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"The pipe soothed him, and gradually I made out he had run away from school, had gone to sea in a Russian ship; ran away again; served some time in English ships; was now reconciled with the arch-priest. He made a point of that. 'But when one is young one must see things, gather experience, ideas; enlarge the mind.' 'Here!' I interrupted. 'You can never tell! Here I have met Mr Kurtz,' he said, youthfully solemn and reproachful. I held my tongue after that. It appears he had persuaded a Dutch trading-house on the coast to fit him out with stores and goods, and had started for the interior with a light heart, and no more idea of what would happen to him than a baby. He had been wandering about that river for nearly two years alone, cut off from everybody and everything. 'I am not so young as I look. I am twenty-five,' he said. 'At first old Van Shuyten would tell me to go to the devil,' he narrated with keen enjoyment; 'but I stuck to him, and talked and talked, till at last he got afraid I would talk the hind-leg off his favourite dog, so he gave me some cheap things and a few guns, and told me he hoped he would never see my face again. Good old Dutchman, Van Shuyten. I've sent him one small lot of ivory a year ago, so that he can't call me a little thief when I get back. I hope he got it. And for the rest I don't care. I had some wood stacked for you. That was my old house. Did you see?'
"烟斗让他平静了下来，我逐渐弄明白，他从学校逃出来，搭一艘俄国船出了海；又逃跑，在几艘英国船上千过一段时间；现在已经和那位大祭司和好了。他强调了最后一点，然而一个人年轻的时候，必须去见世面，积累阅历和思想，开拓思路。'来这儿!'我打断他。'这可说不准!我在这儿遇见了克尔兹先生，'他说道，满脸都是年轻人的一本正经和责备神情。于是以后我就不吭声了。好像他曾说服岸上的一家荷兰贸易行给他装备补给品和货物，然后就心情愉快地朝腹地出发了，一点也不知道会发牛什么事，就像一个婴儿。他独自一人在那条河上游荡了快两年，隔绝了所有人、所有事。'我并不像外表那么年轻，我25岁了。'他说，'开始，老范·舒登老足让我去见鬼，'他十分开心地叙述着，'可我缠着他说个不停，直到最后，他唯恐我会把他给说得晕头转向，给了我一些不值钱的东西和几支熗，然后告诉我，他再也不想看见我了，好心的倚兰老头．范舒登。一年前我送给他一点象牙，这样我回去时他就不能叫我小偷，我希望他收到了。其他的我可不管。我留了一堆木头给你们。那是我以前的房子，你们看到过吗?'
"I gave him Towson's book. He made as though he would kiss me, but restrained himself. 'The only book I had left, and I thought I had lost it,' he said, looking at it ecstatically. 'So many accidents happen to a man going about alone, you know. Canoes get upset sometimes--and sometimes you've got to clear out so quick when the people get angry.' He thumbed the pages. 'You made notes in Russian?' I asked. He nodded. 'I thought they were written in cipher,' I said. He laughed, then became serious. 'I had lots of trouble to keep these people off,' he said. 'Did they want to kill you?' I asked. 'Oh no!' he cried, and checked himself. 'Why did they attack us?' I pursued. He hesitated, then said shamefacedly, 'They don't want him to go.' 'Don't they?' I said, curiously. He nodded a nod full of mystery and wisdom. 'I tell you,' he cried, 'this man has enlarged my mind.' He opened his arms wide, staring at me with his little blue eyes that were perfectly round.
"我把陶森写的书给了他。他像是要吻我，不过克制住了。'我留下的唯一一本书，我还以为是丢了，'他况，欣喜若狂地看着这本书'你知道，一个人独自四处走动总会发生很多意外。独本船有时会翻掉一一而且有时候人家发火了，你就得赶快逃开。'他翻着书页说。'你用俄文记笔记？'我问，他大笑起来，然后又严肃起来。'为了把那些人赶开，我费了不少神，'他说。'他们想杀你?'我问道。'噢，不!'他大声说，又停了下来。'他们为什么袭击我们?'我追问。他犹豫了一会儿，接着略带愧色地说：'他们不愿让他来。''是吗?'我好奇地问。他神秘而睿智地点点头。'我告诉你，'他大声说道，'这个人让我长了见识。'他大大地伸开舣臂，一双圆圆的蓝色小眼睛凝视着我。
"I looked at him, lost in astonishment. There he was before me, in motley, as though he had absconded from a troupe of mimes enthusiastic, fabulous. His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain--why he did not instantly disappear. 'I went a little farther,' he said, 'then still a little farther--till I had gone so far that I don't know how I'll ever get back. Never mind. Plenty time. I can manage. You take Kurtz away quick--quick--I tell you.' The glamour of youth enveloped his particoloured rags, his destitution, his loneliness, the essential desolation of his futile wanderings. For months--for years--his life hadn't been worth a day's purchase; and there he was gallantly, thoughtlessly alive, to all appearance indestructible solely by the virtue of his few years and of his unreflecting audacity. I was seduced into something like admiration--like envy. Glamour urged him on, glamour kept him unscathed. He surely wanted nothing from the wilderness but space to breathe in and to push on through. His need was to exist, and to move onwards at the greatest possible risk, and with a maximum of privation. If the absolutely pure, uncalculating, unpractical spirit of adventure had ever ruled a human being, it ruled this be-patched youth. I almost envied him the possession of this modest and clear flame. It seemed to have consumed all thought of self so completely, that, even while he was talking to you, you forgot that it was he--the man before your eyes--who had gone through these things. I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing in every way he had come upon so far.
"我吃惊地望着他，不知如何是好。他就站在我面前，穿得五颜六色的，像刚刚从什么滑稽哑剧团里选出来似的，看上去很必奋，又有些令人不可思议。他的存在本身就不太可能，无法解释。他本身就是个无法解决的难题。他是如何存在的，怎么能够走这么远，又是怎样活下来的，这一切都让人想不通--他为什么没有立刻消失。'我只是多走了点'他说。'然后又多走了几步--就走出这么远了，我都不知道该怎么回去了。不碍事的。时间多着呢，我能行。你得赶快把克尔兹带走，跟你说，要快。'他那破旧不堪的花衣裳，他的一贫如洗和孤独无助．他这种于事无补的游荡里面透出的凄凉，此时都蒙上了一层年轻人特有的魅力。多少个月--多少年了--他没有一天不是危在旦夕；但他还是勇敢地，毫无顾忌地活着，什么也摧毁不了他，而这一切显然都是由于他的年轻和鲁莽。我几乎仰慕起他来--或者说是嫉妒。这种魅力催他勇往直前，这种魅力让他能够安然无恙。当然他对这荒野是无所求的，他只求能有一片空间让他自由呼吸，让他能够挺过去。他只求能活着，他只需要冒尽可能大的危险一直向前进，他需要的是尝尽艰辛。假如这种绝对纯粹，无所谓得失，不求实效的冒险劲儿真正主宰过一个人的话，那它也主宰过这个衣衫槛褛的年轻人。我几于都要嫉妒他了，嫉妒他能有这么谦逊而明了的火一样的热情。这把火像是燃尽了一切私心，燃烧得如此彻底，当他跟你说话的时候，你会忘掉这是他--是你眼前的这个人--是这个人经历了这一切。但我并不嫉妒他对克尔兹的忠诚。他投有仔细考虑过这事儿，但是事情来了，他觉得这是命，便迫不及待地接受了下来。我得说在我看来，不管怎么说，这都算是他迄今为止碰到的最最危险的事情了。
"They had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked. 'We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported at the recollection. 'I forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem to last an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love too.' 'Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't what you think,' he cried, almost passionately. 'It was in general. He made me see things--things.'
"他们不可避免地就碰一块儿了，就像没风的时候两艘船停在了一个地方，最终边靠边地挨到了一起。我猜克尔兹是希望有人能听他说话，因为有一次他们在树林里搭了帐篷．聊了个通宵，或者更有可能是克尔兹自己说了个通宵。'我们什么都聊，'他说，回想起这些让他颇有些心醉神怡。'我们甚至忘记了还有睡觉这回事儿，整个晚上像只有一个钟头似的。我们什么都聊，仆么都聊!......还聊起了爱情'。'啊，他还跟你说起了爱情!'我问，觉得很好笑。'不是你想象的那样的，'他几乎是异常激动地叫了起来，'只是一般地聊聊而已，他让我明白了很多东西--很多东西'。
"He threw his arms up. We were on deck at the time, and the head-man of my wood-cutters, lounging near by, turned upon him his heavy and glittering eyes. I looked around, and I don't know why, but I assure you that never, never before, did this land, this river, this jungle, the very arch of this blazing sky, appear to me so hopeless and so dark, so impenetrable to human thought, so pitiless to human weakness. 'And, ever since, you have been with him, of course?' I said.
"他双手高举。当时我们是在甲板上，我那帮伐木工的工头正在不远处闲着，那人转过头来，一双倦怠而发亮的眼睛望了他一眼。我看了看四周，说不出足什么原因，但我敢保证，这土地，这河，这丛林和这片耀眼的天空．从来没有像当时那样让我觉得如此黑暗无望，人的思想无力穿透它们，而它们对我们的弱点又是那样的毫不留情。 '那么，从那以后你当然是一直跟他在一块儿的喽?'我问。
"On the contrary. It appears their intercourse was very much broken by various causes. He had, as he informed me proudly, managed to nurse Kurtz through two illnesses (he alluded to it as you would to some risky feat), but as a rule Kurtz wandered alone, far in the depths of the forest. 'Very often coming to this station, I had to wait days and days for him to turn up,' he said. 'Ah, it was worth waiting for!--sometimes.' 'What was he doing? exploring or what?' I asked. 'Oh yes, of course he had discovered lots of villages, a lake too--he did not know exactly in what direction; it was dangerous to inquire too much--but mostly his expeditions had been for ivory.' 'But he had no goods to trade with by that time,' I objected. 'There's a good lot of cartridges left even yet,' he answered, looking away. 'To speak plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He muttered something about the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He fidgeted a little. 'They adored him,' he said. The tone of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eagerness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. 'What can you expect?' he burst out; 'he came to them with thunder and lightning, you know--and they had never seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could be very terrible. You can't judge Mr Kurtz as you would an ordinary man. No, no, no! Now--just to give you an idea--I don't mind telling you, he wanted to shoot me too one day--but I don't judge him.' 'Shoot you!' I cried. 'What for?' 'Well, I had a small lot of ivory the chief of that village near my house gave me. You see I used to shoot game for them. Well, he wanted it, and wouldn't hear reason. He said he would shoot me unless I gave him the ivory and cleared out of the country, because he could do so, and had a fancy for it, and there was nothing on earth to prevent him killing whom he jolly well pleased. And it was true too. I gave him the ivory. What did I care! But I didn't clear out. No, no. I couldn't leave him. I had to be careful, though, for a time. Then we got friendly, as before. He had his second illness then. Afterwards I had to keep out of the way again. But he was mostly living in those villages on the lake. When he came down to the river, sometimes he would take to me, and sometimes I had to keep out of his way. This man suffered too much. He hated all this, and somehow he couldn't get away. When I had a chance I begged him to try and leave while there was time. I offered to go back with him. And he would say yes, and then he would remain; go off on another ivory hunt; disappear for weeks; forget himself amongst these people--forget himself--you know.' 'Why! he's mad,' I said. He protested indignantly. Mr Kurtz couldn't be mad. If I had heard him talk, only two days ago, I wouldn't dare hint at such a thing. I had taken up my binoculars while we talked, and was looking at the shore, sweeping the limit of the forest at each side and at the back of the house. The consciousness of there being people in that bush, so silent, so quiet--as silent and quiet as the ruined house on the hill--made me uneasy. There was no sign on the face of nature of this amazing tale of cruelty and greed that was not so much told as suggested to me in desolate exclamations, completed by shrugs, in interrupted phrases, in hints ending in deep sighs. The woods were unmoved, like a mask--heavy, like the closed door of a prison--they looked with their air of hidden knowledge, of patient expectation, of unapproachable silence. The Russian was telling me that it was only lately that Mr Kurtz had come down to the river, bringing along with him that lake tribe. He had been absent for several months--getting himself adored, I suppose--and had come down purposing a raid either across the river or down stream. Evidently the appetite for more ivory had got the better of the--what shall I say?--less material aspirations. However he had got much worse suddenly. 'I heard he was lying helpless, and so I came up--took my chance,' said the Russian. 'Oh, he is bad, very bad.' I kept my glass steadily on the house. There were no signs of life, but there was the ruined roof, the long mud wall peeping above the grass, with three little square window-holes, no two of the same size; all this brought within reach of my hand, as it were. And then I made a brusque movement, and one of the remaining posts of that vanished fence leaped up in the field of my glass. You remember I told you I had been struck at the distance by certain attempts at ornamentation, rather remarkable in the ruinous neglect of the place. Now I had suddenly a nearer view, and its first result was to make me throw my head back as if before a blow. Then I went carefully from post to post with my glass, and I saw my mistake. These round knobs were not ornamental but symbolic of some cruel and forbidding knowledge. They were expressive and puzzling, striking and disturbing, food for thought and also for the vultures if there had been any looking down from the sky; but at all events for such ants as were industrious enough to ascend the pole. They would have been even more impressive, those heads on the stakes, if their faces had not been turned to the house. Only one, the first I had made out, was facing my way. I was not so shocked as you may think. The start back I had given was really nothing but a movement of surprise. I had expected to see a knob of wood there, you know. I returned deliberately to the first I had seen--and there it was, black, dried, sunken, with closed eyelids--a head that seemed to sleep at the top of that pole, and, with the shrunken dry lips showing a narrow white line of the teeth, was smiling too, smiling continuously at some endless and jocose dream of that eternal slumber.
"事情正好相反，他们的这段交情被这样那样的原因弄得支离破碎。他还很得意地告诉我说克尔兹两次生病，他都照料过来了(他提起这事儿就像一个人说到什么惊险的英雄事迹似的)，但克尔兹总还是要一个人在森林里游荡。'经常是这样的，我到了这站上，然后得等上好几天他才会露面，'他说。 '啊，等等也值啊--有时候是的。''那他在干吗?找东西?还是有什么别的事?'我问。'哦，当然是找东西了'，他发现了很多村子，还有一个湖--他不太清楚是在什么位置，问得太多是很危险的一但大多数时候他的那些探险是为了找象牙。 '但是当时他根本没货可以拿去换啊，'我反驳说。'可他还有很多子弹呢。'他回答，眼睛却不看我了。'说明白点吧，他抢劫了那些村子，'我说。他点点头。'当然不是他一个人干的。'他咕哝着说了些关于湖边那些村子的事情。'是克尔兹强迫那个部落跟他干的，没错吧?'我提醒了他一下。他有些不自在了。 '他们崇拜他。'他说。他说话的语气太异样了，我丁是盯着他看，想知道为什么。他说起克尔兹的时候很想说又不H心说的样子让人觉得很奇怪。这个人充斥了他的生活，占据了他所有的思想．左右他的情感。'你又能怎么样啊?'他突然大声起来，'要知道，他的到来如同雷鸣电闪--那些人可从没见过像这样的--他有时候是很可怕的。你可不能像看一个常人那样看克尔兹先生。不能，绝对不能!好吧，也让你知道知道--反正我也不在乎说给你昕，有一天他想把我也给毙了--但是我可不想评价他这种作风。一毙了你!'我叫起来。'为什么?一是这样的，当时我手头有些象牙，是附近那村子一个领头的给我的。我那时经常帮他们打些野味。他想要那些象牙，而且不肯听我解释。扬言说除非我给他象牙然后滚蛋，不然就打死我，因为他是做得出的，而且特别喜欢干这个，世上没有什么能够阻止他去杀某个人．只要他乐意，那也是真的。我就把象牙给他了。我有什么可在乎的!但我没滚蛋。不，我没有。我不能离开他。当然了，在我们和好之前的一段时间里我还得小心着点。他那时又病了。之后我不得不离他远点；但是我不在乎。他多半是呆在湖边的那些村子里头。他下到船上来时偶尔对我也挺客气，但有时我还是得当心。这人受了太多苦。他恨这一切，却不知怎么没办法脱身。有一次我看准机会恳求他乘那当儿想法子走；我说我愿意跟他回去。他说好的，然后又不走了；又出发找象牙去了；然后又是几个星期不见踪影；跟那帮人打得火热--完全沉浸在其中--你知道的。''天哪!他疯了!'我说。他于是愤怒地抗议：克尔兹先生是不可能疯的。......我一边说话一边拿起望远镜扫视了一下岸上那片树林的边界和那房子的后头。我感到林子里有人，而整个地方又是那么寂静--跟山上那破败的房了一般寂静--这让我有些不安。这个令人惊异的故事表面上本身并没什么，反而是他那些凄凉的感叹，还时小时地耸耸肩，他说话断断续续，唉声叹气，话中有话，让我知道了其中的很多事情。树林像一副面具一样一动不动--沉重得像监狱里一扇紧闭的门--它望着你，一副深藏不露的架势，它在耐心地等待，沉静得令人无法接近。那俄国人又解释说克尔兹是最近才到了河边的，把湖边那个部族的所有士兵都带来了。他已经有好几个月没露面了--我猜他一直在笼络人心--又突然间出现了，显然是要在河对面或者下游打劫。他对象牙的胃口已经越来越大了--我该怎么说呢--这种胃口压倒了以往那些没什么功利性的欲望。但是他的境况突然问糟糕透了。'我听说他就这么躺着，没人理他，于是我就到这里来了--试试运气。'那俄国佬说，'哦，他那时很糟糕，非常糟糕。'我又用望远镜朝房子那边看，四周一点人气都没有，只有坍塌的屋顶，杂草丛里露出一道长长的泥墙，上面有三个方形窗洞，每个大小都不一样，看上去一切近在咫尺。然后我猛地变了，个方向，镜头里跳出一根柱子，那是原有的围栏当中仅剩的一根。你总还记得我跟你说过吧，我当时看见了一些用来装饰的东西，着实吃了一惊，在这么一个破落不堪的地方，这样的东西看上去是特别显眼的。然后我把镜头推近一些，这一看倒好，我整个人都往后退了，像是为躲开迎面打过来的拳头似的。我于是一根一根看过来，发现自己原先看错了+那些球状柱头不是装饰品，而是一种象征他们很有表现力，又令人费解．很引人注目，让人心里发憷--使人浮想联翩，甚至如果大上有什么兀鹰，也会以为这就是食物；反正这些东两已经是柱子上那一群不知疲倦的蚂蚁的美餐了。柱子上的人头若不是朝着房子那边的话，会更让人难以忘记的。这当中只有我第一眼认出的那颗人头足对着我的，我当时没你想象的那样震惊。我后退一步只是因为吃了一惊。我原以为会看到一块木头的。我特意把镜头移回到最先看见的那个--它就在月，黑黑的，千干的，两颊凹陷，眼睛闭着--看上去像在梓子上睡着了，干瘪的嘴唇里面现出一排白白的牙齿，它还在笑，不停地笑，好像在笑这无尽的昏睡中一场同样没完没了的有趣的梦。
To be continued... |
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