As is vividly shown in the picture, a country boy is crying helpless in the darkness, longing eagerly for school education. But from the other picture we can see that a city boy is going to school happily. He has many good teachers and good condition in the school. He has a bright environment to enjoy life.
  The picture shows that our country has many places need to be developed we need to pay attention to this situation, but the sad truth is that the people in the countryside are very poor.
  Fortunately, more and more people are noticing the problems. They have taken steps to help these pitiable children. It is time to take some actions to help these children, such as we can donate some books, clothes and money. It is merely a short-term solution to a long-term problem. If we continue to help these children, we will change more and more children’s life. There is a saying that goes” Many hands make light work '

咳，正好我还没睡觉的说~

1. a country boy is crying helpless in the darkness
helpless 是形容词，不能修饰动词，应该改成副词，helplessly

2. But from the other picture we can see that a city boy is going to school happily.
but, and 这种词，最好不要放在句首。我建议换成，However

3.  He has many good teachers and good condition in the school.
he has good condition，有点不通，我建议改成， He has many good teachers and good school facilities.

4. He has a bright environment to enjoy life.
没什么语法错误，就是感觉读起来怪怪的，我建议可以改成，He can enjoy the life in a bright environment.

5. The picture shows that our country has many places need to be developed we need to pay attention to this situation, but....
这个是两句。The picture shows that our country has many places need to be developed. We need to...

6. It is time to take some actions to help these children, such as we can donate some books, clothes and money.
It is the time to... 另外，such as 后面通常跟名词，建议改成 such as donating some books...

7.  It is merely a short-term solution to a long-term problem.
这句话本身没有什么问题，只是感觉放在这儿逻辑有点不连贯。
建议和前面的句子，并在一起，后面来个转折。
It is the time to take some actions to help these children, such as donating some books, clothes and money, which is merely a short-term solution to a long-term problem. However, if we continue to...

8.  If we continue to help these children, we will change more and more children’s life.
life 应该改成复数 lives

PS: 这次的作文，感觉进步最大，很不错哟~

问题希希都说了补充一点点：

The picture shows that our country has many places need to be developed we need to pay attention to this situation, but the sad truth is that the people in the countryside are very poor.
这里，我觉得pay attention to this situation和the sad truth is that 这里并不完全是转折关系，更多的是因果关系。可以考虑把but改为because，而且我感觉可以和前面那句合起来写：
(As is shown in the picture,) we need to pay attention to this situation because the sad truth is that there are many places needed to be developed and people in the countryside are very poor.

这次第一段的副词方面用的很不错哦~句型也有进步，继续加油啊！

May I da  a bottle of jiangyou????

(As it is shown in the picture,) we need to pay attention to this situation because the sad truth is that there are many places needed to be developed and(AND改成AS,是不是更好?) people in the countryside are very poor.

開首要加上主語才可以呀~~

引用

引用第4楼wingq_p于2012-04-11 21:04发表的  :
(As it is shown in the picture,) we need to pay attention to this situation because the sad truth is that there are many places needed to be developed and(AND改成AS,是不是更好?) people in the countryside are very poor.

開首要加上主語才可以呀~~  

As is shown 这个是国内约定俗成的用法了，国内老师貌似挺喜欢这个句子的，但是我几乎没有见我周围的人用过，所以括号打起来觉得最好不要那么用。（分析语法的话，As it is shown 的话，as 势必作为连词【因为后面的句子是完整的】但是这个用法在字典上一个例句都查不到。虽然中文意思能通，应该也很怪异吧。我有空找个这边英语系的问问。）

后面的and改as的问题，改动的话，主要是改变了一下两个句子的逻辑关系，语法结构也有一点改变。从逻辑关系上的话，我觉得并列和因果都可以，但是因果关系会让句子的结构变得更加复杂，不利于理解，加上我当时也没有考虑太多，怕中间有语法问题，所以就直接用了and。如果要改为as 也是可以的~

O...

因為我沒有見過
AS IS SHOWN 這個用法~
所以覺得怪怪的~~

用As it is shown
就有--正如這樣顯示--的意思~~