求助修改作文~~_派派后花园

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[Help] 求助修改作文~~

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klart

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举报 只看楼主 使用道具 楼主   发表于: 2012-03-11 0
— 本帖被 左。微希 执行加亮操作(2012-03-11) —
⊙﹏⊙b汗~~不知道是第几次上来发帖子求助修改作文了~~
感谢岚君和微希在前几次的帮忙!

We can see in the cartoon that the parents of a student are meeting with their child’s teacher. The parents treat the teacher very rude .They are blaming the teacher because the teacher rude to their child.
   The one thing that is clear that the parents are making a big fault .As far as I’m concerned, the parents are impolite. It is not surprising that the child also rude to his teacher, there are many similar stories of this.
   The picture shows that the parents love their only child very much and make child developed many bad habits. It is without doubt that small steps make big differences. Parents really need to stand a good example for their child, and the good truth is that the children are also able to be educated. Children become polite and to develop good habits are a good start towards a better future country.
左。微希

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举报 只看该作者 沙发   发表于: 2012-03-11 0
噗,乃是不是中学生啊,老要写英语作文的说~

言归正传,以下是我的一些意见。

1. They are blaming the teacher because the teacher rude to their child.

teacher 和 rude 之间少了个be动词,我觉得加上“has been” 比较好。

2.   The one thing that is clear that the parents are making a big fault .

这个句型,MS你非常喜欢用,但是每次都没有用正确,咱们也改了好多次了。希望你在看完咱们的修改意见之后,能稍微想一想,为什么要这么用,这样子也才达到了咱们帮你修改作文的目的。希望你可以理解。

于是,这个句子中,你又掉了一个 is。The one thing that is clear is that........
另外,我觉得分句的时态可能有点别扭,我个人倾向于用一般现在时。the parents make a big fault

3.  It is not surprising that the child also rude to his teacher, there are many similar stories of this.
应该改成:It is not surprising that the child is also rude to his teacher, in which there are many similar stories.

4. The picture shows that the parents love their only child very much and make child developed many bad habits.
应该改成:...... make the child develop many bad habits.

5. Parents really need to stand a good example for their child,
竖立榜样,我觉得最好用“set a good example”。

6. Children become polite and to develop good habits are a good start towards a better future country.
应该改成:Children becoming polite and developing good habits is a good start towards a better future for the country.

小子2011

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举报 只看该作者 板凳   发表于: 2012-03-11 0
The one thing that is clear that the parents are making a big fault
里面THATt重复可以去掉一个,还有用进行时语义有毫不对啊。
SO我的建议是:The one thing is clear that the parents have made a big fault
It is not surprising that the child also rude to his teacher
此中Rude改一下用Respect应该比较好吧
it is not surprising that the child not show their respect to their teacher
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左。微希

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举报 只看该作者 地板   发表于: 2012-03-11 0
恩,楼上的意见我做几点补充说明。

1. The one thing that is clear that the parents are making a big fault.

这里不是that重复的问题。"that is clear"是作为一个从句修饰前面的"the one thing",所以主句缺少了一个be 动词。你可以改用It is clear that 的句型,但是The one thing is clear that 是不可以的,因为只有it 有做形式主语的功能。不过后面的从句改成现在完成时,我认为也是可以的。

2. It is not surprising that the child also rude to his teacher

将rude 改成 not respect 的确是个好建议,但是亲修改的句子里还是有几点错误。
it is not surprising that the child do not show (或者 hasn't shown)his respect to his teacher. child 是单数。
岚君。

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举报 只看该作者 4楼  发表于: 2012-03-11 0
我还有几个细节问题。

1. The parents treat the teacher very rude .
rude 是形容词,treat sb. 我觉得后面应该跟副词rudely

2. The one thing that is clear that the parents are making a big fault .
这句就和希希说的一样,我上会改的时候clear 和that中间是有is的。。。
稍微解释一下这里的语法问题,希望我说的够明白。

“that is clear”是修饰one thing的定语从句,如果做缩句,只保留最主要成分的话,这个部分是可以删除的,所以这里少了谓语,你如果读过去不太能感觉这一点的话,可以把that is clear当作不存在,这样句子就成了the one thing that,就能明显发现缺少谓语的成分了。。
PS: 希希,上会我们群里探讨过,the one thing that is clear...这个是他们老师要求的句型。。。

3.It is not surprising that the child also rude to his teacher, there are many similar stories of this.
我觉得这一句后半的there are开始可以单独成为一个句子。或者我觉得不改变句子原意的话,可以说Many similar stories show that child whose parents are impolite to his teachers tend to be rude to his teachers as well.

4. and the good truth is that the children are also able to be educated.
关于good truth,一般不太有这样的搭配。truth前面加表示不好的形容词很多,加表示好的形容词好像不太有,你可以考虑改成simple或者plain。
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linkaiyin

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 www.hbtxt.com完结小说txt电子书免费下载www.12txt.com
举报 只看该作者 5楼  发表于: 2012-03-20 0
develop good habits are a good start towards a better future country
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