
曾经有过，但乔伊认为拿它去
中央公园敲石头会更有趣
敲大石头
你有网球拍吗？
借给乔伊了，就再没见过
那祝你好运
怎么样？
你在这干嘛？
我以为你今天要盘存呢
本来是的，但我决定要慢慢吃顿午餐
跟我的朋友莫妮卡一起叙叙旧
我们现在很少谈心了
你好吗?
有什么新动向?
没什么新鲜事，工作还算顺利
不谈工作，说点别的
不如这样
谈谈男女关系
你交了新男友？
没
该你说了
银行里有个家伙挺可爱
但我现在改变了看法
有趣
我确实公事缠身
你确定不想讲点别的？
我确定。有要跟我谈的事吗
确定。
你想我谈什么吗？
没有
就算有, 也不会跟你谈
后来呢？
呃
轮到你了
嘿,菲比。在干嘛？
没什么
还没完！
不！
什么?
我一宿没睡，给爱米丽写了封
缠绵悱恻的信
相当完美，现在却沾满
很感谢
准备好去看电影了吗？
我不想去
真的？
我想留下看书，
现在只想独处
真不想去？
汤姆·汉克斯，梅格·瑞安，
他们俩收发电子邮件什么的
不看了，乔
我们走，菲比
这局我们胜！
天啊，宾宾
你的搭档真是个母老虎
你没事吧？
我们喝点水
我今天很在状态吧？
他们俩就像待宰的羔羊
够了，辛吉斯
下一局我们该让他们赢
抱歉，我不懂你说什么
让他们赢一次吧
你疯了？我们赢两局了
看他们那熊样儿!
他气都喘不匀，
而她得吃药了
你一点机会都不给他们！
他们不是有球拍吗！
我们再打最后一局吧
yes, sir! 那我算是得救了
您真没参加过职业比赛？
请让他们赢
那我就使九成五的劲
最大的让步了
呀，没击中
我接到了！
好球
我来!
出界了
你竟然放水
你还算乖，没有当场发火
我感到很灰心
那是我的球拍
因为你、我们才输了
如果我们不输球，他们决不会
邀我们明天共进晚餐
知道我最气什么吗？
你工作应酬时和平常判若两人！
你打球放水，还假笑
再见，宾宾
再见，道格
我不喜欢“工作时的钱德”
马屁精
你这样说
我今晚不出去了
不对劲！我哥不会整晚在外的
也许我们该找找垃圾道
罗斯（那么壮，）垃圾道顺不下他
对，差一点
上次我就卡在那里了
他回来了
噢，我的天!
你到底上哪去了？
出去了
噢，“出去”! 天，
为什么我们没找过那里呢
你干了些什么？
我去了酒吧，然后
到处转了转
你独自一人在街上转悠了一晚上？
他有艳遇
搭上什么妞了！
我没必要啥都向你们报告，
我是大人了
我爱干嘛就干嘛
他有艳遇
跟我们说说她的事!
罗斯，你忘了围巾
大家好
我知道你们怎么想
但钱德远在也门
我是个年轻女性，我有需要
我不能为他守活寡
是啊
求你们别急着怪我
没人怪你
好，理想情人
下次再找我
我知道你们想说什么
你们俩会生出多毛的孩子
没料到你会说这个
罗斯! 珍尼丝？！
够了，打住
罗斯
他是我们的朋友
他显然疯了
失去了理智
我很清醒
珍尼丝和我有共同语言
我们都离婚了
都有孩子
你还会再约她吗？
-别给他灌输什么！
我会再约她
都怪你，菲比!
跟你说一个秘密
高中时明知你喜欢詹姆斯，
我却跟他约会过，
忏悔的感觉真好，该你说了
该我了？说什么？
你和钱德的事,我都知道了
什么?
有一天我听到你们讲电话
你说“我会告诉瑞秋
我要洗好几小时的衣服”
然后他说“‘洗衣服’？那是我的新绰号吗？”
然后你说
“你的绰号是大先生”
你在编剧本吗，瑞秋
那你说后来怎样了
不知道，我吓死了，赶紧把电话挂了，
假如你有听下去的话
你会听到我叫他
老——顽固
什么?
老顽固
他讲了很多种族主义的笑话
就是这样
你是说，你和钱德是清白的？
我和钱德？
你放上20元
谁先找到好吃的、谁赢,好吗？
好
选手出笼，各就各位
开跑
裁判，别用脚挡我方选手
裁判裁定，这不算犯规
-嘿！
听来有点怪，今天跟珍尼丝约会很愉快
当真？
我对她倾诉我的遭遇
我连说了好几小时
感觉太棒了
有个如此专注的听众
不用找珍尼丝当听众，你有我们
鸭子先找到果仁奶油饼干！
嘿，那才不是饼干，只是馊馄饨罢了！
裁判判定
是果仁奶油饼干
黑哨
没错
说真的，我坚信我们该支持克林顿总统
以及她的丈夫，比利
爱喝咖啡吗？
我们不大爱喝。谢谢。
得加点糖
端出来让莫妮卡的手指
浸一浸就够甜了对吧？
不觉那笑声刺耳？
慢慢你就习惯了
我不行，
我受够了
老板开玩笑、我就笑
有什么大不了的？
我宁愿跟一个让我敬重的人交往
而不是个马屁精
我同情内子的咖啡，
不够浓（strong，此处指强壮）
打起架来完全没能力自卫
宾宾，听到我讲话？
恩？
我开玩笑来着
你什么毛病？
我不觉得好笑
什么？
我只是
亲爱的
你只是没听懂
真的？
真的很有趣，只是你没明白
夫人做的咖啡较淡（weak），
但道格先生用了weak这个词的
另一个意思：身体比较弱。
明白了吗？
了解！
谢谢你，莫妮卡
能帮你就好
咖啡打架!
你介意我在这里看漫画吗？
看你的。跑过来干嘛？
钱德和莫妮卡在那边，
我很难集中精神看书
她刚来电说要加班
她老骗我
够了! 我要马上过去跟他们对质
你说我讲种族主义的笑话？
我不擅长此道
我不会撒谎，尤其讨厌对瑞秋说谎
-但我们还没准备好共诸于众，
我知道
从中学到现在，瑞秋和我之间
都没有秘密
我很想念那种感觉
她是我最好的朋友
乔伊？噢天哪，瑞秋!
你在这里做什么？
哎，我过来借灯
看书
为了看清楚点
很好
我在钱德的房间
打扫卫生
他花钱请我
这样赚零花钱呀，很棒
我说加班，就是这个
新工作
好工作。好了，
我要去看书了
我继续干活
恭喜你找到新工作!
她真好骗
你们的咖啡
我该走了
你确定？
我陪你多晚都行
我告诉过你、我被放长假
你讲过了！
噢
现在又出什么毛病了？
我点的不是这种
天! 我一生中就不能有一件对路的事吗？
先是婚姻失败，然后——
我知道!
你失去了房子、你失去了工作
前妻很快就再婚，现在咖啡又端错！
我们需要谈谈
有的时候我觉得……
不，我有话说
我认为
我们俩
没戏唱了
你是很可爱，罗斯
但很不幸
我再也受不了听你诉苦了！
我没听错吧？
我们要分手？因为
我太烦人了？
也就是说
我抱怨太多
而你
讨厌我？
珍尼丝
没错
天啊!
你会痊愈的？
已经痊愈了
那就好
搞定三分之二了
乔伊!
伙计，我们谈谈
我想在别人告密前
向你坦白
我和珍尼丝有了一夜情
你居然不生气？
我干吗要生气？
因为按老规矩
朋友妻不可戏
和朋友曾有、现有、将有关系
的女孩都不该碰
现在我生你的气了！
但你知道我会怎么做吗？
我要原谅你
因为我们是朋友
朋友互相谅解，哪怕触犯上述的规矩
谢谢你
但我希望你记得
我原谅了你
我也希望你记得
我让你免费在这里住
好
我还要你记住我
无偿给了你
二十七块钱
假如你记不住
我们立字为凭！
立字为凭！

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 103楼发表于: 2014-05-16 0

513 The One With Joey's Bag

[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he is giving Monica a massage.]
Monica: I can't believe we've never done this before! It's sooo good! So good for Monica!
(Chandler picks up the timer being used and turns it to zero at which it chimes.)
Chandler: Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn!
Monica: That was a half an hour?
Chandler: It's your timer.
(They change places.)
Monica: Y'know, I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages!
Chandler: All right, then massage me up right nice!
(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping in pain.)
Chandler: Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!!
Monica: It's so good, isn't it?
Chandler: It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it!
Monica: Say good-bye to sore muscles!
Chandler: Good-bye muscles!!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch.]
Chandler: I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up I just—I didn't know what it was!
Joey: Chandler, if it really hurts that bad you should just tell her.
Chandler: Look, for the first time in my life I'm in a real relationship. Okay, I'm not gonna screw that up by y'know, telling the truth.
Ross: (walking up with Rachel and carrying coffee) Hey.
Joey: Whoa, dude, look out! You almost crushed my hat! (He picks a hat up from the floor. It's one of those magician stovepipe hats.)
Ross: Sorry.
Chandler: (examining the hat) And the bunny got away. (Turns and starts looking for the bunny as Joey puts the hat on.)
Ross: (glaring at Joey) This would be the place where you explain the hat.
Joey: Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
Chandler: And you're gonna make them all disappear.
Joey: Yeah, like you could find something as sophisticated as this.
(Chandler picks up a basket from the table and puts it on his head.)
Chandler: Done.
Rachel: Joey, if you wanna look good, why don't you just come down to the store? I'll help you out.
Joey: Great! Thanks, Rach!
Rachel: Sure! (Pause) God, please take those off!
Joey: All right.
(Both of them remove their hats as Phoebe enters.)
Ross: Hey Pheebs, how's it going?
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey! Umm, well, only okay because I just got back from, from the hospital.
(All at once.)
Rachel: What?
Ross: Is everything okay?
Joey: Are you all right?
Phoebe: Oh yeah, no-no-no. I'm fine. I'm okay, but umm, my Grandma sorta died.
Joey: Pheebs! Sorry!
Phoebe: It's okay, I mean she had a really incredible life. And it's not like I'm never gonna see her again, y'know she's gonna visit.
Rachel: Well maybe, maybe she's with us right now?
Phoebe: Yeah, her first day on a new spiritual plane and she's gonna come to the coffeehouse!
Monica: (entering, in a hurry) Guys! Guys! I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside.
Ross: Uhh, Pheebs' Grandmother just died.
Monica: Ohh my God, I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: It's okay. Actually y'know what, it's kinda cool. 'Cause it's like y'know, one life ends and another begins.
Monica: (to the guys) Not the way they're doing it. What, what happened? How did she die?
Phoebe: Well umm, okay we were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and she just never came back up again.
Joey: Pheebs, I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel is fixing Joey up with some new clothes.]
Rachel: Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuff right after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear?
Joey: All right, then you'd better show me some of that too then.
Rachel: Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs a bag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey.)
Joey: Really? A purse?
Rachel: It's not a purse! It's a shoulder bag.
Joey: It looks like a women's purse.
Rachel: No Joey, look. Trust me, all the men are wearing them in the spring catalog. Look. (Shows him.) See look, men, carrying the bag.
Joey: See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder and looks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purse looks good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly! Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
[Scene: Ursula's apartment, Phoebe is about to break the bad news to her sister. She knocks on the door.]
Ursula: Who is it?
Phoebe: It's Phoebe.
Ursula: Oh great! (Opens the door.) (Disappointed) Oh, you. Umm, what's up?
Phoebe: Umm, well I sorta have some bad news, can I come in?
Ursula: Umm, yeah—no thanks.
Phoebe: Umm, well, umm Grandma died.
Ursula: Wow! Didn't she die like five years ago?
Phoebe: No, she just died today! Okay, umm, we're having a memorial service tomorrow.
Ursula: Okay, I know that I went to that all ready.
Phoebe: No you didn't!
Ursula: Well, then who's been dead for five years?
Phoebe: Well, lots of people! Look, are you coming to memorial service or not?
Ursula: Umm, no. See I already thought she was dead so I kinda made my peace with it. Plus, I'm going to a concert tomorrow. So… I'd invite you, but umm, I only have two tickets left.
Phoebe: Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. (Starts to leave.)
Ursula: Thanks! Enjoy your funeral.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his new bag.]
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other in shock.)
Chandler: Wow! You look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani!
Joey: What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all your stuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book!
Ross: Your make-up!
Rachel: (entering) Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is not until tomorrow.
Joey: Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. (Removes a sandwich and starts eating.)
Rachel: Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
Joey: Why would I return it? I love this bag!
Rachel: All right, then you owe me $350.
Joey: Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cards that come with the bag.)
Rachel: (glaring at him) Joey…
Joey: All right relax, look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I am definitely gonna get thanks to you.
Ross: What's the part, Anti-man?
Rachel: Hey, don't listen to them. I think it's sexy.
Joey: U-N-I-sexy? (Smiles provocatively.)
[Scene: Phoebe's Grandmother's memorial, Phoebe is at the door welcoming people.]
Phoebe: Well hello, Mrs. Penella! Thank you so much for coming! Well, okay look, here's your umm, 3-D glasses and Reverend Pong will tell you when to put them on.
(The gang arrives.)
Rachel: Hi sweetie!
Ross: Hey, how are you holding up?
Joey: Hey Pheebs, I'm so sorry.
Phoebe: (notices his bag.) Hey, y'know what? My Grandma had the exact same bag!
Joey: Here, I brought you some flowers. (He pulls them out of the bag.)
Phoebe: Thanks!
Chandler: Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.
(Another man, an older man, enters, looking around and bumps into Chandler.)
Man: Oops, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Is this the umm, the memorial?
(The gang moves off as Phoebe greets the new guest.)
Phoebe: Yeah, welcome.
Man: Hello. Hello.
Phoebe: Umm here's your 3-D glasses.
Man: Oh, umm, all right.
Phoebe: So how did you know Francis?
Man: Well I actually, I-I really, I haven't seen her for years. But umm, well I-I was pretty tight with-with her and her daughter.
Phoebe: Really?! What's your name?
Man: Umm, Frank Buffay.
(Needless to say, Phoebe is stunned into silence. And one audience member gasps.)
Frank Sr.: (Seeing the look on her face) Y'know what? Strike that. My name uh, actually is-is Joe. Uh, Joe umm, Hill.
Phoebe: You're Frank Buffay?
Frank Sr.: Shh! (Whispers) No! Joe Hill!
Phoebe: You just said…
Frank Sr.: Y'know what, I gotta go. And thank you so much for coming. (Hands back his glasses and hurries out.)
Phoebe: But…
(Phoebe takes one step after him and stops.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Monica: What?! What honey?
Ross: What happened?
Phoebe: That was my dad!
Chandler: Oh my God!
(They all look down the hall he left from.)
Joey: (approaches, wearing his glasses) Hey you guys, check it out. Check it out. (Moves his hand towards and away from his face.) It's like it's coming right at me. (Chandler helps out a little bit by pushing on Joey's arm, which causes his hand to slap him in his face.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: The Funeral Home, continued from earlier. Phoebe is returning after looking for her father.]
Monica: Oh, did you catch him?!
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Ross: Wh-what did he say?!
Phoebe: He said, "Nice to meet you Glenda." (They stare at her, dumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name?
Rachel: Why?! Why not?!
Phoebe: Come on, you saw the way he ran out of here! What do you think? He's gonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned!
Joey: What did you say to him?
Phoebe: Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person of Francis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee house later.
The Pastor: Could everyone please take their seats?
Phoebe: All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wanna say good-bye to my Grandma.
Rachel: Okay.
Monica: All right, let's go say good-bye.
(They put on their glasses and try to find their way to their seats.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, after the funeral, everyone is there.]
Joey: (entering, with bag) Hey! I'm off to my audition. How do I look?
Rachel: Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler: And a date with a man!
Joey: Y'know what? Make fun all you want. This is a great bag! Okay? And it's as handy as it is becoming. Now, just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong. All right? So from now on you guys are gonna have to get used to the fact that Joey, (pats the bag) comes with a bag! (Exits.)
Phoebe: All right, I'd better go too. I have to go talk to my dad.
Rachel: Ooh, Pheebs, what are you gonna say? Are you gonna tell him who you are?
Phoebe: Umm, no, not at first 'cause I-I don't want to freak him out
Ross: Well, but aren't you pissed at him?! I mean this guy abandoned you! I gotta tell you if this were me, this guy would be in some serious physical danger! (Getting worked up) I mean I-I-I'd walk in there and I'd be like, "Yo, dad! You and me outside right now!" (Calming down.) I kinda scared myself.
Monica: Well, at least you scared someone.
Phoebe: Y'know it's funny, you'd think I'd be angry. I mean, you'd think I'd wanna rip his tiny little head off. Fortunately, I'm past it.
Monica: Phoebe, you do seem a little tense. Here, let me help you.
Phoebe: All right.
(She goes over and tries to give Phoebe a massage. Phoebe yelps in pain and jumps away from her.)
Phoebe: Oh! Get off!! Ow!! Oh, stop it!! Why?! Why are you doing that to me?!
Monica: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: As a masseuse and a human, I'm begging you, never do that to anyone!
Monica: (indignant) I give good massages! (Ross laughs.) I used to give them to Rachel all the time before she got allergic! And-and-and Chandler loves them! Watch! (She starts giving Chandler a massage.)
Phoebe: (seeing the look on Chandler's face) He-he does not like it! He hates it! He's in pain!
Monica: No he's not!
Chandler: (wincing) Yes, he is!
Monica: What?!
Chandler: I'm sorry but, ow-owww-owww!
Monica: You've been lying to me? I can't believe you'd do that.
Ross: Well, maybe he just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Monica: But the minute we start to lie to each other… (Pauses after she realizes what she's saying.) And by 'we' I mean society.
[Scene: Joey's audition, he is with bag.]
The Casting Director: Any time you're ready, Joey.
Joey: (reading from the script) Well, you must be new here. Why don't we get a table and I'll buy you a drink.
The Casting Director: (stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try it without the purse?
Joey: Yeah, sure. (He takes it off and starts reading.) Well, you must be new here. Maybe we should—I'm sorry, can I ask you something? (He stops and asks a question.)
The Casting Director: Sure. What?
Joey: Well, first it's not a purse.
The Casting Director: Okay, anytime.
Joey: I mean if-if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not. It's a man's bag!
The Casting Director: Okayyyy! Anddd, go!
Joey: All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's the latest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them!
The Casting Director: Umm, do you sell these bags?
Joey: Noooo. No-no-no, these babies sell themselves.
The Casting Director: Okay! Thank you! That was great!
Joey: Yeah but I didn’t read anything.
The Casting Director: I think we've seen enough!
Joey: Okay! All right, I'll see ya. (As he's walking off stage.) (Patting the bag.) We got it! We got it!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is poking his head in.]
Chandler: Hey, is Rachel here?
Monica: No.
Chandler: (coming all the way in) Listen, I just wanted to apologize about this afternoon and the whole massage thing. Y'know? I-I really like 'em.
Monica: Oh, please, stop! Look, we're supposed to be honest with each other. I-I just wish you could tell me—just say, "I don't like your massages."
Chandler: (falling into that trap) I don't like your massages.
Monica: (starting to cry) See? It's no big deal.
Chandler: Okay, but now see you're crying!
Monica: I'm not crying about that! I'm crying about something that happened at work.
Chandler: What?
Monica: (bursting into tears) My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.
Chandler: It's okay, you don't have to be the best at everything.
Monica: Oh my God! You don't know me at all!
Chandler: Okay, you give the worst massages in the world.
Monica: I'm crying here!!
Chandler: Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, "Who's the best of that?" They'd have to go to you.
Monica: Huh. So you're saying like umm, if there was an award for the best bad massage, well who would get that?
Chandler: Oh, it would be you! You! Monica! And you'd get all the votes!
Monica: So maybe they could umm, call the award the Monica?
Chandler: Absolutely!
Monica: Okay. I suck!
Chandler: Yeah! (They hug.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Frank Sr. is just arriving.]
Phoebe: Umm, thank you for meeting with me.
Frank Sr.: Thank you. All right.
Phoebe: Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I just—I need you to state for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay.
Frank Sr.: Oh yes. Yes, yes, I am, uh-hmm.
Phoebe: Okay.
Frank Sr.: So, what did Francis leave me?
Phoebe: Huh?
Frank Sr.: Well, that's why you wanted me to come, right?
Phoebe: Oh yes. Yes. Yeah—no. She did. She left you umm, (looking in her purse) this lipstick.
Frank Sr.: Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's (opens it) oh it's—ew used. Umm, cool.
Phoebe: Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out my official forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) You and uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct?
Frank Sr.: Yes, yes I was.
Phoebe: Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium, or C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children?
Frank Sr.: It really says that?!
Phoebe: Yeah. See? (Quickly shows him.)
Frank Sr.: Well then I guess then I-I would I would have to say C.
Phoebe: Hmm, okay, total abandonment. Okay, reasons for abandonment, A. Top secret government work, B. Amnesia, or C. Or you're just a selfish, irresponsible bad, bad man?
Frank Sr.: Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up to leave.) But umm… Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you give Lilly that, please? (Hands her a note.)
Phoebe: What?!
Frank Sr.: Well Lilly, when you see Lilly would you give her that, that note? Because I wanted to talk to her at the memorial but, well I pictured her getting mad at me the way you got mad at me and I well, I chickened out. So, uh, I wrote her that note, would you give it to her please?
Phoebe: But you-you-you came to see Lilly?
Frank Sr.: Yeah, yeah. Why?
Phoebe: Lilly's dead. (He looks up in shock.)
Frank Sr.: She what?!
Phoebe: She's dead.
Frank Sr.: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake.
Frank Sr.: I can't believe this. I just—I can't believe this. How-how—Oh my God. How long ago?
Phoebe: 17 years ago.
Frank Sr.: Oh! What about, what about the girls?
Phoebe: Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe, (pause) is on this couch.
(Silence ensues.)
Phoebe: Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you!
Frank Sr.: Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, (Sits down next to her and brushes against her leg.) Oops. (He backs up.) I just, I-I-I-I don’t, I don’t know what to say. I just can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty.
Phoebe: Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there.
Frank Sr.: So would it, would it make you feel better if I said I was very, very sorry that I left?
Phoebe: Y'know what, it doesn’t matter what you say it's not gonna make a difference anyway, so you can just go.
Frank Sr.: All right. Well, y'know in my defense I was a lousy father.
Phoebe: That's a defense?
Frank Sr.: Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers on backwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more!
Phoebe: You make up songs?
Frank Sr.: Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how did it, how did it go. Umm. (Singing.)
Sleepy girl, sleepy girl.
Why won't you go to sleep?
Sleepy girl, sleepy girl.
You're, you're, you're keeping me uppp! (Yeah, that's to the tune of Smelly Cat.)
Yeah.
(Phoebe is trying not to smile. He moves closer and very shyly holds out his hand and turns his head, hoping for Phoebe to take his hand. She doesn't.)
Frank Sr.: I just, I y'know, I'm not very good at this. So, umm… (Backs away.)
Phoebe: Well, I am. (Moves over and takes his hand.)
(She holds his hand for a little while then…)
Phoebe: Not yet, no. (Drops his hand and moves back.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey returns from his audition and finds everyone but Phoebe there.]
Joey: (dejected) Hi.
All: Hey!
Chandler: Hey man, how did the audition go?
Joey: Estelle said I didn't get it. (Sits down next to Rachel on the couch.)
Rachel: What?! Why? Joey you were so ready for it!
Joey: Yeah, I thought so too but, she said the casting people had some problems with me.
Ross: What kind of problem?
Joey: Well to tell you the truth, they uh, (Pause) they had a problem with the bag!
Chandler: Oh my God!
Ross: Nooooo!
Joey: Y'know what? It was a stupid play anyway!
Monica: Y'know, Joey, I think it's time to give up the bag.
Joey: I don't wanna give up the bag. I don't have to give up the bag! Do I Rach? (She's avoiding his eyes.) Oh, you think I should give up the bag!
Rachel: Honey wait, Joey, I’m sorry I mean as terrific as I think you are with it… (Looks for help.)
Chandler: Oh, hey! (Ross nods in agreement as well.)
Rachel: …I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.
Joey: I can't believe I'm hearing this!
Rachel: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I'm not saying that you shouldn’t have a bag, I just—it's just there are other bags that are a little less umm, (Pause) controversial.
Chandler: Yeah umm, they're called wallets.
End

513 乔伊背包包

难以置信，
你以前居然从来没有给我按摩过！
太爽了，莫妮卡爽死了!
哦！看表，时间到！轮到你给我按!
这么快就半小时了?
这可是你的闹钟。
你知道我这人不爱吹牛，
但我的按摩技术天下无敌！
好吧，那你让我享受享受！
很棒吧，对不对？
太“棒”了，我何德何能该享受这种待遇呢？
向肌肉酸痛说再见吧！
再见了肌肉！！
告诉你说，她是史上最滥的按摩师了！！
她简直就像在逼供！
我好想招供——可我就是
不知道她想问什么情报！
钱德, 如果真那么痛你跟她直说好了。
我这辈子头一次真正投入一段感情。那，
我可不想一拍两散，就因为说了老实话。
哇，花花公子，你小心点！
差点把我的帽子踩扁啦！
对不起。
兔子呢，变没了吗？
你是不是该解释一下
为什么戴这顶帽子呢。
哦！好的。
我不是有一出新戏要试镜吗？
我要争取的角色是个国际性的酷男，
整个一个衣架子。
所以我想当天来试镜的人
大约都会穿上这种潮流尖端的服饰。
你是不是想把他们全都变没了。
哼，难道你还能找出这么高级的帽子吗？
有了。
乔伊, 如果你真想玩帅，
你到我们店里来我帮你打扮啊。
好极了！谢谢瑞秋！
举手之劳!
天啊，把这些帽子摘下来！
好罢。
嘿,菲比,今儿个怎么样？
嘿。
嘿! 恩，一般。
因为我刚从医院回来。
什么?
没事吧？
你病了吗？
是啊，不，不，我很好。我没病，
但，恩，我祖母过世了。
菲比！这真让人难过。
这没什么，我是说她这辈子挺丰富多彩的。
而且这也算不上永别，她还会来找我嘛。
是啊，没准，没准她现在就和我们在一块呢？
对，她升天头一天没准会上咖啡馆逛逛！
诸位！诸位！
我刚看见就在门外的一辆车上有两人正乱搞呢。
呃，菲比的祖母刚刚过世了。
哦天哪，我很抱歉。
没事。事实上，你知道，这还挺酷的。
因为，你知道的啊，一个生命终结了，
而另一个生命才刚刚开始。
怪不得门外那两人在忙乎。
她怎么了，怎么去世的？
是这样，恩，我们在市场的时候，
她弯腰拿一块酸奶酪，
结果就再也没能站起来了。
菲比，我真替你难过。
很可爱呢，她跟我讲的最后一句话是：
“好了亲爱的，”
“你去取鸡蛋，我去拿酸奶酪，
我们在收银台回合。”
你猜怎么着？
我们果真在收银台回合了。
好了乔伊，你记住因为你试镜完了以后
要把这身行头全退给我，
所以你必须穿内裤。
好吧，那你也给我拿一些内裤选选好吧。
好，怎么总觉得差了点什么。
哦，有了！恩，没错。
你不说笑？坤包？
这可不是坤包。
这是挎包。
这是女人背的嘛。
错了乔伊,你看。信我，
春季产品目录里所有男人都背包。你看。
看呀，男人，
挎着包。
看呀，女人，挎着包。
不过还真是奇了，
女人背的包在我身上这么好看，我是男人啊。
没错！两性通用
（Unisex，听来像你需要过性生活）！
你才需要性呢。我前两天刚刚做过。
不是！乔伊你听错了！（拼字）U-N-I-sex.
（听来像你和我上床）
好啊，那我倒不会拒绝。
谁啊?
菲比。
哦太好了！
哦，怎么是你。
恩，找我有事吗？
恩，我带了坏消息来，我能进来吗？
恩，进来吧，还是别进来吧，谢谢。
恩，好吧。
恩，祖母去世了。
哇，她不是五年前就死了吗？
不对，她今天才死的。
恩，明天我们要举行葬礼。
好吧，我早就参加过她的葬礼了。
你没有参加过！
是吗，那是谁死了五年了呢？
很多人都死了五年了！
说吧，你到底来不来参加葬礼？
恩，还是算了。
我以为她早死了所以我的心情很平静。
另外，明天我还要去听音乐会，所以
我想邀请你也去，不过呢，我只有两张票。
好吧，好好享受你的音乐会吧。
谢谢！你也好好享受葬礼吧。
嘿!
哇！你看起来跟你儿子好像，崔比昂尼太太！
什么？你是说我的男用挎包吗？
起初我以为它只是漂亮，没想到还非常实用。
你看看！
里面有隔层，什么都能装！
钱包，钥匙，地址簿！
还可以放化妆品呢！
乔伊, 你现在背着包干嘛？不是明天才试镜么？
是啊，但是现在我该吃三明治了。
乔伊, 你得明白包上粘上一点芥末可就不能退了。
我为啥要退呢？我爱死这个包了！
好吧，那给我350块。
没问题！
你收维萨卡还是万事达卡？
乔伊ˇ
好吧别紧张，我会用演这个戏的片酬付包钱的。
托你的福我一定能得到这个角色。
是什么样的角色，男性反对者吗？
嘿，别听他们乱说，我觉得这非常性感。
中性的性感？
你好，潘内拉夫人，谢谢你前来！
请拿好，这是你的立体眼镜。
彭牧师会告诉你什么时候戴上它。
你好啊宝贝!
嘿,你还撑得住吧？
菲比，我很难过。
嘿，我祖母有和你一样的包包！
看，我买了花送给你。
谢谢！
从里面拖出一束花
总算让这个包平添了几分阳刚之气。
哦，对不起，请原谅，这里是不是追悼会啊？
是的,欢迎。
你好。你好。
恩,请拿好你的立体眼镜。
哦,恩,好的。
请问您是怎样认识我祖母的？
我事实上，我真的，我已经多年没见过她了。
不过呢，恩，我和她及她女儿一度关系密切。
是吗?! 您的姓名？
恩，弗兰克·巴费
我刚才乱讲的，我的名字其实叫乔。
呃，乔，恩，希尔。
你就是弗兰克·巴费？
小声点！我不是！
我叫乔·希尔!
可你刚才说
我得走了。
多谢你光临。
哦上帝啊！
怎么了?!怎么啦宝贝？
发生什么事了？
那是我爸爸！
哦天啊！
嘿你们看，看呀。
好象近在眼前。
哦,你追上他了吗？
追上了。
他说什么了?!
他说，“碰到你很高兴，格兰达。”
很明显我不能告诉他我的真名。
为什么?! 为什么不行?!
算了吧，你们都看到他从这落荒而逃的狼狈样！
还能怎么样？
难道要他呆在这里和他遗弃的女儿回忆往事吗？
你跟他怎么说呢？
我说，我告诉他说，我是弗兰西丝的遗嘱执行人。
我得跟他谈谈。
所以一小时后我要和他在咖啡馆见面。
请大家就座。
好了，现在我不能分心。
我想和祖母好好道个别。
好。
好，我们去送别吧。
嘿！我要去试镜了！我看来帅吗？
啊，帅翻了！有了这个包，你稳操胜券！
还会有男人找你约会的！
告诉你说，随你怎么调侃吧，
这个包我就是喜欢，听清了吗？
而且它越来越好用！
你不能理解的事不一定就是错的！知道了吗？
从现在起你们最好习惯这个事实，那就是乔伊
挎着个包！
好了，我也该走了。我得和我父亲谈谈。
哦，菲比，你打算说什么呢。
要告诉他你的身份吗？
恩，不，刚见面我不会讲，会吓坏他的。
好吧，但你难道不气他吗？这人抛弃了你们啊！
如果换作我的话，这人起码落个残废！
我是说，我会走上前去叫，“你！爸爸！”
“和我出去单挑！”
我吓着我自己了。
喔，你起码还是吓着人了。
有意思，你觉得我应该生气。
你认为我该把他的小脑袋拧下来。
幸运的是，我克服了这种情绪。
菲比，你看来有点紧张。
来，我帮你忙。
哦，手拿开。哇喔！停手！
为什么?!你为什么这样对我?!
你说什么?
作为按摩师，作为人类，我请求你，
千万别再对任何人下这样的毒手了！
我按摩技术很高！
每次瑞秋过敏我都给她按摩来着！
还有，还有钱德可喜欢让我按摩了！你看！
他——他不喜欢！他讨厌让你按摩！他满脸痛苦！
他没有痛苦！
是很痛！
什么?!
对不起，不过，喔-喔--喔!
你一直对我撒谎？我真不敢相信你这样对我。
我看，他也许只是不想伤害你的感情。
我们居然就开始互相欺骗了。
我说“我们”，其实是指我们这个小团体。
你准备好就开始吧, 乔伊.
我看你是新来的吧。
找张桌子，我请你喝点什么好吗。
对不起，你能否，
能不能把你的坤包取下来试试。
好的。
我看你是新来的吧。找张——
对不起，我能跟你谈谈吗？
行。什么事？
首先这不是个坤包，
好吧，随便你。
我是说你也许误认为这是个女人背的包，
不是的，这是男用包！
好吧！！
开始！
好吧你看，我给你看产品目录！
看见了吧？呃？
这是最新的时尚！人人挎包！
男人！女人！孩子！人手一个！
恩，你来推销包的吗？
不——不，不，这些包不用我推销也好卖。
好！谢谢你！很好！
行，但我还没念台词呢。
我们已经大饱眼福了！
好！好吧，再见。
这角色是我们的！这角色是我们的！
嘿，瑞秋在家吗？
不在。
听着，我只想为下午按摩的事道歉。好吗？
我——我其实喜欢你按摩。
哦，求你别说了！
我们说好彼此诚实的。
我只想听真话，“我不喜欢你按摩。”
我不喜欢你按摩。
看
没什么大不了的。
好，但是你哭起来了。
我没哭这个！我只是工作上不大顺心。
什么事？
我男朋友说他不喜欢我按摩。
没关系的，你不必事事都争第一。
哦上帝啊，你压根不了解我！
好吧好吧，
你的按摩全世界最差。
我已经哭了！！
好了，听我说，好吗？
你在滥按摩师中排名第一。
如果有人想在滥按摩师当中评选第一名，
他们就会想
“谁排名第一呢？”结果一定是你。
嗯。所以你的意思是，
如果有最差按摩师大奖的话，
谁会得奖呢?
哦，一定是你！
你! 莫妮卡! 所有人都投你的票!
那么他们也许会把这个奖命名为“莫妮卡奖”?
绝对是!
那还差不多.
我接受!
乖!
嗯, 谢谢您答应见我.
谢谢你。
请坐。
坐下.
坐下!
嗯,好，在开始谈话之前，
我需要你回答几个登记表上的正式问题。
你的确是弗兰克·巴费？
哦是的，是，是，我是。嗯——
好。
那，弗兰西丝留什么东西给我了？
啊?
这不是你叫我来的理由吗？
哦，对啊，没错。
她留给你，嗯，
这支口红。
哦，呃。
这是，我看看，
哦，是用过的。
嗯，很棒。
好了，要填正式的表格我需要询问你几个问题。
问题一，
你和弗兰西丝的女儿丽丽结婚，对吗？
是，是的。
好，问题二，
嗯，婚姻以何种方式告终？
选择A，愉快的；
选择B，一般的；
选择C，抛妻弃女？
文件上真这么写？!
是的,要看看吗？
好吧，我想我得选，C。
嗯，好，那就是“抛妻弃女”。
下面，抛弃妻女的理由？
A. 高级机密的政府工作，
B. 健忘症
或者C. 只因你是个自私、
不负责任的父亲，是个坏男人？
我并不是很想得到这支口红。
不过，哦，你能帮我一个忙吗？嗯，
你能帮我把这个转交给丽丽吗？
什么?!
你看到丽丽请把这个便条交给她。
我本想在葬礼上跟她谈谈，
不过当时你生气的样子
让我害怕她也会对我发火，
所以我溜了。所以，
呃，我写了张字条给她，你能转交吗？
你，你当时是去找丽丽的？
是的，怎么了？
丽丽死了。
她什么？！
她死了。
你确定？
如果她没死，那火葬她就是个大错误。
难以置信，我不敢相信。怎么会？
哦天哪。
她几时死的？
17年前。
哦!
那她的女儿们怎么办？
乌苏拉当女招待，她是自由业者。
而菲比呢，
就坐在这张沙发上。
对，口红和女儿，今天可真让你吃不消。
菲比,我，我，嗯，
哎呀.
我只是，我，我，不知道，我不知道说什么好。
我只是无法相信你是我女儿，你这么美。
是的，但你跑题了。
如果我说我非常抱歉当初撇下你们，
你会不会好受点？
你知道吗，你现在说什么都无关紧要了，
你走吧。
好吧。
我得说我是个不称职的父亲。
你这算是为自己辩解？
是的。我烧糊了婴儿食物，还把你的尿布穿反了。
我编了首歌哄你入睡，结果你哭得更厉害了。
你还编了歌？
也不算吧，就是那首，
不过，听起来挺傻的。
让我想想，怎么唱的来着？
悃女儿，悃女儿，你为什么不入睡？
（臭臭猫的调子）
悃女儿，悃女儿，
你让我，你让我也睡不成！就是这样
我只是，不懂得表达感情，所以
那我来吧。
我也没准备好。还是算了。
嗨。
嘿!
嘿,兄弟,试镜如何？
埃斯特拉说我没戏。
什么?! 为什么? 乔伊你再合适不过了!
是，我有同感。
不过她说选角的人对我有看法。
什么看法?
说老实话，他们，呃，
他们看不惯我的包！
哦天哪!
不!
我看，这反正是出愚蠢的戏，演不上也没什么！
乔伊, 我想是时候和这个包说再见了。
我可不想扔掉它。
我可以留着它对吗？瑞秋？
哦，你也认为我应该扔掉它！
宝贝别着急，乔伊,我认为你挎着它非常帅，
哦，这就对了！
我只是发现这个世界好象还没有准备好接受
你挎这个包
我不敢相信连你也这么说！
等一下！等一下！我并非说你不能有个包，
不过你也许该选用不那么有争议性的包
比较合适，
对，我们叫那种包为“钱包”。

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 104楼发表于: 2014-05-16 0

514 The One Where Everyone Finds Out

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating some Chinese food.]
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes!
(They all run and join her at the window.)
Rachel: I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.
Ross: Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt.
Chandler: And we're done with the chicken fried rice.
Ross: Hey! Hey! If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place!
All: Good idea! Yes!
Ross: It would be so cool to live across from you guys!
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
Chandler: Or we can do the actual telephone thing.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are checking out the place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Guy is nowhere to be seen.]
Ross: Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I never realized how great it is!
Rachel: Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man.
Phoebe: It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm gonna beat you to it.
Ross: (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross quickly hurries out.)
Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked Guy's bathroom. (Does so.)
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!!
Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!
Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!
Phoebe: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!
Rachel: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!
Phoebe: YOU KNOW?!!!
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Ross: (entering) What's going on?
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Ross: What?! What?!
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there talking about Chandler and Monica.]
Phoebe: You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or going grocery shopping or—Oh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda from camp!
Rachel: Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it.
Phoebe: Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She might be able to do better.
Joey: (entering) Hey guys!
Rachel: Joey! Come here! Come here!
Joey: What? What?
Rachel: Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.
Joey: You mean how they're friends and nothing more? (Glares at Rachel.)
Rachel: No. Joey, she knows! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window.
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own.
Rachel: Wh-what do you mean?
Phoebe: Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.
Rachel: Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that!
Joey: No-no-no! No-no wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling them.
Rachel: Ehhh, no, I wanna do Phoebe's thing.
Joey: I can't take any…
Phoebe: No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!
Joey: Noo! I can't take any more secrets! (To Rachel) I've got your secrets. I've got their secrets. I got secrets of my own y'know!
Rachel: You don't have any secrets!
Joey: Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. (Joey shies away.)
Rachel: (To Phoebe) So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?
Joey: Ugh.
Phoebe: Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My sexuality.
Chandler: (entering) Hello children!
All: Hey!
Phoebe: Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.
(She gets up and goes over to Chandler who's ordering some coffee from Gunther.)
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you!
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: (feels his arm) Yeah the material feels so soft—hello Mr. Bicep! Have you been working out?
Chandler: Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. (Phoebe giggles uncontrollably.) Are you okay?
Phoebe: Well, if you really wanna know, I'm—Oh! I can't tell you this.
Chandler: Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.
Phoebe: Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one person I want to the most.
Chandler: What's going on?
Phoebe: I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don’t even see that it's right there in front of you sipping coffee—Oh no, have I said to much? Well it's just something to think about. I know I will.
(She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.)
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else would it be, duh!]
Monica: You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?
Chandler: Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.
Monica: Okay, now you're even cuter!!
Chandler: Y'know that is a popular opinion today I must say.
Monica: What?
Chandler: The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think Phoebe was hitting on me.
Monica: What are you talking about?
Chandler: I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.
Monica: That's not possible!
Chandler: Ow!
Monica: I'm sorry it's just, Phoebe just always thought you were, you were charming in a, in a sexless kind of way.
Chandler: Oh, y'know I-I can't hear that enough.
Monica: I'm sorry, I think that you just misunderstood her.
Chandler: No, I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me! She touched my bicep for crying out loud!
Monica: This bicep?
Chandler: Well it's not flexed right now!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is entering from her room.]
Rachel: Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us?
Monica: Uhh, y'know actually I was gonna do some laundry.
Rachel: Oh.
Monica: Hey Chandler, wanna do it with me?
Chandler: Sure, I'll do it with ya.
Monica: Okay.
Rachel: Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out a lot! Thanks!
Monica: I mean I-I don't I think I have enough quarters.
Phoebe: I have quarters! (She holds up a bag of quarters.)
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Rachel: Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?
Ross: Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a little bribe to
tip the scales in my direction. Check it out, you can probably see it from the window. (They all head to the window.)
Monica: Oh, is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?
Ross: No.
Chandler: That new mountain bike?
Ross: No.
Monica: Well what did you send?
Ross: A basket of mini-muffins.
Phoebe: But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you send?
Ross: The small one.
Rachel: What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the apartment?
Ross: Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.
Chandler: Your work makes me sad.
Ross: Oh man! I want that place so much!! I was so sure that was gonna work! There's twelve bucks I'll never see again! (Exits.)
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Monica: Bye!
All: Bye!
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Monica: Actually, I did!
Chandler: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Monica: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!
Chandler: Are you serious?
Monica: Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only explanation for it!
Chandler: (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my bulging biceps—She knows!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]
Chandler: (entering) Joey!
(Joey quickly tries to hide Hugsy by throwing it over his head.)
Joey: Yeah?
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Joey: Well I didn't tell them!
Monica: Them?! Who's them?
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Chandler: Oh man!
Joey: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!
Monica: Unless…
Joey: No! Not unless! Look this must end now!
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So…
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is looking at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment through binoculars.]
Ross: Noooo.
Rachel: Oh Ross, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself!
Phoebe: Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment?
Ross: Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compares to that one!
Rachel: Y'know what you should do?
Ross: Huh?
Rachel: You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or my underwear.
Joey: I'm listening.
Rachel: (To Ross) See?
Ross: That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been watching him for like five years so that gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now he had the trampoline.
Phoebe: He broke that.
Ross: Well, he had gravity boots.
Rachel: Yeah, he broke those too.
Joey: So he likes to break stuff.
Ross: Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?
Phoebe: I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.
Joey: Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.
Ross: Right. (Exits.)
(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
Rachel: Hello! (Listens) Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! (To Phoebe) It's Chandler.
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice) Oh? (Takes the phone from Rachel.) Hello you.
Chandler: Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day. (He's holding the phone so that Monica can hear it as well.)
Phoebe: Eh?
Chandler: Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued.
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Rachel: Are you kidding?!
Phoebe: No!
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to Mon—Whoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: No.
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: They know you know.
Rachel: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I couldn't even if I wanted too.
[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]
Ross: Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but—I'm sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you. Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.
Monica: (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!
Chandler: Oh yeah, they're totally gonna back down!
Monica: Oh yeah!
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]
Phoebe: All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All right, I'm gonna go in.
Rachel: All right. Be sexy.
Phoebe: (laughs) Please.
(She saunters over to Chandler with a mean pair of 'Come hither' eyes and she glares at Monica.)
Phoebe: So Chandler, I-I'd love to come by tonight.
Chandler: (initially worried, but gets over it) Really?
Phoebe: Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven?
Chandler: Yes.
Phoebe: Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.
(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths, "It's okay, it's okay.")
Joey: (looking out the window) Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy has a naked friend!
(They all run over to the window.)
Rachel: Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is our friend! (Monica covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's shoulder.)
All: Yeah, it is! Naked Ross!!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Phoebe ready for her date.]
Rachel: Show time!
Phoebe: Okay, Rachel, get me perfume!
Rachel: Okay! (She runs to get some.)
Phoebe: And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does so.)
(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)
[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of the plan.]
Monica: All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex with her! It'll totally freak her out!
Chandler: Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?
Monica: Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do!
Chandler: How do you know?!
Monica: Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!
Chandler: At this?!
Monica: Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)
[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from Rachel.]
Rachel: (handing her the wine) Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from right here!
Phoebe: Okay.
Rachel: Okay? Whoa, wait! (She undoes one button on Phoebe's dress.)
Phoebe: Good idea!
Rachel: Yeah, oh wait! (She goes for another one.)
Phoebe: Oh now, don't give away the farm!
(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to the door.)
Chandler: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Chandler.
Chandler: Come on in.
Phoebe: I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought some wine. Would you like some?
Chandler: Sure.
(She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.)
Phoebe: So, here we are. Nervous?
Chandler: Me? No. You?
Phoebe: No, I want this to happen.
Chandler: So do I.
(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)
Chandler: I'm gonna put on some music.
Phoebe: Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)
Chandler: You look good.
Phoebe: Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip that sweater vest right off!
Chandler: Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?
Phoebe: Really?
Chandler: Oh, do you not want to?
Phoebe: No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have you rub lotion on me.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.
[Cut to the bathroom, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Monica: She's bluffing!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]
Phoebe: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my chair!
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Joey: Ooh!
Rachel: Okay!
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn’t rip off any buttons.
Joey: It's not my first time.
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Chandler: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?
Monica: Of course.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)
Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going?
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very were gonna be having all the sex.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Phoebe: Ooh.
Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Phoebe: Here it comes. Our first kiss.
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Phoebe: And why not?!
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!
Phoebe: You're-you're what?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
Joey: Dude!
Chandler: And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say your breasts are still showing.
Phoebe: God! (She turns and buttons up.)
Joey: All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
Monica: Well actually, Ross doesn't.
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
(Joey suddenly gets very angry.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and new outlook on life.]
Ross: A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work over once it's y'know, furnished.
Dr. Ledbetter: I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.
Ross: Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.
Dr. Ledbetter: I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?
Ross: Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I—What? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh… What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
End

514 恍然大悟

快看，裸男在把东西装箱！
迹象表明，裸男兄弟好象要搬家。
讽刺的是，多数箱子的标签上
都注明是服装。
哦，我会想念这个大屁股的。
我也会想念炸鸡饭的。
嘿！嘿！他搬走以后
我可以求租他的公寓！
好主意！说得没错！
住你们对面太妙了！
对！那我们就可以玩“电话游戏”了！
就是两头各一个罐头、中间一线牵！
或者我们也可以打打真的电话来交流。
天哪，这间公寓让我非常满意！
太完美了！以前居然从没注意到！
那是因为大个裸男太抢眼了。
令人惊讶!
你最好赶快去填申请表！
不然我要动粗了！
我从来没想过，
居然会用丑陋裸男的洗手间。
看！莫妮卡和钱德就在对面!
嘿！嘿！我在这儿！嘿！
哦！！哦！！啊——！！
啊！！钱德和莫妮卡!!
钱德和莫妮卡!!
哦天啊！
钱德居然和莫妮卡!!!!
哦天啊！
哦!!我的眼睛!!! 我的眼睛!!!!
菲比!! 菲比!! 没事的!! 没事的!!
不！他们居然在亲热!!!
我知道！！我知道！！我知道！！
你知道?!!!
对，我知道！乔伊也知道！
不过罗斯还蒙在鼓里所以你闭嘴！！
怎么啦?
哦！！嗨！！！嗨！
什么事？什么？
没什么！哦天啊，你搬来
令我们兴奋得发狂！
它看来很棒。
来，你过来!!!
那，每次莫妮卡和钱德谎称
要去洗衣店，或者买日用品，还有
哦，还有莫妮卡总是和露营时认识的
所谓悲伤琳达讲那些电话！
对啊，亲热，都是在电话里亲热。
哦!哦，难以置信！太棒了！对钱德而言。
莫妮卡本可以找到更好的。
嘿姑娘们！
乔伊! 上这儿来！
怎么了? 什么事?
菲比知道莫妮卡和钱德的事了。
你是指他们仅仅是普通朋友吗？
不，乔伊,她已经发现了！
我们在丑陋裸男那边看房，
那俩家伙正好在对窗鬼混！
事实上，他们就贴着窗户在做爱哦。
捉奸在窗！
那现在他们知道你知情，
但不知瑞秋也知情？
对，不过那并不重要。
既然这事已闹得尽人皆知，
干脆告诉他俩好了！
那他们就不必再撒谎或者故作神秘了！
或者我们不跟他们摊牌，
自己偷着乐乐。
你想怎么样？
以后他们再说要去洗衣店，
我们就拿一大堆脏衣服成全他们。
哦，太好玩了！
别，别这样，瑞秋，
你知道怎样才更好玩吗？
跟他们摊牌。
呃，算了，我还是听菲比的妙计。
我承受不了
不！你什么都不必做！
你只要不跟他们告密就成了！
不!我无法保守更多的秘密了！
我要守你的秘密，我要守他们的秘密，
我自己还有秘密要守！
你才没什么秘密呢！
哦是吗？你就不知道
我睡觉时搂着企鹅哈根斯的秘密吧？
那么，
我们怎样捉弄他们呢？
你就利用室友的身份去探听，
而我，会使用我的杀手锏
那就是我的性感。
孩子们好!
嘿!
好，看着，学着点，
还有别动我的饼干。
嘿.
嘿!
哦，你的外套可真帅！
真的?
面料很柔软——
你好，二头肌先生！
你最近在健身？
我只是尝试把肌肉挤作一堆。
你没什么不妥吧?
你真想知道？我，我不能对你说。
菲比, 我们一向无所不谈。
事实上，我最不能告诉你，
又最想向你倾诉。
什么事?
我和某人朝夕相处，
却发现寻寻觅觅，最好的其实早在身边，
就在这杯咖啡前——
哦，我是否说漏嘴了？
剪不断、理还乱，
费思量
你好可爱！你怎么能这么可爱？
因为我祖父是瑞典人（音同最可爱），
而我祖母是一只小兔子。
现在你越发可爱了！！
今天大家都这么说。
什么?
咖啡馆里出怪事了，
我想菲比爱上我了。
你说什么呢？
我是说，我想菲比认为我很迷人。
不可能!
哦!
抱歉，但是菲比从来都觉得
你可爱但不性感。
哦，听你这么说、我可受不了。
对不起，我想你误会她了。
不，我没误会，她是在泡我！
她抚摩我的二头肌还大喊大叫！
这块二头肌吗？
现在它没有鼓起来！
莫妮卡，你忙什么呢？
要不要跟我们去看电影？
我想去洗衣店。
钱德,要不要跟我一起去？
当然去。
好极了，等一下！
哦，给！
你不介意帮我们带过去吧，
这可帮了我们大忙！多谢！
我没这么多硬币。
我有!
嘿!
嘿罗斯! 公寓的事谈得怎么样了?
我打电话问过了，那房子丑陋裸男要自行转租
现在大约上百人在申请。
不，我出我的绝招了
我知道不容易不过我刷了一点小聪明
看看，你们可以从窗户里面看到的
哦，是不是那张挂着长弓的弹球机？
不。
新的山地车？
不是。
那你送的什么？
迷你松饼篮。
满桌子都是松饼篮，哪一个是你送的？
小的那个。
什么？！你居然以为一只小小篮子就可以帮你赢得公寓？
没错！
有一次上班，别人送我一篮松饼，
结果所有人都很喜欢吃。
那真是最棒的一天。
你的工作令我悲伤。
哦天啊!我很想要那房子！！
我本以为那一招一定奏效！
12块钱扔水里了！
好了宝贝，我们得赶快，才赶得上电影。
拜拜!
拜拜!
再见钱德!我已开始思念你。
好，这下你看清了？！她捏我屁股！！
我看见了!
现在你信她被我迷住了？
上帝啊！她知道咱们的事了！
当真？
菲比知道了，她在耍我们呢！
这是唯一的解释！
那你怎么解释她捏我屁股、
夸奖我的二头肌发达呢？
她知道了！
乔伊!
什么?
菲比发现我们的事了!
我没告诉她们！
她们?! 她们是谁?
呃,
菲比和乔伊.
乔伊!
和瑞秋.
我本想告诉你们，
但她们要我发誓不泄密！！
哦，你啊你!
对不起！不过，这下
什么事都没有了对吧！
你们可以宣布你们都知道了，
而我也不必再守什么秘密了！
除非
别!别“除非”了！游戏结束了！
哦，她们自以为狡猾想玩我们！
但她们不知道，我们已经知道
她们知道了！那，
对啊，整人的反被整！
哦罗斯,宝贝你别再自讨苦吃了！
对，我们找别的房子好了。
这月我看了一千所房子了，
没有一个能和这个相比！
你知道你该怎么办吗？
嗯？
你应该投其所好。
比如我如果要找乔伊要什么东西，
我会用三明治来作开场白
或者提及我的内裤
我可听着呢。
看见吧?
好点子!
我了解丑陋裸男，因为我们已经观察他五年了
我又有优势了！
我想想看，他曾有一张蹦床，
后来被他踩破了
他买了双重力靴
也被他穿破了
就是说他喜欢弄破东西
我要去接班了——
我一定能想出他的嗜好的。
嘿，他以前不是喂过猫吗？
我不提这事，他只会让猫在外流浪。
可怜的猫，他从没去接过它回家。
你好!
是的，别挂电话，她在这儿！
是钱德.
你好吗。
你好菲比,我整天想着你。
嗯?
昨天你说了那番话，我不可能毫不动心。
当真?
对，听着，乔伊今晚不在，
你过来，我让你好好摸摸我的二头肌
或者到处摸摸。
我呆会再联络你，好，拜拜！
天啊，他让我过去摸他的二头肌和全身！
你开玩笑?!
没有!
想不到他竟然背着莫妮卡乱搞——
乔伊,他们知道我们知情了吗？
他们不知道
乔伊!
他们知道你们知道了
呃,我就说嘛
哦，不敢相信他们俩这样对我们！
天啊，他们还想耍我们！他们想耍我们！
他们不知道我们知道他们知道我们知道了！
乔伊, 你什么都不准说！
我有这心也没这胆。
晚上好先生，我叫罗斯?盖勒
我也申请了求租这间公寓。
我知道竞争激烈，不过，
抱歉，我忍不住注意到你全身赤裸
我为你喝彩，我真希望自己也脱光光
这样看起来棒极了
上帝的本意就是要我们赤诚相对
她们吓傻了！
对, 她们退缩了！
没错!
好吧，好吧！他想约会对吧，那就和他约会。
好，我去。
好，骚一点。
得了吧还用你教
钱德, 我今晚准来。
真的吗?
一定来。七点如何？
好。
好，期待着和你进行性的交流。
看！丑陋裸男有了个裸体朋友！
对啊!
天啊，那是我们的朋友！
是裸体的罗斯!
演出开始了!
瑞秋,给我来点香水！
好！
乔伊,给我一瓶酒和两只杯子！
好极了！你就假装真想和她上床，
这会吓死她！
我能和她疯到什么限度？
放松点，她肯定会先投降的！
你怎知?!
因为你在我队里！我的队总是赢家！
这种事上也赢?!
上！放心上！
好了宝贝，我就在这里偷听！
好
可以了吗?
哇喔，等等!
好主意!
等一下!
哦，别暴露太多！
菲比.
钱德.
进来吧
正有此意
嗯，我带来美酒，共饮一杯如何？
乐意之极。
我们这样亲密，紧张吗？
我？不紧张，你呢？
不，我求之不得。
我也是
来点音乐？
我来为你跳支舞
你看来非常美
谢谢！听你这么说，
我真想扒光你的衣裳
我们去卧室怎样？
真的?
哦，你不想吗？
不！不，只不过，
我想先脱光自己的衣裳，
让你用乳液搽满我全身
听来很棒，我这就去拿乳液
事情失控了！
她想让我给她全身擦上乳液！
她在虚张声势！
她不会退缩的！她这样勾引我！
我吓不着他！他去拿乳液了！
你们怎么还没搞完？！
我想坐回我的椅子！
乔伊，你这样想，菲比越快搞定钱德，
这事就越早结束。一切就都清楚了！
我喜欢这样!
好!给他看你的胸罩，
他最怕这招，他应付不来的！
哇，你没解扣子也能做到。
又不是第一次做
你回去引诱她，直到她认输！
好，我镇定一下再去。
你趁机打扫洗手间了？
还用说！
你，你要走吗？
你不走我才不走呢，爱人
看，这是我的胸罩
非常，非常漂亮
过来
非常高兴能和你上床
那当然，我的身体极富柔韧性
我现在要亲你了
我先亲你
当务之急是接个吻
这就来了
我们的初吻
够了！你赢了！我不能和你上床！
为什么不行?!
因为我爱莫妮卡!!
你什么?!
我爱她! 没错！我就是爱她！我爱她！！
我爱你, 莫妮卡.
我也爱你，钱德.
我，我只知道你们俩上过床了
但我不知道你们相爱了！
老兄!
向菲比脱帽致敬. 你是强有力的竞争对手
你的胸脯至今还露在外面哦
天啊!
好吧！这下真相大白了！人人都知道了！
事实上罗斯还不知道
请大家不要告诉他
就是这里，新的罗斯将在新的住处诞生.
我一旦搬家
就会请您和所有同事过来
能看到你重新振作，我非常高兴
我是振作了，
过去的所有愤怒都已离我而去
我想是时候欢迎你重新归队，
回到博物馆的研究组里来了吧？
唐纳德，那可太棒了。
我已整装待发，准备回去工作。我——
什么?
不!
你在干什么?!!
离我妹妹远点!!!!!!!!!!!!!

回复引用

ZxID：11247485

等级: 内阁元老

配偶: 浮生缘

http://www.paipai.fm/r5969083/

举报只看该作者 105楼发表于: 2014-05-16 0

515 The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey

[Scene: The hallway, Ross is running up the stairs. Note: This show continues where the last one left off.]
Ross: Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.) Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were doing to my sister! Now get out here!
Chandler: (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care, bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)
Monica: What are you doing?!
Chandler: Oh, I'm going on the lamb.
Monica: Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?
(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and hides behind Monica.)
Ross: What the hell are doing?!!
Rachel: (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's going on?!
Chandler: Well, I think, I think Ross knows about me and Monica.
Joey: (panicking) Dude! He's right there!
Ross: (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!
Chandler: Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love with her.
Monica: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but it's true, I love him too.
(There's a brief pause.)
Ross: (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs them both.) (To Joey and Rachel) You guys probably wanna get some hugs in too, huh? Big news!
Rachel: Awww, no, it's okay, we've actually known for a while.
(There's another pause as Ross gets angry again.)
Ross: What? What? What?! You guys knew? (Joey and Rachel backup against the door.) You all knew and you didn't tell me?!!
Rachel: Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going to react.
(Pause.)
Ross: (happily again) You were worried about me? You didn't know how I was going to react? (He hugs them both.)
Joey: Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.) Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Ross: Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids…
Chandler: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa-whoa! We're having kids?!
Joey: (quickly) I call Godfather!
Ross: You can't just call Godfather. Don't you think her brother should be Godfather?
Joey: Sure, if you cared enough to call it first.
Monica: Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us.
Chandler: Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.
Rachel: Oh! Oh, I just thought of the greatest wedding gift to get you.
Phoebe: Ooh, I'll go in on that with you! I couldn't think of anything.
Rachel: Okay.
(A girl enters.)
Joey: (to her) Oh, hey Katie! Everyone, this is Katie.
Katie: Hi!
All: Hi!
Joey: So, are you ready to go?
Katie: Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.
Joey: Oh sure, right back there. (Points.)
Katie: Hey, where are we going to lunch?
Joey: I was thinking Chinese food.
Katie: Ohh, I love Chinese! How did you know I love Chinese?! (She hits him repeatedly as she says that.)
(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)
Rachel: She is so cute! You could fit her right in your little pocket!
Joey: I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but…
Monica: But what?
Joey: (shyly) She keeps punching me.
(They all laugh.)
Monica: In that cute, little, sweet way she just did?
Joey: Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks! Okay? (Quietly) She-she-she's hurting me.
Monica: I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing after preschool?
Chandler: Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is beating him up.
Rachel: Aww, Joey, come here. (She takes his hand.) Look honey, I know this must be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door and he answers it.]
Ross: (opens it to reveal Phoebe) Hey!
Phoebe: Hey! I brought you some house warming gifts.
Ross: Aww.
Phoebe: Yeah. Salt, so your life always has flavor.
Ross: Huh.
Phoebe: Bread, so you never go hungry.
Ross: Ohh.
Phoebe: And a scented candle for the bathroom, because well, y'know.
Ross: Thanks. Thanks. And thanks again.
Phoebe: Yeah!
(The door across the hall opens and a guy walks into Ross's apartment.)
Guy: Hi!
Ross: Hi!
Guy: Welcome to the building. I'm uh, Steve Sarah; I'm president of the tenants committee.
Ross: Oh hi! Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.
Steve: Oh hi Phoebe.
Phoebe: Mr. President.
Steve: I came to talk to you about Howard.
Ross: Howard?
Steve: Yeah, he's the handy man. He's gonna be retiring next week and everyone who lives here is kicking in a 100 bucks as a thank you for all the hard work type of thing.
Ross: Oh that's nice.
Steve: Yeah. So, do you want to give a check? Or…
Ross: Oh. Uhh…
Steve: Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)
Ross: No-no, it's not that, it's just… I-I just moved in.
Steve: Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years.
Ross: Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.
Steve: Oh, okay, I get it. (Starts to leave.)
Ross: No wait, look. Look! I'm sorry, it's just I've never even met Howard. I-I mean I don't know Howard.
Steve: Howard's the handy man!
Ross: Yes but too me he's just, man.
Steve: Okay, fine, whatever. Welcome to the building. (Exits.)
Ross: (To Phoebe) Ugh, can you believe that guy!
Phoebe: Yeah. I really like his glasses.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his troubles in his new building.]
Ross: …so then President Steve told everyone that I was a cheapskate, and now the whole building hates me! A little kid spit on my knee! Y'know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna throw a party. That's right. For everyone in the building, and I'm gonna sit them down and explain to them, I am not a bad guy. I am not a cheap guy! I'm just a guy who-who stands up for what he believes in. A man with principles.
Chandler: (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.
Rachel: Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.
Ross: It doesn't matter! It's my principles! We're talking about my principles!
Rachel: Okay, I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.
Ross: Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta run. I gotta go get some nametags. (Exits.)
Rachel: And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.
Chandler: Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I don't want you putting any ideas in her head.
Rachel: Umm, Chandler, you do realize that those ideas are probably already in Monica's head.
Chandler: Wh-wh-why?!
Rachel: Well, because she loves you and because you love her.
Chandler: Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?!
Rachel: Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.
Chandler: I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what she wants?! I’m right. I'm right. Am I right?
Rachel: No, you're right, you are absolutely right. I mean that makes, that makes everything different.
Chandler: Okay. It's not different at all, is it?
Rachel: Not unless different means the same.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is sitting on the couch with Katie.]
Katie: You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)
Joey: (sets the coffee down) Y'know, breadstick fangs are always funny.
Katie: No, you make them funny. You're the funny one! (She punches him again and he retreats to the arm of the couch.)
Joey: Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very real bat.
Katie: Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the couch.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Monica are curled up on one of the chairs.]
Monica: Isn't this great?
Chandler: Hmm.
Monica: Couldn't you just stay like this forever? (His eyes snap open.) Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever?
Chandler: Yeah, here, somewhere else, y'know where-where ever. (Gets up.)
Monica: Are you okay?
Chandler: Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.
Monica: What-what are you doing?
Chandler: I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that I'm seeing casually.
Monica: Man, I knew it! I knew you were going to do this!!
Chandler: What?!
Monica: Get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around about marriage and stuff.
Chandler: Well, you do want all that stuff, right?
Monica: Oh and you know what I want!
Chandler: Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!
Monica: I do not have baby fever!
Chandler: Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn down the heat on this pressure cooker?!
Monica: Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about you and all your weird relationship commitment crap!
Chandler: Nah-uh! I know you! Okay? I know the thoughts that you have in the head--in your head!
Monica: You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)
Chandler: Well, I did not know that.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]
Chandler: It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is, this is fixable.
Ross and Joey: Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Absolutely.
Chandler: By me?
Ross: Oh, no!
Joey: No-no.
Ross: Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.
Joey: Yeah, big!
(Monica enters.)
Joey: Uh-oh, shht! The Misses.
Monica: Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?
Chandler: Monica. (Goes to talk to her.)
Monica: I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.
Chandler: Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.
Monica: What?!
Chandler: Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.
Monica: Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)
(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on their faces.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's having his party, only he's the only guest. He gets up and puts on a nametag that says Ross, but doesn't quite like it. So he takes it off and puts on one that says Dr. Geller and he puts the Ross one underneath the Dr. Geller one. Then as he turns off the music, we hear the party for Howard raging in the apartment across the hall.]
Party Guests: (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!
Ross: Phoebe! (He grabs her arm to get her attention.)
Phoebe: Oh, hi Ross!
Ross: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, I thought this was your party and it turns out it’s a party for Howard. He's just the sweetest little man! (A guest walks up to her.)
Guest #1: See ya Phoebe! Oh and hey, thanks for chipping in!
Ross: You chipped in?!
Phoebe: Yeah, uh-huh, a 100 dollars.
Ross: Phoebe! I can't believe you gave them money! I thought you agreed it was totally unreasonable that they asked me for that money!
Phoebe: Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.
Ross: Yeah, but you're making me look bad!
Phoebe: No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you talking to me and that's--I'm a hit!
Steve: (walking up) Oh hey, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Hey!
Steve: Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. (Walks away.)
(Ross turns and glares at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, my bad.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is getting some coffee as Joey enters. He's looking a little puffy, but that's probably from the large number of different color sweaters he's wearing.]
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Hi! Wow! You look, you look…big.
Joey: Thanks! I've been working out. Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing six sweaters?
Rachel: Uhhh, yeah. But it's not obvious why.
Joey: Well look, I’m breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love?
Katie: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hey! Hiya!
Rachel: Hey! Hey, cute jacket!
Katie: Oh, thanks! That's so sweet! (She punches Rachel like she punched Joey.)
Rachel: Oh! Ow! (Joey motions, "You see what I mean?!")
Katie: Oh, ow! Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys, (Punches Joey) are too much! (Punches Rachel.)
Rachel: Whoa! (Laughs) Y'know what Katie? I gotta tell ya I-I-I-I think you are the one who is too much. (She punches Katie back.)
Katie: Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)
Rachel: Ohh, and the nicest girlfriend! (She retaliates.)
Katie: You're so sweet! (Punches Rachel yet again.)
Rachel: Ohh, you're so sweet! (She kicks Katie in the shin.)
Katie: Oww!!!! Joey, she just kicked me.
Joey: Huh.
Katie: Well? Aren't you gonna do something?
Joey: Uhh….
Katie: You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now! Well? Are you gonna?
Joey: Nah.
(She looks at Rachel and storms out. After she's left Joey hugs Rachel in thanks.)
[Scene: Howard's party, Phoebe is talking Ross up to two more partygoers. Ross isn't happy about it.]
Ross: (trying to get her attention) Phoebe?
Phoebe: (ignoring him and continuing her conversation) That's what I'm saying. (Laughs.)
Ross: (tapping her on the shoulder) Phoebe? Phoebe?
Phoebe: Ooh. (Turns to him.)
Ross: Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?
Phoebe: No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay?
(They go to the food table.)
Ross: So uh, what did you tell them about me?
Phoebe: Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. Y'know, try to get some sympathy.
Ross: Ohh. (He cuts himself a piece of cake.)
Phoebe: But somehow you came off as the bad guy.
Ross: What?!
Phoebe: Yeah, I think I told it wrong. Y'know, we should talk about that because I don't totally understand what happened there.
Ross: (trying a piece of cake) Ohh, this cake is really good!
Phoebe: Oh, okay, see? Things are looking up already!
Guest #2: (sees the cake) Oh my God! Someone cut Howard's cake! (Ross tries dumping it into a nearby plant.) Who would do a think like that?
(Steve goes over to look at Ross who's trying to look cool, but has some frosting on his lip.)
Steve: 3-B!
All: Oh yeah, aww!
Steve: Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think it's time you went home?!
Guest #3: Yeah, leave!
All: Yeah, get out! Now!
Steve: Go back to 3-B, 3-B!
Phoebe: All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I saw that he's really sweet and caring and very generous. I mean, all I'm saying is don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now, but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv! So, I think you all know what I mean.
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross and Phoebe have been banished to Ross's place.]
Phoebe: Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you could look like the hero.
Ross: Oh wow, yeah! See, I did not get that.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler comes running in. Everyone else is already there.]
Chandler: Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is she here?
Monica: (raising her hand) I'm Monica.
Chandler: I need to talk to you, it's urgent!
Monica: Okay.
Chandler: Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh, us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and awkwardly gets down on one knee.)
Monica: Wait what-wh-wh-what are you doing?!
Chandler: (getting out a ring box) Monica…
Monica: No-no, don't-don't-don't do it!
Chandler: Will you marry me?
(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed. Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)
Ross: Oh-no. No. No.
Joey: What a bad idea!
Rachel: Ohhhh, I cannot look at it! (She doesn't move.)
Monica: Chandler, why are you doing this?
Chandler: I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.
Monica: Chandler.
Chandler: I'm doing this because I'm sorry?
Monica: Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because you're sorry?
Chandler: No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married. (Laughs.) Will you be my wife?
Monica: (kneels with him) Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.
Chandler: Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now.
Monica: Honey! Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?! I mean I never said I wanted to have babies and get married right now!
Chandler: Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)
Monica: Who? Two divorces and Joey?!
Ross: Hey!
Joey: She's right y'know.
Ross: Yeah, but still, cheap shot!
Monica: Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.
Chandler: I didn't think I was!
(They hug.)
Monica: Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes?
Chandler: Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door. (Points at the door.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Everyone is there.]
Joey: Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife?
Ross: No, I will not!
Joey: Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.
Ross: You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?
(They all laugh.)
Phoebe: Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to you last week.
Rachel: Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?
Chandler: Okay, how long is this going to go on.
Monica: Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time.
Ross: This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)
Chandler: That's not funny.
Joey: That's not funny at all!
(They all get up and leave.)
End

515 敲打乔伊的女孩

姓钱的!
我全都看见了！
你竟敢对我妹妹下手！
给我滚出来!
哇，听着，我们很恩爱
长达4个——哦，5个月之久
好多人一辈子也没有这么多欢乐时光
再见了，你保重
你干嘛？
我要跑路了
怕什么，钱德，
说服罗斯还不是小菜一碟
你等一下
什么事，哥哥
你们在搞什么飞机
出什么事了？
罗斯发现了我和莫妮的奸情
伙计，你怎么当着他的面这么说！
我一直当你是我最好的朋友！
她可是我妹妹!
我最好的朋友、泡我妹妹！
我不敢相信!
我们并不是鬼混而已
我爱她
对，我们在恋爱
很抱歉，让你这样发现
但他没撒谎，我也爱他
最好的朋友和我妹妹好上了
我真不能相信!
你们不拥抱一下吗？
这可是个好消息!
不抱了，其实我们知道好一阵子了
什么？你们都知道？
你们都知道，就只瞒着我？
我们担心你的反应嘛
你们都担心我
不知道我会有什么反应？
够了
我们都回避一下，
让这对小鸳鸯办完事如何
我说说而已，泡你妹妹的可是他！
我刚刚想起来
将来你们生了小孩
什么？我们生孩子？
我要当他的教父！
你说当就当啊
我是近水楼台，当然我当
真想当你就得报名
诸位,你们扯远了
是啊,这一步迈太大了,就像登月的第一步
我想好送你们什么结婚礼物了
我跟你一起送,我还没想到送什么礼物
好
凯蒂
各位，她叫凯蒂
准备好出发了吗
恩,我得先去趟洗手间
在那边
午餐上哪儿吃呢
中国菜怎么样？
我喜欢中餐!
你怎么知道我喜欢中餐的？
她很可爱
你可以把她装在口袋里到处走
是吗，我是喜欢她，她很乖，但
我不知道我很喜欢她,她也很好,但——
什么?
她一直捶我
又不是真打你，她只是撒娇罢了
捶在身上很痛的！
我要受内伤了
我明白你需要什么了
你需要请个保镖
让班在幼儿园放学后
就给他当保镖怎么样
别闹了，乔伊有困难，
人家被小妹妹欺负呢
乔伊乖，过来
亲爱的，我知道你很难办
对不起，我弄疼你了吗？
我带了礼物，恭贺乔迁之喜
盐，为你的生活添滋味
面包，让你远离饥饿
还有盥洗室适用的香味蜡烛
你知道它派什么用场对吧
谢谢，非常感谢
欢迎入住，我是居委会主任Steve Sarah
罗斯盖勒，这是我朋友，菲比
菲比你好
主任好
我来跟你讲讲Howard的事
他是这里的勤杂工，下星期退休
这里的住户为了感谢他的辛勤劳动，
好主意
你是签支票，还是？
你不用马上掏钱，呆会
塞到我门缝底下就可以了
不是时间的问题
我才刚搬进来
他在这里服务25年了
对，但我才来住了25分钟而已
好，我明白了
别走! 我很抱歉，但我
和Howard没打过照面
我压根不认识他
Howard是勤杂工
是，但他对我而言，只是个陌生人罢了
好，算了，总之
欢迎入住本大厦
这人可真是异想天开！
是啊，我喜欢他的眼镜
之后Steve主任就到处讲我吝啬
现在整幢大厦都讨厌我
还有小孩朝我膝盖上吐口水
猜我怎么办
我会办个盛大的派对，
邀请大厦里所有人参加
我要和他们坐下来好好谈谈，
让他们知道我不是坏蛋
我不抠门，
我只是坚持信念而已
我是个有原则的人
听来是个好玩的派对
要讨邻居们的欢心，
开派对花费多得多
不是钱的问题
我要坚持原则!
懂吗，处事原则不能变！
我还以为你只是想讨好邻居
他们会喜欢我的，
只要他们来参加我办的派对
我得走了，去搞个名牌来带
那个派对疯子将是你的舅子
有趣。不过请别在莫妮面前提这碴
我可不想你们给她灌输什么想法
钱德，你说莫妮会不会
早有什么想法了？
怎么讲？
哎，因为她爱你，因为你也爱她
相爱又如何？
钱德你别怕，我要说的
其实你也都清楚
她离开理查德，只是因为他不想要孩子
她是个女人，年近30。
而且你了解莫妮的
我没这么想过
我看到两个莫妮
一个是住在对面的我的朋友，
热衷生小孩
一个则是全新的莫妮，我的约会对象
她要什么、难道我会不了解？
我对她的看法是对的
我是对的，对吧
你是对的
你当然对了，那还用问。
她和以前完全不同了
其实没什么“不同”，对吧
除非“不同”等于“相同”
你跟那侍应生一起，好有趣。
你这个小笨蛋
哪儿的侍应生都很有趣
不，因为你、他才那么好玩
有趣的是你！
凯蒂，我们得谈谈
我喜欢你。我真的，很喜欢你
但有时候你开玩笑，捶我一拳
我就有被什么小而结实的球棒
击中的感觉
我打伤你了吗？
你还不是取笑我不够大
以后不许再拿我开玩笑!
棒吧？
恩
你会永远这么可爱吗
永远陪在我身边，好吗
好啊，陪你天涯海角
你没事吧？
我很好
很放松
你什么意思？
我谈恋爱而已啊，
和我喜欢的女孩找乐子
我就知道你会这样！
哪样？
大家一拿婚姻开玩笑，
你就惊慌了!
哎，你的确有那些想法对吧
哼，你会知道我想什么？
对! 你想生宝宝，你有小孩狂热症!
胡说！
你渴望结婚生子
与此相关的一切事，你都很狂热
厨师小姐，我们冷静一下好不好
不冷静的是你
问题不在我。是你害怕承诺
算了，我了解你，我知道你都想些什么
你什么也不知道
今晚我要跟瑞秋出去，而不是跟你，
这你不知道吧？
要说小孩，这里唯一的小孩就是你
我现在连看都不愿看你一眼，
你又知道吗
我不知道
我们会没事的，对吧
她不会因此离开我，这矛盾是可调和的
是啊，当然咯
我应该认错？
不
你得非常真诚的道歉才有用
对，要非常真诚
她来了!
阿甘，一杯咖啡
带走
我还是不想跟你说话
我该怎样做,我们才能和好？
什么?
我们不是一直这样吗？
我犯错以后你就告诉我怎么改
我改好了你就又喜欢我了
是吗，可我不想教你怎么谈恋爱了
你自己想清楚吧
假如你害怕真正的交往
就别再烦我
Howard! Howard!
菲比
嗨，罗斯!
你在这里做什么？
我来参加你的派对，
没想到这是Howard的派对
他十分可爱
再见了，菲比
谢谢你慷慨解囊
你捐钱了？
恩，捐了100块
真不能相信，你居然给他们钱
我本以为你也反对
他们找我收钱呢
但他们没找我收钱
我只是摆阔的陌生人而已，很有趣
但你的做法让我更没面子了
不，我没有! 我的用意是给你脸上争光
他们看到你跟我说话，你就——
哇，我是大红人
嘿，菲比!
嘿，罗斯
也许你们俩可以换房子住，
菲比才是我们的同类
考虑考虑吧
我错了
你……强壮多了
谢谢，我一直在健身
看得出来吗，我穿了六件衣服
看不出，为什么穿那么多
我打算跟凯蒂分手，
所以穿上特别的护甲
想想看，她高兴时打我都那么痛
当我表示要跟她分手，她还不使蛮劲？
嘿，很可爱的外套
谢谢，你嘴真甜
嗷！
乔伊把他的口头禅教你了？
你们真过分!
凯蒂，
过分的是你!
乔伊的朋友可真够意思
乔伊的女朋友也很够意思
你嘴甜!
你才甜呢!
她踢我！
你不帮我？
你再不出手，我马上走人！
帮还是不帮？
不
糟糕透了，我要走了！
别，我正跟大家讲你的好话呢
给我点时间，放松点，去吃点东西
你跟他们说我什么事
说了你和爱米丽的事
赚取同情分
结果他们觉得你是坏人
什么?
我好象没讲对
我们理一下事情的来龙去脉，
因为我并不是很清楚你们的纠葛
这蛋糕真好吃!
你会慢慢愉快起来的
天啊! 有人偷吃Howard的蛋糕
谁这么不要脸
3楼B座的家伙！
你吃白食，你扫大家的兴
你还不赶快滚回家去！
滚回3楼B座去！
各位，冷静！我有话要说
谁喜欢罗斯？
当然你们都不喜欢他
他不捐钱
在我刚才发问时，只有他自己举手
而且他还带两个名牌！
老实说，我第一次见到罗斯时，
我也一点都不喜欢他！
直到我了解他后，我才发现他其实很可爱
体贴而且慷慨
试着去了解罗斯，不要妄下定论
这正像我对在座诸位的看法。
现在我喜欢你们。但初次见面时
Kurt, 我当你是个醉鬼
Lola呢
迟钝麻木
至于你们，你像用美人计骗钱的女人
你则是老牛吃嫩草
现在你们明白我的意思了吧
真没想到他们会扔烂番茄
我本打算把他们挨个羞辱一番，
然后你跳出来为他们说好话
充好汉
好办法！可惜我没想到
莫妮呢？我要跟她谈谈，很急
我是莫妮
我要跟你谈谈，急事
我一直在考虑我们的事
我想了很多
我想补救的唯一方法是
你干嘛？
别那样
你愿意嫁给我吗？
馊主意
看不下去了
你干吗求婚
我不知道
但我现在知道了，求婚不可怕
我求婚是因为我很抱歉
你认为结婚的最佳理由是“抱歉”？
最好的理由应该是“怀孕”
“抱歉”排第四位，第2位是“准备好了”；
第3位是“真心想结婚”
做我妻子，好吗？
你用脑子想想，这有多荒谬
真希望大家什么都没看见
这次吵架完全不是因我而起！
我从没说过我要结婚生子!
是啊，但我不能确定，
所以找他们请教
找谁请教？离婚两次的家伙？还有乔伊？
她说得对
就算对，也太刻薄了
还记得我说过
让你自己想清楚吗？
我看你还没这个能力
的确是的
天啊
刚才我若答应你求婚，你会怎样做？
也许，我会非常开心
因为能和我心爱的女人共度余生
也许，你现在会看到大门上
有我落跑时撞出的大洞
把刀递给我好吗？
不好！
不递算了，凶什么
是啊，很抱歉，你愿意嫁给我吗？
我想跟你求婚，因为上星期我还没跟你问好
那么点小事，要求同居就够了。
对吧，钱德
你们还要闹多久
他们笑你多久
和你做的事有多蠢成正比，
他们会笑很久的
有趣!
记得我总说”我们分手了！”吗
抱歉，你愿意嫁给我吗
不好笑
一点也不好笑

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妙。

ZxID：14119852

4831鲜花 0鸡蛋

等级: 派派贵宾

举报只看该作者 106楼发表于: 2019-08-01 0

Friends is one of my favorite foreign sitcoms.

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默默是我

ZxID：14380081

91鲜花 0鸡蛋

等级: 热心会员

OH no

举报只看该作者 107楼发表于: 2019-08-02 0

— (小白兔和积木) 根据版规：回帖要求：可以使用中文，但是要有不少于三个单词的一句英语回答。禁止无意义，纯粹复制主楼内容，或者纯表情的灌水帖。就是说回复英文内容不能完全复制主楼哦。请尽快修改并举报审核，否则只能按不合格处理。 (2019-08-10 04:59) —

提个建议，
Chandler: Okay, how long is this going to go on.
你们还要闹多久
Monica: Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were so, a long time.
他们笑你多久
和你做的事有多蠢成正比，
他们会笑很久的

发这样的好不好，方便看一些

WXHWZYQDHY

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