It was a incident that i will never ever forget about it,i was about 6 years old when my parents both went out for a party at my father's company.I was alone at home with my maid Aisha,she was talking with her philipin friends while i was lying on my parent's bed flipping around.It was still 8pm then,so i was still wide awake.Then my maid went out to buy some drinks for herself and left me alone in the house.

  I climb around on the bed and fell down at the edge,i hit my backside and i begin to cry.I sat there like a nerd and cried loudly.Then that was when i remebered of how my granny use to let me see the view outside the window.So i climb back onto my bed and i climb onto a chair which i used to sit on it when i was young.Then i climb onto my father's study table.Then, i found out that i was trap over there.I did not dare to move as i was afraid that i would injured myself and thinking of how pain will that be.So i sat there and cried.I look around the dark room,hoping to find a place which i can come down.But there weren't any place to climb down.

  I then started to have acrophobia.I was afraid of heights and i did not dare even to look down.I kept on crying and crying.Then that was when my room door open and i saw my mum and dad,the happiness on thier face straight away disappeared when they saw me alone in the room crying.My mum rushed towards me and tried to comfort me.Then my maid came home with a shock expression.

  My mum scolded her and she called the maid agency to take her away immediately,i felt better when my father bought me an ice cream.From that day onwards,whenever i was at a tall place,i would not dare to look down and i would recall the incident.

我顶！  

It happened during my part 'c' sergent course,when i was in the national cadet cop(ncc).We were asked  to walk into a cave named Pukah lamo in malaysia
with only a torch, to test our bravery.We are supposed to walk inside the cave on our own and collect flags left behind by our seniors.The flag is 
to prove that individuals have completed thier whole journey and they will then be going on to the next challenge.

  We were sitted according to our register number,and i am always the last because my name start with an 'X'.When it was my turn to go in,i was terrified,i
heard from the locals that the cave was haunted but my seniors told us it was rubbish,it was not haunted at all.They had all walk through it before and
nothing happens.I slowly stand up and felt my heart pounding against my chest.I walk into the cave  slowly and smell the damp air.It was creepy inside.I
use my torch to see where i was going,there were lots of footprints on to floor going to the same direction.So i followed it and collect the flags.I had
collect all my five flags and when i was about to go back,i tripped over a small rock. I fell down with my torch and my flag thrown out of my hand.

  My torch flew into a small tunnel,so i had bent down and reached for the torch,but the tunnel was too small,just enough to fit my upper body in it to take my torch back.But when i went inside and got hold of the torch,i had one problem, i was stuck..I tried to pull myself back but i was just stuck..At that verymoment,i thought of my future,will i be married? will i still play my Dota game ? will i still have chance to talk to my friends? it make me thing that i am going to be dead.Dead by what,dead by claustrophobia.i began to cry loudly and think of my parents,will i get to see them agian?Then i look around myself and the small wall around me.I shouted "help!,help!" but the sound only bounce around the wall inside the tunnel and it did not went outside.

  Then,something or someone pulled my leg,i thought it was beast or something so i began kicking behind.Then i heard someone shouting "Oi Xiao you ok not"I  then realised it was weilun's voice.So i shouted out loud:"I am not ok,please pull me out". after half and hour of hardwork,i was still not out yet.Then  yu xuan realise something,he went to my backside and took out my big fat wallet,then i felt it was not squezy any more,so with the help from the seniors,theypull me out of the place.I was so excited that i am not dead and i still got to see my parents,but from that day onwards,i didn't dare to go to any small
places anymore,except the lift.

我顶

Hope you will keep updating。。。

  Kathy Ong,celebrating his 14th birthdy at his new house in bukit batok when suddenly,an univited guest came to jion the party,he was dead, but only kathy saw the ghost not the rest of his friends and classmates.That was when kathy’s life had been changed.The ghost, named john,a 14 year old boy too, and on that day,16 july was also his birthday.But on that day, while celebrating his birthday,he died.Because some bomb his house and now he was a homeless spirit with his body still beneth the earth,when the recuers came,.they could not find his body,so they clear the remain and they build a new house,which Kathy is staying now.
And now it was all up to kathy to help the gohst and recover his body.The next day,kathy told her friends about the incident but her friends just laugh at her and told her it was a nice joke.But kathy had a serious look on her face,which make her friends belived in her.so together with her frinds,jamine chua,kennth tan and Billy koh.Together they went to jamine’s house and they all swa the spirit gohst.The ghost brought them the basement level,where all kathy mum’s old cloths were stored.In the centre of the floor.,there was a small handel witch was not spotted easily as it was inside the wood.When they dragged the handel together,he were surprised to see another secret passway.When they walked into it deeper,they saw a body lying beside some broken tables and
Chairs.But there was a man in dark suit.The man was the guy whom bomb the house. Now that why the spirit could not go into the place and take his body,because,firstly his body was been guarded by the man,whom refuse to let anyone pass through and secondly,he could not go into his body and so he must tell a human which can carry the remains away.so he could rest in peace. That was when kathy decided to go up ahead and retrive the body, but the ghost used some spells whitch make kathy couldn’t move.Then the rest of the group was afraid,john ask why did he block us from getting his body back and he said:”because kathy’s father killed his son which his son could not rest in peace and now, he was trying to make john cannot rest in peace to take revange on john’s father.Then that was when john’s father appeared and told him the truth,it was not john’s father whom killed his son it was another man,with the same name and appearance.Then at last it was all a misunderstanding.so at last, john got back his body and they thank kathy for helping.kathy called the police and the police carried the body away and buried it in our house because kathy wanted to talk to john.from that day onwards,kathy had a new “friend”.

我觉得你的第一篇有点问题就是：时态不一致 你的时态变化的太快了 在一篇文章里，你要么是写一般时要么是过去时 你这样子交叉着写 会让看的人很迷惑  你后面几段中的时态又不一致 你要是想要描述过去的事情或是故事你要用过去时
而且，第一篇我怎么看都觉得你在写流水账···孩子你是在上小学还是初中？

第二篇：开头部分 we were sitted 你是想要表达过去某段时间坐在哪里吧？那应该是we were sitting


孩子···总的来说我觉得你是有写日记的好习惯····下次尝试写时多注重一些内心的感觉以及你的观点