我又来了~求修改英语作文~~_派派后花园

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[Help] 我又来了~求修改英语作文~~

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klart

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等级: 寒窗墨者
举报 只看楼主 使用道具 楼主   发表于: 2012-04-04 0
— 本帖被 左。微希 执行加亮操作(2012-04-04) —
   As can be seen in the cartoon, the young couple educates their child in different ways. The child’s father is strict with his soon and his mother love his soon very much.
   As far as I’m concerned, I support theirs education way. Parents love their only child very much. It is without doubt that the child will be developed some bad habits. There are many such examples of this. If parents are too strict with his child, the child will be disgusted with his parents. They will consider that parents dislike him. Actually, the two education ways all have two sides, so we need to keep a balance between love and strictness.
  With the developing society, parents’ education is playing an increasingly important role in children’s life. So, we should find a right way to educate child. Meanwhile, parents can usually communicate with their child. Parent’s educating child have good character, is a good start towards a better future. ,
  
左。微希

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等级: 派派贵宾
配偶: 青梅暖酒
举报 只看该作者 沙发   发表于: 2012-04-04 0
1. As can be seen in the cartoon, the young couple educates their child in different ways.
The young couple 两个人,所以后面的谓语动词用复数形式,educate

2.The child’s father is strict with his soon and his mother love his soon very much.
儿子 son,另外love用单数形式 loves

3.   As far as I’m concerned, I support theirs education way.
theirs 应该改成 their,theirs 是名词性所有格,their是形容词性所有格。

4.If parents are too strict with his child, the child will be disgusted with his parents.
代词不统一
建议修改为:If parents are too strict with their children, the children will be disgusted with their parents.

5. They will consider that parents dislike him.
同样,代词不统一。They will consider that their parents dislike them.

6.  Actually, the two education ways all have two sides,
all 改成 both

7. Meanwhile, parents can usually communicate with their child.
依然代词不统一,建议将chilid 改成 children

8. Parent’s educating child have good character, is a good start towards a better future.
建议改成:The improvement in the parental involvement in the education of their children is a good start towards a better future.

PS:发现乃英语有进步了,继续加油哦~~

楼主留言:

恩恩~O(∩_∩)O谢谢微希,我会继续努力的。。。
代词是我的一大硬伤,我会去背代词的。。
此文有了很好的体现~~TAT

georgehym

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等级: 牙牙学语
求包养!
举报 只看该作者 板凳   发表于: 2012-04-05 0
这么多错误啊

楼主留言:

体谅一下楼主那颗伤不起的心灵~~~QAQ

岚君。

ZxID:14515365


等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 地板   发表于: 2012-04-05 0
补充一下:
1.child will be developed some bad habits
这里不需要被动,改为: child will develop some bad habits就可以了

2. They will consider that
这里,consider是指很小心的想,感觉太严肃了。用think就好

3. With the developing society 这里是个独立主格结构,但是随着社会的进步应该说,with the development of society或者可以干脆改成In the developing society

然后,小建议吧。虽然说way有方法的意思,但是感觉一般教育会用method或者style.
确实比以前有进步了。继续保持啊~

楼主留言:

As can be seen in the cartoon, the young couple educates their child in different ways
这句是卷子上已经写好的,我就直接用了。
恩恩~~O(∩_∩)O~~O(∩_∩)O谢谢~

本帖最近评分记录: 1 条评分 派派币 +6
左。微希

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举报 只看该作者 4楼  发表于: 2012-04-05 0
我认为 consider 没有必要改为 think,其实我个人更加倾向于用 consider。

consider 虽然有 to think carefully about, especially in order to make a decision 这样的意思,但是也可以当 to think, believe, or suppose 讲~
岚君。

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等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 5楼  发表于: 2012-04-05 0
的确consider比think要decent很多,只是在这个句子里,我觉得consider有点怪异。
我觉得句子里的意思应该更侧重于认为( to judge, deem, or have as an opinion),这个用法的时候我感觉一般是用consider sb. to be(Collins 学习字典的定义是:If you consider a person or thing to be something, you have the opinion that this is what they are.
),或者至少consider后面直接加宾语再加名词的形式。
但是这个句子里这样会改动很大。不喜欢自己的孩子这个部分很难直接改用名词。

其实我只是单纯觉得consider这这个地方的感觉不是很搭调,感觉稍微正式了一点,可能是我有点吹毛求疵吧。
左。微希

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等级: 派派贵宾
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举报 只看该作者 6楼  发表于: 2012-04-05 0
你理解错了,当 consider 作为 judge 讲的时候,后面也可以跟 that 从句。本来这里就是说的子女对父母的评价。

以下是 Collins 的解释

1    verb  If you consider a person or thing to be something, you have the opinion that this is what they are.  

We don't consider our customers to be mere consumers; we consider them to be our friends...    V n to-inf  

I had always considered myself a strong, competent woman...    V n n/adj  

I consider activities such as jogging and weightlifting as unnatural...    V n as adj/n  

Barbara considers that pet shops which sell customers these birds are very unfair.    V that  
岚君。

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等级: 热心会员
举报 只看该作者 7楼  发表于: 2012-04-05 0
我知道consider that的情况是存在的。真心只是觉得主语是小孩子,用consider有点,怎么说,扮老成的感觉。而且that从句给我一种更加正式的感觉,于是扮老成+1。
其实我对原文语意的理解,并不完全是评价,更多的是小孩子对父母对自己的感情的一种perception,所以可能我会觉得用consider会有点不舒服。

LZ其实可以无视我了~
saiko13

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等级: 热心会员
glow
举报 只看该作者 8楼  发表于: 2012-04-06 0
楼主英语很不错,但是有一点要注意一下,美国人说话还是写作的方式偏向于多用主动语态 尽量少用被动,如果你要表达那个意思 可以用你用表达的那个宾语作主语。
julia258

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举报 只看该作者 9楼  发表于: 2012-04-11 0
Nice to meet you!
wingq_p

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等级: 专栏作家
努力追尋你的腳步
举报 只看该作者 10楼  发表于: 2012-04-11 0
COUPLE其實可以+singular or plural verb

另外我覺得開始的那句
As can be seen in the cartoon
有點怪怪地
是不是沒有了主語
As we/you can see in the cartoon
是不是好一點~
[img]http://www.emperor-penguin.com/penguin-chick.jpg[img]
saiko13

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等级: 热心会员
glow
举报 只看该作者 11楼  发表于: 2013-02-17 0
original version:
As can be seen in the cartoon, the young couple educates their child in different ways. The child’s father is strict with his soon and his mother love his soon very much.
   As far as I’m concerned, I support theirs education way. Parents love their only child very much. It is without doubt that the child will be developed some bad habits. There are many such examples of this. If parents are too strict with his child, the child will be disgusted with his parents. They will consider that parents dislike him. Actually, the two education ways all have two sides, so we need to keep a balance between love and strictness.
  With the developing society, parents’ education is playing an increasingly important role in children’s life. So, we should find a right way to educate child. Meanwhile, parents can usually communicate with their child. Parent’s educating child have good character, is a good start towards a better future.

My style:
As you can see in the photo, a young couple educate their child differently. The father is strict with his child;however, the mother spoil the child in another way. I partly agree on the education from the cartoon described. Parents' love is the most selfless love in the world, which will make children feel being loved and cared. However, the balance between loving and spoling is hard to control sometimes. For this child in the cartoon, if the mother spoil him in an extreme way, the child would become some bad habits. In the meanwhile, to be too strict with their children is dangerous sometimes, because the strict way would let the child become more rebelling during his adolescence. Thus, it's hard for parents to control the degree of strictness.
Children grows up in their own way, but parents are supposed to have the most important influence on their children. At that situation, communication becomes a critical issue to educate children well in the morden society. Good communication led good relationship with children. The better you educate you chid, the better people he will be in the future.


结构什么的都不记得了。我只是照着原文稍微改变了一下句型。和错误的句子而已。其他的观点还有例证什么的 都基于原文。
希望对楼主有所帮助
p62348223862

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举报 只看该作者 12楼  发表于: 2013-02-21 0
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