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一二三四五六七~~~
|
One day only had passed since Anne's conversation with Mrs Smith; but a
keener interest had succeeded, and she was now so little touched by Mr
Elliot's conduct, except by its effects in one quarter, that it became
a matter of course the next morning, still to defer her explanatory
visit in Rivers Street. She had promised to be with the Musgroves from
breakfast to dinner. Her faith was plighted, and Mr Elliot's
character, like the Sultaness Scheherazade's head, must live another
day.
She could not keep her appointment punctually, however; the weather was
unfavourable, and she had grieved over the rain on her friends'
account, and felt it very much on her own, before she was able to
attempt the walk. When she reached the White Hart, and made her way to
the proper apartment, she found herself neither arriving quite in time,
nor the first to arrive. The party before her were, Mrs Musgrove,
talking to Mrs Croft, and Captain Harville to Captain Wentworth; and
she immediately heard that Mary and Henrietta, too impatient to wait,
had gone out the moment it had cleared, but would be back again soon,
and that the strictest injunctions had been left with Mrs Musgrove to
keep her there till they returned. She had only to submit, sit down,
be outwardly composed, and feel herself plunged at once in all the
agitations which she had merely laid her account of tasting a little
before the morning closed. There was no delay, no waste of time. She
was deep in the happiness of such misery, or the misery of such
happiness, instantly. Two minutes after her entering the room, Captain
Wentworth said--
"We will write the letter we were talking of, Harville, now, if you
will give me materials."
Materials were at hand, on a separate table; he went to it, and nearly
turning his back to them all, was engrossed by writing.
Mrs Musgrove was giving Mrs Croft the history of her eldest daughter's
engagement, and just in that inconvenient tone of voice which was
perfectly audible while it pretended to be a whisper. Anne felt that
she did not belong to the conversation, and yet, as Captain Harville
seemed thoughtful and not disposed to talk, she could not avoid hearing
many undesirable particulars; such as, "how Mr Musgrove and my brother
Hayter had met again and again to talk it over; what my brother Hayter
had said one day, and what Mr Musgrove had proposed the next, and what
had occurred to my sister Hayter, and what the young people had wished,
and what I said at first I never could consent to, but was afterwards
persuaded to think might do very well," and a great deal in the same
style of open-hearted communication: minutiae which, even with every
advantage of taste and delicacy, which good Mrs Musgrove could not
give, could be properly interesting only to the principals. Mrs Croft
was attending with great good-humour, and whenever she spoke at all, it
was very sensibly. Anne hoped the gentlemen might each be too much
self-occupied to hear.
"And so, ma'am, all these thing considered," said Mrs Musgrove, in her
powerful whisper, "though we could have wished it different, yet,
altogether, we did not think it fair to stand out any longer, for
Charles Hayter was quite wild about it, and Henrietta was pretty near
as bad; and so we thought they had better marry at once, and make the
best of it, as many others have done before them. At any rate, said I,
it will be better than a long engagement."
"That is precisely what I was going to observe," cried Mrs Croft. "I
would rather have young people settle on a small income at once, and
have to struggle with a few difficulties together, than be involved in
a long engagement. I always think that no mutual--"
"Oh! dear Mrs Croft," cried Mrs Musgrove, unable to let her finish her
speech, "there is nothing I so abominate for young people as a long
engagement. It is what I always protested against for my children. It
is all very well, I used to say, for young people to be engaged, if
there is a certainty of their being able to marry in six months, or
even in twelve; but a long engagement--"
"Yes, dear ma'am," said Mrs Croft, "or an uncertain engagement, an
engagement which may be long. To begin without knowing that at such a
time there will be the means of marrying, I hold to be very unsafe and
unwise, and what I think all parents should prevent as far as they can."
Anne found an unexpected interest here. She felt its application to
herself, felt it in a nervous thrill all over her; and at the same
moment that her eyes instinctively glanced towards the distant table,
Captain Wentworth's pen ceased to move, his head was raised, pausing,
listening, and he turned round the next instant to give a look, one
quick, conscious look at her.
The two ladies continued to talk, to re-urge the same admitted truths,
and enforce them with such examples of the ill effect of a contrary
practice as had fallen within their observation, but Anne heard nothing
distinctly; it was only a buzz of words in her ear, her mind was in
confusion.
Captain Harville, who had in truth been hearing none of it, now left
his seat, and moved to a window, and Anne seeming to watch him, though
it was from thorough absence of mind, became gradually sensible that he
was inviting her to join him where he stood. He looked at her with a
smile, and a little motion of the head, which expressed, "Come to me, I
have something to say;" and the unaffected, easy kindness of manner
which denoted the feelings of an older acquaintance than he really was,
strongly enforced the invitation. She roused herself and went to him.
The window at which he stood was at the other end of the room from
where the two ladies were sitting, and though nearer to Captain
Wentworth's table, not very near. As she joined him, Captain
Harville's countenance re-assumed the serious, thoughtful expression
which seemed its natural character.
"Look here," said he, unfolding a parcel in his hand, and displaying a
small miniature painting, "do you know who that is?"
"Certainly: Captain Benwick."
"Yes, and you may guess who it is for. But," (in a deep tone,) "it was
not done for her. Miss Elliot, do you remember our walking together at
Lyme, and grieving for him? I little thought then--but no matter.
This was drawn at the Cape. He met with a clever young German artist
at the Cape, and in compliance with a promise to my poor sister, sat to
him, and was bringing it home for her; and I have now the charge of
getting it properly set for another! It was a commission to me! But
who else was there to employ? I hope I can allow for him. I am not
sorry, indeed, to make it over to another. He undertakes it;" (looking
towards Captain Wentworth,) "he is writing about it now." And with a
quivering lip he wound up the whole by adding, "Poor Fanny! she would
not have forgotten him so soon!"
"No," replied Anne, in a low, feeling voice. "That I can easily
believe."
"It was not in her nature. She doted on him."
"It would not be the nature of any woman who truly loved."
Captain Harville smiled, as much as to say, "Do you claim that for your
sex?" and she answered the question, smiling also, "Yes. We certainly
do not forget you as soon as you forget us. It is, perhaps, our fate
rather than our merit. We cannot help ourselves. We live at home,
quiet, confined, and our feelings prey upon us. You are forced on
exertion. You have always a profession, pursuits, business of some
sort or other, to take you back into the world immediately, and
continual occupation and change soon weaken impressions."
"Granting your assertion that the world does all this so soon for men
(which, however, I do not think I shall grant), it does not apply to
Benwick. He has not been forced upon any exertion. The peace turned
him on shore at the very moment, and he has been living with us, in our
little family circle, ever since."
"True," said Anne, "very true; I did not recollect; but what shall we
say now, Captain Harville? If the change be not from outward
circumstances, it must be from within; it must be nature, man's nature,
which has done the business for Captain Benwick."
"No, no, it is not man's nature. I will not allow it to be more man's
nature than woman's to be inconstant and forget those they do love, or
have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe in a true analogy
between our bodily frames and our mental; and that as our bodies are
the strongest, so are our feelings; capable of bearing most rough
usage, and riding out the heaviest weather."
"Your feelings may be the strongest," replied Anne, "but the same
spirit of analogy will authorise me to assert that ours are the most
tender. Man is more robust than woman, but he is not longer lived;
which exactly explains my view of the nature of their attachments.
Nay, it would be too hard upon you, if it were otherwise. You have
difficulties, and privations, and dangers enough to struggle with. You
are always labouring and toiling, exposed to every risk and hardship.
Your home, country, friends, all quitted. Neither time, nor health,
nor life, to be called your own. It would be hard, indeed" (with a
faltering voice), "if woman's feelings were to be added to all this."
"We shall never agree upon this question," Captain Harville was
beginning to say, when a slight noise called their attention to Captain
Wentworth's hitherto perfectly quiet division of the room. It was
nothing more than that his pen had fallen down; but Anne was startled
at finding him nearer than she had supposed, and half inclined to
suspect that the pen had only fallen because he had been occupied by
them, striving to catch sounds, which yet she did not think he could
have caught.
"Have you finished your letter?" said Captain Harville.
"Not quite, a few lines more. I shall have done in five minutes."
"There is no hurry on my side. I am only ready whenever you are. I am
in very good anchorage here," (smiling at Anne,) "well supplied, and
want for nothing. No hurry for a signal at all. Well, Miss Elliot,"
(lowering his voice,) "as I was saying we shall never agree, I suppose,
upon this point. No man and woman, would, probably. But let me
observe that all histories are against you--all stories, prose and
verse. If I had such a memory as Benwick, I could bring you fifty
quotations in a moment on my side the argument, and I do not think I
ever opened a book in my life which had not something to say upon
woman's inconstancy. Songs and proverbs, all talk of woman's
fickleness. But perhaps you will say, these were all written by men."
"Perhaps I shall. Yes, yes, if you please, no reference to examples in
books. Men have had every advantage of us in telling their own story.
Education has been theirs in so much higher a degree; the pen has been
in their hands. I will not allow books to prove anything."
"But how shall we prove anything?"
"We never shall. We never can expect to prove any thing upon such a
point. It is a difference of opinion which does not admit of proof.
We each begin, probably, with a little bias towards our own sex; and
upon that bias build every circumstance in favour of it which has
occurred within our own circle; many of which circumstances (perhaps
those very cases which strike us the most) may be precisely such as
cannot be brought forward without betraying a confidence, or in some
respect saying what should not be said."
"Ah!" cried Captain Harville, in a tone of strong feeling, "if I could
but make you comprehend what a man suffers when he takes a last look at
his wife and children, and watches the boat that he has sent them off
in, as long as it is in sight, and then turns away and says, 'God knows
whether we ever meet again!' And then, if I could convey to you the
glow of his soul when he does see them again; when, coming back after a
twelvemonth's absence, perhaps, and obliged to put into another port,
he calculates how soon it be possible to get them there, pretending to
deceive himself, and saying, 'They cannot be here till such a day,' but
all the while hoping for them twelve hours sooner, and seeing them
arrive at last, as if Heaven had given them wings, by many hours sooner
still! If I could explain to you all this, and all that a man can bear
and do, and glories to do, for the sake of these treasures of his
existence! I speak, you know, only of such men as have hearts!"
pressing his own with emotion.
"Oh!" cried Anne eagerly, "I hope I do justice to all that is felt by
you, and by those who resemble you. God forbid that I should
undervalue the warm and faithful feelings of any of my
fellow-creatures! I should deserve utter contempt if I dared to
suppose that true attachment and constancy were known only by woman.
No, I believe you capable of everything great and good in your married
lives. I believe you equal to every important exertion, and to every
domestic forbearance, so long as--if I may be allowed the
expression--so long as you have an object. I mean while the woman you
love lives, and lives for you. All the privilege I claim for my own
sex (it is not a very enviable one; you need not covet it), is that of
loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone."
She could not immediately have uttered another sentence; her heart was
too full, her breath too much oppressed.
"You are a good soul," cried Captain Harville, putting his hand on her
arm, quite affectionately. "There is no quarrelling with you. And
when I think of Benwick, my tongue is tied."
Their attention was called towards the others. Mrs Croft was taking
leave.
"Here, Frederick, you and I part company, I believe," said she. "I am
going home, and you have an engagement with your friend. To-night we
may have the pleasure of all meeting again at your party," (turning to
Anne.) "We had your sister's card yesterday, and I understood
Frederick had a card too, though I did not see it; and you are
disengaged, Frederick, are you not, as well as ourselves?"
Captain Wentworth was folding up a letter in great haste, and either
could not or would not answer fully.
"Yes," said he, "very true; here we separate, but Harville and I shall
soon be after you; that is, Harville, if you are ready, I am in half a
minute. I know you will not be sorry to be off. I shall be at your
service in half a minute."
Mrs Croft left them, and Captain Wentworth, having sealed his letter
with great rapidity, was indeed ready, and had even a hurried, agitated
air, which shewed impatience to be gone. Anne knew not how to
understand it. She had the kindest "Good morning, God bless you!" from
Captain Harville, but from him not a word, nor a look! He had passed
out of the room without a look!
She had only time, however, to move closer to the table where he had
been writing, when footsteps were heard returning; the door opened, it
was himself. He begged their pardon, but he had forgotten his gloves,
and instantly crossing the room to the writing table, he drew out a
letter from under the scattered paper, placed it before Anne with eyes
of glowing entreaty fixed on her for a time, and hastily collecting his
gloves, was again out of the room, almost before Mrs Musgrove was aware
of his being in it: the work of an instant!
The revolution which one instant had made in Anne, was almost beyond
expression. The letter, with a direction hardly legible, to "Miss A.
E.--," was evidently the one which he had been folding so hastily.
While supposed to be writing only to Captain Benwick, he had been also
addressing her! On the contents of that letter depended all which this
world could do for her. Anything was possible, anything might be
defied rather than suspense. Mrs Musgrove had little arrangements of
her own at her own table; to their protection she must trust, and
sinking into the chair which he had occupied, succeeding to the very
spot where he had leaned and written, her eyes devoured the following
words:
"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means
as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half
hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are
gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your
own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare
not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an
earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been,
weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have
brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not
seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not
waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think
you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant
hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can
distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others.
Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do
believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe
it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.
"I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow
your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to
decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never."
Such a letter was not to be soon recovered from. Half an hour's
solitude and reflection might have tranquillized her; but the ten
minutes only which now passed before she was interrupted, with all the
restraints of her situation, could do nothing towards tranquillity.
Every moment rather brought fresh agitation. It was overpowering
happiness. And before she was beyond the first stage of full
sensation, Charles, Mary, and Henrietta all came in.
The absolute necessity of seeming like herself produced then an
immediate struggle; but after a while she could do no more. She began
not to understand a word they said, and was obliged to plead
indisposition and excuse herself. They could then see that she looked
very ill, were shocked and concerned, and would not stir without her
for the world. This was dreadful. Would they only have gone away, and
left her in the quiet possession of that room it would have been her
cure; but to have them all standing or waiting around her was
distracting, and in desperation, she said she would go home.
"By all means, my dear," cried Mrs Musgrove, "go home directly, and
take care of yourself, that you may be fit for the evening. I wish
Sarah was here to doctor you, but I am no doctor myself. Charles, ring
and order a chair. She must not walk."
But the chair would never do. Worse than all! To lose the possibility
of speaking two words to Captain Wentworth in the course of her quiet,
solitary progress up the town (and she felt almost certain of meeting
him) could not be borne. The chair was earnestly protested against,
and Mrs Musgrove, who thought only of one sort of illness, having
assured herself with some anxiety, that there had been no fall in the
case; that Anne had not at any time lately slipped down, and got a blow
on her head; that she was perfectly convinced of having had no fall;
could part with her cheerfully, and depend on finding her better at
night.
Anxious to omit no possible precaution, Anne struggled, and said--
"I am afraid, ma'am, that it is not perfectly understood. Pray be so
good as to mention to the other gentlemen that we hope to see your
whole party this evening. I am afraid there had been some mistake; and
I wish you particularly to assure Captain Harville and Captain
Wentworth, that we hope to see them both."
"Oh! my dear, it is quite understood, I give you my word. Captain
Harville has no thought but of going."
"Do you think so? But I am afraid; and I should be so very sorry.
Will you promise me to mention it, when you see them again? You will
see them both this morning, I dare say. Do promise me."
"To be sure I will, if you wish it. Charles, if you see Captain
Harville anywhere, remember to give Miss Anne's message. But indeed,
my dear, you need not be uneasy. Captain Harville holds himself quite
engaged, I'll answer for it; and Captain Wentworth the same, I dare
say."
Anne could do no more; but her heart prophesied some mischance to damp
the perfection of her felicity. It could not be very lasting, however.
Even if he did not come to Camden Place himself, it would be in her
power to send an intelligible sentence by Captain Harville. Another
momentary vexation occurred. Charles, in his real concern and good
nature, would go home with her; there was no preventing him. This was
almost cruel. But she could not be long ungrateful; he was sacrificing
an engagement at a gunsmith's, to be of use to her; and she set off
with him, with no feeling but gratitude apparent.
They were on Union Street, when a quicker step behind, a something of
familiar sound, gave her two moments' preparation for the sight of
Captain Wentworth. He joined them; but, as if irresolute whether to
join or to pass on, said nothing, only looked. Anne could command
herself enough to receive that look, and not repulsively. The cheeks
which had been pale now glowed, and the movements which had hesitated
were decided. He walked by her side. Presently, struck by a sudden
thought, Charles said--
"Captain Wentworth, which way are you going? Only to Gay Street, or
farther up the town?"
"I hardly know," replied Captain Wentworth, surprised.
"Are you going as high as Belmont? Are you going near Camden Place?
Because, if you are, I shall have no scruple in asking you to take my
place, and give Anne your arm to her father's door. She is rather done
for this morning, and must not go so far without help, and I ought to
be at that fellow's in the Market Place. He promised me the sight of a
capital gun he is just going to send off; said he would keep it
unpacked to the last possible moment, that I might see it; and if I do
not turn back now, I have no chance. By his description, a good deal
like the second size double-barrel of mine, which you shot with one day
round Winthrop."
There could not be an objection. There could be only the most proper
alacrity, a most obliging compliance for public view; and smiles reined
in and spirits dancing in private rapture. In half a minute Charles
was at the bottom of Union Street again, and the other two proceeding
together: and soon words enough had passed between them to decide
their direction towards the comparatively quiet and retired gravel
walk, where the power of conversation would make the present hour a
blessing indeed, and prepare it for all the immortality which the
happiest recollections of their own future lives could bestow. There
they exchanged again those feelings and those promises which had once
before seemed to secure everything, but which had been followed by so
many, many years of division and estrangement. There they returned
again into the past, more exquisitely happy, perhaps, in their
re-union, than when it had been first projected; more tender, more
tried, more fixed in a knowledge of each other's character, truth, and
attachment; more equal to act, more justified in acting. And there, as
they slowly paced the gradual ascent, heedless of every group around
them, seeing neither sauntering politicians, bustling housekeepers,
flirting girls, nor nursery-maids and children, they could indulge in
those retrospections and acknowledgements, and especially in those
explanations of what had directly preceded the present moment, which
were so poignant and so ceaseless in interest. All the little
variations of the last week were gone through; and of yesterday and
today there could scarcely be an end.
She had not mistaken him. Jealousy of Mr Elliot had been the retarding
weight, the doubt, the torment. That had begun to operate in the very
hour of first meeting her in Bath; that had returned, after a short
suspension, to ruin the concert; and that had influenced him in
everything he had said and done, or omitted to say and do, in the last
four-and-twenty hours. It had been gradually yielding to the better
hopes which her looks, or words, or actions occasionally encouraged; it
had been vanquished at last by those sentiments and those tones which
had reached him while she talked with Captain Harville; and under the
irresistible governance of which he had seized a sheet of paper, and
poured out his feelings.
Of what he had then written, nothing was to be retracted or qualified.
He persisted in having loved none but her. She had never been
supplanted. He never even believed himself to see her equal. Thus
much indeed he was obliged to acknowledge: that he had been constant
unconsciously, nay unintentionally; that he had meant to forget her,
and believed it to be done. He had imagined himself indifferent, when
he had only been angry; and he had been unjust to her merits, because
he had been a sufferer from them. Her character was now fixed on his
mind as perfection itself, maintaining the loveliest medium of
fortitude and gentleness; but he was obliged to acknowledge that only
at Uppercross had he learnt to do her justice, and only at Lyme had he
begun to understand himself. At Lyme, he had received lessons of more
than one sort. The passing admiration of Mr Elliot had at least roused
him, and the scenes on the Cobb and at Captain Harville's had fixed her
superiority.
In his preceding attempts to attach himself to Louisa Musgrove (the
attempts of angry pride), he protested that he had for ever felt it to
be impossible; that he had not cared, could not care, for Louisa;
though till that day, till the leisure for reflection which followed
it, he had not understood the perfect excellence of the mind with which
Louisa's could so ill bear a comparison, or the perfect unrivalled hold
it possessed over his own. There, he had learnt to distinguish between
the steadiness of principle and the obstinacy of self-will, between the
darings of heedlessness and the resolution of a collected mind. There
he had seen everything to exalt in his estimation the woman he had
lost; and there begun to deplore the pride, the folly, the madness of
resentment, which had kept him from trying to regain her when thrown in
his way.
From that period his penance had become severe. He had no sooner been
free from the horror and remorse attending the first few days of
Louisa's accident, no sooner begun to feel himself alive again, than he
had begun to feel himself, though alive, not at liberty.
"I found," said he, "that I was considered by Harville an engaged man!
That neither Harville nor his wife entertained a doubt of our mutual
attachment. I was startled and shocked. To a degree, I could
contradict this instantly; but, when I began to reflect that others
might have felt the same--her own family, nay, perhaps herself--I was
no longer at my own disposal. I was hers in honour if she wished it.
I had been unguarded. I had not thought seriously on this subject
before. I had not considered that my excessive intimacy must have its
danger of ill consequence in many ways; and that I had no right to be
trying whether I could attach myself to either of the girls, at the
risk of raising even an unpleasant report, were there no other ill
effects. I had been grossly wrong, and must abide the consequences."
He found too late, in short, that he had entangled himself; and that
precisely as he became fully satisfied of his not caring for Louisa at
all, he must regard himself as bound to her, if her sentiments for him
were what the Harvilles supposed. It determined him to leave Lyme, and
await her complete recovery elsewhere. He would gladly weaken, by any
fair means, whatever feelings or speculations concerning him might
exist; and he went, therefore, to his brother's, meaning after a while
to return to Kellynch, and act as circumstances might require.
"I was six weeks with Edward," said he, "and saw him happy. I could
have no other pleasure. I deserved none. He enquired after you very
particularly; asked even if you were personally altered, little
suspecting that to my eye you could never alter."
Anne smiled, and let it pass. It was too pleasing a blunder for a
reproach. It is something for a woman to be assured, in her
eight-and-twentieth year, that she has not lost one charm of earlier
youth; but the value of such homage was inexpressibly increased to
Anne, by comparing it with former words, and feeling it to be the
result, not the cause of a revival of his warm attachment.
He had remained in Shropshire, lamenting the blindness of his own
pride, and the blunders of his own calculations, till at once released
from Louisa by the astonishing and felicitous intelligence of her
engagement with Benwick.
"Here," said he, "ended the worst of my state; for now I could at least
put myself in the way of happiness; I could exert myself; I could do
something. But to be waiting so long in inaction, and waiting only for
evil, had been dreadful. Within the first five minutes I said, 'I will
be at Bath on Wednesday,' and I was. Was it unpardonable to think it
worth my while to come? and to arrive with some degree of hope? You
were single. It was possible that you might retain the feelings of the
past, as I did; and one encouragement happened to be mine. I could
never doubt that you would be loved and sought by others, but I knew to
a certainty that you had refused one man, at least, of better
pretensions than myself; and I could not help often saying, 'Was this
for me?'"
Their first meeting in Milsom Street afforded much to be said, but the
concert still more. That evening seemed to be made up of exquisite
moments. The moment of her stepping forward in the Octagon Room to
speak to him: the moment of Mr Elliot's appearing and tearing her
away, and one or two subsequent moments, marked by returning hope or
increasing despondency, were dwelt on with energy.
"To see you," cried he, "in the midst of those who could not be my
well-wishers; to see your cousin close by you, conversing and smiling,
and feel all the horrible eligibilities and proprieties of the match!
To consider it as the certain wish of every being who could hope to
influence you! Even if your own feelings were reluctant or
indifferent, to consider what powerful supports would be his! Was it
not enough to make the fool of me which I appeared? How could I look
on without agony? Was not the very sight of the friend who sat behind
you, was not the recollection of what had been, the knowledge of her
influence, the indelible, immoveable impression of what persuasion had
once done--was it not all against me?"
"You should have distinguished," replied Anne. "You should not have
suspected me now; the case is so different, and my age is so different.
If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to
persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk. When I yielded,
I thought it was to duty, but no duty could be called in aid here. In
marrying a man indifferent to me, all risk would have been incurred,
and all duty violated."
"Perhaps I ought to have reasoned thus," he replied, "but I could not.
I could not derive benefit from the late knowledge I had acquired of
your character. I could not bring it into play; it was overwhelmed,
buried, lost in those earlier feelings which I had been smarting under
year after year. I could think of you only as one who had yielded, who
had given me up, who had been influenced by any one rather than by me.
I saw you with the very person who had guided you in that year of
misery. I had no reason to believe her of less authority now. The
force of habit was to be added."
"I should have thought," said Anne, "that my manner to yourself might
have spared you much or all of this."
"No, no! your manner might be only the ease which your engagement to
another man would give. I left you in this belief; and yet, I was
determined to see you again. My spirits rallied with the morning, and
I felt that I had still a motive for remaining here."
At last Anne was at home again, and happier than any one in that house
could have conceived. All the surprise and suspense, and every other
painful part of the morning dissipated by this conversation, she
re-entered the house so happy as to be obliged to find an alloy in some
momentary apprehensions of its being impossible to last. An interval
of meditation, serious and grateful, was the best corrective of
everything dangerous in such high-wrought felicity; and she went to her
room, and grew steadfast and fearless in the thankfulness of her
enjoyment.
The evening came, the drawing-rooms were lighted up, the company
assembled. It was but a card party, it was but a mixture of those who
had never met before, and those who met too often; a commonplace
business, too numerous for intimacy, too small for variety; but Anne
had never found an evening shorter. Glowing and lovely in sensibility
and happiness, and more generally admired than she thought about or
cared for, she had cheerful or forbearing feelings for every creature
around her. Mr Elliot was there; she avoided, but she could pity him.
The Wallises, she had amusement in understanding them. Lady Dalrymple
and Miss Carteret--they would soon be innoxious cousins to her. She
cared not for Mrs Clay, and had nothing to blush for in the public
manners of her father and sister. With the Musgroves, there was the
happy chat of perfect ease; with Captain Harville, the kind-hearted
intercourse of brother and sister; with Lady Russell, attempts at
conversation, which a delicious consciousness cut short; with Admiral
and Mrs Croft, everything of peculiar cordiality and fervent interest,
which the same consciousness sought to conceal; and with Captain
Wentworth, some moments of communications continually occurring, and
always the hope of more, and always the knowledge of his being there.
It was in one of these short meetings, each apparently occupied in
admiring a fine display of greenhouse plants, that she said--
"I have been thinking over the past, and trying impartially to judge of
the right and wrong, I mean with regard to myself; and I must believe
that I was right, much as I suffered from it, that I was perfectly
right in being guided by the friend whom you will love better than you
do now. To me, she was in the place of a parent. Do not mistake me,
however. I am not saying that she did not err in her advice. It was,
perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good or bad only as the
event decides; and for myself, I certainly never should, in any
circumstance of tolerable similarity, give such advice. But I mean,
that I was right in submitting to her, and that if I had done
otherwise, I should have suffered more in continuing the engagement
than I did even in giving it up, because I should have suffered in my
conscience. I have now, as far as such a sentiment is allowable in
human nature, nothing to reproach myself with; and if I mistake not, a
strong sense of duty is no bad part of a woman's portion."
He looked at her, looked at Lady Russell, and looking again at her,
replied, as if in cool deliberation--
"Not yet. But there are hopes of her being forgiven in time. I trust
to being in charity with her soon. But I too have been thinking over
the past, and a question has suggested itself, whether there may not
have been one person more my enemy even than that lady? My own self.
Tell me if, when I returned to England in the year eight, with a few
thousand pounds, and was posted into the Laconia, if I had then written
to you, would you have answered my letter? Would you, in short, have
renewed the engagement then?"
"Would I!" was all her answer; but the accent was decisive enough.
"Good God!" he cried, "you would! It is not that I did not think of
it, or desire it, as what could alone crown all my other success; but I
was proud, too proud to ask again. I did not understand you. I shut
my eyes, and would not understand you, or do you justice. This is a
recollection which ought to make me forgive every one sooner than
myself. Six years of separation and suffering might have been spared.
It is a sort of pain, too, which is new to me. I have been used to the
gratification of believing myself to earn every blessing that I
enjoyed. I have valued myself on honourable toils and just rewards.
Like other great men under reverses," he added, with a smile. "I must
endeavour to subdue my mind to my fortune. I must learn to brook being
happier than I deserve."
安妮同史密斯夫人的谈话才过去一天，可她又遇到了使她更感兴趣的事情，现在对于埃利奥特先生的行为，除了有个方面造成的后果还使她感到关切以外，别的方面她已经不大感兴趣了，因此到了第二天早晨，理所当然地要再次推迟到里弗斯街说明真情。她先前答应过，早饭后陪默斯格罗夫太太一行玩到吃中饭。她信守自己的诺言，于是，埃利奥特先生的声誉可以像山鲁佐德王后的脑袋一样，再保全一天。
可是她未能准时赴约。天不作美，下起雨来，她先为她的朋友和她自己担忧了一阵，然后才开始往外走。当她来到白哈特旅馆，走进她要找的房间时，发现自己既不及时，也不是头一个到达。她面前就有好几个人，默斯格罗夫太太在同克罗夫特夫人说话，哈维尔上校在同温特沃思上校交谈。她当即听说，玛丽和亨丽埃塔等得不耐烦，天一晴就出去了，不过很快就会回来。她们还责成默斯格罗夫太太，千万要叫安妮等她们回来。安妮只好遵命，坐下来，表面上装得很镇静，心里却顿时觉得激动不安起来。本来，她只是料想在上午结束之前，才能尝到一些激动不安的滋味，现在却好，没有拖延，没有耽搁，她当即便陷入了如此痛苦的幸福之中，或是如此幸福的痛苦之中。她走进屋子两分钟，只听温特沃思上校说道：
“哈维尔，我们刚才说到写信的事，你要是给我纸笔，我们现在就写吧。”
纸笔就在跟前，放在另外一张桌子上。温特沃思上校走过去，几乎是背朝着大家坐下，全神贯注地写了起来。
默斯格罗夫太太在向克罗夫特夫人介绍她大女儿的订婚经过，用的还是那个令人讨厌的语气，一面假装窃窃私语，一面又让众人听得一清二楚。安妮觉得自己与这谈话没有关系，可是，由于哈维尔上校似乎思虑重重，无心说话，因此安妮不可避免地要听到许多有伤大雅的细节，比如，默斯格罗夫先生和她妹夫海特如何一再接触，反复商量啊，她妹夫海特某日说了什么话，默斯格罗夫先生隔日又提出了什么建议啊，他妹妹海特夫人有些什么想法啦，年轻人有些什么意愿啦，默斯格罗夫太太起先说什么也不同意，后来听了别人的劝说，觉得倒挺合适啦，她就这样直言不讳地说了一大堆。这些细枝末节，即使说得十分文雅，十分得体，也只能使那些对此有切身利害关系的人感到兴趣，何况善良的默斯格罗夫太太还不具备这种情趣和雅致。克罗夫特夫人听得津津有味，她不说话则已，一说起话来总是很有分寸。安妮希望，那些男客能个个自顾不暇，听不见默斯格罗夫太太说的话。
“就这样，夫人，把这些情况通盘考虑一下，”默斯格罗夫太太用她那高门大嗓的窃窃私语说道，“虽说我们可能不希望这样做，但是我们觉得再拖下去也不是个办法，因为查尔斯·海特都快急疯了，亨丽埃塔也同样心急火燎的，所以我们认为最好让他们马上成亲，尽量把婚事办得体面些，就像许多人在他们前面所做的那样。我说过，无论如何，这比长期订婚要好。”
“我也正想这样说，”克罗夫特夫人嚷道。“我宁肯让青年人凭着一小笔收入马上成亲，一起来同困难作斗争，也不愿让他们卷入长期的订婚。我总是认为，没有相互间……”
“哦！亲爱的克罗夫特夫人，”默斯格罗夫太太等不及让她把话说完，便大声嚷了起来，“我最厌烦让青年人长期订婚啦。我总是反对自己的孩子长期订婚。我过去常说，青年人订婚是件大好事，如果他们有把握能在六个月，甚至十二个月内结婚的话。可是长期订婚！”
“是的，太太，”克罗夫特夫人说道，“或者说是不大牢靠的订婚，可能拖得很长的订婚，都不可取。开始的时候还不知道在某时某刻有没有能力结婚，我觉得这很不稳妥，很不明智，我认为所有做父母的应当极力加以阻止。”
安妮听到这里，不想来了兴趣。她觉得这话是针对她说的，浑身顿时紧张起来。在这同时，她的眼睛本能地朝远处的桌子那里望去，只见温特沃思上校停住笔，仰起头，静静地听着。随即，他转过脸，迅疾而会心地对安妮看了一眼。
两位夫人还在继续交谈，一再强调那些公认的真理，并且用自己观察到的事例加以印证，说明背道而驰要带来不良的后果。可惜安妮什么也没听清楚，她们的话只在她耳朵里嗡嗡作响，她的心里乱糟糟的。
哈维尔上校的确是一句话也没听见，现在离开座位，走到窗口，安妮似乎是在注视他，虽说这完全是心不在焉造成的。她渐渐注意到，哈维尔上校在请她到他那里去。只见他笑嘻嘻地望着自己，脑袋略微一点，意思是说：“到我这里来，我有话对你说。”他的态度真挚大方，和蔼可亲，好像早就是老朋友似的，因而显得更加盛情难却。安妮立起身来，朝他那儿走去。哈维尔上校伫立的窗口位于屋子的一端，两位夫人坐在另一端，虽说距离温特沃思上校的桌子近了些，但还不是很近。当安妮走至他跟前时，哈维尔上校的面部又摆出一副认真思索的表情，看来这是他脸上的自然特征。
“你瞧，”他说，一面打开手里的一个小包，展示出一幅小型画像。“你知道这是谁吗？” ．
“当然知道。是本威克中校。”
“是的。你猜得出来这是送给谁的。不过，”哈维尔带着深沉的语气说，“这原先可不是为她画的。埃利奥特小姐，你还记得我们一起在莱姆散步，心里为他忧伤的情景吗？我当时万万没有想到——不过那无关紧要。这像是在好望角画的。他早先答应送给我那可怜的妹妹一幅画像，在好望角遇到一位很有才华的年轻德国画家，就让他画了一幅，带回来送给我妹妹。我现在却负责让人把像装帧好，送给另一个人。这事偏偏委托给我！不过他还能委托谁呢？我希望我能谅解他。把画像转交给另一个人，我的确不感到遗憾。他要这么干的。”他朝温特沃思上校望去，“他正在为此事写信呢。”最后，他嘴唇颤抖地补充说：“可怜的范妮！她可不会这么快就忘记他！”
“不会的，”安妮带着低微而感慨的声音答道，“这我不难相信。”
“她不是那种性格的人。她太喜爱他了。”
“但凡真心相爱的女人，谁都不是那种性格。”
哈维尔上校莞尔一笑，说：“你为你们女人打这个包票？”安妮同样嫣然一笑，答道：“是的。我们对你们当然不像你们对我们忘得那么快。也许，这与其说是我们的优点，不如说是命该如此。我们实在没有办法。我们关在家里，生活平平淡淡，总是受到感情的折磨。你们男人不得不劳劳碌碌的。你们总有一项职业，总有这样那样的事务，马上就能回到世事当中，不停的忙碌与变更可以削弱人们的印象。”
“就算你说得对（可我不想假定你是对的），认为世事对男人有这么大的威力，见效这么快，可是这并不适用于本威克。他没有被迫劳劳碌碌的。当时天下太平了，他回到岸上，从此便一直同我们生活在一起，生活在我们家庭的小圈子里。”
“的确，”安妮说道，“的确如此。我没有想到这一点。不过，现在该怎么说呢，哈维尔上校？如果变化不是来自外在因素，那一定是来自内因。一定是性格，男人的性格帮了本威克中校的忙。”
“不，不，不是男人的性格。对自己喜爱或是曾经喜爱过的人朝三暮四，甚至忘情，我不承认这是男人的、而不是女人的本性。我认为恰恰相反。我认为我们的身体和精神状态是完全一致的。因为我们的身体更强壮，我们的感情也更强烈，能经得起惊涛骇浪的考验。”
“你们的感情可能更强烈，”安妮答道，“但是本着这身心一致的精神，我可以这样说，我们的感情更加温柔。男人比女人强壮，但是寿命不比女人长，这就恰好说明了我们对他们的感情的看法。要不然的话，你们就会受不了啦。你们要同艰难、困苦和危险作斗争。你们总是在艰苦奋斗，遇到种种艰难险阻。你们离开了家庭、祖国和朋友。时光、健康和生命都不能说是你们自己的。假如再具备女人一样的情感，”她声音颤抖地说，“那就的确太苛刻了。”
“在这个问题上，我们的意见永远不会一致，”哈维尔上校刚说了个话头，只听“啪’的一声轻响，把他们的注意力吸引到温特沃思上校所在的地方，那里迄今为止一直是静悄悄的。其实，那只不过是他的笔掉到了地上，可是安妮惊奇地发现，他离她比原来想象的要近。她有点怀疑，他之所以把笔掉到地上，只是因为他在注意他们俩，想听清他们的话音，可安妮觉得，他根本听不清。
“你的信写好了没有？”哈维尔上校问道。
“没全写好，还差几行。再有五分钟就完了。”
“我这里倒不急。只要你准备好了，我也就准备好了。我处在理想锚地，”他对安妮粲然一笑，“供给充足，百无一缺。根本不急于等信号。唔，埃利奥特小姐，”他压低声音说，“正如我刚才所说的，我想在这一点上，我们永远不会意见一致。大概没有哪个男个和哪个女人会取得一致。不过请听我说，所有的历史记载都与你的观点背道而驰——所有的故事、散文和韵文。假如我有本威克那样的记忆力，我马上就能引出五十个事例，来证实我的论点。我想，我生平每打开一本书，总要说到女人的朝三暮四。所有的歌词和谚语都谈到女人的反复无常。不过你也许会说，那都是男人写的。”
“也许我是要这么说。是的，是的，请你不要再引用书里的例子。男人比我们具有种种有利条件，可以讲述他们的故事。他们受过比我们高得多的教育，笔杆子握在他们手里。我不承认书本可以证明任何事情。”
“可我们如何来证明任何事情呢？”
“我们永远证明不了。在这样一个问题上，我们永远证明不了任何东西。这种意见分歧是无法证明的。我们大概从一开头就对自己同性别的人有点偏心。基于这种偏心，便用发生在我们周围的一起起事件，来为自己同性别的人辩护。这些事件有许多（也许正是那些给我们的印象最深刻），一旦提出来，就势必要吐露一些隐衷，或者在某些方面说些不该说的话。”
“啊！”哈维尔上校大声叫道，声音很激动，“当一个人最后看一眼自己的老婆孩子，眼巴巴地望着把他们送走的小船，直到看不见为止，然后转过身来，说了声：‘天晓得我们还会不会再见面！’我真希望能使你理解，此时此刻他有多么痛苦啊！同时，我真希望让你知道，当他再次见到老婆孩子时，心里有多么激动啊！当他也许离别了一年之后，终于回来了，奉命驶入另一港口，他便盘算什么时候能把老婆孩子接到身边，假装欺骗自己说：‘他们要到某某日才能到达。’可他一直在希望他们能早到十二个小时，而最后看见他们还早到了好多个小时，犹如上帝给他们插上了翅膀似的，他心里有多么激动啊！我要是能向你说明这一切，说明一个人为了他生命中的那些宝贝疙瘩，能够承受多大的磨难，做出多大的努力，而且以此为荣，那该有多好！你知道，我说的只是那些有心肠的人！”说着，激动地按了按自己的心。
“哦！”安妮急忙嚷道，“我希望自己能充分理解你的情感，理解类似你们这种人的情感。我决不能低估我的同胞热烈而忠贞的感情！假如我胆敢认为只有女人才懂得坚贞不渝的爱情，那么我就活该受人鄙视。不，我相信你们在婚后生活中，能够做出种种崇高而美好的事情。我相信你们能够做出一切重大努力，能够对家人百般克制，只要你们心里有个目标——如果我可以这样说的话。我是说，只要你们的恋人还活着，而且为你们活着。我认为我们女人的长处（这不是个令人羡慕的长处，你们不必为之垂涎），就在于她们对于自己的恋人，即便人不在世，或是失去希望，也能天长日久地爱下去！”
一时之间，她再也说不出一句话了，只觉得心里百感交集，气都快透不出来了。
“你真是个贤惠的女人，”哈维尔上校叫道，一面十分亲热地把手搭在她的胳臂上。“没法同你争论。况且我一想起本威克，就无话可说了。”
这时，他们的注意力被吸引到众人那里。克罗夫特夫人正在告辞。
“弗雷德里克，我想我俩要分手啦，”她说。“我要回家，你和朋友还有事干。今晚我们大家要在你们的晚会上再次相会，”她转向安妮。“我们昨天接到你姐姐的请帖，我听说弗雷德里克也接到了请帖，不过我没见到。弗雷德里克，你是不是像我们一样，今晚有空去呢？”
温特沃思上校正在急急忙忙地叠信，不是顾不得，就是不愿意认真回答。
“是的，”他说，“的确如此。你先走吧，哈维尔和我随后就来。这就是说，哈维尔，你要是准备好了，我再有半分钟就完了。我知道你想走，我再过半分钟就陪你走。”
克罗夫特夫人告辞了。温特沃思上校火速封好信，的的确确忙完了，甚至露出一副仓促不安的神气，表明他一心急着要走。安妮有些莫名其妙。哈维尔上校十分亲切地向她说了声：“再见，愿上帝保佑你！”可温特沃思上校却一声不响，连看都不看一眼，就这样走出了屋子！
安妮刚刚走近他先前伏在上面写信的那张桌子，忽听有人回屋的脚步声。房门打开了，回来的正是温特沃思上校。他说请原谅，他忘了拿手套，当即穿过屋子，来到写字台跟前，背对着默斯格罗夫太太，从一把散乱的信纸底下抽出一封信，放在安妮面前，用深情、恳切的目光凝视了她一阵，然后匆匆拾起手套，又走出了屋子，搞得默斯格罗夫太太几乎不知道他回来过，可见动作之神速！
霎时间，安妮心里引起的变化简直无法形容。明摆着，这就是他刚才匆匆忙忙在折叠的那封信,收信人为“安·埃利奥特小姐”，字迹几乎辨认不清。人们原以为他仅仅在给本威克中校写信，不想他还在给她安妮写信！安妮的整个命运全系在这封信的内容上了。什么情况都有可能出现，而她什么情况都可以顶得住，就是等不及要看个究竟。默斯格罗夫太太正坐在自己的桌前,忙着处理自己的一些琐事，因此不会注意安妮在干什么，于是她一屁股坐进温特沃思上校坐过的椅子，伏在他方才伏案写信的地方，两眼贪婪地读起信来：
我再也不能默默地倾听了。我必须用我力所能及的方式向你表明：你的话刺痛了我的心灵。我是半怀着痛苦，半怀着希望。请你不要对我说：我表白得太晚了，那种珍贵的感情已经一去不复返了。八年半以前，我的心几乎被你扯碎了，现在我怀着一颗更加忠于你的心，再次向你求婚。我不敢说男人比女人忘情快，绝情也快。我除了你以外没有爱过任何人。我可能不够公平，可能意志薄弱，满腹怨恨，但是我从未见异思迁过。只是为了你，我才来到了巴思。我的一切考虑、一切打算，都是为了你一个人。你难道看不出来吗？你难道不理解我的心意吗？假如我能摸透你的心思（就像我认为你摸透了我的心思那样），我连这十天也等不及的。我简直写不下去了。我时时刻刻都在听到一些使我倾倒的话。你压低了声音，可是你那语气别人听不出，我可辨得清。你真是太贤惠，太高尚了！你的确对我们做出了公正的评价。你相信男人当中也存在着真正的爱情与忠贞。请相信我最炽烈、最坚定不移的爱情。
弗·温
我对自己的命运捉摸不定，只好走开。不过我要尽快回到这里，或者跟着你们大家一起走。一句话，一个眼色，便能决定我今晚是到你父亲府上，还是永远不去。
读到这样一封信，心情是不会马上平静下来的。假若单独思忖半个钟头，倒可能使她平静下来。可是仅仅过了十分钟，她的思绪便被打断了，再加上她的处境受到种种约束，心里不可能得到平静。相反，每时每刻都在增加她的激动不安。这是无法压抑的幸福。她满怀激动的头一个阶段还没过去，查尔斯、玛丽和亨丽埃塔全都走了进来。
她不得不竭力克制，想使自己恢复常态。可是过了一会，她再也坚持不下去了。别人说的话她一个字也听不进去，迫不得已，只好推说身体不好。这时，大家看得出来她气色不好，不禁大吃一惊，深为关切。没有她，他们说什么也不肯出去。这可糟糕透了！这些人只要一走，让她一个人呆在屋里，她倒可能恢复平静。可他们一个个立在她周围，等候着，真叫她心烦意乱。她无可奈何，便说了声要回家。
“好的，亲爱的，”默斯格罗夫太太叫道，“赶紧回家，好好休息一下，晚上好能参加晚会。要是萨拉在这儿就好了，可以给你看看病，可惜我不会看。查尔斯，拉铃要台轿子。安妮小姐不能走着回去。”
但是，她无论如何也不能坐轿子。那比什么都糟糕！她若是独个儿静悄悄地走在街上，她觉得几乎肯定能遇到温特沃思上校，可以同他说几句话，她说什么也不能失去这个机会。安妮诚恳地说她不要乘轿子，默斯格罗夫太太脑子里只想到一种病痛，便带着几分忧虑地自我安慰说：这次可不是摔跤引起的，安妮最近从没摔倒过，头上没有受过伤，她百分之百地肯定她没摔过跤，因而能高高兴兴地与她分手，相信晚上准能见她有所好转。
安妮唯恐有所疏忽，便吃力地说道：
“太太，我担心这事没有完全理解清楚。请你告诉另外几位先生，我们希望今晚见到你们所有的人。我担心出现什么误会，希望你特别转告哈维尔上校和温特沃思上校，就说我们希望见到他们二位。”
“哦！亲爱的，我向你担保，这大家都明白。哈维尔上校是一心一意要去的。”
“你果真这样认为？可我有些担心。他们要是不去，那就太遗憾了。请你答应我，你再见到他们的时候，务必说一声。你今天上午想必还会见到他们俩的。请答应我。”
“既然你有这个要求，我一定照办。查尔斯，你不管在哪里见到哈维尔上校，记住把安妮小姐的话转告他。不过，亲爱的，你的确不需要担心。我敢担保，哈维尔上校肯定要光临的。我敢说，温特沃思上校也是如此。”
安妮只好就此作罢。可她总是预见会有什么闪失，给她那万分幸福的心头泼上一瓢冷水。然而，这个念头不会持续多久。即使温特沃思上校本人不来卡姆登巷，她完全可以托哈维尔上校捎个明确的口信。
霎时间，又出现了一件令人烦恼的事情。查尔斯出于真正的关心和善良的天性，想要把她送回家，怎么阻拦也阻拦不住。这简直是无情！可她又不能一味不知好歹。查尔斯本来要去一家猎熗店，可他为了陪安妮回家，宁可不去那里。于是安妮同他一起出发了，表面上装出一副十分感激的样子。
两人来到联盟街，只听到后面有急促的脚步声，这声音有些耳熟，安妮听了一阵以后，才见到是温特沃思上校。他追上了他们俩，但仿佛又有些犹豫不决，不知道该陪着他们一起走，还是超到前面去。他一声不响，只是看着安妮。安妮能够控制自己，可以任他那样看着，而且并不反感。顿时，安妮苍白的面孔现在变得绯红，温特沃思的动作也由踌躇不决变得果断起来。温特沃思上校在她旁边走着。过了一会，查尔斯突然兴起了一个念头，便说：
“温特沃思上校，你走哪条路？是去盖伊街，还是去城里更远的地方？”
“我也不知道，”温特沃思上校诧异地答道。
“你是不是要走到贝尔蒙特街？是不是要走近卡姆登巷？如果是这样的话，我将毫不犹豫地要求你代我把安妮小姐送回家。她今天上午太疲乏了，走这么远的路没有人伴送可不行。我得到市场巷那个家伙的家里。他有一支顶呱呱的熗马上就要发货，答应给我看看。他说他要等到最后再打包，以便让我瞧瞧。我要是现在不往回走，就没有机会了。从他描绘的来看，很像我的那支二号双管熗，就是你有一天拿着在温思罗普附近打猎的那一支。”
这不可能遭到反对。在公众看来，只能见到温特沃思上校极有分寸、极有礼貌地欣然接受了。他收敛起笑容，心里暗中却欣喜若狂。过了半分钟，查尔斯又回到了联盟街街口，另外两个人继续一道往前走。不久，他们经过商量，决定朝比较背静的砾石路走去。在那里，他们可以尽情地交谈，使眼下成为名副其实的幸福时刻，当以后无比幸福地回忆他们自己的生活时，也好对这一时刻永志不忘。于是，他们再次谈起了他们当年的感情和诺言，这些感情和诺言一度曾使一切都显得万无一失，但是后来却使他们分离疏远了这么多年。谈着谈着，他们又回到了过去，对他们的重新团聚也许比最初设想的还要喜不自胜，他们了解了彼此的品格、忠心和情意，双方变得更加亲切，更加忠贞，更加坚定，同时也更能表现出米，更有理由表现出来。最后，他们款步向缓坡上爬去，全然不注意周围的人群，既看不见逍遥的政客、忙碌的女管家和调情的少女，也看不见保姆和儿童，一味沉醉在对往事的回顾和反省里，特别是相互说明最近发生了什么情况，这些情况是令人痛楚的，而又具有无穷无尽的兴趣。上星期的一切细小的异常现象全都谈过了，一说起昨天和今天，简直没完没了。
安妮没有看错他。对埃利奥特先生的妒嫉成了他的绊脚石，引起了他的疑虑和痛苦。他在巴思第一次见到安妮时，这种妒嫉心便开始作祟，后来收敛了一个短时期，接着又回来作怪，破坏了那场音乐会。在最后二十四小时中，这种妒嫉心左右着他说的每句话，做的每件事，或者左右他不说什么，不做什么。这种妒嫉逐渐让位给更高的希望，安妮的神情、言谈和举动偶尔激起这种希望。当安妮同哈维尔上校说话时，他听到了她的意见和语气，妒嫉心最后终于被克服了，于是他抑制不住内心的激动，抓起一张纸，倾吐了自己的衷肠。
他信中写的内容，句句是真情实话，一点也不打折扣。他坚持说，除了安妮以外，他没有爱过任何人。安妮从来没有被别人取代过。他甚至认为，他从没见过有谁能比得上她。的确，他不得不承认这样的事实：他的忠诚是无意识的，或者说是无心的。他本来打算忘掉她，而且相信自己做得到。他以为自己满不在乎，其实他只不过是恼怒而已。他不能公平地看待她的那些优点，因为他吃过它们的苦头。现在，她的性情在他的心目中被视为十全十美的，刚柔适度，可爱至极。不过他不得不承认：他只是在莱姆才开始公正地看待她，也只是在莱姆才开始了解他自己。
在莱姆，他受到了不止一种教训。埃利奥特先生在那一瞬间的倾慕之情至少激励了他，而他在码头上和哈维尔上校家里见到的情景，则使他认清了安妮的卓越不凡。
先前，他出于嗔怒与傲慢，试图去追求路易莎·默斯格罗夫，他说他始终觉得那是不可能的，他不喜欢、也不可能喜欢路易莎。
直到那天，直到后来得暇仔细思考，才认识到安妮那崇高的心灵是路易莎无法比拟的，这颗心无比牢固地攫住了他自己的心。从这里，他认清了坚持原则与固执己见的区别，胆大妄为与冷静果断的区别。从这里，他发现他失去的这位女子处处使他肃然起敬。他开始懊悔自己的傲慢、愚蠢和满腹怨恨，由于有这些思想在作怪，等安妮来到他面前时，他又不肯努力去重新赢得她。
自打那时起，他便感到了极度的愧疚。他刚从路易莎出事后头几天的惊恐和悔恨中解脱出来，刚刚觉得自己又恢复了活力，却又开始认识到，自己虽有活力，但却失去了自由。
“我发现，”他说，“哈维尔认为我已经订婚了！哈维尔和他妻子毫不怀疑我们之间的钟情。我感到大为震惊。在某种程度上，我可以立即表示异议，可是转念一想，别人可能也有同样的看法——她的家人，也许还有她自己——这时我就不能自己作主了。如果路易莎有这个愿望的话，我在道义上是属于她的。我太不审慎了，在这个向题上一向没有认真思考。我没有想到，我同她们的过分亲近竟会产生如此众多的不良后果。我没有权利试图看看能否爱上两姐妹中的一个，这样做即使不会造成别的恶果，也会引起流言蜚语。我犯了一个严重的错误，只得自食其果。”
总而言之，他发觉得太晚了，他已经陷进去了。就在他确信他压根儿不喜欢路易莎的时候，他却必须认定自己同她拴在了一起，假如她对他的感情确如哈维尔夫妇想象的那样。为此，他决定离开莱姆，到别处等候她痊愈。他很乐意采取任何正当的手段，来削弱人们对他现有的看法和揣测。因此他去找他哥哥，打算过一段时间再回到凯林奇，以便见机行事。
“我和爱德华在一起呆了六个星期，”他说，“发现他很幸福。我不可能有别的欢乐了。我不配有任何欢乐。爱德华特地询问了你的情况，甚至还问到你人变样了没有，他根本没有想到：在我的心目中，你永远不会变样。”
安妮嫣然一笑，没有言语。他这话固然说得不对，但又非常悦耳，实在不好指责。一个女人活到二十八岁，还听人说自己丝毫没有失去早年的青春魅力，这倒是一种安慰。不过对于安妮来说，这番溢美之词却具有无法形容的更加重大的意义，因为同他先前的言词比较起来，她觉得这是他恢复深情厚意的结果，而不是起因。
他一直呆在希罗普郡，悔恨自己不该盲目骄傲，不该失算，后来惊喜地听到路易莎和本威克订婚的消息，他立刻从路易莎的约束下解脱出来。
“这样一来，”他说，“我最可悲的状况结束了，因为我至少可以有机会获得幸福。我可以努力，可以想办法。可是，如果一筹莫展地等了那么长时间，而等来的只是一场不幸，这真叫人感到可怕。我听到消息不到五分钟，就这样说：‘我星期三就去巴思。’结果我来了。我认为很值得跑一趟，来的时候还带着几分希望，这难道不情有可原吗？你没有结婚，可能像我一样，还保留着过去的情意，碰巧我又受到了鼓励。我决不怀疑别人会爱你，追求你，不过我确知你至少拒绝过一个条件比我优越的人，我情不由己地常说；‘这是为了我吧？”
他们在米尔萨姆街的头一次见面有许多东西可以谈论，不过那次音乐会可谈的更多。那天晚上似乎充满了奇妙的时刻。一会儿，安妮在八角厅里走上前去同他说话；一会儿，埃利奥特先生进来把她拉走了；后来又有一两次，忽而重新浮现出希望，忽而愈发感到失望。两人劲头十足地谈个不停。
“看见你呆在那些不喜欢我的人们当中，”他大声说道，“看见你堂兄凑在你跟前，又是说又是笑，觉得你们真是天造地设的一对！再一想，这肯定是那些想左右你的每个人的心愿！即使你自己心里不愿意，或是不感兴趣，想想看他有多么强大的后盾！我看上去傻乎乎的，难道这还不足以愚弄我？我在一旁看了怎能不痛苦？一看见你的朋友坐在你的身后，一回想起过去的事情，知道她有那么大的影响，对她的劝导威力留下了不可磨灭的印象，难道这一切不都对我大为不利吗？”
“你应该有所区别，”安妮回答。“你现在不应该怀疑我。情况大不相同了，我的年龄也不同了。如果说我以前不该听信别人的劝导，请记住他们那样劝导我是为了谨慎起见，不想让我担当风险。我当初服从的时候，我认为那是服从义务，可在这个问题上不能求助于义务。假如我嫁给一个对我无情无意的人，那就可能招致种种风险，违背一切义务。”
“也许我该这么考虑，”他答道，“可惜我做不到。我最近才认识了你的人品，可我无法从中获得裨益。我无法使这种认识发挥作用，这种认识早被以前的感情所淹没，所葬送，多少年来，我吃尽了那些感情的苦头。我一想起你，只知道你屈从了，抛弃了我，你谁的话都肯听，就是不肯听我的话。我看见你和在那痛苦的年头左右你的那个人呆在一起，我没有理由相信，她现在的权威不及以前高了。这还要加上习惯势力的影响。”
“我还以为，”安妮说，“我对你的态度可能消除了你不少、甚至全部的疑虑。”
“不，不！你的态度只能使人觉得，你和另一个男人订了婚，也就心安理得了。我抱着这样的信念离开了你，可我打定主意还要再见见你。到了早上，我的精神又振作起来，我觉得我还应该呆在这里。”
最后，安妮又回到家里，一家人谁也想象不到她会那么快乐。早晨的诧异、忧虑以及其他种种痛苦的感觉，统统被这次谈话驱散了，她乐不可支地回到屋里，以至于不得不煞煞风景，霎时间担心这会好景不长。在这大喜过望之际，要防止一切危险的最好办法，还是怀着庆幸的心情，认真地思考一番。于是她来到自己的房间，在欣喜庆幸之余，变得坚定无畏起来。
夜幕降临了，客厅里灯火通明，宾主们聚集一堂。所谓的晚会，只不过打打牌而已。来宾中不是从未见过面的，就是见得过于频繁的。真是一次平平常常的聚会，搞得亲热一些吧，嫌人太多，搞得丰富多彩一些吧，嫌人太少。可是，安妮从没感到还有比这更短暂的夜晚。她心里一高兴，显得满面春风，十分可爱，结果比她想象或是期望的还要令众人赞羡不已，而她对周围的每个人，也充满了喜悦或是包涵之情。埃利奥特先生也来了，安妮尽量避开他，不过尚能给以同情。沃利斯夫妇，她很乐意结识他们。达尔林普尔夫人和卡特雷特小姐——她们很快就能成为她的不再是可憎的远亲了。她不去理会克莱夫人，对她父亲和姐姐的公开举止也没有什么好脸红的。她同默斯格罗夫一家人说起话来，自由自在，好不愉快。与哈维尔上校谈得情恳意切，如同兄妹。她试图和拉塞尔夫人说说话，但几次都被一种微妙的心理所打断。她对克罗夫特将军和夫人更是热诚非凡，兴致勃勃，只是出于同样的微妙心理，千方百计地加以掩饰。她同温特沃思上校交谈了好几次，但总是希望再多谈几次，而且总是晓得他就在近前。
就在一次短暂的接触中，两人装着在欣赏丰富多彩的温室植物，安妮说道：
“我一直在考虑过去，想公平地明辨一下是非，我是说对我自己。我应该相信，我当初听从朋友的劝告，尽管吃尽了苦头，但还是正确的，完全正确的。将来你会比现在更喜爱我的这位朋友。对于我来说，她是处于做母亲的地位。不过，请你不要误解我。我并非说，她的劝告没有错误。这也许就属于这样一种情况：劝告是好是赖只能由事情本身来决定。就我而言，在任何类似情况下，我当然决不会提出这样的劝告。不过我的意思是说，我听从她的劝告是正确的，否则，我若是继续保持婚约的话，将比放弃婚约遭受更大的痛苦，因为我会受到．良心的责备。只要人类允许良知存在的话，我现在没有什么好责备自己的。如果我没说错的话，强烈的责任感是女人的一份不坏的嫁妆。”
温特沃思上校先瞧瞧她，再看看拉塞尔夫人，然后又望着她，好像在沉思地答道：
“我尚未原谅她，可是迟早会原谅她的。我希望很快就能宽容她。不过我也在考虑过去，脑子里浮现出一个问题；我是否有一个比那位夫人更可恶的敌人？我自己。请告诉我：一八O八年我回到英国，带着几千镑，又被分派到拉科尼亚号上，假如我那时候给你写信，你会回信吗？总之一句话，你会恢复婚约吗？”
“我会吗？”这是她的全部回答，不过语气却十分明确。
“天啊！”他嚷道，“你会的！这倒不是因为我没有这个想法，或是没有这个欲望，实际上只有这件事才是对我的其他成功的报偿。可是我太傲慢了，不肯再次求婚。我不了解你。我闭上眼睛，不想了解你，不想公正地看待你。一想起这件事，我什么人都该原谅，就是不能原谅自己。这本来可以使我们免受六年的分离和痛苦。一想起这件事，还会给我带来新的痛楚。我一向总是自鸣得意地认为，我应该得到我所享受的一切幸福。我总是自恃劳苦功高，理所当然应该得到报答。我要像其他受到挫折的大人物一样，”他笑吟吟地补充道，“一定要使自己的思想顺从命运的安排，一定要认识到自己比应得的还要幸福。”
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