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第二十八章
过了一会，到了该起身的时间了。我便下了梯子到楼下去。我走过姑娘们的房间，门是
开着的。我见到玛丽•珍妮坐在她那只旧的毛皮箱的旁边。箱子盖是打开着的，她正在整理
行装——准备前往英国去。不过这一刻她住了手，一件叠好的衣衫放在膝盖上，双手掩着
脸，正在哭泣。见到这个景象，我心里十分难过。自然人人都会难过的。我走了进去，说道：
“玛丽•珍妮小姐，你生来见不得人家陷于不幸，我也不行——总是不行。请告诉我
吧。”
她就对我说了。是黑奴的事——不出我的所料。她说，她美妙的英国之行差一点儿给毁
了。她说，既然知道了母女从此分离，再也见不到一面，她不知道此后怎么会快活得起来—
—说着说着又哭得更加辛酸，双手往上一举说：
“哦，天啊，天啊，试想一想吧，永生永世不能再见一面啦！”
“不过她们会相见的——不出两个星期——这我可知道！”我说。
天啊，我还没有仔细想一想，就这么脱口而出了——她呢，不容我往后缩，就两条胳膊
紧紧围住了我的脖子，要我再说一遍，再说一遍，再说一遍。！
我发现自己说得太突然了，也说得太多了，一时间感到左右为难。我要求她让我想一分
钟，她便坐在那里，很不耐烦，又很激动！样子又漂亮，神情有点儿快乐而舒坦，仿佛一个
人刚把病牙拔掉。我于是又思索了起来。我跟我自己说，当一个人处境艰难的时候，要能站
立起来，把真相给说出来，那是要冒风险的。我虽然还没有经验，不能说得十分肯定，不过
依我看，事情是这么样的。可是，眼前这件事，我总以为说实话要比撒谎好得多，也保险得
多。我非得把这件事放在心上，有时间时多多琢磨琢磨。这委实是件怪异的事，非同寻常可
比。我还从没有见过这样的事。我临了对自己说，好吧，我还是好歹试它一试。这一回啊，
我倒要站出来，把真相给说出来，尽管这很象是坐在一桶炸药上，用火把它点燃起来，看看
究竟会把你崩到哪儿去。于是我说：
“玛丽•珍妮小姐，有没有什么办法能在离这个镇子不太远的地方，找到一个什么去
处，去耽那么三四天？”
“能啊——洛斯罗浦先生家。为了什么啊？”
“眼下还不用问为什么。要是我对你说，我知道这些黑奴是会重新团聚的——不出两个
星期——就在这间屋子里团聚——而且我证明我是怎么知道的——那你肯不肯到洛斯罗浦家
去耽四天？”
“四天！”她说，“我愿耽一年哩！”
“那好，”我说，“我要你说的正就是这句话，不用说更多的话了，——我要你这句
话，比人家吻了《圣经》说的话还要强呢。”她微微一笑，脸红了起来，那么甜甜的。我
说，“要是你不在乎的话，我要把门关上——把门闩好。”
随后我走了回来，坐下来说：
“别嚷啊，就这样静静地坐好，要象个男子汉一般对待这一切。我得把真相告诉你，你
呢，得鼓点儿勇气，玛丽小姐，因为这是一件不幸的事，叫人难以忍受的事，但是事已如
此，是无可奈何的了。你们的这些叔叔啊，他们根本不是什么叔叔——他们是一伙骗子——
地地道道的大流氓。啊，如今已经把顶可怕的事端了出来了，——其余的话你便能受得住
了。”
不消说，这些话对她的震撼是无以复加的。不过我呢，仿佛鱼游过了浅滩，我便继续说
下去。我一边说，她眼睛里发出的光越来越亮。我继续把这些为非作歹的事，一五一十告诉
了她，从我们第一次遇到那个搭轮的年轻傻瓜讲起，一直讲到她怎样在大门口投进国王的怀
抱，他吻了她不下十六七回——这时她跳将起来，满脸通红，仿佛烧得象落山的太阳。
她说：
“那个禽兽！来——别再耽误一分钟——一秒钟——我们要给他抹柏油、撒羽毛，把他
扔到河里去。”
我说：
“那当然。不过，你难道是说，在你到洛斯罗浦家去以前便动手么？——”
“哦，”她说，“你看我在想些什么啊！”一边说，一边又坐了下来。“别见怪我说了
些什么——请别见怪——如今你不会见怪，不会了，是吧。”她把那柔滑得象绸子一般的手
搁在我的手上，这份情意就是叫我去死我也是愿意的。“我从未想到我会这么激动，”她
说，“好吧，说下去，我不会再这样激动了。我该怎么办，你尽管说。不论你怎么说，我一
定照着办。”
“啊，”我说，“那可是一帮穷凶极恶的家伙啊，这两个骗子。我事已至此，非得跟他
们一起走一程，不管我愿意还是不愿意——至于是什么原因，我暂时还不能对你说——你如
果告发他们，那这个镇子上的人，倒是会把我从他们的爪子下搭救出来，可是这里还牵涉到
一个你不知道的人。他可要遭殃啦①。唉，我们得搭救他啊，不是么？当然是这样。这么说
来，那我们还不必告发他们。”
①诺顿版注：指黑人杰姆，参看２４章末了的记叙。
说这些话的时候，我心生一计。我想到了我和杰姆怎样摆脱掉那两个骗子，并且?
在这里便给关进牢狱。不过我不想在大白天就划木筏子，因为这样的话，除了我，就没有别
的人在木筏子上回答盘问的人，因此我不愿意把那个计划在今晚深夜以前就开动起来。我说：
“玛丽•珍妮小姐，我会告诉你我们该怎么办——你也不用在洛斯罗浦家耽那么久。那
里离这里有多少路？”
“四英里路不到些——就在后边那个乡下。”
“好啊，这就行了。现今你可以到那边去，耽到今晚九点，或者九点半，不要声张，随
后请他们送你回家——对他们说是你想起了什么一件事这才要回去的。要是你在十一点以前
到，在窗子上放一支蜡烛，到时候我如果没有露面，等我等到十一点，随后如果我还没有露
面，那就是说我已经远走高飞啦，已经脱身啦，已经平安无事啦。随后你就可出场了，可以
把信息在各个方面传开来，并且把这些败类关进牢狱。”
“好，”她说，“我会照着办的。”
“万一我没有能走掉，跟他们一起被抓住，你务必挺身出来，说我是怎样把事情的全盘
经过在事前就告诉了你的，你务必竭尽你的全力站在我的一边。”
“站在你的一边，当然我会的。他们决不会动你的一根毫毛。”她说。我见她说的时候
鼻翼微张，眼睛闪着光亮。“要是我走成功了，我就不会在这里了，”我说。“不会在这里
为这些流氓并非你的叔叔这件事作证。如果我到时候还在这里，我也无法这样干。我能宣誓
证明说这是些败类，是痞子，我能做的，仅此而已。尽管这还是有点儿价值的。可别的人也
能这么干，并且干得比我更强——他们这些人一出场就不会遭到怀疑，和我有所不同。我来
告诉你怎么找到这些人。你给我一支笔和一张纸。就这样——《王室异兽》，勃里斯克维
尔。把这个藏好，别丢了。一旦法院要弄清这两个家伙的事，让他们派人上勃里斯克维尔
去，去对镇上人说，你们已经抓住了演出《王室异兽》的家伙，要他们前来出场作证——
哈，不用你一眨眼的工夫，全镇的人会涌来作证，玛丽小姐。而且他们准会怒气冲冲地赶
来。”
依我看，我们已经把事情一桩桩一件件都安排好了。我因此说：
“不妨让拍卖就这样进行下去，不用担什么心。拍卖以后，人家在整整一天之内，不用
为了买下的东西付现款，因为通告的时间太局促了，他们在取到钱以前无法付款——依照我
们设下的方案，拍卖不会作数，他们也就拿不到钱。黑奴的事和这没有什么两样——这不是
买卖，黑奴不久也就会回来。哈，黑奴的钱，他们是到不了手的——他们可陷进了最糟的困
境啦，玛丽小姐。”
“好啊，”她说，“我如今先下去吃早饭去，随后径直往洛斯罗浦家去。”
“啊哟，那不成啊，玛丽•珍妮小姐，”我说，“这绝对不行啊。吃早饭以前就走。”
“为什么？”
“依你看，我要你去的根本原因是什么，玛丽小姐？”
“嗯，我从未想过啊——让我想一想。我不明白啊。是什么原因呢？”
“为什么？因为你可不是那种脸皮厚厚一层的人啊。要是我念的书能象你的脸一样，那
该多好啊。人家一坐下来，就读到粗黑的铅字体，看得清清楚楚的。依你看，你难道能够见
到你叔叔，你叔叔来亲你，说声早安的时候不露——么？”
“对，对，别说啦！好，我在吃早饭以前就走——我乐意的。难道让妹妹跟他们在一
起？”
“是的——根本不用为她们担什么心。她们还得忍耐一会儿。要是你们都走了的话，他
们说不定会起疑心。我不要你见到他们这些家伙，也不要见到你的妹妹，或是这个镇上的任
何别的人——要是今天早上一个邻居问起你叔叔，你的脸啊，会说出点儿什么来。不行，你
还是径直去吧，玛丽•珍妮小姐。至于其余的人，我会一个个安排好的。我会让苏珊小姐替
你向叔叔们问候的，还让她们说，你要走开几个钟头，好小小休息一下，换一换环境，或者
是去看一个朋友，今晚或者明晨就会回来的。”
“去看一个朋友，这样说是可以的，不过我可不要向他们问候。”
“好，那就不问候。”对她这样说一下，那就够了——这样说不会有什么坏处。这是小
事一桩，不会惹什么麻烦。可往往只靠一些小事，便能清除人们深层里的障碍。这样一件小
事能叫玛丽•珍妮小姐感到舒服，却又不用花费什么代价。随后我说：“还有另外一件事—
—就是那袋钱的事。”
“啊，他们拿到了手啦。一想到他们是怎么样搞到手的，我觉得我是多么傻啊。”
“不对。你可不知情哩。他们并没有搞到手。”
“怎么啦，那么在谁手里？”
“我但愿我知道就好了，不过我并不知道。钱曾经在我的手里。因为我从他们那儿偷了
过来。我偷来是为了给你们的。我也清楚我把钱藏在什么一个地方，不过我怕如今不在那里
了。我非常难过，玛丽•珍妮小姐。我实在难过得无以复加，不过能做到的我都做过了，我
都做过了，这是说的实在话。我差一点儿给逮住了。我不得不随手一塞塞好，拔腿就跑——
可塞的不是个理想的地方。”
“哦，别埋怨自己罢——光埋怨自己，那太不好了，我不准许这样——你也是无可奈何
嘛，这不是你的错嘛。你给藏在哪里啦？”
我并不愿意让她又想到自己的烦恼。我仿佛张不开嘴来对她说些什么，以致叫她仿佛见
到棺材里躺着的尸体，肚子上放着那个钱袋。因此，我一时间什么也没有说——随后我说：
“我宁可不告诉你我把钱放在哪里的，玛丽•珍妮小姐，如果你能不追问我的话。不过
我可以为了你起见，把这写在一张纸片上。只要你愿意，你可以在去洛斯罗浦家的路上拿出
来看。你看这样行么？”
“哦，行的。”
我就写了下来：“我把钱袋放到棺材里了。那天你在那儿哭的时候，也就是在当晚，钱
还在棺材里。当时我躲在门背后，我也替你非常难过啊，玛丽•珍妮小姐。”
写着写着，我眼里也流了泪，我想到她怎样深夜只身一人哭哭啼啼，可就在她自己家的
屋檐下，这些魔鬼正住在那里，叫她丢丑，掠夺她。我把纸片折好递给她时，看见她眼睛里
也热泪盈眶。她用力握住我的手说：
“再见了，——你刚才对我说的话，一桩桩、一件件，我都会照着做。要是我再也见不
着你了，我也永远不会把你忘掉，我会一次又一次，无数次地想你，我会为你祈祷。”——
说过，她飘然而去了。
为我祈祷！我看啊，要是她知道我是怎样一个人的话，她就会挑另一件和她更般配的事
去干。不过我敢打赌，话虽这样说，她还是为我祈祷的——她就是这么一类人。只要她打定
了主意，她就有胆子甚至敢为犹大祈祷哩——我看啊，她身上没有软骨头。尽管你爱怎么
说，就可以怎么说，不过据我的看法，她是我见到的姑娘中最有胆量的人了，她浑身是胆。
这话听起来仿佛是过于奉承的话，其实并非如此。要是说到美——以及善——她就比人家高
出一头。自从我亲眼看到她走出这道门以后，我就从没有再见到过她了，不过我想念到她的
次数啊，我看恐怕有千百万次了吧。还不时想到了她所说的要为我祈祷的话。要是我认为，
为了她祈祷会对我有点儿用处的话，我死活也要为她祈祷啊。
是啊，依我看，玛丽•珍妮是从后门溜走的，因为并没有人见到她走开。我见到苏珊和
豁嘴时，我说：
“你们有时候全家去拜访的河对面那家人家叫什么名字来着？”
她们说：
“有几家哩。主要是普洛克托斯家。”
“正是这个名字，”我说。“我差点儿把这忘了。玛丽•珍妮小姐要我告诉你们，她急
急忙忙到那里去了——有人病了。”
“哪一个？”
“我不知道。至少是我忘啦，不过我想是——”
“天啊，但愿不是汉娜？”
“真对不起，”我说，“恰恰正是汉娜。”
“天啊，——她上个星期还身体好好的嘛！她病得厉害么？”
“是叫不出名字的病。玛丽•珍妮小姐说，人家陪了她整整一个晚上，还深怕她拖不过
多少时间了。”
“到了这么个地步啊！她究竟得的什么病呢？”
我一时间想不出什么一种合理的病，就说：
“流行性腮腺炎。”
“流行性腮腺炎，别瞎扯啦！得了流行性腮腺炎，也不致于要人整夜守着啊。”
“不用守着，是么？你不妨打个赌，对这样的流行性腮腺炎，人家是要整夜守着的。玛
丽•珍妮小姐说，这是新的一种。”
“怎么新的一种？”
“因为跟别的病并发的。”
“什么些别的病？”
“嗯，麻疹、百日咳，还有一种非常厉害的皮肤病，还有痨病、黄疸病、脑膜炎，还有
别的什么，连我也说不清。”
“天啊！还把这个叫做什么流行性腮腺炎！”
“玛丽•珍妮小姐就是这么个叫法。”
“啊，他们为什么要把这个叫做流行性腮腺炎呢？”
“为什么？因为这是流行性腮腺炎，这病开头从这个开始的。”
“哈，这就没有道理了。一个人也可能最早先碰痛了大拇脚趾，随后吃了毒药，又掉到
了井里，扭坏了脖子，摔坏了脑子，有人出来问起此人怎么死的，可是一个蠢家伙却出来说
‘啊，他碰伤了大拇脚趾。’这样的说法难道有什么道理么？
不，毫无道理。这病传染么？”
“扎人①？看你说的。假如有一张耙——在黑地里——会扎人么？你不给这个耙齿扎
住，就会给别的耙齿扎住，你说对不对？你要想挣脱掉这张耙齿，就非得把整张的耙拉开，
不是么？这流行性腮腺炎就不妨说如同一张耙一样，——可不是平平常常的一张耙，让它扎
上了就下不来啦。”
①原文catching可作抓住、挂住解，也可作传染解，这里哈克可能有意逗笑，也可
能不知道有后面一种意思（传染）。
“我看啊，这太可怕了，”豁嘴说。“我要到哈维叔叔那里去——”
“哦，是啊，”我说，“我要是你的话，当然我得去。我要一时一刻也不耽误。”
“嗯，为什么一时一刻也不耽误呢？”
“你只要稍稍想一想，你就会明白的。你的叔叔们不是非得尽快回英国老家去么？你难
道以为他们会那么卑鄙，以致自己说走就走，而让你们单独走这样远的路程么？你们知道他
们肯定会等你们一起走的。到此为止，一切还顺当。你叔叔哈维是位传教师，不是么？既然
这样，一个传教师会欺骗一只轮船上的伙计么？他会欺骗一只船上的伙计么？——就为了让
他们同意玛丽•珍妮小姐上船？现在你明白了，他是不会这样干的。那么，他会怎么干呢？
啊，他会说，这实在没有办法。教堂的事只好由它去了，因为我的侄女接触了那可怕的综合
①流行性腮腺炎，我有义不容辞的责任在这儿留下来，等三个月，看看她有没有得这个病。
不过不用担什么心，要是你认为最好是告诉哈维叔叔的话——”
①原文为拉丁文，美国国徽上以此作为箴言，意为“合众为一”，这里用作多种病
症形成的综合症。
“别胡说了。放着我们能在英国过快活日子，却要耽在这儿鬼混，光为了看看玛丽•珍
妮是不是沾上了这个病？你这不是在说傻话么？”
“不管怎么说，也许最好还是跟你们邻居中哪一位先说一说。”
“你听我说吧。你可说是生来就比任何什么人都要笨。你难道不明白，他们就会去告诉
别的人？如今只有一条路可走，那就是根本谁也不告诉。”
“啊，也许你是对的——是啊，我认为你是对的。”
“不过依我看，我们应该至少告诉一下哈维叔叔，说她要离开一会儿，好叫他不必为她
担心。”
“是啊，玛丽•珍妮小姐要你这么办。她说，‘对她们说一下，要她们向哈维叔叔和威
廉叔叔问候，说我到对河去看——你们的彼得大伯经常念叨着的那一富有人家叫什么来着—
—我是说那一家——叫什么来着。”
“哦，你一定是指阿贝索贝斯，不是么？”
“当然是的，他们这种姓名啊，真是烦死人，叫人家怎么也记不住，多半记不住。是
的，她说她要过去求阿贝索贝斯家务必到拍卖的现场来，并且买下这座房子，因为她认定，
彼得大伯宁愿由他们家而不是别的人家把这座房子买下来。她准备缠着他们不放，直到他们
答应会来。如果能说通，并且她还没有累倒，她就会回家来。如果那样的话，她会回家来
的。如果这样，至少她在早上会回家来的，她还说，关于普洛克托斯家，什么也别说，只提
阿贝索贝斯家便行了——这是完全实实在在的话，因为她去那里是为了讲她们买下房子的
事。这我清楚，因为是她亲口对我这么说的。”
“好吧。”她们说。随后就去找她们的叔叔，向他们问候，给他们传口信。
如今一切顺利。姑娘们不会说什么，因为她们想去英国。国王和公爵呢，他们宁愿玛
丽•珍妮出门为拍卖出一把力，而不愿意她们就在身边，叫罗宾逊医生一找就能找到。我
呢，也感觉良好。据我自个儿判断，我干得挺漂亮——依我看，就是汤姆•索亚吧，也未必
能干得更漂亮些。当然啰，他会搞得更有气派些。我因为从小缺少这方面的锻炼，便不能那
么得心应手。
啊，他们在公共广场上进行着拍卖，一直搞到傍晚。拍卖拖啊，拖啊，一直在拖下去。
那个老头儿亲自到场，站在台上主持拍卖的人身边，神情十分虔诚，不时插进去引一小段
《圣经》上的话，或是几句假仁假义的话。公爵呢，也在旁边咕咕咕地叫，想方设法引起人
家对他表示同情，并且借这个机会，好叫自己出出风头。
事情终于拖到了尽头，一切都拍卖光了。什么都拍卖掉了，除了墓地上的一些小玩意
儿。他们还要不遗余力把这些都拍卖掉——国王那种决心把一切的一切都吞下去的那个贪财
劲头，我可从来没有见过。啊，这一切正在进行着的当口儿，一只轮船靠岸啦。在这以后不
过两分钟，就有一群人来了，他们一边大声喊叫，一边哈哈大笑，闹着玩地叫道：
“如今来了你们的对头啦！老彼得•威尔克斯家，如今有了两套继承的人马啦——你们
只要掏出钱来，押哪一家，尽你们挑！”
Chapter 28
BY and by it was getting-up time. So I come down the ladder and started for down-stairs; but as I come to the girls' room the door was open, and I see Mary Jane setting by her old hair trunk, which was open and she'd been packing things in it -- getting ready to go to England. But she had stopped now with a folded gown in her lap, and had her face in her hands, crying. I felt awful bad to see it; of course anybody would. I went in there and says:
"Miss Mary Jane, you can't a-bear to see people in trouble, and I can't -- most always. Tell me about it."
So she done it. And it was the niggers -- I just expected it. She said the beautiful trip to England was most about spoiled for her; she didn't know HOW she was ever going to be happy there, knowing the mother and the children warn't ever going to see each other no more -- and then busted out bitterer than ever, and flung up her hands, and says:
"Oh, dear, dear, to think they ain't EVER going to see each other any more!"
"But they WILL -- and inside of two weeks -- and I KNOW it!" says I.
Laws, it was out before I could think! And before I could budge she throws her arms around my neck and told me to say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN, say it AGAIN!
I see I had spoke too sudden and said too much, and was in a close place. I asked her to let me think a minute; and she set there, very impatient and excited and handsome, but looking kind of happy and eased-up, like a person that's had a tooth pulled out. So I went to studying it out. I says to myself, I reckon a body that ups and tells the truth when he is in a tight place is taking considerable many resks, though I ain't had no experience, and can't say for certain; but it looks so to me, anyway; and yet here's a case where I'm blest if it don't look to me like the truth is better and actuly SAFER than a lie. I must lay it by in my mind, and think it over some time or other, it's so kind of strange and unregular. I never see nothing like it. Well, I says to myself at last, I'm a-going to chance it; I'll up and tell the truth this time, though it does seem most like setting down on a kag of powder and touching it off just to see where you'll go to. Then I says:
"Miss Mary Jane, is there any place out of town a little ways where you could go and stay three or four days?"
"Yes; Mr. Lothrop's. Why?"
"Never mind why yet. If I'll tell you how I know the niggers will see each other again inside of two weeks -- here in this house -- and PROVE how I know it -- will you go to Mr. Lothrop's and stay four days?"
"Four days!" she says; "I'll stay a year!"
"All right," I says, "I don't want nothing more out of YOU than just your word -- I druther have it than another man's kiss-the-Bible." She smiled and reddened up very sweet, and I says, "If you don't mind it, I'll shut the door -- and bolt it."
Then I come back and set down again, and says:
"Don't you holler. Just set still and take it like a man. I got to tell the truth, and you want to brace up, Miss Mary, because it's a bad kind, and going to be hard to take, but there ain't no help for it. These uncles of yourn ain't no uncles at all; they're a couple of frauds -- regular dead-beats. There, now we're over the worst of it, you can stand the rest middling easy."
It jolted her up like everything, of course; but I was over the shoal water now, so I went right along, her eyes a-blazing higher and higher all the time, and told her every blame thing, from where we first struck that young fool going up to the steamboat, clear through to where she flung herself on to the king's breast at the front door and he kissed her sixteen or seventeen times -- and then up she jumps, with her face afire like sunset, and says:
"The brute! Come, don't waste a minute -- not a SECOND -- we'll have them tarred and feathered, and flung in the river!"
Says I:
"Cert'nly. But do you mean BEFORE you go to Mr. Lothrop's, or --"
"Oh," she says, "what am I THINKING about!" she says, and set right down again. "Don't mind what I said -- please don't -- you WON'T, now, WILL you?" Laying her silky hand on mine in that kind of a way that I said I would die first. "I never thought, I was so stirred up," she says; "now go on, and I won't do so any more. You tell me what to do, and whatever you say I'll do it."
"Well," I says, "it's a rough gang, them two frauds, and I'm fixed so I got to travel with them a while longer, whether I want to or not -- I druther not tell you why; and if you was to blow on them this town would get me out of their claws, and I'd be all right; but there'd be another person that you don't know about who'd be in big trouble. Well, we got to save HIM, hain't we? Of course. Well, then, we won't blow on them."
Saying them words put a good idea in my head. I see how maybe I could get me and Jim rid of the frauds; get them jailed here, and then leave. But I didn't want to run the raft in the daytime without anybody aboard to answer questions but me; so I didn't want the plan to begin working till pretty late to-night. I says:
"Miss Mary Jane, I'll tell you what we'll do, and you won't have to stay at Mr. Lothrop's so long, nuther. How fur is it?"
"A little short of four miles -- right out in the country, back here."
"Well, that 'll answer. Now you go along out there, and lay low till nine or half-past to-night, and then get them to fetch you home again -- tell them you've thought of something. If you get here before eleven put a candle in this window, and if I don't turn up wait TILL eleven, and THEN if I don't turn up it means I'm gone, and out of the way, and safe. Then you come out and spread the news around, and get these beats jailed."
"Good," she says, "I'll do it."
"And if it just happens so that I don't get away, but get took up along with them, you must up and say I told you the whole thing beforehand, and you must stand by me all you can."
"Stand by you! indeed I will. They sha'n't touch a hair of your head!" she says, and I see her nostrils spread and her eyes snap when she said it, too.
"If I get away I sha'n't be here," I says, "to prove these rapscallions ain't your uncles, and I couldn't do it if I WAS here. I could swear they was beats and bummers, that's all, though that's worth something. Well, there's others can do that better than what I can, and they're people that ain't going to be doubted as quick as I'd be. I'll tell you how to find them. Gimme a pencil and a piece of paper. There -- 'Royal Nonesuch, Bricksville.' Put it away, and don't lose it. When the court wants to find out something about these two, let them send up to Bricksville and say they've got the men that played the Royal Nonesuch, and ask for some witnesses -- why, you'll have that entire town down here before you can hardly wink, Miss Mary. And they'll come a-biling, too."
I judged we had got everything fixed about right now. So I says:
"Just let the auction go right along, and don't worry. Nobody don't have to pay for the things they buy till a whole day after the auction on accounts of the short notice, and they ain't going out of this till they get that money; and the way we've fixed it the sale ain't going to count, and they ain't going to get no money. It's just like the way it was with the niggers -- it warn't no sale, and the niggers will be back before long. Why, they can't collect the money for the NIGGERS yet -- they're in the worst kind of a fix, Miss Mary."
"Well," she says, "I'll run down to breakfast now, and then I'll start straight for Mr. Lothrop's."
"'Deed, THAT ain't the ticket, Miss Mary Jane," I says, "by no manner of means; go BEFORE breakfast."
"Why?"
"What did you reckon I wanted you to go at all for, Miss Mary?"
"Well, I never thought -- and come to think, I don't know. What was it?"
"Why, it's because you ain't one of these leatherface people. I don't want no better book than what your face is. A body can set down and read it off like coarse print. Do you reckon you can go and face your uncles when they come to kiss you goodmorning, and never --"
"There, there, don't! Yes, I'll go before breakfast -- I'll be glad to. And leave my sisters with them?"
"Yes; never mind about them. They've got to stand it yet a while. They might suspicion something if all of you was to go. I don't want you to see them, nor your sisters, nor nobody in this town; if a neighbor was to ask how is your uncles this morning your face would tell something. No, you go right along, Miss Mary Jane, and I'll fix it with all of them. I'll tell Miss Susan to give your love to your uncles and say you've went away for a few hours for to get a little rest and change, or to see a friend, and you'll be back to-night or early in the morning."
"Gone to see a friend is all right, but I won't have my love given to them."
"Well, then, it sha'n't be." It was well enough to tell HER so -- no harm in it. It was only a little thing to do, and no trouble; and it's the little things that smooths people's roads the most, down here below; it would make Mary Jane comfortable, and it wouldn't cost nothing. Then I says: "There's one more thing -- that bag of money."
"Well, they've got that; and it makes me feel pretty silly to think HOW they got it."
"No, you're out, there. They hain't got it."
"Why, who's got it?"
"I wish I knowed, but I don't. I HAD it, because I stole it from them; and I stole it to give to you; and I know where I hid it, but I'm afraid it ain't there no more. I'm awful sorry, Miss Mary Jane, I'm just as sorry as I can be; but I done the best I could; I did honest. I come nigh getting caught, and I had to shove it into the first place I come to, and run -- and it warn't a good place."
"Oh, stop blaming yourself -- it's too bad to do it, and I won't allow it -- you couldn't help it; it wasn't your fault. Where did you hide it?"
I didn't want to set her to thinking about her troubles again; and I couldn't seem to get my mouth to tell her what would make her see that corpse laying in the coffin with that bag of money on his stomach. So for a minute I didn't say nothing; then I says:
"I'd ruther not TELL you where I put it, Miss Mary Jane, if you don't mind letting me off; but I'll write it for you on a piece of paper, and you can read it along the road to Mr. Lothrop's, if you want to. Do you reckon that 'll do?"
"Oh, yes."
So I wrote: "I put it in the coffin. It was in there when you was crying there, away in the night. I was behind the door, and I was mighty sorry for you, Miss Mary Jane."
It made my eyes water a little to remember her crying there all by herself in the night, and them devils laying there right under her own roof, shaming her and robbing her; and when I folded it up and give it to her I see the water come into her eyes, too; and she shook me by the hand, hard, and says:
"GOOD-bye. I'm going to do everything just as you've told me; and if I don't ever see you again, I sha'n't ever forget you. and I'll think of you a many and a many a time, and I'll PRAY for you, too!" -- and she was gone.
Pray for me! I reckoned if she knowed me she'd take a job that was more nearer her size. But I bet she done it, just the same -- she was just that kind. She had the grit to pray for Judus if she took the notion -- there warn't no back-down to her, I judge. You may say what you want to, but in my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in my opinion she was just full of sand. It sounds like flattery, but it ain't no flattery. And when it comes to beauty -- and goodness, too -- she lays over them all. I hain't ever seen her since that time that I see her go out of that door; no, I hain't ever seen her since, but I reckon I've thought of her a many and a many a million times, and of her saying she would pray for me; and if ever I'd a thought it would do any good for me to pray for HER, blamed if I wouldn't a done it or bust.
Well, Mary Jane she lit out the back way, I reckon; because nobody see her go. When I struck Susan and the hare-lip, I says:
"What's the name of them people over on t'other side of the river that you all goes to see sometimes?"
They says:
"There's several; but it's the Proctors, mainly."
"That's the name," I says; "I most forgot it. Well, Miss Mary Jane she told me to tell you she's gone over there in a dreadful hurry -- one of them's sick."
"Which one?"
"I don't know; leastways, I kinder forget; but I thinks it's --"
"Sakes alive, I hope it ain't HANNER?"
"I'm sorry to say it," I says, "but Hanner's the very one."
"My goodness, and she so well only last week! Is she took bad?"
"It ain't no name for it. They set up with her all night, Miss Mary Jane said, and they don't think she'll last many hours."
"Only think of that, now! What's the matter with her?"
I couldn't think of anything reasonable, right off that way, so I says:
"Mumps."
"Mumps your granny! They don't set up with people that's got the mumps."
"They don't, don't they? You better bet they do with THESE mumps. These mumps is different. It's a new kind, Miss Mary Jane said."
"How's it a new kind?"
"Because it's mixed up with other things."
"What other things?"
"Well, measles, and whooping-cough, and erysiplas, and consumption, and yaller janders, and brain-fever, and I don't know what all."
"My land! And they call it the MUMPS?"
"That's what Miss Mary Jane said."
"Well, what in the nation do they call it the MUMPS for?"
"Why, because it IS the mumps. That's what it starts with."
"Well, ther' ain't no sense in it. A body might stump his toe, and take pison, and fall down the well, and break his neck, and bust his brains out, and somebody come along and ask what killed him, and some numskull up and say, 'Why, he stumped his TOE.' Would ther' be any sense in that? NO. And ther' ain't no sense in THIS, nuther. Is it ketching?"
"Is it KETCHING? Why, how you talk. Is a HARROW catching -- in the dark? If you don't hitch on to one tooth, you're bound to on another, ain't you? And you can't get away with that tooth without fetching the whole harrow along, can you? Well, these kind of mumps is a kind of a harrow, as you may say -- and it ain't no slouch of a harrow, nuther, you come to get it hitched on good."
"Well, it's awful, I think," says the hare-lip. "I'll go to Uncle Harvey and --"
"Oh, yes," I says, "I WOULD. Of COURSE I would. I wouldn't lose no time."
"Well, why wouldn't you?"
"Just look at it a minute, and maybe you can see. Hain't your uncles obleegd to get along home to England as fast as they can? And do you reckon they'd be mean enough to go off and leave you to go all that journey by yourselves? YOU know they'll wait for you. So fur, so good. Your uncle Harvey's a preacher, ain't he? Very well, then; is a PREACHER going to deceive a steamboat clerk? is he going to deceive a SHIP CLERK? -- so as to get them to let Miss Mary Jane go aboard? Now YOU know he ain't. What WILL he do, then? Why, he'll say, 'It's a great pity, but my church matters has got to get along the best way they can; for my niece has been exposed to the dreadful pluribus-unum mumps, and so it's my bounden duty to set down here and wait the three months it takes to show on her if she's got it.' But never mind, if you think it's best to tell your uncle Harvey --"
"Shucks, and stay fooling around here when we could all be having good times in England whilst we was waiting to find out whether Mary Jane's got it or not? Why, you talk like a muggins."
"Well, anyway, maybe you'd better tell some of the neighbors."
"Listen at that, now. You do beat all for natural stupidness. Can't you SEE that THEY'D go and tell? Ther' ain't no way but just to not tell anybody at ALL."
"Well, maybe you're right -- yes, I judge you ARE right."
"But I reckon we ought to tell Uncle Harvey she's gone out a while, anyway, so he won't be uneasy about her?"
"Yes, Miss Mary Jane she wanted you to do that. She says, 'Tell them to give Uncle Harvey and William my love and a kiss, and say I've run over the river to see Mr.' -- Mr. -- what IS the name of that rich family your uncle Peter used to think so much of? -- I mean the one that --"
"Why, you must mean the Apthorps, ain't it?"
"Of course; bother them kind of names, a body can't ever seem to remember them, half the time, somehow. Yes, she said, say she has run over for to ask the Apthorps to be sure and come to the auction and buy this house, because she allowed her uncle Peter would ruther they had it than anybody else; and she's going to stick to them till they say they'll come, and then, if she ain't too tired, she's coming home; and if she is, she'll be home in the morning anyway. She said, don't say nothing about the Proctors, but only about the Apthorps -- which 'll be perfectly true, because she is going there to speak about their buying the house; I know it, because she told me so herself."
"All right," they said, and cleared out to lay for their uncles, and give them the love and the kisses, and tell them the message.
Everything was all right now. The girls wouldn't say nothing because they wanted to go to England; and the king and the duke would ruther Mary Jane was off working for the auction than around in reach of Doctor Robinson. I felt very good; I judged I had done it pretty neat -- I reckoned Tom Sawyer couldn't a done it no neater himself. Of course he would a throwed more style into it, but I can't do that very handy, not being brung up to it.
Well, they held the auction in the public square, along towards the end of the afternoon, and it strung along, and strung along, and the old man he was on hand and looking his level pisonest, up there longside of the auctioneer, and chipping in a little Scripture now and then, or a little goody-goody saying of some kind, and the duke he was around goo-gooing for sympathy all he knowed how, and just spreading himself generly.
But by and by the thing dragged through, and everything was sold -- everything but a little old trifling lot in the graveyard. So they'd got to work that off -- I never see such a girafft as the king was for wanting to swallow EVERYTHING. Well, whilst they was at it a steamboat landed, and in about two minutes up comes a crowd a-whooping and yelling and laughing and carrying on, and singing out:
"HERE'S your opposition line! here's your two sets o' heirs to old Peter Wilks -- and you pays your money and you takes your choice!"
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